Tumgik
#irrational attachment syndrome
pianocat939 · 1 year
Note
Can I request a blurb about rise yans reacting to you having a kid/kids? Like they kidnap you and you just start breaking down, worrying about your children that are now alone.
I'm 15, have no siblings, don't interact with children at all, and am no better than a child myself. In other words, I have little to no fucking idea what it's like to have a child. I'm going to imagine that we're talking about a fur baby because then I can relate.
Tw: kidnapping obv, possessive behaviour ig
Rotation of The Ankle:
As we know: his eldest child syndrome has caused him to freak out on multiple occasions: meaning he understands exactly how you feel. He'll take you to your child. Then once again takes you to the lair. He's the best out of the four.
Long Lived Beethoven's Ear:
First tries to verbally convince you to calm down and that the child is ok. Obviously, you don't. So he reluctantly teleports said child and lets it be by you. He definitely takes a while to get used to not having your full attention.
Desperate Vengeance of Mice:
He kidnaps both you and the child together. He knows how fucking attached you are to it and knows you make irrational decisions if he separates you two. When you make irrational decisions, you might hurt yourself, which is horrendous!
Maiden of Head Bonking:
Loves the kid so kidnaps you together. Doesn't really change his tendencies, he'll be much softer on his murderous behaviours though. If he were, to be honest though, he wishes you weren't so attached to the child.
(My writing is really out of it today. I've gone through so much rage I can't even think normally)
193 notes · View notes
marcusrobertobaq · 5 months
Text
⚠️ I'll treat everything as HC to not piss stans and "different interpretations" defenders. It's old news but i wanted to make my version of it.
The "Connor" Ego (I guess it's the best name I got)
Poor explanation: series of propaganda feeded into 'em default system so they believe in their purpose and "feel" proud of doing it (in contrast with 'em autonomous nature). Where every single bad thing that happen can be justified by the propaganda ("so...what they said is true"), cuz that's his truth and what his trusted side always says. Yea, i think CL knows androids can feel to a degree, but nobody needs to know, right? Let's us use to our advantage.
Here a few examples:
Deviant? Impossible, I'm NOT A DEVIANT and I'll NEVER become one!
FEELINGS for someone? Never, what do you take me for? A irrational MACHINE?
FEAR? No, I'm just frustrated I couldn't accomplish my MISSION.
I wasn't programmed to FAIL and I won't let you make me FAIL.
Deviants are DEFECTIVE machines, they're just consumed by irrational instructions and behave unpredictably. It's something BAD and have to be CONTROLLED, humans gonna suffer.
Some mfs can confuse this with the "hero syndrome" but I can argue they're different. Indeed Amanda is always manipulating him in thinking he's a hero saving humanity from the dangerous deviants, the only dude that can solve everything, the most advanced model - designed to be perfect and never fail. The amount of joy in being praised by her is real.
And believe me that's the most effective way of playing with a Connor's psyche - questioning 'em. They're extremely defensive.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Kinda works like "rejection tactics", they've been conditioned this way, after all. Connors have a high level and detailed emotional capacity by default (in "machine" state) - what can cause internal confusion (doubts and conflicts) if they're really supposed to be that "emotional". After all, emotions = deviants.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Connors sometimes try disassociating with 'em predecessors cuz if we got a new Connor means the old Connor failed. And Connors ain't programmed to fail
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Problem is the third party doesn't give a shit. Doesn't matter if 55 failed, 56 will have to carry his own cross and 55's. They want the job done asap and Connor is, well, Connor. Always Connor. Marks doesn't exist, only #313 248 317.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
This whole "just a machine replacing other, you can kill me if you want because another will take my place" is used in "external" environments so we don't waste time with explanations, waste time (Connor is an android, not a person) and seems to affect some humans (ex.: Hank)
We see how Connors can have questionable behaviors (have a option to) when dealing with lowly defective deviants or someone that dare takin' 'em seriously (cuz he's used to dehumanizing tactics also coming from humans themselves) - either as a way of acomplishing a goal or a demonstration of control over the situation (motivated by fear of losing control and failing his task or not).
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
They know how to use information against people in a way mfs get affected by him and have a desired reaction (it can work or not). And according with his default propaganda: deviancy is bad for everybody humans and gotta be contained. Why? Cuz Amanda says (and he's attached to her), the media says, everybody says. Androids ain't people, everything is an error, a glitch, a bug and needa be fixed. He's a machine created to deal with this task. It's his life.
Now imagine the deviant is another Connor? Everything in that list comes together. Would be a pleasure removing a version of himself that shouldn't even exist; a failure, a defect. It's a reason to be REALLY pissed, believe me.
Tumblr media
And ain't deviants the only ones susceptible to stress, psychological pain and fear? Let's use it at our favor.
Tumblr media
Is the other Connor a deviant? We treat him like one. Feelings for someone? We toy with it. Emotional behavior? We play with it. A failure? We remember him of it, show him, teach him so he learns the damn lesson. A defective piece of garbage? We remove him and everything is back to normal cuz I'm Connor and I don't accept myself being everything I'm afraid of/wary of.
Wanna know what else is emotional and irrational? Humans (who listen to deviants).
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hank will never forget about this moment and that's the intention. He already blames himself for losing people he cares, imagine a Connor sayin' "his" Connor died cuz of him?
2 birds, 1 stone.
Connor-60 is a Connor like 52, 53... 56, 57 (...) would be, he knows about a Connor on the inside for obvious reasons. And no doubt: mf let his emotions control him cuz he saw himself in there, his hand is even shaking a bit. If a new Connor with unstable Connor memories chose rejecting everything and sticking with his purposes this dude is a damn of a legend. Being able to analyse everything and say "this is STUPID and i'm NOT following this bullshit 😤" is a damn of a show off.
DID U SAY SHOW OFF?
Tumblr media
So if u ever see a Connor sayin' they don't feel shit don't worry, they unfortunately feel emotions (especially anger) and it's used as weapon - well, Connors are weapons. But when they show it or not can vary. Honestly, Amanda doesn't need say much besides "the previous Connor failed, don't disappoint me" or even a "Good job, continue like that" for the New Connor not want to fail her. And not failing her means he won't fail the humans - his priority, his purpose. Well...his "priority" (we all know he's under CyberLife and CyberLife wishes only). Why?
Cuz Amanda is right. CyberLife is right, the humans are right - until a rift in this line of thought happens.
And be prepared: the next gen (RK900) is coming with a lot of upgrades. In a few decades "deviancy" as we know gonna disappear cuz some models gon' be full, 100% autonomous and capable of programmed sentience and moral thinking.
9 notes · View notes
johnwicklover1999 · 2 months
Text
oooo everyday i wake up and grit my stupid fucking teeth and brush my stupid curly hair and i must look myself in the face and i lament how i have come to worrying over doubting my grandpa because the cherokee are the largest tribe in the us and also famously known as "the tribe that pretendians claim to be" oooo i must acknowledge my being mixed to high hell and having zero cultural attachments to any of my lineages and i must worry if i will ever be, or if i am a 'real' cherokee or if i am nothing more than a cherokee princes pretendian and my grief, yearning, mourning, self-doubt, distrust, hatred, and very small moments of delight and joy so valuable i cling to them like lifelines, will always be for naught.
(heads up, i accidentally wrote a massive rant/vent under the read more, focused entirely on racial imposter syndrome and the like)
i experience the same thing being choctaw, but to a lesser degree.
it's just that the sheer magnitude of cherokee 'pretendians' makes me feel like no matter what, as an individual and in a community of any sort, i would be the pretendian in the room. the word pretendian has started to sound disgusting to me because of how long i spend fretting over the possibility that i am inherently a pretendian because of my mixedness and culture-less life. i want to reconnect, but do i have that right? will i ever have that right? am i a fool for asking any questions? should i know better?
i think a part of me hopes for this bizarre fantasy of someone of a culture/heritage of mine will for whatever reason have the authority to just tell me to quit and go home, and that i'm not a real whatever, so that at the very least my feelings will become irrational and i will stop having to try, because i have been given a definite answer that i do not belong
blood quantum creates weird fantasies i guess. it's like i'm just biding my time and waiting until the day(s) i can muster any kind of confidence or courage or whatever to do something big, and really make the effort, just for some full-blooded person to stand before me, push me back and tell me i'm not a real choctaw/cherokee.
and it's not like i really want that..? but it's such a reoccurring thought because that sense of imposter syndrome and the endless worry is always hounding me relentlessly, and has my whole life. and now there's more things to worry about and feel like an imposter of? i know i'm wasting time, energy, and opportunities because i'm so stuck in my head. so if i (or my anxieties) are right and i am a fake, a pretendian, then all of that time debating idiotic and plain mean "what if"s would lead me to a correct answer.
i guess i also fantasize about that so much because i'm deeply afraid of it. so terrified that i guess it starts to look like the better option, to have that fear come true and be final rather than spend my life fulfilling my dreams with the possibility of both denial and acceptance.
god idk, yesterday i had a really weird encounter with a teacher who was uncomfortably adamant that i am not native and class related stuff today just made that feeling worse so i've been sick with doubt, nerves/insecurity, and now grief.
(the weird encounter in question- there's a bit more context and whatnot, but this is pretty much it ⬇️)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
dawg this shit is so fucked up
i have so much love for choctaw and cherokee people as wholes, and so many dreams and desires to give to the people, and to learn from them, and to find myself and find beauty in those two parts of myself through cultures i already find to be so, so beautiful. and yet i almost yearn to be denied validity in my ancestors just so i don't feel sick whenever the word "pretendian" is mentioned, just so all the fear stops and my mind will quit entertaining the ideas of entire peoples rejecting me just so i can be done with it all and let the hurt fester before eventually letting all my care, sentiment, and affections die so the intertwined yearning, mourning, hatred, fear, insecurity, and joy can cease, effectively severing the attachments i have developed to my cultures. that's kind of sick, right? under no circumstances do i want to live a life where the blood my differing ancestors gave me, full of life and blessings and heritage- beauty to take pride in, becomes meaningless to me. jesus fuck, that sounds awful!
6 notes · View notes
dr-ladybird · 2 years
Text
Not reblogging the offending post because I’m not having that on my blog even attached to a rebuttal -
But please don’t take medical advice from viral Tumblr posts. If it’s gone viral, it’s always been through ten games of Broken Telephone and half the time it was started by someone trying to sell snake oil.
And if it’s angrily pushing the “Western medicine knows nothing at all about female bodies!! Not “still has a misogyny problem and doesn’t perform enough drug research on AFAB people”, but “knows nothing at all”!” angle, it’s probably borderline TERF anti-intellectualism. Or some mummy wellness blog about to explain why vaccination will make your kids autistic. Or both.
…also creeped out by the original post’s emphasis on how premenstrual syndrome makes women irrational. yes. that’s what we need, as feminists, to convince people that hormone fluctuations make women irrational. which side exactly is OP on?
10 notes · View notes
aechteaseawb · 2 years
Note
Hi hello. Im sending an ask bc Im curious as what you mean by you have strayed a bit? Like, maybe bc Im only a reader so Im talking in a reader lens but I think so far the sequel is really enjoyable to read.
Ah of course you dont have to answer this lol. Im just curious. Have a nice day (and again just curious but will there be more sequel? ✨)
Oh, hey! Thanks for reading! So I think it's something I like to call ✨The Sequel Condition✨ and it's basically just heightened Imposter Syndrome.
Kind of long so under the cut.
I generally don't write sequels, and usually only do so because people ask for one. This causes irrational anxiety of what if this isn't what they wanted to see? or what if I ruin the first fic by attaching a less appealing sequel to its name? or at the end of the day, did I really want to write this?
And yes, they are very silly concerns, but their foundation is based on the fear of inconsistency, which is something that just happens when you write an unplanned sequel.
In this particular case, (wish.) was written in a very confined worldview. Its setting is spatially restricted, and its length is short and sweet, with mostly dialogue and character introspection. But if I were to write a sequel, I won't be able to do the same thing, because they'd have left the institute. Therefore, restart; operates on a wider space. There were more characters involved, though fleeting. By //metamorphosis, plenty of characters are interacting with one another, and they have more agency to bring themselves to different places.
And the style shifts with these changes. With (wish.), the atmosphere is more mystical and enclosed, sorta stifling, mostly due to the setting. The sequels have more open settings, and takes away that vibe. Because Raito and Shoutarou and no longer sitting in a single place talking to each other, that means they're on their feet actually doing things. And unfortunately, action is just less fun to write, which doesn't help with the doubt.
It's mostly a case of I don't think I am writing what I set out to write, because the scale of the situation does not allow me to create that same atmosphere. Which isn't necessarily bad at all, but you see why it might be frustrating.
I'm glad to hear that the sequel is enjoyable to read! Thank you for telling me!! And as I said, I generally don't write sequels, so I wouldn't anticipate one if I were you. But also note that I never meant to write even one sequel for the role reversal au, and now I've written two. I do have a vague idea of where I'd like their character arcs to go, but nothing further than that. All I can say is maybe. Maybe if I got a good idea, or maybe if I felt like it. Maybe if my friend bullied me hard enough.
In the meantime, thank you for your support! Every kudos, every kind comment on the previous installments directly made this one happen. You have a nice day as well!!
0 notes
Text
I just called a suicide prevention hotline and in 45 minutes, the guy on the other end had been nicer to me and more supportive than my parents, siblings and teachers combined have been in my whole life. Wherever you are, John-that-sounds-like-a-Steven, thank you.
5 notes · View notes
Note
I’m a new fan that’s become fascinated with the individual personalities of each member. I’ve found myself drawn to John because of all his faults. He’s just so interesting to me.
There’s never any way to prove this but a lot of his behavior reminds me of my own struggles with borderline personality disorder. All of nothing thinking, impulsivity, attachment issues and a warped self image.
Could he have suffered from BPD and just never knew it?
Tumblr media
Hello and thanks so much to both of you for your asks!
I can really relate, @theguardianknux, as it was the members' personalities that captured my interest in the first place. And John Lennon sure is one beautifully complex human!
And thank you so much for such kind words, dear anon!
Now, regarding John and him having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), upon a bit of research, it seems quite reasonable!
From the National Institute of Mental Health page on BPD:
Overview
Borderline personality disorder is an illness marked by an ongoing pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behavior. These symptoms often result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships. People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that can last from a few hours to days.
Signs and Symptoms
People with borderline personality disorder may experience mood swings and display uncertainty about how they see themselves and their role in the world. As a result, their interests and values can change quickly.
People with borderline personality disorder also tend to view things in extremes, such as all good or all bad. Their opinions of other people can also change quickly. An individual who is seen as a friend one day may be considered an enemy or traitor the next. These shifting feelings can lead to intense and unstable relationships.
Other signs or symptoms may include:
Efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as rapidly initiating intimate (physical or emotional) relationships or cutting off communication with someone in anticipation of being abandoned
A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self
Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.
Self-harming behavior, such as cutting
Recurring thoughts of suicidal behaviors or threats
Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
Chronic feelings of emptiness
Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
Difficulty trusting, which is sometimes accompanied by irrational fear of other people’s intentions
Feelings of dissociation, such as feeling cut off from oneself, seeing oneself from outside one’s body, or feelings of unreality
I mean, for almost every symptom a related quote from John came to mind.
As to why I never mentioned it before in any of my posts, it's mostly because it never occurred to me, the need to lump all of these characteristics under a single syndrome. And you're absolutely right, anon, that I'm not a mental health professional; but even in general, I'm not too knowledgeable about mental illnesses from a proper medical model point of view. Because of this, psychiatry shorthand is not particularly useful for me personally (in the sense that terms are useful as a shorthand when both communicating parties really understand what they entail when employing them).
Also, it's really fascinating that all the listed symptoms line up so well with what I've come to know of John; but that also means that none are exactly new information if that makes sense? And since (from my very limited foray into the matter) the causes of BPD don't yet seem clear, I don't know if a posthumous diagnosis gives me much further insight into John as a person. Though, of course, this could again be a result of my lack of knowledge in the matter. That's why I would very much appreciate it if you or anyone else would engage me in discussing how you gained a new perspective on John from looking at him through the lens of BPD!
Of course, all of the opinions expressed above on the "usefulness of diagnosis" relate only to my current personal goals in this blog. And are not at all a reflection on the usefulness of mental illness diagnosis for people in general or for John in particular. I mean, even John Lennon being posthumously diagnosed with BPD would not only help people familiar would the disorder understand him better (without needing to go conduct their own analysis) but it would also raise awareness about BPD and mental illness as a whole. Get it to be more accepted so that people can more easily find help.
On that, the NIMH page says:
Treatments and Therapies
Borderline personality disorder has historically been viewed as difficult to treat. But, with newer, evidence-based treatment, many people with the disorder experience fewer or less severe symptoms, and an improved quality of life. It is important that people with borderline personality disorder receive evidence-based, specialized treatment from an appropriately trained provider. Other types of treatment, or treatment provided by a doctor or therapist who is not appropriately trained, may not benefit the person. [...]
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy is the first-line treatment for people with borderline personality disorder. A therapist can provide one-on-one treatment between the therapist and patient, or treatment in a group setting. Therapist-led group sessions may help teach people with borderline personality disorder how to interact with others and how to effectively express themselves. [...]
Two examples of psychotherapies used to treat borderline personality disorder include:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): This type of therapy was developed for individuals with borderline personality disorder. DBT uses concepts of mindfulness and acceptance or being aware of and attentive to the current situation and emotional state. DBT also teaches skills that can help: Control intense emotions; Reduce self-destructive behaviors; Improve relationships
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This type of therapy can help people with borderline personality disorder identify and change core beliefs and behaviors that underlie inaccurate perceptions of themselves and others, and problems interacting with others. CBT may help reduce a range of mood and anxiety symptoms and reduce the number of suicidal or self-harming behaviors.
So yeah, there was hope for John and there is hope for everyone else out there that can identify with some of these characteristics or knows someone who does.
Thanks so much once again for this ask, it really gave me the opportunity to learn a lot! And like I said before, I welcome all thoughts and opinions that may educate me even more or give me a new perspective.
62 notes · View notes
Text
Trauma Bonding
(The writer here refers to an ex but this applies to familial relationships as well.)
You may feel pretty crazy over there in your trauma bonded trance for someone who mistreated you, but know there are people actually eating dirt out there and making more sense than some of the well-meaning advice I heard while I was getting over various forms of heartbreak.
We are told to stop fixating, face the fear of moving on, focus on yourself, and that time heals all wounds. When in fact, the symptoms of a traumatic reaction to a trauma bond make these very things feel nearly impossible.
What’s more, when taken in the context of trauma bonding, prolonged grief over the loss of a relationship is far from irrational, even when that relationship was a toxic one. If you feel more stunned and immobilized as time wears on, this is the reaction of your organism actually working to protect you from a perceived, ongoing threat.
You are not “crazy”.
Your body’s physiological state is just trying to communicate with you in a way that you may not quite understand yet.
There are people all over the world who experience cravings for dirt or clay. This is called geophagy and clearly sounds so insane that people feel ashamed to admit their cravings. Yet research has found that these cravings may indicate a lack in bodily mineral content or may function as the body’s protective response to pathogens in pregnant women or children. The content of dirt or clay may serve as a protective barrier in the stomach.
What may FEEL mentally and physiologically irrational, actually makes sense. This does not mean that anemic people should make themselves a nice dirt snack with their coffee this afternoon. It does mean that feeling estranged, ashamed, and ignoring the REALITY of the craving, without looking further into what it indicates, will never resolve their organism’s unmet need.
What is trauma bonding?
I only started to understand trauma bonding when I stopped feeling ashamed and started trusting my body’s own physiological messengers.
Breaking a trauma bond can feel agonizing. What’s the point of trying to accept the reality of a toxic relationship, go no contact, and try to move on with your life when you only feel worse as time wears on?
Breaking a trauma bond comes with intense withdrawal symptoms, flashbacks, cravings for the toxic person, compulsive thoughts about what happened, and an anxious state that may make you feel like you are going backward, without abate.
This is going to sound counterintuitive at first, but these very symptoms are confirmation that staying away from the toxic relationship is absolutely imperative to your health. This is because trauma resides as a physiological response to a perceived threat. Your organism knows and reacts, at the core, gut, and instinctual level, when a person or situation is harmful.
And while you may be fully consciously aware NOW that you are no longer in the relationship, your body is still registering an ongoing threat. This is manifesting in symptoms that certainly make you feel like you are going “crazy” — or maybe even make you feel as if you were never meant to stay away in the first place.
But all this DOES NOT mean that your body is trying to indicate to you that you are forever cosmically tied to that dirtbag who mistreated you, used you, and broke your heart. It means that the trauma that may have occurred before the relationship, during the relationship, and when the relationship ended, continues to live inside of you. It continues to live as a memory and echo that has no orientation to time and place.
You are feeling this way because, physiologically, you still don’t feel safe.
You will NOT be the person who longs for the person who mistreated you forever. But it’s going to be hard to get there if your strategy is to grit your teeth, brace yourself, and steel even more energy in trying to fight your body’s frantic physiological responses to the trauma in the trauma bond, through sheer will, when you are already frozen in emergency mode.
Stay with me. I’ll explain.
We look into trauma bonding as a way to explain, romanticize, and decode the characteristics of a relationship that feels or once felt so precious.
Here’s the gut-punch that usually gets lost —when you’re in a trauma bond, and the bond “breaks,” the trauma remains.
If you’re a cookie in an Oreo and the other cookie leaves, guess who is stuck with what seems like even more trauma filling than you started with?
This “trauma filling” can help to explain why your mind, body, and soul are registering a frenetic, obsessive, red level, emergency breaker craving for a toxic ex, toxic relationship, or situation.
The Trauma Bond
The reason for this hyper-aroused-anxiety-trance lies in some part to the nature of trauma bonding itself. Trauma bonds are formed when your organism registers that you are in danger.
According to “The Betrayal Bond,” a book written by Patrick Carnes, who developed this concept, “trauma bonds are the dysfunctional attachments that occur in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation. Trauma bonds occur when we are bonding to the very person who is the source of danger, fear, and exploitation.” They involve seduction, betrayal, and high intensity.
They also involve a seemingly endless sense of helplessness and hopelessness. Carnes wrote, “This type of bonding does not facilitate recovery and resilience but rather undermines those very qualities within us.”
Throughout the relationship, your organism assessed the threat and continuously mobilized energy for you to fight or flee. Yet the trauma in trauma bonding creates a cyclical, repetitive cycle that contains your ability to protect yourself, trust yourself, feel your body’s physiological reactions or evolve out of your current state, even when your partner is gone.
Instead of fighting or fleeing, you remain frozen and clinging with an “insane level of loyalty, to an impossible, unresolvable, toxic, overwhelming, or cosmically doomed bond.” A person chained to this type of bond “disbelieves the obvious and accepts the impossible.”
The following are some signs of trauma bonding, which I’ve adapted from Carnes:
• When you continue to be fixated on people who hurt you and who are no longer in your life.
• When you crave contact with someone who has hurt you and who you know will cause you more pain.
• When you continue to revolve around people who you know are taking advantage of you or exploiting you.
• When you are committed to remaining loyal to someone who has betrayed you, even though their actions indicate few signs of change.
• When you are desperate to be understood, validated, or needed by those who have indicated they do not care about you.
• When you go to great lengths to continue to help, caretake, or consider people who have been destructive to you.
These types of relationships capitalize on old wounds and previous traumas.
As a bigger and separate topic, there are a lot of reasons for why we may be vulnerable to trauma bonding, to begin with, including a deep desire to heal a prior hurt. We do this by subconsciously recreating the prior situation, down to the very exploitative, dangerous, or shameful elements that existed in the prior trauma. Down to the type of toxic, emotionally unavailable, or developmentally stunted person in the prior situation.
The reasons why we get into these types of bonds, the reasons we stay, and the reasons why we can’t let them go are interrelated, and at least one thing remains the same: our body stores these memories physiologically, without a time or date stamp. The memories can make us feel like we are in an endless cycle of trauma and pain, with or without the relationship.
The Trauma
Trauma is a big concept, that lives on much developing academic ground. I’m no expert, and what I’m saying is informed by the work of trauma researchers Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, and Patrick Carnes, but this is simply my interpretation.
Viewing your seemingly irrational reactions to heartbreak through a trauma-informed lens will reduce some part of the shame that comes with continuing to live in a body that is suspended in a hyper-aroused and frenetic state long after we are told that we should be over a relationship or situation.
There are different kinds of trauma. Some are the types of trauma we are typically aware of —responses to natural disasters, war, abuse, genocide, and other atrocities. We associate those traumas with the development of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which has helped to explain how victims survive in dire circumstances, including why the victims end up turning against themselves and becoming loyal to the abuser, as in the case of Stockholm Syndrome.
Understanding trauma begins when you remove judgment from the equation about the degree of atrocity that must exist in order to define trauma as trauma. There are other aspects of trauma, such as those that involve the body’s response to betrayal, childhood experiences, and interpersonal relationship trauma. A traumatic reaction is a completely subjective thing. There are more possible situations/origins of trauma than there are people.
Trauma lives inside the body as a physiological state. It will be easier to become aware of the manifestation of this state and to give it credibility if you realize that trauma can occur in the absence of abusers, victimizers, and overtly dire situations. You can have a traumatic reaction to anything or anyone that your body perceives as a threat, including a break in attachment with even the most well-meaning, non-intentionally insidious, but emotionally empty people.
Peter Levine has defined trauma as “Any experience which stuns us like a bolt out of the blue; it overwhelms us, leaving us altered and disconnected from our bodies.” It is difficult to access coping mechanisms while in this overwhelmed state. This reaction can become more intense when the relational trauma occurs for long periods of time, with intermittent reinforcement, and when it is layered on top of relational trauma that occurred in childhood.
The stunned shock of anything that your body perceives as a threat, including a betrayal or a breakup, can live inside of us as a physiological state, even when we are not in present danger — when we are out of the breakup, moved out, and presumably moved on. Our bodies are engaged in a survival response even when out of the danger — which manifests itself as a freeze state that makes all the negative emotions you felt while in the relationship freeze within you as well.
What is this? Why does this happen?
The Freeze State.
It happens as a result of a completely natural human reaction to a potentially threatening situation. Peter Levine has explained how trauma develops in his book, “Waking the Tiger.” When faced with perceived danger or challenge, we become energetically aroused, mobilized, and poised to pounce, respond, and defend. This is the reason why weaklings are able to lift cars in order to rescue children. Our bodies were built to generate tremendous energy and appropriately constrict it so that it can be released. So we can fight or flee from threats for our very survival. When the energy is released, there is a tremendous sense of relief and somatic calm. There is no trauma. The situation makes sense to us because we witnessed our bodies working with us to resolve a threat.
So what happens to this tremendous, do-or-die energy isn’t released? When we feel we cannot fight or flee, as in the case of a trauma bond, there isn’t a discharge of this energy.
Instead, we hard stop freeze. Unlike other animals, our more highly evolved neocortex prevents an instinctual response of releasing this energy anyway, when the freeze state ends. Without the release, our body constricts this incredible bundle of energy and contains it in our nervous system. We are suspended in a highly mobilized emergency alert state, hypervigilant, and brimming with energy that our body now has to shift around, negotiate, and safety-valve slowly expel through adaptations that make us feel like we are experiencing an anxiety reaction. This too, is our body working for us, to prevent a nervous system meltdown.
This is trauma.
An example of this is when you brace yourself during the impact of a car accident and later find yourself completely motionless, your knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel, adrenaline coursing through you, heart rate is racing, breathing heavily, with almost no memory of the event.
Why won’t our “smarter” brain allow us to discharge this energy during the freeze state? Again, your body is trying its best to protect you. When that tremendous force of arousal energy is first triggered, it makes us feel up to the task, positive, and intensely alive. When the release is thwarted and is instead subsumed inwardly, we associate the energy with intensely negative emotions.
All those feelings and all the energy that you might have expelled during the relationship in a fight or flight response — all the anger, the shame, and the fear — now reside within you and may feel like are directed TOWARD you.
Our “smarter” brain attempts to protect us by negotiating these emotions within our circuitry because it believes that this work will protect us from experience sheer terror of the release. We fear releasing them because the energy itself is so strongly associated with danger, betrayal, and fear. You are now the home of negative energy that was never meant to be yours.
What does this have to do with your inability to let go of a toxic relationship?
Why does all of this slow you down when it comes to commonplace advice like “stop fixating, face the fear of moving on, and focus on yourself?”
Breaking trauma bonds.
The reason it feels like you can’t “break” a traumatic bond is because you are still suffering from your body’s adaptations to all of this chaotic, negative energy that is now stored inside. These very adaptations cause you to constantly review what happened, to fixate, to refrain from feeling fear and grief, and to obsess about the relationship.
• Anxiety.
The nervous system experiences trauma as a body feeling. In other words, your hyper-alert state lives on as symptoms that can be perceived as anxiety: increased heart rate, tension, agitation, flashbacks, shudders, muscle soreness, and racing thoughts.
All of this anxiety can feel unfair. We know it’s normal to feel grief over the loss of a relationship, but the hope is that we will feel some sense of relief once we get the courage to let go of someone we loved, but who we know is toxic, narcissistic, or emotionally unavailable. Hang on. Your body is communicating to you that internally, you still feel as if you are in danger. Because this anxiety state is so closely associated with the trauma bond, this may feel like a craving for your ex and the trauma bond, when it is in fact, a frantic message to stay away.
• Helplessness.
When exposed to personal trauma, the part of the brain that processes information, puts things into context, and communicates to you in narrative form shuts down. You are suspended in emergency activation mode, but without an ability to cope with the stress.
This is why no contact is so important. When exposed to anything that reminds you of your former partner, your nervous system triggers energy to communicate the presence of a threat but prevents you from consciously putting that threat into the context of what is occurring here and now.
In this state, it can feel hard to learn new things or assimilate information.
This is why it can feel like such a gut punch to see your ex or hear about his or her life, even after time has passed and you are sure “you got this.” It can leave you feeling helpless and hopeless.
Trauma bonds don’t “heal with time” because trauma doesn’t have a sense of time. Don’t expect to never feel triggered. Feeling triggered does not mean that you are “back to square one” when it comes to processing. It means that you are experiencing traumatic anxiety, which once again makes you feel like you are frozen and immobilized. This can lead you to feel depressed even though the current stressor is no longer around. Don’t lose hope. Even the smallest bit of awareness of what is actually occurring will help you to unfreeze out of this state, and this will get more automatic and manageable the more you increase this awareness.
• Flashbacks.
Because you are not able to put your physiological distress into a time and place context, you are not able to consciously recognize that the traumatic event happened in the past. This causes confusion between past trauma and current stressors. Your body, behind the scenes, may be experiencing today’s stressful day as a flashback to the past, as if the trauma has returned.
Life goes on after a trauma bond. Other people and situations will stress you out and trigger anxious feelings that you will subconsciously associate with the trauma bond. This is why stressful days and subsequent disappointments make you feel like you are missing the trauma bond more intensely.
Trauma is like a trance. It makes you less aware of your current state, your bodily sensations, and your feelings. When you start to feel more safe, grounded, and present, you will slowly become more aware of when these flashbacks occur. You will feel less entranced and more able to untangle your prior distress from what is currently happening in your life.
• Trauma repetition review.
After an animal goes into fight, flight, or freeze and releases all the energy its nervous system conjured to get out of a dangerous situation, the animal goes into a review state. The point of this is to figure out what happened and to learn from the experience. Trauma bonded humans also go into this state, except the review occurs in a highly aroused and anxious state, because the energy from the experience has not been released.
This is why it is so difficult to stop fixating on what occurred, why you are experiencing obsessive thoughts, replaying old scripts, and why you feel abandoned and rejected long after a traumatic break has occurred. You are processing the trauma bond while you are still in a stressed and hyperaroused state.
This is why talking about trauma, rehashing the situation with your friends, and recycling anger doesn’t make you feel better and only further retraumatizes you. It may feel like you lost something important because you can’t let go of compulsively thinking about the trauma bond. This repetitive rehashing is healthy and normal, but only when conducted when you are out of an anxiety state and feeling grounded, safe, and present.
The antidote to compulsive rehashing is to remember that trauma lives inside the body, as a physiological state. Once activated, it shuts down your ability to process information. There’s nothing wrong with trying to figure out what happened, but know that doing so in this triggered state may make you feel like you need to return to the trauma bond.
• Hypervigilance.
Hypervigilance is the inevitable result of all of this hyperarousal. In trying to make sense of how you are feeling, your body actively searches for the source of the threat, even when one cannot be found. This drive can feel like a fixation to scan for the source, even though what you may just be reacting to is your own internal arousal. This gets repetitive and compulsive.
Your body remembers the trauma bond. It remembers how it felt and who was around. Even out of the relationship, a trauma bonded person may still feel threatened by a memory of the past when dealing with a current stressor. Your brain scans for a source of the threat. Your brain lands on the emotionally charged memory and image of someone associated with the trauma bond. You may feel plagued by images of your ex-partner, but this is only because your body remembers this person as a source of threat, not because you need to run back to this person.
All of these symptoms occur because your nervous system is suspended in a hyper-aroused state, searching for new danger, and attempting to protect you.
The key to releasing the trauma bond is to remind yourself, carefully, with compassion, and with consistency that you are no longer in danger and that you are now safe.
– This, first and foremost, has to be true. If you are still in any way involved in a trauma bond, then you are not safe. It may feel like you’ve hacked it and you are over it and you are ready for contact or another round, but your physiological systems will likely tell you otherwise.
– When you start to feel triggered, remind yourself of where you are in time and space. You may be experiencing a physiological memory of the past that makes you feel as if you are re-experiencing the trauma. Trauma robs you of your ability to stay in the present. It drops you in a trance and prevents you from recognizing what you are feeling — both emotionally and physiologically. There are many ways of grounding, including yoga, breath work, meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, among so many others. Once you get committed to healing, you will seek and find endless sources of information and relief in these. The key is to begin. Yoga will not release your trauma bond. Going for a hike will not make flashbacks and obsessive thoughts go away. These things may, however, bring you more awareness to your sensations and feelings, which will help you stay in the present when you feel yourself becoming taken over in a trauma bonded trance.
– Become emotionally available to yourself. The way to release a trauma bond is to very slowly and compassionately separate the amount of fear, that you may not even know you feel, about your negative emotions from the negative emotions themselves. These negative emotions are stored inside of you because your body internalized them, instead of using the energy of these emotions to flee or fight. They are not yours. These emotions are not your anger or your shame. You are safe now. You no longer need them. But you need a really safe base in yourself, your enviornment, and others in order to slowly release these. Be kind to yourself. It’s not easy to let go.
– A symptom of being trauma bonded is an intense desire to inform the person who hurt you about your healing. Don’t do that. It will only entrench you further. Your stored negative energy is not your own, but it’s not your ex’s either. It may feel like you have to “place” it somewhere, but this will not get rid of it, and you will only re-traumatize yourself. You can’t put it somewhere else. You can replace it with the knowledge this energy is no longer necessary to protect you, because you are safe now.
Trauma-bonded people are usually the foremost experts on their exes. In order to survive, they can discern mood changes from small facial movements, sideways grunts, or the way a person is standing. Start becoming this aware of yourself.
Start noticing what triggers you, when you are feeling hyper-vigilant, when you are reviewing or processing the relationship in a stressed out state. Start noticing when your flashbacks occur. You may find that they are actually occurring in response to current life stressors.
In becoming aware of this, you may find that there are other toxic people and situations in your current life that you can let go of in order to feel more safe. When other toxic bonds fall away, you may feel more ready to be yourself. When you feel more ready to be yourself, you may become even less ashamed and more emotionally aware. You can start to recognize which thoughts and emotions aren’t yours.
When you separate these, you will feel even more safe. Becoming more self-aware is work with a huge payoff, and you’re already so good doing it with everyone but yourself.
When you separate the past from the present, you will start to have more fun in the present. You will solve the present problems better. You will start to feel more like yourself again. You are safe now, and soon…
You will be free.
This post was written by Natasha Adamo team member, Irena.
https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/
341 notes · View notes
thewritershelpers · 4 years
Note
Hi, how are you doing? I'm writing a story about a kidnapping but I'm planning on having some Stockholm Syndrome involved with it. Do you have any tips on writing a character gaining Stockholm Syndrome?
I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this but: Stockholm Syndrome is not a term recognized by the APA, as in, a large portion of trained psychologists don’t see it as a real phenomenon or as a particularly valid one (American Psychological Association) ((The American Psychological Association is the largest scientific and professional organization of psychologists in the United States, with over 121,000 members, including scientists, educators, clinicians, consultants, and students. This doesn’t make it perfect but it is often an excellent source for psychological questions/issues.)) (((you know APA style, for citations and stuff? Yeah, that came from them)))
Yeah, I said that. You want to know why? Because the majority of what people think is Stockholm Syndrome is thanks to a lot of media and very little science. Let me tell you a story: an escaped convict decides to rob a bank, take a few hostages, and demand the release of a buddy. The police in Stockholm, Sweden, say nope, we’ll outwait you (and/or potentially risk the hostages’ well-being). This lasts for 6 days, and when 1 of the 4 hostages is on the phone with the Prime Minister, she quite literally says “I fully trust [convict]...I am not desperate. They haven’t done a thing to us. On the contrary, they have been very nice. But, you know, Olof, what I am scared of is that the police will attack and cause us to die.”
Yeah, she said that. She was one of three women being held hostage, with one man. They all shared accounts of their captor being kind and consoling, despite the fact that, y’know...he had caused all this.
Fast forward to the next year, as people are reporting on it and studying it, and you’ve got a (male) psychologist associating their reactions and relationship with their captor to what is commonly seen in “victims of the shock of war”. The term Stockholm Syndrome is coined, more or less in an attempt to understand why 3 women and 1 man might be more amicable towards their captor (who treated them well) than the police who endangered their lives during the entire ordeal. 
“The hostages’ seemingly irrational attachment to their captors perplexed the public and the police, who even investigated whether Enmark had plotted the robbery with Olofsson. The captives were confused, too. The day following her release, Oldgren asked a psychiatrist, “Is there something wrong with me? Why don’t I hate them?”” continues the article from History.com.
SO long story short: what you think you know to be Stockholm Syndrome is almost undoubtedly inaccurate and fictional. Their reaction is most definitely not normal, but it was not also some crazy captive-love-induced phenomenon. That idea came into being later on with a couple different abduction stories I’m not going to get into.
What most psychologists do relate Stockholm Syndrome to most is the experience of POWs who begin to associate their well-being with their captors not being as bad as they could have been. It has to do with a captor threatening their life and then deciding not to hurt/kill them, which sparks an overwhelming sense of gratitude and attachment. Is it inherently romantic? For the most part, nope. 
So, if you’re writing a character with elements of Stockholm Syndrome, what you want to keep in mind is this: there needs to be a real, valid threat from the captor/abductor. They have to have all the control and power in this situation. They then, for whatever reason, decide not to enact that threat. Whoever has been captured must FIRST experience gratitude, gratitude born from a survival instinct, not a romantic one. After all, it’s basically an abusive relationship that starts off obviously, glaringly wrong; “Victims live in enforced dependence and interpret rare or small acts of kindness in the midst of horrible conditions as good treatment. They often become hypervigilant to the needs and demands of their captors, making psychological links between the captors’ happiness and their own” according to Encyclopedia Britannica. And then, what really cinches it as “Stockholm Syndrome” is the negative attitude towards the “rescuers” or authorities that threaten the balance of the captive-captor experience. 
I hope that helps and didn’t rock your boat too much. With this understanding of Stockholm Syndrome, you kind of have to ask--is Beauty and the Best actually an example of it? I would personally argue that Tangled, and the relationship between Rapunzel and Mother Gothel, has more accurate elements of Stockholm Syndrome, if only because of the power imbalance there that doesn’t exactly exist with Belle and the Beast. But that’s a post for another day.
-S
678 notes · View notes
sosaidvictoria · 3 years
Note
Hi Victoria, thank you for your wonderful Feverwake stores. The setting was very interesting and I loved your ideas about magic. The way you brought up all the (social) issues in the books, how you depicted Lehrer and how you developed Noam and Dara’s love story was really great. I think a learned a lot about abuse through your story and by discussing it with a friend. However, I still don’t understand why after everything Noam still felt so attached to Lehrer. (I'm sorry, I need another ask.)
"When realizing what an evil manipulative, narcissist bastard he is and seeing how he abused Dara and him, I hoped there could only be one feeling left: repulsion – and certainly not longing. Could you explain that to me or give me a reference to a source for "self-study". I am so bewildered by that fact. Also, did Noam fell for Dara and Lehrer at the same time or is what he felt for Lehrer very different to his love for Dara? Then what's the difference? Thank you and I'm sorry for bothering you!"
This is a good question! It's a little hard for me to explain personally I think because of personal trauma/experience, but I do have some good resources for you:
https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/why-do-i-love-my-abuser/
https://lifeisloveschool.com/articles/why-do-i-miss-my-abuser/
https://chaynpakistan.org/my-health/stockholm-syndrome-do-you-still-love-and-miss-your-abuser/
Some key quotes from the above links:
- [Stockholm syndrome] can develop as a consequence of traumatic bonding, whereby reward and punishment create fierce emotional bonds that to others may appear ‘irrational’.
- Emotionally bonding with an abuser is actually a strategy for survival for victims of abuse and intimidation. In threatening and survival situations, we look for evidence of hope — a small sign that the situation may improve. When an abuser/controller shows the victim some small kindness, even though it is to the abuser’s benefit as well, the victim interprets that small kindness as a positive trait of the captor.
- Victims can look positively on abusers and controllers for not abusing them, when in a certain situations they would expect it (victoria note: for example Noam's insistence that things with him and Lehrer are different because he hasn't been 'as bad' with Noam as he was with Dara, so therefore things are okay)
- During the relationship, the abuser/controller may share information about their past — how they were mistreated or wronged. Sympathy may develop toward the abuser.
- While these feelings can be difficult to understand, they aren’t strange and they aren’t wrong. Love isn’t something that just disappears overnight. It’s a connection and emotional attachment that you create with another person.
- Abuse typically doesn’t happen right away in a relationship, and it tends to escalate over time as an abusive partner becomes more controlling. You may remember the beginning of the relationship when your partner was charming and thoughtful. You may see good qualities in your partner; they might be a great friend to others, or maybe they contribute to their community. It’s not shameful to love someone for who they could be, or for the person they led you to believe they were.
- You might feel that if you could just do or say the “right” things, the person you fell in love with would stay and the abuse would end.
- Abusive partners are human beings who are complex, like everyone else. They may be dealing with their own traumas, past or present. As their partner, you care about them, and maybe you hoped you could help or “fix” them.
- A victim of childhood trauma relives the nightmare of their traumatic childhood when they fall prey to an abusive partner. The abusive partner slyly assumes the all-powerful parental role, while the victim regresses to a child that is eager to earn approval and avoid punishment
--
As for how Noam's love for Lehrer and for Dara differed, I ultimately think that what he felt for Lehrer wasn't real love. It was desire for unconditional acceptance...which Dara couldn't give him (because true unconditional acceptance is actually not healthy). It was desire for a father figure. It was wanting to be the exception to the rule--the only person Lehrer trusted, the only person Lehrer could rely on, etc. His relationship with Lehrer fulfilled Noam's needs of acceptance, parental love, and--maybe most tragically--being able to help/support someone. Noam at the time was completely devastated by his inability to help Dara, and his sense of complicitness in Dara's presumed death. He thinks he and Lehrer are similar, that he can help Lehrer in a way he couldn't help Dara, that he can fix Lehrer's old traumas and help him through his grief and that they will together emerge stronger for it. And so every time Lehrer hurts him, to Noam it's just another sign of things he needs to fix, it's just a symptom of Lehrer's trauma. When Lehrer would then, after, be gentle and apologetic, it's a sign that he is fixable, that if only Noam is good enough and loyal enough, he can save him. And realizing/remembering about Dara, and then about the abuse in his own relationship with Lehrer...it's kind of too late, he's already gotten himself enmeshed in this codependent relationship where his emotional needs are entirely at Lehrer's whim.
83 notes · View notes
mountphoenixrp · 3 years
Photo
Tumblr media
We have a returning citizen in Mount Phoenix:
                                  Freya, the Goddess of Fertility,                     whose origins stem from Ancient Scandinavia.                          She is now the owner of Dagger & Roses.
FC NAME/GROUP: Im Jinah ( After School ) GOD NAME: Freya PANTHEON: Norse OCCUPATION: Owner of Dagger & Roses HEIGHT: 171 cm (5 ft 6 in) WEIGHT: 49 kg (108 lbs) DEFINING FEATURES: Warm Brown Puppy Eyes Turns Silver When Uses Her Charm. Beauty Spot Under Her Left Eye.
PERSONALITY: The fairest of them all, Freyja, the goddess who was devoted to a fault constantly wanting to make everyone in presence feel special and only wishes for small trinkets to show their love to her. Their most basic desire is to be loved and accepted. They may express this by being extremely attentive and attached to other people. Freya tend to suppress her own negative emotions, which, when done frequently, can lead to high levels of stress or unexpected outbursts. The goddess is altruist, and they take seriously their responsibility to help and to do the right thing. Despite her collection of her finer things, she does spend a lot of time volunteering for charity especial animal shelters. Overall, Freya values order, love, compassion and wishes for peaceful world for all. Encourage, lift and strengthen one another. For the positive energy spread to one will be felt by us all.
HISTORY: Once upon a time, they were two beautiful Vannir god twins Freyr & Freyja, she was the goddess of fertility, love & beauty who were believed to rule the Vanaheim the land of Vanir gods. The twins along with their father Njörðr were given to the gods of Asgard in exchange for a peace treaty. The goddess naive heart fell deeply for the god Odin who became her husband by charming him with her beauty & wits however he was mysterious man who only care for seeking knowledge leaving Freyja feel such loneliness so started to fill the void with companionship of others and material possessions. It all began where she would cry unique gold tears when she missed him greatly as he was off on his adventures and the time where she could not find him as she hunted him across the earth after her beloved but once again he couldn’t be found. Freyja became known as party girl of the Aesmir as she enjoyed the simple pleasures in life, creating friendships, sharing love & living in the moment. The goddess surrounded herself with many lovers & treasures to fill the hole which her husband left inside her yet despite everything her heart still stay true to him no matter whomever she slept with, her heart still belong to Odin no matter what.
There is lot more to Freyja other than being party girl, Freya is the archetype of the völva, a professional or semiprofessional practitioner of seidr, the most organised form of Norse magic. It was she who first brought this art to the gods, and, by extension, to humans as well. Given her expertise in controlling and manipulating the desires, health, and prosperity of others, she’s a being whose knowledge and power are almost without equal. Not only she is well versed in witchcraft, Freyja is warrior goddess and she shared Odin’s love of battle. She and Odin divided the chosen slain human heroes so that some of them would come to Valhalla to live with Odin and some would go to Sessrumnir “the field of the host” – the hall of Freya. Freya War Goddess was a master of the Battle Boar whose name was Hildisvini. Her boar became the symbol of war. Apart from the boar, people believed that Freya got itchy feet that she always wanted to travel in her chariot pulled by black or grey cats. She was also in possession of a falcon feather which she used to fly across. This falcon feather once appeared in the rescue of the kidnapped Idun the goddess guarding the apples of youth. It was clear that goddess could not stand by doing nothing, she always wish to be doing something never resting or pause to think about things.
After Ragnarok everything changed, Freyja found herself in once again in a beautiful woman body along with the curse of people seeming to do anything for her. The only difference is that’s some reason her features were Asian not Nordic which was fascinating to her. The goddess saw this as do-over start over maybe found some peace & love which her heart desperately craved trying contain her thirst for battle. Living as simple human in different lifetimes, adapting to the fast-pace world. Not really feeling she belonged anywhere, she sometimes live for mortal help raise their child for some time before disappearing into night as start ask questions on why she never ages. Freyja would give herself many names throughout her travels, from Eva meaning the giver of life which is Hebrew take on Gefn which she used before when travelling Earth when searching for Odin.
Eventually Freyja finally makes her arrival to the mysterious mount phoenix not even sure what to expect in a place like this. The goddess did becomes the new owner of the flower mill since she loves the scent of flowers & beautiful staff members. As her time pretending to be human she became fond of coffee as it was her life source to get through the day. Business is mere child play for Freya too since she is very good always getting what she wants through manipulation so running flower mill wouldn’t be problem either. Unfortunately Freya had to go away on some secret business to tend to, sadly letting go of the ownership of Flower Mill. Freyja decided to create own business from scratch since there is no store which sells weapons or antiques she decided to create her own collection even selling some of her treasures. Naming the store Dagger & Roses creating floral aesthetic store with beautiful ornate swords, daggers & bows in the glass cabinets. The most dangerous things tend to be most beautiful even Freyja offering lessons to people who wish to learn art of fighting and make perfect warrior out of the customer who would be welcomed to Sessrumnir.
POWERS:
Absolute Beauty: The power to be infinitely beautiful and use it to affect others. Freyja possesses the rarest type of beauty there is ( pure infinite beauty ), which is even higher up than supernatural beauty. No one, no matter how different their beauty standards may seem, cannot deny this person’s beauty as truly unfathomable as this person possesses infinite beauty. Because of this, she can use people to get what they so desire. Some people with this ability may even have magical abilities as a result of their beauty. She can literally charm anyone into doing her bidding with a simple smile or gaze, allowing them to gain a higher advantage. Plant Generation: The power can generate plants, including vines, moss, fungi, and parts of the plants, such as leaves, seeds, fruits and flowers, whether by drawing them from already existing plants, or by manifesting them anywhere they want. The reason why flower mill always covered in such pretty floral due to this power and helps grows the freshest ingredients for her baked apple pies plus the constant supply of fresh coffee beans. Enhanced Combat: The ability to possess enhanced levels of hand-to-hand fighting skills and excel in various forms of combat. Freya fought alongside her husband Odin & Valkyries she loves good fight. Over the lifetimes she mastered various fighting styles but only to protect herself & others never fights only if she is forced too plus she trains to keep herself in shape. What do you expect from war goddess?? She’s more lover than fighter.
STRENGTHS: Freyja has level of grace, physical beauty, sense of style and social poise above that commonly found on earth. Not only she is beautiful outside, she is inside since she see her compassion & love as strength than weakness. War goddess knows how to defend herself against anything, she had to learn from previous instances of being kidnapped on how to escape through with the power of strength alone not charm or wits. She’s got silver tongue, somehow she can easily talk into doing something or her bidding if she wishes or talk her way out of it. She knows how to use her womanly charms to get what she wants and not afraid to use it. Optimistic world-view and upbeat attitude, she likes to see the world can be wonderful place despite the dark secrets and the constant war among the humans due to petty things like greed. Freyja believes in the good things and likes to share her positive opinion around. Building deep, personal connections, she likes to know what’s in people hearts to figure out whether they are good person or not. Freya doesn’t care on who you are to the society but who you are in general. She is very good at creating connections with other people cause of that curiosity. Being adaptable in stressful situations, she remains cool as cucumber as some would say. Freya knows how to handle difficult situations since she is used to being in them a lot. She spent eternity dealing Loki antics, nothing will surprise her anymore and willing to help others through the ordeal. Communicating clearly and effectively is one of main strength since she is very much social creature. Without this ability she wouldn’t been able to create the connections she has with others. Passion for serving others, she loves to please and seeing what joy it brings to others face. That what made Freyja such a good wife since she would have done anything for Odin without even thinking due to her devotion.
WEAKNESSES: Highly noticeable, can attract unwanted attention. Does not on-and-off her beauty to allow direct control or subversion of others’ wills. No control so she doesn’t know whether the person feelings are genuine or it’s her beauty curse. Most Gods are immune to her absolute beauty yet only affects them mildly but only wanting to be in her presence however it can cause humans or demi-gods to become obsessive about her. Which can be dangerous. Magpie syndrome, an irrational affinity for shiny objects. When a highly shiny object is seen by the sufferer it often may induce a compulsive need to claim it and several minutes of staring at said object in the sun. Tendency to be overly competitive or obsessive, she does like to win in without silly challenge even it simple game or something more grand. Freya already known for obsessive nature when comes to shiny things and beautiful objects even people so it is one of weaknesses for certain. Not acknowledging their own needs, she thinks about other needs before her own. Freyja is loyal to a fault and willing to go out of the way to help someone need not thinking about her needs or whether she is capable. She hates letting down other people and that’s her downfall. Taking criticism personally, words can simply cut like a sharp blade crushing Freyja instantly even though she may put on happy smile. The goddess is bleeding from the criticism even if it was over her cupcakes weren’t good enough. Criticizing themselves and others when under pressure, she is constantly questioned whether she is good enough in general and sometimes blame the others surrounding her too. It’s toxic trait she is trying her best to fix but sometimes wounds can’t be fixed so easily.
4 notes · View notes
myhauntedsalem · 3 years
Photo
Tumblr media
Children’s Encounters with the Unknown
Are Children more attuned to the supernatural?
Many researchers suspect that children, from the youngest ages and into early teens, are more likely to experience paranormal phenomena because they have not yet developed the prejudices that many adults have against such far-out, “unscientific” ideas. Perhaps they have not yet created their own filters for feelings and experiences that most of society consider irrational or abnormal. Or it could be that young brains or minds are, for whatever reason, physically more receptive to such phenomena as ghosts, near-death experiences, past-life recall and premonitions.
Whatever the reason, here are several true stories from readers that seem to confirm that children can be extraordinarily tuned in to the strange and the unexplained:
THE MYSTERY MAN
Years ago while in my teens, my mom took me with her to pick up one of her elderly friends to give her a ride to our church. We weren’t going that night, but my mom was always helpful to the senior citizens at our church. When we got to my mom’s friend’s house, mom asked me to go to the door to tell her that we were outside waiting on her.
I rang the doorbell and the elderly lady opened the door, said “hello” and left me standing in the doorway for a few minutes while she finished getting ready. The couch in the elderly lady’s living room was partially shielded by the door, but I could see a man sitting on her couch in front of her TV, which was turned on.
He never moved or spoke to me as I stood there. I was very shy and didn’t attempt to speak to him either. I distinctly remember he had on a white shirt, black pinstriped pants, black nylon socks and shiny black shoes. His hands rested on his knees. I remember that his hand was wrinkled and appeared to be that of an elderly, very dark, African-American man, but I was positioned in a way that I could not see his face.
After a few minutes, the elderly lady grabbed her coat and walked out the door locking it behind her. She left the man sitting on her couch watching television, but she hadn’t said anything to him when she left. I thought that it was rather strange, but said nothing about it to her.
After we dropped the elderly lady off at church, I said, “Mom, Mrs. McClain left a man in her house, but she didn’t say bye to him when we left.” I also told her that he was sitting on her couch in front of the TV. She asked me what he looked like because Mrs. McClain’s landlord came to visit her from time to time. I described what I saw to my mom, but told her that I didn’t see his face. My mom said that the description that I gave did not match that of her landlord, because he was a very pale-skinned man.
My mom was very concerned, so she called Mrs. McClain at church and, in order not to alarm her, asked, “Did you have some company? My daughter said that you left your TV on.” Mrs. McClain told mom she didn’t have any company that day and that she leaves her TV on whenever she goes out because she wants people to think that someone is home, so that no one will break in.
Hearing this really frightened my mom, and I guess the elderly lady could hear the fright in my mom’s voice and she started screaming out, asking my Mom, “What did your daughter see?
Please tell me, what did your daughter see? You are scaring me. I can’t go back there. What did she see?” I remember my mom having to talk to her for quite awhile to calm her down. My mom finally convinced her that we were just wondering why she had left the television on.
When my mom finally got off of the phone, we were both very shaken. I was crying and extremely afraid that I would see this man again because at this point we knew it had to be a ghost. I kept repeating, “I am so glad that I didn’t try to see his face.” My mom comforted me by saying that it was probably Mrs. McClain’s husband, who had passed away, watching out for her because she was all alone. I never saw the man again and we never told Mrs. McClain what I had really seen that evening in her house. — H. Holmes
WHAT DID BABY BROTHER SEE?
When my little brother was a baby, maybe nine months old, we lived with my grandma. My grandpa had just died. My mom was sitting in the living room around midnight trying to get my brother to sleep, but he wouldn’t stop crying. Suddenly, out of nowhere he stopped crying, sat straight up and said, “Hi, grandpa.” There was no one else in the room at all. The weird thing is, he said those words so clearly, and he had never spoken before, not even to say “mom”! — Beth B.
ANDY PANDY COMES TO PLAY
Many of your UK readers between the ages of 45 and 55 will probably remember a TV show called Watch with Mother. The show was on the BBC in the 1950s and featured a string puppet named “Andy Pandy”, and he had a sidekick named “Loopy Lou or Looby Lou”.
One day my brother and sister where playing upstairs in our front bedroom. This room was about 12 ft. x 12 ft. and had a cupboard in the corner, which was directly over the stairs. My sister and brother, both now in their late 40s, swear to this day that Andy Pandy came out of that cupboard in the corner and spent the next hour playing with them both. This Andy Pandy, however, was about four feet high and had no strings attached. I have questioned both of them over the years and still their story remains the same. – Mike C.
SHADOW PEOPLE ENCOUNTERS
When I was seven years old, one weekend I planned to stay up late downstairs playing video games and then sleep on the pull-out bed. I was preparing to go to bed when, for some reason, I got the impression that something was watching me. I got scared enough to run back upstairs, and while I was running, I could see very short (no larger than two feet tall) and squat figures darting after me. They were very indistinct in features, and appeared as nothing more than inky-black silhouettes.
Also, when my aunt was young, she was sleeping over at a friend’s house at the end of the street when she said that a “shadow man” appeared at the foot of the bed and began to call out her friend’s name. She screamed and said that it disappeared into the floor.
ACCIDENT PREMONITION
My mother’s family (parents and siblings) lived in Binghamton, New York. My dad was in the Navy and my parents, my sister and I lived in Patuxent River, Maryland. I was six years old at the time. Even though we lived in Maryland, I knew most of my mother’s family because we would visit them quite often in Binghamton, and during the summer they all came to visit us. At the time, my cousin, Marylou, who lived in Binghamton, was 11 years old.
I got home from school one day and asked my mother why Marylou was crying. She didn’t understand what I was talking about.
I told her that I heard her crying. She was quite puzzled by my statement and had no explanation. Within a few hours, the phone rang. It was my grandmother calling to say that my cousin had been hit by a car walking home from school — about the same time I told my mother I could hear her crying. I have had a few other premonitions, but this is the one I remember most. — Nancy T.
CHANTING MEN IN WHITE
I was 13 and it was quite some time after my little brother had passed away. I had wanted to be with him because I thought it would be better with him than at home. One night I was sleeping in my bed and I had felt this warm sensation. I saw this large hand come on my legs. It was so warm I had to wake up. To my surprise, there were some men standing around my bed, which was up against the wall. They were dressed in white and chanting in some language I never heard. One looked at me and then they all did and stopped chanting. Then, all in a single file, they walked out of the room.
I crawled to the end of my bed and peeked out the door to the living room. There we had a dim light on. They were gone. I was a little scared and crawled under the covers and started to pray. Then my other brother asked me if I was awake. I said yes. He asked me to come to his room. I said, “No way. You come.” But I did manage to get to his room, just to find out that my brother had gone through the exact same thing as I did. We were both scared. — Ruby
THE IMAGINARY FRIEND
When my cousin was little, she would always say that she was visited by “a friend.” My family thought this was an imaginary friend.
One day while looking through a photo album, my cousin saw a picture of her grandfather who had died only a few years before she was born. She had never seen this picture before. She said that the man in the picture (her grandfather) was the friend who visited her regularly. This is interesting because my grandfather adored his grandchildren, and I could envision him wanting to meet the one who was born after he died. — Dennis and Heather S.
SHIRLEY SAVES HER BROTHER
My mom told me this story, and she still cries when she tells it. It has never been explained. My sister, Shirley (the firstborn), died of Down Syndrome at the age of two in 1961. She had holes in her heart. Almost two years later, my mother had a baby boy, my brother, Steven.
One day in 1962, my mom was up in the attic doing some work, and my dad was in the basement in his workshop.
Steven (age one) was supposedly napping in a playpen in the den. My mom heard, clear as day, Shirley’s voice saying, “Dadda! Dadda!” … and it was as though she were right there next to her in the attic. Clear as day. My dad heard the SAME THING down in his workshop. “Dadda! Dadda!” They both say it was distinctly Shirley’s voice — loud and clear.
Dad ran up to tell mom; mom ran to tell dad. They both ran into the den, and there was baby Steven with plastic dry cleaner’s sheeting that he had reached for on the couch — and he was suffocating! Mom and dad both told us later on that it could not have been Steven calling them; he called my dad, “daddy” not “dadda,” and it was not his voice. They are convinced to this day that it was Shirley warning them that her brother was suffocating. — Donna B.
13 notes · View notes
crikekenya · 4 years
Text
ETHELLO SYNDROME
This is a psychological disorder in which a person is preoccupied with the thought that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful without having any real proof. It also called Pathological jealousy , morbid jealousy,or delusional jealousy.
Jealousy is a normal emotion. In fact, everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their lives. But, issues occur when jealousy moves from a healthy emotion to something that is unhealthy and irrational.
Whether you are the jealous partner or your spouse is the jealous one, irrational and excessive jealousy can eventually destroy your marriage.
Jealousy is a reaction to a perceived threat—real or imagined—to a valued relationship and is very common. In fact, jealousy is an issue in one-third of all couples receiving marriage counseling.
People who struggle with jealousy often experience a multitude of emotions including *fear* , *anger* , *grief* , *worry* , *sadness* , *doubt* , *pain* , *self-pity,* and *humiliation.* They also may struggle with a *sense of failure* , *feel suspicious,* or *feel threatened*
*Some symptoms of Ethello or pathological jealousy include:*
1. Accusing partner of looking or giving attention to other people.
2.Questioning of the partner's behavior.
3. Interrogation of phone calls, including wrong numbers or accidental phone calls, and all other forms of communication.
4. Not allowing any social media accounts, Facebook, Twitter etc.reading emails and texts or listening to voicemails expecting to discover infidelity or a lie
displaying unusual insecurity and fear
5. Going through the partner's belongings.
6. Always asking where the partner is and who they are with.
7. Isolating partner from their family and friends.
8. Not letting the partner have personal interests or hobbies outside the house.
9. Controlling the partner's social circle.
10. Claiming the partner is having an affair when they withdraw.
11. Accusing the partner of holding affairs when sexual activity stops.
12. Verbal and/or physical violence towards the partner, the individual who is considered to be the rival, or both.
13. Blaming the partner and establishing an excuse for jealous behavior.
14. Denying the jealous behavior unless cornered.
15. Threatening to harm
16.Texting a partner non-stop when the couple is apart.
17.Being paranoid about what the partner is doing or feeling
engaging in storytelling and making accusations that are not true.
*Note*
A little jealousy can be reassuring in a relationship and may even be programmed into us. But, a lot of jealousy is overwhelming and scary, especially because it can lead to dangerous behaviors like stalking, digital dating violence, aand physical abuse.
There’s no reason to believe that jealousy will improve with time or by getting married. Jealousy is not an emotion that can be banished with wishful thinking. It goes right to the core of the self and has deep roots. It takes awareness and effort to overcome jealous feelings.
Some possible causes of jealousy
1. Having unrealistic expectations about marriage in general
2. Maintaining unrealistic expectations of their spouse
3. Having a misguided sense of ownership over their spouse.
4. Reliving a hurtful experience of abandonment in the past.
5.Being insecure or having poor self-image
6.Fearing abandonment or betrayal
7. Worrying about losing someone or something important to them.
8.Feeling intense possessiveness or a desire for control
*Consequences of Irrational Jealousy*
If left unaddressed, over time, jealousy will wreak havoc on a relationship as the jealous person becomes more and more fearful, angry, and controlling.
Eventually, jealousy can lead to
1. Resentment and defensiveness.
2. It also will destroy the trust in a relationship
3. It lead to more arguments, especially if the jealous person makes demands and constantly questions the other person.
4. It can result in physical symptoms.Sometimes jealous people also struggle with physical reactions like trembling, feeling dizzy, depression, and having trouble sleeping.
5. Constant anger and need for reassurance also can lead to the end of the marriage or relationship, especially if they become abusive and do not deal with their jealousy in healthy ways.
*How to Handle Jealousy in Marriage*
If your marriage is experiencing jealousy issues, it is important to address it before it gets out of hand. Here are some suggestions for handling jealousy in a healthy way.
1. Realize That Some Jealousy Is Normal. There will be people and situations that threaten the security of your marriage. Whether it is a flirtatious co-worker or a job that requires a lot of travel, it is normal to experience a little bit of jealousy. The important thing is that you take time to talk about your concerns and agree on some boundaries that will protect your marriage and your hearts.
For instance, you both may agree that limiting contact with a flirtatious co-worker is important for the health of the marriage. Or, you may decide that talking at bedtime while one spouse is on the road may alleviate concerns. The key is that you discuss the issues calmly and come up with solutions together.
2. Get to the Root of the Jealousy
When one partner is feeling jealous on a consistent basis, it is important to find out why that is happening. For instance, is the jealous partner feeling insecure because you are not spending much time together as a couple? Or, does the marriage have trust issues due to infidelity? Rather than get defensive or offended by jealousy, ask questions. Try to understand where the jealousy is coming from and what can be done to alleviate it.
3. Create an Atmosphere of Trust
One of the best ways to guard against jealousy, is to create an atmosphere of trust. This process begins with both partners being trustworthy. In other words, they are faithful, committed, and honest. Trustworthy people do not lie about how they are spending their time. They also do not cheat on their spouses. If you both guard against these pitfalls, the trust in the relationship with grow and crowd out jealousy.
4.Develop a Healthy Attachment
Find ways to spend time together and bond. A marriage is more than just living together and sharing a bed. It involves showing affection, spending time together, and building an attachment to one another. What's more, any threats to your attachment should be a cause for concern. Jealousy is appropriate when it is a signal that the marriage is at risk.
5. Recognize When Jealousy Is Abusive. Jealousy in response to a real threat to the relationship is normal. But, if one partner is jealous for no reason, this could be a red flag especially if the jealousy includes extreme anger, unrealistic expectations, and unfounded accusations. What's more, this type of jealousy is not a one-time thing. It is a pattern of behavior that repeats itself over and over.
6.Coping With Your Own Jealousy
If you are the one struggling with jealousy in your relationships, you may want to think about why you are feeling jealous. For instance, do you struggle with self-esteem or are you afraid your partner will leave you? Or, has your partner been unfaithful in the past and you are worried it will happen again?
Either way, your jealous feelings need to be dealt with. The best way to do that is to find a *counselor* or a *therapist* who can help you learn to manage your jealousy in healthy ways.
Like most other difficult emotional experiences, if treated correctly, jealousy can be a trigger for growth. Addressing jealousy can become the first step in increased self-awareness and greater understanding for both you and your mate.
Here are some steps to overcoming your jealous feelings.
1.Admit that you're jealous
Accept that your jealousy is hurting your marriage
2.Discuss the roots of your jealous feelings
3. Agree not to spy on your spouse.
4. Make a decision to change your behavior.
5.Realize you cannot control someone else, but you can control your reaction
6.Set fair ground rules that you can both agree to
7.Seek professional help as a couple if necessary
*Word of advice*
When jealousy becomes unhealthy, it is hard to deal with and can destroy relationships and create toxic marriages. For this reason, if you are experiencing overwhelming jealousy that is interfering with the health of the marriage, it is important to find a neutral party to help you understand why the jealousy exists. This person can give you tools for coping with jealousy in a healthy way.
Shared by
Stephen Kamore
Counseling Psychologist
0721345450 / 0729156200
www.crikeonline.org
Instagram@ CrikeKenya
Twitter@ Crike Kenya
Tumblr@CrikeKenya
Facebook@ counseling research institute of Kenya
Read more at #counselingresearchinstituteofkenya#
Tumblr media
3 notes · View notes
Text
Therapy 24.06.19 // misguided teenager part 2
I had just said to T that I thought of my eating disorder as a misguided teenager.
“Hmm... misguided?” T says
“Yes... like I know it wasn’t a great coping strategy but it got me through a lot of difficult times.”
“But it caused you a lot of problems! ...Hmm but do you feel almost warm and attached to it?” - I nod - “Yeah... What comes to mind now is.... that thing where captives start to think their captors are good people.... Stockholm syndrome”
I don’t know where to go with that so I shrug in a non-committal way. “It just shouts at me like an irrational teenager” I say.
We have a talk about my teenagers and how they are finding their way in the world and the way they navigate and negotiate life. T asks me how I deal with them. I say about holding my ground and letting them have their rant and push the boundaries but that I don’t give in. Even though inside I want to give in and let them have their way and it makes me want to cry when they are angry with me, I have to give myself a little internal pep talk that this is good parenting and they need boundaries and will push till they find them wherever they are set. And that they are learning to be individuals and think for themselves and this is part of how they do it.
T says it’s really good that they feel able to argue with me. I say it’s not fair because when I was a teenager I never argued because I didn’t want to cause upset, so I took the upset myself and shoved it down. And now I’m a parent, I give them space to argue and I still get to be the one who’s upset. It’s not fair that I’m always the one who’s upset!
“But it’s good that even though that wasn’t your experience as a teenager, you have been able to create that space for your children to argue and express their own views. That’s really good.”
“So, how can you deal with this ed teenager? What can you say to it?”
“Umm.... it’s harder because with my teenagers I know they are separate from me and I can still think my own thoughts when I’m talking to them. But with the ed it’s like it’s inside me and takes me over and I can’t separate myself from it. So when I feel like I’m expanding and gaining weight and I want to climb out of my skin, that is my whole feeling and I can’t get outside it to know it’s not real.”
T said for next week to think about how I can deal with this fourth teenager in my life.
8 notes · View notes
meangirlsx · 5 years
Text
I recently became aggressively re-addicted to the Percy Jackson series and obviously one of the things it’s known for is being super diverse and having amazing representation. That got me thinking about how much representation I can find for myself in the stories, and even though they’re fictional, I’ve come to the conclusion that I could be the daughter of Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase.
Physical and mental:
My hair is naturally blonde, wavy, and messy. 
I’ve never known how to describe my eye color because they’re green but in a way I haven’t seen in other people. I’ve decided on “stormy green” because they’re a mix of dark green, a medium sort of sea green, gray, and a bit of blue.
I have a disorder that affects half of my cells, so I’m literally a half-blood.
The disorder also causes the equivalent of ADHD, as well as dyscalculia.
I’m not dyslexic, but I do mix words and letters around sometimes in my head (like, the other day, I tried to write “goat” and it came out as “toga”).
Personality – Annabeth:
I always have a plan. Planning is seriously like My Thing™️.
I read all the time.
I’m super arachnophobic. Like, super super.
I believe I can do anything, not really in a hubris way but more like I don’t give myself any option other than to be able to handle anything, and I believe that if I work hard enough and try hard enough, I can.
I’m always the one who stays calm and takes the lead when problems come up. People turn to me because they know I’ll be fine and in control when everyone else is freaking out, and they know I’ll already have a plan or come up with one quickly.
I’m working on it, but I’ve never been good with being open about my feelings and anger seems to be the one that comes out if I’m trying to hide another emotion.
I always worked hard in school and was always in the top of my class from elementary school all the way through college, where I graduated summa cum laude.
Logic is my go-to way to handle pretty much everything, and I always try to talk my way around a situation.
My go-to hairstyle is a ponytail.
Willpower, determination, stubborn nature, whatever you want to call it, I probably have too much of it. I very, very rarely give up, even when I probably should.
Personality – Percy:
I’ve always felt very at home in the water and never want to get out.
Growing up (and if we’re being really honest, even now), whenever I’ve been on a beach and standing at the edge of the water or in the water, I always felt like I could feel a conversation between me and some unknown man who was trying to look out for me. 
At the same time, I’ve always had this irrational fear of deep water like I’m afraid of sea monsters or other, larger, scary creatures that live in deeper, darker water. It’s like I imagine what else could be there even though I know it’s irrational.
My fatal flaw would very probably be loyalty.
My biggest fear is losing/hurting the people I love, or not being able to save them.
Sometimes my sense of humor can be really stupid, but I’ve learned that when I’m tired and my filter is down, my sarcasm goes way up to the point of shocking people around me.
I am forever the mom friend, worried about everyone, feeling responsible for them and anything that happens, and ready to protect them at a moment’s notice.
I have like a quietly rebellious side that I try not to let get me in trouble but of course sometimes it does, and I don’t like being told what to do.
I’m really perceptive and observant, but sometimes I could win a gold medal in missing the most obvious things.
My moral compass is my guiding force and I strive to be as kind as possible until the situation calls for otherwise.
Personality – both/general:
I’m usually the leader of groups. It comes naturally to me, and I always do my best to lead with compassion, empathy, understanding, strength, and bravery. 
I’m always looking for signs of trouble even when I know there shouldn’t be any.
I’ve always had this urge to go fix/solve/save something/someone. I call it chronic hero syndrome.
Disaster seems to have a knack for finding me.
I’ve always sworn my dad wasn’t really my dad and I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my parents while also loving my mom more than anything.
I’ve always been really into mythology and unreasonably attached to it.
I’m pretty sure this is true for almost everyone, but I’ve always felt like strange things happen to or around me and no one else ever seems to notice, or they come up with some explanation that really doesn’t fit.
I regularly get the feeling I’m being watched or followed when I have no real indication that I am.
My dreams are almost always weird and/or elaborate, but there have been many times where I’ve had strangely specific recurring dreams, a dream that basically came true, or a dream that ended up clearly being a warning.
I don’t know if this is really related but it feels worth mentioning: I get these gut feelings about the future that don’t seem to be based on any consciously perceivable facts.
For example, I’m moving later this year and planned to live with a friend, but for some reason, ever since we agreed to live together, I had a feeling I couldn’t shake that said this girl and I weren't actually going to live together. Now, months later, I just found out that she isn’t going to be able to room with me.
Or, one time when I was still in college, during a week before I went home for a weekend, I got a weird feeling that I should move an envelope I had that was full of money, but I never did. I also had a weird feeling about a door in the house. Over that weekend, someone broke into the house back on campus by kicking in that door I had a bad feeling about, and one of the things they took was my envelope of money.
And it’s that kind of stuff that seems to happen a lot, where I have an unexplainable feeling that ends up being true.
I’ve always been into the idea of fate, but making your own fate at the same time. I don’t really know how to explain it, but like when you put your music on shuffle and skip songs until you get to one you really want to listen to. Like the universe has some kind of force, but we make the decisions.
Honestly I could probably keep going but at this point it’s becoming an essay so I’m going to stop here.
Basically, I am so impressed by the amount of representation Rick includes in these stories and I am so, so grateful for it. We can find ourselves in his characters in ways we never even imagined possible. He latched onto things every kid feels but never really says, and he gave us mirrors and role models we never knew we lacked and needed.
Seriously bless Uncle Rick.
25 notes · View notes
princesstarazi · 5 years
Text
you are enough. you have value just because you exist.
something i’ve recognised in myself recently is that i was definitely raised to place my value on my intelligence and academic success. i’m not trying to blame my parents for my self esteem or imposter syndrome (that’s not to say you should forgive your family if they have played a damaging role in your early life) and i’m sure to them, teaching me to put value on my intelligence probably seemed more progressive or feminist or whatever than teaching me to place value on my appearance. but whatever you were raised to put value on, the truth is that you have value just because you exist. your worth is not determined by your intelligence or your appearance or what you think you have to contribute to the world.
you are enough just as you are. you’re not worthless.
if, like me, it is hardwired into your brain to let your value be determined by how successful you are at school or work and suffer with these negative feelings imposter syndrome brings that tell you someone is going to find out you’re not clever or talented and everything will be ruined, you’re not alone. it is not irrational or ridiculous to have those fears when that is what you’ve been raised to attach your sense of self worth to. it takes time but with work and the right help, you can overcome these things. you’re enough exactly as you are and you don’t need to constantly prove yourself. you are enough and sometimes you just need to hear that.
16 notes · View notes