#instead it creates this sense that you are this vessel; that it's a self-insert; it creates a fusion with the character; which in turn makes

[starkkawajiri]

im feeling better and i had a brilliant brilliant genius idea scoob. (EXPLANATION BELOW)

okay class what was the author trying to say

fatui harbinger au. SHOCKED EMOJI

sub-au. an AU of an AU (marvel impact) because three things happened to cross paths in my big empty mind:

1. "man i would love an evil stephen au"

2. "man i need to draw genshin mordo"

and 3. "i love the harbingers" and when the idea lit up like a flame in my brain i exploded out of bed

this au consists of the best magic users ever being fatui harbingers (rip traveler) because evil hot and crazy sexy, instead of adding more harbingers they replace already existing ones because one two three enough fatui for me

so basically evil evil magic users au

((before moving on for ppl that do play genshin but dont know much about the fatui harbingers, there's 11 of them and they're ranked based on strength, personally i wouldnt even know how to scale them based on their powers so i didnt touch the ranks, just switched out the characters))

NOW EXPLAINING EACH OF THEM IN ORDER OF THEIR 'RANK' starting with lowkey

Loki is pretty self explanatory, he takes The Tsaritsa's place because cryo archon.... ice...god.....

i was initially planning on making loki take scaramouche's place because i found scara's "YOU'RE INTERRUPTING A CONVERSATION BETWEEN GODS......" dialogue in the sumeru quest so funny and because the idea of loki being a fake-god seemed cool, but her as the cryo archon and overall leader of the fatui was too good to put aside

IMPORTANT NOTE/EDIT: NVM YALL LMFAOOOO I DECIDED (iwas MANIPULATED /j /aimed) TO CHANGE LOKI BACK TO TAKING SCARAMOUCHE'S PLACE there's a lot more things they have in common and it sets an interesting dynamic between him and other characters in this au, including thor ("better version of him"), strange (using loki as a vessel to create a god) etc

Wong's the baddest bitch in this post theres no other explanation

im (half)joking (hes so fine) theres an explanation

it was between that and making him take Il Capitano's place, which would have been Rank 1, and he would have still ranked higher than everyone else (besides Loki) so i looked at their wikis .

The Director (Pierro) handpicked certain Harbingers, two of which being Il Dottore and La Signora (in this au, Strange and Wanda) so that was just the stars aligning for this au

Strange's gotta be even more self-explanatory than Loki's

il dottore. the doctor.

need i say more (no but i will)

i need at least 34084 aus of this man being evil idk i cant control myself

Sufian and Zandik (Dottore) already had a lot in common or parallel in the marvel impact au, both expelled students from the Akademiya, positive/negative relations with the dendro archon, man kissers, insert il dottore wiki

i want him to be scary and feared now and then, is that too much for a man to want from another man (rip eleazar patients)

clea had to be arlecchino/the knave because. because

clea in a suit primary excuse

arlecchino's cool hair secondary excuse

woman kisser back-up excuse

theres little to no explanation here i just sensed it spiritually (arlecchino is the best ily arlecchino) + the theory about arlecchino being half-hilichurl?? or something like that? because of the cool gradient on her skin, which is rlly awesome, so non-human bonus points

need more insane, cold, calculated, manipulative, insane, insane, deceiving, insane women sometimes

mordo he exists hes here save me mordo

im gonna be so fr with you guys rn

pulcinella is just there, i forget he exists often times

only mordo can fix that

after deciding on making Wong the Director, i considered making Mordo take Il Capitano's place or Pantalone's/The Regrator's, but i was really really unsure, he didn't seem to fit either of them and by making him take the Regrator's place I would be putting him in a rank that is wayy too low (9) and considering how little there is about Pulcinella (literally almost nothing), I would have a lot of creative freedom

wanda had to be one of the easiest to sort out....la signora..... alternatively "crimson witch".......? come on they forced my hand atp

im so sorry red bisexual i didnt want you to get such a low rank (8) i had no other choice

la signora is such a badass im tired of pretending shes not (+her Crimson Witch form is amazing)

consumed by grief and anguish, destroying themselves in the process? they twin

fandom theories about their resurrection? they twin

that was it i love being normal about any interest i have . ever

#the traveler is NOT making it out of snezhnaya #i love when my favorites infest literally Anything #dr strange #wong #wanda maximoff #karl mordo #clea strange #loki laufeyson #marvel #genshin impact #marvel au

[nntheblog]

Tokyo Revengers Chapter 268 Release Date

Anyone who knows me knows that time travel is my favorite sci-fi genre so it’s only natural that when a show uses that as its premise, I’m going to check it out. Tokyo Revengers took that time travel premise and added a bit of urban gang warfare to it but it wasn’t as dark and gritty as one would expect it to be. When I say that, I mean in the art style. Did this clash of genres create a memorable experience Tokyo Revengers Chapter 268 Release Date The author has still yet to confirm the release date of the next chapter Tokyo Revengers. But what we noticed from their previously released chapters the pattern Discloses, Chapter 268 of Tokyo Revengers is planned to deliver on Tuesday, August 30, 2022, at 12:00 AM JST. For more Latest Updates on Tokyo Revengers Manhwa Visit or Bookmark Rajerc.com Website. Tokyo Revengers Chapter 268 Release Time Due to Geographical Locations Release Dates and Time may vary for each Country. - Pacific Time: 8 AM - Central Time: 10 AM - Eastern Time: 11 AM - British Time: 4 PM - European Time: 5 PM - India Time: 8.30 PM Story - about Tokyo Revengers The premise behind Tokyo Revengers may not be new, revolving around gangs and time leaps, but it is the first one that involves the best of both elements to deliver us a gripping story. Many people said that it is an overrated anime, but in my opinion, it is just getting the recognition it deserves. The manga has gained a lot of popularity since it started to be serialised in the Weekly Shōnen Magazine and it even had a live-action that it is getting rave reviews. Tokyo Revenges’ animated series had 24 episodes that cover just the tip of the iceberg, but that does not make it less intriguing. Hanagaki Takemichi somehow gained the ability to go back in time. It is not explained how he acquired this ability, but instead, it centres more on how Takemicchi is rediscovering his young self but with an adult perspective. The characters are introduced gradually, giving the viewers the time to easily process their purpose and what kind of role they will play in the story. What amazed me the most is how much the characters grew at the end of the anime. But I do not know if you all ever have this sixth sense that tells you that you should not get attached to certain characters because you will probably end up suffering? Well… I got that feeling since the first episode, but as is common in me, I ignored it just to suffer (insert clowns emote). So, I would advise you not to get attached to ANY character unless you want to be welcomed in the club of “people that knew they should not have gotten attached for certain characters but did it anyway”. The final episode left me with a bitter taste in my mouth and somehow, this just pushed me to start reading the manga since I could not hold my urge to know what happened after Kisaki killed Chifuyu. Starting the manga was a one-way trip with no possibility of returning and I am sitting here, in the corner, just waiting for news about a second season. Characters I must say that where this anime stands out the most is with its great character development and growth. Hanagaki Takemichi Takemichi is the main protagonist of the series and our cry baby hero. It was a bit frustrating to see him cry over and over again, but I guess that is how they show us that we are not any more mature just for being adults and it will not always be easy to deal with life’s struggles. Takemichi is trying so hard to change the future for the better, even if he had to go back in time many times or sacrifice himself to achieve a future where all his friends could be happy. Sano Manjiro – Mikey Mikey may not be the main protagonist, but without a doubt, he is one of the characters that play a significant role in the story. Mikey is an important key in every new future that Takemichi achieves. Mikey has a good heart, but despite that, his traumatic life experiences turned him into a vessel of dark impulses and despair. I loved his character, but sometimes I am like: “can someone please take him to see a psychologist?”. He is broken inside and is dealing with everything alone, he is just 15 years old, let him breathe… But despite his flaws, Mikey has gained the recognition and love of many Tokyo Revengers fans. Ryūguji Ken – Draken Draken also plays an important role in the story’s development. Being Toman’s vice-president and the one who acts as Mikey’s protector, Draken has gained one of the top spots in my heart. He cared a lot about his friends and sometimes was the one who made Mikey reflect on his actions. In the anime, it is like “there is no Draken without Mikey nor Mikey without Draken”, both were the support of each other (more Draken than Mikey). It was warming to see this kind of friendship in a story that is full of despair, fights and deaths. Tachibana Naoto Naoto also plays a significant role in Tokyo Revengers since he is the one who helps Takemichi the most during the time leap (poor Naoto is used as a taxi for Takemichi). But he is one of the main supports for Takemichi and I think he could not have achieved a lot of things without Naoto’s help. But sometimes, I found myself laughing when I remembered that Naoto was just a kid when Takemichi told him about the time leap thing and how his sister would die in 12 years. I mean, Naoto believed what an unknown person (Takemichi) said, if it were me, I probably would think that the man was on drugs or something like that. Tetta Kisaki I truly hate this character ah… But I cannot deny that Kisaki is a great antagonist. He is a genius and even if things did not always turn on his side, he still managed to manipulate everything from start to end. He used anything and anyone to make things go in his favour without a pinch of empathy. Read the full article

[fireemblems24]

Silver Snow - Final

Alright, so last time last chapter, for Silver Snow. It's been very, very long lol. But I'm sad to see it end.

Alright, so I'm guessing this gravestone thing is picking who I marry?

Annnnd I pick Rhea!

I'll be honest, I was a bit nervous that I forgot which route I needed to rush to her A-Support for, so I'm relieved I got to pick her.

I'll be honest. I have NO idea who we're going to fight on the last map. Before I go to the mission, here's a few guessed: Evil!Edelgard from FEH (though that seems more likely for AM), TWSITD leader, that one dude from the opening cutscene (Nemesis, I believe).

Let's see if I guessed right.

PRE-BATTLE

Rhea without a crown on her head looks weird.

I really wish she got more of a role in this route, not gonna lie.

Is Rhea gonna die? But I picked to marry her. She better not die.

Byleth ruling Fodlan in this route makes sense at least. Especially if Rhea's all sick and stuff now.

Great, Rhea's just a plot-dump instead.

So Rhea this whole time just wanted to see her Mom, poor woman.

So she fused Sothis and Byleth together? Why? Is that what Jeralt was freaked out about in the diary?

Ah, so Rhea created human-like bodies, and upgraded to real babies then? That's kinda shady, kinda illegal sounding.

OH, ok. Thank God. I thought Rhea ran around experimenting on babies. But if it wasn't going to survive anyways, than she actually gave it its only change. So Sothis stone is something like a pace maker for Byleth?

And Byleth's mother actually asked Rhea to do it. This gets less and less sus the more it goes on lol.

Ok, so that explains why Byleth was all weird before Sothis woke up too, because it was only magic keeping Byleth alive.

But . . . if Sothis is inside Byleth, and Sothis is Rhea's mom, and I'm marrying Rhea - does that mean incest? Leave it to Fire Emblem to create the most pesudo-incest-but-not-really-kinda? ever invented. I guess we know what else Holy Wars inspired in this game.

Man Rhea just ran around being like Fodlan's Oprah - you get a crest stone, and you get some blood, and you get some blood! Everyone wins!

OMG Rhea, stop making this incest thing more apparent! Now she's like your mom was my mom, you're my mom, and your dad is also me. Let's fuck. Only Fire Emblem.

So let me get this straight. In part 1, Rhea was nice to Byleth because she saw Byleth as a vessel for Sothis. Claude was nice to Byleth because Byleth could wield a powerful weapon and had a mystery crest. This also seems to be the reason Edelgard was nice to Byleth based on support timing. So only Dimitri really saw Byleth, hunh?

They really went and made the self-insert an actual god lamo.

WTF is going on with Rhea? It's that heartbeat noise again.

Is Rhea going super saiyan?

The power of her crest is taking over her body. OMG is Rhea the final boss? What a random as hell ending.

Does that mean I don't get to marry anyone??

I seriously can't believe Berserk Rhea is the final part of this story. Crazy dragon isn't anything new to Fire Emblem, but how lame. There was 0 build up to this.

I'm not killing Rhea, Seteth.

If Rhea lives though, imagine all the embarrassing stories she's going to have to deal with and endless PMS jokes.

BATTLE

I'm really glad I'm not all split up. It looked that way on the map at first.

Ick, imagine having to drink blood and have some crest stone in you just to get a promotion at your job.

Gotta give Seteth credit for not hesitating to take down berserk Rhea no matter how much it must hurt him.

LAMO Linhardt doesn't want to kill Rhea because of the research potential. Boy didn't change AT ALL since chapter 1. And we love him for it.

This level was super easy - and then you fight Rhea.

If I didn't have Ferdinand Untouchable von Aegir, this would be a whole lot hell harder. I don't even remember the last time he took damage. This and pot shots with archer horses that hit-and-run took her down.

Still MVP is Ferdinand. Full stop.

He was always one of the best I had in SS, but he started falling behind especially Sylvain, but Petra and Lysithea were also beastly.

But Lysithea and Sylvain got gimped this chapter. Nothing physical can touch Sylvain, but all the magic damage meant his tanking was useless and he can't dodge Rhea either. Everything having high res or being immune to magic at first has made Lysithea severely less useful than usual. Petra is still pulling her weight, but it's all about the fact no one and nothing can touch Ferdinand.

38 turns OMG. Ferdie MVP though. As he should. That boy did a beat down on poor Rhea.

OMG. I think - I just beat my first final battle. 😭

3 more to go 😭

Lord give me the strength (especially Crimson Flower - I don't want to kill Dimitri OR Dedue 😭😭)

POST BATTLE

Seteth sounds so worried.

Holy shit, M!Byleth is pretty in this cut scene. He better be in Three Hopes or I riot.

Castle in the Sky vibes there

Oh, God, so awkward, she just called me mom, and I'm about to marry her, oh God they're going to have some weird sex aren't they?

Rhea's wild rampage - poor Rhea. After getting put on a bus the whole time, she comes back to rampage.

Noooo, why is Kingdom and the Alliance gone? The Empire can suck it, little Imperialists.

Where's Rhea in all this though?

So Byleth becomes an eternal pope king?? OMG, that's hilarious.

The art for those cut scenes though is so good. I really liked this last one of pope king Byleth.

S-SUPPORT

RHEA!!!! There she is. Finally. And she's got her crown again.

Why is Rhea asking if it's okay if she's happy??? 😭😭 Dragon lady deserves all the happiness.

I love how Rhea thinks her other form makes her deserve unhappiness. Like, I cannot tell you how long I've wanted to ride a dragon. Like Eragon was straight-up wish fulfillment. Only my desire for a unicorn was - is - stronger.

Pretty sure not "everyone" wants Byleth to lead. I don't remember voting for him.

Rhea, baby, stop putting yourself down :(

She is owning up to her shit though. Just like Dimitri did.

Now it's Edelgard's turn (I already know that's not happening)

HOW is Byleth's fate Rhea's fault? The alternative is dying stillborn. Like, come on, Rhea, you have a lot to own up too, but this ain't it.

Rhea's design is sooooo pretty though. If I was a cosplayer - that one. (but I don't have thighs like that)

RHEA 😭😭😭😭😭

"Now, I wish only for you to be yourself . . . and to have you by my side."

OMG it's the classic FE "stay by my side" which was tantamount to marriage in the old games, because that's ALL YOU GOT.

RHEA GAVE ME A RING OMG 😭😭😭

They're both being so sweet, I can't.

And here's my ring 😭😭😭

This is so damn cute. Do they all exchange rings like this?

Rhea sparkled. I made her sparkle.

Ok, that picture is kinda cringe, but Rhea's pretty, so I'll take it. Now I need to see Seteth's because . . . reasons.

OMG Rhea's such a SAP "I believe that our love can overcome all."

POST-GAME

Sylvain and Ferdinand got MVP the most. Especially Sylvain. Lysithea and Byleth got it a lot too with the occasional Petra and Bernie.

Is it time for paired endings- yes!!

Cyril went o school. Good for him.

And Shamir became Robin Hood lol.

Catherine left, she's salty Rhea married me instead.

Alois became the captain, good for him!

Manuela helped orphans and never married 😭😭😭

People forgot Flayn existed, but eventually called Seteth father 😭😭😭

Seteth helping the people as expected.

Hanneman kept doing his thing and undid Crest supremacy. What a champ.

Leonie took over Jeralst's mercenaries 😭😭 and became an alcoholic, whyyyyy

Oh, wow, Felix paired up with no one. So he just became a mercenary. I forgot, he's my VW dancer. I didn't use him much here.

Anna made money. This is shocking.

LINHARDT and CASPAR - yesssss, I wanted these two. Lamo they traveled the world and nothing changed. With Caspar the himbo and Linhardt their shared braincell.

PETRA and DOROTHEA!!!!! Another one I wanted paired up!!!! So Petra made Brigid equal like the queen she is.

Wait . . . "Dorothea became the one Petra loved the most." There is no way to heterosexual that sentence. OMG 😭😭😭😭😭 They deserve it.

Lorenz and Lysithea - alright I guess. I wanted Lorenz and Leonie, and don't really ship Lysithea with anyone (maybe Cyril?)

WTF ending is that. Lysithea comes up with some queen boss shit and Lorenz gets all the credit? I guess that's what likely happened all the time, but a shit ending for Lysithea. She's sick and her husband gets all the credit. Damn, she deserved better. Way better.

Sylvain and Ingrid - awww, they seemed pushed together, so I'm happy with this. And Sylvain also ended Crest supremacy and went down and an amazing lord.

That's great for him, but I wish we got a bit more of Ingrid in that ending. Marrying Sylvain doesn't sound so bad though.

OMG Ferdinand married Bernie - lolol. Honestly, not so bad. I think it's cute they were engaged. And I think they'll be cute together.

So Bernie ruled Ferdie's territory while Ferdie ran around helping out all of Fodlan. Eh, it's an alright ending.

Now it's me and Rhea, yea

So Rhea's the pope still, and I'm king. That works. And Rhea helped all those who suffered in war and we were boss leaders. Generic, but I'll take it.

I think that's it, guys.

I'm officially done with Silver Snow.

One down. Three to go.

Oh, music time. Now I'm getting emotional. Lord help me when it's AM and it's my last one.

I'll be writing up a review on SS later.

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses spoilers #fe3h #fe16 #silver snow #rhea

[moved-to-void-kissed]

Of Rubies and Sapphires

Document link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MXlNYYIQPVEeOXwsWuA4WIQ6E-LPJ-Z1BYljZbqlfuM/edit?usp=sharing

Trapped by the shadow brought to life by a magical mirror as she wanders the realm of darkness, Aria is forced to finally reconcile with the other aspect of “herself”, once assumed to have been devoured by the dark. (1656 words) My piece written for Our Canon Now! 2020, a self-insert zine created by ginari and shirorabu.

Tag list (joinable via this link!): @softskiesahead | @dragonsmooch | @thatslikesometaldude | @lilacslovers | @lux-has-too-many-fos | @beeon | @insomniaships | @setzale​ | @candyforthebrain​ | @rixbar | @elf-and-a-heart

This was my contribution to the self-insert zine created at the end of last year! I was really happy to be able to take part in such a great project, especially since it let me write out this scene between Aria and Ves. I also created an MMD render to portray a specific part, so.. I’ll have to see if I can find that, too!

Reblogs are appreciated but not by any means required - I also highly recommend going and checking out all the other wonderful art and writing in the zine!! As always, there’s a transcript of the doc under the readmore, too~ 

 I spoke aloud to myself as I stood before a tall oval mirror, coldly ornate with a rim of decorative gold. Dotted about the design were a series of red and blue gemstones, well-crafted in spite of their current neglect. The glass itself was smooth and clear, but obscured by a film of dust and dirt, so that the details reflected were hazy. A shame, really - for the backdrop it faced was a sea of glittering fragments, suspended in the air for as far as the eye could see. This was the shadow of a sky, and I appeared to have found my way to an open-air gallery. Here and there, sparkling shards shone a thousand colours in the flickering lights of the torch fires, subtly shimmering as flames flickered and glowed. Behind all of these lay the purest black of darkness - the fabric which held this entire realm together, ripped raw to expose itself wholly.

 I was no stranger to this endless abyss; in fact, it made a welcome change to have something so bright and yet piercingly empty stand before it. A useless curtain, if it were meant for obscuring - but the glittering glass still reminded me of the stars I had not seen for so long. Now though, afraid of where my mind would take me if I dwelled on such matters for too long - and wanting to discern what was actually happening - I turned back again to face the wall where the mirror hung.

..Now that I thought about it, something was missing from its reflection - myself. 

And then, like a fool, I stepped closer.

 I expected to see the familiar sights of my wings, my eyes, my ears - the parts of me that turn others away. Instead I was faced with something a lot more human, which appeared out of nowhere in the mirror. She had the same face that I wore, but her eyes were wrong - instead of hard amber, her eyes were a brilliant green. And staring directly into mine with piercing anger. I was startled and tried to step backwards, but the girl reached out of the mirror and grabbed my right arm’s sleeve. Caught off-guard, I slipped on the cold stone under me and awkwardly fell forwards. The reflection was undaunted, though, and wrenched herself backwards with a shout to pull me straight through the mirror glass. 

 I instinctively tensed up and closed my eyes, expecting a shower of shards in my face, but instead was sent tumbling into a curious space inside the mirror itself. The ground was solid, but my entrance sent some kind of ripple through the floor, as if I had landed in shallow water. There was no real difference between the walls and the floor - both were made of a strange dark blue material, like some kind of clouded silk. However, as I had found out firsthand by crashing into it, this material was hard and solid to the touch. What was this world within..?

 That was anything but my main concern, though, as I quickly came to my senses and tried to get back to my feet. The imperfect reflection was doing the same, having managed to launch herself backwards by pulling me through the mirror. Now I could see her in perfect clarity, no longer obscured by the dust time had left on the glass - and she was in quite a state. She wore the same clothes that I did, but where mine were comfortable and deliberate, hers looked forced-on and ill-fitting. Her hair hung limply on either side of her face, with no sign of my cat’s ears, and my pitch-black wings were nowhere to be seen either. It was like she was someone human, someone normal, trying to dress up as me. There was anger pulsing through her body, but it seemed somehow hesitant, and her face was soaked with a thousand tears. I could work with that.

“Why have you brought me here?” I asked her. No use fighting when you can reason with someone, after all. Especially given that I could not summon my Keyblade, and if this entity had tried to reflect my appearance then there was every chance it could mirror my power.

“You know why!” she cried, in a voice like a child’s. “Look at what you’ve done to me!”

Oh.

That wasn’t what I was expecting to hear. “So you’re saying that you’re-”

“Look at me!” She yelled to drown me out and pointed at herself with a sob. “I never wanted to be like this. You’re the one who did this to me!”

In the face of her anguish, I refused to let my rising emotions show. “You say it like you think I don’t know that, Ves.”

“Don’t call me that!-” 

 All of a sudden she lunged out towards me - I tried to leap out of her way, but there was nowhere to go and I was too close to the edge of the “room” to try and fly. There was a flash of ice as Ves tried to summon a blade of her own - but like mine, it faltered into nothing. It seemed we were linked in that aspect. In retaliation, I sent forth a blast of dark fire to get her away from me so that I could regain the upper hand. I was tired from my previous exploring, but my magic was always at its height in this realm, thanks to all the darkness to augment it. Luckily, that held true in the mirror too, and she was flung backwards again.

 If nothing else, her reaction to her name confirmed my suspicions. This was not a reflection at all. Instead, she was what remained of the vessel I had taken so long ago, what I had used to live on and be complete again. I had assumed whatever was left of her had faded away with time; perhaps that was the reason for her having almost the same appearance as me. Given a choice, she would certainly not have done so, but it may well have been the only way the mirror could give her a form.

 To try and show that most human of aspects - mercy - I kept low and attempted to look as non-threatening as possible. This was not something I could do easily, but I tried anyway, lowering my wings and removing the mask over my mouth. Ves’ eyes widened at this, and she retained her anger, but sadness was building up behind it. It was clear that despite her outburst, she was not seeking to destroy me - perhaps she realised that doing so would lead to her demise as well, or perhaps it was merely that she was not a fighter.

“Fine, then.” I paused, and used the name I took from her. “Aria. That’s you, isn’t it?”

“I’m me.” she started coldly, then I think she realised what I had actually said. “You- you stole my name. Like everything else about me.”

No way of getting around that, unfortunately. “I suppose that’s true. So, what, have you come to take it back?”

“I- yes! I have to get rid of you!!”

 She was clearly caught off-guard, however defiantly she stated her intentions. The fact she had no weapon was likely the main factor, although there was still every chance she could use the same magic as me. It was then that I realised the mirror had appeared behind her - and through it, I caught a glance of the real world I had come from. A chance to escape! The ceiling of this strange space looked too low, but there was still a way of getting around her. I slowly crouched lower, let my wings unfurl, darted to the side as Ves flinched from the sudden movement- and my hand brushed against hers when I passed her.

 A cascade of emotions brought me to the floor. All her anguish, all her pain, from all those years - I felt every aspect of it in a single moment. She was what I had used to live on, the reason I could be as I am now; but how I had repaid the favour? In the most Heartless way I could have - by twisting her form, taking her name, and leaving her dormant. She was a shell trapped in slumber, with her light consumed and overshadowed. No more than a soul left to fade away in place of all it could have been. How could I have done that to her? To anyone?

I turned and looked up at her, now understanding what I had put her through, but unable to speak through the emotions. Ves seemed to notice that, too, and her expression had shifted - perhaps our connection had reunited her with the memories I had that she never experienced.

Then she spoke, with what felt like a much more characteristic quietness. “Can you.. let me be myself again?”

I rose to my feet, and gave only an honest answer. “I can’t let go of you entirely. I don’t remember how to. But.. if you have the strength to show up, I won’t fight it. I’ve kept you down long enough.”

“..I understand.” She smiled, even if it was not all she was hoping to hear. “Thank you, Aria.”

“You’re welcome.. Aria.”

A more amused smile from her this time. “That’s going to be confusing, isn’t it?”

We both managed to laugh at that one, despite ourselves, and as I stepped through the mirror, the sound of her laughter shifted from outside to inside me as my reflection became nothing more than that. I felt different now, but as the cold and empty realm sprawled itself before me again, I knew for sure that I had done something right for once. And I had a new goal in sight - to find a way for us both to survive.

#a call from the void #creations from the void #selfship #selfshipping #self‑inserts #self‑insert: darkness' champion (aria) #self‑insert: ruby in the light (ves) #our canon now! 2020 #this post is okay to reblog! #if I didn't quite literally have the voice of a 12-year-old (as evidenced by my ursula impression) I would try and record this #since it *is* from aria's perspective.. which would therefore be mine.. so yeah #hey maybe I should repost that commentary on it that I rambled about to dragon #but yeah anyway I hope this is alright #the tag list was mostly just copied from the xiara render so hopefully it's all still applicable #waiting in the wings #so it goes out a little bit later

[cloudninetonine]

Guess what I’m hyperfixating on now

🎇Genshim Impact🎇 and I wanted to do a crossover so....

Genshin Impact x Avatar (A reader of course because this is a self insert blog) and the traveller (who is the reader) is the 🎇Avatar🎇

(I won’t lie to you guys the traveller is probably gonna be female because that’s what I do with my stories, I’m sorry-)

(SPOILERS FOR GENSHIN IMPACT AND ALTA/TLOK AHEAD, I ALSO DO NOT OWN GENSHIN NOR THE AVATAR FRANCHISE AND THIS IS MERELY FANFICTION)

(THIS ALSO CHANGES THE MAIN STORYLINE AND CONCEPTS IN BOTH FRANCHISES, SO THERE’S GONNA BE SOME STUFF THAT YOU’LL THINK “That doesn’t make a lick of sense to [this franchise] BUT I AM TRYING TO MAKE IT BELIVABLE BUT THIS IS ALSO FANFICTION SO PLEASE JUST ENJOY IT)

Starting with characters (GUYS I HAVE ONLY STARTED THE LIYUE CHAPTER, I ONLY JUST MET CHILDE AND THE OTHER ADEPTI SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR ONLY DOING THE ONES I KNOW. IF YOU WANT YOU CAN ADD ON TO IT OR SUGGEST STUFF)

Traveller (Reader)

The Avatar

Nationality: (presumed) [Unknown] Air temple

Ethnicity:  (presumed) Air Nomad

Is currently on search for her brother

Paimon

Spirit

Nationality: Spirit world (I guess?)

Ethnicity: I have no fucking clue, Spirit world again?

Is best friend of the Traveller and her guide to Teyvat

Amber

Fire bender

Nationality: Mondstadt

Ethnicity: Fire Nation

She is currently an Outrider for the Knights of Favonius

Kaeya

Water bender (specialies in Ice bending)

Nationality: Khaenri’ah (Previously), Mondstadt

Ethnicity: Water Tribe

He is currently the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius

Jean

Air bender

Nationlity: Mondstadt

Ethnicity: Air Nomad/Water Tribe

She is currently The Acting Grand Master of the Knight of Favonius

Lisa

Fire bender (specialies in Lightning bending)

Nationality: Mondstadt

Ethnicity: Fire Nation

She is currently the Head Librarian of the Knights of Favonius

Diluc

Fire bender

Nationality: Mondstadt

Ethnicity: Fire Nation

He is the current owner of the Dawn Winery and the “infamous” Darknight Hero

Venti (Barbatos)

Air bender

Nationality: Mondstadt

Ethnicity: Spirit World (??????)

He is currently a bard and the mortal vessel of the Spirit of Air, Barbatos

Barbara

Water bender (Specialises in healing)

Nationality: Mondstadt

Ethnicity: Water Tribe/Air Nomad

She is currently the deaconess of the Church of Favonius

Razor

Fire bender (Specialises in Lightning bending)

Nationality: Mondstadt

Ethnicity: Fire Nation

He currently resides in Wolendom with his wolf pack

Xianling

Fire bender

Nationality: Liyue

Ethnicity: Fire Nation

She is currently the Head Chef of Wanmin Resturant and runs it alongside her father, Chef Mao

Signora

(Presumed) Water bender (Specialises in Ice bending) [I am aware of the Harbingers fake Visions (I forget what they’re called) but I have no clue how to interpret it into the AU so if you’ve got any ideas let me know]

Nationality: Snezhnaya

Ethnicity: (Presumed) Water Tribe

She is currently No.8 of the Eleven Harbingers of the Fatui 

Ningguang

Earth bender

Nationality: Liyue

Ethnicity: Earth Kingdom

She is currently the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing

Childe (Tartaglia, Ajax)

Water bender

Nationality: Snezhnaya

Ethnicity: Water Tribe

He is currently the No.11 of the Eleven Harbingers of the Fatui

Xiao (I’m struggling a bit with Xiao so what I put here might change in the future)

Air bender

Nationality: Liyue

Ethnicity: Spirit World (Once again, ?????)

He is currently a guardian spirit dispatched by Morax (Rex Lapis) to subdue demonic spirits that plagued Liyue

Zhongli (Rex Lapis, Morax) (I haven’t met him yet but I had seen spoilers while browsing so I decided I might as well)

Earth bender

Nationality: Liyue

Ethnicity: Spirit World 

He is currently as consultant for the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor and the vessel of the Spirit of Earth, Morax

It will still be based in the world of Teyvat, I just need to create lore and stuff for the strong for everything to make sense (God save my soul)

But anyway,

Basic concept:

The same still goes for the story of the twins, they get attacked by the God and the reader gets stuck in Teyvat, alone and without their twin.

But of course:

this version of Teyvat has bending instead of visions.

The archons are not gods, but instead powerful spirits in control of their respective element

I like to think Mondstadt is kinda like Republic City in a way? A place for all kinds of benders and non-benders of different ethnicity to live together but it’s placed in like Teyvat’s equivalent of Air nation territory.

My theory of how the traveller becomes the Avatar goes as follows:

So, the previous Avatar was killed off during the Archon War, but, they died while in the Avatar state and you know what that means.

That’s the end of the Avatar cycle.

However, when the traveller appears in this world, it brings forth Raava because of the traveller’s unique spirit (I’m pretty sure the twins are Gods so basically what I’m trying to say is that their divine spirit pulls Raava in kinda? (I DON’T KNOW I’M STILL TRYING TO SORT THIS SHIT OUT-)) and Raava fuses with the traveller and once again starts the Avatar cycle. (This doesn’t make sense please forgive me everyone)

It’s still a work in progress so I’ll make sure to try and make it make sense once I start writing for it.

#genshin impact imagines #genshin impact imagine #genshin impact x reader

[whentheynameyoujoy]

Women in SPN—Is it Really That Bad?

TL;DR: Somewhat, yeah, it kinda is.

This is going to be a series of long ones, people.

Before I jump head first into this giant vat of weird toxic shit, let me say something:

The thing about most of the female characters is that on their own? They’re perfectly fine, ranging from serviceable to the occasional flash of thematic brilliance. Barely any of them qualify as “this is hateful on its face and incompetent regardless of context and the writers should feel bad for ever conceiving of it”, i.e. the normie benchmark for justified criticism. It’s only when you put these characters next to each other that a worrying pattern emerges;

Although discussions about sexism in the media were very much a thing in the mid-2000s, as well as shows with characters whose primary role wasn’t to serve a man’s needs, I can’t honestly claim that the flaws of SPN are out of the norm for its time; and

The first few seasons could really do with a PSA at the start of each episode, something along the lines of “A part of the reason why female characters are killed off or written out with such regularity is rabid superfans who couldn’t abide anything with tits brushing against J2, srsly, the writing team and the 2000s’ fan base were a match made in hell, except it wasn’t the writers who couldn’t do with bitching on their LiveJournals about the gall of women to exist in the show, choosing instead to harass the creators and actresses and wives and call them every sexist insult under the sun AND I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE HAS THERE EVER BEEN A CESSPIT AS DISGUSTING AND NUKEWORTHY AS THE SPN FANDO—“

Anyway.

SPN has a legacy (as a posterchild for not knowing when to bow out gracefully, but legacy nonetheless) and isn’t watched in 2005 but in the year of our Lord Today. Meaning that as time goes by, the issues surrounding the show’s production retreat into the background and only what’s on the screen remains, to be judged on its own merits.

So let’s run down a list of the more noteworthy and relevant female characters of the first arc, focusing on their characterization, role in the narrative, and end. In the conclusion to this series of posts, the sum of characters will be analyzed as a whole to see if there are any unique tendencies in the show’s handling of women as opposed to that of men. I’ll do this for the original five seasons as the recent finale went out of its way to say that nothing after season 5 was strictly speaking necessary so why bother.

(Also because I died of frustration in season 8 and vowed not to subject myself to any more of the post-apocalypse fanfic era)

Angels, while strictly speaking genderless clouds of energy, will be classified as men or women depending on the apparent gender of the vessel they spend most of the time riding. The same goes for demons where I also take into account their stated gender while they were alive. That’s because although beings like Meg, Ruby, Anna, or Lilith can’t technically be considered women in the show’s present day, their consistent preference for conventionally attractive and/or female vessels throughout the original arc makes claims of genderlessness essentially meaningless. For all intents and purposes, we’re watching girls and women on screen.

Baby—the only true NB of the first run

All right, time to jump.

Say hi to our ladies!

Mary Winchester

Killed in the very first scene to give the story a reason to exist, she remains an active presence throughout the first arc where she has a wide-reaching influence on the plot and characters, driving the conflict on several levels. Fleshed-out more and more with each appearance to be more than just “the dead mom”, she’s portrayed as protective, pro-active, capable, and assertive, mirroring the duo’s desire for normal life and their inability to have it. Her story comes full-circle in season 5 when the personal tragedy of her fate is embedded in the wider tragedy of the Winchester family curse and the overall theme of destiny.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major

On her own: Textbook example of fridging… and that tropes aren’t bad in and of themselves.

Jessica Moore

Comparatively, if anyone doubts fridging can evolve into something meaningful, Jess drives the point home by having no personality and no point but to prop up her boyfriend before she ends up pinned to the ceiling, the reveal of which is the most interesting thing about her entire existence. At best she’s a symbol of Sam’s civilian life, at worst an obstacle to be removed for the story to happen.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major in terms of manpain, non-existent otherwise

On her own: A cardboard cut-out, barely qualifies as a character

Missouri Moseley

A psychic and the primary reason why John Winchester even knows to wipe his ass. Appears once over the course of the first arc yet everyone wants her to come back years later—that’s how awesome she is. Has this fantastic trait of being compassionate and empathetic while not taking a single speck of shit from anyone, especially when it comes from the two main dumbos who might just as well have been raised in a barn. Is very particular about the pristine state of her coffee table.

Status: Alive as of s5, killed in s13 (wait, what?)

Importance: Major…ly wasted potential

On her own: As strong a character as Bobby Singer, and as worthy of being elevated to the main cast.

Lori Sorensen

The writers can’t figure out why anyone in the universe would care about Jess either so they insert an intentionally awkward romance subplot to convince people the time’s not yet ripe for Sam to stop grieving and start slaying. The result’s… erm… well, awkward. Lori’s naïve, sheltered, devout though accepting of her non-repressed friend, and sort of on a religious crossroads because of her hypocritical preacher father. I guess the virginal power of her virginal virginity does… something in the plot? Primarily a vehicle for Sam to mark the stages of his moving on.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: A bit done. Like a bit lot. Like a “could be a trope namer” bit lot.

Meg

Boom, baby!

Arguably the chief antagonist of season 1 and one of the best things about it. The first one to point out the pervasive toxicity of the Winchester family business, so props for perceptiveness. Possesses the standard qualities of a lower-level henchman—manipulative, no-nonsense, and quietly sinister which, while not exactly groundbreaking, sets her apart from the other bad guys in the season as they tend to have no distinguishing characteristics at all. Plus Nicki Aycox makes the role seem more unique and “lived-in” by projecting a sense of understated amusement at the two main chucklefucks. Is one of S1’s turning points in blurring the lines between monsters and humanity. Has a face transplant twice—once to have revenge (good on her) and the other time to pursue someone else’s goals again before getting stomped into the ground like a mook.

Status: Alive as of s5 (?), killed in s8

Importance: Major

On her own: The actresses do most of the heavy lifting. Which doesn’t mean I don’t love watching the character burst onto the scene and announcing the end of the Winchester brand of bullshit.

Layla Rourke

A terminal cancer patient in a religious cult, she’s a more mature take on a Lori-type character and the themes of faith and doubt. Serves as a conduit for Dean’s budding survivor guilt, self-loathing, and sense of worthlessness. Is kind and cheerful, with strong hints that she’s relying on forced optimism to get through the days; also understanding of the circumstances of others while realistically freaked about the possibility of death. Weirdly, she enters the episode already in a state of acceptance and leaves it just as accepting when it’s confirmed that yeah, she’ll die soon. All expressions of anger at the injustice and senselessness are left to her mother which somewhat undermines the “struggling” portion of Layla’s character and renders the final scene where she makes peace with her fate a bit hollow.

Status: Implied dead

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Dean’s development

On her own: I want to like her, I really do, just… if only she were allowed to get pissed, once.

Cassie Robinson

Dean’s ex and that’s pretty much all there is to her. I struggle to pinpoint a single personality trait of hers—the 2000s idea of a “strong woman” and “not like other girls”, perhaps? Undermined as a love interest because TPTB don’t show the happy or any parts of her relationship with Dean so really, why should anyone care if two sniping assholes with little to no chemistry get back together? Memorable for being in a horribly scored softcore scene which YouTube tries to convince me lasts for shy over a minute, not the week I remember it to. Involved in the show’s first and last attempt at incorporating the issue of anti-black racism.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: She’s in the racist truck episode. ‘Nuff said.

Sarah Blake

A sophisticated people-person conversationalist with a love of high art and a deep sense of introspection. Ascends to the state of godhood by being able to pull off pigtails while adult. Bonds with Sam over responding to loss by crawling into a shell but deciding to move on. Doesn’t care for your fancy schmancy fine dining, Romeo. Isn’t ashamed to openly talk feelings which includes her explicitly asking Sam if they have a thing going on (honestly, this is such a breath of fresh air for a normcore romance). Despite being scared out of her wits, she refuses to be shoved into the helpless civilian box after learning about the existence of the supernatural; Dean creates a Pinterest wedding board in response.

Status: Alive as of s5, pointlessly dragged back to be murdered in s8

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Sam’s development

On her own: A great love interest that has enough writing behind her to fool you into thinking she’s something more.

Up next, whenever I feel like it, seasons 2 and 3!

#spn #spn critical #supernatural #supernatural critical #sexist writing #mary winchester #missouri moseley #meg masters #sarah blake #layla rourke

[monochromemedic]

Self Inserts Versions of me for everything I’m into. A list.

This is like for self shipping stuff and like writing. if you wanna read it go ahead but this also for me so I can keep my little stories straight.

Fallout New Vegas: Still Courier Six who gets shot plot line, I survive with a major scar to the head, some brain trauma (which manifests as memory loss, mind blanks, nose bleeds). Manage to befriend the companions but my two closest ones are Arcade and Boone, Arcade for like mindedness and just clicking well, wanting the best for the Mojave and Boone who was the first companion besides E-DE I found. Has a crush on Boone but has trouble reciprocating. Let’s Benny go and constantly runs into him, forgiving his actions but also condemning him. Either does NCR or Independant Strip ending. Fallout 4: Abandons set plot, instead this verison was born in a small community that was overrun by a sudden bloodbug infestation. Abandoning everyone I ran and survived, haunted by what I did and with a newfound phobia of bloodbugs, I run into a few companions and become friends with them. Mostly just trying to survive, never really go into the main plot but ends up helping the Railroad and thus being involved with taking down or wanting to take down the Institute. Crush on Deacon, who I spend the most time with. DC??: Born with a strong corrupted soul that slowly becomes more corrupted with time, I decide to learn to control it, learning that with this power I could create dark soul constructs made of energy that I could solidify into a harder material. I want to do something with my powers and don the name Hex Heart and try to save people, hoping that my soul doesn’t corrupt even further and lead me down a horrible path, I run into other heroes and help as a new hero on the scene. Crush on Plastic Man. MK: Earthrealmer who found an artifact left by the Black Dragon, the Shatter Dagger who’s power is to turn the area around the wound it leaves into glass which can be used for torture or offensive means, lodges itself in my torso on accident. Fighting the crystallization and on the verge of death, the dagger senses a great willpower and need to survive and decides that I would be a good vessel for it’s power and fuses with me. Now with glass/reflection/mirror based abilities, Earthrealm forces find me and take me in, knowing I have great power and would be sought after by Black Dragon they train me and I become allies with Earthrealm. I hope to find a way to remove the artifact out of me without killing me but in the meantime I fight to save Earthrealm. Crush on Johnny Cage.

#self insert #self ship: J. Cage #self ship: plas #self ship: C. boone #self ship: Deeks #self shipping #cringy whatever yeah i make scenerios so i fit in the story i know

[vernmain92454-blog]

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[kinsbin]

Title: Flower Date Ship: Jenna/Muriel [Self Insert/Canon] Word Count: 2677 Summary: Jenna invites Muriel on a daytrip through Vesuvia, where a flower shop owner helps him to realize just what his feelings mean for her and how to act upon them. He...does his best.

A/N: A commission for @aoi-hina who has been wonderful to write for!~ Their ships are so good and so are they <33

He was...nervous.

It wasn’t the kind of nervous one could will away with their emotions. A simple mantra of ‘things will be okay’ didn’t seem to connect in his head as he stood outside of the entrance to Vesuvia, lip caught underneath his teeth. Despite his hulking form and awkward outer appearance, Muriel seemed to blend in seamlessly with the background of the world around him. The conversations of others faded in and out around him, laughters echoing louder than most before exiting the peripheral of his mind. It was like a carousel of voices trying to fight each other to the top of his mind, yet, the beating of his heart was what truly overcame all of his senses. It thumped, deepy and heavy in his ears. Blood rushed in and out of his body, he could feel each vessel popping in knuckles and cracking in capillaries. They fell in unison with the sound of footsteps entering and exiting the massive city. The city was the one thing that felt so much bigger than him. A titan amongst a sea of giants feeling small compared to a creature of space and time.

Everything was always so much outside of the forest. The noises of those around him were deafening and the speed of it all was always far, far too fast for him to keep up with. Muriel wondered why everyone in the city had to move as fast as they did. Some were in a hurry, certainly, he could accept that, but for everyone to be? They never passed by the forest to enjoy its scenery. They never chose to pause and smell the flowers around them, nor enjoy the darkness of a midnight jaunt through a forest haunted by both creatures and their thoughts. Everything was predictable in the forest but in the city? Things were dangerous. Things were unsure. It filled Muriel with an anxiety he couldn’t quite describe and, thus, brooded over with quiet frustration furrowing at his brows.

This was stupid, he realized with a frustrated chuff of annoyance, he should have just turned around and returned to his home. Why was he even waiting out here again? His face reddened with a blush of idignance as something in the back of his mind murmured with a sickly sweet satisfaction: Because of her.

“Muriel!”

His name fell from a familiar voice, causing him to turn his head to see just who it was despite already well aware. His face heated up two-fold as a result, Jenna’s gaze bright as she waved at him through the oncoming crowd of people. Though her form was nowhere near as massive as his own, she somehow managed to part the crowd with indescribable ease. Perhaps it was due to her nature as a practitioner of magics. Perhaps it was because the way she dressed, all dark colors and holographic sparkles to imitate the magic she felt deep within her heart, put them off enough to simply stare.

He stared as well, of course, because how could he help it? She was dazzling. Her smile radiated familiarity and light in a world that felt otherwise overwhelmingly dark. He blinked once. Twice at her approach as she finally caught up to him. Her chest heaved with the effort it had taken to run up to him, but he felt like stone compared to the way she seemed to always be moving. Jenna bounced on the heels of her feet as she spoke to him, eyes wide under glasses as she mindlessly adjusted them. Her hair curled in with the gentle effort of movement. Despite looking moderately frazzled, Muriel couldn’t deny that she was, without a doubt, the most beautiful being he had ever seen in his life.

His gaze, of course, was one of mere surprise as she reached out to hug him, grinning with delight at his presence before pulling away.

“I’m so glad you made it! I was worried you had gotten lost or decided not to come at all...I know it was super last minute, after all, and I usually go to your place instead but-”

“It’s fine,” Muriel interrupted as fast as he could, his voice soft but firm in its address towards her as he reached out and gave her shoulder a pat to say ‘calm down’ in the most passive way possible, “I know this is important to you...I’m glad you...wanted me to go with you.”

Muriel blushed a little as she laughed with relief, her voice melodical in its delivery of the sound beyond all else.

“I’m glad you think so! I guess I just got carried away...You’ve been to the Vesuvia street fair before, though, haven’t you?”

He averted his gaze as they began to walk together, their movements matched with effort from them both. Muriel slowed his generally impressive gate to make sure she was able to catch up. In return, Jenna added a quick step to her movements to speed her own walking with moderate effort. The movements created a gentle tandem between them both, a swaying and shaking that adjusted their bodies comfortably neither here nor there. It swung simply where they took it, a freedom Muriel had rarely felt in the trapped presence of his own mind and body. With Jenna it had always been...easier...always calmer. There was a way to enhance his emotions and feelings without much thinking through them with her. He appreciated it.

“Only once...a long time ago,” He admitted as he averted his eyes from her shocked expression, “Even then I don’t...remember much of it.”

“Oh!” She sounded surprised, but, not in a negative way. There was a light hope in her voice that most would miss if they were not paying attention like he was. He had always paid that attention to her voice, no matter the words that fell from it...Why...Did he do that again? It was because he liked her voice, his mind reminded him with a hum that made him want to bury his face into his cloak and hide away out of pure unsureness. He was distracted when a hand reached out for his, clasping it shyly in its own as she moved forward and he stood still, shocked by the events that had occured. While facing him, her smile was blinding.

“In that case...Don’t worry, okay? I plan to make this the best experience you’ve ever had at a street fair to date, bar none! It’ll be an adventure!”

An adventure...with Jenna? Muriel felt far luckier than he really thought he deserved to. A smile reached his lips unbeknownst to him as he gave her the affirming nod to show he agreed.

“That...sounds good, I guess. Let’s go.”

They made their way through the crowds of Vesuvia soon after, Muriel’s form and Jenna’s energy parting the groups before them with practiced ease. Many noticed her before they noticed him, their faces going from pleasant to shocked in a matter of seconds as they realized just who was following shortly behind her. At some point, Muriel had looked down to find his hand in her own, her slender fingers gripping at his larger ones with a tenacity he had been prepared for. It caused his eyes to widen, a blush flowing against his cheeks as he observed them together quietly.

“J...Jenna.”

“Yes?”

“Your...our hands?”

Jenna looked over her shoulder while she walked, following the gaze of his eyes down to the way their hands were clenched. Both slowed their movements down as they realized the situation they had been in, her own face beginning to heat up with her own embarrassment as she watched their hands with him. Neither moved for a long time, simply taking a moment to process just what they were looking at. Her skin was soft against his rough, calloused hands. She had very little scarration on her flesh, obvious against his amalgamate of star tissue across each finger and arm. She was...cooler than he was. Her skin was ice against his body that constantly felt as though it was producing heat. Jenna let her mind wander to what it would feel like in Muriel’s embrace on a rainy day, his heat soaking into her back as he let his arms rest around her waist. As his breath bathed her neck…

Her blush thickened as she tried to find her voice again, stumbling over a few syllables as she let out a soft, awkward laugh through the murmur of the street above them both.

“I guess...Th-The street was so crowded, I didn’t want to get lost or separated! So, I figured if we held hands...I’m sorry I can take my hand off I just-”

“No it’s...fine.”

Her eyes widened, shocked at the response as Muriel averted his gaze again, teeth gnawing at the inside of his cheek as he worked through the courage to speak the next words out of his mouth slow and careful, as if afraid stumbling over them would be a sign of weakness. As if stumbling over them would result in him tripping through them and never being able to recover. His free hand brushed back a strand of his own hair as he huffed.

“I think it’s….a good idea, really. I was just surprised is all...I don’t want to lose you and have to find you somewhere in the crowd again, so, let’s keep going like this if that’s okay?”

The question hung in the air by a thread, the moment so quiet between them that they could hear a drop of water hit the rim of a lukewarm pan at a food stall nearly a block or two away. Footsteps substituted for their heartbeats as Muriel waited without looking back up and Jenna tried to control the level to which hers was rising up. At last she smiled, giving him a firm nod before tightening her grip on his hand to assure him that, yes, it was fine with her.

“I’m glad!”

And they moved forward again, distracted shortly by the smell of food and the beautiful stalls of goods lining each sides of the streets. The scent of freshly baked goods wafted past Muriel, making his mouth water and stomach tighten as it reminded him of the minimal foraging in the forest usually available. Berries and the meat of animals could only satiate him for so long before he got to craving the delicacies central to that of Vesuvia. Smoked eel filled his senses and the idea of swallowing it down with mead became a mouthwatering concept he had almost forgotten about.

“Oh, Muriel, look at these!”

He was pulled from his fantasy by Jenna’s voice, high and excited as she pulled him along to the side of a few stands. The one she had pulled him to was a flower stand, the elegant arrangements placed in holders that were embellished with a variety of lesser gems and sparkling paper, making them look elegant for their price as the shopkeeper peddled them peacefully at her side. Said woman looked up at them both, her smile warming at Jenna and faltering for only a second at Muriel before she put it back on, the skill of a practiced shopkeep up-kept in an effort of not scaring away a potential customer on looks alone.

“These are beautiful!” Jenna complimented as she ran her fingers over some of the paper, each touch to a piece with stones sparkling in the light of the sun. The scent of the shop was overwhelmingly sweet, each flower presenting its own unique flavor to the conglomerate that assaulted Muriel’s nose. He wrinkled it a little, allowing his body to adjust to each smell individually before taking them in all at once. Meanwhile, the shopkeep smiled at Jenna and gave a nod of agreement.

“Thank-You, my wife and I work hard on them. Each is hand jeweled and the paper is made from a mixture of ground petals and cane. The petals are from flowers that are arranged in that same bouquet. We try to match the shades accordingly, but, we are able to make customized bouquets as well when they’re ordered.” “That’s wonderful! Where is your shop? I’ll tell Nadia about it and she’ll be delighted to have some of these for her next gathering, I know it!”

“Th-The countess?”

Muriel had trailed off to admire some of the bouquets while the two talked, his fingers resting on a few of them that reminded him of Jenna. The thought was...embarrassing to say the least, but, kept to himself as he admired a set of beautiful green, blue, and pink flowers. Stargazer lilies shone with matching flamingo rhinestones. Tendrils of forget-me-nots mixed with grapevine crawled around gold and green embedded paper. He stared at it for longer than he planned to, admiring it with shock as he tilted his head to take note of the angles to which it sparkled.

“Take it.”

He looked up, confused. The shopkeep smiled.

“Your girlfriend is wonderful and kind...take it, and use it to show her what she means to you, I can tell you love her dearly.”

“Sh...She’s not my girlfriend she’s just…”

“Hm...well,” She offered him the bouquet further, “You better make her your girlfriend soon, young man, I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

Muriel held onto the bouquet the entire rest of the day, hiding it in the folds of his massive cloak as the night winded down and the two made their way back to his home in the woods. The sunset painted the sky pinks and blues, fading into the obscure navy of twilight while they still smelt of city and nightlife. The contrast between the scent of Vesuvia and the scent of the forest was night and day, both unique in both application and existence. Muriel could tell where he was by scent alone, the exact line of where the city faded and the forest began fresh in his mind as the two traveled back to his home.

They paused in the doorway, the lights of the house still glowing soft from when Muriel had lit them moment’s before. Jenna took a breath as she stretched her arms. Her face content, she turned to look at Muriel with a shy smile, “I really loved our day together...It’s always nice, seeing you Muriel...I...I really like spending time with you.”

Muriel paused in his response, feeling the end of the flowers in his cloak as he took a breath, the words of the woman echoing knowingly in his head as he gave a nod and averted his eyes.

“I...like it too...I like it a lot and you um...I mean...I really like you, Jenna.”

Her eyes widened, and he found the courage to continue on.

“More than just...spending time like that I….Love you, really. And your smile...your voice...the way your hand felt in mine.”

It was here he produced the bouquet, face red with embarrassment at his own actions, but, unable to turn them back as he averted his gaze, “I’d like to feel it there more often if we can...If you want to, I mean.”

It was then at the bouquet was taken from his hands, Jenna’s fingers placing themselves on either side of his face and bringing him down for a soft, intense kiss that he could not help but return with surprised ease. Her lips curled into a smile against his own, their bodies shaking with excited laughter in unison as they shared their first kiss...The one Muriel had longed for for so...so long.

“I’m yours, you silly man,” She breathed out in relief, “And I always have been.”

This time, it was him that kissed her...and against her lips, Jenna felt Muriel’s smile warm her skin and her heart as they finally came together...as they finally were one another’s.

#self insert #self shipping #self ship #writing commissions #kinley writes #aoi-hina

[madfictionland]

KHIII - Strengths and Weaknesses of Nomura’s Insanity

1. Xehanort Saga’s Closure

Great:

- Axel vs Xemnas sequence and that entire battle alongside Xion and Roxas, with Shimomura’s orchestrated music - Sea Salt Ice Cream Rules!

it was just golden and weighted heavily on me! Lots of emotions and great closure there

- Xemnas and Ansem... being awkward... it was extremely weird at first, seeing them on strange errands, behaving the way they did, no Darkness lines for Ansem, and overall the two of them kind of less important than Xigbar, for example.

But it was actually perfect and then it all came full closure with their defeats! They were taken from their own timelines (in which they were soon to be defeated or right before the final blow?), briefed on the current situation and assigned tasks under MX. And Ansem being the most awkward because...

no madness, no darkness showdown! Being approached by some children! it’s just aren’t his thing, clearly... Oh, and Xemnas handling the “benched” Norts as if they were his students, something that he does proudly. Pretty much the only thing that gives them both purpose after that time travel ordeal is the sense of companionship and MX’s goal which they feel obliged to pursue “because they are him” - only not really, actually. Because as it turns out... they found they did not really care, in the end.

So yeah, in the end it’s actually pretty sad... and they fade away to be ultimately defeated in their own timelines!

- Young Xehanort being an utter dickhead of darkness (although the bad thing is... no more backstory, explanation and only minimal amount of screen time for him, damn)

I mean, seriously, I enjoy the fact he turns out to be one of the most engaging KH3 villains, so focused and bitter. When you think about it, then it makes sense since he was given great power early on and explored through time... obtaining even more power. He never met Eraqus, he never created his bizarre self-rightous grand goals to begin with... He was just... alone, traveling through time, and exploring the outside world through darkness and his dark future selfs, the future that he embraces fully. He is the embodiment of everything what’s dark about Xehanort, in some aspects perhaps even more souless than the old man himself, and we even have him take on Ansem’s role... lol

I like his interactions with Sora, especially here.

- Goofy being smart in the Xehanort’s plot business, lol and they’re always debriefing Sora on Mickey’s encounters from BBS. Nice!

- Finally we know how Axel and Saix got turned into Nobodies - we really needed that backstory...

- The replica research plays a big part here and it serves to create vessels for hearts... with data!memories... and we even get glimpses of artificial hearts being researched now... nice, it REALLY does bring into closure all this data madness that Nomura had started

- Vanitas regenerated through negative emotions of children’s screams in the Monster world + his entire ending with Sora/Ven which was amazing - Vanitas was darkness and it was his own choice because his very nature was darkness... he wouldn’t have it any other way! but despite this, he appears to be actually humanized in the end, at least as much as a rebelious pure darkness plucked from someone’s heart can be

- Terra reveal and him being Ansem SoD/Terranort’s sidekick pet all this damn time... like, I never thought that’s a possibility... even though it does make sense...

Now that’s the kind of crazy Nomura reveal that I like!

- Yen Sid finally takes action! WOOOOW

- final battle with 3 main Norts, and Master Xehanort doing a fingers thingy!

With a glorious MAD score and mix of all three bosses themes! YESSS

Bad:

- Kairi situation... although to be honest it was expected so it doesn’t weight on me too heavily, personally

- very few cutscenes/very few long dialogues and NO backstory cutscenes... now that’s a BIG flaw

- none of the time travelling stuff from DDD gets explained... we don’t know why Young Xehanort is still here despite (apparently) dispersing at the end of DDD... and we don’t even know which Norts are time travelers... and we don’t know their backstories either... how they got Norted? When? How many are there??? It’s not even clear if all of them (those that we meet in game and cutscenes) are present at the final battle because 13 figures showcased with MX prior to battle... all of them with hoods! And we know Demyx is not one for fight so maybe he bailed? Plus Vexen betrayed them? Also, Marluxia, Larxene, Demyx and Luxord were all secondary vessels... kept only due to their Keyblade War connection... so I would assume they had other more serious Norts in store? So who exactly was fighting and who wasn’t? Who was a time traveler and who wasn’t? Who was in a replica body and who wasn’t? Also, is Xigbar a Nobody or somebody Braig with Xigbar’s features? Just FUCK IT. I really like all these convoluted little details but none of this was discussed... which is so unlike Nomura...

- very little presence for MX, no backstory explored and... overall VERY anticlimatic final boss fight and weak ultimate resolution to his “big” saga

- Vexen is just too good at pretending... he really does seem like a bad guy again, who just wants to do research, I don’t buy his sudden redemption and I actually thought he was going to double cross Ansem and use him as his puppet! How can Vexen even feel anything, especially redemption desire, as a freshly cooked Nobody? lol

- Big big flaw is that many Norts were... not really Norts. What’s the point of them getting Norted if they don’t get a slight change in personality and aren’t driven by Xehanort’s purpose? It worked so well with Saix... only think what kind of Demyx or Larxene we could get if they were actually Norts. Seriously, that was disappointing. Frankly enough, we even have Demyx say this line...

which is EXACTLY the case, he would make an interesting vessel, and I assume one capable of good fighting skills or intimidation... if only they were influenced by the entire process and written as actual Norts - important to the plot - not just some toys and Keyblade War Legacy research project for Xemnas...

2. Union X / more...

Good:

- Ephemer and all the Keyblade wielders coming to help! With players’ names shown! Just wow, this was super powerful, and great soundtrack for it too. Also, it kind of confirms my suspicion there were two Keyblade Wars? The “Lost Masters” one and “Union Leaders” (the one in which Ephemer fell, thus he is there with the “spirits” of the wielders).

- Ven’s Chirithy, such a cute little detail :)

- The Final World - atmoshere, music and design... all of them GREAT. It makes sense in the lore + some of its design/animation reminds me of data worlds... Hmmm, could it be... some kind of bin folder on the MoM desktop?

In any case, the future of Nomura Mindfuck seems bright

- the ending with Sora vanishing (to another plane/world?) and Secret Movie with MoM fucking conceptualizing Kingdom Hearts under the normal’s moon light, all of it in a remake of the newest FF title......

I mean, we are one step closer to ultimate shit, right? Which would be Nomura self-inserting himself into the game as Master of Masters... and I’m all for it! XD

- seems like the time travelling Ven + other guys from Union Cross will be progressing places... diferent worlds, planes, realities? And I like it, this seems more interesting and like a fresh surge of madness from Nomura that he kind of wanted to do with Xehanort (hence time travel) but wasn’t really able... in the end. So maybe, just maybe... MoM will get a better conclusion?

- Xigbar makes it to another game. What can I say? I like him, he’s entertaining, that’s all

Bad:

- Xigbar being Luxu seems to be poorly explained, like... he ONLY pretends? Even in those Braig scenes from BBS? And when talking with YX? Really? Even though his BBS scenes were short and we knew nothing about him... it could have been done better, like maybe Luxu planted a piece of himself into Braig and pointed him towards Xehanort, but he wasn’t actually Braig? Hence the guy who gets Norted - Braig - isn’t Luxu? At least not yet? But then Luxu can take over? Well, I think that would be much better... unless there is more to it that we don’t know but i really doubt

- Maleficent, the Box, Xigbar searching for the Box... (wtf even? what MX has to say about this? what’s that box Xigbar? and how dare you hide shit from me?)

All of this... is quite different than earlier KH hints or reveals. It’s just extremely CRYPTIC. It leaves you with nothingness because the characters themselves feel like nothingness when they are forced to speak about this. I could understand it if it contributed to KH3 plot in any major way, like the box being a catalyst in MX’s plans maybe, but it wasn’t - it was pointless, so the attention it got, and they always speak about it in such vague terms... what’s the point? because that’s hardly a surprise and we knew about the box...

- Maleficent and Pete are pointless, especially pointless because the only way for Maleficent to be interesting was to explore some of her hidden (?) memories regarding her time travel experience (which she does not remember, I assume?). Instead, something was “etched”... and a black coat told them about the box... and replica Riku has an akward encounter with them... but nothing is explained or actually said in clear terms. OK, so it sucks, why don’t you skip their cutscenes then - it does NOT create a *Nomura mystery*, it just says “here is some random gibberish that won’t be ever explained because it doesn’t mean anything and doesn’t introduce anything new” A Nomura mystery would be to explain to us whether Maleficent actually remembers the box from her time travel experiences and THEN introduce a new solid mystery, like: she doesn’t remember, but there was a mysterious black coat guy who said there was a box (and there would be a flashback of this past encounter!). But at this point it seems like Nomura just completely doesn’t care, at least not in KH3

The Final Judgment: KH3 was quite a letdown (as the Xehanort’s saga conclusion) but still enjoyable and with grand potential for better mad shit in the future.

PS: Also, it delivered the greatest score in the history of KH... so that’s a win!

#kingdom hearts iii #kh3 spoilers #kh3 opinion #xehanort saga #tetsuya nomura

[ofliminalities-a]

The doctor will see you now.

Under a read more cause it’s going to be long. And extremely dark. It can probably also get squicky. This is a small tale of creating the perfect ‘blank sheet’. Or...close enough. This was something I was suppose to write up ages ago for a meme, but I was in the mood to torture my little demon cat, Oops.

  I loved the sun. The way it peaked through the windows, and reflected off the metal...off of anything it touched. It was the most beautiful thing my eyes had ever seen. Whenever I saw it...I-- "Rise and shine, subject ----." That weird person in the white clothing always says that. They keep calling me that weird number. I never understood why. Every day, over and over. And yet, I can't talk back to them. Or move when I'm in this pod. But that's okay, it's nice and safe and warm here! And it makes it worth all the weird stuff they do to me and the others. We all sleep in here...with Her. With the kind voice. It's always going to be just fine if we're with Her.

 Someday's the people in the weird clothing talk to me-- Sometimes they use their hands. Or these weird things they have with them. It wasn't so bad at first, maybe because I didn't understand what was going on. It was like being in a foggy haze. I couldn't really see to well for a while....and then I saw the sun clearly, and it made me happy. When all of these weird experiments were happening, I always tried to remember how bright and warm the sun was...when I couldn't hear her voice sometimes, I thought of that, and it was enough for me. After a while though, I could hear clearly. I didn't understand the language or the noises around me, but I was able to pick some cues up--so I knew what was going to happen. And at first, I was so happy! I can understand things and everything! But...because I knew what would happen at that moment, the next day...I grew aware, and scared. What I couldn't feel before, slowly opened up, like one of those cute little flowers in a garden. It opened up and bloomed in such an amazing way...and too fast for me.

 I still couldn't speak for the most part--I wanted to tell Her so many things, and tell the others about my new discoveries about where we were! And the people too. But...as hard as I tried, I couldn't. And after the day was done, they would just put me back into that pod...back into the warm water and sleep.I began to dream. The dreams soon started more and more, they felt as real as all the sensations I was feeling. It got more vivid as the days passed by. I wondered why, for such a long time. But every time I came close to finding an answer-- "Rise and shine, subject ----." Again with the same words.

Or so I had thought.   Today was special. And so would be the days to come.

"Today is special, subject ----." The white coated person talked to me, instead of prodding me around this time, the told me to walk with them. "We're going to a new room today, and you're going to meet a lot of people who are interested in you! And if it all works well, you'll get a name!" They seemed overly excited, I could see it through their mask. And their movements. I didn't believe anyone could move like that. Something welled up in me as I heard that...it was nice. Almost as nice as She was. Was this emotion? I couldn't understand. I had only been talking to myself in my head since I was born. And as much as I wanted to explore and express this feeling, they continued on. "All of our work will finally come to fruition. If this works out...oh...we might actually be able to save this world yet.~" Their voice sounded...different. I couldn't put my finger on it. "Now come along, ----. Right through this door, you'll be put through something amazing.~" Amazing? What...is that? I wish She would give me an answer, but I don't think I can hear her all the well enough. I just want to go back to Her right now. I didn't care about what was going to happen...I just want to go back! But we were far from what reminded me of home. The entire place was white, pristine, untouched. Not a person in sight, except for me and that person. It was only then, I felt a chill down my spine.

Fear. "Don't be so afraid, it's not going to hurt at all." I turned to look at that person. And they returned it all with a smile as they pushed me into the room. Stop. The door shuts behind me as silence fills the room. There's weird things and metal stuff here. Just like in the other area. Help. There were more of those white clothed people. They looked different from the person I saw everyday. Please. I don't understand. Why can't I move? Why am I trembling? I want to say something. Please. I don't know what's happening. I want to go back to the others. To Her. Please. "Don't let that thing react just yet. We want it to peak at just the right moment. Bring it to the operating table."

Operating...table? I didn't understand. I hadn't heard those words before. And before long I was placed on a hunk of metal. A bright light had shined on me...it hurt to stare at it. I shut my eyes, but at the same time, they had held me down with chains. Today was a special day. Those words rung in my head, but I couldn't wrap my thoughts around it. I was...afraid. The restraints hurt...my arms, legs, neck. All of it felt like it was going to squeeze the life out of me. And yet, I remained very still like every other day.

"It's pulse seemed to be a bit elevated, but we can work with that. Nurse, open it up. We'll see how much it's grown from the inside and adjust it as needed. It's already trying to merge with the god, but it wouldn't survive the process. Good thing these angels gave us such nice tools for this experiment." Open 'it' up? What did they mean by th--

Before I could process it, the sound of a whir began, chains rattled, and the light that was focusing on me-- It burned. The fear that had festered within me, finally took a hold, As red splattered everywhere. I was awake when they sliced my torso open, peeking and poking inside. It was more painful than any other day. I felt...bare, hollowed out as they discussed among themselves about what organs should they pull out, modify and outright get rid of. They almost seemed fascinated with how my insides looked. I on the other hand was mortified. They said my heard was beating a mile a minute, whatever that meant. "Something like you doesn't need a heart-- but we'll pluck it out of you and give it to someone who needs it more." I didn't understand...I never could. I remember things going dark as the knife cut through all of that and yanked my beating heart out. I couldn't see it, I didn't want to see it. I heard another whir from a far, as it drilled into my torso, putting one and one together. It was too much, I felt something warm spewing out of my mouth, it almost felt like I was choking. "It's starting to seizure, hurry up and insert the jewel. When it's stabilized we'll continue making adjustments." And it's as if on command, I felt a bit calmer. I could still feel the sheer pain from still being opened up and messed around with.

And then they opened up the rest of me.

What I thought was something already painful, was something beyond words. I wish I was asleep for the entire experiment. But today was a special day. A special day for me.

"Ah, it seemed to have grown reproductive organs as well, it hasn't fully matured, but we'll be removing these as well. The organs of a vessel with the potential to harbor a god? We might just have a breakthrough in science. Why, we wouldn't haven't to worry about extinction, or worry about the perfect human being. It...or perhaps I should be calling it, she? It's a shame the rest of the Mother's embryo's were sub-par. Had they all flourished like her, they might have made wonderful vessels, or at the very least, a wonderful harvest." Snip, slice, crunch. An array of noises could be heard among the discussion. At some point I could see again, my vision fogging up every now and then. I watched as they passed some of my organs around, handing over metal and other jewels around, like an exchanging of gifts. It was horrifying. I couldn't move at all, my body subdued from the ongoing meddling of what was once a pure body.

I was in and out for hours. But it was only when they closed me up, Did I finally scream.

I screamed at the top of whatever I had remaining of my lungs, the adrenaline rushing through my modified self. I screamed in agony. In pain. In sadness. In anger. My first tears weren't that of an infant being brought into the world. But that of a doll that hurt like a human for the first time. I was alive, or should I say, active. I ached, I hurt. And all I could do was to scream. "It hurts! Everything...Mother....help!" I couldn't even make sense of whatever spewed out of my mouth. All I could see was red, feeling the agony. I screamed until nothing came out. I cried till my tears were dry. Until the red filled my eyes again.

And yet again, the room filled with silence. I could hear the shuffling of footsteps and things being put away. I had died on that table that special day. The innocence of wanting to know more, of wanting to remain in the Mother's womb was no more. I died there. I was dead for a while.

And then I hear Mother. She calls to me sweetly. She sings to me. I hear her, as my eyes open. The room was dark, aside from the dim lightning of the machines. It was quiet, and almost serene. Until I felt the pain again.

My body wouldn't scream this time. I could still feel, but at that point. I wanted nothing to do with being alive. "Oh sweet child, it is too soon for you to go. You need to wake up, and see the new day." She spoke to me again, I could practically cry. And like a child wanting nothing but praise from their parent, I felt something spark within me. I truly felt 'alive.'

Whatever had happened after that, I wouldn't know what to tell you. I remember fire. A lot of it. The smell of dead flesh and ash in the air. The pods where I and the others were kept in were ruined, the fluid had emptied out and just created a disgusting puddle of rotting skin. It turns out we lived within the womb of a tree. But it had all burned down, my home, my life. Burned and rotted. I could still hear the screams and cries of the others still. It was louder than those guys who did these things to me. I found out that they're called scientists. What a weird name. Either way, all the red stuff was everywhere, Even in the destruction, I learned a lot of new things.

How the human body works. Where we were. How we were born from the earth. How the angels pitied humans and offered them a way to save themselves. They would reap the 'benefits' of the vessels from the Mother when it was time for the harvest. How I had the highest resonance within the lab tests. I would become the next Mother. A Mother that will love and protect the earth. A mother Godess who will bear judgement over everything. But that's not so important right now. I found out the name they gave me. It's a pretty name. And I was special. Today was a special day. My name is Lillium. The day had long been over. And I saw the beautiful sun again.

#!fleetingdreams #!mun stuff #!drabbles #blood #blood mention #injury #gore #long post

[bern33chaser]

Mary Sue Test: Does Your Character Pass It?

Let’s say you’re writing a story that involves a character who’s smart, funny, gorgeous, and beloved by almost everyone.

They sound great, right?

Well, they might be. Or you might be inadvertently creating a “Mary Sue”.

So what’s a Mary Sue … and why should you avoid using one in your story?

Mary Sue Defined

A Mary Sue is a character who is way too good to be true. She’s often exceptionally talented for her age; love interests throw themselves at her feet; and she can pretty much get away with murder.

Mary Sue characters don’t have to be female, either. Male Mary Sues exist too (sometimes they’re called “Marty Sue” or “Gary Sue”, but most people just use “Mary Sue” to describe this type of character – whatever the gender).

The term “Mary Sue” comes from a 1973 piece of Star Trek fanfiction by Paula Smith that parodied this particular trend with a character called, you guessed it, Mary Sue.

There’s no one universally agreed-upon definition of a Mary Sue, but here are a couple that give you a good idea of what to look for:

[A Mary Sue] is what happens when a hero is too heroic—to pure, too powerful, too overwhelmingly good.

A Mary Sue is an over-idealized and seemingly-flawless fictional character, one often recognized as either a self-insertion character for the author, or a vessel for wish fulfillment.

These characters are often physically beautiful, exceptionally skilled, and universally admired—but only within the confines of the story.

(From The Problem with Perfect Characters: Mary Sues, Gary Stus, and Other Abominations, Jacob Mohr)

The most basic definition of “Mary Sue” is an original female character in fanfiction — which is largely about established characters and worlds — who is often close to perfect. Like, too perfect. Very good at her job, very desirable romantically or sexually, and sometimes very emotionally moving when she dies, tragically, and the other characters mourn her. The story usually centers around her, often warping established characterization in the process.

(From Mary Sue: From self-inserts to imagines, how young women write themselves into the narrative, Elizabeth Minkel)

Mary Sue characters can appear in almost any type of writing, including published novels and popular TV shows. (The often-criticised Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation is a frequently cited example, as is Bella Swan from the Twilight series.)

They’re particularly common, though, in fanfiction.

Here’s a quick litmus test to check whether your character is a Mary Sue:

If the answer to all these questions is “yes”, you very likely have a Mary Sue on your hands:

Is the character an idealised version of you? (Be honest!)

Are they popular with pretty much everyone?

Are they a bit “too good to be true”?

Do they have a surprising range of skills / expertise?

Have they advanced a long way in their career despite being very young?

If the answer to all these questions is “no”, you very likely have a Mary Sue on your hands:

Does the character have any real flaws? (“Clumsy” or “poor at math” are not flaws.)

Do they ever fail at anything, in a significant way, in your story?

Do they change in some way (for better or for worse) during the course of the story?

Common Confusions About Mary Sue Characters

Sometimes, people will call a character a “Mary Sue” based on a particular trait or aspect of the character.

These (common) things alone do not make a character a Mary Sue:

The character is a powerful female. You can (and should!) write strong female characters.  They only tip over into Mary Sue territory when they’re exceptionally skilled in multiple areas in an improbable or unexplained way. (E.g. if your character has been studying karate since she was five, it makes sense that she’s good at fighting – but if you never mention any type of training and have her effortlessly defeat three armed assassins, it’s going to seem ridiculous.)

The character has wacky coloured hair or eyes. While this can be a trait of a certain type of Mary Sue character, it’s also something you might well be using for other reasons – perhaps just because you like that hair / eye colour (which isn’t such a terrible reason to include it!), or perhaps because it has a particular plot relevance.

The character has multiple love interests. In certain stories, it’s normal and even expected for your main character to have more than one love interest. (Think of all the mainstream romance novels and films that involve – usually – a woman choosing between two men.) In some sub-genres, like reverse harem romances, the whole point of a story is about a character having several love interests at once. Even if the story isn’t a romance at all, it’s still perfectly plausible that a character might have more than one love interest.

They’re based on the author. While “Mary Sue” is sometimes seen as synonymous with “author insert”, it’s not necessarily the case that characters based on the author are Mary Sues. Some writers would argue that all their characters are based on them to some degree: after all, who else’s thoughts and feelings do we have direct access to? Just because a character shares some characteristics with the author doesn’t make them a Mary Sue.

They’re an original female character in a fanfiction story. Admittedly, this type of character has a fairly high chance of being a Mary Sue (compared with, say, original characters in original works). One of the main issues with this type of character is that they tend to steal the spotlight from the real main characters – the established ones who fans want to read about. But original female characters are not invariably Mary Sues.

The Big Problem with Mary Sue Characters

Mary Sue characters can be a lot of fun to write … after all, there wouldn’t be so many of them otherwise. If you’re purely writing for your own enjoyment, and you don’t plan to share your work with others, then indulge in as many Mary Sues as you like. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of wish fulfilment!

The problem comes when you want other people to read – and enjoy – your work. The sad truth about Mary Sues is that, for most readers, they’re boring and annoying.

You might think that readers would enjoy a story where someone smart, talented, good looking and universally loved saves the day again and again … after all, isn’t that a kind of wish fulfilment for the reader, too?

Some readers might indeed enjoy that. But what most readers actually want is a story where characters struggle, get things wrong, fail (at least temporarily), and change and grow. That makes for a satisfying, exciting story.

Mary Sue characters tend to “break” stories, too, either by the actual rules of the world being different around them (e.g. magic works differently for them) or by effortlessly winning everything — without it ever feeling deserved or earned.

Obviously, you can write what you want … but if you want your work to be read, avoid using Mary Sue characters.

Instead, make your characters real, complex people. Give them flaws (real ones that they need to overcome) and let them fail, before they succeed. Your story will be all the more satisfying for it.

Mary Sue Quiz

The questions below will test your understanding of the character.

1. A Mary Sue character often is:

interesting

boring

2. Does a Mary Sue character have any real flaws?

yes

no

3. Mary Sue characters usually are:

strong

selfish

4. Does a Mary Sue character changes often or strongly?

yes

no

Get our premium subscription and start receiving our writing tips and exercises daily. It costs less than a coffee per month! Click here to activate your Pro subscription.

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Original post: Mary Sue Test: Does Your Character Pass It? from Daily Writing Tips https://www.dailywritingtips.com/mary-sue-test/

[mrsteveecook]

Mary Sue Test: Does Your Character Pass It?

Let’s say you’re writing a story that involves a character who’s smart, funny, gorgeous, and beloved by almost everyone.

They sound great, right?

Well, they might be. Or you might be inadvertently creating a “Mary Sue”.

So what’s a Mary Sue … and why should you avoid using one in your story?

Mary Sue Defined

A Mary Sue is a character who is way too good to be true. She’s often exceptionally talented for her age; love interests throw themselves at her feet; and she can pretty much get away with murder.

Mary Sue characters don’t have to be female, either. Male Mary Sues exist too (sometimes they’re called “Marty Sue” or “Gary Sue”, but most people just use “Mary Sue” to describe this type of character – whatever the gender).

The term “Mary Sue” comes from a 1973 piece of Star Trek fanfiction by Paula Smith that parodied this particular trend with a character called, you guessed it, Mary Sue.

There’s no one universally agreed-upon definition of a Mary Sue, but here are a couple that give you a good idea of what to look for:

[A Mary Sue] is what happens when a hero is too heroic—to pure, too powerful, too overwhelmingly good.

A Mary Sue is an over-idealized and seemingly-flawless fictional character, one often recognized as either a self-insertion character for the author, or a vessel for wish fulfillment.

These characters are often physically beautiful, exceptionally skilled, and universally admired—but only within the confines of the story.

(From The Problem with Perfect Characters: Mary Sues, Gary Stus, and Other Abominations, Jacob Mohr)

The most basic definition of “Mary Sue” is an original female character in fanfiction — which is largely about established characters and worlds — who is often close to perfect. Like, too perfect. Very good at her job, very desirable romantically or sexually, and sometimes very emotionally moving when she dies, tragically, and the other characters mourn her. The story usually centers around her, often warping established characterization in the process.

(From Mary Sue: From self-inserts to imagines, how young women write themselves into the narrative, Elizabeth Minkel)

Mary Sue characters can appear in almost any type of writing, including published novels and popular TV shows. (The often-criticised Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation is a frequently cited example, as is Bella Swan from the Twilight series.)

They’re particularly common, though, in fanfiction.

Here’s a quick litmus test to check whether your character is a Mary Sue:

If the answer to all these questions is “yes”, you very likely have a Mary Sue on your hands:

Is the character an idealised version of you? (Be honest!)

Are they popular with pretty much everyone?

Are they a bit “too good to be true”?

Do they have a surprising range of skills / expertise?

Have they advanced a long way in their career despite being very young?

If the answer to all these questions is “no”, you very likely have a Mary Sue on your hands:

Does the character have any real flaws? (“Clumsy” or “poor at math” are not flaws.)

Do they ever fail at anything, in a significant way, in your story?

Do they change in some way (for better or for worse) during the course of the story?

Common Confusions About Mary Sue Characters

Sometimes, people will call a character a “Mary Sue” based on a particular trait or aspect of the character.

These (common) things alone do not make a character a Mary Sue:

The character is a powerful female. You can (and should!) write strong female characters.  They only tip over into Mary Sue territory when they’re exceptionally skilled in multiple areas in an improbable or unexplained way. (E.g. if your character has been studying karate since she was five, it makes sense that she’s good at fighting – but if you never mention any type of training and have her effortlessly defeat three armed assassins, it’s going to seem ridiculous.)

The character has wacky coloured hair or eyes. While this can be a trait of a certain type of Mary Sue character, it’s also something you might well be using for other reasons – perhaps just because you like that hair / eye colour (which isn’t such a terrible reason to include it!), or perhaps because it has a particular plot relevance.

The character has multiple love interests. In certain stories, it’s normal and even expected for your main character to have more than one love interest. (Think of all the mainstream romance novels and films that involve – usually – a woman choosing between two men.) In some sub-genres, like reverse harem romances, the whole point of a story is about a character having several love interests at once. Even if the story isn’t a romance at all, it’s still perfectly plausible that a character might have more than one love interest.

They’re based on the author. While “Mary Sue” is sometimes seen as synonymous with “author insert”, it’s not necessarily the case that characters based on the author are Mary Sues. Some writers would argue that all their characters are based on them to some degree: after all, who else’s thoughts and feelings do we have direct access to? Just because a character shares some characteristics with the author doesn’t make them a Mary Sue.

They’re an original female character in a fanfiction story. Admittedly, this type of character has a fairly high chance of being a Mary Sue (compared with, say, original characters in original works). One of the main issues with this type of character is that they tend to steal the spotlight from the real main characters – the established ones who fans want to read about. But original female characters are not invariably Mary Sues.

The Big Problem with Mary Sue Characters

Mary Sue characters can be a lot of fun to write … after all, there wouldn’t be so many of them otherwise. If you’re purely writing for your own enjoyment, and you don’t plan to share your work with others, then indulge in as many Mary Sues as you like. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of wish fulfilment!

The problem comes when you want other people to read – and enjoy – your work. The sad truth about Mary Sues is that, for most readers, they’re boring and annoying.

You might think that readers would enjoy a story where someone smart, talented, good looking and universally loved saves the day again and again … after all, isn’t that a kind of wish fulfilment for the reader, too?

Some readers might indeed enjoy that. But what most readers actually want is a story where characters struggle, get things wrong, fail (at least temporarily), and change and grow. That makes for a satisfying, exciting story.

Mary Sue characters tend to “break” stories, too, either by the actual rules of the world being different around them (e.g. magic works differently for them) or by effortlessly winning everything — without it ever feeling deserved or earned.

Obviously, you can write what you want … but if you want your work to be read, avoid using Mary Sue characters.

Instead, make your characters real, complex people. Give them flaws (real ones that they need to overcome) and let them fail, before they succeed. Your story will be all the more satisfying for it.

Mary Sue Quiz

The questions below will test your understanding of the character.

1. A Mary Sue character often is:

interesting

boring

2. Does a Mary Sue character have any real flaws?

yes

no

3. Mary Sue characters usually are:

strong

selfish

4. Does a Mary Sue character changes often or strongly?

yes

no

Get our premium subscription and start receiving our writing tips and exercises daily. It costs less than a coffee per month! Click here to activate your Pro subscription.

Publish your book with our partner InstantPublisher.com! Professionally printed in as few as 7 days.

Original post: Mary Sue Test: Does Your Character Pass It? from Daily Writing Tips https://ift.tt/2FlHpsM

[nancygduarteus]

The Man Who Saw Inside Himself

Sonia Ramamoorthy has plenty of smart patients. A surgeon at the University of California at San Diego, she counts among her patients members of that school’s faculty, many of whom arrive at her clinic remarkably well informed.

“They’ve been to the internet, and they’ll come in with 50 questions,” she says. But nothing prepared her for Larry Smarr. During her consultation with him about an intestinal affliction in October 2016, he interrupted her to ask, “Do you have a quick minute? I have a PowerPoint presentation.”

I wrote about Larry in this magazine five and a half years ago, documenting his remarkable efforts with a supercomputer at UCSD to study his own body in unprecedented detail—efforts that had led to his self-diagnosis of Crohn’s disease, long before definitive symptoms had manifested. Although Larry’s academic background is in astrophysics and astronomy, he has evolved into one of the world’s foremost experts in applied computer engineering. He founded, and heads, the California Institute for Telecommunications and Information Technology, or Calit2, which is exploring advanced digital technologies to rethink the way medicine is practiced.

Larry is using his own body, and his ongoing struggle with Crohn’s, as an experiment. He keeps precise measures of his body’s input (what he eats and drinks) and output (the energy he burns and what he excretes—and yes, that is precisely what it sounds like). He undergoes periodic MRIs, has his blood and stool analyzed frequently, submits to annual colonoscopies, and has had his DNA sequenced. Among the things Calit2 does with all these data is create a stunning, regularly updated three-dimensional image of his insides, which he calls “Transparent Larry.” His colleague Jürgen Schulze projects it inside “The Cave,” a virtual-reality room that literally places the viewer inside the picture. Larry can not only chart the changes taking place inside his body; he can actually see them.

As a result, he arguably knows more about his own inner workings than anyone else ever has. His goal, as he puts it, is for each of us to become “the CEO of our own body.”

In the years since I first met Larry, he and Calit2 have produced a steady stream of groundbreaking studies, most notably work charting the body’s microbiome, the jungle of bacteria that line the human intestines. We have at least as many of these alien cells inside our bodies as we have cells that carry our DNA—Larry and some other researchers believe they may actually outnumber our DNA-carrying cells by a factor of 10 to 1.

It is useful to adopt Larry’s way of thinking about the body as a torus, a donut-shaped structure with a tunnel that runs through its center: our gastrointestinal tract. Food and drink are foreign objects we send through this tunnel from mouth to anus, with various way stations in between: esophagus, stomach, small intestine, large intestine, and so on. As the food or liquid progresses, nutrients are extracted and waste is propelled downward. Much of this work is performed for us by bacteria, a whole ecosystem of microorganisms that were uncountable, unclassified, and therefore essentially unexplored before the declining cost of gene sequencing and the exponential increase in computing speed made all that possible. Working with UCSD’s Center for Microbiome Innovation, Larry has his biweekly stool samples genetically sequenced, and then transfers that information into a supercomputer, where it is correlated with changes in his diet, weight, medications, and symptoms.

This regimen is more than any normal person could, or would, undertake, but Larry believes that portable sensors and tracking software will soon make such monitoring simple enough that it will become commonplace. If and when millions of people ultimately pool their personal data on the internet, they will establish the first comprehensive, fact-based, real-time template for the human body. This will enable physicians to define disease not as a theoretical grouping of symptoms but as a precise physical anomaly in a specific patient. Treatment of his own disease has given Larry an opportunity to demonstrate exactly how this might work.

Crohn’s, an inflammatory bowel disease, was an unpleasant discovery during what began as an effort to simply lose weight. With the help of Transparent Larry, he discovered the affliction well before clinical medicine could have diagnosed it. But when I met him, in 2012, the effects were clear: abdominal bloating, rectal bleeding, intestinal discomfort, and other problems. Looking at 3-D images of his intestines, Larry could see a severely inflamed portion of his colon, which was the likely cause of his increasing distress, and which, he suspected, at some point would have to be removed. In the years since, the disease—which is not fatal, but can be quite painful—has progressed.

Three and a half years ago, when he underwent an unrelated hernia surgery, Larry asked that a colorectal surgeon take, in effect, a “flyover” look at his colon. At his request, Ramamoorthy, the chief of the colorectal-surgery division at UC San Diego Health, was called in, and after examining Larry’s colon closely, she noted in his records that the afflicted segment looked inflamed, but that the condition was not serious.

It looked and felt serious to Larry, however. In time, his symptoms became indisputable. He was in his family’s hot tub in March 2016 when his son noted that his stomach looked very swollen. Already, the volume of stool he was producing had been getting smaller and smaller.

A full-body CT scan and a CT virtual colonoscopy showed that the walls of the affected six-to-nine-inch stretch of colon were dramatically inflamed. In essence, the contents of his intestines were being forced through an opening that had shrunk from the width of a fire hose to that of a soda straw. His colon was locked in a self-reinforcing cycle: The distress worsened the inflammation, which further narrowed the tube. Harvey Eisenberg, the doctor who founded the imaging center that performed Larry’s scans, saw the changes and told him in the summer of 2016, “This is getting pretty bad. You know, I’m not your doctor, but if I were … It’s time to get this out. It can’t do anything but harm.”

Larry made an appointment with his primary doctor, Bill Sandborn, an internationally known gastroenterologist, not to ask him what should be done, but to tell him what should be done: “I have come to the conclusion that my future health depends on removing six to nine inches of my sigmoid colon,” Larry wrote in a pre-appointment email. “This is NOT an urgent issue, but I would like to get the process beginning.”

Larry made a full presentation to Sandborn in early September, complete with a 3-D-printed plastic model of his colon whose design was based on an abdominal MRI. Sandborn concurred with Larry’s diagnosis and referred him back to Ramamoorthy.

Surgery is a conservative profession. Regularly skating on the edge of life and death demands a certain amount of ego; experience—both good and bad—has a way of hardening convictions about the right way to proceed. “We’re stubborn,” Ramamoorthy told me. “Surgery is a time for people to focus, for people to be serious.” Experimenting with fancy new technology is not always a surgeon’s top priority.

Ramamoorthy is from a family of engineers, however, so she was intrigued. She knew that Larry was one of the stars at UCSD, so she was more willing than she might otherwise have been to work with a patient who not only thought he knew best but who wanted, in effect, to hijack her operating room. “I mean, he’s obviously a genius,” she said. “Why would I not look at what he was interested in?”

“She was a dream doctor for me,” Larry told me. “She knows that more information is going to make her a better surgeon, with a better outcome for the patient.”

Larry told Ramamoorthy that he felt like he was going to explode. His belly was severely distended. The rectal bleeding had worsened, and the volume of his stool was still in decline. Then came the PowerPoint. Among the data Larry presented were details about his C-reactive-protein levels, which measure inflammation, and which had multiplied nearly sixfold in the previous month. Last, he invited Ramamoorthy across campus to his Calit2 building, where he brought her into the Cave.

Like everyone who sees the virtual-reality room, Ramamoorthy was at first amazed. Then she was struck by how useful the images were. Inside our bellies, the intestines are a jumble of coiled tissue, resting among other organs and vital blood vessels. The twists and turns are not the same in everyone, so when a surgeon peers in, she encounters a layout that can differ from one person to the next and that, considering the coils are folded into such a small space, can be hard to sort out. In the operating room, the patient is placed on a reclining board with his head down, so that gravity eases compaction and makes the work a little easier. The first step in the procedure, under normal circumstances, is to insert a scope into the belly for a look around.

“We see kind of the lay of the land, and get a sense of what we have to do,” Ramamoorthy explained. She performs surgery with a state-of-the-art robot called the da Vinci Xi, a four-armed device that nearly fills the operating room. At the end of each arm is a narrow tube that can be inserted into the patient’s body; each insertion point is called a port. A small camera or the robot’s delicate fingers can be threaded through the tubes at these ports. Placement of the ports is crucial, because the camera and fingers that extend from them into the patient’s viscera must be set precisely in the area where Ramamoorthy intends to cut.

When using the da Vinci, Ramamoorthy does not peer directly into the patient’s body, but instead views it through a scope at the da Vinci’s workstation, which has a screen to project what the robot’s cameras see, and hand controls with which she can manipulate the robot’s fingers. The first step in Larry’s procedure would be to determine exactly where to place the ports in his belly.

Inside Transparent Larry, however, Ramamoorthy got a jump on the surgery a week early. She could see which portion of the colon would have to be removed, where it was located, and how it was shaped. All the peculiar twists and folds of Larry’s organs were displayed. She could see, near the upper-left end of his colon, where it was attached to his spleen, and where, in another spot, one of its folds pressed against his bladder—both areas of surgical risk. “You’re the doctor, not me,” Larry told her, pointing to a precise spot, “but I would start cutting here.” Pointing to another spot, he added, “And cutting here makes a good deal of sense.”

“That’s about right,” she said.

She would later calculate that this virtual inspection “probably saved us about an hour’s worth of time during surgery.” That’s a valuable advantage, she explained, because the longer a patient is under anesthesia, the more likely he is to suffer postoperative complications.

When it came time for Ramamoorthy to review the necessary consent forms with Larry, both understood the surgical plan exactly, where the danger points were, and when decisions might have to be made in the moment—not in a generic sense, as with most surgeries, but with great specificity. Larry was functioning, in a concrete sense, as his body’s CEO.

“I was really the learner and he was the teacher,” Ramamoorthy said.

Before the surgery, Larry arranged for Intuitive Surgical, which makes the da Vinci, to work with Jürgen Schulze, his colleague, to feed his 3-D images directly into the robot. This would enable Ramamoorthy to see 3-D virtual images in her scope alongside the real images of Larry’s colon from the da Vinci’s stereo high-definition camera. Days before the surgery, she told Schulze that she wanted him to participate in the procedure. When Schulze initially demurred, citing a discomfort with blood, Larry told him: “Man up.”

The scene in Larry’s operating room on November 29, 2016, looked more like a crowded booth at an engineering convention than a surgical theater. Larry’s supine body, completely draped in blue paper except for his swollen belly—tinted orange with antibacterial swabbing—was surrounded by a thicket of white, plastic-clad robotic arms and industrious doctors, nurses, and technicians. The university’s media-relations office had gotten wind of the groundbreaking effort, so a video crew was present too. Schulze was there with his laptop, manipulating the virtual version of Larry’s insides. Ramamoorthy, after making the initial incisions and inserting the rods containing the robot’s camera and fingers, sat in a corner at the controls, orchestrating the procedure. “I love it!” she exclaimed as they began. “This team is on!”

Explaining her moves as she worked, the surgeon called out from time to time for Schulze to tinker with the virtual image. “Maybe give me a lateral view of the bladder from the right side,” she said at one point.

The virtual images were so helpful, she said later, that she wishes she could have them every time she operates: “It was wonderful. It was like the difference between driving around before and after Google Maps.”

The only overtly bloody moment came when the portion of Larry’s colon was removed. It was hugely swollen, a mass of inflamed tissue the size of a melon.

About four months later, presenting his case in a lecture to the medical staff of UC San Diego Health’s Moores Cancer Center, Larry quipped, “I myself had a sort of a cameo. I played the belly in the video, sort of a Quentin Tarantino thing.”

Larry proudly passed around a plastic model of his new, streamlined colon. His symptoms had abated, and he had gone back to walking 10,000 steps a day only two weeks after his five-hour surgery. And although his blood and stool biomarkers are now back in the normal range—one of them 2,000 times lower than it was at his sickest—Larry is still on the case, trying radical shifts in his diet and tracking the effects on his microbiome. He will be 70 this year, and he hopes to find a more permanent solution to his affliction. He is still frustrated, he told me, echoing the lament of scientists everywhere, “by what I don’t know.”

Turning a two-dimensional MRI into three dimensions is not that hard, Larry told the audience at his lecture. The remaining challenge is to get more doctors to be like Ramamoorthy, and to get more engineers working in concert with them. Larry wants to build a hub on the UCSD campus to meld the isolated disciplines into a functioning whole. “We have the top-line medical people and facilities, and we have the researchers,” he said. “It’s just the social organization of getting out of the stovepipes long enough to put these kind of teams together.”

When I first met Larry Smarr, he was trying to chart a new future for the diagnosis of illnesses. Today, he’s also charting a future for the surgeries used to treat them. And he’s demonstrating—quite dramatically—what it’s like when the patient, not the doctor, is in charge.

This article appears in the March 2018 print edition with the headline “The World’s Most Body-Conscious Man.”

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/03/larry-smarr-the-man-who-saw-inside-himself/550883/?utm_source=feed

[ionecoffman]

The Man Who Saw Inside Himself

Sonia Ramamoorthy has plenty of smart patients. A surgeon at the University of California at San Diego, she counts among her patients members of that school’s faculty, many of whom arrive at her clinic remarkably well informed.

“They’ve been to the internet, and they’ll come in with 50 questions,” she says. But nothing prepared her for Larry Smarr. During her consultation with him about an intestinal affliction in October 2016, he interrupted her to ask, “Do you have a quick minute? I have a PowerPoint presentation.”

I wrote about Larry in this magazine five and a half years ago, documenting his remarkable efforts with a supercomputer at UCSD to study his own body in unprecedented detail—efforts that had led to his self-diagnosis of Crohn’s disease, long before definitive symptoms had manifested. Although Larry’s academic background is in astrophysics and astronomy, he has evolved into one of the world’s foremost experts in applied computer engineering. He founded, and heads, the California Institute for Telecommunications and Information Technology, or Calit2, which is exploring advanced digital technologies to rethink the way medicine is practiced.

Larry is using his own body, and his ongoing struggle with Crohn’s, as an experiment. He keeps precise measures of his body’s input (what he eats and drinks) and output (the energy he burns and what he excretes—and yes, that is precisely what it sounds like). He undergoes periodic MRIs, has his blood and stool analyzed frequently, submits to annual colonoscopies, and has had his DNA sequenced. Among the things Calit2 does with all these data is create a stunning, regularly updated three-dimensional image of his insides, which he calls “Transparent Larry.” His colleague Jürgen Schulze projects it inside “The Cave,” a virtual-reality room that literally places the viewer inside the picture. Larry can not only chart the changes taking place inside his body; he can actually see them.

As a result, he arguably knows more about his own inner workings than anyone else ever has. His goal, as he puts it, is for each of us to become “the CEO of our own body.”

In the years since I first met Larry, he and Calit2 have produced a steady stream of groundbreaking studies, most notably work charting the body’s microbiome, the jungle of bacteria that line the human intestines. We have at least as many of these alien cells inside our bodies as we have cells that carry our DNA—Larry and some other researchers believe they may actually outnumber our DNA-carrying cells by a factor of 10 to 1.

It is useful to adopt Larry’s way of thinking about the body as a torus, a donut-shaped structure with a tunnel that runs through its center: our gastrointestinal tract. Food and drink are foreign objects we send through this tunnel from mouth to anus, with various way stations in between: esophagus, stomach, small intestine, large intestine, and so on. As the food or liquid progresses, nutrients are extracted and waste is propelled downward. Much of this work is performed for us by bacteria, a whole ecosystem of microorganisms that were uncountable, unclassified, and therefore essentially unexplored before the declining cost of gene sequencing and the exponential increase in computing speed made all that possible. Working with UCSD’s Center for Microbiome Innovation, Larry has his biweekly stool samples genetically sequenced, and then transfers that information into a supercomputer, where it is correlated with changes in his diet, weight, medications, and symptoms.

This regimen is more than any normal person could, or would, undertake, but Larry believes that portable sensors and tracking software will soon make such monitoring simple enough that it will become commonplace. If and when millions of people ultimately pool their personal data on the internet, they will establish the first comprehensive, fact-based, real-time template for the human body. This will enable physicians to define disease not as a theoretical grouping of symptoms but as a precise physical anomaly in a specific patient. Treatment of his own disease has given Larry an opportunity to demonstrate exactly how this might work.

Crohn’s, an inflammatory bowel disease, was an unpleasant discovery during what began as an effort to simply lose weight. With the help of Transparent Larry, he discovered the affliction well before clinical medicine could have diagnosed it. But when I met him, in 2012, the effects were clear: abdominal bloating, rectal bleeding, intestinal discomfort, and other problems. Looking at 3-D images of his intestines, Larry could see a severely inflamed portion of his colon, which was the likely cause of his increasing distress, and which, he suspected, at some point would have to be removed. In the years since, the disease—which is not fatal, but can be quite painful—has progressed.

Three and a half years ago, when he underwent an unrelated hernia surgery, Larry asked that a colorectal surgeon take, in effect, a “flyover” look at his colon. At his request, Ramamoorthy, the chief of the colorectal-surgery division at UC San Diego Health, was called in, and after examining Larry’s colon closely, she noted in his records that the afflicted segment looked inflamed, but that the condition was not serious.

It looked and felt serious to Larry, however. In time, his symptoms became indisputable. He was in his family’s hot tub in March 2016 when his son noted that his stomach looked very swollen. Already, the volume of stool he was producing had been getting smaller and smaller.

A full-body CT scan and a CT virtual colonoscopy showed that the walls of the affected six-to-nine-inch stretch of colon were dramatically inflamed. In essence, the contents of his intestines were being forced through an opening that had shrunk from the width of a fire hose to that of a soda straw. His colon was locked in a self-reinforcing cycle: The distress worsened the inflammation, which further narrowed the tube. Harvey Eisenberg, the doctor who founded the imaging center that performed Larry’s scans, saw the changes and told him in the summer of 2016, “This is getting pretty bad. You know, I’m not your doctor, but if I were … It’s time to get this out. It can’t do anything but harm.”

Larry made an appointment with his primary doctor, Bill Sandborn, an internationally known gastroenterologist, not to ask him what should be done, but to tell him what should be done: “I have come to the conclusion that my future health depends on removing six to nine inches of my sigmoid colon,” Larry wrote in a pre-appointment email. “This is NOT an urgent issue, but I would like to get the process beginning.”

Larry made a full presentation to Sandborn in early September, complete with a 3-D-printed plastic model of his colon whose design was based on an abdominal MRI. Sandborn concurred with Larry’s diagnosis and referred him back to Ramamoorthy.

Surgery is a conservative profession. Regularly skating on the edge of life and death demands a certain amount of ego; experience—both good and bad—has a way of hardening convictions about the right way to proceed. “We’re stubborn,” Ramamoorthy told me. “Surgery is a time for people to focus, for people to be serious.” Experimenting with fancy new technology is not always a surgeon’s top priority.

Ramamoorthy is from a family of engineers, however, so she was intrigued. She knew that Larry was one of the stars at UCSD, so she was more willing than she might otherwise have been to work with a patient who not only thought he knew best but who wanted, in effect, to hijack her operating room. “I mean, he’s obviously a genius,” she said. “Why would I not look at what he was interested in?”

“She was a dream doctor for me,” Larry told me. “She knows that more information is going to make her a better surgeon, with a better outcome for the patient.”

Larry told Ramamoorthy that he felt like he was going to explode. His belly was severely distended. The rectal bleeding had worsened, and the volume of his stool was still in decline. Then came the PowerPoint. Among the data Larry presented were details about his C-reactive-protein levels, which measure inflammation, and which had multiplied nearly sixfold in the previous month. Last, he invited Ramamoorthy across campus to his Calit2 building, where he brought her into the Cave.

Like everyone who sees the virtual-reality room, Ramamoorthy was at first amazed. Then she was struck by how useful the images were. Inside our bellies, the intestines are a jumble of coiled tissue, resting among other organs and vital blood vessels. The twists and turns are not the same in everyone, so when a surgeon peers in, she encounters a layout that can differ from one person to the next and that, considering the coils are folded into such a small space, can be hard to sort out. In the operating room, the patient is placed on a reclining board with his head down, so that gravity eases compaction and makes the work a little easier. The first step in the procedure, under normal circumstances, is to insert a scope into the belly for a look around.

“We see kind of the lay of the land, and get a sense of what we have to do,” Ramamoorthy explained. She performs surgery with a state-of-the-art robot called the da Vinci Xi, a four-armed device that nearly fills the operating room. At the end of each arm is a narrow tube that can be inserted into the patient’s body; each insertion point is called a port. A small camera or the robot’s delicate fingers can be threaded through the tubes at these ports. Placement of the ports is crucial, because the camera and fingers that extend from them into the patient’s viscera must be set precisely in the area where Ramamoorthy intends to cut.

When using the da Vinci, Ramamoorthy does not peer directly into the patient’s body, but instead views it through a scope at the da Vinci’s workstation, which has a screen to project what the robot’s cameras see, and hand controls with which she can manipulate the robot’s fingers. The first step in Larry’s procedure would be to determine exactly where to place the ports in his belly.

Inside Transparent Larry, however, Ramamoorthy got a jump on the surgery a week early. She could see which portion of the colon would have to be removed, where it was located, and how it was shaped. All the peculiar twists and folds of Larry’s organs were displayed. She could see, near the upper-left end of his colon, where it was attached to his spleen, and where, in another spot, one of its folds pressed against his bladder—both areas of surgical risk. “You’re the doctor, not me,” Larry told her, pointing to a precise spot, “but I would start cutting here.” Pointing to another spot, he added, “And cutting here makes a good deal of sense.”

“That’s about right,” she said.

She would later calculate that this virtual inspection “probably saved us about an hour’s worth of time during surgery.” That’s a valuable advantage, she explained, because the longer a patient is under anesthesia, the more likely he is to suffer postoperative complications.

When it came time for Ramamoorthy to review the necessary consent forms with Larry, both understood the surgical plan exactly, where the danger points were, and when decisions might have to be made in the moment—not in a generic sense, as with most surgeries, but with great specificity. Larry was functioning, in a concrete sense, as his body’s CEO.

“I was really the learner and he was the teacher,” Ramamoorthy said.

Before the surgery, Larry arranged for Intuitive Surgical, which makes the da Vinci, to work with Jürgen Schulze, his colleague, to feed his 3-D images directly into the robot. This would enable Ramamoorthy to see 3-D virtual images in her scope alongside the real images of Larry’s colon from the da Vinci’s stereo high-definition camera. Days before the surgery, she told Schulze that she wanted him to participate in the procedure. When Schulze initially demurred, citing a discomfort with blood, Larry told him: “Man up.”

The scene in Larry’s operating room on November 29, 2016, looked more like a crowded booth at an engineering convention than a surgical theater. Larry’s supine body, completely draped in blue paper except for his swollen belly—tinted orange with antibacterial swabbing—was surrounded by a thicket of white, plastic-clad robotic arms and industrious doctors, nurses, and technicians. The university’s media-relations office had gotten wind of the groundbreaking effort, so a video crew was present too. Schulze was there with his laptop, manipulating the virtual version of Larry’s insides. Ramamoorthy, after making the initial incisions and inserting the rods containing the robot’s camera and fingers, sat in a corner at the controls, orchestrating the procedure. “I love it!” she exclaimed as they began. “This team is on!”

Explaining her moves as she worked, the surgeon called out from time to time for Schulze to tinker with the virtual image. “Maybe give me a lateral view of the bladder from the right side,” she said at one point.

The virtual images were so helpful, she said later, that she wishes she could have them every time she operates: “It was wonderful. It was like the difference between driving around before and after Google Maps.”

The only overtly bloody moment came when the portion of Larry’s colon was removed. It was hugely swollen, a mass of inflamed tissue the size of a melon.

About four months later, presenting his case in a lecture to the medical staff of UC San Diego Health’s Moores Cancer Center, Larry quipped, “I myself had a sort of a cameo. I played the belly in the video, sort of a Quentin Tarantino thing.”

Larry proudly passed around a plastic model of his new, streamlined colon. His symptoms had abated, and he had gone back to walking 10,000 steps a day only two weeks after his five-hour surgery. And although his blood and stool biomarkers are now back in the normal range—one of them 2,000 times lower than it was at his sickest—Larry is still on the case, trying radical shifts in his diet and tracking the effects on his microbiome. He will be 70 this year, and he hopes to find a more permanent solution to his affliction. He is still frustrated, he told me, echoing the lament of scientists everywhere, “by what I don’t know.”

Turning a two-dimensional MRI into three dimensions is not that hard, Larry told the audience at his lecture. The remaining challenge is to get more doctors to be like Ramamoorthy, and to get more engineers working in concert with them. Larry wants to build a hub on the UCSD campus to meld the isolated disciplines into a functioning whole. “We have the top-line medical people and facilities, and we have the researchers,” he said. “It’s just the social organization of getting out of the stovepipes long enough to put these kind of teams together.”

When I first met Larry Smarr, he was trying to chart a new future for the diagnosis of illnesses. Today, he’s also charting a future for the surgeries used to treat them. And he’s demonstrating—quite dramatically—what it’s like when the patient, not the doctor, is in charge.

This article appears in the March 2018 print edition with the headline “The World’s Most Body-Conscious Man.”

Article source here:The Atlantic