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#it could be because I’m an alter and I’m still getting used to it and the trauma I’m learning about
kavehater · 6 days
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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littlespoonevan · 13 days
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i'll keep it all to myself
7x04 coda (she's back, baby xoxo)
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“Hey, killer.”
Buck winces, mouth already tripping over an apology as he moves into the Diaz living room. “Eddie, I’m so sorry-“
“Buck, I’m kidding,” Eddie interrupts, exasperated and just a little fond. He hasn’t been on the receiving end of that tone in a few days. It’s embarrassing to say he missed it. “Sit down.”
Buck takes the armchair instead of sitting on the couch next to Eddie. He’s not sure why. He never sits in the armchair. Sitting in it now he almost feels…off balance. But then catching sight of Eddie’s foot propped up on the coffee table sobers him immediately and he forgets all about the strange discomfort in his stomach.
Reaching for the cushion behind him, he gets up again. “You should have something under that,” he says, gently lifting Eddie’s leg to place the cushion on the table. He lowers it again carefully, nodding in satisfaction when Eddie’s foot is nestled safely in the cushion. “The table is too hard.”
“Oh sorry, I thought I was the one with real medical training,” Eddie quips but there’s no bite behind the words.
“Yeah but I’m the one with crush injury experience,” Buck says, kicking his own legs up on the table in proof.
Eddie opens his mouth as if to argue back but then closes it again, rolling his eyes, but his lips twitch a bit. Just at the corners.
“Eddie, I really am sorry,” he says, straightening in his seat and forcing himself to meet Eddie’s gaze properly. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I just got so-“
“I know,” Eddie replies, quiet and careful and devoid of any of his earlier teasing. “But you know you can talk to me, right? Like, it’s me Buck. You can just tell me when something’s wrong.”
Buck does know that. He knows he can tell Eddie everything. Anything. The bad and the good.
Which means he should be able to clear this up right away, right? He should just be able to say, ‘Hey, I was apparently working through some latent feelings I never knew I had. And I took that out on you. But guess what! I like Tommy and he likes me back and we have a date Saturday!’
But thinking about telling Eddie that Tommy kissed him makes his chest constrict in a way that he doesn’t expect. So he tucks it up in a neat little box in the corner of his mind for now and focuses on making sure Eddie’s okay. Because he can do that. He knows how to do that.
“I’m an idiot,” he says. “And if you want I will totally give you one free punch so we’re even.”
Eddie huffs a quiet laugh. “I could never hit you.”
“Should I go get Christopher’s Legos instead and step on them with my shoes off?”
Eddie lets out a real laugh then, the kind that makes his eyes close and his head fall back against the couch cushion, and Buck feels so much affection for him well up inside him he’s almost breathless with it.
“You’re an idiot,” Eddie tells him. “And a martyr. Seriously, Buck, I don’t care. I just want to make sure you and I are okay.”
“Of course we are,” Buck says, without actually stopping to interrogate if that’s true or not.
They are, he thinks. The fact that something absolutely life altering happened to him an hour ago and he somehow can’t make himself tell Eddie about it is…inconsequential.
He’s just hedging his bets. Not trying to get ahead of himself before he has yet another failed romance.
“In that case, can you go to the fridge and get us some beers?” Eddie asks, pulling Buck back to reality.
“You shouldn’t be drinking,” Buck says, even as he stands. Maybe they can split a beer. Half a bottle shouldn’t hurt. “Tommy says you’re on pain meds.”
“Oh, so you guys talked?”
Eddie says it unassumingly and when Buck freezes at the dining table and looks over his shoulder he finds that Eddie isn’t even looking at him. He’s leaning forward on the couch, adjusting his leg, but when Buck takes too long to answer he raises his head and gives him an expectant look.
“Yeah,” Buck murmurs, the phantom rasp of Tommy’s stubble against his mouth still tingling and making him want to reach up and touch his lips. That would give too much away though. “We talked.”
Eddie smiles, nodding his approval. “Good. Maybe all three of us can actually hang out together now.”
The thought immediately makes Buck’s stomach swoop with something unnameable but he doesn’t let it show on his face.
“Sure,” he breathes. “Sounds great.”
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moonstruckme · 4 months
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hi lovely!! i just had the most amazing 7 hrs of my life just scrolling through your page and reading all of your marauders work!! i never even thought about poly!marauders being a possibility until i found your page and i think you’ve altered my brain chemistry forever???
that being said, i would absolutely be so grateful if you could write a gn!reader with poly!marauders at the start of their relationship, where reader’s a much shorter than average person and the boys (who would be so, so tall) have to learn how to walk slower to make sure they don’t leave them behind. i’m so much shorter than my friends and what i do most of the times is run forward in advance and be in front of the group so i don’t get left behind. i’m totally used to it by now, but it’d be nice to have ppl recognize not everyone can go at the same pace, you know? that was so long, so sorry!! and no worries at all if you don’t wanna write it, totally understand! love u so much 🫶🏽🫶🏽
Hi love!! Omg, 7 hours??? Were your eyes okay after that? Sorry it took me so long to get to this, but thanks a ton for requesting and I hope you like it <3
poly!marauders x gn!reader ♡ 644 words
It’s mainly James and Sirius that are the problem. Remus has learned to hold your hand to temper his own long-legged pace, but much like with talking, when James and Sirius get together they start moving at double the speed. 
“Should we call them?” he asks. 
You consider it. “Let’s see how far they get before they notice.” 
A couple more minutes go by, and Remus can barely see the tops of their heads through the crowded sidewalk. 
“Still no idea?” He searches for notes of dejection in your tone, but finds only amusement. 
“None.” 
“Let’s hide.”
He blinks. “What? No, love…” He sighs reluctantly, but lets you tug him into a nearby coffee shop. 
You buy them each a hot chocolate, and it’s five more minutes before Sirius and James go by in the shop’s window, appearing slightly bemused but otherwise unconcerned. You make to go outside, but this time it’s Remus who holds you back. 
“No, let them stew a minute.” 
The next time they come by, the pair looks noticeably more troubled. Remus knocks on the window, and you both wave when they turn to you, gawping. 
The bell jingles as they come inside. 
“Hey, we’ve been looking for you.” James rubs his hands together, blowing warmth into them. Remus feels a tiny bit guilty and takes them between his. He pretends not to see the toothy grin James shoots him. 
“Oh?” Remus makes his tone casual, and you sip at your hot chocolate to hide your smile. “For how long?” 
“Like, five minutes. You just disappeared,” Sirius complains, scooching into your chair so that you have to share it with him. He peers at your hot chocolate, then Remus’. “Oi, you didn’t get any for us?” 
“Interesting,” Remus goes on, ignoring the question, “because we’ve been in here for nearly fifteen.” 
Sirius blinks, and James cocks his head. “Really?” James asks. 
You nudge Remus’ leg playfully under the table. “No,” you tell them, rolling your eyes. “We just wanted to see how long it would take you guys to notice we weren’t behind you.” 
“You could stand to be a little more considerate,” Remus says primly, sipping his hot chocolate. 
“Aw, baby.” Sirius nestles his freezing nose into your cheek, grinning when you squirm away. “Did those little legs of yours separate us?” 
You roll your eyes, but once again Remus comes to your defense. “Their legs aren’t the problem, yours are. Until you two can learn to be considerate of the less…height privileged” —he pretends not to see the aghast look you send him, and goes on with faux dispassion— “there will be no hot chocolate for either of you.” 
Sirius scoffs, but James is nodding slowly, seeming to mull things over. “Sounds fair,” he says. “However, have you considered that we could simply purchase our own hot chocolate?” 
“Not,” says Remus, “on ethical grounds.” 
James pulls his hands kindly from Remus’ grasp, giving him an almost consoling pat on the shoulder. “C’mon, Pads, let’s go order.” Sirius hops up, and James stops by your chair on his way past to drop a kiss on your head. “We’ll try to keep to your speed from now on, lovie. Sorry.” 
“It’s okay,” you say, having forgiven them long before they even knew they wanted to be forgiven. 
“Honestly, who should you really be mad at?” Sirius gives you a conspiratorial look. “Your knight in shining armor over there just called you ‘the less height privileged.’” 
“Don’t let him turn us against each other,” Remus says, reaching across the table to clasp your hand firmly. “It’s how he gets his way.” 
“I know,” you stage-whisper back. Then to Sirius, “Go get your hot chocolate, and I’ll decide who I’m mad at depending on whether there’s a slice of pumpkin bread with you when you come back.” 
He scurries towards the counter.
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starwikia · 1 month
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so like are we done with the idea that james is a victim of the internet harassment mob or whatever you guys like to call it when in reality no one like forced him to be part of the public eye again. he had multiple times to disengage but he threw himself head first into the spotlight with some half assed apology where he used his dead mom, illiterate dad, and like 293 mental illnesses that he was in the right to do a widdle plagiarism but it’s not his fault! it’s everyone else’s fault for not being nice to him about it!!! how dare these people bring these issues to the public not thinking how james would feel about it! like ppl are forgetting there was notable period of time james went off air entirely. and every time he’s jumped back it’s always attempts to paint himself as the victim.
like be real for a second if anyone was weaponizing the internet harassment machine it was james somerton. he knew what he was doing when he posted that note. he knew the shit his victims would get for having the crime of (checks notes) voicing out their issues with him. he knew there’s people out there who are foaming at their mouths to use anything they can get their hands on as a “gotcha!” at hbomberguy (right wing people yes, but don’t act like it’s just them i’ve seen plenty of lefties trying to prove they’re superior to harry). they don’t give a shit about james, not really. he’s the dude who hbomb did a “hit piece” (yes that’s a term i’ve seen people use) and that’s what matters.
not to mention the writing that’s also very clearly targeting nick who’s basically cut ties with him at this point. james pushed all the burden on nick by saying it’s their fault, actually. he’s one of the co-writers and everything going to shit was nick’s fault when they had the audacity to move. james is faultless! with james still trying to monetize stolen content on the blatant lie that he’s doing this for nick’s sake as a portfolio. acting as if nick isn’t an sentient human being who could upload their own content, as if nick would even want to be associated with james at this point. this isn’t a teenager being harassed for an honest mistake, this is a 35-year old con artist who’s stolen hundreds of thousands and peddled the most vile shit as actual history but realized he was in deep shit and weaponizes very serious mental health issues as a “i’m just a poor little gay baby!! my alter ego did it!!!”
for the record if you’re among the people who tried to wash down james’ crimes as “he just did plagiarism!! it wasn’t that bad of a crime!” fuck you, man. i’m not kidding.
the fact i’ve witnessed people whitewash his acts of racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, antisemitism and misogyny (in fact i’m probably still missing a few things here), and say he’s being harassed by the internet just because he stole articles makes it so clear they have no fucking idea what they’re talking about. his shit isn’t fucking erased just bc he realized that he has to handle the consequences. he’s grasping at anything he can at this point to make sure that even if he’s not coming back, he’s sure as hell trying to take anyone he fucking can down with him.
he doesn’t get a second chance to be a content creator at this point. he doesn’t get to show himself to do better. he needs to fucking leave. and if he tries to publicly make himself the victim then he better know that he’s going to get public backlash.
if anything situation proves to me that he can never be trusted with a public platform ever again because he will immediately guilt people into feeling sorry for him.
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atyourmerci · 2 months
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† Corruption †
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Read pt.1 here
Summary: After that fateful night when Abby stumbled into your room and began her demise, she follows you into the showers to reconcile her sins
Warnings: smut, MDNI, switch!abby!?!?, switch!reader, heavy religion play indisone, fnv, cunnilingus, dirty talk yurrrr, no use of y/n
A/N: sorry this took 4ever I just really wanted to get this right and I still don’t love it but I must feed my babies. I mightttttt make a pt.3 that’s up to yall but either way I’m going to work on some other stuff so please send in recs!! (Also I know hotels don’t have communal showers just shut up and enjoy the porn:))) 
Your vision went blurry, plunging you into a coma that kept your breathing synchronized until you couldn’t remember anymore. Maybe all the heavy breathing took you out, maybe God was retaliating at your corruption of his loyal follower. Either way- it was a good way to go out.
When you woke up, severely late at that, there was no sight of Abby, she was gone like the wind. In any normal case, that was what you preferred. The useless banter, awkward cuddling and sentiments were far beyond you. But this felt different- she- was different. Not in a way that you couldn’t have her, an unforbidden love tragedy, but in a way that she altered every being in you. She fucked everything you knew.
Days went by with no interaction; you both avoided each other like the plague. She probably condemned herself the moment she left; fuck she was already in suit of redemption mid orgasm. You avoided her because you knew you couldn’t stop yourself. This wasn’t her way of life- it was yours. Sure, she initiated it, but you reveled in it, got off on it, desired more.
Your thoughts were selfish, self-indulgent, downright merciless. While your days were spent avoiding your unrequited love, your nights had grown breathless as your hand was shoved deep into your panties trying to get yourself off to thoughts of Abby, to no avail. It felt like your karma for fucking God’s favorite devotee. You wished she would hear your aimless attempt, swoop in and return your favor. But she never did, of course she didn’t, she feared her own fucking reflection.
After a week of thoughtless days and sleepless nights you decided to shove the night as far back as possible, stop ruminating on the idea of her. That’s all that night was, a desperate idea of what she could be without moral. That wasn’t the Abby anyone knew, and neither did she.
Friday was terrible, there was an attack at the camp and a few soldiers were pretty bad off. Since you were the only medic, you were tasked with treating multiple injuries at once, scaling them at the urgency of attention. In a sick way, you hoped Abby was hurt. You wished you could have tended to her, even in that light, any way you could get your hands on her.
The only sight of Abby was her bringing in wounded soldiers’ bridal style into your med tent. When she first arrived, it was the first words either of you had spoken in a week, only for her to bark at you about the incident and return with additional members. After she had carried all of them in, she stood and watched you tend to them for a second before you aggressively whipped back to her with a, “I got it, stop breathing down my neck.”
You weren’t trying to be harsh with her, but the last thing you needed was her presence in the wake of this monstrosity. She had already clouded your every thought, and this was not the time to finally have her at the tips of your fingers again.
After hours of stitching, compacting, and amputating wounds you were spent. Blood trailed up and down your body, caked in sweat and dirt. You were barely mobile at this point, but the thought of going to bed decorated with the blood of your friends was unnerving.
You set off to the communal showers in the middle of the rundown hotel, it was so late at this point that you were guaranteed a peaceful shower uninterrupted by any needy suitors. You removed your blood adorned clothes, dropping them to the cold white tiled floor and started the rusty shower head.
The hot water drowns your skin as blood and dirt trail down your body into the drain, you let it soak in your tired flesh as you let the day out of you. You let your fingers run through your tangled hair when you hear a creak of the door open, causing a heavy sigh to linger out of your breath.
The last thing you wanted to do was having to entertain the presence of someone else so you decided to ignore the rustling, continuing to wash through your dirty locks.
Your peace was faltered as you left a breath coming from behind your neck, heavy in almost a pant. You feel strong hands whip you around to face your attacker, and shoved into the cold back tile of the wall sending you into a gasp. Abby stood before you, already stripped of her clothing, the water fell in between your bodies and into your open mouths.
Her hands still gripped at your waist, “touch me and don’t make a fucking sound,” she aggressively whispers low enough so no one could hear, as if it wasn’t the middle of the night, or that the water wouldn’t muffle out any noise, maybe she was that scared of being caught.
“Abby if you think this-“you begin to protest when she cuts you off by pulling you in by your waist to kiss you like a woman starved. It had only been a few days, but she gripped onto you like it had been years, years since she let herself go out of morality. You wanted to stop yourself, tell her you wouldn’t live this lie for her, but your body had a different agenda, it ached for her touch, anything she would give you.
She pulls away from you to simple mutter out a “please,” and you were convinced. It was like a parasite had wormed its way into you, you had gotten just as starved as she was. Without a beat you sunk to your knees as the water flooded your vision, the only sight was her sticky floods pooling between her muscley thighs. You attacked her pussy with your lips spewing a guttural moan out of her lips, she gripped onto your soaked hair for leverage. Her grip on your hair was almost painful but you couldn’t stop lapping her slick into your needy tongue to stop her.
Abby was already shaking from the overstimulation, you couldn’t pace yourself, you needed her to cum for your own validation, to know how much she needed you. Even if she never touched you, you were still fulfilled by the act. “F- fingers pl-ease” she says muffled by the water drenching you. You turn up to watch her plead tongue still deep into her slit, mascara running down your face as the water pelleted your eyes.
“D-ont look at me like th- this,” her mouth agape, she looked like she was crying, maybe she was, maybe it was the hot steam. You run a fat strip from her leaky hole up to her clit never leaving her gaze, she couldn’t look away and neither would you. “What are you going to do if I don’t Anderson?” You say with a cocky smirk and drive your tongue deep into her cunt again making her shake.
With an angered grunt you feel your hair being pulled up so that you’re back to your feet, you let out a wince from the pain before she throws you back onto the tiles, this time you had been too worked up to feel the chill of them on your skin. She places her left hand onto the titles next to your head, the veins in her arms bulging from using them to pull all of your body weight by your hair.
Her chest is flesh with yours that you can feel your bodies breath’s heave back and forth, eyes drilling into each other. “Fingers.” She demands. You didn’t realize you were so in shock by her aggression your hands were pinned at your sides, you moved them down her chest slowly, feeling every chiseled-out crevasse on her. Her breath only becomes more rapid as you draw your fingers closer to her aching cunt.
She whimpers out a “fuck,” as your fingers reattach to her clit, rubbing slow enough to relieve the pain but not enough to get her off. You watch as her head finally drops, and her arm shakes next to your head. Her cross was laid messily on her chest, flipped backwards, you hold back laughter as you think to yourself how God couldn’t watch this right now.
“You like getting fucked by a girl huh Anderson?” You dip your head closer so that you’re in her ear now, “you touch your little pussy every night since I made you cum, yeah?” You taunt and tease her as she whimpers into your ear. “St-op it,” she begs with her head nuzzled into the crook of your neck in a way to almost hide herself.
“Its okay baby, tell me how much you like getting fucked like a godless whore,” you start to circle her clit harder and faster so you can watch how much she likes it. All she can spit out in return is a desperate “fuckkkk,” and you know you’ve broken her. “D- don’t let me cum- I- I don’t deserve it,” she moves her head so you can see her now and begins panting on your lips.
“oh no Im going to enjoy watching you break again,” you say back with a wide grin, reveling in her desperation. You’re ready to dip your fingers into her dripping folds when you feel her free hand travel up your thigh. Her hand finally meets your cunt and she grips it harshly causing you to buck your hips into it.
“A- abby what are you d-doing?” Every emotion hitting you like a ton of bricks. Why was she touching you? This wasn’t her thing, not her job, that was your job. Would you be able to stop her? Control yourself? Let her have you? Why did she feel so fucking good when she was barely touching you?
She continues pulsing her palm into your aching cunt, “just let me try,” she breathes out against your soaked lips. Your fingers begin faltering at her clit, you try continuing your pace but it slows as her palm rubs against you.
She follows your lead by tracing her thick fingers through your slick folds, you bite down on your bottom lip to hold back from exposing yourself. When she begins circling your clit you can’t help but to whimper a choked out, “fuck just like that,” she was doing so well already.
She seemed pleased by her work, letting out a moan that followed your own. She was getting off on your pleasure instead of her own at this point.
You are barely able to keep your pace on her clit anymore, so engulfed by the feeling of her rough fingers on your swollen clit. She removes her fingers from your clit to move your hand off of her own clit, moving it so your palm lay against her chest.
She returns her fingers back so that only you are being pleased by her. You couldn’t believe that this was the first time she had done it, she felt like she was made to touch you, circling your bud like it would bring her to salvation.
Words were barely at the forefront of your mind at this point but you needed to ask her, “di- did you do all of- fuckkkk- ju- just to fuck me?”
She pierces her bright blue eyes into yours to make herself clear, “I worship you,” she says as she dips her long, thick ring and middle fingers deep into your cunt, immediately inching your g spot. The palm of her hand grazing your clit to give just enough friction.
All you can muster up to respond with is a guttural scream that rips through you, causing to use the hand that was placed on the wall to cover your mouth quickly. “Shhhh pretty girl I know I know,” she coos.
You bring her fingers into your mouth for leverage, anything to keep you from losing all control. Her pace quickens as she feels your walls clenching around her dripping fingers. How the fuck does she know you’re close.
As you begin nearing your climax, your mind runs free from all morality, she begin corrupting you just the same, driving out what you knew and replacing it with only her.
You didn’t even know you were doing it, not until she moved her fingers out of your mouth to understand you, “abbyabbyabbyabbyabby” with your eyes rolled, head slack on the tiles you begin worshiping her, praising her ever being like a mantra.
What brought you back to consciousness was the heavy breath and the ringing of your own name in a mantra beside your ear. You had never repented before, but she had begun her reconciliation along with you. If this were to be your religion, you’d give into her over and over again. At your knees to serve her, punished at your wrong doings and give penance for your sins.
“Serve me with your completion, give your god what she deserves,” she demands. You couldn’t disobey your savior, she showed your needy body mercy, and you must obey her.
It all hits you like a wave, all you can see is white as your body trembles under her. You can’t recall screaming but she moves her hand over your mouth. Your entire body shakes as she rides you over your high, kissing your forehead as you bite into her fingers, never letting up on her pace until she knows you can’t take it anymore.
As all of your limbs give out she slowly moves her fingers out of your abused pussy, picking you up before you fall straight into the hard tiles. She gently places you onto the tiles in front of her, holding you by your waist as the water floods from above you.
You try to mumble out something but she stops you with a quick “shhh I’m going to take care of you,” as she begins to wash out your hair gently. You lean your head into the crook of her neck and she lays peppered kisses from your shoulder to your neck.
“Please don’t run off again…” you muster up as she threads her fingers through your hair, “you’re all I know.”
“You’re all I have.”
Taglist: @wishbones999 @bookpagecandlescent @littlegingerperson2
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Note
Another Vox enthusiasts I see? Well if I may...
Vox with a GN Hacker reader who was turned entirely digital after manifesting in hell. They don’t even have a physical form they’re completely stuck within Hell’s databases, their skills are obviously useful to him so he offers them a place on the team which they immediately accept on the condition that Vox makes them a vessel to inhabit because holy shit are they going stir crazy.
I’m not entirely sure how Vox’s abilities work but given he can at the very least project himself onto screens and the like I get the feeling that he’d plug himself into the system whenever they talk. Mostly because it keeps them grounded, they’re alot calmer when he’s actually next to them and not looking in through a screen.
I hope this didn’t get too wordy or long I just wanted to be thorough because I have massive brain rot for this techno mf-
Take your time with this request! Kisses darling <3
-📽
Dude, does anyone else remember having Shimeji's or that internet episode from Fairly Odd Parents? Cause that's what I'm about to write!
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Digital Pet [Vox x Digital Reader]
When you first manifested in Hell, you were completely unaware that you had ended up in Hell itself. Because instead of manifesting in the overcrowded circle designated for sinners, you instead found yourself in a digital landscape. Countless screens surrounded you like a million portals. You could see the different shapes and sizes of the devices being used in hell and could even alter whether or not you saw what was being displayed on the screen or what the screen could see itself like a window to Hell.
At first, you had a massive meltdown. From what you could tell, you were the only one in this digital Hell custom-tailored to leave you isolated despite having access to every device in Hell. You wondered what you did to deserve the extra punishment layered on top of not being good enough for heaven, especially since you hadn't done anything particularly evil when you were alive.
You lost track of how much time passed. You entertained yourself by jumping from system to system. You'd watch shows that sinners binged, and you'd watch the city from large advertisement screens that overlooked the sinner's circle of Hell. Anything to stave off the loneliness.
One day, that all changed when you felt an electric buzz make the hairs on the back of your neck stand. You heard the voice of someone swearing and immediately pulled yourself away from the screen you had been sticking your nose into. When you turned, you saw another demon who was still sparking with some bright electric energy as he dusted himself off.
For a moment the two of you just stared at each other in shock. As far as you and Vox knew, you were the only ones who could access the digital realm of Hell's database. Vox is immediately wary, but you are thrilled as you approach him quickly.
"H-Hi, oh my god!" you breathe as you look him over. He didn't look new to Hell, but you had never seen anyone else in the same pocket of space as you before. "Did you just die? Have you seen anyone else? Did you just get here? It's been so long since I saw another person that wasn't on a screen!"
Vox blinked as you rapid-fired questions at him. He looked you over as you rambled something about the irony of his face being a screen when he finally shook his head and held up a hand to stop you.
"Woah, woah, woah, slow down," he started. "What are you talking about? How are you even here? No one else should be able to traverse through the database of Hell but me."
Vox's interest only grows as you explain your situation. "I see," he hummed as he looked you over with new intrigue. "I wonder if you have similar abilities to mine and just got caught in the in-between..."
It was easy enough for him to lure you into a deal. The sheer amount of panic you expressed when he pretended he was going to just leave you there was hilarious at the time. In exchange for you "surfing the web" for him, so to speak, he took you on as an apprentice of sorts. Vox trained your abilities and helped you hone your magic. While you had every hope of one day figuring out how to manifest in the physical realm the way he did, Vox cleverly avoided any pursuit of the possibility.
He liked having full power over you and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't starting to grow attached. While you hadn't learned anything about manifesting physically, you had learned how to appear on his screens. He'd never admit it to you out loud, but he found the tiny image of you running around on his devices and talking with him to be pretty damn adorable.
Despite his manipulation, the two of you actually slowly became friends. He found himself genuinely proud of you whenever you popped up to show him something new you had learned. There was a weird warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest when you would bounce with excitement at your new discoveries.
Sometimes you'd ask him to play a certain show or song for you. Even after you learned how to control inactive devices so you could look up anything you wanted, you still liked to ask him to play things for you just so you could watch them in his presence. You'd send memes to each other and Vox had to quickly excuse himself when you sent him a crudely drawn image of Alastor slipping on a banana peel while he was in the middle of giving a presentation at a meeting.
Vox was emotionally constipated, but he wasn't stupid. He could tell that the warm feeling in his chest was growing and he knew you were the source. He clutched his chest as he stepped into his lair and saw you sleeping on his desktop toolbar, waiting for him to come home after a long day at work. He had promised you that you'd watch the new episode of a show you'd been watching together, but his gameshow had run late.
He sits down with a sigh and traces over your sleeping form, feeling something twist inside of him as his claw only met with the cold, flat surface of a screen. He wondered what it would be like to hold you. To touch you. To have you in his arms while the two of you lay on the couch while you made him watch stupid shows instead of...
"Fuck," Vox whispered to himself as he pulled away from the innocent image of you. He clutched his face as he slumped forward in his chair. He had a decision to make.
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And so do you, dear readers! I want to make a part two to this, the real question is:
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Finally finished the first part of gai’s 8 gates coma and how kakashi dealt with it rewrite people have been requesting. [tw blood, injury, coma, death discussions, grief]
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Kurenai: Kakashi Kks: Ah. Kurenai and...baby, what’s up? Kurenai: You mind if I come in a moment? Kks: Uhhhhh I-
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Kks: So what did you need to speak about? Did something happen? K: No, Nothing’s happened. You haven’t gotten to properly see and bond with her yet. Here Kks: You know I’m not fond of kids. K: That’s why I didn’t ask. Hold your arms out. Ok, now, don’t look absolutely petrified.
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Kks: She’s ok, I guess [YELP] Oi! Don’t pinch me while I’m holding your baby! K: You wouldn’t drop her. Asuma would haunt you forever! Kks: Terrifying thought, Mirai.... How are you feeling? K: Exhausted. Do you really want to hear how horrifying having a baby is? Kks: No, please don’t tell me.
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K: I came over to check on you as well. Any news? Kks: No. He’s still the same. K: Is that why it looks like this in here? Kks: ...Yeah. Doctor said he may never wake up. Since we’re eachother’s medical contacts, Tsunade told me I had to prepare to make hard decisions should it come to that.
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Kks: With the council breathing down my neck over a job I don’t want, I had... A bit of an outburst. K: I don’t even blame you. That’s... That they expect you to carry on like normal. Still grieving. The person you love most is gone. But you’re still here. Don’t let them just dust you off and move on again. I’ll always have your back. Kks: You and Asuma always did. Even when I wasn’t grateful for it.
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Kks: I can’t tell if they just don’t care or didn’t realize, Gai’s the one who held me together all these years. Only reason I’m still here at all is because of him. I don’t think tenzou, the elders, or the village are prepared for what’ll become of me if I lose him. So, I don’t care anymore. Let them be mad. I won’t give up on him. K: You should talk to him. Kks: huh K: Talk about anything! I’m sure the sound of your voice will help him find his way back. Especially if you sound sad, Kks: uuh
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K: I can hear it now, “My eternal rival is sad? Not on my watch!“ Kks: Pretty accurate impression. K: There’s been lots of source material! Kks: Maaa, Your mom’s a huge dork K: Oi! [kakashi chuckles]
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K: He’ll be so upset he missed her birth Kks: Oh, devastated. I can’t wait to see the look on Gai’s face, Mirai, when I tell him /I/ held you first! When he wakes up
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Kks: Hey, Gai. Kurenai said i should talk to you.
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Kks: Feels weird. Most of the people I’m used to talking to like this are all... Dead.
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It’s so eerie how silent you’ve been for so long. you’re not even this quiet when you sleep. Your kids come everyday to see you. Naruto and sakura when they can. Lots of others. I’ve been telling them embarrassing  stories from when we were kids since you keep making them wait. Do you remember when I came over while you and Dai were making supper
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Dai: Kakashi! Good to see you, my boy! Kks: Id Gai home? Dai: He’s helping with supper! Go on, inside, you’re always welcome! Kks: Ok Dai: Atta boy Kks: Hey, G- !? ummm? Gai: OH!! Rival!! Kks:  Is that a lid?! Gai: Correct!! It stops me from crying while cutting onions! A win for me!!
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Kks: Against.... the onions? Gai: Yep! KKs:[snicker] Gai: Laugh all you want! Not everyone can comprehend innovation. Kks: Whatever. You forgot this at the training grounds. I know it’s yours there’s a turtle on it. Gai: See! You’re already tearing up! Kks: Am not Gai: Also, thankyou so much! Kks: Bye, I’m leaving. Gai: Could it be? You’re scared I can cut much faster than you! Kks: I am not scared. Gai: Good, I think we have another lid! Kks: YOU-!
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Dai: Great to see growing boys with such a hunger! I’ll never have to prep onions again! Kks: I think about that everytime I chop onions now. You’ve altered my brain with all the ridiculous things you’ve done. Can’t even look at the toys you’ve gotten the dogs without getting emotional
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Kks: Just knowing you’re here still, I can barely function. It’s pretty pathetic... Your hair’s getting long. Turning into your dad.
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[gai’s heartbeat] Kks: Gai
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[gais heartbeat continues]
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[gai’s heartbeat continues] Kks: If anything should happen to me, you’ll rush over, right? Gai: Damn right, I will. Dont you worry about that.
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[Gai’s heartbeat]
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Kks: I miss you
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risuola · 7 months
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PROMISE pt. 2 — F. READER x GOJO SATORU
Satoru promised he will never leave you.
cw: fluff, manga spoilers (more like the fight between two characters from chapters 223-235 is mentioned, no details whatsoever), FIX IT FIC because we need one, reader is pregnant – labor is briefed through — 1,5k words
a/n: one of TWO endings to PROMISE – this one is fluffy, it’s a fix-it fic if you will, it’s happy and pretty. If you’re feeling angsty, if you want to rub some salt into the wounds, check THIS ANGSTY alternate ending out!
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He made a promise, so he had to keep it.
It all felt abstract. Was Satoru really able to win? You knew he’s strong, hell, he’s the strongest, but still, can he beat Sukuna? Your breath hitched, you began feeling dizzy, and your stomach really began to hurt. Just few moments ago you felt like your little princess was sleeping, but as the time progressed, you began feeling pain. Your stress had to get to her finally and with all of your might you tried to calm yourself down even if only a little to not put your little one under the pressure of your nerves.
“Y/n?” Shoko squeezed your shoulder, “come with me, you really should breathe some air.”
“Huh?” You couldn’t even look at her, you were afraid that the second you take your eyes from the screens, something bad will happen. But you knew the worry in Ieiri’s voice, she spoke like this only when she faced something serious. “N-no, I’m fine, don’t worry.”
“Come.”
You didn’t know why she insisted, but you moved with great hesitance. And then it got to you.
In a matter of minutes, you were in another room, alone with Ieiri, as she was ordering people to gather everything needed because the moment you got in here, your waters broke. Yuji had to run for towels and clean clothes (which he did in a matter of few minutes) and Choso brought gloves and bottled water, because he insisted to help his brother. It’s not the best time, you thought. Your daughter still had a month to go, it wasn’t her time yet, but there wasn’t much you could do. It all happened too quickly, but maybe it was happening for a little while now and simply you were too focused on watching the fight, your mind too absent from what your own body signalized, because when Shoko checked, you were already fully dilated.
You imagined that day differently. Certain that it will be Ieiri who will deliver your baby, but you hoped for Satoru to be here, to keep your hand in his protective grip and you hoped for Megumi to meet his little step-sister. You thought it’ll look differently, that it won’t be a random, quite dingy room god knows where, you hoped it won’t be in the middle of a war. All of this didn’t matter, when you pushed for the first time. The adrenaline rushed through your bloodstream, your ear turned deaf to everything Shoko was saying, you just followed what your own body told you, pushing through the pain breathlessly for what felt like eternity.
And then, all of it was over. You barely registered when you cleaned up, dressed and Shoko used her abilities to heal your body enough for you to fight if needed. You walked back to take your place in front of the many screens, holding a newborn to your chest and with relief you noticed, Satoru was still standing.
“You alright?” Yuta asked, giving your shoulder a soft squeeze as he stood behind you.
“Yes. How’s he?” you replied, trying to analyze the battlefield. Satoru was still there, Sukuna was also looking good, all things considered. You should probably focus more on what just happened to you, but how could you, when your entire world was standing on the battlefield?
“Don’t worry about him so much, y/n. It’s Satoru Gojo we’re talking about. Better tell me how is she?”
She. Your daughter, the little bundle of love, now all in your hands. As you smoothed over the little cheek of your sleeping princess, you couldn’t help but wonder, if her coming to this world made even a fraction of a change that your husband’s birth made. She sure altered the balance of your world.
What you didn’t know, her appearance reached Satoru’s senses all the way back on the battlefield, and he grinned at the feeling. It’s like a wave of something unknown but at the same time very familiar hit him in the face and it gave him a kick of strength he never knew he needed. Now, he couldn’t lose. Not that he was planning to, but now, he just couldn’t.
“Oi, Megumi,” he called, looking at Sukuna that for the last couple of seconds stood there frozen, unable to move because the new, unknown feeling reached him as well. “You can feel her, right? Time to wake up Megs.”
“So naïve,” the curse chuckled, snapping out from the initial shock, “you still believe he’s gonna come back because of some brat being born? Oh, no, and let me tell you, once I’m done with you, I’ll make sure she’ll also be dea-“
The taunting tone was cut short when Ryomen tensed. Disoriented, he looked down at his hands, struggling to clench them into fists as they became stiff, fingers barely moving under the pressure of his muscles, as if he lost control over his own body. He groaned, pushing through with the movement, but stopped again, unable to make another step. Black markings glitched over his face and Gojo grinned wide.
“Good job, Megumi,” he praised. “Welcome back, kid.”
And then a rasped-out scream ripped through Sukuna’s throat, the one that’s desperate and annoyed, helpless once again as the vessel he had settled in began fighting him. So much work he had put into preparing Megumi’s soul to sink deep down into darkness, killing his sister, doing the ancient bath ritual, and now all of his efforts came into nothing, because what?
“G-gojo-“ a voice, much more familiar slipped over the tongue in Sukuna’s mouth. “Tsumiki, she’s dead, I-“
“It wasn’t you, Megumi,” Satoru cooed. “Suppress him, you can do it.”
“I can’t let him hurt my sister once again,” Fushiguro struggled, but the marks became more and more faded, and Sukuna’s cursed energy less and less apparent.
“Oh no, you definitely can’t.”
You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. You couldn’t hear anything, Mei’s crows provided only with vision, but even without voices, you could tell something odd was happening. Megumi was fighting back, Satoru’s shoulders relaxed just slightly, but his features betrayed the relief he felt, the happiness interlaced through his features, clearly pictured by his wide smile.
And then, just like that, maybe few minutes passed, when he was right in front of you, kneeling before you. You could feel the touch of his hands over your legs, his warmth crawling over your skin.
“Hello there,” he said casually, his tone soft and plush as if he wasn’t just battling the king of curses for god knows how long.
“Satoru,” his name slipped through your parted mouth. You couldn’t believe he was there, and as you looked up and to the side, Megumi was there too, with no signs of black cursed markings adorning his light skin and his hair pushed down, just as he would usually style it, probably being a result of Gojo’s hand messing with it. He smiled softly, keeping his distance, but you could tell his soul was in the right place. Sukuna that now was trapped inside of him would be another day’s problem, you figured.
“Welcome back, love,” your husband brought your attention back to him. “And hello, little princess,” he then pushed his face upon the baby in your arms, examining the tiny miracle that you held close to your heart. He looked into the blue irises of his daughter, smiling at the familiar color that surrounded by light eyelashes created a picture of mini him, but somehow, even better, because he could already see this cute nose of yours, the soft, feminine features that she inherited from you. “So I was right, she does have the same cute nose as you.”
“Oh, Satoru,” you sobbed quietly, brushing your hand through his white strands of hair, now sticky from all the blood that got into it. “Is that really over?”
“For now, it is. Our boy is back, I’ll figure out how to tame Sukuna inside of him later.”
“Come here,” you reached a hand to Megumi, but he hesitated, afraid that he’ll lost control and hurt you or his little sister. Eventually, he gave up underneath your demanding gaze and you took him into you, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
Two strong arms of your husband then enveloped the three of you in the loving embrace and you couldn’t help but smile, finding his dried-out lips and pressing a kiss to them.
“I’m so glad you won,” you whispered to him, resting your forehead against his. “I’m so glad I have both of you back.”
Satoru just chuckled and Megumi smiled softly. Little that you know, it’s only because of the wave of new, fresh energy that bore so much of Satoru’s unique signature that spread all over the world the moment she was out of your womb. It’s her that gave your husband another impulse to act and it’s her who saved your foster son from losing himself completely.
Satoru promised he will never leave you. He promised that to your daughter and she herself made sure, he’ll keep that promise.
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HELLO MY DARLINGS
PLEASE READ
So I have heard that even I manifested for everyone
It may not work for everyone
Because you still have to persist yourself
Kinda like this
You could manifest for a job but you still have to work
Someone told me this
And then said that those who promised to manifest in the void for others said that they tried but couldn’t do it for everyone
So their followers called them liars
Please don’t do that
We are the Gods of our OWN reality
Do it yourself
I’m here to guide you
So
Here’s a step by step guide that actually helped someone get super close and helped me get in!!!
First
What is the void state?
The void state is the deepest type of meditation
It is the state of pure consciousness where your body is asleep but the righty side of your brain is awake
Why we need to keep the right side of our brain awake?
Because the right side of our brain is more “creative”
We have two sides of our brain
They’re called “Hemispheres”
Left hemisphere(left side of brain)
Is for your every day activities you use more of during certain classes at school
This sides more logical
Meaning it knows things like
“1+1=2” “You eat cereal with a spoon spaghetti with a fork”
When you stay still for 15-20 minutes not only is your body asleep but your left hemisphere is also asleep
How to enter the void state
To enter the void state one must simply
Be
In the void state anything is possible
You can revise death, heal someone from something, gain magical powers
Become famous be a billionaire marry your celebrity crush wake up next to your SP
Be the coolest person in the world
Have pink hair etc
Nothing is impossible
If you lost someone you could literally manifest in the void they’re still alive and healthy
Here are the steps to entering the void:
1. Get comfortable I don’t care if you lay down or sit up just be in a position where you feel comfy
2. Put on an instrumental to your favorite song if it’s relaxing enough it can even be a rap song
Just no lyrics
Make sure it’s upbeat enough to make you happy and keep you awake
Or a slow pop instrumental I don’t care if it’s Billie Eilish etc
Any song instrumental that gets you in your mood
3. Whilst listening to your instrumental, I want you to start daydreaming
Visualize your dream life
Picture that everything is perfect the way you want it
The 3D can be altered that’s why it’s an illusion
In this very moment that you’re lying down the only thing that’s important is your mind
Allow your thoughts to pass they don’t even matter
Shift those thoughts into your daydream
Fantasize about your dream life
Feel happy feel good
4. While daydreaming about your desires
I want you to picture your desired self as vividly as you can picture them staring into your eyes
Breathing with you
The breathing method I want you to try during this is
The “444” method
Breathe in on 4
Like this
As you’re breathing in through your nose count to 4 in your head or out loud
Then hold it
Release on the count of 8
So hold it then release on 8
Do I this until you feel super relaxed
Now imagine your desired self
Counting to a hundred with you
With each breath in you both count together
What you’re doing here is you are becoming in sync with your desired self
As she/he/they( your desired self) stares into your eyes
Let them count with you picture them just staring at you with a comfy smile and counting with you
Until you reach maybe 100 or 200 whatever you choose
5. After counting
Still imagine your desired self
Imagine they’re telling “you always wake up in the void”
Repeat after them start saying
“I always wake up in the void “
Create affirmations for them to say
And just repeat after them but using first place like they’ll say “You are pure consciousness” so you say “I am pure consciousness”
Become in synch with your desired self as if your souls are one because truthfully this desired version of you is already you
You’re just forming a deeper connection with them in this very moment
6. Start saying together “I am in the void”
7. that’s it
If you’re not in by now
I need you to focus on talking to your desired self today become in synchronized with them
This will help you feel a stronger connection with your desires instead of putting them on a pedestal
Subliminals to use
For Alpha waves
What is Alpha waves?
Alpha waves are a mindfulness meditation exercise that helps relief stress and many other things
The alpha state of mind is a relaxed state of consciousness while awake when the brain produces alpha waves instead of beta waves. Alpha waves can help reduce stress increase productivity, and boost creativity. Some techniques that may help you enter the alpha state include:
(Credit to google haha)
Examples of when you’re in the Alpha wave state
1. When you sit down to watch tv for awhile
2.While studying
3.Maybe reading a book
These are examples of things we do that trigger the alpha state
To get into the alpha wave
Listen to the subliminal above with the waves included
During this subliminal
Focus on deep breathing
Calm your mind
Slow down your heart rate
The frequency of alpha should be at 8 to 13 HZ
The video I mentioned above is at a frequency of 11 HZ
ISOCHRONIC TONES
Isochronic tones are tones that basically forces your brain waves to move in synch with the frequency you’re listening to
Isochronic tones is what I like to call “Synchronized tones “
You can use binaural beats but these and isochronic tones are the not the same
The differences are
Binaural beats are separate frequencies functioning together
While isochronic tones are frequencies of a singular wave
You could use either one
“What if you can’t visualize?”
No worries!
If you are unable to visualize like I was I want you to practice this method instead
The non visualization method:
Requires no daydreaming no visualization
How to enter void with a clear mental image
1. As stated before get into a comfortable position
2. Put on either subliminal or instrumental
3. Close your eyes and instead of visualizing
I want you to lay completely still
In about 15 minutes or when you feel it’s been awhile
Start moving your eyes rapidly
Not too fast
You know when you’re fake sleeping and your mom tries to see if you’re actually asleep
Like that move your eyes
Not like you WANT to wake up but more like as in you are dreaming
This will trick you into thinking you’re in the “R.E.M” state
The REM state also known as “Rapid eye movement”
This occurs when your brain waves and your mind are becoming consciously aware
You’ll feel like waking up because you’re in the process of waking up
But you’re still asleep
This where you dream
Or if you have Aphantasia(the inability to visualize) whether your dream or not
Many people with aphantasia still dream they’re just low in sensory
Anyways during REM sleep
You’re basically half awake half asleep
The duration is about 90 minutes
To trick yourself into thinking you’re in the REM state
After awhile of laying still and tricking your body into thinking you’re asleep
Move your eyes rapidly
You’ll start seeing little lights or colors that’s behind your eyelids
These are called “phosphenes”
Focus on these colors behind your eyes
Until you feel you’ve are in a self induced trance
You might end up in the hypnagogic state
Hypnagogia are phoshenes which is where you’re between awaking consciousness and sleep
You’ll hallucinate different patterns shapes smells etc
This is just extra information
The main key here is if you can’t visualize
Trick your body into thinking you’re the REM state by moving your eyes
And focusing on the lights shapes sparkles or colors you see behind your eyes
4. When you feel like your mind is blank/fuzzy at this point
Start affirming or counting or both while still focusing on the colors
This helps you take the focus off of your surroundings and your body
Because at this point you’ll be feeling symptoms
If you don’t it doesn’t mean you’re not doing it right
You don’t need symptoms
They’re your bodies reaction to falling asleep
That floating feeling
Is also part of your body falling asleep
You ever had dream you were falling and you wake up thinking you were falling?
The void requires no symptoms
So if you get some don’t get excited
It just means your body is full asleep
It only takes 15 minutes to fall asleep
The Gateway Experience
First and foremost it’s important to know not to use too many different brain wave audios choose a few you resonate with the most
This audio below is from either the 60s or 80s
Anyways it’s been proven by the CiA that the void state exists
Monks have done for centuries tapping into it whilst chanting the OM mantra
Below I’ve provided the hemi synch subliminal and a theta wave subliminal one with the OM mantra one without
And one is for shifting realities but you can block out the shifting affs if you just wanna enter the void
We have different brain waves here’s what each one is and used for
Beta wave: Alertness awakened consciousness active thinking
Examples
You in school or work
Theta wave: Creativity
Dreaming deep meditative states
Examples
Meditation or when you’re about to fall asleep
Delta waves: Deep sleep
Reduced waking consciousness
Examples
Deep sleeping
Epilson waves: Spiritual awareness and insight along with inspiration
Subliminals I recommend
And good luck guys
I love you babies so much
But please remember not to give these subliminals or even me
Power
The power lies within you
So if these work
It’s because you allow them too
You might think you’re self concept is good
But there’s two versions of your mind
Your 3D brain and your 4D brain
Your 4D brain is where your imagination lies
Your 3D brain is you right now
Both are you but they must both be in synch
Your 3D brain needs to also know your power
In other words you could say all you want that you’re “The God of your reality” or that you “Enter the void easily”
But you need to actually believe it
Many believe that reprogramming the subconscious mind takes months or weeks have clearly never of Psych k
Psych k is a method that aligns both sides of the brain in tune to absorb whatever information you tell it
It’s supposed to require your brain in only minutes
Watch this video to learn how to do it
youtube
youtube
youtube
youtube
I know some success stories are exaggerated but never get discouraged if you do
Search “Electra Soul” on YouTube
She helped me when I needed the motivation
Here is more subliminals for you to try out
Don’t ask people to enter for you
Because it’s not 100% guaranteed even if it was
Everything in your life
Is the way this because of how YOU assume it to be
Change your assumptions
If I entered for everyone but you still have a shitty self concept
Your life would not be better that’s like me giving a kid homework for something he’s already been taught
But he still expects me to do it for him
How else does he learn? He does it himself
Then if he needs help he asks
Reason why they’re called “TEACHers” to teach you the things you need to know not do it for you
Plus you feel so much more accomplished and confident when you get things done by yourself
At the end of the day all you have is you
We’re all just random strangers
Your subconscious mind is not a person so stop talking at it
But talk TO it
It’s like a tape recorder
The current tape that’s in is repeating negative affirmations that’s you’ve subconsciously embeddeded into your mind
Change the tape
Re record those thoughts
Place them with wanted desired thoughts
Here’s more subs for you as I mentioned earlier
youtube
Hemi Synch
youtube
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bellaramseysgf · 2 years
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I’m your God (E.M)
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Warning(s); Innocent/crybaby! Reader,finger sucking,training,fingering,hand kink,choking kink,religious kink,daddy kink, casual dominance, mean!dom Eddie.
Pairing(s); Eddie Munson x girlfriend! Reader.
Summary; How can you believe in God when Eddie Munson exists.
A/n;…..just…. @toomanybandstocare thank me later.
Eddie Munson. He was your boyfriend. God.
You and Eddie met close to 4 months ago after his uncle drug him into your dads church. Wayne had found out about his little “deals” and wanted him to apologize to “god” even though Eddie didn’t believe in shit.
You were stood at the front in you little pink Sunday dress, your hair curled just like your father liked. You kept your makeup down to a minuscule amount because it was something your father never liked on “young girls” you were 19. You weren’t a child. “Thank you for your help darling” your father smiled and ran his fingers through your hair.
The church doors swung open and in walked a very angry Wayne and a boy he was dragging by the collar of his jacket. “Wayne!” Your dad clapped his hands “what has you here so early?” You stared at the boy. You remember him, where from? “Eddie?” You asked and the boys eyes snapped to yours. What in gods name was Eddie “The freak” Munson doing inside a church.
“You know him?” Your father asked and you shook your head “just went to the same school.” Your father furrowed his brows “isn’t he like 21?” “20.” Eddie corrected and huffed fixing his jacket dusting it off. “You’re still in high school? Are you dumb?” You gasped “dad! Don’t say that!” Your father rolled his eyes.
“Well?” Wayne prompted and Eddie scoffed “you’re serious? I don’t even believe in this shit and you want me to apologize? For what? That money is what has kept us floating. Fuck you.” Eddie huffed out “that’s quite enough!” Your father yelled, voice booming through the church. “Do it or you won’t be coming back into my trailer.” Eddie looked at his uncle who was actually dead-pan serious.
With a roll of his eyes Eddie reluctantly dropped to his knees in front of the alter, just so happened that was in front of you. He lifted his eyes up to yours that were locked in on his Eddie smiled up at you almost like a devil. It made your blood pump faster,your cheeks flush and it had you pressing your thighs together. You couldn’t take you eyes off the man knelt before you. “Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I’m sorry to disgrace your name and will.” He huffed and looked back at his uncle prying his eyes from your.
You sucked in a breath you didn’t realize you were holding at that moment. “Good enough?” Eddie stood back up, and that was how everything else started. The late nights with him,sneaking out to meet him at the lake,him willingly coming to church just so he could see your pretty face.
You know your dad doesn’t like him but you don’t wanna date some perfect,church going boy. You want eddie. Eddie’s yours and you’re his.
“Cmon, pumpkin. You gotta get out of this phase. Why don’t you date that carver boy? He’s nice” you scoff “nice? He Bully’s half of Hawkins high.” Your dad sighs “he doesn’t even believe in God. How’s he gonna be a good man? Father? Huh?” You glared at your father “why do you get to assume that I want that? I don’t want kids dad.” He rolled his eyes “just, go. If you refuse to listen I’m not going to waist my breath on something useless.” You sniffled.
Useless? Surely you aren’t. You always help…you aren’t useless.
You sniffled wiping at your wet eyes hiccuping when you walked right into someone. “Hey- whoa, y/n? Are you okay?” You looked up with blurry eyes at Gareth, one of Eddie’s closet friends. You shook your head and he wrapped a arm around your shoulders. “Cmon, Eddie’s down here at the café” you nodded and allowed him to lead you away.
You stepped inside the small building, it smelled of sugar and coffee. The second Eddie saw you he was standing up and you were running over. “Honey? Baby, what happened. Why’re we crying?” You clung to his chest crying into his shirt. Eddie crouched down his hands coming to rub away tears “princess, cmon talk to me. What happened?” You just shook your head and wrapped your arms around his neck. “Just want daddy” Eddie lifts you up and let’s you cling to his chest until you fall asleep.
Eddie was so fed up with your father the amount of times eddie had comforted you after your dad made you cry was uncountable. Eddie didn’t mind it though, found it so sweet how you’d cling to him while whining that you ‘just wanted daddy’ made his pride feel good.
Eddie had you splayed out on his couch inside his trailer his fingers prodding the back of your throat. You’d learned though, you swallowed around his fingers to keep from gagging. “Ah, good girl, learning so fast.” You hummed dreamily around his fingers, this always calmed you down Eddie found out. He knew it was a oral fixation but you didn’t need to know that.
He was able to train you while giving you exactly what you needed. Pulled his fingers from your mouth with a pop. You whined loudly “I still want them, daddy.” Eddie smiled “I know but I think that they’d be better touching somewhere else don’t you?” Your cheeks turned pink as you nodded. “Yes, daddy want that” always so honest, just the most obedient, clueless pet.
It wasn’t the first time Eddie fingered you and it wouldn’t be the last, you loved Eddie’s cock being inside you more then anything else. “Gonna get daddy’s cock?” Eddie shook his head “mmm, not tonight babydoll.” You pouted but didn’t argue with him because you knew better. Eddie slipped his hand under your skirt and slid your panties over sinking his spit covered fingers inside with ease.
“Oh god!” You moaned out and Eddie smiled “that’s it, good girl” he praised his open hand pressing down on your stomach. Eddie started to move his fingers and your brain immediately shut down. All you could do was just moan out “oh my god” again and again. “You know, it’s not god making you feel good it’s me. Is that what I am to you baby? A god? You gonna worship me? Beg me for forgiveness when you do wrong?” You nod desperately as Eddie’s fingers work you towards a brain melting release.
“Then you should know this is a sin sweetheart, having sex before marriage is a bad thing. You’re a bad little girl. Worst in the bunch” you felt warm tears pricking your eyes “am I really b-bad daddy?” He nods a small pout forming on his lips. “Mhm, you are baby, you know you should beg me to let you cum. That’s the only way to make it better. You gotta say ‘please daddy let me cum’ you can do that.” You nodded.
“Please….please daddy let me….me cum” you whined your hips bucking to meet his knuckles as he fucked you with his fingers. “But I can’t let you cum baby. I’m a god and that’s just sinful. You should apologize” you whimpered. It was hard enough to get that out why’s he being mean.
You blinked up at him, your doe eyes entrapping his own puppy brown eyes. “Forgive me…oh god…..f-forgive me my…my god for I have sinned…ta…take away the bad things I’ve done.” You babbled it, most of it incoherent you were going dumb. “Daddy? I can cum now right? It’s better? did good!” You were crying now wanting it. Craving it. Needing your release.
“That’s a good girl, mhm you can cum baby go ahead. Covers daddy’s fingers like the good cumslut you are sweet princess.” You do too, your body clamped down on his fingers as overwhelming pleasure racked your body.
Eddie knew just how to take care of his pretty babygirl and he was always going to.
You sat on Eddie’s lap licking at the cone of cream he’d bought you. He gently tugged your chin away from the sweet treat “easy, don’t give yourself a brain freeze baby.” You nodded and ate slower to Eddie’s approval. “Thank you bug” he pecked your cheek and you smiled widely.
You were sat at a big table with his friends, you had your favorites them starting with Gareth and ending with a very cute Robin. You held the half eaten cone out to Eddie and he chuckled “you done? Poor baby, S’Too much huh?” You nodded and Eddie smiled beginning to eat what you couldn’t. You’d lick drips off his lips or cheeks every few minutes and he’d let you his hold on you never wavering. “What time is it?” You asked and Steve checked his watch “it’s going on 8pm” you groaned “my curfew”
“Don’t worry baby I’m sure your dad will be fine if you’re a few minutes late” you nodded “he won’t care that it’s me that’s late.” Eddie rolled his eyes “hey, look at me” Eddie hooks his finger under your chin “I don’t give two fucks about what that ugly old man has to say about me alright?” You nodded and giggled. “He’s not that old….he’s only 58” Eddie chuckled “yeah, that’s old peach” you giggled and laid into his hold on you.
“You’ll always be here, right daddy?” He nodded “of course babydoll! Can’t leave my little girl alone.” You smiled and kissed his cheek. “Who else will you beg for forgiveness when you’ve sinned, hmm?” Your cheeks went red and you hid your face in his neck as he chuckled.
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mrwavellswaps · 8 months
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BetterShirts
“Holy crap! Your tits are even bigger than before!” Matty exclaimed as he reached out and grabbed one of Sarah’s huge new pecs, squeezing it a little. Loving how soft the muscle felt and knowing damn well it could become hard as a rock with a single flex.
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“They must’ve given me one of the men’s shirts by mistake.” Sarah huffed, looking down at her new muscle bound body as her gay best friend couldn’t help but be enthralled by her masculine form. “I’m surprised my leggings haven’t ripped yet with how big my thighs are now.” She added, glancing down at the tight fabric straining across her muscular legs and struggling to contain her hefty new bulge.
Sarah had been going to BetterGym for just over a month now. It was an expensive place but we’ll worth the money because when you arrive they give you what they like to call a ‘BetterShirt’ that shifts your body into whatever shape you’re striving for. They have multiple fits for both men and women. Men’s bodybuilder, Men’s toned, Women’s skinny, Women’s powerlifter and so many more! For example men that wore the men’s bodybuilder shirt would immediately hulk out into giant muscle beasts. It’s said that working out while using these body altering shirts can help train your body to remember that physique and grow into it much quicker when you’re not wearing the shirt. Until finally you don’t even need the shirts to look like that anymore! So many men and women had used these gym shirts to reach their dream bodies four times faster than they would’ve normally. Seeing results that would usually take years becoming attainable in only a few months.
Today Sarah decided to bring one of her best friends Matty with her as a guest. Unfortunately he couldn’t get a shirt without being a full member but he still got to see what it was all about as Sarah asked for her usual Women’s Aesthetic shirt. The staff who provided BetterShirt’s quickly grabbed one for her and presented it to the young women who gave a swift thank you before heading into a changing stall. Little did Sarah realise, she probably should’ve checked the tag on the shirt before slipping it on…
Usually what would happen is her body would become slimmer in some places and curvier in others to give her that perfectly balanced female form. But this time something was different. Instead of her body simply reshaping itself, it began growing from every angle! Arms and legs bulging with thick muscle as her height shot up rapidly. “What the fuuuck… is happeninnggggghhh…” She groaned in a voice that got noticeably deeper with every grunt. Her back and shoulders widened. Her breasts flattened only to make way for a pair of giant pecs that grew in their place moments later. Even her ass lost its feminine shape in favour of a tighter looking but still rather thick man butt. Her voice really dropped a couple octaves however when a fat pair of testicles formed between her legs followed by a fat juicy cock that replaced her former genitalia. Her entire body continued to pulse and grow as her face changed, losing its soft gentle features in return for rugged manly ones accompanied by some stubble and a shorter haircut.
Moments later a total hunk burst out of the stall, giving Matty quite the scare at first until Sarah explained what happened. She poked and prodded at her masculine body awkwardly for a moment, trying to wrap her head around what the hell just happened. Squeezing her biceps, exploring her new shape, grabbing her own ass a little. So much so that it encouraged Matty to do the same. How could he resist grabbing pecs as massive and juicy as those given the chance.
“Yep. The tag says Men’s Aesthetic. Not Women’s” Matty confirmed after Sarah asked him to check the collar for the shirt tag.
“Shit. Well I better go and swap this for the right one.” Sarah groaned in annoyance.
Just as the newly formed hunk was about to make his way back to the BetterShirt staff, Matty grabbed him for a moment. “Hold on! What’s the rush? You look hot as fuck right now. You can’t tell me you’ve never wondered what it’d be like to be a guy. All big and strong with a deep voice and powerful muscles.” He wiggled his eyebrows a little. “Come on. Just one gym session won’t hurt right?”
Sarah glanced over at a wall mirror nearby and saw the man she’d become. An aesthetic male version of herself with broad shoulders, big pecs and a skinny waist. She had to admit though, she looked good. A little meathead-ish perhaps but hot nonetheless.
“Fine. One session. But after that it’s back to the Women’s Aesthetic.” She claimed. Little did she know how deeply in love she’d fall for her manly new body over the next couple hours. Relishing in the explosive power her enormous muscles contained. Finding herself subtly groping her bulge when she thought nobody was looking until she had to excuse herself to get a proper look at her new cock in the men’s bathroom. Quickly realising just how addicting the feeling of having a dick was. So much so that she’d end up taking a Men’s Aesthetic shirt each and every time she went to the gym from that day forward in the hopes that one day she’d take off the shirt and she wouldn’t revert back. Allowing her to walk out of that gym a man… forever.
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Wanted a bit more time to cook the next Homo-Bomb story so I hope you all enjoy this little caption in the meantime!
If you love my stories then please consider supporting me on Patreon as well!! ❤️
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Life's Pleasures (S.R.)
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Summary: Spencer struggles with some side effects of his medication after prison. Request: Spencer being insecure about his weight gain post prison. Couple: Spencer Reid/GN!Reader Category: Comfort Content Warning: Weight gain, body insecurity  Word Count: 800
MASTERLIST
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Spencer was a creature of habit more than he was of comfort. Call it superstition or autistic tendencies, even the slightest alteration to his routine could have catastrophic results.
Unsurprisingly, three months in prison did little to help him with those feelings. In fact, they made them much worse.
Despite the best efforts of yourself and the entire BAU, there was no question that Spencer needed help. Thanks very much to each of you, however, he had finally felt okay adding a small capsule to his daily routine.
It was nothing he was ashamed of. Unfortunately, however, that magical little concoction of neurotransmitters had a few… unintended side effects. He hadn’t said anything about it yet, but you had watched his favorite clothing got tighter until he couldn’t bear to wear it anymore.
You were acutely aware of how sensitive he would be with such a dramatic change. So, that Sunday, when you see Spencer padding out in his favorite pair of Saturday-specific sweats, you try to be kind.
“Hey handsome!” you call.
He is caught off guard enough to smile.
“What did I do to deserve you in sweats on a Sunday?”
His smile falls just as quickly. His bashfulness turns into a sadness that feels all-encompassing.
“My pants don’t fit,” he mutters as he toys with the drawstring.
“Lucky me,” you joke.
Spencer doesn’t respond like you’d hoped. In fact, he doesn’t react at all. He just stays staring at the string that is shorter than normal. He doesn’t even notice that you’re approaching him until your palms are pressed against his cheeks.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” you whisper.
He winces.
“I just…”
You give him a small reassuring smile and it stirs something in him. Some small shift out of his self-preservation instinct and back into the comfort of your embrace.
“I know I’m getting older, and stress does a lot of damage, and that can always manifest as weight gain,” he rambles.
He leaves out the medicated nature of it all, but you don’t bother to correct him. You just listen as he continues.
“But my body’s never been like this. It’s never changed like this, even during puberty,” he scoffs.
You chuckle at the sound and the image conjured up from faded scrapbook pictures.
Spencer smiles too—just for a second—before he remembers that he is sad.
“It’s just… it’s happening so… fast,” he says like a whimper.
After a moment, you shrug. He seems almost offended by the motion until you explain.
“That’s okay, Spencer,” you whisper, “It’s okay if you have a hard time adjusting to change.”
His shoulders fall as he releases a shaky breath. Relief starts to creep back into his body, despite his fingers still twiddling with the string.
You look down at it and laugh because it is so much like how he used to be. A little bit better, even.
“You just need to remind yourself that… They’re good changes,” you insist as your hands fall and glide around his waist. It’s soft and pliant and reminds you of the peace you find when you lay in bed together.  You remember the smile he wore the first day he woke up without fearing the sound of a buzzer. You think about how he doesn’t seem afraid of his phone anymore.
When you look back up at him, your eyes linger on the subtle curve of his lips before they settle on teary eyes.
“You’re finally taking care of yourself the way you deserve, so things are going to look different,” you whisper before pulling him closer. You sway with his body, still perfectly him despite not looking exactly the same.  “And for what it’s worth, I happen to think you look wonderful.”
Spencer drops the string to hold you, instead. He chuckles, a soft and bashful noise that reminds you of the first time you met.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he sighs in defeat.
To console him, you provide another simple offering.
“Sweatpants, donuts, coffee full of sugar and syrup,” you hum, “I don’t know about you, but… I can get used to a life like that.”
“They’re nice, but…” he trails off. His body pulls away so that he can see that loving look in your eyes. The last bit of tension releases from weary muscles. Spencer gently rests his palm against your cheek. It’s warm and soft and exactly like it used to be before the scars.
“Of all of life’s pleasures,” he wonders aloud, “I still think you’re my favorite.”
You quickly note the conditional word.
“You think?”
This time when he smiles, it is brilliant and not at all bashful.
“Donuts are pretty good,” he jokes.
It’s such a beautiful sound that you don’t even have to wonder.
“You’re better,” you mumble against still-sweet lips.
And it only gets better from there.
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(Tell me what you thought about this fic here!)
Looking for more to read? Check out my wonderful friend @spencer-reids-adventures's take on this request here!
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Reid Taglist: @mrs-dr-reid , @dreatine , @hopefulfangirl24 , @laurakirsten0502 , @dontcallmekittens , @rintheemolion , @andreasworlsboring101 , @imsuperawkward @wentz2005 , @lovejules888 , @dashneydanger , @materialisthicc , @violetspoetic , @mslowlife , @conniesanchor , @trippol-threat , @will-byers-needs-a-hug
Complete Taglist: @cynbx , @emsma11 , @mediocre-writer , @fightingdragonswithwho , @andiebeaword , @jayyeahthatsme
Thanks for reading!
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leqonsluv3r · 19 days
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hi!! how are you doing? soo i would like to ask if you could write some hcs about how leon would react and deal abt reader being insecure of his feelings for ada, like reader discovers that they kissed and have a story together
hope you have a great day <3
the idea of disloyalty
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— leon!kennedy x reader, a headcanon list
masterlist taglist
an: hope this is what you had in mind anon <33 it’s hard writing hcs in a story order sometimes but i’m learning :,)
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leon!kennedy who tried to soften the blow when you found about his ex (who wasn’t his ex), your tears falling all over you face and down onto your shirt.
leon!kennedy who tries to explain to you that she was nothing, that it meant nothing to him and that she was in his past now. she was just someone he sought temporary comfort in, not someone that he loved like you.
leon!kennedy who loves you for all the reasons your not like ada, the way your so caring and kind. you put others before yourself. you love him for all that he is and ada was never like that.
leon!kennedy who watched as you tried to come to terms that another woman had once been in the same position as you. she had touched him, loved him and kissed him the same way you had and it made you sad.
leon!kennedy who told you that he didn’t feel that way about her anymore, that you were the best thing that had happened to him since. that she broke his heart (not entirely a lie) and made him hate her.
leon!kennedy who watched as you get up from the couch and go into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. he didn’t want to lose you, he couldn’t bear it. the light in his life that was you wouldn’t be the same if you were gone. all because you found out about ada and how they used to be.
leon!kennedy who in the days following everything, does his best to give you space if you need it, reassurances if that’s what you ask for and anything that will make you not leave.
leon!kennedy who gives you the full story on everything. his entire past on how he met ada that one night in raccoon city, how she basically double crossed him. then the year in spain and then everything with her that happened afterwards.
leon!kennedy who watches as you process the story, watched you frown and try to understand all that he had gone through with ada interlinked with him. in his past, weaved like DNA. you would ask questions try to better understand, even if you were indifferent still.
leon!kennedy who understands that it takes time for you to fully get the impact ada had on him. the way he basically altered his trust in women, all of them. even just regular people he met, his trust was forever changed. leon needed you to know that he trusted you more than it was normal for him, that’s why he told you the full story.
he had never told anyone that before, had never given anyone the full truth. all the details of the lies, the double-crossing, the magic that was hidden and then revealed as a curse by ada herself all those years ago.
leon!kennedy who holds onto you, hands clasping on your back as he tries to calm you down. your not crying from him, rather for him. this was an interesting turn of events, but he knew you were just processing everything that he had dumped on you.
leon!kennedy who promised that he would never lie to you again, never hold back the truth from you as he whispered reassurances into your hair. that you were the one for him, that ada didn’t matter to him like that anymore. that you were the only one he could fully trust, understand and love unashamedly.
leon!kennedy who in the days that follow, wakes you up every morning with a kiss and a reassurance. holding you close to him in a sense that you were never going anywhere and you would never dream of it. you would never try to leave him, not when he promised himself to you, promised himself to you in all honesty.
leon!kennedy who gives a promise ring to you on your two year anniversary, promises that one day he will always be with you. he would love to marry you one day, always be with you. in all honesty, that was his promise. his promise to not look on the past anymore and instead focus on your future together.
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an: this one isn’t my favorite list i’ve wrote but i hope it met your expectations anon. i’m working on my other requests rn. slowly but surely, im gonna be starting a new job soon. so if my posts get slower and slower, thats why. i’m gonna do my best to stay consistent and keep my upload schedule but ill be really busy in this upcoming month. anyways, pls like and repost, i love you all. kisses, xx.
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lunarin64art · 1 year
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Underrated Parallel
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These two duos are actually so similar, it’s surprising that the fandom hardly acknowledges it. 
 First off, both of these duos are shown to both spend time investigating together in private. (Gonta and Ouma mainly doing so in chp2) While also sharing the dynamic of one being hyper intelligent, mysterious, as well as having a lack of trust in their classmates, and the other being more naive yet enthusiastic. There’s also of course the fact that they both share the same color scheme. (Toko and Komaru also share similar qualities as well but that’s for a different post.)
 Naegi and Gonta also have alter egos included in their executions. And were both unconcious during the events leading to their investigations/trials.
Also, if you let Kirigiri be found guilty, both her and Ouma die from being squished by a press...(on chp5)
Then lastly, they’re similar in that Kirigiri and Ouma used Naegi and Gonta to survive so that they could defeat the mastermind.
 As a side note, I’m surprised that there aren’t many people who acknowledge how similar what Ouma did to Gonta in chp4 is to what Kirigiri did to Naegi in chp5. It’s especially weird how people will claim that gontouma is toxic because of chp4 but then see nothing problematic about naegiri. Like, I get that Ouma comes across really rude and aggressive on chp4 but that was on purpose to make everyone vilify him. 
 He never treats Gonta the way he did on chp4 on any other part of the game. He’s almost too nice to Gonta in some instances (specifically on the jpn version since the NISA translators ruined Ouma’s character). Also, Ouma’s motivations for what he did were much more selfless than Kirigiri’s. You can’t even really say he did this because he saw his life as more important than Gonta’s as he immediately locks himself in his room and plans his own death afterwards.
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(Which correlates with how the writers decided to make Gonta/Ouma be the only ones to like the Survival Flag and the Death Flag. As it imo implies that Ouma gave up on survival once he knew that Gonta no longer could because of him)
 I also find it strange how there are still people who actually think that Ouma didn’t care about Gonta. That was legitimately one of his most obvious lies in the entire game. His end talk with Kaito wouldn’t make any sense otherwise, nor his interactions with Gonta on TDP and DRS. I really do think that people need to play V3 more than once to to get a proper understanding of their actual dynamic though.
 (And not through letsplays since they will give you their own biases.)
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drferox · 8 months
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My MS Diagnosis
So I’m approaching the 2 year mark since my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis and I thought I’d better document how I got here, because being the patient is a weird experience, especially for a condition that had kind of vague symptoms that needed a fair amount of work up.
My symptoms actually started in early 2020, when I was in the third trimester of pregnancy. The main symptom was mistaken for carpal tunnel syndrome - numbness in my fingers that would progress to increasingly violent pins & needles sensations, that would progress to burning if I tried to push through it. Only this sensation would extend all the way up to my shoulders at times. I stopped performing surgery, because not only was I unsatisfied with my lack of sensation to know what I was doing with my tissue handling, but the pain would get worse quickly in constrictive surgical gloves in the presence of patient warming. So I stopped performing surgery in late pregnancy and was told it would get better a few months after giving birth.
It did not.
So six months after giving birth, finding myself able to use my hands for short periods but still unable to perform surgery to my standard, I went back to complain to the doctor. I also couldn’t play video games properly, my arms would often be numb when I woke up, all the way up to my shoulder, and they were super temperature sensitive. Even hot water from washing dishes would set them off.
They sent me down a carpal tunnel work up - ultrasounds and talking to a neurologist. The short version is they did tell me I had mild carpal tunnel… on one side only.
Which did not make any damn sense considering I had symptoms on both sides all the way up to my shoulder.
The worst neurologist in the world could not explain to me why a mild problem on one wrist was affecting sensation all the way up to the opposite shoulder, and just said ‘it happens sometimes’. Now, I like to think I have a solid understanding of the basics of how a body works, and was really unsatisfied with this answer. They recommended I talk to a surgeon, since I’d already been doing a bunch of physiotherapy, but I decided not to. Surgery could have put my hand in a cast for up to 6 weeks, I had a 6 month old baby to care for at home and a partner who was useless at best, and abusive at worst. I could not afford the time in a cast.
So I went to try something else, visiting an osteopath to see what they could do about my ‘mild’ carpal tunnel, and while I’m there, these headaches I’ve been getting.
She spent a good long while stretching out different muscle groups, and found that certain neck muscle stretches changed the sensations I was getting in my fingertips. So whatever was causing the hand problem was coming from somewhere in the neck, and she recommended I get a CT scan.
Went back to my doctor to get a referral for a CT scan, and explained what was going on. He thought about it for a minute, didn’t voice his concerns, and upgraded it to a neck MRI.
That MRI found a demyelinating lesion in my neck. So went back for a full Central Nervous System scan and found a couple more borderline ones.
That sent me back to a (different) neurologist, had a proper neurological exam that found a few random patches of altered skin sensation in addition to the arm weirdness I had going on. So I was probably a MS case, but not particularly severe as MS goes.
To confirm it I needed a lumbar puncture to look for oligoclonal bands in by CSF. The lumbar puncture was a moderately unpleasant experience which then mandated that I remain lying down for 24 hours so that my spinal fluid didn’t spring a leak. With a baby and a distinctly unhelpful partner, I barely made it to that 24 hours.
And then… I sprung a CSF leak. Which is a jolly weird experience I can tell you.
When your CSF leaks from a lumbar puncture you will feel perfectly fine… when you are lying flat on your back, because your spine flops over the hole and plugs the leak. If you’re upright at all the spine flops away from the hole and it slowly leaks out, and you get more of this weird frontal headache that gets worse the longer you’re upright, standing there talking to the ER admissions nurse. And the info I had explained that it can progress to seizures and similar the worse it gets, but I only got as far as pain and fuzzy vision. I seriously could only be upright for ten minutes without pain, and had to lie down to resolve it.
That required some medicine-that-looks-like-magic to fix, called a blood patch. Doctors took some of my blood, fresh out of the vein, and inserted it into my spine approximately where the leak should be, so that the clot would cover the leaky patch. Self blood magic. It worked brilliantly, about an hour later.
The CSF tap ordeal confirmed the presence of the oligoclonal bands, and then I got stunted into the public health system, in a department specifically geared towards managing Multiple Sclerosis patients. They debated for a little while, at a multidisciplinary meeting, whether I was really MS or a Clinically Isolated Syndrome (which is like Multiple Sclerosis but without the ‘Multiple’ part), but settled on MS. Yes, Tumblr, I was nearly diagnosed with CIS.
The shoe thing took about a year from when I actively complained to doctors, or about 18 months from the first probable symptoms. That’s approximate because some things that were thought to be pregnancy symptoms could have been due to MS, like fatigue and leg weakness. I’m pretty lucky that I’m comfortable in hospitals and with medical procedures, am reasonably medically literate. I think the magic phrase that got things to happen quickly was ‘these symptoms are greatly affecting my ability to do my job’.
I don’t think my MS has progressed since starting the medication (and I’ll talk about the medication in another post). I’ve acquired one additional brain lesion since diagnosis, but I have no clue what physical symptom it’s associated with.
While some symptoms are better, I still cannot perform surgery to the standard or with the endurance that I used to,so I basically don’t any more. I can do about ten minutes, which is enough to bail a new graduate vet out of trouble, but not enough to take over completely for them. I’ve had a few years to think about it but I don’t know what the MS is going to do to my career, only that I can still practice for now.
It’s not great, but it could be a whole lot worse, and that’s how I got here.
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wh0relibrarian · 4 months
Text
sunshine
a/n: a continuation of this post, although altered to be a summer break instead of winter. completely got lost in that 😭 please excuse any informalities, i’m still getting used to writing in second person (or smut for that matter), and tumblrs post format! so don’t be mean ;(
context (if you don't want to read the previous post): Reader is visiting her hometown for the summer. A rising grad student who just so happens to bump into Sukuna at the airport. After quick introductions, he gives her his number in case she gets too lonely...
content ahead: southern sukuna au, black coded!reader, afab!reader, d referred to as dick bc i don’t like using “cock”, v referred to as cunt or pussy, age gap (reader in her early 20s, sukuna is in his early 30s), cowgirl, daddy kink, rough!sukuna (but he’s still a softie), needy!reader, clit stimulation, nicknames such as sweetheart, princess, baby/babydoll, creampie, ass/face slaps, lots of praise, a decent amount of plot
word count: 3.9k
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
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You’ve been texting Sukuna for a week now. Off and on, trying not to seem too interested, but interested enough to keep his attention. It sucked that he was a man very obviously out of touch with technology, because you can’t find pictures of him anywhere. Not even a Facebook page. You’ve just been grasping at straws, trying to remember each detail of his face. Each tattoo. You didn’t even get enough time to admire the one’s on his face, way too engulfed in his general appearance.
And oh, Sukuna. That poor man. He knew from the moment he saw you that you’d keep him up at night. From the curvature of your lips— only being the opening act to the beautiful smile you had hidden beneath. He tries to remember what color your shirt was, but can only remember how plump your tits looked. Practically spilling out of a… tank top? Or maybe it was a crop top. You had a jacket on, which he knows was gray because you kept trying to wrap it around your waist like you were embarrassed by your body. He couldn’t figure out why, though. You’re beautiful from head to toe, every part of you.
But today, today was the day you’d ask him to take you out. Or just ask to go out in general. Hell, you’d take anything at this point.
You: Hiii Sukuna. How’s your wrist feeling? I know a couple days ago you said it was progressively getting worse, any updates?
Sukuna: Hey babydoll. I think it’s all good now. Nothin a lil icyhot can’t fix. How are you?
You: I’m happy to hear that :) and I’m okay, just bored, per usual.
Sukuna: Ya know I’m always around.
You: It’s funny you mention that… I was wondering if you were busy later today? Or tonight. Either or, whatever works best for you. If you would even want to do anything of course.
Sukuna: City girl finally ready to get some sunshine?
You: Don’t make fun of me 😑
Sukuna: Oh I’d never do such a thing. Are you free right now? My lunch break’s comin up, could use the company.
You: Yes I am! I can be ready in 15, I’ll send my address.
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You weren’t as nervous as you thought you’d be. You know you looked good, you felt good. You put on a casual outfit, just a pair of bell bottoms and some old t-shirt your mom left around. This wasn’t a date, and you didn’t want to scare him, so you treated it like a normal hang out with a friend.
He picked you up in an old pickup truck, run down from the years spent riding on dirt roads and an occasional swamp. (Things can get messy the further south you go.) It was normal where you’re from to have at least one beat up truck per household, so his car was not a problem. You were all smiles, nearly skipping your way to the passenger side. Sukuna rolled down the window and he too had a bright toothy smile plastered on his face. It almost looked malicious, but you overlooked it once you got in. Something about his presence had you in a trance, you couldn’t focus on anything else but him.
When you opened the door, he stretched his arm out to help you into the chair. You made it a point to act as if you were struggling to get in and shut the door, nerves suddenly keeping you from wanting to look him straight in the eye. “Damn sweetheart… just look at you,” he said while leaning his body back, taking a moment to take in your appearance. “Hiii Sukuna, you aren’t too bad yourself,” you said giggling.
“We’re just goin’ up to Milo’s, hope that’s luxury enough for ya.”
“You think I came dressed like this for somethin’ luxury?”
“Well if that ain’t luxury, I’d be curious to see what is.”
Smirking, Sukuna went back to putting his full focus on the road. The butterflies in your stomach had died down, finding his presence incredibly inviting and safe. You were looking out the window for a while, until his hand found yours which was resting on your thigh. You turn around to him surprised, only to see his eyes still trained on the road in front of him. His hand clasped yours and gripped it tight, and you found the silence warm, like a gentle hug you wanted to last forever.
The lunch date was sweet. You both ordered cheeseburgers, fries, and a large sweet tea; reveling in its taste since it had been some time since you had genuine sweet tea. He started asking you about your schooling, learning that you’re majoring in business and will soon start working on your master’s degree. This charmed him— you were both alike even if it was in different ways. You’ve always provided for your mother, and so has he. You won’t stop reaching new opportunities, and neither will he. As the date went on his attraction only grew deeper. Your physical appearance did not mean much to him, you were to die for, but right now he wanted to know every single thing about you and didn’t care about anything else.
But… this wasn’t to say he’s not a curious man.
When ordering the food, you took a step back to look at the entire menu. This caused your skin tight shirt to rise up ever so slightly, showing off your cute tummy and belly button piercing. You noticed him staring, and he was never one to lie.
“Sukuna, order some damn food and stop looking at me like that,” you slapped his large bicep jokingly, making that same smirk from earlier slowly grow on his face.
“Mmm, you hidin’ that accent from me girl. Soundin’ so pretty bossin’ me around.”
You could tell the cashier felt a bit awkward at this point, so you pushed Sukuna in front of you to get him to focus.
Even though he would have moments like those, you didn’t feel like he was objectifying you. It never became the focal point of your conversations. It seemed like he was genuinely interested in getting to know you and it made you feel so… different. Sure you were young, but you’d never experienced such a natural yet interesting conversation with a man. You were shocked by it, to say the least, and it only made you want him more.
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After that day, you two were basically inseparable. He made it a point to try and see you after work, and if there was a day where he couldn’t do it, he’d make it up to you x2 the next day. He immediately started spoiling you, whether it was food or sending you money for new makeup, it’s like he couldn't do enough for you. You were always beyond grateful, and would even tell him to tone it down a bit, but he’d always say, “Princesses deserve princess things.”
It’d been around four weeks of this, the dates would get more romantic, and his time with you only more cherished. Although the flirting continued to grow, he never made a move on you. You definitely didn’t want to be the one to initiate anything. Maybe there was a reason for him not wanting to get physical, but not even a kiss? It was killing you at this point, every night you spent just dreaming of what his pretty lips felt like on yours. Not being able to help your hands traveling down to your aching pussy. You were so horny it hurt, and nothing you did could satiate the feeling; knowing good and well that his fingers— let alone his dick could reach spots you didn’t even know were there. Your own fingers would suffice for now, but you would be leaving in just a few weeks, you needed to know what Ryomen Sukuna was like in bed.
So, the next time he picks you up, you make sure to look drop dead gorgeous (not like he didn’t think that about you regardless.)
A few days ago, he paid for your hair and nail appointments. Large knotless braids with curly pieces coming out of them, and the prettiest french tip set you’d ever got done. You told him you wanted everything to be a surprise, and that you were planning to get a new outfit as well AND that he didn’t have to send you money for that. But you know he did anyway. The plan for this night was a drive-in movie closer to the heart of the city rather than where you both resided. There was a wing place you loved, different shops, and the movie would be the last activity.
After picking up a new sundress, a black one with thin straps and a slit at the bottom, you felt confident enough that tonight would go well. You took a shower when you got home, lathered your skin with shea butter from head to toe, and put on all the gold jewelry you owned.
There’s no way he wouldn’t want to fuck you dumb.
As always, dinner with Sukuna was to die for. He was such a gentleman, making sure to pull your chair out for you, telling you to get whatever you wanted from the menu. “Don’t be scared sweetheart, want you nice ‘n full.”
You shopped for a little while after, well, it was really window shopping. You felt so bad that Sukuna was paying for everything, even though he always insisted. You decided to just point out all of the things you liked, kind of like a test— if he really liked you then he’d remember all these things for a future event.
The drive-in was dead. Which I guess isn’t too surprising, you can’t remember the last time someone talked about seeing a movie here. Nonetheless, this was your dream scenario. With basically no one to catch you guys, it was the perfect breeding ground (literally.) The movie was some rom-com looking thing in black and white which you begged to watch, only because you knew neither of you would want to pay attention. Once he grabbed some popcorn and soda from the concession stand, he pulled up in front of the big projection, claiming he needed to be as close as possible because of his eyesight. After a few minutes of pretending to be interested, you turned to him and finally broke the ice.
“‘Kuna, do you like me?” Sukuna couldn’t believe the question.
“Of course I like you baby, why else would I be here?”
“Well,” you started, “I don’t know…”
“Oh, you know.”
“I know you like me, it’s just like— we aren’t like… you know.”
“Gonna have to use your words sweetheart.”
You looked forward as you tried to find the best way to say this, you decided to just rip the bandaid off.
“We haven’t kissed! Or anything! You just hug me or wrap your arm around my waist, but we haven’t done nothin’ ‘kuna. And I’m not sayin’ that’s any indicator of how much you like me, I’m just sayin’ it’d be ni—”
You anticipated this kiss, not only because you did everything in your power to set it up, but you could feel Sukuna’s eyes latching onto the way your lips moved while talking. His lips were just as soft as you imagined, tasting like cherry carmex and popcorn. His hand found its way to the side of your face, cupping it gently until he moved it to tilt your chin up towards him. Your mouth opened a little from the change in angle, giving Sukuna’s tongue access to the warmth yours had to offer. He melted deeper into the kiss, and so did you, as it continued to get more sloppy and wet. You could tell he was eager, swirling and dancing on the tip of your tongue, sucking it harshly like he was trying to gather as much saliva as possible. Just to pull back and have it leak out of his mouth, dripping down both his and your chin. It was downright nasty the way your fluids were colliding, but it turned you on an unbelievable amount. Whining and groaning into him, rubbing your thighs together, lacking the correct amount of friction from wearing a dress instead of pants.
Your hand started traveling to his chest and lower, and he could tell you were really riled up at this point simply from the way you were tugging on his shirt. He pulled his lips off yours, making you reach out for him still since your eyes were closed. When you opened them, you were able to see the true mess you two caused. Sukuna was drooling, his heavy lidded eyes not daring to move from your frame. His hair was everywhere, and you couldn’t be happier with your hairstyle of choice.
“Fuck baby,” he said while rubbing on the sides of your stomach, “I really need you. I’ve been needin’ you. Yer just so damn sexy, of course I’ve been wantin’ to do stuff. Just didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” He leaned in to kiss your cheek and up to the shell of your ear, “Never want you uncomfortable.”
And that sent you over, you cupped his face with both of your hands, kissing him hard. He growled from your sudden dominance, and with a few swift movements, pulled his seat back and slid you over the middle console and into his lap. Your dress hiked up to your thighs once you straddled him, allowing Sukuna to feel just how wet you were. With one hand on your face, and the other on your waist, he slowly made his way down to your cunt.
“So fuckin’ wet for me,” he whispered against your lips, making slow circles on your puffy clit. “This f’me? Say it’s for me babydoll.”
“It’s for you ‘kuna, it’s all for you. Please–” His fingers slid your panties to the side, revealing just how sticky you were for him. Your pussy was basically crying to be touched, and Sukuna was a gentleman, of course.
His mouth never left yours, left hand now resting behind your neck, while his other is furiously rubbing your bare clit. Your moans were being swallowed by Sukuna’s mouth, and when the pleasure finally got to be too much, you suddenly threw your head back with a yelp. Catching yourself immediately, you press your forehead into his.
“‘M sorry, fuck, ‘m sorry— it’s t-too much.”
“Don’t apologize princess, I love seein’ you act like this. So slutty.”
Your tits have barely been able to stay concealed in your already showy dress. They spilled out on their own from your sporadic movements, and once Sukuna could see one, he dropped everything to unveil the other and fondle them both. You kept grinding on his very hard dick, keeping up the rhythm he set up for you while he went to town on your boobs. Massaging them, pinching and flicking the nipples, mumbling things like “fuckin’ shit they’re so soft,” and “need to fuck you.” It wasn’t long before he popped one into his mouth, sucking on it, making it soo much more sensitive. You were squealing at this point, Sukuna looked up at you to see the tears forming at the corner of your eyes. With a ‘pop’ he brought his attention back to your beautiful face. Somehow fucked out just from dry humping. How cute, he thought to himself.
“Look at me, princess.” You struggled, but your eyes met his, still striving for your release. “‘M gonna fuck you, okay? Is that what you want?” You started nodding your head yes like a damn puppy.
“Need to hear you say it princess. Tell me you want it.”
“Wan’ it s-so bad baby, fuck me, I need you to fuck me.”
The thing about pick-up trucks is that there’s not really a backseat, which means you’d have to ride him right where you were. This wouldn’t have been a problem, until Sukuna quickly pulled down his pants and boxers, revealing probably the biggest dick you’ve ever seen. It was the fucking length that scared you. It wasn’t too thick, but girthy enough that it, plus his length, would have your legs shaking for days. He gave his dick slow strokes while you took off your dress, suddenly feeling embarrassed from being the only one naked. He could see you get self conscious by the way you try and hide yourself like the day he met you.
“Whatcha lookin’ at me like that for,” his eyes were still focused on yours while he prepared himself, licking his lips like he was genuinely going to eat you later.
“I can’t look at ya? You just look so damn good sweetheart. Can’t believe yer all mine.”
“You don’t have to gas me up now,” you said looking away.
“Nuh-uh,” he grabbed your cheeks and turned your face back to his, “I’ma always tell you how good you look. Don’t act so shy now baby.”
Your pussy clenched around nothing at his statement, still leaking from the previous foreplay. He pulled your forehead to his lips, kissing it tenderly, and when he let go of your face he asked you one last time if you were ready. You whisper out a shy yes and grab his dick cautiously, lining it up with your entrance as you slowly lower yourself onto it. You let out a sharp grasp as Sukuna rests his hands on the sides of your hips, trying to assist in any way he can. Once you’re close to bottoming out, he starts whispering praises.
“Doin’ so good babydoll.”
“Look at you takin’ me so well.
Every time he spoke your pussy would clench around him, making him hiss and choke back a whine. Once he was all the way inside you, you let out a breathe you didn’t realize you were holding. You raised your head to look at him instead of the way he was stretching you out. There’s that smirk again. One of his hands finds it’s way back to your clit, rubbing slow circles like before to help you relax. You were so tense but you tried to keep a level-headed face, even though it literally felt like you were being split in two.
You felt your walls get used to his size and shape, feeling them contort and mold into Sukuna’s cocksleeve. With that, you start riding him slowly, using his shoulders to stay balanced. You got the hang of it quickly and began picking up pace. He was still stimulating your clit, using his other hand to keep guiding your body up and down. It was clear that you were struggling to take him all in though, pausing every few seconds to catch your breathe or readjust yourself. And this would just not do for Sukuna.
He gripped and slapped your ass hard.
“Gotta do better than that baby.”
Smack
“C’mon sweetheart, put your fucking. back. into. it.”
Each emphasis on a word was coupled with a hard thrust and loud whines coming from the depths of your throat. The sounds you were both making at this point bounced around the truck. There wasn’t a moment of silence and you felt blissful. Lulling your tongue out just for Sukuna to catch between his teeth; moving his hand back to bully your clit, and using his free hand to grab your face and continue fucking his hips up into yours. He was growling obscenities into your ear, “Yeah baby, just like that keep fucking me like that.”
“Sukuna, please! Fuckfuckfuck I can’t,” you were bouncing on his dick beautifully, tits bouncing in unison and he truly believed you were unreal.
“Yes you can baby,” he gave your face light slaps, “keep those eyes open, keep lookin’ at me baby. Doin’ so good, I promise.” You were leaking like a faucet down his dick and balls, and with a certain thrust, you were sure he was hitting your cervix. The string of cries that came out of your mouth made him go faster, harder, knowing that he finally found the spot that makes you weak.
“Am I makin’ you feel good baby?”
“Mhmm, y-yesss, so so good.”
“Yes who?” Your eyes were crossing trying to look at him, confused at what he meant at first, but as his thrusts got rougher you knew exactly what he was getting at.
“Y-yes daddy, it feels so good.” You were slightly embarrassed by the things you were saying, the noises too. You felt so dirty, but in a good way. Searching for your release that was so close.
Sukuna was close too, but he didn’t want that to come before he made you gush all over his dick. When he found his way to your neck, kissing and biting and sucking on your precious skin, you were done.
“Fuck daddy right there!”
“Here sweetheart? You like this?”
“Yesyesyes don’t stop please don’t stop–” and with a cry you were creaming all over Sukuna’s dick. Your pussy clamped down on him so tight, he couldn’t help but look down at the beautiful mess you made all over his thighs. He kept fucking you through your orgasm, causing you to become incredibly overstimulated. Sukuna was getting close, you could tell by his relentless strokes, forgetting any type of consistent pace. His hands were on your hips now, pistoning up into you as your head rested gracefully on his shoulder.
“Mm babydoll gimme a kiss, c’mere.”
When your shaky lips met his, he was sent into overdrive.
“Fuck ‘m gonna cum. Fuck baby, where do you want it.”
Absolutely fucked out, you tried to come up with some sort of cohesive thought. “I-insi..de ‘kuna. In m-me.”
“You sure? Tell me you’re fuckin’ sure, yer milkin’ me baby.”
“I’m s-sure. Please please just cum inside me!”
“Oh, fuckkk…” Sukuna’s load filled your pussy to the brim, leaking out to coat the sides of his dick. He made you feel so full and warm. Finally stopping his thrusts, you hunch over his shoulder and he begins rubbing what feels like hearts on your back, humming into your ear how good you were for him, dick never leaving your pussy.
“Did such a good job princess. So fuckin’ good, are you an angel? Must be an angel, the way you dropped into my life like this.”
“Mmmm I’m your angel ‘kuna. I was made for you only.”
Although the moment was wholesome, your mind immediately flooded with the thought of you leaving in a few weeks.
How were you supposed to leave after this?
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hope you enjoyed ;) and let me know if i missed anything as far as my content ahead section goes!
tags: @aiyaaayei
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