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#incorrect Peter parker
mamaspidershit · 2 days
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Peter: Foster care is just government-sanctioned kidnapping. Clint: Wait no, you’re right. Natasha: That’s why I made a fake uncle. Maria, tired: no.
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floilee · 2 days
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Bow down, bitch!
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marvel-lous-guy · 6 months
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Tony: what the hell were you thinking!?
Peter: Obviously I was thinking I would get away with it and wouldn't have to explain myself!
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hurtspideyparker · 22 days
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Peter, sneaking in through the lab window after patrolling till 3 am on a school night, running into Tony still working on a project 4 hours after he told Pepper he'd come to bed in 'five minutes':
Tony: I won't tell May if you don't tell Pepper
Peter: Deal... can I help?
Tony: You have school in 4 hours.
Peter: You didn't even go to bed last night!
Tony: ... okay but you're on fire extinguisher duty
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incorrectpeterparker · 2 months
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Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion
Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all
Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion
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norahdevore · 2 months
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peter: mum! *humming along to the bluey theme song*
tony: *sitting on the couch next to him*
peter: dad! *points at tony*
peter: mr stark what's wrong why are you crying?
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ironrad · 1 year
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Morgan crying:
Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?
Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20
Peter confused:
Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years
Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.
Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?
Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.
Peter sweating profusely:
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oscorp-lawsuit · 11 months
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Tony: makes a joke belittling himself
Peter: “Ah! No self-depreciation. Put another hundred in the jar.”
Tony: grumbles to himself as he shoved a $100 bill into a jar labeled “Mr. Stark’s Self Love Bank <3”
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esmerxyaugusta · 2 months
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peter: HELP ME, I HAVE A PROBLEM!!
nat: i need to hide a body problem? or i like someone problem?
peter: no.... maths problem
nat: oh, nevermind then.....
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acryingspider · 6 months
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Peter Parker: "If I had a nickel, for everytime a billionaire playboy, who is also a superhero specialising in tech, wanted to adopt me, I would have 2 nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne: *Discussing custody in the background*
Alfred staring into the camera The Office Style: "When is it gonna end?"
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incorrect-wandanat · 1 year
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Peter: Hey, mom, can you-
Nat: Did you just call me mom?
Yelena: He just called you mom.
Wanda, walking in: What’s going on?
Yelena: Peter called Natasha mom.
Wanda: Oh my god, Peter, you called her mom?!?
Peter: *nervous sweats* Yes?
Nat: DO IT AGAIN, I’VE NEVER FELT SO HAPPY!
Kate, walking in: Hey, moms, when are we gonna-
Kate:
Nat: MY BABIES!
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mamaspidershit · 18 hours
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Peter, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?! Natasha, standing in front of Peter: *bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen* Peter, crying: Please...stop...
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floilee · 14 days
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Many layers
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marvel-lous-guy · 6 months
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Steve: okay, team bonding exercises! What is everyone's biggest fear?
Clint: accidentally committing tax fraud
Sam: sharks
Nat: your more likely to be killed by a vending machine than a shark
Peter: actually, your more likely to be bitten by a stranger in New York than by a shark anywhere else in the nation
Clint: I'm changing mine to strangers in New York
Bucky: trains
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underoooos · 2 years
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May : So you're like the therapist for the whole team?
Peter : Mmm kinda
May : Who's your therapist then?
Peter, holding up a small pebble : Well I talk to this rock sometimes
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incorrectpeterparker · 2 months
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Peter: I accidentally ate MJ’s sandwich… How long do you think I have to live?
Ned: Ten
Peter: Ten what?
Ned: Nine
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