#it makes my brain go crazy im sorry

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the picnic table scene

#this isnt going to make sense to literally any of you for a long time and im sorry about that #but FUCK was i writing this morning #man. man man man man Man the motivation Hit #this fic might get done after all... #i need. to go sleep. OUASGAHSAKJSNCADCLSKDVMS; #THEY MAKE ME INSANE THEY MAKE ME INSANE #YALL ALREADY KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT #THEY MAKE ME CRAZY AGH AGH AGH #ok. ok. ill sleep. and we'll see if the scene holds up when my brain is Refreshed #absolutely unprompted #throwing myself to the ground and howling #who do i need to BITE #oh 7 am me we're really in it now #literally getting myself too worked up. im. Emotional. i almost feel like tearing up #if that was something i could do lmao #fortunately crying does not come easily to me but in my heart im like. idk. Sobbing #anyway in order to calm down im gonna go think about something that makes me equally insane #which is the OG reason i designed a butterfly look for howdy. yass!howdy's origins <3 #slamming my face through drywall ok bye im off to crazyville where i can catch a layover to sleepytown

[oedipuscomplexes]

Take me to Church - Hozier / Like a Prayer - Madonna (music video dir. Mary Lambert) / Bedroom Hymns - Florence + the Machine / Intimacy with Christ 3 - Ric Stott / Church - Fall Out Boy / Alejandro - Lady Gaga (music video dir. Steven Klein) / Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen

#i cant stop making these im sorry my brain is going crazy #web weaving #mine #hozier #madonna #florence and the machine #fall out boy #lady gaga #leonard cohen #hopefully the alt text is good ive never done it before :)

[rivilu]

There's pieces of media that alter your brain chemistry and then there's pieces of media that rearrange you on a molecular level

#this is about #Frankenstein #again #classic lit #sorry but it's nearly 5:30 am and im biting and screaming about the whole Prometheus business #and how much it FITS BUT ALSO DOESN'T #Victor WISHES he had a modecum of Prometheus's swag #but in a non joking way -> It makes sense he uses Prometheus as a descritor for what he's doing. creating a man and all #and dramatic irony dictates that it also fits in the sense that he ends up tortured #but Victor lacks the one thing that made Prometheus's fate tragic #that being the love for his creation(s) . Prometheus made humans and cared for them so much that he went against the god of gods #to give them fire when he saw them struggle in the cold #and wound up paying a heavy price for that good deed #Victor made a man and cast him out INTO the cold the moment he realised the creation wasn't the ideal thing he hoped it would be #Adam is fitting for the creature because Victor by all accounts acts more like god than Prometheus #but point is his fate is as hand made as his creature. a result of choices based on bad assumptions he refuses to ever acknowledge as wrong #compared to prometheus his losses are kind of. well you know the tripping over own bike with a stick meme #anyway disclaimer pls don't take this that seriously as a text analysis- again this is just my 5 am brain going crazy

[transdavyjones]

cant stand 60s music fandoms *10 minutes later* me and the bestie!

#peter tork #the monkees #my art #fanart #mine #the monkees are in my brain 24/7 I feel like I’m going crazy #i for real cut my hair like his two days ago like what is wrong with me like actually. #i dont like....im not ever really into musicians in this way. like could not name a single memebr of my most listened to band #(before my most listened to became the monkees that is) #so this is....new to me. #I had to make an entire new sideblog for this bc….like where else do I talk abt them lol. #sorry if he looks a little crunchy I did most of it on aggie.io

[m00ngbin]

I wish it was socially acceptable for a teenager to be reading warrior cats for a fanfic idea they have

#this fic idea has been bouncing around in my brain for fiveish days(?) now #and you #you are going to have to hear about it #until i make it #i swear ive never wanted to write something more in my life this is crazy #its clawing the walls begging to get out #giggling #clawing the walls #its a warrior cats fic idea #clawing #its clawing #ok #sorry im insane about this #can you tell i have exactly 0 friends who care about warrior cats

[bo0zey]

anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird #this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY #i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it #whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo #i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work #imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞 #real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason #like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me #ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS??? #ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like #why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean #i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything #i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed #i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame #i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol #also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually #cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj #i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle #i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore #i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable #ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao #im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed #ramblings #shut up cianna

[toxooz]

also GOOD NEWS turns out the One Week Until Eviction scare was just a false alarm and surprise surprise ✨lack of communication ✨ where as i texted her back for clarification but she said everything is fine and i aint being evicted bc she lied to the higher ups??so fuck it we ball ig its good to know she rlly does have my back to some strange extent so im still girlbossin here for another year and will have more time to build credit and look into the science of buying a house sksks

ALLL THAT BEING SAID i will start the next comic section later this week 4 SURE

#not complaining in the slightest but she very much couldve texted me again within those 4 days to say just kidding BECAUSE UHHH #''ur good honey i just lied to them☺'' me 5 suicidal meltdowns and 10 applications to any available housing later:😬oh ok great!!!! #like woman i was fully ready to accept that theres not a bitch on earth who will show me mercy to any extent and that the world is a cold #unrelenting hell to survive in for the past 4 DAYSSSS which i mean is right but ig its not completely that??? #like a ''oh nevermind sorry false alarm'' text literally anytime after wouldve work just dandy sksksks plz #like i was rlly out here thinknig she deliberately basically sentenced me to inevitable homelessness for all she knows out of nowhere LIKE #i think im above the genetic Crazy Bitch Disease #but then i catch myself calculating the most inconvenient place in my apartment for my body to decompose in '''''for revenge'''''' #if i couldnt move out in time like what in gods name is this radioactive elephants foot of a brain #plus idk how solid her excuse of not having good internet reason is to keep me here for another year so either way #after this im finding somewhere more solid to live bc i cant deal with this type of thing AGAIN lmfao #like bro u cant just make me think the happiness and peace that ive felt for the first time in my life is going to be reversed bc i have to #move back into that godforsaken house with that pos bc i Literally had no time to find another place and the amount of time that takes #BUT oh well its all good and she's still cool for a land lord so im good im good #the past almost week been crazy as hell

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[aria0fgold]

BONUS: Alec, Ray Ages: 13, 11

Ray walked to the front of the class, holding the paper that contains his essay to present to everyone, all he needed to do was read it, simple. He's done it several times before now so he should be able to do it as easily this time, surely… But he still couldn't.

He stood, facing his classmates as he held his paper close to his face, bringing it down slightly so as to not block his view of them, just as he was taught. He needed to look at them too, eye contact. But each time he does, he can't help but feel as though he was being judged. He didn't like it at all, but he has to do it anyway. It's easy, it'll be fine, all he needs to do is just read what he had written, easy as that.

Ray took a shaky deep breath, no matter how many times he stood at the front of the class, it never gets easy, it's never so simple. Why can't he get used to it already?

He glanced around the room, looking for something, or more specifically, for someone. Strangely, Ray had gotten used to the presence of a particular boy that is always there whenever he has a presentation, when that should've been impossible in the first place. They have entirely different classes, one two grades above him. But being the troublemaker that the other was, he's always there for Ray anyway… Just like now.

Ray's eyes widened slightly as his gaze landed on a familiar redhead. His best friend, Alec, hid behind the chair of the kid at the back of the class, he poked his head out to smile at Ray, mouthing “You can do it!” before hiding again.

A quiet giggle escaped Ray's lips. The suffocating air he once felt slowly vanished as he read aloud his essay for the class.

…

“Alec, you know, you always have such good timing.” “Really? But you do tell me whenever you have a presentation the next day anyway.” “Yeah but the teacher calls us randomly each time, but you're always there when it's my turn.” “Hmm… I guess, it's just cuz I wanted to see you! Maybe that's why, hehe! Anyway, let's head to the cafeteria! Cmon, cmon!” …I wanted to see you too. “Hehe… Okay!”

#ariawrites #ariaoc #ariaoc: Alec #ariaoc: Ray #so basically during the panic prompt i had two ideas: one where theyre older and one where theyre younger #but while thinkin of the one where theyre younger i ended up taking the fluffy route so i went for the one where theyre older instead #im sorry my brain... its built for fluff... cant even go half a month without thinkin of smth fluffy smh bro #this prompt was supposed to be a bit longer where the last dialogue was a part of the actual snippet through scene change #but i was like: can i finish writing this thing in 15 minutes i wonder? #so it was a personal challenge that i proudly won he he he >:3 #word count 394 in 15 mins???? crazy #the precious babies... before the horrors got alec... #wai i wanted to talk lil more bout bby alec cuz hes such a precious bean as a kid i feel bad making him go through the horrors #but it had to be done #anyway next post with a lil bit of how alec(+ray) was as a kid!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is... #itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine #but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary #and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far #and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking... #i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two #universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places #fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid. #at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae #hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see #fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow #its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving #and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends #in a smear across the highway #oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too #thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour #lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️ #bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days #my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend #but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno #when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie #time sheets :-P #unrelated

[dirtylittlesinkrat]

yes i hate the us. yes i recognize the problem with propaganda. yes i love top gun. we exist

#im sorry i recognize the issues HOWEVER....sexy men make my brain go crazy sorry #sorry guys! #bennie speaks #top gun #top gun: maverick

[ironmanstan]

Crazy how i went from hating stevetony and having winteriron as like. My otp I Guess, when i had my first marvel phase years ago, to now having stevetony have won that spot from winteriron lmao. Just in terms of it being a ship not in their character dynamic. Like this is just my personal feelings about it i respect em both etc . Just to me (i guess i also feel this bc im projecting somewhat) i just prefer tony and bucky to be friends, but i think tony and buckys dynamic, no matter what relationship they're in, is so so interesting and still genuinely rivals steve and tonys dynamic for making me insane, though I hadnt read anything for it in years until i read sinealas new fic. Just. Aaaaaauhgjhg. They live through similar/parallel traumatic events and come out of it with similar understandings of the world with different approaches to acting it out (that understanding being: i am worth the most to society as a weapon that atones for my past sins) (and their approaches being: i am going to right my wrongs from the background where nobody can get in my way or lay eyes on me vs im going to put myself on the line and be the one taking the blame in the spotlight hiding what good i may do behind a mask because its what i deserve) . And its very interesting I love reading it in any format i love them coming to understand each others feelings and realizing despite how they absolutely shouldnt relate to each other they very much do.

#buckyyy so sorry the st*ckies ruined ur fanon self for years #if u r wondering what i mean by projecting and thus seeing them as platonic #well: am aroace. do kin tony. i think my brain is like well this is like if i had mutual understanding with someone #in which case we'd at most be qpps #this is why im like its entirely a me thing that i dont particularly see them that way. it doesnt like bother me or anything tho lmao #when they are understood as characters though and played off of each other well. MMMMMMMM YES. #it is like jotaro and kakyoin in a mild way not the same same but the same relationship type. they have a mutual understanding #i can see stevetony fine because steve and tony make each other better and worse and theyre insane for it thats craziness gbless <3 luv it #steve and tony theoretically dont have similar lives and life experiences but have ended up at the same train station of life #both have ended up with similar ways of carrying themselves but with different outlooks #causes them to work together and understand each other well. also causes them to have deep fundamental differences #and react to those differences in ways the other can hardly understand #tension. craziness. so interesting #sorry for rambling but also i guess i shouldnt be this is the first actual marvel post on here in a while huh lolll #i havent read a tony fic in a long time and i havent read winteriron in so long . last time i read it my friend wrote it rly well #but i think she took down her ao3 and i havent had the will to go search out more or god forbid risk reading an mcu fic /hj #anyway #marvel #tony stark #bucky #winteriron #the gamer speaks uwu

[munamania]

do you think there’s a good reason i’m scheduled when there’s like 50 things to break down and set up at the same time. and then like three other people come in later when there r events spread out between hours

#like. ok maybe two per time you know. very manageable. and im going to look insane #not look. feel. oopsies #i think someone called off for a 2pm shift so i at least would have had one other person. but like all three of my managers r busy with #other shit today so it's just crazy. and that lady won't stop emailing me and making me want to blow my brains out <3 #sorry for saying that. it's a brutal day. at some point it'll be over thank god! #abby talks #my boss was very nice about telling me about everything going on and not expecting me to actually have it all done litchrally at 4pm #but it doesn't stop the stress from getting to my head. im going to explode before i get home tn

[thefunniestguy]

AGH I WANNA WATCH ADVENTURE TIME BUT I WANNA DRAW ,,,

#WAIT WHAT IF I STREAM DRAWING ... AND WATCH AT FOR NOW UNTIL I CAN STREAM ??? #ILL POST IF I DO BUT ?? ITLL PROBABLT B AROUND 1 AM EST TBH .. GOTTA MAKE SURE TH4 FAMILY IS ASLEEP #my dollar tree earbuds will be sooooo good for this /s #also my attention span being very poor im so sorry /lh #ANYWYA JSJSNSK SO MUCH ENERGY I APOLOGIZE . MY BRAIN IS DOING ITS DAILY FLIP OUT /LH /HJ #FINN'S FUN #going insane in a /pos way results in a finn kinshift . going insane in an angry way results in a fern kinshift . what is this tomfoolery #this ISNT being mean to fern kins ily fern yojre so cool /p /gen #im just going a little crazy its ok tho /lh

[meltamorphosis]

why did i have the most delayed reaction to a heartbreaking event in my life ever

#despot vents #i cut off my best friends 2 months ago #and back then i was fine #but now suddenly 2 months later its like theyre all i can think about #i think im going crazy #i can't stop loving them i physically can't. but i will never be loved back bc i tried to make sure they hated me before i left #im in love w self sabotage 😎 #i know they hurt me i know i cant trust them again . but if i could go back in time and change one thing #i would make sure things didnt end the way they did #preferably id communicate rather than just dipping and hoping theyd hate me too much to care #(...and then feeling pain bc of the thought of them actually hating me . love my contradictory brain) #or yknow. preferably id make sure things never ended at all #sometimes i think it might be better if i were alone #like if nobody had to put up w whatever i have going on and i didnt have any friendships to ruin . thatd be a win win situation i think #sorry for being depressing ^_^ im going to go play video game now

[yamikawas]

Yoomtah kidnapped that anon and is currently torturing them, so thats why you dont have her at this moment. Shes almost done though! Then you can cuddle to your hearts content!

SO TRUE SO CUTE OF HER I LOVE HER SO MUCH<<333<3<3<3<<3333<3<<3<3<3<<<3<33I WOULD LIKE TO WATCH HER KILL THEM IF SHE DOESNT MIND I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH I LOVE WHEN SHE KILLS FOR ME I LOVE EVERYTHING ABT HER SHES SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MY BELOVED

#SORRY I GO CRAZY IN RESPONSE TO EVERY ASK I GET DO U STILL LIKE ME. #ANYWAYS CAN SHE KIDNAP ME NEXT AND SMOTHER ME IN LOVE AND AFFECTION FOREVER PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE<3<3<3 #WHENS IT MY TURN TO GET KIDNAPPED BY HER IM WAITINGGGGGGGGGG<3<3<3<<3<33³3333333 #I WANT HER TO KEEP ME SAFE FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD AND TIE ME UP SO I CANT ESCAPE............................ #SORRY I START HAVING THOUGHTS AT JUST THE MENTION OF KIDNAPPING.I JUST WANT HER TO MAKE ME BELONG TO HER<3<3<3 #IM GIRLS WHO STARE INTO SPACE HOLDING THEIR FACE IN THEIR HANDS AND SIGHING DREAMILY WHILE THINKING ABT BEING KIDNAPPED BY THEIR BELOVED #YOOMTAH IF UR READING THIS WILL YOU MAKE ME YOURS FOREVER. SAY YES #I WANT TO FALL ASLEEP IN MY ROOM AND THEN WAKE UP TIED TO HER BED WHILE SHE CUDDLES CLOSE TO ME AND KISSES MY FACE #MMMBBNDNFBDJFN IM STARTING TO FALL ASLEEO THINKING ABT IT HELP #MY BRAIN JUST FULL OF INSANE💟💕💚💫💟🌼❤👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧡💌🌩🌻💝💜⚡🍋💖🌈❤💗🌼🌠💚💟💘✨💋⚠️💓💫❣💖💙💚💜💋💕💞💟💗💘💌💝💛🌈🌠⚡💓💞💝 #I LITERALY.CANT STOP THINKING NOW SORRY I THINK ITD BE CUTE IF SHE JUST SNAPPED AND MURDERED ANYONE WHO EVEN LOOKED IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION #AND THEN KIDNAPPED ME AND PUT EVERY MEASURE IN PLACE TO MAKE SURE I DO NOT GET OUT SO NO ONE ELSE CAN LOOK AT ME AGAIN #AND TORE DOWN MY MISSING POSTERS AND HUNG THEM ON THE WALLS ONE SO NO ONE CAN LOOK AT ME FROM THERE TWO SO SHE CAN HAVE MORE PICTURES OF ME #GGGGGHJJXHFJFJDF IM JUST.THINKING SO MUCH THERE IS SO MUCH INSANITY IN MY BRAIN #I WANT TO THINK ABT IT FOREVER TBH I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH<3<3<3