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lilulo-12fanfiction · 4 years

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Flicker, Fade Part 1

Here it finally is! So this is definitely going to be a multi-part story. I’m not sure if it’ll be 2 or 3 parts yet. We all know how wordy I like to get. I’m having fun with this one. I hope you enjoy it! I love writing OC characters because I like being able to describe their appearance. This story gives me the opportunity to do that, but still use it as a reader insert.

The word count obscene 15,000 even. I’m so sorry!

This is a combo of two requests. @justkending requested a Steve Rogers x Reader with prompts: “I warned you about him, yet again you didn’t listen.” and “It’s 6am- you’re not having vodka. @asgardiangurll requested a Steve Rogers x Reader with with prompts:”I’m never going to stop protecting you.”“You are seriously like a man child”

As always likes, comments and reblogs are SO APPRECIATED. Requests are open (Avengers, Supernatural, TVD/The Originals. I do dabble in some Green Arrow and The Flash (DC TV Only please). Prompt list can be found here.

Please let me know if you would like to be added to this tag list or one of my others.

Avengers Tag List: @shreddedparchment @fanfictionjunkie1112 @this-is-mycrisis @geeksareunique @mikariell95

Avengers Masterlist

Fate is a funny thing. Your mother always used to tell you that everything happened for a reason. The idea that going through difficult times to prepare you for what was to come or to lead you to something better kept you going, even in your darkest of times.

You grew up in New England with your mother, father and baby sister Ella. She had been the best surprise of your lives. You were 13 when your mother got pregnant. Everything happens for a reason and you were thrilled to have a sibling.

As a graduation gift and an 18th birthday present, You, your parents and your sister took a trip to tour Europe. You had never been happier.l, you were one of those kids that would rather hang out with your parents than a bunch of friends. Spending time with Ella was the highlight of your day, every day. The day of your 18th birthday had been one of your happiest. You spent an incredible day at Brighton Beach building sand castles with Ella and enjoying the amusement park rides in the seaside resort town. Her laugh as you whipped around the tilt-a-whirl would be embedded in your soul for the rest of your days. Your dad had ridden with you on all of the roller coasters and rides deemed too scary by Ella. Your mom wasn’t much of a ride person, but damn did she love her carnival games. Once you were back in London, your life would be changed forever. One moment your father was driving the three of you down the street laughing about how strange it was to drive on the opposite side of the street and the next you were being T-Boned by another vehicle.

Your parents and sister had been killed on impact. You had barely survived. Someone had pulled you from the wreckage. You were rushed to the hospital and woke up 2 days later. Before you even opened your eyes you knew something was different. You were completely healed. No lasting injuries, no deficits except the gaping hole in your heart. The doctor there tried to calm your anxieties, telling you everything was fine and you were just lucky. Somehow you knew the doctor was lying to you about how you had been treated. That night you had gone into the bathroom to examine yourself and were shocked by what you saw. Your natural hair color had been transformed into a liquid black that cascaded down your body. The most startling change was your eyes. Your once very normal eye color had been transformed into a shade of violet.

You had been frantically studying your altered appearance when the little girl sharing your hospital room bad woken up crying after a nightmare. You had sat down on her bed to comfort her. That was when you knew someone in that hospital had done something to you. By simply placing your hand over her arm, the bruises she had from falling out of a tree healed. You had heard about enhanced humans, you had seen them on your TV. Someone had turned you into one. The doctors that healed you had no idea what they had created, they couldn’t have. They never would have let you leave. The fear of becoming a lab rat caused you to keep it to yourself and when they finally discharged you, you got back to the US as fast as you could.

You had tried to dye your hair back to its normal state, but nothing would change the jet black that framed you. You took to wearing blue contacts to make your eyes appear a more normal color. You found out the doctor that treated, turned you into what you had become was looking for you. Once your family was returned home and buried you disappeared from everything you had known and loved about your home. You effectively erased Y/N Y/L/N from existence by faking your own death. People were led to believe you took your own life. After loosing everything you loved it wasn’t hard for people to believe. You had to leave everything about who you were behind.

Three years later, with a new identity, you were living in New York City working as a freelance journalist. You had changed your name to Camille Ballard and were trying to live a semblance of a normal life pretending you didn’t have any special abilities when a man opened fire on a huge crowd. You had grabbed a nearby child, held them close to you to protect them. Without evening trying, you formed a purple force field around the two of you, saving both of your lives. As soon as you realized what happened, you rushed home and packed as much of your belongings as fast as you could and planned on making a break for it. If that doctor saw footage of what you just did, he might figure out you were alive and come looking again.

Luckily for you, Iron Man had been there to help with the situation and saw what you had done. Before you had the chance to catch a bus, he found you and was set on recruiting you for The Avengers.

“Mr. Stark...you’re mistaken. That wasn’t me. I’m nobody. I’m like a ghost.” You were desperate to convince him you weren’t who he thought you was. But he knew.

“Then why are you trying to bolt with almost everything you own? C’mon kid...you don’t have to live a life on the run. I can help you. You don’t HAVE to be a ghost.” He wouldn’t relent and he wouldn’t let you leave.

Even though everything in your brain told you to run, your lonely heart was begging you to trust him, to let him in. He had saved the world more than once and here he was offering to save you. Your heart won and you broke down and told him your story. Tony Stark, with all of his bravado held you as you sobbed for your lost family, your identity and assuaged your fears of not knowing what had been done to you.

“Cam...I can call you Cam right?” His kind smile put you at ease. He made quite a few promises to you. He offered you a home and a family of sorts. He promised that he would find out what had been done to you. He promised to give you a purpose. Just like you knew that doctor was lying to you the day your parents died, you knew you could trust Tony Stark. Your mother’s voice telling you everything happened for a reason echoed in your brain. You had been given a gift, it was your responsibility to use it to do something good in this world. It was the best way to honor your parents and sister.

Tony eased you into life at The Avengers compound. He insisted you see a trauma counselor to really deal with the loss of your family. You had protested at first, you didn’t want to open up those wounds. He brought you to meet Pepper. She was the one that convinced you to get the emotional help you needed. She told you about Tony’s PTSD and how it had affected both of them. She promised that she and Tony would be there for you as you dealt with all of the pain you had buried for years. You finally agreed.

Once you were settled, Tony and Bruce began running tests to see if they could figure out what had happened to you. Best they could tell, someone had injected you with a serum, they just couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. Clearly it had been experimental because neither of them had seen anything like your blood work before. Bruce had been fascinated by your blood test results. Tony had been able to get his hands on old blood work from a well child visit when you were a kid to compare it to your blood today.

“Whatever they gave you changed your DNA entirely.” Bruce had been entirely fascinated until he saw the look on your face. “I’m sorry Camille. I know you feel like a science project.” Bruce knew all too well what it was like to be changed to your core. You realized that day you had made the right decision by coming to the compound. For the first time in years, you didn’t feel alone.

6 months after you had gotten there Tony had taken to calling you The Protector. You could heal yourself and others. Your fight or flight response produced the protective force field that would encompass you and anyone close to you. After a few months of work you could create them on demand. Your enhancements also made you as close to a human lie detector as someone could get. It took intense concentration to be able to tell if someone was trying to deceive you. Your new abilities made it so you couldn’t be hurt by anything physically or emotionally by anyone’s lies.

Once you had handle on what you could do, you needed to be able to fight, protective force fields weren’t enough. Offense was just as important as defense. Tony had paired you up with Bucky Barnes for your training. He and Bucky had gotten past their differences and Tony was in a mission to help put the Sergeant back together again. Tony was good at fixing people. You were Bucky’s first real assignment. Tony had a feeling that you would help James Barnes as much as he would help you.

Tony had been right. You kept a wall around yourself built with bricks of sarcasm, sass and witty comebacks. Bucky recognized this immediately and sought to dismantle your carefully constructed barrier to block anyone from getting too close to you. One night he had pushed you past your limits and you had broken down. Once the floodgates opened you couldn’t shut them. Bucky was the only other person you confided your full story in. Like Tony, you knew your secrets were safe with him.

Bucky had experienced his fair share of loss. He had been experimented on without his permission. He understood, he could empathize. He used your training to help you work through your anger and grief. You excelled under his instruction. You were a hell of a hand to hand fighter and other than Bucky you had the best shot in the compound. Your aim and speed with a firearm was impeccable. Slowly, Bucky became your best friend.

After almost two years of hard work and training you had been officially made an Avenger and had been working mission after mission for almost 8 months straight. It felt great to be able to help so many people, including your teammates. But you needed a little break to recharge. You requested some time off and decided to let loose a little bit. You had spent the evening out with some of the SHEILD agents. You had become friends with a couple of the girls that were in the cadet training program.

“Cami, I warned you about him, yet again you didn’t listen. You never listen when it comes to guys.” Bucky was giving you the once over. 6AM and you had stumbled back into the compound. You had stayed with one of the girls to sober up a little bit and were hoping to sneak back in unnoticed but Bucky was up early to train with Steve.

“I know...I know. But he was so cute, I was hoping he’d try to be a gentleman.” You pulled a bottle of Tony’s expensive Vodka out of the cabinet Bucky raises his eyebrows. “Just trying to ease into the hangover.” He grinned and shook his head. As you poured a shot, the bane of your existence stormed into the kitchen. Steve Rogers looked your tight jeans, heels and fitted black T-Shirt and scoffed in judgment.

“There you are Camille, I’ve been trying to find you since last night. Are you just getting home?” You gave him a deadpanned look. “Is there a reason why Agent Harrington is out of field work for two weeks with a broken nose and two black eyes and a concussion?” He had his hand on his hip and he was glowering at you.

“Well Agent Handsy was given fair warning” Bucky leaned against the counter. Watching you and Steve verbally spar was his favorite show. You said you hated Steve and his self righteous attitude. Steve said you got under his skin and didn’t appreciate your mouth and sarcasm. It was really a poor way to veil your mutual attraction. He saw how your eyes would linger on Steve while training. He watched Steve’s eyes soften on you anytime he thought no one was looking.

“What do you mean?” Steve’s voice dropped lower. First he was ready to rip you a new one, but he didn’t like the idea of anyone putting unwelcome hands on you. He rolled his jaw wanting to give the agent a few injuries himself.

“He thought that buying me two drinks gave him permission to put his hands on my ass. I told him otherwise. He did it again and I told him if he didn’t keep his hands to himself I was going to break his face. He thought that was an invitation to try and dip his hand down the back of my pants. I saw that as an invitation to bash his face into the bar. Maybe he’ll listen to the next girl and keep his hands to himself. Maybe if he apologizes, and means it, I’ll heal his pretty boy face.” It was out of character for you to lay hands on someone like that, but you couldn’t help but think of him doing this to some other poor girl who couldn’t stop him. He needed to be taught a lesson.

“That’s my girl!” Bucky laughed. The douchebag had it coming in his opinion. He was proud of you for sticking up for yourself.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t reprimand your for defending yourself . “I’ll have a talk with him.” You raised both of your eyebrows at Bucky in surprise. It didn’t matter what you did or the reasoning, Steve was usually pissed at you. He took the shot from in front of you and dumped it down the sink. Your jaw dropped and you glared at him.

“Hey!” You protested. It was Steve’s turn to roll his eyes.

“It’s 6am- you’re not having vodka.” You threw your hands up.

“What are you my dad? I’m on vacation.” You tried to reason, tone laced with sass, arms crossed in front of you. It was sometimes hard for Steve to believe you weren’t somehow related to Tony Stark.

“About that. I have a mission in South America and you need to come with me.” As much as your attitude pissed Steve off, you were a good teammate and excellent at what you did. You deserved some time to yourself, but he needed your skill set.

“What? No! C’mon! you promised me 7 full days off Freeze Pop.” Steve rolled his jaw at the nickname silently cursing Tony. His frustration with you was building up again. Why couldn’t you just do as you were asked, just once, without arguing.

“You speak Spanish fluently and I need a female agent with me.”

“So does Natasha. Last I checked she was also a female. Take her. I’m not really interested in pretending to be your significant other.” You knew the mission that he was referring to. The target was in vacation with his wife at some resort. The plan has been for a pair to pose as a couple on their honey moon to gain access to the resort and get closer and obtain as much intel as possible.

“It’s a recon mission. We only have one working appearance enhancer so I won’t be recognized. Nat is too recognizable. Plus you also have an uncanny ability to sense when someone is lying.”

“Natasha is an ex super spy. She would figure it out!” You knew you were fighting a loosing battle. Steve didn’t know why you really had asked for the time off, and you weren’t about to share your deepest secrets with him.

“Look, Nat is with Clint and his family for the weekend. I’m not asking her to come back.” Steve was fighting the urge to yell at you. He just wanted you to be compliant, just this one time. The idea of being close to you and alone with you had him unnerved.

“Of course. We wouldn’t want to ruin HER time off. This is bullshit!” Your voice dripped with sarcasm. You knew you were acting like a brat. You wouldn’t ask Natasha to come back. You were hoping to get him to push the mission back. Bucky’s head bounced back and forth between the two of you. He watched as Steve’s jaw clenched one more time and the little vein in his forehead pop. You were one of the few that brought this side of him out. He had infinite patience for anyone but you.

“ENOUGH!l He finally snapped. “Agent Romanoff has more than paid her dues! She’s been at it for years! I’m not going to drag her back from time with what she considers her family so you can go on a bender.” You took a few steps back and recoiled. Steve immediately regretted it. “Camille...”

“No it’s fine Captain. I get it. My need for a break is less important because what? I’ve been fighting with you for less time? I haven’t paid enough dues for you yet? Got it. Let me go get some sleep so I’ll be refreshed enough to serve you. Send me the itinerary so I’m ready when wheels go up. I’m a B-Team Avenger. No one knows who I am so for once in your eyes it makes me an asset.” You turned quicker not wanting him to see how upset you were. He wouldn’t understand why you were so upset. You thought it better he see you as a selfish brat than a broken woman.

“Cam...” Bucky’s voice trailed and you avoided his grasp.

“It’s fine Buck.” You quickly retreated. You’d be damned if you let Steve have the satisfaction of making you cry. If he knew the real reason you were brought to tears he wouldn’t revel in it. To Steve Rogers you were young, bratty and had a problem with authority. You’d like to keep it that way. It protected you.

Bucky gave Steve a dirty look and threw his hands up. “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.” Steve deflated. “She’s just so infuriating. Every time she rolls her eyes at me I want to throttle her. It’s not like she can’t have her time off after we get back.” Your reaction didn’t sit right with Steve. You gave him a hard time, all the time, that was true. But you never argued about a mission.

“You know...if you dealt with your feelings, you might be able to keep it together with her." Bucky shook his head and started retreating from the kitchen. Steve cared about you, anyone that knew you could see you were funny, smart, caring and willing to put yourself on the line for anyone else. But you were afraid of letting too many people get close to you. Bucky knew you were afraid to really care about someone and lose them like you did your family. He knew you felt something for Steve Rogers too. So you kept him at arms length with attitude that drove Steve up the wall.

"Feelings? I have no feelings." Steve's face clouded with confusion. Bucky dramatically rolled his eyes. Apparently everyone was spending too much time with Tony. He turned and headed to follow you. “I thought we were training?” Steve called after Bucky.

"I'm going to check on Cami and make sure she's alright.” Bucky pauses for a moment. “There’s a reason why she gets under your skin. Ponder that.” Steve groaned as he watched Bucky retreating down the hallway.

***

"Hey! Knock much?!” You yelled out covering your shirtless torso with your blanket as Bucky barged in. He wiggled his eyebrows at you.

"That’s what you get for giving me the code to your room. Nothing I haven't seen before."

"Um...you haven't seen mine." He grinned at you and shut your door.

"Eh...you see one set, you've seen them all." you shook your head and rolled your eyes.

“You are seriously like a man child. Stop ogling me or I’m telling Nat.” You grabbed your shirt and turned around to throw it over your body. Bucky and Nat had been dating for about 6 months. You had watched him pine after her while he had been training you. It had been a relief when she finally made a move because he clearly never would. They were an excellent couple.

“Umm, hate to break it to you but Nat and I ogle you together behind your back. You’re hot and you have a killer ass. Plus she knows we’re BFFs and nothing is ever going to happen between us.” You felt your face heat up and laughed out loud at the thought of Bucky and Nat checking you out together.

“What do you want Bucky?" you asked while laughing.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright. He didn't mean it like that."

"I know. I'm just oversensitive and cranky because I only slept like 3 hours. I'll be fine after a nap." You climbed into your bed and rolled onto your side, your back facing Bucky. You were oversensitive, but you weren't fine. You felt a melt down bubbling under the surface. You just wanted Bucky to leave so you could do so in peace. Not that he hadn't ever seen you cry before, you just hated an audience. Instead of hearing him leave, you felt the bed sink as he sat down next to you.

“He doesn’t know why you wanted this week in particular off. If you would open up to him or to anyone else a little bit more they would all be there for you, support you. C’mon Cam, look at me.” When you didn’t respond, Bucky sighed, brushed the hair off the side of your face. “I wish you would talk to him. I think if you guys put your egos in check and opened up to each other you’d be really close. You should tell him it’s the anniversary of the accident. He’d want to be there for you. Steve is a good guy. The best guy I’ve ever known. You just needle each other. You’re the first person to really challenge him other than Tony. He doesn’t know how to handle it.” You scoffed. Steve Rogers was a first class asshole to you ever since your first mission with him. You sensed the mission was a set up, your insides had felt like they were on fire. You tried to tell him but he pushed forward with the mission. Sam has gotten pretty hurt. After you healed him you had lost your shit on Steve. It had been downhill from there. It was messed up, but you got a rush out of giving him a hard time.

You hated to admit it, but Steve Rogers was the most attractive asshole you’d ever laid eyes on. You often found yourself daydreaming about his hands. You had a thing for his hands. You got goosebumps anytime he touched you. He had gripped your hips one day trying to adjust your stance and it took all of your self-control not to throw yourself at him. And then there were his lips. His perfect pink lips that you wanted to devour just to shut him up.

You were jolted from your thoughts as Bucky leaned over and kissed your cheek. “I’ll come back in a couple of hours to wake you up with coffee and some food. Then I’ll help you pack for your ‘couples retreat’. By the way, I expect hilarious text updates since I won’t be there to witness the shit show of this mission.” You didn’t need to turn to picture the stupid smirk on his face. You and Steve would be investigating a crime ring. Some rich white guy hiding in Buenos Aires. Illegal arms deals, drugs, and pretty much anything else nefarious was in this guys wheelhouse. That was why Steve needed a female agent that wasn’t well known yet. He would be expecting the Avengers. This guy would see Natasha coming from 29 miles away.

“Thanks Bucky. In all seriousness you have saved me in so many ways.” you mumbled as he stood up to leave.

“Anytime kid, anytime.” He slowly retreated as you settled into your bed to go to sleep.

True to his word, Bucky came back with food and coffee a few hours later expecting to have to drag you from your bed. Instead he found you standing in front of the mirror on your closet door studying yourself. Freshly showered, your long black hair was fastened into a braid that served as your crown. It had taken one guy to grab you by the ponytail during a mission for you to change your hairstyle. That braided crown was now your signature look.

Instead of your black body suit you wore on missions you were clad in denim shorts and a tank top with tropical flowers and a pair of flip flops. ucky had a feeling the short shorts were to get under the skin of a certain Super Soldier.t. The blase look on your face told him you didn’t even realize you were dressed to drive Steve Rogers mad. You would have a certain gleam in your eye any time you did something to torture the poor Captain. He had seen Steve staring at your ass many times. Bucky took pleasure in the deep blush on Steve’s face any time he called him out. Those shorts were going to drive him insane.

“No suit?” You looked up when he questioned you.

“Not needed. It’s packed but we’re going to the safe house first and then we’ll take a cab to the hotel to make it look like we came from the airport.”

“You look cute.” He grinned. You threw a sneaker at him that he easily dodged.

“South America in the summer is stifling.” Your voice was flat, missing the normal spark.

“Doll, did you even sleep?” You looked over at him with a sad smile. It was jarring to see you so vulnerable. Bucky knew it had to feel good to let your guard down and just feel your feelings. You didn’t do it often. It was reserved for himself and Tony. He just hated that empty look in your eyes.

“That shot of Vodka would have helped.” You took a long sip of the coffee he brought you. “I’ll be fine Sergeant. Actually maybe working is better than not working.” Bucky pulled you into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry Cam. I really am. I wish I could go back and change everything for you.” You pulled back and looked at him.

“No. Everything happens for a reason. I have to believe that my parents and sister were saved from something much worse. I can’t live in regret or in the past. I’ve always given myself these few days to wallow. Maybe it’s time I move on from that too.”

“You’re so wise.” He grinned trying to lighten to mood. You groaned and pushed him away. He sat with you in a comfortable silence as you ate.

“When does Nat come back?” You finally spoke.

“Couple of days. She wanted me to tell you how sorry she was that she’s not here so you didn’t have to go.” You shook your head.

“You tell her there is nothing to be sorry for. She deserves her time with those kids. I know how much she loves them. I’m not mad at her and you know I really wouldn’t have let Steve call her back. He just caught me off guard.” Bucky picked up your bags and nodded to the door.

“C’mon, I’ll walk you to the jet.” You followed Bucky out of your room, part of you dreading this mission with Steve and part of you excited at the idea of really being alone with him.

***

“Agent Harrington- I expect that you’ve learned your lesson and will be keeping your hands to yourself from now on.” Steve glowered over the young agent. He had been ripping into him for the past half an hour.

“Seriously? Look what she did to me?!” He finally erupted.

“You put your hand in her pants. And before you try to deny it, someone already corroborated.”

“Of course they did.” Steve was appalled that he was showing no remorse what so ever.

“Something like this happens again and you will be discharged from this program, do you understand me?” He finally relented.

“Yes Sir.” He dropped his attitude. As he turned to leave you stood there with Bucky wide eyed. You thought Steve’s ire was reserved just for you. You hadn’t expected him to defend your honor. Steve’s deep blue eyes met yours for a moment and the fire behind them made your heart clench. Agent Harrington gave you an icy stare as he walked past you, but you were too busy staring at Steve to notice.

“I’m just gonna put your bags in the jet.” Bucky rushed past Steve to give the two of you a moment.

“He touches you again...he even glances in your direction in an unsavory way and you tell me.” Steve’s voice was low. You could only nod as your mouth had gone completely dry.” You blinked back shock a few times.

“Th-Thanks.” you finally managed to stutter. You couldn’t get over the way he was looking at you.

“There she is!” Steve watched your face light up at the sound of Tony’s voice, disappointed that he wasn't the one that caused the excitement in your eyes.

“I’ll meet you on the Jet. Take off in 5.” You nodded and turned to Tony.

“What are you doing here?” You didn’t think Tony was even on site today.

“Well...Cap told me about the impromptu mission so I just wanted to check on you. I know this is a hard few days for you.” He had his hand on your cheek and was smiling down at you. Tony Stark was looking at you like his own daughter. It choked you up a little bit.

“I’ll be fine. It’s probably better I’m going to be busy.”

“You sure? I can put the kibosh on this whole thing. Rogers thinks he’s in charge but we all know it’s me.” You laughed and he hugged you. "Did you get a chance to read the case file?"

"Yes Tony. Martin Cobb. Top one percenter, runs a BioTech firm Cobb International and owns multiple properties. We've got tips that he may be smuggling street drugs and illegals arms through the southern border. We're going down to whatever the hell that resort in Argentina is called. We received intel that he and his wife will be there this week. We're going in just looking for information from any of his associates and to get eyes on Cobb and watch him interact."

"Okay, just wanted to make sure you had everything. Don't do anything stupid. If you can interact with him safely, great. If not, stay away from him. We just want info, we don't want to tip our hand just yet." You nodded at Tony and he hugged you again. "When you get back, we're celebrating your birthday." He held his finger up before you could argue. "Yes. It's been 5 years. You should be celebrated." As much as you wanted to argue with him, you knew it was pointless. You simply hugged him again, thankful that he came into your life when he did.

Across the hangar, Steve was watching you and Tony with intrigue. He looked over at Bucky.

“What’s going on with her? Why is Tony here.” Steve rolled his eyes as Bucky shrugged. Frustrated that he knew there was something deeper here, but that no one would tell him. “Look I know there are things about her that I don’t know. I know she’s confided in you. Tony found her, I don’t even know where, and he kept her hidden for months and then he’d only let you train her. Is there something I should be worried about? Is there something I should know?” Bucky put your bags down.

“I can’t share her story. That’s for her to decide to share. She’s fine. You know Tony loves her like she’s his own kid. She’s never gone on a mission that he hasn’t seen her off on if he wasn’t going. She’s been through some shit. Tony knew that she and I would be a good fit. And he was right. Just try and not to let her get to you. Try keeping your temper in check and maybe she’ll open up to you.“ Steve did have a short fuse when it came to you.

“Rogers! Take care of my girl!” Tony yelled as you stepped towards the jet.

“Bye Bucky.” You gave him a quick side hug. “Ready Captain?” The mischief was back in your eye. He watched you walk onto the jet and groaned a little. You were going to kill him over these next few days if you were wearing outfits like that. Bucky clapped him on the shoulder but kept his comments to himself and headed back inside of the compound.

***

You were following Steve into the safe house from the jet. He was carrying 99% of everything. He’d only relented to let you carry your own bags. It must have been a 40s thing. He and Bucky would rather walk on hot coals than let you open your own door or carry more than them. You laughed when you entered the little cabin. While it didn’t look like much in the outside, it was very clearly a Tony Stark property.

“What’s funny?” He turned to you. It was a genuine question, you were used to his voice being laced with irritation

“I think safe house...I don’t think California King, high tech computers and what I’m assuming is a stocked fridge.” The one room cabin had a kitchen that led to a huge room with the large bed, a decent size couch against the wall and a computer station with dual monitors.

“That’s Tony for you.” You hummed in response. “So I just have to check a few things before we go to the hotel. You could uh, take a nap if you want. You look tired.” Your brow furrowed. Normally he would have lectured you about not getting more rest and being out all night. This must have been written across your face because he followed it up. "I know this mission wasn't planned."

“Can’t sleep.” You simply stated. You saw concern lacing his features. “I could use some fresh air. I’m going to check out our private beach if you’re sure you don’t need me?” The idea of a private beach for a "safe house" was hilarious to you.

“I’ll come get you when we’re ready to go. You nodded and headed to the back door. You paused before opening it and looked back to find Steve still staring at you. You gave him a small smile, still unnerved and slipped out the back door.

The warm briny air assaulted your senses, bringing you back to the last day with your family so many years ago. You sat down in the sand far enough back so were you were seated was dry, but just close enough to the water to where the waves washed over your feet and ankles as you extended them out. The tide was strong, you assumed that storms would be headed this way within a few days. Hopefully you and Steve were back home before that happened.

"Y/N! Y/N! Look at my sand castle!" Ella's excited voice flooded your memories. Her vibrant face and brilliant eyes laced with happiness as she pulled you to the little mound of sand she had created.

"Wow Ella, that's beautiful. What do you say we make a mansion for all of the little sea creatures here?" You sat down in the wet sand and grabbed her shovel and pales and began building your masterpiece.

Ella's giggles rang through the air as the tilt-a-whirl spun you around and slammed her little body into yours. "Again! Again!" She yelled as she dragged you off of the ride and back into the line.

You watched from a distance as your mother and Ella pointed the water guns at their targets, trying to get Ella a bigger, better prize as your father stood with his arm around you in line for the roller coaster. He pulled you close to him for a side hug. "I'm so proud of you Y/N. You worked so hard. You're an amazing sister. We're all going to miss you so much when you're at college in the fall. I can't wait to see the amazing things you do with your life. Happy Birthday sweetheart."

Metal crunching. Screams. The smell of copper assaulting your senses as you felt someone grip you by the waist and pull you out of the back seat. Flashing lights and sirens.

Your brain was assaulted with memories you often pushed down, but when you felt the foamy water hit your toes....you couldn't stop it. You didn't notice anyone approaching, not realizing you had been outside for almost an hour. After sitting for a while, you had stood and slowly strolled along the shore trying to push out the horrific memories of the accident and replace them with the happy ones of that day. You defensively smacked a hand away that gripped your shoulder your brought your foot down in a sweep to knock them down and spun, ready for a fight. The man sitting in front of you had Auburn hair and hazel eyes. You had no idea who he was, but then you gave yourself a second to notice his other features. That jaw line was unmistakable and you would recognize his hands anywhere. It took you a moment to realize who you were looking at and what you had done.

"Oh my god, Steve I'm so sorry. You scared the hell out of me. I’m- I’m not wearing the contacts so I couldn’t see through the appearance changing thing. I didn’t realize." You felt your face heat up in embarrassment. You put your hand out and helped pull him to his feet.

"It's okay. I didn't mean to scare you. I called your name but you didn't hear me. I forgot I looked different. Great reflexes by the way. Wait...are you crying? Why are you crying?" You quickly wiped the tears from your face, looking away.

"I'm not...it's, it's nothing. I'm fine." you stammered, cursing yourself for not being more self aware. Steve took a tentative step towards you, when you didn't flinch back, he put his hand on your cheek and turned your face back to him.

"It's not nothing. You wouldn't cry over nothing." He wiped a stray tear from your cheek. The way he was looking at you made you want to break down and tell him all of your secrets. Instead, you steeled yourself. Steve could literally see something change in your eyes as you pulled yourself together.

"You know I'm dramatic Steve." you adverted your eyes again. You felt his body deflate as he sighed.

"Camille...please don't do that. Please don't. Please don't cheapen your feelings and act like it's trivial." You felt your defenses building.

"Why do you care Steve? You hate me." You felt guilty as you saw a look of hurt pass his eyes.

"I...I don't hate you. I know I give you a hard time. But I don't hate you."

"Can we please just drop this? Please?" He dropped his hand.

"The cab will be here in a half an hour. It's about a 15 minute walk from the cabin through the woods where we're being picked up so no one is tipped off to the safe house. Meet me out front in 10." He turned to walk back to the house, not waiting for your response. Life was easier when you thought Steve Rogers hated you. You put your hand on your cheek, it still tingled from where he touched you.

***

You were going to die, you were certain of it. It was almost July in Argentina and it was a balmy 105 degrees. The air was thick with humidity. You had been walking for 10 minutes and were certain you were going to pass out.

"Steve...we have to stop for a second." You were so irritated with his Super Solider perfection. He had both of your bags thrown over his shoulders, heavy jeans and a t-shirt on ad was barely breaking a sweat while hiking through the woods to get to your destination. You, on the other hand were wearing barely any shorts and a tank top, your face was bright red and you could feel sweat dripping down your back.

"Cam...we're going to miss the cab. We're literally like 5 minutes from where we need to be." He was trying not to be irritated with you. When he saw you, leaning over with your hands on your knees he wanted to just pick you up and carry you too, but he knew you were to proud to ever allow that.

"How are you not dying in those pants?" You gestured at him.

"It's the serum. It regulates my temperature better than your body allows you to."

"I kind of hate you right now." You gave him a crack of a smile.

"I can carry you." He offered, knowing you'd say no.

"I'd rather die. Though I may die anyway." You were thankful that your hair was off of your shoulders.

"We're almost there. I promise." You nodded and stood up straight again after wiping your face on the inside of your shirt.

"I have dibs on the shower as soon as we walk into that room." Steve laughed and nodded in agreement. You managed the last few minutes of the trek. You had gotten there just at the right time for the cab to pull up. Steve piled all of your belongings into the trunk and you were on your way.

You were murderous when you pulled up to the resort. The cab that had picked the two of you up had been rickety and run down. The air conditioning in the car was broken and even with all of the windows open, all you could smell was the cab drivers BO. Steve could sense your mounting irritation and without thinking took your hand and squeezed it to try and calm you down. He felt you stiffen for a moment and then relax without making any eye contact with him. After a 45 minute drive you arrived at the front of a ridiculous resort. You hopped out of the car trying not to gasp for fresh air as Steve paid the driver and grabbed your things. He put his hand on the small of your back to lead you into the hotel. It was time to put your game faces on and play the happy couple.

Cold air blasted you in the face and Steve felt your whole body visibly relax from where his hand was rested. He led you over to the front desk as you looked around at the exorbitant display of wealth in front of your eyes.

"Mr. & Mrs. Buchanan checking in." Steve smiled kindly at the woman at the front desk. You had to hold back a snort. Clearly we were reaching the bottom of the barrel for cover names. Steve could see the twinkle in your eyes.

"Ah yes...I see right here Mr. and Mrs. Grant Buchanan." It took all you had not to roll your eyes at how your identity was lost at your supposed marriage. "Congratulations! I trust your wedding was wonderful." you stuffed your left hand in your pocket to dig out the faux engagement ring and wedding band and discretely slipped them on. Steve had already placed his on before you left. You were afraid the sweat dripping from your body would make them fall off.

"It was. We actually eloped. Rather spend the money on a great trip." You felt yourself lie. You really didn't want to have to come up with fake wedding details. As a little girl, you had dreamed about a wedding of your own, but that all changed. Now you couldn't even imagine letting someone close enough to your heart. The front desk girl seemed disappointed.You tuned her and Steve out as they finished chatting as she checked you in.

"Now I expect we'll see you both down here for dinner tonight. We have a wonderful band playing."

"Of course, we'll see you later tonight." You both declined having a bell hop escort you to the room.

“I thought this guy wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow? Why do we have to go to dinner tonight.” Steve gave you a pointed look.

“Because we need to blend in. Participating in their activities is necessary. I don’t want to stand out for showing up only when he’s around. Plus maybe we'll be lucky enough to get some intel from his associates.”

Steve opened the door for you to the room. You paused in the doorway. The rug what a deep red. The bed in the middle of the room was the largest bed you’d ever laid eyes on. It was on a massive gold head and foot board. The bedding was a rich cream. Mahogany night stands stood on each side. In front of the bed was a large cabinet with a huge flat screen TV. To the right was a matching desk with a brown leather chair. To the left led to a small living room area with a large brown plush couch and a table with two chairs against the wall. You could only imagine what the bathroom looked like. “This is...extra.” Steve shut the door behind you and carried your bags over to the couch. Your eyes flickered over to the closet at the garment bags hanging. You furrowed your brow. “What are those in the closet?”

“Tony apparently sent some items down, not trusting us to dress ourselves.” You laughed at the thought.

“Well he wasn’t wrong. I look like a hobo compared to the way some of those women were dressed.”

“You don’t look like a hobo.” You felt Steve’s gaze on you as you turned to look at him. “You just don’t need to try that hard.” You felt your breath hitch in your throat.

“Thanks.” What the hell was happening? Where was the Steve that cut you no slack and had something to say about everything you did? This was unexpected. You were prepared for the other Steve. “Hopefully Tony didn’t pack any dresses that make me look naked.” You turned as Steve scoffed.

“Tony would never send anything like that for you. He’d rather put you in a garbage bag that covered you neck to toe.” You pondered that and laughed.

“That is true. I’ve gotten the ‘you’re not going out like that’ lecture from him before.”

“Go take a shower. I’ll check in back home.” You grabbed your bag to bring into the bathroom with you. You paused before you closed the door.

“Thank you Steve.” You shut the door quickly before he could respond. You felt yourself blushing again. You had to get control of yourself.

You looked around and immediately fell in love with the bathroom. There was a huge whirlpool tub and large shower stall with multiple shower heads. Your planned on requesting a bathroom upgrade when you got home.

You studied yourself in the mirror. All of the makeup had essentially melted off of your face. Though still braided, your hair was frizzy from the heat and humidity. You looked hideous. But Steve had looked at you like...you couldn’t finish the thought. You looked at your eyes. Tony has made this pair of contacts especially for you. They changed your purple eyes to a bluish grey color.

You had wanted to open up to Steve on the beach. You wanted to tell him everything, mostly because you felt so damn lonely and you just wanted someone to hold you. No, you wanted him to hold you. You rolled your eyes at yourself and got yourself ready to shower. You couldn’t drag anyone into the mess that you were, especially not Steve Rogers.

A few hours later Steve was stepping out of the bathroom dressed in beige dress shorts and a cobalt blue linen shirt. Tony has sent loafers for him and these weird socks that only covered half of his feet so they couldn’t be seen. He looked around the room but didn’t see you. He didn’t think you would venture out on your own. He felt a little panicked, but then he saw you. You were standing out on the balcony looking out at the ocean. Your dark hair in waves down your back. You must have sensed him approaching because you turned and smiled at him. He wasn’t used to that. Normally you scowled at him. But that smile did something to him and he felt his heart rate speed up.

“You definitely don’t look homeless now.” He cracked. You tipped your head back and laughed. Tony could pick out clothes, he’d give him that. You were wearing a light teal silk dress that had white polka dots on it. It was a thin strapped v-neck wrap dress with a ruffled hem. You paired it with white strappy sandals.

“I don’t think I have ever seen your actual legs.” He felt a little self-conscious as you looked him up and down. “Are you wearing socks?” You scrunched you’re face up.

“Yes. You just can’t see them.” You roared with laughter.

“He packed you no show socks?!” You were stunning when you laughed. Steve only wished he could see your real eyes. They glowed magenta when you used your powers, but if you were laughing really hard they would show little sparks of the glowing color. The contacts covered that up. “That alone was worth the trip. You better watch it Captain. He’s going to make you high maintenance yet.” They way you called him Captain did things to him.

“You’re hilarious.” He deadpanned. You grabbed his hand and pulled him outside.

“Look at this view.” Your room faces the ocean. The sky danced with pinks, yellow and oranges as the sun set. “Do you see how harsh the waves are. There’s a storm coming. It’s a few days off, but it’s brewing.”

“How do you know?” When you looked over you expected him to be challenging you, hoping to prove you wrong. He looked genuinely interested. Not a hint of sarcasm in sight.

“I, um, I grew up near Cape Cod. I learned how to tell when a storm was coming.”

“No accent?” He was perceptive, but you knew that. He was trained to be.

“I worked hard at hiding the accent. Stops people from asking questions.” He nodded and took the hint. That was the first real piece of information you had ever told him about your past. He didn’t want to push his luck.

“Ready Mrs. Buchanan?” He offered you his arm. You rolled your eyes.

“Bucky made the reservations for you, didn’t he? Such a narcissist."

"Actually, it was supposed to be Bucky and Nat that did this mission, but she ended up having to leave." Steve chuckled as you linked your arm through his, leading you down to the dining room.

You and Steve were at the bar waiting to be seated. It reminded you of a wedding cocktail party the way they had everything set up. They had waiters walking around with appetizers. They would be opening the dining room in an hour for everyone to be seated for dinner service.

Playing Steve’s significant other wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be. You had to tell yourself that his comforting touches were an act. You forced herself to remember what he was really like. The “that’s not the way we do things agent” “you’re reckless, those force fields won’t be able to protect you from everything.” And so on and so on. You tried to march the criticism and the snarky comments through your brain, but with the way he was looking at you, the marching band refused to play.

He was sitting on a bar stool and you were standing in between his legs. Your insides were screaming for you to run away from the Captain, to say something hateful to annoy him you her heart wouldn’t allow you to form the words. You felt him put his hand on your lower back and pull you close so it looked like he was holding you in an embrace.

“These three men behind me are known associates of Martin Cobb, I recognize them from some of the intel. I've heard them mention Mr. Cobb a few times, but they're speaking to fast, I can’t understand what they’re saying.” You tried to concentrate on the words coming from their mouths but Steve was making it almost impossible. He had run the tip of his nose from your shoulder languidly up to your neck. You swallowed. You could sense the eyes of some of the resort employees on you and Steve. He was definitely putting on a show.

“They’re-“ You had to pause and clear your throat. “They’re discussing his arrival tomorrow. They are to proceed with caution as his wife will be here. He’s coming to see a shipment. They aren’t saying what it is though. The way they're talking, it has to be some sort of drug.” You felt Steve press a kiss to your shoulder, silently hating him for being so good at his job. He brought his lips up to your ear.

“Are you okay? Is this too much? I just, the people that work here seem to be rather interested in us. I'm starting to think they're on his payroll.” Steve Rogers, always the gentleman even when what he’s doing is part of the job. He pulled back to look you in the eyes. You nodded.

"I was thinking the same thing. I may not be as inconspicuous as we originally thought."

“Your table is ready Mr. and Mrs. Buchanan." Steve stood and took your hand to lead you as he followed the hostess to a table in the middle of the restaurant. You looked around hoping for something more private. You didn't want anyone overhearing your conversation. It was like the hostess could read your mind. “I’m sure no one will mind a little PDA. Mostly everyone here is newly married or celebrating their relationship.” Steve pulled out your chair and helped you sit down. Once the hostess left, Steve reached across the table and took your hand. You couldn’t discern what was real and what was him putting on a show, but the roughness of his hands was intoxicating. You found yourself not wanting him to let go. “You okay?” He broke your trance and you looked up and smiled.

“I am, I just feel a little on edge. But there are a lot of people here. You know, Bucky is going to be disappointed we haven’t almost killed each other. He wanted stories.” Steve threw his head back and laughed.

“Of course he does.”

“This, um, trip, was more suited for him and Nat I think.” You didn't want to call it a mission and have anyone overhear.

“I think we're doing okay." You couldn't look away from him. "Clint called and said Laura was having a hard time and they could use someone to distract the girls. The baby has colic." You shuddered, you remembered how helacious your sister's colic had been.

“You know I never would have let you call her back right? I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.” Steve, who was still holding your hand squeezed it.

“It’s forgotten. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. You have to know I don’t think of you as a secondary team member. You’ve saved so many people, including people on our own team.”

“Thanks Steve.” You were happy the lighting hid the blush on your cheeks. Your internally cringed at the amount of times you felt yourself blush. You felt like an idiot. The way Steve was looking at you, you felt like you couldn’t breath. He let go of your hand as the waiter approached. You took 3 long sips of your drink. You needed to shake Steve Rogers and his perfect eyes from your brain.

The rest of the evening had been uneventful in regards to Martin Cobb intel. Soon after you were done eating, the men left. You had suggested going back to the room to try and get a jump on the next day, but Steve shook his head.

“I need to show you something first." Steve led you outside onto the beach. You took your heels off and carried them so you could walk with him. He had his arm around you as he led you further down to the other side of the resort.

"Are you taking me somewhere to kill me? Where are we going?" He snickered lightly. He stopped when he got to a path that led to a wooded area.

"This is important. If you take this path right here, it cuts through the woods to the safe house. It's a short cut from. If we need to make a break for it...you go this way."

"You made me ride in that smelly cab for almost an hour when we could have cut through the woods? What is that building over there?" You saw a grey concrete building with a flat roof. It couldn’t have been more than two rooms on a single floor.

"I think someone would have noticed if we didn't arrive at the front entrance and were sneaking through the woods." You snorted when you laughed. You were about to make a smart ass comment when Steve grabbed you by your waist and pulled you to him. Your eyes went wide as he pressed his lips to yours. After a moment, you kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck, running your hand up the back of his hair. You were so focused on how his tongue was tracing the your bottom lip and how it felt to have his hands gripping your hips that you almost didn’t hear the man that was barreling towards the two of you.

"HEY! You two! You can't be over here!" one of the workers was running towards the two of you. Steve pulled back and you let out an involuntary whine.

"I'm so sorry sir. We just started walking down the beach and got a little carried away with each other, I didn't realize how far from the resort we had wandered." He saw the guy coming, that was why he kissed you. You felt disappointment creeping in.

"This area is closed off to guests. Please, head back towards the resort." Steve took your hand and started leading you back the other way.

"Right. We're so sorry." You were still stunned. Steve hadn't even warned you that someone was coming. You glanced back towards the little building you saw. There was a reason why they didn’t want you over there. You were sure that building was important. Steve pulled you along.

"It's alright...I know how young love is." The man chuckled as he followed you back. He didn't leave until the two of you were back in the hotel lobby. Your heart was pounding in your chest. Steve didn't say another word to you as he led you to the elevator or the entire ride up. Once you were back in your room and the door was shut behind you, he gave you a sheepish smile.

"I'm sorry. I just saw that guy almost running at us and I didn't want to blow our cover, I didn't have time to warn you."

"No...it's...it was fine. You just surprised me. I'm going to go change." You quickly grabbed some clothes out of your bag. You felt yourself get brave and you turned back to Steve who’s eyes hasn’t left you. “You know...for being a century old, you’re not a bad kisser.” You gave him a small smile and then shut the bathroom door behind you as his cheeks blazed red. You leaned your back against the door and put your fingers to your lips. Not ever before in your life did a kiss make you feel like that. You took a few moments to compose yourself after you changed into a pair of spandex shorts and an over-sized Stark Industries T-Shirt.

As you exited the bathroom, Steve was standing near your bag with a strange expression on his face. You looked down and saw the picture that you brought with you everywhere in his hands. You took a few strides over to him and yanked it from his hands.

“It- it fell out of your bag. Is- Is that you?” You looked down at the picture. It was at breakfast the day you lost your family. There was a birthday candle sticking out of your waffles. Ella was sitting on your lap as they sang to you, the waiter had taken the picture. You couldn’t remember the last time you looked that happy. Your face was exactly the same, but it had been a long time since you had seen your natural hair and eye color. It was almost jarring. You turned away from Steve and he could feel you bricking up the wall he started knocking down. “Camille...talk to me. Please. Who is that?” For all Steve knew, that could be your sister. You didn’t look like you anymore. You wiped a stray tear.

“I haven’t been that girl in a long time. She’s a ghost Steve. She’s no one.” He pulled you back to him.

“Don’t do that. Please don’t do that. You can trust me. Don’t shut me out.” You cleared your throat and pulled your arm away from Steve so you could hug yourself.

“That was me, 5 years ago. 5 years ago to this day. My parents and sister were killed in a car accident while we were in a vacation in Europe. I should have died too, I sometimes wish I had died too. They injected me with whatever made me like this. I think whoever made me was looking for lost causes, people near death so that if their formula backfired, no one would suspect anything. But here I am. They were a success. But the girl in this picture is dead and gone.” Before you could walk away from him, Steve pulled you to him in a bone crushing hug. He didn’t say anything, he just held you as you felt hot tears fall down your cheeks.

***

You didn’t remember falling asleep. You felt like there was a heavy iron curtain hanging over you. You slowly blinked your eyes open and you were in bed, laying on your side facing the huge glass doors that led out to the balcony. You felt Steve’s body pressed against your back as he snored lightly. His arm thrown over your body. You stayed there for a moment enjoying the heat of his body and the safeness of his embrace. You slowly slid out from his grasp and grabbed your phone as you slid your flip flops on. You needed some air and some coffee.

You scrolled through your phone and saw a handful of missed calls and messages from Bucky. Did you guys get there okay? Have you driven Steve crazy yet? Why aren’t you answering me? Did Steve kill you already? And then the final one- Steve called me after you fell asleep. Call me when you get up.”

You closed the door slowly behind you so it wouldn't wake Steve and headed downstairs. You slipped through the lobby and headed out towards the back patio where breakfast was set up, in desperate need of caffeine. After you poured yourself a generous cup, you found a secluded table in the corner of the deck. You moved your chair so it was facing the railing and looking out over the ocean. Once you were situated you pulled your knees close to your body and dialed Bucky's number. It rang a few times before his gruff and sleepy voice answered.

"It's 5am Doll." Was all he said.

"Well good morning to you too."

"It's 7am there. What the hell are you doing up already?" You listened as his voice slowly became more alert. "Are you okay? Steve told me about the picture, and you breaking down, and....I didn't think you'd ever tell him." You took a drink of your coffee.

"I"m fine. If he hadn't found that picture I probably wouldn't have, and I didn't tell him much. It was kind of cathartic. And Steve on this mission is much different than any other Steve I've worked with. And what was I supposed to do? Tell him it wasn't me? Believe me, I tried to not tell him. He just looks at you with those stupid blue eyes and you want to tell him all of your secrets." You had his full attention now.

"Stupid blue eyes huh? Exactly how well are you and Steve getting along?"

"Shut up Bucky."

"I KNEW IT! YOU LIKE HIM!!" He yelled into your ear.

"You're insufferable." You looked around to make sure no one was paying attention, and also to make sure Steve wasn't sneaking up on you to hear your confession. "I can't keep anything from you, even if I should and want to. I may have a little crush." You rolled your eyes in defeat. Bucky Barnes would never let this go now.

"Little crush huh?"

"Okay fine, a huge one. But it's this mission. Pretending to be newly weds...all the fake affection, the kissing. It's messing with my brain."

"Wait...hold up. You kissed him?"

"Technically he kissed me. I just kissed him back." Bucky was making some sort of celebration whooping sound when you followed it up. "It's because we were sneaking around the property and got caught. He was trying to blow it off as us getting carried away."

"Was there tongue?" She could see him wiggling his eyebrows in her mind.

"Shut up. I hate you." She clenched her jaw as he laughed at her expense.

"Well that's a yes. I mean...I always knew your hatred for him was just a veil of your feelings."

"There are no feelings. It's a crush. I'll get over it." You said the word feelings like it was a curse word.

"Sure you will. Listen...I'm going back to sleep now that I know you aren't going to jump off the deep end. And maybe explore the possibility of feelings for Steve." Her shook his head when you scoffed. "And Cam?"

"Yeah Buck?"

"Happy Birthday." And with that he hung up the phone. You shook your head as you set your phone down on the table and took another sip of your coffee. The wind was whipping through your hair and you saw the dark clouds slowly approaching. The rain would start soon. The idea of a heavy storm trapping you on the island made your anxiety kick up. Then you thought about being trapped on the island with Steve and you settled into your thoughts.

"Well you look lonely." About 15 minutes later a voice yanked you from your daydreaming thoughts of Steve Rogers. You slowly turned to see a beautiful middle aged woman standing in front of you. She had beautiful curly dark hair, deep dark eyes, full lips and a gorgeous smile. Age barely marked her face. "Where is your other half?

"I'm sorry....do I know you?"

"Oh I'm sorry dear! I'm Maria Alvarez Cobb." you heard the alarm bells going off in your head. This must be Martin Cobb's wife. "I'm just surprised to see a lovely young woman like yourself sitting alone outside at a couples resort."

"Oh! My husband is still sleeping. I woke up early and couldn't fall back to sleep, but I didn't want to wake him, so I came down for some coffee and to get some fresh air before it gets so warm later today."

"If you don't mind me saying, you look rather young to be someone's wife." She took an uninvited seat at your table.

"Newly weds. I look young for my age." She wasn't being dishonest. You would know if she was, you would sense it. But something about her was off, you were sure of it.

"I didn't catch your name." You frantically tried to remember the name that was on the reservation. No one had called you by your first name.

"Ainsley...Ainsley Buchanan." How you plucked that out of the back of your brain, you'd never know.

"Stark Industries? Do you work for Tony Stark" she motioned to your t-shirt. You silently cursed yourself. Rule number one was never, ever let anyone associate you with anything Avengers or Stark related when on an undercover mission."

"Oh no...my brother Peter has an internship with Mr. Stark. A perk is plenty of free T-Shirts." She smiled.

"It must be nice to be close to a sibling." It felt like everything she said was an accusation. You simply smiled at her.

"Well, I think I'll go and see if my husband has decided to wake up yet." You stood to walk quickly away and she grabbed your hand.

"Ms. Buchanan, my husband and I are inviting all of our guests to our anniversary party tonight at the resort. I do hope you'll be able to attend with your husband. I'd love to meet him. I try to meet all of our guests when we come down to stay here."

"Your guests?"

"Oh dear, my husband and I own this resort." You tried to keep your face as neutral as possible, on the inside you were screaming.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't even realize!" you feigned embarrassment.

"Oh don't apologize. I wouldn't expect you to know. Will we see you tonight?"

"We wouldn't miss it for the world

As soon as you were out of anyone's line of vision you moved quickly to the stair well and ran up the stairs, not trusting yourself to be on an elevator with anyone else. Your hands were shaking as you tried to unlock the door. You cursed as you dropped your phone and it hit the bottom of the door. Steve must have heard you because he opened it before you could even put the key card in the door.

"Camille, what in the hell?" He looked at your disheveled appearance, panic spread all over your face.

"Shhh...let me in and shut the door, NOW" You yelled at him in a whisper. He moved so you could rush in and shut the door. He turned around waiting for an explanation for your frantic behavior.

"Steve...I fucked up. I fucked up BIG time."

"It's 7:40 in the morning? How could you have possibly messed up?" You internally rolled your eyes at his refusal to use the same curse word you had. You took the ends of your shirt so he could read the logo. He squinted his eyes and shook his head to indicate he wasn't following your train of thought. "Okay I need you to say actual words."

"I woke up early and didn't want to wake you. I didn't even remember falling asleep last night to be honest. I felt foggy and I wanted some fresh air and coffee. I'm so sorry for breaking down like that. I'm such a fucking baby." Steve grabbed you by your shoulders.

"Camille...I need you to focus." You closed your eyes for a moment and when you opened them, he was looking at you with more concern that you had ever seen on his face before.

"Sorry. I went downstairs to call Bucky because he left me like 1800 messages. I didn't even think to change my shirt. When I got off the phone with him, this woman came up to me. Maria Alvarez Cobb."

"Shit..." Steve let you go.

"I know. She was asking why I was alone. I told her my "husband" was still asleep and I wanted to enjoy the weather with my coffee. She mentioned the shirt. She asked me if I worked for Mr. Stark. I told her my brother Peter interned for him."

"So you covered. It's not that bad."

"Steve. It's bad! When are you going to realize I can sense when something is off? It's more than just knowing when someone is lying. Lately...it's like I can sense the negative energy in the air. I felt off around her. She wasn't lying to me. But the warning bells were ringing in my head. She was definitely suspicious of me. She invited us to their anniversary party tonight. Actually, she said she was inviting all of their guests to the party. She and Martin Cobb own this place."

"What? That's not listed anywhere."

"I KNOW!" You threw your arms up. "I'm such a fuck up. I should know better than to even bring this shit with me on a mission."

"Cam...stop. It's okay."

"You're not going to yell at me?" You jolted back, looking at him in shock.

"No...it was an honest mistake." Your drew your eyebrows together.

"You're not so calm because of you feel sorry for me, this isn't pity Rogers, is it?"

"Oh my God will you stop?" You crossed your arms in front of you glaring him down. "It's not pity. But it's already done. So now we just have to tread lightly from here." You nodded, relaxing your posture.

"You put me to bed last night."

"I did."

"You held me."

"I did. You needed it." He waited for you to say more, but he could tell you couldn't find the words. "We all have baggage Camille. We all have scars. You don't have to bottle them up. We're all here for you. Not just Tony and Bucky. If you talked more, you might not feel broken. I'm here for you. You needed someone to be there for you last night. I'm here for you, any time you need someone." You nodded.

"Thank you. I'm not ready to talk more just yet. But thank you."

"You're welcome. Now let's order some room service and get to work researching this woman and try to figure out what shipment they're expecting."

***

Your nerves were shot. You and Steve found out next to nothing about the Cobb's. Maria was even more of an enigma than her husband Martin. As far as they could tell, Martin Cobb ran a BioTech company. There were none of the usual "drug front" businesses under Cobb International. Martin and Maria bought the resort 6 months ago. You were standing near the glass door staring out at the whipping wind and the heavy rain.

"I mean it makes sense why we didn't know they owned the place. I just can't figure out what it is that he's selling. We thought it was drugs and arms deals. Maybe we're wrong." Steve fixed the tie around his neck. You had been pacing all day. Pacing back and forth in front of the door. Pacing around the room. You couldn't sit still. "Camille, you're making me dizzy." You spun and looked at him and gave him a sheepish smile. You were wearing a black sweetheart neckline dress. It was chiffon with a small embellished belt and a high-low hemline; the shortest part of the dress just long enough to hide the thigh holster for your weapon. You paired it with flat gold gladiator sandals. You didn't want to have to fight, or run in heels. Your hair was in it's signature braid wrapped around your head.

"Steve...I just have a bad feeling about this. Maybe we should call this mission and re-group. This storm is going to get worse. If we get into trouble, we wont be able to fly out of here."

"No...we're here. It'll be okay. They aren't going to do anything in a room full of people. C'mon, let's go down there for a while, see what's up and if you still feel like this, we'll leave and go to the safe house. I already have Tony and Bucky on standby." You nodded. He put his hand on the small of your back to lead you out of the room, he’d been doing it for the past two days and you didn’t think you would ever get sick of it.

Waves of anxiety passed through you as the two of you made your way into the ballroom. . Gold and crystal chandeliers hanging throughout the ceiling. Everything else in black. Black chairs, black table cloths. Then the gold and black plates. You grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter.

“I don’t know if getting drunk is our best play.” Steve whispered into your ear. You rolled your eyes.

“Oh grow up. A glass of champagne isn’t going to get me drunk. It’s going to calm my nerves.” You watched Steve’s jaw tick as you rolled your eyes.

“I swear to God if you roll your eyes at me again I’m going to roll them back for you. That drives me insane.” He whispered harshly in your ear. So it was the eye rolling that got to him, you did it often, which explained why he was always so triggered by you. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Now is not the time or the place to threaten me with a good time, Captain.” The snarky comment came out of your mouth before you could stop it. You both stood there awkwardly for a moment staring at each other until Steve cleared his throat.

“We should probably head that way.” Steve pointed you towards the back corner of the room. You nodded and let him lead you there. Here you were, probably walking into your deaths and you were flirting. You internally chastised yourself and thanked God no one else was on this mission. You’d never live it down.

The two of you tried to eavesdrop on whatever conversations you could but got no information. Whatever was happening was deep under wraps. Martin Cobb didn't want his dealings around his wife, the men you had listened to last night made that clear. You should have known you wouldn't have been able to pick up on anything. You could feel the electricity and anxiety coursing through your body. You felt Steve’s hand on your thigh to stop you from bouncing your leg. He had just gotten back from making another round of the room.

“I haven’t even seen the Cobbs.” You commented.

“I know. Let’s get out of here. We’ll pack our things and head to the safe house and see what to do next.” You were about to agree with him when you froze cold in your spot. “What? What is it?” You spotted a man across the room. You hadn't seen him in 5 years, but you would recognize him anywhere.

“That- that man over there. That’s Dr. Yablowsk, the doctor that treated me after the accident.” He was tall and slender. Balding with white hair. He actually reminded you of Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. Steve saw a variety of emotions pass through your eyes.

“You mean- he’s the one that made you the way you are?” You nodded.

“He has to be. He was the only doctor that I saw the day of the accident. This can’t be a coincidence. Screw going back to the room, we’re leaving now.” You grabbed Steve’s hand and were about to drag him out of the room when you saw Maria Alvarez Cobb approaching you.

“You must be Mr. Buchanan. I met your lovely wife Ainsley this morning.” She shoved her hand at Steve and he graciously accepted the hand shake.

“Yes ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Ainsley told me she met you this morning and you personally invited us. Happy Anniversary.” Steve watched as the color drained from your face.

“Such a gentleman too. Hold on to this one Ainsley, good men are hard to come by.” Her smile seemed genuine, but she kept saying your name like it was an accusation. She knew you weren't who you said you were. You could tell by the way she was looking at you.

“I need to use the restroom.” You quickly slipped from the two of them and rushed outside. You felt sick. Your head was pounding and you had to get away from that woman. Once you were out of their line of vision, you headed outside. The rain soaked you as you you slowly started to make your way to the edge of the woods. You were hoping Steve would meet you there when you weren't by the restroom. You were banking on his uncanny ESP to know exactly where to go and what to do at all times. You paused when you got close to that little concrete building. The lights were on and you heard two men arguing.

“I need to get to the party. My wife is there and she’s trying to keep her at that party.”

“Martin- this isn’t a good idea. Just let her go, we have more. We can make more.”

"NO! She's the first. She was our first successful case. She slipped from my grasp back then. I finally have the opportunity now!" You stumbled back.

They were talking about you. They had to be. You quickly slipped between two bushes and squatted down before you could be seen. You watched as Martin Cobb stormed out of the little building and headed towards the resort. You felt your hands shaking as you pulled your phone out of your small purse to text Steve. You warned him this was a trap and described where you were hiding.

The warm rain was making your dress stick to your body and the wind was almost knocking you over. You kept looking at your phone to see if Steve would answer you, but he hadn't said a single word back. You were squatting down trying not to hyperventilate and saying a silent prayer when you saw Steve coming about 20 minutes later.

“What the hell is going on?”

“We need to get out of here. I’ll explain at the safe house. We are NOT safe. They know who I am.” Steve gave you a questioning look but accepted that you would explain when you were out of danger. The two of you moved as silently as you could. You were about go into the woods when you saw someone step out of the building.

“Y/N YLN” Your head snapped over to him as he called your real name. Steve looked at you in confusion. No one knew what your real name was except Tony Stark, not even Bucky knew.

“Who the hell are you?” You couldn’t get a good look at him, but he was tall and muscular with a shaved head.

“My name is Nick Webster, I’m the man that pulled you from the wreckage 5 years ago. I’ve been helping Martin and Dr. Yablowski look for you. It was smart, faking your suicide. But then Tony Stark found you and I knew...I just knew it was you. We didn’t realize how much your appearance had changed. You became a completely different person from when I saw you to when the doctor saw you. You know what gave you away?”

“Meeting Maria this morning.” The man laughed.

“Well that certainly didn’t help. No, that made us suspect something was off with you and your husband, that and the report that you were wandering a little to close to the woods. But it’s how you wore your hair tonight. It’s your look. “The Protector” always wears her hair like that. Don’t you realize that Martin Cobb is the one that sent all of those tips in to The Avengers? He's not dealing illicit drugs or illegal weapons. He's too smart and sophisticated for that. He wanted you here. I don’t know how he got so lucky that you were the one that came. You were his first creation. What’s shocking to me is that Tony Stark would send his Little Orphan Annie all by herself. Don’t you normally have that Super Soldier by your side? The ex assassin that is excellent at murder? The Winter Solider is it? Instead they send you with some B-List agent?“

“Actually, they sent her with me.” You and Nick Webster turned to where Steve Rogers was standing. You watched as Steve reached behind his ear and turned off his appearance enhancer. While you couldn't see his transformation because of your contacts, Nick saw the auburn hair melt into his normal dirty blonde rocks and his hazel eyes transformed into his piercing blue that were narrowed on Nick Webster.

“Oooo Captain America! You must really be important to Stark.” Before you knew what was happening Steve took a few strides towards you and shoved your out of the way as Nick charged at him. You tried to get the comm that was in your bag into your ear as the two men fought. You knew Tony and Bucky were standing by waiting to hear from you and Steve. It was the quickest way to get a distress signal to them. You dropped your bag when you saw Nick pull out a blade and he was inches from stabbing Steve in the spine. You heard Tony’s words in your head. “C’mon kid, I bet if you concentrate hard enough you can throw a force field at someone to protect them if they aren’t next to you. Let’s try.” You had been working at it for months with Tony. You had come close a few times, but it never worked. "Maybe you just need the right motivation. It took a while for you to be able to create them on demand. We'll keep working at it. We'll get this."

You felt power surging through your body as your hand shot out towards Steve. You watched with slight awe as a purple orb few from your hand and surround Steve Rogers. The force almost knocked you over and took a lot of your strength. You were leaning against a tree to support yourself when you felt Nick’s blade pierce through your abdomen. You cried out in pain and fell to your knees. You held your hand to your stomach and tried to heal the wound, but nothing was happening. You watched as he stalked towards Steve and you quickly pulled the gun from your holster.

“Hey Nick!” You called out and as soon as he turned you put a bullet between his eyes and you fell to the ground. You silently thanked Bucky Barnes for making you an excellent shot.

“Cami...why didn’t you heal yourself?” Steve had ran over to you and dropped to his knees. Tendrils of your jet black hair had slipped from your braid and were sticking to your face. The pelting rain washing off the wet sand stuck to your face. Steve was frantic and trying to see the wound. He watched as you put your hand over where the blade had sliced through your body. Your eyes glowed the shade of magenta he had been enthralled with since the day he met you and he watched as it quickly flickered out. When he looked down at the wound it was still bleeding.

“It’s not working. I don’t know why.” You mumbled, barely discernible.

“There must have been something on that blade that is affecting your healing ability. If Martin Cobb is the one that made the serum, he may have made something that can hinder hurt you.” Steve pulled his jacket and pressed it to your wound.

“I can still feel my powers below the surface. They’re just not strong enough to heal myself. He didn’t take them away.” Your voice cracked as you spoke.

“Dammit Camille, why did you throw that force field? Why didn’t you protect yourself?” Steve was pushing the wet hair off of your face and forehead. You gave him a weak smile.

“The team needs you more than they need me. You’re our leader. Besides, I’m always going to protect you.” You were starting to feel light-headed, and your vision was blurring.

“Cami…you don’t have to protect me. There isn’t anything that man could have done to me that I would survive. I’m a Super Solider. Getting beaten half to death and falling out of the sky didn’t kill me. You should have protected yourself instead.” Steve was saying more things to you, but you couldn't focus on everything that he was saying. Bits and pieces came through. He was yelling at you and begging you to stay with him when you felt a warm blanket of black fall over you.

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lightningfists · 6 years

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The Impact Zone (Harrison x reader)

AU: Soulmate / tattoo

Fandom: Bondi Rescue

Words: ~ 2,132

Part: 1/?

A/N: So the bondi rescue fandom is seriously lacking in, well, everything. It’s an amazing show and if you like shirtless guys, then you’d enjoy it. Season 10 and 11 are on netflix and season 13 premiered yesterday. ANYWHO, I wanted to write something due to the extreme lack in fics (especially fics here on tumblr), and Harrison fics in general. (wattpad has a bunch but they’re like 62% jesse and 35% Maxi)

Another note: I usually don’t care for the soulmates au’s but I got this idea a couple days ago and I’m kinda obsessed with it, so yeah. Here we go –

Soulmates are a weird concept to me. Despite the fact that it’s how our society works. Like, you’re supposed to meet and fall in love with a complete stranger just because they have the same tattoo as you? What kind of higher power decided that was a good idea? But, it’s a thing and I guess I just have to deal with it.

Everyone gets their tattoo at a different time in their lives. Sometimes they appear right away when you’re born, sometimes you have to wait until you’re in your 20s or 30s until it appears. They appear someplace on your body with a white ink look, and slowly turn black as you get closer to meeting your soulmate – emphasis on slowly. Even if you do meet them, it’s a gradual change to black, so it may take a couple hours up to a couple days or weeks before you even know it’s them.

My parents were lucky enough to be high school sweethearts. Ironically enough, their tattoos are hearts; my mom’s is on her hip, my dad’s on his wrist. My older brother and his wife were also high school sweethearts, though it took much longer for their tattoos to turn to black for some reason. We always joke that they had a glitch or something. My younger sister literally met her soulmate in kindergarten. Like, wtf? They’re sophomores and still too young to marry, but still. And then there’s me. I’m 22, about to start my last year of college, and still have yet to meet my soulmate. Middle child syndrome I guess? I’m starting to think he doesn’t exist.

Not only that but I was also a late bloomer in even getting my soulmate tattoo. It didn’t appear until summer last year: a wave on my ankle.

Considering it showed up so late, I can only assume that I won’t meet my soulmate until I’m like 35 or something. So I guess he does exist since I at least have a tattoo. It’s just finding him that will be the challenge now. Like I said, my final year of college is starting soon, meaning that I will be graduating in May, which means that I have to find a job and be out in the real world, making it even harder to find the guy.

Growing up on the coast has its perks. Not only is it warm a majority of the year, but if you live anywhere near a beach, you probably grew up surfing or doing something related to water. I’m pretty sure I’ve been swimming since I came out of the womb. And as soon as I could walk, my dad was taking me out and teaching me to surf. By the time I was 13, I was winning almost all the competitions I was in. I definitely wasn’t famous by any means, but a lot of people knew who I was. I did that up though high school. Focusing on my studies, I surf a lot less now, but many students and professors still recognize me and it’s kind of weird. But I wasn’t about to do four years of online college, sooo….

That all aside, I suppose I shouldn’t be complaining this much. I’m kicking off my senior year by taking a summer trip to Australia. How many people get to say that? And I’ve heard there’s amazing surf there too, so I’ll be doing that for sure. I wasn’t even really planning on taking this trip but just a few days ago I talked to my parents about it and they were okay with it, so I just booked it. Talk about spontaneity right?

I make though customs smoothly and as I enter the plane for the dreaded 15 hour flight from LAX to Sydney, I try to get comfortable. Luckily, it seems like a decently small amount of passengers, so after a few hours, I should be able to find a row of seats to lay down on. And just that happens. Once we take off and high enough to turn on electronics, I get on my computer for a while. I check social medias, watch a little Netflix and hulu, and write on the blog diary I decided to keep for this week.

After quite some time of that, my eyes start to hurt from looking at my screen, and I decide to finally sleep for hopefully the rest of the flight, but who knows? It’s dark out so that should help a little. There are a couple people in my row unfortunately, but by some odd luck, the row behind us is completely empty. I put my laptop away, shove my bag under the seat and shimmy out of the row of seats I’m currently in. Going into the overhead bins to grab some sleeping stuff, I pull out a small pillow and my sleeping mask. I then go into the row behind us and prepare myself for what is hopefully a decent sleep.

Time passes, and when I wake up I check the little tv screen on the back of the seat in front of me to see where we are and how much time is left on the flight. Surprisingly, I slept a good six hours meaning I only have about four hours left of this flight. After calling a flight attendant and ordering some food because I’m starving, I pull out my computer again and occupy myself for the remaining time on this flight. Considering we’re over the ocean – well, just flying in general – I have no point of reference to try to figure out what time it is where I’m at, but my phone says 1PM Cali time. I think that means it’s just after 7AM in Sydney. Time zones are so weird because I left home just after midnight on a Sunday, and when I land in Sydney, it’ll be 11AM Tuesday already. Wild.

The beep of the intercom brings me out of my concentration on my computer screen. “Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking. We are preparing our descent to Sydney. The current time is 11:34 in the morning, Tuesday, and the current temperature is a balmy 78°. That’s 25 for you locals.” There’s a few chuckles across the plane and the fasten seatbelts sign lights up. Putting away my things and going back to my original seat, I buckle up and prepare for landing.

Landing smoothly, it takes half hour before we get to our gate. It takes another half hour after that to even get my things and get off the plane. Walking off of the air conditioned plane and into the Australia heat, the captain wasn’t lying when he said it was balmy. I almost immediately start sweating. You’d think I’d be used to this, living in SoCal, but nope. I guess not. It’s all good once I get back into the airport. I head straight to baggage claim, find my suitcase, and head out to get a taxi. Luckily, there’s a small line of taxis waiting to pick up morning arrivals. After the few families ahead of me get in their taxis and leave, I get to the front of the line and greet my driver. After getting my suitcase and carry-ons loaded in the trunk, I get in the back of the car.

“Where to?” Alex, my taxi driver asks.

“Hotel Ravesis.”

“Okay! Pretty fancy.”

I chuckle, “Is it? There was a deal when I booked it, so I’m not sure.”

“Oh yes. It’s on Campbell Parade, which is right across the road from Bondi Beach, one of Australia’s most famous beaches.”

“Ooh nice!” I say excitedly. “Can’t wait to go there.”

“Swimmer?”

“And surfer. I’ve been surfing basically since I could walk.”

“Oh wow! Well you’ll have a great time here then. Any special reason you’re visiting?”

I shake my head, “Not really. Just doing a big solo trip before I start my senior year of college.”

“Very nice. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

We continue to talk for the entire half hour of the drive. When we arrive, I pay him and he helps me get my things to the entryway of the hotel. I thank him again and head in. After checking in, I head to my room and finally relax on the bed. Next thing I know, I’m waking up and two more hours have passed. Guess I was a lot more tired that I thought I was. In my defense, the hotel bed is quite a bit more comfortable than a row of airplane seats.

Now a little after four, I decide I should probably find someplace to eat a proper meal, which I haven’t had since before I left home. I think there’s a café within or right outside this hotel, so I decide to go there.

After an amazing meal, I decide to take it easy and just walk around this famous Campbell Parade. I’m not tired yet, but the jet lag will probably catch up to me tomorrow. Walking down the street, there’s a bunch of shops and food places, just like any other big city. Definitely more surf shops though.

It takes me only about 20 minutes to walk from the hotel to end up on the far northeast side of the beach. If I remember correctly, Alex said that this was the famous Bondi Beach. Probably a dream of every surfer to be here. And here I am. Though I’m far less than prepared – I don’t have my swimsuit or even a towel – that doesn’t mean I can’t take a walk along the beach. I head down the stairs beside what looks like the kiddie pool, take off my flip flops, and slowly begin my walk.

The water is so blue, the sand isn’t too hot, and it’s just an overall beautiful day. And there’s so many people here! Many probably are not fond of the crowds, but I love it. My favorite part is that no one here knows who I am. Being in the surfing circuit back home, everyone knew who you were no matter where you were…especially me since I was winning all the time.

As I begin my walk I see children playing in the pool and the shallows of the ocean, other people swimming all along the coast, surfers further out catching waves, and more people just sunbathing on the sand. This feels like home to me. I can’t wait to be surfing here tomorrow. I walk in between the mass of people and the wall barricading the far end of the beach. I make it half way, right by the big lifeguard tower. If I hadn’t spent my whole childhood surfing competitively, I probably would have been a lifeguard in high school during the summer months. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do – save people’s lives.

Stopping for a moment, I take in the view. I may be here all week, but I’ll be spending most of it in the water, so now is a good time to just look at it all. I walk a little further and get to the steps where visitors can enter the beach. Going up a few to get a better view, I pull out my phone and take a few pictures. Not only is the attendance at the beach astounding, but so is the sunset. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. Right as I begin my descent, I hear the starting of a motor. I look to my left and see an atv of some sort hooked up to a trailer with a jet ski speed to the water. My eyes follow it and its occupants. These are clearly the lifeguards, as noted by their blue pullovers which I couldn’t read, but another one came running down the stairs from the lifeguard tower carrying something and getting in another atv, and I saw that their pullover said LIFEGUARD. Now I know who to look out for.

I continue down the entrance stairs and continue my walk down the beach. Making it to the end, I walk up the ramp so I can get back on a sidewalk. It is now just after six, so I complete my circle and eat a small dinner just by the hotel at a café. After finishing, I head back to my room and sit out on my room’s balcony, looking out at the night sky. I’m still pretty awake, so I get on my laptop and update my blog diary, check my social medias again, and by the time that’s all done, I’m actually pretty tired. I take a shower to finally freshen up after traveling, braid my hair so it’s cute and wavy for tomorrow, and head to bed.

part two

#bondi rescue #lifeguard x reader #bondi harrison #Harrison reid #boys in blue

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girlsbtrs · 3 years

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The Five Best Songs in Movie Scenes, According to a High School Senior

Written by Jennifer Moglia. Graphic by Laura Cross.

As a girl who was born in the 2000s, lived out my childhood in the 2010s, and turned 18 years old in the year 2021, all forms of media have played a huge role in my experiences growing up. From movies and TV shows to all different types of music to YouTube videos and social media creators, I’ve spent a large portion of my life watching other people do things, whether it was acting, singing, playing an instrument, or even just reviewing makeup products on Vine or TikTok.

However, one of these mediums has stood out from the rest; movies (or as the nerd in me would like to call them, “films”). As a freshman in high school, I decided to try to start watching more movies when I realized that my favorites consisted solely of Disney cartoons and the occasional cheesy rom-com.

Over the years, I’ve practically exhausted Netflix and Hulu’s libraries, bought a ridiculous amount of DVDs, and my Letterboxd diary has just reached 200 films (shameless self-promo, you can follow me there @happilyjennifer). When watching movies, especially ones that I’ve never seen before, I always try to pay attention to the music used in each scene - not the instrumental score, but the specific songs used to highlight pivotal moments.

The right track can make a sad scene heart-wrenching or a happy scene exhilarating, a romantic scene fairy tale-worthy or a death scene absolutely traumatic; a particular song can elevate a key scene in a film, making it that much more impactful. So, without further ado, here are my five favorite uses of songs in movie scenes, from films I’ve seen throughout my 18 years.

Honorable Mention: Heroes by David Bowie in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”

Some might be shocked at this scene’s placement in the “honorable mention” section due to how revered it is, but that’s almost why it lands there. This film and book have both been overhyped to death as a coming-of-age staple for as long as I can remember, and for that reason, I was underwhelmed when I first read and watched it.

However, I don’t think it should suffer because of its reputation, which is why I simply couldn’t pick a numbered spot for it. Standing alone as a scene, without any of the praise, this song and movie combination is absolutely breathtaking.

The visual of Emma Watson’s character Sam standing up in the car with Patrick and Charlie, her arms outstretched as the trio zooms through the tunnel to the city, is a visceral experience. Charlie proclaiming that he feels “infinite” is the cherry on top - he finally feels free, free from any past trauma or current stresses or general pressures of being a teenager.

It’s a beautiful moment, and it’s made iconic by the addition of Bowie’s hit song. The pairing of Heroes with “Perks”’ instantly recognizable “tunnel scene” is unforgettable.

5. God Only Knows by The Beach Boys in “Love Actually”

As a member of “Gen Z”, you won’t be surprised to hear that my attention span is not the best. That’s why, at times, “Love Actually” dragged a bit for me - I felt that the two-hour and 15-minute runtime was just a little much, especially with so many different stories to keep up with.

Despite all of that, though, I think that the ending practically saves this movie. The words “one month later” flash across the screen, and we are brought to Heathrow Airport, the place that David, played by Hugh Grant, spoke of at the beginning of the film.

We’re reminded of his opening sentiment, that whenever he’s feeling down, he thinks back to watching families reuniting at the gates in this airport, and he instantly feels better. It’s a perfect opening to a film about love, and calling back to it makes for a perfect ending.

The viewers see each of the film’s stories wrapped up neatly with a bow, particularly helpful for people like me who practically forgot about some of the characters by the time the two-hour mark was reached. What really makes this scene one of my favorites, though, is the very end of it.

As the lyrics “God only knows what I’d be without you” repeat and start to fade out, we are taken away from our characters and the screen now shows real families reuniting in Heathrow Airport, not actors. The clips form a collage and then, ultimately, a heart, before it all fades to black. True human connection can warm even the coldest of hearts, and this classic love song by The Beach Boys is the perfect soundtrack to these heartfelt moments.

4. Fooled Around and Fell in Love by Elvin Bishop in “Guardians of the Galaxy”

Throughout my middle school and early high school years, I knew more about Marvel movies than I did about my family or the material I was learning in school. I saw “Avengers: Age of Ultron” in theaters five times, skipped my first spring formal dance to see “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” in 3D on opening night, and even had a personalized Iron Man sweatshirt that I wore nearly every day.

The Marvel franchise that utilizes music, or at least recognizable music, the most is definitely the “Guardians of the Galaxy” series. Chris Pratt’s character Peter “Star Lord” Quill’s mother made mixtapes for him while she was still in his life, filled with pop music from the 1970s-80s that she listened to when she was younger.

Titled “Awesome Mix Volume 1”, Quill becomes attached to it as it was one of the only items he had left of his mother after they were separated. The music that she shared with him becomes a key piece of this movie as well as its sequel, from Baby Groot swaying in a flower pot to “I Want You Back” by the Jackson 5 to Star Lord completing a mission while Redbone’s “Come And Get Your Love” plays through his headphones.

My favorite use of a classic song in a “Guardians” movie, though, is in an interaction between Quill and his love interest, Gamora. The two are bonding over their unusual relationships with their parents with Quill talking about how music connects him to his mom, pulling out his tape deck and headphones.

The dynamic between the two characters here is hilariously adorable, as Gamora explains that she doesn’t believe in music or dancing, which appalls Quill and leads to him explaining the plot of the movie “Footloose” to her, applying it to the people on her planet. He then takes off his headphones and puts them on her head, allowing her to listen to “Fooled Around and Fell in Love”, though she doesn’t quite appreciate the moment, talking over the music about how the “melody is very pleasing.”

I’m a sucker for awkwardly cute couples and the mini enemies-to-lovers storyline between Star Lord and Gamora gives me butterflies every time; I can’t help but giggle when Quill goes in for the kiss and Gamora immediately pulls a weapon on him. The use of such a well-known love song makes this moment that much sweeter.

3. Where is my Mind? by The Pixies in “Fight Club”

Yes, I realize that I’m automatically breaking the first rule of “Fight Club” by even listing it here, but I had to. This is a movie that countless people (men, countless men) had told me to watch for years, and I finally caved about a year ago out of “quarantine boredom.”

While I don’t praise this film as much as others do (men, as much as men do), I can certainly appreciate the influence that it has had on the world of film at large. There’s a lot of commentary on consumerism, violence, individualism, and the concept of masculinity packed into these two hours, even though many people (you know what these parentheses are about to say: many men) miss all of that and just watch it for the fight scenes.

The scene I chose from “Fight Club” as one of my favorites uses of a song in a film is the ending, which includes “Where is my Mind?” by The Pixies. The Narrator (Ed Norton) has just shot himself, effectively killing his alternate personality of Tyler Durden, and his love interest Marla (Helena Bonham Carter) has been kidnapped and brought to him by his Project Mayhem workers.

Marla is horrified upon finding The Narrator in the condition that he’s in and learning that he’s the one who put himself in this situation, or at least he thinks so. All he can offer to her is to say this: “I'm sorry...you met me at a very strange time in my life.” This is when the buildings start to fall.

All of the explosives planted by Project Mayhem begin to detonate, exploding and imploding as Marla and The Narrator look on, The Pixies’ hit playing softly in the background. She looks startled at first, before relaxing and allowing him to take her hand, and the two watch the city crumble to the ground with “Where is my Mind?” as the backing track; it’s masterfully done.

2. Everytime by Britney Spears in “Spring Breakers”

I want to start this section by saying that I’m fully aware that this scene shouldn’t work, let alone be beautiful, and the same could be said for this movie as a whole, but for some reason, there’s something captivating about “Spring Breakers” and the renowned “Everytime” scene. Netflix first suggested this movie to me as a freshman in high school (complete side note: Why, Netflix? What was okay about suggesting this to a 14-year-old?), and it has stuck with me for years after.

The way that “Spring Breakers” sugarcoats itself in its marketing is almost a microcosm of its themes and storyline. The neon color schemes and promos including former Disney Channel stars Selena Gomez and Vaness Hudgens hide a story of four girls on their spring break consumed by crime, drugs, and murder, and this scene exemplifies that perfectly.

After Gomez’s character Faith gets scared and goes back home, drug and arms dealer Alien (James Franco) takes Brit (Ashley Benson), Candy (Hudgens), and Cotty (Rachel Korine) to a strip club where they meet his rival, fellow drug dealer Big Arch. Alien arms the girls with shotguns and pink ski maks adorned with unicorns (hello, symbolism!), and they gather around the piano next to his pool to listen to him play.

Franco’s character begins to play Spears’ hit “Everytime”, the girls singing along, before Britney’s original version takes over, playing as a montage of the group participating in multiple armed robberies plays out on the screen in slow motion. The juxtaposition of the soft, feminine song with the violent crimes being carried out sums up this entire film in a nutshell; I strongly believe that this scene helps this film earn its title as a masterpiece.

1. Young Blood by The Naked and Famous in Disney’s “Prom”

Giving the top spot to a movie that most people probably haven’t seen could be seen as a bold move, but I’m telling you, this movie raised me. I have such a vivid memory of seeing it in theaters with my mom when I was only eight years old, dreaming about the day that I’d get to dress up and go to my own prom; pretty crazy that ten years later, I’ll be attending my high school’s prom in a month, and I still think about this movie often.

I identified with Aimee Teegarden’s character Nova Prescott heavily when I was younger, the star student who always wanted to be the best and do the best, quickly turning into the obsessive perfectionist who doesn’t know how to have fun and let go. Thomas McDonnell’s portrayal of Jesse Richter, the bad boy with a soft side who introduces Nova to a whole new world, has always tugged at my heartstrings.

The scene in this movie that has stuck with me for a decade now comes when Nova and Jesse are starting to work together to plan and decorate for prom while also started to develop feelings for each other. Nova is stressed that another school’s theme is too similar to theirs and that they will be upstaged, to which Jesse says, “let’s see how starry their night really is.”

The pair hops onto Jesse’s motorcycle and sets off to visit the rival school. As they take the ride, indie band The Naked and Famous’ song “Young Blood” plays in the background, the upbeat chorus and “yeah yeah yeah”s perfectly framing Nova’s change of heart towards Jesse.

They sneak into the other school to check out their decor, only to be caught by the police and taken home by their parents. Nova’s father snaps at Jesse, and while the girl she was at the beginning of the movie would have agreed with her dad, she doesn’t; in fact, she defends Jesse, and apologizes to him for her parent’s behavior the next day.

In addition to being one of my favorite coming-of-age movie moments, this movie also introduced me to The Naked and Famous and the album that this song is on, “Passive Me, Aggressive You”, which has become one of my favorite records of all time (listen to Girls Like You and Punching in a Dream and you’ll be hooked). As I mentioned earlier, the right soundtrack can make a romantic scene a million times more magical, and that’s exactly what the use of Young Blood does here.

#jennifer moglia

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ficdirectory · 7 years

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Disuphere (An AU Fosters family fic) Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Sunday, March 31, 2019

Home: 7 years, 5 months and 17 days

In two days, Francesca’s turning nine years old, but the whole family is celebrating today. Right now, it’s just Francesca and her two brothers, Jude and Jesus, who live at home Her favorite is Jesus. The rest of her brothers and sisters are in college or just moved out. (Callie and Mariana are in college. Brandon’s just moved out.) Francesca wants to be a dancer and an artist when she grows up.

This is the first time in a long time all of them are together. Francesca likes it when they are together, because they aren’t very much. She has to stay in her room a lot today, because Jesus and Jude and moms are decorating and doing stuff, and she doesn’t get to help.

(She did help Jesus bake her birthday cake. It’s confetti cake with green frosting like a monster and sprinkles on top.) Mama told them a story of when Jesus and Mariana tried to bake her a cake when they were Francesca’s age all by themselves and it was gross, but she ate it anyway. Jesus laughs. That’s how Francesca know it’s an okay story to laugh at, too.

At school, the kids tease her about how she walks and think they know a lot better than her what she should do. She stopped being Frankie, because they said it like she was a baby. (You can’t say Francesca in a baby voice, or you just sound silly.)

Francesca’s watching on the porch for Callie and Mariana to get here. They’re bringing the ice cream, yum! She really want a bike for her birthday, but she thinks she won’t be able to ride one without training wheels. All the other kids were done with training wheels forever ago. But Francesca still needs hers for balance.

She has another worry, too.

“Jesus,” Francesca whispers.

“Hey, buddy,” (He always calls her buddy. She doesn’t know why. But he claims she started it when she didn’t, she doesn’t think.)

Jesus is 20 like Mariana. They’re twins, but that doesn’t mean they do everything the same. Like Jesus lives at home with me, and Mariana doesn’t. Both are okay.

“What’s up?” he asks, sitting on the porch swing next to her.

“I really don’t want to be nine…” Francesca tells him seriously.

“Why?” he asks. He listens to her better than anyone else. That’s because he’s her best friend. Francesca doesn’t have kid best friends because they all treat her different. Jesus treats her the same.

She bites her lip. Sometimes, talking about this is okay, and sometimes it’s not. She won’t know until she starts. “You know the bad guy that took you to his house that one time?”

Jesus nods.

“Will that happen to me when I’m nine?” she worries.

“Buddy, I didn’t get kidnapped because I was nine. I got kidnapped because a guy did a stupid thing.”

His words don’t make sense. She squints at him. “Tell me in nine year old words,” she says.

“No. You’re not going get kidnapped just because you’re nine. You remember what we talk about? Don’t walk places by yourself. Don’t take rides from people you don’t know even if they seem nice, and even if they say they know Moms.”

“I know. I just…” her voice hitches.

“Hey…. There’s no crying on your birthday!”

“Mariana!” Francesca screams, but Jesus is already up and hugging her like he hasn’t seen her in a million years.

Mariana can barely hang onto her balloon bouquet, Jesus is squeezing her so hard. It’s been so hard being at school while he’s not. It’s the longest they’ve been apart since 2007. Luckily now they can FaceTime and call and Facebook chat, and they do. Every day.

But it’s not the same.

She’s studying to become a legal advocate for kids, which means she needs a law degree. That means tons of school. She misses her family, though. Jesus, most of all.

After the epic hug from Jesus, Mariana scoops up Francesca. She’s still super skinny, because she burns calories like crazy just from moving around. Mariana holds onto her a little extra too.

“Why so sad?” Mari wonders.

Francesca exchanges a look with Jesus. In unison both shrug and chorus, “No reason…”

She should have known. (Obviously porch time equals private, Mariana. Duh.) Instead, she offers Francesca a smile and says, “You know if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were Jesus’s twin, not me.”

Francesca’s face splits into the widest grin. She loves being told she and Jesus are close. She often says he’s her best friend. That makes sense.

He’s Mariana’s best friend, too.

“My dear!” a voice reprimands from behind Mariana. “Get out of the doorway or this will melt!”

Callie hasn’t brought out Mrs. Georgina Feathersby Longbottom in years. She thinks it’s time to break her back in. Just like she hopes, she gets a smile from Jesus, and uproarious laughs from Francesca. Callie’s boyfriend, AJ, doesn’t know what to make of the voice, but a smile from Jesus is pretty major.

Even five years later, their trust feels a little dented from her senior project debacle. She ended up getting an A on her amended project, and she got her phone back on graduation day. (Yes, Moms were serious about that one.)

Now 21, Callie’s majoring in child psych and minoring in photography. Today, when she goes anywhere to photograph anyone, she always asks: “Hey can I take your picture? I’m Callie and I’m studying to be a photographer.”

Not everyone says yes. In fact, a lot don’t. But it’s important that she gives them the choice. (And if people don’t work out, Callie takes great pictures of rooms, of nature, and of anything she finds beauty in. Or sadness. Or truth.)

She hurries inside with the ice cream, finding Jude and greeting him with a kiss on the cheek and then leaving the cartons with him.

“Thanks,” Jude calls at Callie’s back, not knowing what to do with two cartons of ice cream.

He walks into the kitchen. “You know I have homework to do. I don’t have time for this today.”

“Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you went to Taylor’s Friday night and spent the whole of Saturday there,” Mom reprimands.

“Mom. Nobody does their homework Friday night,”

“People who don’t want to be grounded with no social life to speak of most certainly do,” Mom cautions.

Crap.

“I’m sorry. Lesson learned. I’ll do better.”

“What?” Jesus asks, looking concerned. (He has this way of showing up right when somebody in the family is getting in trouble. It freaks Jesus out still.)

Even though it’s been a long time, Jude still remembers Jesus back when he first came home and had that knife. The talk on the porch a few years later had helped, but he still had to talk to Moms a few times because of not feeling safe around Jesus. Mostly around October. Luckily that’s a ways away. Jude will be in college the next time October comes. Studying creative writing or journalism. He wishes the theater programs at colleges weren’t so competitive, or he’d totally do that.

“Nothing, I’m just gonna do my homework,” Jude says.

“Not right now you’re not, love. I need your help bringing the food outside,” Mama interjects.

“I’ll help,” Jesus offers.

“I’ll help, too. Hey, Mom. Where’s Cranky Frankie?” Brandon asks, walking in with Talya.

“I heard that!” Francesca exclaims, pouting.

“B, don’t tease your sister, please,” Mom says, and just like that, Brandon’s back.

“Here, Stef, let me help,” Talya says. (They’ve been dating since before Jesus came home. She’s pretty much one of the family now.) He’s thinking about marriage, but never about kids. Just not his thing.

He’s got an office job that pays the bills, but his real passion is his YouTube channel where he takes requests for piano covers of different songs. He’s got a lot of followers. It’s nice to play again.

Brandon takes some paper plates and plastic silverware outside. Through the window, he can see Moms kissing. He would say it’s gross, but he’s glad they’re still together.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that Stef and Lena have been together for sixteen years, and married for five. They’d be lying if they said this hasn’t been a hard road for them. Ironically, it was in the years after Jesus came home that their marriage became rocky, with Lena rehired at Anchor Beach as principal and Stef still a cop with the SDPD.

They hit a few rough patches and even thought of divorcing. But Lena suggested counseling, and since Stef never wants it to be said that she’s a quitter, she gave it a shot.

Now, they are at the point where they can make their marriage more of a priority. They do a couple’s retreat every year, and have date nights every week, where they talk about what’s going on with each other. Not the house. Not the kids. Them. As whole people. As women. (Jesus is comfortable watching Francesca while they go out, even overnight, as long as another sibling - usually Jude - is also home.)

So far, it’s working - prioritizing themselves and their marriage.

Communication is not always easy, but they’re working on it. On showing each other they appreciate each other. On being there when they need one another.

It’s hard work, but as they always say, it’s worth it.

Sometimes it still strikes Jesus just how grateful he is. Seven years home and the feeling hasn’t gone away. In fact, it’s gotten stronger.

He never got another letter from Allie Martin, but keeps the picture of Isaac tucked in that notebook, right next to the letter to his mom. Sometimes he still looks at it. Sometimes, it still hurts like hell, because he’s here and Isaac isn’t and there really is no rhyme or reason for it.

Even though he’s 20 and technically should be on his own, Jesus isn’t yet. He kinda still feels like he should get a couple more years at home, to make up for the ones he lost. Luckily, Moms have never pushed him to leave.

In a way it’s nice with less kids around the house. It means less unpredictability. Less chaos. But it’s quieter, too, and Jesus learned pretty quick he needed to fill that quiet with something. He doesn’t see Dr. H. anymore because she works with teenagers and Jesus is past that point now, but he still does therapy and support groups. Sometimes he speaks at them. Sometimes not. His biggest passion these days is tweeting for social justice type causes @ItsHeyZeus: Mainly, to missing kids. To let them know they are not alone. To stay strong. That people will never stop looking for them. He tells them don’t give up.

(It’s everything he wished he had Then. Somewhere to turn. Someone to listen.)

Just like that, lunch is eaten and it’s time for cake and presents. He scoots in next to Francesca as she gets ready to blow out her candles.

“Don’t be afraid to turn nine,” he whispers. “At nine, you’re at the strongest you have ever been. The smartest. Okay? Don’t ever be afraid of turning nine.”

“‘Cause you’ll always be here for me?”

“Absolutely. I always have your back.” (He feels Mariana slip her hand into his. Squeeze.)

“Okay…” Francesca says, and she blows out the candles.

After the cake and the presents, everyone would normally leave, but Francesca begs to play a game, all of them together. (It won’t really be all of them together, since Callie and AJ and Brandon and Talya did have to jet early. Brandon has work and Callie has school stuff.)

Just because she knows it bugs them, Mom wants to play Scrabble. They pair off: Jesus and Mariana, Mom and Francesca, and Mama and Jude.

“Don’t you have school stuff?” Jesus asks softly as they all pick their letters.

“I mean, yeah. But it doesn’t take priority over this,” Mariana shrugs.

It doesn’t take long to remember that Scrabble so isn’t Jesus’s game. There’s too much going on. It’s hard to focus. And in the end Mariana just scores 60-point words by herself anyway. In the middle of the game, he gets up and starts making sure she’ll have enough leftovers to take back to school with her.

“Vixen! That’s 21 points! I am so good!” Jude cheers.

“Excuse me? Who thought of vixen?” Mama wonders, smiling.

“Fine. We are so good!” Jude amends.

“Mariana, do you want potato salad?” Jesus asks.

“Hmm… Cabbage!” Mariana exclaims.

“We don’t have cabbage, genius,” Jesus teases.

“No! Cabbage! Our word, Jesus. With our letters.”

“Okay but cabbage is only 14 points,” Mom insists. “Are you sure you don’t want to think of a better use for all those letters?” she asks.

“Yeah. 14 points is not a lot of points…” Francesca insists.

“No, because Jesus and I used all our letters and now we get to draw more and keep playing,” Mariana says gleefully.

“So...no potato salad?” Jesus asks.

“Um, yes potato salad,” Mariana says like withholding it would be an insult.

“Okay. Let’s just say I’ll give you some of everything…”

“Ooh, but no cheese, please...and no meat. And oh...potato salad has eggs in it doesn’t it?”

“Cake?” Jesus tries.

“Yes!” Mariana cheers. Jesus isn’t sure whether she got another word on the board and is beating the other teams or she’s saying yes to cake. He decides to give her some anyway, and not tell her there’s eggs in that, too. She needs to eat something.

“Honey, come and sit down,” Mama calls.

Jesus does and they finish the game. Mariana beats everyone all by herself, and Jesus sends her off with a giant piece of monster cake and a hug. “Miss you. FaceTime me, okay? I’ll help you study.”

“You will?” Mari squints.

“Well, I’ll distract you while you study so maybe just text when you’re done. At least to say goodnight.”

“Yeah, of course. Love you.”

“Love you,” he returns.

Mariana makes the rounds, hugging everyone and then stops by him one last time. “Really, Jesus? Cake?”

“You just ate a piece five minutes ago at Francesca’s party, like another one to help you study is really gonna be so bad.”

She frowns. “Ooh. You’re right. I’ll probably need the sugar.”

“Okay bye, I miss you. Text if you need me.”

“I miss you, and same.” Jesus says back, because even knowing they will be apart makes them start missing each other early.

Once she’s gone, the house seems so much quieter. That could be because Moms are out watching Francesca ride her new bike, and Jude’s doing all his homework at the last possible second.

Jesus is on the couch, on his laptop, when a message pops up through the email he has attached to his Twitter account:

Jesus,

I follow you on Twitter, I have for a long time. And I have wanted to talk to you for a while, but I didn’t know what to say except...I’m like you. And how do I move on? You are a role model to me and I saw your tweets when I was missing. They gave me hope, but I’m not sure how to start moving on now that I am home. It’s been months. I’m so glad to be home but I’m scared all the time. I just want to be normal.

Sincerely,

Ava

Jesus takes a deep breath and starts writing back:

Ava,

You are normal. It’s normal to be scared after what we’ve been through. So, it makes sense that you’ll move through your experience, too, not on with your life and away from it. It’s okay to need help. I’m not sure of your age, but let me give you the name and number of a great doctor I know who might be able to refer you to somebody, her name is Dr. Holly Hitchens… Please take care, and believe that you did everything right, because you made it home. And as long as you’re alive there’s hope. So hang on. And know that with the right support you’ll be okay.

Jesus

#fic: disuphere #fosters fic

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myaekingheart · 7 years

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Rules: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

I was tagged by @alittlenarnian! Thank youuu ^_^

I’m just gonna do everyone a favor here and put this all under the cut because I thought way too deeply into pretty much every single one of these questions and I’m not gonna subject everyone to scrolling past all my nonsense.

1. Coke or Pepsi: I don't know, probably coke? I don't drink a lot of soda but I've always been a big fan of orange soda, myself. Or that one kind in the Coke place in Epcot c:

2. Disney or Dreamworks: I love both but I'm gonna have to go with Disney. It's had more influence over me, and I feel like most of the movies have way more than heart than a lot of what Dreamworks puts out (aside from HTTYD and Rise of the Guardians and the original 2D stuff like Spirit).

3. Coffee or Tea: Tea. Coffee makes me sick.

4. Books or Movies: This is hard because I love both so much but I'm gonna have to go with books. I love the visual beauty of movies but on the other hand, nothing compares to the feeling of pages between your fingers and that high you get from looking at words when you read a book, and the way you can imagine everything exactly as you want and no two personal renderings are ever exactly the same. That's cool. I like that.

5. Windows or Mac: Windows.

6. DC or Marvel: I've never been huge into the superhero scene but I'm gonna have to go with Marvel (though if it was a choice, I'd definitely pick The Incredibles universe).

7. X-Box or Playstation: Tough call but I'm gonna have to go with X-Box.

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: Dragon Age.

9. Night Owl or Early Riser: DEFINITELY night owl. I can't get up early for the life of me and when I do, I'm in a constant fog.

10. Cards or Chess: Cards because they're more flexible. You can play tons of different games with cards-- Go Fish, Solitaire, Old Maid, Blackjack. Chess is just chess. It's not as portable as a deck of cards, either.

11. Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.

12. Vans or Converse: Converse.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: No idea what any of that is tbqh

14. Fluff or Angst: Little bit of both never hurt anyone. All about balance, amirite?

15. Beach or Forest: Tough call but I kind of have to go with forest, actually??? Like don't get me wrong I adore the beach, it's gorgeous as all hell, but at the same time, it's like every time I go to the beach it's always super windy and crowded and you're either freezing cold or scorching hot and then you get sand in weird places. I kind of like the close-knit spaces of the forest and how close to nature I feel when I'm there, like on nature trails and stuff. I like all the trees looming over me-- they make me feel safe-- and the different flowers and creatures all around and all the different pathways you can take. It always feels like an adventure.

16. Dogs or cats: I love both but I lean a little bit more towards dogs just because I've grown up with them all my life. I like how you can rough-house with dogs (big dogs, anyways) and they'll just flop over and love on you. Cats never liked me but now that I've spent more time around them, they've really started growing on me more.

17. Clear skies or rain: Rain. Definitely rain. Nothing makes me happier than those days when you can just curl up on the couch in your pajamas with a bowl of soup and a movie marathon and the sky is all dark and there's a steady rain beating on the roof, maybe a little thunder and lightning, and you just snuggle close on the couch in a giant blanket and just ugh it's the absolute best and I adore it.

18. Cooking or eating out: I can't really cook for the life of me but if I had to choose, I'd pick cooking over eating out just because making food is better than putting on pants to go out someplace and eat. I don't always feel comfortable eating out anyways, for whatever reason. And at least when you (attempt) to cook something, not only do you get food but you also feel the accomplishment of having made something that tastes good (hopefully) and has a purpose.

19. Spicy food or mild food: I never used to be like this but spicy food has grown on me so I'm gonna pick that. I can only handle so much kick but I definitely enjoy how flavorful spicy food is over blander stuff.

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: UGH THIS IS SO HARD BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO WITH CHRISTMAS. I adore Halloween just because it gives me an excuse to dress up where I'm not considered a geek, but then again I dress up year-round and kind of stopped giving a fuck what people think about it. Christmas is great, though. You get good food and lots of presents and can spend time with people you love and there's lights and happiness everywhere and great excuses to snuggle up on the couch with bae. Fills me so much warmth <3

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: A little too cold because at least that way I could always put on cozy socks or snuggle up in a blanket. If I'm too hot, there's only so much I can do and a finite number of clothes I can shed before I'm passed out on the tile ass naked with the refrigerator open.

22. If you could have any superpower, what would it be: Invisibility. I answered that really, really quickly but hey, it's not a sin to know what you want. So yes. Either invisibility or forcefields. Or both. Both is good. Invisibility would be great so I could sneak around or bypass awkward confrontations but at the same time, I'm very much a wallflower so it's kind of like I'm invisible already. Forcefields, on the other hand, could be really beneficial because I like my personal space and if anyone's coming too close, I can just be like *boop* nope-ity nope nope. I think the biggest benefit from forcefields, though, would be blocking myself from the wind. There is nothing I hate more than wind and if I could find any way to barricade myself from it so it wouldn't have to inconvenience me from doing what I need to do, that would be stupendous.

23. Animation or live action: Ugh this is a hard one and I don't know if I have a really definite answer for this one. It honestly just depends. Animation is a beautiful medium that I adore but some things are far more suited for live action. I guess if I had to choose, though, I'd go with animation since I feel like live action, at least in big budget fantasy, adventure, sci-fi, and action movies, are all animated to a degree anyways (I seriously miss the days when special effects makeup was still a big thing instead of the way everything's been these days, where everything is just computer generated. Not that CG isn't beautiful but I just miss the tangibility of special effects and prefer it over the painterly and sweeping CGI, though I mean there is a time and a place for both I suppose).

24. Paragon or Renegade: Again, no idea what that is.

25. Baths or showers: Showers. I'm too antsy to take baths anymore. Plus you can't take books in there unless you're deliberately trying to ruin them.

26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: Team Cap.

27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi: Fantasy

28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they: "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not" - Kurt Cobain (This was actually my senior quote in high school, too :D) "It'll all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end" (I honestly which I had a credit for this) "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think" -AA Milne "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard" -AA Milne (again) Basically all of AA Milne's quotes, even if I haven't heard them yet, I instantly love, okay?

29. Netflix or youtube: Tough call but youtube mainly because I don't have Netflix and youtube does not cost me money. Sure, you can't get full episodes most of the time but oh well.

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: I've honestly never really been into either? My GSP class did a Greek mythology unit and we had to read The Lightning Thief and I just could not get into it whatsoever. If I had to choose, I guess I'd say Harry Potter solely because even though the Harry Potter series itself never really interested me all that much (I've only read and seen the first three but I could never get past the puke scene in the second one without nearly vomiting myself), I have to admit that Fantastic Beasts looks incredible and really captured my interest.

31. When you feel accomplished: When I get shit done, pretty much. I procrastine a lot but when I finally crack down on myself and make myself write that paper or that next chapter or get those supplies for that one cosplay or anything like that, I instantly feel prouder of myself for actually doing things rather than dreaming of them.

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: Again, I never really got into either but I'd have to go with Star Wars just because I know more about it and because Harrison Ford reminds me of my dad and that makes me happy.

33. Paperback or Hardback: Hardback. Paperbacks are great and all but there's something special about hardback books. They feel classic.

34. Horror or rom-com: Rom-com. Horror is good in small doses but gooey, sticky-sweet rom-com is like those strawberry candies you find at your grandma's house that you could always stand to have more of.

35. TV shows or movies: Ugh that's a tough call, too. On one hand, a lot of time and effort goes into movies but then TV shows are a little more digestible sometimes just because they're shorter increments but you get more out of it because it spans a much longer period of time and you can really expand on a story more in a show than you can in a two hour film. So I guess maybe both??? Can I do that? Can I pick both? Because I know if I try to bargain with myself to make a dead-set decision here, we're gonna be sitting here all night watching me go back and forth about this.

36. Spotify or Pandora: I don't use either so I don't really have a preference. I just like using the music I've downloaded onto my phone.

37. Zootopia or Inside Out: Zootopia because police.

38. Favourite book: The Chronicles of Narnia books by CS Lewis, hands down. I've read a lot of great books but no matter what, I always find myself coming back to Narnia. It's like a permanent part of my soul that just breaks down the door whenever I forget about it and forces itself back into my life.

39. Favourite flower: I really love red roses because they're just so romantic and red is my favorite color.

40. What field of study are you in (or aspire to be in): I'm working towards getting a bachelor's in creative writing so I guess you could say my field of study is English? I wanna write shit.

41. Song lyric you really love: Oh god, I have a lot but okay, here goes. "I am a princess on the way to my throne destined to reign, destined to rule"- Can't Take It In by Imogen Heap (off the LWW soundtrack) "If you wanna break these walls down, you're gonna get bruised"- Castle by Halsey "If your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done" The Words Best Friend Become Redefined by Chiodos "Another cog in the murder machine"- Teenagers by My Chemical Romance

42. What’s your MBTI type: ISFP

43. What is your zodiac sign: Taurus

44. Where is your favourite place to go: My boyfriend's place because anywhere where he is is home and I love spending time with him no matter where we are or what we're doing.

45. Favourite stuffed animal as a kid: Okay, so this doesn't really constitute as a "stuffed animal", so to speak, but when I was a kid, I was incredibly attached to this baby doll my mom's mom had bought for me when I was born. I named her Baby Doll (real creative, I know) and took her everywhere with me, and slept with her every night for way longer than I'd like to admit. I loved her to pieces and still do, actually, but in a different way now than I did back then. When I was little, I was in love with her the same way I imagine a mother loves her child because to me, she was like my kid. Nowadays it's more like I love her because of all the joy she brought me as a kid and all the memories I made with her. I actually still have her and she hasn't fallen apart (completely) yet. Her painted facial features on her plastic head have started to fade a little bit and her the stuffing in her plushie body has already gone kind of limp and flat and her little outfit has turned gray (I think I tried burying her in the backyard once and she never recovered??? I accidentally dropped her in a river over the edge of a boat once, too. The kid's been through some shit, alright?) but I still look at her and see the same doll I was so grossly in love with and attached to when I was a little girl and I love that a lot.

46. Favourite icecream flavour: It's a toss-up between mint chocolate chip, which was my first ever favorite ice cream flavor, and chocolate chip cookie dough. Neopolitan is pretty great, too, for when I want the classics but can't decide on just one.

47. Chanel or Gucci: I could honestly care less about either but if I had to choose, Chanel just because Coco Chanel was pretty cool.

48. What’s your hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

49. Who’s your celebrity crush: Oh damn, here we go. Here's opening a can of worms you don't want to get me started on. I have a couple but the biggest and longest running is without a doubt William Moseley and there's a long and funny story behind this. Okay, so when I was in second grade, we read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe as a class and did project assignments on it and shit (one of which I distinctly remember was that we had to draw a scene from the book so I chose the White Witch on her sleigh but for some reason the word "sledge" made me instantly think of "ledge" so it was basically a really shitty drawing of the White Witch flying through the sky on one of those construction beams??? It was really freaking weird, man). We watched the BBC version in class and I remember as the credits were rolling, my teacher shut off the TV screen and announced to us that Disney was releasing it's own version of the movie that Christmas so when the time came around, I had my mom go take me to see it because I liked the book enough to buy an entire boxed set at the next book fair and have always been a Disney freak so I was like "Let's fucking do it." So we went to the theater and I was having a good time enjoying myself and whatnot and then the battle scene came and I was honestly so thrown for a loop. Here I was, little eight year old me, terrified of how intense it was. I was shaking and horrified and I dragged my mom out of the theater. It was awful. I almost didn't go back to see it again but I felt unsatisfied having not seen the rest of the movie so I had her take me back, determined to sit through the entire thing this time. I still ended up covering my face during the battle scenes but when I finally did peek through my fingers, there on the huge silver screen was none other than Peter freaking Pevensie slaying a bunch of poor unfortunate souls and looking like a sexy mofo in the process. Instant heart eyes. And so the madness began. I kept it a secret for a little while before one day, my parents and I were at one of the Disney resorts (it was either the Beach Club or the Boardwalk Hotel, I don't remember which-- it was whichever one that has Cape May Cafe because I think we ate in there for dinner or something). At the front desk, they had those Disney Adventures mini magazines and so I got a free one and guess who was on the cover for that month? William freaking Moseley. There was an interview on the inside, too, that I thought must've been fate because it was smack dab in the middle and there was a cardstock ad right between the two pages so you could easily flip to the thing. The whole thing about my crush got out among my friends at school pretty quickly (when I told them, for a second they thought I had a crush on a kid in one of the other classes named Peter) and the Narnia thing just kind of took off. It waxed and waned over the years but the biggest comeback wasn't until eighth grade. I was on Thanksgiving break and my parents were flipping through the channels when they found Prince Caspian on TV. By then, I had kind of forgotten about Narnia and was like "Oh yeah, I remember this movie! I loved these movies!" and so I sat down and watched the rest of it and that's when everything came flooding back. I spiraled into a pit of insanity and quickly gained a reputation as "that Narnia girl." My freshman year binder was a Narnia shrine with William Moseley pictures pasted all over it. I followed him on social media (which wasn't as big a thing before) and dreamed about him constantly and thought any and all little coincidences were proof that we were meant to be together (even if he is ten years older than me). But I mean, I was a kid. What the hell do I know? Things actually ended up getting a little too far, though. When I found out William Moseley had started dating his Run costar Kelsey Chow, I was 110% heartbroken. Like, I was watching Prince Caspian the one night and just broke down in hysterical tears during the end credits because oh my god we would never be together now and I was so jealous that she was dating him and not me. It was honestly probably getting a little unhealthy so that's when I decided to end the entire Narnia thing once and for all because I had spiraled far too deep and needed to separate myself from the concept. I took a few long years away from the thing before cautiously getting sucked back in about a year and a half ago, I guess it was. I didn't want to get back into Narnia, initially, because I knew that would mean reacquainting myself with the whole William Moseley thing and I didn't want to spiral back into that pit again. I felt like a recovering alcoholic getting invited to a bar. I wanted to go, but I didn't want to relapse. I guess in a way I sort of did for a short period of time there? This time I was more cautious to separate the character from the actor, though, and so far it's been doing pretty well. The only time I almost slipped was when I was this close to being an extra in The Little Mermaid and meeting him, but it didn't work out because school got in the way of my traveling to Savannah for the filming. My heart still hurts a little bit seeing that carnival scene and knowing I could've been one of the faces in that crowd. But anyways, yeah. I think it's safe to say William Moseley was definitely my biggest and probably my most detrimental celebrity crush??? It's all water under the bridge now, pretty much. I still have the Narnia fanfics but I'm not as overwhelmingly gaga for him as I once was now that I have my own boyfriend and life is great. I realize now that this explanation was probably way longer than it needed to be but oh well. Whatever. It was worth typing all out.

50. The Chronicles of Narnia or Lord of the Rings: The Chronicles of Narnia. Lord of the Rings is good and all but I kept zoning out during the movies and never dared to read the books (TOLKIEN, YOU SPEND LIKE FIFTEEN PAGES DESCRIBING ONE TREE. COOL IT, BRO). I think the above explanation shows how pretty obvious the Narnia bias is here, though.

51. In the car, radio or phone playlist: Phone. I never get the aux cord but when I do, it's a lot of alternative rock. I have lots of playlists for different moods or themes, though, like one of all songs that remind me of my boyfriend in some way, calming songs, "fuck yes" songs that make me wanna headbang and break a window, shit like that. Plus, phone playlists are portable so that's nice.

52. Favorite Disney Princess? Rapunzel! She was the first princess I really felt a strong connection to and I honestly wish I would've had her in my life as a little girl. I will forever be a massive Tangled nut, though, and literally nothing feels better than being able to run around dressed as my favorite princess and living out my dreams. I feel so free and overwhelmingly happy when I cosplay Rapunzel. She's like my happy place and a lot of the time, I find myself having to pry myself away from her sometimes so I can give attention to my other cosplays. Like a super strong magnet, though, I always gravitate straight back to Rapunzel. I will never not love my beautiful little sunshine princess <3 <3 <3

Tagging: no one because this was way too long and I sure as hell am not tagging 52 people. Do it if you want to but I'm not recruiting half a hundred people to fill out these questions that I thought way too much about.

#ask memes #ramblings

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olehistorian · 7 years

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Almost unrecognisable from her role as the dowdy housekeeper in Downton Abbey, Phyllis Logan is starring in an exotic new medical drama. She talks to Judith Woods about seizing the day and those Downton movie rumours… 'Obviously I never had a career to speak of before Downton Abbey,’ says Phyllis Logan drily, raising an eyebrow for further effect. ‘I sometimes wonder how on earth did I fill my time?’ It’s not true, of course, but we all know what she means: sometimes a jobbing actress is swept away by a juggernaut of a role that takes her a very long way from where she used to be. The Downton effect has had an impact on the career of every member of its award-winning ensemble cast. Lily James has starred in the BBC’s War & Peace and the movie Cinderella, Michelle Dockery landed a role as a criminal in the gritty US show Good Behavior, Joanne Froggatt played a serial killer in the ITV series Dark Angel – and now Phyllis is set to star in a new ITV drama series, The Good Karma Hospital. But it’s her years in service to the Crawley family that have made her a poster girl for ladies of a certain age who refuse to accept that life holds no more adventure. When her doughty but warm-hearted character Mrs Hughes finally found love with the pompous but kindly butler Mr Carson, it struck a blow for midlife love. In those days ‘Mrs’ was an honorific title bestowed on senior female staff, regardless of whether they had ever wed, so Mrs Hughes’s comical angst about whether he would be expecting ‘a full marriage’ struck a chord with any woman over 40 who has ever fretted about going to bed with a new partner. ‘Mrs Hughes was aerated about the sex thing because she probably hadn’t had much experience, but that turned out to be the least of her bloomin’ worries,’ acknowledges Phyllis. ‘God preserve us all from nitpicking middle-aged men who can’t abide change.’ In the phenomenally successful series, which ran for six seasons, Mr Carson (played by Jim Carter) turned out to be irrevocably stuck in his ways – the routines of the big house where he had been serving for many years. Ironically, it was his new wife’s performance in the couple’s kitchen (as opposed to the bedroom) that proved his greatest source of disappointment. Eventually, with affectionate pragmatism, the pair decided he should eat his meals at the Downton kitchen, cooked by Mrs Patmore, as before. ‘It’s a very identifiable scenario,’ says Phyllis, 61. ‘When a more mature couple makes a life together, each brings certain expectations and baggage and of course there’s always need for compromise, which some men in particular find difficult. Phyllis, once best known for playing posh totty Lady Jane Felsham in the 1980s and 90s series Lovejoy, was a late starter herself when it came to settling down. She met her husband, Pirates of the Caribbean actor Kevin McNally, in the 1993 miniseries Love and Reason when she was in her late 30s, but they didn’t get round to tying the knot until she was 55. ‘I had always sworn I would never have an actor in the house because they are so much trouble and so vain, but you can’t legislate for Cupid’s bow,’ she says. When she got together with Kevin, theirs was not a series of careful compromises but a classic coup de foudre. ‘I never thought real love – the sort where your blood tingles and your world explodes with joy – would happen to me at my time of life. I believed I had missed out. But I’m ever so glad it happened.’ A couple of years later, aged 40, she had their son David. He is now 20 and studying music and music production at university in Leeds. Once upon a time, reaching six decades was a milestone to be dreaded rather than celebrated, but, in well-cut jeans and a flattering floaty top, her burnished hair hanging loose, Phyllis provides incontrovertible proof that though life may not begin at 60, it sure as heck continues at a rip-roaring pace – as long as you have the right attitude towards the rollercoaster. ‘We packed David off to university not so long ago and as we drove back to our house in West London we were listening to the Elaine Paige show on Radio 2,’ recalls Phyllis. ‘She played Peggy Lee singing “The Folks Who Live on the Hill” and as soon as I heard the line “and when the kids grow up and leave us” I burst into absolute floods of tears and spent the rest of the journey splashing about in the passenger seat. But since then I’ve thought a lot about empty nest syndrome and how once your chick flies the coop it gives women the freedom to stretch their own wings once more, too.’ And as fate would have it, Phyllis’s new role in The Good Karma Hospital has allowed her to do just that and will doubtless prove a source of inspiration to a great many female viewers in a similar position. Set in India, the series features another estimable actress, Amanda Redman, 59, who plays an eccentric expat running a ramshackle cottage hospital, which is short on resources and long on compassion. ‘It’s a cross between Holby City and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel but with dark secrets, so it should be right up everybody’s street,’ says Phyllis. ‘I play Maggie Smart, who has come to India for her daughter’s wedding and becomes unwell, so ends up in hospital and falls deeply in love. Not with a man – she already has a husband – but rather with the community, the culture and the way of life. She’s a fascinating character who has such humour and joie de vivre and it was great to play a woman finding herself and connecting with a wider spirituality.’ Phyllis spent months filming the six-part series on location in Sri Lanka. She, too, found herself smitten with the place and the people and at one point Kevin flew over from the US where he is in the cast of the US television series Turn: Washington’s Spies and they managed a 12-day break together. ‘We stayed in a hotel on the beach and it was bliss. The majority of the population are Buddhists and seemed so calm, open and thankful for whatever life gave them; I think we could all learn from them.’ All the same, Phyllis isn’t entirely convinced she believes in karma as a concept. ‘It would be nice to think that if you are a decent human being then eventually things will turn out right,’ she says. ‘But fate can intervene and pull the rug out from under you without warning and there might be nothing you can do.’ It is something she and Kevin can speak of from personal experience. Phyllis’s mother died from a dementia-related illness aged 90, but it was the agonisingly slow decline of Kevin’s mother over many years that proved more devastating. ‘Kev’s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in her early 60s and from then on his father became her carer and it was so hard for him. She reached the point where she didn’t recognise her own son and was agitated and upset because she had no idea where she was or who she was; that was heartbreaking to witness.’ Phyllis is an ambassador for Dementia UK and does what she can to support the charity’s work. ‘It’s such a cruel disease. I am aware there’s a genetic component so I do brain-training on my phone every day. Will that help stave it off? I have no idea; I think of Iris Murdoch – such a clever woman who dealt with words and complex memories all her life, and yet all those things that made her so creative and unique were taken while she was still alive. Ultimately, all you can do is cross your fingers and make the most of every day.’ Phyllis is certainly doing that. Last year was a veritable Air Miles bonanza; as well as her sojourn in Sri Lanka she went to Sydney for a Downton DVD launch, Los Angeles where the ensemble cast of Downton won yet another Screen Actors Guild Award, and then to New York to receive the prestigious Great Scot Award from the US branch of the National Trust for Scotland (previous recipients include comedian Billy Connolly and actor Alan Cumming). She wore a dress bought in John Lewis embellished for the occasion with a tartan sash and matching ribbon. ‘I’m not interested in fashion,’ Phyllis confides. ‘It’s just not on my radar. Whenever I’m doing a contemporary role, the wardrobe mistress will usually say, “Let’s go to Selfridges and get a personal shopper.” Most women would probably love it, but my face falls because I absolutely hate trying on clothes. One of the things I loved about Downton was the fact I had two outfits and maybe a coat if I got to go into the village; the girls in the Crawley family kept having to go for fittings every time there was a big dinner, which would have driven me mad.’ Logan loves… Reading Alan Bennett’s Keeping On Keeping On. I love him; my husband Kev played him in the stage version of The Lady in the Van. Listening to The Today programme on Radio 4 and Classic FM. Watching I do enjoy a good nature documentary. Planet Earth II was spectacularly good. Guilty pleasure A whole bag of Kettle Chips with a crisp glass of Picpoul de Pinet. Beauty product Boots No7 moisturiser; it’s not fancy but it does the job. Desert island luxury A karaoke machine, stage, lights and all the songs from the 70s. I’ll make a row of coconuts for an audience and there’ll be no stopping me. The ongoing international popularity of Downton means Phyllis and various other cast members are still asked to appear at events to meet the fans and launch DVDs. She’s often asked about her wigs and whether she kept one; she had three identical hairpieces all of which she affectionately dubbed Elsie. ‘People ask me if I was tempted to take a wig or that big bunch of keys I carried, but that would be theft, because these things aren’t my property,’ says Phyllis emphatically. ‘Besides, if there’s a Downton movie, which I hope will happen, all the props and costumes will be needed.’ Ah yes, the Downton film; rumours still swirl but so far there’s been no confirmation. According to Phyllis it may yet happen if – and it’s a huge if – the cast members can ever be gathered in one place long enough. ‘It’s like herding cats!’ she laughs. ‘We’re all so busy and in different countries, but it would be such fun to get together again. The camaraderie on set was extraordinary.’ Phyllis was in every episode of the family saga. Her husband even appeared in a handful of episodes as Horace Bryant, the stern father of an army major who fraternised with housemaid Ethel (Amy Nuttall), getting her pregnant before he died in action. Horace persuaded her to hand over his grandchild to him, which was brutal but necessary as she had been sacked from Downton in disgrace and had taken to prostitution in order to survive. ‘I was quite miffed that the producer had offered Kev a job without even consulting me,’ laughs Phyllis. ‘I wouldn’t dream of queering his pitch – although I do think I’d be great as Johnny Depp’s mother in a Pirates of the Caribbean film [in which Kevin plays Joshamee Gibbs]. And every lad needs a cuddle from his mother now, doesn’t he?’ Her eyes glitter with the sort of mischief Mrs Hughes would most certainly not approve of, but now Phyllis has emerged from the shadow of her fictional alter ego, she is keen to push boundaries. Last summer she resolved to challenge herself by taking on a theatre role in a dazzling touring production of Noël Coward’s Present Laughter, alongside Samuel West. ‘The prospect of going back on stage was a bit frightening, but that is exactly why I embraced it,’ she says. ‘I can be a bit of a scaredy-cat so I have to push myself and I was so very glad I did. It took me right back to my early days as an actress: booking my own digs, sitting on the seafront on my day off eating fish and chips. I also got to see fascinating places such as Canterbury, Cambridge and Brighton.’ Seeing the world – be it near or far – is something she gently urges all women to do once the kids have left. ‘Travel does broaden the mind and fill the senses,’ she says. ‘It gives you a new perspective and there are so many beautiful regions in Britain that I can think of no better way to spend time than exploring them because you’re a long time dead – so carpe diem, ladies!’ The Good Karma Hospital will be on ITV next month. Phyllis is an ambassador for Dementia UK and is supporting its campaign timeforacuppa.org Styling: Natalie Read. Hair: Alex Price at Frank Agency. Make-up: Lucy Gibson at Frank Agency using Clinique. Table and vase, both Habitat Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-4128572/Interview-Downton-star-Phyllis-Logan.html#ixzz4WSbvI2CF Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

#phyllis logan #downton abbey #good karma hospital

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lilulo-12fanfiction · 4 years

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Flicker, Fade- Sneak Peek

Hey kids! I’m in the midst of working on a Steve Rogers x Reader request. I wanted to put out a sneak peek. I’m trying to decide if I’m going to put it all into one story or do multi-parts...because you know...I need to be working on ANOTHER series. But you know how it goes!

Please let me know if you would like to be added to this tag list or one of my others.

Avengers Tag List: @shreddedparchment @fanfictionjunkie1112@this-is-mycrisis @geeksareunique

Avengers Masterlist

You were sassy and sarcastic just like your mother. You got your intelligence from your father and while things typically came easy to you; Your parents had made sure you were sufficiently challenged and worked incredibly hard. You had been granted the honor of Valedictorian your senior year in High School. As a graduation gift and an 18th birthday present, You, your parents and your sister took a trip to tour Europe. You had never been happier.l, you were one of those kids that would rather hang out with your parents than a bunch of friends. Spending time with Ella was the highlight of your day, every day. The day of your 18th birthday had been one of your happiest. You spent an incredible day at Brighton Beach building sand castles with Ella and enjoying the amusement park rides in the seaside resort town. Her laugh as you whipped around the tilt-a-whirl would be embedded in your soul for the rest of your days. Your dad had ridden with you on all of the roller coasters and rides deemed too scary by Ella. Your mom wasn’t much of a ride person, but damn did she love her carnival games. Once you were back in London, your life would be changed forever. One moment your father was driving the three of you down the street laughing about how strange it was to drive on the opposite side of the street and the next you were being T-Boned by another vehicle.

Luckily for you, Iron Man had been there to help with the situation and saw what you had done. Before you had the chance to catch a bus, he found you and was set on recruiting you for The Avengers.

“Mr. Stark...you’re mistaken. That wasn’t me. I’m nobody. I’m like a ghost.” You were desperate to convince him you weren’t who he thought you was. But he knew.

“That’s my girl!” Bucky laughed. The douchebag had it coming in his opinion. He was proud of you for sticking up for yourself.

“Hey!” You protested. It was Steve’s turn to roll his eyes.

“It’s 6am- you’re not having vodka.” You threw your hands up.

“You speak Spanish fluently and I need a female agent with me.”

“It’s a recon mission. We only have one working appearance enhancer so I won’t be recognized. Nat is too recognizable. Plus you also have an uncanny ability to sense when someone is lying.”

“Cam...” Bucky’s voice trailed and you avoided his grasp.

Bucky gave Steve a dirty look and threw his hands up. “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.” Steve deflated. “She’s just so infuriating. It’s not like she can’t have her time off after we get back.” Your reaction didn’t sit right with Steve. You gave him a hard time, all the time, that was true. But you never argued about a mission.

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