#instead of reminding herself that i suffer from. severe mental disorders making everythinf harder for me. she looks at me and goes

[ars0nism]

its a special kinda pain to watch your younger sibling grow into everything your parents always expected of you

#shes almost done in 8th grade #when i was in 8th grade i had to switch schools and redo the year because of me severe mental disorders getting in my way #now shes here. 8th grade. end of the year. her average an 8 out of 10. and im about to fail 10th. #and it eouldnt FUCKING hurt so much if my mom didnt constantly compare us #instead of reminding herself that i suffer from. severe mental disorders making everythinf harder for me. she looks at me and goes #'wow look at that why couldnt you do that huh??' #not to mention my sister has an entire squad of friends. she does sport. shes everything my mom wanted me to be #and even my dad who always says he loves me and just wants me to be happy like i know hes disappointed in me for fucking everything up #im a fucking useless wreck of a human being sometimes and compared to my golden child little sister im. nothing #im the prototype. #she used to always have to fight her way out of my shadow and in doing so she got so big im now in hers and im only getting smaller #she got big shoes to fill and her shoe size grew bigger #that kinda shit #i was that golden child. i was the kid reading books when the others were learning letters. i was the kid always done with everything first. #i finished a reading test thing thst was supposed to last till 4th/5th grade in 2nd. #and look at me now #i should probably go to sleep lol #i know its not my fault but that only makes it worse?? why me??? why am i worthless to my mom???