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heavywithourbabies · 3 years

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Ten pounds, One week

She couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned (well as best as she could) and tried everything she could think of to put her mind at ease but she just couldn’t sleep. It was too much. All of it was too much. Her whole body was aching and sore, the slightest movement causing more discomfort. Even in their bed, the place she loved most, the mattress was an unforgiving rock to her body. The pillows far too soft without any support. Even the body pillow felt stiff and rigid against her. “10 pounds” she thought, over and over again. “10 pounds”. Then the other thought came. The one she was trying so hard to keep away. The one that caused her the most frightful heart racing anxiety she had ever felt. One more week. The baby kicked slightly and she whimpered. Rubbing her aching belly to try and sooth him, but it only prompted more movement under her taut flesh. Her husband snored next to her and she was on the verge of tears. Her whole body felt like a prison at this point. Completely trapped in this cumbersome and awkwardly huge body, she couldn’t find any relief. It all was too much. It hurt too much. She took a deep breath in and told herself it would be over soon. That this would all be worth it. She closed her eyes and tried to drift off but then the baby kicked again. Hard. She couldn’t help but moan in pain as the thought struck her again. “10 pounds. One week.” The baby kicked her again almost in her cervix and she cried out, unable to hold back the tears which had been building almost all night.

He woke up next to her, hearing her sobs. He was still half asleep but knew the sound of his wife in pain, and it broke his heart. He turned to her back in bed and started rubbing it. “Baby” he said “What’s wrong?”

She buried her face deeper in the pillow and cried harder. He kept rubbing her back and cuddled up close to her, her bare skin hot to the touch. “Honey, please. Tell me.” He said with genuine concern and love for her.

“It’s everything” she said between cries. “It’s everything that’s happened to me, it’s what’s going to happen, it’s what’s happening…” He gently put his hand on her shoulder. “Baby, please, I don’t understand what you’re saying – “he began before she looked at him with tears running down her face. She swallowed and started to say “it’s the – “but then the baby kicked her again, or perhaps punch was the better word since he was upside down. She yelped and threw the blankets back to expose herself.

“It’s THIS!!” She cried, looking at her body.

She had always had a bit of an hourglass figure with well-rounded curves and even with a few extra pounds she was attractive but the pregnancy had taken that from her. In her mind she felt altered. Helpless in this state. Almost mutated……into this. Her hips flared in pain as she turned on her back and tried to sit up against the pillows. They had separated a bit and the awful weight of it all wore down on her pelvis. She felt as if a bowling ball was sitting right atop of her vagina. Which was also aching and taken from her in the pregnancy. In her mind it used to be a small cute thing with pretty floral lips that she could spread and play with. Now it was thick and fatty. Meaty and big. Her lips bulged out, deep and dark, and she couldn’t stand to wear underwear anymore as the hamburger that was her crotch would constantly leak and ruin everything. It was obscene to her. Her most private feminine parts exaggerated into cartoonish proportions. Her thighs ached from carrying all the extra weight and her ass…. she had always been proud of it being big and she knew her husband loved it but now it was huge and plump. Something anyone could notice and stare at. Her breasts once a double d had swollen twice their size. Small stretch marks adorned the underside of them and veins could be seen under the thick flesh. They became heavy and hurt. Aching with milk for the baby. Her areolas were dinner plates now, dark and huge. Her nipples stood painfully erect as drops of milk throbbed out of their ducts. All of her womanly curves distorted and blown up. But the worst…. The worst was her belly. It hung low as the baby dropped recently and was almost hanging off her wide hips. The belly dominated her, huge and unforgivingly heavy. It was dense and packed so full with her huge 10-pound baby in her swollen womb. The skin was pulled painfully taut and hurt all the time, while the heavy weight made it throb. In the beginning and middle of pregnancy she had loved her “bump” but now…. It was like she was just arms legs and tits attached to a giant sphere. Angry red stretch marks laid claim to her belly flesh and her belly button jutted out. That even hurt. Her belly button hurt.

“Look at me” she wailed. “look what’s happened to me!” Her husband could tell by her tone she had obviously let herself spiral out in her thoughts. He would need to do something.” I’m a huge circus freak now!” she cried.

“Well you are a bit bigger than a house” he said with a smile hoping to get her to laugh.

She wasn’t having it.

“I’m bigger than a house.” She started up again with fresh tears in her eyes. “I’m bigger than a beached whale. Look at my body. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand being inside of all…. THIS!” She patted her belly for emphasis and as she did her breasts began to openly leak. “Oh God…… even my tits…. it hurts….” She heaved her heavy body to the side with her back to her husband and cried big salty tears that blurred her vision.

He had been staring at her as she went on. In fact, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. It was slightly embarrassing for him. Here she was in pain and he was- well- he was getting hard. The sight of his wife carrying his baby turned him on like nothing else. All of her beautiful curves were only womanlier and more feminine to him. She was radiant. She was beautiful. She was a fertility goddess made real. He rubbed her back softly as she cried while the sight of her big heart shaped ass made him ache for her.

“The baby is 10 pounds.” She sniffled. “10 pounds. How am I supposed to push that out in a week? What will I look like after that? Even worse? Feel even worse? I’ll just be hanging skin and a floppy belly with ugly stretch marks and- “

She stopped as she felt his big warm hands go from her back to her aching breasts. He was fondling them gently. But it hurt. He grazed a leaking nipple and tugged on it slightly and she let out a hiss of pain. “Don’t” She said. He returned his fingers to her nipples and lightly grazed them, playing with them slowly in circular motions. They felt raw to his touch. “Don’t, please – “She began again and then felt him pressing his hardness against her soft ass.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” he asked as he started to grind himself against her backside. “Do you have any clue how sexy you are like this?”

“Please, I know you’re lying – “She was about to let defeat wash over her and then her husband pulled open her thighs and without checking with her, drove himself in. She couldn’t help but cry out. Her fat, swollen pussy was already wet from being so pregnant and he took full advantage.

“I want you to stop thinking about yourself like that.” He said “in fact, I don’t ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again.” His grip on her breast tightened forcing her to spurt out milk and then his hand was climbing up her slender neck. The strong fingers wrapping around her throat. “Do you understand what I’m telling you?” he asked as he slowly thrusted into her. His grip around her neck tightened. “Don’t ever talk like that.”

Despite her misery, she felt herself opening up to him. Felt herself grow slicker to his driving in and out. “yes” she said in a small voice.

He thrusted in as deep and as hard as could and just kept himself rigid there, impaling her on his thick cock. His grip was like iron on her throat. “Say it again” he demanded.

“Yes” She said as best as she could with his hand clamped on her neck and felt herself almost gushing on his cock. The baby kept moving, searching for any spare space inside her belly. “You are the sexiest fucking thing I have ever seen carrying this baby.” Her husband said as he started to thrust in faster. Her big ass pressing against him, trying to keep him at bay. “you have never looked sexier than you do right now, big and ripe with my baby.” Despite her large behind, he kept plowing deep in her. There was pain as he went and her body still ached but a warm feeling kept building in her belly. She felt her nipples straining hard as trails of pre-milk made their way down her swollen chest. “You are my fucking fertile sex goddess.” He said with dominance and she could hear how wet she was stretching around his cock. “I am your- “she tried to speak but the warm feeling was becoming a fire inside her now, rising through her massive swollen belly and to her chest. She felt wave after wave of it hitting her deep in her core. She ached. She hurt. But she also knew he wasn’t lying. His need and desire for her were overwhelming. She felt light again. Almost her old self. If wasn’t lying –

Her husband started drilling into her faster. His balls hitting her clit as he went.

“If he wasn’t lying -”

“Tell me what you are!” He whispered hotly in her ear. His lower arm wrapped around her belly protectively.

“If he wasn’t lying” she thought and felt herself nearing the crest of something good and wonderful. “I am YOUR sex goddess” She gasped. She took his hand on her belly and pressed it tighter so he could feel his baby kicking. The sheets under her chest were soaked now and she felt herself almost drooling between her legs. “Feel me” She said as she rubbed her belly with her husband. “Feel how big and swollen I am for you.”

Her husband grunted and she knew he was close. So was she.

“Feel how heavy I am.” She purred. “how heavy I am with him.”

“Heavy with who” he demanded again in between sharp inhales of breath.

“Heavy with YOUR baby.” She answered in. a husky voice and she felt him go rigid inside of her. Her soft swollen walls could feel his cock throb and twitch deep inside her hot cunt. She felt herself tip over the edge as the first spurt of his warm cum hit her walls. She moaned in ecstasy as her husband, the man she loved, the man who found her sexy no matter what, shot rope after rope of hot cum deep in her core.

The two stayed locked into place like that for what felt like a long time. Neither of them talking. She almost thought he was asleep when the baby kicked again and she felt his big hand rub the spot of movement, trying to soothe his son. She still worried. She still had the anxiety. Her body still ached and felt wretched. But for the moment, she could take it. And in a week she would meet her baby boy. She thought about the labor and the feeling of finally giving him to her husband to hold and she smiled. “10 pounds. One week” she thought and closed her eyes.

#pregnancyfetish #pregnantfetish #pregnanterotica #pregnancyerotica #heavywithmybabies

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babbushka · 3 years

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My Agent

Bond Villain!Kylo Ren x 007!Reader

2.5k ; Content Warnings: It’s really way more tender than I anticipated lol but Light murder (gun violence & mention of blood), NSFW (Bondage/predicament bondage, fingering)

Inspired by an idea from the ever wonderful @contesa-lui-alucard!

[not my gif, please let me know if you happen to know the op so i can give proper credit!]

Kinktober Masterlist || Available on AO3

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You can’t help but think this whole thing got blown way out of proportion. Really, you don’t know how things like this happen to you; by all accounts you should’ve been in and out with no problem – a routine mission sent by Mi6 to investigate some potential new threat to the peace of the world. That was all, just an investigation, and now look at you.

Deep underground in some evil villain’s volcanic lair, chained to a large steel beam on a platform that is slowly sinking into what can only be described as a river of magma. You’re a good ten meters away from it still, but the heat is unbearable, as the molten metals of the Earth bubble and hiss below your feet. Tugging on your restraints and trying to plan, you try to figure out some way to break these bonds so you can escape while the monologuing of this newest and most annoying megalomaniac drones on.

Ahead of you, standing on the middle of a dangerously narrow bridge that stretches across the red hot bubbling death trap you are being sent into, is your captor, and you’d very much like to free yourself if for no other reason than to get him to shut up.

That is, until, there’s a BANG!

The man falls forward, clutching at his stomach where a large red blood spot has begun to seep into his expensive suit, and standing behind him is none other than your arch rival, your nemesis, the notorious villain himself – Kylo Ren.

Dressed in a pristine white tuxedo, Kylo tucks his gun back into the holster concealed against his side in his jacket. He’s smiling, grinning in fact, and you want to roll your eyes, because of all the ways for him to see you, chained up like some damsel in distress isn’t one of your preferred scenarios.

Kylo kicks the shot man, your target, off the narrow bridge, and you both watch as his body falls into the depths with a hard smack before the bubbling gurgling spitting magma consumes him. It’s a bit brutal, but you would have done so yourself if you weren’t so, well, tied up.

“Hello gorgeous.” After the last of the man’s flesh is burned and eaten away, Kylo begins a slow walk down the rest of the bridge.

“Oh not you again.” You groan, half amused and half irritated, in that way that Kylo always makes you.

He rests at the edge of the bridge, looking down at you where the platform continues to descend. You’re not afraid though, not now that he’s here. Glancing behind him way on the other side of the volcano, you can just barely make out the forms of his henchmen standing at the control panels which safely sit behind thick glass windows.

“What, not happy to see me?” He raises his scarred brow. He’s entirely too casual, stuffing his hands in his pockets while he looks down at you, watches you sink ever more towards the magma.

“No, Mr. Ren. I had everything perfectly under control.” You lie. Well, maybe it’s not a lie, but you’re sure you could’ve figured something out had he not shown up. You’ve gotten yourself out of stickier situations than this, after all, you weren’t the top agent for nothing.

“Of course you did.” Kylo shakes his head and grins, “Here I thought I was helping.”

“If you really wanted to help, you would’ve stopped this platform from sinking.” You point out.

The heat is starting to become anxiety-inducing, just from the sheer proximity of it. You saw what happened to the man, to your captor, and your heart starts to pound at the thought of that happening to you. Especially when Kylo shrugs and shakes his head.

“Hmm, no I don’t think I will.” He replies, making you scowl.

“Kylo!” You shout at him angrily, your voice sharp enough that he winces.

“I’m just teasing.” He says quickly, before looking back over his shoulder towards the henchmen who are watching carefully and calling to his favorite, “Slip! Reverse it, bring her back up.”

Relief floods through you as the hydraulics hiss and the machines whirr to reverse the direction of your movement. Smoothly, the platform raises and carries you back to relative safety away from the magma, clicking and settling into place at the edge of the bridge where Kylo is anxiously waiting for you.

He doesn’t bother to wait until the platform settles all the way, stepping onto the platform as it still moves up to cup your cheeks in his hands and kiss you. His mouth is insistent on yours, unyielding, and despite how he is certain to make you go grey at your young age, you long to hold him.

“Are you alright?” Kylo asks, pulling away to search your face, your eyes. His are so brown, even the scarred one, the damage there not doing anything to inhibit the sheer depth of his gaze. “Answer me honestly.”

“I’m fine, I promise.” You nod, because really for all intents and purposes, you are fine. There’s nothing much wrong with you aside from the soreness in your shoulders from being chained up like this. It could have gone much worse, if Kylo hadn’t shown up when he did. In fact, you can’t help but ask, “What are you even doing here?”

“I told you, helping.” Kylo smiles and kisses you again, “You’re my agent, no one else gets to kill you but me.”

The sentiment makes you chuckle against his lips, and he grins, his endearingly crooked teeth biting into his lower lip.

“How romantic.” You roll your eyes, before your curiosity gets to the better of you and you can’t help but ask, “How did you find me?”

Kylo looks at you and tenderly puts a hand on your cheek, his thumb rubbing against your lower lip ever so slightly. He looks at you like you put the stars in the sky, because to him, you do. He’s told you as much, on those many instances where he whisks you away to some beautiful tropical island to give you a break from the headache of work.

“The same way I always find you, and the same way I will always find you.” He breathes.

“There’s a tracker in my car, isn’t there.” You suck across your teeth and ne nods at once.

“And in your shoe, and in your gun, and in your lipstick.” He reaches into your shirt where he knows you have a tube of your favorite color tucked securely into your bra. He snatches it and pops open the cap, showing a small homing beacon. “I know you never go anywhere without your lipstick.”

“I hate you.” You laugh, incredulous at the way he’s so…so…Kylo.

“You’re welcome.” He kisses you once again.

You go to reach for him once again, wanting to get your fingers in his silky smooth hair, when you realize you’re still chained up.

“Kylo?” You ask against his mouth, and he hums, his eyes closed as he kisses at the corner of your lips.

“Yes, Agent?”

“Aren’t you going to free me?” You ask, and he pulls back with a blink, realizing that he never actually undid the bondage that is keeping you here. Not that you’d go anywhere, now that he’s here, you’d stay with him, you both know it.

Still, he gets this look in his eye that makes you groan, because you know you’re really in for it now.

“Hmmm, no. No, I don’t think I will, not yet anyway.” He chews on the inside of his cheek and calls to his henchmen again, “Leave us. Wait in the chopper until we come out.”

You can see behind him that the henchmen do as they’re told, and you wonder if they must have killed everyone else who was already here, already working for the man who captured you.

Kylo waits until they’re out of view, before turning back to you and smoothing his hands up your body. He likes this, likes feeling you, even over your garments. Something about it reinforcing the fact that you’re real, that you’re here with him. Or, you suppose, that he’s here with you.

“I like this place, I might just absorb it now that Mr. Monocle down there won’t be needing it anymore.” Kylo regards the volcano with interest as his hands skim across your stomach, your sides. “What do you say, would you have dinner with me tonight? It’s very atmospheric.”

He’s got a point, the place really could be beautiful if outfitted nicely. You remember snooping through the less actively dangerous spaces, all the banquet halls and the residential rooms. There was something to be said for having a nice lair, you thought – not that Kylo didn’t have enough as it were.

“I don’t know why you bother asking, when you know the answer is always going to be yes.” You say truthfully.

“Because I like to hear you say it.” Kylo’s nose brushes against yours, his eyes slipping closed as his hands reach around you and hug you tight. You wish you could hug him back, but you know he’ll free you soon. He kisses the corner of your mouth, your cheek, your jaw, “Have dinner with me. I’ve brought you something to wear and everything.”

Of course he did, he knows you too well. Although, you can’t help but let out a huff of laughter at the thought of eating dinner with him in his finest tuxedo, and you still wearing your all-black spy ensemble.

“Yes.” You breathe, trying your best to push your body against his more fully.

“Yes?” He repeats, although this time, you know what he’s really asking. One of his hands slip back around to your front, and his fingers just barely tease at the waistband of your tight pants.

“Yes, Kylo, please.” Your heart beats loudly, you wonder if he can hear it.

He grins, and with deft fingers, he pops open the button of your pants and slides his big palm underneath the cotton of your panties and against the heat of your pussy. He hums out happily to see that you’re wet for him, because of course you are, you were wet the moment he killed that sonofabitch who had chained you up.

Two of Kylo’s fingers work their way into you slowly, savoring the feeling of your walls clenching and squeezing around him. You lean your head back against the steel post, and Kylo corrals one of your legs around his hip so he can get a better angle to finger you more easily.

“Kylo…” You gasp as he kisses you.

The kiss is slow, unhurried, just as his fingers are. He strokes against your walls, his rough thumb coming to rub and stroke and push at your clit. You can only think of the pleasure you feel, although somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re reminded of those lazy island afternoons where he eats you out for hours on end, and can only imagine that that’s what’s in store for you after dinner.

“You’re safe with me.” Kylo whispers, and you nod, because you know it’s true. You know he’d never hurt you, no matter how much he was supposed to.

A third finger joins his other two, and you moan, the sound echoing into the magma. It swallows your voice up, the way your pussy swallows his fingers, and your hips begin to grind down on his palm, seeking more friction than he’s willing to give you. You find that you like being restrained like this – you would only like it with Kylo, but still. Still, the thrill of the situation, of trusting him so completely as he pleasures you, it makes sparks tingle up your spine.

He smiles, and if you were to open your eyes you’d see him nearly cross-eyed looking at you as he speeds his hand up. You’re sweating, you’ve been sweating because of the heat from the volcano but now you’re sweating because of him, and your moans grow louder and louder.

“Kylo I’m – faster, I’m close.” Your mouth drops open into a pretty O as he does as he’s told, shoving his body as close to you as possible, fingers crooking inside your cunt to search for your gspot.

It’s hard with this angle, hard with all your clothing, but when your body writhes and pulls at its restraints harder, he knows he’s found it. He moves faster faster faster until your entire body shakes and curls in towards him, a sharp gasp as your eyes fly open and you blink rapidly, pleasure swimming through your veins.

“I missed you.” You say softly, vulnerable as your orgasm sings through you, as he kisses and licks up the sweat on your throat.

“I missed you more.” He fingers you still, milks your orgasm for all that he can, and stars and spots and fireworks pop gently behind your eyelids. It’s not earth-shattering, but it’s with Kylo, and that’s enough to make you gush on his fingers, enough to make you dizzy.

“Not everything has to be a competition.” You quirk a brow, turning your face to capture his lips once more, obsessed with the way they feel against yours. Your mouth tingles, lips swollen and plump from all his attention, and he smiles.

“Yes it does.” He’s too much, cheeky, you love him.

You’ll never say it, but you love him.

“Thank you, for saving me.” You say instead.

He can hear the words anyway, you know he can.

Kylo pulls his hand away from your pussy and sucks his fingers into his mouth, licking the taste of you off of him, cleaning himself up and humming with satisfaction around the digits that were just buried inside your cunt.

“Always. I meant what I said, you’re my agent.” He winks at you.

And you know that another time, you’ll be shooting at one another. You’ll be dodging the traps he sets for you and he’ll be dodging your bullets. He’ll have his henchmen and you’ll have backup, and you’ll be back at each other’s throats, nothing more than 007 and Mr. Ren, nothing more than spy and villain, rivals, enemies.

But…

But it’s starting to become less and less real, this rivalry. It’s starting to become more and more performative, while you plan, while you plot. Keeping up the façade while you buy yourselves some time. Because you know, you both know you’ll join him one day. You’ll join him and you’ll never again have to wake up without him beside you like you have been doing these lonely months.

He unties you, a simple press of a button just out of reach on the bindings, and all of them pop open with a hiss. You smile, and massage your shoulders, roll the joints there to wake them up. Kylo offers his arm to you, and you take it, looking up at him with a smile as you ask,

“What’s for dinner?”

#kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren/reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren/you #adam driver character #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren smut #james bond AU #bond villain kylo #007 reader #my writing #adam driver fanfiction #kinktober 2020

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okitodorokidoki · 4 years

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a28+34 | miyuki kazuya

pairing - miyuki kazuya x fem!reader genre - angst, fluff wc - 2121 ao3 - author’s note at bottom

PROMPTS 28 “I care about you.” 34 “Please don’t do this.”

Looking back on your relationship with Miyuki, there were a lot of moments that were questioned by people on the outside. Moments that the two of you knew were teasing or joking were blown out of proportion by people who may have overheard, either from the two of you or someone else. Your relationship always felt like it was on a seesaw, the two of you on each end with the occasional hijacker dragging you down before the other was ready.

You lasted an entire year before you felt like you had to take a step back. You couldn’t even consider it a break in your relationship, it was really just a “I have a lot going on in my head right now and I would appreciate if I could just take a moment to myself to relax.” When that was over, you came to him with your sorted thoughts and talked things through. Miyuki had never seemed like the kind to be a good communicator in a relationship, but he seemed to realize that if he wanted the joy of tormenting someone, he had to take the responsibility of not chasing them away.

Now, on your final year in college, it finally felt like things were getting to be too much. You’d gotten through the high school fan girls, the injuries, the late nights, the bad rumors, the days with no updates outside of catching him in the hallways. But now, as you read the article written about how he was a prospective pick across the country, you finally felt like something was trying to take him from you. It had been smooth sailing, knowing that the two of you wouldn’t be torn apart by anything petty going on around you. But now, seeing a real-life decision he would have to make- one that would positively effect his life for years to come- you could feel the weight pressing down on your chest.

He was supposed to come by your dorm for movie night, but part of you wanted to text him to cancel. You knew it was childish, getting upset that he was such a good player that he was desired across the country, but that didn’t change the fact that you were upset. Looking over at your phone, resting innocently on your nightstand, you weighed your options for a moment, before remembering your occasional movie nights were some of the only times the two of you had alone together.

Closing the magazine, you picked up your phone and set the cause of your turmoil down. You were going to feel upset, and you were going to have movie night. One of those things couldn’t take a rain-check, so you figured you’d have to take a nice shower and shove your emotions down.

You dried your hair as you sat on the foot of your bed, waiting for Kazuya to show up. There were maybe five minutes left before you chose what movie you wanted to watch without him. Youtube was playing on your phone beside you, a random playlist of videos that always made you laugh when you weren’t feeling too hot.

The knock on the door was barely audible from under your towel, and your sheets nearly brought you to the ground as you stood too quickly. A brief litany of curses slipped as you rushed to the door, opening it to see you boyfriend.

“Miss me?” He asked with his usual grin.

You snorted and tugged him in by his t-shirt, watching his grin quickly disappear to give you a kiss.

“If I said yes, your head wouldn’t fit through the doorway.”

He snickered and followed you inside, locking the door behind him. “You didn’t pick out a movie without me, did you?”

“Yes. It’s a real tear-jerker, you won’t ever see love the same again.”

“Oh, porn?”

You grabbed a throw pillow as you passed the couch and tossed it expertly behind your shoulder. His snickering persisted through the solid ‘thump’ of it making contact, so you took a moment to curse his catcher’s instinct.

“You said you saw one you wanted to watch last time, right?” You asked, getting comfortable on your bed.

“Yeah, I added it to your watch later list.” He shut your bedroom door before shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on the back of your door.

“You better not have ruined my algorithm.”

“You don’t think that docu-series you watched at 3am instead of studying did enough damage?” He climbed on the bed, and settled in next to you, casually throwing an arm over your pillows for you to lean back into him.

“No, because that was exactly what I want to watch more of.”

It wasn’t long before the movie he’d chosen caught your eye, and you dimmed your bedside light before snuggling securely into his side as it began.

“This isn’t going to make me cry, is it?” You asked.

“Everything makes you cry.”

Your hand shot out, but he grabbed your wrist before your fingers could pinch into his side. “Ah-ah! This is sweet boyfriend-girlfriend time, no place for your meanery!”

“Kazuya, that’s not even a word, you bas-” his hand released your wrist to pinch your lips shut.

You glared up at him and he grinned, leaning in for a quick peck to your squished lips. Letting out a huff, you scrunched your nose at him before turning back to the tv. The introductory scene hadn’t even finished before you were adjusting, feeling a mild pinch in your lower spine from laying on your back.

“Aw, baby wanna cuddle?” Kazuya teased, holding you closer.

“Don’t be an ass,” you mumbled as he pressed a kiss to your head.

Another five minutes of movie passed, Kazuya’s hand rubbing your arm making you feel all warm and fuzzy, skin tingling pleasantly under his touch. The plot had begun, and you were already setting up three different endings in your head for the cheesy romance they were spinning.

“This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!” The main lead said to his girlfriend. “If I stay here with you for the rest of my life, what will I even become?”

That definitely threw a wrench into all three of your predictions.

“You said you loved me! That you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me!” She cried back. “Does your stupid job really mean more to you than I do?”

“You know that isn’t fair! I’m not leaving you, I’m just trying to move on with my life! Maybe you should do the same!”

The lame, admittedly unrealistic dialogue on screen felt like it was aiming to punch you in the gut. Everything you were thinking of before your shower came back, and you felt like you were manually keeping yourself breathing. Everything felt weighed down once more, and the hand gently caressing you was beginning to feel like it was burning. You suddenly raised your arm, throwing Kazuya’s off of you as you sat up.

“Babe?” He asked, starting to sit up with a concerned expression.

“I didn’t get drinks. Or snacks.” You got off your bed as casually as possible, trying to remember how to open a door like a human being so you could escape to the kitchen with little to no suspicion.

You opened your fridge, and leaned into the chill. It was a bit too much around your ears where your hair was just a little damp, but it felt like you needed it. You took a few deep breaths to steady yourself before grabbing a drink from the fridge, gently closing it once more as you set your find on the counter. You glanced back down the hallway, your door was undisturbed from where you left it, cracked open just a bit.

You leaned against the counter, head bowing as you collected your thoughts. On a normal day, you’d just start telling Kazuya how bad the dialogue was, or how you would have framed the scene differently, but today all you could think of was how that scene would push its way into your life.

How would Kazuya start the conversation? You felt like he wouldn’t come in guns blazing yelling that it was his life, and he could do whatever he wanted. You hoped he knew that you would never try to drag him down or hold him back, that you would love and support him no matter how much it hurt to see him go. You put your hand over your face as you felt your eyes burning, willing your emotions to calm down before you started to look like you’d been crying. A slight touch at your back had you leaping, a ragged gasp tearing from your throat. You turned, eyes wide to see Kazuya standing there with an upset expression.

“Ah- sorry,” you said, turning back to making drinks. “Just got a bit of a headache.”

“Baby...” you froze as Kazuya’s arm slid around you, coaxing you closer. “Please don’t do this.”

You took a breath, prepared to find another cover-up, but nothing would come out. You melted into him, turning your head to press your forehead against his collarbone as his arms wrapped around you.

“I’m sorry,” he said, chin bumping your head. “I was honestly waiting for you to say something like ‘this dialogue is so forced’ or ‘if he loved her he’d talk with her and wouldn’t need to yell.’ I didn’t think you would be hurt.”

“I’m… I’m scared, Kazuya.” His arms tightened around you at your words. “I care about you. I’ve cared about you since we were in high school, and I knew nothing would ever happen to us because we were always there. Even when we couldn’t see each other, we were at least both on campus. But if you-”

Your voice cracked, and you pressed a hand to your mouth to stop yourself from crying. This wasn’t something you wanted to cry over. This was his future, you were happy for him, you would stand by him through everything. But you wouldn’t be standing by him. You probably wouldn’t even be able to make it to most of his games anymore, at least not for a while. One of his arms slid up to hold your head to his chest, and he started to sway slightly as you listened to his heartbeat.

“I want to move forward in life,” he said. “And I want to do it with you. I don’t care how far apart we are, we’ve made it through this much shit already. Besides, I hear doing it over facetime is-”

You throat constricted on a mix between a choke and a sob, Kazuya patting your back and laughing.

“Better?” He asked.

You nodded, turning your body to properly wrap your arms around him.

“I love you,” he said. “Don’t you ever forget it. I know I’m an ass, but do you think I’d pull my punches if I didn’t love you?”

“You pull your punches because you know I’ll make you cry, pretty boy,” You mumbled into his chest.

“Yes, yes, my ferocious little girlfriend knows all of my weaknesses.” He pressed another kiss to your head. “Now can she get us drinks so we can stay hydrated while we tear this movie apart limb by limb?”

You snorted, and pulled away wiping your nose pathetically with your sleeve.

“Can she also change her shirt before we cuddle again?”

“You’ve got more snot on you than I do, pretty boy!”

“Ah, your cutting words! How will I ever recover?”

You gave his arm a half-hearted swat as he turned to your pantry for snacks.

“But seriously,” he said over his shoulder. “Even if I get drafted halfway across the world, I’m tossing you in my duffel bag and taking you with me. There’s no way I’d survive all these self-centered pitchers if I can’t rest my head on my girlfriend’s thighs and let me woes escape me.”

“Don’t ruin the moment, Kazuya. You were almost being sweet.”

He stuck his tongue out at you, and you returned the gesture. Some things really hadn’t changed since high school, but as you curled back up to his side in your bed, tearing the characterization of the main lead to shreds, you realized that even if some things went away, they’d only make way for new ones.

“So, I know you didn’t seem to positive the first time I brought it up, but seriously, facetime can be an incredibly efficient method of-”

“Keep it up and you won’t get any methods.”

He snickered, placing another kiss to your head.

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for over a month because I lost my banners 😭😭 I thought I’d come back to it when I found them but I completely forgot until now with everything going on. I've also never done an author's note on here before but I’ve felt weirdly,,, muted on my own blog so I hope you don’t mind I start doing them! I still like having nothing but the info at the top though so unfortunately I’m hiding myself at the End </3

#daiya no ace #daiya no ace x reader #daiya no ace imagine #miyuki kazuya #miyuki x reader #miyuki imagine #ace of diamond #ace of diamond x reader #ace of diamond imagine

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eliemo · 4 years

Text

Should Have Known Better

Summary: It all happened at once, too many people talking, too much anger and hatred and fear, and it was his fault his fault- Virgil felt himself fall backwards, landing hard on the kitchen floor

CW: Panic attacks, arguing, angst with a happy ending. virgil wrongly assumes he’s going to be hit but his family loves him

Read on A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24703804

Really, the fight was ridiculous to begin with. It was nothing that hadn’t happened before, and Virgil definitely should not be feeling the vaguely familiar churn in his gut, the sickly tightening of his chest.

It was a simple disagreement about a new idea Roman had come up with, something “new and spectacular” the creative side had colorfully put it. And of course, Virgil had voiced his concerns. Because that was what he did.

It was easier now- now that he could work with the others rather than against them, a voice to be listened to rather than feared and chased away.

And it wasn’t like they didn’t argue among themselves constantly. As Logan had pointed out, their bickering was usually what got them to any kind of conclusion. And sure, it would get heated sometimes, fingers pointed and name-calling would occasionally occur (usually from Roman) and on certain days it would be more difficult to handle, voices too loud and too much, but it had gotten easier. There was no more malice aimed at him specifically, no more ganging up and refusing to listen, no more hate or scorn from the people he cared so deeply about protecting.

Today, however, maybe things were a bit different.

He’d been a bit too harsh, snapping too quickly and escalating the argument faster than was necessary. It hadn’t been a good morning- or a good couple of days if Virgil was being honest with himself.

He was still reeling after the incident with Deceit, a harsh reminder of how easily the Dark Side could slip into their lives, pulling Virgil right back into the memories of how things used to be.

He hadn’t slept much, and when he did there was nothing but nightmares and flashes of the past, and the last few days that familiar anxious feeling had been steadily building up, making him more jumpy, his paranoia skyrocketing.

The other sides had become accustomed to recognizing the signs of a bad day, especially if it only continued to get worse. This last week, however, everyone had been understandably preoccupied, and Virgil had no right to put his own issues above more pressing matters. It would go away, it always did.

Now, he wondered if he was imagining just how aggressive this argument had become.

“Why do you always do this?” Virgil froze at Prince’s shout, his definitely louder than normal shout, a brief burst of panic clawing at his throat.

He should stop. He should deflate and duck out, give in and let Roman have his way. The other side was angry, on edge, and fed up with his bullshit, and Virgil knew all too well what happened when he pushed an issue with someone blinded by rage.

But Virgil couldn’t stop himself, and the fear and nausea building up in him made him defensive, mouth moving without his brain’s permission.

“Because I’m the one who has to protect Thomas from your stupid ideas! Unlike you, I’m not in this for my own ego!”

Guilt coiled in his gut when he saw hurt flash across Princey’s eyes, but it was quickly drowned out by another wave of fear when the look morphed to anger.

Patton cut him off before he could yell again, but there was no relief in the interruption when the words managed to be somehow even worse.

“Hey, come on Kiddo, that doesn’t seem...Roman’s just trying to help Thomas, you know that.”

The words were laced with disappointment, something that felt like knives to his chest when it came from Patton- the first person to ever see him as anything other than a useless hindrance, especially when it came with the underlying suggestion that Virgil didn’t care about Thomas.

Everything he did, every time he argued, he was just trying to protect him. All of them. Patton knew that, didn’t he?

“I am too!” He said, ignoring the way his voice had become just a bit quieter than before. “Patton, you think I do this just for the hell of it? I’m just trying to make sure Thomas doesn’t--”

“Doesn’t what?” Roman interrupted, too loud too loud too loud. He was angry, all Virgil ever did was make people angry. “Doesn’t live a happy worry free life?”

It wasn’t hard for Virgil to pick up on the unsaid. Thomas would be better off without you. We all would.

Virgil’s throat felt tight, the panic now cold and all consuming. He could feel his heartbeat growing dangerously fast, breaths coming too quick and shallow. He opened his mouth to shoot something back, to keep them from seeing how scared he was, blinded by Roman’s glare and Patton’s irritation.

It was almost a relief when Logan raised a hand to cut him off, stoic and impartial. Virgil wasn’t sure he would even be able to force coherent words out right now.

But then Logan raised an eyebrow at him, not the careful look of concern he gave when he noticed Virgil was having an attack, but something that seemed to be a reflection of both Roman and Patton’s anger.

You made them all mad, you made them mad, they hate you, they hate you they hate you. You’re the outcast again, they don't want you here.

“Virgil, you know we all...appreciate your input-” he hesitated, he’s lying he’s lying “-but logically, this shouldn’t be an issue. You’ve blown this all out of proportion, Virgil. More so than usual.”

He didn’t miss the irritation in the Logical side’s voice, the way all eyes in the room were on him, glaring at him, hating him.

Virgil was suddenly painfully aware of how close they all were, knees practically brushing under the table they’d gathered at in the mindscape’s dining area. In Thomas’s living room, during these arguments there was usually a good amount of space between them.

The only one who could really reach him without crossing the room was Logan. If he was angry enough, he could easily reach through the stair railing and grab Virgil by the hoodie, holding him still while Roman approached, Patton standing to close him in-

But they wouldn’t do that. They wouldn’t.

But...it would be so easy now. They were so close together, and he’s made them so, so angry. He would deserve it anyway, he’d only pushed an issue that didn’t matter, been the bad guy again and pushed the only people who cared about him to the point of-

“Anxiety, are you even listening?”

Virgil flinched at the use of that name, the memories of hate and bitter loneliness rushing back all at once, the annoyance in Prince’s voice burning like acid.

No one seemed to notice, anything Virgil even tried to breathe out overshadowed by Logan’s biting remark. “Virgil, we do expect you to at least listen to—“

“Are you ok, Virge?”

It all happened at once, too many people talking, too much anger and hatred and fear, and it was his fault his fault-

He had barely even heard what Patton had said, unable to comprehend the concern building when he was so focused on Roman, who hadn’t stopped ranting.

The creative side raised his hand- and it was just a gesture, just a dramatic gesture, Virgil knew that.

Roman often spoke with his hands when he was worked up, always flamboyant, always moving. Virgil was used to that, it had never bothered him before. It was harmless.

But all of that went right out the window the second he saw Roman raise his arm up, still consumed with anger, and everything after that was a blur of panicked instinct.

He jerked backwards, eyes squeezing shut as the chair tipped over, stumbling on suddenly unsteady legs, everything spinning and far away.

He thought he heard voices, angry no doubt, angry at him for being such a baby, for making such a big deal over a problem he created, but the blood was rushing to his head, heart pounding in his ears.

Virgil felt himself fall backwards, landing hard on the kitchen floor. Without thinking he brought his hands up to block his face, to protect himself as much as he could, whimpering despite himself when he heard approaching footsteps. He curled in on himself, tense and waiting.

“Virge?”

There was a hand on his shoulder, and Virgil flinched back so fast he didn’t realize he’d slammed into the wall until a flare of pain shot up his back.

“Virgil! What’s wrong?”

He was fairly sure it was Patton talking, voice muffled by Virgil’s own out of control breathing, the panic attack building up faster and faster.

Through the haze of fear, Virgil thought that maybe Patton was the one side who wouldn’t hurt him for this. Patton was kind, he wasn’t one to get angry easily, despite how impulsive and protective of Thomas he could be.

The other two could often be swayed by their anger, but Virgil knew they wouldn’t do anything drastic to him if he didn’t deserve it.

Only, Virgil did deserve it. He’d been stupid and unfair, and some anxious part of him had driven him to tear apart the family he’d waited so long for. They had every right to lash out however they saw fit.

And yet here he was, cowering on the floor like a child, unable to stop the string of please that barely translated to breathy, shaking words.

“I- I’m sorry, I sorry guys, we- we can do w-whatever...whatever you guys want I was just- I was just…”

“Hey, Virge it’s ok,” he heard Patton say, and Virgil thought there was a hint of confusion in his voice. “It was just an argument, honey. What’s wrong?”

Slowly and cautiously, painfully aware of how badly he was trembling in his little heap, Virgil glanced up from the floor, face burning when his vision was blurred with hot tears.

Patton was crouched on the floor a few steps away, looking like a deer in the headlights, eyes brimming with his own tears behind his glasses. A spark of hope ignited in Virgil’s chest. Patton wasn’t angry anymore. Patton didn’t look like he wanted to hurt him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil could see Roman and Logan where he’d left them at the table. They’d both stood up at some point, frozen at their chairs, but Virgil didn’t let himself look long enough to see their expressions, pushing himself back against the wall at the cruel reminder of how angry they’d all been.

“Virgil,” Logan said, and Virgil flinched before he could stop himself. “You need to breathe. 4, 7, 8, remember? We—“

“Can’t—“ he gasped out, the uncertainty mixing with fear only making his panic worse. “Can’t breathe, I can’t-- I--please I’m- I’m sorry I’m sorr--”

“Hey kiddo, it’s alright,” Patton said, Virgil latching desperately onto the kindness he could pick up on in the words. “It was just a little argument. I think we all got a little carried away, right guys?”

“Of course!” Roman agreed, still too loud, too close to becoming angry again. “I apologize, I was not acting very...princely, I suppose. If I had known it would…” he trailed off, and Virgil could practically see the crestfallen look in his eyes at the anxious side’s reaction to his voice.

But Virgil couldn’t help it. Because no matter how loud the rational part of his mind screamed at him that everything was fine, it was just Roman and Roman wasn’t angry, Roman would never hurt him, it was buried under the relentless waves of panic.

He would hate himself for the reaction later, he was sure, guilt bubbling somewhere beneath the fear, but the sound of Roman’s voice only made him cry harder, chest squeezing out what little air he could get, leaving him sobbing uncontrollably on the floor, still waiting for a blow that he knew would never come.

“Oh kiddo, oh no we...Logan what do we--”

Patton’s voice faded as Virgil’s breathing got worse, rocking himself slightly, gasping desperately for air he wasn’t allowed to get. He shouldn’t be reacting like this. He shouldn’t. They were his family. They wouldn’t hurt him, no matter how pathetic or annoying he was being, no matter how much a nuisance he was, no matter how much he held Thomas back.

Because that's what he did. That was all he did, no matter how hard he tried to be good, to help and protect, to get the people he cared so much about to just understand. They knew in the long run, they were better off without him. They only put up with him because they had to. If they had an excuse to get rid of him-

What if this was a good enough excuse. He’d made them all pointlessly angry, right after Deceit had tried to manipulate them. He was a Dark Side. They knew that. What if all of Patton’s love wasn’t enough to convince the others not to treat him like one?

What if--

“Virgil.”

Virgil’s eyes snapped open at the calm, carefully calculating voice of Logan, who had somehow managed to kneel by his side without the other noticing his approach. The logical side had begun to reach forward, hand hovering over Virgil’s knee but not touching.

Virgil froze completely, gasping breaths coming to a halt, eyes glued to the unmoving hand. The hand that could so easily grab for him if it wanted to. It wasn’t like he could do much in this state, weak and dizzy, easy to overwhelm.

“Virgil,” Logan said again, that familiar gentle tone he took when Virgil was having an attack. “You’re safe. You’re with us, you’re ok. You’re suffering from cognitive distortions. I assure you, whatever is happening is not--”

“Are you going to hurt me?”

Virgil hadn’t even realized he’d spoken until Logan’s reassurances were abruptly cut off, his hand disappearing from view, the room deathly still and quiet.

And suddenly it was so much worse. Because he couldn't bring himself to look up, couldn’t see the look in Logan’s eyes, couldn’t see where he put his hand-

Virgil’s eyes went to Patton, wide and desperate and clouded with so much irrational fear.

“I’m...I’m sorry,” he stuttered, not even sure why he was apologizing anymore, definitely unsure of what he was even afraid of. They weren’t going to hit him or send him away. They wouldn’t. “Sorry, sorry I’m sorry I argued I-I shouldn’t have-should have...should have stopped I’m sorry, you guys can—“

“Virgil.” That was Roman, and there was something about the creative side so easily using his name again that made him stop his rambling. “You don’t need to...you’re not in danger, Virge. Nobody’s upset with you.”

Virgil blinked, glancing wildly around the room at the three sides, his thoughts battling with reason, aching chest struggling to take in shaky breaths.

“But…” they weren’t going to hurt him, they weren’t going to hurt him, “But I...you were mad. I shouldn’t- shouldn’t have kept arguing.”

They argued all the time. It shouldn’t have been any different. But Roman had never...shouted at him like that before, the others were usually able to reign him back in. And they all hadn’t been against him like that, treating him like the antagonist since...since before things had gotten better.

And then he’d been called Anxiety. A slip up that usually would never have been a problem, but today- when things had only been building up with no release, reminders of Deceit and dark sides, it had all been too much.

“Virgil,” Logan said softly, and Virgil winced, everything just a bit too loud. “Can you look at me, please?”

Virgil swallowed, throat still dry and tight, breathing still too fast and painful. But he obeyed, tense and trembling, raising his head to meet Logan’s gaze.

The logical side, though his worry was still evident, gave a small, reassuring smile. “Nobody’s going to hurt you, Virgil.”

And that undid something in him. Because he’d known that, he’d known his family would never hurt him. But hearing it said aloud for him, so simple like it was never even a question, that was all he needed to finally take a full breath, shoulders dropping their defensive stance.

He took in shuddering breath after shuddering breath, unable to stop the hiccuping sobs that escaped in between.

“Oh, kiddo.” Patton was beside him now, hands still hovering, tears welling up in his eyes. “Can I touch you?”

Virgil nodded, refusing to be ashamed of how desperately he needed the physical reminder of safety. He leaned forward, shutting his eyes as he slumped against Patton’s chest, the other side quickly wrapping his arms around Virgil’s back.

“Hey, hey you’re ok,” Patton whispered, holding him close. “Copy my breathing, ok? I’m right here. Hold for four…”

It took some time, as it usually did during a bad panic attack, Patton guiding him though his breathing exercises, breaths slow and exaggerated, voice quiet and soothing.

Virgil almost fell back into a fit of panic when it dawned on him just how stupid he’d been, how tired everyone must be of him doing things like this.

But then Patton kept talking to him, Logan offering gentle reassurances, Roman sending him guilty smiles every time he catches Virgil's wandering gaze, and everything slows down again.

He’s beyond exhausted by the time his breathing slows enough for Patton to be satisfied, his lungs no longer screaming for air. He was too weak to even sit up on his own now, still shaky and sore, eyes heavy and drooping.

He barely even felt himself being lifted off the floor, held in steady, safe arms and carried away from the kitchen. When he did manage to open his eyes, it was to a white suit and Roman looking down at him like Virgil was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Virgil swallowed, guilt rising up in his chest at the reminder of how he’d acted, how the sound of Roman’s voice had driven him deeper into a senseless panic. He could only imagine how bad he’d made Roman feel for something that wasn’t remotely the creative side’s fault.

“I’m sorry,” he slurred, his mouth refusing to cooperate with his muddled mind. “Didn’t...didn’t mean to make you--”

“I shouldn’t have yelled,” Roman said, smiling softly like it was as simple as that. “I should have seen you were having a bad day.”

Virgil tried to shrug, but it was nearly impossible with a body that felt like lead cradled against Prince’s chest while they made their way to the couch.

“It’s ok.”

Roman slowly lowered Virgil onto the cushions, hesitating briefly before settling down next to him, giving the anxious side plenty of time to protest or move away. Not that Virgil would, Roman a welcome distraction from the shivers still racking his body.

“Patton’s getting you some water,” Prince explained. “And Logan’s running to find extra blankets. Do you...want to be alone?”

Any other time, Virgil might have been embarrassed by how quickly he shook his head, and later he would definitely deny the way he leaned into the warmth of Roman’s touch. But he didn’t miss the quiet sigh of relief that came from the other side, or the fond smile he couldn’t quite shake.

Roman hummed under his breath, carding his fingers through Virgil’s hair as he gradually drifted off, vaguely aware of someone draping a blanket over his shoulders, two more weights settling on either side of him.

Virgil was fading before he could even think to try to make out what any of them were saying, the distant sound of their voices lulling him to sleep, still aware of the protective hold Prince had on him.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #ts virgil #misunderstandings #panic tw #polysanders #platonic lamp #prinxiety #hurt/comfort #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3

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we-always-hit-our-ass · 4 years

Text

Right Here (Richard Winters x Reader)

Requested by @easy-company-tradition: “... could you please do dick winters comforting the reader during a panic attack?...”

Author’s Note: Oh gosh, I’ve never actually written anything like this before. I tried to do as much research as I could so I can portray this in an accurate manner. These are very serious, and if I got anything wrong, please feel free to correct me. I apologize for any inaccurate portrayals of panic attacks in this fic.

Words: 2.7k (a bit longer than i anticipated,,,)

BIG FAT WARNING FOR THIS ONE: Panic attacks. If they make you uncomfortable or you don’t want to read a description about how they feel, please please don’t read this! I suggest steppin’ away from this fic if these sorts of things make you upset, I’m incredibly sorry. So panic attack under the cut, please heed my warnings.

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Taglist: @deldontplay, @thatsonefishyboi,@noneofurbusinez, @meteora-fc, @gutsandgloryhere, @hihosilvers, @rayleighshughes, @floydtab, @wexhappyxfew, @sherlollydramoine, @meganthesunflower, @3milesup, @jamie506101, @sunflowerchuck, @softlieb, @k-websters, @punkgeekchic, @speirs-crazy-ass, @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant, @runtdrummer, @fromtheoldtimes, @liebegott

+hello hello, you can totally ask me if ya want to be added!

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Laying on the cushioned sofa, your fingers traced over the yellowed papers of the novel you were reading. It was one of the books that David had recommended you during the war--so when you had returned, you were sent in a rush to find it in any bookstore you could find.

Flicking over the inked words on the flimsy paper, you hummed a random tune as to not make the house as empty as it currently was. The record playing let out a quiet sort of ambience, lulling you to a daze. The book slammed shut, your slipper ladened feet pressing against the hardware floor.

But that was just a couple minutes ago.

It all happened so fast, your body feeling cumbersome as your knees buckled under you. You fell with a thud, the dull pain of your tailbone outshadowed from the sharp pain in your head. So you didn’t know how you found yourself here, your back resting on the wooden cupboards in the kitchen, the handle pressing uncomfortably on the nape of your neck.

You didn’t know when you started bawling your eyes out, the cool tears drying on your cheeks. The stream trailing down your neck, staining the crisp shirt you wore.

Just all the sudden, it hit you--this overwhelming feeling of dread and immediately you wanted it to stop. Everything was just so blurry so you opted to keep your eyes shut, but it did nothing to help with the flashes of horrific scenes from war from flashing in your mind.

Heavy and broken heaves stuttered from your lips, and they wouldn’t stop--no matter how many times you tried to regulate your breathing. Laborious and tense, your chest fell up and down drastically and sometimes a bit staggering. You were quivering so much and your deft fingers didn’t feel like yours. At this moment you felt like you were feeling nothing and everything at once.

Sweat pooled swiftly on your brow, and your hands fell clumsily to wipe it off but to no avail. The air was so muggy and thick, you despised it. You felt so helpless, trapped in the corner of your own kitchen. The slippers which cushioned your feet were long gone, as you had kicked them off in an attempt to stop the writhing and pricking feeling on your legs.

It felt as if about a thousand invisible hands had a tight grip on your throat, blocking your airways as you struggled to even inhale a single bit of oxygen. Light-headed, you feel your whole brain shutting down. And even as you could feel it go blank, the intense feeling shooting throughout your whole being.

It repeated for so long and when you finally thought it had stopped, it comes just as quickly as it leaves. Wave after wave after wave, you felt so drained out of energy. Even with your throat parched as a desert, you still had no desire to get yourself a glass of water.

The pads of your fingertips grow weary from rubbing circles into the temples of your head, your hair a bit messy from running your hands through them so many times. Then at times you would feel like you were in the Sahara, hot flashes bursting randomly here and there.

Your sternum and torso ached and burned so much, and you could almost feel every instance of your wind and chest pipe closing up. Your eyes became sore from releasing too much tears, puffing up the longer you sat idle on the tiled floor. Let this end please, you knew you couldn’t take anymore of this.

Sooner or later the bright, fluorescent hue of the kitchen light grew unbearable, and you turned your head to sink deeper into your shoulder. Whimpers and incomplete and occasionally incoherent sentences left your dried lips and tongue. Running out of tears, silent sobs wracked throughout your body.

Even if it seemed like hours before this happened, it had only been a mere 20 minutes. These events further cemented into your train of thought. And so if you tried to shake them off, it’d only do more harm than good and right then and there the pain only seemed to become more amplified.

Disoriented in your own whirlpool of thoughts and flashing images, you were oblivious to the sound of the front door opening and the voice of the amber head of hair which peeked through your field of vision. Not realizing the echoed voice of your husband, you ignored it--thinking it to be fake and not at all actually happening.

Immediately when Richard received no response from you, his mind went to overdrive. His sapphire eyes blown wide out of proportion, his usually leveled voice grew a bit louder, hoping to catch your attention from wherever you were. Steady and slow-paced footsteps filled the air, and as he approached the kitchen, a small gasp left his mouth. His tall frame easily looked over the marble island in the center of the kitchen. There his eyes laid on your curled form, still hunched over in a fetus position.

Rushing over to your being at the speed of light, he lowered himself down so he could be on level with you. Richard instantly placed his hands on your shoulder as if to remind you that he was there. That he was there by your side. The palm of his hands trailed soothingly on the path of your upper arms and soldiers, and you could feel your turbulent breathing calm down for the briefest of moments.

“Ri--Richard I-- I didn’t know,” You shakily call out to him, struggling to get out any words, “It happened so fast, I--”

“(Y/N)... (Y/N), it’s okay… Shh shh, I got you honey. I got you.”

His calm voice washed over you like cold water on a cold day, the mere tone of it comforting you like no other thing could ever accomplish. All you knew in these hazy moments is that you were extremely relieved from Richard’s mere presence. His long arms slowly but reassuringly wrapped around your form, pulling you closer to him.

Still slightly panicked, you pushed him away lightly and placed your hands flat on his chest to stop him. Richard looked at you with only kindness and understanding, rich pools of aquamarine and cool green gazing at you with love and adoration.

Understanding that you might need some space, he pulls away to settle you down on the floor so he can sit next to you but you retreat your hands--bringing them to tightly grip on the tidied, white button up he wore. Coming back to your senses, you lean forward to close the proximity between you and the scarlet-haired man opening up his arms to welcome you with his embrace.

Opening up his legs, he ushered you between them to make it easier for him to hold you tenderly. Stopping to recollect yourself and to take in the moment, you cracked--a soft yet sharp cry left your form, and you buried your face in Richard’s chest. The palm of your hands were rubbed raw, and your nails indented crescent shaped marks into the soft skin. Tears rolled over the plains of your cheeks, replacing your old and dry ones.

“Look at me, love...Please look at me, (Y/N).” Richard had gently urged you, tilting your head up to meet his ever so softly.

Concerned and worried, your husband pressed his forehead against your feverish one. Both of your thighs settled on the sides of Richard’s waist, and his hands went from the small of your back to your legs. He laid his hands there in such a manner that reassured you that he was there, and that everything will be alright. Pushing yourself to take heavy breaths and failing every time, your husband stopped you in your tracks when he noticed.

With his forehead pulling away from yours and his hands reclaiming their spot on your back, Richard looked at you intently.

“Try to breathe with me okay?” Your husband gently said, rubbing circles on your back as you let out a shaky nod.

Peppering your cheek with kisses before he began, he let out a consoling smile.

“3… 2… 1… Inhale.”

You breathed in lots of air as soon as he said the word and his arms wrapped around you securely as you did. In the same manner he did before, he counted down from three and in a softhearted manner he instructed you to exhale.

“Let it all out, (Y/N)... Exhale.” Taking his time with each of his instructions, Richard patiently sat with you repeating the same words with bits of comforting sentences here and there until your breathing finally calmed down.

Still not knowing what to do, you cuddled closer to your husband as you feebly wrapped your arms around his waist. Whimpering and still trembling, you let yourself sink into the hold of your love. You clung around Richard’s strong frame, gaining comfort from the way he would whisper words of consolation near your ear.

“I’m right here, (Y/N). I’m right here.” He would keep saying, and each time seemed so much more loving than the last.

Everytime your breath seemed to hitch or stop, your husband quickly rushed to action--doing the best he could to give you the slightest bit of comfort to try to make it all better. Richard’s hands on your back ran a slow up-and-down motion and you looked up to take in his doting features. But the soft smile you were about to bestow him turned upside down as your brain ran over the events which just took place. With your mind and heart heavy, you felt defeated all over again. Turning your head to face away from the man you loved, Richard stopped you.

Pausing briefly, he went to cradle your face with both of his hands. Deeply taking oxygen in, Richard then put all of his attention on you. His eyes observing every breath, how your eyes dilated, or how you blinked profusely to keep the tears from falling.

“(Y/N), I want you to remember that I’m right here. That I always will be, and that no matter what--I will never ever leave your side.”

Relaxing immensely, all the tension that built inside of your being vanished without even a single trace. With no words to say, you stayed silent and instead gazed upon his light cobalt eyes with all of the affection you could muster in that moment.

Taking in his words, your eyebrows furrowed before relaxing. Swaddled up in Richard’s love, you relished in the feeling. You don’t think you could ever live a life without him near you. So you sank deeper into his hold as Richard offered you amorous kisses. On your forehead, on your cheeks, near your jaw, and especially on your lips.

All of his kisses were filled to the brim with the utmost care and affection.

You propped your arms on his shoulders, your form moving slightly with Richard positioning his hands to keep your body stable. Your head fell upon his shoulders and you dipped your nose in the crook of his neck. You couldn’t see it but you knew that your husband was smiling softly at your comfortable form.

A great feeling came over you--feelings such as comfort, relief, and glee all mixed and mashed into one hurling emotion--knowing that you had Richard with you. The man who you loved with every single fiber your being could offer. The man who has seen you in your most vulnerable moments and never hesitated to come to your air. The man who held you so devotedly in his arms.

While basking and digging deeper into your head, you could faintly feel the way Richard’s dexterous fingers comb through your hair, his fingers sometimes applying pressure to give you a sort of scalp massage to help you relax just a bit better.

You let yourself sink away from his neck to look at his face. While his eyes were closed--his eyelashes fluttering and brushing over the top of his cheeks--he held such a languid look. An expression of concentration also rested deeply on his face, and you admired him in all of his beauty. You were putty in this man’s hold, but didn’t complain one bit.

For the time being, you let your mind slip away from reality, far away from the outside world. Tuning yourself out, you only focused on yourself and your peaceful husband. Your fingers played with his collar, fanning it down and up or just fiddling with the edges until you grew uninterested.

Closing your eyes to distract yourself, you laid lax and splayed on Richards lap. The two of you were still on the tiled kitchen floor, with you and his breathing the only noises the world has to offer right now.

Your heart was beating, but not at all like the way your heart was rapidly pounding just a few moments ago. This time it was pleasant, and you could’ve sworn that you also felt the thumping of Richard’s heart as you rested your hand on his chest too. You released soft puffs of breaths and you could feel yourself tearing up again. The familiar feeling welled up in your (E/C) eyes and when Richard picked up on you quietly sniffing, he rushed up and sat up with his back as straight as a pole.

“Is everything alright? Do you want me to get anythi--”

“No, no, Richard… It’s fine.” Cutting him off before he could finish you looked up to him with watery orbs, the sight making Richard’s heart pang with a wave of sadness.

“What happened…?”

“It’s just-- It’s just that… I love you so fucking much, Richard.”

“(Y/N), I love you too. I love you so, so, so much…”

Hiccuping and clinging onto him as if your life depended on it, it felt cathartic almost to be with him. You felt complete and you felt as if you can take on anything in the world--no matter how small or big. It was as if love just encased your whole heart and being whenever you were around him and no copious amounts of gratitude could ever capture how grateful you were for him. What happened earlier was shoved in the back of your brain, buried by your emotions for Richard and most likely never to be found again.

Holding out your pinky finger to him, his eyebrows quirked up in curiosity. While it was most certainly an act that was mostly done by children, you couldn’t bring yourself to care about that fact. You held it up for him and he stared at your finger for just a little bit longer before bringing up his own, both of your fingertips soon touching before wrapping each other securely.

“Can you promise me something, Richard?” You began carefully.

“Of course, my love. Anything.”

“Please promise me that… That you’ll never leave me because I wouldn’t dream of ever leaving you.”

With your pinky fingers both wrapped around each other, the look in Richard’s ocean eyes were genuine and gracious.

“I’ll be wherever you need me,” Richard had said, leaning in closer so your foreheads were touching once again. The intimate and soft act brought a sincere smile on your lips and you fluttered your eyelids shut.

“Right here,” He unwrapped his pinky for yours so he can envelop you in another embrace.

Raising his index finger, the cool pad of his fingertip brushed lightly to where your heart is through the flimsy material of your shirt. “And right here.”

Richard then cupped your hand and brought the knuckles to his lips, pressing passionate but quick kisses on them. Chuckling softly at the sweet gesture, you laid there with nothing but your husband occupying your head. Your hectic thoughts had died down and were replaced with calm and tranquil ones. Dropping your hand, it was free to play with the short hair at the base of Richard’s neck.

Drowsy and tired, your entire head felt heavy no matter how many times you attempted to bring it back up. Succumbing to sleep was easy, and Richard’s voice lulled you to it even faster. Before passing out, you did feel a pair of soft lips pressing one last kiss on your forehead. Richard carefully picked you up and scaled up the stairs, heading to the bedroom you two shared.

You didn’t know what the future held, but you knew that you and Richard would be by each other’s sides until the universe ceases to exist.

And you were more than fine with that.

--------

Author’s Note: Hopefully what I wrote was alright since it was indeed my first time writin’ something like this. Once again, if I did make a mistake, I’m fine with y’all correcting me. I do wish that all of you enjoyed reading this. And JJ, thank you for this request, I love ya! 😩💕

#band of brothers #band of brothers fanfiction #richard winters #richard winters x reader #band of brothers imagine #hbo war #hbo war x reader #band of brothers x reader

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queenangst · 4 years

Text

weekly fic roundup #4 (bnha)

weekly fic roundups cover boku no hero academia fanfiction, and generally showcases gen whump fic.

for more fic recs, check out my fic rec tag & my weekly fic roundups.

*due to the sheer amount of fics i’m reccing this week, this fic is going under a read more cut, but please go through and take a look at all of them! there’s around 24 fics on this list.

this weekly fic roundup covers the week mar 8-15.

Tristeza by ViolentlyRed

gen; 6/5k; 1/1 complete; bakugou & aizawa

"Through the lenses of three AM, Bakugou looks a lot smaller in the streetlight of a hospital parking lot."

Or, Aizawa comes to a few conclusions in the span and the aftermath of one long, stressful night.

(Bakugou is hurt and sick and Aizawa is robbed of his sleep and his sanity, yet again)

thoughts: ugh, what a good fic. it hurts in all the right ways, and dadzawa and hurt!bakugou is satisfying in a visceral way.

Wonders Never Ceased by ViolentlyRed

gen; 2.6k; 1/1 complete; bakugou & aizawa

Two calamitous days.

He gets the call from Tsukauchi sometime around nine in the morning.

Or, everything is awful, Bakugou is not okay, Aizawa's heart aches and they somehow get through it.

thoughts: and another bakugou whump from the same author. really a treat.

In Harm’s Way by VIKAN

gen; 19.7k; 1/1 complete; todoroki, kirishima, & bakugou

Todoroki isn't feeling so good, Kirishima is concerned, and Bakugou doesn't care at all.

thoughts: oh, yes. putting these three together makes for an interesting dynamic, especially because it’s todoroki’s pov while he’s dying just a little bit and two idiots don’t know what to do. todoroki whump!

Blooming Gladiolus, Fall to the Ground by twilighteve

gen; 19.5k; chapters 5/? ongoing

When Midoriya Hisashi finally comes home from years-long work outside the country, Izuku expected to have some family down time that he hadn’t ever had with him since… well, forever. Catching-up talk, maybe. Chatting while drinking coffee or eating ice cream at some fancy outdoor patio. Definitely fumbling around for an explanation about him developing a Quirk pretty much out of nowhere.

However, his expectations were turned upside down, because apparently, his father isn’t what he seems, and Izuku doesn’t know what to expect anymore.

What Izuku knows is that the appearance of Midoriya Hisashi triggers a domino effect that sends his whole world toppling down. And honestly, being accused of turning around and becoming a villain is just a bonus. When have life ever passed the chance to fuck him over, anyway?

thoughts: this is, hands down, my favorite fic of the week. i was completely blown away by the sheer concept of the fic. it’s so interesting, and such an original take on “villain” (in a loose sense) Hisashi that i won’t spoil, but it makes for an interesting and tense read. please read this. i absolutely lost it reading this fic.

Get Well Soon by brickboat

gen; 9k; 1/1 complete; jirou & all might

Super hearing can give you access to information that others aren't privy to.

That's not always a good thing.

thoughts: what a mess. i love fics like these that explore what consequences can come with quirks.. like overhearing things you should very much not be hearing.

Oxygen Mask by cinnabee

multi; 2.6k; 1/1 complete; izuku & bakugou (izuku/bakugou)

Static. Smoke. Heat. Katsuki's eyes land on a green lump in the corner, lit up like a ghost by an emergency lantern on the floor a few feet away. Not dreaming. Real. Deku. His fingers squeak across the respirator strapped to his own face. Deku's respirator.

OR: Katsuki wakes up trapped in a burning building with an unconscious partner, very little time, and a borrowed respirator.

thoughts: i’m a fan! [this fic is pre-relationship, so can be read platonically or romantically.]

[rec list continues under the cut]

A Simple Mistake by Silverkleptfox

gen; 5k; 1/1 complete; izuku, iida, & todoroki

It was a basic, run-of-the mill rescue, until a simple mistake from each of the heroes put Todoroki’s life in danger.

thoughts: yes, please! it’s just fun to see how mistakes can blow out of proportion and cause repercussions...

Alexithymia by LunaLucrea

gen; 2.4k; 1/? ongoing; izuku & aizawa

After a relatively benign villain encounter during an off campus lesson, Izuku suddenly feels too much.

thoughts: intriguing start to a new fic! i’ve read the author’s other works before and am extremely excited about this one. quirk-related whump, sign me up.

A Hero for a Villain by ZeroUnitRGB

gen; 3k; 1/1 complete

“With an appearance like that, you must’ve been bullied a lot as a kid.”

Those words had not been used to disparage Shouji’s appearance. Rather, they most certainly came from a place of sympathy. Shouji had a hard time believing they were evidence of the villain’s hypocrisy, but a reflection of his own loneliness. So even though he was a hero student on the opposite path, he’d made a vow back then. And even though it had been years ago, he swore he would see it through.

thoughts: oh, shouji is so underappreciated and this fic is a great look into his character and his thoughts! i really enjoyed it. [contains heroes: rising spoilers]

Mockingbird by angst_goblin

gen; 10.8k; 2/2 complete; izuku & aizawa, izuku & all might, izuku & bakugou, class 1-a

Izuku gets de-aged to 3 years old and Shota Aizawa is really not being paid enough to deal with any of this.

thoughts: while deaging fics are usually not my fare, this fic was an absolute find and such a great read. sweet, soft, angsty, and funny - covers it all and wraps it in a package of tiny deku.

It’s a Long Road (We All Need Help Sometimes) by TDFawkes

gen; 15.7k; chapters 10/31 ongoing; izuku & aizawa, izuku & all might

Aizawa wouldn’t say it to the boy’s face yet, but Midoriya was bound to quite the future in the hero world. Quite the natural.

That being said, Midoriya caused Aizawa many problems while in his class, ranging from slight headaches to near panic attacks.

thoughts: catching up on whumptober fic and i love seeing the whump in this one.

seeing red by pleurer

gen; 819 words; chapters 1/1 complete; izuku & aizawa, kirishima & aizawa

Aizawa wasn’t even surprised to hear the sound of scuffling outside of the dorms at midnight. Disappointed, maybe. But not surprised.

thoughts: a short, nice read.

Revelation by murple

gen; 4.9k; chapters 3/? ongoing

Class 1A has always known there was something different about Midoriya. It was the way All Might was closer to him than any other student. It was the way he rapidly went from having no control over his quirk to being one of the strongest in the class. It was the way he never really talked about his life before UA. It was obvious he was hiding something.

But secrets can only be kept for so long in a class of curious teenagers, especially when one of them has a quirk specially suited for eavesdropping.

All Might and Izuku have another chat. Jirou shares some things that weren't meant to be shared.

thoughts: really enjoyed this one. another messy “jirou overhears something she shouldn’t have” fic, and i like how it’s turning out! i love a good secrets revealed fic.

give me everything you have (and then some) by laurenshappenstobemyboyfriend

gen; 7.1k; 1/1 complete; izuku & shinsou

"Midoriya, which one of these guys do you think you want to manage?" the girl next to him asks. "I think the shadow quirk bird boy looks pretty powerful. I'll try and nab him after this."

Midoriya agrees, but his eyes are drawn to a different boy. The one with the mind quirk that can control anyone. The one that lost on a fluke. The one who everyone else already thinks of as a villain to be.

"I think I'll go for that one," he says, pointing to the purple haired boy. "He looks like he can be something great."

thoughts: oh, i loved this au to bits. this fic turned my heart inside-out. i loved the dynamic, and i loved seeing how management student!izuku differs from canon in both a bittersweet and touching way, and how that changes his path forward. (and his relationship with shinsou).

Nice to Meet You? by Allwalkfree

gen; 9.5k; 11/? ongoing; bakugou & amajiki

Kirishima introduces Bakugou to his favorite senpai.

In which over several encounters Bakugou and Amajiki learn to become tentative friends.

thoughts: now this is a fic that’s won me over in terms of dynamic. bakugou and amajiki are an interesting pair, i love it.

dragged back, pushing forward by RSDobs

gen; 3k; 1/2 ongoing; izuku & todoroki

Midoriya and Todoroki just wanted a relaxing trip to go buy new All Might merch. Howevor that goes out the window when the two of them run into one of Midoriya's old middle school teachers. Specifically, the quirkist one who seemed to have it out for Izuku. Midoriya struggles not to regress into his old mindset and Todoroki struggles to help his friend.

thoughts: oh, yeah. oh, yeah. love seeing fics that bring up some painful pasts, and i like that this one focuses on izuku & todoroki.

An Accident at Work Study by TestyCanadian

gen; 6.8k; 2/6 ongoing

Izuku is working hard to prove himself at his work study, but it's hard when Sir Nighteye has made it clear he's not wanted. But what happens when Izuku is caught in a villain attack on his way to the agency? Will a few revelations about his most recent intern's past be enough for Sir Nighteye to change his mind about All Might's successor?

thoughts: yes! yeah! we love to see it!

Spring’s Whisperings by scythian

gen; 4.7k; 1/? ongoing; tsukauchi & bakugou

Detective Tsukauchi Naomasa tries to always have good faith in people. It's tested greatly when cases get dumped onto him; such as the case of missing five year old Midoriya Izuku. Few leads and even fewer witnesses that hardly care, Naomosa can only hope for the best. Especially when the only one willing to help is young Bakugou Katsuki.

thoughts: the author and i have been talking about this au for ages and it’s finally posted. i have seen this au at its bare bones and it is now blossoming into a great fic. if you’re looking for tsukauchi fic, bakugou goodness, or izuku whump this one’s for you!

A Shared Consequence by GuardianLioness

gen; 2k; 1/1 complete; izuku & all might

The cold is not kind to injury and old bones.

thoughts: just some nice dadmight!

painting the night with sun by ADreamingSongbird

gen; 6.1k; 1/1 complete; izuku/todoroki, izuku & uraraka

Heroism is not a low-risk occupation. Hospital waiting rooms are not pleasant places. Ochako's clothes are stained with her best friend's blood.

Today has not been a very good day.

thoughts: this fic hooked and reeled me in. a fantastic read!

paid for it (with all of my blood) by theshoutingslytherin

gen; 1k; 1/1 complete; izuku & shinsou

As it turns out, Midoriya has more in common with him than Hitoshi ever realized.

thoughts: this fic, looking at it, is really sad, but i found it really emotionally charged and a good read.

you’ll blow us all away, someday by Origamidragons

gen; 2k; 1/1 complete; eri & kouta

Eri’s first day of school at UA is like coming home.

thoughts: i love eri future fic. sweet and hopeful.

And Now I See Daylight by DancingInTheStorm

gen; 8.6k; 1/1 complete

AnalysisOverload Current mood: HERO CON HERO CON HERO CON HERO CON

AnalysisOverload reblogged AnalysisOverload Okay, let’s talk HeroCon.

Look around, and you’ll see a lot of discrimination—against people whose Quirk is debilitating, against people whose Quirks scare us, against people who have trouble controlling their Quirk, against people who don’t have a Quirk at all. It’s easy to feel alone in a sea of discrimination.

Enter HeroCon:X.

A social media fic following Deku post-graduation.

thoughts: how can i ever express how much i love hero convention fics, especially through the lens of social media and with izuku? it’s a great fic that plays with not only the hero convention idea, but also with quirklessness and quirkless discrimination, and the waves that future izuku is making.

Thaw by Esselle

gen; 2.1k, 1/1 complete; izuku & todoroki, iida & todoroki

Izuku observes as Shouto learns how to fit in after the Sports Festival, with the help of Class 1-A.

thoughts: todoroki has friends! he’s making friends! funny, sweet, and class bonding.

#bnha #bnha fanfic #SO MUCH FANFIC #bnha fic rec #fic rec #weekly fic roundup #PLEASE READ THESE FICS #THERES SO MANY AND THEYRE SO GOOD #fic roundup

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collegestudentvevo · 4 years

Text

a thought on cancel culture

inspired by this post from @veraiconcos

i think we should cancel cancel culture. it’s become so toxic and overused that it doesn’t do it’s intended job anymore. i also believe that “cancel” has become so much of a buzzword it doesn’t have a proper meaning either.

i think it is completely necessary to hold celebrities accountable for their actions but to also remember that they are human and by no means perfect. we forget that celebrities are also people who are bound to make mistakes. but how they move forward from those mistakes is very telling about the people that they are.

as explained in the post i linked above, matthew gray gubler is a celebrity who is by no means perfect. he has made mistakes and he has said things that we would now consider “problematic” or something we should “cancel” him for. he has previously used the r word and mentioned in a poem that he is “dubious of lesbians” which has been interpreted different ways. i have my thoughts about those actions of his but i am neurotypical and i am not a lesbian so i don’t have a place to speak on those actions publicly. i will say that the word “dubious” is defined as “unsettled in opinion, doubtful” by Merriam Webster’s Dictionary. which i interpreted to mean that he does not anticipate being in a relationship with a lesbian, therefore making sense to me, but i also think it wasn’t needed to be said in the poem. again, that is not for me to decide. it is for the lesbian community to determine the value of that statement. here is another post listing things matthew has done that may be considered problematic.

tw // SA

there also have been sexual assault allegations made against matthew, that i have heard of. i also was told that the woman who made those allegations said that they were false. but i have no receipts on this information so if anyone has info or links regarding this, that would be greatly appreciated if you could send it to me or reply to this post!

i would also like to mention, that as a victim of SA, i will always stand on the side of victims and survivors. first and foremost, we need to believe women, victims, and survivors before coming to the defense of the accused.

back to celebrities and cancel culture in general

i believe that to some extent, cancel culture has been used for good. especially cases in which racism, sexism s*xual assault, homophobia, transphobia, etc. have played a part in certain celebrities’ lives. some people refuse to educate themselves on the matters at hand and i don’t think anyone should continue to “stan” or support celebrities, groups, etc. that uphold values like that. i don’t believe anyone should support celebrities, groups, etc. that have beliefs and political values that don’t align with their own. some people say that they like to “separate the art from the artist” but i don’t believe that that is possible in today’s day and age. if i listen to an artist like xxxtentacion or whatever the fuck his name is, who has multiple r*pe and p*dophilia accusations against him (i believe) i am indirectly supporting him. streaming his music on spotify gives him streams which translates to a certain amount of profit. giving streams and support to artists like this, tells them that they can still be successful, even after doing the terrible things that they’ve done and refusing to apologize or change their actions.

but there is a time when cancel culture is used far too often. if someone says something slightly wrong they get canceled almost immediately. for example, demi lovato had a finsta account on which she was presumed to be making fun of and tearing down selena gomez. i did not see the actual posts or account, only screenshots, but i agree, tearing down other women is not acceptable. but demi wasn’t doing this in the public eye and she did address it afterwards. although i’m not sure if we got an apology, she addressed it and her actions have shown growth since then.

i think the important thing to remember is that we are all human. we all make mistakes and what matters is that we learn from them. we all (including celebrities) need to take accountability for our mistakes and to also take the time and resources we have to constantly be educating ourselves on issues in other communities that we may not be privy to. a big example of this is the black lives matter movement. i am a firm believer and support of the movement as i believe everyone else should be. and if someone doesn’t know or understand what the movement is about, they need to take matters into their own hands and educate themselves on the systemic racism in america, the problems with the police force, right wing arguments, left wing arguments, etc., etc. no one, and i mean NO ONE has an excuse to not be educated. yes, make a mistake but make sure you learn from it. when someone tells you that you said or did something wrong, offensive, incorrect you need to listen to them. listen to their story and to why they are upset about what you said/did. then, take it upon yourself to further educate yourself on the issue.

cancel culture has been blown out of proportion and the fact that “cancel” is such a buzzword nowadays i do believe that it has lost its meaning.

but. if a celebrity does something that a group says is offensive or problematic, we need to listen to that group. we can’t excuse behavior just because we think “he would never do that!” or “he’s so sweet i can’t imagine him ever saying something like that.” just because it’s hard to believe doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. at the same time, we need to allow celebrities to atone for their sins. celebrities need to be allowed growth as well, just like anyone else.

the issue of cancel culture is complicated and complex but it’s worth talking about. if i made a mistake in this post or in any of my posts please let me know! if i ever did something that was offensive or rude or anything that may be negative, i want to know so i can learn from it. i think everyone else should hold that belief as well.

i could probably talk about this for years but thank you if you read my thoughts on this.

one last thing: i love matthew gray gubler. and as i said earlier, he is not perfect. i would love for him to apologize for everything he’s done wrong in the past, but i’m not even sure if he realizes or remembers doing those things. that doesn’t excuse his lack of apology, but we don’t know how he’s changed since then. he seems to me to be a person who tries to be kind to everyone and to stand up for what is right. but, we, as fans, are not a part of his personal life. we do not know the true matthew gray gubler, who he is on a daily basis. we can ask for him to speak up on issues or to apologize for saying a word or something in that vicinity, but we don’t know what he does in his own time. i don’t think we can expect him to broadcast his every move and every political belief and every value. i just think that is unrealistic. we won’t know where he stands on every topic ever, we just have to trust that he would do the right thing and if proven otherwise, we take it from there, i think.

these are certainly just my personal thoughts and by no means are they not flawed. i think there will always be flaws in arguments about topics like these. i think all we can do is try and learn and expect those we look up to to do the same.

i love you all. treat people with kindness :)

#m #cancel culture

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jeongyunhoed · 4 years

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Just One Day

Wooyoung/OC Inspired by “Before Midnight” The topics are pretty adult, and when I mean adult, it’s like those conversations about the future, not smutty things. There is implied smut.

If you haven’t read Just One Night, here it is. This is the second part of the whole word vomit-y story.

Two years. Two years since Wooyoung met whom he’d now call the love of his life on the train back to the city. Two years since that day their hours-long conversations blossomed into a relationship the next day. The two of them had already settled into a routine, having decided to live together in a small apartment that Jea would always say was a steal given how expensive it was nowadays to live alone. He still kept up with his dance crew’s residency gigs, sometimes in the country, sometimes overseas. He would be away for a few weeks at a time, but he didn’t complain. He loved dancing, and he had his hopes of being able to do this full-time, without another job. What he looked forward to the most after every residency gig was coming home to Jea, and the two of them usually spent that night he’d come home in bed.

As for her, she managed to get out of her freelancing rut and worked full-time from home. She never expected to take on an administrative job,especially from home, but she took it anyway as it helped her pay the rent and everything she needed.

But over the past several months, both Wooyoung and Jea were facing separate challenges that led them to be unusually quiet towards each other, sometimes one or both of them would snap. It didn’t lead to one or the other trying to make things right either, as both of them ended up sleeping with the arguments of yesterday and the days before hanging over their heads. Wooyoung was facing the possibility that he may not be allowed to dance as well as he would anymore, after suffering from a minor injury that turned out to have serious consequences if he pushed it further. He was made to take a break.

Jea was facing with an increased workload as the company she worked for was going through a crisis. The heavy workload caused her to burn out, and the quality of her work, at least according to her bosses, was diminishing. She knew she could be fired or at least placed on probation. Her other bosses weren’t making her job any easier as well as neither seemed to agree on one decision and would rather berate her than help her out.

They eventually made up, yet knew that there was still some frustration despite being okay again. Jea returned from doing grocery shopping, seeing Wooyoung seated on the couch and watching tv. “I’m home” She quietly announced, taking her shoes off.

Wooyoung got up upon seeing her. He didn’t say anything and instead helped her with the groceries to bring into the kitchen. “I was going to ask if you wanted to eat out today, but seeing as you’re now back, I guess we could stay in and cook” He suggested, watching her put her bag down and remove her coat to hang.

“We could still go out to eat, you know. There’s this new restaurant that just opened, maybe we could check it out and see what’s good there” She said, leaning against the counter as Wooyoung approached her.

“I’ll change my clothes, then” He said, padding into their bedroom to get dressed.

As soon as he was ready, they left the apartment. “Two years feels like a long time, doesn’t it? Can you believe it? Two years?” She mused when they were finally outside.

“Seems like forever, yeah” Wooyoung nodded, holding her hand as they walked down the street. “You know, not too long ago, I had this dream, I didn’t get to say it because you were snippy at me that day,” He recalled, squeezing her hand. Jea glanced at him from time to time. “In my dream, we were married, and we had probably six or seven kids because I apparently wanted to make as many babies as I had groupmates,” He chuckled. “But then I kept seeing you cry. You were always crying in the corner while we’d watch those kids eat or play. Whenever I’d go up to you and ask what’s wrong, you just end up disappearing...” He trailed off, his expression falling.

Jea glanced at him. “It was probably because of those six or seven kids. I can only take so much pain from childbirth” She nudged him. “But maybe it’s because that might be our life together somehow, sometime in the future... that kind of thing scares me a little, I have to admit.”

“That we’ll have settled down and started a family?” Wooyoung asked.

“Yeah, and with settling down, I’m afraid of a lot of things. Like, will you still put up with me even if my body’s not the way it used to be after having kids? Will you still think I’m attractive or something like the way you thought when we first met? will you still love me at all by that time?” Jea said quietly, somehow feeling her eyes well with tears at the thought.

Wooyoung squeezed her hand, and the two of them stopped walking. They had reached the restaurant where they were supposed to go. “You’re actually thinking about those?” He said.

“I have been. I mean, what if we get boring, what if I get boring, what if you get bored of me? What if nothing’s exciting anymore?” Jea said.

“Why would you think I’d get bored with you?” He asked, a little surprised with what he was hearing.

“Because I know you love to dance, I know that’s your dream, I know you love dancing more than anything, and knowing that you might not be able to do that as much anymore and that I won’t be able to do anything for you in that area? You’ll get bored with me...” Jea muttered.

“Are you asking me if I loved dancing more than you? Is that a trick question?” Wooyoung managed to say. “Are you suggesting I valued that more than what I have with you?”

“Come on, you’re not used to staying in with me for a long period of time. You’re used to being away for weeks at a time that the thought of you having to stay in a lot more than before probably annoys you so much” Jea said. “It’s cabin fever, Wooyoung. We’re getting cabin fever.”

“It’s not cabin fever, it’s just you being so insecure. You’ve been so insecure that no matter how much I tell you otherwise you still doubt yourself” Wooyoung pointed out, his hand still holding hers tightly. They were getting snippy again, and it made them press on instead of go inside the restaurant.

There was silence between them as they somehow reached a park. “What happened? Have we kept this in to ourselves for a while?” Wooyoung muttered as they sat down on a bench. He turned to her, hand still holding hers tightly and their fingers laced together.

“Probably. We don’t talk the way we used to anymore. We’ve already gotten so used to a routine” She said quietly. “Why does it have to be like this? It takes us a while to make up, our arguments about the little things somehow get blown out of proportion, we end up taking out our frustrations with everything and everyone else out on each other.”

He nodded. “Because we have nothing else to take it out on. Because our ideas about the world have changed in a span of two years, maybe we’ve become so set on ideal things, ideal love, ideal relationship, ideal life, ideal career, that when the veil gets lifted, we get so disillusioned, almost like everything we’ve ever known has become such a joke, a hidden camera prank taken too far.”

Jea looked down at their hands. The last thing she wanted to do at that moment was to let go, and she knew Wooyoung wasn’t going to. “I once knew a guy, who was charming and sweet, and I felt that I could talk to him, and that when he giggled or laughed, it was the cutest thing.”

“That’s still me, I’m still that guy” He said. “I’m still that guy you found to be charming and sweet. I’m still that guy you could talk to, and I’m still that guy whose laugh makes you laugh. It’s still me, we’ve just grown” Wooyoung explained. “What we have may not be perfect, but it’s there, it’s real, you and me, we’re real,”

Jea only sighed, and Wooyoung moved closer. “You know what I’ve noticed now? We’re behaving like a couple that’s been together for more than two years” He whispered. “The problem with couples nowadays is that they let other things get in the way, they don’t make the effort anymore.”

“That’s because times have changed. It was probably simpler back then, decades ago, probably, maybe before and a little after the war, but things have changed,” Jea said. “Things are a lot harder now, everything ends up like a chore, that we just end up doing out of obligation. We’re like robots in a society controlled by dirty old men.”

Wooyoung sighed. “Your bosses probably think that way, but I don’t. Is it so bad that we’re growing and changing?”

“No,” Jea shook her head. “It just means that time is passing by so fast. Even if we behave like two people who have been together for more than two years, for a decade, time still goes by so fast that I’d do anything to make it slow down even just for a day.”

“Time you spent wasting was never wasted to begin with” Wooyoung murmured as the two of them watched a few kids play at the jungle gym, their parents standing close by to keep an eye on them, yet their arms were linked and they were laughing to themselves about something one of them said. “You make it seem like you’ll only get through this, this whole thing, your fears, alone. You keep forgetting I’m here, facing those things with you whether you want to or not.”

Jea squeezed his hand, noticing how their fingers were still intertwined. “I wonder how in the world do you put up with me whenever I’m being this shitty to you.”

“I wonder the same thing, how you can also put up with someone like me,” Wooyoung said. “But when those thoughts come, I just think, at least I know I won’t be alone whenever I feel down about not being able to dance as well as I used to, at least there is someone who will accept me, all of me, even the shitty parts of myself, the things I hate about myself, at least I know you’re there,” He kissed the back of her hand. “You have to always remember that. That we’re in this together, and I promise you, that even if that dream of mine comes true, I’d still always think you were that pretty girl I met on the train.”

Jea turned to him. “Truth seems stranger than fiction.”

“Because it’s the universe’s way of telling us that our lives are a lot more interesting than we think” Wooyoung replied. He stood up. “Come, let’s eat. We can talk about how power rangers always dress in their colors” He said, a small smile spread across his face.

Jea stood up as well. “It makes having to dress up easier” She pointed out, a small smile also on her face as he pulled her close while they walked.

By the afternoon, their clothes were strewn all over the bedroom floor, and the two of them looked flushed and spent. Jea’s head was on his chest, and he idly played with her hair as they tried to catch their breaths. “I just realized it’s the weekend” She muttered, her eyes closed.

“Yeah, and I have plans to make with you” Wooyoung teased.

“Like what?”

“Where we could go on a vacation, we could use some time off, go on leave, or just never leave this apartment, or this room, to be exact”

Jea looked up at him. “Really?” She chuckled.

“Yeah, because I want to show you how I’d still think you’re the prettiest with or without clothes” A giggle escaped his lips.

“It’s so hard to find that sexy when you laugh like that, it makes you cute” A playful frown formed on Jea’s lips.

“Good to know I can be both” Wooyoung laughed and kissed her. Jea suddenly shifted, lifting the covers off of her. “Where are you going?” He asked.

“We just had sex, we’re both sweaty, we need to take a shower or else we’ll catch a cold” She pointed out, putting only her underwear back on. “Join me, we can go for round two in there” She teased, and Wooyoung got out of bed, excitedly following her to the bathroom.

#well #more word vomit #i was going through it #it needed to be let out #in the woo feels #ateez #wooyoung #jung wooyoung

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tcrumb · 4 years

Text

Melanie Martinez Should Never Change Her Brand

So if you don’t know Melanie Martinez, she’s a singer/song writer who really launch into the mainstream after her 2012 appearance on The Voice. She didn’t win, the good ones never do, but she did catch many people’s attention with her interesting look. Her hair is split right down the middle with one half bleached and one half black, she wore very preppy clothes, and topped the look off with a giant bow.

Fast forward 7 years later and she has solidified her brand. She’s Cry Baby, a kid at heart with morbid ways of expressing herself. She traded in her preppy attire for what I would describe as puffy, frilly, and pink. Majority of her songs focus on some element of childhood, and she uses this as a lens to express her feelings in her adult life. Nothing better represents Martinez’s brand than her most recent album, K-12.

So the premise of K-12 is Martinez going through each grade level of school starting with kindergarten all the way to senior year of high school. Each song focuses on some element of school life starting with the first song titled Wheels on The Bus. I can only give my personal interpretation for all of these songs, but I'm sure it won’t be too far off from the general consensus. This song is a play on the classic nursery rhyme of the same name and it’s about children being left up to their own devices when the adults aren’t paying attention. This song is very upbeat and lighthearted vocally and instrumentally, but lyrically it’s a bit more mischievous (couldn’t think of the right word so that will have to do). With lyrics like “Now, I'ma light it up and pass it Puff‚ puff and pass it Don't be a dick and babysit, c'mon, just pass it over here” it reminds me of the side of growing up that the parents like to imagine doesn’t happen. The part where you get high with your friends in the school bathroom, or hookup with the kid who sits next to you just because he’s kinda cute. It happens all the time, but parents like to pretend their child is the exception. They are not. 7.8 out of 10.

Class Fight is up next. The song is about two girls fighting over the affections of some boy. There is a common theme that pops up in some of Melanie’s songs, and that is that her parents are awful. This song is no different. During this fight her dad is encouraging a hesitant Martinez to “go for the throat”. I can’t relate to this song in particular but I’m sure someone somewhere can. It’s less than three minutes long but it’s way too repetitive for me, in fact I just looked it up and the phrase “for the throat” came up 38 times. This song is usually one I skip. 6.5 out of 10.

Her next song is titled The Principal and its about a power hungry man who does not care about those he was suppose to protect. In the song she talks a bit about the state of the US with the opioid epidemic and the constant school shootings in the line “Killing kids all day and night, prescription pills and online fights”. In hindsight I should have already known this, but the song is about our president Donald Middle Name That I’m Forgetting Trump. This song was in my top 3 on the album before I even knew it was about Trump, and now I hear it from a different perspective. She’s frustrated and truly angry with this man, and she feels left behind. The post-chorus is just Martinez calling out asking where’s the principal. I never got that part before but now I have a whole new appreciation for this song. 8.2 out of 10.

Show and Tell is the next song and it has the interesting beat. It feels like a slow grandfather clock ticking. While I'm at it I might as well mention that I love the little effects she adds in backgrounds of her songs, like dogs growling, or kids cheering, it’s a nice touch. Okay back to Show and Tell. This song focuses on Martinez struggle with the constant spotlight that is on her, and how the paparazzi can make her feel like an object that is meant to be observed and toyed with. I love the beat on this song, it makes me feel like something is creeping up on me, I always expect some kind of beat drop but it never really comes. 7.9 out of 10.

Nurse’s Office is the one song off the album that perfectly describes what my middle school experience was like. In the song Martinez wants to avoid the hell that is school by faking an illness and getting sent to the nurse’s office. It reminds me of all those uncomfortable years we all went through growing up. I remember faking a stomachache and going to the nurse’s office during gym class just to sit alone on a mat for 40 minutes and scroll through my phone. The feeling is real and this song captures it. This song sounds the way Alice and Wonderland looks and feels, there is no better way to describe it than that but hopefully when you listen to it you’ll know what I mean. 8.8 out of 10.

Do you remember all the bullshit you had to pretend to care about in middle school? Like when Stacy told Erica that Bethany wasn’t her friend anymore and omg how dare she do that? Or when someone makes fun of your socks for being too colorful, or calls you an attention whore for dying your hair red? That’s what Drama Club is about, it’s about how words get misconstrued, things get blown up out of proportion, and if you don’t follow the script of life perfectly you asking for drama. Drama in middle school felt like the end of the world especially because half the time you couldn’t tell what even started it. It was tiring, it was senseless, it was frustrating, and I hate to admit but it was painful, and all on that comes through in the vocals. Thank fucking god we outgrow that all that stuff. 8 out of 10.

Strawberry Shortcake talks about the pressure many girls feel when they are growing into their bodies. People stare, comment, compare, judge, grab, and hurt young girls all the time and blame them for being too tempting. I heard it from my own mother all the time growing up, she told me going out in cutoff shorts is why men will take advantage of me. In the lines “It's my fault, it's my fault 'cause I put icing on top Now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake That's my bad, that's my bad, no one told them not to grab” Melanie takes on an apologetic tone when talking about her own body. It is only towards the end of the song when she takes on a more confident tone and claims her body for her self. 8.1 out of 10.

The 8th song on the album is a short little song titled Lunchbox Friends. The song’s about fake/temporary friends that only want you around when it’s convenient. I love the chorus in this one because her voice was altered to be a lower and slightly distorted pitch. There’s not much to say about this song but it is remarkable high on my ranking for this album, 8.6 out of 10.

Orange Juice covers the very serious topic of eating disorders and uses orange juice as a metaphor for bulimia. The vocals are very soothing and the instrumentals relaxing. The song is gentle, and the lyrics are of Martinez trying to comfort a friend that is currently suffering from an eating disorder. It’s a powerful song without needing all the force or heavy beats from a traditional empowerment song. 8.5 out of 10.

Detention is the one song off the album I always skip. The beat is almost tropical and the lyrics don’t have as focused of a message as the rest of the songs. It’s similar to Show and Tell in messaging, it’s about dealing with fame and having to be on your best behavior to satisfy other people. But it’s always been the song I could do without. 5 out of 10.

Teacher’s Pet on the other hand is a song I have never skipped when it came up on shuffle. The song’s about a student-teacher affair, and how the student has to grapple with the fact that the relationship is wrong on paper but hiding the relationship makes her feel like a dirty secret. Melanie’s voice is sultry and the beat lurking and intimidating. This song doesn’t hit close to home for a lot of people but it does a great job placing you in the students shoes. 9 out of 10

High School Sweethearts is not only my absolute favorite song off the album but it’s one of my favorite songs ever. The beat and vocals starts very slow and romantic until they pick up pace as the song goes on and it becomes more more bouncy. Melanie is asking her sweetheart to treat her right in her own special and dark way. One line that sums this up best is “Step six If you can't put in work, I don't know what you think this fucking is Step seven, this one goes to eleven If you cheat, you will die, die”. It’s a fun song, it’s a sweet song (kinda), and I’m obsessed with it. 9.99 out of 10.

We made it. The final song is call Recess. The song reminds me of what would play at end of a movie after the happy ending and when the credits are rolling. The song is about prioritizing yourself and your happiness and not letting others take advantage of you. It’s the perfect ending to the album and it’s a neat little song. 8 out of 10.

Final Ranking

13. Detention

12. Class Fight

11. Wheels On the Bus

10. Show and Tell

9./8. Drama Club/Recess

7. Strawberry Shortcake

6. The Principal

5. Orange Juice

4. Lunchbox Friends

3. Nurse’s Office

2. Teacher’s Pet

1. High School Sweetheart

#melanie martinez #melanie #martinez #k12 #detention #class fight #wheels on the bus #show and tell #drama club #recess #strawberry shortcake #the principal #orange juice #lunchbox friends #high school sweetheart #trump

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nejiraez · 5 years

Text

tacenda | bakugou katsuki

‘tacenda’ - (n.) things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence

PART TWO

Spicy foods, phone calls that would last up until the early mornings, shared lunches, playful and teasing jokes, walking to and from school together. These were just a few things from the list of many that you used to enjoy. Used to.

But that all stopped.

“Katsuki, I said I was sorry, it was an accident-!”

The young teen abruptly spun around to face you, true annoyance spread across his features like wildfire. “Your ‘sorry’ isn’t going to fix the fact that I now can’t participate in any hero training until my grenades are fixed.” He says in a harsh tone.

What happened was that you attempted to help Bakugou move his grenades to a safer place so that no one would trip on them, contrary to him insisting that he didn’t need your help. You thought you could carry them, you really did.

But you underestimated the weight of his gear. One thing led to another, which is why you both stand in his dorm room with only the space of his shattered grenades in between you.

“If you just stepped off like a told you to,” he hisses, pointing a blaming finger at your chest, “then none of this would’ve happened, (Y/N).”

Your chest ached with pain, this was the first real fight that you two had had since you officially started going out. But for it to be about something that was blown out of proportion truly astonished you. “I’m really sorry, Katsuki! I can get Hatsume to fix these as soon as-”

“That would take weeks, (Y/N),” Bakugou interjected your sentence again. He turns his back towards you and walks to his desk and sits. With his back still facing you, he leans over his desk and says, “I’m not the only student in this goddamn school who needs their costume fixed or improved. Just think for once, would you?”

You gently bite the inside of your cheek, you’ve never really been on the receiving end of Bakugou’s anger but boy, did it hurt. You felt the sting of tears in your eyes as you open your mouth to apologize again. It was like you were a broken record, constantly trying to be heard for your boyfriend just to listen to you.

Sighing, Katsuki’s gruff voice draws you away from your thoughts. “You can leave, before you try anything clumsy again.”

Your face contorts in pain as if you had slapped. That’s what his words felt like. If he really wanted you to leave, then so be it. At least you tried. “Okay...”

The last thing you remembered from that night was as soon as you reached the door to exit, you spared one glance over your shoulder at Bakugou purely to see if he would turn around.

But he didn’t.

He hadn’t even taken a moment to realize the fault in his words. To stop and see how much they had affected you.

You were used to his rough manner and jokes because they were simply that. Jokes with no true intent behind them. But this time he meant what he said.

It has been a few days from then and you hadn’t tried to talk to Bakugou since. You weren’t known as the type of person to be bitter and end things off in an abrupt manner, neither were you the type to incite confrontation.

So instead, you stopped. You stopped picking up his phone calls, you stopped answering his text messages, you no longer ate lunch at the Bakusquad’s table, you were the first one to leave the dorms and school, everything came to a halt.

It was kind of like an unannounced break between you two.

And everyone in your class 1-A, and possibly other classes had noticed that something was wrong with their beloved couple. Hell, even Bakugou was aware that something wasn’t right, and he didn’t like it. The distance and silence that you were giving him in the halls as if he was a disease. When he sought to talk to you, you’d immediately jump into another conversation to avoid him.

All that had gone on that week had made the ash blond haired teen become conscience to the fact of just how much he needed you. He had learned to appreciate your patience, your kindness, your cute laughter whenever his friends would do something stupid only for him to call them out on it, he loved it all.

God, he just missed his girlfriend. Bakugou wasn’t even sure if he could call you by that title anymore though. But it’s not like he could approach you out of nowhere and start up a conversation, it would be too awkward.

“Man, you and (Y/N) were like yin and yang!” Kaminari said, standing before his sullen friend who sat slumped on the stairs of an empty stairwell. “What ever happened to that?!” However, Katsuki could only express an unimpressed ‘tch’ at his statement.

Kirishima lightly nudges the boy, reprimanding him for his careless words. He was already rubbing salt into a fresh wound. “What he means to say,” Kirishima corrects, intervening smoothly, “You and (Y/N) have gone through a lot together, right?”

Bakugou managed to grunt in agreement as he unconsciously picked at the lint on his uniform pants. Although he seemed uninterested at the mini-intervention his friends had held for him, he was taking note of everything that was being said.

“Then why let such a tiny fight break you apart out of all things?” The redhead asked. “Knowing you two, this should be easy to overcome. Who knows! Maybe this break is best for both of you.”

How badly Bakugou wanted to believe this though. It was a just break, nothing more, right? He wanted to resolve things with you as soon as possible. He was tired of not having someone to rant to, or to talk with someone who shared the same values as him.

All Katsuki wanted was to hear your voice again.

The young hero truly hoped that this ‘break’ would quickly resolve the tension between you both. What he did was fucking stupid to blow up on you like that, and he knew that. You didn’t deserve it at all, and his heart had felt an unrecognizable, agonizing pain because of how he treated you that fateful day.

Deep down inside...

Sucking in a sharp breath, he breathed, “Yeah. Maybe...”

Bakugou was hurting.

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #mha #bnha scenarios #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #angst #original

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taysinmyhead · 5 years

Text

Thought I'd write about what each song from Lover means to me and how they relate to my life right now

1) I Forgot That You Existed

I was really into a guy for a long time who wasn't right for me and I thought that forgetting him would be the end of the world. I don't worry about him anymore and it's "so nice. so peaceful and quiet".

2) Cruel Summer

To me, this song reminds me of a love that isn't working out because the timing isn't right. The fact that I can't be with the person right now makes me want it more. It's passionate, but it's unfair.

3) Lover

What I hope to have with someone one day. My future wedding song.

4) The Man

I feel like it would be more acceptable in society for me to not have my life figured out at 22 if I were a man. I wouldn't have to change so much about myself in order to become a professional adult. I could wear what I want if I were a man and it would be accepted at any job. As a woman I feel like I can't wear mini skirts or go out and enjoy life if I want to have a career. I'm unsure if I want children and people always roll their eyes at that but if I were a man they wouldn't question it.

5)The Archer

Sometimes I'm very confident and I realize that I have a lot to offer people. I'm also filled with self doubt and sometimes I question whether or not anyone will ever want to be with me or whether I'll ever be anyone's person. When I find people in my life that I care about I worry that I won't be able to hold onto them. I've had so many people start out as my friends only to turn out toxic.

6) I Think He Knows

I find someone super attractive and I'm super excited about it. This song makes me feel like everything will fall together with no worries.

7) Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

Sometimes I feel like I'll never be able to have what I want because of life's obstacles. This song makes the fear in me feel a little bit less confusing.

8) Paper Rings

You grow up thinking that love is something that falls into your lap and some prince will save you and shower you in shiny things. You think it will be perfect. Then you grow up and you realize that when you find someone, it's usually someone you never dreamed of loving. You can't explain why, but that person's it for you. It doesn't matter what shiny dreams you had as a child.

9) Cornelia Street

Sometimes things happen in your life and certain things and places suddenly have a new meaning to you. When you find something good you can't help but fear that it will end. If something happens you can't look at certain things or places the same anymore. It may even mean never going to a place that reminds you of someone. In my case it could mean not jumping into something because you're scared of what it could ruin.

10) Death By A Thousand Cuts

I didn't even have to go through a recent breakup. I relate to this song. If you're not able to be with the one you want to be with, it stings. It feels like you're slowly dying and you don't know what pain the future holds.

11) London Boy

Perfect song but for me it's a French boy!

12) Soon You'll Get Better

This song makes me want to hug Taylor forever.

13) False God

For me, this songs means that two people may not work out together but for a minute they can forget about all of that.

14) You Need To Calm Down

There have been a lot of people in my life over the years who have blown everything around me out of proportion. So many people are so stressed out about other people and they need to JUST STOP.

15) Afterglow

The older I get the more I realize that it's important to take a step back and say maybe I'm overreacting. You can't alwayw blame everyone else. You need to be able to step back and say "I'm sorry I love you".

16) ME!

It's so easy to be insecure especially when you like someone. You're constantly telling yourself that there are prettier and better people out there. You have to remind yourself that those people may be great, but you're the only person like you.

17) It's Nice To Have A Friend

For me, this song means having someone in your life that maybe you're not with romantically, but they're you're other half. Someday, you guys end up together.

18) Daylight

I've been through a lot in th last few years and I was in and out of a dark place. I've learned so much and looking back I can say that I'm doing better than I ever was.

Thank you for this album @taylorswift

You mean more to me than you'll ever know💘

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laughingupfromhell · 5 years

Note

But people have a valid reason to be upset about her performing at the Melbourne Cup. It's notorious for abusing horses.

You’re absolutely right, and honestly, I do think that a bit of research into these kinds of things would go a long way for her and her team, and I don’t particularly agree with her decision to perform at the cup. HOWEVER, I think the driving force behind my exasperated posts about this is just that it’s like…I don’t know. This fandom has reached the anger capacity. It is ALWAYS mad about something. Anytime Taylor does anything, regardless of what it is, the first thing people do is do an advanced google search for how it’s problematic, and then the entire dash blows up with angry posts about how she shouldn’t be doing this because x,y,z.

This isn’t to say that some of this upset isn’t at least a little bit valid, because most of the time it is. BUT, the problem is that it is blown RIDICULOUSLY out of proportion, and I think people desperately need to find some kind of magnitude between “that’s a potentially questionable decision” and “Oh my god, THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER!!!!”

Because everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in this fandom is blown out of proportion so much, that entire think pieces are written on it by legitimate journalists, things they wouldn’t have even picked up on, had her own fans not had a fit about something that was questionable and worth maybe a scrunch of the nose at best.

This fandom thrives on drama lately. Yes, I said the word drama, because the actual valid concern originally raised is constantly overshadowed by a dash full of people screaming fire and brimstone. It actually detracts from the original issue, because it becomes all about who can be the loudest, who can be the most superior, and the concern turns towards who ISN’T posting about these things and condemning them for running their blogs contrary to how others might. That becomes the new issue. Not the ACTUAL issue. That issue is pushed to the side in favor of deciding who in the fandom is problematic and who is the fandom hero.

I’ve watched this fandom literally get mad about things that haven’t happened. Things that there was no actual indication, other than what they’ve manufactured in their own minds, were going to happen. The Drake collab. A theater tour. A song collaboration with Katy Perry. People were angry about the possibility of grown ass adults getting a credit card simply because she did a commercial for one, as if free will and common sense does not exist! There were entire think pieces written on this! You can’t make this shit up! WHY ARE Y’ALL LIKE THIS?

So yes, I understand being upset, I understand having genuine concern for some decisions she makes, and I understand not agreeing with everything she does. But the way this fandom blows things out of proportion on a consistent basis reminds me a bit of the boy who cried wolf. When the concern is actually real and valid and understandable, people are so tired of hearing the constant complaining that they just don’t want to hear anything anymore…and I think that’s the point I’ve reached. I’m here to have fun. I’m here to enjoy and support my fave. And whether I agree with this decision or not, I’m going to do that, because honestly, I don’t have the energy to participate in the fandom’s daily anger anymore.

#Anonymous

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thebellwitchblog · 6 years

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Some Things I Feel the Need to Address in Fandom

Hello there! I’ve been in fandom for a long time and as such have witnessed it evolve into what it is today. I wasn’t around during the times when people feared Anne Rice and her lawyers, but I did pop into the scene soon after when the horror was still fresh in everyone’s minds, and I’ve been around in some capacity ever since. Fandom has always always had problems that needed addressing, and that’s what I intend to do in this post. Yes, there are plenty of posts just like this one floating around Tumblr and other sites where fandom gathers, even in the author’s notes of fanfiction where disclaimers once stood.

All fandoms across the board have the same problems, some more so than others, but the same general themes show up. Of course depending on the canon material there are more problems of certain types than others, but really most problems stem from one thing: People are trying to police how others experience fandom.

What do I mean by this? Well, simply put, select people are trying to decide what is and isn’t acceptable for other people to do in fandom. This goes beyond educating about polite ways to interact with each other and straight into deciding what is or isn’t okay to headcanon or ship.

The major problem with this is that fandom arose from people that were passionate about some creative work or another and wanted to share this passion with others, even if they didn’t agree on certain aspects what bound them together was their shared love for the source material. There have always been ship wars and discourse in the communities, but here within the last few years, particularly here on Tumblr, these have gotten out of hand.

It is perfectly fine to disagree about who should be paired together, to disagree over headcanons and how characters should be remade. It’s okay to disagree, but once disagreements become demonization and a toxic us vs them ideology then fandom becomes a dangerous place. I’ve witnessed all out vicious wars on here over things like shipping a 17 year old with someone in their mid-20s. This isn’t okay.

Fanon is literally anything you want it to be. That’s why it isn’t canon. Fanon is taking the canon and changing it up as much as you would like until it’s perfectly suited for you. Do you ship these two characters? Great now they’re together in your fanon. Do you think this character gives off major ace vibes? Well guess what! They’re ace! In your fanon. Your fanon does not under any circumstances get to invalidate someone else’s. Let me repeat that one more time, but bolded. Your fanon does not, under any circumstances, get to invalidate someone else’s.

So far I’ve talked in really general terms, but now I’m going to address some more specific things I’ve seen. Again, these aren’t about any specific fandom, but specific problems I’ve seen people fighting over in multiple fandoms.

Shipping minors with adults. This is, not gonna lie, a very very iffy area and it comes up a lot. Whether or not this is okay is dependent on the age gap. NOT the age gap in the canon work, but rather the age gap in your fanon. What do I mean by this? Well, let’s say a character in canon is 21 and you’re wanting to draw them with another character that’s maybe 15 in canon. How could this be made remotely okay? Easy! Age up the younger or de-age the older enough that they’re within an acceptable age gap. This sort of stuff has existed in fandom since the dawn of fandom. It’s really nothing new. Note: This is not pedophilia! Pedophilia, by definition, is a chronophilia (sexual attraction to individuals within a specific stage of life), and mental illness, characterized by the sexual attraction to pre-pubescent children, which the DSM-5 includes up to age 13, by adults. Even without changing the ages, a 15 year old being shipped with a 21 year old is not pedophilia. It is Hebephilia or, more likely, Ephebophilia depending on whether the 15 year old is experiencing puberty or just after it and what definition of the two you reference as these have not been formally included as a mental illness as of yet and thus do not have an agreed upon age range, but regardless 14 and 15 year olds do not fall in the range of pedophilia.

Shipping canonically non-het characters in het relationships. This is what we’ve been doing all along with cishet characters this entire time, guys. Literally probably 90% of slash/femslash (oh geez are these terms even used anymore? I think I’m showing my age) is two canonically heterosexual characters being shipped in a pretty gay relationship. Granted this usually happens because there wasn’t a lot of representation, but now that representation is growing it’s to be expected that people are going to do the same with the LGBT characters. This goes right back to what I touched on earlier in this post- let everyone experience fandom like they want. Note: It is not homophobic to ship a non-het character with someone of the opposite gender just like it’s not heterophobic to ship two het characters in a gay relationship. This especially goes for characters that we don’t know their sexuality specifically we just know that they’re non-het.

Feeling like the creators of the source work owe you something. This one isn’t something you see outright stated a lot, but it’s evident in how people act towards animation studios, authors, etc. Whenever something doesn’t go how people want it to in the canon, then people practically riot and threaten the creators- even the voice actors and actors will get hate from fans when they don’t have any, or very minimal, control over where the story goes. Yes, you can get upset over what happens in the canon and get worked up, but when it gets to threats and absolute chaos? Especially when it’s just a rumor? That’s not okay anymore. That’s when it gets toxic. We have headcanons and fanon for a reason. It’s there so that if the canon material goes completely opposite of what you’d like you can still have that perfect ending. That’s a large part of why we have fanworks.

Other Problematic Ships. Policing ships isn’t always due to age gaps. I’ve witnessed it with canonically abusive characters a lot, for instance. Regardless of why a ship is “problematic” there is no excuse for telling someone they cannot ship it. Not only does this fall back to the whole “Let everyone experience fandom how they want” ideology I’ve brought up on multiple occasions throughout this post, but also they can interpret this ship however they want. People disregard canon a lot in fandom, so why is this any different? More often than not the character isn’t abusive in their fanon no matter what the canon might say. Even if the character is still abusive in the ship, that doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to ship it. I’ve talked to some people where these ships were an honest to god coping mechanism for them after they got out of an abusive relationship. Note: This does not make it okay to romanticize abuse.

These next few points aren’t specific to fandom but instead Tumblr as a whole that are a huge problem in fandom as well.

Echochambers. Tumblr, and social media in general, is notorious for this. People surround themselves with like-minded people and block anyone that even slightly differs from their opinions. Why is this a bad thing? Because when we’re surrounded by the same viewpoints our viewpoint narrows. A lot. And misinformation spreads faster and is harder to get rid of. Not to mention other problems such as nurturing an us vs them ideology. Things get blown out of proportion, people become unable to cope with opposition, and it’s just not a good time for anyone involved.

Callout Culture. Callout posts are so so so common that it is honestly overwhelming. If you’ve been on this site and actively posting for any length of time, you’ve probably been called out by someone for some perceived crime against humanity. Whether or not you actually committed this crime, or if this “crime” is actually worth the backlash, you’re now blacklisted by a varying number of people depending on how many followers the person has. Congratulations! Crimes can be, but are certainly not limited to: - reblogging a post from someone you didn’t know was some vile creature in human clothing (whether they actually are one or not doesn’t matter. What matters is they’re considered one). - you used a term you had no earthly idea was a slur. No slap on the wrist for you, you’re going straight to the gallows. - posting fanart of a ship someone considers problematic (see two prime examples above!) Why is Callout Culture such a problem? It demonizes and turns entire communities against someone for minor mistakes or entirely bogus reasons in the first place. If someone makes a mistake they shouldn’t be blacklisted immediately; they should be informed of why what they did was wrong first and foremost and given the chance to change.

Holding Grudges. Please. I am begging you. Let. People. Grow. If someone says something years ago and then not only apologizes but proves they’ve changed? Let it go and move on. What is the point in insisting that people need to widen their views if you won’t let them live down a mistake they made beforehand? If they change then reward their efforts instead of holding their mistakes over their head. This goes for actors and actresses, directors, producers, people here on Tumblr, etc.

I could keep going and bring up even more problems, but honestly I’m tired. It’s time to wrap this up. tl;dr stop acting like you own fandom and let people do what they want. Let people ship what they want, headcannon what they want, etc etc etc. Fandom belongs to everyone and canon material belongs to the actual creator, not you. The only thing you own is the stuff that you make. Mind your own business, stay in your lane, and let things go every now and then. You’ll be a lot happier, I promise.

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ncfan-1 · 5 years

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Gotham 05X01, ‘Year Zero’

[Tumblr is giving me issues regarding secure connections right now. I will let you know when I’m not having these issues anymore, but for right now, please direct any comments you have to the version of this post on my Dreamwidth account, or at least cross-post your comments to there. I have temporarily changed my settings to allow anyone to post comments, rather than just registered users.]

So, first episode of Season 5, which will most likely be the last season. The last time we were here, Gotham City underwent having its bridges blown up, which while a big problem, should not have been nearly as big a problem as the show made it out to be. Yeah, things are gonna be bad for the first couple of weeks, but if a proactive government takes charge, the city can get back on its feet eventually.

A bunch of criminals decided to carve up isolated, electricity-deprived, and largely depopulated Gotham City into their own personal fiefdoms for reasons that don’t make any sense upon slight scrutiny. Only with Oswald did this make sense, since Oswald has a strong emotional attachment to Gotham City, wouldn’t want to abandon it, and would want to establish his own rule to bring things under control (Things are probably fairly stable in his fiefdom. It’s the peace of the gun, obviously, but I assure you that the peace of the gun is worlds better than whatever the hell is going on in Jonathan’s neck of the woods.). With Barbara, it sort of makes sense, until you remember that this is a woman who likes her amenities like, oh, running water and air conditioning, and she wouldn’t want to be anywhere that doesn’t have these things. With the rest, they have no real attachment to this place and would definitely want to seek greener pastures. Especially Victor Fries, whose life literally depends on having working electricity, and who probably has his goons making constant runs looking for generators and ever-diminishing supplies of fuel for those generators.

Bruce Wayne decided that he could better serve Gotham City by trying to hunt down Jeremiah Valeska than, say, using his wealth and the clout of his family name to secure desperately needed resources for Gotham like getting the bridges repaired and repairing infrastructure enough to get the power turned back on.

I expect Season 5 to be a clusterfuck of epic proportions. I’m hoping that it will veer solidly into So Bad, It’s Good territory and stay there, though I’m not entirely optimistic. I just hope the apparent Jim x Babs tryst doesn’t happen in the first episode. I can’t handle that sort of brain-breaking badness in the first episode.

This? Is Gotham.

[CN/TW: Suicide, suicide ideation, suicide attempt]

- The recap automatically loses points with me by reminding me of Lee x Ed.

- No Man’s Land, Day 391. So, just to establish, this has been going on for over a year.

- We start with Ed, because of course he’s who everyone wants to see first. (Not.) Here’s someone else who really should have headed off seeking greener pastures first thing, because it’s not like he has an emotional attachment to the city.

- Seeing Oswald and Harvey was welcome, though. I love that Oswald has makeup staff, even in these dark times.

- Jim does not deserve the hero shot.

- Why is Ed teaming up with Jim, Harvey, and Oswald? Oswald, I can understand teaming up with the cops, because he’s all about order, but Ed knows no loyalty.

- And apparently Gotham is a full-blown warzone.

- We go back to Day 87, where Jim explains why people need to

- So Oswald repurposed a factory into a working manufacturer of ammunition. So someone’s gotten power up and running.

- And so has Barbara. And it turns out that her “No Men Allowed” policy isn’t nearly as strict as last season led us to believe. What a surprise. (The fact that she deals primarily in information does at least make sense for her character; she always makes the most sense to me as an information broker.)

- Where the fuck did Jonathan find an army of followers? Isn’t he a complete loner with no real charisma?

- This is the kind of situation where you bring in the national guard, not where you just declare the city off-limits and stick your head in the sand. Given how hawkish certain people in the highest level of government are, the men among these people would probably see advisement to stick their heads in the sand while criminal elements take over a city as an assault on their masculinity or something, given their personality types.

- Oh, god, poor Selina, they couldn’t even get her out of town. (At least Alfred seems to have stuck around to look after her while Bruce goes off on his revenge quests.) She looks so completely crushed by everything. She looks like she’s been crying off and on constantly for days; her eyes are so swollen. Poor kid.

- …Of course they couldn’t even go a full ten minutes before showing us the Greedy, Ungrateful Poor. Jesus.

- We find Ed sleeping on a rooftop couch, thoroughly disheveled. Apparently waking up somewhere with no idea how he got there has become a regular thing for him.

- More Bad Ed? Really? Can we just be done with this?

- Jim is right on the money when he says it’s easy for the government to ignore people suffering, though. They have a very easy time doing that.

- So Oswald wants a thousand pounds of steak from Babs in exchange for a thousand pounds of ammo. And Tabby is hung up on revenge for Butch (ugh) while Babs is actually thinking about needing to protect the women who come to her territory. What a surprise. (Well, Babs actually thinking about the need to protect people is a bit of a surprise. But Tabby not giving a damn about anyone but herself? That’s not a shock.)

- Jonathan’s… Yeah, this makes no sense. The fact that he was able to make himself into a power who could actually do anything in Gotham makes no sense. What would make more sense would be if he was (comparatively) small-fry who survived and made a name for himself by loaning out his services to the actual powers in the city.

- The power goes out at the hospital while Selina’s surgery is going on. Bad. The power comes back on, but there are people downstairs stealing the medicine. Worse.

- Jonathan confronts Jim. In a fight between these two, I’m always gonna be on Jonathan’s side, so… yeah, I kinda wanted to see him get dosed with fear toxin again. Not sorry.

- The Greedy, Ungrateful Poor are pissed that Scarecrow’s gang stole most of their food.

- As for the food situation: Bruce has a Plan. I really hope this plan actually works, and that it doesn’t backfire for grimdarkness.

- “After all the things I’ve done, what did me in was being your friend. I just wish Jeremiah killed me.” I’ll… leave this here. (I had suspected that Selina might be portrayed as suicidal. I’d hoped I’d be wrong.)

- And a nurse says Selina needs “the witch.” (Ivy, probably.)

- Oswald’s got a new leg brace, it looks like.

- Why is Oswald being portrayed like a Caligula knockoff (Or maybe a Nero knockoff, playing his fiddle—eating steak—while Rome burns)? This makes no sense. The man is practical enough to know that his workers need proper amounts of food in order to work.

- The dog’s named Edward. I don’t know whether or not to laugh.

- It’s so nice to have confirmation that Barbara will always be second-best in comparison with the man who threatened to rape her to Tabitha. And this after Barbara gave up godlike powers to save Tabitha’s life.

- The helicopter’s here. How much do you want to bet it’ll be shot down or hijacked?

- Shot down; wow, that took… all of five seconds. My bet right now is on Jeremiah as being responsible. He’s enough of a chaos agent to do something like that; Oswald or Barbara probably would have “confiscated” the contents instead.

- What’s Alfred’s game? (What’s Bruce’s game?)

- It was actually some two-bit thugs we’ve never heard of who shot down the helicopter. Of course.

- And Oswald has shown up to confiscate the contents of the helicopter. Only to be intercepted by Jim and his buddies.

- Or maybe it wasn’t the two-bit thugs, and maybe it was Jeremiah, after all.

- And someone with a bow and arrow is killing Oswald’s goons. It’s Tabitha. Of course.

- And Tabitha’s gun had bad bullets in it. And Oswald gets real revenge for his mother, and Barbara…

- Tragic Lesbians. Fuck you fuck you fuck you the first fucking episode fuck you fuck you fuck you

- Oswald has enough sense to run like hell once Barbara’s initial shock wears off.

- …Barbara was presumably there to try to talk Tabitha out of pursuing ruinous revenge. Jim? I really don’t want to see that hook up in the first episode, but could you at least pretend to be a decent human being and extend Barbara some sympathy?

(I suppose Bruce might extend her some sympathy, since he also has experience with the “watching people you love be murdered in front of you” thing. And because he puts more effort into being a decent person.)

- And poor Barbara gets shot while being a one-woman army.

- And Oswald, interestingly, doesn’t actually want to kill Barbara. Again, proving that he is not indiscriminately violent or vengeance-driven. And he doesn’t want to kill Jim either. Well, at least they remember part of Oswald’s personality.

- And Jim didn’t want to kill Oswald. Gobblepot revival?

- Please tell me they didn’t just leave Barbara unconscious and bleeding on the warehouse floor.

- Oh, look, it’s Ecco.

- There’s someone on the other side who got in contact with Jim to let him know there are people outside of Gotham who want to help. Meanwhile, Ecco has drawn a scary smile on the map. I am underwhelmed.

- Ed woke up in a dumpster this time. I laughed. Truly, a dumpster is his natural habitat.

- Barbara and Tabitha at the morgue. Excuse me, at Barbara’s club. Barbara’s ready to raise hell. She healed very quickly from that gunshot wound.

- Once Oswald’s calmed down a bit, he’ll probably decide he doesn’t want Jim dead after all.

- Selina’s looking at the scalpel. Selina, no. Her screams are heartbreaking. (Serious question, and I know this doesn’t always help—sometimes it just makes the suicide ideation worse—but is she on anti-depressants?)

- Please don’t start a round of applause for Jim Gordon.

- And a child has showed up wanting to talk to Jim. He walked all the way across town with this message: “They’re killing us.”

#ncfan watches Gotham #Tw suicide #Tw suicide ideation #Tw suicide attempt

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idealisticrealism · 6 years

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Things I want to say to the Blindspot characters after finally watching all of season 3

Yep, that’s right. It pulled me back in, just like I knew it eventually would (though tbh I did hold out longer than expected). Whatever aspects of the show I disagree with, I can’t help but love these guys and I need to see what happens to them.

So in honour of today’s S4 promo, here’s some thoughts from my Blindspot catch-up session last week.

Reade: oh, my foolish son. I don’t have much to say to you other than that your life has been nothing but a string of bad decisions since you walked away from Sarah Weller, and honestly I think the only way to get back on track is to get on a plane to Portland right now and go beg for forgiveness. Then bring her back with you bc lbr we all miss Sarah.

Zapata: oh girl who even are you? I don’t recognise you at all. Did the CIA replace you with a clone or something? Because honestly nothing else would explain your behaviour this season. Maybe Reade’s terrible-decision curse is catching. In any case, here’s my advice: take a long vacation in the Bahamas and re-evaluate your romantic, interpersonal, and professional choices, and don’t come back til you’ve sorted your shit out. I miss my independent badass with a spiky exterior but a heart of gold!

Patterson: ugh my baby. You deserve so much better than everything you receive. I'm tempted to tell you to go back to Silicon Valley because at least there you will get the respect and consideration you deserve, since it clearly seems like you’re taken for granted at the FBI. And despite the fact that you are probably the one in the team who is most needing support, it seems like everyone else only cares about the support you give them, both professional and personal. Jeller both talk to you about their (many) relationship problems, and Zapata spent the season dumping on you about her weird-ass trauma-crush on Reade, then went and betrayed you in the worst way possible after that. Like seriously how is Rich the only friend you have that is actually supportive towards you?? (bc Rich is amazing, that’s how. but more on that later.) Anyway, congrats on getting back on the dating horse at least. You set yourself a challenge and you saw it through (even if Jack was nowhere near good enough for you) and I’m so proud of you. I can’t wait for the day when an absolutely perfect person shows up and gives you all the love and adoration you deserve. Wish it could be me. Oh and btw, that crazy concussion-dream you had was the highlight of the season, so thank you for taking one for the team and getting blown up.

Weller: Buddy. What the hell. I sympathise with you and all, and god knows it really sucks that your wife ditched you for a year and a half (props for being faithful tho, unlike some) but dude you make almost as many terrible decisions as Reade. I really do hope that you and Jane sort your shit out, but honestly mate I’m not sure anymore that this relationship is even a good idea. Also lol remember how you have a daughter that you never see and who barely even gets mentioned, gosh I’m real glad the writers included that very important storyline for you

Jane: Hmm, it’s hard to type a disappointed silence.... I mean on the surface I understand why you did the things you’ve done, but doesn’t mean I have to like it. The more I watch you the more I think wanting you and Weller together was a bad idea, or at least it just shouldn’t have happened so soon. Even with your little 18-month hiatus from real life, you still need some soul-searching time in the Bahamas even worse than Zapata does. And honestly you and Weller are less of a ‘supportive partnership’ and more of a pair of beyblades repeatedly crashing into each other as you spin out of control. Also I never thought I would ever compare any human person to a beyblade but here we are. This is what season 3 has done to me.

Rich: how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Like literally you are the best part of this show, hands down, and every moment you are on screen is a blessing to all of us. Who would have thought that the guy who tried to have Jeller killed the first day they met would become such a part of the family? I mean lbr here, if someone were to ask who the most loving and supportive and genuine member of the team is, the answer is clearly you. You may be a butthead a significant proportion of the time, but you’re a lovable one, and just about every word out of your mouth is comedic gold. I cannot wait to see so much more of you next season and so help me god if they kill you or ruin you somehow I really will be quitting this show for good. Pay attention Gero bc this is where I draw the line

Roman: Ugh, my precious puppy. You might be a psychopath but you’re MY psychopath and despite all you’ve done, the moment you and Blake were in a room together I was just like YES THIS IS EVERYTHING I DIDN’T KNOW I WANTED (AND REALLY SHOULDN’T WANT). God, if we could just erase the part where you killed a dude and stole his identity and orchestrated a meeting with Blake in order to weasel into her life and destroy her father, I would be so on board with this ship. Well, let’s be real, I was on board anyway. While it lasted, you and Blake were the second best thing about the season, and in some ways were a healthier relationship than Jeller. (Which really means the bar is not being set high enough, Weller and Jane, so you best get on that). But of course with this show everything has to come crashing down eventually. I wish it could have somehow worked out for you, that you got to sail off into the sunset with Blake on one of her family’s multiple luxury yachts, and spent the rest of your lives being rich and beautiful and in love. I think it could have been something special, but instead the writers killed my dreams and killed you. Sigh, I’ll miss you, kid.

#Blindspot #guess who fell back down the rabbit hole #it me

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