#it literally has me crying at 10 am

[ukulelegodparent]

grrrr why did people ever stop wearing mid-renaissance clothes

#yes I am mad bc I wanna go to fetes galantes with a friend in a few years #which will mean having to make a baroque gown and I just think Baroque dresses are so ugly 😭 #give me back my beautiful renaissance shapes please!!! I am crying I am shaking etc #and by renaissance I do not mean whatever rigid monstrocities the british had going on during the tudor and elisabethan era #I mean my beautiful German/Dutch renaissance soft shapes #with just absolute madness in the sleeves and in the details #like at least rococo is a little fun bc panniers but baroque? I want to throw myself off a cliff. #'Early 16th century is when Central European fashion peaked and honestly we should've just kept that' remains the hill I will die on #like it's so fun and so stupid. you want a big silly hat? have a big silly hat! you want the poofiest sleeves to ever poof? go for it! #You want an ornamented fake bulge that is very dick shaped that has a little pocket in it for treats to give to the ladies #(top 10 flirting tips they don't tell you about! Works every time!!!)? Boy do I have the accessory for you! #but no we must have weird flowy shapes and then not even commit to that also lets all wear the worst hairstyle anyone has #ever conceived of. that's a good idea! #just completely lost literally what were people on about back then? A fucking disgrace I'm telling you!

[lesbiansanemi]

Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle

#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER #I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family #I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get #home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep #she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM #and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late #she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘ #BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon #(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to) #and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’ #and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them #and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’ #but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side #I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY #never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me #IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough #but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later #cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be #there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them #I’m going to scream I’m going to cry #if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them #but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave #FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL #and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother #I KNOW she did this on purpose #I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long #(again… because of work… something I can’t control) #so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position #where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then #or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much

[moe-broey]

Jacket!!!! Ye olde varsity I got at the very beginning of my transition thinking "Oh fuck yes I am going to pass so hard in this" and. Well. It never worked I just have never passed a day in my life I don't think 😔 Eventually it just became a beloved test subject and has since gone through a bit of a transition itself LMFAOO

Some Notes:

> A lot of the decorations are taken from old backpacks I loved dearly that got absolutely fucking destroyed by the weight of all the shit I'd lug around in highschool LMFAO (sketchbook, diary, all kinds of notebooks...). Never had the heart to get rid of them. Specifically: The pink zippers, the holographic pockets, the glow in the dark stars, and the holo angel wings!

> The pink/blue checkers are from a small decorative quilt I thrifted years ago, I wouldn't be surprised if it was handmade (it's super soft material, btw! Important LMAO). I only took out one line of squares, I plan on stitching the rest of it back together (haven't done it yet though LMFAO). The reason for this was to upsize the jacket, so I can button it without it clinging. The pockets were added for funsies ESP cause it lined up very well and aren't really practical LMFAO (BUT YOU CAN PUT THINGS IN THEM! If you want!! 🎉🎉🎉)

> The patches (esp the name/pronouns one) were the first additions actually. Eventually more and more things were added, but I will say all the pins on the opposite side of the patches were haphazardly placed for a concert I VERY BADLY wanted to look good for LMFAOO (that's when the stars were added too! Fighting for my life on the car ride over speedrunning sewing and trying not to throw up about it AHAKHSKSHDK)

> Spike placement may be odd and I'd like to add more, but also I do frequently still carry around big heavy backpacks so I have to take that into consideration. Which is also why the wings have been bolted on. Those motherfuckers are NOT going anywhere LMFAO (has a really cool visual effect too!!)

> The material of the jacket itself (sort of a swishy windbreaker fabric) IS ABSOLUTE ASS TO WORK WITH. BY THE FUCKING WAY. IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING. I would NOT recommend it to anybody ESPECIALLY someone who is just starting to fuck around and find out. I literally am just sticking it out bc of the sentimental value this fucker has to me 😭😭😭

This jacket was my first plunge into customization and punk fashion, I didn't have a plan and still don't have one (and I think it kind of shows lmfao). I do worry that it's too soft and cutesy. Kind of the whole point for me, when it came to leaning heavy into punk, was to feel sharper, like I had some bite to me. I might be getting closer, but I think I'm still just kind of a silly guy LMAO. But, I do think in a way, esp as my first project, it represents me well -- where I started, what I loved before the beginning, what I tried desperately to be, what I still wish for, reuniting with the things I loved and embracing them in a brand new context. It's still an ongoing project too! So maybe as I keep growing, it'll grow alongside me, maybe finding that grit I've been striving for along the way.

#the big concert was mcr. btw. and cause it was a stadium no one got to see the glowy stars anyway LMFAOOOOO #for that concert i desperately wanted to have a big piece inspired by house of wolves on the back. #but i have never been able to get it right. #but like. it is actually my favorite mcr song. i REALLY wanted to do something transgender w it too. #like tell me i'm a bad man. i AM a bad man. bad man in the context of the song AND bad man as in. in the eyes of the observer. #i am just doing it poorly. on purpose. fuck with me about it!!!!! #also 'tell me i'm an angel' would compliment the wings as well #but as an artist i find i am way better at cartoons/characters than literally anything else. #ask me to do something cool w fonts/words beyond simply being legible and i'll throw up and cry. #also something i don't want to say outright but feel okay sharing in the tags is Why punk is so important to me #is cause i am just. so sensitive. i always have been. #but in a world that is actively becoming more hostile to exist in as a very visibly queer person #AND as a noticably autistic person too know like i think i have gotten to the point where people notice Something about me #(which. is good. bc autistic masking absolutely fucking ruined me so fucking bad.) #i need to get stronger. tougher. sharper. more dangerous. to exist as i am and to do so so boldy #i need to have the bite to back it up. i still feel like a prey animal but i have teeth i have claws. #going back to my church even for a moment has made me 10% eviler also. inspiring me to be the thing they fear. #so i think once i've rested i'm gonna go back to the drawing board for that transgender house of wolves backpiece. #diy punk #my projects

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured

#I’m all flowery on here but in real life conversation I am the driest most uncomfortably pragmatic person alive #I’ve been scolded for being so task-focused that I forgot to say hello to the secretaries in high school when I went to do a task #or for having an “attitude” with my parents (often when I was purposefully trying to appear humble with an “idk” voice) #so I’ve amended that by fake laughing at everything and keeping my customer service voice on All The Time #0/10 it works flawlessly but I’ve also made myself into a socially anxious doormat #I’ve been the one to break it to people that their friend died on more than one occasion and I always feel bad about how I do it #I usually just blurt it out because I don’t know how to lead up to it other than saying “maybe you should sit down for this” #it would be wrong if I knew and didn’t tell them #so it has to be me… you know? #I’m so disconnected from any feelings of grief (I’ve never felt bereavement in my life) that it feels wrong for it to be me #because I’m physically incapable of sharing in their pain and emotions; I literally don’t understand it #but sometimes I’ll cry reflexively if I see someone else crying even if I don’t have any actual feelings for them or their situation #I’m more disturbed by knowing of people who are alive going through pain than I am by knowing someone died #because death is natural; suffering isn’t #unless the person is a child or otherwise very young #but if they’re old and lived a fulfilling life I recognize they’ve had a fulfilling life and hope that my life #is as fulfilling as theirs was when I go #I’m not afraid of death; I’d just like to not go before I’m good and ready #When I go away I hope that I WANT to go away; you know?

[thingswhatareawesome]

i hate you stellar warp, i hate you i hate you i hate you i fucking HATE you

#YELLS WITH FRUSTRATION #now up to 70 pity #271/300 so 29 more pulls until choosing #just...all i've gotten from this fucking warp the ENTIRE time i've played this game is a bronya himeko and one 5* lc #i want other peoples' luck SO BADLY i want to cry #like all i got from the starter warp was bronya and then those 3 things from regular/stellar and like #why am i so fucking unlucky why is my rng so bad #every time it's the same thing just one shitty 4* thing and that's it #and yet there's people who're like wow i got two 5* and three 4* and i got it at 35 pity lol #like here's the spots for gepard and bailu or even welt or yanqing or clara in my roster IF I EVER FUCKING WON THIS WARP #/sigh #all i wanted for fucking month after month after month for what 3/4 of a year has been gepard (or now him or bailu) #and nothing just jack shit nothing #and none of the other 5*s either like there's fucking seven of them i've gotten two there are FIVE others it could give #but it never does #if i finally win one to pity and it's a duplicate himeko or bronya i am going to literally learn chinese to yell at their entire staff #now to wait another 3-4 weeks until i can scrape together another 10 passes to see how it screws me over next time #please ignore my sr bs

[theautumnriverleaves]

.

#ah yes you are correct mother i am absolutely the bitch for saying that if the customer that i am meeting at 4:30 am #as a favor specifically for you #isn't there to pick up their catering order by 5:10 am you need to come switch out with me #how silly of me to forget #or to dare want to get some sleep before work #im so fucking sick of this shit #all the shit work shit family shit #like howd i get here #i was born dealing with this shit and no one seems to know how to teach me to stop dealing with this shit #also two big reasons I'm so pissed are #a) bc of her negligence we were both there until well passed 1am working on said order #b) literally last night I was literally crying to her about how my routine and rituals have been shattered #bc of half the state being out of power #and she goes and fucks up my ability to re regulate thru reestablishing them with this shit #and then says *thats uncalled for* when I tell her i absolutely am not going to do this song and dance tomorrow #and that tomorrow im getting back into my rhythm whether she has to stay at work until 1 am or not #explicitly me

[orcelito]

my heart fucking dropped here. Vash compartmentalizing like crazy, and then the reveal of him having used nearly half of his remaining life power...

using his literal life force to give himself time to bury wolfwood and recover...

for His Sake... eat and regain strength for Him...

aaaaand i started crying here for the Fifth Time at the callback to when vash and wolfwood fought over the sausage while eating spaghetti

aaahahaahahaha

and that's the end of volume 10! ahah ha ha h ha

Ha.

#speculation nation #fanny reads trigun #trigun spoilers/ #last image. is how i feel right now. #literally. 5 times crying. LITERALLY i have cried only three times total this year besides this #so now i have cried 8 times. and FIVE OF THEM. were for wolfwood. #(yes im keeping track. i cry so rarely it's very easy to keep track of how many times i cry.) #i am. never going to be the same person after this. #my entire vashwood experience up until now was Knowing this was going to happen #recognizing the Painful Things. the Couch. the 'I wanted to share my tomorrows with him'. and so on. #but i really was not prepared. i reaaaaaally was not prepared. #i shouldve fuckin saved this for a time when i dont have a presentation in the morning (that i havent even started) #it's... it's fine... i'll be fine. #ultimately this was happening NOW and i couldnt really stop it. #volume 10. fucking Volume Ten man. nothing else has hit me harder. #really this is a new record. previous records for things that have made me cry were tales of xillia 2 that made me cry twice #critical role calamity made me cry twice. nabari no ou made me cry at Least once & i was fuckin bawling so that counts for smth #but. five times. tears down my face sobbing Five Times. nothing has EVER made me cry this much before. this is literally insane. #oh wolfwood.............

[pepprs]

hi im gonna say goodbye to her in like 5 mins im waiting for her to wrap up another meeting rn. and i burst into tears in front of my colleagues and VERY visibly just cried 😁👍👍👍👍👍👍

#purrs #i am so INSANELY triggered rn and don’t know how to keep my emotions in check. i don’t want to cry or be messy. oh god. this is the worst #thing that has ever happened to me LMFAOOOOOOOOO actually it’s not. but it’s up there. this is so bad. i feel like im going to die or #explode or both. it’s literally not thst deep bc we’ll keep in touch and she’s not moving away or anything she’s just retiring. but it’s #making me CRAZYYYYYY how i am reliving the same horrors from last year. THE SAME HORRORS. before even having a chance to heal from the FIRST #horrors!!!!!!!! LIKE WHAT THE HELL. i can only take so much. i can’t withstand it all. i couldn’t suppress the tears anymore i just exploded #LOLLLL. the way i ugly cried and might do it again IN FRONT OF HER…. HELP. lol ♥️ and we will only have 10 mins to talk bc she has another t #thing at 12:45 and i squandered so much time crying and having to clean my face off that now i burned our last precious moments. AWESOMEEEEE #delete later

[sassy-assassin]

Just watched the newest episode of Buddy Daddies and I am not ok wtf

#I swear they better fix everything in the next episode but also idk how because it's not really something that can be fixed?? #like it's such a shitty situation and idk how they are gonna resolve everything in the next two episodes #i am literally crying #like jfc #this show has broken me #i am so not okay #buddy daddies #buddy daddies spoilers #spoilers #buddy daddies ep 10 #fucckckkkkk i am just gonna go read fanfic because i cant handle this and it's like past midnight but whatever #i am emotionally unstable because of this episode now

[eddie-rifff]

i love men in bands the way some people love jesus and im sure thats very healthy

#specifically chris squire #like at first i thought he was the most handsome most incredible bass player of all time and thats why i loved him #but now i think bill is 100x hotter and i know there are much better bass players out there. and yet #i still would worship the ground he walks on #i still have felt no greater joy than when he called me his number one fan and kissed the back of my hand and my cheek #literally nothing in my life has come close to those moments #and ive felt this way about him for over 10 years now #he and yes are such a huge part of me at this point #i am tearing up just thinking about it lol #a beast that can talk #a beast that can... cry

[raeathnos]

.

#I am… not in a good mental state #it’s uh very alienating #no one like understands the fucking pain and shit that I’ve dealt with for the majority of my life that comes with these problems #no one understands how the focus is primarily on fertility and how you have to really fight for symptoms treatment #it feels like all your worth is in your ability to have kids and like #if you have these sort of problems and don’t want kids it’s kind of one big fuck you #and like no one in my life really gets it; I try to not get mad cause like how could they if they’ve never gone through it #but that doesn’t make it any easier and it’s so hard still and it’s so alienating #gonna go take the hottest shower I fucking can and just like cry it out cause no one is really helping #moms being controlling telling me I can’t go to work tomorrow like this and yelling at me about it #I don’t do well on phone calls and asked if she would sit with me when I called the doctor and that was a mistake #I can’t hear someone talking next to me and someone talking to me on the phone at the same time #and everything she didn’t like she tried to tell me I did wrong and now she’s mad at me #my husband has been complaining about how uncomfortable the chairs in the er were and about being up for 24 hours cause we were there from #2-am to 8am and just idk. I feel bad I guess #but then I get kind of mad about it cause I was also up for 24 hours and like #complaining about hospital chairs vs 10/10 pain + vaginal ultrasound while at 10/10 pain #my dad just flat out doesn’t care and doesn’t think it’s a big deal #I literally went downstairs to get my cats breakfast and got asked if I was better yet #like yeah dad in the span of a day my ovary has returned to normal size and I’m in zero pain. sure. that’s def how that works. #and like I have been having so many issues with my both my parents lately #it’s all so hard it’s too hard and I can’t fucking handle it #my health has just been in a constant nose dive since September #and I feel like everyone thinks because I already have a lot of health issues that I’m used to it and can handle it #no one gives a shit- which has also been great for my mental health #I can’t handle any of this shit and I feel like everyone around me just thinks I’m weak and annoying and a failure #I’ve been overwhelmed and burned out for years and like it just doesn’t stop #I’m just sad and tired and in a lot of pain and very done with everything #I feel like no one cares and I’m just a burden #I wish I could hibernate

[natandacat]

I got myself a "non-alcoholic/sober" beer yesterday (they're supposed to be below 0.5% alcohol content but apparently that's not super accurate and the range ends up being up to 2.5% at worst) and I cried at the first sip bc it tastes like beer. It tastes like bad beer but it tastes like beer. So I've got that going for me :3

#and i tolerated it very well!!! #i think thats a very safe alcohol content for me if i dont drink like 10 in a single 24h #i am so so happy #medical #it was happy crying obviously #literally highlight of 2023 so far #finding out i can still enjoy beer in a way #the reason why i didnt like other alcohol free beers is bc those are not actually beer theyre just soda made with hops maybe #whereas this type is actual beer made in microbrewery and then heated up & regazeified #so theyre not sweet!!! the one i had yesterday DID taste like an ipa what a fucking miracle #what bliss. thank you microbrewery that make those beers #found out my local more expensive grocery store has a whole small section dedicated to them #so i can even have fun and explore in the upcoming months! woohoo!!

[rotturn]

every day on this trip is worse

#i can not stand my sister at all i truly can't #she's been yelling and arguing for 10 minutes because she has her hair straightner but mum doesnt have a plug converter #and she keeps yelling ab how her fringe is fucked when it looks literally the same as it has this entire trip #and is yelling ab how its mums fault as if she couldn't have bought this shit herself before we left #i am just. so over this #any fun that would come from being on an international trip is immediately taken away by my mum and sister constantly getting angry #and either yelling or getting passive aggressive and making me feel horrible its just so tiring #bc i feel like such a fucking asshole for not enjoying an international trip that i will never get the opportunity for again #like this cost so much money and it feels awful to say i dont want it or that its not fun or whatever #but i am constantly dissociating and trying not to cry and ive had meltdowns and panic attacks almost every day but im not allowed to show #them bc my sister tells me to calm down and not be so dramatic and everything is a sensory nightmare #and i have a very specific diet at home and its not available outside of nz and there arent really any worthy substitutes and even if there #are i wont know bc i dont speak the languages so im just living on shitty little protien drinks and hot chocolate which makes me feel worse #and on top of it all im sick and i havent had any chance to rest bc my sister wont stop ab going places and doing thingd #and gets pissy if i dont want to #and its just so fucking difficult i knew that being stuck w them for 2 months would suck but its been 1 week and i cant do this anymore #i have no other option but i seriously don't know what to do i don't know how to handle this im at my limit #travelling is stressful and anxiety inducing and its hard enough doing it once on my own #let alone every 2 or 3 days w family that rushes and runs late and has 10000 bags that never fucking fit on the trains #and its always me left standing in the aisle blocking peoples path with nowhere to go bc my sisters giant suitcase wont fit anywhere #i hate this so much and its making me hate all the cities and countries we go to bc i dont get to experience the places i only get #to experience fucking breakdowns and im constantly drinking water bc im constantly dehydrated from either crying or panicked breathing #its a mess and i hate it and i want to go home I haven't felt comfortable or safe since i left home and i wont feel either until i go back #but that isnt until the last couple days of january so i just have to keep dealing with things getting worse by the day #negative cw #rant cw #ask to tag cw

[werewolfashton]

when's the 48 hour day becoming a thing asking for a friend

#why am i still working at 20 minutes to 11 #is it my executive dysfunction #am i just lazy #is it the insomnia that took me out this morning #or do i just actually have a bunch of shit to do #i don't fucking know which one it is that's for sure #if anybody can take one for the team and put me in a coma for a while? that'd be neat #i would like to not exist! #i'm just really fucking overwhelmed to the point where something that has happened which is just literally so fucking great has give me #*given #approximately 5 breakdowns on its known #nevermind the other 10 about the fact that this thing means i cant do uni stuff in the time its happening #so this boils down to the next person that points out how pale i am followed by geh mal raus :) #is getting bitch slapped #i fucking hate that there is objectively a bunch of good shit happening to me and all i want to do is to curl up and cry or just *** #literally do not listen to me statistic class just makes me suicidal #if anybody happens to have a formula to calculate a ancova that'd be great #BECAUSE THE INTERNET DOESNT #BECAUSE NOBODY FUCKING NEEDS IT SPSS EXISTS #oh well at least my therapist and i sure are gonna have something to talk about

[beforethemonsterscaughtup]

and there's so much stuff in my head that just makes it all so clear. like right now he's putting our son to bed and he's just arguing with him... never a nice word to his literal flesh and blood, he only ever cares about me in an extremely uncomfortable hyperfixated way. and i remember when he proposed i hated every second of it, i felt so awkward and i actually had like a rage in my gut... and then i said yes because i'm a dumb bitch who could never say no. i know this all sounds really horrible reading it from an outside pov...

#personal #i am literally shattered #for myself though #i would really just like to cry #also for myself #he has kept me locked up in a golden cage for 7 years #i can't believe i lived like this #just today i got home 10 minutes late from work #and he texted after 5 minutes #asking where i was #and then he was pissed off all day #and just thinking about the way he constantly forces physical contact even when #i sometimes scream at him to please let me go #i can't believe that saturday was the first time i was 'allowed' to party in 7 years #i can't believe any of it #and now i have to stay with him #while i start laying out my exit strategy #fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck