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#intimacy without expectation
tenebrius-excellium · 9 months
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Thinking about Httyd...hot and perhaps too personal take: To me, Httyd was more than anything else a movie about emotional starvation. And Forbidden Friendship was the sweetest, briefest celebration of relief from that.
Afterwards, everybody basically told Hiccup to man up “because that’s just life” and I will never forgive Httyd2 and Httyd3 for that.
#httyd#wherethekiteflies#y'all keep forgetting that Hiccup grew up without a Mom.#In the same day he finds his mother; he loses his Dad.#and the third movie has nothing better to do than to make Hiccup let go of his friend because it's clingy or whatever#to keep the only stable; emotionally available being around that he has ever known.#he's painted as selfish and immature for wanting that.#Neither Astrid; nor Valka; nor Gobber understand Hiccup in the way Toothless did.#Hiccup is simply expected to go without emotional validation or the praise and intimacy he desires for his entire life#because taking responsibility is more important than feeling understood. or whatever.#this boy was granted Forbidden Friendship as the only real hug he ever received... from a dragon who chose him; who stayed with him;#who loved him; who didn't leave or bully or disappoint him. this dragon was the healthiest relationship Hiccup ever had.#and it was judged to be weak. to weaken him as a Chief. when his passion and compassion for Toothless and others were in fact#Hiccup's greatest strengths as Chief. it were those qualities; this sensitivity that made him amazing.#but the plot decided that he needed to become just like Stoick and Astrid and like the Valka who abandoned her dreams & hopes for "reality#how is desiring and needing emotional backup in life void of reality; weak; delusional and too idealistic?#shame on you httyd sequels for never granting this boy what he desired most. and that was honest; unconditional support.#analysis#httyd analysis#rant#hiccup
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bookwyrminspiration · 2 years
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23. Most underrated form of intimacy? 
Okay so I don't know how to describe this but like...reminders. Of the person you care about. Things you make that the person can look at and go "my person(s) made this for me" and it's all the affection that goes unspoken sometimes
Growing up my dad used to leave little written notes all over the place for my mother, sister, and I to find. In our shoes and backpacks and clothing drawers. They'd never have more than a sentence, but it would say something like "have a great day!" or "I love you!" or "I'm so proud of you," and we'd find them all over the place. I wish I'd held onto them, because they were so sweet and touching and absolutely made my day any time I found one because it was a secret note! For me!
Another example, I have two journals my partner made me. One is full of letters they wrote me. They filled each page, over two months worth of colorful writing in their handwriting they penned just for my eyes that I can read through to remember how much I love them. It has part of the bee script and drawings of me and fun facts and intentionally cheesy pick-up lines and a bunch of notes they wrote just for me.
My partner has a scrapbook I made them for our one year anniversary, almost three years ago now. It has drawings I did when I was still in middle school, drawings I'd want to fix if I saw them now, but they're for them. It has photos I printed out from FaceTimes and notes and colorful little squiggles and a page where I wrote down everything I love about them that I could think to put on the page. I glued in the scrap of bookmark they first gave me their phone number on five years ago now because I held onto it.
The second book I have is a scrapbook filled with drawings and photos and random checklists and reminders to drink water and fun tapes and compliments. Because they loved the scrapbook I made them so they made one back for me. It sits on my shelf aside the first journal and I can look at it and just know that someone loved me enough to take the time to make entire books for me to read, that I don't have to be with them to read the reminders.
My partner has/had a little jar I filled with notes on folded up post-it-notes. I folded them into the shape of hearts. There were dozens, and each one had a different reminder. Some where cute, some were serious, some were pieces of a drawing that puzzled together. And I gave it to them for Valentine's day and told them to open one a day so each day they'd have a little something from me. I wasn't there when they looked at any of them, and I don't know if they kept them, but it was a reminder that I love them
Those kinds of things, I think, are the most underrated forms of intimacy. The little notes and reminders you leave with another person. So that even if they aren't there you have pieces of them, their words. It doesn't have to be words, that's just the examples I have. It could be a little sculpture or a drawing or something else. The point is it's a little reminder you can look at when things go quiet, and it think that's my favorite kind of intimacy <3
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maybelimitless · 2 years
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I don’t know, maybe I’m supposed to act self conscious that it bothers me so much or something, but I am genuinely sick to my stomach about that Killing Eve ending.
Thank God I saw the spoilers from when they were filming before even going into this season. I think if I had watched that without a clue of what was happening, something inside of me would have broken at least a little bit.
It very much matters that they killed one of the most recognizable, iconic, definitively lesbian characters in television history, but that is not all that matters. That alone doesn’t make this a terrible ending. The idea that people employed to make this show could so deeply misunderstand the literal point of the show they were working on is what hurts the most. It’s bad. Besides the acting, nearly every element of this finale is plainly, boringly, technically bad.
Reading the comments from this season’s showrunner makes everything worse. The whole point, from the word go, was that Eve was not a normal person. Part of her character arc was accepting that she didn’t even want to be normal anymore, but that was largely put to rest in season 3. That the showrunner thinks the finale symbolizes Eve’s rebirth and that she will be able to return to a normal life now is insulting. I mean it - I feel personally insulted, as a lesbian, as someone with a stigmatized neurodivergence, as a woman who has had to live my whole life with all the bullshit messaging about how and who I should be.
The ending turns the entire show into an actually damaging piece of storytelling. Congratu-fucking-lations, I guess. I want to spit out my brain.
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shownusfool · 1 year
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oh no a friend i have been talking to jokingly suggested we “made out” i don’t like this i don’t like where this is going now he’s using memes to cover it up he says he wasn’t serious but i don’t know besties!!
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orcelito · 1 year
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Reading comments on the last chapter & ppl mentioning how much they appreciated the talk about boundaries and such. It rly makes all my nerves about posting that worth it, ngl
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afieldinengland · 1 year
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lepidopterium · 2 years
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sorry I'm a triple virgo and have to be as perfect as clear cold waters unmoved and everlasting. like it's my fault
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screaming crying shitting biting my knuckles pulling my hair out buying hairgel pissing and slamming into a wall sliding down and cumming a little weeping and ripping my shirt off guzzling lotion brushing my teeth punching a wall photosynthesizing twerking spasming having a seizure beating my head against a wall
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opluffys · 9 months
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-nsfw/smut-
"c'mon, raise those hips for me."
you're trying, you really are.
"i'm tired," you whined, turning around to view ghost, laying on his back, looking reposed. he lazily rolled his hips upwards, fucking the last few inches of his fat cock into you. the moan that left you was muted by a large hand over your mouth, leather against your lips.
ghost quickly flipped you onto your stomach, watching as your spine curved to create such an alluring figure as yours. his hands were attached to the fat of your hips, fingers tracing the little marks and blemishes that further increased your beauty.
you felt his tip press right at your slit, impatient and greedy, you canted your hips backwards, a sorry attempt at getting him back inside your cunt. instead, this had resulted in a harsh slap against your ass, the sting blurred between pain and pleasure. a small cry left you as tears welled in your eyes, threatening to fall past your waterline.
"patience, sweetheart."
you sniffed, "don't be mean, simon..."
he chuckled, the low timbre having you pathetically clench around nothing. he pressed a chaste kiss at your back, "sorry, 'm sorry, love."
you knew he wasn't. that didn't matter, though.
without warning, he shoved his cock into your pussy, hearing your muffled whimper as he'd done so. "quiet, don't wanna wake up our little girl, do you?" his own voice was strained as he scolded you, beginning to set his own pace. unforgiving and harsh, making you lightheaded and dizzy.
you felt him right at your womb again and again and fucking again. you felt any semblance of your very sanity begin to melt away as he fucked you, so roughly that it almost had you begging for him to go easy on you.
ghost was used to being rather quiet, but you were fucking struggling. any sound from you could potentially ruin what the two of you had going on. and you couldn't take that, not after the lack of intimacy between you two since the birth of your baby.
"there we go, mama. fuckin' perfect." he groaned, watching you quiver underneath his impressive physique.
fuck, you couldn't possibly be quiet after such praise, a moan leaving your agape lips. ghost didn't seem to mind your sudden outburst. instead, the grip on your hips tightening, fucking into your wet and tight cunt with such a primal and desperate need.
he was fucking you like a thing void of a soul, like a rag doll. every single time you felt him back inside, he pushed you deeper and deeper into the mattress. your hands had felt useless, not even able to support your own weight. you offered them to him, feeling his lone hand take both of yours, anchoring himself to you without his pace even faltering. it was a reminder to you both that he's fucking huge, so strong and capable of easily overpowering you. it had you nearly sobbing, your insides squeezing him snugly.
you heard him curse behind you, filling you to the brim and staying still. you shifted, confused on why he'd stopped.
"think you can do somethin' for me, sweet girl?"
"anything, anything for you," you replied almost instantly, words slurred like you'd been inebriated.
"yeah?" ghost started, shallowly thrusting into your cunt. you could practically hear the grin he had on his face, seeming to enjoy your torment.
a small 'mhm' was all you could come up with, words barely being able to form over your tongue and past your lips. a small sob left you as you remained stretched open by him, unmoving.
"wanna have another baby." as he'd said so, he'd delicately traced the stretch-marks over your hips and thighs. his touches were filled with nothing short of reverence.
well, you certainly hadn't expected him to say that. your daughter wasn't even six months yet, your body barely even fully healed. yet, all you could do was give him a nod. once he'd gotten your answer, you felt his body against your back, his lips at your neck. you knew that there’d be marks there in the morning- but that didn’t matter, not when he began to resume that dizzying speed.
"give me a boy this time."
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seravphs · 10 months
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ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — GOJO SATORU x FEM READER
Gojo “my girl is mad at me I hope I die” Satoru
wc — 600
tags — fluff, companion piece to modern intimacy so you’re also married in this one, love as annoyance 
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Gojo looks like he tried to drown himself in the shower. 
If you hadn’t just mopped the floor, you might be tempted to give in and beckon him over to cuddle. As it is, your annoyance is only mildly tempered by how adorable he is. You suspect this was his plan all along. 
“Go dry your hair,” you tell him coldly, hardly even giving him a glance after his first step into the room. 
He pouts, which you were expecting. He should really learn some new tricks at this point. You make a shooing gesture at him to drive home the point. 
Instead, he clambers down next to your feet, all six feet and two inches of him compressed down to fit his head into your lap. Gojo’s so lanky it gives you the impression of a Jenga tower collapsing in on itself to watch him get on his knees. 
“But you’re mad at me,” he whines. Chilly droplets are seeping into your thighs. 
“I’ll be madder if you keep getting my pants wet. Go on, you’ll catch a cold.” 
“I deserve it.” 
“Gojo.” 
You say it as if you’re short of patience, when really, you’re far from it. You’re enjoying this way too much. 
He turns his head so he can look up at you. His hair falls into his eyes, making him look like a sad, wet puppy, shivering at your feet for mercy. It’s an act, of course. 
He’s the strongest man in the world. Still, you feel your heart melting as you would for any poor abandoned creature. You brush his bangs out of his face, trying to hold onto your weakening resolve. 
He knows he’s got you. It’s just a matter of time. 
“I can’t live with myself,” he says. “If you’re going to be mad at me, you should just kill me. It would be easier-“ 
“Don’t be dramatic,” you say, but that’s when he strikes the killing blow. 
He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just looks at you with eyes that are suspiciously shiny, his pretty pink lips in a soft frown. You sigh and put the book you were trying to read down. 
“Go get the hairdryer.” 
Gojo perks up immediately. You stay on the sofa. He sits on the ground between your legs as you run your hands through his hair, moving section by section. It fluffs up as hot air moves over it. 
“Are you still mad?” 
“Want to take a guess?” 
He turns around so fast he almost hits himself in the face with the hairdryer in your hand. 
“I’ll never do it again, I swear.” 
“You swear?” You’re teasing. 
Gojo places one hand over his heart and raises the other like he’s making a pledge. You’re the only nation he’d ever devote himself to, anyway. “You know my motto is happy wife, happy life.” 
“I don’t know, actually.” You laugh. “Did you just come up with that?” 
“Now you’re just being mean,” he says. 
“I’m glad you picked up on it,” you say dryly. 
You like him pathetic. It appeals to your worst nature, the one that kind of wants to pinch him just to see him cry. You don’t know when you developed such feelings, and you’re certainly not sadistic towards anyone else, but Gojo just provokes you. It’s what he does. He’s good at being annoying. 
But you love that part of him, just as much as you love the part of him that can’t live without your attention. 
“You really learned your lesson?” You ask. “You won’t do it again?” 
“And go through this again? You kidding?” 
You pinch his cheek in annoyance, but he just laughs and wraps his arms around you, ignoring the way you try to wriggle away. 
“Your hair isn’t dry yet!”
“Doesn’t matter,” he says, rubbing his cheek against yours. His shampoo smells good. “Happy husband, happy wife.” 
He knows you too well for you to disagree. 
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cyberm4n · 1 month
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alastor and lucifer sharing you
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alastor x reader x lucifer headcanons
pt2
cw: 18+, semi explicit smut? dom! alastor, dom! lucifer, alastor basically pitches a hinge relationship
■ alastor and lucifer had known this was a long time coming.
■ between the gifts lucifer makes you and the little friendly affections alastor only gave you, it didn't take long for either of them to realize the predicament.
■ at first, neither want to share, and neither are entertaining the idea of the other having you.
■ however alastor gets an idea as lucifer is arguing he'd be the most likely to please me the most
■ alastor has never been a fan of touch, not that he would deny intimacy with you, but he definitely doesn't prefer it.
■ but standing infront of him is a man who prides himself on treating his partners well, both in and outside of the bedroom.
■ i imagine in this scenario alastor is less concerned about being your partner but more about making sure lucifer can't have you all to himself
■ alastor doesn't like to share, but if it means he gets to have possession of you without the intimacy, he's going to take it.
"maybe there's a simple compromise here after all" alastor says, looking down at the man standing before him, lucifer sighing in frustration.
"oh really? and what would you propose?" he says with snark, not expecting what alastor suggests even a little.
■ it's a simple arrangement, really.
■ lucifer gets to do whatever he wants, gets to have you, but alastor gets to watch and maybe occasionally participate
■ but of course, they have to convince you too.
"i— you guys want to what?" you'd say, they'd both approached you while you were in your room. you sat on the small couch while they sat across from you on the bed.
"darling," alastor would tut, giving you a look "it's a simple question. yes or no" he says, and it's getting harder to ignore the hand lucifer had placed on your thigh, slowly working it's way up.
they'd started out this conversation by explicitly stating if you were uncomfortable at all, everything stops no questions asked.
but they wanted to hear you say yes.
■ i think they'd be like "good cop, bad cop"
■ lucifer, who's been between your thighs for what feels like hours, cooing such sweet praises everytime he coaxed an orgasm out of you.
■ alastor, who's sitting behind you, leaning against the headboard as he cradles your head in his lap. giving condescending comments as you go numb in their arms.
■ they balance each other out and it works pretty well tbh
■ oh, it's going to be a long night.
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this was kind of rushed and im not 100% happy with it but i had to stop the brainrot about those two
part two maybe??
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qing ya ji is about the making of people 👍🏼
the way 阴阳师 is bestowed not as a curse but like a love letter 💐
#its generous. also the characters....like what a good movie. contained well met and slow practiced in its manuevers in what it shows#and what it doesnt. what a brilliant display of two characters and the people who surround them. the people in the background remain people.#i feel like i keep saying the same thing these days lol#a practice in seeing people ugh. you see me and i see you. the question is always changing. will you test me? will you follow me? will you#share a cup with me? will i lay down offerings? will you notice? will you pick them up? will you notice the same thing i do and move in the#other direction? what possible directions can you see that i cannot? will i learn from you as you do from me? what can i learn from such a#man like you? what can i remember from knowing you? men are so beautiful lmfao its kind of painful.#this movie is so effective at what it does ugh it will always be an impression in my heart#how did you teach me and in the teaching what did you learn. you gave me so much without even looking. i was speaking honestly from the#beginning. you figured it out eventually. we both did. isnt it such a relief to find people who you think about knowing for the rest of your#life. isn't that the point? you knew the point - but he cemented it for you for real. 'thank you. im a real yin yang shi now.' you taught me#well. you taught me well. ill see you again. ill see you when i see you. theres no real desperation here because the stakes are not high.#i can wait to see you again simply because i know i can. there is no hurry. there is no rush. there is no time i cannot i have that will not#touch your life. and yours mine. it is what it is. the removal of cost. what is delicious here is not the obsession its the patience but the#general knowing and acceptance that you will be there when i expect you to.#its so distinct - this kind of intimacy. from the US and the ''west'' and all that hypermasculine hyped up polarizing emotion thats all#surface and petty reflection. wheres the meat? the body is meat. you treat it like an animal farm. it is disinteresting and boring.#im so disinterested in whatever conditions relationships are stereotypically expected to take shape as.#bro its so simple. its existing and so it is deserving. it is existing. it exists. i dont have to say less is more or enough here.#it just fucking is! how else do u think u can understand it#soy talks shit#reminders#for me#writing
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luvergirl777 · 9 months
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unpopular take
ghost isn’t aggressive or overly dominant in any sense. in almost all of his voice lines, he’s calm and collected or simply quiet, especially in his banter and life lessons with soap during the gameplay. he doesn’t like being smacked around in bed, nor does he like smacking around others he loves. he’s had too much trauma from being smacked around, neglected, degraded, assaulted, everything that comes from torture and war that he physically can’t bring himself to do it in relationships.
he’s surprisingly gentle, something that you didn’t really expect going from his outward appearances. in the beginning all of his touches are soft and easy, as much as he can be, like a ghost grazing your skin. he never pushes your limits, respects the boundaries you set up when it comes to what you will and won’t do because he knows what it’s like for those to be crossed without his consent. (the comics are brutal to read, his story is fucked.) it takes him awhile to open up enough to actually get in bed with you, even just cuddling and holding one another.
he’s sensitive when it comes to his feelings regarding you, he’s lost everything he’s loved before so it’s a new experience for him. he worries a lot that he’ll lose you too somehow. he knows he’s not good with words or showing his care most of the time outwardly, something he’s picked up over his time serving. so he tries extra hard with the more subtle indicators, picking up small gifts that remind him of you, when you finally get to spend time together he offers his undivided attention, placing his hand over ledges he knows you bump into often, going out of his way to leave you a coffee when he has to go, etc.
when you finally trust each other enough to actually sleep with one another, he’s so careful. he’s afraid to hurt you, to scare you away, to accidentally push past your limits. he doesn’t like being rough with you, he doesn’t think you deserve that sort of treatment, doesn’t want to feel like he’s working again. he likes slow and close, the stark contrast of genuine intimacy he’s unused to being welcomed with open arms. missionary where he’s leaning close over you, bodies flushed, eye contact, noses brushing against each other, telling you how good you are for him, how much he really loves you. after the deed is done, he’s just as careful. doesn’t want you or him to feel used in any way, talking, holding one another close, kissing your forehead, cheeks, nose, carefully cleaning you up, etc. he’s gentle to you, for you.
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feyascorner · 3 months
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Hear me out guys—Astarion and non-sexual physical intimacy in baths.
The way he would love washing the dirt off Tav/Reader after a really long day out adventuring? He would just drag you to the bath, complaining about how you stink or whatever as an excuse to dump you into the water. Sometimes he doesn't even bother taking your shirt off, he just chucks you in.
And you’re both technically undressed but at the same time it’s nothing sexual it’s genuinely just soft idiots trying to wash each other’s hair.
The way you could probably spike his hair all over the place with soap and he’d just sigh and roll his eyes before splashing water in your face.
And he'd talk through what he does to his own hair to keep it soft while massaging the same process into your own.
He’d probably prefer to hold your back to his chest in the beginning, so he can lean his head backward or rest his chin in the crook of your neck. But if you asked, he wouldn't complain about it being the other way around either.
He's never experienced being so close to someone else without it leading to sex, and he’s surprised to find that he absolutely loves it. Like it’s his favorite part of the day. When you two get to your room he's just standing next to the bathroom ready to pounce.
It helps him heal his relationship with physical intimacy too. Being able to just rush his hands across your skin with no expectations for something else puts him at ease, and it lets the two of you grow closer because you’re always telling each other what you're feeling or about your day while you bathe.
More importantly I also think he’s naturally very cold (being undead and all) so I think he puts the bath at an ungodly high temperature and you literally feel like you're getting cooked alive unless your arm is touching his or he’s holding you.
I will be thinking about this for a while goodnight 🙏😊
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astarion ancunin hcs {pt. 1}
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once he's comfortable with you, he adores non-sexual physical intimacy
playing with his hair will calm him down almost instantly
he's protective and possessive, so he'll keep a hand on you at all times, usually on your back
loves when you initiate any kind of physical contact
always asks to do something before he does, in either a sexual or nonsexual context
he's easily jealous and can sometimes get very possessive; for the first time in 200 years, he has someone who genuinely loves him and he hates the possibility that he might lose you
that possessiveness is obvious when he marks up your neck with bites and hickeys
if he feels like his place in your relationship is threatened in public, he will not hesitate to touch, hold, or kiss you in front of whomever is making a move on you; after some bearing of fangs, whoever it is usually scuttles off very quickly
he definitely feels very undeserving of you and your love and has his days when he's convinced you're going to leave him for someone better when you get the chance, or that he's keeping you from; that insecurity lasts for a very long time
constantly buries his own feelings, so you have to coax them out of him and teach him how to set boundaries and stand up for himself
astarion absolutely LOVES bathing together; he can be very vulnerable with you without sex being expected when you bathe together and it absolutely helps him regain some control and bodily autonomy
he loves gifting you things: jewelry, clothes, weapons, little knickknacks he sees that remind him of you
his elven ears are so sensitive and he absolutely will whine involuntarily when you brush your fingers over them (either on accident while you're touching his curls or on purpose)
speaking of which, astarion loves having his hair played with, it's a huge comfort to him (and another form of physical touch that isn't inherently sexual, so it's one of the ways to ease him back into being intimate and physical)
sexually, he's very switchy; some days he wants to be in control and giving you all the pleasure you deserve, but other days he's more than happy to let you take the lead and love on him
he loves staying up late to have deep talks and watch the sky (sun or moon and stars, it doesn't matter which to him)
cuddle this man. all the time. he's absolutely a cuddle bug. if you don't cuddle him while you go to sleep, he'll be very huffy, and you'll wake up to him curled up around you anyway
he also likes to be the little spoon sometimes, once he's comfortable with you seeing and being wrapped around his back
he will sew everything for you instead of teaching you to do it; he likes being useful in some little way for you (inspired by @aethes-bookshelf's post here because I saw it and went "you are absolutely right")
he commonly speaks to you in Elvish whether you understand it or not; it's absolutely a comfort to him, especially when you start picking up words and understanding some of what he says
contrary to the performances he puts on, astarion is a very gentle lover when he can finally be comfortable and genuine with you. he's quieter, softer, he takes the time to learn you and himself, he lets himself enjoy it; he learns to become a taker, not just a giver
he likes to hold you, however he can, and at the very least always be touching you. an arm around your waist or shoulders, a hand on the small of your back, holding your hand or twining your pinkies together. he can't be touching you, he's standing so close to you that he could be touching you if he moved a centimeter more
he likes to hug you randomly; one of his favorite ways to do it is to come up behind you while you're cooking or talking to someone or looking at yourself in the mirror to get ready so he can surprise you by putting his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder
astarion has a habit of kissing your neck whenever he can, sometimes it's a way to let you know he's hungry, other times when he wants to be intimate, other times just to remind you he loves you
on the same hand, he doesn't always say 'i love you' but instead makes it known through his behavior around you (and the fact that he's constantly looking at you like you are his whole world, because you are)
on the nights when you can't sleep, he reads to you until you drift off because he knows you find his voice soothing
he likes tucking his head into your neck and shoulder when the two of you sleep (which he finds out he actually likes doing every now and then)
the first thing astarion does when he wakes up is pepper you with little kisses on your shoulders, collarbones, cheeks, and forehead
when he's nervous and with people he's okay with knowing that, he'll reach for your hand and touch your fingers to calm down and ground himself. if you wear a ring or multiple rings, he'll play with those
astarion loves it when you call him by a nickname, either a shortened version of his name or a pet name. if he's fed recently and had enough blood, his cheeks will turn this adorable shade of pink when you call him "Star" or "my love" or something similar
how he wakes up from a nightmare changes constantly. the worse the nightmare, the worse his reaction when he wakes up. sometimes it's just a little gasp and his eyes flying open, sometimes it's a yelp and tears, sometimes he's crying before he even wakes up; but every time, his biggest comfort is to cling to you until the panic fades and then curl up in your lap (you've learned to light a candle or summon lights with magic when he wakes up from a nightmare; the shadows make him feel worse)
when you fall asleep outside of bed, he picks you up and carries you to bed and tucks you in—all without waking you
if you are injured at any point and there is no certainty that you'll pull through, he panics. he stays at your side the entire time, even if the smell of your blood is driving him mad, and holds your hand and talks to you, often begging you to wake up, to come back to him, to stay with him; more than once, you've woken up to find him with tears streaked down his face
every time you wake up from an injury and he realizes it, either because he's watching you or because you say hi to get his attention, he smothers you in kisses
once he's no longer starving, he likes to feed from you very slowly, to take his time and enjoy your taste; now that he's promised food, he doesn't feel the need to rush. feeding becomes very sensual, intimate, and personal for the two of you after that
he also loves leaving bites and drinking from you in places the others won't see; it makes him incredibly giddy to know that you let him bite you in places only he will ever see
if he's taller than you, he loves to kiss the crown of your head whenever he can
he will sew up your injuries whenever you need his help with it, even if the sight and smell of your blood makes him salivate
he loves touching your body to see how you react and lets you do the same to learn his own likes and dislikes
matching. outfits. he loves it, loves seeing people realize that you wear the same material and colors and realize what it means. he's very smug when people come to the realization that you're together
he frequently gives you his shirts to sleep in
if you are apart from him for any amount of time, expect to be tackled with a hug the minute you are reunited again
when you have the time, he likes to just lay in bed with you and relax together, half-asleep and cuddling and sometimes mumbling to each other pt. 2 coming soon
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There Will Come A Ruler (1) || Coriolanus Snow x Reader (+18)
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Outline: You agreed to a marriage of convenience with Coriolanus Snow to please your parents and be an asset in his campaign to become the new president of Panem. On your first wedding anniversary, the man who you barely spend time with and hardly know, tells you that he wants you to give him a heir.
Word count: 3’938
Warnings: pregnancy (TTC), marriage of convenience, explicit smut (+18)
(( Part 2 - Snow Lands On Top )) - ((Part 3 - Insatiable ))
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You sat at your vanity, adjusting the necklace of pearls around your neck. The reflection in the mirror showed such an elegant woman, with the poise and grace expected of a future First Lady. You had even managed to master the art of making your fake smiles appear real, leading on everyone to believe that you were living a dream, even though things were nothing like what you’d let on in front of the people of Panem.
You repowdered your face, and brushed your hair to make sure you looked flawless before taking a deep breath and leaving the intimacy of your bedroom, the one only you slept in, to go downstairs and join your husband for dinner.
Tonight was one of the few nights he wasn’t working late or had a business dinner or event to attend. Those nights dining in your manor, just the two of you without any guests always felt strange since they were so unusual. You had a cook and a waiter, employees hired to serve you and care for everything so that the only thing expected from you was to show up, dressed and polished for the occasion. Not that Coriolanus would have noticed if you had showed up for this dinner in your pajamas and messy hair, he’d usually be too busy reading the newspaper or writing his next speech to even look at you during the meal. Then, you’d retire back to your bedroom and he would stay working late in his office until he too, would go back to his room, at the far opposite of yours in the opulent manor you resided in.
It had been a year of this routine, ignoring each other unless there were some peering eyes to scrutinize you or some important people to impress. You couldn’t say you were unhappy because what was there to complain about ? You lived in a gorgeous house, you had the privileges associated with being a powerful man’s wife and you were free to spend your days and money as you pleased, the only rule being to never, ever, do anything that could reflect badly on your politician of a husband. Days were sweet and easy. A lot more than what you had imagined when you were told that your parents had agreed for you to marry a complete stranger, just because it was an honor and a wonderful opportunity to be chosen as the fiancée of one of the most important people in Panem. The fact that you had never talked to Coriolanus Snow once before didn’t matter, the papers were signed and three days later, you found yourself walking down the aisle to a blond man, dressed in white as you were, to vow each other love and support until death brought you apart in front of a crowd of cameras, reporters and nosy onlookers.
You made your way to the dining room. With its large windows, it offered one of the best views on the garden and greenhouse, which were always well taken care of, not a single strand of grass out of line or a single rose withering without being cut off of its branch. The furnitures were simple, yet luxurious and the long table was perfect for you to sit at opposite ends from your husband. It was much easier for you to ignore each other, separated by two rows of empty seats and various dishes and platters scattered across the table.
The cook always made five courses meals , with refined food and expensive wine , and although it was only the two of you, tonight was no exception. The hors d’œuvres and entrees had been served already, red wine filling the crystal glasses on each end of the glass table. However, one thing wasn’t right…
“Mrs Snow.” Your husband greeted you, with the same politically warm smile you had mastered to do too by taking example on him.
You stopped on your way to your seat, unsure of what to expect. Despite the few meals you had shared in privacy, he had never been waiting for you standing by the window, with a glass in hand and a gorgeous rose in the other . Nor had he been so perfectly dressed and groomed for such an occasion. Usually, you could tell he had spent a long day working or attending events, his clothes always classy but his light hair frequently tousled and light purple lines under his eyes. This time though, it looked like he had dressed and prepared himself just for you, wearing his best suit and his blond locks perfectly combed back.
“Mister Snow.” You replied, observing him with a sucpicious expression.
“Happy anniversary.” He said, taking the few steps that still separated him from you to hand you the white rose he held. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, something definitely wasn’t right as he never had such caring gestures towards you if they weren’t witnessed by others. But you took the rose, politely thanking him. And surveyed the room carefully in search of a camera or an important guest you might have missed… But you didn’t find anything to justify his odd behavior. “I asked the chef to make your favorite dish for the occasion.”
You knew Coriolanus had no idea what it was, but the fact that he had been so thoughtful to ask should have been enough.
He pulled your chair for you, like the perfect gentleman he was but never bothered to be if it didn’t benefit his image, and you sat at the table, taking in the carefully presented trays of all the things you liked to eat in front of you.
The waiter entered to serve both of you, because since you became Mrs Snow, you apparently weren’t required to do the most basic things, such as filling your own plate with food yourself anymore.
Coriolanus raised his glass of wine to you, proposing to toast to the first of many years together before drinking a long sip out of his beverage. You knew you didn’t have a choice but to do the same, as etiquette dictated it, but his sudden acknowledgment of your existence was enough to make you want to throw your glass at his face and demand he told you what he was up to. But of course, you knew better than to cause a scene, even in privacy.
“I’m sure you’ll be glad to know sixty percent of the voters are favoring me for presidency.” He stated, with a proud smile you couldnt quite tell if real or forced. “Gaul says that with a few more efforts, I should be able to gain the majority, and then I’ll unquestionably win the elections.”
“That’s wonderful.” You replied, truly hoping Coriolanus will be elected to rule over Panem. It was the only thing he wanted and cared about, you didn’t want to imagine the depth of his misery if he didn’t make it. You also might have not known your husband intimately at all but, since you often had to accompany him for official duties, you had learned a thing or two about the way he’d address important business. “Is there anything I can do to help ?”
You saw him smile at your question. A genuine smile, letting you know you were asking exactly what he was hoping you would.
“Well, according to the surveys, I seem to have convinced most of the older electors . However, one part of the population seems to still have doubts about my program.” He explained, while the waiter refilled his glass of wine. “Apparently, families don’t believe I have their best interest at heart.”
“A few more events centered around children and education and I’m sure they’ll be acquired to your cause.” You said, understanding that he probably meant to ask you to accompany him more often to those, as a proof that he cared enough.
“Surely, but Gaul also suggested we start a family of our own to appear more relatable.”
You swallowed your wine with difficulty, the bitterness burning down your throat at his words. Your chest tightened, your heart pounding wildly.
“We agreed on having our first child after five years of marriage.” You reminded him, and by the way his pale eyes focused on you, you knew you were about to start an important business negotiation with him.
“Unfortunately, I need the support of these voters now, not in five years.”
“We signed a contract that detailed this topic very clearly.”
“And in that contract, you vowed to support me in my endeavors and give me two heirs at minimum. I don’t think getting started on our family now instead of later will make much of a difference to you.”
“You are asking me to carry and birth a baby but it won’t make much of a difference to me ?!” You snapped, raising your voice louder than you should have.
“What I meant to say is that you’re going to have to do it sooner or later. Might as well be now so you’re done with this part of your duty. It would benefit me greatly, and you too.”
You bit your lip to keep yourself from shouting at him. The way he was so detached about it all made you unreasonably angry. You had agreed to give him children and he was right, you knew that sooner or later you’d have to get it over with but in all honesty, it wasn’t the idea of being pregnant that gave you anxiety but the thought of what you had to do in order to achieve that.
You were good at putting up a show for the public, pretending to be perfectly in love and happy together but in truth, you didn’t even know this man. He was a stranger, living in the same house as you and that was about it. Imagining anything more intimate with him seemed preposterous.
“I’ll need to think about it.” You told him, and he nodded quietly. He was gracious enough to accept that answer for now but you knew he’d have things his way, wether you agreed or not.
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You spent a sleepless night tossing and turning in your satin sheets, mulling over Coriolanus’ request. Damn Dr. Gaul and her bright ideas ! It already was her fault if you had been chosen to be Mister Snow’s perfect wife, an honor in the eyes of most but it felt oddly similar to being picked as a tribute and sent into the arena to you. You didn’t have much say in what you wanted then, you knew you didn’t have anymore to say now. You really were faced with only two choices; either agree and conceive a child, either take the risk of being replaced by a more willing - and less opiniated - new wife.
It took you until the next evening to finally accept that you only had one resonable answer to give him. Unfortunately, the hours seemed to pass by way too slowly since Coriolanus wasn’t home for supper that night, leaving you alone in the empty dining room with your thoughts. You had waited for him for a while, enjoying the cosy living room as night fell over the Capitol until you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore and fell asleep on the teal sofa by the chimney.
When you woke up, the flames that had kept you warm were merly embers. You hadn’t noticed the difference in temperature, thanks to one of the house employees who had been thoughtful enough to cover you with a warm wool blanket. You rose up and stretched, deciding to finish your night in the comfort of your bed but when you walked passed your husband’s office, you noticed a light seeping from underneath the door.
After a gentle knock, you tentatively turned the knob to enter the room you had never been in before. Just like his bedroom, his office usually was a place you avoided in order to keep the distances between the two of you when you didn’t have to fake a happy marriage for others.
You weren’t too surprised by the luxurious items that decorated the room, the white couch and the very large desk in the center of the room were very much in Coriolanus’s style; classic and elegant. But what really caught your attention in this unknown territory was the man behind the desk, dishelved, with his tie undone and the first few buttons of his shirt opened. In a year of living together, you had never seen your husband look so… common.
“You’re awake.” He remarked, leaning back in his armchair and rubbing his eyes with one hand.
“And so are you.”
“I usually don’t go to bed before three or four o’clock.”
You glanced at the clock on the mantel of his fireplace, indicating three twenty five. You quickly did the math, realizing how little sleep he got since most days, when you got up and had breakfast at seven in the morning, he always already was off to his other office in town.
“Don’t you think you might be overworking yourself ?” You asked him, finally daring to fully step inside the room and approach his desk.
“It’s better than having nightmares.” He confessed, matter of factly before looking away from you, as if he hadn’t meant to say something so personal to you. “Did you need something ?”
You stopped in front of the white desk, standing with your thighs pressed against the edge. Even sitting, he still looked quite taller than you.
“I’d like a whole new wardrobe designed by Fabricia Whatnot, a pond in the greenhouse with koi fishes and to add some shelves to the library with more up to date books, mostly romance.”
Coriolanus’ intrigued pale blue eyes observed you, the ghost of an amused smile on his lips.
“And what will I get in exchange of all of this ?” He asked, although his smirk showed he already knew the answer.
“A heir.” You replied, with the satisfaction of at least gaining the most you could ask for out of the deal. His smile grew wider, and you wondered if it was a genuine one. It had to be. It seemed so much warmer than his other ones…
“Then you’ll get everything you want, sweetheart.” You smiled at him, genuinely happy with this outcome although the perspective of what was meant to happen next still terrified you.
He stood from his chair, eyes remaining fixed on you as he walked around his desk to join you on the other side. You felt a shiver run up your spine once he was close enough for you to feel the warmth radiating from his skin onto yours.
With a hand on each of your hips, he lifted you up to sit you down on the edge of his desk. He looked down at you, his face so close to yours and even if it caused your heartbeat to go wild, you knew he wouldn’t kiss you. He never did.
Instead, he finished unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, revealing his unexpectedly muscular chest, a vague testament left of his previous life as a peacekeeper in the districts.
He placed his white shirt on the desk next to you, careful to fold it neatly enough to avoid creasing before focusing his attention back on you.
Your breath caught in your throat as you felt his hands on you again, first against the bare skin of your legs and slowly but unmistakably making their way up to your thighs, bringing your skirt up in their wake. A ragged breath escape your lips when his fingers trailed the elastic of your underwear, exploring the shape of it by following its lines until suddenly, the warmth and roughness of his fingers had slipped under the fabric and pressed directly on your skin.
He reached between your legs rather gently, a finger slipping between your folds and softly tracing a few lines connecting your entrance to your clit He was being considerate enough to take things slow and prepare you for him, which was something you strangely didn’t expect him to do. Well to be fair, in all twelve months you had been Coriolanus Snow’s wife, you hadn’t given much thoughts to what intimacy might be like with him. Of course, you knew it would have to happen eventually, you had signed a contract after all but you usually avoided fantasizing about it.
You knew Coriolanus probably had an abundance of mistresses to please him whenever he wanted - or needed - them. He was a very good looking man. You knew that already, but seeing him as he was tonight, without much care to his appearance, was yet another proof of how devastatingly handsome he could be.
You liked the way he caressed you, it was the most intimate touch you had ever shared together, and it somehow felt nice to connect with him. But it also was pretty obvious that, even in a situation such as this one, he still was very much in control of himself and of every aspect of what was happening. It was unfair. If he was asking you to let go and was slowly but surely awakening your desire for him with the way his finger still circled your center, he might as well abandon his pretenses and enjoy it too.
Determined to help, you reached out for his pants, unbuttoning them before he could protest and pulling out the hardened length of his cock out of his underwear. It was so rigid and warm in your hand, dark veins running all along his shaft up to his pale tip, which was slightly glistening already. You looked back at him unable to conceal your surprise at how ready he was for you already. You hadn’t done anything to get him in the mood, nor had you removed a single piece of clothing yet but he already seemed to be throbbing with desire with the simple anticipation of what was about to happen.
You ran your thumb over his tip, collecting a drop of his precum with a blush creeping to your cheeks. He stared at you as you did, refusing to let any emotions show on his face but unable to stop himself from shuddering. It helped you feel more confident. With a soft smile for him, you used your other hand to undo the bow around your waist, which held your dress together. It came undone by itself, revealing your chest to him which caused his eyes to darken slightly.
A silent struggle seemed to take place in his mind, hesitating between following his plan as he had imagined it, methodically proceeding in order to procreate or giving in to the violent pulsion of pure lust he felt at the sight of your gorgeous body , taking you like a wild animal rather than pretending to be a gentleman.
You huffed in surprise when you felt his finger slip once more into your wetness before he pushed it inside you, as deeply as it could go. In return, you pumped his cock a few times, enjoying the sight of him trying to resist the pleasure it instantly gave him. He moved his finger in and out of you in synch with your own movements along his shaft before deciding that you were stretched enough to add another one and try to expand you a bit more. You moaned and immediately bite your lip to silence yourself, if he was being careful to not lose control over any of this then you were determined to do the same. But the way he smirked with satisfaction as the sound of your whimper of exctasy when he added a third finger inside you almost caused you to climax already.
You lifted your hips up, trying to move your body and get him to hit even deeper inside you which seemed to amuse him. He liked the way you were slowly starting to lose your mind over the intensity of the pleasure he was giving you.
You gently tugged on his erection still firmly squeezed in your fist, attempting to bring him closer so that he would understand that you were more than ready to take him, as big as he was.
His fingers left you, your walls pulsing with a need for more but instead of his cock pushing past your entrance, it’s his lips savagely crashing against yours that you felt. It was a messy kiss, full of unspoken words and concealed passion finally pouring out. A kiss that was nothing like the chaste, picture perfect, kiss you had shared on your wedding day.
The next moment, his lips were gone and he yanked you to the edge of his desk by a tight grip on your wet panties. They teared under the pressure of his movement and, with the fabric out of his way, all he had left to do was press his hips between your legs spread opened and slam his cock inside you. It was so sudden, your eyes rolled back with the intensity of it all for a moment.
A panted breath escaped his lips, letting you know you felt as good to him as he felt to you. He was trying to stay focused on you, trying to keep his first few thrusts slow and long but as soon as you moaned, the last of his restrain dissolved and he slammed himself back in, shoving his entire length inside you and hitting deep where you so desperately needed to feel him.
With one hand on your hip and the other reaching for your bra, he rocked you in rythym with his blunt thrusts and you definitely gave up on staying silent, letting your loud noises fill his office and probably resonate in the entire manor.
Your body tensed, clenching his cock so hard that you felt it even deeper and it sent you off the edge. Your legs trembled and your vision blurred as a wave of exceptional pleasure took hold of your entire being, making you feel dizzy and satisfied all at once. No matter the strength of the orgasm shaking your body, your husband kept thrusting abruptly in and out of you at the same pace for a bit longer until you felt his warm release filling you up and he collapsed in your arms, panting.
You brought your hands to his soft blond hair, gently playing with his curls as you kept your eyes shut and tried to regain your senses, your legs still shaking and your core still pulsating around him.
A moment went by during which you almost felt close to the stranger you had married, like you finally knew a very intimate part of him but as soon as he had managed to catch his breath, he pulled out of you and regained his flawless, controlled composure.
“Do you think it worked ?” You asked him, still lightly panting.
He put his softening erection back in his pants and reached for his shirt before taking back his place behind his desk.
“I think we should keep trying, just to be sure.” He replied, with a glance at you that clearly betrayed the excitement he felt at the idea of doing it all again with you.
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