#ironic because i never knew they were a team until like.. maybe june of this year

[kybarchive]

uh oh

#i have been thinking about rated rko a Lot lately #ironic because i never knew they were a team until like.. maybe june of this year? or july? #so.. now i want to gif stuff but idk what of #there's already that gif of edge having his chin held that is just.. Soft #but i've also been thinking about.. i don't think it's necessarily an au but #rated rkc - in which christian never goes to tna and decides to join edge in his Evil.. whatevers #then randy joins them and it's just non stop Clownery #txt #i wish wwe network had shotgun saturday though i want to remake those gifs of edge crawling towards the camera #while christian pulls the shit out of his hair but i can't.. rip #how can you have velocity but you don't have sgs

[fruitcoops]

Hi, Eve

Rose here from yesterday, thank you very much for the Birthday message, I wasn't expecting you to read it let alone reply but I was looking for Coops kids Birthday fluff specifically. It doesn't matter if you don't have time however as I don't want to be a bother.

Hello Rose, and happy (belated) 20th birthday! Sorry for the wait--I really wanted to get this one right to celebrate such an important number. I hope your day was absolutely fantastic! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, but Stella is an OC

Combined with asks for Sirius lightly making fun of Remus' accent and Remus yelling at a game show (@nazar4114)

“Medusa!” Stella shouted with all the force in her thirteen-year-old lungs. Remus leaned forward on the couch. “Medusa!”

The front door opened with a creak. “I’m h—”

“Yes!” they cheered in unison as Nicole answered correctly. Remus turned and gave Stella a double high-five, feeling his heart squeeze at the vivid joy on her round face. “Good guess.”

“I knew she was gonna get it,” Stella said with a pump of her fist as she turned back to the show and folded her legs underneath her.

“Gonna,” a familiar deep voice mimicked from the doorway. Paper bags rustled before footsteps stopped behind the couch; Remus tilted his chin up without sparing a glance, and Sirius pressed a laugh-laced kiss to his cheek before dropping one on Stella’s head as well. “You sound too much like your dad.”

“Love you, too,” Remus said wryly.

“I’ll take ‘Myths and Moths’ for 400, please.” Nicole’s voice snapped his attention back to the screen, and Stella narrowed her eyes.

“Daily Double!” the automated voice announced. Stella gasped; Remus bit his lower lip. “This mythical shield was wielded by Athena, and is sometimes said to be made of goat skin.”

“Aegis,” Stella whispered, then raised her voice. “It’s the Aegis, Nicole. You know this.”

“We know you do,” Remus said, scooting forward. “You just guessed whose head is on it.”

Nicole’s buzzer went off with two seconds to spare. “What is the Aegis?”

“Hell yeah!” Stella whooped.

Remus turned to her and raised his eyebrows. “Excuse you.”

“Sorry.”

“Are you two going to do this the whole afternoon?” Sirius asked from the kitchen, obviously amused. “We might need to get the neighbors some noise-cancelling headphones.”

Stella blew a dark lock of hair out of her eyes as she flopped her head back. “It’s almost final Jeopardy, papa. We have, like, ten minutes.”

Sirius blinked at her, then shook his head. “I swear you two share genes.”

“Ope, you caught me,” Remus said over the noise of the commercial break. “When I was 20 and had literally never left Wisconsin, I went and had a secret kid in Maine who looks terribly like you just so that someone would watch Jeopardy reruns with me thirteen years later. Oops.”

“It’s the truth,” Stella said with great gravity. “I remember.”

“Mon dieu,” Sirius muttered, though he couldn’t keep a smile down. He had never been able to hide around Stella, not once in the three years since they had adopted her. It was one of the things Remus loved most about him. “By the way, nobody under the age of fourteen is allowed in the kitchen for the next…hour. Ish.”

Stella squirmed around until she could rest her arms on the back of the couch. “What if I get thirsty?”

“I’m sure you can invoke birthday privileges and ask your dad to get something for you.”

“Birthday privileges?” Remus scoffed. “Nobody in this house has a birthday today. Yours was last month, and mine’s in March.”

“It’s my birthday,” Stella said.

“What? No, it’s not.”

“Yeah-huh.”

“Your birthday is in June.”

“It’s today.”

“Or maybe July?”

“It’s today, in December, when there’s snow,” she insisted, throwing herself back against the pillows. “Come on, dad, that’s not funny anymore.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Is somebody too old to find their poor old dad amusing now? Can you go back to being twelve so somebody will laugh at my jokes again? I know, I know, we're super lame compared to all your friends’ parents—”

“So lame,” Sirius agreed from the kitchen.

“—but I like to think we get one more year of pre-teen cuteness before the teen angst takes over.”

Stella sat up again with a groan. Looking at her, Remus saw a mix of himself and Sirius that had always baffled him, considering they had adopted her comparatively late in her life; beneath it was something uniquely Stella. Maybe it was her double-jointed elbows, or the board-straightness of her hair next to their curls, but there was no mistaking that she was her own person through and through. He loved that about her. “I’m not going to be a terrible teenager.”

Sirius poked his head around the edge of the kitchen—his nose was adorned with a smudge of flour. “Can I record that for future use?”

“Non.”

“Ooo, using the French,” Remus hissed. “That transformation is already beginning.”

“It’s not like you were bad teenagers, right?” She settled upside-down on the couch with her flamingo-patterned socks high in the air.

“I almost convinced Grandma to let me dye my hair blue, but otherwise I was pretty good.”

“I was terrible,” Sirius laughed. “I didn’t talk to anybody for a solid three years.”

Stella frowned. “How? I think I’d die if I did that.”

“He’s stubborn,” Remus stage-whispered.

“I heard that.”

Stella suppressed her laughter as best she could, but she was about as good at hiding her emotions around them as Sirius was. She didn’t really giggle—the amount her voice had deepened over the past three years always gave Remus whiplash—but her laugh had the same cadence as it did the first day they heard it. While Stella had been quiet at first, it only took love and time to bring her out of her shell. Within a year she settled into their lives like she was always meant to be there.

A thoughtful look crossed her face. “This is my last year before high school.”

“Does it feel different?”

“Not really.” She paused, then shrugged. “And a little. I don’t feel older. It just feels like there’s stuff I won’t get to do anymore.”

“And a lot more you will get to do.” Sirius left his dishtowel on the counter before joining them on Stella’s other side. “You can drive soon, you’ll get a longer curfew, you get more freedom…”

“I guess.”

“What are you going to miss?” Remus asked as she toyed with the hem of her shirt. It was a basic Lions FAN jersey; he was fairly sure she bought it to be ironic. That, and she only wore one of theirs if she was upset with the other, or if one needed a boost at a game.

“I dunno.” A few beats of silence passed. “My classmates. My team. It feels like everything’s going to turn upside down.”

“You can still keep in touch with your friends, and I bet your team won’t be too different,” Sirius said quietly. “Even if it does, that doesn’t mean you have to give all of them up. People change in different ways. They come and go on their own time.”

“There’s going to be a lot of upside-downs over the next couple years, kid.” Remus offered her a smile. “But you’re going to be just fine.”

“You two sound like such dads right now.”

“This might shock you, but that’s because we are.”

The corner of her mouth tugged up and she lolled her head to the side to look at Sirius. “Is the cake done?”

“Fifteen more minutes.”

“Will you watch final Jeopardy with us?”

“What’s the category?”

“US Presidents.”

Sirius exhaled through his nose, but nodded. She grinned and turned herself upright to snuggle against his arm. “You just enjoy watching me lose.”

---------------------------

“Alright, is everyone ready?” Sirius called from the kitchen.

“On three,” Remus said, raising his phone camera. “One, two, three!”

“Happy birthday to you,” over a dozen voices sang. They were off-tempo and so out of key the composer was probably spinning in his grave, but Stella’s clear joy didn’t waver for a millisecond even as her cheeks reddened. “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Stella, happy birthday to you!”

Finn, of course, dragged out the last note. So did Leo, Logan, Kasey, James, Lily, and Talker in varying degrees of awful harmony attempts. It was terrible, and beautiful. “Make a wish,” Sirius said softly as he set the cake down and stepped back. His eyes were the brightest quicksilver Remus had seen in many moons.

Stella closed her eyes, took a breath, and blew as hard as she could—the entire room erupted into cheers when all the candles went out. She was laughing and blushing at the same time when Remus turned the lights back on, though the humor won out in the end and she helped pass plates of cake to her many aunts and uncles. Like every year prior, Regulus managed to smear a bit of frosting on her chin, only to immediately deny it with great offense when she noticed. It was becoming a bit of a tradition—one that Remus never grew tired of.

I know what I would wish for, Remus thought as he looked around the table at their patchwork family. Celeste, Dumo, and his own parents had no doubt spoiled their first grandchild with ‘cusp of adulthood’ gifts, and Natalie and Lily would certainly steal her away after cake for some girl time. Finn and Logan would remain the fun uncles while Leo and Regulus kept their thrones as the cool uncles; Stella would interrogate Jules on the intricacies of high school for at least an hour before they destroyed everyone in a snowball fight. The world they built together had a place for everyone.

I would wish for this. This, for us, forever. It wasn’t a bad eternity to imagine.

#remus lupin #sirius black #coops #coops kid #stella #lions #regulus black #my fic #fanfic #sweater weather #vaincre #lumosinlove #birthday party

[m1zu]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*Sugawara*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Suga’s Special Day ~ Sugawara x Reader ~

Short Stories

a/n: Sugawara is by far my favourite boy in Haikyuu!

I felt like trying something different this time! Besides, Suga deserves more than just the usual for his special day <3

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Birthday scenarios with Suga! Which one will you choose?

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⊂ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ⊃❤️← More Than You’ll Ever Know

⊂ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ⊃🎇← Light Up My World

⊂ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ⊃🎁← An Unexpected Gift

--------------------------------------------------

‘More Than You’ll Ever Know’

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: none ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

w/c: 682 - - - Reading time: 2:05min (roughly)

~

~

~

Today is June 12th, and everyone on the Karasuno Boys Volleyball team knows what that means…

“SUGAWARA-SANNNNN!!!” Hinata and Noya scream while running towards the setter. With that speed, anyone would think they're about to trample over the poor guy.

“Woah there, slow down you two.” Suga chuckles lightly. “You never stop, do you?”

“TOMORROW! IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY RIGHT?” Hinata jumps and practically flies over Sugawara’s head.

“Yeah! Your gettin’ pretty old now aren’t ya? Noya jokes, a large grin painted on his face.

“That’s right” Suga replies. “It’s the last I get to spend with you guys, so I guess it’s pretty special!”

“Y/N-SANNN!!!” Hinata yells, running towards you even faster than he did with Suga.

You were close by, and heard two familiar voices screaming your boyfriend’s name. So, naturally you wanted to see what the fuss was all about. Suga looks up to see you running towards them in the distance and immediately brightens up. “Hey y/n!” He calls out to you. “Whatcha been up to bab-”

“SHOYOUUUU! HAHAHA” Noya calls out and runs to catch up to the orange flash.

“Oi!” Suga calls running after the two of them “Don’t run her over!”

You abruptly stop at the sight of them all running towards you, a worried look on your face hoping they would take it as a sign to slow down.

Thankfully, they did.

The two bullet trains stopped just before hitting you and began springing up and down, as if they hadn’t just been running.

“y/n? Are you okay?” Suga pants, having caught up just moments later.

You manage to slip out a few sentences despite your heart still racing. “Yeah, i’m fine babe” you smile, “How have you bee-”

“yy/nnn!! You know what tomorrow is, right?” Hinata interrupts “It’s your boyfriend's birthday!” he jumps up even higher than before, seemingly having endless amounts of energy.

“Hinata, don’t interrupt y/n please…” Suga huffs.

“You’re gonna get him a cool gift right?! Or maybe even something else..?” Nishinoya jokes again.

A blush immediately comes over your face,”I have a few things planned…” you reply shyly, turning your head away embarrassed. Suga blushes slightly at your words before snapping himself back to reality. “Alright guys, that’s enough… Shouldn't you be using your energy for practice?”

“Oh yeah” says Hinata. “Suga-san, can you throw me some tosses?”

“Sure thing” Suga reaches out for your hand.

“You know I play better when you're watching.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

After Practice

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“Hinata, nice kill!” praises Suga while high-fiving the tiny giant.

“That was a good one Hinata! You really will fly high” you smile running towards the two of them.

Hinata beams at you, eyes shimmering like the sun “One more!”

“That was the last one Hinata, I gotta take y/n home now.” says Suga sounding rather worn out.

“But-”

“I wouldn’t mind if you continued, but Suga looks tired, Hinata. Wouldn't want him to be tired on his special day.” you press, winking at Hinata.

“Ohhhh! Gotcha. Well, see ya tmrw!” He replies, waving you two off.

You both wave back before grabbing your belongings, ready to set off home.

“Thanks for that, y/n.” Suga says gratefully, a small yawn escapes his mouth.

You can’t help but giggle at how adorable he is. “You know, you don’t always have to tough everything out you know. It’s okay to take a break sometimes! You put a lot of pressure on yourself when you don’t need to.” you stop walking and look up at him, his beautiful hazel eyes giving you their full attention. “Because you’re amazing, Koushi!”

The setter’s eyes widen and it’s hard to see, but a heavy blush covers his face. His heart pounds in his chests and before he has time to think about his actions, he puts a hand on your cheek, another on your waist, bends down, and kisses you passionately. Your hands reach up to hold him as his other hand drops to your waist. He pulls back for a minute and holds your chin up so your eyes meet. “I love you, y/n. More than you’ll ever know.”

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‘Light Up My World’

Genre: Fluffy fluff

Warnings: none ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

w/c: 528 - - - Reading time: 1:58min (roughly)

~

~

~

“Make sure your eyes are closed babe!” your call out to Sugawara from the kitchen.

“I’m closin’ em” he calls back, seated eagerly on the living room sofa.

You smile at his words and begin to walk towards him, birthday cake in hand and vocal chords ready! This wasn’t just any birthday cake, it was Koushi’s favourite. About a week ago, he treated you to an expensive cafe that specializes in desserts, knowing full well how much of a sweet tooth you had. Ironically, it seemed like he ended up enjoying himself more than you were. It’s not that you were ungrateful or didn't like the food, no, it wasn’t anything like that.

He just happened to try this cake, your cake, and it was ‘superb’.

“Babe, You have to try this! This cake is delicious!” you squeal to your bf.

“Yeah? It’s really that good huh? Then I guess I gotta try.” You placed some on your fork and gestured him to open his mouth so you could feed him. His eyes widen at the taste, “Wow! This cake is superb y/n!” he beams at you, bringing a smile to your face.

You can tell he wants more, but he wouldn’t dare ask. So you offered for him. “You want some more?”

Suga shakes his head. “It’s for you y/n, I can’t just take your cake…”

“But you do want some more?” you tease. He nods shyly, making you chuckle. “Looks like someone has a new favourite cake.” you add.

So thanks to that new discovery, you knew the perfect cake to get him for his special day.

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Koushiii, Happy Birthday to youuuu!!!” you positioned yourself in front of him, “open your eyes!” Sugawara gasps, switching his gaze from the cake to you for a few seconds before finally being able to speak.

“y/n… You didn’t…” he says breathily, still in shock.

“I did…” you tease.

“I can’t believe it!” he looks up at you, face slightly switching. “You forgot the candles!”

What? (whadidhesayyyyy) you stood there frozen, the look on your face was indescribable.

Sugawara bursts out laughing at your reaction and stands up, bringing both of his hands to cup your face. “That was a joke y/n” he giggles “you should see your face right now.”

“You’re hilarious Koushi..” you sigh and look up at him, trying to fight off the smirk appearing on your face.

“Thank you for the cake, love. That was really sweet of you.” he smiles down at you, placing the cake down on the coffee table before scooping you up into his arms, giggles escaping your lips.

“Did you want some candles? We do have some in the cupboard.” you joke looking up at him.

“Hmm.. Now that you mention it, they would be a nice touch.” He turns away from you dramatically, “but who needs em’ - - -"

then looks back "- - - when I have you to light up my world.” he pulls you back in and nuzzles his head at the base of your neck.

“That was really cringy Kou..” you giggled. “But you light up mine too.”

--------------------------------------------------

‘An Unexpected Gift’

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: none ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

w/c: 443 - - - Reading time: 1:33min (roughly)

Pov. Karasuno’s manager

~

~

~

“Daichi? Have you been getting enough sleep lately? Your eyes look heavy.” you rush over to the captain, who looks like he’s at death’s door.

He looks over at you and smiles, ”I appreciate the concern but there’s no need to worry. I'm just fine y/n, I promise.”

“Those eyebags are probably from dealing with Hinata and Kageyama” Suga says sarcastically while entering the gym. “Honestly, I don’t know how he does it.”

“Suga-san!” You jog over to greet the setter, water bottle in hand, jumping up and down. “Happy Birthday!!”

“Hey y/n! Wow, you remembered huh? That makes me feel pretty special.” He laughs, one hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

“You are special Suga!” you state before your mind can process the words that left your lips.

Then they hit you.

You see, being Karasuno’s manager meant you took care of all the guys! And honestly you loved it. The team felt like a family! Being able to witness Karasuno in their bubble was something you were forever grateful for.

Along with this, It was clear (to everyone except you that is), that you and Sugawara liked each other. You were a scholar student, not dense in the slightest. Yet somehow, his feelings and your own had evaded you leaving you completely oblivious.

At least up until recently…

Sugawara wasn’t so much shy with his feelings, he just wanted to make sure things were mutual, in fear of scaring you off and losing the friendship you had built up. If he was confident in that, he would have no problem making the first move.

Naturally, he told Daichi about his feelings for you. So this interaction you were currently having was rather amusing.

Although over the past few weeks, you've started to become more conscious of your feelings too… (took you long enough,, thinks Daichi. ft the entire team)

“Wait- that came out wrong- im sorry!” you splutter, choaking with embarrassment.

Sugawara laughs and hands you back the water bottle you gave him. “Did you really mean it though?” he inquires.

Of course you meant it. He is special. Does he not know this? You thought.

You look up at the setter to see his confused eyes searching your face for an answer. So he really doesn’t know?

“Of course I did, Koushi” you reply, scanning his face in an equal manner. Then you add “especially to me.” and watch the setter’s eyes pop out of his head. You could practically hear how loud his heart was beating.

There's a moment of silence. Suga decides to break it.

“y/n?”

“Yes, Koushi?”

“C-can I kiss you?”

Another moment of silence. Which is now your job to sever.

No words leave your lips, instead you nod slowly while being pulled into his embrace.

You feel his warm smile greet you as he says, “What an unexpected gift.”

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~The End~

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a/n: hope you enjoyed! once again, Happy bday to our favorite Haikyuu mom ;) sorry if there were any mistakes and that the stories progressively got shorter haha I do continue to check on my stories post being uploaded so I'll edit anything I spot.

#hq fluff #haikyu x reader #dailyhaikyuu #hq!!edit #haikyuu!! #haikyuu! x reader #haikyū!! #haikyu sugawara #sugawara koushi #sugawara koshi imagine #suga #sugawara icons #koushihaikyuu #koushi sugawara #fanfic #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu fanfiction #happy birthday

[xtoothless]

One Match

This is my first TommyInnit / Reader one-shot. Second POV and you play Cake-Wars with Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur. 

Pairing: You/Tommy

Word Count: 3,707

Summary: You play some Cake-Wars with a couple of your comfort streamers :)

Ao3 Link

---

[TommyInnit is Live]

You clicked on the notification from Twitch so fast you thought you broke your mouse. It was 4 pm in your hometown of Elkhart (1), Wisconsin. School had ended a few weeks before for the kids, including for you; your Junior year. You were to be a Senior next year, your last year of high school. Most everyone was outside enjoying the weather of mid-June, the warm sun lighting the fields where kids played and adults watched or played along. It seemed like everyone was outside enjoying the sun. Except you.

You were in your room, watching a live video from one of your comfort streamers; TommyInnit. The 17-year-old British blonde from the UK. Like most, you never had any bad days when you watched his streams. Whenever you did have a bad day, it seemed like one of your comfort streamers knew and hit that "Go live" button. 

Tommy was playing Minecraft with a couple of his friends - a couple of your comfort streamers - WilburSoot and Tubbo. They had just started a new survival world, to see who could speed run the quickest. 

The chat on the side of the screen exploded with their answers. A lot said Tommy, others said Tubbo, and a fair amount said, Wilbur. You thought they were all very good at the game but considered it was down to either Wilbur or Tommy. Wilbur was the calmest about it, being quick but also taking his time. Tommy was a ball of chaotic fury; trying to be quick but stressing about beating the game.

"Wha- How the fok does Will already have diamonds?" Tommy screamed, trying to get his character to mine the iron in front of him. You smiled at the screen as he joined Wilbur's voice channel to yell at him.

"Well, Tommy. You just- you just gotta get good at the game." Wilbur's voice said through Discord. 

Tommy leaned back, his mic quieting the sound of him groaning in annoyance, "Ughh, fok off, you little- you know what?". He left Wilbur's voice channel and went to Tubbo's. 

"Tommy?" Tubbo's small voice echoed through the channel.

"I say we team up against Will." Tommy started, making his character jump out of the cave and mine more spruce wood from the mountain he was on, "Look- he's already got diamonds m'kay, let's work together." 

It took a second to hear Tubbo's reply. "...okay?"

"Great. Do you have any iron?"

As they all continued to play, you left to use the bathroom and grab snacks. On your way down the stairs, you rubbed the warm back of your black and white kitten (2) that was sitting on the windowsill. Once out of the bathroom, you check the kitchen cupboards for any snacks.

You found a bag full of fruit candies, caramel suckers, and some off-brand chocolate bars. They were technically your fathers, but he wouldn't notice if some were gone. You grabbed a handful of each and a can of Coca-Cola that was in the fridge. You then ran back, your kitten following up the stairs. 

Once you were seated, you continued to watch the stream with your kitten purring in your lap. Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo were all trying to fight blazes in the Nether. Tommy already had 4 blaze rods, while Tubbo had 1. 

"Tubbo, kill that blaze-" he then screamed in fright as his character caught on fire, "Foook! There's one behind. Dammit Tubbo." he then laughed as Tubbo also screamed in fright.

You laughed as you turned to your second monitor and loaded up Minecraft. Your computer loaded it up fairly quickly, given that you were also watching the stream that took a ton of internet to watch. Given that, you decide to play CakeWars. As you joined the round, you looked at the stream as all three made it to the end. 

They all teamed up and were trying to fight the endermen and the ender dragon. Your attention was on your own game that you didn’t realize they had killed the ender dragon and were now declaring victory. Tommy took all the credit as Wilbur laughed. Tubbo giggled and then hit Tommy’s in-game character with his own. 

With that, they decided to play servers. More specifically, the same server you were going to play CakeWars in next. You failed to notice when your screen flashed with the red lettering, “Your cake has been eaten.” 

"Dammit!"

Your teammates tried their hardest to stay alive, but unfortunately, the Yellow team was stronger with their armor and weapons. As you tried to run away, one threw an ender pearl and teleported in front of you.

Using your iron sword, you tried to defend yourself, but their diamond enchanted sword dealt more damage to your leather and iron armor; you died after a couple of hits. You groaned in frustration as you quickly hit "new game". Your kitten got up and sat by your monitor, staring at the loading screen before you pushed him toward his bed.

"Hopefully my teammates are better next round." 

You joined a new game, too focused on that to see that you were on the same server as Tommy, Wilbur, and Tubbo. The game started saying that you were part of the blue team. You looked over at your teammates and read their names. It took you a second until you recognized Tommy's skin and the name "TommyInnit" over his head. "Oh, my god." You looked at your other monitor and saw that Tommy was looking at your character (3). 

"Hello, [Your Username]." His character punched toward you and crouched a couple of times. 

"Hi!" Tubbo's character punched toward you too. 

You crouched back, punching at all three. Wilbur nodded up and down, crouching all the same. You typed into the in-game chat and typed only to your team. "I'm honestly kinda freaking out right now, ngl."

Tommy read it out loud before laughing, "Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of. I see you're a woman- you all know how much I love women." 

You heard Wilbur sigh and Tubbo laughed from the stream as you replied with, "Yes, Tommy, we know how much you love women XD."

He read it out loud and laughed, "I like this one. Hey, [Your Username], do you have a discord?"

Your hands began to shake and get clammy as you read it over a couple of times. As you collected your bricks to upgrade, you typed, "We win and I'll give it to you."

Tommy ran over to the villager selling things for bricks as he read it, "Okay, guys, we need to win. If we do, I'll talk to a girl!" 

That made you laugh, as you covered your cake with endstone and blue wool. The chat on the side of the screen exploded with "Women POG", "TommyInnit talks to a woman???", and - your personal favorite - "Tommy simps over a probably 6-year-old". You laugh out loud as a dono pops up, talking in a robotic voice. 

"Tommy, that could possibly be a young girl. Maybe you shouldn't hit on her?" 

Tommy stumbled over his words as Wilbur and Tubbo laughed and agreed. To save him, you type, "Don't worry chat, I'm 17, thanks for looking out for me though X'D". 

As the game progressed, your team had two emerald points, endstone, obsidian, and blue wool covering your cake, and all members decked in diamond armor and a diamond sword. The other three teams were fighting each other as your team collected and planned your attack. Tommy and Wilbur were going to attack the middle point while you and Tubbo guarded your cake. 

They set off as you and Tubbo collected the bricks and emeralds beside your cake. The two of you just crouched and punched at one another until they came back. Tubbo continued to laugh on stream and Tommy questioned what was going on.

"Me and [Your Username] are just crouching at one another," Tubbo responded, laughing as you jumped and punched at him. 

As you leaned back and closed your eyes laughing, you heard footsteps in your headset and quickly grabbed your mouse. A red member in full leather and an iron sword was running toward your cake. You appeared in front of him as Tubbo finally realized and screamed quietly. In a couple of hits, he died, barely taking away three of your hearts.  

"Tubbo? Tubbo, what happened?" Tommy asked, panic in his voice. 

"There was a red team member attacking our cake. But [Your Username] attacked 'em." Tubbo explained as they got back to their island.

Wilbur came up and jumped in your face, punching at you, "Good job, [Your Username]"

"Thanks." You typed, then another message, "I have a feeling we're gonna win this, but I don't wanna jinx."

You heard Wilbur laugh, "Don't worry. Let's just let the other teams fight and then join later." 

"Yeah, we can sweep up what's left of them!" Tubbo agreed. 

You nodded in-game, collecting the nether stars below you. As soon as you reached 10, you upgraded your resources. You also wanted to get protection but then the green team had taken the middle point. 

"Here you go [Your Username]" You heard Tubbo say through the stream. You crouch in response as a cluster of nether stars were thrown at you. 

Soon after, Wilbur and Tommy did as well. "Let's be honest, [Your Username] is more responsible - other than me, of course," Tommy said.

"Then why don't you take them?" You typed into game chat, challenging the blonde.

The other two laughed as Tommy stood in front of you crouching, "Okay, fine. Given 'em back bitch." 

"Because you called me a b****, I'mma keep them." You said, walking over to your ender chest and putting them inside. You looked at Tommy and crouched once before covering your cake with more wool. 

"Way to go, Tommy, you made her mad," Wilbur said, crouching, having his back to you. 

You laughed once more, falling back into your seat before typing, "I'm not mad, just playing." You retrieved all 12 of the nether stars and upgraded your protection twice. 

As you turned around, you saw a green member - decked in diamond armor - bridging toward your island. You race to the edge and crouch, punching in their direction. They looked up and punched at you, as three more green members also in diamond armor appeared behind him. 

Tubbo alerted the other two and they all crouched at the edge, sword in hand. You clicked on your bow and shot an arrow at the first player. The ringing of a hit echoed through your headset as one got hit back. 

The one you hit looked back up before his teammates switched to ender pearls. You back up, guarding your cake as you watch the green eye fly through the air. 

You ignored the screams of the others on stream as you focused on one green member. They turned as you hit them a couple of times in the back. As they took off around your island, you ate a golden apple and chased after them, cutting them off and landing another blow. 

They turned and tried to hit you, but didn't realize how close they were to the edge and fell. You turned your head to see your teammates fighting off the rest of them. Tubbo was losing a fight by a player who was continuously eating apples. You ran over to him and hit him. Distracted, he tried to fight you but Tubbo's blade had killed him. 

"Thanks [Your Username]!" You heard Tubbo say as Tommy stopped screaming. The rest of green had fled or died. Wilbur had said nothing during that all while Tommy's mouth never seemed to shut. But you've been watching Tommy for so long, it didn't bother you; if anything, it made you laugh as you fought. 

Wilbur's voice echoed through the stream, "Everyone good?" 

Tubbo and Tommy said "Yes", while you nodded in-game. Your cake was never harmed, so you didn't need to rebuild. All your teammates were fine, other than Tubbo was missing more than half of his hearts. 

You all collected emeralds that were still popping out from the ground. Everyone was stocking up on ender pearls and golden apples, roughly a stack of blue wool and arrows. As you closed out of the menu, you heard the sound of breaking blocks as the game said, "Everyone's cake has been eaten." 

Tommy gathered you all around and said some "inspiring" words, "It's just 3 Red, 2 Green, 2 Yellow, and us left. We are the largest, therefore, we should be able to win this. Besides, we are probably the best PVP-ers in the whole match." 

"Don't get too cocky, Tommy." You typed to them, crouching and uncrouching once. 

Tommy laughed and then shrugged on camera, "Well, he's always cocky." Wilbur’s response came through. 

"Hey, you fooking- never mind. Let's attack yellow, they're closest." Tommy said, before turning back to you and Tubbo.

You nod as he led the three of you down the one-block road and to the middle point. One yellow member in iron armor was trying to capture the point from red but panicked when they saw you coming. You ender pearled in front of them and started your attack. They got distracted with you that they couldn't fight off Wilbur from behind. 

"Let's goooo!" Wilbur yelled, running down the three-block path to Yellow's island. The last person panicked when they saw the charging diamond armor and tried to ender pearl away. But the ender pearl hit the side of an island and they fell to their death. 

"Now I feel bad." You quickly typed into game chat. 

"Nah, there's nothing to feel bad about, it happens," Tommy responded to your message. "Now, let's attack Green." 

The four of you charged forward as Red and Green were fighting. Tubbo yelled out and you all stopped. "Let's wait to see how this plays out." He said as you agreed. 

For the next few minutes, you watched as the red team shot at Green as they tried to bridge across. You kept looking around, always cautious if another player tried to scare you. 

A green player got knocked off their bridge and the other was attacked by a red who threw an ender pearl. "Okay, [Your Username], shoot at them to get their attention. You guys ready?" 

Once everyone said they were, you looked down and started building up while crouching. As soon as you got about 8 blocks high, you selected your bow and aimed at the nearest red. You heard the ringing of the bell as the arrow hit them. They all turned to look at you as you started to dig down. An arrow whizzed past your ear as another hit you, making your character fall 6 blocks. 

Your teammates all stood in front of you as the red team came charging. Eating one of your many golden apples, you started to regain health. 

Wilbur fought one Red member with an enchanted diamond sword and enchanted diamond armor. Tommy attacked one member in full enchanted diamond armor and sword, who was building up, which reminded you of Fortnite building. Tubbo and you attacked the last one you was full enchanted diamond armor and sword. Your team had protection 2, but no sharpness on your swords. 

All the sounds around you were swords swinging, characters jumping back from being hit, and Tommy's screaming coming from the stream. You hit the Red member repeatedly, while Tubbo stood back to heal. 

You were down to about 6 hearts, your armor protecting most of your body. Trying to get away quickly, you started to build up; you were dangerously close to the edge. Making sure your character was okay, you started to shoot arrows from above. 

However, you didn't see the Red member who was fighting Tommy ender pearl up and shoot an arrow at you. "[Your Username]! Look out!" Tommy yelled as you were hit. 

Your character fell off the pillar and down toward the abyss. Having only a second to react, you quickly hit your ender pearls and threw one at the pillar. It connected and you teleported. You quickly placed a block underneath you, surviving with 3 hearts. 

"Ohhh! Oh my god!" You screamed as you ate two golden apples. "Holy shit!" 

As you hit 8 hearts, you joined the battle. Tommy was on 2 hearts and was being chased. You ender pearled behind him and attacked the Red member. Tommy must have had gotten him low because you hit him with two swings and he was dead. Tommy stopped running and saw you. "You're alive??" He seemed shocked. 

You crouched a couple of times, nodding. "You gotta tell me how later."

You nod once and turn to help your friends. As you returned with Tommy behind you, you saw that Wilbur was fighting one off and the other had just knocked Tubbo off the edge. You heard him scream as he fell. 

The red member saw you and quickly ate a golden apple as you charged him. You managed to hit him a couple of times in a row and his character got punched off the edge. At the same time, Wilbur had just killed the last Red member. 

You heard the "Let's goooo!" from the stream and jumped up and down. 

You quickly pulled up discord and got your information before pulling up Instagram on your phone. You found Tommy and opened a chat, sending him your discord. All you had to do was wait for him to open it. 

You also added next to the link, "Wait till after stream." 

As a new game was 20 seconds from starting, you realized that Tommy was talking to you. He wanted you to join another game with them. Of course, you agreed and you all selected the green team.

A couple of hours went past and it was getting later and later. The sky outside darkened and you heard your parents coming home from work. You were an only child, so no siblings were trashing the house with their stuff. 

Your kitten kept sitting in front of your screen, watching the particles in-game. You accidentally let the yellow team eat your cake and then died trying to defend it. Wilbur has just died as Tommy and Tubbo ran for their lives. 

But unfortunately, they had to succumb to defeat and Tommy had to end the stream. As he said his goodbyes to chat, you closed out of the stream and stared at your phone. You waited for it to go off, but it didn't. Not until then minutes after. 

When it eventually did, you were on your PC playing Overwatch. The match had just ended, so you checked. It was a discord text from TommyInnit.

You calmed your inner panic before opening your phone. You accepted his buddy request with no hesitation. Another message went off and it had one single word. "Call?" 

At that very moment, you heard your mother shout out to you. You turned back to your phone before responding with, "Yeah, sure, just give me a minute."

Your mother wanted you to eat dinner; which was macaroni and cheese with chicken nuggets (4). You took a plate to your room and set it down on your desk, watching your cat. He seemed to ignore you but you knew he was waiting for a moment when you're not looking. 

You opened your phone and typed in your chat that you were back. Almost a second after you sent it, you were getting a call from Tommy. You accepted the call and said, "Hello?"

"Okay, well, hi- sorry, I really want to ask. How the fuck did you pull off that bow and arrow kill earlier?" You heard his voice on the other end. He seemed nervous but also knew exactly what he wanted to say.

You laughed, "Well, I've always been good at archery. On video games, of course, not so much in real life." 

"Hm, archery. That should be my next vlog- but anyway! How did you survive that first round? I saw you fall. Was it lag?" 

"Nope, I had ender pearls. I just used one quickly. To be honest, I was as surprised as you were. I was not expecting it to work." You responded as you picked up your cat who was trying to sneak over to your food. 

As the two of you talked, a smile never left your face. You two laughed like you were old friends greeting each other for the first time in years. You kept battling your kitten, which entertained Tommy. You talked until it was 9 pm in America. You previously found out from school that it was a 5-hour difference between the US and Great Britain.

"Wait, wait, wait, Tommy? Isn't it like 2 in the morning for you right now?" You asked after he hummed. 

"Uhh, no- wait, yeah, yep, yep, it is. That explains why I'm so tired-" he started laughing which in turn, made you laugh. 

"Ugghh, I should probably go to bed." He yawned midway through his sentence. 

You nodded, although he couldn't see you, "Yeah, you yawning is making me tired." 

"Oh, I'm sorry, well, it was nice meeting you [Your Name], and um, maybe we can play sometime soon." You heard him say.

"Yeah, it would be fun.” You said, “I would love to play some more sometime. I’m sure you can find time in that “Busy schedule” of yours.” 

You heard Tommy laugh from the other end, “Well, I mean, I’m not that busy. But we’ll see. Don’t tell anyone, but more vlogs are coming soon, so, I’m pretty busy this week.” 

“Alright, I won’t keep you up too late. Goodbye Tommy, it was nice meeting you.” You said. 

“Yep, you too. Goodnight!-” he ended the call as he dragged out the last of his sentence. You leaned back in your chair and looked at the ceiling, a smile on your face. That day was one of your best days.

You were definitely looking forward to the next match you would play with TommyInnit.

#mcyt #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #tubbo #fanfiction #minecraft #minecraft streamers #ao3 link

[snowwhitelass]

New Outlander Game Coming – Talking with the Game Designers

By:  Erin Conrad, June 15, 2021

Gamers Corner, TV News

Outlander game, Sony, Starz Outlander, Variable Outcomes

Who wouldn’t want to dash around the Highlands with Jamie, trying to be his favorite, and rescuing him from trouble on the way? That definitely sounds like a fun time, even if all you can do is dream about it. Or IS that all you can do?

NO! Sometime this fall, a brand new board game will debut – Outlander The Series! Designed by the husband and wife team of Matthew and Ashley Killeen, the game will let you play with a bunch of your friends, meeting familiar faces along the way, and getting in and out of all kinds of scrapes. The game will be available for holiday shopping, so you can start to set up your Outlander game nights now. I had the opportunity to talk with Matthew and Ashley about the development of this new game, and learned some details.

From the game’s marketing information: “His fate is in your hands! Step through the stones of Craigh Na Dun and run through the Scottish Highlands with the handsome Jamie. The year is 1743, and the outlaw James Fraser is at your side as you navigate the thrills and dangers of the Highlands. Use your wit, reach the right locations, make the right friends, and gather the items you need, all while keeping Jamie out of the hands of the many who would do him wrong. The gallows await fair Jamie (or worse!) should you fail. Fulfill your destiny, and win his heart. Only then will victory be yours!”

Outlander is the Killeen’s first big franchise game. “From a business point of view, it’s something I always wanted to do,” Matthew said. “I enjoy games with an IP license attached, TV show or movie, and I have designed prototypes that might be good for Ghostbusters or Star Trek. I really wanted to get into that.” Ashley knew Matthew was interested in trying a licensed game, and said “I’ve been watching Outlander, you should make a game based on that.” Matthew hadn’t yet seen the show, so he said “you do it” – and she did.

Ashley didn’t get into the show until season three. “The first version (of the game) was based on the book, because I thought that might be the avenue to go. But it ended up being more layers to secure the book rights than TV. We heard back from Starz/Sony quickly, and the show and book were similar enough that I didn’t have to change too much from initial design. I swapped out characters and items that didn’t translate from one to another. Jamie still has same event encounters, the same enemies. It’s nice to look at both sides, to really put in all those little hidden tidbits from show. I’m hoping that fans of the show will enjoy all those subtle things that I’ve put in. But the other thing we wanted to make sure was that it was not dependent upon being familiar with the show, because the last thing you want is a game with Outlander masked on top of it that doesn’t play as anything on its own. And having a lot of friends who knew nothing about Outlander, how could I get them to the table?”

Matthew said, “One of philosophies for the board game stuff was that I’ve seen games that were maybe like a movie spin on top. Is this fun or exciting because of the game, or just because of the movie or tv show tie in? And one reason, the biggest reason why I got excited was when I first played it, I had never seen the show. I knew nothing about it. I had never seen the characters, and yet, I still enjoyed it. It was a good game.” Ashley added, “He has since seen the show.” Matthew continued, “That’s another thing that’s always bothered me. I feel like if a certain publisher or game designer makes something but doesn’t know the back story, that’s lazy. As soon as I found out we were going to do this, I watched the show. I know all my lore now. I was obviously able to play the game again once I knew the show and the lore, and it made the game play better.” “You understood my decisions,” said Ashley. “Exactly,” said Matthew. “Whether you know the show or not, it’s a good game.”

Ashley discussed their process: “I started December 2019. This past December, we were finally able to go forward. We got the contract from Sony in November. It was a long process! We got approvals for the design of the game, and access to the virtual library. We could figure out images that would go with the components we had.” Once they had that, Matthew figured out the graphic design for the game.

Was Sony/Starz helpful? Enthusiastic? Ashley said, “They were enthusiastic. They didn’t really have a board game. They had Destiny Dice, but that wasn’t the same thing.” (For my review of Destiny Dice, a game that came out a couple of years ago, click here.) I’ve had reservations about this previous game, so I asked how they overcame the failings of that one to make this new game. My concern with a platform like this is that the show is so big and layered – a group of women will come together over a glass of wine or three, and are they going to be able to figure it out easily enough to have a good time in an evening? Ashley feels that the new game will let us do that. “The idea behind this was that we wanted to bring everybody to the table – people whose board games lives consisted of Scrabble for their whole lives, and those who have played campaigning, like Mage Knights, epically, every week. We want to bring both those sets to the table. It should be intuitive enough once you’ve figured out the first turn order. It’s the repetition of that, it’s just your personal strategy that changes on what you choose to do, but the game play isn’t going to change on you as you go.”

She added, “But there’s enough in there that if you are an experienced board game player, you’re not sitting there bored waiting for the next thing to happen. That was our goal, as many people at the same table as possible enjoying it at the level they’re at. You can have the game player who knows nothing about Outlander, and you can have the Outlander fan who doesn’t play board games, and they will have a good evening. We also tried to be strategic about the length, because you don’t want to have just a tease of a game, because then you can’t be really invested and immersed in that world, but we also know, especially being parents now, you don’t have time to spend four hours on a game. That’s not going to happen any more. What’s a good length? If you can watch an episode of Outlander, you can play a round. So we wanted to find something that made sense. A lot of these pieces, once you apply a little logic to it, they fell together really nicely.”

This is the first “franchise” game the Killeens have designed. The fascination with board games started in 2004, and in 2011, Matthew began to design games as hobby. “I enjoyed playing, but in between then I was going to school and forgot about it. As school was winding down, I really got into it. I created an educational game called Witchful Thinking. We’re both teachers, and when doing practicum, the teacher (that he was working with) had kids doing games for math. but they were really boring, and the kids didn’t like it at all. I remembered I had a game that worked for this! I started looking at my business from a professional point of view, filling in gaps in the market. I wanted to bring people to a table they hadn’t been to yet. Witchful Thinking is a card game – witches brewing potions, teaching math – subtraction, addition, pre-algebra, and more advanced math. It was a great educational tool.” The company has more ideas – they have an upcoming Kickstarter for a game called Tennessee James, an Indiana Jones parody (learn more here). Matthew says that the company expects to bring out many more titles – “Between the two of us, we have a backlog of designs.”

When do they expect to have this out? Matthew said definitely for the Christmas season. “I am working with manufacturers right now, trying to iron out some of those details, but we’re going to be moving into manufacturing right now. It depends on how long it takes to do the mass production plus shipping, but I would estimate this would maybe in stores (or online retailers) by October. That’s probably a good estimate.”

Did they do a lot of testing? “We needed especially non-Outlander fans to play this game. The Outlander fans, it didn’t take a lot of convincing to get them to play,” said Matthew. “Even before there were pictures on the cards, they knew the board, they knew the characters. So even if you had a blank piece of paper that just said Murtagh on it, they know what it means. I wasn’t worried about the Outlander fans, and the game play is pretty intuitive, once you go through the steps. So once you’ve done a round, you can keep going around, no problem. So we were just like, ok, you don’t know what these names mean and where these places are, but you’ve got a bit of the information, are you on board? And so far the reaction has been, yes, I feel like I’m playing a game, even if they don’t know who Jamie is or anything like that.”

He continued, “The tall and short of it is that this that this has been play tested thoroughly. It’s not broken, and the most important part is that it’s fun.” Ashley added, “It’s a nice balance of cooperative, nobody wants Jamie to come to any harm, but you still want to be his favorite. So you can get a little catty, and that’s what makes the fun. You’ll be adding something a little stronger to your tea nights once you start playing that way.”

Matthew said, “One of my strategies for play testing is that I like to try different strategies each time and see what works and what doesn’t .Ashley laughed, “You played mean one time.” “Yeah, it’s my wife, I’ve got to play nice, right? But one time, I didn’t play nice, and I took a competitive edge, and it was awesome,” he said. So players, remember that!

“When I was working on Witchful Thinking, I was looking to put it into Walmart and Target. But they don’t want to talk to the independent company, they want to make sure they’re getting multiple products from the same distributors. So we want to make sure that the distributors that we get are also trying to get the game out there. I do have distribution in the US for Witchful Thinking, and they’re excited to take on this one.”

What was your favorite part of the game, as you play it, I asked? Ashley said, “I like the QuickSave. This is a component we have because Jamie is always going to move in a predictable pattern, and the three villains he’s trying to avoid – Black Jack Randall, the Redcoats and the Watch – those are all the Meeples that are going to be moving around. As you are collecting friends along the way, if you happen to be en route to an Encounter, you can use the special abilities from your friends. So maybe it’s Dougal who is going to be discarded, and that will be a Quicksave to put Jamie back in hiding, so the game’s not over, you haven’t captured him yet. I like that idea, the Quicksave. So you’re strategizing, not just for what’s going to give you a lot of Favor from Jamie to try to win his heart in the game, but where are these people going to help me if Jamie is in a pickle. Because he’s going to get himself in a lot of pickles.”

As he does on the show, I said! Ashley continued, “And as a designer, that’s a fun way for me to tie in the personality of the characters. There’s a reason why they have the values that they do. There was a little argument between us in the design phase, because I made Willie – Willie Mackenzie from the first season – he has this hidden kind of superpower that most of the time, he’s a bit weaker, but when the danger level’s up, he’s strong. Matt was criticizing that, ‘he’s a minor character, why is he so strong?’ But you haven’t been paying attention. Because when Jamie’s in Wentworth, it’s Willie who’s willing to go. So that’s his power, when things are toughest, he’s the one that can save the most. I was having fun finding those little nuggets, the lore, that fans love, and if you’re paying attention to how I’ve designed it, you’ll start seeing like why you get more Favor in some places, or more Wit, or why you have the saving abilities.”

The women playing will like seeing that, I agreed. “I think that we’ve got it so that your favorite characters, from S1 at least, this is just in the Highlands, you’re going to see them, I think they’ll do you proud,” Ashley says. “We’re still excited about it, even though it’s been a year and a half doing it, so I think that says something about it, that we can still be passionate about it, little choices like that, I think the game has life.” Ashley told me that she has ideas for additional Outlander games to follow each season, so this may go on for quite a while!

As their cute kids came into the room, I asked if game design was full time, or is this an extra job? Ashley said, “I’m a full time teacher, so I’m squeezing this in between the report card writing and the classroom stuff. With a bunch of changes with Covid, it’s made more sense for Matthew to stay home, so we decided to go all in, make this run for itself.” Matthew said, “I can speak from the graphic design standpoint – I didn’t design the gameplay, Ashley did that, but I offered suggestions here and there, it was her decision on things, and she made some great decisions. And between that, I did the playtesting and the graphic design in January and early February, I’ve put in hundreds of hours, not just with the graphic design, but also the business stuff too, figuring out social media posts, getting things approved by Sony, talking with the distributors. So this has been not just like a full time job, but overtime, I’ve put in some serious hours for this.”

Since this is the company’s first big license, I asked if is this something they want to continue. “Absolutely,” Matthew said. “And I knew that when I turned this into a hobby back in 2011. I enjoy making board games. I enjoying making movies, watching movies, reading books, all that stuff. I needed some sort of creative outlet. And this was it. I enjoy tabletop games, so I found a business that I’m passionate about. But I found over the years, since I am a small business, I had to learn everything. I can do the game design, I can do the graphic design, the IP stuff, social media, the PR, distribution. I have all those experiences, so if I can continue this, I’ll be very happy.”

Price point for the game should be $48.99 CA (US equivalent is about $40). And it will be available in the US, and more – Matthew says, “The territories we have with Sony are Canada, USA, UK, Australia and France. We’re a small family run company, but at the same time, this is a big license. So we want to do the fans proud, we want to do this IP proud, so we want to give the biggest reach that we can.” Ashley said, “We’re limited because we’re not the distributors, so once we put it in those hands, it’s really up to those stores that want to put it on their shelves. So until we know where they’re placing it, I can’t tell you ‘oh, pick it up here.’ ” Matthew agreed. “I have experience with all of that, so when I made Witchful Thinking and released that, I had a hard time getting distribution. So I went store to store, city to city, and I made those contacts myself. For me as a business owner, I’m not just one of those owners who throws money out and does it. I have experience in all these aspects. So when this game comes out, let’s say that distribution doesn’t have as far of a reach as possible, I’ll make it happen. With Covid especially, the online market is important.”

“From a business standpoint, we’re a new company,” Matthew said. “It seems that we’re very new to this but that’s not really the case. This game has been been in development for a long time, and between the two of us we have 20+ games in prototypes. So we definitely know how to make games, and make games fun. And the fact that we’re both teachers, I think makes it even better. Because as teachers, we have to know how to sell to an audience.” ” And explain the games,” Ashley added.

PRE-ORDER THE GAME RIGHT HERE! Three if by Space has the game available for pre-orders in our Collectibles shop!! Click here to go to the pre-order page!

#outlander board game #three if by space #sony #outlander starz #starz outlander #outlander game #scottish highlands #craigh na dun

[cordonia]

Ethan + MC: “Stick” 

Summary: Ethan Ramsey has been in love, he’s just never been lovesick. Dr. Valentine didn’t show up for work and suddenly he’s feeling dizzy... 

Inspired by Stick by BANKS 

“Baby, you don't wanna leave You'd be sorry, 'cause honestly I can make you feel better, any day Look at what you've done for me, I called it how I see You belong with me”

Warnings: Brief mention of sexual content. 

Word Count: 2000

“Ethan? You never take time off, what is wrong with you?” June Hirata appeared to be almost excited, but anything was good gossip when you were a neurologist. Every decision the team made was a deeper look into their brain, and that’s why Ethan could never tell her that she was a bit scary. 

“I’m quite dizzy, I don’t feel right practicing medicine today. It’s best I rest at home to avoid making anything worse.” 

“Dr. Valentine must be feeling the same way, today is the first time she called in.” How pointed of her. June didn’t waste time, even when she was playing games. He maybe respected her a bit for it, if it wasn’t involving him. 

“I hadn’t realized,” lies, it was infiltrating his thoughts like a virus. “Have you checked in with her?”

June smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes, instead she looked like she was doing a complex math problem with different answers. 

He would never tell anyone he was intimidated by them, mostly because the feeling did not arise often. But June was good at her job, and trying to crack into his brain was one of her favourite pastimes. Anyone else would have thought that June had a bit of a crush, always digging into his personal life, but she had made it very clear she was too good for him. 

She was, but again, never something he would tell her.

“Perhaps you should give her a call on your way home. She might require some medication, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”  

Ethan sighed, hoping it came off as an annoyed reaction to doing anything out of his way. But Dr. June Hirata just turned on her heels and walked away without another word.

Dr. Valentine was too good for him as well. Despite the circumstances of his career putting him ‘above her’, he knew that she would outgrow the entire team one day. She would definitely outgrow him, and the feelings that she reminded him of often. One day she would look at him and see him for who he really was; jaded and struggling to adapt to change. 

It was silly, the things that he did to impress her. A social media account, bordering on favouritism when he took her for trips, and he even felt guilty for how badly he wanted her to win the competition. He wanted her on his team because she was a good doctor, but maybe a bit because her smile made him want to save lives a little bit more than usual. Maybe a lot. 

Ethan loved his job but Valentine made him love it a bit more. It couldn’t be bad though, right? To love someone who challenged him to be a better doctor? Another thing he couldn’t tell anybody, not even her. And he wanted to tell her everything. 

He got into his car without taking out his phone, put the keys in the ignition and began pulling out of the parking lot. He should have called, he should have checked in on her. It didn’t feel like his place, and how ridiculous it would be to call as if he had a right to know why she was home. Or even a right to care, for that matter. He had sworn off doing this to her, playing with her feelings and being misleading. 

It would only hurt her more. 

But what if she was hurt? The dizzy feeling began again and the nausea crept up on him. His hands clenched the wheel until he could barely feel them, but his eyes were still glued on the road. He was only a few streets away from her and he swore he could feel something pulling him to her.  Ridiculous, as all feelings were. Especially whatever this one was. 

He couldn’t just show up, right? But Ethan’s hands were turning the wheel, and suddenly three streets away became one. And then there he was, sitting outside of her apartment, where anybody could see. Her roommates were working, he’d seen them all that morning when he realized she wasn’t there. 

He wasn’t going to get out of the car, and he still hadn’t reached for his phone. Ethan was trying to talk himself out of doing anything, going too far just because he was a bit worried. But... 

He grabbed his phone and dialled her number, holding his breath as he waited for her to pick up. He wanted to hang up, regretting the impulsive decision immediately, but then she’d know how strange he was acting. The phone kept ringing and then reached her voicemail. He hung up, too embarrassed to leave a message in case his voice was shaky. 

Why wasn’t she picking up? Was she oka--

A knock on the passenger window surprised him so much he jumped a little, his phone slipping from his hand and into his lap. Fuck. 

“Ethan?” There she was, peering into his window with messy hair aglow from the sunny sky above them. Ethan swallowed and tried to compose himself, he was speechless for a change. 

She opened the passenger door and slid into the seat next to him. Under any other circumstance, he would have laughed at the sight of her in fluffy pajama pants, but her tank top was it’s own distraction. She picked very inopportune times to be braless. 

“Why are you outside my apartment? I called in super early, I promise I didn’t want to throw off your day.” She sounded concerned, which was slightly ironic, but he was starting to feel bad for bothering her. 

“I’m sorry. I was... well I, I guess I was worried that you needed something.” 

Her brows were furrowed and her gaze went from his face to his hands that were shaking slightly in his lap. Had he noticed that his hands were shaking? It was too late to stop it now. 

“What would I need?” 

He didn’t have a convincing answer to that. “Tylenol? Soup?”

She looked in the back seat, empty of course, and then looked even more confused. “You left your job of saving lives to what? Come make me soup in my own kitchen?”

“Of course not, I was on my way home and just thought that I would check in. We need you healthy and back at work, it doesn’t benefit our patients if you’re sick longer than needed.” Definitely the wrong thing to say to her, as formal as he wanted to be. He could see that she was starting to become annoyed already. 

“I wouldn’t jeopardize the lives of our patients, Ethan. I can make my own soup, I’m not a chore. I just needed a day off.” 

He loved how she said his name, even if it was meant to be patronizing. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t word that quite right, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You’re important, Dr. Valentine.” 

That seemed to catch her attention, and finally the annoyance dissipated; he felt relieved to see her shrug it off. “Thank you for checking in. I’ll be back tomorrow, it’s just not a good day. It’s the anniversary of the death of someone who was very close to me, and I thought I would be okay today... but,” she faltered and closed her mouth instead of finishing the sentence. 

Suddenly the anxiety, the dizziness and stress on his muscles seemed to fade away. Empathy was not Ethan’s favourite feeling, but he couldn’t help but be flooded by it when she looked away from him to hide the shine in her eyes. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her cry before, and it wasn’t something he would like watching. 

He tried to change the subject. “Are those bunnies riding polar bears?” 

Her gaze snapped back to him and she immediately grinned, blinking away the start of her tears. “My grandmother bought me these pajamas. I have no idea why the bunnies are riding polar bears, but they’re quite soft.” 

His fingers instinctively twitched and he stopped himself from reaching out to touch the strange choice of lounge wear. She was always attentive of his movement, much like June was of his lies. 

He was back to holding his breath again as she reached for his hand, pulling it to her. How was she always so warm and inviting? 

“Touch them,” she said, a bit quieter. 

He nodded and let his fingers graze the material over her thigh. She was right, it was soft, just like the rest of her... But those thoughts were better kept pushed to the back of his brain. He couldn’t think about the one night they had spent together... 

“You’re starting to make me sick.” The words left his tongue quicker than he had anticipated, no time to find any eloquent way to express his thoughts. 

“What?” She recoiled away from his touch and his eyes widened as his brain caught up. 

“Lovesick,” he said even more quickly. “Rookie, I think you’ve been making me lovesick.” 

“You’re telling me,” she whispered, shaking her head with a small smile upon her lips. “Do you ever think that if we hadn’t kissed, it wouldn’t have gotten this hard?”

He knew what the right answer was, the professional answer. And just as she probably had, he had run through every encounter with her in his head, a million times. Ethan had spent so much time wondering when he’d become so hung up on her, but he didn’t have a satisfying answer. She had been stuck inside of his heart for so long now that the love had left roots. How do you choose to uproot your love for somebody once it becomes a part of you like that? 

She was waiting for a response that he didn’t have. Against his better judgement, his hand reached up to her face and caressed her cheek. Her eyes closed and her whole body relaxed. Was that all it took, one touch? Ethan didn’t always know his own power. 

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t take it back,” he said firmly, sure of that answer even if it wasn’t enough. 

When she leaned in, he didn’t pull away like he knew he should have. Instead, he let her lips press against his so softly that it could have been his imagination. 

His fingers became entangled in her hair as he gripped the back of her neck and pulled her closer to him. Their lips met again and this time he let guard down, overwhelmed, his teeth catching her bottom lip. She moaned, just slightly and as her lips parted, his tongue brushed against hers. Nobody else could ever make the taste of mint toothpaste so inviting. Her nails dug into his arm and the slight sting of pain only led to a deeper kiss. 

Ethan could imagine pulling her upstairs, taking off those ridiculous pajamas and kissing her until her knees could no longer keep her upright. He would have bent her off the kitchen counter, maybe the couch if they made it that far. And every time she said his name, he’d fuck her a little bit harder. Until they both couldn’t stand. 

That’s what being in her presence was like most of the time. The slightest touch, accidental or stolen, put scenarios in his head like he was watching a film broken into so many parts. He could envision so many illicit encounters, but other things he craved too. Holding her hand in public, making dinner around her friends, and sharing a bed with her some nights. 

She was probably considering the same scenarios, he caught the look in her eyes so many times and he knew how badly they both had it. 

For a change, she was the one who pulled back first. “You’re supposed to be going home, Dr. Ramsey.” 

So this was how she felt when so many times it was him who pulled away. Hungry and longing to push things just a little bit further... Perhaps not a little bit, but his brain was desperate to rationalize any chance to touch her. 

Reality was cruel. 

“I’m suddenly feeling a bit better, actually, I should go back to work and see what I can get done.” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” He nodded in response and she began to climb out of the car. 

“Rookie? Call me if you ever need anything, even soup.” 

She nodded and gave him a smile that he had noticed was reserved just for him. He hated that he noticed things like that, because June would too. Just like she would know something was off when he miraculously returned to work. 

“Don’t have too much fun saving lives without me.” She winked and then headed back to the apartment. 

“I won’t,” he said to himself, exasperated. He should have just called, but he was very, very glad he didn’t. 

-

Tagging: @binny1985 

#open heart #open heart fanfiction #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x reader #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan ramsey imagine #open heart imagine #open heart edit #my edit #my fanfic

[heidianderson]

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐃𝐈 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍.

[DANIELLE ROSE RUSSELL, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER] who’s that? oh it’s {HEIDI ANDERSON}. i hear they’re {SIXTEEN} and a {JUNIOR} at {CRAWFORD COUNTY DAY}, have a voice like {SELENA GOMEZ} and are part of {CANARIES & FILM SOCIETY}. they’re known to be {COOPERATIVE & PRIDEFUL} and {TIMID & UNTALENTED}. some people say they remind them of {THE SCENT OF DISAPPOINTMENT, PITCHY TONED VOCALS, LATE NIGHT PODCASTS, AND PERFECTLY COILED LOCKS}. only one way to find out!

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Heidi June Anderson

NICKNAME(S): N/A

AGE: Sixteen

DATE OF BIRTH: August 31st

HOMETOWN: Los Angeles, California

CURRENT LOCATION: Lima, Ohio

ORIENTATION: Pansexual

RELIGION: Her dad wants her to practice Scientology, but she refuses, so no religious affiliation

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Democrat

OCCUPATION: Student/Vocal Adrenaline Slave

LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: Lives w/ dad

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English, some Mandarin Chinese

FAMILY

FATHER: Cooper Anderson

MOTHER: June Robinson-Anderson

SIBLING(S): N/A

EXTRA

SUN: Virgo

MOON: Gemini

RISING: Virgo

LIKES: True crime, being noticed, the color blue, making her dad proud, gold jewelry, headbands, freshly ironed cotton shirts with matching cardigans

DISLIKES: Disappointing her dad, feeling like she’s not living up to her mom’s potential, New Directions, anyone who doesn’t go to Carmel, bright colors, manipulation

HEADCANONS

When Cooper Anderson travelled back to Lima in the spring of 2012 to visit his younger brother what he was not expecting was to meet a girl eight years his junior studying literature at Lima’s Ohio State campus. June Robinson was exactly the kind of girl Cooper liked to get his hands on. Pretty, recognized his celebrity status, and was smart enough to keep up a conversation with and while normally their story would have ended after their one night stand, they decided to exchange numbers and keep in touch. This led to nightly texting which turned into good morning texts which turned into FaceTime calls which turned into June hopping on a plane to California (the same week as Cooper’s own brother’s wedding). By the time June had landed, Cooper had been given the news that his younger brother had gotten married to his high school sweetheart, the older Anderson just had to retaliate. There was no way he was about to not be told about his own brother’s wedding let alone not be in attendance to cause a disturbance, so he did what any sane person would do. He proposed to June, without a ring, but he covered that one up by telling June that there were going to go to a jeweler and pick out a ring that she wanted. The two didn’t plan to get married that week or even that month, but somehow after June had her pretty engagement ring on, they were running down to a local courthouse.

After the marriage was finalized, June had the most amazing trip in Los Angeles before going back to Lima and finishing up her semester before fully transferring to a campus in LA where her and Cooper could live together and start their life. For two people who jumped the gun on getting married, they surprisingly handled domestic life fairly well. They were happy. Cooper was acting. June was writing. Their income was fairly stable, even if sometimes Cooper had to pick up a random commercial gig or June had to do freelance article work just to make sure they could pay rent for the month. They made things work and despite Cooper’s poor acting chops, he managed to make it big doing random B-list movies and playing roles in random crime shows. Everything was just so good and one thing they agreed on. No kids. Why would they mess up something that was already so perfect?

Well, that was all said and done until they were coming up on their 8th anniversary. Maybe they did want children or maybe they were having a bad case of relationship boredom. They had already travelled, excelled in their careers, what more was their to do besides have a couple of kids? Which is exactly what they did. Heidi June Anderson was born on August 31st, 2024 happy, healthy, and giggling. And again, things were completely fine until they weren’t. It wasn’t long after Heidi’s birth that things started to go south. It had nothing to do with Heidi specifically, but more of the events that transpired after her birth. June got lonely, she wasn’t writing as often, and she was in a rut. It didn’t help that Cooper had some hot blonde as a co-star either on his new movie while June was still recovering postpartum. So, she found solace in a close friend of hers and it wasn’t long before Cooper pieced things together and found June with another man in their own bed. Incoming divorce and custody papers. Everything happened when Heidi was way too young to even piece together a memory of her mother and wanting to move on from the life she built in Los Angeles, she moved away to some European country but that wasn’t the last time Heidi saw her mom. They worked out an agreement where Cooper got full custody, but June had all the visitation rights she wanted as long as she was in town. That wasn’t very often though and by the time Heidi was ten, the visitations stopped altogether. 

Growing up with Cooper as a dad wasn’t the worst possible situation. They had pizza for breakfast and cereal for dinner and Cooper always made Heidi watch any movies or tv shows he had been in and made her review and critique them all (Heidi was always one to point out Cooper’s lack of pointing in certain scenes). This meant she had to sit through many, many hours or Cooper “starring” on multiple crime dramas and she gripped onto that. Her entire life she had been shown the showbiz side of life, getting chucked into singing, dancing, and acting lessons and even though she was still watching her dad’s content, she fell in love with crime shows, begging Cooper to put on episodes that wasn’t even his. She wasn’t about to up and become some kind of criminal, but the cases were just so entrancing. 

At some point during Heidi’s childhood, Cooper began to realize that he couldn’t raise Heidi by himself. He needed some sort of help from his family so Cooper packed himself and Heidi up to Lima, Ohio. Partly for help via his own family, but he also was more hopeful that June would visit Lima to see her parents more than come to Los Angeles to see her ex-husband and daughter. While in Lima, Heidi spent most of her time with her paternal grandparents while Cooper would be off travelling back and forth to Los Angeles, New York, Atlanta, and anywhere else he could find work.

Now in her formidable teenage years, Heidi had almost chosen to go to William McKinley High School. They had an okay academic and arts program and she lived in the district, but her dad would stand for no such thing. Him and his brother both attended Dalton Academy for most of their teen years and Heidi’s own mother had attended Crawford County Day and was a crucial member to the Canaries during her own high school years, Heidi’s options were limited and she knew the path her dad wanted for her. She was an Anderson! She was born to sing and act! So, she ended up at Crawford and opting to go for uniforms and rich girl tactics and quickly joined the ranks of the Canaries. 

The only problem with Heidi being in the Canaries is cut down to one simple fact - she’s simply untalented. She can’t sing, dance, or act very well. This is something her own dad would never say to her, but she’s simply an okay performer. The only real reason she’s still able to compete and be on the team is because with her extensive background of dance classes and vocal lessons, she can hold a pitch and she can learn choreography and her slight athleticism has allowed her to keep up with whatever's thrown at her on the Canaries. She may not be a lead, but she certainly adds character and a booster by the name of Cooper Anderson.

EXTRA LINKS

Pinterest Board | Playlist

#crhq:intro #intro.

[luthien-t]

The Sun Will Shine. (Chapter 5)

Summary: Thanos invaded the asgardians ship & Thor called for back up. Being a liable paramedic, you gather your tools and went to space. You end up being injured during battle but Thanos was defeated, what will you do when you find out your lover, Loki suffered more than just a few battle scars? But then again, no one is ever really gone.

Chapter Summary: You followed the signs to where Loki promised to be there waiting for you, after a month and a half of searching, will you finally reunite with your love?

warning: very sad-ish

wordcount: 2.6+K

A/N: Hellooo, yes I know this story is going way too slow even for my liking, but I just dont know where it will go after a certain scene, but if anyone has any ideas or even how they think it will end, please tell me, I could use some inspiration here, Happy reading!!

You grabbed your laptop to check the current weather for the location Loki wrote for you, to prepare yourself for the trip you’re about to go to. You also stumbled upon your email and it was flooded with messages from Tony, sending you emails for any meeting and any party they were having. It made you frown knowing that he is still trying to include you as if you’re still there around them, you bit your lips and read through every single one of them, in some emails he was just checking up on you and asking about your whereabouts and checking if you’re doing okay and a certain email was talking about Bruces birthday today and they’re having a party to celebrate, you sighed as you started typing about how your last month was like, what you were doing and how difficult it was to decipher the journal. You still left out the details about Dr strange and the answers you found, you decided that you will tell him when you head back at the tower with Loki. 

You sent the email and got out of bed, checking the time, you knew you had an hour to go see Stephen before the time you both agreed on. You got ready and headed towards the Sanctum, you were more than ready for this search to end.

“Are you ready?” Strange stood in front of you, waiting for your respond so he can open a portal for you. 

You sighed softly and nodded, watching him as he moved his hands in a circular motion for a portal to open next to you. You take one last glance at him before smiling and going through. 

“Two hours! You have two hours before I come and get you two!” He smiled while pointing a finger at you. You nodded happily at the mention of ‘you two.’ 

“See you in two hours!” You waved at him before walking forward and away from the portal before he closes it behind you. 

The snow was piling around your feet, it wasn’t deep but it was enough for you to hear the crunch with every step you take, you look around you, it was quite, empty and peaceful, the sun just started rising in Ice Land and the horizon was beyond beautiful, you start to understand why Loki chose this place out of all the places you had on your list, he always talked about how landscapes like this remind him of Jutonheim, and he always fit perfectly around the snow, even sometimes if it was cold enough, his blue would start to show and glow softly under the sunlight, defining every curve on his skin. 

You found a large rock that resembled a chair and sat on it, counting the time in your head. 

55 minutes, 56 minutes, 57… 

Almost an hour past and no sign of Loki, you start to wonder if you misunderstood anything from the journal and cursed yourself for not bringing it with you. Maybe he meant 10AM Ice Land time? Or maybe he meant 10PM? You kept waiting and waiting and your negative thoughts kept growing and growing. Is it possible that Loki wrote that journal and forgot? Or just simply, is it possible that his plan actually failed? Maybe he really is gone? Maybe this was all to distract me and stop me from mourning for him because he always told me to move on if something does happen to him. You shook your head and look around, you heard a rustling sound and turned your head towards it with a smile. 

“Took you long enough” Your smile fell flat when you noticed that it was Stephen looking at you through the portal he just opened from his side of the world. 

“It’s been 2 hours, y/n.” He said with a frown on his face, he must have noticed that you are still sitting alone with no one around you. You shake your head as tears start to threaten to fall. “No, Steph, we have to wait a bit longer, maybe he meant a different time” You look away from him and wipe your face from the cold tears falling down your cheeks. 

“It’s okay, y/n.” He sighs quietly and walked through the portal to you, a blanket in his hands. “It’s time to let go.” He wrapped the blanket around you and helped you get up on your feet, you wanted to protest, to stand your ground and to not leave until Loki decides to stop playing this stupid game. You were starting to get angry. “This is stupid. Why did you agree on doing this with me?” You look up at Stephen and he shrugs. “Because I believed you, but Loki proved us both wrong” He said as he helped you step through the portal before closing it behind him. 

Unbeknownst to you, Loki was there and was waiting for you there, he was beyond happy seeing you again, you still look the same, you still took his breath away, after two months of not seeing you he was ready to run towards you but seeing Dr Strange helping you with his teleporting stopped him from moving from his spot behind the rock. He never wanted to drag any of the Avengers with you, no one was supposed to know about this but you, if anyone knew he was still alive, words will reach Thanos minions and it will backfire at you, they will use you as bait to drag him back to where he was before New York happened. He had to find a way to leave, he never meant for it to be like this, he only wanted to reassure you that he is fine and maybe ask you to leave this planet with him, he misses you and wants you back in his life, but he can’t risk anything when people still want him dead. He decided to teleport back to his hiding place and hope that one day you two will be reunited again.

You feel stupid, you feel like the world was pressing around you and it was getting harder to breath, the reality of Loki being gone was finally starting to hit you and you finally understand that this was always a game to Loki, he never wanted you to mourn, he never wanted you to feel bad about him being gone, he only did this to entertain you. But at what cost? You were ignoring the people who were looking out for you while hiding in some apartment, and you dragged Stephen with you on a ridiculous treasure hunt. 

“I feel like a child.” You say as you sit down on the chair and look up at Stephen. 

“You’re not. He was the God Of Mischief. Of course he would refuse dying without one last game.” He sat on the chair opposite of you and handed you a cup of tea. 

He was the God Of Mischief.

It was all coming down on you, the realisation that he really is gone. All of your hard work is just thrown out of the window. You’ve learnt Juton for nothing and you’ve learnt Asgardian for no reason, and you were going back to the Tower empty handed, defeated. 

You drank your tea in silence as you stared out the window, it was beginning to rain, in the middle of June, how ironic. 

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Stephen interrupted your thoughts, you turn your head towards him and shrug with a weak smile on your face. 

“I can’t really avoid the inevitable, there is nothing left to do but move on.” You sigh and suddenly get up. “I’m gonna head back home to move back to the tower.” You look down at him and he nods. “Thank you, Stephen, for everything. You helped me with more than you can imagine, I learn a new thing every time I come into this Sanctum” and with that he smiled up at you and nodded again. “I’m glad for doing so, now if you are going to the Tower, I guess I will be seeing you tomorrow for Bruces party?” You chuckle softy and nod before walking towards the door. 

“Guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow” You bow your head and leave to go back to your apartment. 

You unlocked the door and headed to your room, the window was open and there was a crow standing on the edge of the frame, you raise an eyebrow and move your way towards the crow slowly. “Hey there little guy” You said in a singsongy voice, you grab the closest thing to you to shush the crow back out of the window. 

“I am not in the mood.” You say to the crow and wave a book towards it to leave the room but it wont budge, did not even flinch. You sigh and sit on the bed. “Whatever, I am leaving this place so the landlord will have a talk with you.” You say as you shove everything back in your bag, you never unpacked your stuff because you were too busy with the journal you had, so distracted by the game that you forgot about your actual life for a minute. 

You grabbed everything that was yours and left the room, the crow was still standing this with his held tilted at you, watching you as you were watching him. You were confused as to how a crow can be so calm around humans but shrugged it off and left. You have bigger things to focus on than some random crow. You have to head back to the tower and go back to your normal life. You can’t keep getting distracted by every little thing anymore. It is time to move past this. 

Your walk back to The Tower was quite, the rain stopped long before you left the apartment and your shoes were wet from the water on the pavement, you feel defeated and the weight of Loki being gone kept hitting you harder and harder with every step. You reached the tower and went straight to the elevator. You sighed happily when no one entered the elevator with you and pressed on the button to the living area you shared with the team. 

The elevator door opened and you were greeted by Tonys back while he was busy ordering people on where to put the cake and rearranging the furniture. You walked towards him and cleared your throat. “Oh thank goodness Pepper you’re back, can you he-“ His sentence was cut short when he turned around and saw you. 

“Y/n!” He smiled wide and walked towards you. You smiled lightly. 

“We’ve missed you” He wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace and kissed the top of your head. “How have you been?” He mumbled against your head. His question wasn’t supposed to hurt you like this but it did, you tighten your hug and buried your head in his shoulder, you can’t say he was shocked by the sudden tightness but he held you closer and sighed, as if he understood the words you couldn’t say. You wanted to pull away and apologise but you simply couldn’t let go. You needed this.

“You were right.” You mumbled against his shoulder and nodded. “I know, kid. Don’t beat yourself, you needed this to get your closure.” He said as he rubbed your back. You did not notice your tears but the dampness of his shirt under your breath gave it away to you, causing you to pull away and sniff. “Oh god I’m sorry” you say as you pat the wet patch on his shoulder and let out a small chuckle, he just watched you with a smile. “I’m just glad you’re back, y/n.” He said before pulling away from you. “Everyone is currently busy and getting the place ready to party! You don’t have to join if you don’t feel like it” He reassures you and you shake your head. “I’ll be fine, besides, I’ve missed you guys and a party never hurt no one” You say and pull your bag up, waving at him to get back to what he was doing and head back to your previous quarter. 

You can’t say you’re exactly happy to get back to this place, it was still filled with memories of Loki, but you knew that in order to move on you have to face it. Opening the door, you walk into the room and Lokis smell immediately invaded your lungs, everything is exactly where it was since you left a month and a half ago. You sigh deeply and head to the curtains, sliding them for the sun to enter the room, everything had a layer of dust on it and you have a lot of cleaning to do, you look around not sure what to do with Lokis stuff, you know that you are going to keep some of it but you also cant hold on to everything if you want to move on. 

tap, tap, tap. 

You hear a tapping noise on the window and turn your head towards it, there he is again, that crow from the apartment, you raise your eyebrows and walk to the window, approaching the crow slowly. “How-“ you were interrupted by someone opening the door and calling your name, looking back at the door you see Thor and smile widely before glancing quickly back at the window and the crow was gone, you sigh quickly and put your thoughts aside to go greet him. 

“Thor!” you yelped as he gave you one of his famous tight hugs.

“It’s so good to see you, Lady y/n!” He pulled away to look down at you and you smile at him, your smile slowly fading as you notice his beard grew longer than he likes and his eyes were framed with dark circles, you frown and cup his face. “What have you been doing to yourself, Thor?” you say in a soft whisper and he smiles slightly to you. 

“I’m doing fine, you shouldn’t worry, I came from New Asgard as soon as Tony informed me that you’re back in the tower” He pulled away and sat on your bed, avoiding your eyes. 

“That quickly?” You chuckle.

“Well, thanks to Tony and Bruce, we discovered a new way to create a portal similar to the one we had in asgard before, you know…”

You sighed and sat next to him, you start feeling selfish for leaving him to mourn and suffer his brothers loss on his own, you were so busy and distracted by that stupid journal that you forgot that not only did you lose your love, but Thor also lost his brother. You rest a hand on his knee. “I’m sorry for everything, I should’ve checked up on yo-“

“Nonsense! I know you’ve been looking for him, I know how my brother can be sometimes.” He chuckle and looks down at you.

“But I didn’t..” You look up at him with tears in your eyes. “I didn’t find him, Thor. You were right, everyone was right, and I’m sorry.” 

“Lady y/n, It’s all right, what matters is that we’re all here now. We have to celebrate Hulks birthday!!” He tries to change the subject and got off the bed. “We will be seeing you in the party, correct?” He bows his head so he is at eye level with you and smiles, you nod at him and get up. “Yes, I’ll be there, I promise” You smile and watch him leave the room. 

Your eyes couldn’t help but drift back to the window, and as if on time, the crow flew back again, standing on the balconies grill behind the window and it hits you. 

“Loki..?”

#loki fic #loki fanfic #Loki Laufeyson #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki x you #loki laufeyson x reader #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson x you #loki #marvel fanfiction

[ajoblotofjunk]

DVD commentary for the July chapter of HFOG! or just the motorcycle ride if that’s too much lol

All of July is too much for me mentally right now so I’ll do the motorcycle ride. :D This got (unsurprisingly!!) long, so lemme put a Keep Reading cut in real quick.

A week later, on the off Sunday between Winterfell and Lannisport, Jaime was spending his birthday alone at the office.

I’ll do this whole section, since it being on his birthday was the trigger I used to get Jaime to ask her to go on the bike. This scene was one of like three I had in my head from pretty much the beginning. I find motorcycles extremely sexy (I’m an easy target okay) and I loved the idea of forcing these two knuckleheads into that much physical contact in what should theoretically be a platonic experience; I just had to figure out how to get them there since Brienne just spent the last part of June pushing Jaime back a step. Hard to say no to a lonely man on his birthday though.

going clubbing until they were both passed out or dead by the end of it. Bronn was home with Lollys, probably having enough sex to stock them up until August, and Jaime wasn’t really close enough with the rest of the crew to consider spending time with them outside of work.

I think this was the month where I decided Bronn was going to be genuinely happy with Lollys. I know I mentioned her early on but I toyed around in my head for awhile with the idea that he was still kind of loose and maybe even unfaithful to her, and I decided I didn’t want to go that way. I wanted to like Bronn in this fic. He’s kind of my Sarcastic Wise Elder character for these two and I really grew to love the idea that he is just as much an inner softie in his heart as Jaime is, that that sharp outer shell/gooey center combo was something that connected them. I think it really helped in the October chapter that Bronn was likable, because then that scene in the hospital between him and Jaime had a much bigger emotional hit.

The only other person he wanted to see was Brienne and though she’d sent him a ‘happy birthday!’ text that morning unprompted, he hadn’t responded for

I laugh to myself thinking about Brienne hovering over that text message all “should I send a gif? is the text going to be enough? what about emojis? Is it weird if I text him at all? He didn’t tell me it was his birthday but I definitely know it’s his birthday because I have memorized a lot of unimportant facts about a man I am Definitely Not Into.”

lunch, smoked what he swore was the only cigarette he would have as a thirty-six year old, and then aimlessly watched TV for a few hours before driving his motorcycle into the office.

Jaime uses smoking to fill the hole of the things he wants but believes he’ll never have. At the start of the fic that’s respect and winning races. As he slowly gets those things, he smokes whenever he’s thinking about Brienne, even though he does not realize it consciously. Once he gets all three, he stops smoking for good.

There had been a scattered handful of engineers there that afternoon, working away in preparation for the different requirements of Lannisport next week, but

Honestly, sometimes remembering there were hundreds of people working on this team in particular was exhausting. 😂 I always had this constant voice in the back of my head of Lannister Corp scenes of “where are all these other workers and what are they doing?” It works here because I needed the ride to happen at night, but this is just giving me flashbacks to “oh right this team is actually 500-1000 people, not just these 12.”

He raised his glass of water to his empty office. “Happy birthday to me,” he muttered, taking a sip. It wasn’t even flavored water, which felt like such a maudlin statement on his life that he couldn’t finish it.

The “it wasn’t even flavored water” line still makes me laugh to this day. It’s one of my favorite moments in the entire story. It’s so DRAMATIC. Like, my god man, get a hold of yourself. Anyway, I love drama queen Jaime.

He probably should have texted Taena or Melara, but he didn’t want to spend time with them. He didn’t want to listen to his sister’s barely concealed insults

I had a whole bit…I think it was in August? Might have been earlier, I can’t recall now, anyway, two or three paragraphs talking about how Jaime met Melara and Taena and why they all worked out this arrangement and Brynn (rightly) made the point that it didn’t actually add anything to the story I was telling. I managed to cover what really mattered about it in two sentences instead. The moral of this is that this story could have been even longer but Brynn is the best so you should thank her.

find out what she did on her off days, what kind of birthday cake she liked, if

Chocolate with chocolate and fruit filling and chocolate frosting, FYI.

Brienne’s worried frown deepened. “Have you done anything for your birthday today?”

“I had a cigarette.”

She shook her head, looking disappointed. “Anything that doesn’t shorten your life by doing it?”

I also really like this line. I’m a fan of Worried Mom Friend Brienne, too.

“I drank some water,” he grumbled.

Unflavored! Like an ANIMAL. 😂

“Have you even eaten?”

“I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.”

She blinked, startled, and then a sheepish grin swarmed over her face. “I guess some things don’t change. At least you didn’t insult me this time.”

“Progress,” he said, smiling, watching her features go soft and open in a way he’d probably dream about that night. Distance, his brain reminded him.

I didn’t plan for this quiet callback to the sandwich conversation from January, but I really was pleased to see it happen. It makes sense; Brienne wants the people she cares about to take care of themselves and where back in January I think she felt she was being more his Mom, here they’re both aware she’s being his friend and that’s part of why it’s a softer moment.

“Then come riding with me. Have you been on a motorcycle before?”

“No. My dad was firmly against it after Galladon died.”

At this point in the fic I was pretty sure Brienne was going to drive although I hadn’t worked out all the details of how I was going to get there yet, but when I wrote this I definitely shored up the “Selwyn is very overprotective” support I’d only just started to build back with the phone call in January. I also knew when I wrote this that Jaime was going to bring the motorcycle to Tarth and her dad was going to be all about it, even though I wasn’t sure how that was going to happen. 

“Well,” he said, standing slowly, “your dad’s not here now, is he?”

Fun fact: this story idea first appeared to me in relation to Bruce Springsteen’s “I’m On Fire” and there’s a lyric in there - ‘hey little girl is your daddy home, did he go and leave you all alone’ - that this quietly references. And actually I wanted the whole motorcycle ride to have the exact same feeling when you’re reading it as I feel listening to that song! It’s a direct path from there to here emotionally.

(In some other universe instead of this I wrote a fic where Jaime keeps bringing his car in to Selwyn’s Garage just so he can see Brienne, grease smudged on her face, and he asks her to deliver it to his home and she does and, well. It doesn’t go like the video. *g*)

(That video and song were very formative influences on young me though I was not aware of it at the time. If you haven’t heard the song or seen the video, here you go: https://youtu.be/lrpXArn3hII)

Jaime arched an eyebrow. “My bike is plenty big.”

Brienne snorted but the red in her cheeks spread out to her crooked her nose and down the freckled length of her long neck. “Sounds like you’re compensating, Lannister.”

I could show you he thought but he bit it back, as well as the image of pushing her against the door of his office and- No. Bad. he told both his errant thoughts and his twitching cock like they were misbehaving dogs. 

Jaime has been horny for her since April (January though he would refuse to acknowledge it if you told him that at this point), give him a break.

He came around the desk and held out his hand and she stared down at it like it was a snake she was trying to decide was poisonous or not.

Brienne gingerly wrapped her long fingers around his

I wanted Brienne to actively participate in the decision to do this, to show through her actions (not just Jaime’s perceptions of her) that she wants this, too. I had to ramp things up for both of them in this chapter because I knew what was coming in August and I wanted them to be ready for that. I couldn’t have gone from where they were in June to the kiss in August, I had to force them together in a way they hadn’t intended so that when they come together intentionally it feels like a natural progressions, and that meant both of them had to be wanting it.

What are you doing? his brain demanded as he led Brienne through the empty corridors out to the front parking lot.

 Enjoying my birthday for once.

I like this because it’s both Jaime making excuses for why he’s doing something really foolish if he’s supposed to be keeping his distance but ALSO true and a sad reflection on his life (and what Brienne brings to it even now).

His bike was parked in Tywin’s CEO spot, where he always parked as a small, childish fuck you to his father. Brienne gasped as they walked up, pulling her hand away to brush the gleaming chrome.

“You have an Iron Throne!”

I know. I KNOW. But I love calling it that. I cast around for motorcycle names for awhile and when I hit on this I could not resist. Iron Thrones in this fic world are basically those giant Harleys that would easily seat two people.

weight of her against his palms. Brienne’s eyes narrowed and he worried for a second she’d heard his thoughts. “It’s not safe to ride without a helmet though, and I don’t have one. Do you have an extra?”

Jaime hadn’t brought his today, either. “We could wear driving helmets.”

As I recall it, Brynn came up with the idea of the helmet scene or at least definitely helped me work out how it was going to go when I got stuck on it. She made the point it should be a cute moment between them and it was right because it made the whole ride seem fun instead of just weighty and tense. The fact they actually have FUN together is really important to me because I think it’s really important to successful relationships in general. If you’re going to be with this person for the rest of you life, I hope like hell you enjoy spending time with them.

When she saw the helmet he had she laughed, the sound bursting up into the sky like a flock of startled birds.

I’m not usually happy with how I describe things - I never feel like it’s as interesting or descriptive or powerful as I want - but I do like this line a lot.

“It’s a helmet,” he said, holding it out to her. The helmet was a bright neon green and covered with frogs forming the words MOAT CAILIN with their bodies. “I got it from one of our sponsors a few years ago and kept it thinking someday I’d wear it just to piss off my father.”

What does Moat Cailin do? I genuinely have no idea. 😂

Brienne took the helmet and held it out away from her like it was a very stinky baby. “You’re sure no one is going to see us?”

“Now who’s vain?”

This made me laugh. I love when Brienne gets to be light-hearted.

“Isn’t there some biker lingo you should use instead?”

“Hop on my hog, sexy mama?”

Goofy Jaime: also a personal favorite. This is kind of an early insight into how he’s going to be in later months when he’s truly, unburdenedly (I made that word up) happy.

Brienne laughed even harder that time and shook her head. “You are so annoying,” she said fondly, climbing on behind him.

The “you’re annoying”/”you’re stubborn” back and forth is something I have been trying to consistently but not overwhelmingly carry through this fic from very early on.

“Since you’ve never ridden before, the primary rule is that you have to lean into the curves with me. If you’re balanced differently than I am it might bring the whole bike down.

Having ridden a motorcycle: this is actually true. It was the first thing the person I was riding with told me.

Her arms fully encircled his waist, her body pressed so firmly against his back he imagined he could feel the weight of her small breasts through his own shirt. He had no jacket but he didn’t need one; even if it hadn’t been for the drowsy summer heat, Brienne’s warmth against him stoked enough fire he could have burned all night.

You shouldn’t ride a motorcyle without proper gear, kids, but Jaime doesn’t give a fuck and for the purpose of this kind of intimate contact, neither do I for this story. 😁

It was almost like sex, the way they moved together around the curves, the blood thrumming in his veins, her occasional breathless gasp. He had to shift a little on his seat to make room for his awkward erection, but he pressed the bike faster, the curves tighter, until she was welded against him and the wind whipped her joyful laughter from her mouth, leaving it like tracers behind them in the dark. 

This is the image in my head when I thought of them on the motorcycle ride. Everything before and after this paragraph is just set up and pay off for this one part.

Centuries ago there had been a keep at the top of Aegon’s High Hill, but all that was left now were old stones weathered by time and the salt air off of Blackwater Bay.

Thank goodness for the internet, and people who post very detailed maps of King’s Landing and Westeros so I can figure out some of this stuff. I have spent a surprising amount of time for this fic looking at maps.

“Why were you at work today?” he asked, staring at her.

Brienne pulled off her hoodie to reveal a tank top underneath, her muscular shoulders bunching as she did so in a way that made his mouth go dry.

There’s a gif that was being posted in the Oathkeepers discord around the time I was writing this that I had in mind explicitly for this moment. 😄

Her skin seemed to absorb the light, making it white and smooth as milkglass, her freckles mirroring the infinite stars. “Truthfully,” she said, “I wanted to spend some time alone with the car.” Even in the moonlight the reddening of her pale cheeks was clear.

Survey says: Mostly true. She also was thinking of him, since it was his birthday. She genuinely did NOT expect him to be there, though.

Jaime walked to the edge of the flat gravel and stared across the Rush to roughly where he thought Tarth would be way down south in the Stormlands. It had been years since he’d been and he didn’t remember it well, but he wished he could so he could picture Brienne there.

Again, I knew he was going to be in Tarth the very next chapter, so I wanted to lay the groundwork for it to seem natural he would be. Bringing it up here was a perfect opportunity for that.

They put their helmets back on, and Brienne her hoodie, and she climbed on behind him again, her arms automatically curling around his waist this time instead of the distant grip of the start. He started the engine and leaned forward a little, and she leaned her head against his shoulder as they took the drive down more slowly.

This easy warmth was important, too. Again, the sexual tension is critical to get them to their breaking point because they’re sure as hell not going to talk about how much they care about each other first (or even for a long while after they start having sex, as we discover), but I wanted there to be something deeper to their bond, too, a connection that I could build on in the second half of the story where you believe they’ll be happy together as an established couple. That they’re comfortable together.

The trip down the hill was as solemn as the stars above and when he parked again in front of the Lannister Corp Racing offices Brienne took her helmet off and stared quietly at him when he remained seated, his visor pushed up.

I think subconsciously this is when Brienne really falls in love with him, because it’s just Jaime being Jaime, and sharing something important to him with her and that kind of openness is the key to her heart.

Sadness gleamed like the stars in her big twilight eyes. Brienne put a hand on his shoulder and his whole body went rigid under her touch. Her fingers crept to the nape of his neck under his helmet, softly brushed through the short hair there before she dragged them away again as her pale skin reddened. 

Brienne was more reserved here in the initial draft of this and Brynn thought there should be more and she was - as usual - absolutely right. So the touch was added to fully seal the momentous connection that happened here.

“You can get home okay?” he asked.

“I’ll take the bus, there’s a stop just by the sports bar.”

Brienne the Bus Rider strikes again. Hee.

He couldn’t even quit smoking; how was he ever going to quit wanting Brienne?

These two things are connected here for a reason! As noted above. Hee.

Wow this was fun for me, thank you for asking! 😊

[DVD Commentary Meme - Asks are open]

#dvd commentary meme #heart full of gasoline #the-world-unseen #i was lowkey worried i wasn't going to have anything to say #idk why given my history with this story in particular #but anyway this was kind of illuminating for me too #so thanks! #hopefully it's not super boring hee

[queenmaracasandlove]

Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Roger Taylor x F!Reader

Word Count: +/- 4600

Summary: Roger and reader have together for three years but they don’t seem to contemplate the future in the same way.

Warnings: Angst and tiny bit of fluff. Loads of cursing... sorry !

A/N: Imagined it as Ben!Roger (but with the right kind late 70s haircut please) but it can also be read as Roger x Reader. Tell me what you think loves !

MASTERLIST 

Permanent taglist: @reedusteinrambles

It was a lovely day of June in England’s capital and a perfect one for a lovely meal between friends. Soon Queen will be on the road again to promote their new album Jazz but they wanted to spend some time together with their families. Sometimes they were colleagues, often friends but most importantly they were always family. Roger Taylor the drummer had a beer in his hand as he was chatting with Freddie in the garden of his London’s home. His girlfriend of three years, Y/N was playing with Robert Deacon, John’s first child.

The little boy was very tired after all the laughter and play and ran into his mother’s arms to rest for a bit, quickly falling asleep. This melted Y/N’s heart, she could not believe how grown up he was. She remembered when he was just a tiny baby and now he had a little brother. It seemed so crazy, how fast things were going. When she had met the group none of them was married, Freddie was engaged to Mary and no kids were around. She smiled and went to sit on her boyfriend’s lap who placed a little kiss on her bare arm.

Y/N loved this kind of reunions. She missed Roger a lot when he was on tour but these kind of moments reminded her of how much she had. The most amazing partner of course but a lot more, a family. She was so thankful of how fast they had adopted her, making her feel part of their team. John and Veronica’s wedding had been one of her first “appearance” with Roger as his official girlfriend. She was so afraid not to belong there because at the time she was so afraid Roger would dump her overnight although she was already madly in love with him. But he hadn’t and she would never forget what Brian had told her that day “you must be very special to him because this is a big event and he would not have brought you here if he wasn’t serious”.

“Y/N my dear, you have your head in the clouds. What are you thinking about?” Freddie asked

“I was just thinking about how happy I am to have you all”

“Isn’t that sweet” Freddie said

“Roger surely is a lucky man” Brian added

Roger put his arms around Y/N’s waist while she bent back to kiss him. It was clear to everybody who was around them that they were soulmates, always bringing the best out of each other, radiating love and extremely passionate. The ups were very high and the down sometimes very cruel but it oddly worked.

“Y/N I think you killed Robbie, he’s sleeping like a dog on your couch” Veronica said, joining them

“Just enjoy the calm and take a seat” John added “It’s not like we have many peaceful moments these days”

“Cannot wait to know what it’s like” Brian said ironically

“As if it was going to be your problem” puffed Christine

Her hand was on her enormous belly, ready to give birth in two months. She wasn’t totally wrong. Soon the Queen family would have a new member but Brian would go back on the roads and miss much of the craziness. But they all knew what they signed up for when they started dating. Long distance relationship half of the year and then a few months sharing their partners with the recording studios. It was part of the deal and it was alright, most of the time. One of the reasons Y/N loved Roger so much was because of his passion for music, his determination. She would never think about him doing anything else.

“So” John started looking at Roger and Y/N “when are two joining the parents club”

“I already have a child you know” Y/N joked pointing at the drummer “Imagine a second Roger, that would be hell” Y/N laughed

“True” Brian agreed “You can have full custody whenever you want Y/N”

“Very funny May” said Roger “Seriously I don’t know why I should make the same stupid mistake that you all did. I want to keep my freedom, thank you very much”

Everybody laughed but after that sentence something happened to Y/N. She felt something weird in her lower stomach, like when something makes you very anxious and you can physically feel it. It was just to be funny, she knew it but still… She started to worry. What did he mean about keeping his freedom? They had been together for three years and even if they were still young she could clearly see the rest of her life of Roger’s side, and that included kids. It almost sounded as if he was not ready to commit but weren’t they already a more than serious couple?

Y/N tried to forget about it and went back to the discussion, her fingers playing with Roger’s hair. It had taken time to get used to their new length but she loved it. He was still the same but different a the same time. And it was almost frustrating to see how beautiful he was no matter what.

                                                  ---------------------

The afternoon had now come to an end and Roger and Y/N were both alone in their house. They had moved in together when the drummer had received his first real checks from his musical career and they were now sharing a nice house in London. Y/N was alone in it very often but it was their happy place. She was washing the dishes and Roger was wiping it, in silence, there had been so much noise all day.

“Today was great” Y/N said

“Yes it was. Thanks for that pie again. It was delicious” Roger replied, pecking her neck

She shivered at the touch and looked at him, smiling next to her. Y/N had tried to forget about it but she just could not. She wanted to talk about it but she was anxious, afraid of what Roger would say. She was fearful of sounding stupid, of him realizing she wasn’t as amazing as he said.

“Roger…” she started

“Yes doll?”

“Did you mean what you said earlier?”

“You’re going to need to be more precise than that because I said a lot of things today”

She handed him the last plate and turned around, placing her back against the counter and looked at him. He frowned, trying to remember what stupid thing he might have said that would have upset her, it wouldn’t have been the first time. But he really didn’t want to fight tonight. 

“When you said you didn’t want to have kids”

“Did I?” he asked, his jaw now tensed

“It was implied I guess but yeah…”

Roger put the dried plate on the other ones and moved to face Y/N, looking right at her. He was tired and he just wanted to cuddle with her. He was almost upset she would bring such a deep conversation right now.

“I don’t know. I just don’t see why I should think about it right now”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Y/N asked

“It means I’m not even 29 and I can’t see myself changing nappies okay?”

His tone was sharp and the atmosphere had totally changed in the kitchen. His word had hurt Y/N. He didn’t see why he should think about it? Maybe because she was right here. It made her feel as if she wasn’t part of his plans, as if he had never thought about a future for the two of them and that scared her. It had taken her months, a year to get rid of most of her insecurities but they were still here, deep down. She was always so afraid to lose him because he meant so much to her, but was it mutual?

She just left the kitchen, as if the conversation was over. Roger rolled his eyes, he knew that attitude and followed her. She would not calm down until she’d said what was really on her mind and he didn’t want it to take forever. She had a real talent for making things more complicated than they really  were. Always keeping things for herself instead of telling him right away. She was going upstairs, probably to their room. 

“What is it about this time Y/N?” he asked

She looked at him from the top of the stairs looking more afraid than angry though.

“Nothing. I just didn’t realise you were so attached to your freedom”

“As a matter of fact I am. I want to be able to come home to my beautiful girlfriend and enjoy the time I have with her for a bit you know”

She sighed and disappeared behind the bedroom door. Y/N loved to be Roger’s girlfriend, but this time it sounded wrong. Would she ever be more than that? His last sentence made her feel like she was just somebody he was happy to know would be here waiting for him when he would be back from tour. She started to undress and heard him coming inside the room. She knew this would end badly but she had to know.

“For fuck’s sake could we have a normal discussion Y/N? Or do we have to do a full tour of the house before you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I’m tired. I’m getting ready to go to bed”

“It’s not late”

“If I understand correctly the nice girlfriend waiting for you home is not allowed to be tired when her rockstar is home? My freedom is as important as yours Roger!”

Roger’s hands were on his head. What on earth was going on? How could she wrongly read into everything he said. This was not the night he had imagined for the two of them. All he had said was that he didn’t see himself having kids right now because he wanted to spent the free time he had with her but it was not what Y/N had interpreted, quite the opposite.

“Why could you not be happy that I just want to make love to you and spend time with you. I love the baby making process but once it’s there the rest is kind of ruined you know” he tried to joke

“Roger if you just want someone to fuck and spend time with, then just bring back one of the girls you shag  when you’re on tour”

He stopped breathing for a few seconds. She had never said it out loud. But she knew, she had always known of course. And that was probably not helping her tonight. She had suspected it first, but Paul Prenter had confirmed it by little insinuations, always making sure to be the most horrible person he could. And somehow she didn’t care. Because he fucked those girls and he made love to her. Because when he was home she was the only one that mattered. Because he always called, everyday on tour. But now, tonight, she felt more insecure than she had ever had. If he didn’t want kids with her then how did she mattered more than the other girls.

“Y/N I…”

“Save your breath. I don’t give a shit.” she started before facing him “You know what? In fact I do. I don’t care about what you’re doing on tour. But I do give a shit about us. But apparently you don’t and that’s what pisses me off okay?”

“Of course I care about us!”

“Then why didn’t you ask if fucking wanted kids!?”

He had answered her question but hadn’t returned it. He didn’t even care about what she wanted or  how she felt. If the only thing that mattered was him then she had been wrong on Roger and wasn’t sure she wanted to stay with someone like that. She would always value his independence but she also wanted someone who believe in building something hand in hand, with mutual respect and care for the other.

“Is this what it’s about? You want a fucking kid?”

He sounded so angry when he said it that Y/N started crying. He wasn’t angry at her, not completely at least. He was angry at himself. Because he felt so stupid for thinking she didn’t know about him cheating and because he didn’t want a kid, not right now. All he wanted was to be happy with her and he screwed up everytime. He loved, probably more than he loved himself. But he always found a way to make things turn bad.

“It’s about you seeing me as the happy fucking girlfriend waiting for her stupid boyfriend at home as if it was the only thing she wanted. But do you have any idea about how hard it is for me huh? How alone I am in this big house all the time?”

“Well at least be grateful you’re waiting in a fucking a big house that your stupid boyfriend paid for alright?

“Oh for fuck’s sake Roger piss off!” she screamed, and ran out of the room and down the stairs.

Roger looked over the handrail and saw her putting a coat over her nightdress.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“Somewhere I am not reminded that I’m only a guest”

“But aren’t you happy with your life standard?” he said going down the stairs 

“I’m at the peak of my career Y/N. And I’m sorry I’m not around but I’m not going to stop.”

Her hand was on the door knob and she looked at him, furious. How could he say that? He knew she was aware of what his job was and she was proud of him.

“I would never ask you such a thing a you know it” she spitted, disappointed that he could thing she would

She opened the door and went out in the street, Roger following her.

“Do you know what it is like for them when they’re on tour and their wives are at home? When John missed Robert’s first steps, the first time he said a word and how he won’t be here for his first day of school? How Brian might miss the birth of his own fucking child? It’s not what I want”

“And what about what I want? What do you want from me Roger?” Y/N implored

He was sincere. Touring life was fun but it was crazy. His bandmates were missing home most of the time and everybody felt lonely. It was missing Y/N that made him do stupid things, that was the fear of not finding her at home when he would come back, it was the feeling of missing her, of emptiness. How would it feel it there was a kid at home? He would feel even worse, a bad father and he already felt like the worst boyfriend in the world, especially at that moment. But he was unable to say all those things, he had never been.

“I don’t know… I”

“Well think about it and tell me when you do. Because I don’t want to go be in a relationship where I’m just… I suppose I don’t know what I am to you anymore”

“Y/N stop being fucking overdramatic and come back inside”

She did not reply anything and just waved at a taxi. She wasn’t sure about what she was doing but she could just not stay there and see her hopes being crushed this way. She got in and he did not do anything to stop her, knowing it would have been useless. Roger just watched the taxi going away before going back inside.

Y/N couldn’t stop crying and the taxi driver was kind enough to make sure she hadn’t been hurt. But no, not really. She was devastated but it was her own fault, she had stopped being careful and now she was paying the price. She had allowed herself to believe Roger Taylor would want to be with her forever and now she felt so stupid.

The taxi stopped in front of Garden Lodge when she realised she didn’t have any money. But before she could say anything a silhouette was next to the window and handed money to the driver. Y/N got out of the car and immediately recognised Paul with his awful smirk on his face. She didn’t say anything and rushed inside the house. Freddie knew, Roger must have called if Paul was ready to pay for the taxi.

He opened his arms as soon as he saw her and she hugged him as tightly as she could. She felt bad for coming here. She didn’t want to bother Freddie because more than anything she knew he was Roger’s best friend before she was. But it was the first place she could have think of. She felt safe here and she knew Freddie would always welcome her.

“That’s alright dear” he said, patting her head

“Roger screwed up big time I see” Paul said, coming back inside

“Fuck off” Y/N grunted between two sobs

“Paul why don’t you call Roger and tell him Y/N has arrived and that I’ll take care of her for tonight?”

Freddie knew what both Roger and Y/N thought about Paul but didn’t really listen. Although she appreciated how he had reacted to his little remark. He took her to a guest bedroom and lay down with her on the bed, one of his cat coming to help comfort her. She cried a bit more in Freddie’s arms, letting it all go.

“So… What has my stupid drummer done this time?”

“He doesn’t love me Freddie… not really”

“What’s this nonsense about? He’s mad about you.”

“But… He doesn’t see anything more in me than just… a girlfriend and… I think I wanted more than that…”

“Y/N I’m going to start thinking you’re as stupid as him”

Y/N looked at her friend, confused. He wasn’t the type of man who would beat about the bush but she was quite surprised.

“I’m going to tell you a little bedtime story alright?”

She nodded, not knowing where he was going but curious. He frowned until she got under the cover and then smiled which made her smile to, petting the little cat who was now on her belly.

“Once upon a time was a little blond guy who was looking a lot like a girl, and a hot one. He was extremely annoying but a very intelligent and kind person.” he started “Just so you know it’s about Roger” he added, making Y/N laugh a little “So, this little Roger boy was quite successful with ladies you know and he liked it. The thing was they would never stay. At first it was because he was a little shit, then it was because they just wanted to sleep with him and later because nobody could keep up with his lifestyle. Until one day this girl came around. She was funny, gorgeous and super smart. Apart from when it came to her own love life and in case you hadn’t get it I’m talking about you here. So! Roger boy had been in love a few times, or so he thought. He would always go too fast and do stupid things. But that girl was different and he was very careful with her. And at that time he was very insecure about himself and what he had to offer so I think he never dared to plan too far.”

Y/N didn’t know what to say. Was it true? Was Roger really insecure about the possibility of him being loved? Did he really think that she was going to leave him on day?

“Alright” Freddie shouted clapping in his hands “End of the story for now but I’m sure it will end with happily ever after, now sweet dreams love.”

                                                  --------------------

Y/N woke up with heavy eyes. She had eventually fallen asleep after hours of thinking. She could not believe Freddie and she felt so bad. Still angry but so confused. All she wanted was to speak to Roger, to know what was really going on. She left the bedroom and went to the living room where she found her other-half, his hair completely messed up and his eyes clearly testifying for a sleepless night. He was drinking coffee with Freddie and Paul was in a corner, knowing not to come too close to Roger. 

“Y/N dear, please come and join us”

Roger got up immediately and looked at her, his eyes begging her not to run away. But she couldn’t have even if she had wanted to, her legs could not move. There was an awkward silence and the tension was palpable.

“Are any of you going to say something or?” Paul asked

Both Roger and Y/N looked at him as if they wanted to kill him.

“Shut up!” they both shouted at the same time

“I think they probably need some privacy. Let’s go” Freddie simply added

Roger thanked him with a nod and waited until he was alone with Y/N who was looking at her feet. He found her so beautiful in her nightdress, so vulnerable and yet so strong.

“Y/N” he started and she looked right into his eyes again “I don’t want to have kids…”

“Are you joking ?” she cut him

“For now! Please let me talk. Some of what I said yesterday was true. I don’t want to have kids right now. I do think I’m still young, I do think Queen is going strong and I don’t want to be partly involved in it. This is what I’ve always wanted Y/N.”

“I’m fucking happy for you then…”

“Fucking stop it Y/N!”

And here they were again, fighting as if they were unable to just simply talk to each other. They always flew of the handle so easily.

“This is what I wanted, but you’re what I never dared to dream of” Roger almost screamed

“But you don’t care about I want”

“I do ! I was just an idiot okay? And I’m sorry about it. I thought I was giving you what you wanted, I though all you wanted was me and…”

“Don’t you even dare say your money you bastard because I will kill you”

“Of course not ! I know that Y/N.”

He knew, of course he knew she loved him for who he was.

“I’m not John or Brian, I’m not as good as they are with these kind of things. i’m stupid and I make bad choices. I can’t stand being away from you. I don’t know how to do it”

“I don’t care about John and Brian, I love you Roger !”

“I just thought that sooner I wouldn’t be enough anymore”

“Roger...”

Her tone was much different this time. Y/N almost ran to him, she could not stand seeing him like that. She took his face between her hands, wiping his tears with her thumbs. 

“I never really thought about it before because I never thought someone would be crazy enough to want to have kids with me…”

Y/N gasped, Freddie might have been right but she just couldn’t believe it.

“I’m so sorry for behaving the way I did Y/N. But you mean so much to me and I just wanted to be happy with what I had. I was so afraid you would realise I wasn’t worth it one day and disappear and…”

This time she stopped him talking by kissing him. She needed to. She needed to tell him how stupid he was, how much she loved him and words could not be enough. She captured his lips, their tears colliding on both their faces.

“Roger. Don’t you ever think you’re not good enough? You could have anyone in the world but you chose me, and I chose you. You’re talented, you’re so smart, you care about the world and you care about people. I don’t want to have kids tomorrow but maybe one day because I know you would be an amazing father and.... I don’t care if you’re miles away for months, I never did. Because I love you Roger. I love you more than anything. And I’m never gonna leave you, not until you want me too. As long as I’m the one you love, as long as I’m the one who’s in your heart, as long as you call when you’re away and as long as you see … Roger can you see the future with me?”

Roger smiled which surprised Y/N and then he parted, getting down on one knee. She screamed a little, unable to believe what was going on.

“Y/N I could have done this after our second date because that was the moment I knew you would be the one. But I never wanted to push you not to scare you away but apparently that was a stupid thing to do. Anyway. I never thought I would be ready. But you can never be ready for love. It’s a crazy thing right? I love you Y/N. And I don’t want to see my future with anyone but you. You know me, you make me happy, you inspire me. You’re the reason I don’t go too crazy. You’re the only person crazy enough to want to have kids with me. And right now I don’t believe I would ever be a good dad but you know what? I’m also sure you’ll be able to convince me otherwise.  I promise to always try to be better and to listen to you even when you don’t speak. I promise to make more effort and to show you how much I care.”

“Yes… yes of course”

He was back up and kissing her. They were both so relieved, so happy. He put the ring on her wedding finger, it was wonderful, exactly what she liked and it meant so much. Her legs were now around his hips, she felt so stupid and so wonderful at the same time. Her hands were pressed on his face, she never wanted to let go of him but she suddenly had to. They heard some throat clearing before Freddie entered the room, clapping his hands.

“Well I thought kids were not for today so please to start making babies in my living room my loves” he joked

Both Roger and Y/N laughed, too numbed by love to be embarrassed. He came closer to Y/N and took her hand to see the ring, before making a funny face.

“So I guess I’m gonna be best man right?” he said

“Of course” Roger said

“Perfect ! Now go back to your place and do what you have to while I’m planning a magnificent engagement party for my two favourite stupid people”

Roger and Y/N looked at each other and thanked Freddie for being such a good friend before leaving. All they could think about was spending all the time they had left together, telling each other much they were in love, in all the possible ways. And as of now, they both knew they had the rest of their lives to do so.

#queenmaracasandlove #queen #queen imagines #bohemian rhapsody #bohrhap #borhap #roger taylor #ben hardy #ben!roger x reader #ben!roger imagine

[cewfreeland]

Life in the COVID-19 epicenter

We’re on day 14 of staying at home to do our part to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, COVID-19. Everything considered we are doing so well. We’re a family with two teenagers who are finding joy in spending time with each other again. Brian and I alternate between depression and gratitude. Fortunately, we never seem to be in the depression part at the same time. That comes from being so different and also knowing when the other one is starting to spiral into the dark place. The other one rallies - reaches out through the unknown and finds a spark of joy to bring the other one out of the blue fog. 

One of my closest NY friends is recovering from a diagnosed case of COVID-19. He proactively reached out to me this morning to tell me he made it through the night since I have been bugging him every day to see if he was still in his apartment or had needed to get the urgent care that we hear our neighbors needing from the sirens wailing. Another close friend in NY lost her sense of smell and taste but seems to have come out unscathed other than those two symptoms.  I keep wondering if my short bout with fever/chills/cough/fatigue/shortness of breath/diarrhea in early March was COVID-19, followed by the kids having raging headaches several days after my illness.  Brian was in DC for most of my illness so I don’t think he got it. An antibody test cannot come soon enough.

Brian and I both have a remarkable amount of guilt. I think his guilt is centered on the fact that he is still employed while so many other artists and art workers are not. He also sees his industry hemorrhaging and with no end in sight. We watched the depression inspired film Cradle Will Rock about the Workers Progress Administration and the Federal Theater Project last night. He is optimistic that something that transformative will come out of this crisis. I have faith that he can be a part of this recovery.

As for me, the bright side is that people understand what public health is now!  The downside is that I feel like I can’t help. My grad school group chat has a really stark view of what healthcare workers are facing.  One classmate has had his surgical residency all but halted and transitioned to emergency surgery. Two pregnant classmates are still caring for patients - one in pediatric ICU (where she’s not seeing many kids, thankfully) and the other a radiologist (who is volunteering in other ways to relieve the pressure on her colleagues). Another classmate also lost a sense of taste and smell and was back at work 5 days later. She is an OB/GYN and is only delivering COVID-19 positive patients out of fear that she may still be contagious. Still another classmate is a pulmonary critical care physician who has not said much for a while, no doubt because he’s working non-stop. An anesthesiologist at Emory has become a media darling and we all cheer her on when we catch an op-ed in the NYT featuring her or catch her on CNN or MSNBC. I so wish we were celebrating Michelle’s sudden rise to fame for different reasons - her victory as a candidate for the Georgia State Senate, fighting for women’s rights, achieving better healthcare for her constituents. Unfortunately, she’s telling a sadder story right now - the reality of intubating COVID-19 patients as they struggle to breathe - giving them a shot to recover. That every breath the patient makes while she’s doing her work could be exposing her to the virus, and therefore her family, as well as the other healthcare workers. 

One classmate is part of the leadership team for the emergency department for one of the big NYC/Long Island hospital systems and she has been working to set up alternative entrances for urgent cases across their 19 hospitals. A physical therapist is transitioning her entire team from out-patient settings into in-patient settings. She and her colleagues are all being exposed every single day. One day, she’s with a patient with suspected COVID-19 status but not confirmed, the next she hears what she already knew about the status. And this happens each and every day.  They sound weary and calm. The reality of what we hear on the news made even more terrifying by their accounts. They are not dramatic, they are not overstating. They don’t have the time or the energy to add to the fury.  They are simply doing their jobs and the daunting incline on the graph of predicted patients forming ahead of them is simply something for them to climb - one day and one patient at a time. 

And I am working from home - not doing anything glamorous like I might have done if my life had not taken the detour it did 2 1/2 years ago. I am conflicted about how I feel about that. Since grad school ended, I have felt aimless - working full-time has felt very “lame.” I’ve dabbled with consulting, exploring getting my PhD, starting my own business. Being “still” is hard for me. And not being part of the central communications team at this time is hard as well. I am grateful to have moved on from that life and role - I feel like my work is more meaningful now - but there is an element of wanting to be in the drama. But I also think this is a lesson for me - to become comfortable with the long game rather than filling up space with busywork and crises. 

What I am doing is managing my team who has been thrown into unfamiliar territory. We hired these smart, courageous, and caring people to talk with people all day, every day.  And now, they’re at home, having to rely on the phone to connect with our 10,000 participants in the hopes that we didn’t catch them at a bad time. The worry is that maybe someone in their home is unwell and calling about research is not exactly on their minds. Or, perhaps they’ve lost their job and are worried about paying rent on April 1st, and May 1st, and June 1st. The good news is our team is brave and smart and empathetic and they may be just the ear that person needs at that moment. And medical research is something that more people understand now. They get how important it is to contribute to the cause. I started sending out little prompts each day to encourage communication, maybe a little humor, and at least some sense of community. Ironically, I worry more during my sleep about what “prompt” to send them than other things.  On Thursday, my prompt was “share your favorite coronavirus meme.” I sent out one about the Breakfast Club but quickly realized that I was only one of a handful of Gen Xers in the chat and many had not grown up in the U.S. and didn’t appreciate the humor. Epic fail.  

There has been discussion of doing testing on the blood samples given by participants collected in December, January, February and March (until we suspended enrollments) to see if we can see a true understanding of the incidence of the virus in populations across the country. That is VERY exciting to be a part of that possibility - to understand the DENOMINATOR in a more scientific and controlled way.  Additionally, there is some talk of running antibody testing on participants going forward. We have the infrastructure to do that and it would undoubtedly help the individual and the scientific community in ways we can’t even imagine.

- - - 

Brian has brought remarkable order to our unusual new existence. He has all of us up and doing our morning things as well as adding a few new rituals that are starting to feel normal. In addition to getting dressed, making beds, eating breakfast, he also has us taking our temperatures and taking an allergy pill Having allergy symptoms while we’re all very aware that any cough or headache could be a sign of infection is not an option. His parents sent us an extra stash of Zyrtec since we couldn’t get it at our local pharmacy. Amazon is running slow - for which I have no anger about - but it does mean that we are tied to what our local shops have on hand. 

Last week, we heard this woman from the Upper West Side comment on the local news that people were acting like it’s Little House on the Prarie. “People are making soup. They’re eating leftovers.” Lillian’s response was “That is what normal people do.” But our lives are different.  I have found my gatherer urge go into hyperdrive. Maybe it’s because Lillian is so picky or maybe because having what everyone wants at the exact time they want it is a way that I am feeling a sense of control over this insane time. We were almost out of flour, and I became obsessed with getting some. Our regular mail shipment of toilet paper is running low (as in we have about 10 rolls left) and our provider is saying it will be another few weeks before they’re back in stock. I feel this chronic fear that we’re going to run out of Lillian’s macaroni and cheese, the one thing she will consistently eat, and feel this pull to out and get her more. I became obsessed with getting hotdog buns - and we don’t even eat hotdogs normally - but when I found them in stock, I bought two bags.  I understand that hoarding is a bad thing, but I cannot deny the anxiety this situation has brought out in me and manifesting in wanting too many hot dog buns.  

Probably the best personal thing that I’ve done during the past two weeks is that I’m on a quest to achieve my long-term dream of being a runner. I’ve started “Couch to 5K” too many times over the past several years to count. I just started week 2 - I did week 1 two weeks in a row - so I’m finally moving forward further than I’ve ever gone. It feels like my lungs are getting stronger and my sense of accomplishment is getting satisfied. I find great joy in being in the gorgeous Fort Tryon Park, staying away from my neighbors, knowing that I’m investing in myself and my community even if it’s one lonely step at a time.  

[booksalves]

The Sound of Murakami

Try reading an excerpt from The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle to my curated playlist!

June and July 1984

Tuesday's Wind-Up Bird

Six Fingers and Four Breasts

   When the phone rang I was in the kitchen, boiling a potful of spaghetti and whistling along with an FM broadcast of the overture to Rossini's The Thieving Magpie, which has to be the perfect music for cooking pasta.

   I wanted to ignore the phone, not only because the spaghetti was nearly done, but because Claudio Abbado was bringing the London Symphony to its musical climax. Finally, though, I had to give in. It could have been somebody with news of a job opening. I lowered the flame, went to the living room, and picked up the receiver.

   "Ten minutes, please," said a woman on the other end.

   I'm good at recognizing people's voices, but this was not one I knew.

   "Excuse me? To whom did you wish to speak?"

   "To you, of course. Ten minutes, please. That's all we need to understand each other." Her voice was low and soft but otherwise nondescript.

   "Understand each other?"

   "Each other's feelings."

   I leaned over and peeked through the kitchen door. The spaghetti pot was steaming nicely, and Claudio Abbado was still conducting The Thieving Magpie.

   "Sorry, but you caught me in the middle of making spaghetti. Can I ask you to call back later?"

   "Spaghetti!? What are you doing cooking spaghetti at ten-thirty in the morning?"

   "That's none of your business," I said. "I decide what I eat and when I eat it."

   "True enough. I'll call back," she said, her voice now flat and expressionless. A little change in mood can do amazing things to the tone of a person's voice.

   "Hold on a minute," I said before she could hang up. "If this is some new sales gimmick, you can forget it. I'm out of work. I'm not in the market for anything."

   "Don't worry. I know."

   "You know? You know what?"

   "That you're out of work. I know about that. So go cook your precious spaghetti."

   "Who the hell-"

    She cut the connection.

   With no outlet for my feelings, I stared at the phone in my hand until I remembered the spaghetti. Back in the kitchen, I turned off the gas and poured the contents of the pot into a colander. Thanks to the phone call, the spaghetti was a little softer than al dente, but it had not been dealt a mortal blow. I started eating - and thinking.

   Understand each other? Understand each other's feelings in ten minutes? What was she talking about? Maybe it was just a prank call. Or some new sales pitch. In any case, it had nothing to do with me.

   After lunch, I went back to my library novel on the living room sofa, glancing every now and then at the telephone. What were we supposed to understand about each other in ten minutes? What can two people understand about each other in ten minutes? Come to think of it, she seemed awfully sure about those ten minutes: it was the first thing out of her mouth. As if nine minutes would be too short or eleven minutes too long. Like cooking spaghetti al dente.

   I couldn't read anymore. I decided to iron shirts instead. Which is what I always do when I'm upset. It's an old habit. I divide the job into twelve precise stages, beginning with the collar (outer surface) and ending with the left-hand cuff. The order is always the same, and I count off each stage to myself. Otherwise, it won't come out right.

   I ironed three shirts, checking them over for wrinkles and putting them on hangers. Once I had switched off the iron and put it away with the ironing board in the hall closet, my mind felt a good deal clearer.

   I was on my way to the kitchen for a glass of water when the phone rang again. I hesitated for a second but decided to answer it. If it was the same woman, I'd tell her I was ironing and hang up.

   This time it was Kumiko. The wall clock said eleven-thirty. "How are you?" she asked.

   "Fine," I said, relieved to hear my wife's voice.

   "What are you doing?"

   "Just finished ironing."

   "What's wrong?" There was a note of tension in her voice. She knew what it meant for me to be ironing.

   "Nothing. I was just ironing some shirts." I sat down and shifted the receiver from my left hand to my right. "What's up?"

   "Can you write poetry?" she asked.

   "Poetry!?" Poetry? Did she mean . . . poetry?

   "I know the publisher of a story magazine for girls. They're looking for somebody to pick and revise poems submitted by readers. And they want the person to write a short poem every month for the frontispiece. Pay's not bad for an easy job. Of course, it's part-time. But they might add some editorial work if the person-"

   "Easy work?" I broke in. "Hey, wait a minute. I'm looking for something in law, not poetry."

   "I thought you did some writing in high school."

   "Yeah, sure, for the school newspaper: which team won the soccer championship or how the physics teacher fell down the stairs and ended up in the hospital - that kind of stuff. Not poetry. I can't write poetry."

   "Sure, but I'm not talking about great poetry, just something for high school girls. It doesn't have to find a place in literary history. You could do it with your eyes closed. Don't you see?"

   "Look, I just can't write poetry - eyes open or closed. I've never done it, and I'm not going to start now."

   "All right," said Kumiko, with a hint of regret. "But it's hard to find legal work."

   "I know. That's why I've got so many feelers out. I should be hearing something this week. If it's no go, I'll think about doing something else."

   "Well, I suppose that's that. By the way, what's today? What day of the week?"

   I thought a moment and said, "Tuesday."

   "Then will you go to the bank and pay the gas and telephone?"

   "Sure. I was just about to go shopping for dinner anyway."

   "What are you planning to make?"

   "I don't know yet. I'll decide when I'm shopping."

   She paused. "Come to think of it," she said, with a new seriousness, "there's no great hurry about your finding a job."

   This took me off guard. "Why's that?" I asked. Had the women of the world chosen today to surprise me on the telephone? "My unemployment's going to run out sooner or later. I can't keep hanging around forever."

   "True, but with my raise and occasional side jobs and our savings, we can get by OK if we're careful. There's no real emergency. Do you hate staying at home like this and doing housework? I mean, is this life so wrong for you?"

   "I don't know," I answered honestly. I really didn't know.

   "Well, take your time and give it some thought," she said. "Anyhow, has the cat come back?"

   The cat. I hadn't thought about the cat all morning. "No," I said.

   "Not yet."

   "Can you please have a look around the neighborhood? It's been gone over a week now."

   I gave a noncommittal grunt and shifted the receiver back to my left hand. She went on:

   "I'm almost certain it's hanging around the empty house at the other end of the alley. The one with the bird statue in the yard. I've seen it in there several times."

   "The alley? Since when have you been going to the alley? You've never said anything-"

   "Oops! Got to run. Lots of work to do. Don't forget about the cat."

   She hung up. I found myself staring at the receiver again. Then I set it down in its cradle.

   I wondered what had brought Kumiko to the alley. To get there from our house, you had to climb over the cinder-block wall. And once you'd made the effort, there was no point in being there.

   I went to the kitchen for a glass of water, then out to the veranda to look at the cat's dish. The mound of sardines was untouched from last night. No, the cat had not come back. I stood there looking at our small garden, with the early-summer sunshine streaming into it. Not that ours was the kind of garden that gives you spiritual solace to look at. The sun managed to find its way in there for the smallest fraction of each day, so the earth was always black and moist, and all we had by way of garden plants were a few drab hydrangeas in one corner - and I don't like hydrangeas. There was a small stand of trees nearby, and from it you could hear the mechanical cry of a bird that sounded as if it were winding a spring. We called it the wind-up bird. Kumiko gave it the name. We didn't know what it was really called or what it looked like, but that didn't bother the wind-up bird. Every day it would come to the stand of trees in our neighborhood and wind the spring of our quiet little world.

   So now I had to go cat hunting. I had always liked cats. And I liked this particular cat. But cats have their own way of living. They're not stupid. If a cat stopped living where you happened to be, that meant it had decided to go somewhere else. If it got tired and hungry, it would come back. Finally, though, to keep Kumiko happy, I would have to go looking for our cat. I had nothing better to do.    

   I had quit my job at the beginning of April - the law job I had had since graduation. Not that I had quit for any special reason. I didn't dislike the work. It wasn't thrilling, but the pay was all right and the office atmosphere was friendly.

   My role at the firm was - not to put too fine a point on it - that of professional gofer. And I was good at it. I might say I have a real talent for the execution of such practical duties. I'm a quick study, efficient, I never complain, and I'm realistic. Which is why, when I said I wanted to quit, the senior partner (the father in this father-and-son law firm) went so far as to offer me a small raise.

   But I quit just the same. Not that quitting would help me realize any particular hopes or prospects. The last thing I wanted to do, for example, was shut myself up in the house and study for the bar exam. I was surer than ever that I didn't want to become a lawyer. I knew, too, that I didn't want to stay where I was and continue with the job I had. If I was going to quit, now was the time to do it. If I stayed with the firm any longer, I'd be there for the rest of my life. I was thirty years old, after all.

   I had told Kumiko at the dinner table that I was thinking of quitting my job. Her only response had been, "I see." I didn't know what she meant by that, but for a while she said nothing more.

   I kept silent too, until she added, "If you want to quit, you should quit. It's your life, and you should live it the way you want to." Having said this much, she then became involved in picking out fish bones with her chopsticks and moving them to the edge of her plate.

   Kumiko earned pretty good pay as editor of a health food magazine, and she would occasionally take on illustration assignments from editor friends at other magazines to earn substantial additional income. (She had studied design in college and had hoped to be a freelance illustrator.) In addition, if I quit I would have my own income for a while from unemployment insurance. Which meant that even if I stayed home and took care of the house, we would still have enough for extras such as eating out and paying the cleaning bill, and our lifestyle would hardly change.

   And so I had quit my job.    

   I was loading groceries into the refrigerator when the phone rang. The ringing seemed to have an impatient edge to it this time. I had just ripped open a plastic pack of tofu, which I set down carefully on the kitchen table to keep the water from spilling out. I went to the living room and picked up the phone.

   "You must have finished your spaghetti by now," said the woman.

   "You're right. But now I have to go look for the cat."

   "That can wait for ten minutes, I'm sure. It's not like cooking spaghetti."

   For some reason, I couldn't just hang up on her. There was something about her voice that commanded my attention. "OK, but no more than ten minutes."

   "Now we'll be able to understand each other," she said with quiet certainty. I sensed her settling comfortably into a chair and crossing her legs.

   "I wonder," I said. "What can you understand in ten minutes?"

   "Ten minutes may be longer than you think," she said.

   "Are you sure you know me?"

   "Of course I do. We've met hundreds of times."

   "Where? When?"

   "Somewhere, sometime," she said. "But if I went into that, ten minutes would never be enough. What's important is the time we have now. The present. Don't you agree?"

   "Maybe. But I'd like some proof that you know me."

   "What kind of proof?"

   "My age, say?"

   "Thirty," she answered instantaneously. "Thirty and two months. Good enough?"

   That shut me up. She obviously did know me, but I had absolutely no memory of her voice.

   "Now it's your turn," she said, her voice seductive. "Try picturing me. From my voice. Imagine what I'm like. My age. Where I am. How I'm dressed. Go ahead."

   "I have no idea," I said.

   "Oh, come on," she said. "Try."

   I looked at my watch. Only a minute and five seconds had gone by. "I have no idea," I said again.

   "Then let me help you," she said. "I'm in bed. I just got out of the shower, and I'm not wearing a thing."

   Oh, great. Telephone sex.

   "Or would you prefer me with something on? Something lacy. Or stockings. Would that work better for you?"

   "I don't give a damn. Do what you like," I said. "Put something on if you want to. Stay naked if you want to. Sorry, but I'm not interested in telephone games like this. I've got a lot of things I have to-"

   "Ten minutes," she said. "Ten minutes won't kill you. It won't put a hole in your life. Just answer my question. Do you want me naked or with something on? I've got all kinds of things I could put on. Black lace panties . . ."

   "Naked is fine."

   "Well, good. You want me naked."

   "Yes. Naked. Good."

   Four minutes.

   "My pubic hair is still wet," she said. "I didn't dry myself very well. Oh, I'm so wet! Warm and moist. And soft. Wonderfully soft and black. Touch me."

   "Look, I'm sorry, but-"

   "And down below too. All the way down. It's so warm down there, like butter cream. So warm. Mmm. And my legs. What position do you think my legs are in? My right knee is up, and my left leg is open just enough. Say, ten-oh-five on the clock."

   I could tell from her voice that she was not faking it. She really did have her legs open to ten-oh-five, her sex warm and moist.

   "Touch the lips," she said. "Slooowly. Now open them. That's it. Slowly, slowly. Let your fingers caress them. Oh so slowly. Now, with your other hand, touch my left breast. Play with it. Caress it. Upward. And give the nipple a little squeeze. Do it again. And again. And again. Until I'm just about to come."

   Without a word, I put the receiver down. Stretching out on the sofa, I stared at the clock and released a long, deep sigh. I had spoken with her for close to six minutes.

   The phone rang again ten minutes later, but I left it on the hook. It rang fifteen times. And when it stopped, a deep, cold silence descended upon the room.    

   Just before two, I climbed over the cinder-block wall and down into the alley - or what we called the alley. It was not an "alley" in the proper sense of the word, but then, there was probably no word for what it was. It wasn't a "road" or a "path" or even a "way." Properly speaking, a "way" should be a pathway or channel with an entrance and an exit, which takes you somewhere if you follow it. But our "alley" had neither entrance nor exit. You couldn't call it a cul-de-sac, either: a cul-de-sac has at least one open end. The alley had not one dead end but two. The people of the neighborhood called it "the alley" strictly as an expedient. It was some two hundred yards in length and threaded its way between the back gardens of the houses that lined either side. Barely over three feet in width, it had several spots at which you had to edge through sideways because of fences sticking out into the path or things that people had left in the way.

   About this alley, the story was - the story I heard from my uncle, who rented us our house for next to nothing - that it used to have both an entrance and an exit and actually served the purpose of providing a shortcut between two streets. But with the rapid economic growth of the mid-fifties, rows of new houses came to fill the empty lots on either side of the road, squeezing it down until it was little more than a narrow path. People didn't like strangers passing so close to their houses and yards, so before long, one end of the path was blocked off - or, rather, screened off - with an unassertive fence. Then one local citizen decided to enlarge his yard and completely sealed off his end of the alley with a cinder-block wall. As if in response, a barbed-wire barrier went up at the other end, preventing even dogs from getting through. None of the neighbors complained, because none of them used the alley as a passageway, and they were just as happy to have this extra protection against crime. As a result, the alley remained like some kind of abandoned canal, unused, serving as little more than a buffer zone between two rows of houses. Spiders spread their sticky webs in the overgrowth.

   Why had Kumiko been frequenting such a place? I myself had walked down that "alley" no more than twice, and Kumiko was afraid of spiders at the best of times. Oh, what the hell - if Kumiko said I should go to the alley and look for the cat, I'd go to the alley and look for the cat. What came later I could think about later. Walking outside like this was far better than sitting in the house waiting for the phone to ring.

   The sharp sunshine of early summer dappled the surface of the alley with the hard shadows of the branches that stretched overhead. Without wind to move the branches, the shadows looked like permanent stains, destined to remain imprinted on the pavement forever. No sounds of any kind seemed to penetrate this place. I could almost hear the blades of grass breathing in the sunlight. A few small clouds floated in the sky, their shapes clear and precise, like the clouds in medieval engravings. I saw everything with such terrific clarity that my own body felt vague and boundless and flowing . . . and hot!

   I wore a T-shirt, thin cotton pants, and tennis shoes, but walking in the summer sun, I could feel a light film of sweat forming under my arms and in the hollow of my chest. The T-shirt and pants had been packed away in a box crammed with summer clothing until I pulled them out that morning, the sharp smell of mothballs penetrating my nostrils.

   The houses that lined the alley fell into two distinct categories: older houses and those built more recently. As a group, the newer ones were smaller, with smaller yards to match. Their clothes-drying poles often protruded into the alley, making it necessary for me to thread my way through the occasional screen of towels and sheets and undershirts. Over some back walls came the clear sound of television sets and flushing toilets, and the smell of curry cooking.

   The older houses, by contrast, gave hardly any sense of life. These were screened off by well-placed shrubs and hedges, between which I caught glimpses of manicured gardens.

   An old, brown, withered Christmas tree stood in the corner of one garden. Another had become the dumping ground for every toy known to man, the apparent leavings of several childhoods. There were tricycles and toss rings and plastic swords and rubber balls and tortoise dolls and little baseball bats. One garden had a basketball hoop, and another had fine lawn chairs surrounding a ceramic table. The white chairs were caked in dirt, as if they had not been used for some months or even years. The tabletop was coated with lavender magnolia petals, beaten down by the rain.

   I had a clear view of one living room through an aluminum storm door. It had a matching leather sofa and chairs, a large TV, a sideboard (atop which sat a tropical-fish tank and two trophies of some kind), and a decorative floor lamp. The room looked like the set of a TV drama. A huge doghouse occupied a large part of another garden, but there was no sign of the dog itself, and the house's door stood open. The screen of the doghouse door bulged outward, as if someone had been leaning against it for months at a time.

   The vacant house that Kumiko had told me about lay just beyond the place with the huge doghouse. One glance was all I needed to see that it was empty - and had been for some time. It was a fairly new two-story house, yet its wooden storm shutters showed signs of severe aging, and the railings outside the second-story windows were caked with rust. The house had a cozy little garden, in which, to be sure, a stone statue of a bird stood. The statue rested on a base that came to chest height and was surrounded by a thick growth of weeds. Tall fronds of goldenrod were almost touching the bird's feet. The bird - I had no idea what kind of bird it was supposed to be - had its wings open as if it wanted to escape from this unpleasant place as soon as possible. Aside from the statue, the garden had no decorative features. A pile of aging plastic lawn chairs stood against the house, and beside them an azalea bush displayed its bright-red blossoms, their color strangely unreal. Weeds made up the rest.

   I leaned against the chest-high chain-link fence for a while, contemplating the garden. It should have been a paradise for cats, but there was no sign of cats here now. Perched on the roof's TV antenna, a single pigeon lent its monotonous cries to the scene. The stone bird's shadow fell on the surrounding undergrowth, breaking apart.

   I took a lemon drop from my pocket, unwrapped it, and popped it into my mouth. I had taken my resignation from the firm as an opportunity to quit smoking, but now I was never without a pack of lemon drops. Kumiko said I was addicted to them and warned me that I'd soon have a mouthful of cavities, but I had to have my lemon drops. While I stood there looking at the garden, the pigeon on the TV antenna kept up its regular cooing, like some clerk stamping numbers on a sheaf of bills. I don't know how long I stayed there, leaning against the fence, but I remember spitting my lemon drop on the ground when, half melted, it filled my mouth with its sticky sweetness. I had just shifted my gaze to the shadow of the stone bird when I sensed that someone was calling to me from behind.

   I turned, to see a girl standing in the garden on the other side of the alley. She was small and had her hair in a ponytail. She wore dark sunglasses with amber frames, and a light-blue sleeveless T-shirt. The rainy season had barely ended, and yet she had already managed to give her slender arms a nice, smooth tan. She had one hand jammed into the pocket of her short pants. The other rested on a waist-high bamboo gate, which could not have been providing much support. Only three feet - maybe four - separated us.

   "Hot," she said to me.

   "Yeah, right," I answered.

   After this brief exchange of views, she stood there looking at me. Then she took a box of Hope regulars from her pants pocket, drew out a cigarette, and put it between her lips. She had a small mouth, the upper lip turned slightly upward. She struck a match and lit her cigarette. When she inclined her head to one side, her hair swung away to reveal a beautifully shaped ear, smooth as if freshly made, its edge aglow with a downy fringe.

   She flicked her match away and exhaled smoke through pursed lips. Then she looked up at me as if she had forgotten that I was there. I couldn't see her eyes through the dark, reflective lenses of her sunglasses.

   "You live around here?" she asked.

   "Uh-huh." I wanted to motion toward our house, but I had turned so many odd angles to get here that I no longer knew exactly where it was. I ended up pointing at random.

   "I'm looking for my cat," I explained, wiping a sweaty palm on my pants. "It's been gone for a week. Somebody saw it around here somewhere."

   "What kind of cat?"

   "A big tom. Brown stripes. Tip of the tail a little bent."

   "Name?"

   "Noboru. Noboru Wataya."

   "No, not your name. The cat's."

   "That is my cat's name."

   "Oh! Very impressive!"

   "Well, actually, it's my brother-in-law's name. The cat sort of reminds us of him. We gave the cat his name, just for fun."

   "How does the cat remind you of him?"

   "I don't know. Just in general. The way it walks. And it has this blank stare."

   She smiled now for the first time, which made her look a lot more childlike than she had seemed at first. She couldn't have been more than fifteen or sixteen. With its slight curl, her upper lip pointed up at a strange angle. I seemed to hear a voice saying "Touch me" - the voice of the woman on the phone. I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand.

   "A brown-striped cat with a bent tail," said the girl. "Hmm. Does it have a collar or something?"

   "A black flea collar."

   She stood there thinking for ten or fifteen seconds, her hand still resting on the gate. Then she dropped what was left of her cigarette and crushed it under her sandal.

   "Maybe I did see a cat like that," she said. "I don't know about the bent tail, but it was a brown tiger cat, big, and I think it had a collar."

   "When did you see it?"

   "When did I see it? Hmm. No more than three or four days ago. Our yard is a kind of highway for the neighborhood cats. They all cut across here from the Takitanis' to the Miyawakis'."

   She pointed toward the vacant house, where the stone bird still spread its wings, the tall goldenrod still caught the early-summer sun, and the pigeon went on with its monotonous cooing atop the TV antenna.

   "I've got an idea," she said. "Why don't you wait here? All the cats eventually pass through our place on their way to the Miyawakis'. And somebody's bound to call the cops if they see you hanging around like that. It wouldn't be the first time."

   I hesitated.

   "Don't worry," she said. "I'm the only one here. The two of us can sit in the sun and wait for the cat to show up. I'll help. I've got    twenty-twenty vision."

   I looked at my watch. Two twenty-six. All I had to do today before it got dark was take in the laundry and fix dinner.

   I went in through the gate and followed the girl across the lawn. She dragged her right leg slightly. She took a few steps, stopped, and turned to face me.

   "I got thrown from the back of a motorcycle," she said, as if it hardly mattered.

   A large oak tree stood at the point where the yard's lawn gave out. Under the tree sat two canvas deck chairs, one draped with a blue beach towel. Scattered on the other were a new box of Hope regulars, an ashtray and lighter, a magazine, and an oversize boom box. The boom box was playing hard-rock music at low volume. She turned the music off and took all the stuff out of the chair for me, dropping it on the grass. From the chair, I could see into the yard of the vacant house - the stone bird, the goldenrod, the chain-link fence. The girl had probably been watching me the whole time I was there.

   The yard of this house was very large. It had a broad, sloping lawn dotted with clumps of trees. To the left of the deck chairs was a rather large concrete-lined pond, its empty bottom exposed to the sun. Judging from its greenish tinge, it had been without water for some time. We sat with our backs to the house, which was visible through a screen of trees. The house was neither large nor lavish in its construction. Only the yard gave an impression of large size, and it was well manicured.

   "What a big yard," I said, looking around. "It must be a pain to take care of."

   "Must be."

   "I used to work for a lawn-mowing company when I was a kid."

   "Oh?" She was obviously not interested in lawns.

   "Are you always here alone?" I asked.

   "Yeah. Always. Except a maid comes mornings and evenings. During the day it's just me. Alone. Want a cold drink? We've got beer."

   "No, thanks."

   "Really? Don't be shy."

   I shook my head. "Don't you go to school?"

   "Don't you go to work?"

   "No work to go to."

   "Lost your job?"

   "Sort of. I quit a few weeks ago."

   "What kind of job?"

   "I was a lawyer's gofer. I'd go to different government offices to pick up documents, put materials in order, check on legal precedents, handle court procedures - that kind of stuff."

   "But you quit."

   "Yeah."

   "Does your wife have a job?"

   "She does."

   The pigeon across the way must have stopped its cooing and gone off somewhere. I suddenly realized that a deep silence lay all around me.

   "Right over there is where the cats go through," she said, pointing toward the far side of the lawn. "See the incinerator in the Takitanis' yard? They come under the fence at that point, cut across the grass, and go out under the gate to the yard across the way. They always follow exactly the same route."

   She perched her sunglasses on her forehead, squinted at the yard, and lowered her glasses again, exhaling a cloud of smoke. In the interval, I saw that she had a two-inch cut next to her left eye - the kind of cut that would probably leave a scar the rest of her life. The dark sunglasses were probably meant to hide the wound. The girl's face was not a particularly beautiful one, but there was something attractive about it, probably the lively eyes or the unusual shape of the lips.

   "Do you know about the Miyawakis?" she asked.

   "Not a thing," I said.

   "They're the ones who lived in the vacant house. A very proper family. They had two daughters, both in a private girls' school. Mr. Miyawaki owned a few family restaurants."

   "Why'd they leave?"

   "Maybe he was in debt. It was like they ran away - just cleared out one night. About a year ago, I think. Left the place to rot and breed cats. My mother's always complaining."

   "Are there so many cats in there?"

   Cigarette in her lips, the girl looked up at the sky.

   "All kinds of cats. Some losing their fur, some with one eye . . . and where the other eye used to be, a lump of raw flesh. Yuck!"

   I nodded.

   "I've got a relative with six fingers on each hand. She's just a little older than me. Next to her pinkie she's got this extra finger, like a baby's finger. She knows how to keep it folded up so most people don't notice. She's really pretty."

   I nodded again.

   "You think it's in the family? What do you call it . . . part of the bloodline?"

   "I don't know much about heredity."

   She stopped talking. I sucked on my lemon drop and looked hard at the cat path. Not one cat had shown itself so far.

   "Sure you don't want something to drink?" she asked. "I'm going to have a Coke."

   I said I didn't need a drink.

   She left her deck chair and disappeared through the trees, dragging her bad leg slightly. I picked up her magazine from the grass and leafed through it. Much to my surprise, it turned out to be a men's magazine, one of the glossy monthlies. The woman in the foldout wore thin panties that showed her slit and pubic hair. She sat on a stool with her legs spread out at weird angles. With a sigh, I put the magazine back, folded my hands on my chest, and focused on the cat path again.    

   A very long time went by before the girl came back, with a Coke in her hand. The heat was getting to me. Sitting under the sun, I felt my brain fogging over. The last thing I wanted to do was think.

   "Tell me," she said, picking up her earlier conversation. "If you were in love with a girl and she turned out to have six fingers, what would you do?"

   "Sell her to the circus," I answered.

   "Really?"

   "No, of course not," I said. "I'm kidding. I don't think it would bother me."

   "Even if your kids might inherit it?"

   I took a moment to think about that.

   "No, I really don't think it would bother me. What harm would an extra finger do?"

   "What if she had four breasts?"

   I thought about that too.

   "I don't know."

   Four breasts? This kind of thing could go on forever. I decided to change the subject.

   "How old are you?" I asked.

   "Sixteen," she said. "Just had my birthday. First year in high school."

   "Have you been out of school long?"

   "My leg hurts if I walk too much. And I've got this scar near my eye. My school's very strict. They'd probably start bugging me if they found out I hurt myself falling off a motorcycle. So I'm out 'sick.' I could take a year off. I'm not in any hurry to go up a grade."

   "No, I guess not," I said.

   "Anyhow, what you were saying before, that you wouldn't mind marrying a girl with six fingers but not four breasts . . ."

   "I didn't say that. I said I didn't know."

   "Why don't you know?"

   "I don't know - it's hard to imagine such a thing."

   "Can you imagine someone with six fingers?"

   "Sure, I guess so."

   "So why not four breasts? What's the difference?"

   I took another moment to think it over, but I couldn't find an answer.

   "Do I ask too many questions?"

   "Do people tell you that?"

   "Yeah, sometimes."

   I turned toward the cat path again. What the hell was I doing here? Not one cat had showed itself the whole time. Hands still folded on my chest, I closed my eyes for maybe thirty seconds. I could feel the sweat forming on different parts of my body. The sun poured into me with a strange heaviness. Whenever the girl moved her glass, the ice clinked inside it like a cowbell.

   "Go to sleep if you want," she whispered. "I'll wake you if a cat shows up."

   Eyes closed, I nodded in silence.

   The air was still. There were no sounds of any kind. The pigeon had long since disappeared. I kept thinking about the woman on the telephone. Did I really know her? There had been nothing remotely familiar about her voice or her manner of speaking. But she definitely knew me. I could have been looking at a De Chirico scene: the woman's long shadow cutting across an empty street and stretching toward me, but she herself in a place far removed from the bounds of my consciousness. A bell went on ringing and ringing next to my ear.

   "Are you asleep?" the girl asked, in a voice so tiny I could not be sure I was hearing it.

   "No, I'm not sleeping," I said.

   "Can I get closer? It'll be . . . easier if I keep my voice low."

   "Fine with me," I said, eyes still closed.

   She moved her chair until it struck mine with a dry, wooden clack.

   Strange, the girl's voice sounded completely different, depending on whether my eyes were open or closed.

   "Can I talk? I'll keep real quiet, and you don't have to answer. You can even fall asleep. I don't mind."

   "OK," I said.

   "When people die, it's so neat."

   Her mouth was next to my ear now, so the words worked their way inside me along with her warm, moist breath.

   "Why's that?" I asked.

   She put a finger on my lips as if to seal them.

   "No questions," she said. "And don't open your eyes. OK?"

   My nod was as small as her voice.

   She took her finger from my lips and placed it on my wrist.

   "I wish I had a scalpel. I'd cut it open and look inside. Not the corpse . . . the lump of death. I'm sure there must be something like that. Something round and squishy, like a softball, with a hard little core of dead nerves. I want to take it out of a dead person and cut it open and look inside. I always wonder what it's like. Maybe it's all hard, like toothpaste dried up inside the tube. That's it, don't you think? No, don't answer. It's squishy on the outside, and the deeper you go inside, the harder it gets. I want to cut open the skin and take out the squishy stuff, use a scalpel and some kind of spatula to get through it, and the closer you get to the center, the harder the squishy stuff gets, until you reach this tiny core. It's sooo tiny, like a tiny ball bearing, and really hard. It must be like that, don't you think?"

    She cleared her throat a few times.

   "That's all I think about these days. Must be because I have so much time to kill every day. When you don't have anything to do, your thoughts get really, really far out - so far out you can't follow them all the way to the end."

She took the finger from my wrist and drank down the rest of her cola. I knew the glass was empty from the sound of the ice.

   "Don't worry about the cat - I'm watching for it. I'll let you know if Noboru Wataya shows up. Keep your eyes closed. I'm sure Noboru Wataya is walking around here someplace. He'll be here any minute now. He's coming. I know he's coming-through the grass, under the fence, stopping to sniff the flowers along the way, little by little Noboru Wataya is coming closer. Picture him that way, get his image in mind."

   I tried to picture the image of the cat, but the best I could do was a blurry, backlighted photo. The sunlight penetrating my eyelids destabilized and diffused my inner darkness, making it impossible for me to bring up a precise image of the cat. Instead, what I imagined was a failed portrait, a strange, distorted picture, certain distinguishing features bearing some resemblance to the original but the most important parts missing. I couldn't even recall how the cat looked when it walked.

   The girl put her finger on my wrist again, using the tip to draw an odd diagram of uncertain shape. As if in response, a new kind of darkness - different in quality from the darkness I had been experiencing until that moment - began to burrow into my consciousness. I was probably falling asleep. I didn't want this to happen, but there was no way I could resist it. My body felt like a corpse - someone else's corpse - sinking into the canvas deck chair.

   In the darkness, I saw the four legs of Noboru Wataya, four silent brown legs atop four soft paws with swelling, rubberlike pads, legs that were soundlessly treading the earth somewhere.

   But where?

   "Ten minutes is all it will take," said the woman on the phone. No, she had to be wrong. Sometimes ten minutes is not ten minutes. It can stretch and shrink. That was something I did know for sure.    

   When I woke up, I was alone. The girl had disappeared from the deck chair, which was still touching mine. The towel and cigarettes and magazine were there, but not the glass or the boom box.

   The sun had begun to sink in the west, and the shadow of an oak branch had crept across my knees. My watch said it was four-fifteen. I sat up and looked around. Broad lawn, dry pond, fence, stone bird, goldenrod, TV antenna. Still no sign of the cat. Or of the girl.

   I glanced at the cat path and waited for the girl to come back. Ten minutes went by, and neither cat nor girl showed up. Nothing moved. I felt as if I had aged tremendously while I slept.

   I stood and glanced toward the house, where there was no sign of a human presence. The bay window reflected the glare of the western sun. I gave up waiting and crossed the lawn to the alley, returning home. I hadn't found the cat, but I had tried my best.    

   At home, I took in the wash and made preparations for a simple dinner. The phone rang twelve times at five-thirty, but I didn't answer it. Even after the ringing stopped, the sound of the bell lingered in the indoor evening gloom like dust floating in the air. With the tips of its hard claws, the table clock tapped at a transparent board floating in space.

   Why not write a poem about the wind-up bird? The idea struck me, but the first line would not come. How could high school girls possibly enjoy a poem about a wind-up bird?    

   Kumiko came home at seven-thirty. She had been arriving later and later over the past month. It was not unusual for her to return after eight, and sometimes even after ten. Now that I was at home preparing dinner, she no longer had to hurry back. They were understaffed, in any case, and lately one of her colleagues had been out sick.

   "Sorry," she said. "The work just wouldn't end, and that part-time girl is useless."

   I went to the kitchen and cooked: fish sautéed in butter, salad, and miso soup. Kumiko sat at the kitchen table and vegged out.

   "Where were you at five-thirty?" she asked. "I tried to call to say I'd be late."

   "The butter ran out. I went to the store," I lied.

   "Did you go to the bank?"

   "Sure."

   "And the cat?"

   "Couldn't find it. I went to the vacant house, like you said, but there was no trace of it. I bet it went farther away than that."

   She said nothing.

   When I finished bathing after dinner, Kumiko was sitting in the living room with the lights out. Hunched down in the dark with her gray shirt on, she looked like a piece of luggage that had been left in the wrong place.

   Drying my hair with a bath towel, I sat on the sofa opposite Kumiko.

   In a voice I could barely catch, she said, "I'm sure the cat's dead."

   "Don't be silly," I replied. "I'm sure it's having a grand old time somewhere. It'll get hungry and come home soon. The same thing happened once before, remember? When we lived in Koenji . . ."

   "This time's different," she said. "This time you're wrong. I know it. The cat's dead. It's rotting in a clump of grass. Did you look in the grass in the vacant house?"

   "No, I didn't. The house may be vacant, but it does belong to somebody. I can't just go barging in there."

   "Then where did you look for the cat? I'll bet you didn't even try. That's why you didn't find it."

   I sighed and wiped my hair again with the towel. I started to speak but gave up when I realized that Kumiko was crying. It was understandable: Kumiko loved the cat. It had been with us since shortly after our wedding. I threw my towel in the bathroom hamper and went to the kitchen for a cold beer. What a stupid day it had been: a stupid day of a stupid month of a stupid year.

   Noboru Wataya, where are you? Did the wind-up bird forget to wind your spring?

   The words came to me like lines of poetry.

              Noboru Wataya,               Where are you?               Did the wind-up bird               Forget to wind your spring?

   When I was halfway through my beer, the phone started to ring.

   "Get it, will you?" I shouted into the darkness of the living room.

   "Not me," she said. "You get it."

   "I don't want to."

         The phone kept on ringing, stirring up the dust that floated in the darkness. Neither of us said a word. I drank my beer, and Kumiko went on crying soundlessly. I counted twenty rings and gave up. There was no point in counting forever.

#haruki murakami #books #book music

[amandajoyce118]

Friday Five: This Is A Black Widow Post

I know a lot of people aren’t thrilled with Black Widow simply because of the actress that plays her. And while I agree that Scarlett Johansson shouldn’t have taken on some of the role she has in the past, robbing women of color of what could have been their big break, Black Widow is one of my favorite comic book characters. So, this week, in honor of her part of the Avengers: Endgame puzzle, my Friday Five is built around her.

That being said, there will be spoilers for Endgame here. I’ve managed to go a week without posting/reblogging anything other than images/gifs from trailers. I’ve got this tagged as “Endgame Spoilers,” so if you’ve read al of this and blown past the tags, and you get mad at me for being spoiled at that point, it’s on you. You’ve been warned.

Here we go.

Five: The Black Widow Movie

There is a Black Widow movie on the way. A script has been drafted, rewritten, and people have been cast. It’s supposed to start filming this year - June, in fact. It seems pretty clear at this point that it’s going to be a prequel. Rumors have everyone from Taskmaster to Yelena Belova appearing in it. But you know what would be great? A Red Room movie. An actual prequel set when Natalia Alianova Romanova ended up in the Red Room and became the Black Widow, giving an up and coming actress the chance at a big role. Instead, rumor has it set in the late 90s/early 2000s before the events of Iron Man take place. Here’s hoping we get to see Natasha recruited to SHIELD since she was an agent for about a decade before she made her MCU debut in Iron Man 2. I mean, I’d also love to see what happened on that oft-mentioned Budapest mission with Clint Barton too, but I won’t hold my breath on that one since Hawkeye is getting a Disney+ series and Black Widow gets a movie.

Four: Where Are The Other Black Widows?

One thing that has long bothered me about the MCU is that we never see evidence that other Black Widows exist. In the comics, Natalia ends up becoming one of the best students after a difficult start. Initially, she’s horrible at everything and the leaders are set to wash their hands of her. Thanks to a bored Enchantress (as in, from the Thor comics), she ends up trying to escape and showing how tough she really is. She doesn’t make it out, but the teachers and military officials see the potential in her and invest more time in her training. There are 29 other girls in her Red Room class though. And we know that, at the very least, the precursor to the Red Room exists in the MCU thanks to Agent Carter and Dottie Underwood. Now, I know that because she hasn’t been the focus of any movie yet, we haven’t learned a lot about her background. The only person who’s crossed paths with her in the present who she talked about seeing in the past was the Winter Soldier. Even the potential of their being another Black Widow out there hasn’t been addressed as an Easter egg, and I’m curious why not. Where are they? Is the MCU going to go the route of her having to kill everyone else to be considered a graduate of the program? If so, where’s the new generation? I have a lot of questions about the Black Widow program, clearly.

Three: She Couldn’t Walk Away

Okay, here is where the more spoilery stuff starts if you ignored my warning and kept reading. You’ve been warned again.

One of the things I loved that Endgame did is leaving Natasha as the one holding down the Avengers fort five years after the snap. Captain America is probably the one we all would have expected to be stubborn and not let go, right? Tony was able to build a new life, and Steve found a new way to help people. Everyone found a way to adapt to the new world they were living in, even if they didn’t like it. But Natasha, she decided to live at the Avengers compound and stay in contact with everyone - world government leaders and aliens alike - to make sure someone was still there to stop the bad guys. In the scene where she has a conference call with Okoye, Carol, Rhoadey, and Rocket you can tell she’s desperate for there to be something she can fight. She wants that earthquake (which is likely an Easter egg, but we’ll talk about that another time) to be something important. She wants to get her hands dirty. And I love that the woman who was a spy, who always followed orders, and who always found a way to sneak around the truth, is the one holding on tight to being an Avenger and not letting go. I love that even when Steve tells her that maybe they don’t need someone sitting in the compound and coordinating schedules, she can’t accept that. She’s finally something other than a spy in the narrative, and I think that’s a great note for her to go out on.

Two: It Had To Be Them

The teamups for the time travel portion of the movie were really interesting to me. Nebula and Rhoadey - both people who had machine parts to help them survive, but also both people with extensive combat experience and completely different personalities, out to stop a single thief. Rocket and Thor - likely paired up primarily for comic relief, but also because Rocket was probably the only one willing to handle Thor’s guilty conscience at that point since everyone else was on board with the plan, but Thor was still stuck in his depression with seemingly no way out. Captain America, Iron Man, Ant-Man, and Hulk - the most power heavy teamup, but also the one that had the most obstacles to get through is, of course, the one that not only loses a stone, but takes the long way around to get it again, and it’s also appropriate that Captain America and Iron Man get the biggest nostalgia filled trip.

Then, of course, the reason for me writing this at all is that they pair up Black Widow and Hawkeye for the sacrifice mission. I want to know how that was decided. Nebula knew that someone had to die at Vormir, even if she didn’t know all of the details. Did she look at this group of people and go, yeah, which part of this group loves one another the most, and suggest them? Did Natasha and Clint volunteer for this part of the mission when they heard there was murder involved because they have the most “red in their ledgers” at that point and thought they were going to kill someone else? Or did Natasha get paired with him because she was the only one willing to wait five years to find someone everyone else thought had become a serial killer? I want to know how that decision was made.

From a writing standpoint, of course, I know how that decision was made. No other teamup would have worked for Vormir. There is no one else in that group who has the relationship that Clint and Natasha have. At the point the movie takes place, they’ve known each other for at least 20 years. He recruited her instead of killing her. She saved him from being brainwashed. She was the only person he trusted to know his family before the events of Ultron. They were partners. Now, up until the reveal that Clint had a family, would I have thought they were romantic partners? Yep. But the two of them as platonic soulmates works for the events of the movies. Other than his family, Natasha is easily the person Clint cares about most in the whole world. He’s also the first person Natasha is able to think of as family, so I think it’s easy to say the reverse is true as well. No other members of the Avengers team left have that bond. The people they were bonded to (Rocket-Groot, Steve-Sam-Bucky, Nebula-Gamora, Scott-Hope, etc) were all gone. The sacrifice had to be one of those two characters. Once you know it’s them going to Vormir, you know one of them is stuck.

One: Can She Come Back?

The language regarding the Soul Stone is pretty deliberate. You’re exchanging a soul for a soul, giving up that which you love. There’s a lot of talk about the exchange not being undone, but… look, this is a comic book universe, and there’s definitely some wiggle room here. I mean, what happens when the Soul Stone is returned to the dominion of death? (Also, side note: How do we think Cap reacted to seeing the Red Skull was the one he had to return an Infinity Stone to? I would have liked to see that scene.) If the stone is returned, and this a soul is given back, shouldn’t one of the souls taken be released? Wouldn’t that make sense? Why couldn’t Cap, on his trip to return Mjolnir and the six stones, say, “hey, since I brought this back, can you give me something in return? I’m readily giving you this soul. Why don’t you go ahead and give me Natasha’s back?” It doesn’t lessen the sacrifice because Clint still was forced to let her go. In theory, he never used his Pym particles or time travel GPS to go back to 2023 since he decided to live out his new branched timeline life, but someone else could have. Or, you know, there could be a Natasha flying around in space for nine years hanging out with aliens. Or, maybe the Red Room cloned her like they did in the comics, and there’s someone other there with her memories walking around still living the spy life. Who knows?

That’s it for this week! Avengers: Endgame Easter eggs will hopefully go up at some point this weekend if you’re interested in them.

#black widow #natasha romanoff #natalia romanova #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #friday five

[chinacheapjerseysoutlet-blog]

major legislation

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[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #196: The Terrible Toll of the Taskmaster

June, 1980

Annnnnnnd we’re back.

Sorry for missing days. When I get sick I get sick bad and also grumpy.

But now we’re back and continue with Taskmaster’s inaugural story.

He has an interesting costume.

So last times: The Avengers were having a slow day for once until a guy called Selbe burst in and asked for help. Some orderlies from the Solomon Institute of the Criminally Insane came to retrieve him but Wasp felt something was amiss and perhaps decomposed in the nation of Denmark. So she followed them back to the Institute, snuck in, and got captured.

The Avengers followed Wasp and Yellowjacket and Ant-Man snuck in, and got captured. But then they fought their way free and got captured again.

This has just been a very repetitive day for the insect-themed size-changing superhero cadre.

This time:

Taskmaster has mastered the task of thinking about how to keep shrinking superheroes captive and put the three in clamps that apparently atomically bond with the wrists and ankles so if they try shrinking, they’ll lose their hands and feet and those are important for superhero work.

Also Taskmaster talks in a very casual, colloquial way. Drops his g’s off the end of words and such. Makes him sound more muscle than the guy who masterminded a series of mook training academies but its possibly part of why people like him so much.

Wasp asks who he is and Taskmaster decides the best way to show what he’s all about is ordering a squad of his trainees to try to murder him so he can show off by beating them up.

Pro-tip: If a teacher ever asks you to physically assault them, its probably a ruse and you’re going to get your ass kicked to make the teacher look good. Its the Ushan DeLucca method. That and a hefty dose of fantasy Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Anyway, Taskmaster promises ten grand to any trainee that masters the task of murdering him and then kicks all their asses.

He shows off his shield throwing technique (just as good as Captain America’s), his Daredevil-tier billy club technique, his Spider-Man-esque gymnastics, and archery that could be compared to Hawkeye’s.

And then after he beats up the trainee squad, he docks them pay for sleeping on duty while Wasp marvels vacantly at Taskmaster’s skill.

Wasp: “Th-that... that was incredible! But how -- ?”

Taskmaster: “I’d like to say I work hard at it, sweetcheeks, but t’be perfectly honest, it just comes natural. Y’see, I was born with what the shrinks call ‘photographic reflexes.’ That’s somethin’ like ‘photographic memory,’ only it’s a whole lot scarcer!”

He discovered it growing up when he would watch cowboy shows on TV and then perfectly pull off the same rope tricks he had just seen without any practice.

And it wasn’t just rope tricks, obviously. Otherwise he’d be... the Lassoman or something. He realized he could duplicate any action exactly just by watching it done. He made himself the hero of the football team by watching one pro-game.

He even considered become a superhero to make more of his special talents but realized that the big bucks were made on the criminal side of things.

But he realized that the downside to becoming a criminal was all the superheroes that all of a sudden wanted to punch you so he prepared by watching newscasts, documentaries, and anything that showed the heroes on film so he could pick up their sweet moves.

Hence why he carries around what he carries around. He picked up all of Captain America’s shield moves, Hawkeye’s archery, Daredevil’s billyclubbery, etc. Also he carries around a lasso because I guess you just don’t forget your first.

But in the midst of all this learning, Taskmaster realized something else. Being a supervillain could be lucrative but it could also get you beaten up by superheroes a lot and who needs that hassle?

So instead he decided to set up a string of academies where he could train goons for the idiots on the frontline getting beaten up by superheroes.

He’s a very pragmatic guy. He once mentioned during Avengers Academy that he just works for whoever pays the best. He’s not in it to rule the world or make the big score. He’s happy getting a continuous supply of income by providing a necessary but probably illegal service.

And his operations have been running smoothly AND secretly for years.

Then Dr. Solomon went and ruined all of that by getting superheroes involved.

Way to be, Dr. Solomon! After Taskmaster trusted you with an administrator job!

Taskmaster tosses him to the ground but says he’s a fair man and will give him a chance to defend himself. If he beats Taskmaster, despite Taskmaster just having beaten an entire squad of trained warriors and Dr. Solomon never even holding a firearm before, then Dr. Solomon gets to live.

I’d give you one guess as to what happens but you don’t even need that many.

Dr. Solomon fires some kind of gun (it was on the table with Ant-Man’s helmet so its possibly Yellowjacket’s Disruptor pistol but he doesn’t even use that anymore) but the recoil was so bad that it hit Taskmaster’s shield without Taskmaster even having to move the shield.

That’s just really bad, Dr. Solomon.

But before Taskmaster can kill Dr. Solomon, something happens to stop him.

Dr. Solomon has a heart attack and dies while complaining what a common way to die it is.

And Taskmaster just declares him a wimp.

Anyway. Now that disciplinary proceedings are done, time to get the business back on track. They need to kill the superheroes so operations can resume and age up Selbe so he can replace Dr. Solomon so nobody notices he’s missing.

Meanwhile, outside, the Avengers continue to stand around in the snow and wait.

But while they wait, Iron Man thinks some Thoughts about how far the Avengers have come.

Iron Man: “Funny, I should be thinking about the danger we may soon face -- but I can’t keep my mind off of us, the Avengers... and how we’ve changed. Use to be we’d bicker at the drop of a hat, squabble over any little difference. But now it seems we’ve hit the right combination -- or maybe we’ve just matured.”

As an example he thinks of Wonder Man, who lost nearly a decade in suspended animation, and Beast, who went overnight from acclaimed scientist to a blue, furry freak. Harsh words, Tony.

But they accept one another not just as coworkers but as friends. No matter what they look like or how they act. And he reflects that its a shame ‘normal’ people can’t learn to behave similar.

Also: while he’s reflecting on how it takes many kinds to make a fruit cup, some ants crawl over his face and obstruct his vision.

Which he realizes is a signal from Yellowjacket or Ant-Man!

Time to stop standing in the snow and Avengers Assemble!

Meanwhile, inside, Taskmaster contemplates on what to do with his captive heroes. Maybe use them as target dummies in his dagger-throwing class?

To be fair, they are all dummies. Ya dummies.

But then the Avengers make like famous X-Factor member the Kool-Ade Man and OH YEAH right through the wall.

Iron Man: “We’re the Avengers, mister. And you’re holding three of our friends against their will.”

Captain America: “Will you release them now -- or do we have to start breaking things more painful than walls?”

According to Wasp, before the helmet was taken away, he was the one who managed to signal for his ants to get help.

Taskmaster: “Well, I guess that’s just o’ matter of live an’ learn, dumplin’.”

So he signals a group of specialists he just finished training for Hammerhead. Cyber-Squad X!

Who look touch but Iron Man isn’t worried and decides to see if they can stand up to a full-intensity wide-beam repulsor blast!

Apparently they can.

I won’t lie. I love it when comics do gags like that.

Apparently one of the Cyber-Squadders X had a device that could reflect Iron Man’s repulsors right back at him. Which means there’s nothing for it but for the Avengers to get in the thick of things and scrum.

SCRUM!

... Apparently Vision shot someone in the face with his eye lasers but more than that Beast apparently makes people smell his feet as a battle tactic.

Truly the ways of superheroes are fantastical.

Selbe (remember him?) realizes that all these people are risking their lives for him (not true, they’re here for the Wasp) and decides its time he did something to help them.

He grabs a piece of rubble and KLOPPs a guard in the head to knock him out and steal his gun and blasts the stasis controls, freeing Ant-Man, the Wasp, and Yellowjacket!

Yay, Selbe!

And then Ant-Man quickly puts his helmet on because maybe all these criminals have seen his face already but god forbid the Avengers do!

Ant-Man: “My daughter’d kill me if everyone else found out my secret identity before she did!”

And the various superheroes continue to fight the Cyber-Squad X while Captain America and Iron Man break through the fight to confront the master of tasks himself, the Taskmaster.

Cap attacks Taskmaster but Taskmaster perfectly counters his moves and when Iron Man circles behind to try to sneak repulsor attack, Taskmaster fires a disruptor arrow to neutralize Iron Man.

He knew that Iron Man would circle around because its what he would have done and he masters tasks. ITS IN THE NAME.

Taskmaster: “Man, what an opportunity! I could take the Avengers on, one-on-one, an’ maybe, with my reflexes... I could defeat them all! But then again, maybe I couldn’t! There ain’t no bucks in feedin’ an ego -- an’ it’d be awful hard runnin’ business from a jail cell!”

So he kludds Cap with his shield and then kraks him with a bow and then makes a break for it. And he even closes a blast door behind him so Iron Man and Cap can’t follow.

PRAGMATISM!

New plan. He’ll run to central control and flood the entire facility with sleep gas, which will take care of everyone but Iron Man and Vision and then-

A metal woman?

At some point Jocasta snuck away from the group so she could be standing in Taskmaster’s way right at this moment. And also he doesn’t know who she is so he doesn’t know what she’ll do.

He throws his mighty shield but Jocasta just puts up a force field. So he shoots an electro-shaft to short the field out and Jocasta blasts the arrow so the electrical energy is released near him instead.

Taskmaster: “Blast you, robot! I’ve never seen you before! Don’t know what you’re gonna do next! But just gimme time, an’ I’ll --”

And then Wasp and Yellowjacket shoot him in the face.

Because Jocasta bought time for the rest of the Avengers to clean up the Cyber-Goon-Squad X and catch up.

Iron Man: “So now it’s just you and us, Taskmaster. And I suggest you come along peacefully. Unless you think you can take all of the Avengers on at once!”

Which he doesn’t think he can do. And he’s not willing to roll the dice on it either. So he makes like a Dragon Ball character and uses some magnesium flares to blind the Avengers so he can expeditiously retreat.

By the time Iron Man gets his vision back (having been fortunate enough that he had peril-sensitive shades built into his helmet, basically), Taskmaster has already gotten back to his super high tech ship which is jetting away.

Vision was the second to get his vision back, humorously enough. I mean, I find it humorous because I kept trying to capitalize the V when I talk about vision the idea of seeing and not the synthezoid.

Iron Man tells Vision that Taskmaster is gone but he has a feeling it won’t be the last they hear of him.

Anyway, back downstairs to check on the people who aren’t as good at recovering vision like Vision.

Iron Man tells the Avengers that Taskmaster got away.

Captain America: “That’s too bad. But at least we’ll be around to have a next time -- thanks to Jocasta. Lady, we’ve had a tendency to overlook you in the past, but I think I speak for the whole group when I say -- that’s about to change.”

Vision: “As one who has discovered the benefits of companionship in a similar manner, Jocasta... welcome.”

Jocasta: “‘Welcome’...? You know, I think I like that word. Yes... I think I like it very much.”

You will believe that even an android without tear ducts can feel like crying but not physically be able to!

I mean, sucks that it takes literally saving the entire team for them to give her the time of day but finally! Justice for Jocasta! Small talk and conversations and anecdotes! Give unto her your socializing!

Just please. Writers. Give her stuff to do! Don’t let this be the Falcon again except she was on the team longer and has done LESS.

That aside: Taskmaster?

I think he has a good showing for why he’s a lasting and beloved villain. He doesn’t really have the motivation to try to take over the world or become god or kill that blasted Richards like Dr. Doom but he’s not really a villain of the week like Sandman or Stilt-Man either. He has bigger ambitions than robbing banks but smaller ones than robbing worlds.

He figured out a good pragmatic way to rake in ill-gotten gains without having to go out and engage in fighting superheroes himself.

And when superheroes did get involved in his work he had the clarity to see that discretion was way better than valor. Like 1000 times better.

And his powers are interesting, if not flashy, and present a way that he can punch way out of his weight class.

Some writers take it too far where super reflexes just means he wins unless you can come up with something unexpected when really even if he can imitate moves perfectly, he shouldn’t be able to do them with the same power or speed as some of the people he’s imitating.

But he’s an interesting dude and I can see why he stuck around.

Even if the way the story started wasn’t the strongest. I feel like there’s a disconnect between ‘growing a clone for free organ transplants’ and ‘super academy for training supervillain goons’ and I get that part of the point is that Dr. Solomon goofused up by spending resources on this and then got the Avengers involved when Taskmaster would have been running things on the DL forever.

But I feel that ‘growing a clone for free organ transplants’ is an interesting enough concept in its own right, even if it is now several movies, that it didn’t need to just be the opening band for Taskmaster.

And more could have been done with ‘super academy for training supervillain goons’ too honestly. I feel that its a hell of a secret to keep that all these supervillains are getting their goons from one place and the superheroes have remained oblivious.

It feels like there could have been a story in the Avengers trying to unravel the mystery of who is training these nerds and it ends up at Taskmaster.

But I don’t want to judge the comic on what it could have been. It was an interesting enough story of the Avengers saving someone who is not legally a person because the rights for clones are indeterminate in the Marvel Universe, not helped by most clones being grown to mess with Spider-Man or so Mr. Sinister has an inexhaustable supply of Marauders.

Next time, another three part storyline. But one that tangentially relates to Godzilla? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Follow @essential-avengers because when I was sick I felt bad about not doing posts and that’s good work ethic! Reward me!

#Avengers #Taskmaster #Jocasta #Ant Man #Yellowjacket #the Wasp #Iron Man #Captain America #Ms Marvel #Carol Danvers #the vision #Beast #Wonder Man #Essential Avengers #Essential marvel liveblogging #This proves that news coverage of superheroes only helps supervillains #so peter parker should be egged

[avengersohyeah]

Another Stark

Masterlist

A/N : So this is a request from lovely Anon, i don’t know how to reach out to you, i hope you could find this fic. It turned out to be one long ass one shot, since i’m a sucker for reader background drama so yeah.. i hope you enjoy it (Tony x Male! Brother Reader)

When Tony lost his parents he couldn’t even feel anything. Sadness, pain, regrets, all those things came to him all at once. Numb him whole, he refused to feel any of those emotions. So he shut them out, that’s why he’s numb. Trying to forget everything by partying, drinks, women, but those things could only last for a few moments. And when he’s far away from those things, all the demons of his past creeping their way to his mind. Forcing their way to make him feel them. And at these times, he could only wish for someone. Someone to hold him close, to tell him that everything is alright.

 Pepper, she’s been there with him through every sleepless night. Easing his demons away with her touch and her love for him. But that’s not enough. As hard as he denied, even with Pepper’s presence near him it still not enough. He craved for something’s different. Love, not the kind that Pepper gave him, not the kind that he gave her either. A love for people, for someone that you care more than yourself. Not the kind of love between a couple, but the kind of love you feel to your family. Pepper is his family, and all his staff he consider them as a family at some point. But that’s not enough.

 Before his parents leave their house to deliver those serums, he didn’t had a chance to tell them good bye. To hug them, to tell them I love you even if he knew that they might not comeback once they drive past the gate. It’s all because of his Dad. A few days before they decided to take the serums with them is the day when he found out. His Dad slept with one of his staff. It was a night when his mother were scheduled to came home from her trip to Paris. He was going to call his Dad and ask him if he could go with him to the airport. That’s before he reached the door of Howard’s office, and heard those sounds. Moans, panting, and profanities that spilled with their heavy breath in hushed tone. Then it all hits him, He’s Dad, even if he claim that he love his mom, still couldn’t get his hands off of another woman. And since that night, he despised his father like nobody could.

14 June 1992

 Somewhere across the country, a women is fighting to deliver her baby. The one she never thought would she keep. When she found out about it, it was three months after Howard’s death. So she did what she thought was right at that time. She left the mansion, handing Howard’s secretary her resignation paper. She couldn’t bare the thought that anyone that killed Howard could also go after his child if they found out. Even along the way in her nine months away from the Stark family, she managed to keep a track in Tony’s activity. For precaution, because she is that kind of women that always prepare everything to face the worst. She wrote everything that she know, in case someday her child ask and she can’t explain it with words.

16 years, and she was right about you would want to know the real story about your father. She just goes silent and hand you the box filled with envelopes of letters without address, just your name on it. You took the box and headed to your room. You read every single letters your mother wrote for you. Sadness, anger, guilt, you’re not even sure what kind of emotion you felt at that moment. You rushed to the living room and find your mother sat her, with her head on both palms and shoulders shaking. You kneel in front of her, and you bring her to your embrace while you both letting your tears flow. God how your mother has suffered. You’re not stupid, Stark, who’s apparently your brother has become the news since his parent’s death. Being the genius playboy philanthropist at young age he is draw all kind of attention from the world. But does he know he has a brother? Well half brother. Maybe not, because as what your mother wrote to you, she left without saying anything. But now at least this explained where you got this genius head of yours.

You never thought that finishing school earlier than any other kids in your age is a big deal. But apparently it is for Stark Industries. As a massive company that value young intellegent people, they keep a track in every single school in U.S for someone that is possibly could they recruit to their company. Well mostly they took a records of individuals like you, young, genius, and finish school early must be one of the requirement too. And that’s how Tony find out your existence. The day your file was handed to him as a possible recruit for science team has him shook. His mind went back to the day when he heard his Dad and your Mom in that office. He looked through your files and smile etched on his face. He doesn’t even realize he’s smiling until he felt his cheeks sore. Although he never expect it, but the fact that he still have someone out there that has Stark blood in them warmed his heart. That, and here he read through your files he felt proud of you. The kind of proud feeling those big brother felt when their little brother did something that is so awsome for him. Reading through your achievements, he couldn’t hold the big smile that creeping on his face.

“He has Stark in his blood after all…” He said to himself.

“Who has Stark blood in his ?” Pepper asked as she walked to his desk. She kissed him and then stand there beside him to wait for his answer.

“Would it be weird if I tell you that I have a brother ?” He asked her with one brow raised.

“What do you mean you have a brother ?” Tony then showed her your files and tell her everything happened in that night. She went silent for a long time.

“Come on say something!” Tony breaks the silence

“You want to meet him.” It’s not a question, but a statement because Pepper knows him like the back of her hand. “I’ll handle the meetings for this week but you owe me Tony” She walked to the door and before she exits Tony yelled “I Love you MIss Potts”

 When you came home that day you could’ve swear your heart is going to jump out of your chest. There, sitting on your dinning table with your mom, chatting comfortably is Tony Stark. The one that you learned as your half brother just three days before. Dumbfounded, you couldn’t find any words and just walk to your chair in that table like a robot. Sitting in front of someone that you admire secretly felt bizarre.

“Close your mouth, you’ll catch a fly” He said then chuckled

You smiled at that, and looked to your mom, then to Tony again. Somehow it doesn’t feel awkward at all, it felt like it’s normal. All this time you ate with your mother in this very table and you always feel incomplete. You always thought that it’s supposed to be your father. But now seeing Tony here, you finally realized that it is not a father figure that is missing in your life. Your mother has always been one when it’s needed. It is a brother that you’ve been longing for this whole time. When you finally came to this realization, you responded “Welcome home brother…” This earns you all the eyes in the room, your Mom that is visibly crying before she’s now sobbing again. And Tony, he smiled so wide and you can see the tears also pooling at the corner of his eyes. You spend the lunch trying to catch up on each other’s life. Mostly it’s Tony that wanted to hear your stories, what you’ve been through to be this amazing person you are.

“You finished school earlier this year, what’s your plan ? Ever considered in joining Stark Industry?” Tony asked after they finished their lunch.

“Actually when I was in high school I thought about applying to your company..” At this revelation, Tony’s eyes light up, only to be replaced by shocked expression at what he said next “But then i have this i don’t know, desire ? to serve the country.”

“No way… You’re not ! You’re coming with me to my company” He sulk like a child.

“Well you’re to late for three days brother, I just got back from special force recruitment and I’m in the program”

“No Way you’re not even 18… how could they let you in?” He whined

“I don’t know and I don’t care, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t catch up for the lost time.”

“Fair enough… how about you show me around tomorrow ? I want to know everything about you, school, friends, anything, before you go to that special force of yours and make us go Dear John.” At this you just laugh and agreeing to his request.

When you were finally finished your military education, you were sent straight to a secret operation in Middle East. A lot of things happened in the span of four years, and the best thing to you, it’s Avengers. The fact that your brother is Iron Man was surprising to anyone, you included. But what surprising more is that Tony kept his promise not to out you as his brother to the world. At first he was planning to do so, that way you wouldn’t need too join the special force program in the first place. But you refused, you told him that serving your country is a calling for you, and you wanted to give everything you have to do it. And he caved in, somehow knowing each other in such a short amount of time made you both bond faster and stronger than you could imagined.

The day when New York attack happened was the same day when you were in your mission, so you had no idea what happened back in the States. And when you finally got a contact, it’s a months later from the secret base in Tel Aviv after you finished your mission. Given the break to come home, you couldn’t wait to surprise your brother and his team of super heroes. Well, it’s mainly just a reason so you can see the legendary Captain America in person.

Avengers Tower

 If Tony isn’t a crazy rich genius billionaire, the recovery of his tower wouldn’t be this fast. It took exactly three months for his Tower could finally function like it used to be. The team were also gathered again after their vacation, minus Clint that nobody knows his whereabouts, and Thor that is in Asgard.

“Spangle you could just ask JARVIS to torn the TV on” Tony said from his seat at the corner of the common room.

“Yes… It still freaked me out to talk to someone I couldn’t see..” Steve scratched his head in embarrassment.

“Well, prepare yourself to be more surprised what Stark have in his Lab..” Natasha cut in with a mug of coffee in hand.

The banter between the ex-assasin and the spangled men were actually pretty amusing for Tony. If only his mind is there at the moment with him. But no, his mind went to all those years ago when he first met you and your mom. The day you spent together doesn’t feel like he’s trying to get to know someone. It felt just like two brothers that’ve been away from each other before they reunite. It’s funny because when he finally get to talk to you more, he saw himself in you. It’s obvious that you have Stark’s brain, even as he hate to admit it, you look way better than him. But the one that makes him grow even fonder of you was your sass. You could give him a taste of his own medicine. That’s why he loved you so much.

He’s been staring at his phone that displayed your picture, the one in your uniform right after your graduation ceremony. A week before you were sent to Middle East to lead backup team in Tel-Aviv Israel. He was sad because he didn’t get to say good bye in person to you. Knowing nothing about when will you come back because it’s classified. Well for other people it is, but nothing can stop him from making sure that he knows when will his little brother come back. He already have a party planned in his head to welcome you. He’s caught up in his head and didn’t hear that Nat have been calling him for a few times.

“Tony.. Tony! You okay ? We kinda lost you for a moment..”

“Yeah yeah…I’m fine just counting time till I could throw another party.”

“You just threw a party few months ago when this building was reopened.” Nat rised her eyebrows in amusement

“Well get used to it, in fact I could throw a party right now if I want…” He replied matter of factly.

Their interaction were cutted off by JARVIS “Sir, you have a visitor from U.S Army’s Special Force.” At this information both Nat and Steve turned at Tony with questioning look. Only to be welcomed with his shocked wide eyed expression.

“Where is he ?” His voice came out calm while his mind is going overdrive. There’s only two possibilities if someone from your commando wants to find him. It could be you, but he remembered you wanted to keep your Stark blood as a secret. Then there’s this possibility where it is one of your team mate that delivering him a very bad news that he never wanted to hear. But the fact that he knows your mission were supposed to be a year long, he couldn’t help his mind to go over the later possibility. He stand up a little bit shaky and unfocused, first time seeing Tony in this kind of state Nat and Steve decided just to follow him in silence.

The three of them reached the door of Tony’s office where JARVIS told them the visitor’s waiting. Nat and Steve could see Tony’s hand shaking as he reached for the handle and pushing the door open. As the door opened, they could see a men with his back to them. His posture was obviously a soldier’s one. Broad shoulder, fairly tall, taller than Tony but still a little bit shorter than Steve. And he wear a complete formal uniform from Army, Steve recognize it everywhere since it’s not that different from back in the days. He was about to ask who are you, but Tony breaks the silence.

“(Y/N) ? Is that you ?” Hearing Tony’s voice weavering only invite him to look at the billionaire. He never thought that he would ever witness the most miraculous thing in his live. There, Tony Stark that he know have a heart of steel, like literally, with tears streaming down his face. He was to struck to Tony’s expression to notice that by now Natasha’s face also turned into that comical slack jawed expression.

The men turned and they could’ve swore that for a flash second he looks exactly like Tony with taller frame. It was until you opened your mouth Steve and Nat completely lost their control of their face “Good to see you brother, I heard you saved the world….” Then he flashed the brightest smile they’ve ever seen.

Tony just dashed into the room and take you in bone crushing hug. Sobbing while mumbling incoherently. Again, Nat and Steve just to dumbfounded seeing Tony crying uncontrollably. It’s like seeing one of those chick flicks where the two sister has been separated for a long time then they met for the first time.

Tony pulled back still snifling “God, I thought they want to meet me to deliver your death news or something..”

You chuckled at him “I’m not that easy to get rid off, besides what makes you think that ? couldn’t you just, I don’t know figure out that it was me ?”

“Well, I did, at first. But then I remembered that you were assigned in twelve fucking months mission in Israel. So my mind drift to the worst possibility.” He confessed

“Wait…. How did you know I was assigned to Israel for twelve months?” You asked, and you could visibly saw him shifted awkwardly “God ! Tony, what I told you about hacking into my commando’s system? How if they found out?” You asked him in annoyed tone

“They wouldn’t, trust me.. but how ? Your mission plan were designed for twelve months?” He countered

“Well, because of someone like you that could possibly hack into our system, I changed the whole plan. They run a simulation then goes with mine, it’s way more efficient, and faster than what the commando made us so..” You shrugged

“You use that Stark brain of yours good.. Anyway have you eaten yet ? I have a chef from France that I hired for a week, you want a steak? Oh wait I’ll get you a steak, you love meat…” He rambled like a mother that saw their children after school.

You cleared your throat “You won’t introduce me to them?” You gestured to the pair that still has confused look on their face.

Tony looked back and drag you with him, at first you thought he was going to introduce you to your favorite heroes, but he dragged you past them, rambling that you need foods more than you need to be introduced to them. You screamed as you walked the hall “It’s honor to meet you Captain, and Black Widow you’re gorgeous I’m a fan..” Your shout were cut short when you turned the corner.

They were still trying to process what they just witnessed in silence untill Natasha speaks “So, Tony just cried..”

“He has a brother…” Steve continued

“Obviously younger one..”

“And he’s in an Army..”

“A Special force..”

“In such a young age…”

“And his rank is higher than yours..” At this, Steve whiped his head to look at Nat in shocked expresion. “What ? you didn’t see it ? He’s Colonel..” Natasha give him her Black Widow smirk

“Shit…” Steve cursed

“Language!..”

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