Tumgik
#it makes me cringe reading it now
bamsara · 1 year
Text
being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
3K notes · View notes
blazefirefox · 3 days
Text
BEHOLD, MORE ENA OCS
I was rewatching the Dream BBQ announcement trailer when I noticed one of the spinning ENAs had the exact same colors as ThEna, just swapped, so I got the idea of making ENA OCs based on the other ENAs seen.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Here are my first three, the spooky siblings (based on color scheme), Enette, Enalise, and RegEna (left to right). I created GEna to complete the trifecta lol
Tumblr media
Individuals + their "serial numbers"
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Extra Info:
This group of sibs work with the ENA seen in Dream BBQ, under Froggy. They're pretty much the closest things she has to friends in her workplace, and they enjoy her company (GEna doesn't show it much tho)
Enatte (ENA-8532-01):
Orange - Efficient; the oldest ENA of any batch is expected to excel and be an example for their sibs, but this was driven into 01 more, as her batch was the first completely functional trio of ENAs that were created for a while. Unlike her sisters, 01 fully enjoys her job, even respecting Froggy a great amount. Her voice headcannon is Ben Balmaceda (specifically Kaveh from Genshin Impact, mostly just Ben himself).
Saffron - Mischievous; after years of conditioning to be a golden example for all Worker ENAs, her desires to be free and do what she enjoys culminated in her troublemaker side, which 01 does a good job repressing until she's off from work. The most important thing her siblings know about this side is that she usually goes along with what shenanigans they do. Her voice headcannon is Brianna Knickerbocker (specifically Hu Tao from Genshin Impact).
RegEna [GEna] (ENA-8532-02)
Purple - Haughty; she loves her older sister, she really does. But 02 hates how seriously she expects them to take this stupid job. Before they matured, 02 was known for her mean streak, often taking out her frustrations of the world on younger ENAs that were unfortunate to come her way. It wasn't until she accidentally hurt her younger sister that she started calming down. Now, she just a normal asshole. Her voice headcannon is Ryan Sean O’Donohue (specifically Demyx from Kingdom Hearts).
Orange - Guilty; when the sibs were assigned to work under Froggy, 02's siblings noticed that her other side became more downcast and self-deprecating, bursting into tears and continually apologizing for how she acts when her dominant side is in control, especially to 03. The youngest ENA in question does not know how to feel about this. Her voice headcannon is Erica Mendez (specifically White Lily Cookie from Cookie Run: Kingdom).
Enalise [Lisa] (ENA-8532-03)
Saffron - Thoughtful; unlike her older sisters, who either love or detest their job, 03 usually doesn't pay any mind to it, and does an average job. She actually is drawn to the oddness of the world around her, what secrets they hold, why things work like they do. She can't help but feel envious of Scholar ENAs since they have the access and knowledge 03 so desperately wants. Her voice headcannon is Khoi Dao (specifically Albedo from Genshin Impact).
Purple - Judgemental; experiencing 02's behavior before their full maturity shaped 03's annoyance into a need to reprimand everything she does and to communicate what 02's problem is in her own way, thus her snappy, but kind of well-meaning side. 03 is less shameful of this side than others think she should be, as the youngest ENA believes that "she was made the way she was, and she's going to let what emotions slip through happen." Her voice headcannon is Brittney Karbowski (specifically Mio from Ghost Stories Dub).
Next is Enaline, based on the ENA in the second picture on the right!
Tumblr media
Alt. Outfit + her old Worker look
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Extra Info:
Created as a Worker ENA, Enaline would become a Runaway after her other sibs went "missing under mysterious circumstances" and she "saw something she shouldn't have", as she puts it. Not much is known about her past other than this, as she soon becomes unresponsive after giving up too much information. She's mostly seen hanging out in the Karaoke Bar AthEna (ThEna) works at, and is very social, depending on which side is dominant.
Enaline (ENA-7450-03)
Sky Blue - Carefree; after experiencing The Horrors™, Enaline decides that she won't let her past and regrets tie her down, so she up and leaves the Sector she grew up in and ended up settling in the area overseen by The Clown. She is very jovial in this state, being more of an 'act first think about the consequences later' kind of ENA. Her voice headcannon is Kieran Regan (specifically Shikanoin Heizou from Genshin Impact).
Salmon - Existential; despite her attempts, Enaline can never fully leave behind the cause of her upturned life, and when she thinks about that, she becomes unpleasant (at least that's what she thinks). The former Worker feels a constant dread tugging at her in this state, something she can't remedy no matter what she does. All Enaline can do is not think about all of that while she's Carefree, and everything will be fine! Her voice headcannon is Monica Rial (specifically Momoko Koigakubo from Ghost Stories Dub).
@anniewuubelike 👀👀👀
26 notes · View notes
bugprinz · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media
happy *checks notes* thminedai thursday!
130 notes · View notes
derpinette · 2 months
Text
girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could
#SORRY for the corny post but this is how i truly feel not waxing poetic here like literally it does#i just met the cool girl i keep talking about & IT WAS SÅ FREAKEING ÅSUM ^_^_^_^_^_^ YAY#HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY#OK sorry for screaming But i really am very excited...#turns out she is autistic & we discussed our neuroses while eating & ugh she is just as cool as i thought she was#always tell people you think have Swag that you noticed it on them see how it worked for me#i was so scared of spilling my spaghettis but turns out that was exactly what i needed to do to be friends ^_^ YAY#we went to a lot of different libraries together & i got a small old eyeless bunny plush from the event we went to caus i felt bad for it#i even showed her my pony art & i told her about my cringe interest (that music event i like...♯RealOnesKnow )#& she thought it was COOL.& i felt like it was really genuine & she talked about reading BL LOL we discussed fujos together#we even talked about finding moids ugly#it was so awesome she was so cool & Nice To Me... i feel like i am on CUMULONIMBUS ( cloud 9 ) ^_^_^_^_^_^#talking to her in person was so much better than online OMG now i wish i really was friends with you muties IRL#i wish you a Girl Friend experience just like this to those who post about wanting them i really do#also the reason why i even like my Music Event so much is because the first time i watched it was with a bunch of women#& i had so much fun & they were so nice to me i keep returning & now that Event means so much to me & I LOVE IT sorry (NOT)#i know this sounds like tumblrina fiction i would not believe it either IDK what to say to make it sound legitimate 0_0 like it is so crazy#to me as well IDK i can barely get over it & IDK if i really want to so um well YAY ^_^ AIMU SO HEPI :DDD
24 notes · View notes
goldkirk · 2 months
Text
as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and (tw for murder/crime/killings) the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd
#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd#also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th#breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to#so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart#and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves#i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this#i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things#so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday#i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers#but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care?#people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better#if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war#anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter]#personal#add to journal#words n rhythm#WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS#cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao#i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes.#anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i#and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would#objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else.#this is a gift i give myself now.#this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do#trauma evolution#mosswrites
12 notes · View notes
vellichorom · 2 years
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media
* weirdcore image with the caption “ HOW DID WE GET HERE, “ *
ft @tommy-terror’s Stanley ( & furthermore, credit for the inspiration ) ❤️
250 notes · View notes
bowsandarrow · 5 months
Text
i really want to post one of my fully written clauderan fics (instead of drabbles and excerpts which is what im doing rn) since i dont draw but instead write but im so shy and self conscious of my writing LOL
15 notes · View notes
atleasttheyvegotstars · 3 months
Text
All my old ghosts posts from like over a year ago are blowing up, confirmed there’s an end of an era happening rn
9 notes · View notes
Text
ok i might be talking complete nonsense here, but. the Strict Order as a metaphor for an author facing writer's block.
"the Strict Order abandoned the world," yeah if i wrote a sweet potato story where the main character just keeps suffering with no sign of resolution, i'd drop the story too (<- has actually done this with a tesilid fanfic orz)
"The world rejected the Strict Order's abandonment, so to keep the world going the Strict Order made Tesilid keep rewinding time." That's just like when you get stuck at a certain point in the plot and keep rewriting the events leading up to that moment to try to make it work. nods sagely i understand. i too make my OCs go through scenarios lots of times until we get it right. sometimes it takes months. sometimes it never works.
"The saintess only exists in timeline ~86," oh yes, the classic 'idk how to solve this problem so i'll introduce a new character' trick. i'm familiar
"okay but if time looping is the Strict Order rewriting the story, then why can Tesilid remember it" because the author already wrote those scenes and it'll be sad to throw them all out. and also it's a cool gimmick to have a regressor story. (<- has drastically changed the premise and worldbuilding of a story just to make an alternate timeline relevant before)
"what about ailette's existence--" same as muriel, where you insert a new character in hopes of solving a plot problem. except this time the characters write the plot themselves, because just this once you give priority to their character traits & goals rather than where you thought you wanted the plot to go. (tesilid has someone he can be himself around and who can do certain things on his behalf, instead of being fully constrained by his obligations. ailette gets insane buffs instead of being restricted by the world's difficulty.) therefore the chars now have more agency and are not only solving problems, but also taking the story in a direction you never would have thought of before. (whatever the hell tesilid and ailette are cooking rn, separately, which is surely going to result in interesting developments later on)
tldr; the strict order as a metaphor for an author who hit writer's block. their friend World Shaper inserts their OC Ailette in and their writing style is to let the characters run away with the plot. it works. world shaper and all their friends are co-writers working on the story together and reacting to it in real time.
7 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months
Text
...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
7 notes · View notes
arminsumi · 3 months
Note
Hello jay!!Hope you doing fine rn I just want to ask ab i want to kiss you series,is it already end or are you consider to continue the series?cus i surely enjoy the series!
heyhey! 😗 ✌️
i have a few more ideas for the story so it won't end just yet!!
i'm working on how the buildup to the first kiss happens and some other soft fluffy stuff, like the second visit the reader makes in december.
Tumblr media
i'll probably take a lot more time to put out the next chapter though because i'm trying to learn more about how the japanese language works before i write stuff like satoru's thoughts and the exchanges between him and suguru. atm it's still reading like it came right out of the translator bc i don't know how else to do it.
but anyways thank u for enjoying it i hope u enjoy future chapters!! 💖
7 notes · View notes
non-un-topo · 8 months
Text
Wish there was an elixir that wasn't alcohol that you could take that just makes you write/draw and not care about the quality of your work or about what your potential audience might think
16 notes · View notes
knifearo · 4 months
Text
got first "you're not special for not fucking people" anon hate on this blog!!!!! congrats everyone we have made it to the scope of people who have nothing better to do than [ checks notes ] send hatemail to people who are literally not doing anything. HUGE achievement aspecs i'm so proud of you all <33333333
12 notes · View notes
utilitycaster · 1 year
Note
Love can save people. It can redeem.
It can also damn you and others.
If anything, Delilah is a cautionary tale on how you could love someone so much, you never think twice about damning the entire world in the name of it, and that it can be so easy to never stop.
As you say, many others could have gone down the same road as Delilah and Sylas. And yet they didn't. Because they chose to stop and reflect before it was too late.
But because she never did, all that waited Delilah was perpetual defeat. It doesn't matter if she's got all the time in the world. Because no matter what, she will never win.
It's a lesson that she will never learn.
I mean…one can I suppose take that message from the story of Delilah, but that’s not really what I was getting at. I am not personally saying “oh how sad for her!”; I am saying this:
Tumblr media
As you say, she’s a dark mirror - a living example of how it would have been so very easy for so many heroic characters to be just a touch less scrupulous. She serves to show just how easy it would have been for Percy to say “well, I guess what’s done is done” re: guns; for Vex to give into Saundor or for her justified hunger and self preservation to calcify into avarice; for Fjord to have Jester take them and theirs to the Feywild and leave the Menagerie Coast to drown; for Caleb to go on his Assembly Murder Spree and use the T-Dock; or, a millennium before Delilah existed, for the Ring of Brass to have cut line and teleported or flown out rather than mitigating their damage. And yet none of them did, because they not only loved their partners and friends; they loved their homes and the world. So our post-Divergence era heroes are happy, and even amidst the Calamity the Ring of Brass endures...and Delilah was deservedly hoisted by her own petard into the mind palace of a weird girl who likes rats.
Delilah is compelling not because others would do what she did - in fact, everyone I mentioned demonstrably did not. She is compelling because she didn’t know when to stop, and it’s her own fault. It’s fitting and, at least to me, pretty hilarious, that Delilah never wins; with any luck she’s been swept under whatever cosmic rug Laudna’s resurrection achieved and we never hear from her again. She played stupid games and she won stupid prizes. In the same way that I am most interested in heroic characters who were asked who they were in the dark and in doing so realized they were, at heart, not the monsters they could have been, and dragged themselves out, I am bored stiff by the “oh the villain just needed LOVE and they would have been good” school of thought.
I want a villain (like Delilah, or Avantika, or Lucien) who was shown an off-ramp, and each time slammed down on the gas, and then crashed into a wall, and then exploded. And I especially want a villain like Delilah who had love, and who didn’t need to choose between love and power, and who managed to still take truly the most garbage third option possible.
(Relatedly: this is also why all concepts of Imogen making even the tiniest deal with Delilah to save Laudna, let alone this become a full corruption arc for her, absolutely suck. Why on Exandria would one ever willingly make a deal with the tattered, miserable, widowed cringe fail patron of Love Isn’t Enough, Actually? This is D&D: there are far better fiends and horrors available.)
49 notes · View notes
nygleskas · 4 months
Text
erm. thinking. possibility of jean being as annoying abt me as i am with him. possibility of him becoming a mushy/lovey dovey drunk after we're together (as opposed to him [canonically] being a sad drunk) . like he's just so so annoying he's turning every conversation into smth about us and he's rambling to anyone willing (and unwilling) to listen abt me and if i'm not in his immediate vicinity for 5 minutes he starts acting like "whereee is my boyfriend i miss him when will he return from War btw did you know i love him" . etcetera.
7 notes · View notes
bittersweetresilience · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
i'm not really one to post snippets but... you know, since i'm unlikely to publish any of this anyway... i was going back through my fics and i am thoroughly charmed by how much i forgot i wrote. in about two minutes i'm going to forget i'm a fine writer and i enjoy my work again but for now i'm riding the high... such is life
#i'm particularly pleased with the second one because i remember writing the entire fic in a twenty minute sprint and assuming it sucked and#never looking at it again. but it's fine surprisingly. third one is the same i got a lot done that day#having a lot of writing experience is really just accumulating a bunch of similes and metaphors you can whip out easily and knowing how to#balance action narration internal external observation feeling without thinking. maybe writing poetry helps. i really like rhythm and flow#and making sentences end in a way where if you read them aloud it's almost like they're rhyming#i'm not trying to praise myself i'm just thinking#but you know what? i should praise myself. good job sunny#you did it. you're happy with your work again. you stopped having the crazy unhealthy social media feelings#you are comfortable with yourself even with everything that's happened and everything you're still afraid of a little bit#and you never stopped writing about murder and insane unshowable things 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#everything is going to be okay i love ME and AUTUMN and MOONIE#wow i'm really just rambling to myself in the tags of a post where i feel good about myself 🤣 how cringe. how silly#but i will be cringe forever and weird and shedding the skin of my shame 😌#i'm also listening to kurzgesagt soundtracks right now and thinking about the vastness of the universe#and how small i am and how none of this really matters and yet it's so beautiful and that just has me feeling some kind of way#🌃#miraculous ladybug#ml fanfic
6 notes · View notes