#it just doesnt open up to me right now

[queenerdloser]

i've been trying to schedule a time to take my driver's test for literal months because i shit you not there have been literally zero appointments at any of the five (5) dmvs within 20m of me that offer the driving test. so i scheduled one at a place that's a literal hour drive bc i was like. well at least i have it on the books and if i have to drive an hour out there to do it so be it! but i've been regularly checking the website at odd times (as suggested by multiple people) for any cancellations.

and lo and behold! i just checked it (literally 2m ago) and there was an 8a open slot at a place 10m from where i live. i had to think about it for maybe about 30s or so (checking the map to make sure it actually is close to me, considering if anyone i know with a car would be available to take me over there to take the test at 8 fucking am in the morning) and by the time i convinced myself i might as well just do it the fucking appointment had already been snatched by someone else.

i get that dmvs are probably just as understaffed as anywhere else. but this is fucking untenable to me. like. how are you so understaffed that i have not been able to schedule this appointment for literal months (i have been regularly checking! since last fucking october!) at any of the places that are within a normal distance to where i live? why on earth are dmvs in fucking st. cloud somehow more available despite the fact that they only have one vs the like five within the twin cities limits? why are you not opening more slots/hiring more driving instructors to ensure that there is plenty of availability for this apparently so essential service that you are constantly booked up for it??? most importantly why is there not!!! a fucking dmv!!! that offers a driving test!!! actually in one of the twin cities? why are they only in the suburbs? i am chewing off my own arm, this whole process is incredibly frustrating and i can't believe i caught a lucky break for the first time in five months and lost it because i hesitated for less than one minute.

#liveblogging life #when i tell you i screamed i am Not Joking #next time im not fucking hesitating i'll take whatever slot theyve got even if it's for the next fucking day #i have a booking in fucking rochester but a) it's like an hour+ away #PLUS the only person who doesnt have anything happening during dmv hours is my dad who lives an hour away from me AND from rochester #which means he has to drive an hour to pick me up and then we both have to drive an hour to get to this appt #which means this turns from a 20m appointment to a full fucking day affair for NO! GODDAMNED! REASON! #other than for some reason the fucking five different dmvs within 20 miles of me just cant seem to keep an appt slot open to save their lif #i get that the reason we dont have driving test dmvs in downtown mpls is bc the streets suck lol #but like. you serve a city of A LOT of people so you should maybe have more than THREE within the suburbs #and two more within 20m of the city #like maybe. you should have a few more than that. if youre that seriously overbooked #told by multiple people the only way i can get an appt is if i check in the middle of the night #how is that acceptable? jesus christ. JESUS CHRIST! im so annoyed right now.

[st4rstudent]

I think every social media website should have an effective tagging system, just my thoughts

#clemramble #i want to post some more of my art on twt but i also want to tag it effectively but idk how the tagging system works on there #since hashtags seem to do very little on there #if theres one thing tumblr has done right its the tagging system . this is awesome i love putting things in tags like its me whispering #directly into your ear extra info that you really didnt need to know #and also the ability to mute hashtags is awesome. even if it doesnt completely hide it #twt is so weird in its hidden words. i have so much stuff blocked on there but the moment it gets popular the system just #doesnt work and im stuck seeing it all again. very annoying. #anyways yeah this is also a call if any one knows how the muting system on twt works and how i should best tag my stuff.please share #your wisdom. if you dont mind. i asked on twt but my regular posts kind of flop if its not art. not that i mind but the point remains #..i had thought about making another account just dedicated to like ship stuff on twt bc i have enough stuff to do that but #would it be unnecessary? idk . ignore this part sorry im rambling outloud to myself virtually through tags #i might just end up not posting it there. its like a little tumblr exclusive #im not even scared anymore ive bossed up. twt just makes me feel awkward now. its like when you enter a giant classroom and theres no empty #seats so youre forced to go up and down the isles trying to find a spot that open

[krispyykrab]

there is really something cruel and strange and fucked up about switching between thinking youre the center of the universe and thinking youre completely invisible 50 fuckin times a day. like do you have a god complex or an inferiority complex make up your mind

#the mental illness strikes again #yeah its that and like this crippling lonliness that has had me in a chokehold #pov you open the same 3 apps over and over again on repeat all day trying to see if anyone has messaged you or interacted with you at all #then you realize oh wait yeah. they all have lives and you dont. yeah that explains it #then you self loathe and pity for a bit and repeat the cycle #mad pathetic #and on top of that youre too fuckin sensitive so you take it all personal #even stupid jokes. yeah that stupid joke it hurt my feelings and for no reason at all #im not even really sad right now its just. so painfully frustrating that this has to be the normal for me #no matter how many times i seek help for it i get blown off #not to mention im *still* fucked up over not being able to go to the one person i relied on to help me when i was mentally unwell #though ive tried #but bringing up being mentally unwell gets me a sad face emoticon at best #and bringing up being physically unwell and that ive had to go to multiple doctors over the past few months is just. completely ignored #oh well #i am completely over that person but that doesnt mean getting ignored doesnt fucking hurt #anyways

[doctorwhoisadhd]

head feels like its imploding

#ari opinion hour #migraine is about 2 steps from being bad enough that i give up on waiting for ibuprofen to help and go actually Leave The House while my hea #head is splitting open in order to go pick up some of the stuff i usually use #which is only one step below migraine is too bad for me to do ANYTHJNG #my brain is actually playing me jazz that doesnt exist right now #like just straight up making up big band charts. screamer trumpets full sax section drums etc

[runningatypufullspeed]

I am twitching so violentlu right nowdude I am so down bad for my own design of Mildred it’s not even funny

#sorry for thirsting on my not really main but not really alt guys #it’s not my fault I made her so DROP DEAD GORGEOUS #UGHHHH. OH MY GOD SHES SO PRETTY #or I mean my idea of her is anyway I’m way too lazy to actually post my drawings right now but maybe if someone forced me #I might get up and off my lazy ass to properly crop and post this shit #ITS JUST TWO DRAWINGS DAWG. THEY AINT EVEN ALLAT and yet HERE I AM with just BUCKETS of drool pouring down my face #LISTEN. IM JUST SAYING. IF MONTAG DOESNT WANT HER #IM SINGLE #IM OPEN. IM HERE #first sin sloth second sin not exactly lust per se more of just carnal yearning #I love mentally ill ladies #ough

[carcarrot]

i did tell you people i met a they might be giant right.

#I DONT THINK I DIDDDDDD like an insane person i left out one of the most bonkers moments of my california vacation #saying it now makes it seem like im making this up and the following story will seem made up but dude just trust me. #im fucking. ok sunday morning the morning of Thee Concert and i (used to waking up at 4-5 am) have been awake on and off since like 6 am #my friend? asleep. #now i enjoy waking up and falling back asleep for a couple of hours however by like 9:30 im starving i need BREAKFAST #like the very nice friend that i am i dont wake my friend up i let him sleep and leave him a message on my open laptop screen #because the fucking hotel room doesnt have a pad of paper?? so i leave my modern post it note of a message #saying that im going out for croissants and coffee #because im an idiot i severely misjudge how hot it's already gotten in los angeles in july #ive chosen to wear jeans (bad idea) and a long sleeve flowy black shirt (worse idea) #i also dont look my Greatest because my friend had been telling me dont wash ur hair before we curl it for the concert!!! #so this is my hair after flying in and everything the day before (It Needs To Be Washed) #im following google maps to the coffee place as i brave the streets of los angeles on a sunday morning #hollywood boulevard around the chinese theatre is insane btw. insane. but being from new york i am unfazed (well. a little fazed) #i am Sweating. its already gotta be 80 degrees. im also reaching critical hunger levels. but i continue on my journey #google maps leads me down a sidestreet and tells me to turn down some alley and im like well thats not right. #so i turn to go back the way i was headed and find another way to get to the coffee place #as i turn and head back up theres a guy going down this same block heading in my direction #i look at him and im like hey that guy kinda looks like oh my god it actually is him. mr john l of tmbg fame #and so i have a split second decision of like do i sayyyyyy something do i just ignore him while geeking out #somehow i decide to be bold and im just like gdjgmm hi excuse me i recognize you uh do you mind if i could get a photo #he was very nice and suggested we move into the shade and i took the photo trying to turn off google maps before i did #and i was like aa im seeing you in concert 2nite love your music thank u! and we went on our way. #i think i kinda like. stopped for a moment before i went on to the cafe and was like. that just happened??????? insane. but it gets better #i do finally get the coffees n croissants btw and get back to the hotel after melting in the heat #and my friend who likes tmbg better was losing his mind once i finally told him #so the following morning after our spars concert insanity we have breakfast at a diner and then head back to our hotel #and he's wearing a tmbg shirt he got and im in a spars shirt and as we're walking back a car horn honks near us #AND ITS BOTH THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS IN A CAR and they say hi and are like we like your shirts! #and my friend and i are like losing it but trying to be cool and like oh thabk you we loved your show hi! so theres my insane story

[tamagotchikgs]

last post ended up deleting my tags so im continuing them here

#but. #even after all the time i had aparti still went back at 16 #i traveled across the country just to see her again #and it fucking sucked #she ripped that wound right back open #which . felt so weird because she WANTED me to come #she made all the plans #honestly the train trip there was nice #i got to experience a lot of cool things #but the second i got there. it was . one of the worst times of my life #just nonstop #and now ive finally been away for awhile again #but i still miss her #& i dont know why #but it also doesnt help the only gf i have ever had did the same type of thing LMAO//.... i .. i just cannot win #maybe it's just my roll #say all these nice things n then immediately flip #she would make me hang out w her friends n talk me up n then. cheat on me with them with me there #& then get upset when i cried or tried to break up w her LMAO... #like. she wasnt poly or anything she was actually against it #but the worst part is how openly & loudly she'd love me right before it. so now i never know who is telling the truth. i never feel safe #but anyway. again. i stayed #over n over again id try to break up w her but then i loved her & so when she got upset n threaten to kms id flip n stay #n she'd do it again #until eventually she broke up w me n left me so fuckd up im not gonna lie JHVAJH #she still tried to stay friends after that n i tried #but then i started sobbing mid card game & it was very embarrassing top 10 worst things i have done #but i just. all i want is to be a good person. i want to be someone good & loving but i feel like im such a jealous monster #even if i dont let myself show it n try to ignore it bc i dont want to hurt anyone or be this awful it;s still here. just. permeating. #what if i feel too much what if ill never know when someone is genuine what if im just an evil obsessive freak n everyone i love hates me

[horce-divorce]

So to be clear tumblr is the only social media i actually bother to use with any regularly, but sometimes you crave variety. For example sometimes going on reddit is a nice distraction, and my feed is all really interesting silly low-investment type posts that i can scroll thru and be entertained by without feeling like i have to engage. and other times it feels exactly like facebook. just suggested post after suggested post that makes me say "god you people are so fucking unbelievably stupid." posts seemingly hand picked to make me so enraged, the exact kind of shit I go online to AVOID.

currently it's recommending me a bunch of posts about "why does America have so much looting?" That have a bunch of responses like, "Because of the crime wave, no one prosecutes shoplifters, people have just noticed its so easy to get a group together on whatsapp, etc" and WHY? It thinks I would want or need these posts? Idfk??? I hang out in r/antiwork and like 3 other main subs about being homeless and random entertainment topics. I don't use reddit for politics or world events. I do NOT get my news from there.

Anyway there was also one recommended thread about "why do rural folk feel looked down upon by city folks?" And all the responses were, "yeah! It's them who are rude to the city people!" And when someone mentioned the lack of resources in rural areas, another person chimed in to say "well I lived in Detroit and now I live in a rural area and we have WAY more food and resources than Detroit does!" But the second anyone brings up, you know, the socioeconomic factors that influence that shit, everyone's like whining and crying bc their little brains can't handle ""bringing race into it."" someone had a different life experience than you?! Pft, sure, and then all the bystanders clapped! 🙄

idk it's like. the more time goes on, the wider economic gaps become, the more obvious it is how effectively people are brainwashed. It's not like the answers to these questions are hidden esoteric mysteries. It's not like people having different, individual experiences in life is new. Even my grandma understands that a) people aren't actually looting that much and b) even if they were, have you bought groceries in the past 3 years? if so, why are you even asking that question?? But you try to actually talk about how bad shits getting and these fuckers go into high gear defending The American Way Of Life and blaming individual choices. Ppl are drinking the Kool aid so hard and they think water is just supposed to fucking taste like that

#me #they put the kool aid in to cover up the taste of lead. #flint still doesnt have clean water. btw. #thats such a perfect example of what im talking about too #for YEARS its been common knowledge that we are poisoning and killing the people of flint (very near detroit fwiw. related topics) #and its like #idk i feel like i meet ppl who assume that bc Everyone Knows About Flint that means that it got fixed or smth #it fucking didnt #doesn't it feel kinda like. w wages and inflation. or covid. or anything else. #we declare oh yeah X is happening! its in the media. heres the numbers. everyones talking about it. finally out in the open. here we go #its in the news cycle for a few weeks and then bam. gone. nothing. #and everyone thinks oh its gone now. i guess its over #covid is still rampant and terrifying but its not on everyones minds anymore so no one wears masks. problem fucking solved am i right #everyone knows inflation is untenable. ceos make 400x workers. rent is all of your income. no one can afford food #we wont change wages tho. and everyone is just like. well if employers dont wanna pay more thats ok. just look harder for work. #just try harder. just work more jobs. just sell your blood in addition to your time body heart and soul. #its like people are hearing 'socioeconomic factors beyond our control influence how we live our lives' and they still go #'but why dont you wanna just buy more money?' #theyre HEARING words but they arent LISTENING #ONE person in that looting threads comments mentioned police brutality. one. #and they shockingly weren't getting downvoted into the negatives but they definitely werent being heard either #i feel like thats the most glaringly obvious one #like the entire world saw our police force going apeshit and they went 'woah are black ppl in america ok?' #and everyone said NO PLEASE HELP #and... nothing fucking changed!!! #everyone supported water protectors that 1 time. but the water protectors in the great lakes region still fighting?? crickets #i dont get it. i dont get it!!!! #in the news: heres 20 current events making life untenable for disenfranchised people #everyone: i dont get it? why are they breaking stuff

[svtrie]

JUST CWME BACK FROM.THE PARADE IT WAS SO FUN !!!!!! I ATE a REALLY GOOD BURGER and I TOOK A PICTURE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAD A COSTUME OF THE MAD HATTER!!!!! he even called me alice it Was so cute and the pic came out so cool AND I DANCED WITH A KID TOO.now im compltetely worn out and drained BUT IT WAS SO FUN IT WAS THE BEST DAY I SO.APPPY ESPECIALLY ABOUT THE PICTURE !!!!!!!!

ooh ooh, that sounds like a really festive day!!! i'm glad you enjoyed your time and found so many positives attending there :DD

u have upgraded from good fries to good burgers...YUM!!! and that's so cool, other people dressed up as well? that's awesome!! hope the pictures with the mad hatter turned out well. how did you end up dancing with a kid? did they have good moves? lolol

i'm happy to hear u had a really good time there !! the parades sound so lively, hmm i'll add brazil to my bucket list of places to travel to maybe 🤔

make sure to rest well to recharge yourself !! 🫶

#rev answers #void #sorrh if im replying this late !! #tublr doesnt rlly gives me notifs when someone gives me an ask #and only shows up when i open the app #wuaahh #ANYWAYS #im glad u had a good time!! #im just cooking breakfast right now cause i havent ate lolol

[godsfavoritescientist]

*collapses on the floor and starts having visions (new fic ideas)*

#godsrambles #godsficideas #tags essay #the idea is: in his early portal travel days. ford thinks he has discovered a way to quickly and easily confront and kill bill #it sounds almost too good to be true. but he has to try. #the random alien stranger/s who sold him this 'opportunity' for a high price are like 'ok. setting up the death ray now. brb' #'meanwhile a portal to bills dimension will start opening up. its safe youll be fine.' #so ford is sitting in this tiny storage room place with an alleged portal to the nightmare realm slowly opening up before his eyes. #and bill is on the other side of the so-called 'portal.' he can look right back at ford. fords like 'hmm i hate this actually im going' #turns out the door is locked. fords first thought is 'uh oh they sold me out to bill it was all a trick'. but bill is unable to reach him. #it isnt even a portal. its just a glorified interdimensional video call. they locked the door to give them enough time to run off #before ford realized the scam. so bill laughs at him for a min. and then they have a conversation. ford finally asks 'Why??' #'why would you ruin my life??'. and bill kinda. obliges him just this once. drops his cheerful annoying act just this once. #and answers him plainly and honestly 'I didnt. i didnt try to ruin your life. it never even crossed my mind how your life could be affected #'it was all a means to an end. i wasnt ever out to get you. you never factored in at all beyond your use for making the portal.' #'i never even thought about you when we werent interacting. not even once. you think i had some big evil scheme that youre at the center of #'youre insignificant to me. all that happened was: you fell for a scam.' #'will the guys who locked you in here ever think about you again? theyve probably forgotten your face and name already.' #'im not out to get you. i just want my job finished. the same way those guys just wanted their money.' #the bottom line of the convo being: bill really *doesnt* give a single fuck. and ford never mattered to him. #not even enough for him to *think* about ford every now and then. #fords holding a grudge against a guy who barely even remembers him. #obviously this goes against my interpretation of canon but it would still be fun to write #au where bill Truly doesnt care about ford in any way and isnt even interested by him at all #the inspiration for this was just the concept of: how crushing the realization would be for ford #the horror of realizing exactly how insignificant you are in the eyes of the eldritch being that ruined your life #i am willing to write something that feels ooc for bill when it is for angst purposes lmao #indifferent-eldritch-being bill is such an angsty concept. very fun to explore #an ao3 fic called 'the bolt that busted off the lever' (iirc) has this interpretation of bill and it is great #bill looking *bored* while interacting with ford??? absolutely heartbreaking concept 10/10

[varietysky]

becoming more sensitive to food smells is making me want to punch walls, whyyyy am I like this now

#and i mean like. post cooking food smells #that just Linger in the unit i cant stand it #doesnt help that my room is Right by the kitchen #like my door is lichrally by the oven and stove and shit #anyway the smell after someone fries chicken. Hate It!! #i have for years but oough it's really bothered me of late #it's almost always something being fried that my nose just Hatessssss #and some dish that must involve cream and chicken cuz I've smelt it across all apartments ive lived in since 2020 #I've always been hypersensitive to the smell of yogurt but thank god that's not a problem with my current roommates #my roommate from last year Loved to leave rheir yogurt iust face up at the top of the garbage :) #anyway uhhhh yeah I'm back to using candles and perfumes and opening the living room windows #as if that'll air out the smell better idk #uhhh anyway yeah. idk why I'm so sensitive to post-cooking smells now #somedaya i just want to open my door and yell to stop cooking gross stuff #but i know the problem is me having weird sensory shit going on and not actually their food #mia posts a thing

[miss--river]

.

#ive thought a little bit more about my therapy situation but im still unsure #i asked my mom about it and found out it is a christian health and wellness place #and she said she doesnt think they'll 'shove it down my throat' #but their logo has a cross in it and all their advertising is religious #she's only offering to pay for my therapy there because it's christian and you can apply for a low income discount #ive told her before i dont want to get religious counseling because i know it wont help me #and every time she says something like 'how do you know??? jesus is there for all of us in our time of need!' and i just... #want to strangle her #i dont know if he just doesnt get it or if she just cant accept that im not religious #i dont think im going to be able to open up like i want to to a religious therapist #i want to cry #it feels like its so close but still so far #i have an option to get therapy right now but its not going to be in a way that will help me

[this-doesnt-endd]

My head hurts

#awful headache thats making me clench my jaw and making the headache worse #also feeling very much like everyones moving on without me kinda vibes #i also dont wanna go to work and closez #its so late i dont get out till 9 and its so dark and cold out and ive asked multiple times to open as much as i can #cause im the only one who doesnt drive or has someone who picks them up and drops them off like #its kinda a little spooky sometimes and i pass by the park thats either empty or has like one car in it #and u can never tell if people are in it till ur like right by it and like its not too bad when im walking home at like 730ish #but if it ends up taking the entire time im outside walking home alone at 9 #and it just kinda sucks cause everyones supposed to be trained to close but they suck so it ends up being me like im sorry they cant do it #why must i be punished #in other news my bangs are now actually where i wanted them to be when i first got them cut #but my hair is greasy so cancels out #after starting my long day of doing nothing at 1pm i will now retire to bed at 11pm

[yngseung]

.

#crying thinking abt how i missed the go train for this album #i was looking online at stores and literally the cost of one album is the cost of what most gos have for both ;;;;;;; #i wasnt considering it but then my mom said she could let me have it as a bday gift if i wanted to so like ;; #now its ofc i want it but #alas #all the gos are CLOSED #</3 #she doesnt even know vrvr really i think its so cute :(( shes always like #'oh did ur group release any new music' everytime we talk #she just knows i like kpop haha ;; and this time i was like yeah an albums being released on monday and shes like #well as long as its not over [x moneys] i can get it for u and i was like yeah its NOT #but its too late for it to be worth it perhaps :(( #im sure fansigns will keep opening up tho so maybe i'll look into it then ifppl wanna do more gos #or if ppl decide to mass sell the album later but hh :(( #im love them hhh maybe its for the best tho #lets see how the versions look like haha i feel like right now #over version looks more fun?? #shy i think the cover was cute but the minimalism just seems really too minimalistic like #idk haha we obv dont know but #anYWAYS #rambles

[sparklev0id]

resisting the urge to physically beat myself up for wasting food especially meat and other animal products

#sh cw #ed cw #(i dont have one just a shitty appetite and very sensitive digestive system) #i fucking hate it like. this animal died for no fucking reason. a living creature was killed only to rot and be thrown away #my guilt is deep and sickening #i like watch it happen too ill see something thats about to expire and km like #'its getting close to the expiry date what if this will make me sick' #so i dont eat it but i feel bad just theowing it away right then and there but then jt sits in the fridge and i have to see it #every time i open it up to get something and if i think about it at all i feel a pain in my chest like its all my fault #and km like 'why didnt i just eat this earlier what the fuck is wrong with me' #but i didnt eat it warlier because i wasnt hungry enough im never fucking hungry enough #the signal from my stomach to my brain just hardly ever activates i have to consciously make myself eat something #and i forget a lot and it doesnt growl it doesnt feel like anything until im about to pass out #i hate it i hate it i hate it #i wish i was a plant or something then i wouldnt have tk feel like this #im the one who deserves to be left to rot #and i try to set reminders to eat something but they go off and i try and i can only get like 3 bites in before my stupid fucking stomach #is like nOoO iM fUlL nOw ThIs Is ToO mUcH even though im actually literslly fucking starving