#in my voice lesson my new professor was constantly encouraging me and it kind of freaked me out and gave me some anxiety

[readyplayerhobi]

Jung Hoseok and the Magic to Happiness | 06 | End

; Hufflepuff Teacher!Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst, smut

; Word Count: 7.5k

; Warnings: Penetrative sex, potion influence (? what’s the correct term here), unprotected sex (kinda), creampie, Hoseok licks his fingers...

; Synopsis: An unexpected issue with your Ministry of Magic job leads to you taking the role of Transfiguration Professor at Hogwarts. It’s here that you meet your best friend’s younger brother for the first time in years, the Hufflepuff Head of House, Jung Hoseok. While you contend with seeing him once again, Hoseok tries to show you that he’s very much a man and no longer the gangly teenager you once knew.

; A/N: Final chapter! We’re finally here. I bet you didn’t think I’d actually finish this series, haha. Two series down though! SO...I’m very rusty with smut. I haven’t written it since like...October so please be gentle with me! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and have liked reading this series! Please reblog it so others can find it and send me comments/reviews/feedback via an ask or by reblogging this! :D I love to read them all and your support has helped to encourage me to keep going.

Last Chapter ; 

-

Surprisingly, you don’t see Hoseok for a few days after the Winter Solstice Ball. He’s not present at any of the meals, nor do you see him around the castle either. It simultaneously confuses and concerns you as you worry that he’s feeling too awkward to be around you.

Seokjin, at a pre-Christmas meal at his house, had tried to confirm that he wasn’t avoiding you but instead was simply busy with preparing the magical creatures for the Christmas break. There were exchanges with other schools around the world that occurred at Christmas, meaning that Hoseok was constantly travelling with his creatures and taking custody of the foreign creatures which would be used for the next semester. 

You’d viewed that with suspicion as you didn’t recall Hoseok nor Jisoo telling you that, but it did seem like a logical reason. Chaeyoung had backed the argument at the time, her mouth half full of roasted turkey. Given your suspicions about their involvement in trying to get Hoseok and you into a relationship had caused you to watch her suspiciously though.

It was only when Jimin, who had also been present for the meal, had confirmed it with a nod of his head that you’d finally believed them. As far as you knew, Jimin had no involvement and he’d genuinely fascinated with how close the two of you had been at the ball.

So even though it made you feel a little paranoid at his sudden absence after the kiss, you chose to trust your friends and believe what they said. You were already concerned about how to just interact with him when you saw him, you certainly didn’t need to obsess over the fact he ‘might’ be avoiding you.

Instead of letting your mind focus on that though, you instead throw yourself into any work you can do. The Christmas break sees most students gone and only a handful remaining behind. Some of those were because they wanted to continue studying or they didn’t want to leave their friends, others were because they didn’t have a stable home to go back to.

It made your heartache to know that some of your students had such poor home lives but it wasn’t something you could do anything about. Instead, you help to organise visits to Hogsmeade for the students so they can get to enjoy some of their break by just having fun and experiencing some of the Christmas cheer.

You’d also got through all the essays that you had to mark and the first month of the new semester had already been carefully planned out for when the students all returned. This meant that you’d done nearly all your work though and there were only so many books you could read without getting bored.

So you offered your services to the other professor’s who had remained behind, figuring that you could help them out while also reducing your boredom. This is why you were currently in the potion storeroom doing a stocktake; recording how many of each ingredient was left, if there were any that were running low or had run out completely, what potions were stored away and how much of each one.

It wasn’t the most interesting job but it helped to take your mind off things and you felt a little useful at least. You’d only been doing it for half-an-hour before you’d quickly realised why no one liked to do this job, though. The storeroom was bigger than it initially appeared and contained multiple shelving units, with each shelf packed full of ingredients, potions and spare potion-making ingredients.

There was a stale smell to the air which mingled with the faint remnants of potions that had been created in the many cauldrons that littered the room. Alongside that, there was so much dust in the room that you genuinely wondered if anyone used this place. Whilst you weren’t one to advocate using magic for stuff that you could just do by hand, there was no reason to not just do a quick cleaning spell in here.

Then again, you’ve never been amazing at potions so maybe that kind of spell might do something to one of the ingredients. So you just carry on, occasionally sneezing whenever you cause a small dust cloud to appear.

You end up so in the zone that you don’t hear the door open and close, nor the soft footfalls of someone walking in closer. This means you shriek in surprise when you hear your name in a familiar, low voice. Jerking forwards, you knock into the shelves in front of you and wince at the sound of glass hitting each other as bottles wobble dangerously.

“Shit!” Cursing, you miss the bottle with a mother-of-pearl sheen that teeters from the top shelf dangerously. Hoseok, obviously concerned with how he’d surprised you, rushes forward to help stabilise the bottles that are on the verge of smashing all around you.

As he grabs one that’s rolling towards the edge, you reach out to stop another one at the exact moment the top bottle drops. It hits your hand hard, bouncing before hitting the shelving unit and shattering. The potion inside splatters all over you, Hoseok and the shelf. Spiralled steams immediately begin to rise from where it impacts and you vaguely remember that amortentia looks like this.

But then you’re cursing loudly, sputtering as you get a mouthful of it. Without meaning to, you swallow it all and cringe as you feel it slide down your throat. The sound of Hoseok choking causes you to look over and you realise he’s got a mouthful of it as well, his face pinched as he sticks his tongue out from the taste of it.

“What was that?” He asks, blinking rapidly before wiping away what has splashed onto his face. For such a small bottle, it had managed to almost everywhere and even some stray strands of his hair were wet; steam rising slowly.

“If I remember my potions correctly...amortentia.” You say, lips twisting as you stare up at the top of the unit. Why this potion had been stored up there was beyond you as there was nothing else up there but dust. At least no other bottles had broken.

“Ah,” He muses before pausing, eyes widening as something clicks in his head. “Wait, isn’t that the love potion thing?”

“It doesn’t cause people to fall in love. If you remember back to your own potions lessons, no potion is capable of causing true love. Instead, it causes intense infatuation or obsess-oh…” Now your own eyes widen as you stare directly into Hoseok’s, warmth curling within your gut and rushing through your veins until your whole body feels hot.

Almost instantly, the two of you look away from each other. Coughing awkwardly, you shift to the other side of the storeroom, a hand pressed to your cheeks in a futile effort to cool them. Instead, they just feel even warmer.

What happened if two people took it? Especially if those two people already liked each other anyway? Did it just negate itself?

The slow burn within you said no and you let out a shaky breath, resting your forehead against the cool wood of the unit next to you.

“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me coming in...I wasn’t being quiet or anything.” Hoseok mutters and you glance over, noting the rosy pink gracing the apples of his cheeks. You wonder if it’s because he feels embarrassed or if it’s because he’s experiencing the same, intense feelings that you are.

Inhaling deeply, you tried to calm yourself only to realise that all you could smell was Hoseok. His scent was so strong that it was like he was standing right next to you instead of being on the other side of the room. Almost immediately, you knew it was the potion.

From what you remembered, amortentia caused those feelings for whoever administered it. Considering neither you nor Hoseok had been the one to serve it, you would’ve thought that it would just negate itself. Instead, it seems to have decided that you’ve both administered it to each other.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. I was too deep into my work,” Giving him a nervous laugh, you try to reassure him so he doesn’t get too worried that he’s done something wrong. “How come you’re here? I haven’t seen you in days.”

“Err, yeah...sorry. I’ve been really busy. I forgot to tell you that we usually start doing magical creature exchanges around Christmas to help educate our students on foreign creatures while also allowing other nations to learn about our creatures. It’s been a little hectic as I’ve been exchanging hippogriff’s, bowtruckles and nifflers with Castelobruxo in Brazil. Which as you can imagine has been a little stressful because I think I’ve almost lost about six niffler’s and almost lost a hand to one of the hippogriff’s.” He turns away from you to tidy up some of the shelves, missing your sigh of relief as you realise everyone has been right.

He hadn’t been avoiding you.

“I’m finished now though, for the moment. It took me longer than I liked as the fire slugs we got from Castelobruxo have been continuously burning their cages but I have that completely fixed now. I thought that I’d come to find you as we haven’t talked in a few days and I got told you were here. So...here I am.” Giving you a weak smile, Hoseok turns to look at you while shrugging.

He looks slightly uncomfortable now; a sheen on his golden tan skin while his face looks redder than normal. His hands grasp at nothing on his sides and you find yourself hyper fixated on them. Have you ever really noticed how long and slender his fingers are? 

Almost immediately, you imagine those fingers somewhere else and almost moan out loud as you clench inner muscles around nothing. Was this a normal side effect of amortentia? You didn’t know what was happening and you weren’t the best at potions so this was all foreign to you.

At least you’d come to terms with the fact that you were attracted to him and would like to perhaps try a relationship. Otherwise, this would’ve been even more awkward. Not that he knew that yet, which is probably why he’s looking a little distressed.

You don’t feel that it’s the best moment to blurt that out though. Sure, it would reduce any uncomfortableness between you both but was it a good idea to admit you find him attractive too when you’re both suffering the effects of amortentia?

Probably not.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. A few of the others told me that you’d be busy doing this. I didn’t even know that magical creature exchange was a thing!” Cheerfully, you smile at him when he glances at you.

“Still, I should have told you. I’m really sorry.” He mumbles, reaching out to gently brush a scratchy pouch idly. His insistence at apologising causes you to smile and shake your head amused at how genuinely remorseful he is that he’d forgotten to tell you this one thing.

“Honestly, it’s fine. It’s your job, don’t say sorry for doing your job, okay? You’re a great caretaker for the magical creatures and I’m not surprised you forgot to mention it to me. I don’t tell you stuff about my job all the time because you don’t need to know it! So don’t stress.” Reaching for the checklist that you’d been running through earlier, you note down the broken amortentia potion with a small reprimand for the untidy storeroom.

As such, you don’t see the way Hoseok’s face twists as he forces himself to remain quiet.

The two of you remain silent for the next five minutes or so with you attempting to carry on counting the ingredients and potions on the shelves while Hoseok merely lingers in the background. He was so cute.

It would have been a comfortable silence between you both, like you always had with him, if not for the lingering awkwardness of the untalked kiss and the flaring desire of the potion. Shifting awkwardly, your thighs squeeze together in an attempt to relieve some pressure. It doesn’t work and you have to stifle a groan at the small sharp jolt of pleasure.

“Merlin,” Hoseok whispers, causing you to open your eyes and look over at him. His face is even more flushed and you note a slight sheen to his skin as if he’s too hot. If he’s even remotely as warm as you are then it’s entirely understandable and you wonder what you look like to him.

Blowing out a breath, he attempts to fan his face before pinching some of his shirt and pulling at it to get some cooler air. You can tell it doesn’t work because you’ve been subconsciously doing that for the last minute and all it’s done is cause you to imagine Hoseok’s lips brushing along your chest instead of the poor imitation of a breeze.

What finally tipped you over the edge to deciding you’d done enough counting today was yet another glance over to Hoseok. His tall and lithe form has been almost hidden beneath his robes all this time, but an uncomfortable shift causes him to reveal more of his body.

You weren’t normally such a blatant person but you couldn’t help the way your eyes drag down his body, taking in every crease in his crisp white button-up. The key moment that told you to get out of the room now was when your eyes trailed even further below, taking in the leather of his belt.

And the obvious tent in his trousers.

Swallowing so hard that you choke, you quickly move towards the door. The rush of blood throbbing in your ears drowns out Hoseok’s call of surprise, your focus solely on getting out of the overwhelmingly hot room.

The room with the man you’d very recently had decided you were attracted to both romantically and sexually. Not a good combo when you were almost burning from within with lust for him, especially when you know he’s turned on right now.

Running a hand down your face as you rush through the corridors, you can’t stop the quiet groan that leaves your mouth as you do so. Your clothes feel too tight for your body, almost suffocating and the aching need for fingers or something more between your legs is becoming unbearable. 

“Y/N, wait!” Finally, Hoseok’s voice breaks through, causing you to falter as you almost pause. Even shouting, his voice is low and sends shivers through your body. A tiny whine escapes and you push forwards, almost jogging now in your effort to get back to your quarters.

Maybe a shower would get rid of this. A very cold shower, or a cold bath. You’d make a potion to counteract it but you’re nowhere near good enough to combat an advanced potion like that. 

As your door finally comes into view, and for a moment you marvel at how fast you’ve managed to move from the dungeons that house the potions classroom and the store you’d been working into your quarters.

Not quite fast enough though as Hoseok’s long legs finally let him catch up, his hand reaching out and gently grasping at your arm. He’s touching you through multiple layers of clothing and yet your skin is almost burning, the desire to have him against your bare skin stronger than ever.

You get the feeling that he’s experiencing the same as he suddenly retracts his hand, almost as if he’d burned it and lets out a hiss. The sound is sibilant and low, his breath escaping him quick and you feel a strong urge to hear it once more. 

Still, he doesn’t let his surprise or shock stop him. A look at his face shows you that his expression is a mix of concern and worry beneath the flushed cheeks of lust and glassy eyes of desire. 

“I’m sorry, did I do something? I didn’t mean to if I did. Please don’t run away from me!” He begs, one hand moving out towards you almost like it has a mind of its own. The way he looks at it, with a scowl like it’s doing something wrong, almost makes you laugh as you can understand his frustration.

You’ve had to stop yourself from reaching out to him at least twice now.

Instead, you give him a tense smile and try to ignore the fact that he’s standing a little awkwardly. It takes far more effort than you’d like to not look down because you know it’s because he has an erection that is probably uncomfortable. Something he likely doesn’t want to bring attention to.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. I promise. I just...I just needed to get out of that room, you know.” You let your words trail off awkwardly, fidgeting with your hands and trying desperately not to look at his crotch. As usual, though, the temptation to look was made all the stronger by your knowledge that you couldn’t just ogle his groin openly.

“Ah...yeah, er, right. It was quite...quite warm.” He pauses in his sentence though, looking a little conflicted and you follow where his eyes are staring. Right down to your chest, which is currently covered by a soft, cream-coloured jumper that you’d happily pulled on this morning.

It feels more than a little stifling right now though.

As soon as he registers where he’s looking, he sputters and starts to resemble a tomato. An absurdly handsome, tall tomato. The longer you let your thoughts linger there then the more stupid they begin to become.

Still, his blatant want fuels your potion addled senses and you start to speak without thinking.

“Do you like me? Romantically and sexually, you know? I’m pretty sure you do. I’m sorry that I didn’t realise, I’m dumb apparently. I know you’ve been trying to subtly tell me for ages now but I finally did! And I liked our kiss and I really want to do it again. Actually, I wanna do more than kiss you-” Hoseok cuts you off by reaching out for your hand, his fingers slightly calloused but still so damn soft.

And hot against you.

“Yes. I like you, a lot. More than you probably realise. I just didn’t want to push you or make you feel awkward-” Now it’s your turn to interrupt him, twisting your fingers until you can thread them through Hoseok’s.

A slight tug has him following you with wide eyes, the door to your classroom being pushed open and closed as soon as he’s inside. Without another word, you push him up against the wood while grasping at his shirt to tug him closer.

Your lips connect with ease and this time, it’s nothing like the previous kiss. Where that was chaste, this had the flames of lust burning deep within and you moaned out as Hoseok licked into your mouth, stoking that heat within you even further. 

Pressing yourself to his body, you let one hand trail along his shirt and sigh as you finally get to confirm that he is exactly as lean and toned as you’d initially thought. Your touch causes him to shiver, breaking away from your lips to press open-mouthed kisses to your jawline almost desperately.

“Hoseok,” Whispering into his ear, you let your other hand run your fingers through his hair before tugging on some of the black strands. “Ah, please.”

You’re not sure what you’re asking him but you don’t care either. Anything he can give you, you’ll take. 

His fingertips scorch your skin as he lets them dance over your waist, slipping beneath your jumper with a hunger he can only show. As he does so, he captures your mouth once more and kisses you with such passion and strength that you’re momentarily left breathless.

Trying to kiss him back with equal fervour while your fingers move to unbutton his shirt, losing grip on them as you refuse to move away to look down. It causes him to laugh into it, the sound pleasant and light, before he gently pushes your hands away.

Pulling away from the kiss, he presses his forehead against your own and gives a breathy smile. Glassy eyes and dilated pupils greet you while his breath hits your skin with each puff as he tries to centre himself. And then he almost looks sad; his brow creasing and the corners of his lips turning down.

“We shouldn’t...not like this. I...I really want, oh fuck I want you so bad. But this wasn’t how I imagined...you deserve better. More romantic or some-” Reaching up, you gently place a finger on his lips to quiet him. He does so instantly and you’re pleased that he doesn’t look annoyed at your interruption.

“It’s not what I imagined either but I’m not turning it down. If anything, I’m glad that potion is helping to bolster my confidence because I doubt I’d have got the courage to do anything. So, please, don’t worry about me. I want you and I’m fully aware of myself. All that potion is doing is bolstering my feelings.” You hadn’t known if that was something he was worried about and you wanted to soothe any fears he might have.

It’d be understandable because part of you is also worried that he’s only doing this because the amortentia potion is fuelling an insatiable need within. The way his eyes widen at your words before his whole body relaxes let’s you know that has been a concern of his, causing you to smile, and reach up to cup his cheeks before pulling him into a quick kiss.

“Now, please carry on and don’t stress. We’ll talk properly after, okay?” Hoseok nods and you bite your lip, trying not to laugh at how eager he looks once more. 

He doesn’t kiss you again though, instead turning and tugging on your hand. Brows rising, you follow him before watching in astonishment as he sweeps your desk clear of any papers or stationery. Part of you wants to complain, but the thought instantly vanishes when he backs you up until you can feel the solid wood against the backs of your thighs.

“Hoseok! My desk? Seriously?” Giggling, you glance around your classroom and feel a little scandalised. The door to your quarters is only a few metres away but he has an almost playful look in his eyes when he grins back at you. You’d protest doing something like this in your classroom louder if it wasn’t for the fact that you were desperate for him.

He doesn’t respond to those comments though, instead reaching out and ghosting his fingers over your cheek. It makes you shiver as you feel that touch all over.

“Once more...you want this, right? You’d want this even without the potion influence?” You wonder how much amortentia addles the mind but you reason to yourself that you’ve thought about this with him for the last week. About him between your thighs, deep inside you and pleasing you.

“I want it. I’ll want it after, too.” Purposefully lowering your voice, you look at him from beneath your lashes before reaching out and hooking your fingers around his belt. Now he’s the one laughing, the sound low and husky as he lets you pull him forward.

As if you’re magnetically attracted, your lips meet his once more and you sigh into his mouth as he pressed himself against you. Whimpering, you slide your hands around his waist and try to pull him closer. A wiggle on the hard surface has Hoseok’s erection pressing onto your clit, causing you to moan out.

He mirrors the noise, the sound hoarse from his throat and you find yourself grinding against him as well as you can. It doesn’t quite work as you have nothing to brace your legs with but neither of you seems to mind. Thankfully though, Hoseok seems to understand and begins a slow roll of his hips that drives you wild.

But it’s not enough though and you shift away from him, dragging your hands down his front and enjoying the way he moans as your nails scrape through his shirt. Reaching his belt, you fumble to undo it and frown in frustration as you struggle with it.

“Let me,” Hoseok says, undoing the buckle with practised ease and slipping the leather through the meal. The sound of it sparks something inside you, causing you to writhe on the desk and beg him to hurry up. A quirk of his lips tells you that he’s amused at your insistence.

Before he does anything else though, he reaches forward and pushes your skirt along your thighs. The soft material only adds to the overstimulation of your already wired body, causing goosebumps to form all over. 

His fingertips on the freshly exposed skin feel even better though, the sensitive skin of your inner thighs sparking fireworks of pleasure and delight at his touch. Letting your head fall back, you just let yourself focus on the feelings and whine softly, pussy clenching around nothing. 

Under normal circumstances, you would want to explore all of Hoseok and have the favour returned in full. You’d want the full experience with plenty of foreplay; his mouth and fingers delving into places that only he’s allowed to see.

You’re too desperate though and you pull your skirt up, shifting until you’re laying back on the desk and trying to tug your underwear off. It’s hard to do on the desk though and you’re thankful when Hoseok takes over, his fingers hooking into the soft material and then you’re feeling cool air.

“Fuck.” He curses, eyes focused solely between your legs. You’re almost embarrassed to realise how wet you are, the underwear in his hands sporting a prominent damp batch that has a shiny spot you can see even from here. 

Being this close to him and now being half-naked, you want him more than ever and you try to grasp at his wrist, needing him to touch you down there. Anything you can get, you’ll take. Hoseok lets you take his hand, guiding his fingers until they’re pressing against the hardened nub of your clit.

The sound you let out is obscenely loud as you move his hand until he’s touching you in just the right way to send arrows of pleasure through your body. Letting go, you let him carry on and enjoy the heat of him on you, sighing in relief at finally getting what you wanted.

It’s not enough though and you try to shift your hips, lifting them in an attempt to line his fingers with your entrance. He can tell what you’re trying to do though and grins, the expression causing his cheeks to rise while his eyes sparkle down at you.

“Do you just want to do it? You’re already really wet.” He asks, raising a brow and you nod quickly. You don’t want to waste any more time and the thought of having his cock in you is more than you can bear. It doesn’t stop you from whining in displeasure as he takes his hand away to finish undoing his trousers.

To try and combat that, you let your fingers take over from where he was. You know your body better than anyone and almost instantly you’ve got a good rhythm going. The sight of him before you, cheeks flushed with his hair looking ruffled and his shirt creased, is unbelievably erotic.

Unzipping his trousers, he pushes them down his thighs alongside his underwear. You don’t even get to see what kind he wears but you find that you don’t care. Beneath the ends of his white button-up shirt, a prominent erection stands proudly towards you. The tip is swollen and red, unsurprising given how long he’s had it for now.

He’s not the longest, nor the thickest, but you don’t care. Hoseok’s cock is quite possibly the most perfect thing you’ve seen at that moment and all you want is for him to be inside you.

Before you can vocalise that though, he’s suddenly grabbing his wand before his trousers fall to the floor. Resting the tip on your belly, he mutters a quick spell and you realise that he’s got more control of himself than you do as he’d remembered to cast a contraceptive spell. A second spell on both you and him protects you from any diseases or infections, after which he practically throws his wand to the side.

You’d protest his lack of care about something so fragile but you can’t bring yourself to care when he moves forward, letting the tip of cock rest against your pussy. The weight, almost surprising given how it defies gravity, is delightful on your clit and he presses it down, moving in a slow roll that has you sighing.

More wetness coats your pussy, which in turn coats him and you grasp one of his hands. Linking your fingers together, you pull him a little closer and mewl as he slides against the sensitive bundle of nerves once more.

“Please, Hoseok. Please” You beg, causing him to smile with satisfaction. 

Placing his free hand on your left leg, he pushes it up a little and out to the side, stretching you open a little more for him. Shivering as the air cools the slick excitement between your legs, you go to protest. It’s cut off though by the feeling of him penetrating you, the blunt head of his cock slipping into you with minimal resistance thanks to how wet you’ve gotten.

Moaning loudly, your eyes close as he stretches you with each inch. It’s been a long time since you’ve slept with anyone and the ragged cry Hoseok pulls from you is directly caused by how good he feels inside you. It’s like you can feel every inch of him as he slides deeper within, the nerves in your walls firing sparks of pleasure continuously until he finally bottoms out.

For a moment, the two of you simply stay in position and bask in the beautiful feeling. You’re panting a little and trying to resist the urge to shift your hips to encourage him to move. One glance at Hoseok tells you to let him move at his own pace.

His face is pinched, brows knitted together and his jaw looking sharper than ever as he clenches his teeth. The fingers wrapped in yours squeeze tightly and after a few seconds, he lets out a guttural groan that sounds as if it was ripped from his gut.

“Shit...Merlin’s beard, you’re so...I don’t know if I’m going to last,” He admits, his cheeks burning redder than ever. “I’m sorry if I don’t. I’ve imagined...this is…” 

Grunting, he slowly pulls out before sliding back into you with one fluid motion of his hips. A broken cry escapes your mouth at the pleasure and you reach down to rub at your clit. You’re just as desperate as he is to orgasm, to feel him thick inside you as you convulse around him while waves of pleasure leave you boneless.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Just...move. Please.” You reassure him, trying to smile before your eyes roll back into your head at the second thrust. Still, your words let him gain some confidence and he continues to move in slow and steady snaps of his hips, each drag of his cock better than the last.

Lifting onto your elbows, you risk a glance down to take in the sight of him thrusting into you. His cock is soaked with your wetness and you realise suddenly that it’s causing lewd sounds every time he moves. You’d be embarrassed at it but the sound is strangely erotic to you; the knowledge that he’s caused you to become this wet and experience this much pleasure intoxicating.

The two of you don’t speak for a minute or so after that, far too caught up in just enjoying yourselves and all the feelings that course through your bodies. You suppose the potion is a little to blame for the almost selfish nature of the sex, but there’s also more than enough longing and desire on his side mixing with eagerness and attraction on your own.

“Fuck, I think-I think I’m gonna cum.” Hoseok pants out, his whole chest moving as he gasps out from the strenuous effort of sex. His face has a sheen to it and the damper patches on his white shirt indicate how much he’s sweating from it. Probably also a little from just how warm you’d both ended up.

Moaning out in response, you tip your head back against the cool wood of your desk and let your hand do its work. The combination of his cock inside you and your fingers playing on your clit blend together perfectly and you writhe wildly.

“Ah...shit.” His entire body going rigid as he pushes into you as far as he can get. Watching him, you cry out at how beautiful and sexy he looks as he orgasms; his jaw tightly clenched to show off that beautiful line of bone while the tendons in his neck strain. The hand entwined with yours squeezes harder than ever and he seems to just inside you in tiny movements, almost like he’s extending his pleasure without wasting too much effort.

You can feel the subtle twitch of his cock deep within you and the knowledge that he’s orgasming inside you has your fingers swirling on your clit harder and faster than before. Tightening your inner muscles, you relish in the strangled moan Hoseok lets out and the increase of feeling.

Not long after he lets out a final sigh, deeper than anything else, and he strokes his free hand down your thigh. It’s almost an encouraging touch and even though he’s finished, he moves in you with a slow and lazy stroke. The slight wince he has tells you that he’s probably a little overstimulated but he doesn’t complain and you cry out as your whole body tenses up.

Back bowing and head pressing into the desk, you tighten your eyes closed as high pitched whines and breathes escape your throat. Hips rolling in a circular motion, you continue to stroke at the sensitive bundle of nerves between your legs until the sensation becomes too much. Pulling your hand away, you’re surprised when Hoseok grabs at it suddenly.

He slips out of you, his cock rapidly becoming flaccid nows that’s had his fill and you shift at the sensation of liquid that’s slightly thicker than your excitement beginning to leak from you. The knowledge that it’s come from him is surprisingly arousing and you try to push the thought away.

Something not helped by the fact that Hoseok takes the fingers that had been so busy with your clit and licks them clean, groaning out quietly as he finally gets to taste you. It’s probably not the way he imagined doing it, but Merlin, it’s certainly an attractive way.

“That was good,” He finally says, letting your hand drop and you miss the feel of his tongue already. “Better than I’ve ever imagined...and I imagined it a lot.”

He’s flushed from the intense exercise but the bashful look to his eyes tells you that some of that pink tinge is also from his shyness. You can’t help but grin at the fact he’s getting quiet after just fucking you so hard on your desk.

Sitting up slowly, you stretch and enjoy the satisfying feeling of multiple muscles in your body and the overall sense of contentment that washes through you. Reaching forward, you wrap your arms around his neck after he’s tugged his trousers and underwear back up before kissing him gently.

“How flattering, Professor Jung. I feel honoured.” There’s a hint of teasing in your voice but you keep it light enough to know that you’re not being mean to him. Instead, you’re pleased by his admission that he’s thought of you sexually. Perhaps you don’t want to know about what his teenage fantasies were but you’ll happily accept his adult fantasies.

It works to make him snort a laugh and shake his head, stroking his hands along your waist.

“And as amazing as the sex was...I’m feeling a little tired and sore from the desk. So let’s take this into my quarters, shall we?” Pushing him, you hop off the desk and let your skirt fall back into place. It’s creased now and there’s likely wet stains on the back alongside what will eventually become semen stains too.

Hoseok doesn’t follow you as you move towards the door leading to your bedroom, causing you to turn and give him an arched brow in question. Opening the door without looking at it, you smile brightly before winking.

“Well? Do you want me to be alone in my bed?” Turning away from him, you quickly pull off your shirt and throw it out of the door for him to see. It’s only seconds before you hear the sound of him following quickly, causing you to smile to yourself.

-

Yawning widely, you stretch out your arms and almost hit Hoseok in the face. Toes brushing against his leg as you do so, he lets out a laugh that’s more movement than sound. The rumble of his chest beneath your cheek is comforting and you sigh deeply in contentment. It had been only half an hour or so since you’d had sex and what was likely only three hours since you’d both fucked the first time.

You had to give Hoseok credit; he knew exactly what he was doing.

Just the thought of the frantic sex on your desk had you heating up in dual embarrassment and desire. Embarrassment because...well it was your desk! In your classroom. How were you ever going to look at the table without remembering what had happened on top of it?

The desire was a more obvious, and expected, emotion though. Experiencing that again would be very welcomed on your behalf and you suspected that Hoseok would be just as open to it.

Nuzzling your head into him, you took in a deep breath to get a concentrated dose of Hoseok mixed with sex. It was a heady scent and you squeeze your thighs, feeling the wetness that was still there. 

Despite the horny monster he’s released, you feel a sense of tired contentment between you both. Hoseok hasn’t said anything since you’d both collapsed onto the bed after a rigorous second round and you hadn’t wanted to interrupt it yet. It was nice to just enjoy the tired aftermath of sex without the pressure of talking anything out.

Even if you knew that you both had to.

As if he can tell what you’re thinking, Hoseok takes a deep breath that has your head rising.

“I didn’t intend for...well for this. I swear,” He says, his voice a little nervous and you can tell he’s uncertain about how you’re going to respond now the potion has run its course. “I’m sorry for knocking the potion over, it was stupid of me.”

Pushing up onto your elbow, you reach up and place a finger against his lips to stop him from saying anything else. He looks at you, his cheeks adorably full from this angle and his eyes dark while he waits for you to say whatever you’re thinking.

What you’re thinking is that his lips are so soft beneath your fingertip, plush and swollen from the frantic kisses. Before you can think of anything else, you shift forward until you’re kissing him once more, the movement slow enough for him to stop it if he didn’t want to.

He lets you though, one hand coming up to cup the back of your neck in support, and opening his mouth to deepen it. A quiet moan leaves your throat as you slant your mouth against his, tilting your head to find the perfect angle and shivering as he slips his tongue into your willing mouth. 

Any hint of a conversation disappears between you both, his free hand running down your naked back in a slow stroke that’s so sensual it has you quivering. But you know that he understands that you’re not annoyed at him; actually the exact opposite.

Pulling away, you lick at your lips and note the unfiltered lust in his eyes as he watches you do so, before smiling at him. Brushing some of his dark hair away from his face, admiring just how handsome he was.

“Don’t worry about it, honestly. I was fully aware of myself and wanted it. I already told you that and I meant it. The potion just helped me to get over my inhibitions. Trust me, I was already considering this after the Winter Solstice Ball. I just didn’t know how to get over the hurdle of being nervous about it.” Now it’s his turn to comfort you, his fingertips tracing across your face in a featherlight touch.

It’s almost painfully tender and the sparkling warmth in his eyes tells you that there’s something much deeper there for him. But you don’t push and he doesn’t spill. He’ll tell you when he’s comfortable with it, and you’ll be there to hear it.

Instead, he opens up with an entirely different kind of vulnerability. The confidence he’s shown so far disappears and you note fondly that it makes him look younger. Something he’d probably hate you saying.

You’ve finally figured out why he never likes conversation about the age difference between you both, at least.

“Really? Do you really mean that? I mean, about considering it?” Hoseok sounds awkward, his voice pitching higher than normal at one point and causing him to cough while his cheeks darken. The urge to coo is unbelievable.

“Yes, I mean it. I was a little taken aback when I first came here and I saw how much you’d changed since I’d last seen you. But you became one of my closest friends and the last few weeks has had me looking at you...in a slightly different light. You were...unreal at the ball and it made me realise a lot of things. And the kiss spurred that on, too. I talked with Jisoo and she helped me to see that...you’re not just her little brother. I’d been putting that label on you in an attempt to keep you at arm’s length, but I don’t want that now. I don’t need to, because I’ve accepted that I find you attractive and I would be open to more if you wanted it.” The words fall from your mouth in a rush, taking advantage of the confidence you had to get this out.

“I want it.” You don’t even get to say anything else because Hoseok interrupts you with those three simple words, the syllables fast as his enthusiasm takes over. Snorting quietly, you kiss his cheek affectionately and enjoy it when it pinkens once more.

“Someone’s eager.” Teasing him, you roll onto your back and let out a sigh as you stare up at the blank ceiling. There’s a slight chill in the air, common in such an old castle as Hogwarts, but you feel your nipples pebble from it. Shuddering, you go to tug the blanket over your naked body and Hoseok’s.

“I’ve been waiting for this for a while, so yeah. But we can talk about that more later if you want?” Looking over at him, you smile at the happiness on his face and note how he seems so much lighter than before. The knowledge that you’ve done this to him is a little overwhelming, causing you to let out a sudden breath.

And then you notice that he’s not only happy in the metaphorical sense but also in the physical sense, a prodding against your thigh causing you to peek under the blanket. Sure enough, his well-endowed erection was very prominent against you.

Raising an eyebrow, you look up at Hoseok with a mix of exasperation, amusement and admiration.

“Already? Three times in an evening?” Now Hoseok is the one smirking, the palm of his hand pressing flat against your stomach before slowly creeping down your body. The low lying flame of desire that had settled burns back to life now and you subtly wriggle in your bed, thighs opening as your body tries to get those long fingers where you want them.

“One of the benefits of a younger man,” Wiggling his brows, he grins when you chuckle before pushing at his chest. “If our age difference is ever mentioned again then I want this to be the thing you remember most.”

And with that, he flashes his teeth in a mischievous smile before disappearing under the blanket, ignoring your shriek of laughter at how his fingers tickle. That laughter soon dissolves into a moan when he reaches his destination though and as you grasp his hair tightly, glad that you finally took the plunge and realised what a wonderful man Jung Hoseok is.

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[saigonharrington]

nervous // g.w

Hi babes!

I’m finally posting the George fic that I was talking about and I am so excited for you to read it!

please, reblog if you like it, it helps me grow

disclaimer: my knowledge of werewolves is based only on a little internet research and the tv series named teen wolf, the episode named Anchors inspired me to write this

pairing: george weasley x werewolf!fem!reader

word count: 6k

Y/N - your name; L/N - last name; Y/F/N - your friend’s name

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, (kind of) panicking

summary: y/n is afraid of who she became, thinking that now she’s unlikable, but her new abilities prove her wrong, making her hear the boy’s talking and... the beating of his heart

“Hey, he’s staring again.” Your friend noticed the boy, who was standing across the hall with his brother and their friends.

Who was she talking about? George Weasley, of course, the person whose heart you could hear from miles away.

You met him a while ago, wandering through the halls at night, trying to sort some things out while he and his brother were bringing their another prank to life. Of all people attending Hogwarts, you bumped into them. 

You never thought that someone, besides Prefects, would be seen in the corridors so you didn’t pay attention, focusing only on your thoughts.  No wonder you got quite overwhelmed when you hit your head with something, and it definitely wasn’t a wall.

“Are you okay?” The redheaded boy asked you, worried about your well-being. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t take my eyes off that Zonko’s new item. Are you sure you are fine? I can walk you to madam Pomfrey.” 

“Oh, don’t worry about me.” You said, looking at the moon. “I’m heading to my dormitory, don’t want to bother you and your brother.” You nodded at him, so he told you his name.

“I’m Fred. The more handsome one. Also, the funnier one, because I’ve just made out an amazing plan. Care to join us? I swear you will not regret it. ” He encouraged you, and you didn’t want to be rude, finally agreeing to go with them. A couple of minutes more outside the dorm can’t hurt you, right?

The thing is, you spent almost the whole night preparing pranks with them and idly talking, joking about Snape and Filch. 

The problem is, you haven't talked with them since that accident. Sometimes you exchanged a few words in classes you had together but nothing more.

So then why did George have a crush on you?

You asked yourself that question many times since you first heard him confessing his feelings to Fred. Every time this boy got closer to you or touched you accidentally, his heart was beating so fast like a drum. Your heart has been just as fast as his, but he couldn’t know that. You didn’t even know if it was because you shared his feelings, or did just knowing what he feels towards you, made you that anxious. 

“I know. I’m still not able to control these new super senses. I saw him a while ago. Not to mention that his heart makes my ears hurt. ” You admitted, holding your head because all these sounds were giving you a headache.

“Well, maybe if you’d finally talk to him, your senses wouldn’t be a big problem. Perhaps if you can’t manage to control them, you should ask someone who might help you. Go to professor Lupin.”

“But he doesn’t know that I’m a werewolf. I’m still not comfortable when someone mentions that. ” You said, scared of what you’d become. You knew that sooner or later you were supposed to reach for help, but you felt insecure and didn’t want to recall that night when you were bitten.

“He’s coming over here.” Your friend interrupted your thought, reminding you of George. 

“No way, we have to run.” You started packing your bag, standing up from sitting on the bench. 

“Too late.” She added, making you turn around.

“Hello girls, how’s your day?” He asked nicely, staring at you constantly. 

“Bad.” You whispered.

“Getting better.” Your friend interrupted you, because she knew how much you wanted to walk away, and she couldn’t let you, knowing that you have to confront him anyway. 

“Great, I wanted to ask you a question.” He pointed at you, smiling widely. “Would you go on a date with me?” He scratched his back, getting stressed. You heard his heart pounding, which made you even angrier. The sound was so loud that you weren’t able to hear anything other than that, feeling like you could pass out at any moment. 

“She would love to.” Your friend took the lead, which made the boy wonder why you weren’t responding. “She’s just as stressed as you are. Sorry for speaking in her name, but she talked about you for so long. I hope you understand.”

“Oh, no worries. Meet me after the lessons on Friday. I’ll be waiting near to the great hall. ” He explained, addressing it to you, adding a short “see you later” after his brother called after him.

“You should thank me.” Your friend addressed you, asking you to sit down.

“Gosh, his heart was beating so fast. I couldn’t focus.” You told her, relaxing a bit. “And no, I will not thank you. Can’t you understand why I’m avoiding him? I thought I told you.”

“No, I can. I just think that you’re wrong. ” She told you, winking at you.

“Think about it. If he’ll find out who I am, he won’t talk to me again. I’d rather stare at him, being miles away and aware that he likes me too than admitting who I am and getting rejected, him not being able to look at me again.” You admitted, hearing your voice cracking slowly. 

“You idiot. You really think that werewolves are some type of creature that cannot function normally? You’re here for centuries, managing everything somehow, I bet that there were werewolves married to Muggles, to wizards, and many more. Don’t think of yourself as a beast, some kind of unlovable creature. That’s not what you are. You’re perfectly normal. By the way, bold of you to assume that he’s the first one to judge and won’t accept you.” She gave you a speech, trying to cheer you up.

“That’s exactly what I think. Can you blame me? I’m still not used to this, I never really talked with any other werewolves.”

“Then stop! See, you’re also prejudging him. There’s only one way to find out what he’s thinking about you. You’ll tell him the truth. But for now, we have to find Lupin.”

—

You were not ready yesterday, so after your friend spotted Lupin, you decided to hide. You wanted to be prepared for every topic that he will discuss with you, deciding that you’ll ask him to stay for a little talk when the DADA lesson finishes. 

“Can I speak with you for a moment, professor?” You asked, trying to sound quiet. 

“Yes, you may. What’s the problem, miss L/N?” 

“If you’re going to ask questions, then I might stay here for a little longer than ‘ a moment ’.” You joked, secretly being scared of admitting the truth.

“Anyway. As you may know, I am a werewolf. Before you ask, I prefer not to tell you how it happened. I’m still learning, and you’re the only one that came to mind. I thought that you might help me.”

“You should’ve come earlier. Weren’t you curious earlier about your abilities and how to control them?”

“I was. But I was also too afraid to say something. Werewolves aren’t considered as the nicest creatures, I wanted to avoid gossip. I still want to. ” You started a monologue, watching closely if Lupin is paying attention to you. “The main reason for me coming to have a little chat with you is not only to ask about my abilities. I’m invested in hearing. Because I cannot understand why some sounds are clearer and come to my mind often? What makes them so?”

“Do you have something specific in your mind?” He asked, being eager to help you.

“Someone’s heart beating. I mean, I hear a lot of sounds, but this one is haunting me, even if that person is completely in a different place. Am I losing my mind? Or did this happen to you as well?”

“This person is your anchor, then. The one who can calm you down, who can help you control all of your new skills. But it might change through the years, you don’t have one anchor for eternity. Everything is based on your feelings. ” Remus explained calmly.

“Who was your anchor? You don’t have to tell me if you’re not feeling comfortable with it, after all, I’m just another Hogwarts student. ” You asked out of curiosity, wishing that he will open up to you.

“It used to be someone who was my friend. I don’t think I have an anchor anymore. ” He answered, being rather peaceful and not bothered by it, however, you wanted to comfort him, asking for permission to hug him.

“You’ll find another anchor. You said that we can have it more than once, right? I bet that somewhere there is someone special, whose ability is to calm you down. ” You smiled shyly.

“Um, eh, we’re not here to be upset. Let’s focus on your issue.” He said, wanting to change the topic. “What you need to control your abilities is physical contact with that special someone. I can’t assure you that it will work after the first attempt, but it certainly might help.

 “But that takes time, I think I was able to control most parts of it after months. Still, some things are not under my control. Anyway, don’t worry about that, everything has its flaws. If you’ll excuse me, I have an important meeting soon, I don't want to be late. If you want, we can meet again after one of my lessons.” Lupin bid you goodbye, making you leave his classroom.

As you were left alone, you started thinking about the conversation that happened seconds ago. It did not make sense to you.

How could George be your anchor? 

Sure, you had a crush on him for a while, but nothing ever happened between you two. That one night, which you spent preparing pranks with twins was fun, nothing else. You decided to not make any more friends, because you remembered how Y/F/N reacted when you said that you’re a werewolf. So you drifted away not only for your own good, but also for his. 

Why him? Why isn’t it your friend, or even someone from your family who is  your anchor? And how are you going to explain it to him? “Hey, I’m a werewolf, and you’re the only one that keeps me sane? You have to stay with me forever, otherwise I might go crazy?” 

No way. You couldn’t  see it.

At the same time, George was calmly waiting for you next to the Defence Against the Dark Arts  classroom. He noticed that you stayed for a little talk with Remus, but he also was eager to talk to you. 

Your date was supposed to happen tomorrow, and he wanted to make sure that you’re comfortable with him, and that you have something to talk about. He was afraid that maybe somehow tomorrow you guys will be stressed, so chatting the day before, no strings attached and just getting to know each other might lighten the mood. 

“Hey.” He started the conversation without thinking about it. ‘Hey’? Couldn’t you think about anything better? Something more creative? Now she will think that you were stalking her, you dumbass, he thought, standing in front of you.

Never was he that close to you, or maybe just didn’t pay attention when you were around, but now he noticed the height difference between the both of you. He found it really hard not to kneel down, so he could see your eyes gleaming. Although he considered it cute and funny, he decided not to mock it. Well, not right now, since he had other reasons to talk to you and was so fixated about it.

“Hello George, what could have  brought you here?” You asked, not bothering to look at him, because you would have to keep your head up.

“We just had the same lesson.  I sit in front of you. ” He explained, thinking that you didn’t notice that detail. If the tall, ginger boy can be considered as a detail.

“Oh, I know. But the lesson ended 20 minutes ago. ” You said, wondering if he will say what he has in mind or will just play pretend.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you. Nothing deep, only to diffuse the tension before our meeting tomorrow. ” He scratched his head, walking slowly by your side.

“Meeting you say, and what’s that?” You teased him a little, finding it funny and adorable that he was afraid to use the word ‘date’.

“You know, when a group of people, two and above, meets somewhere. God, I was scared that I’m going to be the dumb one. Now I can relax. But I have to admit, I expected more from you. ” He joked, coping with his fear.

“Okay, so what’s the pre-meeting topic that made you come to me?”

“Actually…” He began, but you interfered.

“Shit. My friend is there.” You pointed at the end of the corridor, where she was talking with a Ravenclaw from your year. “We have to hide, I’ll explain.” You pushed him to the next door that appeared in front of you, finding yourself in Filch’s office. Great.

“Can you explain now? I thought that you like her. ” He asked out of curiosity.

“I do, but I don’t want her to interject in our conversation. Shh, I think someone’s coming. We should hide. ” You advised, being pretty sure that it’s Filch. Who else would  come to his office? You made George hide behind the huge bookshelf, noticing how little space there was.

“You know, we could also say a spell to make us invisible.” He laughed at you, trying to find a comfortable position.

“Too late. Shut your mouth. ” You both tried to stay silent, hearing the sound of someone opening the door. George was almost sitting, because if he would stand normally, his head could be seen above the bookshelf. 

His eyes were focused on you and your face in general, which made you hold your laughs way harder than you thought it would. If either  of you made a sound, you’d end up in detention, and Filch would make sure that you get the worst punishment. 

Fortunately, he only came to get one thing from his desk, so as soon as you heard the door shut, George suddenly moved, hitting his head on the shelf. 

“Shh.” You said, listening closely to the steps that were getting closer.

“Ah, Mr. Norris, I forgot about you! But you didn’t have to hit the door so hard. I hope you forgive me. ” He said to the cat that stayed in his office, but this time he took it with him.

While they were going out of the office, you had to silence the boy, who was struggling because of pain. It was not your intention to show your werewolf abilities, however, he looked as it really hurt him, wanting to scream. 

“Show me the back of your head.” You demanded, when the two of you went out of the hideaway. You slowly took his head with one hand, the other one intertwining with his fingers. He had no idea what you were doing. It was clever of you to take his hand, making it look like you were comforting him, while you took some of his pain away. Fortunately, you were wearing your long robes, so your veins were not visible. Otherwise, the boy would’ve seen how you were taking the sore, making the veins look blackish.

If it weren’t for your location and the cause of his headache, both of you would be on the way to the hospital wing. But how could you explain that George hit the bookshelf in Filch’s office? Well, you couldn’t. Good for you that the boy did not question your methods, he probably didn’t even notice the thing that you had done. 

“That was weird. But also hilarious.” George admitted, laughing way too loud, when you carefully opened the door to check what’s going on outside the office. After you made sure that no one was staring, you took his hand again, making him go after you.

While wandering through corridors, you noticed it is almost empty.

“Why is no one here?” You asked, not expecting the ginger boy to answer.

“You know, I think everyone is having classes. We’re going to be late.” 

“Oh no, we’re not going at all.” You replied quickly. “Not in the mood to get all the attention today, apparently the world is against me. We gotta be smarter, let’s play truant.” You tried to encourage George, but he already seemed to be in.

“That sounds great! Now I really do feel like we’re soulmates.”

“You doubted it? Wait, you never even mentioned that to me. ” You craved for an explanation, while George wasn’t so fond of telling you more.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a silly word. I intended to ask you something. Why didn’t you say anything when I asked for a date? Is it because you didn’t want to, or find me too intimidating?”

“Do you want the answer that will make you look bad, or do I have to take all the blame?”

“Depends which is the correct one.” He replied teasingly.

“I mean, I did think it was a little weird that you asked me, because after the pranks that night we talked only occasionally… how could I possibly be your soulmate? How could you grow to like me when you don’t know me at all? ” Yeah, you might regret that later, but you had to be honest.

“Merlin, I’m going to sound like a weirdo, but I do know you. At least I think so. You showed the real yourself that night, being careless and funny, besides in most of my classes I’m focusing on you, not the topic. I’m definitely sounding like a psycho, but you always sit in front of me or behind me, joking with your friend and I cannot help but hear more than a little and laugh quietly. I’ve liked you since that damn night and got to know you, in an unusual way, but still felt like we’re similar. That’s why I had to shoot my shot. Please don’t leave. ” He said, grabbing my hand, afraid of the vision that I might freak out.

“Can you shut up?” You replied in a harsh way, later realizing what you had done. “Shit, I didn’t mean… I just… you can speak. I’m just… Can you calm down? It sounds like your heart is going to run away from your body.” 

“Am I sweating or what?” He asked, curious how did you notice that his heart was fluttering.

“Oh no I actually… I can hear your heart beating. Very, very fast. And that you’re swallowing now the gulp of saliva, because you’re scared. I even hear professor Flitwick explaining the cheering charm to the 3rd years. And that Hagrid is coming, I think he’ll appear in this corridor in two minutes.”

“Your eyes have just changed from their natural  color. What is going on? Is something wrong? I am worried, I want to help you darling. ” He tried to comfort you, so you didn’t even notice the nickname. “Are you an Animagus? Metamorphmagus?”

“I’m a werewolf. I’m a werewolf, George. I’m so sorry, I know, I should’ve told you earlier. ” You admitted the truth, now being the one who’s afraid.

“No way! That’s so cool! I’m glad that I know! How many people know? Is this why you talked with Lupin? Can you show me your claws? And your transformation? ” The ginger got way too excited, so your job was to tone him down. 

“Shh, remember that we’re in corridors, when  we should be in classes. No one can know that we’re here. I’m so sorry for saying this, but I can’t show you. Not only is it irresponsible, but.. I can’t control anything since I was bitten. It might be because I’m that creature for the short term. I haven’t  learned to control it yet, no one was kind enough to show me. Oh wait, the only werewolf that I know and trust is Remus and I told him the news just today.”

“But you told me that you hear my heart beating...  It’s one of your abilities, right? ” He asked curiously.

“Yeah, it is. See, I either don’t know how to do things or they’re out of my control. I can smell like everything in this corridor right now, and trust me, when it’s mixed, it’s awful. I told you, I hear not only you, but even what’s happening in the charms classroom that is in front of us,” you took a deep breath, trying to gather your wits,

 “I also see the flying lessons from that window and I can recall every face of the students that are now attending that lesson. The problem is, that I don’t want to. This information is totally not needed by me, but I can’t control it.”

 “I can’t decide yet what I want to smell or hear… it’s really hard. That’s why I couldn’t answer you when you asked me on a date. I heard your heart, and it caused my headache, that’s why my friend took the lead and talked with you that day.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it! Now that I know what was happening, I can relax. Should I say sorry for the sound of my heart? I didn’t want to…”

“It’s okay.” You interjected, comforting him, while it’s you who needed the comfort. “It’s not that bad, since you consider us soulmates, me, remembering how your heart beat sounds, it’s quite romantic.” You smiled shyly, avoiding eye contact.

“Can I?” George started, but took a break, wishing that you know what he has in his mind. You didn’t, so you stared at him with interest. “Can I listen to your heart? I wish I could remember yours too.”

You nodded at him, but the boy was too awkward to start this. You took his hand, leading it slowly to your chest, getting out of your comfort zone. 

“You know, maybe you should rest your head on me. It won’t look as weird as you're almost touching my breasts. ” You started laughing, wondering if you’re  taking this too far.

“Alright then.” He got a little more confident, doing as you told him so. “And I was hoping that we were going to have sex.”

“And you’re my soulmate?? Man, I would never do it in public. In front of the charms' classroom? What if Flitwick or students… I can’t even say it. You’re something else, Weasley.” You patted him on his head, which was still resting on your arm.

“I was going to tell you something really important. But since you got too cocky, you’re gonna have to wait ‘til  our date. ” You started, feeling ready to explain to him about  the anchor. You didn’t change your mind, because you will tell him anyway. Since the two of you got way too comfortable around each other, you decided to tease him a little. 

“Oh please, don’t leave me hanging on. I can give you… something. ” He tried to convince you, taking some sweets from his pocket.

“No way, I know what you’re giving me. It’s Zonko’s hiccough sweet. Won’t happen. ” You replied, declining his offer. The bell ringing made you realize that the lesson has ended and the two of you should hide or at least make an excuse why didn’t you show up to your classes. Not only for the teachers, but for the friends' curiosity. What were you going to say? It seemed easier to just disappear than explain everything. 

“I’m sorry, but Fred is watching us and I think we have something to talk about.” George got up, waving to his brother. “See you tomorrow then? Please, don’t be late” He added, lending you a hand in case you wanted to stand up, but you kindly declined it, deciding to sit for a little longer.

“Where were you? I was freaking out until I noticed that George was also absent. Good for you that it’s the transfiguration you had missed, not potions. Snape would kill you, or make you clean his class. Now, tell me what happened. In detail, please. ” She begged you, making you sigh at that statement, knowing that you two will probably miss another lesson, talking about your new friend, or, more like, soulmate?

—

The date was about to begin in 30 minutes, you were sitting calmly in your dorm, listening to your friend’s rambling.

“What do you mean by saying that you have ‘a lot of time’? Is thirty minutes a lot? You aren’t ready at all! At least change your shirt.”

“Well, I wanted to dress up. Then I started thinking if I should wear something casual, since it’s just Friday night, and we’re staying in school, or should I wear something elegant, to make this date more serious. Next I had a little panic attack for the same reason. Finally, I decided that I’m not gonna dress up. Too much pressure.”

“So you’re going in the same clothes that you were wearing for the whole day?” She asked you, wishing you’ll decide to change.

“Yeah, I don’t want to make it official. We’ll see what is going to happen.”

“At least brush your teeth for Merlin’s sake! I bet this boy is ready for something more than listening to your heart. ” She joked, making you terrified.

“Damn, what if he really does? What If I won’t be able to control myself and change into a werewolf? That would be so humiliating.”

“No! I’m sorry, don’t panic. I think he’ll be excited to see you in that way. You mentioned that he was very cool about that. ” She tried to calm you.

“No, you don’t understand. I can’t control myself. What If I harm him? I don’t want to... If something like that happens, then for sure he won’t keep in touch with me. ” You said, pacing  around the dorm to not freak out.

“Oh trust me, this boy is weird. And he likes taking risks. I bet that he will laugh about it and get excited. ” She summed it up, wishing that it might cheer me up.

Because of her, you  finally decided to get up and change clothes. You still wanted to be comfortable, hoping that casual clothes would fit in that situation, whatever it may be that George has planned. 

After saying goodbye to your  friend, you found yourself in the corridors, walking slowly, focusing on breathing slowly. There’s no need to worry, right?

A couple of minutes later you noticed George, standing in front of the Great Hall, just as he said to you  earlier, leaning against the wall. He was looking down at the floor, bouncing his head, probably to the song that he couldn’t get rid of. You did not want to interrupt, enjoying the view from afar, but you knew you had no choice.

“Stressed?” You asked him, watching as his eyes slowly looked  upon you. “Not any longer. You came. ” He smirked, asking for permission to take my hand. “Why wouldn’t I? Yesterday was fun. ” You admitted, being curious where the two of you are heading to. 

Before you realized you were outside of  Hogwarts, George led you to the location where everything was prepared. You couldn’t help but wonder what he has in his mind. Is he worried that you may not like that? Is he excited to show you? Is it still a date or just a friendly meeting? 

Seconds later the view was starting to get familiar  the Black Lake was for sure mesmerizing, but what amazed you more was a huge, colorful blanket  with so much food on it. 

“Did you make it?” You asked, noticing that a flower crown was also laying on the blanket. “Which charm did you use?” The boy flushed at this question, feeling embarrassed.

“Oh, I didn’t use any charm. I got anxious after everything was prepared, so I had to get my hands busy. We were making flower crowns when Ginny was little, so I was worried that I might not do it properly, because it was long ago, but I’m actually proud of that one. ” George explained everything to you, starting to gain his confidence back, seeing that you liked what he had done. He helped you put it on your head, and then you sat down, looking at swans swimming in the lake.

“Do you think that we will eat everything? It looks like a feast for the whole school, or at least for one of the houses. ” The food in front of you was disappearing very, very slowly. Although George was eating all the time, the blanket was still full of all kinds of food. At first, you weren’t eager to try this food, knowing that George might have done something with it, but when he reached for the snacks, you followed his actions. 

Talking with him was really pleasant, you felt weirdly comfortable around him, but still the anchor thing was haunting you. Sometimes you couldn’t focus, thinking how are you going to explain it to him. It wasn’t that hard to make words come out of your mouth. What worried you was the commitment. Do you have to be his girlfriend immediately after that confession? Does that strengthen the bond between you two? Or will it mean nothing to him?

You could admit that you liked him. A lot. But those words sounded like you expected him to be more than your friend, and you did not want to rush things. Maybe you’ll consider telling it to him after the date? Depends on if it’s going to be good or end awkwardly? 

You decided to brush it off, asking out of nowhere.

“George, what’s like to prank people? Do you feel excited or embarrassed while making them?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never pranked someone.” He said seriously, but seeing your face made him realize that you weren’t joking as well.

 “No way. We have to prank someone together. Get up. Plans are changed.” He ordered, making sure that you do what he told you to, and then throwing the spell that made the blanket disappear.

“Did someone get under your skin lately?” Weasley said, probably having the plan already made in his head.

“Filch is yelling at me every day. Apparently Mr. Norris is not fond of my Kneazle.”

“And you’re letting him treat you like that? We gotta do something.” 

Going back to Hogwarts was quick and exciting. You never pranked anyone but you heard a lot of stories about the twins doing it, and having a chance to make it with one of them next to you, made you hope that it’s going to be fun. George decided that you’re gonna make a potion that will make Filch speak nonsense, it is Babbling Beverage. 

To do this, you had to sneak into the potions classroom, which wasn’t the easiest task, but definitely the interesting one. 

Joking with Weasley was really easy, this boy was a comedian. Spending time with him opened your eyes, that not everything has to be taken seriously in life. He could make fun of anything, yet you felt comfortable with him, because he knew when he should stop. 

Collecting all the things needed to brew this potion  created a silence between you two,  because you focused on the responsibility to make it perfect. Considering the fact that neither of you were good in potions, doing all of this was a challenge. But you knew it was worth it. For all the things Filch said to you, offending you every day, you waited for the sweet, sweet revenge. 

Finally, feeling ready, you broke the silence. 

“George, I have to say something. Please don’t make fun of me.”

 “No worries darling. I literally came to you and asked you out even though we didn’t talk much. If you didn’t make fun of me, then I won’t do it to you.” He admitted, taking the ladle out of your hands.

“How much do you know about werewolves?” You started slowly, not wanting to get to the point so quickly.

“Not much. Just that you and Remus are the ones. And that something happens when there’s a full moon. Do you want to say that I should learn more? Because I could do that for you. ” He replied, like it wasn’t a big thing, but it made you smile wide.

“Oh, you don’t have to.” You said, not wanting to put the pressure on him. “You know, there’s a thing called  an Anchor.” You started, taking a deep breath to think what you should say.

“And what’s that?” He asked out of curiosity, wishing that you could explain everything now, because he hated living with the unawareness. “You can trust me.” He added, taking your palm in his and rubbing it slowly with his thumb.

“I don’t know how to say this. I’m nervous. It... it’s a thing, or a person... actually, it is a person, who can calm the werewolf. They don’t have to be next to the creature, just the thought of them makes the werewolf control everything, making them able to not transform into the beast... you know. ” You started messing up the words, feeling incredibly stressed, and the fact that George was staring deep in your eyes, didn’t help you at all.

“Sorry to bother you, but we have to wait one hour for this ingredient to get warmer. We can sit in the storeroom then.”   He took off his jacket, putting it on the floor to make the place a bit more cozy.

You sat next to him, staying silent, knowing that when he interrupted you, it could mean that he’s not interested in the werewolf things. “What you said about the anchor... I think it’s pretty romantic. But why did you mention it to me?” 

“Don’t make me say it Weasley. I really don’t want to. I don’t even think I can. ” You tried to make it obvious that it’s him, but he clearly wanted you to admit it out loud.

“No way, is it Snape? That’s why we’re sitting here? Or is it Filch? And you want to show him the affection through the pranks? You're a weirdo, Y/N.” He laughed.

 “And you clearly don’t know what I have in mind.” You said, getting the confidence you gained lately.

“Do you mean you’re going to change tonight? Should I run? Or try to keep you calm? ” He was asking.

“If someone’s going to be that dumb, I might harm him. Just in case. ” You tried to tease him back, not wanting to say those words.

“Can I kiss you? These threats sound so hot when it comes out of your mouth. ” He asked, so you nodded quietly, watching as he was leaning closer. “Just don’t bite me, or do it. I would be the best werewolf, and the most handsome one. ” He whispered between the kisses.

“Your heart is so freaking loud. Maybe we should stop, we don’t want you to die or have a heart attack. ” You replied, showing that you care.

“We don’t? I didn’t know that. Also, I thought that you can’t hear it anymore. Since I am your anchor, and all you do right now is think of me...” he said confidently, admitting the things you were scared to say.

“Glad you finally understood. But it doesn’t work like that...” You were eager to explain everything once more, yet George had the courage to interrupt you again.

“Shh, we will have the time for talking. I’m now stuck with you forever, to be your Prince Charming and hero when you won’t be able to control yourself. But you are able now, and the night is long…”

“Don’t be so sure.” You interjected, moving closer and deciding to sit on him.

As George said, the night was long. The two of you forgot about the potion you were making, focusing on something else.

 The worst thing was how easy the two of you fell asleep.

 Snape seeing you that morning, sleeping, covered with your robes, was quite surprised. And furious. He yelled at you, making you wake up, not knowing where you are and what you were doing last night.

 It was obvious that he’s going to serve detention for you.

 But what could possibly go wrong, now that you have your anchor beside you?

tagging some people: @weasleysandwheezes @nerdyblogger06 @georgeweasley-whore @georgeweasleysbabe @asimpfortheweasleys

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[parniarazi]

realignment + growth

I haven’t wrote here or in general much lately, as school and worked have picked up and kept me busy, even with doing it all from home! Pandemic aside, the world is moving quickly and it’s hard to keep up sometimes. Especially when big moments happen (like RBG passing), it can feel overwhelming and like nothing we can do matters. What helps me when I feel in over my head is just purging it all with a deep self-reflection that helps anchor me down to what I’m doing towards on a daily basis and how that’s working for me in the big picture. Going back through this blog, I briefly looked over what I wrote at the turn of the year, as 2020 was beginning. Even though things have felt very different and stagnant this year, I realized I’ve actually grown so much and come so far even in this short time!

A year ago right now, I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life, as major shifts were happening in all areas of my life. I had breezed through most of my undergrad, always feeling like school came rather easily to me and academia was an area I wanted to pursue because of this. I didn’t know what to do after graduation, reconciling between wanting to find a “good paying” job with my degree/interests, and wanting to do something that aligns with what I’m passionate about and can bring me a deeper sense of fulfillment. Since I was doing well in school and professors encouraged me when I told them I wanted to go to grad school‚ I figured pursing my PhD and becoming a professor was the way to go. I idolized my professors and loved my campus, so it wasn’t hard to envision myself doing this...at least until I actually started my grad program in political science. Last fall, I was failing and withdrew from a class for the first time, was concerned about having to pay back my scholarship for the semester, and had no idea what I would do if I left my program. I was desperately searching for a way out because I knew I could not thrive (or even survive) in the environment of my grad department— it was revealing some ugly realities and turned out be the opposite of everything I wanted in a career!

Fortunately, being on campus, I was able to talk to other people and departments and eventually found my home in the Communications grad program. I had a cross-listed class, and the Comm students were friendly and inviting, so I began talking to them and found out more about their program. They still seemed to have a soul unlike my own peers— so that was already a good sign! I definitely wanted to keep my soul and work in a field that would respect and pay me for my work. Keep in mind, while all this school/career crisis of wondering what I should do with my life was happening, it was also my first few months being moved out my parents house and living with my boyfriend for the first time. I was missing my family constantly, and adjusting to my new home/life while struggling with horrible anxiety that weighed me down like bricks on my chest. 

It got to be too much sometimes— especially because on top of that, my income was tied to my school because I had just started as a graduate assistant in an office on campus. This was also my first real “job,” outside of what I considered to be my “fun college job” teaching swim lessons. Not only did school suck at this time for me, but I also hated this job and the people in my office. It worsened my anxiety, and I ended up going to the school clinic and getting a formal diagnosis (and medication) for anxiety for the first time in my life, even though I’ve dealt with it for as long as I can remember. This was a big step and turning point, because I refused to compromise my mental health and wellbeing for anything. A career that comes at such a cost is not for me— having balance and self-care are far too important to me. 

While all of this was happening, I kept pushing my political science advisors to help me and connected with the Communications department about getting into their program instead. I had to advocate for myself harder than ever and push other people to help me, but in the end it was worth it! I finished the semester with the 2 courses I kept, managed to keep getting paid even though my position required full-time enrollment, and I ended up getting accepted into the Comm program by transferring instead of having to wait until the next fall to reapply. With my anxiety, and just being a more a shy/introverted person who was so scared I’d hardly ever speak up in class, I had to find my voice, create my own boundaries, and talk to adults I felt really uncomfortable talking to at first. Big lesson: you have to advocate and speak up for yourself until people see and hear you! It is always worth it, regardless of if you get what you want or not.

I started off the spring in my new program and settled in so much better from the start! I also kept my campus job I hated, but was searching desperately for internships and opportunities to get some actual Comm experience under my belt, as I was entering a new field I had zero experience in. I applied for everything I could and I got a little side gig working as a part-time student organizer for an intersectional feminist non-profit based out of Austin. I was super stoked to just get to do something I’m passionate about and get paid for it, even it was small. Little did I know, this would lead me to big things! Even with the pandemic hitting in the spring, I managed to finish my courses with A’s, work from home with my campus job (no more depressing office vibes!), and apply for dozens of internships. I ended up getting two remote internships over the summer that paid me— one with the same non-profit I was working with as a Digital Intern and another similar position with a different non-profit. I was finally gaining some of the experience and skills I really needed to start a career in this field. Even though the non-profit route was not what I had in mind, I loved my internships and the teams I worked with, and it was so rewarding. 

It wasn’t easy working long hours from my laptop on my dining table, but it did have its own perks. No bras or dress pants or waking up early to get ready and drive in traffic— it’s a hell yes from your fave introvert! Another pandemic-inspired moment was finally getting a dog! Even through this seems irrelevant it actually was really in perfect alignment with what I wanted and timing. I’ve wanted a dog for as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved animals and with my anxiety it was something I hoped would help at least a little bit. My parents never wanted us to have a dog and I grew up with them telling me it was a huge responsibility so even after I moved out I hesitated and wanted to give myself time to adjust and make money before taking on that responsibility. This summer, I started pushing my boyfriend to look into fostering programs to help me adjust to having a dog at home, and we did but had no luck. One day, I saw a friend posting about a lost dog they found who needed a home. She was cute and I wanted to go see her just to scope it out, and of course the universe brought the most perfect little dog into my life at the most perfect time!

I was just finishing up my internship and had a few weeks of down time before the semester started, so it was the perfect time to adjust to having my new dog, Sage, around. Since then, we’ve bonded so much and I love just having another little creature around the house! She really does bring warmth and light into my life. She pushes me to get outside more even when I feel shitty, she makes me have a more consistent routine, and just helps alleviate my stress while connecting me with my inner child and inner caretaker at the same time. During the latter half of this quarantine, my boyfriend and I also had our share of struggles and fights we had to work through. Like anything worth having, it took effort to work through some rough patches, but at the end of the day I believe in the power of love and its ability to persevere and heal, even in the most difficult times. Not to mention, having our little Sage around even helped us through it! This taught me to trust that the right things will happen in the right timing, and the right people will make an effort to stick it out with you. 

I was incredible lucky and blessed that several things I was manifesting and working hard towards happened in perfect alignment. First, I got a scholarship from my grad school that allowed me go back full-time and only have to pay half of my tuition (big plus since I was paying this myself). Secondly, one of the ladies I had worked with during my Digital internship found another position and was leaving the non-profit I had worked with, and she recommended me for a part-time version of her position. They extended me this offer shortly before my semester started for school. I planned to keep my campus job, since it was staying remote too, and I wanted to stack up some savings after the COVID-life lessons I’d been learning. I knew it was going to be a challenge to maintain the personal/self-care balance I need in life with my now full-time class load and 2 part-time jobs. However, I felt so fortunate to have these opportunities while so many people across the country are struggling to keep normalcy going or even stay afloat during this time. Especially not being able to travel, go out much, or do other things, I figured what better time than now to just buckle down to work hard and make major moves towards what I want. 

The universe is blessing me with this alignment and opportunity right now— it’s giving me everything I worked for in this past year. Especially with my new job at the non-profit, the team is incredibly kind but also puts serious support behind their staff. They’re paying me pretty well, but also want to transition me to a full-time staff member at their Austin office after I graduate! They’re mentoring me and teaching me so much, plus I’m getting to know a network of professionals who work in organizing, advocacy, and other important work that directly helps people! Like I literally could not have asked for anything better and more me! Life lesson: It’s worth struggling for a bit and diving into the unknown as long as you feel like it’s the right thing to do for you. 

My parents had wanted me to stay in the PhD program. I knew in my gut and heart that it wasn’t going to work for me though, so I split the second I could. I trusted myself, advocated for myself, and worked through the scary uncertainties about if I would ever find a job I liked and that paid me well. I knew changing career paths would give me a chance to open myself up to new things that align better with who I am and what I desire in life and work. Here I am a year later, and I wouldn’t have gotten any of these amazing opportunities if I hadn’t trusted myself and worked hard to forge my path. Although this year turned out to be nothing like what any of us had planned, I’m so privileged and lucky that it turned out to be a year of incredible milestones and growth for me nonetheless! 

Today, with this new moon energy and the powerful seasonal shift of fall on the verge of unfolding, I felt the need to make these reflections as a reminder to myself that hard work pays off. Doing what’s right pays off. Doing work that matters really fucking pays off. Fall is a special season that allows us to harvest the seeds we’ve sown all year. It’s cheesy, but I’m a sucker for being in tune with nature and the seasons, trusting each season will bring its own negatives and positives that foster growth or death in the right places, restoring a greater balance in the ways that we need. 

With each season, I am growing into a stronger, wiser, more beautiful version of myself. I am deeply grateful for everything, both the good and bad in my life, because every detail is a puzzle piece that allows for the big picture of my path and place in the world to unfold. I’ve also been fostering patience and maturity, as I navigate this pandemic world and knowing (unlike many other people my age) that as much as I miss the “normal world” too, it’s not worth risking my own health or the health of anyone else to have “fun.” I can reinvent the ways in which I bring joy and fun into my life, while staying safe and trusting that those moments and activities will make their way back in my life eventually as things get better. It’s all temporary. 

I am unshakable in my roots and focused on what is important. My vibe is so strong and beautiful, it’s no surprise that I’m not for everyone! Of course, there are areas like friendships and my social life that I’ve put on the back burner for now, but I know as I’m working on myself and just being authentic in putting myself out there, the right people will make their way into my life at the right time! Growing up is strange anytime but especially in this moment, and in some ways I’ve grown apart from who I thought I was, but I also feel more connected to myself than ever. I am healing each day with the light and love in my life— I don’t need anyone’s approval and have nothing to prove to anyone but myself! 

My value and my place in the world doesn’t require anyone’s approval and is not tied to down to any single thing. It comes through in the love I give and receive, it comes through in the way my soul feels when I wake up, it comes through in the literal beauty I get to experience in the world. I went through a negative slump in the late summer and my anxiety was majorly triggered these past several weeks as I re-adjusted to full-time school and my work. This new moon has brought great clarity, a sense of deeper renewal, and turning a new leaf as I return home to myself. To my positive outlook and perseverance that has brought me to this point. Life is nothing without the little moments of joy and love— again, just let me corny and say that aligning back to being present and enjoying those little things is really all that matters. 

My past self would be so proud of me and where I am today. I worked for and earned every beautiful moment that comes my way, and I intend on giving that back to others. Every ray of light that enters me, every penny of abundance I receive, I intend on reflecting right back, because nothing is meant to just be absorbed. It’s nothing unless it’s reflected back into the world in meaningful ways, whether those are tangible or not. I trust that I am making my mark by simply being me and being that reflection. This is how history changes course, and patterns are broken with new ones created. I’ll end with a few manifestations and mantras for this fall-winter season we’re entering!

M A N I F E S T A T I O N S

☽ The people will win, because our power truly is greater than that of those in power. We all deserve better, and so many people are putting in tireless work to make that better world a reality. Thing may not be perfect, now or ever, but making progress and supporting those who need it the most is always a win and it is coming our way because there is a shift happening that the world will have to keep up with.

☽ I will reconnect with my more creative side, allowing my potential to shine through even more. Whether it’s for work or for my own hobbies, I will continue finding outlets for myself to create things that feel authentic and important to who I am, but to also fill in gaps where I feel like others need it. 

☽ I will stay rooted and grounded in my spiritual practices, even when they’re the easiest things to give up when life gets busy, that just means they’re even more necessary to stay connected with! I will make time for journaling, playing, meditating, yoga, cooking, and other activities that bring me in tune with my natural state as a human. 

☽ I will connect and find community. Through being my most authentic self and working through my scars, my negative patterns, and my own blocks, I will find a sense of community with others and find people on my same wavelength who I can connect with. No expectations in mind or idealized version of friendship in mind, just pure desire to connect with others and mutually contribute to each others’ lives in positive ways

☽ Love will persevere and heal as its meant to, in both my relationship and family. Everything will be okay and work out just fine, if not better, than I expect. Pavel and I will be okay and keep growing together, and my family will be okay in staying healthy and strong through this time as something better arises for my dad’s work situation. 

M A N T R A S

☽ I am focused on what matters right now.

☽ I am strong, powerful, and capable of doing what I set my mind to. 

☽ I have a kind and beautiful energy that anyone would be lucky to have.

☽ I can find presence and joy in the little moments.

☽ I can find patience and trust that everything will happen as its meant to. 

#reflection #2020 life #words #personal #new moon

[lezliefaithwade]

Being An Actress

I remember the moment I decided I wanted to be an actress. I was walking across the parking lot of my high school after an undoubtedly stellar performance as Portia in an all-girl production of The Merchant of Venice when my father turned to me and said, "Do you think you might want to do this for a living?" At the time I remembered feeling a little insulted. My grades were excellent. Didn't my father think I could be a lawyer or a veterinarian or a psychologist? It wasn't that I didn't love to act, but everyone I knew who wanted to be an actress was either egotistical or unstable. Not that one was mutually exclusive of the other. What did this say about me? No one in my family acted, although my Grandmother often hinted of an unsubstantiated family connection to Hermoine Gingold. Occasionally my parents would take us to see a play or listen to a concert, but only to help make us well-rounded individuals. When someone would go on about the Sound of Music my father would roll his eyes and say, “How can I take a nun singing on hilltops seriously?” And I found myself admitting that he had a point.

When I was four I appeared on Romper Room for an unprecedented two weeks. At the time my best friend, Mary Lou, had been selected for the local cable network but her incredibly shy demeanor had her mother worried.

“She’s gonna sit there like a sack of potatoes.” Mrs. Dean told my Mother who quickly suggested that I accompany Mary Lou for moral support.

“What do I have to do?” I asked my mother as she was tucking me into bed.

“Just be yourself,” she replied. My mother knew exactly what that meant. Naturally loquacious I kept things hopping on the set by constantly commenting on the camera man kissing the teacher. When asked what my father had in his garage, I remarked that it was presumptuous to even assume we had one. There was some discussion about a third week, but Miss Dawson put her foot down and said I was stealing the show.

Soon I was taking dance classes and skating lessons. My first stage appearance was as a rabbit in the famous ballet, Bugs Bunny's Birthday Party. I was excited because we second tiered rabbits were going to eat sandwiches on stage. Then disaster struck. The sandwiches were going to be peanut butter and I hated peanut butter. Teary eyed I complained to my mother who told me to grin and bear it. “That’s acting,” she said.

In grade four I wrote a play about a pair of motorcycle lovers and sang Baby Driver while they straddled their desks and rode off into the sunset.

“Hit the road and I’m gone.

What’s your number?

I wonder how your engine feels?”

“Okay,” Mrs. Orcutt interrupted, “I think that’s all the time we have for that today.”

After my father gave me his blessing to pursue a career on the stage, I decided to explore all of my options. I auditioned for an amateur theatre company and played bird #4 in Aristophanes’ The Birds, and a milk maid in Galt MacDermot’s musical adaptation of Shakespeare’s Two Gentlemen of Verona. Not exactly earth-shattering roles, but I knew there was a pecking order (no pun intended) and that dues must be paid. In Niagara Falls, where I lived as a teenager, there were two amateur companies. The youth group that took over the Firehall Theatre in the summer months of July and August, and the adult group that staked their claim the rest of the year. The youth company was run entirely by a handful of 18 to 20-year-olds who took themselves very seriously. We stretched ourselves artistically, which is really just another way of saying that were out of our depth. I remember as Bertha in Pippin I had to say, "Men raise flags when they can't get anything else up." At the time I had no idea what that meant but I certainly enjoyed the response I got every time I said it.  

The amateur theatre company in the neighbouring city of St. Catharines were doing large scale musicals with professional directors and a cast of a thousand. Even I could tell the difference between Garden City’s production of West Side Story and the Niagara Falls Music Theatre Production of A Shadow Box. We told ourselves that we were doing something significant for the five or six audience members who sat in the dark to watch us perform. “At least they can appreciate art.” we told ourselves, ignoring the occasional snore beyond the footlights.  When someone who had seen our production complained in the paper that “…smut didn’t belong on stage.” I was devasted. “Some people just don’t know a good thing when they see it,” I ranted, “It’s a Pulitzer award winning play.”  I forgot that we weren’t Tony award winning actors.

Anxious to spread my wings and get a taste of the real thing, I auditioned for a one-act play festival at the nearby University and managed to get the part of an uptight bible thumper in an original musical called A Hundred Bucks a Week. It was the story of a topless shampoo parlourist who castrates a guy with her teeth. Did I mention that it was narrated by a cat? I still remember singing:

“We all must be as babies in the garden.

Smiling with our mouths all bright and new.

Innocently smelling lovely roses.

Not prying with our fingers in dog doo.”

Needless to say, my father was a little shocked when an actress appeared on stage topless while I sang my heart out in a futile effort to convert her. This time as he walked me across the parking lot to the car he suggested that perhaps I should seriously consider journalism at Carleton. “Impossible!” I stated dramatically, “I’m an actress.” And I actually believed it.

I arrived at University wearing vintage clothes with frizzy hair and John Lennon glasses. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be Doris Finsecker from Fame or Janice Joplin. My dorm room-mate was an engineering student who was the first to know of a kegger and had never seen a play in her life. She often returned to our room late at night reeking of booze and sludge water after spontaneous dips in the Detroit River.

At theatre school I was told I couldn’t dance, I couldn’t sing, I had speech impediments and a wandering left eye that would completely destroy any hopes of a career in film “Too bad you didn’t have it looked at when you were a kid,”one professor told me, “It’s easily treatable if caught when you are young.” At the age of five I was a frequent visitor to Sick Kids Hospital for my eye and wore a patch over my glasses for a year. It didn’t cure me. So much for trusting the knowledge of my professors. Strike one!

I began to sink under the pressure of looks and expectations. While the rest of the women in my class wasted away proclaiming to have eaten nothing but broccoli over Thanksgiving, I gained seven pounds over a new found love of peanut butter and developed a bad attitude towards anyone who encouraged me to “feel space”. When my teacher overheard me mutter under my breath one day that I hated improve she called a class meeting to discuss why I hated her. Everyone stared at me shocked and disappointed. Why was I resisting the pu-pu platter of techniques spread out before me? “You’re a very stubborn actress,” the teacher announced, “but I’m going to break you.” That was strike two.

At my first semester tutorial I was told that I had talent, but I wasn’t tall, thin or pretty enough. “You have the face of Sally Field,” the department head told me, “but the body of Kathy Bates.” Strike three.  I went home for Christmas and announced to my father that I was dropping out to focus, instead, on getting into a proper theatre school in New York. After all, I reasoned, it’s where I really wanted to be anyway.

There is probably nothing quite as depressing as returning to your hometown in the middle of winter when all of your friends are away at school having the time of their lives. The overall perception is that you have failed. It didn’t help to think that I had willfully brought myself to this point in time. The phrase, “small fish in a big pond” kept going around in my head. While my best friends were acing all of their classes and dating interesting freshmen, I was eating cookies, and counting the days until everyone would return to amuse me. In the meantime, I moped around the apartment, wrote letters to theatre schools and read a lot of plays.

“You have to get a job.” My father announced and for the first time I was forced to slog my way through the want ads in a half assed attempt to find work at either a wax museum or a fudge shop. Completely unqualified for anything except theatre, I was forced to become a chamber maid at a tacky little hotel near Clifton Hill. Picking up after the kind of clientele that honeymoon in tacky hotels in Niagara Falls is enough to get one thinking seriously about their life choices. Maybe Dad had been right. A career in the theatre wasn’t looking so good anymore. Something had been tarnished from University and I couldn’t pretend that my trajectory to success was going to be one clear straight line to the top. I’d hit rock bottom and was picking up the condom rappers and dirty Kleenex to show it.

There have been many times in my career when I’ve been very close to throwing in the towel and becoming a real-estate agent or a tour guide.  At each one of those moments of genuine universal surrender something miraculous always happens. That year it was a letter of acceptance from the Neighborhood Playhouse in New York. By now my father, less convinced that I could make a go of it, made me a deal. If I could find a place to live in Manhattan within a week, he would allow me to go. So, I boarded the train in Buffalo and headed for the Big Apple.

I arrived in New York at around 2:00 PM on a very, very hot day in August. I walked straight to the library, took out the Village Voice, circled an advertisement seeking a room-mate for a four-bedroom brownstone on the Upper West Side, was interviewed at 7:00 PM and secured my living accommodations within twenty-four hours. It didn’t matter to me that I had no idea who the three men I’d be living with were. The place was nice and the price was right. I think I heard my father drop the phone when I called to tell him that I had accomplished the impossible. Studying in New York proved to be the best and possibly the worst thing that ever happened to me. I developed a philosophy of acting that has served me in every way, but it also created a high standard that hasn’t always been easy to live up to.

_________________________________________________________

A few years ago, I was invited to direct a production of Blue Stockings at the same University I had so unceremoniously departed from those many years ago. Parallel universes collided as images of my past kept imposing themselves on the present. There was the quad I had been initiated in. There was the building where I’d slept and laughed and cried. There was my window with the view of the cemetery and McDonalds. There was the library where I looked up the address of every theatre school in New York. There was the theatre I did my practicum in, all pretty much the same as the day I left it. The walls, hallways, buildings hadn’t changed, but I had. I didn’t need reassurance anymore. I didn’t need someone to tell me what I wasn’t or couldn’t be. If only we could teach students the value of tenacity and resilience.

I enjoyed directing that class. I hope I encouraged and inspired them. I was happy when they came to rehearsals in sweats and tee shirts, less concerned about how they looked than we had been. More confident in their choices. More involved. On Opening night after the cheers and flowers and the congratulations, it felt good to climb into the car and head for home. I’m not cut out for institutions. I don’t like the brick and the neon and the bureaucracy. Still, it was good to make my peace with that time in my life. On the four-hour drive to Niagara I was thinking about the young people I had just worked with making the transition from student to actor. Maybe some of them will end up in New York. Maybe not. The thing about acting is it can take you anywhere…from Romper Room to the stars with a few tacky hotels in between.

#actress #new york #university #self esteem

[hexdream18243]

Fanfiction: Is silence golden?

Writing took me a lot of time, translating even more. So PLEASE tell about any mistakes and typos, thank you! I hope you will like it! ^^ Enjoy your life! Genre?: Like always in my work comedy/fluff? Relationships: logicality, logince (friends - platonic) Warnings: Em, brief mention of food and death I guess... Let me know if I should add more... World: HumanAU, SoulmateAU Word count: 10561 Summary: Logan is fully satisfied with his life. He has a loving family, a loud but good friend and he is living according to his daily routine. There is only one small drawback. From birth he has words written on his forearm which are the first sentence his soulmate will say to him. It would be ideal if he was able to READ them. But does he have to?

AO3 link

Logan woke up, sit on his bed, stretched and looked at the clock on the desk. It showed 6:30 am. Exactly how it should be. In half an hour it will ring, informing him that it’s already 7 and, if Logan does not want to be late for school, then he has to get up. Of course, unnecessarily. His biological clock was waking him up in the right time for a long time. That’s why he could now calmly and unhurriedly get ready for a school.

He started by changing pyjamas into his everyday outfit. When he was removing his blouse, his gaze went to his left forearm. There was a black inscription around its center. At least he knew that it’s probably inscription because it looked rather like series of randomly combined strokes and dots, in addition very fine and curved. If somebody told him that it is message in Morse code he would have believe in it. Unfortunately it wasn’t. How did he know it? Because he checked it. Morse code was more regular and recurrent. However, he was certain that black pattern was an inscription, because the appearance of it at his birth meant that he has a person related to him with their soul, his soulmate. It was a message, the first sentence said by his soulmate to him. His answer to that will create a soul-bond between them. If they will realize that these are the words. However, to make it possible, Logan should be able to READ them. Unfortunately, apparently, the everyday handwriting of his soulmate’s probably no one was able to decipher although many have been trying. This is his wonderful luck.

He shook his head and sighed, dressing up. Long sleeve of blue shirt hid his forearm. He also put on a dark tie with stripes and pants in a similar shade. He knew that the tie was an unusual addition to the school outfit for person in his age but when he did not wear it, he felt the emptiness around his neck, which was unpleasant, very annoying, and it forced him to constantly rub his neck. Useless feeling, easy to prevent. Before he took his steps to the bathroom, he put on his glasses to be able see clearly more than a meter away.

Then he was able to read anything from the papers hanging around the room. They contained various hand-written information in field of physics, chemistry, astronomy and mathematics. Handwriting was straight, beautiful and precise. Logan glanced at them, feeling proud that it was easy to read. Valuable calligraphy lessons and countless hours of exercises have paid off. Now the probability that his soulmate would not read the text of their part of the bond was very small. Thanks to that, they had any chance to recognize themselves.

When he left the bathroom, it was already 6:45am. Perfect time to make a breakfast and possibly read a book before he has to leave. Satisfied with his simple plan, he went to an empty, quiet kitchen. There was one dirty plate in the sink. His mother had left it when she was preparing herself to work in the morning. Logan washed the plate and made himself a breakfast. During that time, he managed to finish the last book he read – a historical criminal story – and choose the next one – one of science-fiction genres. Exactly at 7:30 am he was ready to leave. He locked the door and staying on the porch, he realized that his day routine is interrupted. He usually went to school by himself, in a nice silence, but now, in front of his house stood…

“Hello, glass-nerd!” - Roman waved enthusiastically. Logan sighed heavily and adjusted his glasses, approaching his… eh… his friend.

“Why are you visiting me at this time? Your place is closer to school than mine. By coming here you only have added himself more distance to go that does not seem to be profitable.”

Roman grinned.

“Well” – he started with emphasis, throwing his hand to the side instantly. – “I have to assure you, that I have my reasons to come here even if they are simple.”

Logan rolled his eyes but encouraged him to speak.

“I understand that you will share these reasons with me even if I don’t want to?” – he asked, starting a brisk march. Roman joined him.

“It’s very likely but I see that you inwardly want me to tell you about them!” – Roman immediately began to speak, not allowing for comments. – “Listen to a story that will satisfy your curiosity. My adorable, the sweetest on the whole world, wonderful the youngest sister made a brave decision to sweeten our lives and arrange for the whole family a concert at five o’clock in the morning. None of the family members could ignore her so we all had to get up and listen to it. It was incredible, although I personally think that she could use some lesson in the matter of breathing because at the end of a half-hour concert, the poor girl was beginning to be out of breath. Only thanks to that our mother managed to arrange a break. However, the emission of the voice was unearthly! It was impossible not listen to it. Well, but our little artist returned to interrupted sleep at 7 and I realize that the performance is over, I have nothing to do, but I am ready to go out. So I decided that coming for you would not be a waste of time, especially in such a beautiful weather.”

Roman was right, the weather was pretty. It was a bit cool, sunny autumn morning. The wind was responsible for the lower temperature than expected. Logan could agree that walking on such a day was good idea.

“Isn’t your youngest sister around one year old?” – he asked with furrowed eyebrows after a moment.

“Yes, she is, why are you asking?”

“So, translating from your to a normal language, the child woke up at five am and started crying, waking everybody, and when she went back to sleep, it was too late to lie down again, right?”

Roman snorted irritably.

“After skinned my speech out of all poetry, yes. This is the hidden information.”

“Perfect.” – Logan smiled, happy that he worked out so, in his opinion, overcomplicated story.

The further journey passed in silence, unless Roman began to speak. Somehow, they didn’t have any interesting topic of conversation that they could develop, so they were talking about random things. They were close to the school building when Roman was finishing talking about a new play, which he intend to put out with a theater group:

“… You will see, he will be genius in this role, believe me! Also, if tomorrow on rehearsal it turns out that the new one is talented, then maybe…”

“The new one?” – Logan interrupted him for the first time in a long time. – “I didn’t know that someone joined you recently.”

“That’s how you are listening to me!” – Roman said irritated. – “I’m sure that I told you that when…” – he stopped for a moment and thought about it. – “Oh. No. We have not talked since then. So, listen to me. In our school is a new boy, I don’t know since when, he could started only recently. He joined our group yesterday and he looks promising even if we didn’t have time to see him in audition. He took us by surprise! Nobody is showing now! From what he said, he supposedly recently moved to our neighborhood. Anyway, it seems to me that you should meet him by himself. Maybe HE is your type.” – Roman snorted, seeing his friend’s offended face as a response to his words. In the meantime they entered the school and stopped next to the students’ lockers.

“It sounds like I have no idea what kind of people are my type. I don’t want such insinuations, I am very aware of that! The fact that I do not decide to be, even for a ‘try’ with a person who isn’t my soulmate doesn’t mean that I can’t define someone’s attractiveness!”

“Ok, good, I get it, calculator professor.”

“I am not a professor and my calculator…”

“Easy, it’s just a joke.” – This time Roman rolled his eyes, raising hands in a gesture of surrender. – “You should stop taking my nicknames so literally.”

“I am trying.” – Logan adjusted his glasses, glancing sideways.

“Anyway, lessons are going to start in a moment, so I have to go. We meet after them, ok? I’ll introduce a new member to you! See ya!” – Roman turned and ran to his class. Logan sighed and followed to his own. It’s not like he did not like or hate Roman. Of course, he sometimes was getting on his nerves but he was good and, contrary to appearances, bright man. They knew quite a lot about each other, nothing surprising if you know somebody from childhood. Although then certainly no one would call their relationship as a friendship. Hating or strong disliking (no physical fights!) would be a better description. Of course, with time these feelings began to change. Especially when Logan realized that Roman’s comments in school’s discussions about required reading weren’t as nonsensical as he thought at first. They simply came from a completely different point of view, which although different, wasn’t after all worse or incorrect. The final thing that gave the chance for their friendship was that Roman liked to read poetry and, despite some problems with interpretation of more difficult texts, he respected it and played it wonderfully. Logan just couldn’t feel envy to people who liked poetry. To be honest, Logan took the first brave attempt to repair their relationship which ended as a total failure (he wanted asked Roman what he thinks about a poem they were analyzing in English classes but they started arguing about the message) but Roman probably understood his intentions because after that was only better. Now, people have problem to even imagine that they weren’t talking at all not so long ago. After all, quarr–fierce discussions were still happening to them, but it also had its charm. With such an optimistic thought Logan could started his classes.

A few hours later, he finished. Due to the fact that both of them had classes on opposite sides of the building, they didn’t see each other during lunch breaks, spending it mainly among their classmates. Now, however, Logan was standing near the library, which was close to the exit of the school. It was their standard meeting point. The boy, expecting that he will have to wait a moment, took a book out of the bag, leaned against the wall and began to read. He made sure that he is leaning against wooden board not a normal wall. Even if he only touched the paint parts with his back, he would have a cleaner on his head, complaining over his ear that nowadays the kids don’t respect walls and common property at all. Thank you very much, but no.

Strangely, he heard footsteps of his friend much earlier than he thought. He recognized Roman’s but he guessed that the other one belong to the new member of the theater group. That explained why they were approaching him without talking. Good manners required that at the first meeting the third person present a couple of people and previously everyone keep silence. Thanks to that you could get to know the name and you have time to think about the first sentence. In a world in which it had such a great significance, it was necessary to form appropriate behaviors. When the newcomers stood by Logan, he used some random flyer as a bookmark and looked up at Roman.

“Well, we are here!” – he said. – “Forgive us our delay but the new group’s guardian had caught us on the way. He had a brilliant idea and he just had to share it with us.”

Logan nodded, accepting explanation. For now, he was fully focused on his friend, so only from the corner of his eye he could see the figure standing next to him. However, as the glasses do not cover the full visibility of the eye, the figure was smudged for him.

“So, let’s get to the formalities.” – Roman cleared his throat and stepped sideways. – “Logan, I want to introduce you to Patton Murphy, the new one in our school and group. Patton, here is my friend, Logan Berry.”

Logan finally looked at the boy, and at that moment, he could surely say that with quite a good result he is CAPABLE of judging someone’s attractiveness. Person in front of him was amazingly attractive in his eyes. He wore blue T-shirt, simple brown trousers, grey sweater tied on the shoulders and grey sleeves which hid his forearms. He definitely shouldn’t exert such a captivating impression on Logan but he did. Short brown strands of hair fell into his eyes of a similar shade. He was looking at him from behind the glasses with black frames. Those eyes. These were the most mesmerizing eyes he looked at. At the beginning, they seemed brown, but when he looked closer, still being besotted, he noticed that there were glimpses of blue and green in them. Anyone who would like to portray them would have a big problem with putting this color. Especially that after a moment of staring at each other, Patton smiled and that made him look like a source of life-giving light and he had sparks in his eyes. Logan was sure that if he would check the brightness in the corridor, he would find out that area near the boy is brighter by a few units. The view only took him out his breath because he had already forgotten how to speak.

Patton opened his mouth and said his first sentence:

“Hey, we have the same glasses!” – he shouted enthusiastically pointing at his frames.

Logan just nodded because he still couldn’t gather himself. Yes, they had the same frames, which he did not notice before, busy with the processing of what he sees.

“It’s cool!”

Again, Logan could only nod but this time he managed to change his face expression. He wasn’t sure if his attempt to smile was successful because he only felt the twitch of the corner of his mouth but even that made Patton grinned at him widely. Roman luckily realized that his friend had apparently lost the ability of talking for some time so he came to the rescue. He knew that in a moment the conversation (rather lack of it) would be weird.

“Listen, Logan, you wouldn’t believe in it. Patton a few minutes ago, even if we still haven’t seen his acting skills, he has already generously agreed to help us with making decorations! And you know that we’ve never complained about excess people to work on this issue. Rather opposite.” – he turned to Patton. – “You are like an angel sent to us!”

Oh, yes, Logan would gladly agree with the definition of Patton as an angel. This word was the best to describe… Wait, one moment, what?! What is happening with him? Usually it was Roman’s field to react and think like this, would it be that is happening what he feared so much for so long? Roman’s personality started to affect him? Why now?!

Roman’s statement made boy laugh.

“I wouldn’t call myself an angel. I just love to make various things! I’m happy to help you with decorations, especially since I haven’t had a lot opportunities to do such a thing for a long time. In my previous school, the plays were rather modest and didn’t need much preparation. They often used a projector.”

Roman needed to catch his breath.

“WHAT?! How could they?! This is a DISHONOR! Don’t worry my dear, with us you will be able to work with such a flourish as you want. We never stifle the creative spirit! You will see, tomorrow we’ll start the preparations. We’ll also check what we need and we have to do. I’m sure you’ll be the best of the bests!”

Patton laughed again. He was turned to Roman but every now and then he was glancing at Logan as if he was waiting for hear him saying something. Logan didn’t notice this, he was still occupied by trying to remind himself how to use vocal chords. It was starting to worry him. The thought of whether it is possible to permanently or temporary loss of voice on someone’s view was in the back of his head.

“Thank you, it’s very nice of you!”

“Soon you will understand why I’m so sure about it. Our gratitude to you is already huge.” – Roman caught Logan’s shoulders in a strange gesture. Probably it should stressed the seriousness of his words. Words which sense has only now Logan comprehended. He frowned, finally taking his eyes off Patton and looked at his friend. At that moment, Patton’s phone rang. He quickly glanced at it.

“Oh no! It was really nice to talk with you but I have to go on a bus! See you around, Roman, Logan!” – And before someone said something, he ran down the hall to the exit.

“Our gratitude?” – Logan asked. – “Since when am I part of a theater group?”

“Em… So, you see…” – Roman glanced away and scratched his neck nervously. – “There is one small thing I want to ask you…”

“No. Not again” – Logan said firmly and went to the exit.

“But Logan!” – Roman groaned, caught up with him and continued walking.

“You know how it ended recently! I don’t have time to organize yours play. Do it by yourselves. I have never joined your group for rational reasons.” – He opened the door stronger than needed and almost shut down it at Roman. Luckily, the boy managed to catch it on time though he had some difficulties to stop it before it damage his nose. When he got out of school, he caught up with Logan again.

“It wouldn’t be like that again, I promise! Anyway, that’s not the point, May is responsible for organization, she’s really good at it.”

“Yes, she is, I know because I taught her that when I didn’t have time for anything. I had to have some help”

“It’s just about decorations!”

Logan stopped in a half-step.

“Decorations? And I? I have never thought I would hear it from you.” – He continued walking. – “You know that my artistic skills are limited only to applying equal layers of paint. What do you need my help for? Rather, you do not want me to draw anything, right?”

Roman flinched and winced at these words.

“No, I don’t want to, it would be a tragedy. I’m not going to change a play to adapt it to your skills. Even if your mouse once was really good.” – He referred to the situation when they were sitting side by side in a boring roll-call and drawing charades. Logan looked at him heavily.

“It was a dog.”

The boy ignored this comment and returned to the previous topic.

“I want to ask you to make banners.”

“Banners?” – It was intriguing.

“We need two or three large banners with the title of the play and maybe some smaller version for other use. You are the only one I know who can write so perfectly! I would like you to do them!”

“You need a readable but decorative handwriting, I guess?”

“Exactly! There are three people who can do it but in my opinion you are the best candidate!”

Logan knew that Roman isn’t stupid. Paying someone compliments that they feel that their skills are irreplaceable is one of the standard tactics to get what you want from them. Even if Logan was aware of existence of tactic that doesn’t mean it was less effective. Especially that Roman really meant what he was saying.

“Okay, I will consider it.”- By saying it, he was already sure that he’ll do it and that wouldn’t be just writing banners. He knew this group, when it comes to the point it will turn out that he is involved in production as well as a full member. Theoretically, it would be a lot easier if he was a member but that would also require from him participation in the auditions and rehearsals. He would rather avoid it. He didn’t have time to learning additional scripts, roles, that wouldn’t be useful for him in the future. He knew from Roman after theirs sessions with poetry that was a risk that someone would give him a role. Not as a main character, of course, but even a side or a background character was a problem. Especially when play was a musical.

“Great!” – Roman punched an air in a gesture of triumph. –“You won’t regret it! And Patton will be there too and from what I’ve seen, you will not complain about his presence.”

Logan cleared his throat.

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Oh, come on! Anyone who would see you then, would easily have drawn the same conclusions as me. You like him to the point that you were lacked of words! I’ve never thought that I would see you standing like a statue and saying nothing.”

Logan didn’t mention that he just forgot how to speak.

“However, from the way Patton looked at you, this feeling is reciprocated. You will be together, I foresee it.“

“How he was looking at me? I didn’t notice anything” – Logan murmured in a low voice.

“You were rather busy absorbing the view in front of you, just like Patton.” – Roman snorted. – “If it doesn’t mean that you two are connected, I can eat my own costume. I’m pretty sure that he is your soulmate!”

“Roman, it’s very unlikely that fate chose me and him to be together.” – Logan’s heart sank slightly at that thought. – “We would rather recognize each other.”

“You think so? The only one who said anything was Patton and you have no idea what the words of your soul-bond are! When you finally say something to him, then it may turn out that I am right.”

“Only then.”

Roman scoffed.

“I don’t understand why you do not believe me.” – He looked to the right. – “Ups! I went too far. Okay, I’m turning here. See you, dear civilian!” – He turned into one of the side alleys, leaving Logan alone with his thoughts. But Logan didn’t want to think right now, so he pulled out a book.

He soon arrived home. After opening the door, he almost ran into his mother, who was preparing to leave. The woman a little shorter than him, dressed in a white suit with brown hair cut to the chin was just putting one of her shoes. She struggled to get her balance when she had to avoid the door.

“O Logan! You are back already.”

“Yes, I am. Are you going somewhere?” – He entered the house and stepped back to the wall to make a room for a woman.

“Yes, your dad again forgot his lunch to the work. Someday he will faint from hunger and I won’t be around to feed him!” – she murmured under her breath. –“Dinner is in the kitchen, you should heat up the soup because it may have cooled down already. I’ll be right back, maybe on the way here I will also go to the store. In two hours the washing machine will finish, so please, take the laundry out if it if I still won’t be here.”

“Okay, mom.” – It was obvious, that she won’t be back before the end of the program. She is going to the store? It will took some time. In the meantime, she managed to put her other shoe.

“I’m ready.” – She grabbed the container that laid on the ground. - “Goodbye, sweetheart!” – she said and left.

Logan ate a dinner, took care of laundry and then did his homework. He preferred to finish it as fast as possible. The story in his book was near a plot twist, he was sure, and he knew if he do not do his duties right now, he won’t do them at all. He just had put his pen down after writing the last answer when he heard his phone’s sound. He reached out to see who was texting to him.

From: Roman Prince Logan! I need your help! I forgot to top up the phone card after the last call and I don’t have funds on my account. I can text only to people who are free to me and I have to tell Patton about the meeting tomorrow!!! Can you do it for me, please??? The meeting is after 7th lesson in a class 176 or in the auditorium. The second one only if it will be empty so rather the classroom. Thank you in advance!!! His number: 070-XXX-XXX

Logan sighed. It wasn’t the first time. Roman had a tendency to forget that he should top up his phone from time to time.

Sent as: Logan Berry All right, I will send him this information.

From: Roman Prince Cool! <3 AH! Please, save his number, you may need it in the future ; ) Really, this situation can happen again.

Logan rolled his eyes but he added Patton’s number to his contacts. He also sent a message.

Sent as: Logan Berry Hello, Patton, this is Logan Berry. We met today. Roman introduced us. He gave me your number because he asked me to tell you that tomorrow’s theater group meeting will be after 7th lesson in a classroom 176 or in the auditorium. However, the auditorium is doubtful. At this time of year conferences and teacher meetings take place there.

He put down the phone and wanted to hide his notebooks when he received sudden answer.

From: Patton Murphy Thaank youu! : D but why Roman couldn’t text me by himself?

Sent as: Logan Berry He probably got involved in the conversation and forgot about his account. Now he don’t have any funds and he couldn’t top up it and this matter is important. Anyway, this is not the first time I’m passing his messages to people.

From: Patton Murphy You are like his contact box? ; D

Sent as: Logan Berry You could say that.

Logan hesitated before he sent it. He wanted to explain why and from when he started passing Roman’s messages. This involved many erroneously transmitted or not transmitted information that led to many problems. He even started writing an explanation but he realized that he won’t finish it quickly and that this is not interesting for Patton. So he delated everything and ended up with one brief sentence. He thought that this is the end of their conversation but he got another text.

From: Patton Murphy Will you be at the meeting tomorrow??? ^^

Logan was sure he wasn’t needed tomorrow otherwise Roman would have told him. It was mainly about Patton’s audition, maybe they were going to give roles as well. From what he remembered from the morning, the group had to choose the tone in which they will present the play, which was directly related to the style of decoration. Nothing he could help. His presence doesn’t make sense. It was a waste of time. He should write that he wouldn’t come. Only that his rational part of personality didn’t have power right now because in the message he sent was:

Sent as: Logan Berry Yes.

The next day in the afternoon, Logan was heading for the stairs to get to the second floor to the room 176. For lack of better idea, he analyzed his conversation with Patton from yesterday. Boy didn’t text back when he confirmed his presence but why would he have? He got an answer, the end of the conversation. Apparently, it was indifferent for him. Or answer didn’t pleased him. It was possible, you probably do not texted back to the person you do not want to see, ‘It’s horrible that you will come, maybe you will change your mind?’ unless you want to show bad manners. Patton didn’t seem that way. Logan, brooding over this, set foot on the first step when he suddenly heard call:

“Logan! Hey! Wait!”

He turned around. Patton was running down the hall to him. The sweater followed him like a cape and Logan was surprised that it had not yet untied. The knot had to be solid. When Patton, panting, finally stopped next to him, he nodded in greeting.

“I’m so glad I finally caught up with you! I wouldn’t believe it is possible to walk so fast!”

Together they went up the stairs and Patton despite a slight shortness of breath did not stop talking:

“I saw you before, halfway down the hall but I guess you didn’t hear me then. I’m so lucky to run across you here! I have no idea where is this classroom, I’ve wanted write to Roman but I reminded myself that he rather wouldn’t write back. And then I thought about you, that you will probably know and suddenly bum! I saw you! It’s like magic!”

Logan smiled slightly listening to this. Patton grinned.

“You have wonderful smile Lo! You should smile more!”

Logan rolled his eyes and he wanted to answer but he couldn’t because Patton didn’t finish yet.

“Ah! One more thing! I want to apologize to you that yesterday I didn’t reply to your last message. I wanted, I really wanted to, but I was a bit distracted and then I totally forgot that I didn’t do that!” – he said with a perceptible guilt in his voice.

They were on the top of stairs. Logan turned into the corridor leading to the classroom and he wanted to assure Patton that he did not mind, he didn’t even expect an answer when suddenly somebody bumped into him taking his breath away.

“I’m sorry!” – The tiny and short black-haired girl who collided with him pulled back to look at him. It was May. – “Oh, Logan! Sorry, I didn’t see you, I was just going down to help…” – She looked at Patton. – “Patton!” – She cried surprised. – “Here you are! Only a moment ago Roman told us that you may not know where our class is! I wanted to help you find it, especially since it’s more like a closet and it’s easy to get lost here.”

Patton smiled and waved.

“Hello, May! You didn’t have to be in such a rush, I am with Logan. He agreed to show me where it is!”

“Logan?” – She threw him a surprised look. – “Are you going to the meeting? I thought that after the last thing, you gave up with helping us for good. I’m not surprised in it, it’s quite difficult to forget the ton of work that has been thrown at you.”

Logan tried to answer but May didn’t notice that, so he stayed silent. She just continued.

“After all, I’m glad I found you. Come!” – She grabbed their hands and carried them with herself. When they entered a small room, they were immediately separated. May released Logan and carried Patton to the guardian. Logan stood at the side of the wall so as not to disturb anyone.

“What’s up, doc? I didn’t expect you to come.” – Roman came to him.

“Me too. Yesterday Patton asked me if I would come and somehow I replied that I would so I’m here to not break a word.”

“You talked with him?!” – Roman’s voice sounded slightly squeamish than normally. – “And?”

“And what? We just texted”

“Text?” – Roman repeated disappointed. – “Not good. Logan, seriously, there is no sense of romanticism in you. If you want to go somewhere with your relationship then you should say something to him!”

“What do you mean by ‘go somewhere’? I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you should!”

“Where?” – Logan asked confused.

“It’s just a trope! But I still maintain my opinion that you two will be together. Just look, he’s looking at you right now!”

Roman nodded toward the center of the room where Patton was talking to guardian. When Logan glanced in that direction, he noticed that indeed the boy was watching them stealthily. When they looked into each other eyes by accident, Logan blushed slightly and quickly turned his gaze back to Roman.

“It doesn’t mean anything yet. Please, it just doesn’t make sense. Could you give it up?”

“No! No, when I see that you fit together!”

“Roman!” – Logan lost his patience. - “I know him for two days!”

“It’s a lot! People tend to bond even earlier.”

“If they are soulmates. I told you already, the probability that we are bonded…”

“Stop” – Roman interrupted him. Logan glared at him but he ignored it. – “If you are so convinced about it then finally say something to him. Then we’ll find out. Unless you still have tendency to lose your voice next to him?”

“If I promise it, will you leave me alone?”

“Yes”

“In that case, fine. I will try to talk to Patton in the near future. Normally.”

Roman grinned.

“Ok. Remember, I hold you to your word.”

Immediately after these words, guardian called him. He left a friend and ran to take part in the second part of the audition. In the meantime, May asked Logan about various issues related to the organization of the play. She was supposed to do it alone now, so she needed some advices.

The meeting passed very quickly. Patton was considered as a very promising beginner, although he needed more practice. For now, he got a minor side role. The rest of group also got roles. Roman of course received one of mains. In addition, they decided that the play will be presented on the basis of contrasts. Logan listened to everything that was happening, advising May in the same time. When guardian announced the end of the meeting, Logan wanted to fulfill his promise and go to talk to Patton but his target almost immediately ran out of the room as if someone was chasing him. Logan only saw him disappearing behind the door. When Roman approached him, he asked:

“Why was Patton in such a hurry?”

“From what he said, he had to go for the bus.” Logan nodded understandingly.

He came home with Roman and several people from the theater group but he rather didn’t talk to them, letting his thoughts wander around various topics. He didn't even notice when people split up with him and he returned to home. The sound of the text message woke up him. He was surprised that the message was from Patton.

From: Patton Murphy Forgive me Logan that I ran out without goodbye, I had to go on a bus! I wasn’t even be able to thank you for showing me the way to the class!

Logan smiled at the screen and moved from hall to his room, while texting back.

Sent as: Logan Berry No problem, I was going there anyway. And in the end, May was a person who showed you the way.

From: Patton Murphy Maybe, but you were first! Oh! And I didn’t know that you are not a part of the group. Why did you come to the meeting then? Are you going to join?

Sent as: Logan Berry I never officially joined the group because I did not want to get a part. Often, however, I am asked by them for help in the organization although I hope that this time they will manage to do that by themselves. You asked me if I would come, so I decided to come. Roman asked me yesterday for help in creating banners for decoration.

From: Patton Murphy So, you will help with decorations too? We will be able to do them together!

Sent as: Logan Berry Not completely. We make banners at the very end when we know where and when the play will take place.

From: Patton Murphy You can always help us with other things. It will be fun!

Sent as: Logan Berry I am not so sure. I can slow you down because my skills in this area are quite limited.

From: Patton Murphy If you can’t do something I can always teach you! <3

Sent as: Logan Berry This is a very generous offer, although I do not know if Roman would be happy with it. I am afraid your effort could go to waste.

From: Patton Murphy … Why?

Logan wasn’t sure if Patton asked why Roman would be dissatisfied or why his effort would have been wasted. Anyway, the answer in both cases was the same.

Sent as: Logan Berry Roman is aware of my skills and once he tried to teach me something. Finally, I was described as: “A hopeless case with no grams of aesthetic painting skills and talent for manual work.”

From: Patton Murphy Not very nice.

Sent as: Logan Berry Unfortunately, but this term exhaustively describes me in this matter.

From: Patton Murphy You definitely can do something! We’ll find something, you’ll see.

Sent as: Logan Berry It is nice that you are so concerned about it but I assure you that there is no need. I have many other skills.

From: Patton Murphy If you say so… So, what skills?

The conversation between them went on. Logan didn’t expect that he will ever be able to text with someone such naturally and feel like he was talking face to face. At first he tried to keep the formal tone and calmly and matter-of-factly answer questions, for example listing his skills. However, it did not take long, more or less until Patton wrote first of his puns. Which Logan didn’t understand. When he finally realized the meaning, he fell on the bed and put his face into the pillow with a loud groan. He didn’t know if he was more depressed by the level of joke or by the fact that he didn’t understand it. Involuntarily, used to talking mainly with Roman, he texted back annoyed that it was at the level of the association game, and if this is how their conversation will look like, then they should play that game like children in elementary school. Immediately after sending the message, he realized what he had done. If on the other side was Roman, complaining would went unnoticed, but, what does matter, THERE WASN’T ROMAN. He began to write an apology but he had to stop when Patton answered that he would be happy to play. Unable to withdraw from the proposition, he suggested switching to the internet chat and after that, they began to play. At the beginning, the game made some sense but eventually lost it. They had to start it several times from the beginning because they were deviating on topics that appeared inspired by used associations. Patton was another problem. He after some time, bored, instead of associations, played with words and created strange rhymes and puns. When they once again realized that instead of playing they are talking, Logan said that they should give up the game. He decided not to say that his head was starting to hurt from those puns and that ordinary conversation might be some kind of protection. It turned out that only a little. When Patton was on the flow – and association game is a really good warm-up – it was hard to stop him. Despite this, the conversation went smoothly, with time Logan even got used to or tried to ignore puns. He was impressed by the rich vocabulary of the boy. However, he felt relief and astonishment when his father called him for a dinner. He didn’t realize that the hours had passed since the beginning of the conversation. It’s good that in the meantime he managed to deal with some of the homework that did not required special focus. Unfortunately, he didn’t know what Patton’s situation was like in this issue. Feeling a bit guilty, he ended the conversation, apologizing that it is so sudden. They said goodbye to each other and wished a nice afternoon. However, Logan had the impression that when they finish their duties, they will come back to talking, today.

He wasn’t wrong. Around 10 pm Patton sent him a photo of little kittens with a question which he would like to choose. Logan replied that he is not going to adopt a cat for now and although the question was supposedly hypothetical, it led to discussions about shelters, animals and allergies when Patton admitted that he couldn’t have a cat because of that. These topics, like a snowball to avalanche led them to others. Logan fell asleep much later than he should, and for the first time in a long time he did not get up until the alarm rang. But he did not feel frustration. He felt that such a fruitful conversation on many levels with Patton was worth it. However, it shouldn’t become a habit, falling asleep so late wasn’t a healthy norm. In a thoughtless reaction, he wrote it to Patton. It didn’t surprised him that the boy answered immediately. They both had a morning classes, they shared each other’s school timetables yesterday.

Analyzing the subject of healthy sleep in the morning, they agreed that in the future they should try to limit talking, to be able to go to sleep at the normal time. None of them questioned the possibility, as if such long conversations were normal for them. And they were right. Since then there has not been a day that they wouldn’t have exchanged at least a few messages. Logan didn’t want to focus on this rather unusual situation, he was glad that they had so much fun in texting. He never thought he would find someone so interesting to talk with. He was not surprised by Patton’s completely different way of looking at the world. He got used to the fact that people rarely shares his views. Although it astonished him that Patton was not startled by his point of view. Also in some cases, they fully agreed. Logan was delighted with Patton’s intelligence, so different from his own and his whole person in general. For the first in his life, he considered if the relationship of people who are not soulmates are for sure such a bad idea. He felt, that he could be happy with Patton. Only, the sleeves on the boy’s forearms and the ‘code’ on his own constantly reminded him of the existence of bond. Sometimes he really wanted it to not exist then he could choose by himself. He wouldn’t try to see what his text of bond is. He fell into his old habit again – every evening he looked at the pattern with the hope that he might have incredible luck and finally he would be able to decipher something. He thought that maybe he would recognize the words Patton had said to him – although he wasn’t sure he remember what he said, he had some problem with thinking at that moment – but he still could only see a lot of ‘o’ and a few lines and dots in random places.

What is interesting he couldn’t denied with certainty that he is not Patton’s soulmate. He still didn’t say anything directly to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t see him and didn’t have the opportunity to say something. It just… Always something was interrupting him. In theory, they saw each other at school but there they rarely had the opportunity to talk. Generally, Patton noticed Logan and shouted from the other end of the hall. Logan never shouted anything in response; he didn’t have such a strong voice that would break through the school buzz. He preferred to write back. Besides, their only relatively regular meetings was meetings of the theater group to which Logan started to coming. He still wasn’t a member of the group but no one dared to pointed it to him. Of course, they also couldn’t talk there because Patton was busy with rehearsals and drama practice and Logan helped May. Straight away after meetings, Patton ran to the bus.

Messages were their only source of two-way conversation. Roman from time to time reminded Logan of his promise, although he remembered it perfectly. He often retorted by mentioning moments when he was going to say something but it was Roman who interrupted him. It usually closed Prince’s mouth effectively. There was a possibility to make a phone call but somehow they never even tried it. They didn’t come up with it. It didn’t seem right or convenient. Logan in addition felt that by doing this, he would destroy the little thing they shared.

Sent as: Logan Berry Patton, is everything alright? You seemed to be a bit distracted on the rehearsal.

From: Patton Murphy No… I’m ok.

Sent as: Logan Berry No, you are not. If you were, you would have worded the message otherwise. What is happening?

From: Patton Murphy You got me there ^^’ I have just a little problematic school’s problem from history.

Sent as: Logan Berry What is it?

From: Patton Murphy I’m supposed to write an essay but I couldn’t decide about what and now I have little time to go to the library for information and I still have no idea what to look for!

Sent as: Logan Berry Maybe you would like my assistance?

From: Patton Murphy Really? Would you help me? I would reeeeaaally like your help!!!  So, so, so much! <3

Sent as: Logan Berry I don’t see any contradictions. From what I remember, we end classes in Friday at the same time. Let’s meet tomorrow after classes in the library, I’ll help you find a topic and basic information. I hope you have a way to get back to home, right?

From: Patton Murphy Of course I have! :D Thank you, Logan! <3 <3 <3 You’re really saving me!

The next day, Logan reached the library much later than he expected. It was all because he started talking to a physics teacher about Pythagorean trigonometric identity. It was so interesting that they both completely forgot about the time and they found out that it was late when the bell for the next lesson rang. Logan said goodbye to the professor and ran to the library. The only thing he could think about was that he was late and that Patton is probably sitting alone and searching, even if still doesn’t know what. Logan’s delay wasted his time and he didn’t have much of it. From what he said, his buses were quite rare, despite the fact that he didn’t live so far. It was just hard to get there.

When Logan didn’t saw anyone in front of the library, he went inside. He quickly noticed Patton who was sitting in the corner with few book on the table and scattered notes everywhere. He leaned his head on his hand, staring at the text. One of the grey sleeves rolled off his forearm slightly, revealing a piece of black swirl probably coming from the text of the bond.

Logan came quietly to him and wanted to say hello but suddenly he was at a loss for words. He noticed Patton’s notes. They looked almost identical to what Logan had on his hand. The handwriting was equally illegible, small and crocked. However, the paper in front of Patton on which were his name, surname and several crossed lines of text was written legibly. Suddenly Patton took one of the unreadable notes and began to read it. It took aback Logan even more. Nobody could read it! No matter if it was his handwriting or not, how he was able to read it? Every of Logan’s thoughts flew out of his mind except the question: ‘How?’. It didn’t last long because a new thought appeared. If Patton was able to read it, it was likely that he could also read what Logan had on his forearm. The text of his bond. Reveal a secret that tormented him for years!

Meanwhile Patton looked up from his notes and saw Logan. He smiled widely and patted the chair next to him.

“Hey, Logan! You came! I’m glad that you agreed to help me, I still have a terrible problem with a choice, but it looks like I limited the number of topics that interest me to a few as you advised me. I didn’t know that…” – At that moment Logan stopped Patton with a gesture. Boy tilted his head in a silent question. Logan leaned over the table, took one of the notes and put them in front of Patton, pointing at the handwriting. Finally, he said:

“Patton, I’ve just noticed that you were reading these specific notes, at least that’s how it looked like, so I would like to ask if you would be able to read this text of bond even though I, am not able to do it?” – While talking Logan removed his sleeve from forearm and showed Patton the text of his bond. Patton didn’t even look at it, he was staring at him shocked. A moment passed between them in this position until Logan finally decided to sit on the chair.

“Patton?” – he asked. He didn’t get an answer. – “Are you alright? If you feel uncomfortable because of my request then I heartily apologize to you. Simply, this secret is tormenting me from my birth and I had hope that you are able to help me with this. If you can’t read it then nothing has happened, I will just…” – Logan wanted to cover his forearm but Patton quickly stopped him and shouted practically at the entire library:

“NO!” – Annoyed grunt of the librarian embarrassed him a little so he lowered his voice. – “I can! I can read these words.”

“Really?!” – This time Logan got a warning in a form of a grunt. He immediately calmed down. – “So, what is written here?”

Patton looked at his forearm, at him, and turned his eyes away, blushing at the same time.

“It is…” – he murmured something unintelligible. Logan frowned.

“Excuse me, would you like to repeat? I didn’t hear you.”

Patton gulped, looked into his eyes and grinned incredibly wide, biting his lip lightly.

“The text says: ‘Hey, we have the same glasses!’” – he said, trying to keep his voice low and twitching his leg in excitement.

“Really?” – Logan looked at the text. Never in his life he would say that these symbols mean it. He didn’t even know how the letters differs from each other. – “I’m wondering how you were able to read it. I was trying to do it for so many years and I couldn’t. I even began to study cryptology but it still didn’t make any sense.”

“Logan?” – There was hesitation and slight disappointment in Patton’s voice. – “You don’t remember these words?”

“When you mentioned it, I have a feeling that I have heard them somewhere.” – He thought about it for a moment but quickly came up with an answer. He snapped his fingers as he remembered. – “I know! You said them when we first met!” – He was so content that he remembered, that he didn’t realize the implication of this statement.

“Exactly.” – Patton was grinning like crazy. – “Do you know what does it mean?”

As Logan thought about something completely different and enjoyed solved puzzle, Patton confused him totally by the question. He looked at him with a blank stare. Boy noticed his dismay. He covered his mouth, blushed furiously and started to giggle softly. Or squalling from happiness, it was hard to say.

“It means…” – he began, pausing to catch his breath. – “That we are soulmates, Logan.” – he said quickly and covered his mouth again to muffle his voice because he was squealing with happiness.

Logan shouted down. It’s impossible for Patton to be his soulmate, he already discussed that with Roman. They should recognized each other earlier, after all, Patton was the only person with whom he had contact all the time without any breaks. He talked with him so much, more than ever in his life with anyone. That should be a clue that they are destinate to be together? And what was Patton’s text bond? Logan stood up, still struggling to process the information and said to the overjoyed boy:

“I think we should go out and talk about it on the hall, where we don’t have to keep silence.”

Patton nodded, stood up quickly, grabbed Logan’s hand and hurried with him to the door. Logan barely kept up but eventually they stopped outside the library.

“This is awesome, Logan!” – shouted Patton. – “I knew that we are somehow connected, I was sure! I’ve never met before somebody who would make such a electrifying impression on me from the first sight but you, you are like that all the time! I’m so happy! I was waiting for so long, I’ve started to losing hope that it’s you but…

“Wait a moment” – Logan interrupted him by raising his hand and he touched his own temple by the other one. – “I have a problem with absorbing these information.”

Patton’s face fell a little.

“Em… What that mean?” – he asked hesitantly. – “Are you not happy…?” – he added trying to not sound distress. He almost did it. He needed more acting lessons. If he eliminated that immensity sorrow from his eyes then acting would definitely be more effective. Logan caught himself on staring in Patton’s eyes and thinking about theatrical techniques instead of answering. He shook his head to shake that off. Of course, it wasn’t one of his most intelligent ideas because judging by Patton’s shattered expression, shaking was taken as an answer to a question. He have to do something now, quick!

“No!” – It was even worse. Okay, let’s not make him cry. Or just try. This is his luck; he made his own soulmate cry during recognizing and that wasn’t happy tears. His words began to tangle in panic. – “I mean, yes! Calm down, I have, I want to, I mean, I wanted to say that…” – he stopped with frustrated sigh and took a deep breath. Fortunately, his struggling calmed Patton a little. He was looking at him uncertainly, as if he didn’t know what to think. Logan cleared his throat and began to talk, now calmly: - “I want to tell you that I AM glad but I’m more surprised that fate really bond us. Already a big surprise for me was that you were able to read my text of bond, I didn’t expect that also I didn’t expect to meet my soulmate now. Or rather realize who my soulmate is. If you don’t mind my question, what is your text of bond?”

Patton breathed a sigh of relief.

“You know… You stressed me.” – he added. It wasn’t necessary, Logan noticed. He also stressed himself.

“Please, forgive me, I didn’t intend to lead you to such a state.”

“I know, I feel better now.” – Patton smiled. – “And you asked me about my text of bond. Just look!” – He removed the sleeves from both arms revealing that half of his left forearm is covered by Logan’s big neat writing: ‘Patton, I’ve just noticed that you were reading these specific notes, at least that’s how it looked like, so I would like to ask if you would be able to read this text of bond even though I, am not able to do it?’- “When my parents saw it first time they considered this as a very strange first sentence. I always thought that this is really interesting and I was looking forward to the situation when I hear them and who will say it!”

“Ah, I see” – Logan nodded. – “I suspect that I would also think about it if I could read my own text.”

“Oh!” – Patton shifted uncomfortably. – “I’m really sorry, I’ve never thought that writing I’m using to quick notes will appear on your arm. I was sure that it will be the most readable, the best one. Yours looks like.”

“Based on my research I did with a group of people who met their soulmates I found out that the text appears in writing you are using frequently. At least nowadays, I couldn’t find reliable information about soulmates when most of people were illiterates. This is obvious that soulmate’s bond had to manifest differently.”

“I never thought about it!”

“Most of people don’t. I would be also one of them if I was able to recognize that symbols on my forearm means something.”

“Now you know!”

“Supposedly.”

After this comment, they fell silent, looking at each other. Patton seemed to be much calmer that usual but still full of energy and Logan had already figured out the whole situation so he wasn’t so confused. He broke the pleasant silence:

“So… what now?”

Patton cocked his head in confusion.

“What do you mean by ‘what’?”

“Do you know how to finish making a soul-bond? I have no idea, I’ve always been more interested in what is going on before.”

“Didn’t we are soul-bonded already?” – Patton was surprised. – “I thought it was enough to recognize soulmate.”

“Here’s the issue, I heard that it’s not. Recognition by text of bond starts a process to make a stable soul-bond but we have to finish by ourselves. I just don’t know how.” – Logan rubbed his neck looking sideways. He spotted a clock on the hall’s wall. – “Although we may as well go back to the library and find the information you need. We wasted a lot of time; it seems to me that…”

“You think that I AM NOW able to focus on books and studying?!” – Patton grabbed his nude forearm and touched the text of bond. Logan winced and hissed in pain because he felt like somebody pricked him with a lot of pins, right in the places of the text. Boy immediately let him go with worried expression.

“Logan? Are you alright? Did I grabbed you too hard? I’m sorry!”

“I’m okay, Patton” – he said looking at his arm. As soon as Patton released him all the pain disappeared, leaving an unpleasant feeling of coolness. Thanks to that, he probably came up with a solution to their problem. He looked seriously into Patton’s eyes. – “I have a feeling that you just discovered something very important.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Can you show me your left arm? If my theory is right, we will know soon how to finish the process.”

Patton met his request without hesitation, even with a certain amount of excitement. Logan was more uncertain. He didn’t want to cause his soulmate pain, even by accident. Carefully, ready to back away in a second, he touched swirl on Patton’s forearm. He felt nice warmth that had nothing to do with the body temperature of the boy. Patton furrowed eyebrows and Logan took a step back immediately.

“What did you feel?” – he asked nervous.

“How would you poke me with a pin. I should felt that?”

Logan ignored his question. He came up with an idea, which was the worst or the best action in their situation.

“Listen me, please, and tell me what you think about it” – he began. Patton nodded, focused. – “When you grabbed me I felt like you pricked me with a thousand pins but when I touched you I felt only warmth. I think we should touched each other's texts at the same time, to finish creating a soul-bond.”

Patton thought about it for a moment.

“I think you are right.”

“In that case” – Logan took a deep breath and reached out his hand. – “Do you want to try?”

He was terribly afraid that Patton would refuse. In the end, what he came up was only a theory that may turn out to be wrong which can lead to painful consequences. In the same time, he was sure that he is right. He didn’t know why, just his theory was logical. This, however, didn’t mean that Patton would agree. He could make fun of him – fine, unlikely. But he could just not agree. Logan didn’t think that in the time of their short acquaintance he had obtained such a large amounts of trust as were required at this time. He quickly convinced himself that Patton wouldn’t agree.

Patton didn’t say anything, just grabbed his arm.

It was like an electrical short. Logan could have sworn he heard click. After that, he left warmth in the chest and took an unwavering conviction that he is not alone. No matter what will bother him and he will need, he is not alone anymore. Not that he felt abandoned before but he certainly didn’t have the feeling of the other person’s constant presence and the fact that no matter what, they will support him.

He let go of Patton and looked at his shining with joy eyes.

“I guess… Our soul-bond is finished.” – he said quietly.

“Yes!” – Patton jumped in place and threw himself on his neck, hugging him tightly. Logan didn’t expect that so he just stood in one place, no move. – “We are not alone anymore, Love-gan!”

“Ekhem, yes.” – Logan blushed and patted Patton’s head awkwardly. – “Now we really should get back to the library and finish your work.”

Patton didn’t let him go for a moment, but finally, muttering dissatisfied, he released him. Holding hands, they went back to the library.

“I told you so!” – Roman pointed a spoon at them.

“Yes, you told me, Roman. You are repeat it for the fifth time.” – Logan leaned his head on the giggling Patton’s shoulder. They were in shopping mall, in ice cream shop. It was Logan’s idea to invite Roman and tell him about their relationship. In the end, he supported them all the time. Now Logan regretted his decision.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I was right!” – Roman slammed his fist on the table, making everything shook. – “I should hire myself as a matchmaker! Of course, only in case if I did not get an acting career.” – He was gesturing with a spoon so gustily, that it was miracle he didn't throw it at the other end of the building.

“Yes, yes” – Logan sighed, repeating it once again. He was suffering the most here. Patton had a lot of fun listening their exchange and eating colorful ice cream.

“I knew from the beginning that you are like two halves of the same apple, I saw it in your eyes! It wasn’t the first time I had to deal with a pair of clueless soulmates. Although I was somewhat surprised by yours texts of bond.”

“Can you stop finally? You are repeating yourself. I agreed with you and you were practically the first person we informed that we are together. Can we finish this topic?” – Logan asked imploringly.

“Nope!” – Roman stuck out his tongue and ate spoonful his strawberry ice cream. Logan groaned. Patton still chuckling stroked his head and pecked him on the cheek. Logan sit straight and stared at him taken aback. Patton smiled innocently, shrugged and focused on ice cream. Logan looked at Roman who was smiling with superiority and satisfaction. Logan finally broke. He grabbed his dirty spoon and threw it at him.

~Thank you for your reading!~

#Sanders Sides #Thomas Sanders #fanfiction #my fanfiction #Logan Sanders #Logic Sanders #Roman Sanders #Prince Sanders #Morality Sanders #Patton Sanders #SoulmateAU #HumanAU #logince #as friends #Is silence golden? #logicality

[jaskiersbard]

Least Wanted - a Tina-centric/Newtina fic

So I decided to split the fic up into multiple parts because it’s so long. The next part will pick up to the events just after the film and onwards :)

With that in mind, I hope you all enjoy the first part of this fic – it’s been many months in the making, and I’m very hyped (and nervous) to share it with you all!

Tina hadn’t exactly been planned: in fact, the discovery that she was on her way had been slightly bittersweet for the Goldsteins had been married just three months and were still attempting to establish their respective careers in New York. A baby had not been planned or wanted at all.

It had taken a few weeks for both of them to warm up to the idea – and then they had been thrilled because, despite the fact they hadn’t been married long at all, it seemed only natural to love their child, however unexpected they may be. Both parents had quickly become excited by the news and eagerly waited for her arrival in the following August. Tina had been loved from the very start, and no one could deny that.

In contrast, Queenie had been planned – just a year after Tina had been born, the Goldsteins had decided that another child was just what they wanted; it would be lovely for their children to grow up together so close in age, and so they had started trying almost immediately. It hadn’t taken long at all for her mother to fall pregnant again, and her baby sister had been welcomed the following spring to much love and affection from both parents and her sister.

Her parents cooed and cradled Queenie constantly after she was born, absolutely enamoured by her; she had their mother’s blonde hair, already curling at the ends, and big blue-green eyes that melted hearts. People would stop them in the streets and coo at her too, complementing the Goldsteins on their beautiful new addition even when Queenie had grown into a toddler, and their parents would beam with pride.

Passers-by never fawned over Tina.

She wasn’t anything like Queenie: she had thick black hair that never sat right, like their father’s, and brown eyes that seemed almost dull in comparison to her little sister’s bright colourful ones. It was easy to ignore her with the new baby around, and though she loved Queenie she couldn’t help but resent how much more everyone else loved her.

And, to add to insult, Queenie got a cute name to go with her adorable appearance – and Tina was stuck with ‘Porpentina’, a name she could barely even say.

One day, whilst in the front room of the apartment, Tina gazed at her sister – now a beautiful little toddler – and wondered if, one day, she’d be as pretty…maybe she just had to wait until she was grown up? Maybe, if she wished hard enough, her hair could be blonde, her eyes blue, and she could be pretty too.

I wish I was as lovely and cute as you, she thought sadly.

Queenie looked up – and then she beamed, showing off her perfect tiny white teeth, a giggle following shortly after.

Tina was amazed that her little sister was suddenly smiling at her so happily, as if she had heard Tina describing her as ‘lovely and cute’ in her head, and she couldn’t help but smile somewhat shyly back. Queenie had that effect on people, she had noticed, but she couldn’t resent her for it – despite all of Tina’s grievances on the matter, she couldn’t help but love her sister dearly. She liked having a sister, liked having another little girl she could play with (for they were rather close in age), and nothing would change that in her mind.

The Goldstein parents had loved both of their daughters with their hearts, and they loved them equally; their father would tell Tina stories of his work as an Auror and encourage her when she proclaimed she wanted to be one too someday, just like him. Their mother would sing the sweetest softest lullabies as she cooked or cleaned and encourage Queenie to join in. Both would play games with their daughters, reading to them and tucking them in into bed with goodnight kisses every night.

But nothing lasted forever – things had to change, as they always did.

Their father had caught the dragon-pox first, perhaps during one of his work assignments; their mother had nursed him as best as she could – but it had infected her before long too, and the girls had been forced to stay with relatives that they barely knew. They had both waited for their parents to get better so that they could go home again, to continue as they had become used to.

When they had been told that their parents wouldn’t be coming back, Queenie had cried and cried like she’d never done before – she had cried before the words had left their aunt’s mouth, seemingly sensing things in the way that she always did. Tina had wanted to, but couldn’t find it in herself for some reason – instead she had hugged her sister and whispered to her that it would be okay.

She needed to protect her sister – Queenie needed her to be there, to be strong.

It was a very long and difficult night; it took well over an hour for Queenie to stop crying and fall asleep, cradled in her older sister’s arms. Tina had waited until she – her beautiful little blonde sister, so young and innocent, the only one she had left in the world – had fallen asleep before allowing her tears to fall, sobs muffled by the scratchy pillow of the bed in their aunt’s spare room.

Mama…Papa…I wish I knew what to do.

Despite the fact she had been nervous about leaving her sister, Tina loved Ilvermorny already.

She had been rather pleased when the Thunderbird statue had flapped its wings in approval at her, knowing from her research beforehand that Thunderbird was the house of adventurers (though she wasn’t quite sure that applied to her really), and she had spent her first week drifting around the corridors in a kind of daze. The fact that she was suddenly allowed to learn how to do all of these magical things was extraordinary – it was all she had wanted since she was little girl, having seeing her parents doing magic. It didn’t even matter that she would have to relinquish her wand during the holidays up until she was of age, or that any kind of magic outside of Ilvermorny was strictly forbidden now that she was a student and learning to control her abilities, because for the first time in a long time she felt somewhat at home.

The only real problem was that she just found it difficult to make friends.

Part of her wished she wasn’t so shy or awkward, that she could be more like Queenie and just smile to beguile people – the other girls in the Thunderbird dorms had found it more than easy to start conversations and giggle together, even within the first week, and it left Tina feeling rather left out despite the fact she hadn’t tried to talk to them yet. She vowed that on her second week she would do better – she would make friends with the other students in both her house and in her classes: she didn’t particularly mind which house someone was in, so long as she could perhaps be their friend.

She had walked into her Charms class that Monday, a spring in her step and forcing herself to smile as she took her seat near two fellow Thunderbirds and a Horned Serpent student.

“Hi!” Tina greeted, nearly wincing when her voice naturally came out quietly. “I-I’m Tina. Goldstein. Tina Goldstein, I mean.”

The Horned Serpent girl raised an eyebrow, looking somewhat bemused; one of the Thunderbird students, a girl in her dorm, stifled a giggle behind her hand. Tina felt her cheeks flush.

“Her name’s not really Tina,” The girl stated. “She’s Porpentina really.”

The other two were smirking to themselves, highly amused; a boy from Wampus was sitting nearby, and he guffawed as he overheard their conversation. “I’d probably go by a different name if my parents were stupid enough to name me something like that.”

Tina really hated her full name more than ever – Queenie had gotten a cute little name, but no, not her: she had to be Porpentina, an oddity, strange and weird.

“Just Tina is fine,” She whispered, trying not to duck her head in shame – she had to at least pretend to be confident, after all. “S-So, uhm…how…how are classes going?”

All of the other students laughed, the Wampus boy turning away from her and the girls shaking their heads pityingly. Tina suddenly wished she’d sat somewhere else, or at least not opened her mouth and attempted to speak.

“Classes have barely started,” The Horned Serpent girl tutted. “We haven’t done anything yet.”

“Oh. I-I know, I just meant-”

“Ignore her,” One of the other Thunderbird girls sighed. “She didn’t bother speaking to any of us last week; I think she’s a bit strange, you know.”

“She hasn’t had any letters either,” The other Thunderbird confirmed. “Her parents haven’t even bothered writing to her.”

Tina felt tears well up in her eyes and told herself that she couldn’t cry – it would be silly to cry, absolutely ridiculous. Perhaps if she explained to them, she thought, that her parents had passed away then they might take pity and treat her nicer. It was worth a try, she reasoned.

“I don’t have…my mother and father…”

Suddenly she was choking on her words, unable to speak; her heart was beating hard in her chest, eyes stinging, and she wished that she could have had her sister with her – if only to hold and hug her. She wanted Queenie with her, wanted to be sharing a room with her again, to be able to see her bright smile and blonde curls.

“…Miss Goldstein, are you feeling quite well?”

Tina nearly jumped at the stern voice of the Charms professor, hurriedly scrubbing her eyes. “’m fine, m’am.”

Professor Stonehart, a most formidable woman who always looked strict and unimpressed, pursed her lips. “Do you need to be excused, Miss Goldstein? I will not have students blubbering through my lessons.”

“No, m’am,” Tina managed, staring down at the desk and wishing she could disappear. “I’m fine.”

After the lesson, she heard the girls giggling and shrieking as they left the room – she picked up snippets, specifically her name and the words ‘don’t want her near us’ and ‘weird’.

If only Queenie were here…she would listen and understand. She always has.

Queenie had, of course, been a most popular student at Ilvermorny from the day she arrived; she had blonde curls that the girls envied, a smile that could charm even the toughest of trolls, and she just knew what to say to get people to like her.

When the Pukwudgie statue had raised its arrow into the air for Queenie, Tina had admittedly been disappointed; she had so hoped that her sister would be in the same house as her, that they could share dorms and the common room together. She had clapped and smiled, however, and deep down she knew that Pukwudgie was a perfect fit for her little sister – Queenie was one of the kindest and most generous souls around, even at a young age, and she would immediately be comfortable in a house that celebrated the heart of a witch or wizard.

Despite being placed into different houses, the Goldstein sisters had still found more than enough time to spend together; Queenie had soon picked up that her older sister was not exactly the most well-liked student in the school and made a habit of sitting with her during meals or the like. Many had been baffled that she – someone who nearly everyone wanted to be friends with – would choose to spend time with her ‘weird’ awkward sister.

“None of them are genuine, anyway,” Queenie announced rather cheerfully at lunch one day when Tina brought this up. “Besides, you’re not weird, Teen – you just get shy is all. I can help you make some friends, don’t worry!”

Tina highly doubted that anything – even Queenie’s wonderful smile – would help her make friends, to be frank, but it was the thought that counted.

The boys at Ilvermorny never paid Tina very much attention; part of this could have been due to the fact that, on her first day when the first-years were being sorted, her full name had been shouted into the hall for all to hear – students still snickered and called her ‘Porpentina’ to annoy her sometimes. Tina knew, however, that it was mostly because she simply wasn’t pretty.

She wasn’t ugly, by any means, but she wasn’t stunning or gorgeous like some of the other girls – she was plain old Porpentina Goldstein. Though she wasn’t particularly study-orientated, like the Horned Serpents, she did still try hard to get good grades – she wanted to graduate and get a decent job to provide for Queenie. The sisters were all each other had, and they had to plan carefully on how to look after each other in the future for they had nothing and no one else. She didn’t have very many friends either, though not from a lack of trying – every time she tried to talk to another student, she just felt awkward and unsure.

Though she mostly kept to herself, there were of course the stirrings of feelings towards some boys – she was only human, after all – and she found herself quietly admiring them from a distance; she wouldn’t have dared tried asking one of them out, even some of the nicer ones that had made her feel butterflies in her stomach, because she already knew that they would reject her without a moment’s hesitation. Even worse, by the time Queenie had reached her fourth year she had nearly every single boy head-over-heels for her; it was hard to miss the stares and longing looks that were thrown in her direction – even boys that Tina had found herself liking were interested in her sister.

But then there was William Clifton.

He wasn’t one of the most popular boys, but a boy from Wampus who was in several of her classes and seemed to get on with everyone; they occasionally sat together, and they even talked on a number of occasions. His smiles were always soft and genuine, and he was one of the few who never called her ‘Porpentina’ to get on her nerves. It was no wonder she found herself developing feelings for him, to be honest, and when Queenie found out (through reading her thoughts, that was) she encouraged her sister to pursue it.

“Oh, go for it, Teenie! I’m sure he really likes you – he sounds like a nice guy!”

She had been so happy, so excited, by these feelings that she had taken her younger sister’s advice – she later learnt that she shouldn’t have been so foolish.

At first it seemed to go perfectly; William just listened and smiled, saying that he liked her too, that she was a nice girl and that maybe – just maybe – they could ‘try’ it out. He’d had a couple of relationships but nothing that had lasted very long – Tina had even less experience – so he suggested that they test the waters a bit before committing to something serious; Tina was so relieved that she agreed without a moment’s hesitation.

It was absolutely wonderful and blissful for all of four days.

They had been studying together in the library, occasionally sending each other shy smiles, when Queenie strode up to their table; even in her robes she looked dazzling, blonde curls styled perfectly, make-up meticulously applied (but not overtly so), and a lovely smile on her face.

“Hello,” She said to William politely before turning to her sister. “I was just wondering if I could borrow some of your notes on charms, Teenie; I got a big test tomorrow, and some of them are giving me some trouble.”

Tina had agreed and reached into her bag for said notes – she carried notes on all of her classes, just in case – without any hassle; when she had dropped her bag to the floor again, however, Queenie’s smile had vanished. She was no longer looking at her sister but at William, as if appalled.

“Is everything alright?” Tina asked, looking between the two.

Queenie was still staring at him as she took the papers from Tina. “No…No, of course not. I was just…thinking. Uhm…Hey, Teen?” Her voice dropped in volume as she leaned closer to her sister, so that William couldn’t hear. “How about we meet up in the hall tonight? I think we need to have a…a talk.”

It wasn’t the first time Queenie had wanted ‘a talk’, though it was usually to do with school or (embarrassingly) to ask for lady things; nevertheless, she agreed and watched as her sister retreated.

Once she had left the room, she heard William let out a low whistle. “Is she your sister? You look nothing alike.”

Tina shrugged, going back to her homework on dark wizards in history (a topic of great interest to her, she had found). “Yes. She can be a bit full-on sometimes, but she’s lovely really.”

That evening in the hall, Queenie’s eyes had looked sad as she leaned in close to her sister. “That William boy…I’m sorry, Teen.”

“You’re…why?” Tina questioned, confused by this. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Oh, you should have heard what he was thinking!” Her sister whispered furiously, and there was a glimmer in her eyes, as if she were about to cry. “He took one look at me and…and…I can’t.”

“Queenie, tell me!” Tina pleaded, gripping her sister by the wrist tightly. “Tell me now!”

Queenie let out a small wince of pain, trying to pull away from her sister – when this achieved nothing, she sighed and started speaking reluctantly. “He was thinking…these weren’t his exact words, but it was along the lines of…of…” She took a deep breath. “Oh, what a bombshell! If only I weren’t stuck with her sister…”

“You’re lying,” Tina denied quickly, refusing to believe it. “You’re lying to make me jealous – can’t I have just one thing, Queenie, without you ruining it?”

Queenie’s eyes were tearful. “Teenie…I’m sorry. I’m not lying, I swear! That’s what he was thinking!”

But Tina had stormed off, furious and angry that her sister would say such a thing; she made the decision right there and then that she was going to find William himself, forget about her sister – he liked her, of course he did. He wouldn’t think something like that!

William would have probably been near the Wampus dormitories, she knew, so she immediately set off to find him; she was just around the corner from the dorms when she heard him laughing. He wasn’t the only one – there was a group of boys with him, by the sound of things.

“…yeah, she’s a doll!” She heard one boy say, and she halted in her tracks. “With those big eyes…and her lips! I could kiss those for hours!”

Eavesdropping was not a nice quality, she knew, but her curiosity was getting the best of her; careful not to make any noise, she ducked behind a pillar and eagerly strained to hear more.

Another boy was laughing again now. “Yeah – she’s Goldstein’s little sister, isn’t she?”

They were talking about Queenie – of course. Boys loved Queenie, wanted to around her and be seen with her. But surely William would say something nice about her, Tina reasoned hopefully; he had to, didn’t he? He liked her-

“Hey, Clifton, ain’t you dating Goldstein? The older one, that is?”

He likes me. Of course he likes me. Calm down, Tina.

William was chortling. “Yeah – but if I’d have known that the little one was that gorgeous…well, I’d have waited!”

No. He can’t have just said that…he’s…he’s probably just saying it to make the others happy, to fit in. Tina’s stomach was lurching unpleasantly, however; surely she had imagined him saying that, he wouldn’t have been that cruel…

“Can’t believe they’re related,” The first boy snorted. “If I were you, I’d dump the cold fish and get with the blonde one.”

William was humming in thought. “Well…I think I’ll stick with Tina – but only until I can get her sister to go out with me. She can’t be that hard to convince, right, little piece like her?”

Tina stormed away at this point, not caring that her face was blotchy and red or that passing students were staring at her – she needed to get away as quickly as possible.

She had gone back to the Thunderbird dorms, cast silencing charms around her bed and cried that night; it just wasn’t fair! The one boy she had thought she was different, the one boy who liked her and not her sister, was a liar – he didn’t prefer her, didn’t like her in the way she had hoped. No, he preferred Queenie – beautiful, perfect, blonde, kind, caring Queenie. She had been stupid to assume otherwise.

The next morning, Tina promptly told William that she was ending their relationship, much to his dismay, and then made a point of avoiding her sister for the rest of the day.

Despite knowing it wasn’t her sister’s fault, she couldn’t help but feel bitter resentment at the fact that her sister had unintentionally ruined her first and – so far – only relationship. Yes, it was more William Clifton’s fault than Queenie’s – but it was easier to blame her sister, easier to feel jealous of someone so perfect.

Queenie got everything, and it just was not fair.

Tina was in her fifth year when she firmly decided that she was going to be an Auror; her father had been an Auror, a highly-regarded one at that, and she had always taken an interest in his work even when she had been a little girl. Truthfully, she had thought about it for a number of years before coming to her final decision; there weren’t many female Aurors, she’d been told, and it would take quite a lot of hard work.

But it was what she wanted, and she was sure of it.

Whispers started around the school, of course, about how strange Tina was for wanting to join the Investigative Team at MACUSA after graduating, and at first they hurt – but she learned to remain strong, even if she was hurting, to ignore them. People would always compare her to her sister, no matter where she went in the world, and there was no point in dwelling on it for the rest of her life – she knew that she was nowhere near as beautiful as her sister, she never would be, and she accepted it.

“…Hard to believe they’re sisters, they’re nothing alike…”

“…The older one got the brains, sure…but the little one, she’s going to go far. She’s got the looks for anything, really…”

“The blondie is a doll, a catch…so different from her milquetoast sister.”

It would be ridiculous to be offended over such things, she decided: who needed a relationship when she could have a career for herself? A chance to do the right thing, to protect people? She and her sister would need the money when they left school, need something to buy an apartment or dwelling with, to start over together – and as the eldest, it was up to her to make sure her little sister was provided for.

Ma and Pa would want that, Tina told herself, and it made her feel slightly better. They’d want us to look out for each other…and that’s what I’m gonna do.

So she threw herself into her studies as much as possible, working outside of lessons to improve her knowledge; she took extra-curriculars such as the Duelling Club at Ilvermorny, determined to better herself and her skills. The students who had mocked or thought degrading things of her soon were amazed and impressed, and they mostly stopped comparing her to her sister; instead of “the beautiful one’s sister”, she was “that Goldstein girl who’s good at duelling”, and it made her prouder than she cared to admit.

By the time she graduated, she was at the top of several of her classes – and, frankly, no one was particularly surprised at all when MACUSA immediately offered her a place on their Auror training programme.

“Goldstein!”

Tina was immediately on her feet, straightening up as Graves approached her desk; he had a way about him that was stern and controlled, calm and cold. She always felt her face heat up at the sight of him – he really was unfairly good-looking, and while she didn’t delude herself that he would ever think of her in that way, it didn’t stop her from admiring him all the same.

Mr Graves’ face was unreadable as he looked her over, though he did look slightly disapproving – he always did, really. “Apparently you were the one who shut down the illegal trading ring last week. Is that true?”

“Yes, sir,” She said carefully, forcing herself to look at him; she didn’t want him to think that she was weak or just a blushing schoolgirl, after all. “It was mostly Class-B tradeable goods, but we managed to recover a few Class-A goods as well.”

“I see. You were working on your own for this case, weren’t you?”

Tina hesitated. “Yes, sir, I was. If something in the paperwork is incorrect then I’ll amend it immediately, Mr Graves-”

“No, your paperwork is perfectly filled out,” Graves interrupted calmly, still studying her; he seemed to be considering to himself for a moment, debating in his mind before speaking. “Tell me, Miss Goldstein; you’re not a part of our field team, are you?”

“No, sir. I was only out in the field to round up the smugglers.”

He merely raised a brow, almost to himself. “Hmm. That seems an awful waste to me; you took out four armed thugs with barely a scratch – it’s the kind of skill we could use on our team.”

She had learnt a long time ago not to get her hopes up – things never worked out how she wanted anyway – but it was hard not to feel slightly intrigued and hopeful at his words. A promotion was what she had been hoping to work towards – both for her career, and because she and Queenie needed the money. Her sister had secured a job in Wand Permits, sure, but it was hardly a well-paying position – certainly not enough to rent an apartment and cover living expenses, not even when combined with Tina’s salary.

Graves was watching her keenly, like a hawk. “You’re relatively new, Goldstein – new and young. You’re nowhere near as skilled as our top investigators, even if you did luck out with the trading ring last week. However,” His tone was only somewhat softer, lower now. “I would be open to considering giving you training, if you’re willing to put the work in.”

Tina was stunned. “Mr Graves, sir, that…I…”

“It won’t be easy,” He informed her coolly. “And I won’t be easy on you just because of your age or because you’re a woman; if you want to be on my team, then you have to train until you meet my standards. Is that understood, Goldstein?”

“Yes, sir,” She agreed quickly, still flabbergasted by his proposal.

Graves nodded, seeming only somewhat satisfied as he straightened himself up. “Alright. You start training tomorrow – six-thirty sharp. Don’t be late.”

Mr Graves hadn’t been lying when he had told her that he’d work her hard; he was incredibly strict and no-nonsense during their sessions together, pointing out every flaw and every mistake she made – and she needed that, really, to better herself. She made sure to mentally keep a note of anything and everything he said, eager to prove her worth to him: she wanted to convince him that she belonged on the team, that she was focused on the job and wouldn’t allow anything to distract her. Queenie worried a slightly for her health, of course, concerned that she wasn’t eating or sleeping enough, but she always brushed her sister’s concerns off; she was a grown woman, fully capable of looking after herself (and her sister, if need be).

It was six months later that Mr Graves announced she was joining the field team for a raid in a nearby bar – a “test”, of sorts, to see if she was ready to officially be counted as a part of the team. Tina had accepted willingly, of course, more ready to show him that she deserved a part on his team just as much as anyone else.

The other Aurors were stony-faced as Graves introduced her on the morning preceding the raid, unimpressed and uncaring – hardly a surprise, really. Only two offered her rather unenthusiastic welcomes, barely meeting her eyes before getting to work; she had merely shaken it off, reminding herself that they’d most likely warm up to her in due time.

The raid that evening was a success, all of the criminals they had tracked being arrested before they could escape, and several types of illegal goods being secured. Tina hadn’t been able to stop herself from flushing with pride as she disarmed the last wizard and used her wand to tie ropes around his arms and legs to prevent an escape; she just felt so pleased, so exhilarated, at arresting someone and doing something good, something that would make the world a better place perhaps. To add, Mr Graves had offered her the briefest of smiles when she brought the thug to him – small but still, a smile. It made her insides grow warm, her cheeks red for an entirely different reason.

The next day, it was made official: she was to join the Investigative Team permanently, with an increased pay raise and a chance at working more dangerous or important jobs.

Queenie had been thrilled at the news, of course, making a special dinner that night to celebrate and gushing at how she had always known her sister would go far in the Auror department. Tina had laughed, shaking her head but secretly feeling pleased with herself once more – with the increase in pay, they would be able to live slightly more comfortably, could perhaps start working towards a better life… Even so, she wished that their parents were there to see how far she’d gotten all by herself – at how well she and Queenie were doing.

Her younger sister had smiled somewhat sadly at her upon hearing her thoughts, taking a sip of her water before speaking. “I know. I’m sure they’re real proud, Teen, wherever they are.”

It soon transpired that not everyone was as thrilled with her promotion as Tina and Queenie were; it was only to be expected, really, given that she was one of the youngest in the department and that she hadn’t been working for very long, and she decided it was silly to take offense over it. She would show them, Tina thought to herself determinedly, just like she showed the other students at Ilvermorny, and she’d prove that she deserved this promotion.

She had been working in the new position for a few months when she was assigned to a more dangerous case; a wizard or witch in the city had been hexing No-Majs for a number of weeks, and whilst no one had been killed or seriously injured, it still meant that a number of Obliviations were required to be carried out. There were two other Aurors working on the case with her, and they gave her half-hearted glares when they were informed that they were to be working with her.

It had taken just a few days for Tina to track down the perpetrator as being the owner of a seedy Wizarding club in Manhattan; he had been in trouble with the law before, and his records showed that he had held a rather low opinion of No-Majs for several years. The other Aurors assigned to the case hadn’t seemed as convinced, deciding between themselves to wait until another attack before making any moves – but she couldn’t do that, not with a good conscience.

So, without a moment’s hesitation, she tracked down his club and apprehended him; it was a bold move, she knew, and risky – he had attempted to fight her off when he saw her, though she had quickly disarmed him without getting hurt – but it paid off.

Mr Graves had raised his brow at her after she brought the wizard in, looking rather unimpressed. “There’s a reason we assign multiple Aurors to these cases, Goldstein,” He reminded her disapprovingly. “He could have taken you out easily, and that would have been that. Next time there’s a case such as this one, you go out to arrest a suspect with back-up. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” She mumbled, unable to meet his eye as her cheeks turned pink. “I understand.”

He moved away as if to leave before stopping short and hesitating for a brief second. “Other than that, I suppose I should say… Well done, Goldstein.”

Not everyone had been quite as generous about this arrest, however; as she was finishing her paperwork for the case later that evening, she had overheard the other two Aurors on the case ranting and muttering about her to their colleagues. It was impossible not to hear them, and they most likely knew that – knew that and probably didn’t care.

“She just has to barge in,” She heard Johnson huff, his tone frustrated. “Since the first day she’s been a nuisance.”

“I dunno what Mr Graves was thinking,” The other Auror, Norton, agreed in annoyance. “She’s nothing more than a little girl – a liability to the team.”

Tina had deflated in her seat at hearing this from her co-workers, disappointed that they still didn’t view her as one of them even after several months of working together; the point of the job was to arrest criminals and keep the city safe, which she was trying to do to the best of her ability. Most of her arrests had been successful, with the rare two or three exceptions – she was good at the job, she had thought, and eager to improve even so.

They’ll see one day, she told herself as she picked up her quill once more, forcing herself to think of her recent arrest again: it’s just because I’m new, that’s all. When someone else joins, then they won’t be as harsh on me. I just have to be patient and work hard.

Whether they wanted her or not, she was going to do her job and she was going to do it right.

Please feel free to leave comments or likes <3 It makes me so happy!

#tina goldstein #porpentina goldstein #fanfiction #my fanfiction #fantastic beasts and where to find them #no newtina yet but it's coming ;) #writing #my writing #queenie goldstein #Percival graves

[fredenglish]

Michelle Whittaker

Hello there again, #FeatureFriday fans! Today, we’re offering a special treat: an interview with SUNY Fredonia alum Michelle Whittaker, whose debut poetry collection Surge is just one topic of discussion alongside her experience as a musician, how Jamaican patois informed her writing, and why so many poets are sprinters.

1. You recently put out Surge, your first published collection of poetry. What are some steps of the publishing process that you think might surprise students who haven’t had to deal with that yet?

Well, a little part of the book came out of my thesis. Although some of my professors thought that “this is ready to be sent out,” I didn’t agree. So, I think one surprising part was that I actually stepped away from it for a few years and really took time to think about the arc, so the arc changed a number of times. I went to a few conferences and workshops just to look at particular poems. So, I really took my time. Even when my current publisher came to me and asked if they could, you know, look at my manuscript, they were hoping that it would even be a little longer than it was. And so I did try to address that, but I really recommend taking your time to build the collection that you want.

Other than that, I had a really good and positive process with my editor, we had pretty good communication. It’s more the business part of it, sort of the marketing, I guess. Not on their end, but just: how do you set up readings and stuff like that. They’ll do some, but there’s just a lot of learning curves once the book comes out. Like, how to get it to an audience, to readers, and that was kind of a new process. So, I recommend maybe having a good plan, time-wise.

2. What do you think drew you to poetry as a medium?

Well, I have sort of an off-the-record joke about that. My dad was a marathon runner, and so he was encouraging me to run cross-country, and it was kind of terrible. I used to fall every few seconds. But it turns out that I could sprint! So I quit [cross-country] and was pretty fast. And so, when I’m in kind of funny circles with other writers and running comes up — like, talking about sports and childhood — I’ve found that a lot of fiction writers like cross-country and a lot of poets like sprinting. More short-form. Don’t hold me to this! [Laughs] Obviously you can have epic poems, and book-length poems, but I like something about the short form. I haven’t quite figured that part out.

I started out of music — playing a lot of classical music pieces — and even if a piece of music was twenty pages, it didn’t feel like it. When you’re in the process of interpreting, I guess. There’s a different type of access [to music and poetry]. I feel like, with a novel, I wouldn’t want to be interrupted too often? I’d rather sit and read it like I’m watching a film. Poetry is like snapshots, almost like visual rhetoric in a way. I like that I get to live in this world, and then move to another world; I like something about that.

3. Speaking of music, you were (and presumably, still are) a classical pianist. How do you think your background in music affects your poetry, and do you see any significant connections between your poetry and your music?

I’ll say: I’m in the process of thinking about that right now, but there’s music as an interpreter. As a pianist, I’d likely be interpreting others’ text. And then there’s being a composer, where you’re generating and you’re in dialogue with those who’ve come before you. Sure, you can generate your own without having to learn about Chopin, but in my journey, I felt that I always had a lot of teachers introducing me to new material. And so, maybe the short answer is that poetry is also constantly in that dialogue. Words are constantly being redefined, in the same way, that no ten people playing a Chopin nocturne are going to play it the same. I feel like they have that, at least, in common. But I’m in the process of trying to figure [it] out.

I found writing music much harder. Just gonna be real about it. [Laughs] I had great teachers, and I definitely was emotionally attached to a lot of different classical music. Many types of composers, what they wrote, I was very emotionally invested. And I was actually, even attracted to composers who stood for something? For, what you’d say in today’s terms as “social justice,” statements about what was going on in their particular time that relates to the human condition. I think I set out to do that, but I just never felt like I was creating a piece that said what I wanted it to. So, it might have been that I just turned to words. Because it was a sort of easier access, in some ways. I definitely think that being a musician for all those years helped that skillset, though. And I had great teachers, here at Fredonia, they were very, very supportive.

4. How do you think your education, both your undergraduate at SUNY Fredonia and your graduate work at Stony Brook, have impacted the approach that you take with your poetry?

I think at Fredonia there was just an openness. I was being introduced to a diversity of writers. And that was exciting. I was a big fan of Octavio Paz, and I don’t even remember whose class it was, but I did a whole presentation on him. Or the Surrealists, or…. at Fredonia, I had to take “Western Civilization and the Arts?” There was a set of courses, and I don’t remember the name of it now, but we pretty much had to understand the history of artists and how they collaborated, and their different aesthetics. And though it would have been great to just take sort of an overview, I really appreciated that they had us take those courses. As a musician, or as a budding artist. [Laughs] Just to understand how artists work together. And I did a lot of that [learning] at Fredonia. I got to play, you know? And then contextualize it later, in real life. You’d never know, but all those skills I’m doing now!

Stony Brook was great because one of my professors at Fredonia had introduced the class to, say, Derek Walcott’s work, and by the time I was at Stony Brook I was sitting in a classroom with Derek Walcott. And that was such a wonderful education. But what I liked about Stony Brook was that they weren’t interested in changing my voice, they were just interested in giving me more tools to work with. Prosody, you know, a lot of essay writing. And they encourage you to take writing in different genres, even though I wanted to study poetry. So I really appreciated that, because I do think that different art forms inform each other.

5. Is there somebody who stands out to you as being singularly important to your career as a poet?

One of my teachers, George Dorsty. He was a teacher out on Long Island, just a wonderful storyteller. He loved poetry (I think he’s a haiku master!). He teaches in Virginia, I think, now. We’ve kept in touch. But I’ve had a lot of great English teachers. In my Master’s program, there was Julie Chen and Star Black. Julie’s a good questioner. She’s really great about being attentive to the facts on the page because my mind can really wander. And Star Black, she studied under Ashbery, I think. Good at thinking about different ways to generate. Terrance Hayes, I worked within a few places, and he’s good at sort of asking questions in his poems and just talking about philosophy and poetics. And just not worrying about the mainstream, he was really good to talk to about that. It was nice to hear from a teacher, face-to-face, that it’s okay to be sort of obsessed with the craft and sitting down to get to work. There’s certainly other poets, of course, but those are the first that come to mind.

6. How do you think your experiences as somebody of West-Indian descent have influenced your poetry, mechanically or thematically?

It’s a good question. [Pause] My parents grew up in Jamaica, and I grew up here. But there was a lot of cultural influence in my house. The joke is, when my mom was living in Jamaica and pregnant with me, she said that at the time that there were two basic radio stations. One that played reggae music, and one that played classical music. And she loved classical music! So we just have a joke that that’s where the love came from, somehow, me in her womb enjoying what she was enjoying. And she introduced me to some poets, early on. Well, folklorists. So I’m sure their language influenced my speech, definitely, language patterns, syntax. I sometimes had a little trouble at school as a kid, a little bit of stuttering issues, and I didn’t know if it was because I’d hear something one way at home and hear it differently at school. These might be pretty current, current and reoccurring themes for first-generation kids. I feel like I see it in certain students when I teach. I’m sure that it’s influenced me in that way.

But from some of the poets that I’ve come across who are known here in this country and have West-Indian background, what I feel like I’ve learned is that you can be open. Talk about anything. I feel like those particular poets, like Claude McKay or even Derek Walcott or Louise Simpson — I grew up on Louise Bennett too, she’s Jamaican, one of the folklorists I was thinking of — reading their work, they gave a sense of talking about whatever was on their minds at times when I think that they might not have felt that way? That unspoken permission, that you have things to say.

But in terms of mechanics, I don’t know. My parents had some patois in the house in Queens. Again, the Queens English, which I think had [an effect] on my earlier comment about syntax and recognizing speech patterns. Understanding the patois, and the Queens English, and the standard Long Island American English. I’m sure they all played a part. And then when you get into music, I love Tori Amos, these early-90’s women and indie artists, which also probably played a role.

7. What would say is the most important lesson that poetry can teach us?

Most important? [Poetry] teaches us how to be a better observer of the world. And how to ask a question. I think inquiry as dialogue turns out to be pretty important in the journey. And maybe enjoying the process of creating, in terms of writing words or writing music. I know a couple of writers who have sort of dropped off. Not that they were [necessarily] more product-focused, but that’s what I suspect, and they just didn’t quite find yet what they enjoy about the process. And I do think it probably takes a long time for some people because there is something that they’re tapping into that they want to keep doing. I think that finding your own process and being patient with yourself [is what a writer needs]. But I think it starts with observing. Like, really observing. Not being afraid to look, and question.

[her-culture]

The Book That Changed My Life: TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE

Recently, author Mitch Albom announced the release of his latest book, The Next Person You Meet In Heaven, his first-ever sequel to the 2003 best-selling novel, The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I remember being introduced to Mitch Albom’s work for the first time back in eighth grade, when I had to write a review. Most of my friends did not particularly take a liking to the book, since they felt that it had a lot of philosophy to take in for someone who was just in high school at the time. I, on the other hand, actually found myself liking the book and would re-read it a couple of times again.

The first novel, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, revolves around Eddie, an 83-year-old war veteran’s journey in heaven and his interesting encounters with five significant people who give him answers about his life’s purpose on earth. While Eddie is shown dying, trying to save a little girl Annie’s life in the first book, the sequel throws light on Annie’s journey in heaven and her reunion with Eddie, who happens to be one of the instrumental five people that explains to her how important her life was and mattered in ways that she didn’t know was possible.

One of the central themes of Mitch Albom’s books connects fiction with real life philosophy while attempting to understand the abstract complexities of life in more concrete and simpler terms. It helps us try to comprehend the meaning of our lives, and sometimes even that of life after death. Much like Albom’s novels, I started believing that everything happens for a reason. In what turned out to be a strange coincidence, I picked up The Five People You Meet in Heaven instead of Tuesdays With Morrie for the aforementioned book review assignment. Little did I know that this would end up becoming one of the best decisions of my life.

When I chose to read the Tuesdays With Morrie, I was in a very different headspace. I wasn’t reading the book with any underlying motivation of wanting to get a good grade or because I was simply asked to do so.  I read it because I genuinely wanted to read the book out of my own sheer will. This time, I was a little older than I had been four years ago and the person I had become was definitely nothing close to that of the carefree thirteen-year-old who had absolutely no care in the world. I was at a crossroads in life, facing an existential crisis in terms of my career choice after high school and was undergoing an immensely stressful time grappling with the pressures of being an Indian high school student whose life and future solely depended upon on how well my twelfth grade board exams would take off.

Tuesdays With Morrie is a memoir that delves into the relationship between Albom and his college professor Morrie Schwartz, with whom he reconnects many years after college when he finds out that Schwartz was suffering from ALS syndrome. This results in Albom spending every tuesday with his professor which leads them to having engaging discussions about various concerns in life such as forgiveness, regret, sadness, and, of course, the fear of death.

While these fears were already plaguing my mind, it was the fear of regret which topped my list, especially with reference to my career choice. However, later on when I looked back at my high school experience I realised that more than having regrets, I would end up missing the lessons I had learnt from my teachers, who were not just responsible for guiding us academically but were also deeply involved in guiding us through life by striving to make us better human beings.

As I slowly transitioned into college, I recognised how important these mentors were in the years to come. Their distant yet familiar voices would still guide me irrespective of the problems that I was facing or a new situation that I was unsure about. While I used to distinctly remember their advice and follow it sincerely during the first few months of college, gradually over time their voices started fading away as I had started making sense of the world through my own lens and newfound experiences.

However, one day as I was going through an extremely vulnerable phase of my life, I took a walk down memory lane to try and remember the person that I used to be. As I started searching for answers it dawned upon me that apart from my parents, it was my teachers in psychology and sociology who were somehow always present during all the major milestones during my teenage years. Whether it was encouraging me to open up in front of a large crowd, challenging myself more without underestimating my abilities,  being open to new experiences, not being afraid of having strong opinions, or coming out of my awkward shyness, they instilled an unwavering confidence in me that helped me overcome difficult situations on my own. By sharing interesting anecdotes from their lives and being painfully honest through their stories, they taught me not to be judgemental, to always be patient and understanding and more importantly, to always recognize the good in everyone and be optimistic no matter how cynical life got. Just like how Morrie used to be with Albom even during the last stages of his life.

Today when I look back, I can proudly say that I am extremely grateful to have had these mentors in my life. Even though it is difficult for us to keep in touch regularly like Mitch and Morrie, the often lesser-known life lessons that I learnt from my mentors have helped me grow from a pensive, under-confident kid to a strong and independent girl. Although most of us meet these mentors during school or college, it is absolutely possible for us to meet them at any juncture of our lives, and sometimes when we least expect it. They happen to be one of the most compassionate and generous people who have served as a guiding force for millions of other people, before and after us,  who still require them just as much as we do. On account of this, it is very important to acknowledge their presence and seriously imbibe the lessons that we learn from them,especially because of the limited time that we share we them.

When I often think of my teachers, especially the ones who were present during my last two years in high school, I only remember a lot of love, kindness, and empathy in their unconventional yet hard-hitting life lessons, which have always stayed with me since then. Apart from making high school a better place to be in by letting us enjoy the last two years without getting completely getting sucked into the academic pressure, they not only made learning fun but also went out of their way to prepare us for the real world that we were going to step into very soon. More importantly, they gave me the strength to constantly strive to be a better version of myself. Just like Morrie, they too have shaped my life in an unimaginable way and came into my life when I most needed them. I will always be forever thankful to have had the privilege of knowing them and will cherish all the wonderful memories and lessons I have learnt from them for the years to come.