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#it makes....sense....and yet......I am crying......
respectthepetty · 1 day
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Oh, so Jazz for Two wants to give me a Happy Human who is excited to be free of his rigid classical father and life
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and a Black Brooder who is overwhelmed with anger and anxiety?
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Well, who am I to argue with color coding that makes sense.
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Because this makes sense!
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Even the uniforms feed into it.
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And their bags.
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And the opener!
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Let's continue this into episode three!
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But what should I do with these side crumbs?
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Because they are fighting.
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When I need them to kiss!
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But I do not trust this since it comes from the same people behind A Shoulder to Cry On.
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Yet it has the other guy from To My Star and the main guy from Happy Merry Ending.
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So it gets a pass from me! I like it and not just because it has colors.
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cautuscoralcoast · 3 days
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A spark In Darkness : "There once was a rabbit..."
Rayne Ames x Reader
Synopsis - lost in thought and confusion, Rayne has a nightmare about his past. With a perfect family with two loving parents and an adorable younger brother, there was nothing more Rayne could wish for: Until their world was trampled on.
This world is unkind to little children like them. This world is unforgiving to children like you. However, even through all the pain and torture, they still found a spark of light in the darkness.
Word Count: 3.1k
Part of "You, Me, Rabbits, and Magical Beasts" series. Click the tag to find all works in the series.
Heavy inspiration from "Rayne Ames throughout the years" on ao3!
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Rayne had a dream that he was happy. He had a dream that he was at the park chasing after his beloved brother. He remembers laughing when he eventually caught his brother, and the two fell into the grass. He remembers looking up at the clear, bright, blue sky: Not a cloud in sight, nothing to hide the sun's warmth.
Rayne remembers rolling on his side and seeing their mother and father preparing lunch. Their mother rolled her eyes when she saw the grass stains on their clothes: Their father snorted when he saw Finn tackle Rayne. Though not perfect, this was their family, and it's all the imperfections that make it perfect.
"Boys! Come over and eat!"
"We'll be there soon!" Rayne called out as he watched Finn struggle to climb up on a tree. "Finn, you're too short to climb the tree."
Finn stopped jumping and turned to look at him. Puffing up his cheeks, Finn blew raspberries at Rayne. "You don't know that! I bet you can't climb it either!"
Finn leaned onto the tree trunk. Rayne felt the gentle wind caress his hair; He smelled the scent of distant rain. Not wanting to seem incapable, Rayne said, "I'm taller than you—"
Interrupting him, Finn folded his arms and pouted. "Doesn't mean you can climb it!"
"Finn, don't underestimate me." With a neutral face, Rayne began to climb the tree. Without faltering or struggle, Rayne made up the closest branch. Seeing this, Finn began to beg Rayne to help him up.
"Pull me up! I wanna be up there, too!" Finn had his arms raised up as he jumped, trying to reach Rayne.
"You'll still get hurt even if I help—"
Startled by the sound of distant thunder, Rayne began to look around. The sun remained as bright as ever; the sky still as blue as the lakes; And the sky was as clearer than it has ever been. There were no clouds, no rain, nothing to signify a storm.
Turning back to Finn, Rayne decided to just do what he wanted. Grabbing Finn's hand, Rayne pulled him up and helped him sit on one of the branches. Feeling uneasy, Rayne told Finn, "We should go eat now. Mom and Dad are probably wondering where we went."
Finn swung his feet as he gazed out beyond the grassland. There was no better place than here: "Alright! But after we eat, let's come back here and climb higher!"
Lightly chuckling at Finn's eagerness, Rayne jumped down. Finn is his little brother; there is no one else he would want as a sibling. If it was for his happiness, Rayne is willing to do anything. "Alright, but first, let me help you down."
Rayne had a nightmare where his parents were gone, and Finn was crying.
As the two siblings walked in silence; Rayne felt a droplet fall on his nose, and Finn held his hand tighter. Even as the sky and wind remained the same, the sense of impending disaster loomed over the two. There was nothing to worry about; everything looked perfect with no blemish or flaw. There was no cloud, no storm, no rain, no fog — everything is fine.
When they got to the picnic table, the food was set up: four plates, four sets of silverware, four cups, and yet it was only Rayne and Finn. Where were their parents?
Rayne felt one droplet, then two, then three, and all of a sudden, they were hit by a storm. Finn was crying; he held onto Rayne and cried. He felt as if they were being watched, and he didn't know what to do. He heard multiple footsteps coming from all around them, and yet he couldn't see a single thing. Not knowing what to do, Rayne hugged Finn and did his best to shield him from the rain.
"It'll be fine, Finn." Rayne held him tight. "So don't cry! Things will get better! I'll make sure you'll be safe. I'll take care of you and we'll be happy! You and me can get through this!"
There were no clear skies, and there was no sunlight to show them where to go. The footsteps stopped all around them. Rayne looked up for a brief moment and saw the faces of his relatives. He saw the faces of the cruel people who took them in after their parents passed: these were the faces of people who wanted to separate him from Finn. There was no one in the world who he loved more than Finn; and he wasn't about to let them take him away.
Picking Finn up, Rayne began to run. He didn't know where to go — no matter where he turned to look, the rain poured like bullets, and the wind pushed against him. Hearing footsteps again, Rayne hastily looked around. There was no one there, and yet the sound persisted under the deafening rain. There was no sun to point him to safety — no mom or dad to hold them both. All he had was Finn, and all Finn had was him.
"Rayne? Do you see that?" Finn's voice was quiet and muffled by the sound of rain and howling wind. After wiping away his tears, Finn raised his head and turned to face the direction his brother was running. Tugging on his brother's shirt, Finn pointed towards something. "There's a rabbit!"
Amidst the storm, there was a white rabbit leaving a trail of stardust as it jumped. Finn pulled on his shirt harder and yelled, "You gotta follow the rabbit! You have to!"
Having nowhere to run to, Rayne listened to his brother and chased after the glowing, white rabbit. With each and every step, the rabbit got farther and farther; with each and every jump, some of the footsteps went silent. Soon enough, the rabbit came to a halt in the middle of a clover field.
Exhausted from running, Rayne collapsed in front of the rabbit, letting go of Finn. He breathed heavily as the storm threatened to drown him. Struggling to sit up, he warily looked around to see if there was anyone chasing them. Seeing that there was no one, Rayne looked towards Finn. He watched as Finn approached the rabbit cautiously. Unmoving and without a hint of dampness in its fur, the rabbit allowed him to come close. Finn reached out towards the rabbit; the rabbit moved forward and placed its face in his hand.
Finn gently picked up the rabbit and held it close to his chest. There, in a field of clovers, rays of light peered through the storm clouds and illuminated the field. The rain eased, and the clouds began to fade away. Finn walked towards Rayne and handed him the rabbit. "Isn't it cute?"
Feeling the fur and looking into its beady eyes, Rayne felt himself relax. The rabbit ran through the rain, leaving a trail of stardust, and it still remained dry. The rabbit suddenly jumped out of his grasp and turned to look into the direction of the rising moon: When did it get so late? Rayne got up and stood next to Finn. Reaching out to hold Finn's hand, they watched as the rabbit leaped over the moon.
"It's adorable...."
Rayne didn't dream often.
The times he did, they were nightmares of his childhood: his fears manifesting in warped stories and separation. These nightmares reminded him of the cruel nature of the world and how it wanted to separate him from his younger brother. They were only children when they were forced to live out on the streets. Every single day was a struggle to survive. This world was unkind to young children like them.
Rayne was forced to leave his childhood behind and grow up for the sake of his brother; there was no one who they could rely on but themselves. There were many times they were mistreated in their foster homes. There were many times when they tried to get rid of Finn and keep him simply because he was a double liner. There were many times they roamed the streets and ate the cheapest things.
If it wasn't for the headmaster helping them, Rayne didn't know if they would survive: he didn’t know if Finn would be happy.
In the time Rayne spent at Easton, he became the youngest divine visionary. He was at the top of every single subject. With natural talent and skill, there were many who envied him. Some wanted to seem on his knees, some wanted to stand next to him, and others wished to worship him.
For the time in his life, Rayne made a friend: Max Land. Opting to focus on his studies, Rayne didn't care much for making friends. He ignored the peering eyes and invitations to pointless gatherings. There was time to fool around when he had a brother to care for and debt to pay.
Rayne never thought he would make friends with how everyone seemed to avoid him. Max Land, his roommate, tried to include Rayne in social events. However, Rayne always kept his distant. All it took was a series of events for Max and Rayne to have a proper conversation; meaning, Max gets injured, Rayne gets concerned, Max sees that maybe, just maybe, Rayne isn't so terrifying!
“Even so. I impulsively climbed that tree and sprained my ankle. I messed up and dragged you in it, too. A lot of people aren’t satisfied with you standing out so much, you know? They couldn’t say anything because your records are always, always flawless. I’m sure they’ll use this opportunity to get in your way.”
A lot of people? Not satisfied with him? People actually—
"…...a lot of people don’t like me?” Rayne never considered the fact that his peers just wouldn't like him. He knew that there would be competition and people trying to interfere with his goal of becoming divine visionary — however — he didn't expect for them to dislike him for his competence.
“Yeah…”
“I didn’t know that....."
“You really are in your own world, aren’t you.”
Anyway—
Rayne was someone who always glared, and this led to many misunderstandings between him and his classmates. So when Max finally told this to Rayne, he was shocked to think that his peers felt intimidated by him.
"Do they really think that?"
Max just looked at him in disbelief. Rayne was much more oblivious than he appeared. Rayne always carried this terrifying, cold aura that kept others from approaching the Adler prefect. To think said prefect was oblivious to the academy's perception of him.
"Yes, they do....."
So not only do people not like him, they actively avoid him because of his natural face.
But despite all that, he's glad that Max was willing to give him so many chances. Even when Rayne scorched all those attempts, Max respected his space and still treated him with kindness. Rayne didn't know when it happened; one day, Max was a stranger who happened to reside in the same dorm — and the next day, he was Rayne's best friend. Though Rayne was content being alone, having Max as a friend made life at Easton much more enjoyable. Since befriending Max, Rayne has made a few other "friends" and close acquaintances; one of the few others being you, whom he met during his third year.
He didn't even know you existed. You were nothing but a speck of color in his peripheral vision; just another classmate who was irrelevant to him. Rayne had no reason to talk to you, nor did you have a reason to bother. All it took was a little courage on your end and for the magical rabbit beasts to be afraid of him in order to intertwine your paths.
Since talking to you, Rayne noticed many things in his daily life. He realized that you shared all your classes together as well as sit quite close to each other: he questioned how he didn't notice you sooner. Besides that, Rayne began to take note of your behavior and studies.
You weren't the best at magic, but you certainly weren't the worst. However, you were so awfully at using even the most basic spells that Rayne questioned how you even passed in the first place. Not only that, but when he first tutored you, he noticed how much you struggled with reading and basic language classes.
"Do you not know how to read?"
"I do! I do! It's just that this book has so many big words and it's so — aaaaghhhhh!!!"
Rayne only bothered to help you because you helped with the animal handling portion of the zoology class. To him, you were a lost cause and only lowered the reputation of Adler. It was a miracle that you were able to stay at Easton Academy for so long.
However, once he got the hang of handling and manipulating magical beasts, he longer had the need to acquire your help — meaning he no longer had to bother helping you.
"Would you mind helping with the magic reading homework?"
Yet he still spent time in the library with you. Rayne didn't quite understand why he still tried to help you. You weren't useful to him in any way; in fact, maintaining this relationship was always at his expense. He still had his duties of divine visionary to fulfill as well as tend to his rabbits. You were more of a liability, if anything.
"If you want, I could take care of the rabbits for you while you're out. I got experience in domesticated animals as I do magical beasts. While I'm at it, I'll be more than happy to do medical checkups!"
If there was one reason Rayne could give as to why he continued to talk to you, it was because you pushed yourself into his life — intentionally or not. You seeked his help: you offered yours.
Besides, the rabbits were always happier when you came by.
"Are we friends?"
Rayne didn't understand what you meant by that question. You already spend your entire day with him and know of all his interests (to a concerning degree). However, if he had to decide whether he considered you a friend or not, the answer would be yes.
Whenever Rayne saw you, he couldn't help but think of his brother. You were just as pathetic and adorable as Finn; he wondered if that was the reason he felt so inclined to spend time with you. Depsite just that, something about you reminded him of himself. Rayne didn't know what it was specifically that reminded him. All he knows is that seeing you makes him feel protective.
"Yes,": of course you're one of his closest friends. That's why he enjoyed hearing you talk about pointless subjects. That's why he loved to see you smile when interacting with magical beasts. That's why he began to look forward to your late night studies.
This night was no different from the many other previous nights.
As it always goes, Rayne had to maintain the rabbit enclosure as well as fulfill his duties as divine visionary; you had to help the magic zoology teacher prepare the materials needed for tomorrow's lesson. That left only the early nights for your tutoring sessions.
"Do you know any folklore or fairytales about rabbits?" You asked as you began to pack your things up. You looked at Rayne doing the same as you. Remaining unresponsive, you wondered if he heard you. "Rayne? Did you hear me?"
"I did, I was just thinking about your question." Placing his bag on the table, Rayne stared intently at you. "I can't say that I know of any in particular. Did you want to hear some?"
You jumped up and said, "No, no! It's just....I was curious."
Rayne raised a brow as he saw you all flustered. ".......Curious about rabbit fairytales?"
"Of course! I haven't had books or saw any plays about those things, and I thought since you were obsessed with rabbits and were a kid once, you would know some fairytales......"
Rayne stared at you as he looked more closely: you definitely have something to tell him. "Are you sure that's it?"
You looked down at your bag and let out a huff. "No, I wanted to show you something." Reaching into your bag, you pulled out a kids picture book. "It's a book one my guardians sent me for my birthday last year. I remembered I had it and thought since you liked rabbits......maybe you would like to read it.........."
You hid your face behind the hard cover children's book. You were blushing red from embarrassment; why did you think someone as mature and respectable as him would want to read some children's book? You were an idiot—
"What is it about?"
You didn't have the luxury of owning many things in your early years in life: books were one of them. It was only late your teenage life that you were able to read these fairytales and stories. Though the Whitechapels didn't treat you as a five year old child, they did acknowledge that you never had a childhood: "Every child should have a few books." Mr. Whitechapel was insistent on this when he bought you your first picture book.
"It's about a rabbit who wants to have the moon...." You don't know why, but when you heard Rayne ask about the book, you wanted to cry. You weren't sad, nor was it out of embarrassment: you were happy. Peering over the book, you saw Rayne's face soften. "Would you like me to read it to you before we go back to the dorms?"
"That would be nice."
Going around the table, you sat next to Rayne and opened the book to the first page.
There, in Easton's library, sat two children who were forced to face the wrath of the world. One carried the burden of a parent at an age too early: the other had no other choice but to choose a life of pain and hardships over death.
Though with very little common interests and with varying personalities, these two children find comfort in eachothers company.
Like the rabbit, you longed for your moon: something you could call your own.
Like the sunlight and stardust, Rayne just wants to make sure his brother finds a safe path back home: a home where he is safe and happy.
And so, as you two sat in the giant library, you began to read the book: "There once was a rabbit who wanted to own the moon......."
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Ahhh! Took me a long time to get this out, but I'm glad it's out and not still in the making!
In all seriousness, please read "Rayne through out the years" on ao3! It was a huge inspiration for me when writing this and gave me so many ideas for the future of this series. If it wasn't for NguyetMieu I don't think I would have ever continued writing this as much as I did. So please give NguyetMieu your support!
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wordsbymae · 23 hours
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WarTrophy! Reader x Warlord
With a post-apocalyptic twist. I was gonna do the usual medieval style thing for the warlord, but I got inspired by Mad Max: Thunder Dome (An amazing movie), to do post apocalyptic sorta thing. Any way hope you enjoy!
TW: Gn!reader, Verbal and somewhat physical SA, grubby and sleezy male characters. Reader is from a well looked after community, therefore when the Warlord and his raiders come to town, chaos erupts. Violence, murder, battle and raiding, reader given fem pet names but no gender described. In my mind this is canonically set in Australia, because I am Australian and also mad max is set in Australia and also post-apocalyptic fiction just makes sense when set in Australia. Also reader has nickname blue
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They came in the night. No warning, no threat along the horizon. Just pure violence coming to reek havoc in the moonless night. You were awoken to the sounds of screaming, cries burning at your ears. Jumping to your feet you rushed to your window, over looking the community of survivors and refuges. Death was everywhere. The town was alight with flames, the warning siren howling over the sound of shrieks and bellows of fear. You stood in shock and incomprehension for a moment, the shacks, houses and huts were being ransacked by men dressed in camouflaged uniforms. Men and women who tried to defend their homes were being cut down where they stood, or dragged away by their hair. Children were left to fend for themselves, some crying amongst the flames, watching their parents being slaughtered. Loud banging broke you from the spell you were under, someone was trying to break down your door.
"Open up!" A man yelled, continuing to try to kick the scrap metal that made your door. It wouldn't take long, it was barely put together. A split second decision was made in your mind. You couldn't stay where you were, you couldn't even stop to make a plan, or grab anything of use. You had to run, and quickly. Still in your sleepwear, you raced through your house, opening your back down with a grunt, just as your front door was slammed open. You rushed into the back alley, stunned by the destruction laid waste upon your town. You turned your back on your friends, family, community and rushed into the darkness of the buildings, leaving your town to burn.
This town was never truly meant to be a town. Before the Collapse it had been a nothing more than a water treatment plant. In the days and weeks after the collapse, people began flocking to its promise of water. Somehow ever after the loss of electricity, the plant still held thousands of litres of water, making it a refuge for all those who survived the end of the world.
You had been one of the very first to arrive, you had been fortunate to arrive with your parents and a few members of your extended family. You and your family practically built this town, saved this community. There was a reason why people knew who you were, why they moved out of the way as you walked past. It was your family this town was named after, your blood that raised it from ash.
And yet here you were, hiding in the shadows. Running for your life. Granted, there wasn't much you could do. The town lived in peace for so long that only the town militia were tasked with defence. Over the years, bullets, and gunpowder, became in short supply, leaving the hunks of metal once called guns useless. Most were melted down to make melee weapons, are fashioned into more primitive form of muskets. In many ways your town turned back into the past to strive for a better future. Most things were run on steam or water powered. Limited supply of gunpowder was made using items traded with other surviving communities. People turned back to the ways of their fore parents, hunting and farming. Life was good. Until it wasn't.
You came to a sudden halt, quickly hiding behind wooden boxes against the wall. The masked, camouflaged men ran past, yelling orders to one another. You grimaced as you saw a selective few were armed with guns. Pre-collapse guns. Either they were just for show, or someone very smart and determined figured out how to make them work in a time such as these. Most, however, had musket-like weapons and machetes and knives. At least you knew if it came down to it, there was a chance that you just had to be quicker than your assailant rather than having to dodge a bullet to survive.
After they run past, you quickened towards the wooden wall that encircled your town. In some places it was reinforced with steel and rock, but it would take decades to finally make a proper defensive structure. As the child of the founding family, you knew exactly what you were looking for. Once, when the wall was still being erected, and nothing but a metal fence separated you and the raiders of the new world, you had found a hole in the fence. Big enough that you and your childhood friend had been able to sneak out of town into the great unknown. Even when they began to reinforce it with wood and steel, you made sure the hole was still uncoverable.
You landed on your knees in front of where you remembered the hole to be. Footsteps were hurrying towards you. Raiders, friends or terrified civilians, you did not know. You focused purely on pushing the scrap of metal from covering the hole, leaning down, you pushed with all your might the large rock you had shimmed into place last time you had snuck out. It had been years since you had down so, it was just before Red had left, there was no need to sneak out anymore if he wasn't there to follow. You crawled through the hole, end in sight. The hole feeling much smaller than it did as a child. You knew your family would make it out. They would have to, right? So would friends and comrades. They were smart. Like you. They knew when to abandon ship.
If there had been a warning then of course you would have stayed, till the very end. Your task for the community was Peacemaker, a diplomate of this new crazed world. You were quite good at it too. Negotiation and diplomacy your strongest skills. If they had given warning, maybe you could reason with them, maybe no one had to have died. But raiders that come in the dark of night, killing all they willed , were not the sort of combatant you stayed around to reason with. Your task was to live, to survive, then to come back and rebuild. Always rebuild, as your parents had done all those years ago.
The metal of the broken fence dug into your hips, bringing forth a hiss of pain from your lips. You pushed through the pain, cursing as the metal dug deeper and deeper. With one last gasp, you heaved your hips through the fence, feeling the metal rip at the fabric of your clothes. Just as you were about to get up, run straight for the safety of the wilderness, a harsh grip landed on your ankle. Before even a thought could pass through your mind. You were dragged back, with force, through the hole. You screamed and kicked. Hands digging into the ground, fingers and nails desperately trying to find a hold in the soft dirt. You were flipped over. A man leering down at you.
"Ain't you a pretty thing, aye?" he sneered, his mouth opening in a wicked smile, showcasing missing and yellowed teeth. You scrunched your face in disgust, both at the sight in front of you and his hand gripping tighter onto your ankle. You were about to use your free leg to give him a swift kick, but the sight of a large hunting knife in his hand made you pause. He followed your gaze to it.
"Aw don't worry love, I'm not gonna use this thing on you, long as ya don't make a fuss." His smile grew, showcasing more blacked and cracked teeth. His face was a red blotchy colour, sweat dripped from his forehead, his weak chin wobbled as he spoke. In the fire light you could see the red veins of his eyes.
You tested his grip on you, trying to catch him unaware. Instead it backfired, resulting in him sitting on top of you, letting your ankle go.
"You be good for me sweets and I'll try to be as gentle as I can yeah?" he chuckled, your blood running cold. This man wanted something from you and there was no reason in the world that would stop him. You cannot reason with an evil man. You began to shriek, preferring him to killing you now than to suffer the injustice of his touch.
"Nobodies coming to save ya darl', Best ya get used to being on your back for me, it's gonna be real familiar by the time I get tired of you. Make me cum enough and I might just keep you" he leaned down against you, tongue licking up along your cheek. You began to trash harder, screaming. Begging. Praying. For anything, for anyone to came save you. He laughed at your misery, lifting him self back up to undo his belt.
"You ready for me to make you my whor-" a gargle where words should follow. You watched in shock as a knife was plunged in the back of his skull. Blood splattered down on you, your mouth open wide in fear and relief. You scrambled back as the evil man fell forward. You backed up against the wall, you could feel the wind blowing through the hole, your escape route still open. You started to make a mad dash for the opening, not thinking or even able to process what had happened, only focusing on what might have happened, what that man was intent on doing.
In a sick sense of Deja vu, you were once ripped from the opening. You were a bundle of feet and hands punching and kicking in all directions, your voice was hoarse from screaming bloody murder. A strong set of arms pulled you against them, and you fought like hell to be free.
"It's alright blue, its alright" came a familiar and calming voice. Only one person called you that in favour of your real name. You opened your eyes, there he was. Alive, breathing and surrounded by masked, camouflaged men.
"Red?" you whispered, not daring to shatter this illusion that he was still alive, that he had found his way back to you. You must be going mad. That evil man must have killed you, or you died in the smoke and flames burning your town. You blinked, pinched yourself. Even reached a hand to touch his face.
"It's me blue" he smiled, a perfect, lovely smile. Just as you remembered.
The men behind him shifted, causing you to panic, you grabbed red's hand and tried to run. You weren't gonna lose him again.
Instead of running into the fray once more, you were pulled back to red's arms.
"Red! We have to go! They'll kill us, please!" You begged, eyes looking into his warm brown ones. He places his hands on your arms, essentially trapping you were you stood.
"Red?" you questioned, why wasn't he worried, why weren't the men descending on you both with knifes raised. What was going on?
The fires had begun to die down, the screaming and crying was replaced with whispers of fear and a few sobs cried into the night. The warning siren slowed down to a halt.
"Red?" you whispered, not a question but a plea.
'Please still be the boy I knew before'
He looked down into your eyes, a sigh making its way pasted his lips.
He turns to his men.
"Bring all the prisoners to the town centre, no one is to harm the survivors unless I deem so. That includes coercing or forcing yourselves onto anyone. Understand?" he orders. His men giving a quick nod and salute before turning into the dying lights of the fire.
"No" you exclaim.
No, no, no, no, no
You shake your head, tears threatening to fall.
"You are one of them?" you gasp. The boy you knew as a child, the boy you had come to love, the boy who disappeared into the night, on a night eerily similar to this, returned as a raider, a killer, a monster.
A gives you a slight smirk, hands gripping you tighter.
"I'm not just one of them blue, I command them, I rule them" he boasts. A wicked gleam in his eyes.
"Traitor" you hiss. "You fucking monster! You absolute fucking bastard!"
Your anger overwhelmed whatever love you still had for him. Curled fists began attacking him, aiming for the face, when that wasn't enough to quell your fury, you tried scratching out his eyes. A pain seared across your face, you became unbalanced and fell on the very man who had threatened you a mere minute ago. Red had slapped you, caused you pain. One might argue you deserved it, lashing out like that. Most would say that's fucking irrelevant since he caused the destruction and violent occupation of your town.
"C'mon blue, you really gonna act out? I was being so nice too. Saved you from this fucker didn't I? Could've just let him have you" he pouted, head tilting to watch you try standing back up, giving the man's body a small kick while doing so. You balked at the sight of the evil man, his eyes still unnerving, even more so that he is dead, the movement of Red's kick, gave you the sick impression he was still alive.
A dangerous idea spread into your mind. The hunting knife lay unclaimed next to you. Red was unarmed as far as you could tell. You clasped the knife in a hurry, but before being able to take a slash or even stand up, Red's boot came crushing down onto your wrist. You squealed in pain, releasing the knife in a instant. His free boot kicked the knife away.
"Is that anyway to welcome home an old mate?" he tsked, "I know its been a few years, but come on blue, really? This? Trying to take me out with a knife?"
"What the fuck Red" you gasped, boot still crushing your wrist. "What the hell is going on, raiding? Seriously? this town was your home! How could you turn on us like that. How-how could you turn on me?" Pain, both physical and emotional rushed through your voice, once more tears began to spring, from the pain or the torment of knowing that your best friend was responsible for the death of dozens in your community.
"C'mon Blue! It ain't personal. Just the business of surviving. You think it brings me joy to burn this place to the ground? I mean to be honest it kinda does, but you know that story. But we don't have time to talk about that, right now you and I have a speech to get to." he grins, dark and cold. No way this is the curly haired kid you knew as a child. Red back then could barely kick a toad than massacre innocent civilians.
You let out a sigh of relief as he removes his boot. Only to let out a yelp in surprise as you are thrown over his shoulder.
"Let me go!" you cry, wiggling and worming in his hold.
"Not yet love! Got places to see and people to humiliate" his deranged laugh filled the silent streets you called home.
Before you only were able to see the destruction from a window still, or when you were at the edges of the fight. But now, now you saw everything. You watched in sorrow as you passed the bakery, still blazing alone, as the houses and shakes next to it had been pulled down. The school had been ransacked, pages and books lining the street in silent array. Childs' drawings danced lifelessly across the ground in the breeze.
Without even seeing where he was taking you, you knew where you were going. The town centre. A magnificent fig tree, alone in its splendour made for quite the impressive centre piece of the town. Speeches, weddings, announcements, birthdays and funerals were all held under its comforting branches. It calmed you to still see it still standing. Leaves fell with a hush down from its branches, as if it was crying watching the town that loved it go up in smoke.
You could hear your townspeople's whispers of fear and confusion as the watched you be carried into line of sight. You could see most of the towns population was still alive. The small group of men who were spared were pushed to one side, guarded heavily, despite being made up of elders, young boys, and a few injured men. The cluster of women and children were larger. You could see your friends and family in both groups. All accounted for, thank goodness. You were placed onto the ground and given to two guards, both quickly clasping onto your arms like their lives depended on it. You were off to the side, as Red sauntered his way to front and centre. He always loved being the centre of attention.
"Good people! How's it going?" he exclaimed, arms open wide and a smile gracing his lips. You could see confusion, vague recognition and just plain hatred line people's faces. More importantly you saw your parents both looking at you in absolute despair. You gave them a short smile and a nod, taking a deep breath when they followed suit.
Red began to speak again.
"Some of you may remember me, other's may not. I was one of you once, another member of this pathetic, weak society. You have no strength, despite your numbers. No courage or skill in warfare. Just a load of farmers, tradesmen and women. If this was any other town I would slaughter you all" he grins as if he is discussing a lovely day spent at the beach. Whispers become murmurs. Murmurs become barely contained talks of a massacre, of your towns soon extinction. You began to take shallower, faster breaths.
"Alright, calm down everyone. Maybe we need to work on our listening skills, aye? Now, let's put on our listening caps everyone. I said if you were any other town. Lucky for you bastards I actually like you guys! I had a good run here. Made some lovely mates" a pointed look thrown in your direction. "And was pretty well looked after, well until, you know. So in honour of the good times I had here. I have a compromise for you all." He clasps his hands together, and teeters back and froth from his toes to his heels.
"My men and I have already killed a whole bunch of ya, so how bout we move on from that, aye? You guys are gonna have to boost your numbers after my little stunt, and who better than the very people who massacred your friends and family!" looks of bitter disgust flow across the crowd.
"Yikes, bit of a tough crowd yeah. Alright look, the fellas and I used to have a pretty good place. But the waters run dry and also we're getting up in years, and so we're looking for a place to settle down. To have people to settle down with. So yeah we killed a whole bunch of your men, but hey! We're here to replace that gap. Maybe even help you guys with the whole defence side of things. I mean were those soldier fellas of yours even trained? They were easier to kill than a dead roo!" he barks out a laugh, his men following suit.
'What the fuck is wrong with him' you thought. Clearly years in the bush led to insanity.
"Oh! Before I forget" he stares in your direction, slowly making his way over. You squirm under his gaze uncomfortably. "If you little shits try any sort of rebellion or some shit like that. I'll slit their pretty little throat."
In a moment he brings a knife close to your throat. You reach your chin up, desperate to remove the icy sensation away from you. You look at where his eyes are directed, straight towards your mother, then slowly transferred to your father. Without their approval, any hope of rebellion or uprising is dashed. You are the perfect hostage.
"Great! Glad we could have this chat. So go have a good ole' sleep. Got a whole day of cleaning up to do tomorrow!" he beams, pulling the knife away just as quickly as he produced it. He turns his back on the towns people, grabbing your arm from one of the guards. You are dragged past the fig tree towards the council hall, located within the old water treatment plant. It is then you see how truly outnumbered you were. Nearly over a hundred men, all masked and camouflaged, line the water treatment plant, even with the men who were killed, there was no way your town could have fought them off.
You pulled back from Red, trying to get him to release his grasp.
"What is it blue? Thought you'd be happier to see your childhood mate"
"Fuck you, you dog" you spit, anger clear as day.
Red halts, and turns to you.
"Don't make me hurt you again."
It wasn't what he said, more so than how he said it. He's eyes lost their humanity, his features fell into sudden darkness, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up. You were looking into the eyes of an evil man.
You gave a quick nod, hoping he would lose interest.
"Good!" he cheers, and goes back into dragging you up the steps to the plant.
"Ya know I've never had a war trophy before" he mumbles
"Pardon?" confusion across your face turning into disgust
"You, your a war trophy." he deadpans as if its the simplest thing in the world to understand.
"I'm not a trophy" you grumble
"Cause you are, pretty enough, and you really think I'm ever gonna let you outta my sight again Blue? I've been dreaming about this day for years."
You carefully gazed up at him, his grasp on you had begun to soften.
He notices your confusion, or want for an explanation at the very least.
"You really think I would attack this place for water? Or for my men's retirement plan? Nah, blue. I burnt this town down for you, and I'd do it ten times over if you just asked."
It is then you are reminded of the skinny, lanky boy you made friends with as a child. Your mother used to laugh and call him your dog, when your father said it, he said it with annoyance. It was true, Red followed you around like a pup, always doing what you wanted and when. You didn't like remembering the day he left, mainly cause he was practically run out of town. It just took a slip of your tongue, it was an accident after all. You were a child, and didn't realise that sometimes words were dangerous. You didn't realise how much Red took your words to heart, or how much he cared to.
' Red, sometimes I just wish...'
'What blue? Tell me, I'll make it true'
'Well I just wish he was dead!'
You knew Red was being perfectly honest when he said he would burn this town down if you asked. He had already tried before.
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I don't know about the ending or if reader is really a war trophy but the words came and i just put them down.https://www.tumblr.com/wordsbymae/746111846150537216/wartrophy-reader-x-warlord?source=share
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Bengiyo Queer Cinema Syllabus
Not to sound repetitive but, I had a busy couple weeks, but finally had a second to return to @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus. I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of the syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).
Today I will be talking about
Parting Glances (1986) dir. Bill Sherwood
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[Run Time: 1:30, Available: tubi and fubo, Language: English]
Summary: As Michael and Robert, a gay couple in New York, prepare for Robert's departure for a two-year work assignment in Africa, Michael must face Robert's true motives for leaving while dealing with their circle of eccentric friends, including Nick, who is living with AIDS.
Cast: 
John Bolger as Robert
Richard Ganoung as Michael 
Steve Buscemi as Nick 
__
Well, I have to say this was very much not what I was expecting for the first AIDS related movie of the syllabus. After some pretty hefty violent deaths of queer characters in the first half of Unit 4, I was very much anticipating the heart wrenching tragedies to continue immediately once I hit the AIDS epidemic portion. But Parting Glances very much subverted my expectations of what I was walking in to, because honestly…so much of it was lovely. 
It’s not that tragedy is not a part of this movie, it is, it’s just hidden under the layer of friendship, community, and love that feels like the core theme of the film. I am thinking about the party at Joan’s and how much happiness and celebration was happening there, with community abound, and yet how Michael kept telling people they should call Nick because he would appreciate it, showing just how much Nick has lost of his own community since his HIV/AIDS diagnosis. 
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I really loved how real these relationships to one another felt, the way that Michael and Robert were playful with each other, the way that Nick sat on Michael’s lap so casually for a few minutes when Michael cooked him dinner, I loved the conversation Robert had with his ex-girlfriend, the young and hopeful queer boy who wished to live forever. I just loved watching the queer community be a queer community. 
Even in the moments that get a little dour, where Michael gets especially weepy with Nick, those scenes did not make me sad, did not destroy me the way other films in this syllabus have, because that is just grief. Grief is a mighty and terrible thing, but I find beauty in it as well. I find beauty and loveliness in the fact that those tears came from Michael finally admitting to Nick that he loved him, that Nick got to hear himself that he was loved, especially when so many people seemed to have fallen away from him after his diagnosis. I find comfort in the conversations about death that Michael and Joan have together, because those are conversations I’ve had, they feel familiar, they feel like a natural part of life, perhaps they should not have to feel those points so soon, but Nick himself is right, living forever is the only thing none of us can do. 
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I really loved that we saw Nick when he was at a stage in his illness where he was simply being careful, but was still full of life, energetic, that he was able to be a support system for Michael and was not only being tended to. We know what is coming, but we are not made to see it. I was really in to what the film did with it’s use of ominous backing track, that Nick could hear it, that it felt like the progression of his illness, that it felt like a sense of impending doom, a cloud that hangs over Nick. 
Throughout a lot of this film I found myself thinking about The Inheritance Part One & Part Two, a play written in 2016 based off of the book Howard’s End by EM Forster. I saw this play a few years back and was lulled in to a false sense of security that this would not be a play about AIDS because it was set in the relatively modern day with a focus on younger queer characters, but ohhhhhhh how wrong I was. Towards the end of the first part, we hear a story from a character named Walter, an older gay man that lived in the same building as the main characters, and he recounts the story of his life, how his husband, Henry, built a farm outside of New York city for the two of them to live in…right around the time that AIDS started decimating the area. How that distance still was not good enough for Henry so he would leave on business trips, because his fear of catching AIDS was so strong. 
Walter tells the story of when he went back in to the city for the first time, and ran in to a friend he used to know, who had acquired AIDS and was on the brink of death. He talks about how when Henry was away, he brought that kid to the farm Henry had built to hide from AIDS, and Walter cared for that boy until he died. Walter talks about doing that again and again and again and again, dozens of times, he would go in to the city, bring a friend back home, and care for them until they passed. 
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^[sidebar: I very much do not like Robert]
Part of the play ends with Walter being asked what it was like at that time, Walter asks the main characters to name someone they know, they give a name, he says “they’re dead. Give me another name, he’s dead”. For what felt like minutes, name after name after name is called and name after name after name is dead. When I saw that scene I broke down in the theater, I cried for the entirety of the walk back to the train station, I was brought to the brink of tears at the thought of that scene for a month after I saw the show. 
I mention this because it was all that I could think about while watching Robert and Michael interact with one another, while seeing this plot unfold. Robert fleeing New York while Michael stayed to care for his dying friend. Knowing that Walter and Henry stayed together after all was said and done, after Henry had stopped running from reality, and the death rates had slowed; then seeing Robert decide not to go to Africa, and how Michael did not show any signs of planning to break up with Robert knowing, despite knowing how Robert felt too settled, how Robert had chosen to go, despite knowing that Robert was running from loss, and running from being a support for Michael when the love of his life finally dies. 
So despite the fact that Parting Glances didn’t evoke the same feelings, though I felt like overall it was a relatively upbeat, uptempo, gentle film, the current underneath it all, the dying underneath it all, the tragedy is right there but it is just out of reach. 
Favorite Scene 
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I think my favorite scene is when Joan and Michael are laying in bed together, holding stuffed animals at Robert’s going away party while they just casually talk about death and dying. It just felt very much like a conversation I have had with my best friend on multiple occasions, especially lately because we've had a number of deaths happen in our lives recently. And yes, my friend and I both match the type of conversation part this scene, and also the beating each other up with stuffed animals part of this scene.
Obviously we do not spend enough time with the other characters at the party to know exactly what is going on in their lives, and there is not doubt many if not all of them have lost loved ones to AIDS, but we know that Joan and Michael are really the only two people who go and visit Nick, and it feels so symbolic of the weight that they are shouldering caring for their dying friend to have the only two people who have not cut themselves off from Nick be sitting together, in another room away from all the other gay attendees, discussing, speculating, joking about death. 
Favorite Quote
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We all know the real right answer is: “Straight men are jerks. Gay men are jerks. Straight women are jerks. That leaves lesbians and they are off in their ivory towers laughing their heads off at the rest of us. I should’ve been a dyke” 
But I am going to go for the more serious:
“...look at the others, waiting, wondering if some innocent moment of pleasure long past can set them up with the ultimate form of [German word my subtitles did not state]...  I’d like to stage a piece in which all of the performers are people who are terminally ill, can you imagine the intensity, the concentration, the purpose”
This is said off-handedly in a conversation between Joan and a heterosexual male artist who was attending the party. I put it here for two reasons: a) the first half is a very succinct commentary on the state of the queer community (at least who were at the party) and feels like general commentary about the movie’s premise as a whole. Especially because Nick talks about how he didn’t realize how long the gestation period of HIV was, and by the time he started taking protective measures it was already too late. b) because the second half is just the most pretentious, absolutely mindless, careless, and shitty thing to say to someone who is actively losing a friend to a terminal illness. This fucking hetero artist came in to a room full of queer people and decided that dying people would be great to put in to his next project for ~The Vibes~ and I love that comment so much because first, it shows how much he Does Not Get It, and second because of how much disgust is baked in to Joan’s “Excuse me” as she leaves before he can finish his thought. 
Because to say that to someone who is watching loved one after loved one after loved one die before their eyes is an absolutely disgusting thing to do (in my opinion). 
Final Score
8/10
Up next, Philadelphia (1993)
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mrsfrecklesmarauders · 23 hours
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James Potter hadn't always done reasonable things in life. He had made mistakes. He had hurt people. He wasn’t always nice. And he felt ashamed of it.
As a kid, James had everything he wanted. The coolest toys, the best parents he could ask for, money, a big house with a large garden and a pool, a dog to play with, delicious food to choose from and most importantly endless love. That's what made him a bit of an asshole.
It was James's need to make friends, to make kids his age like him that made him act like a selfish twat. He bragged without noticing how others might feel. He made jokes that sometimes could hurt people's feelings. He did pranks to others that sometimes got out of hand.
For James, these things weren't wrong. He found them innocent. Just to have fun. Just to be cool. James was just a kid who wanted to have friends, be liked and have as much fun as he could.
Then James grew up and things started changing around him. He started noticing that not every kid had the luck he had. For example, Sirius, his best friend, had money and everything he wanted but horrible parents. His other friend Peter lacked of confidence because his father disappeared the moment he was born. But yet, James made those two the same way he was. It was more about forgetting about their issues while pranking, breaking the rules and having fun than actually fixing anything.
There were three things that made James open his eyes.
The first one was Remus Lupin. When he arrived, James wasn't happy. He felt threatened by how close he was of Sirius. He got a bit jealous. So he was a bit cold, even mean with Remus. It was until he found out about his past life. Remus had been made fun of, pranked and bullied by other kids his entire life for being trans. And James wondered: "Haven't I done similar things to others?"
The second one was Lily Evans and the way she had called him an arrogant bully. The way she said it wasn't like the silly insults she repeated to him after he tried to flirt with her. This time she had yelled full of rage, leaving James speechless. It had been fair since he had tried to ask her out after her father had died (although he didn't know about it at the time). James understood that the girl he fancied really hated him.
The third and more important reason happened just now, the day before New Year's when James overheard a conversation between his parents he should have never heard.
"We should not tell James for now" his father was saying "You know him. He would act as if this is serious"
"But it is serious, Monty!" Hearing his mother cry had broken his heart "We are not going to pretend you are okay because you aren't."
"Is not that I am sick, Effie. My immune system is just a bit weaker"
"Weaker? Just with a tiny fever you can actually die, Fleamont. You can bloody die and leave me alone"
The way James knew it was something awful and serious was because Euphemia cried. She was sobbing into Fleamont's chest. And Euphemia wasn't a crier. She was always strong, hiding away her emotions. So what James felt in that moment was fear. It was more like panic. Like the one he used to feel when he was little and he was afraid of the dark. His hands shook. His heart raced. He felt his skin shiver in cold.
When James returned to his room, his mind was flooding with thoughts. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe his hearing was as bad as his sight. Maybe his parents had been exaggerating. This couldn't be right. Fleamont was the strongest man he knew. Sporty and healthy. A bloody rock if you asked him. This couldn't be right.
"So, did you ask them?" Sirius asked as soon as James crossed the door.
In James's mind that question didn't make sense. It felt wrong that Sirius looked as happy as he did after those news.
"Ha?" It was all that came out of his mouth.
"Marlene confirmed she is going to some club with her brothers" Sirius said as he texted "I thought you were asking your parents if we can go"
"Not to be rude or anything but this grown up party is boring" Peter added "Plus you like the McKinnons"
"He workships them more like. Especially Adam" Sirius added with a chuckle "Wait until you see Prongs following Adam like a lost puppy, Moony"
James wasn't even listening. For the first time he wished his friends weren't around. Or any adult that was downstairs. He wanted it to be the three of them. His parents and him. So they could discuss this. And Fleamont would tell him everything would be okay.
"Are you okay, James?" Remus asked with concern when James didn't answer.
The others noticed his expression because they stopped smiling and waited to hear the bad news. But James wasn't ready to tell them. It would make it true. He didn't even know what was going on.
"I don't... I don't think... we should... go...out" James had never spoken as slowly and low as now.
"Why not?" Peter asked "You were the one to say you were bored as an oyster"
"Shut up, Wormtail!" Sirius snapped "Did something happen, James?"
James looked at Sirius. His second in command. His best friend in the world. His brother. How could he tell Sirius?.
"Yeah!" he cleared his throat before his voice broke "I mean they said no... Fleamont and Euphemia... They want us to stay"
"What? Why?" Peter pouted.
Remus kept looking at him as if he knew everything.
James shrugged, grabbing a football from the floor.
"I'm going to kick it for a while..."
"Now? It is almost midnight" Remus reasoned. James just shrugged.
"Want us to come with you?" Sirius asked with his eyebrow raised.
"No! You stay here and finish those beers" James faked a smile to calm them down. Even if he wanted to die in the inside "I'll be right back"
"Be back before midnight!" Peter yelled as James climbed down the stairs two at the time.
James unleashed his frustration with the poor ball kicking as hard as he could, tossing it to the other side of the property and hitting it like a punch ball.
All he could think about was that his father was sick, probably dying and James was so terrible, he wouldn't make him proud. Fleamont's son was arrogant, a brag, a rebel who had been into trouble several times and probably a bully. What was there to be proud of?
"Only you would play football on New Year's in this cold night"
Fleamont had been James's role model since he could remember. He had promise to grow just like him. But he was horrible. He wasn’t the man his father was. Why wasn't James sick instead of him?
"You shouldn't be outside, Dad" James sniffed rolling the ball between his feet, eyes locked on it "It is freezing"
"Dad, is it now? Weren't you too cool to call me that? You've been calling me Fleamont or Old Man for a while now. It actually sounded weird to hear that, you little brat"
James's eyes were burning with tears at this point.
"Do I have privileges now that I am a bit sick?"
James's head turned as quickly as possible. Fleamont Potter was smiling under the moonlight. His glasses reflected the light. His hands were on his pockets. He was dressed elegantly for the party looking casual. But James noticed the bags under his eyes. Sucked cheeks. More wrinkles. Whiter hair. Skinner complexion. James saw Fleamont's illness reflected on him.
"I know you heard my conversation with your mother, James. I saw you through the door"
"Are you dying?" James was surprised how small his voice sounded.
Fleamont took a deep breath "No..."
"DON'T LIE TO ME! YOU'RE FUCKING DYING, I KNOW IT! TELL ME THE TRUTH, YOU COWARD! TELL ME THE BLOODY TRUTH"
James had spit and pushed his father in the process. That made him ashamed. Jokes aside, he had always respected his father. Now he felt terrible. So he started crying.
James felt his father's arms wrapping around him. And James hugged him back, clenching from him as if he would disappear any moment. James didn’t want to lose him. He loved him. He loved him so much. And he needed him.
"It's okay, my son. Sh sh sh. It's okay" Fleamont sighed as he stroked his son's hair gently "I'm not going anywhere"
When James calmed down, they sat on a bench and they talked about what was happening. They missed midnight and the celebration inside but James didn't care.
Fleamont explained that years ago the family's fabric used other chemicals for their products. Poisonous ones. That many workers ended up dying. This changed with time and The Potters discovered other chemical-free ingredients to continue producing. But Fleamont had visited the fabric back then plenty of times when he was younger. And the exposure to those chemicals had damaged his blood and immune system.
"So, you're okay?"
"Doctors said I need to have a healthier life" Fleamont explained "That knowing your mother, she will follow rigorously..." he snorted "But I am not precisely sick. I need to slow down a bit. Take care of myself. Try not to get sick. Because any kind of problem would be dreadful to my organism"
James nodded, now feeling better "If you don't follow the doctor's orders, I'll kill you myself, Old Man"
Which made Fleamont laugh.
"No Dad anymore?"
"You bloody scared me, Fleamont"
The man just responded with a smile and a soft pat on James's shoulder. Though James was still sad and very very scared.
"Do Granpa and Nonna know?"
Fleamont shook his head "Not yet"
"Maikee? The guys from the fabric?"
"Only your mother besides you and me"
"But you didn't want to tell me"
"Because you're just as exaggerated as your mother. Even worse"
"Watch it! Old Man" James pointed a finger at him.
Fleamont let out a soft giggle.
"Should I tell Sirius?" James twisted his mouth thinking about Sirius’s reaction.
"I think we will find the right time to tell him. The three of us. Okay?"
James nodded in response. He was still restless. He was still scared of his father being so vulnerable and fragile.
"Dad..." James said carefully which made Fleamont smile "Are you proud of me?"
Fleamont opened his mouth but James continued before him.
"I'm... I'm not a good person" James said "I've been kind of a twat with a lot of people. I've been mean. I've been selfish. And I haven't been the most obedient son... I've driven you and mum mental many times" James shook his head "I am awful. You don't deserve me"
"I am very proud of you, James" Fleamont answered with a soft smile. James was surprised that he sounded genuine.
"Didn't you hear..."
"Yeah" Fleamont nodded "I am not proud because you are perfect. Because you are not... I am proud because you are an amazing person and a good human being. You've might have made mistakes or hurt people. James, you are so young, you are a kid. We are all a bit awful at that age. But I see you are maturing... You are becoming an incredible man. Even more than me"
James expected some scolding. Some sort of disappointment from his father.
"But I..."
"Have you ever wanted to truly hurt someone?" Fleamont asked.
James shook his head.
"Then it had only been silly mistakes of a kid. From now on, James, be a man. Start doing things right. Silly pranks, jokes and mischiefs are fun. But there comes a time in one's life when he needs to take care of serious matters. And I reckon you are doing an amazing job"
"So you don't think I am a bad person?" James's eyes filled with tears.
Fleamont shook his head "Of course not. You have the best of your mother and me. And we are very proud of you"
James wrapped his arms around the old man as tears ran down his eyes. He was willing to change and ammend his mistakes. It was time to grow up. Yes, he was only sixteen. He was still young and he could still have fun. But he was going to be better. He was going to stop making fun of others. He was going to stop bragging. He was going to make Remus feel welcome no matter who he was. He was going to take care of Sirius and Pete. He was going to stop showing off and asking Evans out like an idiot. She deserved better probably. He was going to be a good person. And make his parents proud. New Year, new James.
"I love you, Dad" James said as he squeezed his father tightly.
"Love you too, my son"
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a-s-levynn · 7 months
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(source)
#sleep token#here is a thing#there are certain moments when Vessel looks.. no he rather feels.. small#i mean his.. aura? presence? but not in the non-captivating way but as in an emotionally vulnerable way#i don't really have the words to describe this but just like on this picture#bear with me for a minute because this is either gonna sound completely unhinged or make some sort of sense#it's probably just me having a little more time on my hand than i should and just want to see things but..#sometimes he feels so present in a here-i-am as-i-am take-me-as-you-will this-is-all-i-am i-can't-give-more-nor-less it's-just-me sorta way#he feels so human in the rawest sense possible and yet so deep in character maybe even more so than when he creatures or teefs and all#like.. he is just vessel in it's simplicity and without the 'divine' if you will.. simply just vessel#in his barest of existance#a shadow of someone who used to be but not quite anymore#he is in pieces and it is willingly laid bare under the mask and all that bodypaint oh so clear to see for anyone#and that is not the outstreched hand of you-are-not-alone but the outstreched soul that cries you-can-find-yourself-in-me#and that is what i find so heartbreaking about him#this kind if raw openness because the lore says vessel is a conduit for sleep#for us vessel (and the the others) is the conduit of our emotions#and he is there somewhere inbetween the truths#just him a simple human being who sometimes seems to wish not to be human which makes him more human than anything#and that is what i can't describe better than 'sometimes he feels small' and at time even maybe makes me cry a little
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vegaseatsass · 1 month
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Every time I see another theory that puts Perth on Non's side as his witness protector or his mafia escape artist or his BROTHER !!! or his boyfriend (no one has this theory. This is an agenda of me myself and I) I go a little more feral. Honestly I'm just a teething snuffling raccoon creature at this point
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mellifier · 5 months
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it’s just dawning on me now that my schizophrenia (literally just diagnosed, it’s not a label i’m used to in the slightest) has been a disability for me. i’ve been disabled. the psychosis is in remission so im unsure if im disabled currently…
i knew schizophrenia was a disability, i just… couldn’t fathom that mine is, too.
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llamalpaca · 2 years
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Zutara Week 2022 Day 2: Familiar
aka Katara and Zuko were both Lake Laogai-ed AU
“Wait-!”
Truth be told, Huamei did not intend to say that out loud but there was something- just. Something. Like an itch at the back of her mind, that eerie feeling of when the word you so desperately are looking for is just at the tip of your tongue, and yet, no matter how hard you try, it does not come. She’s seen that face before, heard that voice, but it feels like a memory of a stranger, borrowed without permisson. And she doesn’t want it either but-
He’s looking at her, eyes wide, but a beginning of a frown starts to weigh down his lips. The tea he’s holding is most likely already cold.
“I’m sorry, I-”, she pries her fingers from his sleeve. “You just seem...familiar.”
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orange-cheetah · 1 month
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i do not want to be here for kuroshitsuji 209 i do not want to be here
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compacflt · 10 months
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i'm so curious: what's your favorite thing you've written? something that makes you nod and go, "yeah, that's it right there. i did that." just the best combination of words you've ever churned out in your personal opinion. it makes you proud just Thinking about it. could be a sentence, a paragraph, etc.
very cute ask anon, thank you. im going to assume for your benefit that you mean specifically my icemav writing—obviously I write outside of top gun and am very proud of that stuff but it wouldn’t make sense out of context.
There’s a lot of more recent stuff that I’m extremely extremely proud of on a technical level, but I’m prouder of this paragraph below on a deeper more existential level.
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This paragraph was one of the first parts of WWGATTAI i ever wrote—august 12, i think, well before I had fully realized the characters’ voices or their attitudes towards life/each other; I only had about 5k written of what is now a 300k+ project (at the time of writing this paragraph i wanted it to be 10k max) and had no real outline, didn’t know who or what I was dealing with, hadnt seen TGM in two months, had done no research (so it’s not at all politically/militarily accurate or anything, why the FUCK is ice going to fucking GUAM)—and STILL this wound up being my favorite paragraph in the entire fucking series. not to suck my own dick or anything. I’m STILL so proud of this paragraph, 9 months and 275k+ words later, even though i Absolutely Would Not write it this way now.
#narrative distance both incredibly close and incredibly far#he’s trying to rationalize this whole situation and by extent the whole plot of his life#we’re inside his head as he tries to convince both Pete and himself of this huge huge lie#which is that leaving (right after he fucked their relationship and their best friend just died) is worth it for the navy’s sake#and it will make him a good man#in the masculine strong man leadership sense#and Pete (first name instead of last name; über vulnerable in the worst way because he’s crying yet doesn’t want to be seen crying)#counters all of this lie with—does it? does it really mean you’re a good man? it means you’re the weakest most subservient man i know#bending over backwards for the navy instead of your FAMILY#yeah i would absolutely not write this paragraph this way NOW but i am still so proud of what it represents in the story#& the very experimental 2nd person without quotation marks is i think done very well#at least for august 2022 me#some wording/phrasing/detail issues but other than that—a great paragraph!#again not to suck my own dick but you asked!#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#top gun#top gun maverick#top gun fanfiction#edts notes#asks#this is a terrible chapter in aggregate but it has some of the best diamond-in-the-rough moments in the whole series#ughhh the Pete this has nothing to do with Afghanistan; pete this has nothing to do with iraq etc line…. SOO good omg i love it sorry
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hee-pster · 10 months
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nonchalantatall · 2 years
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Hey umm...
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FUCK this actually....
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vilelittlecritter · 1 year
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Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"
People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"
Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"
#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse#like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont#ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean#i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun#lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly#oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well#the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that#oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour#as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little#so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends!#ha ha. this is agony.#i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone#which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one#also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse#i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy#its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking#yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much#im also just really snappy sometimes#I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine#they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them#i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents#they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them#sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone#i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it#sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay#I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor#again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon#if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed#personal rambles#vent tag
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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I'm losing my mind. Everyone is blaming sakura for naruto being all fucked up for sasuke, including sakura.
Insane.
Everyone is looking at naruto like: why is he like this? He must be in love... with sakura
I'm gonna tear my hair out.
Naruto ninjas: who is responsible for this? Must be women
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lafseanchai · 5 months
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Coming back from fencing practice number two, feeling more confused than when I started: "it is okay to suck at first, you are learning, plus unlearning old lessons. It is okay to suck."
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