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skyward-floored · 9 months

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OKAY ITS DONE here, Incredibles au thing that got way too long, and I had to force myself not to add more. It was supposed to be just a short little sickfic darnit. Takes place maybe year after Lost Time, but it doesn’t have much to do with it. That’s just where things are time-wise XD

Minor warning for some throwing up, it’s not graphic, but it’s there.

Ao3 link

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Warriors covered his mouth as he let out a huge yawn, absently pouring cereal into his bowl while he listened to the rain patter relentlessly against the window.

Being forced to get up so early for school was an absolute crime in his opinion. He didn’t really mind getting up on the earlier end of things, but it was barely even light outside, not to mention a dreary, wet sort of day that nobody should have to go out in.

Warriors wished it was an actual crime. Then he’d have an excuse to do something about it.

“I won’t be here when you guys get home from school, I’ve got patrol and a double-shift,” Time apologized as he walked past the table, grabbing a bag with his lunch in it as he pulled on his coat. “If you need anything after school you can ask Gaepora, okay? And if anything serious happens—”

“Don’t worry about it Time, we’ll be fine,” Warriors said with a wave. He’d been so clingy since Majora. “You better go before you’re late.”

Time sighed, and made the expression Warriors knew was him checking his internal clock. “I know, I know. I’ll see you at dinner, have an uneventful day at school,” Time teased, and ruffled Warriors’ hair all over the place before heading out the door.

Warriors grumbled as the door shut, spending the next several minutes smoothing his hair back down. He then went back to eating his cereal and staring mindlessly at the puzzle on the back of the box, koroks smiling as they danced around a word search.

Nothing like a dumb puzzle and cold cereal to get the brain going for the day.

The words had all been found but one (he couldn’t find crispy anywhere, which was ironic, because his cereal hadn’t been crispy even before he’d dumped the milk on it), and Warriors was about to see what had happened to his brother when a creak above him signaled Sky finally getting out of bed.

Cutting it a little close, Warriors thought as he glanced at the clock. Sky was a sleepy guy, but he was usually up before now. They’d have to rush to make it to the bus stop on time.

Sky trailed down the stairs as Warriors grabbed his backpack and boots, wings dragging behind him as he yawned.

“Grab an apple or something Sky, we need to go,” he said, pulling his scarf over his shoulders, and Sky mumbled a reply, stifling a cough in his arm.

Warriors paused at the lackluster response, and watched as Sky grabbed a handful of cereal, nibbling on it as he slowly retracted his wings and pulled down his shirt. He movements were slow as he began pulling on his rain gear, and Warriors raised an eyebrow.

“You good Sky?” he asked, giving him a suspicious look.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Sky answered, with a bright smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Just... just tired. I didn’t sleep the best.”

Warriors looked him over again, noticing that Sky’s normal eye bags were darker than normal, and how his face looked a little pale. It might have been Warriors’ imagination, but he thought he might have been shaking a little as well, and as he stared, Sky sneezed harshly into his arm.

“Gesundheit. Sky are you sure you’re okay? You... could always stay home,” Warriors suggested, but Sky shook his head, slipping on his own boots and backpack.

“I’m fine Wars, I’m not staying home because I didn’t sleep enough,” he scoffed lightheartedly. “Quit worrying, ‘m fine.”

Warriors met his gaze, and Sky met it in turn, the look in his eyes almost daring him to keep pressing the issue. But Warriors couldn’t really prove anything, and without Time as backup, there was no way he’d be able to get Sky to stay at home, even with his growing suspicion that there was something wrong further than too little sleep.

“...if you’re sure,” Warriors finally said, still feeling suspicious.

“Positive,” Sky assured, then gave him a smile as he walked past him out the door into the chilly, wet morning.

Warriors watched him go, then followed afterwards, a lump of worry settling into his gut.

(...)

Warriors and Sky didn’t share many morning classes, so once they got to school, Warriors spent most of his time worrying about him from a distance, trying to catch glances of him in the hall, and debating if his worry was really justified.

After all, Sky sometimes just didn’t sleep well. He had nightmares the same as Warriors did, and sometimes they were bad enough to keep him up at night. A singular sneeze and a few unsteady movements really weren’t a sign of anything wrong.

There really was no reason for him to still be worrying over Sky, and by the time lunch had rolled around, Warriors had mostly silenced the little voice in his head that was fretting.

Until he actually saw Sky, anyways.

Warriors caught sight of his brother from across the room, and froze, entirely forgetting about the growling in his stomach. Sky looked absolutely awful from where Warriors could see him sitting, paler than this morning and quite obviously not touching his lunch. The worry roared back to life in Warriors’ stomach, and he slipped past the crowds of people in the cafeteria and joined his side.

Sky was arguing with Sun over something, and didn’t notice him walk up, until Warriors touched his shoulder anyways. Then he startled and looked over, and Warriors grew even more worried.

Up close he could see Sky’s cheeks were flushed, in stark contrast to the pallid tone of the rest of his face. He was noticeably trembling now, and Warriors grabbed his arm, giving him an intent look.

“Sky, you look terrible,” he said worriedly, and Sky frowned.

“Gee, thanks,” he grumbled, looking annoyed. “Everybody keeps saying that.”

“Probably because you look like death warmed over,” Sun said from next to him, her face full of worry. “Seriously Sky, it couldn’t hurt to have the nurse check you out, right?”

“I said I’m fine,” Sky said shortly, and poked at his sandwich a bit.

“I think Sun is right,” Warriors replied, then tried to tug Sky to his feet. “We should go see the nurse.”

“I’m fine Wars, how many times do I have to say it?” Sky said sourly, but Warriors could hear the rasp in it now, and the lump of worry in his stomach grew.

“Sky, you’ve been looking worse and worse all day,” Sun said, getting to her feet as well, “I really think you should go see the nurse. Now.”

“I think so too,” said one of the other people at the table, an older boy named Pipit. The girl next to him nodded as well. “Sky, you look awful.”

“I’m fine!” Sky snapped, then immediately looked ashamed at the outburst, turning away from the table with his arms crossed tightly over his stomach. “Seriously guys, just leave me alone, I’m okay,” he mumbled, and Warriors exchanged looks with Sun.

He carefully extended a hand and placed on Sky’s forehead, his stomach falling at the heat radiating off of it. Sky looked even shakier than he had been now that he was standing up, and Warriors decided that enough was enough.

“Sky, you need to see the nurse, you’re burning up,” he said firmly, and began to tug him away.

Sky tugged back though, and Warriors was surprised at how strong his grip was despite how much his hand was shaking.

“No I don’t,” Sky bit back, and Sun stood up as well.

The rest of the people at the table they’d been sitting at were staring openly now as Warriors tried to tug Sky away, but his brother was putting up quite the struggle despite how awful he looked.

“Sky please,” Sun begged, going to Warriors’ side and helping him pull at their stubborn friend. “We’re worried about you, you almost fell over earlier in Science! Can you just—”

“Hey Sun!”

“Oh not now,” Sun groaned under her breath as a boy with large red hair sauntered up to their table, trailed by two other boys.

Groose, the most annoying person in the entire school in Warriors’ opinion, took in the scene with his hands on his hips, eyes trailing over Warriors and Sun with their arms on Sky, who was shivering openly now and looking less pale and more green.

He burst into mocking laughter.

“What the heck are you losers doing now?” Groose snorted, and jabbed Sky in the chest. “Looks like little Sky isn’t doing so hot, huh? He need some chicken soup and a kiss on the forehead to feel all better?”

Groose smirked down at Sky as his lackeys laughed, but it was at that moment that Sky lost the battle against his body.

He put a hand to his mouth, and Warriors barely had time to figure out what was about to happen and get out of the way before Sky lurched over and emptied out everything that was in his stomach... right on to Groose’s shoes.

There was a split second of silence as shock passed over Groose’s face, his eyes wide as he stared down at his ruined sneakers.

And then the cafeteria broke into pandemonium as Groose began yelling, his lackeys jumping backwards with disgusted looks on their faces. Kids were hollering at the sight and those that hadn’t seen were trying to figure out what had happened, and at least one adult was yelling for order. But Warriors’ focus was solely on Sky, who was shivering so hard it looked like he was about to collapse where he was still bent over.

Sun handed him a napkin to wipe off his mouth with, and Warriors put an arm on his shoulder again and attempted to steer him out of the cafeteria, Sun doing the same on his other side.

There was so much going on it was difficult to make any headway though, people pointing and worrying and laughing at what had happened. Right as Warriors was about to start shoving people, a larger hand settled on Sky’s back, and steered all three of them out into the hallway.

Warriors looked up to see Mr. Owlan, one of the teachers Sun’s father worked with, who was looking at the three of them with a concerned expression.

“Mr. Owlan? Why aren’t you at the high school?” Sun asked confusedly, and the teacher hummed.

“I was here to substitute for the morning, one of the science teachers is sick. I suppose it’s a good thing I stayed for lunch,” he said as he looked at the three of them.

Warriors swallowed. “We weren’t trying to do anything except get Sky to come see the nurse,” he quickly explained, and Owlan nodded.

“I’m aware. You three weren’t exactly being quiet. I was actually about to come over before Sky... gave us a very good reason for why he needs to go to the nurse.”

Sky moaned a little, and Owlan’s face softened as he studied him, placing a wrist on his forehead and frowning when he noticed him shivering.

“I’ll call your brother and see about getting Sky home. He—”

“He’s working, you won’t be able to reach him,” Warriors interrupted, then winced slightly at Owlan’s expression. Time would be on patrol about now, and Warriors didn’t want Owlan to call him and be treated to the sound of his older brother beating up bank robbers or something.

Their teacher lowered his arm from Sky’s forehead, and leveled Warriors with a raised eyebrow.

“He’s completely unavailable?” he asked in a disapproving voice.

“Yes, but we live next door, my father can come and take him home,” Sun quickly put in. Owlan blinked at her earnest expression, then chuckled a bit.

“That certainly sounds like your father. In that case, I’ll go call him and see about getting Sky picked up,” he directed at Sun and Warriors, and they nodded as he folded his hands behind his back. “In the meantime, I think you two should take him to the nurse’s office. He can rest there until he can be picked up.”

“Thank you Mr. Owlan,” Sun said politely, and Warriors gently tugged Sky away, Owlan turning and heading for his office.

Warriors and Sun guided Sky down the hall and towards the nurse’s office, the hallways feeling strangely quiet after the cacophony of the lunchroom. It wasn’t until they reached the door of the nurse’s office that Sky finally spoke, and when he did, his voice was small and embarrassed.

“I really thought I could make it through the day,” Sky whispered, and Sun gave him a look.

“I don’t know how,” she said with an eye roll, but gave Sky’s arm a warm squeeze as they went inside. “How are you feeling Sky? Really feeling?”

Warriors watched Sky as they sat down on a bench inside the office, his brother hesitating. But after a moment his shoulders slumped in defeat, and he rubbed a hand against his face.

“...Pretty bad,” he murmured finally. “I just feel... dizzy. And achy, kind of. Stomach hurts.”

“Are you going to be sick again?” Warriors asked quietly, and Sky gave him a tiny shrug.

“Not right this second,” he mumbled, looking miserable. Warriors frowned, and looked around for anyone coming before coating his hand in just a bit of ice, resting it on Sky’s forehead.

Sky leaned into the touch with a sigh, and Sun squeezed his arm before getting up and going down the hall to get Sky some water. In the meantime, Warriors and Sky waited in silence for the nurse to finish whatever it was she was doing and see them.

Warriors couldn’t help but watch Sky as they waited, a faint look of discomfort on his brother’s face. His raspy breathing seemed louder in the quiet of the office, and Warriors held back a sigh as Sky coughed.

So much for an uneventful day at school.

“Why didn’t you want to just stay home, Sky? It would’ve been okay,” he asked quietly. Sky looked down at his feet, not replying for several moments.

“I didn’t want to bother Time,” he whispered. “You and him have done so much for me, and he would have had to stay home and you’ve been dealing with a lot lately, I...”

He shook his head, and coughed into his arm.

“...I didn’t want to add to it,” he mumbled.

“Time wouldn’t have minded, Sky,” Warriors said gently, and Sky kept looking at his feet. “We’re your family you know, we take care of each other. Even if it means missing a day or two of work.”

“His work is important,” Sky mumbled, and Warriors squeezed his arm.

“So are you, Sky.”

His brother swallowed again, but didn’t resist when Warriors tugged him over to lean on his shoulder.

Sun came back with a cup of water for him only moments later, and Sky gladly rinsed out his mouth. Warriors thought he looked a better after sipping the rest, a little less sickly-looking and pale. Though that might have just been the lighting in the room.

“You know, I feel a little bad for Groose, but... his face was pretty funny, wasn’t it,” Sun said after a minute, her lip twitching.

“He’s going to be so mad the next time he sees us,” Warriors replied with a held-back snicker, mind flashing back to Groose’s expression of utter shock.

“I’m never gonna hear the end of it,” Sky groaned. Warriors looked over at him, but Sky was smirking, a glint in his eye. “I just hope he doesn’t make me buy him new shoes.”

Warriors let out a snort, and he and Sun both broke into laughter, Sky joining them after only a moment.

All three were still laughing when the nurse finally came out to see them.

#Warriors on the phone later: hey Time remember when you said to have an uneventful day?#Time already sprinting towards the school: WHAT DID YOU DO #linked universe fanfic #lu Sky #lu time #lu warriors #lu sun #writing from the floor #incredibles au #incredibles au fic #watch me fake my way through writing about public school hee hee #Gaepora and the other sksw guys are highschool teachers and this is only middle school #and I know Owlan is probably his first name but i had to make it work alright #sky’s still struggling not to feel like a burden #he feels like more of a problem then he’s worth sometimes #Warriors is working on it

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arabela25 · 11 months

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Carpe Diem, Joker Out | Slovenia, Eurovision Song Contest 2023

#eurovision #eurovision 2023 #esc #joker out #slovenia #slovenia '23 #carpe diem #another one that underperformed I guess #but I'm sure they'll be fine #how have you guys been? today I had an interview for a job I'm pretty sure I don't actually want #it's too far away and it's in 3 shifts #I could do either but both?? we didn't talk actual €€ but I don't think it'll be worth it #driving more than 45 mins to start at midnight?? I don't think so #I got there and the hr person is actually a woman my age I went to high school with (and same university too)#and one of the other women also looked familiar and that's because she went to the same high school too only she's a year older #ofc the job I actually want has been silent since last week when they did confirm they got my resume #idk it doesn't take that long to look at it and conclude I don't fit the profile (and I don't)#and just tell me 'no thank you'

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no-entry-access · 4 months

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I like to think I’m a reasonably grounded person but then the wifi stoped working on Friday and won’t be back until Thursday and suddenly I’m on the verge of tears

#to be fair it’s not because of the wifi specifically #it’s more because I have a bunch of stuff due for school that I now can’t do because of it #and of course my worth is only as good as my grades #so that’s an issue #I don’t actually think any of this made any sense

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krikeymate · 1 year

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Thinking about an AU where 18-year-old Sam on the verge of leaving comes home to her mother screaming at her little sister. Sam's still high, the shouts ringing in her ears but the words formless. She's about to intervene when a slap cuts through it all. Her sister's on the floor and in the blink of an eye Sam has a hand wrapped around her mother's throat, slamming her against the wall.

Tara's climbing to her feet, eyes wide with fear at the scene. Sam doesn't look away from her mother as she says "Tara, go upstairs and pack a bag." Her sister doesn't move, so Sam turns away to look at her and repeats herself. Tara must see something in her wild eyes, because she runs up the stairs.

By the time Sam escorts her downstairs half an hour later, their mother is nowhere to be seen. Tara's led through the packing and into the car in silence. The what's happening?, the where are we going?, the are you ok? sits on the tip of her tongue, choked back by uncertainty and confusion.

Sam drives out of Woodsboro and doesn't look back.

Sam, 19-years-old, long since kicked out of the house and on her way out of Woodsboro. She just has one stop to make, a goodbye she has to give first.

She sneaks into the house. The door is unlocked, she doesn't even need the key Tara hid outside for her, and it enrages her. Her baby sister is upstairs sleeping and anyone can just walk in.

Her mother is passed out on the floor leaning against the couch, snoring away and a bottle still in her lap. She creeps past her and up the stairs.

Sam perches herself on the edge of Tara's bed. Her sister is sprawled out on the mattress, the covers kicked off, and it makes her smile. She brushes Tara's hair back from her face and the smile falls from her face.

Her fingers trail down to the shadow around her neck. Sam reaches over to turn on the bedside lamp, catching sight of Tara's wrist at the same time. These are bruises. She wakes her sister up and demands answers from her. She doesn't like the answers she eventually coaxes from her. She likes Tara's attempt to lie to her even less.

She makes her pack, tells her to wait out front, that she'll be out in a minute. She kicks her mother awake, tells her she's leaving for good, and that she's not leaving alone. She tells her that she will never have the chance to hurt them again, and if she tries, well, she'll learn exactly how much like her father she can be,

#/mp #Scream #Sam Carpenter #Tara Carpenter #miscellaneous scream au's #my writing tag #fuck christina carpenter club #the tags tag #both lead to the same direction: sam takes tara and they leave. she threatens their mother.#cause trouble make a fuss call the police and i'll kill you. i'll tell the world who you really are and the things you've done.#sam trying to recover from addiction while caring for and hiding away the little sister she's kidnapped.#they spend months sleeping in the car. tara curled up on top of sam.#sam gets access to a shitty little 24/7 gym where no one asks questions or looks at them twice - so that they can shower #tara misses her friends and school and having a home but she knows she would miss having sam even more. she never complains.#she knows sam is doing her best. that she's doing it for her. sam didn't have to take tara. she could have just left and everything would #have been so much easier for her. tara's only making sam's life harder and more difficult.#sam tells her that she's only making her life worth living. that's it all worth it.

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tellme-o-muse · 3 months

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I always forget that growing is a painful process. It's not suddenly being at peace because you're doing something right, it's clawing your way out of old habits and everything stings as you grow into yourself. It's difficult, it is stressful, but in the long run it is so so so worth it

#I'm feeling the development lol #Basically I've moved onto intermediate spanish videos and suddenly I am not restricted to beginner content #INTERMEDIATE #how cool is that??#I am way more motivated in spanish and in school work and in my instruments #I have callouses now which will help with violin a LOT #you all don't even know #I'm practicing piano and enjoying it #I am working on my spanish output #I want to draw and learn to draw more... So that's what I'm going to do for the next few weeks!#like putting in the effort is apparently worth it :0

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crescentfool · 4 months

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with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

#lizzy speaks #hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023 #but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me #so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s #it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything #and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are #all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it #for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet'#and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient-#kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an-#instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.'#like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space #and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i #some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues-#our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol #but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard-#of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works #i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things.#in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive'#but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity'#...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people!#who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish!#thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories!#and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more #it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly!#ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves #as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like #wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!

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caramelmochacrow · 5 months

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alright. im doing this.

(*analyzing all the performances as in i point out why certain shots and framing is used in the performances while checking the lyrics that are available, also by performance i mean one where they are in front of a crowd and performing a song/musical piece)

#crow talks #d4dj #d4dj groovy mix #hey. im very normal abt d4dj can u tell?#i mean it by every performance.#i might make it like. 3 or 4 performances per post (depends on how much is there)#if the performance is a quick one im still including it just w a few more important ones #im gonna do it similar to the yaoi yuri post (images to help w evidence) so u dont need to rewatch/try to remember stuff #i miiiight do this w all mix or double mix as well but it depends on if the wiki has lyrics or there's lyric videos for each performance #im making this a week bc of school n stuff (also so i can get more data)#it will take a while for this to be made (im probably rewatching first mix a lot lol) but im sure it will be worth it in the end!

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flythesail · 4 months

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Kind of miss being in school but like

#i think the main thing is that school felt like actually *doing* something #and working 40 hours is just #*gestures vaguely*#and i mean i dont miss how time consuming school is #but it's more fulfilling then completing the same task every day #ANYWAYYY #i wish tomorrow wasnt monday #sometimes i still think about grad school but idk if i can justify it being worth it atm #so instead i will mope about working 💀#flythepost

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dullahandyke · 6 months

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Anyway needless to say, college is showing me a whole slew of people who are using laptops in school for the first time and they're so bad at it. They're so bad at taking notes too. They're so bad at everything

#im a hater today but its helping. ill get a caramel shortcake and thatll help more #ANYWAY STOP TAKING DOWN THE TEXT ON THE POWERPOINTS VERBATIM!!!!!!!!#THEYRE UP ON CANVAS PAY ATTENTION TO THE LECTURER INSTEAD!!!#(im haterposting instead of listening but im keeping an ear out. theyre defining bildungsromans rn)#their typing speeds are so slow and for most i would assume its inexperience #in which case i ask why are you switching to a laptop instead of using a notebook!!!!!#plus they mistreat their laptops so badly. so full of bloatware. some of them are even mac users #(honestly idk that much abt macs specifically. maybe theyre gr8. but i hate and kill apple)#give your laptops to me ill treat them right.... ill feed them ill clean up after them....#and you just know that tech disasters are gonna befall so many of them bcos tech skills are on a downslope #like i dont look it bcos i tote around the same 2 notebooks and take like 3 bullet points max of notes per lecture #but ive been using a laptop for school going on 7 years i know my shit!!!#and theyre heavy to carry around and generally only worth it if you plan on doing a LOT of typing #which for ordinary lectures im not!!!! im not taking down every word on the powerpoint like a dipshit!!!#if i bring my laptop im either planning on writing some essay shit or not paying attention during class #anyway thats my little rant. its alright im allowed

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mossflower · 5 months

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loki season two has me screaming crying throwing up trying not to get dragged back into the mcu trenches

#i am stronger than this. i am better than this!!#by the trenches i mean consuming fanfiction at an unhealthy rate. fourteen year old me was insane i think i was on ao3 more than i slept #that’s not exaggeration. i was getting four hours of sleep on school nights and frequently went to bed at 5am on weekends #it is ONE good story. one. literally not worth it. i don’t even care about ninety percent of the mcu characters #i will ignore the little voice in my head reminding of the sheer amount of fanfiction. this was my pre-tumblr days #so my fandom interaction was like. youtube and ao3. maybe instagram posts sometimes. it was so much fun like. zero drama zero discourse #i was honestly living my best life. got less interested when i joined tumblr and went full doctor who mode #and after endgame i watched i think wandavision and loki and that was it. just didnt care anymore lol #i know exactly why this is happening tho. currently the thing i am insane about is my own damn project. which i am in the process of writin #for obvious reasons no fandom there. bc it lives in my mind twenty four fucking seven #i do wonder if i’m kind of growing away from fandom anyway? the closest i’ve got since toh ended was homestuck tbh #i want to feel obsessed with something again!! everything i’m into now - tma tlt and the like - i love them #but it doesnt hit like it used to. i don’t know it’s hard to explain #like video essays that i would have loved a few years ago!! the hour long ones about representation and queer media #they just irritate me now! i got halfway through one last week and had to bail i just could not care less #how did 2020 social media have me convinced that x character being gay was super important politically economically socially etc #ofc the answer is that i was a baby lesbian getting even less social interaction than normal #like representation is important obviously but also. sometimes it was not that deep #i don’t know if i’m making sense tbh but you get my drift #morganposting

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in-tua-deep · 1 year

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man i have really been thinking about worldbuilding and exposition in books recently

when i was like, i don’t know, twelve-ish, I picked up this book about a teenage girl in a spy school. and i absolutely fell in love with it - I thought it was incredibly neat how the book just seemed to drop me into the middle of the story, even starting in the girl’s second year. in fact, the main character frequently referenced events from her first year (falling in love with a civilian, things ending badly, finding secret passageways, losing her mother’s trust etc.)

and I actually really enjoyed the fact that the character had a rich and vibrant life outside of what i had read and that the book didn’t go out of its way to explain her past in flashbacks or anything. i understood the main takeaways and why she was reacting to things based on what i gleaned, and more than that i understood the growth of the character, why she was cautious in certain places but reckless in others, etc and i felt smarter for not being handed the answer on a silver platter

anyway it wasn’t until i finished the book and realized there was a sequel that i looked it up and found out that. in fact. i had started with the second book in the series.

oops.

#i will say i genuinely read the sequels and NEVER went back and read the first book #it genuinely felt like i understood the takeaways from reading the second book #it almost felt like i would be doing cammie a disservice by going backwards and undoing the progress she had made #anyway i just remember thinking about how cool it was that the author didn't go out of their way to explain exactly what happened #and yet i was able to understand what happened just by her reactions to this new guy #the oh. OH. of realizing she hadn't fallen in love with a civilian so much as fallen in love with the idea of civilian life #her life being made much more difficult from the loss of trust by her mother and teachers #kind of want to go back and reread it but i feel like reading ur childhood books again sets you up for disappointment #probably not the masterpiece i remember reading #but man it made so much sense bc of COURSE cammie wouldn't just like. give me info about how the world worked. her mum was headmaster.#ofc she knew how the spy world worked smh #so when they were like FUCK the secret passageways we used to sneak out are blocked off bc we got caught last year #we need to figure out either a) another way out of the school unseen or b) find more secret passageways #and i was like !!! yeah! of course! that makes total sense and adds an obstacle for the main character to get though!#and now i also know that cammie a) was sneaking out to see her boyfriend which means it was b) a secret worth hiding for some reason #idk that second book was the only bitch i respect

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drewsaturday · 4 months

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i've had such a weird relationship with making fanon things lately for a few diff reasons i think.

i haven't rly been inspired enough to take things beyond my thoughts and make an actual thing out of them. part of this is probs bc of my medication. the other part is that...

i don't have the time to dig too deeply into my favorite things rn. this means i don't dig up new parts to feel excited about, i don't feel Qualified to carry those ideas out bc my understanding of the source material is so limited and people expect waaaay too much quality from fanworks these days, and i feel like i'll never be able to finish what i start anyway.

lastly, i've been doing fandom so repetitively i'm just... tired? of the same thing over and over again. i work on a thing, i polish the thing, i post the thing, i wait for feedback that is either nice/mean/empty, rinse and repeat. the solution would be to just not post these things, but why go through all that effort to carry something up out of an idea stage then since that's what makes me most excited? and if i spend the time drafting, it feels like a waste of time since it's not going to go anywhere.

i do think a lot of this is medication, because it dulls Just how insane i am capable of getting about a thing. in the past i would have sooo much drive because i felt like if i didn't make a thing, i'd explode. i don't rly get that anymore, at least not in a big enough burst to keep me working on things very long.

i've instead been thinking a lot about diving into original content because... although i make everything for fun, i think original stuff has way less of the above issues attached.

there's no time limit. i'm not... "competing" for being able to get an idea done first, or trying to get a fanfic out while there's still hype over a show, or worrying about my work being ooc compared to someone else's, or worrying the fandom landscape i vibe with is going to change when people move on.

it's theoretically not as repetitive. i'm sure the things i'm interested in shows are similar to what i come up with from my brain, and i could just try to make different things for fandom than i'm used to. but i am kind of tired of my inability to do anything besides hurt/comfort oneshots for the same kind of pairing over and over again. this would force me to actually develop other shit too lmfao.

it's Technically something i could profit off of if i really wanted to, making it less of a waste of time. for fandom, it feels like a waste of time if i'm not putting a fanon thing out for other fans to see. it also feels like i put a ton of work into my own little understanding of a show--fleshing out backstories and worldbuilding etc. so if i move onto another fandom... it feels like it was all for nothing, esp if i don't make something from it all. ideally i would be doing it just for the fun but there needs to be some balance with what i consider pay-off. and since i usually don't stay motivated long enough to do these big huge projects, or people move on, or other people do the idea first because i work so slow, it's just gotten rly un-motivating.

there's like, layers of motivation imo. i like a thing and i get excitement about making stuff for it and exploring certain parts of it. and i can do that for myself, but to make it stand on its own enough to post for other people to see isn't something i currently get enough motivation for. and because of that, it makes the fun part feel like a waste of time i guess.

i usually stay away from my own original stuff bc i honestly just don't feel the level of excitement with it as i have felt with fandom in the past, and... it's just harder lmao? but i think it would be good for me to at least fuck around with it.

fandom started as a vessel for creativity for me. i wanted to make videos, it gave me footage. i wanted to draw, it gave me designs for characters. i wanted to write, it gave me a sandbox to play in. and i still find those things fun, but i guess it just feels like i'm limiting myself by only playing with other people's dolls in a public park for all to see. like i'm just not as connected to the Making part as a hobby or to the parts of myself i would put into it.

idk, i am just rambling and i think honestly if i Did have more time it would help take a lot of the above pressures and risks away and balance me out so that making silly little fanfics sometimes would feel more worth it because i'd feel free to do other things as well.

i also do sort of get glued to the screen when i'm in mode of making and posting things and i'd like to uhhh. do other things with my life too sometimes lmfao. part of this boredom does probably stem from being chronically ill and therefore barely leaving my house. i haven't been able to do other things beyond fanon creations in years. so no wonder i'd feel less inspired and more bored.

i also think i've gotten tired of watching things feeling like a chore. oh shit i need to write down this scene so i can use it on a fanvid, or make sure i take note of this piece of dialogue for this character's backstory, etc. i know i bitch about how i don't hate the word "content creator" bc it is just an easier catch-all for me as someone who makes lots of diff things, and i still agree with that, but i do think because of my own levels of perfectionism, mixed with honestly how weirdly expectant of quality fandom has become, it's become a chore to engage with source material.

another thing is i've always felt like i've needed a purpose in what i've made and that purpose tends to be justified by the community interactions. it makes me feel less lonely and it helps me feel inspired and like... it doesn't hurt to know you'll get feedback on something because you've found so many supportive friends in it. i rly just haven't landed in any new communities i vibe with a ton for the things ive gotten into lately, so there's less motivation there. that's not to say anyone's Bad, just... discord servers are too big, tags are too dead or all over the place, i don't message people to become friends, and the communities and friends i do have from fandom are all kinda doing different things rn, etc.

the other form of purpose would be challenges--exchanges, bingos, etc. this fanwork isn't just a random thing for fun, it has a reason for me to work on it enough to let it see the light of day. and i think i've kinda broken my brain a bit using those for motivation so much, but the alternative would be to never get anything into a publishable state, but without it being a publishable state and interacting with communities through it there's no reason for me to really spend all that much time on it in the first place, which means i'm really not getting to Create.

i think the biggest issue these days if every part of the creative process now feels like it's "for show" and original stuff that has literally no audience is the only way to kinda undo the amount of rules that's put on me and my creativity.

tl;dr i'm just not feeling the same fulfillment from making fanon stuff as i used to so i guess i need to experiment with making other things so i can still do the Making part and see where that lands me, and see if it can help undo some of the toxic mentalities being an exclusively fandom girlie for so long has kinda instilled in me.

i'm sure i'll still make fanon shit every so often--i honestly have been so busy that output won't be noticeably different from my usual once every five months contributions. i just need to get back into the right blend of circumstances for it to feel worth it, and until then i guess i need to dig out the dolls from my own attic instead of someone else's so i can have a less complicated vessel for creative hobbies because i'm fairly certain i'd still like to create.

#txt #this is just a v long ramble that im not sure makes much sense honestly or will be readable to anyone but myself at this point but eh #just needed to word it all out #...also just remembered another reason that causes that imbalance of fun #is chronic pain making certain art forms like drawing quite painful so although i've been wanting to learn art techniques #and practice generally in non-fandomy ways #i'm stopped by how it's more worth it to sketch a blorbo every so often #but idk i want to try figuring out better ways of going about that for myself and #since i can't have both fandom and original without pushing myself too far i kinda have to Choose art advancement #over stupid blorbo drawings #same with if i spend too much time typing etc #and that plus time constraints are why im making it out to be such a one or the other thing #but it also... is...#because i rly don't think i can keep doing fanon stuff without at least mixing things up somehow #if not moving to original stuff altogether #i do think that once im out of school and i have a more stable schedule #i'll be able to set aside specific free time each day as opposed to being all over the place #and that will help as well so i don't feel Guilty over creating things #when i should/could be doing something more productive bc i also do want to move my life forward rather than being SO escapist #and the guilt aspect gets in the way a lot more than it when i had more passion to beat it back with #that rly is my own fault tho for being in charge of my own schedule and being so bad at it lol #one last little note for myself is i think a lot abt non-fandomy hobbies i have like music #where yeah ive made some filks but for the most part idk what im doing #im just there to have fun and enjoy myself bc it's just... the entire reason i do it #and i dont rly get that from the things i also can use for fanon creations these days more readily

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