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moth-based-cryptology · 3 years

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HELLO BESTIE I am currently having Ralbert Brainrot and you're the best person go come to for this, obviously,, so PLEASE share! I would like to hear about ufc albert or youtuber race, or dancing partners!! I love them smm

HI YES HELLO USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO WRITE UFC FIGHTER AL PART 2 THANKS BABES

i just witnessed a literal crime and i’m Feeling The Rage (boxing judges at mma events can catch these hands) so here is. my brain on anger.

also the first half of this is pretty fight-talk heavy but the second half is more al/ralbert central so message me/send me an ask if i don’t explain something well enough <3

here is the ask i sent to @we-are-inevitable (thanks jac i’m in love with you mwah) and here is part 1 for this au if you haven’t read that one yet !!

also,,,,, this is fairly obvious. but trigger warning for violence/physical fighting, as well as blood. (it’s a rough gig y’all fjdhdb) oh and swearing but that’s pretty much just me LMAO

here i am, bein mad and writing ralbert. therapy time with chandler ig

OK SO

this is after his debut. duh. continuation

i think he’s probably 5 fights in with 5 wins. he’s been running people through, especially with four full camps after a short notice start, and he’s never even seen a decision in the ufc

let’s just say the hype train is moving FAST and it’s moving LOUD

everyone has to have those people that watch their fights just to see them lose, on top of the majority male fan base that have to have a little bit of toxic masculinity and homophobia in there

so there’s A LOT of people that are waiting for him and his hype train to get derailed. but there’s also a fair amount of fans, so you win some you lose some (the way i would die to see this be a real fighter pls)

now albert’s not always the most confident guy, and he’s never been cocky, but none of this shit gets to him. he’s got his coaches, he’s got his friends and he’s got race behind him. he knows he’s got the skills, and he’s got his support system, so who gives a shit what a bunch of cowards on the internet have to say?

and then they put him against someone known for his grappling and stamina. and the “it’s a wrap for dasilva!” bandwagon starts. it happens every time a rising striker and early knockout artist fights a well known grappler with any semblance of later round power (even if al has a background in wrestling and has gone 5 rounds and won outside of the ufc. it’s a bandwagon for a reason)

and it’s not Upsetting, it’s not really getting into his head in any way that’ll make him do worse, but it’s kinda pissing him off. which is bad for his opponent

the last person on earth you want to be fighting is an annoyed albert dasilva who thinks he has something to prove

he works his ass off in camp, and the press tour is a self-assured albert vs. a loudmouth who thinks he’s hot shit cause a few people on twitter think he’ll sweep

and, to be completely honest? it’s starting to look that way 2 rounds in.

it’s a 5 round fight, co-main event on a big card, and so far all al’s opponent has done is pinned him to the cage and kept him there. a few strikes worth anything - at least enough make al’s cheek bleed, no takedowns, which would at least give him some activity, and so submission attempts, so he can’t even gain any ground that way. he’s just- Stuck. and if THIS is how he loses, he’s gonna be pissed

the bell for the second round sounds, and you can actually see al’s chest heaving on camera as he walks to his corner - not because he’s tired or out of breath, but because he’s MAD, and fuck if he’s not going to do something about it

not only that, but he can not only see race and jack standing up by the cage - plus race’s expression, which is slightly annoyed and super anxious, which hurts his chest to think about - but he can hear them too

jack is yelling profanities, as per usual. he doesn’t that regardless of how the fight is going, but it’s less encouraging when you’re the one losing.

race though,,,, race isn’t really yelling, he’s more talking to himself than anything, but he’s close enough to cage and al knows him well enough to figure out what he’s saying. and if the muttered almost-prayers while he paces back and forth weren’t enough, the shiny gold engagement ring on race’s hand definitely is

round 3,,,, let’s just say it goes a little differently than the first 2 had gone.

he opens with a spinning back kick, of all fucking things, and that truly sets the pace

he’s the taller guy by a few inches, like usual, which makes his arms longer. the only reason crushing his against the cage worked is cause the guy he’s fighting cuts weight like a wrestler, so he’s easily got 20 pounds on albert come fight night

but once he finds his rhythm and starts throwing, he starts connecting too. he manages to stay out of range of his opponent and stay his comfortable distance to start t-ing off

this isn’t a one punch power ending. this isn’t a beautiful head kick, or a giant knee, or even just a clean right hook.

this is albert, who’s arms are starting to feel the 3rd round a little bit, hitting this guy with everything he has cause he refuses to lose this fight.

i mean- everyone watched him get up at the start of the round with a set jaw and a scary determined glint in his eye. he’s not a person you fuck with, and he’s definitely not a person you publicly ridicule before being locked in a cage to fight with

the guy he’s fighting is absolutely battered, but he manages to survive until round 4. the first of the championship rounds, something al’s never seen in a ufc fight before, and it feels like the arena is holding its breath

so when al comes out and does the same thing as round 3 to better results - fight ending results - everyone’s a little shocked, honestly

the commentary team’s in disbelief, cause albert is NOT a slow starter, regardless of what this fight would tell you, and the fact he managed a win at all, let alone such a phenomenal one, is fucking astounding

he gets his hand raised, obviously, but the really interesting part is the post fight interview

“albert, man, what changed between round 2 and 3? what second gear did you find?”

“bro, i just— it was pissing me off, honestly. i don’t come in here to get pinned down for 25 minutes. and, y’know, my team gave me good advice. i had all the pieces, straight from the jump, someone just had to force me to put them in place…”

and then he looks over at race, who gives al one of those half grin, half smirks and winks at him, and al just chuckles to himself and finishes answering the question

“the thing that really forced my hand is race. i won’t get cheesy on you, but watching someone who loves and supports you through everything panic cause he’s scared for you - it’s a big motivator. everyone would figure out a lot more of my motivations if they went and watched race’s expressions back instead of whatever the hell i’m doing in here. he’s always been the brains, i’m just the brawn.”

and that’s a better answer than anyone was expecting, plus he’s just had the fight of a lifetime that’s probably earned him a title shot, so he’s done soon after that and gets to have his little in-cage celebration

he hugs his team and jack, who razzes him a little bit as per usual, and makes some dumb quip about going over tapes later like he’s a coach. and then comes race

he hugs him, all tender and cute and also very sweaty cause That’s How It Works, and the camera’s focused on him, so they can tell they’re whispering back and forth. but there’s no mics on them, so what’s said is missed entirely on the audience, but it’s their usual cheesy, in love mess

“congrats, baby. i’m proud of you.”

“oh please. it was 90% you anyway. i meant what i said, it wasn’t just for the cameras.”

“i know that. i’m gonna have to get you back somehow for telling everyone to go back and watch my awful anxious expression. i’ll think of something.”

“i’m sure you will, sweetheart.”

and then al does that awful, adorable lil nose bump thing, and then kisses race. and then jack covers his eyes and whines until they stop like the actual 12 year old boy he is inside

and then they leave the octagon, race and al holding hands, and al throws his arm over jack’s shoulder and shoves his head down and pushes him, cause even though he was just in a literal cage match he’s still a roughhousing teenager at heart

and he’s got interviews and press shit that separates him from his people, and he’s gotta slide that bulletproof mask back down over all the happy and in love shit he’s feeling so he can not smile like an idiot on camera constantly

but every once in awhile he’ll catch jack giving him the finger and laugh before returning it below view of the camera

or he’ll catch race’s eye from where he’s standing behind all the studio lights and do a little wave under the camera and return the wink from earlier, and the unbothered fighter facade will crack a little bit

but he’s not completely convinced that’s such a bad thing

GOD THIS POST IS SO MUCH LONGER THEN I MEANT IT TO BE IM SORRY

but Yeah. Them.

i love this au a helleva lot more than i should but that’s Fine cause i’ve got thoughts for days on it

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whsprings · 3 years

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hahahahhaHAHA oh BOY lmao. today has been.... interesting. I was on the hot seat during small process group and was interrogated encouraged to talk about my continued sh urges and acquiring of contraband, a conversation which is always hard.

a few hours later I met with the head of the program, the psychiatrist, and she essentially told me that she thinks I would be better suited to a different program that specializes in self harm and that she would be willing to give me recommendations. this was very confusing because I havent acted on any urges in a few weeks, despite having had had clear intent (I got caught with contraband). I have been in this program before and have had similar issues with sh, but I have never before been told to pursue care elsewhere??? nor have I been stuck on the acute ward for so long??? it has been five weeks and I am still on the new admission ward 😭. I mean, its not like I have exactly proven myself trustworthy, but I have also turned in my own contraband on multiple occasions. idk im just!!! confused and overwhelmed.

then later today I met with my dietitian and she pulled out my snack sheet for the week and proceeded to tell me it was "too challenging" and "lacked variety." i had planned challenges, obviously, and also included some safe stuff but there were far more challenges in the form of candy bars, cookies, etc. literally I am so confused. and my ed brain had an absolute field day with that one and I am now convinced I am going to gain weight exponentially with those snacks because they are too unhealthy and are bad. so then we went back and forth for a while over whether or not I should change them, and because my dietitian has been doing this new obnoxious thing where she won't give me a straight answer and instead makes me make the decisions she wouldn't tell me if I needed to change my snacks or not. i just started getting really overwhelmed and nearly started sobbing in her office because I didn't know what the right thing to do was and she was refusing to help me. eventually she flipped a coin and decided to not change my snacks, but I have never in my life been told my snacks are too challenging before??? and now im overthinking it all and wishing I had been able to change them.

#cw// ed #cw// sh #res life #round three

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meltalks · 4 years

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my experience with addy / hiqey

i’ve contemplated posting my history with addy/hiqey for awhile now. my friends have encouraged me to do so, but due to her stance in the rpc i was always far too scared to do so. with all that is coming to light with her recently, not only is a huge weight off my shoulders as far as comfortably roleplaying as my escape, but knowing i’m not alone. my story with addy dates back to about september 2018. i do warn you this will be long, and i’ll try to include enough details to make it make sense while not dragging things on and on. this includes both my personal relationship with addy, as well as my experience with her in groups one where she she was an admin, and groups where i was an admin. as well as i believe we coadmined one together. i’ve put screenshots where i could, but some of this dates back to 2018 and i just don’t have access to those texts/rp accounts anymore.

a huge huge shout out to @bumkeyz for starting this avalanche, and for also supporting me one on one along with all my friends to feel safe enough to come forward. i’ll put all of my story under a read more.

i’m going to start this by saying, my name is mel/melanie. you may have heard of me because back when addy was on rpslayed she wasn’t a big fan of me for awhile. predominantly my group the cape(?) the main isn’t up anymore so i can’t remember the exact @. i’m 21 years old, i will be 22 this month. i am married & i have a 3 year old daughter. this is information i don’t normally tell people i’m married / have a child, because well, i just feel a little judged. not because anything anyone has specifically done or said, but my own anxieties worried that people will think it’s weird to be married with a child and still in twitter rp. but it is important to my story with addy, which is why i’m letting everyone know right off the bat.

i met addy in a group called producers. this group is from september 2018, so i’m not able to access anything right now, but am digging. i played (feel free to clown me) a g-eazy character named pierce. addy played a carlson young who’s name i can’t quite recall, and a gracie abrams named lolly. lolly & pierce became friends first & at some point we exchanged phone numbers. lolly & pierce flirted a lot, pierce was a player yada yada. eventually she ended up getting a different ship on lolly & pushed her carlson young onto pierce. pierce had a different love interest & didn’t end up going for her. this should’ve been the first negative sign/red flag. when pierce didn’t get with her character, she got very short & snarky ic and ooc. i believe both of her characters blocked me ic. even though pierce had made no ic promises to either to not be with someone else. we still maintained some level of friendship, but she was extremely weird about when i mentioned my ship. our friendship ended for a few months because of an incident that started ic between me and another character. the mun who played this character and i had bonded ooc over having been pregnant, we talked somewhat often about her dealings with her pregnancy. so i felt close enough/friendly enough with this mun that when something happened with her character & another character ic i dm’ed her to see if she was ok .long story short it went bad. i texted addy and told her that. i explained that i felt as if this mun & i were close and it was like dm’ing a friend. she held onto the fact that i shouldn’t have messaged her. when i didn’t immediately conform to her thought she kicked me out of the group. i was literally devastated. i loved that group, that character, my ship; all of it. she blocked me. though this story is 2 paragraphs long, it’s minor in the grand scheme of things. after this she smeared me on rpslayed for months until our paths crossed again in a group called glitches/glitch? we decided to squash our beef. this was december 2019.

in december 2019 we became friends again. honestly, i wish we never crossed paths. we got very close right away. she started telling me about a bad friendship she had, with someone we mutually knew from producers who i will not name since it’s not my place to put their name in this, and gained my sympathy. so much so that i ended a friendship with that person based solely on accusations that addy had told me. this is something that i can now realize i did wrong. i literally cussed this person out on the phone, solely based off things addy told me. i didn’t listen to someone who had been my friend for months, who defended me and picked me up when addy was tearing me down on rpslayed. i turned my back because addy convinced me to. she made this person seem awful. and again, i’m not naming them, but they know exactly who they are. and when thy do read this, i’m sorry.

now this is where things get out of hand. addy & i begun an intimate relationship. this is very personal, and i know some may pass judgment. but my husband was cool with it. addy also began talking to my husband, they texted. we had a groupchat. not to get into details about the relationship, but it was romantic. i am going to try and organize my thoughts. into themes.

money

this relationship lasted from about january ish to april romantically. i became addy’s crutch. she began going through personal issues with her family. and i started sending her money. to be frank i don’t remember how it started. i helped her with a job search, supporting her through these tough things that were going on. the money started casually i suppose. it was $10 for lunch. $25 for nails. but then it got worse. i bought her a phone. and slowly she grew more entitled to my money. asking for it. demanding it. guilting me when i didn’t give it. i lied to her and told her i lost my credit card and turned it off, but the guilt i had i told her that i could turn it on when she needed it. in screenshots i will post below she guilted me because i was sick and fell asleep before turning my card on. whether what she’s saying occured is true or not, it was just one example of how she made me feel. at one point she had my credit card on her uber, and charged nearly $400 of ubers on my credit card that i didn’t know about. she claimed it was an accident, because i let her put my card on her account under the agreement that she would turn it off. we had an agreement of what she would pay me back, some things that i got her were gifts and i didn’t want/need back. other things it was always an agreement she would pay me back. however whenever i would mention sending me a payment she had an excuse. one time even guilting me by reminding me how much better i have it than she does. all in all i spent / sent upwards of $2500/$3000 on her. only about $1500/$1800 i wanted back. i never saw a dime back, she never made good on her promises. at some point i gave up on asking.

ETA: as far as the uber situation goes, she did apologize and state that it was never on purpose when i found out that there was nearly $500 in charges. she said she thought she was charging her moms card. this shows a photo of 1 page of a 5 page statement of all the transactions put on my card by her in one month. there are only 6 of these transactions that were me. all of the ubers and venmo were her. i didn’t make her take off my card, which in hindsight was obviously a very bad decision. i just didn’t want to leave her stranded without ways to get home/where she needed to be.

this is her demanding money. this was in the summer. at this point i was so manipulated by her/scared of her/scared of losing her that i didn’t know how to say no. in this instance i deflected with a picture of my child. screen shot.

in the screenshots here, this is where i fell asleep. i was on vacation and got extremely dehydrated in the sun. i literally felt so sick and she made me feel guilty for falling asleep. X X X

this screenshot shows one of the times i actually asked her when she would repay me. at this point my credit card was nearly maxed out from ubers and sending her money. i was anxious about it and she made me feel bad for asking because her situation was worse than mine. this was the same day she asked me for $250 for a down payment on her car. X asking for money. X making me feel bad for asking when she’s gonna pay.

literally to this day im still in credit card debt because of this. yes i make good money, yes my husband does too. but credit card debt is hard and everyone knows it. i do fine for myself, but i don’t have hundreds extra to pay this down.

also, i cannot locate the bank screenshot. but as recent as this february, six months since she spoke to me, she still had my card on her uber and usted it again. i can’t find the screenshot of the actual of the bank transaction because i’ve completely had to close that account for fraud and transfer my balance to a new card. but here is a screenshot from february 12 where i tell my friends i caught her doing it. X .

manipulation in groups/related to groups

orbis. i ran a group called orbis, it was a reality show group. addy was one of my friends who really wanted me to open it. all of my groups i’ve adminned i’m the lead. i just always take on that roll so i do get very busy with them on top of my real life. i work full time and i’m a mom so i spread myself thin.she made me feel really guilty for this, saying i wasn’t giving her enough time, she wasn’t anyones dog. so i posted my unfollow. then she told me i was stupid for doing that. so i deleted my unfollow. then she said that me deleting my unfollow showed that i didn’t really care how she felt. screens. X X

lumeer. very similar situation to above. only this time i left the group completely for about 3 weeks. i called my coadmin crying about what she was doing to me, sent her the psds and templates for grpahics and left fully, though i helped them out if issues arose/they needed anything.

impulse. this was recently and this got brought to the tags. im going to copy & paste what i sent to bumkeyz as far as the story goes for what happened.

“ what happened in impulse is only one of several examples of addy being awful in groups i've adminned. this goes back to our friendship but specifically here's what happened in impulse. addy played a character named briar, the other characters involved were as mentioned in other posts loki & khalil (fai fc). one of he first days of the group khalil hooked up with both loki & briar. when the "updates" account posted about loki & khalil's hook up (we posted any and all plot drops that were sent in, it was a reality show so we consistently updated what the cameras caught), briar got upset on main. addy then messaged khalil's mun ooc and asked for the plot to be erased. essentially because she didn't like that khalil had hooked up with both her and another girl in the same day/same manor. as odd of a request as i was the khalil mun agreed to wipe it & asked that if there was anything that ever came up again that made addy uncomfortable to please not hesitate to dm. addy then softblocked khalil. which is strange. why soft block with briar's reason to dislike khalil has been wiped? that night addy posted on her personal tumblr hiqey "i forgot all fai khadra fcs are weirdos" or soemthing along that line. the khalil mun reasonably got uncomfortable with that, but was softblocked & didn't tell the main. they just ignored it since their characters weren't interacting now. for the next few days addy continued to shade khalil and loki on main, despite any ic reason for disliking them being wiped. loki then approached briar IN CHARACTER asking what was wrong/why she was shading/why they didn't like her. i don't know all the details of that conversation, but i know it ended with loki saying she was going to block briar & briar saying that was fine. bear in mind the admins had no idea any of this was happening at this point. addy then dmed the main, playing victim. after more shading of khalil, khalil's mun decided to block briar as well. addy despite wiping this plot and having 0 ic communication with khalil continued to shade the characters ic. so addy dmed the main playing innocent. asking for us to have them unblock, saying she had no idea why they blocked or what she did. as admins we had no idea why either, figured it was something ic so we dmed both muns. khalil's mun agreed after some hestiation, and asked if they had to follow her and i said no. they didn't elaborate. loki's mun however refused, & i'm glad she did because she told us what was going on. of course once we were told everyting we didn't make her unblock. up until we told addy that we were not going to make those muns unblock her, she was extremely sweet to us. she praised us on her rpt. said she loved the group. fed the main compliments. but when she didn't get her way out of us, and was essentially told on, she started causing issues on the timeline with different characters. she sent us a dm on the main telling us to "learn how to handle your group melanie" and deactivated before i could get a chance to reply. “

what i didn’t tell bumkeyz is that deejay/rpslayed played khalil. another example of addy’s manipulation is that when she saw deejay getting anons she followed deejay and texted her after several months of no communication, starting to tell her side of the story and play innocent -- not knowing that deejay was the person who was behind khalil the entire time. she made khalil out to be the bad guy, not knowing that it was deejay. after finding out deejay and i were friends, when deejay posted on rpslayed for people to follow me shortly after trying to get deejay on her side, addy blocked us both (again).

manipulation between friends (?)

i don’t really know a great way to title this, but this is similar to the situation i mentioned with the unnamed person above -- how addy made me think that person was the worst so i would stop being friends with them. this is a few more examples of that.

the entire time i was friends with addy, she told me that deejay hated me. she told me that deejay was convinced that i was this person who tried to get her kicked out of a group. she told me that she did her very best to convince deejay that it wasn’t true, but no matter what she did deejay just hated me. nearly a year later deejay and i cross paths in a group. we started talking ooc and i mentioned this. i asked her why she thought that was me. we found out that basically, while addy was telling me she was trying to convince deejay it wasn’t me, she was telling deejay that it was me. she would also tell me personal information about deejay that i had no business knowing, whether it be real life information or just telling me the groups deejay adminned when she knew deejay didn’t want anyone knowing.

i have found out recently that addy has recently been telling people a lie about when she came to visit me. on one evening when she visited me in june of 2019, we went to my friend’s house. we both drank, and smoked. i am someone who neither drinks nor smokes, and i got a very bad mix from it. my anxiety sky rocketed. i was crying on my friends couch practically paralyzed. i didn’t want to move. i felt sick. i felt scared. my friends were going to drive us back to my house and shortly before we were about to walk out addy said she needed to go to the hospital. my friend’s boyfriend drove her there, and when he came back they took me home. this night is very blurry for me. i remember barely being able to see straight, my friend helped me walk to and from the car. addy has told her friends that i refused to pick her up from the hospital that night, and i’ve now heard this from two of her close friends. when in reality, i was so far gone that not only was i sick and scared, but i couldn’t see straight. i had absolutely no ability to be behind a wheel. i’m not surprised she twisted this against me.

i provided a few people screenshots where addy was telling me to block them/trying to convince me that they were awful and hurting me. at the same time that addy was telling me this, she was doing the opposite to them -- to keep us apart. i believe this is some sort of power. always wanting to be everyones number one.

i don’t have a lot of screenshots for this, so i won’t go into much detail, but i can say on more than one occasion, or more than five or ten she told me who to and not to be friends with. told me to block people who had been our friends who were no longer friends with her.

flat out manipulation.

i don’t want to go back through my texts too much honestly. it’s still a sore spot. it still sucks and it still hurts. but i think anyone and everyone involved with addy at some point or another has similar stories about the way she treats her friends. there were points where i begged. begged and begged her not to leave me. i can’t even count how many times she blocked and unblocked me. how many times she made me feel the worst and then came back. she came back because she knw i was there. and that my generosity was practically endless. i couldn’t say no to her, frankly i can’t say no to anyone. if anyone dmed me today and said hey i need $15 for a ride home. i’d probably send it. that’s just how i am. addy completely had me wrapped around her finger. to the point that i left friends who were good to me. i left my own groups i worked hard on. i nearly ended my engagement (which cannot be entirely blamed on her, but the relationship she and i had was built off lots of manipulation). i know that i could go find 100 screenshots and texts of her manipulating me but honest i just don’t want to do that to myself again. she has made me out to be the villain to anyone she can. i have had 2 different people tell me that she told them i say the n word, which is the furthest thing from the truth. i fear the things she’s said about me to people. if she can 100% make something up, what can she twist from actual arguments or issues we had?

i know this sounds like a lot of rambling for nothing. but for nearly two years i’ve lived in fear in the rpc of addy. less so when we were friends. i’ve feared telling my side because i felt invalid. frankly even as i type this im scared. scared she’s already convinced everyone i’m awful and no one will read this or care. i just am thankful that this finally came to light. i am glad that i won’t feel scared anymore. roleplay is my one place to be free. as a mother, a full time worker, i don’t have a lot of time for hobby’s and frankly i don’t have a lot of them. i don’t draw, or read. i like to write. and i’m just thankful this can finally be lifted off me.

#twitter rp #rpt #rpc #rph #addy tw #hiqey

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autisticangus · 3 years

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anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt.

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him.

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident.

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

#angus.txt #getting deep in here but it felt good to write #i love u all so much ok pls be good urselves

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ariyadaivaris · 3 years

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im giving this very minimal editing. this is a very long post because i thought about gold standard last night and had an out of body experience. it is not very good because i wrote it and also it was like 4 in the morning and i was unwell. i don’t know why its worded the way it is it sounds like i was trying to sound professional and thoughtful or something and i dont know why the fuck i tried that how embarrassing cringe and fail blogger. i am posting it anyway because this is what i do is embarrass myself online. thank you <3

Tony after being betrayed said he was hurt, but he knew what teaming with That Guy offered, what the benefits were, and why someone would do it. This is the thing: WHY did the betrayal happen? It happened because Tony stood up to That One. Tony stood up to Enzo specifically because Ariya failed, and when Enzo chewed him out for it Tony stepped in. This was both righteous and kind, and it made everything harder.

Ariya participated in the betrayal because of this. BECAUSE Tony was kind to him! Because Tony saying the way Ariya was being treated was wrong, and if Ariya believes that, then he is suddenly in a LOT of danger at the champion's hands. Ariya has feuded with a few people already. He has been humiliated for no reason. He has been beaten down by someone who wanted it more. Ariya isn't in a great place to think he can leave and make it. Ariya made a deal with the devil, he's safe as a goon, he cannot fight what happens to him now. Tony and Drew have each other, if it breaks bad, and they're both friends with Ariya he guesses, but not in the same way. He has nowhere to go and no way to fight.

Tony, however, DOES fight. Tony challenges Ariya's idea that he has to suck it up and deal with it. If it's all three of them against him, then maybe they could get out. Ariya gets his idea about the shape of the world, the place everyone has in it, challenged. And he rejects it! He can't accept it! Tony is fighting to protect HIM! And he denies it!

And the thing is, this is something Tony understands. Tony confronts Drew instead of Ariya, because--well because dubya weighs their importance differently because of the racism but because Drew hasn't bought in the way Ariya has. If anyone is OVER enough to challenge Enzo at this time? It is Mister FUCKING PowerPoint babey!!!!!!!! Drew gets onboarded and accepts because it might make him more popular, more able to gain traction for his bullshit no fun allowed ideas! Ariya is backed into a corner of his own design, and its not good and it doesn't make him betraying Tony FINE, but Tony understands what happened. Why Ariya did that. In a way, he understands Drew, too, of course. The influence is too appealing, he knows that. But Drew /chose/ to join in when he was given a chance to help Tony.

Maybe Drew needed to regain confidence too, maybe he needed to get back on his stupid little feet, it's been awhile since I've seen that storyline play out and I dont remember all the details. But I think the other thing is...Tony and Drew were literally closer at the time. Ariya was still their friend, OBVIOUSLY, even if the canon was noncommittal about saying it, but Tony and Drew were like. I mean. YOU know. You were there. Drew turning on Tony, after all that they'd done together, held so much weight behind it. Tony doesn't demand an explanation from Ariya. But he NEEDS to know Drew is sorry. He needs things to be okay between them. But they're not, and they never are again.

This is...another thing. Drew doubles down on this to the point it turns him into something else entirely. Tony demands an apology from him, and he /refuses/. He offers some small, pathetic I'm Sorrys during the match, as long as he's getting hurt, as long as Tony has the upper hand, but when push comes to shove, he breaks in the other direction. He's not sorry. He didn't do anything wrong. Tony held him back, if you really think about it actually, because why would Drew have ever done anything wrong? Really, this is Tony's fault if you think about it (it was not Tony's fault)

Ariya isn't given a chance to apologize in the same way. Tony and Drew clash during the tournament. Ariya gets knocked out in round one, gets injured soon after (which breaks up a potential feud with Mustafa as well and every fucking day it makes me want to scream, I would do anything on this earth for them to feud, please God take me back) and spends most of 2018 out of action. There's just no time, and even if there was, its questionable if dubya would even care about the opportunity. The next time they meet, it's when Tony's the champion and Ariya has finally decided hes better off alone anyway.

Tony is different. He's the champion, and he's a face, at that. He's earned the title by seeking vengeance against someone who wronged him, and he found it. He's lost in a lot of ways, but he's trying to be confident, and he is trying to become the kind of person who can represent the championship. Not just as someone who got it on the way to a kind of small interpersonal victory, but as a Real Champion. The kind 205 (usually) fosters. The kind that didnt ruin his life.

Tony is also the same. He's Ariya's friend. In the middle of a sea of changes, Ariya is familiar. They can pick up where they left off, if Ariya wants. If Ariya just...if he just changes alignments for Tony. If he accepts that Tony wants him.

Ariya is different. Alone after abandoning Kenta during a failed attempt at vengeance against a mutual enemy. Akira, who Kenta discarded after a few too many losses. Akira, who beat Ariya in pursuit of the title, a loss that Ariya never really came back from. Ariya loses to Akira again, even playing support for someone else. And he lashes out. And he works on his own, because he doesn't trust anyone to help him.

Ariya's also the same. He lashes out, and he doesn't trust anyone to help him. Ariya carries his career around on his back. He carries, in reflection of someone else's experience, a chip on his shoulder. It weighs him down. When Tony offers him understanding, he does what he has always done, and he rejects it. Tony faces Drew, the ghost of their shared past, and Ariya is there to remind him exactly why he exists as he does now. "I didn't hurt you, but I could have. I just wanted you to know." Tony cannot trust Drew anymore. He shouldn't trust Ariya, Ariya warns him.

Ariya doesn't say sorry, because he can't, because he's too busy sabotaging his last remaining friendship for Tony's own good, for his own good, for him to convince himself he never cared in the first place, but he regrets it. He cuts Tony off because it's easier than apologizing because this motherfucker will NEVER admit to having problems, he will drink water with a lemon slice and that will fix everything, thank you, but he does this to warn Tony off before Ariya can hurt him again. Ariya lashes out. It's what he does. Its better this way, where Tony can't get hurt.

(Ariya, who doesn't put himself in harm's way for anyone, who has Evasion as his middle name, who sneaks around conflicts every chance he gets, flattering and tricking and taking opportunities because he doesn't trust his own skills to get him wins, Ariya thinks he's protecting Tony. But maybe he's still protecting himself. Ariya saw Tony and Drew, saw them again, saw how they have something that he doesn't. Ariya can't trust anyone the way they trusted each other. Ariya will never, ever be to Tony what Drew was. The sooner Ariya prevents even the chance for that comparison to exist, the sooner they can forget it ever happened, the sooner he can stop thinking about it like Tony could want to be his friend all the same. Like Tony could be thinking he's just not a threat the way Drew is. Like Tony could know everything about Ariya and forgive him anyway, like Ariya could ever do right by that forgiveness. Like Ariya could /ever/ earn anything.)

It took a long time for them to get where they are even now! Tony and Ariya danced around the idea of teaming with each other for a long time, talking around it and avoiding each other and not thinking about it. Now that they are, we can actually see HOW their relationship has evolved since then. Ariya and Tony have remained a team, and Ariya has begun to risk things for people. He was doing it a bit before, with someone who definitely didn't deserve it, but Ariya is now trying to actively protect Tony in matches, after matches, when he's hurt. Ariya hasn't asked for Tony's help or really accepted it on a level deeper than Win Match yet (and honestly Ariya probably realistically needs more help than anyone can give him, help that has to come from himself), but he's offering his own. And when Ariya realizes he's not winning on his own, when he had his little Moment at the beginning of the year where he got ready to sabotage and run because he can't start depending on people and especially not on Tony, the LAST person who needs to be looking after Ariya again, when that happened, Tony took a step back and let Ariya work on his own. When Ariya does what he needs to to feel In Control, which is usually a little murder but I like him so it's okay, Tony leaves him to do it on his own or plays support for him instead.

Its like... there is a healing in the rift between them in the specific way it needed to heal, y'know? It's not perfect and there's always a chance the writers get bored again and do some bullshit, but like...tony and Ariya specifically have like. One of the most interesting relationships in wrestling right now. It's like. God. I could just die thinking about it. I care them

#long post -#meta tag #the gold standard #im not rereading all this sorry 5 in the morning buzz #ive probably written this about a million times but i will keep doing it because literally thinking about how this played out makes me sick #like physically makes me have to lie in bed and go to sleep. why did they do all of this

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pwnyta · 5 years

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Nobody ASKED for any of my shitty Pokemon character doodles... BUT IM IN A MOOD.

SO yall have to deal with it.

This is under a read more so dont come at me about it being annoyingly long. Blame Dumblr. Theres a SHIT TON OF DOODLES UNDER THE CUT.

First off I wanted to give Holly a whole classroom of friends... it wasnt GONNA be an all girls school... but I kept crankin of little girly Mons....

I dont actually have a shiny Darumaka or Eevee... but theyre two of my favorite shinies...

I drew these four after so theyre a bit different in style. Shiny Swirlex has the same excuse as the other two shinies... I just love the shiny colors

They also needed a teacher so I repurposed one of my older characters because I thought itd be funny to have a swan teacher... cuz swans are so scary but they care for their babies well.

Darla and Delilah can be bothered with threats because theyre safe with Mr Shandra.

Mikhail only takes classes that are small enough to fit under his wingspan so he can keep them all safe. And Eva and Tiffany learn from the best and just get pissed off like their teacher.

((Hes more bark than bite though... hes not a great fighter and a double weakness to Electric? Garbo. But he puts up a convincing enough front.))

And because he was a swan I gave him a life mate. The only other being that gets any softness from him.

He was an ex pirate.

Mikhail has no interest in criminals!!! So the captain gave up the pirate life and married a very short tempered bird and gained a lot of weight...because I wanted him chubby.

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‘’Spider’’, Esi, and dear ol Dad. Despite Reds best efforts to keep Esi out of Osborns hands he still ended up an immensely shady bastard but at least hes not as broken as ‘’Spider’’.

I didnt finish their moms because I couldnt settle on a design for Spiders mum....

Now Spider works for Caedere his beloved boss who would never ever lie to him ever. (Hint: Spiders nature is ‘naive’)

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I tried revamping Ray and Hebanon... but Ray still gay as hell for his boy.

I bullied Sparky a little. He’ll probably be fine even if Rays got a Mega evo. Its the name of the game Ray... hes supposed to knock his opponent out... you cant get pissed when ever Hebanon gets fucked up in battle.

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Did I post these? Am I ever gonna finish these character sheets? No. And look I forgot the most pressing detail of Zippos and thats his fuckin Arbok mark on his back. IM A FOOL.

Kreetan and his mum and dad.

So many little comic things I’ll never finish because theres too many and instead of just stopping and finishing something I keep adding to my unfinished doodles instead. This is why I dont take requests or anything.

I time where Leif and Cyndy actually grow up?

THEY ALL HAVE CAT EARS.

Zippo is curious.

.....AS A CAT.

Polly is here too!! And shes ready to punch someone RIGHT IN THE NOODLE.

I also thought itd be nice to draw out some other Chars of Zippo and Crizs generation.

Theyre.. as you may have guessed are not finished yet.

Clem is a timid lad, Mira... not so much. Very brave

Addy is a modest princess type

Jubilee is a sassy lass.

And Criz. A sweet bashful boy whos never done anything wrong and certainly will not die because no one would be cruel enough to let that happen.

((EYES EMOJI))

Babby Clem, Addy, and Jubilee.

WHO’RE THESE ASSHOLES?!

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Updated Mistletoe. One spooky righteous(in his own mind) lad.

She only looks stoic to start... but shes quite the weirdo.

She just got here and shes ready to go home. What a mood.

Now for some less polished individuals....

Meh meh meh lookit me IM OMI. Im gonna put three of the exact same Pokemon in the same group so Pwnyta has to suffer tryna come up with different designs.

...But I do like them. I imagine that they remain Ekans because they wont need the mark of their tribe so no one will no where they come from. So spooky.

I was torn between the codename ‘Sundown‘ and ‘Daybreak‘ for Crobat.

By day hes a wholesome trustworthy priest... by night he tortures people for a shady shady bug man. He’ll determine if youre truly innocent.

Doc has to deal with all these fuckin weirdos... he just wants to be a doctor... BUT AT WHAT COST DOC?!

This is a sequel to the doodle comic I was makin in a previous post... Kop and Doc develop an interesting friendship (In Kops mind. Its more a ‘stalker with a crush’ situation) But hey if Kops not being paid then hes got no reason to hurt Doc.

...Docs a fun character to bully because hes so smarmy and small.

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AND NOW FOR SOME SCIENCE BITCHES.

A man of few words and an intense curiosity with mortal beings and his own existence.

A spooky lad who doesnt quite mean to torment his subordinates... its just his Pressure.

Id imagine his form changes are a bit like Iron Man in IW when hes fighting Thanos.

I drew some more science bitches...

Some casual clothes for the original three stooges.

Shes deaf Franz! She cant hear you.

Ya know IDK if itd be ‘canon‘ that they all met as kids... I just thought itd be cute. Little psychic babies all doofin off together... the most troublesome one being asleep 90% of the time due to being an Abra.... and narcoleptic. Abra sleep so much naturally... Geller sleeps even MORE... thats why hes so incredibly smart even for an Alakazam.

I had a whole little redo sketch comic idea of Mewtwo breakin loose and fuckin shit up.... (its never been finished)

Franz tries to put him to sleep. (it doesnt work. He needs Emanuel and Nola to save him and he gets his arm broken for bein such a cheeky lad.)

Mewtwo doesnt have too much of a problem with Geller due to his soft spot for kids and pure desire for knowledge... but if hes gonna protect the other assholes then PERISH.

Dont worry though big boss Deo wont let his subordinates die let alone the second smartest after him... and saves them all pretty easy. A sharp tentacle arm through the chest will stop even Mewtwo.

Some booboos happen tho...

But hes fine eventually and finds his ex wife home watchin the kids.

Shes promptly expelled.

Geller also goes back for Dilla and steals him. Lifes too short not to adopt an ancient fossil baby.

Emanuel isnt delighted... but he doesnt have the heart to call the authorities on a man who risked his life to save him.

Fossil Mons come in two types-- Resurrected fossils which have the skin color of the primary coloring of their Pokemon form so they can be solid black or blue or red or w/e... Ancestors of ancient Pokemon have normal skin tones.

And another comic sketch idea... where Geller and Roswell are gifted with some fancy new Mega stones... Ros? Not too keen on the idea hes seen what can happen to a bitch when they Mega Evo... he aint got time for that. Geller goes HARD for SCIENCE.

Ros: Geller I know your a spoon guy but stick a fork in that bastard cuz hes done. COOKED. If he thinks im riskin my ass for his bullshit. Lets go tell him off together (im scared to go without you...)

Geller: We experiment on living things all the time for the sake of scientific progress.... are we really too good to be subject to our own studies?

Ros: YES. ABSOLUTELY.

After seeing Geller use his without hesitation, putting his body through a world of hurt for the sake of SCIENCE!!! Ros couldnt pussy out on his boy...

His Mega is just FABULOUS and now he loves it.

I was also makin a team with the Pokemon that have the highest stats (non Legends/Psudos/Megas) but I got bored after Blissey. She has a Togekiss wife I didnt finish either... Oh well.

Shes a bold lass and prefers double battles with her support wife. She doesnt like using dangerous moves as its in her nature as a Blissey to heal.

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(I forgot his whiskers... OH WELL)

I wanted to give Flaminio some people who missed him after he got spirited away by his Ghosts.

After he disappeared people looked for him but he was never found and years and years went by and people stopped looking. Even Clove and Ceto had to move on.

Koban is a loyal bitch though and he never let it go. He still wants his friend back. Hes an old boy now... so old people probably call him ‘Nekomata‘ and wonder when his tail is gonna split.

#PKMN fanarts #RIP Omi if you get through all of this...#Pwny Gijinka mon fanarts.

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leacitihec1988-blog · 5 years

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mysteriescomeinthrees · 3 years

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EPISODE 3: We’re in the Upside-Down but I’m happy to be Here - Jinx

youtube

ok soooo I did not stick to my own plan but it's fine we're gonna be ok Ep 3: I Will Not Beg You to Play Well https://voca.ro/198BUGITWV41

I will die for jinx and jones

I was gonna record another video, but I currently look like a greasy sewer rat and Jarod has been asking me to make a confessional, so I decided to just write out my thoughts. I think Jarod wants me to dive more into my thoughts regarding pirate’s counsel, so I will start with that. From my experience, first boots are almost always the easy vote. It’s hard to really build enough trust with people to truly convince them to keep the more unknown person over a person they have SOME level of trust with. When it came to my crew, I was the obvious first vote out. This became especially abundantly clear when I heard that Roxy had already announced to the blue crew that I was fucked. I already had the idol so I knew I had a safety net in place, but who wants to use their idol on the first vote??? I immediately tried bonding with people - especially those that I had some level of connection to. My first person I tried to connect with was Autumn. We had a mutual with Jinx, so I thought we could potentially connect and work together. I know that everyone is connected to Jinx though, so I wasn’t sure how strong that mutual was. We had a call, which I thought went really well. We bonded over law, and she seemed keen on working together. Besides Autumn, I didn’t feel like I was successfully making connections. I felt like I needed to make a change and that’s when I decided chaos is a ladder. I took a new approach from trying to have light hearted good conversations, to messaging everyone more aggressively about why Roxy said I was fucked. This is when I really started to bond with Cindi. She didn’t know Roxy has said that, and felt a bit excluded from her trio and the crew I think. We really bonded and she shared that she had an extra vote and an idol, and I shared I had an idol. When I realized that the others were not going to be willing to flip, I realized I would need to use the idol, and I needed to figure out the best person to cut moving forward and how to do damage control for post tribal. I was worried about all the AllStar players, so knew that Caeb would be safe and I would take out one of them. I still hoped I could work with autumn in the future, and obviously loved Cindi, so I knew it was between Eve or Andrew. After learning about connections, I felt that Eve was the most connected, from Allstars and playing with Caeb, so I felt if they left, I would have the best chance of integrating myself. I also spoke the least with Eve, so it was a win win for me. Cindi also agreed, which was really important to me. Andrew was feeding Cindi info and could prove an asset. I did feel it was really important that everyone knew Eve was my target. I made sure to campaign all day so people felt I was nervous and wouldn’t have an advantage, so the plan would work. I also wanted people to not feel too betrayed after tribal, since they all knew I was pushing Eve. The next thing we needed to decide was whether or not Cindi voted with me or not. I didn’t care, since I was playing the idol. In the end, Cindi opted to vote against me to try to keep the relationship with Andrew. I think they still think im on an island by myself, when Cindi and I are extremely tight now. Moving forward, I honestly don’t know if I’ve gained much more social capital on my crew. I think im ~okay~ with everyone, but I think im still at the bottom. But, I have an extra vote that Cindi gave me, so I have some level of security going forward. I really hope our two trios work together going forward. Luckily I’m good at challenges. We have won the past two challenges so have some level of safety. My goal for the rest of the game is for my trio and Cindi’s trio to make merge, and then we can really do some damage. I know Kai and Bohdi also have bonded well. Hopefully we just keep winning and I get a good swap scenario. I’m guessing we swap to two tribes at 14. I still feel like an underdog, but with a certain level of tenacity, anything is possible.

My tribe is going to its first tribal and I am terrified. I have no clue what to expect or how this will go. I trust in jinx and henry that the vote is on Pippa, its sad but I need to stay. My two trio members are not going to perish in vain so I will slay anyone who stands in my way.

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Thankfully we're safe but you still gotta worry about your trio members ur never free from the anxiety

Hello, this is a mandatory confessional. Im currently getting my tarot for the game being read by Jinx and whew its a lot for me right now. Im really intruiged by all this and i feel like its so deep and impactful but right now im feeling a tad overwhelmed. Right now all signs are pointing to me to me breaking the chains of my past and make top 9, but also maybe get out immidiatly at 9. According to the cards the biggest obstacle in my path to success is me and im gonna really take that to heart this game

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Sappho going to council… DISGUSTING!! Basically I’m the vote but Andrew got a power to let me leave council and be safe ❤️ So I shall be using that !! Jinx and I had a good talk and I’m hoping we are okay bc I genuinely wanna work with them. BUTTT jinx is a legend I am constantly weary of. So I shall see y’all in round 4 but will I survive past that?? I smell a swap

It was pretty gutting seeing Kai able to go to the bay instead of Jordan, who actually campaigned to keep her. Hell, I thought I also had a decent relationship with her after encouraging her to attempt the puzzle. Hopefully Kai actually found a disadvantage like he said, but there’s no way to tell because it “won’t be revealed until its applicable.” Never in my LIFE have I seen a disadvantage worded like that. Something to keep an eye on. Coulee was unfortunately voted out by our team last round and I think it was a squandered opportunity to take out a power player. With one of the most egregious mistakes I have ever seen in an ORG, Coulee being voted out makes sense in terms of keeping the team strong. I really think there’s other reasons though. Bodhi and Mo shutting down the chance to take out someone as skilled at the game as Kai is a little concerning. I have to assume that Mo and Bodhi are at least closer to Kai than they are to Jordan and I. Bodhi specifically I’m skeptical of after they told me there were no other names tossed around…when Jordan definitely had a convo with him about voting Kai. I really trusted Bodhi before this but now I have to be cautious around them to. Also, I had a short conversation with Mo about potentially switching the vote up. I didn’t outright say it, just hinted at it by saying “maybe we should stick to how el farto voted.” I was hoping that reminding them that Caeleb has technically already voted against 101 would get them to consider switching their vote but they didn’t bite. Maybe I should have done more here, but I would be risking myself becoming the next target on this team. I’m thrilled we won the letter number challenge because things aren’t looking good for me on my team. Joyita going to council would have meant Jordan or I probably going home. Unfortunately though, we found out pippa is getting votes which isn’t much better! We do have our safety without power advantage, so Pippa isn’t actually going home, but we did have to figure out who we’re telling. Jordan was nice enough to tip me off about her getting votes after I asked, so I decided to tell him about Pippa’s power. I think him telling Jinx this information would allow them to stay in control of the vote and further solidifies our two trios working together. Though in the moment on call with Jordan, I’m not sure I was delivering it with the most conviction. I’ve never been in a situation quite like this before and I think he noticed I was wavering about telling him or not. Is he gonna put it together that I found this item under his nose and didn’t tell him, or is he even going to care. IDK!! My wheels were turning and though I was a little clumsy with my words, I told him about the advantage so he could tip off Jinx. I followed it up with reassuring him that it was in our best interests for our two teams to work together and that he was my number one. I’m definitely going to have to do some damage control because he’s going to realize I held back information from him, but I think I was still able to get across that keeping him and his trio safe are my top priority. Can’t wait to see how that goes :’)

Also this game makes me tire. Or maybe I need to eat more vegetables. Who knows.

kickflipped

IVE BEEN UNPACKING ALL DAY AHHHHH

I’ve been looking for my cat so I can’t like do a conf love you hosts

So me jinx and Jabari are going strong! Just talked to jinx today I feel so tight with her we’re like inseparable. I’m sitting between three trios: Kai Sarah me Bodhi Cindi me Jinx Jabari me All of whom I don’t want to betray sooo it’s gonna be tough. I’ll probably end up being loyal to Kai and Sarah, as both the other duos want to work with my trio. So yeah! We originally wanted Roxy out for this tribal and she had told me she was coming after Sarah and Bodhi to my face and I was like 😳 girl you know I’m working with them at least lie. But uhm it’s become abundantly clear that Pippa is not pulling her weight in challenges so that was the move. However right before tribal we caught wind of Pippa advantage where she could leave tribal and be safe, but lose her vote. We decide to pivot the vote to Jones: and she goes home. However jinx told Roxy to vote for me 🙄 whatever. Uhm I’m not mad but it’s still like something to think about. But yeah! So Jones goes home, and I move on to the next cycle :>

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1128476152

#mysteriescomeinthrees #episodes

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imaginetonyandbucky · 6 years

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Hi, could you please write something about The Winter Soldier/Tony (not Bucky)? The Soldier has some of Bucky's memories and uses it to pretend to be Bucky, but he's not a 'real boy', will never be and has no interest in becoming. So, he pretends and lies to everyone, but then there is Tony, and The Soldier fells for him, and now he needs to somehow show Tony who he really is and convince to accept him. (Please, no The Soldier becoming Bucky Barnes again)

Mission: (Im)possible

“Mr. Barnes, Sir requests your presence in the workshop.”

The footage stills with the camera focused on Captain America instructing his Howling Commandos. Sergeant Bucky Barnes is in the background, staring down at the map on the table with intense scrutiny. A moment of which the Soldier has no memory.

He rises from the couch and proceeds to the workshop. It is a simple thing to accept all requests as orders, and with his threat assessment of his new handlers the Soldier prioritizes the orders of Anthony Stark.

The Soldier does not encounter any others on his way, so he waits until he’s coming out of the elevator to mimic the focus on Sergeant Barnes’ face. When he enters the workshop, Anthony Stark is, as typical, in motion.

Stark gestures at screens, he chats with JARVIS, he steps out of the path of an errant bot. Then he turns to the Soldier and his face lights up.

“Barnes! Man of the hour. I have a present for you. It’s Christmas in July, or well, whatever month it is. Close enough. Come, come, come,” Stark beckons as he strides over to another workshop table.

The look of scrutiny from Sergeant Barnes serves the Soldier well as he approaches the table.

“Here,” Stark boasts as he reveals a rifle.

The Soldier notes his own elevated heart rate. There are multiple high level threats present in the workshop, but no hostile action has yet been taken. Decision : wait for further input.

“Speechless? Look, don’t tell Nat or Steve - especially not Steve. Consider it a loan, or something. A tester, so you can give me feedback.”

The Soldier doesn’t move. Is this a test?

(Watch out for the break!)

“Barnes?” Stark asks, now frowning, his fingers tapping against the arc reactor.

The Soldier asks himself what Bucky Barnes would do.

“I thought Stark Industries doesn’t make weapons anymore,” he offers in a practiced Brooklyn drawl as he reaches for the gun.

Stark offers up a quick, insincere grin. “I only modified it a little, and it’s not for sale. I may be a little rusty though so give it a spin and let me know what I need to fix, yeah?”

“You givin’ me faulty goods, Stark?”

The Soldier pastes a half-grin on his face, one that he’s copied from another film reel. He grips the gun tightly - the first weapon he’s been allowed since surrendering (most of) his knives upon entering the Tower. He has no need of a weapon to complete his current primary mission. He is enough of a weapon with his body alone. The weight of a loaded gun in his hands has no reason to lead to a decrease in heart rate.

Still, if Stark ordered him to relinquish the gun, he is not certain he would comply.

“Well if I mixed up my weapons and it explodes on you or something, let me know. At least you and your supersoldier self should be able to survive the blast,” Stark tosses back. “You’ve figured out where the range is by now, right? And remember, this is our little secret.”

A classified mission. Parameters: test the rifle and provide feedback. A straightforward mission that is almost beneath the Soldier’s skills, but it will require stealth so that the Captain Rogers and the Black Widow do not discover this.

The Soldier accepts, rifle in hand, and heads to the shooting range.

He has been provided a weapon. He has not been allowed one since he surrendered to Captain Rogers weeks ago. He was told he did not need one, that he would not be in danger at the Tower. He was told he could not use one until he proved that Bucky Barnes was in control, that he was safe to the other occupants. Does Stark providing him with the gun mean that his primary mission of going undercover as Bucky Barnes has been successful?

The shooting range is empty of the other occupants. JARVIS displays targets at the far end, and the Soldier falls into the rhythm of aim, fire, aim, fire, aim, fire. Less kickback, he notes. A reinforced grip that stands up to his strength. The modifications from Stark have improved the performance of the gun, likely with the Soldier’s performance in mind.

When the provided ammunition runs out, the Soldier lowers the gun.

“Well done, Mr. Barnes. Full marks,” JARVIS says as he displays the Soldier’s statistics.

The Soldier reviews his performance. He hit all targets, but his firing speed and precision are also graded. There are minor corrections to his stance to improve his ability to turn for more peripheral targets.

“The video file will be available to Sir, but he would still appreciate your verbal feedback.”

“Understood,” the Soldier replies as he dismisses his statistics from view.

JARVIS has been the most understandable and reliable of all the occupants of the tower. Hydra had cameras watching the Soldier and the entire compound, so being constantly monitored was not new. JARVIS is not meant to be a spy or a threat, Stark had explained, but if the Soldier displayed harmful tendencies than JARVIS would act.

JARVIS, a computer program with intelligence, but with defined parameters in which he operates. A fellow Asset, only built starting from electronics rather than from a man - built by Stark.

JARVIS had even volunteered the parameters of his monitoring, and despite repeated testing the Soldier had yet to see JARVIS exceed them.

A better Asset.

The Soldier would ready himself for a competition, as frequently happened with Hydra, only the Soldier no longer qualifies as an Asset. He abandoned Hydra and is no longer their Asset. For the Avengers, he has no use yet - not until he has fully succeeded in his mission to take Bucky Barnes’ place.

But Stark provided him a rifle against regulation. The Soldier is approaching success.

“Well?” Tony asks, stopping himself from spinning in circles on his chair when the Soldier walks back into the workshop.

He provides a report of his activities and observations, despite the knowledge that Stark will watch the video surveillance if he didn’t already do so. As his mission parameters included feedback of the weapon, he included several critiques of the firing power and trigger speed.

Tony blows out a breath and shakes his head. “Damn. Rustier than I thought. I’ll fix it.”

The Soldier hesitates. Unsure what prompts him, he continues, “It is operating under acceptable conditions.”

Stark snorts and turns away, typing at a keyboard. “Glowing recommendation. You hear that JARVIS? ‘It’s functional’. Alert the press.” Stark then turns back and points a finger at him. “Functioning isn’t acceptable. I want a gun that will blow your mind and make you weep. I want amazing, extraordinary - one that you’ll have sex with because you love it so much and won’t want to put it down. I want full efficiency; I want the best.”

The Soldier remains in place, stuck though nothing grips him. His body feels hot, his internal heat increasing. The servos in the arm whir to release the heat, though it has minimal effect on the temperature of his system. The Soldier is not the best, he reminds himself. JARVIS is The Asset here.

Stark coughs. “Sorry. Might have gotten a little carried away there. Uh...you want to hang onto that?” he asks, waving toward the rifle still in the Soldier’s hands. “Don’t blame you if you don’t want to touch it again. J, get me the basic schematics on this, I think we need to start over if we’re going to sup this up like we need to.”

He is not ordered. He does not have to release the gun. He has no more ammunition, but that is an easily solvable problem. Still, it could be a test and he must succeed in his primary mission.

The Soldier will not go back to Hydra, back to the Chair.

He sets the gun on the workshop table. Stark does not turn to look, already absorbed into his schematics. The Soldier may even have earned an upgraded weapon.

This should qualify as a success. He has succeeded in his mission of testing the rifle and providing relevant feedback. He has succeeded in gaining access to a weapon and providing evidence that he is not a danger to the other occupants. He has succeeded in adopting the mannerisms of Bucky Barnes.

The dismissal from Stark does not feel like a success.

Eighty-two percent of the time, the Soldier finds that occupancy in the workshop is calming. Captain Rogers teases him that he likes the workshop because of Bucky’s constant awe of the future from Before. The Soldier remembers enough to offer up a smile and a shrug that looks natural, given his practice.

Under normal parameters, Soldier acknowledges that he finds this place calming because of how he can hide in the workshop.

JARVIS is constantly monitoring, the Soldier knows, but Stark does not. Stark does not look for Bucky Barnes out of the corner of his eye, like the Black Widow does. Stark does not expect a response from Bucky Barnes when he speaks, like Captain Rogers does. Stark works, he builds, he creates, and he can have entire conversations all on his own with only a look from the Soldier.

The Soldier does not have to be as careful about cloaking himself in Bucky Barnes’ mannerisms when in the workshop. JARVIS, as the best Asset, has certainly observed this difference, and yet the Soldier is still allowed entry.

Meaning the Soldier has seen Stark buried in JARVIS’ code, repairing and upgrading. The Soldier has seen Stark fix a bent strut on U, clean the gunk out of the wheels of DUM-E. A creator giving careful attention to its creations - from JARVIS, the Asset, down to the bots which are threatened with exile every week and yet are still maintained to full efficiency.

None of the bots have ever been powered down as punishment. The Soldier had asked JARVIS.

The Soldier is not meant to want, and yet the Soldier desires a different beginning for himself. What kind of Asset could he have been, if he had been created here in the workshop rather than with Hydra?

The Soldier has seen Stark cradle the coffee machine. He regularly checks up on the blender. He pats the freezer when he walks by. Stark gives his attention to many things, not all of which are his sole creation. Perhaps the Soldier’s mechanical arm could gain him that attention and care?

The Soldier is not meant to want, and yet…

He steps forward. And again, when his movements fail to gain Stark’s attention.

“Sir,” JARVIS prompts, and displays something on the screen Stark is frowning at so that Stark looks up. Perhaps the Soldier can yield the title of best Asset to JARVIS.

Stark’s frown clears when he focuses on the Soldier. “Oh hey, what’s up?”

Stark twirls a wrench, his eyes flicking back and forth from the Soldier to the schematic, but he continues to smile at the Soldier. The Soldier hesitates. What would Bucky Barnes do? He shoves that thought back. He does not need Bucky Barnes for his mission. The Soldier is capable.

The Soldier holds out his left hand. “Maintenance is…,” he struggles for the correct word. He can’t force ‘wanted’ or ‘desired’ out of his mouth, but ‘required’ is inaccurate.

Stark’s gaze feels like a touch, though the Soldier knows that is impossible. But he now has the full force of Stark’s attention, and he struggles to not shiver under the onslaught.

“Say no more,” Stark says and then he’s striding over. “Your pal Steve forbid me from saying anything until you asked, and I know you didn’t really ask a question but I’m to take that as permission, yeah? You good? Come sit, okay, JARVIS will get the scans going and we’ll get you tuned up.”

The Soldier sits, and it’s the chair Stark had been spinning on. Stark’s chair, nothing like the Chair. It doesn’t even have armrests, the Soldier has to place his arm on the space Stark clears on the workshop table by swiping the rifle and other bits and pieces of metal to the ground.

“There, that will give DUM-E something to do to. DUM-E, clean up on aisle three and don’t feel up our guest, okay? Full disclosure, I didn’t exactly give you a gun in hopes that I’d be rewarded like this, I was just thinking you could use a bit more leash on the collar you’re on right now. And look at that, now you have the evidence everyone wanted from you, right? No killing spree, not even a fly was harmed in the process. Alright, you comfy here?”

The Soldier nods. He has always felt things more, it seems, as the Soldier, but his skin is sending more feedback to his brain than expected. When Stark puts a hand on his shoulder, firm but no additional pressure, the Soldier feels it.

“Just relax. You’re in safe hands here, with J and I. Unless you keep looking at me like that, then I might have to do something about it…. Kidding, kidding, totally safe, I promise. No bad touches, J will make sure. He’s a party-pooper like that, aren’t you, J?”

“I do believe that is because we differ on the concept of a ‘party,’” JARVIS replies. “But I will do my best to be sure that Mr. Barnes’ comfort levels are not exceeded.”

“See? J’s got your back,” Stark tells the Soldier with a wink. Stark’s hand is still on the Soldier’s shoulder, the one that isn’t attached to the mechanical arm that the he hopes will interest Stark. Stark’s hand is even moving, the thumb swiping across his collar in a repeated movement that the Soldier focuses more of his attention on than is necessary.

JARVIS can maintain the status as best Asset, if the Soldier gets this.

“We’ll get you all tuned up. We might have to upgrade your code name even. Winter Captain? Winter Admiral? We’ll work on it, test it out on a few focus groups or something. Alright, you ready for this, soldier?”

The Soldier grins, not thinking about how to mimic Bucky Barnes’ smile.

“Affirmative.”

#winteriron #tony x bucky #tony stark #bucky barnes #prompts #hddnone #Anonymous

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travelingtarot · 6 years

Text

TAROT THE WEEK!!!

Weekly Psychic Forecasts Every Monday Morning To Help Guide You Through Your Week!

Week Of May 21st – May 27th 2018

Card: The Empress

Quick Analysis: Ah, The Empress. Pregnant with possibilities. All around her everything grows. She has dominion and rulership over all she touches. She’s in tune with the Earth and all her energies. She knows how to work with natural cycles in order to bring forth a bounty of blessings. And her endeavors are blessed by the heavens above. Since the Earth is in tune with the heavens above, by being in tune with the Earth, she too becomes in tune with the Heavens. So all work together for the greatest good not only for The Empress, but for the evolution of the planet as a whole.

When this card comes up in a reading, I always encourage the person sitting across from me to have faith. Trust that everything he or she is doing is the right thing. They may not have seen results heretofore, but very soon the results will be abundantly clear.

Because The Empress is all about growth energy. She’s full with child. Ready to give birth to another great idea, another great product, another great philosophy, another great thingamajig. And all around her is growth. The fields are growing. The trees are crowned with greenery, the flowers are in full bloom. Water is flowing all around her. She knows she can touch anything and bring it to life and she revels in her creatrix abilities.

So because The Empress is coming up in our reading today, I encourage us all to tap into that spirit of creation that is within us and go out and create something. Something that means something to us. Something we’re passionate about. Something that makes us happy and is useful to others. Let’s get out there and create! The Universe blesses our endeavors.

In-Depth Analysis: This week I was fat shamed three times by three random different people. All in the space of 24 hours. And one of those random people was my Dad!

The first two were in the same wheelhouse so I’m lumping them together. Without mincing words here, I was trying to hook up with two different guys this week. I needed to get laid. So I was casting my net out far and wide in hopes of getting that itch scratched. Both were online hook-ups (does anyone hook up in person anymore?) and both were almost closed deals.

We were exchanging messages, one via WhatsApp (does anybody use that app? If so, what’s your experience been like? Sound off in the comments below) and the other via the messaging system on whatever dating app I was on. It was all going well until we exchanged photos. At first we exchanged face pics. No problem. Neither one of us looked like Quasimodo. So far so good. Then we exchanged body pics. One look at my body and one of the guys completely vanished. So now my chances of getting laid have been cut in half. The other guy says, “U R a very big boy”. I reply, “I am. It’s something I’m working on fixing. Not to find someone (transforming your body just to find someone is a silly idea) but because I really need to be the best possible version of me at all times. If this version of me isn’t a version of me you feel you can continue with, let me know. If this version of me is someone you’d like to continue with, let me know that as well. Regardless, this is me.” He responded, “I can accept that version of you, but not sexually.” The conversation ended by me saying, “Thank you for being honest with me.”

Now an argument can be made (and I’ll make it here briefly) that people are attracted to what and whom they’re attracted to. I was not their type. So the argument can be made that it wasn’t exactly fat shaming. It was more “I’m not attracted to you, so this isn’t going to happen.” Further to that point, one of the men was very honest with me. He didn’t ghost me like the other guy did (more on that in a moment). Instead he told me up front that he couldn’t have sex with me. Something I appreciated. As I said, the other one ghosted me, which I guess is par for the course when dealing with people online. People ghost each other all the time. Hell, I’m guilty of f ghosting people every now and again. So neither one of these prospects were going to pan out because neither was attracted to me. I completely get that. So maybe it wasn’t “fat shaming”.

But it still stings.

Finally, less than 12 hours later I was at my parents’ home. I had barely settled in my recliner in the den when my father says to me, “Putting on the weight, aren’t you?” I shot back, “The mirrors in my home work, Dad. I see my reflection every day so I don’t need you to remind me of how fat I am, so please stop.” You can’t twist that into anything else but fat shaming. It’s rude, uncalled for and isn’t helpful in the least. To put it plain, it’s fat shaming.

Recently I’ve become more aware that I need to love myself more. I was told by someone I trust (who also happens to be a working psychic/energy healer) that I need to work on self-love. I need to learn how to love myself unconditionally. It’s a life lesson for me, which means it’s a lesson that has followed me this entire lifetime and will continue to follow me in subsequent lives if I don’t learn the lesson this time around.

And it’s been a tough lesson to learn, quite frankly. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a big guy. I was not interested in sports in any way, shape or form. I wasn’t interested in going outside to play. I wasn’t interested in rough housing with the other neighborhood boys. All I wanted to do was listen to music (Amy Grant in particular) and read books. I’d rather have conversations with people than play with people. I’d rather sing in choir than throw the ball around. I’d rather act in a play than wrestle around with people. So exercise just wasn’t in the equation for me when I hit puberty. And so I gained weight. All through middle school, high school and college all I did was gain weight. I read books, listened to music (mostly Amy), sang in choirs and acted in plays. I was happy.

After college I decided to take my health more seriously, so I joined a gym. And for quite a few years afterwards I lost weight. Still a big guy, but definitely more toned than I had ever been in my entire life. Then slowly but surely I started missing days at the gym. It started out a missed day here or there. Then a missed couple days here and there. Then a week. Then a month would go by and I hadn’t made it to the gym. Finally, I stopped going altogether. And the weight came barreling back. Then I’d decide to get back I the swing of exercising and I’d rejoin a gym. And I’d do well for a good long time. Then I’d stop. And the weight jumped right back on my body. If you know anything about yo-yo dieting, you are a member of my tribe!

So now I’m the heaviest I’ve been in over 20 years. And it’s time to get back on the health horse. I try to convince myself this time will be different than the last few times. I’m going to stick to my health plan! I’m going to eat more fruits and vegetables! I’m going to stop eating so many sweets! I’m going to stop eating so much bread! (I fucking LOVE bread! I really do. I connected with Oprah Winfrey on a deep spiritual level when on a Weight Watchers commercial Auntie O proclaimed, “I LOVE BREAD!!!” YAAASSS! YAAASSS AUNTIE O! YAAASSS!!!!) This time will be the time it sticks forever! And I hope it does. I hope this time will be the last time I have to get on the “health horse”. I hope this time will be the last time I will be this overweight. I hope this time I love myself enough to be the best possible version of me I can possibly be.

And that’s the thing that makes the difference this time. Self-love is in the equation. Not as a byproduct of living healthfully, but as a core reason for exercising and eating right in the first place.

Which brings us to The Empress. The Empress is all about being fruitful and bringing things to life. It’s about growing and developing and being blessed in those endeavors by the heavens above. Whatever the Empress touches, multiplies by thousands. Whatever the Empress focuses on grows and expands and thrives. Whatever the Empress loves, succeeds. But in the words of Mother Ru, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen up in here?” “AMEN!” “All right, let the music play!”

The Empress is advising us this week to love ourselves. We simply must. If we want our outer lives to grow and thrive and flourish, we must first love our inner selves. We must love ourselves unconditionally. We must tend to our spirits. We must heal our inner selves. We must do all the work to make ourselves the best possible versions of us we can be, but first we must love ourselves.

Some of you may be asking “Where do I start? How do I begin?” Truth be told, when my good friend told me I must learn to love myself I asked the very same thing. “Where do I start? How do I begin.” And this is what he told me: “Hug yourself. Like literally, physically hug yourself. And when you do, you’ll know what else needs to be done.”

So the next day as part of my meditation process I hugged myself. I wrapped my arms around myself and hugged. And hugged. And hugged. Nothing happened initially. No inspiration, no words of wisdom, no “this is what you do next.” I was about to give up for the day when I was impressed to say, “I love me. I love me unconditionally.” And so I said it. “I love me,” I said. “I love me unconditionally.” And I kept saying it over and over like a mantra. “I love me. I love me unconditionally. I love me. I love me unconditionally.”

If self-love is something you struggle with, the next time you meditate I encourage you as part of your meditation process to hug yourself. It may seem silly. It may seem like “pop psychology”. But in the end, what have you got to lose? Hug yourself. You may feel weird at first when you do it, but do it anyway. Hug yourself. Hug yourself with no expectations. Just hug yourself. If inspiration, impression, words of wisdom come to mind, thank your guides for giving you those instructions and continue on with your meditation. Do it everyday for a month and see what changes occur.

Bottom Line: The Empress encourages us to allow ourselves to grow and prosper. But in order to be truly prosperous from the inside out, The Empress encourages us to love ourselves from the inside out. That love, that unconditional love we begin to feel for ourselves when we take time to consciously love ourselves on a daily basis can only extend outwards towards everything we touch. And when we infise love energy into everything we do it’s like pouring Miracle-Gro on our greenery and flowers (without the harsh chemicals). Everything bigger and brighter. And the return is amazing! It’s true. When we give love, we get more love in return. It’s a beautiful thing. So when we love ourselves, that love has no other choice but to permeate everything else in our orbit. Love builds on love. The more love we give to ourselves, the more love we have to share with others.

So I encourage us to take on that love energy The Empress is sharing with us this week. Take it in and let it mend us. Let it heal us. Let it give us love unconditionally. Let us be about love consciousness all day, every day. Let us put our self-consciousness and embarrassment to the side and hug ourselves and see what if anything happens. Let’s love ourselves unconditionally first so that we have that much more unconditional love to give to others. You can thank me later!

Have a FANTASTIC week, everybody!

Be Blessed.

Song Of The Week: Meghan Trainor Ft. LunchMoney Lewis – “I Love Me”

For more information and to book a psychic reading with me, click HERE

For more information on the card used for this week’s reading click HERE

#Psychic #psychic reading #psychic forecast #tarot #tarot cards #tarot card reading #WEEKLY #weekly forecast #advice #life lessons #life advice #the empress #empress #self love #self improvement #self esteem #self empowerment #unconditionallove

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satyrcon · 5 years

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life update?

hey yall so this is another diary post because im just trying to once again reflect on my shit and sort of manifest some thoughts and slaughter some others.

today marks the one year anniversary of my first date with my demon ex. i can’t believe how much i remember him and how saddened i still feel about it. i should be happy that he is not in my life anymore but for some reason i am just so saddened, and even a little bit bitter. even though i am in a very happy relationship right now and much prefer this guy over him, its just a little bit heartbreaking to remember how optimistic i was, and how shitty things ended up being.i lost my job over this guy. i burned some bridges. thank god the job itself was stupid and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but wow.

i think at the root of it, i am just sad that this time last year, i thought i was invincible, and now, on this day, i don’t feel like that anymore. a year ago i was ferocious and manic. i had everything in my life under control. i had no responsibilities and little worry about the future. now i am a ball of anxiety, im scared of things that wouldnt phase me a year ago. i am cautious and extremely worried. i’m also settled down, and even though i love it, it scares me.

conformity has always been something that has terrified me. four years ago i was adamant on not selling out, pursuing art, doing what makes me happy, and every year after that i’ve slowly crawled back into my shell, embarassed by my ambition. i wanted to be colourful and i was. but now i am feeling grey. i’m happy that i was able to let it all out of my system but now, more than ever i’m sad that ive decided to let it all go. i don’t know what happened. social pressure, anxiety, the many horror stories i’ve wittnessed, i just wish i never wanted to be creative in the first place.

i can’t help but think i am approaching the end of an era. i don’t know if its for better or for worse. i am so happy about so many things, and it mainly comes from my boyfriend. without him, i think i would truly hate myself.

i’m in talks about starting therapy, but what scares me the most about it is that i need to actually work on myself and restrain myself. i’ve already started by abstaining from drugs and not going overboard with the drinking. i feel like that is slightly more easier to control, but my real guilty pleasures are with the cigarettes and the food.

smoking cigarettes is horrible. they make me feel like shit, and i always finish a pack and go a few days without them and i feel fine. but then a social situation pops up and i just NEED one. so i buy them, then i reluctantly smoke them. its awful and i hate how they are a social crutch to me. i feel like i need to be seen smoking to look interesting, which is so backwards to think i need that but its sadly true. i know nobody cares, and i have a boyfriend. but there is something about being looked at that i can’t get enough on.

thats something that i crave, even when im with somebody i am crazy about. i will never cheat, but just the fact that i am being looked at, even as an object gives me the energy to live. i want people ive been with to crave me and know they can’t have me. i need to unlearn this but i know if i do, i will let myself go. i want to be young forever.

on the other hand my relationship with food is absolutely atrocious. i simply just cant control myself. ive tried counting calories but i end up rounding things off and convincing myself im doing fine when im not. i want to work out but its just hard for me to just jump into things. its awful and its stupid but i literally stop myself each time. if you put food in front of me i will eat it even when it physically hurts. i know i am gaining weight and so far it hasn’t really changed how i look, just more how i feel. i know 2 years ago i was a lot thinner and a lot more confident. i hate how i look like. i wish i could just change. but its my biggest form of comfort and i dont know how to change. i want to change. and i will change. i need to force myself to.

#sad

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thatunhealthysideblog · 4 years

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“You should try the Carnivore Diet!”

I had a friend (nurse by background) very enthusiastically try to persuade me to try the Carnivore Diet. He said that he heard of many people experiencing digestive issues that had gone on this diet and had been “cured”.

“Its fine! Just try it for a couple weeks and see if you feel better. If youre that desperate to fix your GI distress, then youll try it.”

He even went so far as to offer me a ride to a local store where I could buy meat in bulk and assist me with choosing meats (Im not super well-versed in cuts of pork or beef). This friend obviously had my best interest in mind (appreciated) but I was inclined to take some time to do research before jumping in.

First, I feel that I have to explain a couple things:

When I reference any sort of rules in the diet, I am referencing dietary rules I found on this site. It had the best laid-out overview of what was involved in the Carnivore Diet.

I am not a nutritionist/dietician. I say this because some of my reasoning below may be vague in a dietary sense; that is only because its not my field of study.

Most of the “evidence” I found in favour of the diet was anecdotal. The site I referenced above is supposedly written by a “doctor”, but this same doctor on another page of his site firmly states that all plant products are extremely poisonous. Ok then...

People were claiming that the Carnivore Diet resolved a variety of health issues, mainly GI-related or assisted in losing weight. The diet is high in protein, obviously. One is forced to remove certain foods from their diet that could (for some) otherwise cause issues: alcohol, coffee, dairy, salt- or sugar- heavy products, carbs. From the info I gathered, the diet claims to regulate blood sugar, contains only fresh (not processed) foods, and is a structured diet with very little room for compromise. Theres also less food-waste involved - removing produce removes the likelihood of it rotting in one’s fridge after a few days. The site I referenced recommends eliminating foods in “levels”; every thirty days, remove a certain amount of foods from ones diet, down to the purest form of the carnivore diet: salt, water, and beef.

I chose the word “eliminating” very intentionally. I didnt realize when my friend initially brought this idea up that the diet is an elimination diet. In general, those that have gone on the diet “adjust” down the the purest form of the diet, stay at that level for short-term, and then typically reintroduce foods back into their diet that dont cause weight gain or GI distress. I can see how this would be helpful - I in theory could find out what foods are triggers for my GI distress.

However, theres a slight problem. Those that are familiar with my blog would know that I am sensitive to red meats. Red meats, the cornerstone of this diet, cause me distress when eaten in high amounts. In fact, eating a more plant-based diet has regulated my symptoms more than eating a lot of meat. I could see my friend saying to me that perhaps my body would adjust and I could reap the benefits of this diet, but there were draw-backs beyond just that.

I think what made me most wary of this diet was the fact that I am currently undiagnosed. I dont know whats wrong with my digestive system, so I dont know how my body processes certain foods or how it would react to a diet of purely red meats. I didnt find any stories of people that take prescriptions on the diet - I wonder if eating just meat or going through the dramatic dietary readjustments influences the way one’s body processes certain medications. I dont know if Id develop any deficiencies... people on the diet say that meat provides all the nutrients and goodies you need, but I think thats impossible. The restriction of the diet is problematic for me because the diet would become very boring. My relationship with food is already fairly poor - to then reduce my diet down to meat and water would have an even bigger impact on my relationship with food. I couldnt just go out and eat with friends or have people over for meals. These two psychological impacts would likely result in my eating over time decreasing dramatically or having to force-feed myself which I assume you could deduce the further impacts of respectively.

From the anecdotes online of people going on the diet, the adjustment period for the diet is at least several months, including intense withdrawal and adjustment symptoms. For some, this process seemed more trouble than it was worth. This diet also seems to require some dedication financially. Where I live, red meats are quite expensive. To make matters worse, the purest form of the diet requires one to eat nothing but grass-fed beef - expensive and hard to find.

Overall, I chose not to try the Carnivore Diet. Although there seem to be convincing results for people experiencing various forms of GI distress, there seem not to be any solid studies on the diet or its long-term affects, just anecdotes. On a personal level, I believe the chances of me getting very sick (physically and mentally) trying this diet are higher than the diet improving my health. I think I could very possibly develop an eating disorder trying this diet, considering my current mental health combined with dramatic dietary restriction.

This is not a diet that you can simply pick up and try for “a couple weeks”. I think it requires a lot of consideration and planning beforehand and a lot of dedication and willpower during.

Below the break: I found these videos informative during my research...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFPy3BOGXU4 (he also did a few update videos as he continued on the diet)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYSV6908YME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6602MqTCdo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSeU1o-yo98

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N39o_DI5laI (Mikhaila Peterson speaking about the diet)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2eU96vCCFU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2palyaEinGA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF-jZd_j2iA

#that unhealthy sideblog #carnivore #carnivore diet #diet #diet change #salt #beef #elimination diet #research #meat #GI distress #ibs #crohns #reflux #chronic acid reflux #withdrawal #processed foods #produce

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torrakat · 5 years

Text

i am psychoanalyzing the hell out of myself tonight.... like i have no productive hobbies because in high school i felt i couldnt join any after school clubs because i had to pick up my sister every day and since she was always the “artistic one” and i was the “smart academic one” i never thought i could try to be artistic so now im being held back from trying new things

also i literally dont know what i look like. like i avoid looking at my face in mirrors because its so ugly and years of acne make me overthink any blemish i have. also i hate my body so much like the weight ive gained in the last year and i want to work out but i cant because im too depressed so i just keep getting uglier and more depressed over my looks.

also it took me ages to realize/accept i actually am depressed because when i was younger it manifested as dark shitty thoughts any time i was alone but that hasnt been happening (probably because i keep myself distracted so thy dont have the chance to appear)

and the reason i cant do well in school anymore is because i have nobody else motivating me to do well like in high school i had the threats of my parents and also peer pressure to do homework because people would ask how you did or notice you dont turn stuff in but with all this online work i dont have the threat of people physically seeing i didnt turn things in and i have no friends to work with so thats no pressure and my parents dont get notifs when i do bad/dont turn things in so theres nothing. besides my scholarship of course but thats incorporeal and my professors dont give grades so i can convince myself im doing better than i actually am.

idk how to actually make friends tho because theres no organization im really interested in like even gaming club im leery of because gamers fucking suck and its a sausage party in there. and my social skills are shit like i literally dont know how to talk to people i dont already have a rapport with and it stresses me out trying to meet new people and even if we become friends in class it never ends up extending beyond that because im too scared to make plans because they probably dont see me as that good of a friend or ill come off as desperate since i have zero fucking friends

part of me still wants to drop out like nobody would actually miss me. i have exactly 2.5 friends and they barely exist considering 1.5 of them are my roommate and her girlfriend who i maybe see twice a month and the other is a girl from a class that im gonna have to take again probably. maybe she flunked too lmao we can be failures together but im not gonna hold my breath. its just a matter of time before everybody realizes im a fuckup thats stupid as hell. i cannot comprehend the fact that i was a straight A ib student and graduated at the top of my class like who was that bitch idk her. im a shell of a person and ive become the annoying one dimensional sort of person i always hated because i do nothing and contribute nothing to conversations and people probably think im boring as hell and now im a failure too. yay

#grimtxt #god this is long dont bother reading #i know im gonna hate it when i come back to reread this

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weannoyingbouquetgalaxy-blog1 · 6 years

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Moscow Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75960

"Moscow Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75960

Moscow Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75960

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So my husband has 2 kids from 1st wife, daughter is 16 and just got license, ex states he is REQUIRED to pay the difference in her car insurance to add the minor, just curious if anyone knows if this is true. Her policy for 6 months went up $350 to add the minor and I don't think that is our responsibility she doesn't drive our cars ever. She is asking for 1/2 of this $350, the girl has a job shouldn't we be teaching her the responsibility of paying her 1/2 of the car insurance?""

Does State Farm Insurance go up after ONE speeding ticket?

I'm almost 18 years old, and I'm on my dads insurance policy. They've been customers with state farm for almost 15 years. I got a speeding ticket a few months ago, but ...show more""

1st time car insurance. Y are they charging me so much?

I had no idea car insurance was so expensive. Quotes so far for basic insurance: Progressive : $300 for 6 months Geicko: $455 for 6 months. Where can I find a better deal? My info: Male, 27 y/o, Got license at 18 y/o, 1990 Honda Accord (paid $900 for it), 180K miles No DUI's, accidents etc, this is my 1st car""

Adrian flux car insurance?

is this a good car insurance company, has anybody got any good/bad coments or opinions about this company, i am a new driver and this will be my first insurance so i would like the advice. thankz in advance!""

Cheapest car insurance provider for a 23 year old?

I am 23 year old and had no claims up until last year when i had a little bump and now the quotes are terrible for even a little 1litre. does anyone know of realistically priced insurance company's for younger drivers? thanks for the help.

Moscow Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75960

Car insurances how they rate?

different car insurances how they compare

Who pays? Auto or Health Insurance?

I was rear-ended and suffer with neck/back pain. Had hospital, ambulance and doctor's bills that my HEALTH insurance paid minus my co-pay with no questions (<$1,500. minor accident). Her AUTO insurance company has paid me a settlement that includes payment for my medical bills. I'm in Texas. (1) Will HEALTH ins. want to be re-paid? Meaning, is HEALTH primary or AUTO primary? (2) Can/Should I also file this on my PIP auto policy? Is TEXAS a state that allows double-dipping?""

Auto insurance involuntarily cancelled?

Motorcycle Finance Rates??

Can anyone tell me what a good rate on a motorcycle loan would be? I am thinking about buying a new Yamaha motorcycle and it looks like the best rate they can do is about 9% which seems a little high? I still hear about people getting car loans for about 5%, are motorcycle loans usually higher for some reason? I think a signature loan from the bank might be a better way to go because I think I might be able to get a better rate plus I wouldn't have to have full coverage insurance.""

I live in spain and all the insurance companies want full payment for car insurance etc.......?

id like to know how the uk companies set up the payment schemes where you can pay monthly and if i could look into it here to help people like myself spread the payments any help is very much appreciated

What car and insurance?

hi can anyone help my daughter wants a car she likes the fiat punto td sx i think it is and the vauxhall corsa merit and the citroen saxo and the ford ka and fiesta what is the best car for a first time car and what has the most cheap insurance as it would be a provisional licsence ? and what website has the most cheap insurance? if anybody has any idears for any other cars like these please help also is auto trader any good? thanks any Question plz ask

How much would decent health insurance cost in the USA?

How much would decent health insurance cost in the USA for an elder person, say 65, who has no health history in the us due to being an immigrant? I am talking about the decent type of health insurance one gets when working for a fortune 500 company with low premiums and 20 dollar copays. ANy advice?""

""Regarding auto insurance, is it allowed to add my friend while visiting her in AZ?""

I live in California. I am visiting a friend in Arizona for 3 months and staying at her home. She will be driving my vehicle frequently. Although my policy covers any driver, should I or am I allowed to add her to my auto policy? Even if she has an AZ license? I'm assuming they would have to check her AZ record? I'm wondering how all this works. My insurance provider is Clearside General and I cannot get a hold of them quickly enough... on hold forever! Thanks""

What's the criteria on whether or not car insurance is high?

I'm 17, looking for my first car, and I want something that won't cost my parents a fortune on car insurance. But how can I tell if insurance is going to be high? Would 2003 Acura RSX give high insurance? I've completed a Drivers Education course too, if that counts for anything?""

Are these the ways to reduce my Car Insurance?

I found this article on ForbesAutos.com about best ways to reduce my car insurance. Is this true? http://www.forbesautos.com/advice/toptens/ten-ways-to-lower-your-car-insurance.html?partner=yahooa

Where can i get cheap auto insurance for an 18 year old student with a 2000 mustang?

Well this may sound like a long shot, but I just recently bought my son a 2000 Ford Mustang, Now its insurance time, hes 18, gets A's in school and has had drivers ed. Why do the quotes from Progressive and esurance estimate its going to cost nearly $500 a month, even with a 1990 honda junker it still cost nearly $400 do these prices seem reasonable, i cant recall them being that high, when i first got insurance, thanks.""

I can't afford this forced health insurance by my college! help!?

My college is telling me that it is mandatory by law that as a full time student, that I have health insurance. I will be getting my own separate health insurance at the end of the month, but tell then i have to pay the full amount with the health insurance ($1,695) I can't afford that! is there anything i can do? they told me i can't request a deferral. i don't live on campus. I only paid $200 a month last year, (I had my own insurance) but I also received less in financial aid. all of this access payment is just for health insurance! is there ANYTHING i can do?""

How much to insure a car?

im planning on buying a used Ford F250 diesel extended cab and want a general idea on what the insurance cost will be per month. im 16 soon 17 and i did complete driver training.

Thinking about buying a house... Homeowners insurance?

How does homeowner's insurance work? Is it part of your monthly mortgage or is it something you pay separately?

Car Insurance Question?

How much would it cost to insure a used (2004-2008) Pontiac Grand Prix GXP (5.3L V8 305 hp) compared to a Pontiac Grand Prix GT (3.8L V6 260 hp) for a 16 year old male in Texas after successfully completing Defensive Driving?

What is the least expensive color of car to insure?

I know red is the most expensive. I've heard that white is the least from one person and green is the least from another.

What is gap insurance?

My insurance co is paying only part of what I owe of the value of my car is was considered a total loss - after using the gap insurance does it erase the debt that I have with the bank and can I use the same bank to finance a new car?

Who makes the best affordable medical oxygen concentrator?

portable preferred

Why did the emergency room need auto insurance?

We slammed on brakes to avoid car running red light no collision hospital made copies of auto insurance for dh headache and sore neck why and will insurance be notified and will rates go up live in northern Minnesota

Do police check with your car insurance to make sure it's valid when you're pulled over?

I've always been curious as to if this would work, but in the past a few friends of mine had bought insurance, paid up to date for 6 months, canceled two weeks later, gotten most of their money back and obtained a proof of insurance that said they were paid for the next six months. They claim that if they were to get pulled over, they could continue to use this proof of insurance just as if they were actually still driving legal. Of course this could backfire on them in obvious ways if they were to actually get in an accident, but as far as getting pulled over, would this actually stop them from getting a ticket for no insurance ? Can and do the police verify with your insurance company over their computers while you are pulled over? Thanks!""

About how much would it cost to be added onto your parents car insurance per month?

i am a 17 yr. old girl. am a reasonably good driver and i got a 92 on the written test. any approximation would be helpful.

*Help* First Motorcycle?

I am about a month away from purchasing my motorcycle and already have a total including the bike, gloves, jacket, and helmet i just wanted to know the average total cost to get it road legal for example the Insurance, Tax, registration, and MOT (I am 18 the bike is 125cc I have my provisional and CBT) I have fashioned rough estimated total for Insurance, Tax, registration, and MOT but would like to know if 677?? a realistic estimate. If i have left anything out please tell me i need to know what i am getting into. Thank you. _""

Mandated Health Insurance is different from Mandated Auto Insurance how?

The Supreme Court will be deciding if the government can force us to buy health insurance from a private corporation. The government forces us to buy auto liability insurance from a private corporation. I am at a loss to see the difference.

I need affordable health insurance?

I live in Monmouth Co., NJ, and I need to find affordable health insurance. I was covered under my parents insurance when I was in college, but I am now 22, and own my own home w/ my fiance. My job does not offer health insurance, but I make a decent amount of $ there. I am getting married in 2008, so I will be covered under my spouse's insurance then, but I need to go to the dr. now! Nothing life threatning, but I would like to have the piece of mind knowing, god forbid, if anything happened. Please help!""

""Im a new driver, whats the most affordable and best car insurance for me?""

Im a new driver, whats the most affordable and best car insurance for me?""

Moscow Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75960

How much is the Tax penalty for not having insurance?

I lost my insurance because I didn't have enough hours. I missed open enrollment last fall and not eligible again until October 31. I heard Obama care is expensive. I also have two jobs and make around 30,000 gross pay with both jobs combined. Is the 100 a monthly penalty or a yearly penalty. Is their anyway to get around open enrollment. Maybe my Union can help?""

What do i put for date of license on Geico insurance quote?

I was filling out an online insurance quote from Geico. When they ask for date first licensed do they mean your lerner's permit or your regular license?

Whats the cheapest quote you have gotten for your car insurance?

were you happy with the quote? what company was it with? are u still with that company?

Help! I need health insurance by thursday?

I finally went to the doctor for my period( lasting for nearly a month now) Currently self-pay but wanted to know if I can get affordable insurance by my next Doctor visit. I need to get lab work done, which everyone tells me its a lot of money. And I have to visit a Gyno for an ultrasound which when I called I received a price I cant possibly afford right now.What I do know is that I can't afford to miss the appoint ments. I am concerned about my health. So if anyone have any suggestions or answers please let know.""

1990 Mazda Rx7 Insurance?

Im 18, i live in wisconsin and im looking to buy a 1990 Mazda rx7 gtu.. i have no bad records or nothing b student... and i was wondering how much a year would a 1990 mazda rx7 gtu cost? or even monthly.. before i can buy it need to know if can support 2 cars on my insurance a year. Any help would be great.. i'v been looking every where..""

Can i pay gor someone elses car insurance?

Right so my mum bought a car and I love my mummy so I offered to pay for her car insurance but she said I won't be able to do that for some reason so (I'm her son btw) what I'm asking is if I put all the details in her name but put me down as an additional driver can I pay for the car insurance ?, it's cheaper that way too (for me) lol""

Individual: How much more expensive/cheaper is Obamacare compared to other medical insurance plans?

Also does Obamacare give you more or less benefits.

""Need a dentist, but have no insurance.

I need some major work done on my teeth but have no insurance. I also had to file bankruptcy 2 years ago and have no credit. Is there a dental group or dentist that would do work with ...show more

Low income health insurance in Missouri?

hi, I'm a 25 year old, male, non-smoker, full time student. I don't make a lot of money therefore I can't afford to pay for health insurance. what should i do? Is there anyway I can apply for low income benefit for health insurance? is there anything You can recommend for me to get health insurance cover? Thanks so much if you can answer me.""

Car insurance question.?

If you are in an accident does your insurance company only pay to fix your car or can they pay you like cash for how much the damage costs?

Does a years moped insurance give you a years no claims bonus for a car the next year?

Just wondering. i'm 16 and i'm after getting a ped, but i don't think my dad will let me. If the years insurance on a moped carries over for a car next year when i can drive (which will make my car insurance cheaper) then i think i can persuade him. Anyone know if it does? any answers will be much appreciated :)""

Might have a cancerous mole. can i get it removed for free without insurance in california?

It's half way down my back back, on the left side, kind of ON my side, but not quite. This isn't an aesthetic issue, and i've had the mole for years. Some years back, though, I noticed the mole had a couple hairs growing out of the center of it, which was never the case before. This last week, I noticed it seems bigger and further raised from my skin than I can recall, and there seems to be kind of a black head on it. I can't really get a good look at it because...well it's on my back...but it worries me. I have NO health insurance other than some state assigned card they gave me that I think is just for free STD testing, and I really don't have any money. Are there clinics that will do this sort of thing for free or for a very low cost like maybe $50? I really need to have a doc do it, because I need it biopsied since it's looking so strange now. Thanks for the help.""

Will my car insurance go up if the accident is not my fault?

if i get into a car accident that is completely not my fault, and the other person pays for the damages through his insurance company, will my insurance premium go up too? thx!""

Which is life insurance company is number one position?

Voluntary excess and insurance?

if getting insurance what is a voluntary excess ? should you select to pay a high amount, like 500 so you can get the cheapest insurance?""

How much Insurance payments?

How much would the average cost of insurance cost me each month if im a 20 year old first time driver with a 2010, honda 15k dollar used car. I understand if its kinda hard to answer but any answer would be nice thanks""

Where can I get cheap car insurance?

I'm going to be sixteen soon and my parents are still thinking about whether or not they'll let me drive. But I really need this 'cuz my parents can never pick me up on time after school and it's too far to walk. (No bus) So, I just wanted to know what's the cheapest car insurance there is for 16 year old drivers. I heard you could get discounts for getting strait A's (which I do), taking driver's ed, and having an older car (which I will). Thanks in advance!""

Insurance cost for jeep liberty?

I was thinking about getting a 2005-06 jeep liberty CRD (diesel) as my first vehicle, but wondering what insurance would cost. I'm 24 years old, male and live in a small town just north of Toronto and with only a G2 license.""

I can't afford this forced health insurance by my college! help!?

Where can i get the cheapest car insurance in the uk from im 17 thanks?

""How much does horse insurance cost you a month, year, etc.?""

I know I could call for a quote, but I'm 13! I really want a horse and my mom said I might be able to get one if I made sure that she wouldn't have to pay thousands of dollars in vet bills. So I know how every horse is different and the price depends on like how old the horse is, but I basically know nothing about insurance!!! I want to know if it could somehow be added on to our medical, car, house, etc insurance. I also want to know how I can get full coverage, but not pay too much. Around $10-$20 a month is the highest I can go. So who are you insured with, how much do you pay, if you have more than one horse round the price up for one, what do you think I should do??? Thanks!!!""

Statute of limitations on no car insurance fine?

how long has to go by before statute of limitations is in effect after you have had a no insurance ticket handed to you and does this stand the same if you had hit another persons vehicle with the car that was uninsured.i live in calgary alberta and am unsure of how this statute works.i am not looking for a cop out of this.this occured 3 years ago and i was sent home under the condition that i show up for court.i was unable to show up for court because i had been kicked out of where me and my mom were living and tried to find a place for us.

How much will it cost to add me to car insurance?

how much will it cost for my parents to add me on there insurance? I know you can't give me an exact number but just a rough estimate. We have allstate and we have 2 cars but I will be added to my moms car a ford taurus not sure what year it is. I live in West Palm Beach, FL and I'm 17. Just an estimate or how much you think it will cost. Thanks guys!""

Insurance for a minor?

Ok im turning 17years old and i am going to buy a bmw m3 2003 Whats the best way i can get insurance, i dont know how exactly it works but i wanted to go under my dad. what is the cheapest and best way to get the insurance for my car. and how much will it cost""

Do I need to pay for insurance when I have my temps in Ohio?

My mom has insurance on her car, but I wanted to know do I have to pay for separate insurance for me?""

Moscow Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75960

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