Kovit: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.
Gold: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.
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Matt: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue?
Kovit: Technically a mix of green and blue?
Matt: So blurple.
Kovit: That's implying you're mixing blue and purple.
Matt: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE?
Kovit: You were confusing before but now I'm scared.
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Nita: Do you have a self-care routine?
Mirella: “Keep going bitch” said to myself in different accents.
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Nita: What kind of a maniac wakes up an hour early to write erotic fanfiction?!
Adair: Me.
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Kovit: I’ll deal with Fabricio. You take care of Adair.
Nita: Okay, but how do I make it look like an accident?
Kovit: I’m not suggesting murder! Just talk to him, like a normal person!
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Reyes: (after selling Mirella's eye) Well, I insist you come out.
Mirella: (sitting in her cage) I insist upon staying here.
Reyes: But I insisted first.
Mirella: Well, I insisted louder!
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Nita: Oh, do me a favor. Peel this apple for me, please.
Adair: No, I'm not gonna peel an apple for you!
Nita: ...But Kovit always does it for me.
Adair: Why does Kovit peel your apples for you?
Nita: He doesn't like for me to eat the apples with the skin on it, he says the skin's loaded with toxins.
Adair: Okay, well, good news - Kovit's not here.
Nita: I know he's not here and that's why I need you to do it for me, please? Please?
Adair: Oh, Jesus, just eat it with the skin on.
Nita: I do not like it with the skin, Adair! I'm not allowed to eat it with the skin! I'M NOT ALLOWED!
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Nita: (speaking Spanish)
Kovit: I know, I know.
Diana: You speak Spanish?
Kovit: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Nita speaks.
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Nita: I need life advice.
Adair: (sipping long island ice tea and eating cookie dough) You came to the right person.
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Henry: (to Kovit) YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT!
Henry: I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING! YOU ARE PRACTICALLY IN MY IMAGE! I RAISED YOU LIKE THE SON I DIDN'T WANT!
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Kovit, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Nita, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.
Adair: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Kovit: Playing systemic oppression.
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Kovit: What if we get sick of each other?
Nita: We're already sick of each other. It's the best.
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Mirella: You got a plan?
Nita: Yeah, try to stay alive.
Mirella: You got a good plan?
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Nita: What's the most illegal thing you can do with one dollar?
Kovit: Exchange it for a hundred pennies, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.
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Kovit: I will never forgive Craigslist for banning me after I wrote a post seeking a sworn nemesis. Whoever reported that is obviously my nemesis but I was so pissed.
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Nita: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.
Adair: Wow, I've gotta hear this.
Nita: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.
Kovit: You forgot pride.
Nita: No, I'm pretty proud of this.
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