you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
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Am I the Asshole for correcting a child by letting him know that since his family members were criminals, they deserved to die?
I (36M) work for the government and recently went on a long work trip. While there, I met a new coworker (16M). Let’s call him Jon. We immediately hit it off and started talking about work and stuff. Since his family has a long history of government work and I even knew his dad, we began talking about some of the recent political events that have impacted his family a lot. To make a long story short, his dad was supposedly involved in a coup to oust the king and was later beheaded in front of a lot of people. His brother got super mad about that and tried to rebel, but he also died at a wedding hosted by some allies of his. This is where I might have been the asshole. I told Jon that his brother was a criminal by rebelling against the crown and so he deserved to die. I even said that his dad was overrated, and I didn’t care for him much. The mood immediately shifted after this and while he didn’t really react much outwardly, our conversation became very curt. It’s almost like he stopped liking me at that very moment. I really wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings on purpose. He’s a hardworking kid and I even offered him an internship because I believe that he can go really far. But he ended up rejecting my offer, quite rudely if I may add, and our conversations aren’t as warm as they were before this. I don’t have the best social cues so I’m afraid that I may have accidentally hurt his feelings. I want to talk to him more normally but don’t really know how. However, I did stress in that moment that I don’t actually hate his family members and was just talking about the technicality of the law. So AITA?
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the genuine horror and tragedy of early orihime's storyline is that, when a loved one dies, we all comfort ourselves with blanket statements about what they would have wanted for us by saying "they would've wanted us to be happy" / "they would have wanted us to move on" and we try to make meaningful lives for ourselves because that's what they would have liked for us (even if we ourselves feel like the world has stopped in their absence). so much of post-grief behavior is performative, trying to convince people you're fine and you're okay and you're moving on, and this is doubly so for orihime, who doesn't know much about the afterlife yet and is convinced she's got to put on a believable enough performance for her brother so he won't worry about her.
and most of us will never know or see if we grieved our loved ones right or not, but for orihime, the curtain is ripped apart and it turns out her performance is too good, her brother actually believes it's real and he lambasts her for grieving him the wrong way. of course, it's his hollow that's turned him to be selfish and possessive, but it couldn't have been easy for orihime to have been telling herself "i just have to smile for him, i just have to push through for him" only for him to go: why are you smiling? why are you pushing through? i'm dead. to make matters worse, he adds that he's lived his whole life for her, which is such an insurmountable guilt for her to bear and such a messed up thing to hear from a caretaker at such a young age!!!
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