#in which the lady will give her chosen knight a token of her favour | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

derrickperegrine · 7 years

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reb i'm so happy to see you posting things again omg! and congrats on 300!!! 🐝 + and my patronus is a dolphin according to pottermore which i kind of get?? but i always thought i'd be more like a dog or bird of some sort

emily!!! it’s so good to see you again 💕💕 and thank you so much!!

tbh you know a lot of my dolphin patronus friends got a dog as like, a secondary patronus or something?? like legit one of my friends retook the pottermore quiz and he got a basset hound

ancestry: human | demigod | god | mythic creature | force of naturevices: pride | greed | lust | envy | gluttony | wrath | slothvirtues: prudence | justice | temperance | courage | faith | hope | charitystone: larimarplant: dogwoodcharacter sketch: you used to live a simple life. you had a schedule - you woke up, ate breakfast, went to school, ate lunch, came back home, watched tv and surfed the internet until the light of your computer was the only light left in the room, ate dinner, surfed the internet some more, and then went to bed. it was organised, manageable, and neat. it was a nice life. you had enjoyed it, until a motherfucking broadsword fell through your roof and impaled itself upon your television. deadass. a medieval broadsword, in 2k17. your tv actually flickered back to life for a moment (always a dependable one, that one), with some weird lady appearing on it, saying ‘hey, so you’re the new chosen one, here’s your sword, other stuff will follow, good luck’. and then your tv went back to being dead. what. the. fuck. just happened. you’re a grad student, you don’t have time to go save the world like some reincarnated king arthur shit, you have a degree to earn. ho boy. that degree. … actually, wait. kicking evil ass, rescuing damsels and dudes in distress, and being that king arthur shit was all you ever wanted as a kid, before being an english student in the twenty-first century killed your soul. ‘well, fuck me,’ you said as you look at the sword sticking out of your expired tv. ‘won’t i need some fucking armour.’ there was an ugly clanging sound and then a suit of armour fell from that hole in your roof onto your dead tv, onto your new broadsword (or old, it’s kind of impossible to tell). you walk over and pick that shit up, and put it over your sweater and jeans. then you pull that sword out of your beloved tv (rip). you feel its power crackle between your fingers. or maybe that’s just electricity from your dying tv. either way, it’s badass. you sort of vaguely wonder, ‘okay, what now,’ and then something blasts off more of your roof, and the next thing you know some mage has landed in your living room. not on the tv this time, to his credit. you look at the gigantic hole in your ceiling. ‘i’ll be calling the contractor about this. you’re going to pay for this to be fixed.’ you sigh and pick up your phone. ‘why can’t you just use the door like a normal person.’ ‘our people do not use doors,’ said the mage, and you suddenly have flashbacks to the mummy returns (dir. stephen sommers, 2001) (iconic film btw). your phone suddenly glows purple and flies out of your hand, and goddamn gets smaSHED against the WALL. you are so CLOSE to losing it this morning. you glare at the intruder. he waves his hands at you like an idiot. ‘well, fight me!’ he says. ‘you fucker, you bet i’m going to beat the shit out of your ass.’ you find yourself remembering how awesome evy the librarian was in the mummy returns, and channelling her kickass vibes. your first nemesis (you guess) blasts you with an orange spell, and you deflect it with your sword. he snarls and fires a green one, which you deflect again, and it burns a hole in your couch. oh, you are so pissed right now. dumbass comes at you with a white one, but you hold your sword just so that it bounces off into his chest, and he vaporises like some scott pilgrim (dir. edgar wright, 2010) shit, but without cool video game tokens. how the fuck are you going to pay for your roof, your tv, your phone, and your fucking sofa, then?? a letter flutters through your fucking broken ceiling (what the FUCK, people). you rip open it and it contains a handwritten note that reads ‘hey sorry about that, p.s. you are the saviour of the world now’ and a motherfucking form to apply for an invoice for damages. god, you hate paperwork. but whatever, you’ll take it. you actually end up having to do a lot of this sort of paperwork, now that the medieval-knights-saving-the-world shit takes place in the horribly form-reliant twenty-first century. but saving the world definitely has its perks. it’s a good workout for one, kicking ass, and you’ve gotten pretty good at using that sword. you were able to drive off the next godzilla attack on boston harbour using that sword; now godzilla respects your authority and won’t bother you again. the tv lady turns out to actually be merlin (who knew merlin was a woman?? sweet), and she teaches you some sweet spells, like how to open a portal to a ghost world and all; except you ‘accidentally’ let some ghost-animals ‘swim out’ of the portal and ‘become’ your battle partners … your friendly animal-y knights of the round (kitchen) table, hehe (okay, you lied, you summoned them to be your familiars - you can have more than one! - but they were so cute!!). also saving the world is nice, because 1. everyone still lives, including lin-manuel miranda, and 2. damsels and dudes in distress are so grateful, and many have become your friends, including lin-manuel miranda (you talk about how male and white mainstream interpretation of arthurian legend is, and form a pact to write a book to call out fuckboy professors about this and do an all-female poc folk musical adaptation of tristan and isolde. it’s lit). you still have to go to school and complete that degree, though. you want it, even though a mysterious council of hero-supporters are pretty much covering all your expenses in return for saving the world so many times. just have to be both brains and brawns. anyway, life’s been even more stressful, now you’re balancing being both king-arthur-born-again and a grad student, but adventure is sick and you’re really good at doing both those jobs. and although you still long for those old, simple days of eating cereal whilst watching brooklyn nine nine, you love fighting the good fight, and you wouldn’t give it up for the world. … okay, you spoke too soon. if a full 8 hours of sleep was on the table, you’d probably seriously consider it.favours: horus, bake-kujiramisfortune: icarussong: greek tragedy by the wombats

reb celebrates 300

#EMILY SORRY THIS IS LONG #also sorry this is so long;;;; i wroTE HALF OF IT #THEN ACCIDENTALLY CLOSED THE FUCKING TAB #i still hate myself for this #swearwolflupin #the tsar's company of hussars #owl post #answered

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soloshow131 · 6 years

Text

Updated show

Bring Back Chain mail -

Salterello music -

Unit 1: Introduction

Welcome to my castle.

My name is Thomas Paul Anthony Campe. That’s what I tell my family and friends. But I really identify as a medieval squire - squire Tom. .

Unit 2: Self conscious

Aye, I appreciate medieval culture. I like knights. In this day and age, I can become one!

Unit 3: Premise

Allow me, my lords, my ladies, to share with you the toils and triumphs, the highs and lows of my still ongoing quest of becoming a knight.

Unit 4: A knights purpose

A knights purpose around the year 1000 wasn’t just to fight, but to serve. The word Knight itself comes from the Anglo Saxon word cniht, which means a servant – you may have noticed my dutious serving of (food) behavior before the dance. Bound to a king or lord by contract, in exchange for his loyalty, a cniht would be given lands; property on which he could grow and sell his crops. On this land, a cniht would produce heirs, the first born of whom would inherit this land and train as a squire to become a cniht! Ahh, the circle of life.

Unit 5: My land

My land is 1 Highfield Drive, Lexden road, Colchester, co3 3qa. My lord is the renowned sir Stephen Campe of Swansea. (Take out picture of Steve) Legendary pilot in his youth, and now a humble crafter of fibre optic cables.

Unit 6: Cheeky

I’ve yet to produce any heirs yet, but give me time! I’ve fathered a bastard or two - you can ask any serving girl in ye olde playhouse about that.

Unit 7: Cleggy:

They knight anyone these days. (Mock) 'Ser Nicholas Clegg', 'Bill Gates' - they knight Americans! They’re not even British! (Squint). Nay, I can't see them galloping into battle! Knighthood has been devalued!

Unit 8: Arthur

Where’s all the swords and chain mail? I’d grab my armour and join the queens army right away but firstly, I can’t afford any chain mail because I spent the last of my student loan on a pewter replica of Arthur and his round table - complete with all 14 original knights! And secondly, I disapprove of our military.

Unit 9: The Army:

They no longer want to get close and personal with our enemies. Everything is done with buttons or triggers from a distance. Where’s the respect?

Unit 10: Ned Stark:

Ned Stark from game of thrones said that “If you would take a mans life, you owe it to him to look him in the eye and hear his final words, and if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps he deserves to live.” Forget missiles, bring back flails! Maybe if weapon technology wasn’t developing so rapidly, war would slow down - and we’d actually enjoy it more! nbsp;

Unit 11: Knife and Fork

(gesture out to them) Since a child, I’ve been developing my own style of warfare. A Squire must be innovative - In close quarters, spontaneous. I ask ye all, at what time of the day are you most likely to be attacked? On the battlefield? Nay! When you eat! Three times a day, breaking your fast, supping your supper and... digesting your dinner - when better a time to have your gullet opened than when you’re hunched over a roasted hog, stuffing your guts - or sucking the bone marrow out of a honeyed Pigeon! Fortunately, we have by our sides two companions, often undervalued as basic eating utensils. The knife and fork. (say it as fuck). Or as I like to call them, instruments of war. Versatile and reliable; let their inconspicuous nature be your advantage. A range of vendors claim that theirs is the superior quality but - I recommend ye purchase from IKEA for a well balanced pair of arms. (show knife)

I once stabbed straight through a gluttonous hand with this beauty... if your enemy happens to have his own utensils, fear not to engage in combat. To demonstrate the effectiveness of the knife and fork, I invite a lord or lady to the stage…

Attempt to steal my Potato! And I’ll judge your worth. You have ten seconds. But first, safety (Hand them a glove) Bard! Some battle music if you will! Oh, curse you for a villain. That won't do – leave us! My lords, my ladies, I apologize. Pray, try to conjure up some imaginary music.

Let us begin! (Do funny voice and taunt the opponent)

En Garde, pre, parri!

Lunge, riposte, parry, counter stab, disarmed!

(We duel over a bowl of potatoes.)

Haha! I am victorious - but humble. I will share with you the spoils of war.

Unit 11: Fair Maidens:

But just as a knight needs his fork, he needs a sheath for it. Fair Maidens, they’re hard to come by in Colchester. All the best stock are taken and linger outside McDonald’s, their greasy hair just like mine, glistening in the sunlight. Lady Shanara Stone of Highwoods. I’ve had my eyes on her like a Hawk does its prey.. if only I could grasp her.

Unit 12: Favour:

She gave me her favour. A token of her gratitude.. I’ve got it here. Sometimes, I can almost taste her..

Unit 13: Sonnets:

She is worthy of all the sweet sonnets and ballads there are, for through her stems all good virtues.

Unit 14: Tyler:

If only she wasn’t with that vile Sir Tyler of Greenstead Estate... Friends, dost thou scent that? Lynx aroma, and more than a hint of cannabis? Hah! I knew it. Ser Tyler. Dost thou insist to fill the world will foul qualities! After I’m through with you next is your mother. HEMA club taught me this one - historical european martial arts. nbsp;

Unit 15: Knights in White Satin:

Oh Shanara.. why him! (song)

Part of the difficulty I have as a modern day squire is that I’m all alone. I cannot trust anyone… I need loyal companions, fellow squires who too seek to bring light to this dark plain we tread on. So.. (sigh) I’ve decided to create my own order, with fresh statutes, in the hope that they’ll tempt some of you lords and ladies into joining me on my adventures.

I researched some of the rules from knighthood orders in the past such as Williams the conquerors laws. On of them is ‘One God to be revered throughout the whole realm’. Now I understand that some of us here may worship different gods, some of us may not worship any god at all, some of us may be considering worshiping a god but need a little proof. Well fear not! (take out second chair character). One god to represent them all! Take your pick, hah! He’s not much of a talker, but most gods aren't - and this one is completely physical. Seeing is believing! He’s right here guys, you can’t deny it. What shall we call him? Great. I’ll leave him here, to watch over us.

Okay law two I found on the English defence league website and it’s to 'refuse to tolerate the intolerant’ right, now I thought this would be good rule to adopt as it’s ambiguous isn’t it? We all find people intolerant and as founder of this order, I don’t mind who you chose not to tolerate as long as you’re not violent towards them. That's all I've got for now, but I've left some parchment outside the inn so do ink down some of your own suggestions after.

To symbolise our new community I have chosen our tools of warfare and defence - the knife and fork. Now, for the special part. The knighthood. Who will step forward? You will represent all the others. Kneel. Be without fear in the face of anything that has a face. Know that I love you as a brother, and shall throughout eternity. Speak the truth even if it leads to your imprisonment and a criminal record . Safeguard the helpless and bear your knife and fork with honour. That is your oath! Welcome brothers, sisters! To the order of the Knife and Fork!

Unit 15: Reflection:

Often I wonder, do I belong in this life, do I have a purpose? I strive to be a true knights and yet am accused of being sexist or patronising. Yesterday morning, I broke my fast at university and held the door open for a fair maiden, despite her ingratitude I remained, my arm bearing the weight of that upright plank of wood while not one, by five others passed through my gateway of kindness. Still I stood strong as ten others passed, along with ten more minutes of my life. An hour gone and the whole room had emptied, save for but a young lad who gazed at me belligerently.

Unit 16: Ungrateful

(To Tyler) I do this twice a week! I don’t even lift! It never gets any easier and yet no one seems to care!

Joe comes on. Tom, can I go home now? I'm tired.

Go home? Retreat? Now? You'll stay here until the end of the congregation.

This is so pathetic. You're not a knight! You're a friendless nerd who doesn't wash and mum wants you to buy more tin foil because you've left it in a right state. I'm going now.

Nay, Joe. Come, this is folly!

Piss off Tom. (leaves)

Unit 17: Give up

Who am I kidding. I’m not a knight.. I’m not even a squire. I’m a student who can’t face up to his dull reality. I return home to my mother and fathers castle, not mine. I owe them for all that I have. So many years I’ve wasted, cocooned in history, reading about greater men than me, letting my hair and finger nails grow long, chasing a way of life that vanished hundreds of years ago.. only the folks at the medieval fair here in Colchester understand me and I can’t stay connected to them for I don’t agree with modern technology! This is all self indulgence. Romanticism. Chivalry, whatever it is.. is dead. nbsp;

Unit 18: Hope

Phone call My lady? What? You really want to come? Well, it’s at castle park… they have archery and a hog roast… I could purchase you a broach if you like! Oh, brilliant, marvellous! I shall see you at 10:66! Oh, ten past six, right. Huzzah! nbsp;

Music

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soloshow131 · 6 years

Text

Uniting

Salterello music -

Unit 1: Introduction

Welcome to my castle.

My name is Thomas Paul Anthony Campe. That’s what I tell my family and friends. But I really identify as a medieval squire - squire Tom. .

Unit 2: Self conscious

Aye, I appreciate medieval culture. I like knights. In this day and age, I can become one!

Unit 3: Premise

Allow me, my lords, my ladies, to share with you the toils and triumphs, the highs and lows of my still ongoing quest of becoming a knight.

Unit 4: A knights purpose

A knights purpose around the year 1000 wasn’t just to fight, but to serve. The word Knight itself comes from the Anglo Saxon word cniht, which means a servant. Bound to a king or lord by contract, a cniht would be given lands; property on which he could grow and sell his crops. On this land, a cniht would produce heirs, the first born of whom would inherit this land and train as a squire to become a cniht! Ahh, the circle of life.

Unit 5: My land

My land is 1 Highfield Drive, Lexden road, Colchester, co3 3qa. My lord is the renowned sir Stephen Campe of Swansea. Legendary pilot in his youth, and now a humble crafter of fibre optic cables.

Unit 6: Cheeky

I’ve yet to produce any heirs yet, but give me time! I’ve fathered a bastard or two - you can ask any serving girl in ye olde playhouse about that.

Unit 7: Bradley Wiggins:

They knight anyone these days. Bradley Wiggins, Angelina Jolie - they knight Americans! They’re not even British! Knighthood has been devalued!

Unit 8: Arthur

Where’s all the swords and chain mail? I’d grab my armour and join the army right away but one, I can’t afford any chain mail because I spent the last of my student loan on a pewter replica of Arthur and his round table - complete with all 14 original knights! And secondly, I disapprove of the army.

Unit 9: The Army:

They no longer want to get close and personal with our enemies. Everything is done with buttons or triggers from a distance. Where’s the respect?

Unit 10: Ned Stark:

Ned Stark from game of thrones said that “If you would take a mans life, you owe it to him to look him in the eye hear his final words, and if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps he deserves to live.” Forget missiles, bring back flails! Maybe if weapon technology wasn’t developing so rapidly, war would slow down and we’d actually enjoy it more. nbsp;

Unit 11: Knife and Fork

Since youth I’ve been developing my own style of warfare. A Squire must be innovative - In close quarters, spontaneous. I ask ye all, at what time of the day are you most likely to be attacked? On the battlefield? Nay! When you eat! Three times a day, breaking your fast, supping your supper and digesting your dinner - when better a time to have your gullet opened than when you’re hunched over a roasted hog, stuffing your guts - or sucking the bone marrow out of a honeyed Pigeon! Fortunately, we have by our sides two companions, often undervalued as basic eating utensils. The knife and fork, or as I like to call them, instruments of war. Versatile and reliable; let their inconspicuous nature be your advantage. A range of vendors claim that theirs is the superior quality but - I recommend ye purchase from IKEA for a well balanced pair of arms. (show knife)

I once stabbed straight through a greedy hand with this beauty. If, however, your enemy happens to have his own utensils, fear not to engage in combat. To demonstrate the effectiveness of the knife and fork, I invite a lord or lady to the stage…

Attempt to steal my Potato! And I’ll judge your worth. But first, safety. (Hand them a glove)

(Do funny voice and taunt the opponent)

En Garde, pre, parri!

Lunge, riposte, parry, counter stab, disarmed!

(We duel over a bowl of potatoes.)

Haha! I am victorious - but humble. I will share with you the spoils of war.

Unit 11: Fair Maidens:

But just as a knight needs his sword, he needs a sheath for it. Fair Maidens, they’re hard to come by in Colchester. All the best stock are taken and linger outside McDonald’s, their greasy hair just like mine, glistening in the sunlight. Lady Shanara Stone of Highwoods. I’ve had my eyes on her like a Hawk does its prey.. if only I could grasp her.

Unit 12: Favour:

She gave me her favour. A token of her gratitude.. I’ve got it here. Sometimes, I can almost taste her..

Unit 13: Sonnets:

She is worthy of all the sweet sonnets and ballads there are, for through her stems all good virtues.

Unit 14: Tyler:

If only she wasn’t with that vile Sir Tyler of Greenstead Estate. Dost thou insist to fill the world will foul qualities! After I’m through with you next is your mother. HEMA club taught me this one - historical european martial arts. nbsp;

Unit 15: Knights in White Satin:

Oh Shanara.. (song)

Part of the difficulty I have as a modern day squire is that I'm all alone. I cannot trust anyone... I need loyal companions, fellow knights who too seek to bring light to this dark plain we tread on. So, I've decided to create my own order of statutes in the hope that they'll tempt some of you lords and ladies into joining me on my adventures.

I researched some of the rules from knighthood orders in the past such as Williams the conquerors laws. On of them is 'One God to be revered throughout the whole realm’. Now I understand that some of us here may worship different gods, some of us may not worship any god at all, some of us may be considering worshiping a god but need a little encouragment. Well fear not! For I have on my person a solution to our problem (take out second chair character). He’s not much of a talker, but not all gods are. Seeing is believing. He’s right here guys, you can’t deny it. What shall we call him? Sam? Great. I’ll leave him here, to watch over us. Okay so that's rule number one - Nicola dear, write these down please.

Okay law two I found on the English defence league website and it's to 'refuse to tolerate the intolerant' right, now I thought this would be good rule to adopt as it's ambiguous isn't it? We all find people intolerant and as founder of this order, I don't mind who you chose not to tolerate as long as you're not violent towards them. That leads me onto my next rule -

To symbolise our new community I have chosen our tools of warfare and defence - the knife and fork. Now if you'll all line up and kneel before me, I'll knight you.

Unit 15: Reflection:

Unit 16: Ungrateful

(To Tyler) I do this twice a week! I don’t even lift! It never gets any easier and yet no one seems to care!

Unit 17: Give up

Unit 18: Hope

Music

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