#it has truly been a Journey | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months

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At the start of this project all I wanted was to 'learn how to draw' using comics as a medium and the MDZS audio drama as inspiration.

I've come *very* far from making simple, 3 panel black and white comics, and I truly do intend to go even further. Thank you to everyone who cheered me on throughout 2023, it has been an incredible year in so many ways I never could have imagined. I look forwards to drawing throughout 2024 B*)

#poorly drawn mdzs #art summary #It's so interesting looking back at how my style and technique changed throughout the year!#I used PD-wwx as the consistent factor (October is an exception) and you can see so many processes going on.#My little petri dish amoeba (with a little red bow to tell him apart from the other amoeba) <3 #Whether it's getting new markers or trying out a new shading style - it's cool seeing a snapshot of my journey like this B*)#There's certainly been a slower curve to my overt improvement *but* I have become so much faster!#My life outside of drawing has been hectic and at several points extremely stressful this year. For all the work this blog has been-#-It has truly been a life saving anchor when the darkest of times have hit.#Love is hard work. Change is even harder work. Sticking to a goal I set out for myself and striving to keep going was worth it.#And I love drawing. I think there has always been something in me that longed for this. And it is finally tangible! I can draw!!!#I wanted to make a more elaborate year reflection where I looked back at my favourite comics and jokes.#but I'll leave that to the one year anniversary.#I have also been collecting a ton of statistics throughout the year and I am desperate to share them. I'm that kind of nerd B*)#I can never say it enough: Thank you all for the kindness and support. I wish everyone a lovely 2024!!!

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queenofinys · 8 days

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"and then you look at it, and it looks... otherworldly. this is denis. he just creates this shape. it's not perfect. it's timeless. it reminds me of... do you remember arrival? you know those big alien creatures? that's the shape." — rebecca ferguson in an interview with hollywood insider

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aethersflood · 6 months

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-- "It's plain she cares for you very deeply." -- "And I her. Which is why I had to let her go."

#joshua rosfield #ffxviedit #final fantasy xvi #jote #ffxvi #i have so many feelings!!#i think it's really interesting that jote and joshua have never had an equal dynamic in their relationship #jote has been a protector of joshua's since she was little #even before he regained consciousness she was caring for him #the undying weren't sure he would ever wake up and when he did they must have been so afraid to lose him again #the undying in general are really fraught with their approach to the rosfields and the phoenix/the all-too-willing self-sacrifice #joshua never stood a chance of having a normal childhood regardless of where he grew up #and presumably jote also grew up in the undying so she has never truly experienced a peer to peer relationship with joshua #as soon as joshua woke up she was helping him to stay well and accompanying him on his journey #and in this scene she can't imagine not being by his side #she's scared for his safety but also probably very lost #what does she do with her life now? where does her energy go if not to protecting the phoenix?#i wonder about how jote and joshua feel about each other romantically #i know that they may not feel that way toward each other at all #the romantic shipper in me would like to think they do #it's just such a complicated and special and tender dynamic between them

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ongsasuns · 3 months

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BELOVEDS I GOT MY MASTERS DEGREE BE PROUD PLS

#nini’s nonsense #BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS FR FR BUT NOW IM DONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #truly proud of this one what a journey it has been

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carefulfears · 10 months

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do you have a headcanon of when mulder caught feelings for scully? i’m on the same page w you that scully has had it bad since day one, but i can never make up my mind about mulder

yeah i’ve always said that i think he was aware of the connection between them since her abduction, but i think specifically 3.

ascension is very frantic, it’s rooted in so much trauma and desperation. very few moments are about scully, as a person, really. it’s about getting there in time. it’s about rewriting history. it’s about failure, and standing alone in the end.

in 3, he is surrounded in her absence. her badge. her file, marked with her name. her necklace, which he slips around his own neck, carries with him.

dana scully was farrrrr gone from day one, humming against him in the rain and telling her friends how cute he is, but mulder is more single-minded.

he’s so very fond of her, in the beginning. he knocks on her door to invite her on his run, when he knows she’s just supposed to be discrediting him. he lowers himself beneath her every time he has bad news or a vulnerable conversation. he says “dana,” softly, and checks in on how she’s doing. he believes she’ll be head of the bureau someday.

so much of that is just who he is (trusting, passionate, kind), and she’s the only person who has ever valued that, taken him seriously.

but he’s also internalizing who she is, the consistency and the curiosity and the quiet intensity.

that moment in the rain, before she laughs, before she asks where they’re going and follows: he says “you think i’m crazy,” and turns away. it’s the first time in the series (and remains rare) where you can see that there is a weight to it all. he plays into being “spooky mulder,” but part of him is really disappointed to think that this new partner won’t believe him either.

she thinks about what he said, and she meets him on his level. she questions it, she combats it, she adds to it.

when they both burst out laughing, it’s in pure joy and excitement. it’s the moment that spurs the rest of their lives.

that means a lot to him, to be listened to. to be held to a standard, not just dismissed.

but mulder only knows how to conceptualize love in absence, in the search, so when he’s left listening to her scream: he knows. it feels like the worst thing that could ever happen, because it feels like his closest person disappearing, and that’s the experience he’s most familiar with and enmeshed in.

i believe there’s a script note in ascension that mentions that he’s doubting if he had failed his “closest friend.” it’s the loss being so great, so unbearable, that makes it unavoidable.

(thinking of him smiling at diana, telling her, “i’ve done alright without you.”)

i see a lot of people describe msr as a “fell first/fell harder” trope, but i think most things just hit mulder harder. it’s their natures.

but by the time he hangs her cross around his neck, by the time he abandons the truth to sit and hold her hand, he knows.

#asks #a lot of it is repetition of their patterns and their previous close relationships #but different in that it’s the real thing #not what they’ve been trying to replicate #so for scully it’s this instant adoration and fascination #she looks up to him the way she looked up to daniel and jack #but it’s Not what she had with daniel or jack because she’s interested in him outside of gaining his approval #she actually Can’t gain his approval (or ‘please’ him) through following him or forgoing herself #so it’s closer to what she’s truly chasing. it’s closer to what her father had #and the way they ‘worshipped’ his journey #with mulder it’s this hesitant familiarity #it’s not the cold ‘need for affection’ in phoebe or diana #again it’s what he’s Actually seeking #it’s the unwavering love and connection that he hasn’t had since samantha. it’s someone looking up to you and always just wanting to see you #and only wanting to prioritize and care for them in return #but he HAS to lose her to really feel the weight of it because he’s only able to understand love in empty rooms #like he’s not going to be able to know how deep it is until it hurts

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mallowstep · 11 months

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i hope you’re doing okay. 💙 it’s ok if you don’t answer this, i just wanted you to know folks are still thinking about you and wanting good things for you.

thank you babe (and thank you to everyone else who sent a message to this effect; i will answer them when i can)

i'm doing pretty well right now. i've been very busy at work, working on a top secret classified project (god only knows when you'll get more details than what i've already shared ;3), and also just. recovering from depression. there is so much of my life that even months out from the worst of it, i'm still trying to pull the pieces back together.

i have been writing a little. it's been difficult, mostly because of numerous incidents regarding writing and mental health (if you've been here for a while, you probably know about them; if you're new, the tldr is "mallowstep went off the wall for a bit and he's fine but it left him feeling bad"), and now i face down the summer which is...rough, mentally.

i don't know what normal looks like for me right now. i want to write but i don't know how it will fit into my life. i'm still making space for myself, in all the chaos and reconstruction. i know writing will be a part of normal for me. i just don't know where it fits yet.

it's been a while since i've felt like myself. the hollow feeling is abating. i am finding words to describe emotion again, that are more than just there or missing. i have been thinking about the stories i have yet to work on. what i want to tell next.

it has been an incredible two years for me. when i started this blog, i had just been broken up with by my boyfriend of three years, only a month or so after my childhood cat and dog had died one day apart. i was coping with so much impossible grief: i wrote the second chapter of i'll come back to you someday soon myself after my grandmother died, and i did not write anything after that for quite a while.

my wrists are healing. they hurt a little today and i'm not sure why, but they are healing.

i'll be going back to university as a natural resources major. i want a job that lets me protect and cultivate the forests i find so much comfort in. the complex webs of their ecosystems bring me so much delight. did you know trees talk to their daughters? did you know they care for their children? protect them?

it has been an incredible two years. i met my now-partner, learned how to actually trust people, and failed out of a year of college due to collapsing mental health. i went through approximately one million assessments to get a diagnosis and understand what was happening to me. i had a doctor tell me i was being undermedicated to an astounding degree. i had to let go of my beloved plants because i couldn't keep myself alive, much less then. i found a job i love so much i am eager to go to work every morning.

i honestly don't think i would've recognized who i am now, back when i started out here. i have become someone who trusts. who has connections with people. who does not fear so much. (i have also become someone who cries as i drive home from work sometimes. i have also become someone who needs to sit on the floor and count all the pieces of art i can see. we move in spirals, not straight lines.)

all of this is to say, i have been quiet on here for quite a while because i have been recovering from two years (a lifetime) of some truly exhausting events, as well as letting myself find things i enjoy. when i got out of high school, i loved what i was doing academically. i had very little passion. it had been bled out of me.

i am incredibly grateful to each and every one of you. your support, even in my period of dormancy, has meant so much. my relationship with writing sometimes feels like i am fighting my double, trying to balance both my need to use writing to understand myself, and my tendencies to ruin myself in the process.

i still don't have any promises to make, because i really don't know what's next for me. but i am still here, and you all still mean something to me.

with all my love, mallow

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videogamelover99 · 2 years

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you are so galaxy brain, I'm enjoying scrolling through your skk takes so much. I love the depth with which you see them both as individuals and their dynamic. I feel it's something sorely lacking in this fandom (I'm in the process of rage-writing Too Many fics in a fit of "if I want it done right I GUESS I have to do it myself") but I feel like you just Get It 😌😌😌I'm trying to think of a question to ask now so I have an excuse to hear you be right about them some more.

mmm, I've been seeing a lot of fics lately that depict dazai acting on his mental illness and harming himself in some way, and chuuya coming along to ~ save him ~ and being all "don't do it again" "okay I won't!" and it's really grinding my gears, what are your thoughts? How do you think chuuya would actually feel/think/react to witnessing or being acutely aware of dazai indulging his mental illnesses in that way? I think it's a really interesting thing to look at through Chuuya's eyes and I think his responses to it would be very complex.

Lets talk about Fifteen for a second.

It's something I noticed recently, that I immediately had to tell @originalartblog about because it comepletely made me re-think skk's entire relationship as well as their deal with mental illness.

(tw: in-depth talk about suicidal ideation, suicide, depression, you know, the works)

I think the fandom collectively tends to think of Chuuya as the "more stable" one, someone who, while maybe not being compeltely healthy, is still healthy enough to "take care of" other people, to take care of Dazai, specifically. And I kind of fell into that idea too, that while a lot of Chuuya's issues are similar to Dazai's issues, he has enough sense of purpose and companionship from the people around him to not be as bad as Dazai. If Chuuya is portrayed as suicidal, it's in a sacrificial sort of way, you know, the classic "I don't care if I live as long as everybody else gets to" type thing we see in a lot of heroic characters.

But then I reread the final fight in Fifteen and was like wait.

Consider this sequence of events:

Rimbaud reveals his true colors and urges Dazai and Chuuya to give him, Chuuya refuses, and fights the entire time with his hands in his pockets.

Dazai asks for his five minutes of "convincing Chuuya to die", at which Chuuya says "You can't convince me of anything."

Dazai says he changed his mind about dying, and Chuuya demands to know why, at which point Dazai gives his whole "living close to death" speech. They agree to team up.

Immediately after their talk, and Dazai saying "Chuuya convinced me not to die", Chuuya takes his hands out of his pockets.

5. A fight scene later, and Chuuya explains why he keeps his hands in his pockets the whole time, a mystery set up on par with the mystery of Arahabaki. Back in the arcade, Dazai asks why he's deliberately putting himself at risk: "It can't just be lazyness...You know someone stronger is gonna come around at some point, you can't afford to let your guard down in fights."

6. Then they beat Rimbaud. And what last words does he have for Chuuya? A plead for Chuuya to live.

I think Dazai's speech about finding a reason to live didn't just impact Dazai, but Chuuya, too. Chuuya convinced Dazai not to die yet, but the same goes the other way around, with Chuuya finally finding enough will to live to take his hands out of his pockets and finally protect himself properly. The hands in pockets thing (and by extension, the gloves) aren't a show of arrogance or boredom or even Chuuya's doubt of his own humanity - they are a show of how much Chuuya is willing to live at that moment, how much he wants to fight back to survive. And before Dazai urged him to beat Rimbaud? Chuuya was letting Rimbaud win.

By extension, the times when Chuuya uses Corruption are probably the times when he wants to live the most. Since Dazai is the only one alive who knows the reason for the gloves, it's a silent signal of "I trust you to keep me alive because I don't want to die yet".

My point is that passive suicidal ideation is *still* suicidal ideation. "If I don't fight back maybe at some point when I'm close to death I'll feel like I want to" is suicidal ideation. It comes back around in Stormbringer, when Chuuya questions why he should fight back against N when his own existence doesn't mean anything. Each one of his mistakes is treated as another reason he shouldn't exist. Chuuya was never okay and I don't understand why we keep pretending he was.

As for the specifics of the ask: Chuuya wouldn't "indulge" Dazai, because everything he hates about Dazai has to do with Dazai's depression and nihilism, because it is his own depression and nihilism. Honestly, if anything I see Chuuya's response to Dazai's mental illness being way more on the problematic side than people like to portray. He can't offer empathy, because he'll have to put himself in Dazai's shoes and that is actually mentally dangerous for him, because it's a mentality he's desperately fighting against in himself. Of course he lashes out. Of course he's angry. He's tried reaching out to Dazai (again, that phone call scene in SB), and Dazai doesn't want that, anyway, so why should he try?

That doesn't mean he's totally apathetic or cruel. Chuuya's acts of care have always been more on the physical side of things. We have Beast, where Chuuya is adamant about protecting Dazai's life both from others and from his own reckless behavior, but they never talk, and that's why the line "Dazai committed suicide without telling him anything" is so brutal. Chuuya honestly wanted Dazai to come to him and say something, but Dazai never did because they both have so many walls up a genuine conversaion seems impossible.

#fics i enjoy: chuuya being angrily tossing a plate of food in dazai's direction like 'if youre gonna die dont do it in my house you freak'#whats sad is that chuuya GETS him but dazai will never know that chuuya gets him #also def not enough fics of dazai taking care of chuuya lets be real #chuuya responds to dazai's physical needs while dazai responds to chuuya's mental needs but neither are willing to take that extra step #their dynamic isnt one taking care of the other its two depressed teens who can either drag each other down or build each other up #and somehow despite the odds the latter happens #honestly i think dazai realizing chuuya of all people can understand him is such an important need for his character #he thinks oda is the only one that truly understood him #and oda had but oda was also impressed and did a murder suicide and is now telling this kid 'you will never fill that hole inside yourself'#meanwhile chuuya's journey has been him finding what can fill that hole inside himself and succeeding more or less #dazai kind of needs someone to tell him 'this isn't all there is' from experience #bsd #bungou stray dogs #nakahara chuuya #dazai osamu #soukoku #asks #skk

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defness · 3 months

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→ drawing the same pose over and over again and feels cringe

→ realizes that these drawings are simply pre-ref drawings to figure out one's design so I can Draw Them

→ no longer feels cringe

#jic ur wondering why all of them are drawn w that same arms out legs semi open pose #do i obsessively worry about this to an unhealthy degree? yeah #do people not verbally tell me that seeing me draw the same pose over and over again is Boring or Lame or stupid or smth? yes but i get #like. stupidly anxious and start thinking about things like that which i obviously know probably isn't the case and that in actuality #no one cares about how i draw more than i do #but it's still difficult not to ruminate on thoughts of people subconsciously rolling their eyes at my art because its so plain and boring #and static and stiff and it doesnt feel lively and dynamic like the artists i aspire to be like #but then i also remember im only just starting my art journey. by this year I'll only have been drawing for 4 years. 4 YEARS.#which seems like alot honestly? especially w the progress I've made #but most; if not everyone who isn't me have spent 7+ YEARS of drawing and i remind myself that. oh #yeah! im on the same path they were #maybe they had the same issues i did #but ill get through it :) i want to experiment more this year w my art #i say that but i need to COMMIT #i need to commit. to actually put in effort to learn posing and perspective instead of trying to lazily scrawl color on a digital canvas #but it all seems so daunting #but; you know; in time it'll come. seeing the difference only a few months has done to my art is also truly refreshing #it lets me know that im still learning and improving my technique and that really helps iron out any anxieties i have.#sorry this got super rambly super quickly lol

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cloud-somersault · 7 months

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i was working on chapter 5 and almost started crying????

#constellations fic #idk it's after 9 but like #it hit me when i was writing a particular scene in chapter 5 like #how much has happened...not just to these gay monkeys but like to me personally but mostly #just...how hard MK has worked and how he truly wanted them to be friends again #and i just think about how mk is and who he is and how #friendship is so important to him and he knows how powerful it is #how he turns to his friends for help as soon as he can now #and he's learned not to hide things from them anymore #and he just fully embraces that there are things he cannot do on his own #he needs them...and they need him #and i just got emotional and almost started crying because #wukong and macaque talked!! and they wouldn't have if not for MK #and just how far he's come and how far they've come and how much has happened #it's been such a long journey and now that we're at the end i'm just getting emotional #chapter 5 is like wrapping all this stuff up and i just get a little sobby every time i finish a scene im not okay actually #i love this fic a lot. i learned a lot about myself and my limitations #and just how important writing is to me #and im really glad i wrote this...and that i could share it

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itspileofgoodthings · 9 months

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in the most concrete way yet I feel like I’m getting a handle on what my flaws and weaknesses actually are lol.

#self-absorption poor impulse control an addictive personality #fiercely independent/sensitive/proud past the point of reason #anyway it feels like a real breakthrough honestly #because I’ve always known that there was stuff wrong but only in a dim sense #and this is a slow-gathering clearer picture #because the problem is that flaws don’t feel like flaws at first (so obvious I know)#my impulse can feel like inspiration! a wave of emotion always feels good! I have a rich internal life there’s a lot to think about #with regards to myself #but actually those all can be such negative and hurtful traits.#also it kills my pride to know that the people who love me already know these Lol #because they’re the ones who have to live with them!! And who are affected by them!#anyway the self-absorption one especially. I feel like there’s been so much to work through and figure out this past year #that made me turn inward more #and some of it was necessary #but I’m so aware of how much I want to get out of that space. and truly be open to other people and experiences and the world #in a way that is not just filtered through my internal journey #anyway anyway (a final thought) the pattern of my 20’s has been either self-absorption or complete absorption into the one or two things #that I/my anxiety allowed into the space of my heart and mind #as a kind of counter to the teenage state which was just information pouring in from all sides #but I would like to be able to reopen some of those informational floodgates so to speak. and let stuff in in a real and balanced way #because I don’t think I’m going to drown or be swept away in it (I am so scared of losing my identity in a sea of information)#one of my root fears! but it’s like. No. Bones not made of glass etc. etc. so you can start to think about yourself less #you SHOULD #anyway thank you for listening. there have been some very good (self) revelations lately <3 #painful ones! but good

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impossible-rat-babies · 5 months

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not to be obsessed with imagery and themes of the divine but myths of the realm is a banger

#the way oschon speaks to you in the fight like. blessings be upon you on the road ahead #the way eulogia speaks to you as well ;—;#the naming conventions!! eulogia like eulogy #the raids being named after the three graces which links back to the greek inspo of the ancients #the way pligrimage has pieces of it that sound like hymns #parts where you can almost sing hallelujah along with the music #I’ve been obsessed with pligrimage lately tbh #not to be an EW lover on main but truly the EW alliance raids are a Delight #Owen plays ffxiv #there’s something about eyrie taking hold of deryk’s hand at the start of his journey and in the most earnest way they can #they tell him blessings be upon you on the road ahead #eyrie is devoted to Halone but they’ve always felt cared for by Oschon #maybe it’s a long lingering love from Charon’s time—the soft friendship between them and the nostalgic love #and the joy at seeing what his dearest friend became and the wonderful person they are

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flowered-mp3 · 9 months

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#hi guys... i know that i havent been the most active lately... mostly because work is hectic right now and all my free time is spent with #family friends and my bf #to be honest i don't know if i'll return to writing... I've slowly been losing motivation but it really is a shame #i've loved my time here and i don't know where my journey will go next #but i will keep my blog up for now and reblog stuff occasionally.#honestly it seems that since full time work and bf got combined I've had less and less time! its just a part of life #and i'm incredibly grateful for those who gave me advice durinf my online dating era... it all led up to my life right now and i couldn’t #be happier. sure our relationship isn't perfect and he isn’t but i truly feel that he's perfect for me. i'm the happiest that i've even been #and i'm thankful for u all that commented on my shitposts and talked me through it all. it got me through and even my bf thanks u all for #getting me through it as well :)#idk why i feel so sappy right now but i'm just feeling grateful.#and happy hehe. my bf met one of my oldest friends from my hometown and he just. idk. after we drove back he told me that he realized that #he's v protective of me when he's walking dt with me lol (it's filled with very strange people that yell) and i could tell lowkey because #his hand would squeeze mine and he would pull me toward him or beside or infront when we talked past sus people #and idk he was looking at me a certain way and i was like stop looking at me (he was gonna make me blush lol) but he just said 'why am i not #allowed to look at my future wife' !#and u guys i wanted to SCREAM like... wow my bf lowkey has rizz tf lol #idk i'm happy 😊 thats the life update see u guys sometimes :)#e.txt

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mik-arts · 8 months

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after a long fight to rescue her from a dangerous figure from her past, Noore chose to leave the party for her own protection - leaving behind only a note and a devastated Flora

#dungeons and dragons #dnd #dnd pc #flora #flora dunnan #ttrpg #my art #a moment of hesitancy before following the rest of her companions back into the feywild #as of me drawing this I still haven't figured out how flora's gonna process the loss #of the first person she thought truly cared about her for who she was inside and not her position #especially immediately after learning that she looks so much like Noore's sister #so it wasn't even actually who she was on the inside that drew noore to her #it was because she so strongly reminded her of someone else entirely #my kiddo has a lot of processing to do #and so do I tbh #idk I've been thinking a lot about how I tend to explore different aspects of myself in my dnd characters #and while Brina has very much been me trying to accept being unapologetically myself #and like unmasking my adhd #flora has been a journey of love? and like. what it means to give love and how to learn to receive it from the people around her #and also to some degree the difference between being used and being loved #specifically through the lens of her caregivers in that regard for backstory stuffs #tbh this doesn't stop at dnd characters bc I did it with Cora too without thinking #with her it was a big exploration of like... no longer bottling up emotions and learning how to wield them like a blade #just like... a lot of learning to cope with responsibility and how to not lose oneself through that #and also - in regards to her romancing bull - a lot of just. deciding to no longer care about what other people think of decisions #and like all of these are still things that I need to continue working on in myself #but it's interesting to think of how it's like... less daunting to explore big things like that through a character first #idk #I havent purposely sought to do this with any of them it's just kind of a pattern I've noticed esp when I particularly connect with an oc #anyways

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gonzocoded · 7 months

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spectacular

#love irl gay people #today i learned that a friend of mine has been in her own journey of bisexuality #that was really wonderful to learn #i am drunk but don’t worry it’s ok #bc i was safe and i got home just fine and was surrounded by friends and i even drank lots of water and brushed my teeth #and removed my makeup #all is well truly #but i am a little bit hungry #oh well #i’m gonna say that i’m not actually hungry and that it’s just the alcohol talking #that makes things easier in the long run LOL #ok good night it is bed time #anya.txt

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shackle-foes · 1 year

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ITS TIME FOR AGNEA’S FINAL CHAPTER

#mav plays octopath traveler ii #im not ready for it to end #this has been such a good game #truly an amazing journey #and it's about to end #lets fucking gooooooo

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dramaphan · 2 years

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Did you watch Dan's video? The shipbait at the end feels beneath him. I guess all his pretentious quality standards go out the window when he needs to promote something.

I wasn’t going to watch it but I might skip ahead just to see this shipbait because oh my god is he still doing that

#this decade long journey I’ve been on watching those two interact with their own ship has been so fascinating truly #we may not know a whole hell of a lot about their relationship #but one thing we can always count on is Dan using it as a selling point #ask

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