i'm going to keep loving you like you're still here
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I've been trying think on how to explain why I don't like about the "When you had the chance to make it right... you protected yourself. You tried to control me and Simon instead of being honest." line from Tape!Hazel, but here goes: Grace did not handle the situation well, but I don't see how she could have handled it better.
Simon could make his own choices! Grace had decided against immediately attacking Tuba at the start because she was a big gorilla and it would hurt Hazel. She tells Simon not to do so three times (The Jungle Car, The Debutante Ball Car, and the The Color Clock Car). Simon tries saying he thought she would be happy but it was clearly for his own reasons.
Then Grace finds out Hazel is a Denizen too, and quickly realizes that she doesn't want to see Hazel hurt. But she can't trust Simon not to do so after he killed Tuba. It's not like he would say "Well sure Grace, we can let Hazel stay with us, you don't have to worry about me doing anything this time!" And Hazel would be like "That's very nice I don't feel upset about traveling with you after you killed my mother at all!" If they came out and told him. And he also rejects Grace's attempts to call him out and understand Hazel's feelings as well.
They're on a Train with limited ways to go, and Simon has the number tracker, and Grace can't leave the other children in the Apex who she realizes she has misled. For these reasons, trying to get away from Simon would be hard, even if Grace didn't still care for him.
And then the scene where Simon and Amelia find out and Grace pretends not to have known, is preceded by Simon trying to attack Amelia very violently. And before Grace snaps at Hazel, she looks back at Simon, most likely considering if he would be angry again if she showed Hazel sympathy and trying get him calm down while also trying to figure out how to salvage it. Earlier, Hazel also showed concern over Simon "being mean" to Grace and for their safety.
It wasn't good, and Grace has flaws, but in this context, Simon's own actions led to Grace not being honest with him rather than her own fears of being open with others. It feels weird to say otherwise.
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In my AUs where Tuba finds Grace first, then Simon, I like to imagine he does the thing where you accidentally call your teacher mom but with Tuba and Grave NEVER lets him live it down. Tuba is just happy they see her as a mother figure instead of just a denizen.
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