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#is it so bad to wish for something so cliche
grlscrushing · 19 hours
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GET HIM BACK! - 14. of all the things i should have done, i don’t want to love you from afar (1246 words)
yuta felt like a little boy again. this wouldn’t be the first time he saw you (obviously) but his stomach feels like theres worms and crickets and ants in it. as he gets closer to the bench of the park where he first met you, he starts to wonder if he should tell you everything right now, the whole situation with lina with this fake personality he created about himself to hurt you.
he can see your figure start to appear in his eyesight and he thinks you look really pretty, especially right now, with the moonlight and the lights shitty lamp-posts that probably will never get fixed shining on you makes him want to believe he didn’t ruin everything and that you guys are together and going on a late night snack run (he wants to believe that so badly).
“hi,” he says as he stands in front of you, you look up from your phone and smile at him (his heart feels like it comes to a standstill, how can you still smile at him like that). “hi,” you respond back to him, “to be honest…i did have something in mind to do with you but, its way too late now so i might have to take you to it next time, but i do have another thing we can go see, if we can wait until eleven-thirtyish? we can walk to the spot, its like a ten minute walk from here, if you don’t want to thats fine too!” it doesn’t help that he’s nervous and really wants this night to go well. “we can walk! but i wish i brought a better sweater with me, this one kinda sucks,” you say with a small giggle as you both start walking, with him leading the way just slightly, “you can use mine!” he offers and starts unzipping his sweater, “i feel bad, you don’t have to do that,” you smiled towards him, “i insist yn! i’m not even cold!” (he’s definitely saying anything just so you can take the sweater from him, he hopes you even forget to give it back to him and take it home with you). “thank you yuta,” you take the sweater from him and put it on.
as you guys walk, its quiet, and the breeze is not too harsh for the night which is surprising to him, if he’s lucky enough, maybe it will rain and he has an excuse to spend more time with you and you guys will have to shelter yourselves from it (it’s so cliche, he knows).
“i wanted to say this earlier when i saw you but i was nervous, but you look really pretty yn,” he starts, your stomach turns, not expecting him to say it out of nowhere, “um, thank you, i kinda wished i had time to change cause this pants are kind of thin, i get cold easily, but you’re sweater is helping!” you say, he mumbles a small ‘sorry for texting you out of the blue for tonight’ he looks at you as you guys get closer to the destination, “before we get there, you’re gonna need to close your eyes, or i can put my hands over them! you won’t fall or anything, i promise,” he says, “are you going to murder me?” you say, his eyes widen, “WHAT? NO,” he says, a little loud where you cover his mouth with your hands, “i’m just teasing you,” he lifts his hands to move your soft ones away from his mouth, “sorry,” he looks the other way, “we’re here, i know it looks suspicious, but this is the best view, it'll be starting in a few minutes, so, please close your eyes,” you look at the direction he’s looking at and see a path into some trees, you’re a little hesitant but you know yuta would never take you to some place you can get really hurt at, so you do as he says and cover your eyes with your hands and he gently goes behind you and grabs both your shoulders and starts leading you inside the path.
“okay, you can open them,” he says and at first you’re confused, there’s a metal bench and a little campfire almost at the edge of the cliff, probably 20 feet away from it, it made so sense at all, “i know i was joking when i said about murdering me, but now i'm really confused,” he walks towards the bench and gestures you to join him, “trust me, i really hope you like it,” you go towards him and sit next to him, sitting in silence you wait until you start seeing a light radiate the sky, looking like its falling into a certain direction, one, two, three, four, and then five start to follow behind it and you realize it’s a meteor shower that yuta took you to.
“oh yuta, it’s so beautiful,” you say while looking up.
there’s many times yuta has thought you looked pretty, but right now? he thinks you heavenly, and before he can even think about it, he intertwined his hand with yours and speaks, “yn, i’m really sorry,” you look at him, “what are you apologizing for?” he looks down at both of your hands, “i’m sorry for hurting you, there’s a lot of things i want to tell you that i can’t right now but i want to apologize right now for basically cheating on you,” he pauses, “you’re the only girl that that makes me have all these bugs in my stomach,” you interrupt with a giggle , “you mean butterflies?” he smiles, “yeah, and i know i messed up, but i really can’t bear the thought of not having you by my side. i want us to try again, if you want to take things slow, we can do that too, and i know i don’t deserve it but i’ll do anything to earn your trust back and make things right between us. i really miss you yn and everything we shared together, of all the things i have done, i don’t want to love you from afar anymore,” he tells you, to be truthful, you felt like all day all you’ve done is be shocked, you know you still loved yuta, and it’s one of those times where you have to decide if this is gonna be a good idea or not.
but to you, you don’t need time to decide, you know he hurt you, and any rational person who got cheated on would never come back to their ex, to you, you and yuta shared a connection you don’t believe you can share with anyone else.
so you lean into his face, “i don’t mind starting over, but this time, i want to take it a little slow, lets start off by going on a few dates first,” you pause and see the hopeful look in his eye, “okay,” he looks at you with sincerity in his eyes, “i promise i will love you better now,” he tells you.
you’re nervous how this will go, but as you lean in closer to yuta as you see the meteor shower, and he drapes his arm around you as you both sit next to each other as he leans down a bit to kiss your forehead, the nervousness leaves your body and all you can think about is how this moment will probably live in your mind forever.
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notes ; DEFINITELY NOT MY BEST WORK it lowkey sucks but i wanted it to be ready in time for the updates, i also wanted them to kiss but yn said she wanna take it slow fr and also IM SO SORRY I FORGOT TO TAG SOME PEOPLE IN THE LAST CHAPTER I WAS READING THE NAMES AS I WAS PUTTING IT IN AND IDK HOW I SKIPPED OVER SOME??? im genuinely so sorry to the people i missed, was really not my intention i swear
TAGLIST ; @finnydraws @kiriryuu @reenail @marvelahsobx @90s-belladonna @inmybunnyera @aespie @odxrilove @simpforarmihn @manooffline @haechansbbg @lostinneocity @aloverga @syzavxy @clean-soap @starjunjun @swee7dream @stardustbyeol
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aylunas · 4 months
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god i just read the most devestatinf manhwa in my life OWNDWHDJDBDJ
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lunarsapphism · 1 year
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i hope that someday this will all get better
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fuckjod69 · 2 years
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i want to reread gtn and htn but i know it will do irreparable damage to me and my reading pace atm so i’m resisting but my god would it cure me
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luveline · 5 months
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I NEEEEEED MORE STRIPPER!READER X SPENCER
fem, 1.2k
You and Spencer aren't dating, but he thinks you might be in the before. 
"You're home!" you say, clambering at the door to slip out of your shoes. You throw yourself at him as soon as you're close enough, the salted caramel and sandalwood of your new perfume washing over him. "You're here! I missed you." 
Spencer tries not to blush. He wishes you weren't so close —his hair is lank from two days unwashed, his five o'clock shadow obvious and embarrassing. If you notice anything unappealing about him you don't give the slightest inclination, your arms crossing over his back as you drive your face into his neck. 
"I can't believe how much I missed you, Dr. Reid," you say warmly. 
"I missed you too." Morgan would laugh at him for being this earnest, maybe comment on his lack of charisma, but Spencer doesn't know how else to show that he's interested beyond sincerity. 
You step back but work your hands up his neck and into his hair, raking it away from his cheeks. "That's better. I can see you better now." 
Spencer thought he remembered only horrible things from being a teenager, but he remembers this feeling, sweaty-palmed, heart-racing want. You tilt his head gently one way and then the other like you're following the motion of a wave, fingertips scratching in his hair, the sensation stirring the very pit of his stomach. No trace of tiredness remains on your face, only spritely joy to see him. 
"That feels nice," he confesses. He's not weird about it, more friendly. 
Your aswering grin tells him he nailed the casualness he was aiming for. 
"You've been working hard," you say, tucking his hair behind his ears and dusting down his shoulders, "I can tell. You look tired." 
"You don't. Short shift?" 
"Is it weird that bad weather genuinely keeps people home? I guess they prefer their wives when it's cold." 
"No, really? Who could ever pick the woman they married over you and those silver shorts?" he teases, peeling out of his sweater.
The shirt underneath is rumpled, but he doesn't care about that. Anything to be seen between you has been seen. Spencer has, unquestionably, seen you half naked. You've seen him in his boxers, so you're just about square. "Idiots, all of them." 
You're staying with him again while a security company fits your apartment with the appropriate trappings. Or, that was the initial reason. Spencer went with you to assess after it was done, discovering black mould in the corner of your bedroom and spreading its evil way across the bathroom ceiling. 
What is that? he asked, knowing what it was, hoping you'd at least pretend to be concerned. 
That's fifty bucks off a month, Spence. Don't look so horrified. 
"I missed you," you say for the third time in as many minutes. "And I hoped you'd be home, so I brought Chinese food for two."
You and Spencer change into pyjamas, and it's cliche but whatever, you look beautiful undone —he's not stupid enough to lie to himself about how he feels when you're wearing your little outfits, but he prefers this side of you a thousand times over because you like it better. You wear your prized baseball tee, white with blue sleeves, and a pair of sweatpants pushed up high on one leg while you ice your sore knee. He sits cross legged opposite, jabbing his chopsticks into one of your crispy spring rolls just to watch you gasp. 
"Can I ask you something too personal?" 
You rub down the length of your naked calf, sighing as some of the tension releases. You're more bruise than girl lately, splodges of tender skin patterning the inside. "What don't you know about me, at this point?" you ask. 
Like it's a good thing. Like you're glad for it. 
"Are you making enough money?" he asks. 
You steal back your spring roll, answering him through rice paper and greens, "Kind of. Not tonight, but enough for dinner. I'll be okay." 
"Did you think about it?" 
You shovel through your waxy box of rice, shrugging. "I thought about it, but… it's not realistic. What office would take me? What drug store?" 
"I could loan you the money while you apprentice, and get some experience, you could go back to school–" He says it all in a rush and you still knock him down. 
"It's real sweet of you, Spence, it is, but I couldn't let you do that. That makes me your charity case, and not your friend." 
"What else do you do for the people you care about?" he asks. Let them stay at a job they don't like, even if they're good at it, one that puts them statistically at higher risk for femicide or assault? 
"I wouldn't need a loan, Spencer, I'd need more than you have," you say gently. "I'd have to start my life from scratch. How would I pay rent? You couldn't afford to keep us both." 
"You could stay with me again." 
You shake your head. "You're the best friend I've ever had, which is why I'm saying no." 
He doesn't get what you mean, but you finish your dinner and help him clean up. He more than trusts you to stay here alone while he's on a case, you've honestly left it in better condition than you found it, and he insists you sleep in his bed again while you're here. 
"Don't be silly," you say, throwing a sheet out over the couch. "This is your place. You need to sleep in your own bed." 
The disaster is that it smells like you. Spencer says goodnight to you reluctantly and leaves you on the couch with every throw blanket he owns, climbing into his own bed and pulling the comforter up to his nose. He imagines you here at night, your body wash still clinging to your skin from a late night shower, your hand tucked under his pillow. There are so many things he'd like to give you, if you'd just let him. 
He spends a quiet thirty minutes like that, missing the warmth of your skin and your casual touching, wishing he could offer you the fresh start you desire, even if it meant he wasn't involved. 
The couch springs creak as you toss and turn, the sound finding it's way down the short hall from the living room slash kitchen to his bedroom. Hesitant, Spencer shifts in bed, hitting that one coil in his mattress just right, the twang resounding.  
You appear in his doorway with your borrowed pillows crushed to your chest not long after that. You don't need to ask, Spencer doesn't need to answer. He can't give you everything that you want, but he can give you a quiet, comfortable night next to someone who loves you. 
Ever well-tempered, you slip into the sheets beside him and curl up toward him, your fingertips brushing his side. You don't look at him in the dark, but you mumble sleepily, fingers twitching, "Night, Spence." 
You're out like a light. 
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thecreelhouse · 2 months
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it’s crazy what you’ll do for a friend
Paring: Steve Harrington x Reader (afab, one gendered term, but otherwise neutral)
WC: 4.5k
Summary: After a long, awful day, you can’t even relax when your go-to stress reliever falls apart, too. Steve, being the good friend he is, offers to help you out.
CW/Tags: hurt/comfort, language, masturbation, FWB, inexperienced reader, soft teasing, oral sex (f receiving)
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A/N: I left this open ended, so if you’d like another part please let me know! part two - it felt like love & drugs is up now! title is from daddy issues - the neighbourhood. hope y’all enjoy <3
⋆。˚ ☁︎。⋆˚ ☀︎ ˚。⋆
It’s raining. Of course it’s raining. How cliche it is for the sky to pour out on one of the roughest days you had in awhile.
Just your luck, you left your umbrella at home. Your car’s in the shop, you missed the bus, leaving you to pull your jacket over your head awkwardly as you try making it home as quickly as possible.
But why would that work out? Nothing else has worked out in your favor today, why not add some more misery as a truck speeds by into a puddle, sending a wave of filthy water splashing onto you. If you weren’t drenched from the rain yet, you’re certainly a drowned rat now.
Somehow, you manage to keep composure and suppress your frustrated yelling; stomping on through the rain, which is now raining sideways— Are you fucking kidding me? — you count the blocks ahead until you’re back home. Two. Just two more blocks. Sure, they’re city blocks, so they stretch farther than the ones you grew up with in your childhood neighborhood, but you got this.
Thankfully, your bad luck decided to give you a breather, allowing you to make the rest of the trip home on foot without further frustration.
Walking down the quiet hallway of your apartment complex, you can feel and hear the squish of water in your shoes as you make your way to your front door. You can’t be bothered to care about the amount of rainwater you must be trudging in.
You’re crossing your fingers in hopes that no one's home, so you can cry and scream in peace; as you unlock the door, your wish is immediately denied.
“God dammit,” You murmur under your breath, stare narrowing at the lights on throughout the apartment. Sounds echo out from the TV, and you hope they’re loud enough to cover the door closing. You kick your shoes off, sighing in relief the overwhelming, squishy sensation on your feet is gone. You begin to shuffle down the hallway to your room, but, of course, you’re spotted.
“Hey! How was your— oh.” Steve’s peering over the couch, smile dropping like a ton of bricks when he sees how miserable you look. “What the hell happened?” He pushes himself over the back of the couch, hurrying over to you, and you throw your hand up in a stop gesture.
“Don’t even come near me, I’m straight up bad luck today.” You grumble, hoping if you joke about it you’ll feel better, but tears of anger just build up instead. “Also, I’m covered in water from god knows where, so you really do not want to be near me right now.”
Steve cautiously comes closer anyway, arms’ length, but still too close for your liking right now, so you step back. He wants to ask if you’re okay, but he knows the answer to that.
 Then he realizes you walked home. “Why didn’t you call me? I could’ve picked you up.” And honestly, you wish you thought to call him. You were just so overwhelmed with how badly today was spiraling, the last thing on your mind was reaching out to your roommate for a ride.
Too exhausted to explain that, you give a weak shrug. “I need to be alone for a bit, okay?”
Steve’s features twist into concern, wanting to help however he can, but he holds himself back; the best way to help is to give you space right now. With a nod and a sigh, he reminds you, “Just, uh, lemme know if you need something.”
You start making your way to your room again, murmuring “Thanks, Steve.” While your mind was elsewhere, you miss the way Steve watches as you head in your room and slam your door, causing him to wince.
⋆。˚ ☁︎。⋆˚ ☀︎ ˚。⋆
An hour or so after you got home, you lay on your bed in your robe, not bothering to change into pajamas after showering just yet; you were just content you’d be relaxing the rest of the night.
And what better way to relax than getting yourself off after such a terrible day?
Opening the drawer of your nightstand, you grab your vibrator, focusing on the sounds outside your door. Whatever movie Steve had on seemed loud enough that you could hear the dialogue float down the hall. It was also loud enough where you could get away with breathy moans and small whimpers, so that was good enough for you to continue.
With a flick of a switch, your wand- a much cheaper, smaller version of the original- buzzes to life. Eagerly, you untie your robe and let it fall open, teasing along down your body with the vibrator before reaching where you needed it most.
Instantly, your hips bucked as the wand brushes up ever so slightly against your clit, jaw falling as your eyes flutter shut; the pent up tension from the day already begins to leave your body as pleasure consumes your thoughts.
“Oh, fuck,” You murmur, hushed enough that Steve can’t hear you in the other room. With one hand, you toy and tease your core as slick coats your folds, while the other comes back to your chest, pinching and pulling lightly at your nipple.
Effortlessly, your mind wanders to Steve touching you; this is normal lately, but you don’t have feelings for him. Not really. If anything, you just think he’s attractive, but you wouldn’t want anything with commitments. That’s assuming he feels the same way, which you’re certain he doesn’t, and that’s totally cool.
Who doesn’t think about their roommates when they touch themselves, anyway? 
In your mind, Steve’s hands are where yours are, nothing wild, just imagining how caring and gentle his touch would be. You’ve also thought before about how rough he could be, too. Nothing wrong with fantasizing about either, right?
Sometimes when you come close to finishing quickly, you edge or overstimulate yourself. You could feel the high within reach, toes curling as your back arches as you imagine him praising you with a typical “good girl”, encouraging you to keep going, to keep the toy against you after you cum. Brows knitting together, your mouth falls into an ‘o’ shape, breaths shallow while you’re needy for release.
You’re right there, just on the edge— The wand buzzes to a halt without warning. Your eyes fly open, pulling the toy back to your view as your chest heaves, orgasm fading away. Desperate, you flick the switch a few times, hoping it’d turn on again, but nothing happens.
 “No, no, no,” You can feel the tension build up again, rageful tears ready to burst in record time. Normally, you’d just be annoyed by your vibrator dying just before you climax, but after today, this is the final straw. As you dump the batteries out, you wonder when the last time you changed them was. You can’t remember. Figures.
Batteries. We have some in the junk drawer of the kitchen. You’re quick to tie your robe closed before darting down the hall. The movie’s still playing as you pass the living room, but Steve’s in the kitchen. Oh, come the fuck on.
Ignoring him as he searches the fridge for a snack, you round the island counter, making a beeline for the junk drawer. Yanking it open, Steve spins around, looking perplexed. 
 “What’s up?”
“Not now, Steve.” You feel bad, but you’re desperate to get off. You were so fucking close, and that high is long gone now, but you just need to quiet your mind before the stress gets to you again. You’re tearing the drawer apart, pulling out old pens and half used notepads, rubber bands, a broken bottle opener- seriously? - spare string light bulbs, bookmarks, a pack of candy corn— who the fuck put this here? Ew.
Focused, you don’t notice Steve slide next to you, leaning against the counter. “What are you looking for?”
“Batteries. We had some, didn’t we? I swear we still had some left from that old pack.” You’re frantic, voice picking up speed and pitch the longer you fight off the tears. “We usually keep ‘em in this drawer right?”
 “Oh, I used the last few for my Walkman, I’m sorry. I’ll grab some more tomorrow—”
That shouldn’t be a big deal, but right now it’s the biggest deal in the world. “You what?”
“… I… used them?” Steve’s slightly afraid to answer, but still completely confused as to why you’re so wound up. His eyes flicker down to your fists, fingernails digging into your palms as they ball up, trying to keep your anger at bay. “Bu- but I can go get more! I’ll go right now.” He’s rushing for his raincoat and shoes, but guilt floods through you.
“Steve, don’t do that, it’s still pouring out.” You sigh, fists loosening up before you tug your robe closed tighter. “You don’t have to, I can— fuck. I can go tonight, it’s not a big deal.” The thought of getting dressed again and braving the storm makes you wonder just how desperate you are to get off. How pathetic.
Steve pauses in the doorway, hanging his coat back up. “It seems like a pretty big deal to you. What’s going on?” He makes his way back to you, and you’re pouting, arms crossed while you look away, hoping he doesn’t notice the way you’ve been trying so damn hard to keep the dam of tears from breaking.
“It’s— god, it’s so fucking stupid. I’m just overwhelmed by how terrible today was. Like, every fucking thing had to go wrong, and this is so dumb, who gets upset over batteries?! Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with me?” You don’t mean to start rambling, but once it starts, you can’t stop it. “Work was a nightmare, my car’s still getting worked on, this rain is horrible and my umbrella was here. Being soaked in street water has me grossed out still, and now that I’m home, I can’t even relax, all because of… batteries? Oh my god.”
Saying it all out loud helps a little, but it also makes you realize how deep today got under your skin. You leave out the part about not being able to cum, but that’s not something you want to admit to.
“That… sounds really overwhelming.” Steve gives empathy, but he’s not sure what else to say beyond that. So, he asks, “Are you sure you don’t want me to run out and get batteries?”
“Uh, no it’s totally fine, Steve. That’s sweet of you, but I’ll be okay.”
“Let me know if you change your mind, okay?” He leaves the offer open, and curiosity gets the best of him. “What did you need them for anyway?”
Your eyes widen, not expecting him to ask. “It’s silly,” trying to shrug it off, Steve, meaning well, persists.
“Hey, whatever it was, it’s okay to be upset about. You had a rough day. M’sorry I used the last few batteries.”
“Steve, it’s okay, really. I’m sorry I got upset, it’s not even the batteries, it’s— it’s nothing some sleep can’t fix.” Shaking your head, you brush it off, embarrassed you let something so meaningless work you up.
“I’m sure there’s something around here we can swap the batteries out so you can use them now, and we can replace them tomorrow.” He starts looking around the kitchen for something battery powered to steal the source form. “What kind were th— ”
He’s too sweet, he won’t let this go unless I tell him.
“Steve, don’t.”
“But if it helps you feel better— ” 
“Steve, stop. Please.”
 “Why?”
It comes out in an unintended outburst, “Because it was for my vibrator! Happy?” Your eyes finally meet his, and the heat rising to your face feels unbearable alongside the embarrassment. “I was— I wanted to blow off some steam, okay? It died while I was… y’know…And I can get myself off with my hand sometimes, but it’s not the same as toys or someone else’s actions. So… yeah.”
A rosy blush creeps along Steve’s face, enough to reach the tips of his ears; you know this never happens unless he’s embarrassed, or caught off guard, and right now, it’s both.
 “Oh. I- shit, I’m sorry for- you didn’t have to tell me.”
“You and I both know you’d still be looking for damn batteries if I didn’t say something.” You murmur, looking at the floor as you lean against the counter. “I appreciate that you care, Steve, but this isn’t something you can really help with. Unless you’ve got a vibrator of your own you don’t mind sharing.” The last part’s a joke, but Steve clears his throat, looking away.
An awkward silence falls between the two of you, one that’s quiet enough that you can hear the buzzing of the lights overhead, and the whirr of the VCR rewinding whatever tape he had in, finally at its end.
 “I… don’t, but I could still help… if you want.” Steve’s rubbing the back of his neck nervously. You think you misheard him, so you keep quiet, and he takes that as rejection. “But- okay, that was really dumb of me to offer. We can just forget about what I said.”
Glancing at him from where he stands, across from you, leaning against the island counter, he finally looks your way, afraid to say the wrong thing. You tilt your head, daring to ask, “You mean it?”
“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.” Steve chews on his bottom lip anxiously. 
Your mind goes blank, thinking about his hands on you the way you fantasize, answering with a raspy, pathetic, “Please?” Pushing off the counter, you start to close the gap between the two of you, but Steve meets you halfway, backing you up into your original spot.
“What… What’s off limits?” He has to slow his breathing intentionally, already getting turned on. He’s always wondered what you sound like when someone else plays with you, and he can’t believe he’s about to find out. 
“Nothin’.” You answer casually, and Steve opens his mouth to say something, but only silence comes out. You smirk, “What’d you think I was gonna say?”
He shrugs, “Thought you didn’t have much experience, that's all.”
“I mean… I don’t. Not really. I get too nervous to let most guys near me, you know that. The rest’s all my imagination, unfortunately.” You admit bashfully.
Steve’s hands grab your hips, nudging you onto the counter. “You’re not nervous with me, are you? Be honest.”
 “I- I mean kinda… but not in that way!” You’re rushing to clarify, hands up and waving away any doubt. “I’m just a little nervous, ‘cause you’re my friend. And my roommate. Oh my god, is this gonna make things weird?”
Steve chuckles while shaking his head, “Won’t be weird to me. Friends can fuck around too, y’know.” His voice drops low, hands on your thighs. You push yourself against the cabinets as he parts your legs, stepping between them. He looks down, noticing your exposed skin high on your thigh where your robe falls open. “If it’ll be weird to you, though, we can stop.”
Eyes wide, you shake your head furiously. “Not weird. Absolutely not… maybe a little. But not weird in a bad way.” Steve laughs, one hand sliding higher up your thigh, pushing the material away, exposing your skin.
Tugging the plushy material’s edge, barely covering your bottom half at this point, he asks, ”You’re not wearing anything under this, are you?” 
“No… I was kinda worried about something else other than clothes.” You playfully roll your eyes, and Steve pinches your thigh.
“Smartass.”
“You asked, Stevie.”
Traveling higher, his hand gently holds the side of your face, thumb sweeping along your cheek gently. “You tell me if you don’t like something, or if you want to stop. Got it?”
“Mhm, I got it,” Your voice is small, but clear while you watch Steve’s gaze flicker to your lips, then back to your eyes.
“Can I kiss you?”
You answer by closing the gap, kissing Steve softly, lips working in tandem with a slow pace. It’s sweet, even when he parts your lips with his tongue; slow kisses like these always make you squirm, enjoying them but greedy for more.
When Steve pulls back, there’s a thin thread of spit connecting his lips to yours, breaking once he smirks. He kisses along your jawline, down your neck, taking his time between sucking softly and kissing slowly, almost too slow for your liking. His hands fly to your thighs, holding them in place from squirming.
Pulling back to look at you, he asks, “Do you get like this when you touch yourself?” You shake your in response.
“Well, no, this is different than just thinking about you—” You clamp your mouth shut, pursing your lips as your eyes widen. Steve’s smirk breaks into a cocky grin.
“You’re thinking of me while you get off?” His words are laced with a hint of an unnecessary ego boost. “That’s cute.”
“Sh- shut up,” Your breath shudders as he’s back onto your skin, sucking and kissing along your collarbone while slipping the robe off of your shoulders. The cool air along your exposed chest hardens your nipples, and Steve immediately leans down to latch onto the pebbled flesh; his tongue swirls around the sensitive bud, earning the tiniest squeak of a moan.
 “Tell me what you think about when you touch yourself,” Steve murmurs against the swell of your breast, kissing lazily across your chest to switch sides, repeating his motions. 
“Um… oh,” You’re arching your back, pushing your chest into Steve’s face. He keeps a pattern of sucking, biting, licking, and it makes you dizzy. His arm snakes around your side to your back, holding you steady. “I told you wh- what I think about.”
“No, tell me what you think about me doing to you,” Steve clarifies, fingers toying with the nipple he’s not kissing, pinching and rubbing soft, slow circles. A whine leaves your lips, hands tangling into his hair. “Jesus, you’re all hot and bothered just from this?”
“Uh-huh,” You rasp, unaware of how your hips roll forward, the ache between your legs only growing. “And I, um, I dunno.”
“Yes you do, don’t be shy,” Steve’s back to eye level with you, noses touching ever so slightly. Huskily, he asks, “What makes you cum when you think about us?” His hands are agonizingly slow as he starts opening the remainder of your robe, eyes meeting yours to make sure you’re still okay with this. You give a nod as your breath hitches, core clenching around nothing as you hear him whisper “Fuck.” under his breath, eyes taking in every inch of you.
“What?” You’re not self conscious, but you’re very aware this is the first time he’s seeing you completely exposed. Something about that forces your arms to cross over your chest as your legs close, but his firm grip is back on your thighs, pushing them apart. 
“You’re so fucking pretty.” Steve’s words grow muffled as he kisses you, again, refusing to rush things, but you can tell he’s a little needier than the first kiss. You whimper into his mouth, hips grinding yourself against nothing, desperate for friction. He pulls back to watch you writhe, smirking. “C’mon, tell me, babe. Nothing’s gonna happen if you keep those dirty thoughts to yourself.”
Fuck it.
 “I th- think about you teasing me slowly, like you’re doing now, making me wet a- and fucked out before you even really touch me.”
Steve’s biting back a groan while hands travel along your sides, fingertips grazing your skin softly as he reaches your hips, digging his fingers into the plush of your curves. “What else?”
“I like thinking about how, um,” You’re caught off guard by his hands moving closer to your cunt, resting on your thighs as his thumbs rubbing circles into them. He’s dragging it out, enjoying the way your breath shudders and you squeeze your eyes shut to focus. “How good your fingers would feel on me, in me, and how you- you’re— ” you stop yourself, feeling overwhelmed.
 “I’m… what?” Steve’s fingers again inch closer to your heat, causing an airy whimper to escape you. 
You rush it out, hoping it’ll dull embarrassment for you, “I think a lot about how you’d look between my legs.” Looking away from him makes it a tad easier to continue. “Thinking ‘bout how good your mouth would feel on me, but it’s hard to think about sometimes, ‘cause it’s not like I- I’ve got anything to base it on.”
Steve freezes, “Has no one gone down on you before?” You’re looking anywhere but at him, until he grabs your chin, gently pulling your attention his way. “Is that what you’re saying?”
 “Like, I bet it feels good, but yeah, no one’s done it before.” You’re reluctantly admitting, biting your lip anxiously. Steve presses his thumb on your bottom lip, softly pulling it from between your teeth.
 “Can I change that for you?”
 “Oh… I— you want to?”
 “Wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t want to,” He reminds you. “No pressure, though.”
Enthusiastically, you nod, starting to push off the counter, but Steve again holds you in place. “Shouldn’t we do this somewhere else?”
As Steve drops to his knees, he hooks his arms under your legs, tugging you closer to the edge. He chuckles at your question. “We can do this anywhere you want.” He’s at the perfect level to reach you from here, licking his lips at the sight of your glistening cunt already.
 “Yeah, but like, people eat here.”
 “What do you think I’m doing?” He’s kissing up your leg, laughing against your skin as you roll your eyes.
 “Steve, that was the corniest thing you— oh, fuck.” He presses the softest kiss to your folds, glancing up to make sure you’re okay. From that small action alone, you shiver. He throws one of your legs over his shoulder before licking a slow, broad stripe up your cunt. You moan loudly, throwing your head back at the new sensation, but you slam your head into the cabinet. “Ow!”
Steve can’t help laughing against your skin; one hand of yours cards through his hair, tugging, while the other holds the back of your head. “Stop laughing— f- fuck.” 
“You good? Should we stop?” He asks, leaning away from your core as he glances up at you, making sure you’re alright.
“No, don’t, please don’t,” You babble, pushing him by the back of his head to come closer. Steve takes the hint, picking up where he left off. His tongue swirls and flicks at your clit, making your legs twitch. Once he starts sucking on it, your eyes roll back and you keen while your leg over his shoulder hooks him as close as possible to you.
“Someone’s greedy,” He teases before he buries himself back into you, sucking your clit again before tongue fucking you, making a mess from your arousal and his spit, pooling onto the counter beneath you. Steve slips a finger into you, curling it just right. You buck against him, and you swear he murmurs something like, “Taking me so well, honey.”
 “Steve, I- I don’t wanna cum yet, m’so close.” You plead, and that’s something he hasn’t heard before. He’s used to his partner begging to cum, but this is new.
 “Why not?”
 “I don’t want it to be over so soon,” You whine, grinding against his face and fingers. Steve hums into you, vibrations sending you closer to the edge. “But it feels s- so good.”
Speaking before he can think, Steve is quick to assure you, “This can happen again, y’know.” He’s sucking your clit, rougher this time, and you can’t see much past the tears building in your eyes from how intense the pleasure is. 
“Will it?” You’re panting, legs tensing up around Steve’s head. He slips another finger into you. “Fuck!”
“As long as you’re ‘kay with it,'' an obscene slurp follows his response. “Christ, you taste so good.”
“Uh- huh— ” A strangled moan leaves your lips, fingers curling around his locks before pulling roughly, while Steve doesn’t let up on his ministrations. Something within you snaps, and you’re gone.
You fight the urge to roll your eyes back, keeping your gaze on Steve who returns his to you, while somewhere between a sigh and a whiny moan, you’re crying out for him as heat floods your entire being. “Steve! Fuck!” He doesn’t stop until you physically begin pushing yourself away from him, overstimulated.
“So good, baby. M’so proud of you.” He murmurs into your thigh before standing back up. He leans in towards you, both hands cradling your face, but he stops. “You okay if I kiss you again?” You’re unsure if he asks because he’s worried to overstep a boundary or because his lips are soaked with your release. Either way you nod, tugging him closer by his shirt as you ball the fabric up in your fist. 
The two of you are noisy as you whimper into him, and he grunts when your tongue slips past his lips, tasting yourself in the process. You can only kiss him for so long before you need to pull back to catch your breath as you come down. Your eyes are heavy with the blissful exhaustion only found after an orgasm, while the dopiest smile graces your features. Steve can’t help smiling, too, resting his forehead against yours.
 “Please tell me that was better than the vibrator,” He’s joking, but secretly hoping it was better than the bliss a toy could give you.
 “Uh-huh.” You shudder out as your legs twitch, laughing at the sudden movement. It’s meant to be a joke, but Steve can’t help the way his cock twitches when you say, “You wanna be my new toy? I’ll throw that thing out so fast.” Eyes flicking down to his bulge, you notice the dark spot on his grey sweats, swallowing a moan. “You, uh, you want me to— ”
“Huh? Oh,” Steve looks down, blushing at his mess. “Nah, kinda too late to worry about it now.” He laughs it off but as he locks eyes with you again, he follows it up with, “… Unless that’s an offer for another time.”
This entire time, you’ve been shoving your feelings aside, the ones you thought were just based on superficial attraction, but his comment makes your stomach flip. “Yeah… yeah it is,” You try playing it off cool. “Hey, Stevie?”
Steve’s already grabbing a hand towel to clean you up with, touch gentle and slow. “What’s up, babe?” The pet name gives you butterflies.
“Thank you,” it feels silly to thank him for such a lewd act, but your mind is completely over how your day fell apart. “That… that felt really fucking good.”
Steve smiles warmly at you, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head. Awkwardly, he responds with, “What are friends for?” You push aside how the comment stings your heart a little. Just friends. That’s it, and that’s okay.
… it is okay, right?
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pastel-peach-writes · 5 months
Note
Hello!! I love your Korra X readers so I’m just gonna ask if you could do a Korra x Fem!reader (or GN up to you!) with the cliche plot of Reader being injured and not telling anyone until later? Hope you are doing well!!
YURR lets go. I initially wrote this as a fem!reader, but I didn't even use the reader's pronouns in this so, gender neutral reader it is!
Kiss It Better | Korra x Beifong!Reader
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╰┈➤ PLOT: With your girlfriend saving the world all the time, you take it as your job to not worry her with your own problems. If you needed help with something, you'd figure it out or get someone else's help. What happens when your "selflessness" nearly costs you an arm?
╰┈➤ WARNING: Injured!Reader, Suggestive Mentions, Cursing, Not Proofread, Beifong!Reader
⍣ ೋ Enjoy!⍣ ೋ
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It was a simple fracture. You were training with Bolin and a cluster of Earth hit you too hard in the arm. Bolin apologized and even offered to take you to the infirmary, but you rejected him.
One, you were a Beifong; you don't get hurt. Two, if you go to the infirmary, chances are you'll get a cast or some sort of sling. That'll worry your girlfriend, the Avatar, and with all the duties she had to attend to, your fractured arm was the least of her worries.
"Oh, fuck," you hissed, leaning back into your plush sofa. Typically, the plush cushions and fuzzy fabric would comfort you. The cushions would allow your muscles to relax and for your body to find comfort in the warm snuggles of your girlfriend's blanket. But now, the cushions only make your body hurt worse.
There was no support in the cushions. The plushiness was too plushy and the warm comfort typically found within the blanket was annoying.
"I'm home!" Korra announced. The woman kicked off her boots, put up her short hair, and plopped beside you on the couch.
You groaned, holding your bicep.
Korra tilted her head, raising a brow. "Hey, you okay? Was I too loud or something?"
Time slowed as you forced a laugh out of your chest. If you laughed too hard, your arm would ache. If you didn't laugh enough, Korra would assume something was wrong.
Nothing was wrong. At least, to her knowledge.
"Oh, sorry!" you smiled at her, "I was actually practicing this new joke Mako taught me. I was supposed to make this sound, but I guess I haven't mastered it yet."
"Oh... haha," Korra forced out of her. "No more taking joke suggestions from Mako. He doesn't have a funny bone in his body." The Avatar nestled her head on your chest. She hummed, snuggling into the warmth of your body.
"Right," you chewed on your lip. "I don't know what I was thinking."
-
"One, hit! Two, hit! Three--!"
"Okay!" you howled. You and Bolin have been training for three hours straight now. Something must've inspired Bolin because he's been sending over disks, boulders, and other forms of Earth toward you like there was no tomorrow. While he was losing pounds by sweating alone, your arm was screaming at you.
"Please stop moving me!" "I'm hurt!" "Why do you hate us?!"
You wished you could listen to your body. You really did. But you read somewhere that certain fractures can heal on their own with the proper rest and care.
You thought you could take it easy in training today, but obviously, Bolin had other plans.
"Oh," Bolin smiled, peeling himself away from his boxed stance. "Did I go too far? Sorry. Opal said something last night about guys working out and how she loved watching me train sometimes, so I wanted to work extra hard this practice so I wouldn't feel bad for showing off."
Your chest heaved up and down as the boy spoke. The fire in your arm was excruciating and it was spreading to your shoulders.
You trudged along the training center, going to a lousy bench where your water bottle and workout towel lay. "No, no," you told Bolin, "it's okay. I just need a break. That's all."
Lowering yourself onto the bench, your muscles and all the meat on your body felt like falling off the bone like you were a tenderly cooked piece of chicken. Your thighs ached and shook, like after an endless night with Korra. You took your towel and slung it over your good arm. You carefully opened your water bottle to take a sip.
Bolin followed after, mindlessly yapping about Opal and how pretty she was. Once he sat himself next to you and drank from his water, his eyes bulged out of his head, and water sprayed from his mouth.,
You whipped your head toward him, perplexed. "Oh, my Spirits! What was that?"
"What happened to your arm?" the boy exclaimed. He pointed at the swollen and bruised skin. Your rotator cuff was a deep purple with blue specs. He couldn't see it, but the bruising gave a pulsing sensation.
You scoffed and went for another sip of water. "Nothing. Just bumped into a pole."
"What kind of pole hit you like that?" he exclaimed again, now out of his seat. His green eyes were now filled with fear; his body trembled with worry.
You tried to shrug, but since your hurt arm was alarmingly tough and sore, only your good arm moved. "I don't know," you mumbled. "It was a while ago, I think. I can't really remember."
"Well, you have to at least let a nurse or someone qualified check you out! This looks bad, Beifong. No pole could've done this."
"Bolin," you rose to your feet. "I'm fine. Don't make me say it again." You didn't let Bolin get another word in as you gathered your things. "And Bolin, don't mention this to anyone."
-
Bolin can't keep a secret and honestly, it's your fault for telling him to keep one. You're his friend and Bolin doesn't believe in keeping his friends in danger. You need medical attention, even if you are too stubborn to admit it.
Immediately after practice, he ran to Mako who ran to Asami who told Korra.
When she first heard the news, Korra had mixed emotions. She was vexed because she didn't notice your pain and you didn't tell her, yet worried about the extremity of your injury. Could your arm fall off? What if the injury was actually worse underneath?
The Krew discussed your injury and how to intervene in your careless ways of living. There was a plan where they tricked you into going to the hospital, another where they took you out to dinner and would finesse you into spilling your guts, and then there's the plan they actually went through; the plan that made the most sense.
Korra was to go home with a smile on her face, cuddle and kiss on you for a while, and then ease into the conversation of training and injuries.
Mako thought the subtle conversation topic would force you to talk about your injury without actually forcing you.
Well, it's been two fucking hours of medical talk and Korra wasn't getting anywhere.
The two of you were cuddling on your bed, legs entangled with each other and her arms around your waist. She had her head on your good arm and from the corner of her eye, she could see the black and blue bruising that was growing to your neck.
Your pajamas acted as a pathetic way to hide it.
Korra was done playing the nice game. She had Asami in her head telling her to play the nice game and to ease into it. (She also had Mako claiming that Korra was unable to play the "nice-and-ease-into-it" game, but what Mako doesn't know won't kill him).
"Bolin told me," Korra spoke, her eyes fixated on the wall in front of you two.
You hummed, keeping your eyes closed. The ache and burn on your arm weren't as bad anymore. You also read somewhere that heat would inflame the injury more so after a quick lukewarm shower, you iced. You iced and replaced the ice for hours until Korra came home.
You were missing that ice right about now.
"Told you what?"
"That you have a disgusting bruise on your shoulder." Okay, so Bolin didn't describe it as disgusting, but what you don't know won't kill you either.
You snickered. "I ran into a pole, okay? It's not the big of a deal."
"Then why are you lying to me?" Korra pulled herself off of your chest. With delicate fingers, the Avater peeled the soft fabric off your shoulders.
The subtle movement of the fabric made you wince and the natural instinct was to push Korra away, so, you did. You pushed on her stomach to move her away from you. "Korra, don't."
"Oh, what are you gonna do?" she scoffed. Korra sat on her knees, shoulders squared to you and arms crossed over her chest. "Threaten me? You saw how that worked out with Bolin, nice move by the way." Korra's words were stern and leaning towards the angry side of things. Her nose scrunched while her nostrils flared. She was also gripping her arms so hard, her grip made marks.
"I didn't threaten him," you claimed.
"So, what would you call it? Being a bad friend? Telling him to keep your health a secret knowing damn well it's on the line?"
"My health is not on the line!" You've sat up from the bed now. Your bad arm rested on a mound of pillows and your good arm held it for support. "It's a tiny injury, sprain if you wanna go that far."
"That's rich," Korra scoffed. She shook her head, getting off the bed. "You can barely talk to me without the corner of your mouthing ticking from the pain. I can barely put my hands on your shirt and you can barely sit on the couch without groaning in pain."
You suddenly found interest in the ceiling. You took note of the texture and the color. You would find any new fact you could about this ceiling if it meant you could avoid Korra's burning gaze and her rising anger.
This is why you didn't want to tell her in the first place. She's worried about everyone else and for once, you wanted to be someone she doesn't have to worry about. But now she's here, yelling at you because she cares. Because you didn't tell her.
"I didn't want you to worry about me too," you mumbled. Your gaze dropped to the comforter. "You have so much on your plate, I wanted to ease the load. You shouldn't be stressed about me, you're the Avatar. You have more people to worry about."
Watching you struggle to look her in the eye, Korra sat herself on the bed. She put a soft hand on the mound of your knee, using her thumb to soothe the skin. "Hey," she spoke. "I am your girlfriend first and the Avatar second. I will always worry about you. You deserved to be worried about and cared for."
You swallowed thickly. The back of your throat scratched like you had a cold yet your mouth was eager to say something back. Your brain couldn't think of any words to say.
"Your struggles and problems aren't inferior to me. I want you to come to me with your troubles, not because I'm the Avatar, but because I'm your girlfriend. It's my job to care for you, to heal you when you're sick, and to pick you up when you're down. Master of the Elements or not, that's my job and it's yours too," she sighed. "So, please, for the first time, tell me what's wrong and what I can do to help you."
The moment your eyes locked with hers, a flood broke through you. You wept as you told her what was wrong with your arm and how long you've tried to sustain this injury, four days.
Korra could kick herself over and over again for not noticing how much pain you were in, but you were a good pretender. In some way, she had Bolin and Opal to thank. Without Bolin's sudden desire to train extra hard, you wouldn't be forced to stop pretending.
But instead of wallowing in self-pity and throwing a really weird party for the couple in her head, she comforted you. She pulled you to her chest and held you as tightly as she could without hurting you further.
The two of you stayed like that, you in her arms, for a while. You didn't take notice of the time spent in the position. You two focused on each other's breathing and warmth.
And finally, for the first time in a long time, you let Korra take care of you.
WC: 2,071
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pearl-tarotist · 4 months
Text
☽˚。How will your future spouse know you're their special person? ☽˚。⋆.
As the second PAC of my collection "cliche moments with your fs", this tarot reading tries to describe the moment where your FS knows you are the person they want to spend their life with.
P1-P2-P3
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01.
For some of you, your fs will realize you are their special person when they start thinking of you as family. It will happen gradually and naturally, little by little you have conquered a piece of their brain and heart.
A main scenario that appears on the cards is that they will realise you are their person when they keep picturing you as the mother of their children. They suddenly thought of it and they were like "God, Y/N is just…so perfect and good", with adoration in their eyes. They believe you are naturally nurturing and warm. From that day on, they will want to deepen their relationship with you and take care of you even more. It's a serious decision that they make, a realisation and a promise at the same time. It's possible that one day they have forgotten their jacket and you will go and get them for them or that they have hurt themselves with a wall or something and you kiss their hand and tell them it's okay. The fact that you keep taking care of them makes their heart beat faster and makes their chest warm. And at the same it makes them get protective and selfish about you because "no one deserves the attention of someone as pure and good as you". They truly see you as a wish fulfilment. Another scenario I got was a woman laughing at a beach and their partner being absolute smitten by said woman.
Channelled messages:
Russian, english, french, love at first sight, soft kisses, hand holding, red clothes, office work, 20s, office chairs, black and brown hair, Lana del Rey, fairy tales and authors (books).
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02.
This scenario starts with a fs that's apathetic, hard working, cold (lacking warm) and that's not interested in love. Do not get me wrong because they are not bad people, it's just that they are a candle that has been extinguished for a long time and now warmness does not come easily to them. With the king of swords, they are lost in their work and their logical sense, they are a soul focused on getting their business at the right position. They see love as something distant and that they cannot have, even when they just have to extent their hand and take that "cup full of love" that's presented to them. I think they do not know how to take those steps as no one has taught them. Kind of making themselves a victim there. But, once you are in their life, you could be a really funny person and a positive presence that brightens their day. One specific scenario is that they could not have laughed in a long time and when they are speaking to you, you make them laugh... and they suddenly realize that they just smile around you and that their checks had been deprived of laugh until you arrived. It's as if their world was black and white until you came along. I'm sure that they did not even realize their romantic feelings for you at the time but they knew that they wanted you in their life, for sure. They will become quite interested in your privat life and always wait to see you. I am sensing an office love in this pile with a grumpy co-worker but it's a general reading so just take this if resonates.
Channelled messages:
Meeting in bright rooms, a place with windows, Excel and numbers, Rome and Italy, vintage clothing, Crimson Peak (movie), The hunger games (book), Azul by Rubén Dario, Studio Ghibli, Romanticism.
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03.
The first card that you got was the lovers so they realize you are their person, probably, the first time they see you, and as typical as it sounds, you both are struck by cupid's arrows. (This is prominent for those who have blond hair) They will like your hair and smile, they will randomly think that your hands are soft and a bit cold. They will think about your smile for days on and if you were wearing thigh clothing...well, let's say you have a nice chest. I think you both were introduced by an acquaintance, an old (in thier 40s-50s) man or woman in the street or at your work. However, it's not that easy because your future spouse is extremely nervous around you, it's that new crush energy where they are smitten by you. I think they have trust issues and they had their heart broken in the past and they keep trying to surpass all of those paralizing feeling while meeting and getting to know you better without giving you any signal that they are extremely interested. They will put effort to beat their own fears for a chance to meet you, I think their friends will support them while they get to know you.
Channelled messages:
Romeo and Juliet, yellow, the moon, orchids, Ireland, the police, 10 things I hate about you, the sea, Greece, bulls and butterflies.
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coralinnii · 6 months
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I have a request for the villainess AU. For Ace and Deuce, what if it was a love triangle between the MC? I just can’t imagine them being separated because them fighting over the Mc is much funnier!
❋ Being Reincarnated into a New World as the Bad Guy ❋
↳ Love Triangle scenario(?)
feat: Ace and Deuce
genre: humour, budding romance, friends-to-something more?
note: part of the “Reincarnated into a New World as the Bad Guy” series or the Villain/ess au, part of the 2.7k followers event, references to other villain/ess au works (specifically Riddle ver.), Ace + Deuce + reader are old enough to drink, no pronouns used with reader, minor mention of death
I don’t usually do the love triangle trope because real life ones hurt alot and it brings up some bad memories, but I’ll consider it for this, just for y’all~ I genuinely tried but rather than a love triangle, I may have accidentally created a… (seriously was not my intention)
Villain/ess au Series Masterlist
2.7K Followers Writing Event
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Before the oath of the sword, the three of you made an oath of your own. One of unquestioned trust and camaraderie. No matter where the string of fate would take either of you, the promise made one drunken night between you, Ace, and Deuce was stronger.
That night was fuelled with unrestrained emotions, with shouting and tears, most coming from you. Especially when you awoke one day with strange visions flooded your dreams, vivid images that spoke of a horrible future for you.
Memories of a strange novel, one that eerily resembles your current world down to each royal family member and even your friends’ lives. But while a hero’s glory awaits your dearest ones, you were left as a tragic minor antagonist.
A mere childhood friend of Ace and Deuce, you became jealous of a former baron’s daughter suddenly turned Queen when she grew close to your friends as her knight escorts. You turned to petty acts in response, spewing nasty rumours among the townfolks of the new Queen but like an angelic protagonist, she revealed your misdeeds but forgave you for your childish taunts. Nevertheless, you lost the respect of your only friends and you were left behind.
But despite the Queen’s pardon, King Riddle heard of your disgraceful behaviour against his beloved and called for your immediate execution, which became the final push for Ace and Deuce to join in the Queen’s rebellion against her own tyrannical husband. Because that’s all you were, a mere catalyst for the story to continue on.
You couldn’t imagine yourself turning into a cliche bully and admittedly, the idea of your untimely demise left you shaking in fear on occasion. But the worst of your premonitory dreams was the predicted end of your friendship.
The looks of disgust and disappointment that painted Ace’s and Deuce’s face seared into your mind, your heart shattering like glass at their wishes to never see you again. The fear of abandonment stings you like a crack in your heart which never healed, it scared you to the point that the moment you saw them happily enjoying the night, you drunkenly cried out.
“I love you so much, please don’t leave me.”
Unceremoniously, your body slumped onto the tavern’s table as you blacked out into an alcoholic slumber. How evil of you, conveniently unable to explain what you meant by your slurred confession, or to whom you were referring to.
Ace and Deuce were visibly distracted during their knight training the morning after, one of the few times that they must separate from you. Your words looping over and over in their heads like an endless echo. Your voice pleaded so sincerely with tears cascading down your cheeks.
“What should we do, Ace?” Deuce broke the awkward silence during their water break, finally taking a step to mention the elephant in the room. Your words that resembled a wistful confession struck him with worry (and a hint of budding hope). But unlike him, Ace was quick to look for possible excuses for your actions.
“Don’t be dumb. It was probably just the alcohol talking. Don’t you remember how much we all drank?” The reddish hue of Ace’s cheeks however betrayed his true emotions. In truth, he was just as frazzled by your words as Deuce was. He kept trying to convince himself that you meant nothing by it, to not get his hopes up. But the little devil on his shoulder whispers in his ear, “but what if you did mean something by it?”
Since then, you felt that your time spent with the duo increased since your last outing. Instead of staying back in the knight’s barracks right after training, Ace and Deuce visited your hometown more often that was not the most convenient travel destination. You felt at least one pair of eyes, either sea blue or rose red or both, watching you before turning away when you tried to catch their gaze.
But it seems that some people did noticed something different with the two young men, specifically their family. Deuce’s mother would smile knowingly at you whenever you drop by to offer some assistance in her business, occasionally mentioning how much her son has grown. Funnily enough, Ace’s older brother mentioned something similar about the redhead, though it was more laced with a teasing tone than one of filial affection.
But you weren’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. You enjoyed the frequent visits of your best friends, especially knowing they will be even busier when the announcement of a new royal member would take your precious moments with them. Rumours were spread about the town of a mysterious figure locked in a tower which were not part of your memories, but your wary heart kept you mindful of the possible news regarding the imperial family.
Your worries intensified when Ace and Deuce announced their new task once dawn breaks, they were to escort the newest addition to the royal family back to the palace. In an attempt to quell your unease, you made an embarrassing request.
“You want to do what?” A bright red hue on Deuce’s face heavily contrasted with his raven blue hair, but you were no position to tease him as you could assume that your embarrassed complexion was no better. “Y-You mean…you…and us…”
The three of you lost track of time chatting and goofing off in your quarters and didn’t realize how the sun has long gone to rest for the night. Instead of returning to their own home, you asked if the two knights were willing to stay over the night, like in your younger days. Back when you three were more used to wooden swords than ones of steel, when your only worry was if your parents were going to cook your favourites that night.
Back when you three shared the same bed together.
“It’s not that crazy of a request…” you pouted but you supposed it was rather absurd to ask your friends, who old enough to be considered men, something so childish. Perhaps those carefree days are truly long gone.
“I’m not opposed to it” Ace gave his signature cheeky smile as he naturally wrapped his arm around your shoulder, slightly leaning his weight onto you. “If you just can’t help but miss our company, we can have a good ol’ slumber party. Just like old times~”
You’re starting to reconsider your request.
But Ace wasn’t done. “Well, it’s not exactly like old times. We’re definitely bigger than back when we were kids”
The redhead was obviously right. The three of you were nothing like the tiny versions of you in the past, and your best friends have certainly bulked up since they started their journey into knighthood. You tried your best but you couldn’t help but gaze in appreciation of the hard work the two of them did to build the stamina and muscles to protect their kingdom, respectfully of course.
“I doubt that all three of us can fit on your teeny little bed.” the scarlet-eyed knight exaggerated his point by squinting his fingers to describe your bed. “I guess Deucey’s just gonna have to go home for tonight.”
“Hey, wait a minute! Why me?!” Deuce snapped out from his flustered daze to glare at Ace, pulling his shaggy-haired companion by the neck of his shirt. “Who are you to tell me what to do?”
Ace remained unperturbed, too used to the blunette’s burst of anger “It’s nothing personal, buddy. But you grind your teeth real loud at night. How is any of us gonna get any sleep?”
“Well you’re a pain to wake up in the morning!” Deuce angrily countered. “Don’t make it our problem to get your ass up tomorrow.”
You watched your best friends bicker and argue, as if you didn’t already know of their terrible sleeping habits. Sure, Deuce grinds his teeth but you always tried to gently soothe his jaw hoping to relax him. Ace may sleep like the dead but his cute little pout every time he finally wakes up makes the effort all worth it to you.
They were idiots, but they were your idiots.
“Will you both stop fighting already?” Ace and Deuce immediately paused as your voice caught their attention, like it always does. “No one’s gotta leave. My bed is not that small, you know?”
To prove your point, you took each of the boy’s hand and led them without issue. For someone as tall and built as them, they were so easy to pull and push as you please. Carefully, you pressed your hands against their chest to push them backwards onto your bed. You then crawled onto the bed yourself between Ace and Deuce, the men automatically shifting their bodies to make space for you.
Satisfied, you laid onto your back and you took the hand of both men, each of your hand snuggly holding their warm, calloused ones. You smiled brightly at the fuzzy feelings of nostalgia bubbling in you, pressing your joining hands to your chest, atop of your beating heart.
“See, no one needs to leave.” your bright eyes looked up to your favourite people, cheeky joy evident in your gaze.
A rare occurrence, the two chatty troublemakers were left speechless. In their defence, they were too busy trying to contain the burst of happiness in their hearts to reply back to you, barely pushing the redness of their cheeks at bay.
626 notes · View notes
goldsbitch · 3 months
Text
That one call overseas
part 7 to That one Christmas flight
summary: Now that we don't talk.
warning: pure angst this time, cheesy af, swear words I guess, cliche probably, typos most definitely
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The hole Y/N dug for herself was getting deeper with each day of no contact with Lando. Gone was her ability to contain her emotions within herself. Her friends were getting concerned. Their ever so calm and easy going friend turned into an impulsive, unreliable and even slightly rude menace.
Teresa was the one who kept patience with her in the worst days, as only the best of friends do. When Y/N got kicked out of a bar for the first time in her life for her comments in lousy bad Italian on a random couple in the late hours of their Friday night, Teresa walked her home and screamed Hits Different with her at the top of their lungs to ease the atmosphere. And once they were home, she listened to Y/N rant about how she would never ever call the asshole who does not even bother to text her again. Teresa also stopped her from throwing his hoodie away, knowing that the following morning would hurt just a little more.
When Y/N woke up the following noon, she took a hard look in the mirror. This was getting ridiculous. She swore to herself and all of her roommates that no more alcohol and no more Lando desperation. It's a crush - it'll pass. One day this will be a nice story to tell the kids she'll have with some Antonio, the accountant or Ignacio, the lawyer. Not Lando, the racer - and that was ok.
//
Lando was off to Montreal and things could not be more busy for him. New updates to test, again, as his frustration grew. He only wished to be finally at the top podium, which seemed to always slip in between his hands. His mind, of course, was clouded by the thoughts of Y/N. At first he thought ashamed of himself for not reaching out and appearing like an asshole - but he somewhat expected her to break the silence. He started to second guess every aspect of the time they shared together. Perhaps she did not have as great time as he had, perhaps he acted like an asshole, or perhaps he just was not good enough for those who were not under the F1 charm spell. Not good enough for her. He finally resorted into doing something he tries to avoid as much as possible - looked at the fan pages and comments to boost his ego up. It only led to him feeling more shameful and pathetic than when he started. He kept her necklace and brought it with him. For all it was worth, he had an amazing memory to look back at, no matter how delusional he felt doing that.
The paddock was a great place to be at when searching for a distraction, so he made sure to spend as little time as possible alone and surrounded himself with people. He even walked to the stands often than he usually would, searching fans and giving photos out, smiling a little to extra on all the girls who looked remotely close to Y/N. Who knows, he might pick up someone like that at the end of Montreal ride. Why not. Nobody was stopping him.
He went to the race with all he had, fully prepped and focused. However, red flags, poor strategy choice had him finishing way below the targeted place. To his luck, Oscar was on a roll of luck and finished way better compared to Lando - and of course that everyone compared. Debrief meetings like that drown the soul more than usually.
Influx of all the journalists was overwhelming that day. The interview fatigue hit hard and after few of those, Lando felt that based on the questions he was asked, everyone thought of this race like a massive fail for him. His own answers continually worsened.
"Why do you think this week has ended the way it did?" asked one of the more prominent interviewers.
"Well, you know how it is. Sometimes the week just does not go the way you'd wish, even if last weekend it seemed like we're on a track to something good. One things affects the other and getting out of that rut is challenging."
"Are you talking about the updates, or something different?"
"Yeah, something like that. But as they say, when life gives you lemons, right. Make lemonade...or limoncello for a rainy day, ey?"
"Well, we hope to see the cheerful Lando soon and ideally at a podium too!" Lando knew the interviewer was only doing his job and technically she was not doing anything wrong, but he could not help and for a split second let his face do a look, that was certainly not appropriate for someone who was so used to media and knew he had to be smart around them.
He was in no mood to watch a celebration of Oscar or to get wrapped up in the post race chaos. Once he felt free to leave, he did, putting his phone on don't disturbe mode and went for a walk around the city with his headphones on, to dwelve in some sad tunes and solitude of his own thoughts.
//
Y/N asked Teresa to punch her anytime she looked like she was about to search Lando news. Her roommate refused to do that as it would be a full time job, but did help her set up some tags to block. Saturday was a success, however once Sunday evening and race time rolled in, Y/N knew she was absolutely not ready to try and ignore it. So instead they made a girls evening in about it. The idea was to replace real memories with Lando for race watching and distance him. They were trying... So they sat together with their study books to combine distractions. Y/N was explaining the race rules, avoiding any personal remarks about Lando. To her own disappointment, he was not featured a lot as there was not much really going on for him during the race. But maybe it was for the best. It really felt alienating, seeing his face on the screen, a character in the story of F1, so far removed from the unfiltered smiling face she had burned in her memory. The mood in the apartment was calm, maybe a little mellow. There was a weird calmness in Y/N, as she knew for a fact that he was busy. Knowing that she will definitely not get any text and that he was not ignoring her was soothing for the soul, even if for just few hours. At the end, the girls had way better time than expected, Teresa taking the initiative to comment on all the rest of the drivers and ranking them based on looks and vibes. She became a Leclerc girl all the way in.
"Right, that's my cue to go to the bathroom," Y/N stood up as the post race interviews rolled in. That would be too much at the moment.
"Love the drama vibes you give off. I'll watch it and let you know if there was anything alarming," Teresa assured her.
"Doubt that," was the bitter response she received back.
Once Y/N came back, she returned to her friend sitting with a puzzled look.
"What?!" all the pent up emotions took the stage, all the hard worked stillness gone as if it was a dream.
Teresa sat in silence, looking bluntly at the screen.
"What??!" Y/N repeated impatiently. "Ugh, forget this charade. I'll just watch it." This all felt like she had passed the test, but hadn't learned the lesson at all.
"Yeah, maybe you should. Interesting, his voice is higher that I imagined," Teresa replied as Y/N became to rewind the stream. They sat in silence, as they watched post race Lando in his tiredness, obvious annoyance and visible dark circles under his eyes. A shock went through Y/N at the word limoncello.
"Y/N, it must a coincidence. He's just been to Italy, so the connection was there...means probably nothing," Teresa said quietly as she watched her bewildered friend.
"Limoncello. Name a more Italian drink...What the fuck?? Is he joking right now? What is this?"
"Y/N, he has no idea you're watching, remember?"
"Yeah, I don't care about that. Makes it even worse actually." She replayed his interview once again.
"Ok, that's it - I'm taking this away from you," Teresa ordered after she saw Y/N going for a third round of the interview. "Do you wanna talk about it, talk it through?" So they went on to the kitchen, cooked some pasta while Y/N went on a rant where she let all her thoughts let loose.
//
"Honestly, fuck him. I don't need the mess he brings into my life. I can find great sex on every corner in this city!"
"Yeah, you go girl!"
"You know what, I'm gonna call him!" Y/N turned directions again for 17th time that day.
"Yeah, I kind of thought you would," Teresa sighed tiredly. "And I think you should, the worst thing you might get is a peace of mind...eventually."
"Yeah, I'm gonna do it! Now!"
She dialed his number. The phone rang for the first time. The second and third. With the seventh dial, she hung up. The girls looked at each and Teresa went for a hug.
"He might be busy with some racing stuff?" Teresa said in a tone which suggested that she herself had a hard time believing.
"I'm so stupid," Y/N whispered.
//
Of course he would miss it. Obviously. Because that just what seems to follow him and this girl around. It was deep evening over at her timezone, but still ok for a late night talk. He called back. What was he even planning on saying? He had no idea. When she did not pick up, he called for a second time. She picked up his facetime call and to say his heart skipped a beat would be an understatement. His heart triple jumped. A face appeared in low light. She smiled.
"Hey you," he opened with. The word honey almost slipped his tongue, but he was not sure how it would be received on the other side of the line.
She waved and gestured him to be silent. Lando was bewildered.
"Where are you?" he whispered, trying to unsucesfully figure out from her background. Again, he was met with a shush. Well, this will be real fun, Lando thought, slightly annoyed.
"Wait, you have me in your earbuds...so you need to be silent, not me!" Y/N frowned and nodded. She got up from where she was sitting and started walking.
"Well, since I have some guaranteed no interruption time, let me fill your ears with a story! There once was a beautiful girl, who talked so much and was so obnoxious that the city decided to ban her from speaking. Luckily, she found the most handsome guy in the town to keep her company with his wit, charm and great looks. To reward him for his services she sent him-"
"Ok, you can STOP now," she exclaimed, as she walked down the stairs.
"Where the fuck are you at this hour, young lady. Someone should seriously keep an eye on you!"
"Yeah, well, I sometimes think the same - and then I'm suddenly sitting in some random hotel room hundreds of miles away from where I was supposed to be," she winked at him. "No, I was at the church."
"Oh...you religious? Wait, are the churches still open?"
"Yes, silly. It's Italy, one always is. And no, I'm not religious per say."
"Oh, well then it makes perfect sense that you're hanging out in churches at midnight, yes."
"Yeah, you know. One gets bored."
"Ok, weirdo," Lando laughed.
"No, I like to go there to clear my head. There is some magic in the architecture and in the old walls," she explained. She really did go to get her head clear, to think it out. "Oh, and one day, I'd like to fuck in like a really old building. Not church exactly, but like I dunno. Our university halls are making me super hot sometimes." She had no idea why this was the first thing she'd pick as a topic. God, she felt lame.
"Well, that would be a hard thing to decline, if you're offering."
"Cheeky as ever, are we?"
"Obviously. So, tell me. Whats up? It's nice to see you by the way. I wanted to tell you that before you shushed me down so politely."
"Aw, nice to see you too, man." Lando would prefer to be called differently. "Some school stuff, completely blew my Monday's presentation, so that was fun."
"You should have studied in the weekend, hmm!"
"Yes! I should have," she had a hard time keeping the smiles in, "Anyway, otherwise it's been pretty much a lot of nothing."
"So you called me because you're bored and not because you wanted to talk to me?" He knew he was pushing it. But desperate times... She hesitated and shot him a strange look he could not decipher.
"Did you know we also have leaning tower here in Bologna?" Y/N panned the phone to show him one of the two towers in the city centre. She was walking around with no apparent destination. "Have you been here?"
Lando smiled weakly. There was a strange frustration regarding the distance he felt towards her. Not the physical miles. "Yeah, I've been there once." His Bologna trip was not exactly a great memory. Maybe this call had been a mistake. The last thing he needed now was to feel strange. He showed her the park he had been walking in.
"I'm in Montreal! Have you been?" Y/N also felt some strange vibes coming through this dry conversation
"No, but sounds fun."
"Not really. There has been a lot of pressure at me lately. I'm starting to hate it. Can't say it to anyone, nobody seems to get it." He looked off to Y/N from the start of the phone call. She took few breaths to triple check that she really wanted to break the elephant in the room. It somehow seemed like a "now or never" situation.
"Saw the race today." Lando paused. He suddenly felt the most vulnerable he had ever felt with her. Did she know him from the first moment? Was she lying? He had a hard time gathering out a response. She felt that, so she started blabbering. The cat was out of the bag, so what the hell.
"I broke our rule after we met. Not immediately! But I just...it felt nice meeting you. And I had no idea about racing beforehand. I overheard your name once and I was like "there can't have been two sets of parents naming their child Lando in this century". She looked at his puzzled face. "I'm sorry." Range of emotions floated through Lando, who was particularly sensitive today. It was only a matter of time when she'd find out who he was, he knew the day had to come at some point. But there was a part of him that wanted him to be the one to tell her. To tell his side of the story first, before she could get it elsewhere. He only had to trust her that she wasn't lying from the start. Very few people liked him for him and not "the racer Lando Norris".
But then again, who was he judge? He practically stalked her down - no, not practically, he actually tracked her down. Why did he do that? Because he was wonderstuck too. He liked her. So that meant that she liked him too. Sense of pride took over.
"Don't say sorry. You look too cute doing that," se said feeling braver now and less like a teenager with a crush. "Nah, it's ok. Wanted to spare you of the NDA, but I guess too late now." The more he came to terms with the fact he was not an enigma anymore, the more confident he became. "I mean, I was the one to find you even though you're not exactly famous, so..."
"Yeah!" she said as if she forgot that. "See, bordeline creepy," she laughed, obviously feeling relieved that he hadn't hung up the phone. "But, it's you, so I guess cute?"
"I'd say it's a little problematic on both parts, so we're even, honey."
She laughed. The looks they shared were a little more intimate than their previous looks. A sense of warmth washed over Y/N.
"It's funny. Do you know when I was in Bologna?"
"Ha, I do actually. My friends saw you at a bar."
"Yes...That's not exactly a coincidence. I wanted to "bump" into you accidentally."
She bit her lip down and closed her eyes. Took a deep breath and replied: "Do you know what was also a massive fail?"
He shook his head.
"I was at Imola. I wanted to "bump" into you accidentally."
Silence followed, as the two idiots took the new information in. Butterflies flying all over Bologna and Montreal.
"I think it's time we stopped dancing around and start being clear with each other or we'll start to look really stupid," Lando stated after a moment.
"Agree, Lando."
"Great, Y/N. I want to see you again soon."
"Me too."
They talked for another hour. Chatting lightly around about this and that, heart racing, not pushing more boundaries anymore that night, as the leap felt big enough to hardly swallow for them at the time. Y/N had final exams so the next weekend was a no go for her. But they agreed she'll come over to Spain, as he calendar was clear until the summer. Apart from seeing each other, confidentiality was a big thing for both of them. They barely knew each other, even if it had felt differently every time they talked.
Y/N was unable to relax that night, as the line "I can't wait to kiss you again," which Lando said instead of a goodbye, burned in her mind with the brightest of all flames. Some people were never destined to be friends.
part 8
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Tagged all those who like to suffer: @prudyhoo @anuksunamon @sagestack @esquerkaren @ushygushybaby @ilove-tswizzle @thehufflepuffavenger1  @superlegend216 @mehrmonga @lovely-blackinnon @mylifeihate1029 @lausdigitaldiary @tswizzleismother @goldenharrysworld @llando4norris @classiclitfreak  @ophcelia @leclerc13 @starmanv @k4r1402 @biitch-with-wifi @drunk-teens-doing-drugs 
233 notes · View notes
dazed-hee · 1 year
Text
Enhypen Hyung Trope Series ; L.H.S
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Heeseung: Second Chance Love part of Enha Hyung Line Trope Series
pairing: ex-bf!Heeseung x fem!reader 
warnings & tags: angst, fluff, slowburn-ish, mentions of divorce and family issues, drinking, cheating(?), suggestive kinda at the end - just a little making out , pls lmk if im missing anything! , not proof read.
word count: 8.2K (SORRY)
synopsis: After breaking up in their third year of high school, Heeseung and Y/N meet again attending the same college. What happens when the two are forced to face each other again after a bad breakup that leaves one of them wishing for second chances, and hint, it’s not Y/N or so she thought.
📌: Hi everyone! Finally posting Heeseung’s trope! I hope everyone enjoys this nice little read if you wanted something to distract yourself or kill some time with! I also hope you look forward to the other tropes in the series and please make sure to like and reblog! I would like to say this is probably the most cliche one out of all of them but please still give it just as much love, didn’t want to do anything too crazy for the first series! 
As a new writer here I’m looking for other Enha writers to be moots with so please don’t be afraid to reach out to me! Once again thank you so much for all the love on the series masterlist I posted please look forward to the rest! 🤍
taglist : @seungiepup @skzenhalove @lilactangerine @jwnghyuns​ @seungcheolswife @loves0ft ( OPENED check pinned or use ask!)
©2023 , dazed-hee . Please do not repost , plagiarize or translate anywhere ty!
“Y/N hurry up or we’ll be late!” Yunjin called out from the living room of your shared apartment.
“Yeah just give me a second!” You cursed fiddling with the ends of your khaki-colored skirt trying your best to make sure your ass wasn’t completely out as it was the first time you were meeting your old classmates again after two years. “Maybe this is too much..” You mumbled raking your fingers through your freshly washed and styled hair as a conflicted expression painted your face.
Almost on queue, Yunjin swung the door open with an unamused expression on her face. 
“Alright I know you want to look good for Lee Heeseung but you’re taking too long, the cab is here.” You flicked her off mumbling a small ‘not that asshole’ as you grabbed your necessities and slipped on your boots making sure to get one last look at your outfit before rushing after Yunjin who was already out the door.
“You look hot babe don’t even worry about it.” She comforted you with a small smirk playing on her lips.
“Oh my god, I haven’t seen everyone in so long.” You huffed anxiously shoving your hands into your black jacket trying to hide the way your knuckles were turning white at the pure thought of seeing everyone again, especially him. “I know you’re nervous but promise me when I say they’re going to totally be shocked to see you again, in a good way of course. You left so suddenly back in third year after... you know.” Yunjin spoke her eyes focused on her phone that brightened her side of the cab.
Biting your lips you replayed the memories of your last days at the same school everyone attended. It was fun, you weren’t going to lie.
Always having people to rely on and hang out with before and after school was something you missed once you transferred schools. Losing contact with everyone besides Yunjin it was a big surprise when you informed your best friend you’ll be moving back to Seoul to attend college with her transferring after your first year.
“I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you too.” Yunjin snickered earning a small punch to the side. 
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Lee Heeseung.
You dated him after starting high school up to the first couple weeks of the third year, being in the same friend group and being the two who had the most in common it was bound to happen.
He was a sweet boy, always walking you home from school whether it be after your activities or from the library followed by kisses and hugs. He never failed to check up on you throughout the day despite his class being on the other side of the building. Celebrating birthdays together and exams you both aced after helping each other study felt like something straight out of a movie. 
“Alright, you two that’s enough, just because you and her are in a relationship doesn’t mean we have to be in it too.” Jay rolled his eyes as Jake and Sunghoon laughed in the back. Heeseung leaned away from your side as he rolled his eyes at Niki making kissy faces and Sunoo gagging in the back. You made sure to give him another peck on the cheek before allowing Jay back into his assigned seat taking in the smell of musk and grass, they must have freshened up from morning practice. 
“I’ll see you later Hee.” you smiled as he threw you a wink rolling your eyes at Jake who threw a flying kiss at you, earning him a wack from your boyfriend. Walking out with Niki, Jungwon, and Sunoo you failed to notice the lingering gaze of Heeseung, admiring the way your laugh filled the air and your pretty hair framing your face. Lovestruck was an understatement, the moment you and Heeseung met sparks were flying. Having bonded over your similarities when it came to comics you read and music you liked Heeseung took a liking to you really fast. Although it took a bit of courting to convince you to say yes to him, you were worth it.
“Dude, how did you even pull Y/N? The same taste in anime, and music, and on top of that someone who supports your league addiction? Should’ve been me.” Jay sighed shaking his head and ignoring Heeseung’s glare. 
“She’s coming to the game this weekend right?” Sunghoon asked grinning already knowing the answer. You were always there supporting him, not just Heeseung but all your friends as well, and they loved you for that. Heeseung couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend. 
Not only were you obviously pretty, but you were also smart, always being at the top of your class and in many extracurriculars. You were also very kind, not minding to volunteer or help out your peers regardless if it was tutoring or if the student council needed an extra person to run meetings. But what Heeseung loved the most was your ability to always make him laugh, you laughed at his jokes and he laughed at yours regardless if they were actually funny or not. He just loved to see you smile. 
It felt like it was too good to be true, and it was. 
It was no shock Heeseung was considered handsome and the guys in their group were too, you were never the jealous type being someone who was always complimented and sought after as well. But sometimes it was just too much. Especially after he and the boys became star players of your school’s soccer team it only allowed for more girls and more opportunities to worry about. It wasn’t that you couldn’t trust Heeseung, you couldn’t trust other people. 
“Baby trust me when I say those girls were just being friendly, I’ll even be with Jake and Sunghoon if it makes you feel better.” He rubbed your cheek as you stood outside your house. It was a Friday evening and Heeseung asked if you wanted to come to a party to celebrate the team making it to nationals, unfortunately, you told him you had plans to go visit family in the town over for the weekend. In reality, you and your parents were traveling to meet with a lawyer to finalize their divorce, not as fun as a party to celebrate with your friends. 
After he became friends with upperclassmen and other people from your neighboring schools you can’t help but notice the amount of attention he would receive especially from girls. 
“Hee I trust you, I just don’t like the way some of the girls look at you..especially knowing you’re taken,” you whispered under your breath biting on your bottom lip annoyed. You never wanted to hinder Heeseung from doing what he wanted, the both of you understood there was a time and place for everything. Both having your own friends and your own lives, like you stated before you trusted him just not the people he was around. You’ve seen the looks some of the girls gave you, it never wavered you but it did show you some of them didn’t care whether he was taken or not.
Heeseung who was standing on the lower step of the stairs that lead to your door couldn’t hide his grin as you spoke, you were just looking out for him as you would say. But he knew you were a lil jealous, now you knew how he felt when you had all these guys asking you to help with their case studies and practice problems.
Everything changed after one day you decided to visit his class as he always came to visit you, although it was a little far but you didn’t mind if it meant you could see his cute smile again after a long session of calculus. 
As you walked closer to his classroom you noticed the faint sounds of laughter emitting from the door and walked in seeing him with another girl at his assigned desk giggling and laughing with each other alone. Her hands grabbed his shoulder before casually running it down his arms and to your horror he didn’t shake her off. You’ve never voiced your insecurities before but it didn’t matter, this was something that didn’t need to be said aloud as not being okay. 
You weren’t going to accuse him of being unfaithful, but your eyes couldn’t deceive you. Seeing what happened to your mother when she found out your father left for another woman when you were younger scared you, to trust someone so much you completely lose yourself when you realize they weren’t the good person you thought they were. You saw the way she slowly lost herself to the point you wouldn’t even consider her your mother anymore, she took her anger and resentment out on you and it wasn’t fair.
You never told anyone this, not even Yunjin. It was embarrassing to tell people you’re insecure when it came to love because of your father, the man who was suppose to show you what love looked like, what it felt like. When people asked it was always ‘he’s aboard for work and is never home’, mostly as a way for your mom to cope with the sudden change. 
“Y/N what are you talking about me and Jieun are just friends, I can’t believe you’d think I’d cheat on you.” He hissed brows furrowed as the two of you stood outside of the park connecting your neighborhoods. The dimly colored sky reflects what you were feeling in your heart when it came to your relationship, a loss of hope. The only light you had in your life slowly dimmed as you spoke.
“Heeseung I’m not saying you did! But you don’t understand how I’ve been feeling lately and it hurts that you can’t understand where I’m coming from.” You clutched the hem of your uniform feeling the burning sensation lining your eyes. You have yet to mention to Heeseung the finalizations of the divorce and how much of a toll it’s taken on you on top of the tremendous amount of school work you were given as you prep for college entrance exams. You knew your problems were minuscule to others, everyone had their own problems what made you any different? 
“Because it makes no fucking sense!” he exclaimed causing you to stumble back mouth slightly ajar from being shocked. 
“Gosh do you know how suffocating it is when all you do is worry all the time? We aren’t 10 anymore Y/N stop acting like it.” He huffed rubbing his face with his hands before dropping his duffle bag on the floor. 
It angered you how he didn’t think he was at fault in this situation at all, sure let’s say your eyes deceived you, but it still didn’t justify Heeseung getting upset at you right now, how would he have felt seeing you in that position you thought, maybe he wouldn’t care. You replayed the moment when you decided to slam the door to his class shortly after throwing the banana milk you bought him in the trash as you told the both of them to have fun together. 
He’s changed, you saw it and you were sure he did too. From the way he slowly excused himself from walking you home in the evenings to being able to finally see the main cause of the distance growing between you two, it was enough. You were tired, tired of feeling invalidated by your own feelings, tired of feeling like you were just a rerun of your parents' failed relationship that ended long before you knew.
Breaking your gaze away from his huffing body you gulped and focused your focus on the bus stop that was filling with people.
“Let’s break up.” you softly stated feeling the burn rimming your eyes as you clenched your fist.  From the corner of your eye, you could see him turning towards you with his expression dropping as it grew quiet. The sound of cars passing by filling the void that was increasing between you two.
“What?” 
When you didn’t reply it caused him to scoff shaking his head in disbelief. 
“You know what maybe she was right, we were better as friends.” He picked up his duffle bag his words laced with venom. 
She? 
“What did you just say?” You turned towards him brows creasing in anger as the facade you hoped stayed slowly broke. A small tear fell down your cheek without you knowing as you stared at him not believing what you were hearing. How did things turn out this way, usually when the two of you fought it always ended with the both of you coming together, sharing sorrys and ‘I’ll do better’.  Shaking your head you quickly wiped your cheek noticing the way he couldn’t even look at you after saying that bullshit. 
“Fuck you Lee Heeseung.” You cursed causing him to bring his gaze up to you finally, you failed to notice his hurt eyes as you were too busy filling yours with tears. You couldn’t see it but Heeseung was trying to hold in his tears as well, he understood you were upset because of the misunderstanding but to break up with him because of it left him upset and devastated, he didn’t know what else to do so he hit where it would hurt the most. All he could do was watch as your figure turned to rush towards your neighborhood, shoulders showing that you were crying. 
Finally realizing what happened he brought his free hand up to wipe his tear-stained cheeks mentally beating himself up for what happened as he let his anger get the best of him.  “Shit I fucked up…” he cursed taking a seat on the bench near the park. He didn’t mean it, everything he said he didn’t mean it, and he could only hope you knew that as well.
“What do you mean Y/N moved?” Jake exclaimed at Yunjin who sat expressionless at her desk, a sad ambiance overtaking the group of friends. It’s been over a week since the two of you broke up, you made sure to ignore him in the halls and he whose ego was too big for his own good did the same. The news of you moving shocked him and shocked everyone. You never told them you were planning to move so when Heeseung heard the news at the same time as everyone else it pissed him off. 
“Dude what..” Jay groaned in disbelief slouching back in his seat as he began scrolling through his phone to find your number, no answer.
Heads turned towards Heeseung as it was known by now the two of you broke up, but to say you moved because of it made it feel like it was his fault. The group grew silent as the news spread like wildfire. Classmates start talking and word gets around causing information to finally pour out. 
“Did you know her parent’s divorced because her dad’s a cheater?”
“What no way! Is that why she moved?”
“I’m not sure I heard from my mom her parents haven’t been together for a while, most likely they just settled their divorce and she just had to move.” 
Everything just clicked in his mind, how you changed after he suddenly became friends with specific crowds of people (which he can understand), or how you always needed reassurance randomly throughout the relationship. The way the topic of your dad and your home life was always brief and sensitive in your friend group it all made sense. Is this what you meant that day when you said you were going through things he wouldn’t understand? Or how you would weirdly ask him if he was happy with your relationship sometimes when you were visibly feeling down or quiet. He never took these as signs which only made him feel even more guilty.
Heeseung never minded that, he loved you and he wanted you to feel loved regardless if it was through words or actions. You always made him feel loved, from the way you looked at him when he spoke about things he was passionate about, to the way you would always back him up when he was frustrated about school or home problems with his brother and overbearing expectations. From the little things to the big, you were always there for him, for each other. 
It was just a bad week for him with his studies piling up on top of soccer practice that tired him out, he never meant to take his frustrations out on you. The side job he decided to take on after school to earn extra money to buy you a birthday gift limited your walks home he knew you cherished so much, but you didn’t know. So when you came to him accusing him of everything not only did it break his heart but it made him angry, angry because he felt like he wasn’t treating you enough that you concluded he lost feelings for you.
With the short period the two of you were separated, Heeseung genuinely thought he was going insane, the emptiness that filled him physically and mentally made things way more difficult for him. Your excited smile when you’d see him in the halls and during breaks were no longer visible nor were your encouraging words of motivation when you would send him off to practice on days he wanted to go home or quit. You no longer gave him your loving gaze when you would watch him study or when you watched him tussle with the guys, none of it was here anymore. He wished he could take it all back, maybe talked to you a day or two earlier but it was too late.
 “I fucked up so bad…” he whispered out loud bringing his face to his palms as his shoulders slouched when a whimper escaped. Despite his friends comforting him and reassuring him it wasn’t his fault, nothing was going to bring you back to him. 
You left and he couldn’t do anything to fix it.
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“Yunjin I don’t know if I can do this.” You whined feeling your heart beating through your chest as the two of you stood in front of the restaurant everyone decided to eat at for tonight's dinner. 
“Okay I’m not gonna lie to you, they might be upset with you at first, especially Niki but the moment they find out you’re transferring they’ll be ecstatic!”Yunjin exclaimed smiling as your frown turned into a soft smile. 
Niki who always followed you around and did everything you wanted to do. Niki who always made sure to sit next to you at lunch and made sure his Heeseung hyung always treated you right day to night, he was like the little brother you wish you had. You missed the kid, especially with the three youngest finally enrolling in Uni you were really about to see everyone again. 
You were anxious, having not seen any of the guys in over 2 years you felt like throwing up. You were excited but also scared, what if they didn’t want to see you again? They were Heeseung’s friends before yours after all, you knew Yunjin was only being encouraging and wanted you to be comfortable before the semester started but you weren’t so sure about this one.
“Yunjin over here!” You could hear Jake exclaiming as he raised his arm in the air for her to see. 
Clutching your bag you followed closely behind your best friend thanking whoever the hell made her way taller than you to block your small frame. From what you noticed it seemed to be a class dinner as students filled the place with laughter and conversation, some of which you recognized and their eyes widened when you greeted them with a small smile.
“Yo what took you so long we already ordered and everything,” Jay asked as he was seated at the end of the table still browsing the menu. From the corner of his eye, he saw another pair of shoes standing directly behind Yunjin and curiously looked up only to catch your gaze staring back at him with a small grin. You can see the way his eyes widened before trailing over your body almost trying to see if you were really there.
“No fucking way.” He cursed causing everyone to stare at him confusingly. 
“Before you all attack me for being like…4 minutes late,” Yunjin rolled her eyes as she turned around and grabbed your elbow making you step up from behind her stature. Quickly she threw her arm over your shoulder before pulling you in for a side hug. 
“Surprise!” 
You nervously gazed across the table to see all the guys stare at you like a group of deers caught in a headlight. 
“Surprise?” You brought your hands up with a shy smile on your face. You’re not really sure what to say or how to even act not wanting to cause trouble and whatnot, thinking they were upset you showed up. Yunjin must have felt your anxiety and squeezed your arm slightly as she too was confused as to why no one was saying anything, she was sure everyone would be screaming by now.
“Y/N!” Jake jumped up rushing over to you with his big smile arms open for a hug. With a sigh of relief, Yunjin released you from her grasp allowing you to hug Jake who engulfed you in one of the tightest hugs you’ve ever received from someone. 
“Hi Jakey.” You greeted him with a smile as he pulled back to get another look at you. 
“What’re you doing here?” He asked as his eyes twinkled seeing you right before him, he couldn’t believe it. Before you could answer Sunoo and Jungwon came up to greet you excitedly as you could still see Sunghoon sitting in his spot just staring at you with his eyes wide as you waved at him once he smiled. 
“Y/N I can’t believe you’re here!” Sunoo quickly asked you to sit down making sure you sat in the middle of the seating arrangements with Jake and Niki beside you and Sunghoon in front of you. As you sat down you saw him. 
In a way, he hasn’t changed and in a way he did, you could barely recognize him, not only was he taller and more built but his once messy boyish hair was styled to show his forehead. But his doe eyes that looked up at you still were the same, although a little more distant you still saw the boy you met in high school in there somewhere. His gaze sent heat through your cheeks as you gave him a small smile and nodded before sitting down. 
“Where did you go that you didn’t even bother to tell us? Much less keep in contact!” Jay scolded taking a sip of water from his tin cup. Rubbing your palms on your thighs you gave him an apologetic grin before taking off your jacket and setting it behind you.
“Well I moved with my dad overseas after my parents finalized their divorce, it was a hard decision and last minute but I had no other choice.” You explained remembering the abrupt decision you decided to make when your mother wasn’t deemed suitable to take care of you anymore. Even though he was seated near the wall next to Sunghoon you could see the sigh of relief Heeseung let out once you explained the reason why you left and why you couldn’t keep in contact with them. 
“Still you could’ve at least said something.” Niki sulked looking down at his plate beside you. Noticing the small frown on his lips you brought your hand up to rub the nape of his neck showing you were sorry with a small grin. You giggled when you noticed his ears turning red noting that never happened when you did it to him before, you wonder what changed. 
You were glad Yunjin decided to drag you out tonight, it was bound to happen one way or another but you were glad it happened. You couldn’t remember the last time you laughed so much and so care-freely. From time to time, you would glance at Heeseung either to see him laughing with the others or looking down at his phone causing you to wonder if there was something or someone he was wanting to see pop up. But you shook those thoughts away as Jake would usher you to eat mentioning how your cute cheeks were gone and asking if you haven’t been eating well.
Although you didn’t notice, Heeseung had been stealing glances at you from secretly, not really, the whole dinner. If you were surprised to see how much he’s changed he was just as surprised if not more to see how much you’ve changed. 
Not only were you more confident as the way you presented yourself showed that, but you also looked more mature. Like Jake had mentioned he noticed your cheeks weren’t as round as before and your hair has grown way longer than the shoulder length you had in high school. Your style was different and he noticed the slight glitter under your eyes that twinkled every time you smiled or laughed. The way you spoke with your hands gesturing and adding to your story and words was still a habit you didn’t change. Neither was the way you would always push your hair behind your ears ever so often when you spoke. You were still so beautiful to him and that never changed. 
He was relieved when you explained the reason why you left but he wondered if things didn’t turn out the way they did back then or if he reached out to talk to you sooner if you would have stayed. Feeling a slight kick under the table he looked up with his brows furrowed to Sunoo side-eyeing you as you spoke with Jay and Sunghoon about your overseas experiences. Heeseung glared at the younger male before shaking his head and looking down at his plate. He couldn’t. 
How could he possibly find the opportunity to pull you to the side to talk to you about what happened? Tell you how beautiful you still were or that he missed you so much? Explain to you how he still loved you after all this time hoping and waiting that you’d somehow show up whether it be in his dreams or front of his apartment. He couldn’t. There were so many unanswered questions that weren’t answered. Were you staying for a while? Were you seeing someone else? Do you still think about him the way you cloud his thoughts at night? He couldn’t. He was scared. 
“Y/N? No way you’re back?” You turned around to see Soobin who stood behind you as he shoved his phone back in his pocket coming from where the restrooms were. 
“Soobin!” You stood up giving the taller boy a hug which he returned happily, a little too happy Heeseung thought as he rose a brow up at the two of you. 
“I’m here with the guys they’ll be so excited to see you!” He mentioned his gaze falling behind the group behind you almost like asking for permission. Before you could answer Yunjin stood up and pushed you towards Soobin ushering you to go say hi to your classmates. “She’ll be back soon don’t be selfish…we aren’t the only ones who missed her since she’s been gone.” Yunjin shook her head at the disapproving looks from the boys. After a while they noticed you coming back to their table with a bright smile on your face.
“Have fun?” Jake asked causing you to nod at him happily as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, unknowingly causing Heeseung to tense knowing how affectionate his friend got after drinking.
“Yeah, they asked me to hang out next week after classes start!” You huffed out taking a sip of your water from talking so much in the past thirty minutes. Not only did you say hi to Yeonjun and Beomgyu again, you also greeted a lot of your other classmates who stopped to say hi. 
“What?” Sunghoon questioned, pausing mid-sentence as the piece of meat he was about to eat laid neatly between his chopsticks. You took a sip of your drink before coming to a hault almost choking as you realized you never shared the extra exciting news.
“Surprise! I transferred back!” You once again brought your hands up your cheeks burning from the alcohol you drank at the other table. 
“Yep and she’s staying with me!” Yunjin added taking another shot before slamming the glass down causing everyone to laugh. After a few more rounds everyone decided to go back to the guy’s shared house after inviting the other classmates that were around for a kickback.
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“I’m gonna get some fresh air.” You informed Yunjin after a heated game of vodka pong, yeah vodka pong. Waving your hands to your face you opened the balcony door stepping out to cool down before you were thrown into another dangerous game. 
Sitting down on the couch that was for some reason placed on the balcony you laughed at how oddly upset you felt. Heeseung has yet to say anything to you directly besides asking if you wanted a drink when you were at their makeshift bar. You were glad you won the vodka pong but most of your shots came from when you noticed Heeseung talking and laughing a little too loudly with some girls you didn’t recognize. You didn’t care, that’s what you convinced yourself at least. Besides, it wasn’t like you could just suggest starting over friends or not, you ended things first. 
“This is so annoying.” You whined to yourself stomping slightly on the wood failing to notice the balcony door sliding open and closed.
Closing your eyes you leaned back you before hazily opening your eyes feeling at a cooling sensation against your left cheek. 
“What’s annoying?” Surprised you watched as Heeseung took a seat beside you opening the cold bottle of water handing it to you before he laid back whispering for you to drink. Thanking him quietly you were surprised when you chugged half the bottle in one go. It was quiet, the bass of the music radiating through the walls of the house added to the sound of cars passing by on the street. It was dark but somehow the night sky still shined as the lights of the lamppost highlighted the small bugs that flew around toward the lights. 
“How’d you guys even find this place to buy?” your sudden question surprised him, he wasn’t expecting you to break the silence first but he was glad you weren’t completely acting like strangers but at the same time maybe you weren’t as nervous as he was.
“Jay found the place because it use to be a frat house and bought it off their hands, it's a good distance from the campus and off-campus utilities and activities. Plus there are enough rooms for all the guys.” He explained glancing at the Omega sign that was on the floor against the wall causing the both of you to snicker. 
“You guys are practically a frat.” you shook your head taking in the fresh air as a smile settled on your lips. He let out a disapproving chuckle as the two of you settled in the silence just a bit longer. You felt uneasy, it was a lot less awkward than you thought, a lot of unspoken words and emotions seemed to fuel the both of you as neither of you said anything as the air filled with the faint screams of Jake and Sunghoon from inside. 
You wondered how he reacted after you left finding out some of the other guys practically ran around asking your neighbors if they’ve seen where you and your parents moved to from time to time. Was your presence filled by someone else? While you were away you didn’t bother talking around with other guys, part of the reason being you were sure you were going to move back to Korea while a part of you knew it wasn’t right when you only wanted him. 
“How have you been?” His sudden question snapped you out of your thoughts as you turned to him noticing the way he had his head tilted to look at you. Something so simple yet it caused your breath to hitch, the lamppost light bouncing off his cheekbones casting a shadow over his eyes that were looking intently at you. Despite it taking a while for you to answer Heeseung didn’t mind, he could tell you were thinking by the way your eyes scanned his before settling somewhere on his face. He could practically see the gears turning in your pretty little head as he would put it. 
“I’ve been good actually,” you answered unaware of how long you were taking to answer him, you’d like to blame it on the alcohol but you knew that wasn’t the reason. Maybe it was the way he was still staring at you or the way his lips glistened after licking them slightly from before, you didn’t know anymore. “How about you?” You softly asked raising the bottle to drink again as you tried to focus on other things to not feel awkward. 
“Been better.” he quickly answered surprising you. Tapping on the bottle cap you slowly found yourself again turning towards him seeing Heeseung playing with the hem of the couch. You could see the bags under his eyes and his lips pursed slightly telling you exactly what you needed to know. 
“You’re tired though,” you concluded causing a small smirk to form on his lips, you knew you were right. You still knew him so well it made him happy.
“Yeah I mean classes have been kinda rigid, I’m trying to juggle learning python on top of my science classes and practice.” he shook his head with a sigh causing his adams apple to bob as his eyes closed with fatigue taking over his senses. You could tell he was tired but you were glad he had a moment to acknowledge it. You could relate, with all your core classes on top of your unpaid internship at the hospital last semester you were glad at least here you were paid to work long hours after countless studying trips to the library. 
Without thinking your hand reached out to fix the misplaced hairs that fell over his eyes. Realizing what you were about to do, you quickly retracted your hands knowing you had no right in doing so despite how much you wanted to. It was just something that felt natural.
You let out a slight gasp as his calloused hand softly gripped your wrist bringing them down between the two of you. Feeling him relax his grip over your wrist you couldn’t help but stare ahead to mask the blush you felt taking over your cheeks. You flinched feeling him suddenly sit up before trancing his fingers down your palm as he intertwined your hands together, a content sigh ghosting from his lips.
You could practically feel your heart beating out of your chest and it was the same feeling you felt when you and Heeseung first held hands in high school. The clamminess of your hands mixed with the warmth of his palms caused your mind to drift in a frenzy thinking about other possible ways he made you warm. It was suffocating you in the best way possible, the inability to breathe as the thought of what-ifs shifted through your mind. 
“Heeseung-” you were caught off guard not being able to tell him to stop as he pulled your enclasped hands across his body causing you to shift closer to him your shoulders now touching. 
Everything felt familiar, a comfortable familiar. 
Heeseung was your rock back then, when you needed any form of strength and support he was always there for you. You knew it wasn’t right to push your insecurities onto him and assume the worst, you were just scared and you wanted to tell him that. 
Feeling his head slowly lean against your shoulder caused all current thoughts of doubt and all sense of denial to fly out the window. After he realized you weren’t going to move away, he nuzzled into the crook of your neck and shoulder taking in the scent of lavender and mint he can remember so clearly instantly causing him to sigh. Feeling him grip your hands tighter you leaned into his touch resting your cheek on his head taking in his cologne you faintly recognize. 
“I missed this Y/N,” he whispered noting the way your other hand fumbled with the hems of your skirt. 
“I missed you so much.” your brows creased hearing the slight change of tone in his voice, he was sorry. Rubbing your thumb over his knuckles you sighed and rubbed your cheek into his hair causing him to look up to see your eyes already fighting to stay dry focusing on the lamppost down the street. 
“Heeseung there’s so much I want to say to you.” whispering as you gripped your skirt tighter voice wavering oh so slightly. Sitting up Heeseung turned his body towards you understanding you must have held a lot in, he wanted you to tell him. Yell at him. Tell him how much he messed up but knowing you, you’d somehow make everything your fault.
“I’m sorry for not telling you about my parents back then, I was just so embarrassed with the whole thing I just- I don’t know…maybe part of me didn’t want to tell anyone because even I myself didn’t accept it back then.” you started looking down at your intertwined hands noticing from the corner of your eye Heeseung nodding at everything you were saying, his eyes also focused at your hands. 
“I didn’t even know my parents were estranged until my dad came home and told me everything. How he found someone else while my mom was waiting at home hoping for him to come home. Later I was told to either come with him overseas or stay with my mom who was already not in a healthy mental state.” You sighed feeling the rush of consternation you felt hearing all this for the first time again. You felt Heeseung squeeze your hand and turned to see him looking at you with his doe eyes, pooling with so much solace you could feel yourself grounding again at the sight of them alone.
“I was just scared, scared that maybe we were like my parents. That I was clueless if you lost your feelings for me, I didn’t know. I guess my dad coming home to tell me to pack my bags the night before didn’t help that day either.” You tilted your head at him watching the way his brows slightly furrowed at your confession. 
“Y/N, we are nothing like your parents.” he shook his head brows furrowing deeper as he thought about what to say. 
“You loved me and I loved you, so so much you don’t even know.” He whispered gripping your hands with reassurance. 
“I should’ve just explained to you how Jieun was just asking me what to get Eunjoo for his birthday since they started dating and she knew I was close with him from the soccer team.” You recalled seeing the two together at the restaurant, throwing you a wave and a smile you made sure to return. God, you felt so stupid. 
“I should’ve talked to you right after everything happened and instead I let my stupid fucking ego get in the way and you left.” His voice shook looking at you finally. You shook your head you cupped his cheeks to bring his gaze up to you.
“It was my fault, never should I have made my insecurities a problem between us, I wanted to tell you but I just didn’t know how. The things that were happening during that time only fueled my self-doubt. I knew you had your own problems I didn’t want you to worry about mine until it was too late.” you whimpered feeling like none of this would’ve happened if the two of you just talked.Shaking his head in denial you could tell he was trying hard not to cry. The way his lips turned into a small frown as his brows creased deeper down his face, someone from afar would’ve assumed he was upset.  
 “I’ve never been so scared of losing something- someone, so much in my entire life. But nothing ever mattered as much as you did, so when you left it felt like you took a part of me with you.” He finally let his tears fall finding the warmth of your hands once again holding them within his palms. You couldn’t help but feel so stupid for what happened. Who were you kidding, missing him was an understatement, it became a habit for you. 
When you closed your eyes you saw Heeseung. And when you opened your eyes, you missed him.
He was right, you were nothing like your parents. He was proving you wrong with each sentence he was spilling out to you mindlessly. The both of you needed each other yes, but not in the same way your mother relied on your father to the point she no longer had self-preservation. Not the same way your father needed other women to fill the void he lost the moment he concluded he no longer found happiness in your mother. You needed Heeseung because he always encouraged you to do what made you happy, he made you feel worthy and loved, not that being with him deemed you worthy and dictated what it meant to be loved. That was the difference. 
“Heeseung please believe me when I say I missed you in ways even words can not understand,” you whispered feeling yourself fall into the comfort you missed so much. His words, the way he touched you and made you feel, it made you cry. 
Feeling his calloused fingers stroke your tears away you couldn’t help but sob even harder. You finally were able to tell him it wasn’t his fault, it was never his fault how you felt. 
“Baby don’t cry you’re breaking my heart.” He whispered faintly pulling you into a much-needed and wanted a hug. His strong grip on your waist never weakened, giving you the reassurance and warmth he wished he gave you before. Heeseung felt like he could breathe again, the guilt no longer ate him away at night when the silence filled his thoughts and reminded him you weren’t beside him, where dreams were the only place he could see you and your beautiful smile.
“I love you so much.” you managed to say feeling warm from the embrace and from the nickname you remember all too well. He still had this effect on you, and you missed it so fucking much. Your face nuzzled into his neck taking in his scent which made you smile pressing your cheek softly where you could. However you panicked, he wasn’t saying anything. You should’ve never said it. Everything was going well until you had to speak whatever came to your mind. 
You should’ve known better than-
“Say that again.” Pulling away slightly you looked into his glossy eyes as they stared into you, his lips slightly ajar as he caught his breath. Still, after so long, you never fail to take his breath away. The way your lashes clumped together from your tears to the way the slight glitter from under your eyes now decorated your cheeks making you glow. He thought he was dreaming, and to hear you say you loved him erupted so many hidden and pushed-down emotions he knew he should’ve let go a long time ago. He wanted to hear it again, he needed to hear it again. 
“I love you Hee.” there it was. 
Running his hands up your neck he rested his palms against your jaw taking in the tint of your cheeks as you licked your lips slightly at the sudden change in placements. He’s waited so long for this, waited so long to have you again in his hold, telling him how much you love him and now he was able to reach out and touch you without having to wake up and realize it was all a dream.
He figured you must have noticed the way his eyes were glued to your lips as he felt you tug on his jacket biting your lips in anticipation. 
“God I’ve been waiting for this for so long.” he drew a long shaky breath against your lips, and you couldn’t help but switch your gaze between his eyes and his lips, gripping the hems of his jacket to pull him closer. You wanted it as much as he did and he knew it with the way your eyes looked up at him dazed as the glow from the lampposts glistened on your tear-stricken cheeks.
“I know I’m not the best but I’ll love you with all my heart, I’ll take care of you.” He managed to whisper nudging his nose against yours gaining your attention again. You could barely hear the music booming through the walls as all you could catch was the fast sound of your heart and the slight jingle of his earrings as he moved to take in your expression. 
Slowly you brought your hands to cup his that were loosely holding your face making sure to take in the sight of him cursing under his breath as your lips slightly grazed against each other. Heeseung had to hold himself back, now that he had you in his grasp he didn’t want to let go, ignoring the way your eyes were pooling with desire he wished you were his again. 
He’d make sure that happened. 
However what he didn’t prepare for was what you were about to say, it caused him to bite back a line of curses for letting you slip away from him so easily those years ago.
“You have me, remember that.” 
Slowly leaning in, his eyes flickered to yours as if asking for permission, despite all the lovely words and gazes exchanged before. He was still that sweet boy from high school. Pressing your lips against his you couldn’t help but melt into his embrace, his arms protectively holding the small of your waist pulling you against him as your hands traveled up his chest to circle around his neck. 
He tasted like alcohol, bitter vodka mixed with a tint of juice. You missed this so much, the way he slightly nibbled your lip making you gasp as he took advantage to deepen the kiss. You felt so shy yet so seen, he held you so tenderly his eyes closed with his pretty lashes on display letting out a small moan as your hands made their way to his dark locks pulling them ever so slightly as your lips locked. 
Heeseung was going insane, you drove him insane. 
You were sweet, so so sweet. The taste of your lipgloss mixed with the bitterness that was left after your vodka pong game, it was all addicting. The warmth of your hands playing with his hair grazing slightly against his scalp made him pool to his feet, he wanted you so bad.You let out faint whimpers as he moved his hands around your waist pressing you against his chest as you slowly straddled him deepening the kiss even further. Everything tickled his brain in the best way possible. Breaking the kiss to catch your breath you looked down to see Heeseung staring up at you, eyes slightly hooded his mouth glossy with evidence of your kiss and transferred lip gloss. 
“You’re so beautiful Y/N.”
Wrapping your arms around his neck you placed another peck on his lips laughing at the way he snapped out of his trance shaking his head as he wrapped his arms around your waist burying his face in your chest. 
“Does this mean we’re together again?” You asked quietly noting the way his eyes sparkled looking at you. You could feel the grip he had on your waist tighten as he licked his lips a smile playing on his lips. He was so fucking handsome you had no idea how it was even possible tracing his features with your eyes.
“Only if you come to my games like you used to.” he finally said coming up for another kiss that you were about to reciprocate.You paused, however, when the balcony door swung open revealing Jay who looked a little too tipsy to be sober. 
“Oh god not this shit again, like I said before just because the two of you are fucking doesn’t mean we have to be the audience!”
“Wait but what if I-”
“Shut up??” he cut Jake off half flabbergasted and half disgusted as he pulled the boy back inside leaving the two of you laughing, foreheads touching as you shared one last kiss, for now at least.
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Enhypen Hyung Line Trope Series 
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babyleostuff · 8 months
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Hi sweetheart💙 how are you? Wish you a great day💙 I recently read the Jeonghan as your boyfriend and it's so adorable, can you make one for Wonwoo? Thank you💙
so happy to hear you enjoyed it love <3 here's a Wonwoo one and have a great day as well!
WONWOO AS YOUR BOYFRIEND
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genre | a lot of fluff
author's note | if you want me to write this with any other member, let me know <3
𓆩♡𓆪 so incredibly in love with you
𓆩♡𓆪 anyone that looks at him can practically see his heart eyes for you
𓆩♡𓆪 if the boys see him smiling at his phone, they know he’s texting you 
𓆩♡𓆪 his aura when he’s with you is all rainbows and hearts (it’s almost sickening)
𓆩♡𓆪 but he couldn't be more grateful for finding you and pulling your hot ass 
𓆩♡𓆪 because come on, look at you 
𓆩♡𓆪 he is your comfort person and the first soul you turn to when you’re having a hard time 
𓆩♡𓆪 his kisses are gentle and loving, but the also carry a sense of passion
𓆩♡𓆪 because he is not always able to be next to you due to his job, he wants to convey his feeling for you through his actions
𓆩♡𓆪  when he has any free time from schedules he wants to spend every second with you 
𓆩♡𓆪 probably at home too
𓆩♡𓆪 when he doesn’t have to pretend to be anyone else and doesn’t have to worry about cameras rolling all the time 
𓆩♡𓆪 he can just be Wonwoo 
𓆩♡𓆪 will read to you when you’re tired (will read to you even when you’re NOT tired) 
𓆩♡𓆪 besides reading, he loves trying out new creative pastimes with you 
𓆩♡𓆪 like baking, which didn’t end THAT well (your kitchen almost burned down, but that’s beside the point) 
𓆩♡𓆪 or trying to plant different flowers and take care of them (which didn’t end well either, as both of you forgot to water them after like a week) 
𓆩♡𓆪 a cliche, but he adores taking photos of you 
𓆩♡𓆪 even if you’re a shy person and don’t necessarily like having pictures taken, he’ll make you feel like the most beautiful creature in the world (which you are) 
𓆩♡𓆪 will not let you doubt yourself, not for a second, because the person on the photos he takes is all he ever needs in his life 
𓆩♡𓆪 the best person to take your candid photos 
𓆩♡𓆪 you’re probably not even aware, but he has a whole album dedicated to you 
𓆩♡𓆪 looks through the albums when he’s away, because he misses you so much 
𓆩♡𓆪 but he doesn’t want to seem clingy, so he won’t ever tell you about it 
𓆩♡𓆪 will always stand up for you, if someone makes you uncomfortable or sad 
𓆩♡𓆪 because one thing he absolutely cannot stand is his love being sad cuz of other people being mean
𓆩♡𓆪 another cliche, but video gaming
𓆩♡𓆪 even if you’re not that into it, he’ll try to warm you up to the idea 
𓆩♡𓆪 and teach you gaming to some extent 
𓆩♡𓆪 even if you suck, it doesn’t really matter to him, because you’re spending quality time together 
𓆩♡𓆪 and probably laughing your asses of, because you’re so bad at it
𓆩♡𓆪 gives you small kisses when you get something right or survive a level 
𓆩♡𓆪 but if you’re good, he’ll become SO competitive 
𓆩♡𓆪 does not go easy on you, he does everything he can in order to win 
𓆩♡𓆪 late night cuddles are his favourite
𓆩♡𓆪 you lay in each others arms, your head on his chest and an arm draped across his middle 
𓆩♡𓆪 he has an arm around your waist and his hand pats your head gently 
𓆩♡𓆪 you talk in a hushed tone, share your worries or discuss the most random topics 
𓆩♡𓆪 it really doesn’t matter because you’re together 
𓆩♡𓆪 and that’s what he misses the most when he’s away on tour 
𓆩♡𓆪 your calming presence by his side 
𓆩♡𓆪 but he is always just one phone call away and always lets you know that you can call him anytime 
𓆩♡𓆪 because you are the most important thing in his life and he’d do anything for you
your messages &lt;3
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beanmachine69 · 8 months
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Brothers' Beloved Bestfriend | Daniel Ricciardo (part iii)
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part i
part ii
You chose not to wear the red dress, but that didn’t stop Daniel from stealing glances at you the whole night, sifting through guests any chance he could to talk to you before your brother swept him away. The guest list was more than you had anticipated, so when you retired to your room after everyone had left, you were uncertain whether you could keep your exhaustion at bay to stay awake and talk to Daniel. Obviously those thoughts and struggles were thrown out the window when you heard your bedroom door quietly open as he snuck in, closing the door behind himself and pausing at the entrance, watching you finish your skincare routine.
“Finally.” You replied, passing him a smile as he made his way to your bed. 
“What, couldn’t wait any longer to see me again?” He laughed.
You rolled your eyes before joining him in bed, getting flashbacks to how it had felt the first night he was in your room. This felt like a strangely domesticated moment though, you’d shared several sweet moments with him over the course of the years you had known him, but this felt intimate, and domesticated. Crawling into bed and under the covers with him waiting for you on the side of the bed he knew you didn’t sleep on felt odd- not in a bad way, but more in a different and kind of adorable way.
Your crush on Daniel had started as the same old cliche crush; you liked your older brothers’ best friend, but it had grown into something much more in the past few years, and as confusing as it was, you were still glad you two were cuddling next to each other. He had always been the type of person to go through the effort of completely understanding and knowing the people around him; he was a comforting soul to many and though you’d always felt comfortable around him, this was different, it was far more intimate than you could have ever wished for. You’d of course be lying if you claimed you didn’t wish for this, that you didn’t think about it every time your hugs lingered a moment too long or every time he’d lean just a little too close. Daniel always felt like the man you would feel safe around, and now that he had his arms wrapped around you and your face buried in his chest, listening to his heart beat, you felt safer than you could have imagined. 
The dreaded conversation wasn’t brought up for a while, initially you two talked about the event, the food, the people, the interactions and eventually you two managed to transgress into a completely different conversation about life and the struggles the two of you had faced as individuals- not once did the conversation feel forced and not once did it feel like he was trying to make a segway into the intended topic. It wasn’t till you looked up at him during an extended few minutes of silence, only to have him be looking back at you, his smile tugging at the corners of his lips. 
“Your forehead is at the perfect spot.” He said, inching closer to give you a kiss. 
You smiled at the gesture, it was sweet and made you feel warm on the inside.
“I’m sorry, I should have expressed my feelings better.” Daniel said, breaking the comfortable silence with words that felt heavier than they should have. 
“Wait wait wait wait, what are you apologizing for? If anyone should be apologizing right now, it should be me; I’m the one who cut you off when I should have talked to you about my fears.” You replied, plummeting directly into the core of the matter, pulling away to look at his face better, you propped your head up on your arm for better comfort. Daniel mirrored your posture, propping his head on his arm, and reaching out with his other hand to hold yours. 
“No, no, I thought about it a lot and I feel awful for how I came onto you-” You saw his face flinch when he registered the last few words and bit back a chuckle, “Uh, I was much older than you and still am, and it was your first summer back from college and all, and really I should have had a better conversation but we were both kinda drunk and it felt like oh y’know it’s now or never and-”
“Danny.” You interrupted him, squeezing his hand a bit tighter as a form of bodily punctuation.
He didn’t reply to you, his gaze met yours and for a moment you swore you would start crying. You’d known these past few days that your feelings for him had resurfaced, but every passing moment felt like those feelings hadn’t resurfaced, but instead had never left, they had existed for longer than you’d like to admit and no matter how much you’d lie and say it was momentary or what-not, they were real and had been existing longer than you’d acknowledge. Hearing him ramble hurt you, it was the saddest possible confirmation of his pre-existing and lasting feelings for you and though that fact should have brought comfort, his expression of that fact brought a great discomfort. You’d always known Daniel to be a man capable of expressing his thoughts and using his words, but at that moment, the way his words fell out of his mouth with his eyes darting and looking anywhere but yours made you regret any decision you thought to be correct. 
“Dan, stop apologizing, whatever happened that night happened and I don’t regret what we did. Do you?” 
“God, not at all.” Daniel replied, brows furrowing slightly as he lost grip of the direction of the conversation.
“Yeah, so the problem wasn’t the fact that we had sex. I just freaked out because I’ve had this crush on you for so long and I didn’t think anything would happen except then it did and it scared the shit out of me because I didn’t know what my family would say and I somehow convinced myself that you didn’t like me like that and that that night was just a fling and yes, before you say it, we did have a conversation during and after about our feelings but I don’t know I guess it felt too good to be true?” 
You had spewed out a lot, most of which Daniel already knew, but the last bit of your statement completely threw him for a loop and momentarily disabled his brain for a response. In the two years he had to think over the matter, not once did he suspect that you would ever think he’d use you as a stupid drunk one-nightstand. Excluding guilt, all emotions Daniel felt towards you were inter-linked to great degrees with immense respect and genuine adoration for you- the idea of you seeing yourself as a silly drunken decision blew his mind. The emotions he felt were not verbally expressed, he was trying his best to untangle his thoughts while you read his expressions and said the first few words that came to mind. 
“I’m sorry, did I say something wrong? Listen, I’m really sorry for ghosting you, it just became too much and I got so scared y’know like with my brother and my family, and your career and my college and-” 
“Shut up.” He interrupted, confusion dissolving off his face.
He moved faster than you could question, pulling your face into his for a kiss. It wasn’t breath-taking or anything, but it truly was a long enough kiss to shut you up, for your train of thought to be completely derailed and for you to be distracted by his lips gently moving against yours as his hand let go of yours and moved to cup your face, thumb slowly stroking your cheek.
“I would never, ever look at you like that.” He said, face a few inches away from yours.
“Like what?” You asked, looking up at him.
“Like you’re worth letting go of, ever.” He whispered, scared of saying those words too loud. 
Daniel had never admitted this to anyone, mainly because he couldn’t; the only person who knew the both of you was your brother and that wasn’t particularly a conversation he’d like to have earlier on, except now he was sure he didn’t care about what your brother had to say or what your family had to say- all he cared about was the fact that he wasn’t going to let any silly thought hold him back, nor was he willing to mess up and risk the chance of losing you again. 
“Danny..” You tried to say something apart from his name, but failure was inevitable, you had never admitted this earlier and having to hear the confirmation of your unspoken fear and conclusionary reason for the cut-off brought you immense comfort. “I’m sorry for running away from you Danny.” 
“I understand, I really do, please don’t beat yourself over it baby, I get it, I really really do.” He comforted you, as he pulled your head into his chest kissing the top of it as he felt you relax. 
It truly felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders, it felt like the two years you had spent thinking about him and all that could have been were useless and in the moment they felt sillier than they were. The time for the actions and confessions just wasn’t right and deep down inside the both of you had known it then and knew it now too. 
The Enchante merch he was wearing felt soft against your skin, the supple fabric against our face felt comforting, his hand stroking your back felt comforting, the way you could feel his breath felt comforting- it all felt like a reward for the two years of discomfort. 
“Y’know,” Daniel said, interrupting the one-sided conversation you were having with his heartbeat, “I don’t think your brothers’ going to be very surprised when we come clean about all this.” 
“Hm? Why’re you so sure, did he say something?” You asked, confused with the random mention of your brother.
“Uh, no, but I think he’s seen me staring way too many times.” He laughed, “I mean the guys not an idiot.” 
“I don’t think he’ll be too mad, I mean yeah he’d be mad at first, but it’s you and he trusts you, I don’t think he’d have an objection to us dating.” 
“So, what I’m hearing is that we’re dating? Gee babe, lemme at least buy you dinner first.” Daniel laughed, a sound of joy that vibrated through his chest, which you slapped lightly as a response to the teasing.
“I mean- I don’t know, that’s not what I-” You got flustered, suddenly completely unsure of a response. 
“Baby, baby, I’m joking, we’re dating that's for sure, I don’t think I wanna put that for later again.”   
“Oh cut it out Ricciardo.” You mumbled, smiling at his stupid joke. 
He hummed in response, holding onto you tighter as the thought settled in his head, he had hoped for this despite his ‘better’ judgment and now it was happening. You were in his arms, body completely slack against his with your breath slowing down as he felt your body drift off to sleep. 
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A/N: I'M BACKKK!!! after eid and a major depressive episode, I have returned to provide the finale of my Danny fic, I'm sorry if it's short, hope yall like it, as usual inbox is open for criticism and asks! Love you all<3
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cranberrv · 5 months
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⪩⪨ dating johnny cade headcanons
a/n : i hate this, i’m so sorry this took me all of 15 minutes but i needed to post something !!!!! maybe ill make a better version sometime, stay tuned <3 requests open btw (not proofread not proofread ignore any mistakes lovely)
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- you’re his saviour
- you know the saying, ‘when you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light?’
- you’re his light
- if he’s having a bad day or his parents have kicked him out again, guess who he’s going to?
- not even to talk about it, just to be surrounded by this warmth that makes him forget about all his problems
- unlike dallas, he loves hugs and cuddling all. the. time.
- well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. he hates cuddling in front of the gang. the gang will just tease him but his relationship with you is something he doesn’t wanna be teased about
- he doesn’t like big gestures
- he’s not the type to write you a poem (ponyboy cough cough) and he’s not the type to buy you cliche gifts like chocolate and flowers
- he does things that mean something, like a necklace with your favourite flower on it, a shirt of a band you two like listening to together
- one of his favourite pastimes is listening to music w you actually!
- i like to think johnny really likes music, like elvis and van morrison
- he’ll always buy new cassettes to listen to with you
- he wishes he could take you to concerts, but he’s too broke for that :(
- ugh i should probably move on but imagine spooning with johnny on your bed listening to music that’s adorable
- if he sees you laughing with a guy he doesn’t know or trust, he’ll feel a mix of jealous and insecure
- he doesn’t act on his jealousy, he just patiently waits until it’s his turn to talk to you
- if you bring up that he’s acting up, he’s not gonna talk about it, denying it
- “nah man idk what you mean, im fine”
- you guys argue occasionally, but only about things that really matter
- he doesn’t want you talking to socs, or you don’t want him to live with his parents anymore
- it’s a reasonable and patient conversation over an argument in his mind
- he has never made you cry and never will, or else he’ll cry
- sitting in the lot gazing up at the stars is his idea of a date. pointing out the moon and making a wish on the first star. smoking cigarettes and sitting back on the cheap fabric of some old thrown-out furniture
- him wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer to him, the two of you falling asleep under the stars
- sometimes you’ll catch him just staring at you. not in a creepy or weird way, just admiring.
- noticing his shoulders relax when he’s in a poor mood but then suddenly you come around is your favourite feeling
- he makes you feel so special, like you’re worth a million bucks
- he practically worships the ground you walk on (and vice versa!)
- puppy love
- you two like each other soooo much and it’s so obvious
- sometimes he gets a little insecure around the gang or socs, not being all mushy (not like he usually is anyway)
- he’s usually more reserved, saving the cuddling and gifts for alone time
- anyway you two are in love probably and it’s really cute
- sorry lovely this was rly rushed :( ill post a better version soon 💋
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public-trans-it · 6 months
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i would love to hear your dark spore rant. i didnt even know spore had a sequel.
Oh anon. Poor sweet anon. I’m so sorry.
So, the thing about Darkspore is…
… it was a really REALLY… mediocre game.
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Like, the moment to moment gameplay was… fine. Just fine. Not incredible. But not BAD! Really, it only had two major flaws:
The first, it was buggy as hell. One particularly nasty bug was present in the games launcher, and on certain systems the game would fail to install at all. They were unable to ever fix this bug, which I speculate was a major reason the game was abandoned by the devs so quickly and lead to it being taken down from every major digital distribution site. You could still install and play it if you already bought it though! If… it actually installed for you.
Which leads us to the second flaw. It’s right there on the box.
“Internet connection required”
The game has Always Online DRM. All the levels, enemies, loot, your entire account, was all stored server side. And servers are expensive. So, when the games bugs became unwieldy and not worth fixing, and they took it offline… it became a money sink. It was a game generating ZERO revenue, but had huge server maintenance costs. So eventually, they just shut down the servers.
It is now very difficult to obtain the game, requiring you to buy one of the few unopened physical copies remaining. And even once you do have it, it is IMPOSSIBLE to play. There is a project called Resurrection Capsule in the works, some fans trying to create a private server for it. But with so much info stored server side, they basically have to recreate entire subsystems from scratch. It’s… not going very fast, and to my knowledge hasn’t been touched in over a year.
Story
The story of the game is pretty basic. A progenitor race of alien super-scientists create a new, synthetic form of DNA, called Exponential-DNA, or E-DNA. This rapidly mutates to create new life, and can be guided to create specific, specialized organisms, condensing thousands of years of evolution to a few hours. It can also be injected into existing creatures to alter them and make them more powerful. However it also linked everything affected by it into a hivemind. So it was outlawed. The creator of it decided to respond by creating a E-DNA virus, called The Darkspore, infecting himself with it, and spreading it across the galaxy and conquering it, wiping out his own race.
You play as another member of that race, who has been in hibernation for 1000 years while that was going down. Your ship AI has woken you up because it has managed to stabilize E-DNA and also keep it disconnected from the hivemind, and needs you to go kill the guy who took over the galaxy. That is how the game starts.
And how the story ends. There is not really any more story past that part. You get a cutscene describing each of the games 6 planets the first time you visit it, and a final “Hey you won!” cutscene after killing the final boss which ends with the cliche “implication the villain isn’t really dead” trope, and… that’s it. That’s the entire story. Not really the selling point of this game. Its not even entirely clear if it takes place in the same universe as Spore! It’s just set dressing for “Run through these 24 levels and beat everything up”
Gameplay
Darkspore was created by Maxis. This alone was HUGE. This was a team of developers who only really made lifesims like The Sims and Sim City, taking a stab at making a diablolike game.
And I GENUINELY BELIEVE every single studio out there needs to do shit like this. Designing for something so outside your wheelhouse creates SOOOOO much innovation so quickly. You get fresh new ideas injected into the genre so quickly. The final product won’t be good! You don’t have any damn experience in the genre! But it will create something unique beautiful, and god damn I wish we lived in a world where that alone was enough and devs weren’t focused on chasing profits instead.
Genesis
Genesis is just a fancy way of saying ‘Element’. There are 5 of them: Plasma (fire and lightning), Bio (plants and animals), Cyber (machines), Necro (death and fear), and Quantum (space and time) and the way they interact is… certainly a choice I guess. Each Darkspore you face has a genesis it falls into, and each of your heroes has one as well. If your Genesis matches that of the darkspore you are fighting at the moment, you take double damage and they take half damage. If they don’t match, all damage both ways is neutral.
The system itself is kinda mediocre. The biggest part of it, however, is the Variant Skills. Each Genesis has 4 unique skills tied to it that represent the common elements of that type.
Heroes
There are 25 heroes in the game, which each have one Genesis and one Class (Sentinel which are the tanks, Ravagers which are the DPS, and Tempest which are the Casters/Support)
Each hero has 4 total variants, with the first one you unlock being Alpha, and as you level up your account (heroes do not have their own levels) you eventually can purchase their Beta, Gamma, and Delta variants, with each variant having slightly different stats, and a different one of their Genesis’ 4 variant abilities.
Each hero has a unique basic attack, which USUALLY has a little extra to it. For example Sage shoots a bolt that hurts enemies it hits, but heals allies it hits. Zrin alternates between two different punches, one of which has a short duration DoT and the other of which has a 10% stun chance. Stuff like that.
They also have a passive effect that is always active while you are playing them. Collect a soul from each enemy killed for a 5% damage boost, 10% damage bonus when attacking from behind, a stacking defense buff every time you take damage, stuff like that.
Finally, a character has 2 unique abilities. One that is unique to them and can only be used while you are playing that hero, and a second ability that is everyone in the squad can use if that hero is present.
Squad Decks
Which brings me to the first rant and something I am SO AUTISTIC ABOUT (positive). SQUADS. The game had you craft Squad Decks, collections of 3 heroes that you can swap between during your missions, for a total of 883.2k squad combinations (I think my math might be off on that). Swapping between them is on a cooldown of about 10 seconds, but otherwise is don’t instantaneously and as often as you want without penalty. You always have 5 abilities active:
- The unique ability of your active hero
- The Genesis ability of your active heroes variant
- Hero 1’s Squad ability
- Hero 2’s Squad ability
- Hero 3’s squad ability
The first two abilities change out every time you swap heroes, but the last 3 are fixed. So you have 3 abilities that you always have access to, and 6 abilities that are paired up and you can swap between which pair of those abilities is active.
Your heroes do NOT share a health/energy pool, but DO share healing pickups. Any time you pick up a health or energy restoration pickup, it refills a chunk of the respective health pool of your currently active hero, and a smaller chunk of each of your inactive heroes in the squad.
So the core loop of moment to moment gameplay becomes swapping situationally between heroes both offensively and defensively, to get access to your other heroes skills and also to mitigate damage from enemies based on their genesis or control where your healing is directed.
Loot
Loot in Darkspore is fairly standard for your average Diablolike. Item drops have 4 tiers: Common (Item Level=Account Level-5), Uncommon (Item Level=Account Level), Rarified (Item Level=Account Level+5), and Purified (Item Level=Account Level+10)
Items of higher tiers have more chances to roll on a table to gain beneficial modifiers.
Each item fell into one of a few different categories: Weapon, Hands, Feet, Offensive, Defensive, or Utility.
Each hero has one of each slot, plus an additional slot based on their class. Ravagers have an extra Offense slot, Sentinels have an extra Defense slot, and Tempests have an extra Utility slot. Any hero can equip any item you gain, with the exception of Weapons that are hero specific. Some heroes also lack Hands or Feet, in which case their weapon has extra stats and can get the same modifiers as hands and feet can.
The items you equip can then be added onto the Hero in the Hero Editor. The Hero Editor is often equated to the Creature Editor in Spore, which is BULLSHIT and was a pet peeve of mine the ENTIRE DAMN TIME THE FAME WAS LIVE. This is a FALSE EQUIVALENCE. It uses the outfit editor from the Tribal/Civilization phases of Spore instead. Importantly: this means you cannot alter the overall silhouette of your hero. It will always maintain the same basic profile and animations. However you can freely place the extra parts you equip anywhere on its body, and can also place multiple copies of them.
Additionally, old parts can have their stats stripped, converting them into ‘Detail’ parts with no stats, of which you can equip 6 different parts, each of which you can include 10 copies of on your hero. So you could get some pretty cool looks from it!
However all this loot is garbage and you likely would not use most of it outside of appearance. Which brings me to…
Cash-out Loot
Usually if you mention the word ‘cash’ in any sentence involving a game published by EA, it would be a call for concern. Luckily this isn’t that! It’s just gambling! Everything is fine!
The main progression in Darkspore comes from gear, and the best gear comes from how good your ships engines are. These come from account upgrades as you level up your account, determining how many levels you can do in a row. Every time you complete a level, you are given an option: Keep going, or ‘cash out’ and get a guaranteed piece of Uncommon gear, with a 10% chance of it becoming Rarified, as well as all the gear you picked up in the level.
If you choose to keep going, you have to complete the next level. If you die, you lose ALL the gear you picked up, including that guaranteed piece. If you make it to the end, you are given another choice: Risk it all again and go on to the next level, or stop here and get your TWO pieces of guaranteed uncommon loot, which each now have a 20% chance of becoming rarified and a 5% chance of becoming purified.
You can only go another of levels equal to the number of Engine Upgrades you have earned by leveling up your account. So at first, after the second level you HAVE to cash out. As you progress you can start to do many more levels at a time, getting a dozen pieces of gear that are practically guaranteed to be the highest rank.
But of course you have to play these levels in order, and you don’t get a chance to upgrade your character with all the cool new loot you found on the way, so you can’t just jump straight into this. You have to slowly build up to being able to push yourself this much, and once you can, you have a readily available source of some of the best gear in the game.
And that ties into my absolute favorite system of Darkspore:
Catalysts
Many diablolikes have a mechanic called ‘Sockets’. The gear you equip has its own type of equipment slot, and you put gems in there that give you small bonuses. Every game does it a little differently, but it’s kind of a staple of the series.
Darkspore uses a similar system, but utilizes it VERY differently. While you are running levels, enemies will rarely drop Catalysts instead of loot. These come in 5 colors: Purple (boosts your base stats), Red (boosts offensive secondary stats like damage or attack speed), Blue (boosts defensive secondary stats like health regen or damage resistance), Green (boosts utility secondary stats like movement speed or lifesteal), and Rainbow (can contain any of the bonuses of the previous categories) They also come in two sizes: Big and Small. This determines how big the bonus from them is.
You have a 3x3 grid on your HUD that the catalysts you collect go into. You can rearrange them however you want, and if you create a line of 3 of the same color (Rainbow is a wildcard and matches with all of them), it will double the bonus of all Catalysts in that line. This stacks, meaning if you create multiple lines over a single catalyst it could get a x3, x4, or even x5 bonus if it’s the center piece of the grid and forms a line in every direction.
However, you can’t save Catalysts. You can equip it to the grid or drop it on the ground and move on. That’s it. You have to decide now. Do you keep that Big Purple you have for the big buff to your most important stat, or do you trade it for that Small Rainbow for a mediocre stat you just found that you can plug in the middle and double everything else in your grid?
“Surely that only matters early game, and once you have good catalysts you don’t swap them out that much, right?” I hear the diablolike veterans asking, because that is how socketing works in most of those games. And normally you would be right. Except for one major change: All your catalysts only last until the end of your run. When you get to the cash out screen, and choose to keep going? You keep them. But if you choose to cash out, or if you ever die, your catalysts all vanish. Every new run you have to go through and collect them again, which results in you playing your heroes in new ways and adopting new strategies based on what catalysts drop for you each run.
It’s an INCREDIBLE easy to learn system that adds SO MUCH depth and replayability to the game. I love it so incredibly much. Each mechanic flows elegantly into the the next. The catalysts help you do better runs which gets you better gear which upgrades your heroes which lets you do better runs, the entire spiral being locked into your account level to give a quantifiable metric of how far this spiral is gone. It was so good!
And now, it’s gone forever.
Man that sure was a long post. Friends have heard me go on this rant SO many times. Thank god I never got into a second mediocre game filled with novel innovations that are ultimately lost to time and can never be experienced again due to Always Online DRM making it unplayable. Can you imagine if I didn’t learn my lesson and did that a second time? Ha!
… I never did that again. Right?
… right?
HEX: Shards of Fate
Hex was a digital TCG legal battle with TCG elements created by Cryptozoic. It was originally put up on Kickstarter, advertised as a digital card game with both PvE and PvP modes, a unique focus on the design space opened up by being a digital game, and gameplay damn near identical to Magic: The Gathering.
The thinly veiled truth was that this game was never meant to succeed. They had hoped it would, and it would be great if it did, but I’m fairly certain that was always a secondary objective. The first objective was to get sued by Wizards of the Coast over the similarities to Magic: The Gathering.
Now, that might sound strange to an outsider, but to anyone in the industry, they are probably nodding along and going “Yeah that tracks actually.”
You see, Wizards of the Coast is… bad. Really bad. They do everything in their power to choke the life out of the industry and have resorted to a lot of questionable tactics to do so. One of these is against anyone who develops any form of trading card game. You see, WotC has a patent on booster packs, customizable decks of cards, and turning cards sideways.
Literally.
U.S. Patent No 5,662,332 (A)
It is not a coincidence that the second two biggest names in TCGs don’t involve turning your cards sideways. Konami contested that Yugioh was different enough to not violate the patent.
WotC responded by suing them. They settled out of court.
Nintendo actually hired WotC to design the Pokémon TCG to NOT violate the patent in return for WotC getting to distribute the first few sets. WotC gladly accepted, distributed the game, got their cut of the sales, and as soon as that was over….
WotC responded by suing them. They settled out of court.
Every single other game out there ended up paying royalties to WotC. Because the cut of the sales to WotC was cheaper than going to court even if you won. WotC had their fingers in every pie, but was smart enough to make sure not to piss people off so much that refusal was ever a viable option.
Cryptozoic was a company that, at the time, was making several licensed TCGs. The big one that jumps out was the World of Warcraft TCG, which they were in charge of (though it was originally made by Upper Deck). Cryptozoic was begrudgingly paying royalties because having the WoWTCG license was too good and they didn’t want to give that up. Then Hearthstone happened and Cryptozoic was going to lose the WoWTCG license as it got discontinued.
So Cryptozoic set up their new game, Hex, specifically to bait WotC into suing them, so they could get the patent overturned.
See, the patent isn’t actually valid. You cannot patent a game mechanic. There are certainly aspects of the patent that ARE valid and CAN be enforced, but the parts about mechanics can’t actually be enforced. WotC uses it because people can’t contest it, but if it actually was used in court it would get overturned VERY easily, and WotC would be declawed.
So Cryptozoic created a game that was a clone of MtG, used a Kickstarter to build up a large amount of legal funds, and got sued by WotC! Yes! Exactly what they wanted!
… and then they settled out of court.
Sigh.
I guess I’ll talk about the game now.
Lore
The lore of the game was solid. Pretty typical fantasy setting. Humans and elves and sort of racist orcs (better than most other orcs I’ve seen at least) and extremely racist tribal coyote people make up the good guys. Undead, spider-orcs, dwarves, and also pretty racist samurai rabbit people make up the bad guys.
There are two types of magic in the world: Blood magic and Wild magic. Elves are adept at wild magic. Shin’hare (the rabbit people) are adept at wild magic as well. The Shin’hare tried to take over the world, forcing the Orcs, Humans, Elves, and Cyotle to ally together to drive them underground into the underworld.
There the Shin’hare met and allied with the Vennen, an all male race descended from Orcs. They were adept blood mages, and they procreated by kidnapping orcs and using them as incubators for spiders. I fucking love the Vennen. I’ll focus on them a lot in this. The Vennen taught the Shin’hare how to sacrifice their young for more power.
The two then allied with the Dwarves, a genderless race of sentient stone statues who excel at creating machinery, and who believe the world itself is a giant machine. Specifically, a weapon of mass destruction, and they are trying to set it off. They believe blowing people the fuck up to be their natural calling.
The underworld and overworld forces go back and forth a bit, with the Elves doing a large chunk of the work as the only overworld race that can use magic.
Then Hex happened. Hex is a massive meteor made up of Diamond, Emerald, and Sapphire. Hex punched clean through the world, scattering gems all across it, before stabilizing in orbit on the other side, becoming the worlds moon.
These gems were incredibly magical, allowing every race to now use magic. Diamonds were restorative, bringing life to things. Rubies were extremely destructive and burned bright and hot and quickly. Sapphire allowed finesse manipulation and control over water. These
Yes this is just the MtG color pie.
Eventually, humanity stumbled into one of their old crypts that was very close to the impact site of Hex, and found it CRAWLING with undead. They were taking the Diamonds from Hex and putting them into the eye sockets of human corpses, causing those corpses to reanimate. These were NOT actually undead, but an alien consciousness that existed within the gems that were using human corpses as a host.
The Necrotic sought a peaceful and symbiotic relationship with humanity as thanks for the use of the bodies. Humanity responded by getting really pissed off that the Necrotic were grave robbing, and went to war over it. Eventually the Necrotic retreated deep into the underworld and allied with the other races instead, eventually helping the Shin’hare with a second attack on the surface.
The lore has a lot more depth than that, but that’s the basic. I liked it a lot. The Orcs being good guys who just really liked tests of strength was a refreshing take on orcs. I liked them a lot. The extremely racist caricature that made up the Cyotle and the Shin’hare? Less so.
Digital Design Space
As for the actual gameplay… it was MtG. Like, almost 1:1.
Like…
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Seriously.
Shards work similarly to Lands, with there being 5 basic shards, Diamond, Sapphire, Ruby, Wild, and Blood. You can only play one Shard per turn and when you do you get 1/1 Resource. 1 resource to spend on this turn, and 1 permanent resource. You spend that resource to play a card that costs 1, and you go down to 0/1 resources. Start of your turn, you would go back up to 1/1 resource.
Pretty straight forward stuff. Resources are a card type like in MtG, but once it’s played it acts as a perpetual resource like the Mana in Hearthstone, with no need to care about where the resource is coming from.
… wait a second though, this is a MtG clone. It uses the color pie. Caring where those resources come from is KIND OF a big deal in MtG.
Which is the first really cool difference between Hex and MtG! THRESHOLD! Each time you play a shard you gain 1 threshold in that color. To play a card, you have to have at least as many threshold as are displayed below its cost. See that purple dot below Murder? That means you need 1 blood threshold to play it.
Threshold is NOT consumed when you play a card, which DRASTICALLY alters deckbuilding and how feasible multi-color decks are.
For example, in MtG, if you had 4 swamps and 1 mountain in play, and 5 cards in hand that all cost R…. You can play 1 whole card this turn.
In Hex, if you have 4 Blood and 1 Ruby, and have 5 cards that all cost 1 and have a single Ruby threshold, you can play your entire hand that turn. This made it incredibly viable to splash colors in relatively smaller amounts. It also opened up cool new design space, like cards that cost 1 but still required 3 threshold in a color. Or cards that require 1 threshold of every type to activate a bonus effect (very common among Necrotic) or… for sockets!
HEY WE ARE COMING FULL CIRCLE!
Remember how I mentioned Diablolike games having sockets, but how Darkspore didn’t use it? Well Hex DOES. There was a pair of keywords called Socketable Major and Socketable Minor. Each set, there would be 10 gems (two of each color) that rotated out for Socketable cards. Cards with Major sockets could equip any gem, while minor sockets could only equip half of them. So for example the current rotation might have the Sapphire gems be “While you have at least 1 Sapphire Threshold, this card has Flying” for its Minor gem, and “When you play this card, if you have at least 3 Sapphire Threshold, target player draws 3 cards”
You chose which gem was in each Socketable card during deckbuilding. Different copies of the same card could have different gems equipped, or you could have the same gem equipped across multiple different cards. It was basically a way to go “This card was designed to be splashed in other color decks. You pick what that other color is.”
It opened up a lot of design space! This was something Hex did VERY well. They knew they were making a MtG clone, but they weren’t beholden to the same restrictions a physical card game did, and they THRIVED in those areas.
For example, REPLICATORS GAMBIT, a one cost card that creates six copies of a troop (read: creature) that just… could not exist in MtG.
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Another example of this was in my favorite archetype in Hex: Mill. Now, I’m not normally a blue player. I’m not a big fan of the ‘you don’t get to play the game’ archetype. Even mill isn’t really my thing. But the way it worked in HexTCG? God I loved it. I wish I could see my opponents faces as they reached a trembling hand out to their bloated, grotesque deck, a cruel mockery of what it once was. They had started the match with only 60 cards, but now it held twice that number. Knowing every draw was more likely to bring their own skittering death out.
Maybe I should back up a bit.
There the Shin’hare met and allied with the Vennen, an all male race descended from Orcs. They were adept blood mages, and they procreated by kidnapping orcs and using them as incubators for spiders. I fucking love the Vennen. I’ll focus on them a lot in this.
Vennen are, in MtG terms, tribal Blue/Black with a focus on control. Specifically an aggressive form of control. Your wincon is still ‘beat your opponent to death’, but the means by which you do it is… spiders.
Lots of Vennen cards work by still allowing your opponent to do the thing that you blocked, but it now creates Spider Eggs in their deck. Lock down a creature as it enters play with ‘Everytime this creature becomes tapped, shuffle 3 spider eggs into your deck’ or ‘Whenever an opponent draws a third card this turn add a spider egg to their deck’ or ‘When this creature is destroyed add a spider egg to your opponent’s deck’ and when they DRAW a spider egg… well… the effect of a spider egg is more or less ‘When this card enters your hand or graveyard, draw/discard another card into that zone and destroy this one. Your opponent creates a Spiderling and puts it in play. “
Spiderlings are 1/1 Unblockable creatures.
The Vennen win con is to just fill your opponent with spiders and then shred them apart once the spiders start hatching. It was a DELIGHTFUL playstyle.
PvE
Hex also features a fairly robust PvE mode with a point crawl encounter map that was quite delightful. There were cards unique to PvE, but all PvP cards were also legal in PvE. In general, all your staples came from PvP and were the same core staples everyone uses to win (they were very generous with handing out common/uncommon PvP cards in the single player mode, which in turn also made Pauper a very popular format), however you also had PvE cards which made up your win cons. PvE cards weren’t balanced as tightly, and allowed to just be dumb overpowered bullshit just because it’s fun to use dumb overpowered bullshit sometimes!
There were also equipment slots that would modify the cards in your deck, turning PvP cards into PvE cards. For example, Replicators Gambit made it so that EVERY copy of that card gained that text.
PvE started with character creation. You would create a character that was one of the 8 races, and one of 6 3 different classes. Warrior, Cleric, or Ranger. I think there was a late update that added Mage but I don’t recall too clearly, and it isn’t document online anymore as far as I can tell!
Each class had a unique talent tree that you could customize and change how you played. Your race determined what colors you could play, and your level determined how many of each rarity you could play.
I played a Vennen Cleric. Cleric’s whole thing was that you would gain Blessings, 0 cost cards that would rise in your deck each turn, and could be played to draw a card as well as additional effects based on your build. My blessings put more eggs in the enemy deck, to the surprise of no one.
As you went from encounter to encounter you would earn new cards to modify your deck, swapping decks between fights. Then there were dungeons, long laborious streaks of a dozen or so encounters, with branching paths and decisions to be made, earning you tons of new packs and equipment and experience to boost your character. One especially fun encounter was crossing a desert with a pack of… I think it was gnomes? There were 20 of them that needed rescuing. The way you rescued them was putting them in your deck, and then leaving the desert through a single combat encounter. Except they were AWFUL. Like 3 cost vanilla 1/1’s level of awful. The more you had in your deck, the harder the encounter became. It was a really nice way to portray the logistical challenge of trying to fight while protecting all these useless tagalongs.
There were plans to even introduce Raids, 3v1 PvE encounters, but they fizzled out as the game got sunset.
The game was good. REALLY good. It relished in the digital design space in a way I haven’t quite seen since then. A few games, like Legends of Runeterra, have come close, but always fall short, and that’s so sad! I DESPERATELY want to play a TCG with this level of customization again!
Luckily that was the end of it. I finally learned the error of my ways, never touched anything ‘always online’ again, and now can live a life without regrets! … except Legends of Runeterra a little bit like I mentioned above but THATS IT! There are no other always online games I have regrets about!
ToonTown Online
Okay no, not seriously. I’ve never played toontown. But honestly it looked kinda silly and like a shitpost in video game form. I think it would have been fun to try at some point with a few friends. Not seriously, just to screw around in for a bit.
Never going to get that chance. Just like nearly everyone reading this will never get to play two of my biggest influences that shaped how I think about game design.
Always Online DRM is an insidious beast. It doesn’t just kill games, it kills *archival*. All we have left of these games is a relatively small number of gameplay videos. I was planning on having a lot more pictures in this post of all the interface elements I was talking about as I talked about them, but there just… aren’t any good pictures of them. Even these details are based on my own memory cross referenced with a couple of wikis, and even those were sparse.
Some games can’t feasibly avoid Always Online. MMO’s are a big example. But by adding it into a game that has a single player experience involved, and not making that single player experience a standalone thing on its own, you are destroying any hope that your game will be remembered. It will fade into obscurity. There will never be a cult revival. Your work will be discarded and forgotten and it’s… so incredibly sad to see.
I jokingly titled this section being about ToonTown, but really this section is about Kingdom Hearts: Union X. It was a mediocre and disgustingly predatory gacha. It was horribly managed with horrible issues around localization and it was just… a mess. But it was part of the world of Kingdom Hearts, and it’s story was important and mattered.
The game is no longer playable, but it’s also not entirely lost. The devs created a new version of it, as a gallery to view the cutscenes. The single-player side mode, Dark Road, is also included. The devs didn’t have to do this. They could have gone the same route as Darkspore and HexTCG, and had their work be forgotten. They chose to save it. Not in full, but at least the parts the deemed important.
It also makes me wonder how much this happens in other mediums. Ludology is a pretty new field, and it rarely goes into specific games and their impact on the medium, mostly just focusing on the impacts they have on humanity, rather than the mechanics themselves as these beautiful pieces of art. And it makes me wonder how often this happens with say… film critics. Are there any indie film makers who are deep in the paint of indie films and critique of not just the films themselves, but the very techniques being used, just sitting there going “It’s so upsetting that this big studio managed to do something this beautiful and all of us in the scene recognize it’s beauty, but no one else seems to, and now it’s gone?”
… as I’m writing this I actually realize that this does happen there. It’s how I found out about what became my favorite film of all time, The Man From Earth. It’s a small film that flopped horribly in theaters, and only gained any attention by being pirated by a lot by indies who wanted to talk about it. It’s a good movie, highly recommend. Not for everyone though.
I don’t know. I’m sure I had a point with all this but… seeing it happen again and again and now with streaming services taking stuff down it’s just… I can’t help but seeing not just more and more games, but more and more of EVERY artistic medium ending up in this area. How many digital artists entire portfolios have vanished off the face of the earth because their tumblr got deactivated? How many movies are going to be gone forever when Netflix eventually goes out of business? We can’t even rely on piracy! Many old pieces of media is just lost forever. Just ask the Doctor Who fandom. They probably know more about that than anyone else at this point.
But mostly I just really wish more developers would consider what parts of their games are important, and what kind of legacy they want to leave, instead of just what will generate a short burst of profit, with no care for what happens after.
… I should start doing video essays with how long this got. It’s like some kind of text based video essay. A text essay. Those are a new thing I just invented.
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bellewintersroe · 8 months
Text
Daniel Ricciardo x HornerDaughter! Reader
Part 9 oooo couldn’t leave you guys hanging but I’ve been away the past week sorry for the long wait! No smut in this chapter, but pure tension and angst, mentions of heartbreak& sadness (obviously). Mentions of Panic attack.
After Daniel attends his first race back into AlphaTauri, she finds herself spending less and less time around him. She finds it necessary, but uncomfortably painful. When the two do bump into one another there’s, of course, a thick tension between the pair. Could things get anymore awkward? Possibly not, both of them know the feelings have not changed, and with Daniel’s previous admission out in the open, she’s tormented to the point of publicly breaking down.
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After the most relentless few days had passed, y/n was awkwardly watching Daniel from the sidelines whilst he raced with Alpha Tauri. There was a semi relief/ semi disappointment that she was spending less time with him, a constant pain lingered deep in her chest and she felt as though somebody had sucked the life from her. She never believed she’d do the cliche thing of not eating, barely sleeping, crying into the pillow- but god, she was a wreck over a man she’d spent not even that much time with. To her, Daniel was the one that got away. Or- well, he wanted to…
She didn’t congratulate him after the race, she didn’t even see him, ensuring she was away from the grid the whole time. Her family picked up on it, so the next few days she endured the most awkward, tension filled appearance at a test drive, constantly on edge that Daniel would be around any corner. Of course he wasn’t. Daniel was just trying to keep his head focused on driving- his happy place. The minute he stepped out of the car he knew he’d be unconsciously searching for her, only for her not to be there. Maybe he would catch a glimpse at the back of her head, craning his neck to watch a little longer before she disappeared. She didn’t look good either. Not that she looked bad, but she looked tired, her lips were constantly tugged downwards and Daniel swore he hadn’t seen her smile in days. Truth be told he despised himself, what he did, what he said. He’d made a huge fucking mistake and now he wished all her pain would translate onto him- he wasn’t sure if he could carry anymore than what he was feeling, but he’d sure rather it be his pain than hers. On one mild Thursday in Belgium, she’d finally made an appearance with Kelly and P, down into the grid to have an explore. Kelly wasn’t stupid, she knew something was going on but couldn’t press. Y/n had always loved spending time with Penelope, practically seeing her grow up, so she was bound to put a smile on her face. And she did.
“Are you coming to my birthday?” The small girl questioned up, “I am.” Y/n smiled, “and I’ve got a surprise present for you as well.” She squeezed her hand as P giddily jumped around.
“Did you hear that, P, more presents?!” Kelly smiled down to her young one who bounced around excitedly. Y/n wished she could momentarily be that young and happy again- a depressing thought she quickly shook away, cringing at her dimness. At some point, she’d zoned out, not realising that Max and Daniel now stood right in front of them- her. Daniel, and her- fuck.
She could feel the gasp that got caught in her throat, trapping the lump that rose from her chest. Fuck. They shared not even a second of eye contact before she tore her eyes away, back onto the floor ahead of them. “You alright, y/n/n? I haven’t seen you in a few days.” Max spoke, giving her a quick hug. Daniel stood there awkwardly, the tension rising in his body as he fumbled with his hat, something he always did when he was nervous. “I’m good, are you.” Good. Ha, that was definitely a lie, she’d slept a grand total of 26 minutes last night, now she was running on absolutely nothing but water and a few bites of a sandwich she couldn’t bare to stomach. She offered no explanation of her absence, Daniel would know exactly where she was and why she’d been MIA.
“Great, yeah.” Max shuffled, feeling a little awkward at her clearly forced smile. Their conversation fell flat, unusually. Normally she’d be full of life and chatter, but now she just seemed to fall flat. Daniel’s eyes gazed over her, watching her with the saddest eyes as she hugged her jumper tighter around her frame. She seemed upset, blinking rapidly and breathing a little faster than normal. Daniel’s eyes constantly broke from the conversation between Max, Kelly and, P, onto the girl ahead of him.
Of course, she was having a breakdown mid conversation. Something as small as a picture of Daniel coming up made her tear up, now he was right in front of her, the devastation she’d been bottling up, mixed with the pure physical and mental exhaustion had caught up on her. She was working herself up beyond repair, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill. Fuck.
“I’ll just be two minutes.” Deciding she couldn’t stay there much longer, she politely excused herself, rushing off into the distance. Space, now, and fast. Y/n felt the tears practically explode from her eyes and begin pouring her face as she hurried to find a bathroom. It was all very dramatic.
She wasn’t quick enough. Not when a voice came hurrying after her. Daniel knew he couldn’t just stand and watch her run away like that. It was his wrongdoing, and although chasing after her would probably only make things worse, he couldn’t leave her upset, he wanted to at least try.
“Y/n.” He sighed as she spun around, startled by the Australian voice. He was the last person she expected. “Daniel, I’m sorry, just-“ her hand waved in a gesture for him to leave as she struggled to blubber out anymore words. Her breathing was shallow and she could feel the furious racing over her heart against her chest. Not a panic attack. Fuck, she hated these things, how quickly she’d lost her breath, how panicked she felt, and now it was happening in front of Daniel.
“Hey, hey. Just breathe deep for me.” Daniel stepped closer, recognising her laboured breathing as a panic attack. It felt like he’d just been kicked in the gut watching her this distressed. She paused, attempting to soothe her breathing to stop the attack quicker than it started.
Unable to prevent it, he reached over, placing a hand on an upper back, a gentle gesture to provide the comfort she needed. She needed- but she didn’t want. “I’m- I’m fine, Daniel.” She gasped, the whimper in her tone not convincing as he watched down to her, his chest knotting harshly.
“You’re not. Just take a minute, it’s okay.” The soothing of his hand over her smaller back soothed her. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, feeling Daniel’s touch was the best thing she’d felt in days. Her lips blubbered as she wiped at her eyes desperately. There was a couple more moments of her shallow breathing, a minute, five minutes? She didn’t know, all she knew was that Daniel was right there, comforting her through something she’d regret later.
“Sorry.” She exhaled, slowing her breathing as much as she possibly could until she was in control over her body again. “Sorry.” She repeated, becoming aware of her surroundings. Her hand dropped from her forehead and everything became visible again. Daniel was there, he’d just seen her having a literal panic attack. Fuck.
“Don’t be sorry.” He looked so sad, so startled and concerned. She could hardly meet his eye. “Don’t be sorry, y/n, are you ok-“ before Daniel could even finish, she was assuring him, “I’m fine. I’m fine.” “You’re not…” Daniel sighed as she wiped at her teary eyes. “I’m sorry.” He then muttered, watching the downwards pull of her lips. “I’m so sorry…” she was crying now, properly, something Daniel couldn’t bare. He thought he might cry too as he blinked away harshly at the tears that filled his eyes. He wanted to give her a hug, but he thought that was overstepping a boundary completely.
“It’s fine.” She repeated, voice hitched and unconvincing. “I just- I need to go.” She waved into the distance. “Let me drive you back-“ “No. It’s fine.” She had already set off walking, stupid idea, walking through the unknown streets of Belgium with tear stains drenching her face. “Y/n, you’re not walking back alone.” Daniel put his foot down, sighing in a way she found it difficult to say no to.
The whole car ride back was silent apart from her occasional sniffle, it was awkward to say the least. Daniels chest was heavy with wanted conversation, with a need for her, but it just wasn’t the right time. He should’ve never told her he loved her, he knew he’d probably hurt her feelings way more by admitting that.
Pulling up outside the hotel, she couldn’t be quicker than to unbuckle her seatbelt, an odd sense of longing stabbing at her heart when she stole a singular glance at Daniel. It was the most she’d look at him all day. a
“Thank you, Daniel.” She whispered, his breath hitching as all he could do was watch her walk away. She could see the sadness in his eyes, but averted her gaze. The quicker she was out of that car, the quicker she could rid of those dread awful feelings she got around him. If only a girl could control her feelings, wouldn’t that be life changing, huh?
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@mccall-muffin @benbarneslut @dinodumbass @allabouthappiness @ricciardhoe-3 @headinthecloudssblog
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