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redlemonz · 7 years

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Day #28

Four weeks since sick-day Monday. A whole February's worth of a month, and it's the 21st too - my favourite new unlucky number. I can already tell it's going to be an absolutely splendid day and return to the workplace. My thoughts, along with time as my usual brain's archenemy, instantly strike down the usual Monday morning anxiety upon me. Shivers spark inside my spine, though I am not actually cold. If only I could escape this and sleep another horrendous morning away. Unfortunately I've already used up my quota for a sick day this month as at my last sick-day Friday, and am feeing sane enough to realise that my mind needs to be focused on some work anyway to divert its attention temporarily. It's alright too, because I'm pretty much use to the anxiety by now as it's mostly under my control these days (or so I like to tell myself anyway). It also helps that she's actually contributed to reducing it greatly through making her presence apparent in my life. Another smiley face, exchange of emojis and so on, via digital communication last night is more than sufficient to ensure my stability is in tact. Not that I'm relying on her at all or anything, it just so happens that she can naturally provide such a positive effect upon my life without even really trying. I'm quite over this empty feeling though - just getting by, living each day with a lack of physical emotion being exhibited upon my face for the majority. My expressionless gaze which stares back at me in the mirror displays just that - it doesn't really give a shit about all that much anymore. Everything's kind of just blankly existing around me, and here I am, dead inside and floating by as an insignificant spec of dust. So suck me into this equally empty vacuum and be done with it already. Day 28 - Bad company "I don't want to see you" are the words which continue to echo over and over again in my head, from our conversation four nights ago. Even though we're seemingly on good terms, can talk regularly and exchange photos now and then, hearing those words on repeat are still simply painful and can bring a tear to anyone's eyes. I know where she's coming from obviously, and that it's probably not ideal given the circumstances to see each other, but that general statement can regardlessly be scarring and be lodged against my insecurities sadly - because I allow it to. I can't help that it makes me feel so unwanted and minuscule, as if I don't even matter. I can't stop thinking about it either, because I want to be able to confirm to myself that I am indeed not worth the time and effort as is the belief that's been preached into me countlessly. Driving this knife into myself deeper helps me prepare for whatever future disappointments await around the corner in my life, reaffirming the pessimistic elements in my life that I extensively lost when I was with her (yup, my negativity during us being together was surprisingly a growing improvement). It sucks, but it is intrinsic that I must attain back that greater sense of negativity as otherwise my vulnerability factor is enlarged, by my own flawed mechanisms. That instrument to my own destruction being that my mind believes for some whacky reason (although true) that there is definitely some correlation between one's level of positivity and their general expectations. Anyway, what I'm really trying to get at is that work sucked. I spoke little words on a verbal scale, but my fingers on a keyboard spoke volumes on the digital screen of success. The more stuff that's on there, the more work you're doing obviously, right? Nevertheless, I got swamped with every task on a bloody Monday that supposedly just so happened to be urgent, even though they don't bother using the damn red exclamation mark in the emails to attribute it accordingly so. Yes, I'm finding any excuse to sprinkle my salt (careful with your mind) towards work today because it wasn't actually all too bad when it comes down to it, but once in a while it's nice to blame something else for my own catastrophic internal suffering. Man, what really got me was another regrettable memory I was itching to forget, but of course, fate always finds a way to remind me of the asshole I am. One of three was thrilling us with his weekend meal escapades (yes, food is stimulating stuff - quite literally if I may add, energy homeostasis and stuff. Do I even science? Fuck yeah.. on rare occasions). He went to this exorbitant buffet restaurant with his family and friends, situated in a hotel, named after simply a number which corresponds to the various cuisine-kitchens on offer. The beginning of that story was more than sufficient in sparking another moment of repentance, as she accompanied my hand there one night for a special dinner date I had booked (which she even dressed up and looked absolutely stunning for), and at which I behaved as an impolite and rude bastard. It's sad too really, because I would tend to pride myself upon chivalry, out of the limited bucket of anything that I even have to offer at all. To be completely straightforward about my sins (and goodness I hate admitting this), I put the food before her. As soon as I'd be done finishing a plate, I wouldn't hesitate to simply get up and proceed towards another serving whilst she sat and ate her meal on her own.. on multiple occasions. I ruined another nice evening for us, through my own selfishness and lack of thought about her in that moment. What's worse is that it was our unofficial anniversary (I booked the reservation in as our anniversary with the belief we may likely attain some freebies, and huzzah - gourmet chocolates.. would've been a proud moment if I wasn't such a dick that night). I was just an unforgivably bad date as a result, and offered poor company to this beautiful Princess (excuse me - Queen) whom I took for granted, on a dynamically visible level. Another apology which shouldn't have ever been required if I could have just had basic common courtesy for the woman I love. At least I was fortunate enough to receive another chance during one of the occasions in which I visited her down in snowy mountain town. We attended another buffet, named after that historically famous Mongolian warlord, where I remembered my faults and attempted to redeem myself - and hey, what a surprise, it was a really enjoyable night in each other's company. Might I add that I happen to have had a corresponding song, with regards to said historically famous Mongolian warlord, which has been stuck in my head the whole day courtesy of her. Might I also say, that she video snapped me herself singing along to the radio on the way to, and from work today, which brought a radiant glow of blissful happiness to my maniacal Monday. Three different friends reached out to me today - what a wonderful coincidence. Blondie, the mastermind and I don't think I've mentioned my lovely, but unofficial ditzy sibling who renamed her last name on social media to match my fake last name for over a year (because said last name is a loveable Turkish dip that resembles my actual last name when sounded aloud.. on a somewhat loose tangent, and is also variably dependant upon one's accent). Anyway, all three were sweetly inviting me to various future events - some that I can dodge when the time comes, and one I can decline straightaway. Not doing a great job at not being a dick, clearly, but trust me when I can reaffirm that I'm still not quite ready to be the negative nick of the group (that 'n' deserves to remain a lowercase, because it's not worthy of being labelled proper). My company will purely not even be that of adequate quality, and it's subsequently better for others that it's avoided as a result. So of course I had limited responses to each, and abruptly wished them a nice week ahead, because I still can't commit myself to a conversation when my primary sensations are emptiness and heartbreak. Also my dippy sibling, better known as The Colonel (pronounced Call-oh-nell according to her, when ordering fried chicken) asked me if I'm free on the weekend to assist her with purchasing her first vehicle, and insisted that I could provide some useful "manly input". I have to acknowledge that she is one of the sweetest and most treasured people in my life, before I can simply acclaim, what the fuck? My track record with owning cars is pretty well known among my inner circles. I've wasted over $10,000 (which would be much greater than my current savings account) on two European cars which didn't even last a year - combined. I've then decided after those bad decisions that purchasing brand new would be the genius alternative, so there's another $26,000 not well spent on which I'm finally finishing repayments upon by the end of this year. My street smart knowledge of cars may as well be the equivalent to some douchebag who sticks black stripes unevenly upon only the front hood of his red car to make it go faster. Oh wait, I am that idiotic douchebag. Nevertheless, I can't afford to have any contributing role in assisting the Colonel with her purchase as anything I say or do can and will be used against me in the court of my mind. So if something were to go wrong or be out of order, it's common knowledge by now to gather where the unforgiving blame, failure and consequent punishment would be suffered. I can't risk that on my lack of a conscience, therefore I kindly apologised and referred her to other potential professionals in the matter. Even my better half knew that I was down right stupid when it came to cars. She's got a hatchback as old as I essentially am, and it's probably still the more efficient and universally favourable option between our two cars. That's because she actually has the logic I seem to perpetually lack.. damn, I'm going to fail without her. All I want now is to be able to sit beside her in that car again, holding her hand (when we're not at risk of crashing towards our deaths), or resting mine lovingly upon her thigh, as we sing along to the stereo as the beautiful lunatics we are together.

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adambstingus · 7 years

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Robots, stripper poles and swamps: 10 hotels with outrageous attractions

Its a bird, its a plane, its a…bee hive?

Thats just one of the unexpected attractions you may find at one of these hotels that make these properties more than just a place to see. From swanky potty training seats to psychic residents, here are 10 surprises in store for your next overnight visit.

1. Robot Concierge, Hilton McLean Tysons Corner – Tysons Corner, Va.

Hilton McLean Tysons Corner

Want a recommendation for the best Chinese food near your hotel or need to know how late the fitness center is open? Meet Connie the Concierge at Hilton McLean Tysons Corner just outside Washington, D.C. The property serves as Hiltons test site for new products and services for the global chain. This concierge robot, which is powered by IBM Watson and named for Hiltons founder Conrad Hilton, can answer hundreds of guest queries on command. As more guests interact with Connie, the robot learns and improves its answers.

2. Potty Training Seat and Disco Elevator, LEGOLAND Hotel – Carlsbad, Calif.

Designed with kids in mind, the LEGOLAND Hotel at LEGOLAND California Resort outside San Diego has plenty of over-the-top features for kids of a variety of ages — and that even includes a souped-up potty training seat. The cleverly-designed toilet has a fold-down training seat that youngsters can use to make going potty a little easier when away from home. And adults can simply lift it up when not needed. The fun hotel also has a pint-sized peephole in the room and a surprise elevator that turns into a disco as you start to go up or down. How can you leave without a smile on your face? Everything is awesome!

3. Camaro Billiard Table, Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya – Riviera Maya, Mexico

Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya

There are a lot of things you can do with a Camaro, but turning it into a billiard table is pretty unique. The Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya turned its classic car into a pool table for the resorts over-the-top Bret Michaels Rock Star Suite designed by the singer. The Camaro is reminiscent of a car Bret once owned and the room is adorned with artifacts from Michaels himself and his fans. Other fun room features include a private theater, a desk chair made from Harley Davidson parts, a guitar amp mini fridge, a hammock on the balcony and more.

4. Swamp, Big Cypress Lodge – Memphis, Tennessee

Big Cypress Lodge

While you wont find any alligators here, there is a full swamp inside the Big Cypress Lodge in Memphis. Located within the 32-story Bass Pro Shops Pyramid, which once served as a sports and concert arena, the wilderness-inspired hotel has a Cypress Swamp on the ground floor complete with 100-foot tall replica cypress trees, a network of ponds and streams with thousands of live fish, and the countrys tallest free-standing elevator made of glass for ultimate swamp views. The rooms continue the theme with many designed to look like tree houses or vintage duck hunting camps.

5. Barber Shop, Four Seasons Resort and Residences Vail Vail, Colorado

Four Seasons Resort and Residences Vail

Shave and a haircut, two bits? You can definitely get cleaned up at this swanky on-site barbershop at the Four Seasons Resort and Residences in Vail– but itll cost you a bit more than two cents. Try $70. But its well worth it, because at this barbershop, you can enjoy a drink of 10th Mountain whiskey or a beer from Crazy Mountain Brewery while the barber does his thing. Other services include a head shave, moustache, beard or goatee trim and a scalp massage.

6. Robots, Crowne Plaza San Jose-Silicon Valley – Milpitas, Calif.

Crowne Plaza

Forgot your toothbrush or need more towels? Dont expect the housekeeping staff to show up to your hotel room at the Crowne Plaza San Jose-Silicon Valley. Instead, you just might find Dash the robot at your door with toiletries in tow. The robot stores the items in an internal compartment, which guests can lift to retrieve their goods. Dash, which stands three-feet tall and weighs 100 pounds, travels at human walking pace and gets where hes going unaccompanied. It can even navigate between floors and use the elevator.

7. Stripper Pole, Andaz San Diego – San Diego, Calif.

Andaz San Diego

For guests looking for something sexier than a Jacuzzi tub, the Star Suite at the Andaz San Diego ups the ante with a stripper pole in the master bedroom. No classes on how to use the pole are included, but the suite does feature a floor-to-ceiling glass shower that fogs up with the touch of a button and offers dual shower heads along with views of the pole and king-sized bunk beds. Andaz San Diego is in the hip Gaslamp Quarter of downtown San Diego full of restaurants, clubs and bars to start your evening before heading back to the privacy of your sensual suite.

8. Psychic, The Stanley Hotel – Estes Park, Colo.

The Stanley Hotel

What does your future hold? You may be able to find out the next time you stay at famously spooky Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, Colo., which opened in 1909. The historic haunted hotel made famous as the inspiration for Stephen Kings The Shining has its very own resident psychic, Madame Vera, who is most happy to tell your fortune — for better or worse. But just walking in isn’t recommended. Youll need to schedule an appointment for a psychic reading with Madame Vera, who has been in business for more than 25 years. When you arent divining your future, enjoy nearby Rocky Mountain National Park and amazing mountain views of the Rockies in all directions.

9. A Town, Danville Inn – Orlando, Fla.

The Danville Inn

Walk up to the Danville Inn, the front of which appears to be a country-style front porch, and at the touch a button, the porch lifts and you are instantly transported inside an airport hangar that’s designed to look like a town. Inside youll find the luxury two-room inn, an Irish pub, gazebo and even a theater to watch a movie. There are other hangars nearby that you can walk to or visit by Segway to see classic cars, planes and even a dedicated Man Cave. The versatile venue is popular with brides and grooms for weddings and honeymoons.

10. Bee Hive, Seaport Boston – Boston, Mass.

Seaport Boston Hotel

The Seaport Boston Hotel located on Boston Harbor in the Seaport District has some special residents on its roof: one million bees. The bees live in seven hives, which stand several feet high. The staff have been trained as beekeepers to care for the bees and help harvest the honey, which is then used in the hotels restaurant and cafes in foods, desserts and drinks. Try the Honey and Vanilla Cupcakes, Bee Pollen Smoothie Shots, Honey and Bee Pollen Popcorn and Honey and Orange Iced Tea for a natural and sweet treat.

Lyn Mettler is an Indianapolis, Ind.-based travel writer. She is the author of The Step-by-Step Guide to Earning Your Southwest Companion Pass. You can find her at www.GotoTravelGal.com or on Twitter at @GotoTravelGal.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/17/robots-stripper-poles-and-swamps-10-hotels-with-outrageous-attractions/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/161943163732

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jimdsmith34 · 7 years

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Robots, stripper poles and swamps: 10 hotels with outrageous attractions

Its a bird, its a plane, its a…bee hive?

1. Robot Concierge, Hilton McLean Tysons Corner – Tysons Corner, Va.

Hilton McLean Tysons Corner

2. Potty Training Seat and Disco Elevator, LEGOLAND Hotel – Carlsbad, Calif.

3. Camaro Billiard Table, Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya – Riviera Maya, Mexico

Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya

4. Swamp, Big Cypress Lodge – Memphis, Tennessee

Big Cypress Lodge

5. Barber Shop, Four Seasons Resort and Residences Vail Vail, Colorado

Four Seasons Resort and Residences Vail

6. Robots, Crowne Plaza San Jose-Silicon Valley – Milpitas, Calif.

Crowne Plaza

7. Stripper Pole, Andaz San Diego – San Diego, Calif.

Andaz San Diego

8. Psychic, The Stanley Hotel – Estes Park, Colo.

The Stanley Hotel

9. A Town, Danville Inn – Orlando, Fla.

The Danville Inn

10. Bee Hive, Seaport Boston – Boston, Mass.

Seaport Boston Hotel

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/17/robots-stripper-poles-and-swamps-10-hotels-with-outrageous-attractions/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/06/robots-stripper-poles-and-swamps-10.html

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samanthasroberts · 7 years

Text

Robots, stripper poles and swamps: 10 hotels with outrageous attractions

Its a bird, its a plane, its a…bee hive?

1. Robot Concierge, Hilton McLean Tysons Corner – Tysons Corner, Va.

Hilton McLean Tysons Corner

2. Potty Training Seat and Disco Elevator, LEGOLAND Hotel – Carlsbad, Calif.

3. Camaro Billiard Table, Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya – Riviera Maya, Mexico

Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya

4. Swamp, Big Cypress Lodge – Memphis, Tennessee

Big Cypress Lodge

5. Barber Shop, Four Seasons Resort and Residences Vail Vail, Colorado

Four Seasons Resort and Residences Vail

6. Robots, Crowne Plaza San Jose-Silicon Valley – Milpitas, Calif.

Crowne Plaza

7. Stripper Pole, Andaz San Diego – San Diego, Calif.

Andaz San Diego

8. Psychic, The Stanley Hotel – Estes Park, Colo.

The Stanley Hotel

9. A Town, Danville Inn – Orlando, Fla.

The Danville Inn

10. Bee Hive, Seaport Boston – Boston, Mass.

Seaport Boston Hotel

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/17/robots-stripper-poles-and-swamps-10-hotels-with-outrageous-attractions/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/06/17/robots-stripper-poles-and-swamps-10-hotels-with-outrageous-attractions/

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allofbeercom · 7 years

Text

Robots, stripper poles and swamps: 10 hotels with outrageous attractions

Its a bird, its a plane, its a…bee hive?

1. Robot Concierge, Hilton McLean Tysons Corner – Tysons Corner, Va.

Hilton McLean Tysons Corner

2. Potty Training Seat and Disco Elevator, LEGOLAND Hotel – Carlsbad, Calif.

3. Camaro Billiard Table, Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya – Riviera Maya, Mexico

Hard Rock Hotel Riviera Maya

4. Swamp, Big Cypress Lodge – Memphis, Tennessee

Big Cypress Lodge

5. Barber Shop, Four Seasons Resort and Residences Vail Vail, Colorado

Four Seasons Resort and Residences Vail

6. Robots, Crowne Plaza San Jose-Silicon Valley – Milpitas, Calif.

Crowne Plaza

7. Stripper Pole, Andaz San Diego – San Diego, Calif.

Andaz San Diego

8. Psychic, The Stanley Hotel – Estes Park, Colo.

The Stanley Hotel

9. A Town, Danville Inn – Orlando, Fla.

The Danville Inn

10. Bee Hive, Seaport Boston – Boston, Mass.

Seaport Boston Hotel

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/17/robots-stripper-poles-and-swamps-10-hotels-with-outrageous-attractions/

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rivygucci-blog · 7 years

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Getting myself into a pickle

In the beginning of my freshman year, I was walking through the campus quad after my last class of the day. Aside from passing by the hippies, the weird Asians jumping out of trees with nerf guns, and the typical Frisbee bros who couldn’t even throw it straight, were the set-ups for Greek life with a variety of frats and sororities trying to sign up rushes. Now, coming from a background of partying and whatnot, I was instantly intrigued and decided to check it out. I approached this one frats set-up since they had the biggest tent and seemed the most friendly. I spoke with one of the brothers and he gave me the low down and everything. After I put my name and number down, the guy told me him and his brothers were having a big rush party and would contact me later with the details. “Sweet”. I thought to myself. “Rush parties mean free booze and free booze means lots of girls, because who would be interested in joining a frat if there aren’t any girls? A frat without girls is like jerking off without splooging. It’s pretty cool at first, but you get nothing out of it.” Anywho, the night comes around and I get the text from the brother with the address. My cousin (who we’ll call Gucci), being the only one with a car at the time, elected to drive there. Before leaving, I made sure to grab a condom and to have a little pep talk with Gucci. Now, when I drink I tend to do things that I may regret when I become sober. I’ve struggled with this the moment I discovered the sweet effects of alcohol, so I had to make sure Gucci was able to intervene if anything was to happen. He agreed and we drove off to the party. Upon arriving we were greeted at the door by two brothers of the frat. They were extremely friendly and made a quirky joke about my cousin and I not bringing any girls. We laughed and they opened the door for us. The house itself was beautiful and riddled with many rooms. There was a room for beer pong, flip cup, dodge, beer and so on. Naturally, my cousin and I followed the music down to the basement. Upon entering, we were instantly met by tons of girls dancing and having a good time. There wasn't an ugly, fat, chick there. It was looking good so far for both of us. Being naive 18 year olds, my cousin and I kinda nestled in the back for a little before being approached by one of the brothers who we’ll call Chad. Chad was your typical frat bro, but without the annoyance and hints of unbearable privilege. He was kind, courteous, and offered us as much beer and pot as we could handle. Before you know it, my cousin and I got blitzed beyond our wildest dreams. We were dancing and singing with the girls all while smoking like chimneys and drinking like fishes. Then the cocaine came around. These fuckers literally brought it out on a silver platter and presented it to anyone willing to partake. Not trying to be a buzz kill, I took a snort or four and soon after that, everything was a blur. The next thing I remember is wandering aimlessly upstairs. After a few minutes, I saw a commotion going on near one of the rooms. I noticed a line of dudes forming outside a room. All of a sudden, the door blasts open and out comes this drunk dude with a smile on his face followed by easily the most unattractive and chunky girl in attendance that night... who just so happens to be butt naked! She yells out, “NEXT!” At the top of her lungs. The next dude in line follows her back inside the room and the door shuts behind him. It took me a moment to process what was going on. Where’s Gucci, you may ask? I had no clue. I sat down in the kitchen and tried to sober up a little bit. After some time passes by, my head shifts up due to the sounds of loud cheering as the previous guy emerges from the room more satisfied than a gay dude in a sausage shop. At this point it was time for another beer, so I opened the fridge and looked around. Whilst reaching for a cold brewmeister I felt two hands clench my shoulders followed by, “Hey Rivy, guess who's next in line!” It was Chad. “Hey everyone, give it up for Rivy!” The brothers begin to do some ritualistic clapping and cheering. “She's gonna take your nut faster than a squirrel! Go get her! Said Chad. They all cheer once more. Despite my heavily inebriated condition, I wasn't actually about to go have my loins spoiled by that disgusting sow. Who knows what kind of disease lay festering inside that woman? I wasn't trying to be the 15th guy to do so either. However, I really wanted to make a great impression. This frat was awesome and I didn't want to be known as “that guy” for not boinking the fraternal trailer donkey. While everyone was busy cheering and banging on the walls, I quickly poked my head inside the fridge trying to figure out my next course of action. Chad started pulling on me, so I had to act quick. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of those large pickles that are individually wrapped next to a beer. At this point, I wasn't too sure what I was doing, but it was the best thing I could have done in that moment so I snagged it. Chad finally pulled me away just as I was able to conceal the pickle from anyones sight. I'm motioned in front of the room, hesitantly walked in and closed the door behind me. The inside of this dark swamp-tavern smelled like a musky barn filled with monkeys having sex on a pile of dead Mexicans. I had to use my hands to feel around to make sure I didn’t fall. I prayed that I wouldn’t accidently touch a warm puddle of spunk. “Make sure you wear a condom when you fuck me.” the girl nonchalantly said. I followed her voice before I bumped into a bed. I quietly take the pickle and rip it out of its package. I then remove the condom out of my pocket. I was saving this condom thinking I was going to get lucky, obviously this wasn't the type of luck I had in mind. I opened the condom, blindly slid it onto the pickle and begun feeling around to see where this sloot lays. My hand soon met the wettest, slimiest, most dangliest pussy I think I have ever felt in my life. It felt like the mouth of a boxer dog after It was just finished eating through a package of raw bacon. I instantly pulled my hand away and gagged. “ARE YOU GONNA FUCK ME OR WHAT? HAVING TROUBLE GETTING IT UP?!” she yelled. I jumped and once again felt around. I brushed my hands on her legs and felt her knees were pressing into the bed. She was in the doggy position. I was shaking. I couldn’t believe I was about to fuck this girl with a pickle. I held the salty green latex covered snack in one hand as I made contact with her chewed up catchers mit with the other. I slid the pickle in and begin to jimmy it in and out, and my God, was this the loosest meat tent ever. After a few seconds, my nerves got the best of me and I accidently dropped the pickle on the bed. I quickly picked it back up and started again. All of a sudden, the pickle slipped out of the condom and was lodged inside this girls reproductive cavity...or crater. The saltiness and the unexpected feeling of being breached by a common, everyday food item was enough to make this girl scream at the top of her lungs. Apparently, when I dropped the pickle and inserted in back it, I had it faced the wrong way and the pressure from me squeezing it along with the condoms lubed inside was enough for the pickle to shoot out. “WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?” yelled the girl. All I could utter was, “Um, I don’t know?” She blasted the lights on and barged out of the room. I looked through the doorway and see her in the middle of everyone with her legs fully apart. What went from cheers quickly turned into silent observation as this girl was trying desperately to pop out whatever was inside her. After a few grunts and hollers, PLUMP! The pickle slapped the cold, hard ground. There were mixed reactions from the crowd. Laughter erupted, along with confused and angry looks pointed at me. I remained sitting on the bed contemplating how I was going to talk my way out of this one. The girl begins to cry from the embarrassment and runs off. Chad emerges from the crowd along with a few other brothers. They look at the pickle, then look right at me. “Yo dude, what the fuck is this about?!” yelled Chad. Him and a few of his brothers enter the room. I was speechless. I motioned to get up but they slam me down and take turns pushing me around and asking me what the fuck I did. All of a sudden, I felt a punch land on the back of my head. It was powerful enough to push me back out of the room. I feared for my life. Was I really going to get jumped by a whole frat after sodomizing a girl with a pickle? Yep. They took turns kicking me, and the whole party went to mayhem. One big dude picked me up and was about to slam me on the ground before I heard my cousin's voice yell for them to stop. I could feel blood drip down from my face as my cousin and I were cornered by the front door, yelled at more, and finally thrown out. The next day,I had to go to the hospital and get 20 stitches on my head. Not only that, but a few of my ribs ended up getting fractured along with a bunch of other cuts and bruises. As the year went on, my reputation dwindled and any hope for me joining any frat was finished. I slowly started losing all of my friends, especially the lady friends, which wasn't a good time. Ultimately, I had to leave that college at the end of the year and I'd say this reason for it accounted for 80% of that decision. I, however, was lucky I wasn’t taken to court. The idea of a girl having a buffet line outside her door for fucking wouldn’t have sounded to good in a trial, along with being fucked by a pickle and all that. When I look back, I honestly don’t know why I just didn’t say “No” when asked to partake in the unholy act in the first place. Either way, my cousin and I ended up at a different school later on and have a hell of a story to tell at family gatherings. TL;DR: Went to a frat party, got really drunk and high and was encouraged to fuck some random fat chick who was taking on the whole team. I didn’t want to, but I had to do something to look cool so I fucked her with a pickle. Pickle got stuck inside her and I was beaten up by the whole frat, lost all my friends, and had to leave the school at the end of the year.

#funny #tifu #likeforlike

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