Tumgik
#incorrect dramione
goldandglittersblog · 2 months
Text
Draco: *does something dumb*
Hermione: You know, there's a 'u' in 'stupid' for a reason.
Draco: Oh yeah? There's an 'i' in 'stupid' as well.
Hermione:
Draco:*contemplates what he just said*
Crookshanks: *meows tauntingly*
Draco: F**K OFF YOU SQUISHED-FACE F**KER!!
221 notes · View notes
incorrectdramione · 1 year
Text
Blaise: Malfoy will never agree to this.
Hermione: Sure he will!
Blaise: He already said no three times.
Hermione: Okay, watch a master at work.
Hermione: [turning to Malfoy with a puppy dog look] Can we—
Draco: Yes
292 notes · View notes
viridianphile · 1 year
Text
7th yr., dramione, fluff, rivals, down bad Draco
Draco just wants to sleep in his quarters, skip his classes and dream and dream and dream.
He hates seeing his classmates, hates their mindless talk about who fancies who, and most of all hates having to see her in flesh.
As she shoots up a know-it-all hand, starts parting her plump lips to answer, her annoying voice reverberating around his skull, he might as well combust on the spot.
Especially if he has to deal with his problem. This particular problem, he figured, the only way to solve it is to sleep it all away.
Which he did, but to make matters worse, he sees her in his dreams, EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. TIME.
And things always end up the turn for the worse. Always the worse (for lack of better word). He gets to wake up with the lingering thought of her in his newly minted state of wakefulness and a raging hard-on.
It is a problem, yes indeed.
Which begs the question, why does Draco Lucius Malfoy want to sleep and sleep and sleep?
It is obvious really, he’s definitely infatuated with her, his subconscious unconsciously dreaming of her.
But quite literally, in vulgarized fashion; Draco Lucius Malfoy lusts for Hermione Jean Granger.
And he doesn’t want to admit it yet.
“Draco, fuck you, wake up,”
He groans in his sleep.
Theo slapped the supple cheek of his bare arse “Look at that fucking kinky arse! I bet you fell asleep touching yourself all day thinking of Granger. Is that why you didn’t go to class yesterday?”
Draco immediately springs up, head still groggy and confused. Theo mussed his already messy bed hair, “I understand mate, the snakes understand,” he tuts compassionately.
“Understand wha—?” Malfoy blinks, until everything dawned upon him.
“What the fuck are you doing here Not?!”
Theo raises his palms up defensively.
“Uh—your girl’s waiting for you, and I being your faithful wingman came to pick you up and tell her your undying love,” he then places a diplomatic hand over his heart solemnly.
“My girl? Which girl? What girl?” Draco aka “completely lost” Malfoy throws the dark haired boy a skeptical look,”Last time I checked I was single with an idiot henchman for a best friend”
“Merlin to Draco, it’s Granger, the love of your life? She literally confessed her love for you in front of the whole class under the influence of a veritaserum”
“You’ve got to be kidding”
“No. You missed the chance to witness the legendary confession of the swot to her equally swotty rival”
Malfoy must be dreaming, that couldn’t be real. Theo can’t be real, this must be another dream. Granger’s involved, *again*, so it has to be, right?
He was lost for words, staring into space. Until he slapped himself to reality.
*Holy shit that hurt*
“So then what?” excitement assaults his nerves but apprehension devoured the rest of it.
“Then fly away my little butterfly, spread your wings and chase for the nectar of your dreams! Go before she changes her mind!”Theo spreads his arms dramatically, he has the spunk for theater.
Draco hurriedly gathers himself to leave but reaches back towards his henchman, “Wait, fuck, give me your pants.”
Oh right, he forgot.
Draco swiftly accio’d Theo’s pants and quickly fastened himself to decency. Theo merely let him and pats a proud father’s hand on Draco.
“Go my little soldier, this is your war—“before Theo finishes, Draco already left the chambers to chase for Granger, his dearest rival and apparently…the love of his life?
***
“Granger!”
“Malfoy?”
Granger stops in her tracks while Draco collects himself until he’s back in proper circulation.
One huge gulp of air and he’s back on his knees, a look on Granger and he’s a pathetic flustering idiot. But backing down isn’t an option and so…
“You…you fractured me to my undoing. My soul cripples at the mere thought of you. You make me lose my mind, the greatest tragedy of mine. Granger…I think I might be also in love with you…”
Hermione blinked, eyes wide. What did she just hear? If this what they call…a confession?
But seriously, from Malfoy? Her rival? The bane of her existence? The annoying fly who pests her academic endeavors, everywhere she goes?
But a pretty handsome fly too though…
An unexpected blush creeps up to her cheeks, and wait a minute…what’s with this sudden burst of emotion? Why is he looking at her like he’s about to beg on his knees for her?
He’s absurd. His unnecessarily poetic monologue’s absurd…too sudden. And are those Theo’s dress pants he’s wearing?
“Malfoy…what…I…are you serious?”
This Hermione, the brightest witch of her age, suddenly lacked the sense to speak.
Draco stops, his heart taking a sudden lurch.
“But..Theo..”
Hermione’s pulse flutters.
“What about Theo, hmm?”
He just realized.
“I’m gonna kill that fucking bastard”
That jerk tricked him.
And surprisingly it worked.
(End)
85 notes · View notes
wizards · 2 years
Text
Hermione: So, what happened to you, Draco?
Draco: I don’t want to talk about it
Harry: Good. We don’t want to hear about it.
450 notes · View notes
POV: Hermione has persuaded Draco to sell some of his clothes
Hermione (holding up trousers): keep or sell
Draco: Well, those are - errr
Hermione: Keep or sell?
Draco: Sell! Sell them! - got those at a showroom in Paris
Hermione (gesturing to her jeans): I got these on a clearance rack at Primark.
Draco: eight-fifty
Hermione: eight-fifty what?
Draco: hundred
Hermione: GALLEONS?!
Draco: eight hundred and fifty - there’s an elf in Paris that makes these by hand so…
Hermione: …. My car is worth less than your trousers.
Draco: Well- I’ve seen your car and that makes sense to me
79 notes · View notes
dramione-non-stop · 2 years
Text
Theo: Granger, you are so annoying. Just leave us alone.
Pansy: Yep. Just relax.
Hermione: You are sitting on the hall floor AND smoking muggle cigarettes. It’s almost a midnight. And I'm a Head Girl.
Draco: So?
Hermione *getting angry*: And you. I will come for you later!
Pansy and Theo: What?!
Draco:
Hermione:
rus
32 notes · View notes
san-fics · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
Dramione Bloopers
[re-writes of famous movie and comedy scenes]
WARNING: sexual humor, aged-up characters, nothing explicit though
1. Dramione x Friends
[Muggle cafe, Blaise, Theo, Pansy, and Luna are there]
Luna: There’s nothing to tell! He’s just some wizarding naturalist I work with!
Theo: C’mon, you’re going out with the guy! There’s gotta be something wrong with him!
Blaise: All right Theo, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Pansy: Wait, does he eat chalk?
[They all stare, bemused]
Pansy: Just, ‘cause, I don’t want her to go through what I went through with Neville – oh!
Luna: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two wizarding naturalists going out to dinner and – not having sex.
Blaise: Sounds like a date to me…
[Time Lapse]
Blaise: Alright, so I’m back in Hogwarts, I’m standing in the middle of the school, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream!
Blaise: Then I look down, and I realize there’s a wand... there.
The: Instead of...?
Blaise: That’s right.
Theo: Never had that dream.
Pansy: No.
Blaise: All of a sudden, the wand starts to ring. Now I don’t know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Luna: And they weren’t looking at you before?!
Blaise: Finally, I figure I’d better answer it, and it turns out it’s my mother, which is very-very weird, because – she never wand-calls me!
[Time Lapse, Draco has entered]
Draco: [mortified] Hi…
Theo: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself…
Luna: Are you okay?
Draco: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Blaise: Cookie?
Luna: [explaining to the others] Astoria moved her stuff out today.
Theo: Ohh.
Luna: [to Draco] Let me get you some coffee.
Draco: Thanks.
Pansy: Ooh! Oh! [She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Draco]
Draco: No, no don’t! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?!
Pansy: Fine! Be murky!
Draco: I’ll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she’ll be very happy.
Luna: No you don’t.
Draco: No I don’t, to hell with her, she left me!
Theo: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Draco: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn’t know, how should I know?
Theo: [muttering thoughtfully under his breath] Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... [They all stare at him] Did I say that out loud?
Draco: I told mother and father last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Blaise: Oh really, so that hysterical wand-call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., “I’ll never have grandchildren, I’ll never have grandchildren!” Was what? A wrong wand?
Draco: Sorry.
Theo: Alright Draco, look. You’re feeling a lot of pain right now. You’re angry. You’re hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
[Draco gestures his consent]
Theo: Strip joint! C’mon, you’re single! Have some hormones!
Draco: I don’t want to be single, okay? I just... I just – I just wanna be married again!
[Hermione Granger enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room]
Theo: And I just want a Philosopher’s Stone! [extends his hand hopefully]
Luna: Hermione?!
Hermione: Oh God Luna, hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren’t there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Luna: [pointing at Hermione] De-caff. [to All] Okay, everybody, you all remember the Golden Girl here, another Hogwards survivor. [to Hermione] Mione, you remember everyone, right? This is Blaise, and Pansy, and Theo, and… You probably remember Draco Malfoy?..
Hermione: [with a sigh] Yeah… Hi.
Draco: Hi.
[A moment of silence follows as Hermione sits and the others expect her to explain]
Luna: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Hermione: Oh God... Well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- [to the waitress that brought her coffee] Sweet ‘n’ Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Ron! And then I got really freaked out, and that’s when it hit me: how much Ron looks like Mr. Potato Head. [Draco rips open a packet of sugar and pours it into Hermione’s cup, stirs it] Y’know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering ‘Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?’. [to Luna] So anyway I just didn’t know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you’re the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Luna: Who wasn’t invited to the wedding.
Hermione: Ooh, I had a premonition that it wouldn’t end well…
.
Thanks for reading!
Be first in my Dramione tag-list!
25 notes · View notes
Text
Hermione: why are threesomes only for sex
Hermione: why can’t I join in on a couples argument if I want to
3K notes · View notes
tenaciousgeckos · 5 months
Text
James: I need advice
Remus: With what?
James: With love. How did you know you were in love with Sirius?
Remus:
Remus: I'm in love with Sirius?
493 notes · View notes
Text
the sorting hat, barely touching my head for less than a second: THERAPY THERAPY STRAIGHT TO THERAPY
3K notes · View notes
justheretopetyourdog · 2 months
Text
Hermione: You're a horrible person.
Draco: Maybe. But I'm rich and I'm pretty, so it doesn't really matter.
103 notes · View notes
goldandglittersblog · 4 months
Text
McGonagall: Did you just give 10 points to Mr. Malfoy for being too handsome?
Snape: Get off your high horse. You play favourites too.
McGonagall: No one can accuse me of being partial towards anyone.
Snape: Oh really?
McGonagall: Yes. I love Ms. Granger and all the non MS. Grangers equally.
201 notes · View notes
incorrectdramione · 1 year
Text
Scorpius: [noticing Hermione and Draco are dressed to go out] Who’s watching me!?
Draco: Theo.
Scorpius: [rolling his eyes] I’m serious.
Hermione: Pansy
Scorpius: Okay! You can go!
181 notes · View notes
viridianphile · 1 year
Text
The Tale of Two Insufferables
Hermione felt alone in this world. And it just dawned upon her. That no matter how she excels in class, show her worth in the wizarding world, all the wizards and witches in hogwarts are still gonna call her an insufferable know-it-all swot.
But who cares? And so what? She’s got the library for company, and her books. Merlin, how could she feel alone? When she could just bask in the glory of escaping in the world of fiction?
Not even her friends, her best friends could fill in that sickening gap within her heart she never knew what it was and what’s the cure for it. But seriously, what the fuck was that? Even she couldn’t decipher the feeling. Maybe she just felt all alone, in this world. Worthless, she felt.
Whatever, she thought and indulged herself in reading alone in the Hogwarts library.
“Well would you look at that, the swot is alone”
A mocking sneer coming from another insufferable and undesirable wizard in the history of Hogwarts. At least for her, though.
“Malfoy,” she warns.
Unauthorized, he sat beside her. Legs swinging haughtily and manspreading following the subtle lift of his hips.
“Hey”
He greeted like it was all fine invading her personal space, sitting beside her uninvited whilst being enemies-sometimes-acquaintance is completely normal instead of clawing at each other’s throats.
She threw him a sharp look that made him remember too much of the time she punched him in the face. It made him chuckle for such a fond memory.
“What are you doing?” she motions towards his whole corporeal existence that doesn’t seem to read the room.
He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. Right, what is he doing there? Why? Why sit next to Granger? It seemed a pull gravitated him towards that very spot next to her. Or maybe he’s in the mood to piss her of. Maybe both, or none of it at all.
“Honestly Granger, I have no fucking clue”
“You have ten seconds to vacate the seat before I—“
“Alright” and then he stood, plopped next to the seat he left like a child throwing a silent tantrum. His arms crossed, looking everywhere but her.
“Do you have a death wish, Malfoy?” a threatening tone, she gave him a quizzical look when he just sat there not too much of a change as it’s just a seat apart.
Malfoy’s in a silly goofy mood today, Hermione thought.
“I wish that swots realize that library seats are free real estate”
“Really? A muggle phrase? Since when did you become fond of them huh?”
“Since…you”
Hermione blinked.
Malfoy blinked.
Both of them, two, three, four times, a deafening silence stretching between them. Hermione furrows a brow and Malfoy clears his throat, completely ignoring the awkward retort he just dropped.
“Is that Jane Austen?”
And now he’s mentioning Muggle authors? The boy sitting one seat apart from her must be an impostor, a dupe!
“You’re mad Malfoy, and please, it’s Oscar Wilde, where did you learn that from?”
He smirks, smugly running a hand through his blond locks. He forgot to gel it today, she told her once he looked better without it.
“Oh well besides having a massive library at home, I happen to purchase a muggle bookshop. Named it, ‘Books and Crooks’”
“My cat?”
“Yes, your cat”
Theo appears out of nowhere, followed by Malfoy’s slytherin gang, “OH FOR SALAZAR’S SAKE DRACO GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!”
The Slytherin boy shouts across the room, earning a couple hisses and annoyed expressions from the students sitting dispersed around the expanse of the Hogwarts library.
Malfoy gave them a warning look before turning his attention on her, he stood following another run through his hair and straightening his tie.
“Oh Granger, there’s something I have to tell you—er, rather show you…” Draco buckles, cursing himself inwardly. It’s so uncool of him, a trait he didn’t know he possesses for he was a self-proclaimed epitome of coolness.
Hermione waits, a puzzled look on her face. What’s this ferret up to?
She remained seated while towering her, looking nervous. He pulls out his wand and flicks, suddenly the tower of books around her all flew to his command, their spines flapping and fluttering around her head forming a halo.
Hermione stands, gasping in awe of the sight. The book she was reading falls down into her hands and the pages fluttered, slowing down for her to notice the enchanted words dancing and highlighted in bold.
She read..
‘Dearest swot,
Please don’t push me away. You don’t have to be alone in this world.
And surprise…
I’m afraid you’ve bewitched me, body and soul. (Quote by Jane Austen)
P.S.
Can I be your date for the Yule ball?
Let’s be insufferable together,
D.Malfoy
She finished reading and the books fell out neatly to where they’re stacked. A few beats of silence followed, Hermione processing the whole situation.
Malfoy steels himself, the whole charade was unplanned. He didn’t think of a better confessional letter, he didn’t mean to make things turn out like this. It’s all supposed to be eloquent, chivalrous, and poised. He had a script in mind of which his hazy brain forgot—oh, if only he got a brain like Granger.
Granger, oh, Granger. Wherefore art thou Granger?
Lost in thought, the overthinking blonde thought he should be swallowed by the ground by now. He didn’t realize that Hermione was staring at his face, a blush on her cheeks that equally matched his.
“So..uh…what do you think about the book?” he steps closer, his beating heart pounding hard on his chest it almost hurt. Please… he pleads in his head, fighting the urge to take her hand in his, kiss it then let his lips linger.
Hermione swallows, her pulsing heart racing as he takes a slow step forward. She couldn’t fathom how a minute ago she was skulking about her affection deprived life, the next second this blonde twat which was supposed to be her enemy confessed in the most unique and interesting ways like he didn’t think it wouldn’t make her heart beat the same match as his.
“Well the book was clever, I admit”
Malfoy takes another step, this time a few inches separating the two insufferables. Theo wipes an impatient hand through his face, his gang and him entirely immersed, anticipating the moment meanwhile snooping from afar.
“Yeah? Tell me more about it”
A nervous smile but with ardent will and determination, Malfoy briefly reaches the end curl of her riotous brown hair , twirling it lightly with his fingertips. As if he couldn’t help but at least feel a bit of her..
“I think we’re both perfectly matched insufferables”
“And yes, Malfoy. I can be your date for the Yule ball” she added.
Hermione’s heart flutters once more before the whole library erupts in cheers.
“FUCKING FINALLY” Theo, a tired but definitely pleased wingman shouts in enthusiasm.
“The abomination you’ve created Granger, applause, applause. Draco’s going to gush about you like a giggling school girl in the dorms,” Pansy smirks, earning Theo’s approval, a panic but blushing Draco, and a happy and contented Hermione.
End.
A/n: honestly, word vomit. I’m stressed and I just need a dose of dopamine that is dramione. Cheers.
87 notes · View notes
Hermione ( being passionate about something)
Draco ( smitten) : " you're beautiful when you're like that granger. Marry me "
Hermione ( shocked and blushing) : " what ? "
Draco ( surprised too ) : " what ?!"
83 notes · View notes
Text
POV Draco {reading a letter from Professor McGonagall}: Ah….Scorpius got bullied at school this morning.
Zabini: If we leave right now and take the connecting floo through Edinburgh we can be at Hogwarts by NOON and that punks bed will be in ASHES by 12:30
Nott{Interrupting}: No no no - best thing you can do with bullies is ignore them
STAGNANT PAUSE Malfoy, Zabini look at Nott confused.
Nott: THEN you sneak into their house at 4am, which statistically speaking is the hour people are least prepared to defend themselves.
Zabini: Correct
Nott: and once your standing over them, as they sleep in their bed, you start to beat them. With a thick heavy rope . Soaked in red paint. Pummelling them over and over and over. Until they wake. Confusing the paint for their own blood and when they beg you to stop you laugh. As loud as you can for as long as you can and then … you start to beat them again.
Malfoy takes this advise on board half disturbed half impressed: Hmm…yeah. You know I may just hold off on anything like that until I connect with Astoria and just get the details. See what actually happened.
Nott: Yeah alright. Fair enough.
10 notes · View notes