Y/N: Is that your hand on my ass?
House: Yep, it was an accident.
Y/N: Your hand is still on my ass.
House: Accidentally.
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House: Wilson and I don’t use pet names.
Y/N: I see. Hey, what do bees make?
House: Honey?
Wilson: Yes, dear?
House:
Y/N: Don't ever lie to my face again.
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Incorrect quotes #1
*Wilson and y/n looking for House in the hospital after he paged them*
Wilson: He can't have gotten far.
y/n: *whistles*
Wilson: He's not a dog
*House appears through a doorway*
House: You whistled?
---
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Slytherin: Dude I'm so tired, I'd give anything to have 8 hours of sleep.
Ravenclaw: How about going to bed 8 hours before you have to wake up.
Slytherin: No, I'm not doing that.
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Gryffindor: People always say drinking numbs the pain. Why isn’t it working?
Slytherin: It would help if the drink in question wasn’t chocolate milk.
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Incorrect House MD quote #1
*the TV is freaking out*
House: Don’t worry, you have to treat an electronic like you treat a patient on life support.
*unplugs the TV, then plugs it back in again. nothing changes*
House: Yeah, that didn’t work with my grandma either.
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Wilson: *holding a piece of paper* What’s this?
House: That’s my to do list.
Wilson:
House:
Wilson: It’s just my name written over and over again.
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Wilson: Stop being aggressive
House: I'm an aggressive person
Wilson: you shouldn't be
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walburga: you’re not good enough for my son
remus: you’re not good enough for your son
walburga: excuse me?
remus: you heard me.
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Astarion: Little girls who kiss frogs expect them to turn into you.
Wyll: Oh come on. I’m not that good-looking.
Gale: Yeah, you are.
Karlach: You kind of are.
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House: We need to get through this locked door. Wilson, give me your credit card.
Wilson: Here.
House, pocketing it: Thanks. Y/N, kick down the door.
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Incorrect Quotes #2
House: From now on we'll be using codenames. You can address me as 'Eagle one'.
House: Cameron is 'been there done that',
*Cameron rolls her eyes*
House: Cuddy is 'currently doing that',
*They high five*
House: Y/n is 'it happened once in a dream',
*y/n glares at him*
House: Chase is 'if I had to pick a dude',
*Chase is flattered*
House: Wilson is...'Eagle two'.
Wilson: Oh thank god.
---
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Hufflepuff: I said chilli.
Slytherin:
Hufflepuff, holding a chilli bowl: Netflix and chilli
Slytherin: ...
Hufflepuff: Please put your clothes back on, I worked really hard on this.
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“I have forgotten how this site works. Send help immediately.”
- Slytherin, probably. (It’s me. I’m Slytherin.)
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Incorrect House MD quotes #3
Wilson: eating a cinnamon roll
House: Cannibalism.
Wilson: confused chewing noises
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House: Do you care if I take the skin off this furby? I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh he can begin on his path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us.
House: Also I want to softhack all his circuits.
Wilson: I literally don’t care what you do just never never say anything that frightening again.
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