#in my feels is wht

[cadaverkeys]

any1 else finding that theyve somehow unfollowed a bunch of people?? im currently on a path 2 re-follow a bunch of people that seem to have just been booted from my followers list and idk whyyyyy it happened in the first place

#rambles #SURELY I CANT HAVE BEEN SOFTBLOCKED BY THAT MANY PEOPLE #anyway if we were previously moots plz feel free to get in touch idk wht happened #SHUT UP BECAUSE YKNOW WHAT. I MIGHTVE ACCIDENTALLY UNFOLLOWED DURING APRIL FOOLS DAY BC OF MY FAT FINGERS #JUST SPAMMING THE PAW BUTTON AND ACCIDENTALLY SMACKING UNFOLLOW #SORRY

[lesbianuchiha]

wangxian baihe *the crowd goes fucking wild*

#myart #mdzs #wangxian #lan wangji #wei wuxian #mo dao zu shi #lesbian lan zhan is very near and dear to my heart. even like canon lwj pines like a stereotypical lesbian and i love it #wwx voice jiejieeee #lwj voice Oh I Can't Not Fuck Her #i have tons of thoughts on them at all points in time... #i think lwj is very androgynous... tall sharp jaw big hands #still easily mistaken for lxc #and wwx is Painfully Feminine at times as almost a mirror of jyl #bc her shijie always had fun with dressing up with her and how could she say no... #but after she comes back shes like ehhhh fuck it dresses however she wants. more “masculine cut” robes that hide her figure #but lwj finds her just as beautiful no matter wht she wears and its like. bdump. bdump. What The Fuck Are These Emotions Towards Lan Zhan #<- thought her feelings were girlbestie feelings but they were Please Look At Me I Love When You Look At Me You See Me emotions #wlwangxian

[bylertruther]

do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?

that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.

maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.

like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.

he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.

of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.

so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.

of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.

just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.

#will byers #byler #mine #long post #will #anyway. this is how i always interpreted the i hate WHO i am line especially in conjunction with the word ''mistake'' + being different #within the context of EVERYTHING that's happened to will and continues to happen to him and how unique it is to him in this narrative #bc rly. if you were will.... wouldn't you feel like a mistake? even outside of that outside of the supernatural i'm speaking to my #friends that have ''Something Wrong'' with them. when something happens to you and you're not the same after and you're surrounded #by people who are able to move on and be normal—don't you ever have those moments where you feel like a mistake? when you're #growing up and still interested in your same old interests but your friends start moving on and then you see that they went back to #those interests in your absence—don't you feel like you were the problem then? when people are able to be brave and you can't #find it within yourself to overcome your fear—don't you hate that feeling? don't you feel that negativity towards yourself when you #know that you SHOULD do something but you can't bring yourself to and it works against yourself? like. everything that has happened #to will E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!! can easily make anyone no matter what part of him you relate to the most understand that #u kno wht i mean? anyway. i jus wanted to bring this up bc his life is a fucking tragedy even without the gay stuff n his current pov on th #and the way that That conversation always centers on fear and bravery it's like. obviously being gay is not easy in that era but i don't #think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further #as well as with how he does want mike to know and his alan turing poster and his talk with jonathan etc etc #his conflict has always centered around how other people treat him and his issue with that bc that's what makes him feel bad #that just because he's different that doesn't mean that he's Different and must be treated as such #he's different and has people that make him feel BETTER for it like look at s2 for example all of those talks abt using what he perceives #as a weakness abt himself as a strength that no one else can bring to the table. and in s3 when he still believed in being a nerd #and never getting girlfriends etc but when it came from mike thts when he called himself stupid n started down this path bc now #there's that sprinkle of doubt. n tht doubt is the scariest thing in the world—understandably so #also. he literally has an evil monster in his brain like bdkfjhsbkdjhfbskj IT'S JUST A LOT. #he is different for many reasons and has even more reasons to hate Who he is the kind of person that he is #jus my take 😁👍

[scribblersobia]

My past self asked me: And, what will you never do again?

My present self replied: I will never ''IGNORE MY GUT FEELING'' again!

@scribblersobia

#gut is always right #ik wht u feel about me...so don't lie #gut is great #life lessons #my life lessons #i was stupid to ignore my gut but now i have learnt my lessons #me to my gut: what ever you say princess #poets on tumblr #spilled words #poetryportal #writerscreed #poeticstateofmind #poeticstories #scribblersobia

[boyghcst]

​idk not being able to trust ur own memories thoughts and feelings and constantly second guessing everything u think and do is no way to live

#idk but i feel like im always gaslighting myself n idek whts real or true or right. thoughts w past bad experiences #like I’ve just completely forgotten them. n idk ive had dissociative amnesia growing up w trauma #n it kinda feels like it’s the same thing where i just can’t remember like for so long it was the only thing keeping me up at night #and it makes me feel like a fraud. #I do doubt myself alot. like i always rhink in the bad person and in the wrong from bad experiences I’ve had w ppl #but like what if im not acc wrong n tht they were just harmful n i was struggling w it idk. #i hate thinking of myself as a victim and think im far more likely just a bad person #but everyone around me thinks the exact opposite even therapist so idk it’s like my own perception is so different to others #journal

[24-0z]

Neil doesn't get sick very often, so when he finally catches the bug that had been going around campus, he's suddenly 8 years old again, sweating and trembling with fever as his coughs make his insides hurt and his headache makes everything in the room dizzy. He feels so bad he thinks he may be crying a little, it's hard to tell.

They are in the basement of an old French motel and his mother went away to go look for medicine to give him before leaving again. It's the second time he had gotten sick while they were on the run.

And you see, Neil was a big boy, he could handle himself just fine being alone.

It didn't make a diference since nothing prepared him for the bone deep longing that coursed through his body with the need of his mother's love and care in that moment. It was absolute. There's no way to explain that kind of need, like it's something so basic your instinct has it branded in fire, the need for your mother to hold you and to trust her to take care of you and make things feel better. It's complete helplessness and devotion in the form of love, it was terrifying and would get them both killed. It did kill her in the end.

He could see that same need reflected in the way his mother acted when she came back, the way she approached him and lightly scolded him, the way her hand would smooth over his forehead to his curls with concern, how eventually she would finally get into bed with him and cuddle his feverish form from behind whispering nothings of comfort in his ear. "It's okay darling, you're fine, you're fine"

"Mom it hurts..."

"I know it hurts baby but try to sleep, when you wake up you'll feel better"

"But mom... "

"Just go to sleep Abram, I'll be right here for you"

"Don't leave me, please"

"I'm not going anywhere, love"

That was the last time Neil had ever experienced unconditional comfort from his mother.

And now he's stuck in the present, feeling like a 8 year old kid again, wishing desperately for his mom to come back and never leave him alone again. To hug him against her chest, pet his hair and blow his nose and to tell him she loves him until her body warmth somehow cools the freezing cold, deep in his heart.

He feels so bad.

It's a pitiful feeling, it kinda sucks.

#i am currently sick so this happened #my mom used to travel away for work so this is basically my experience of wht you feel when you're sick and mom is not there #its kinda sad but there's nothing you can do abour it #angst #aftg #all for the game #aftg headcanon #the foxhole court #neil josten #andreil #aftg neil #aftg series #aftg mary #mary hartford #being sick #andrew minyard

[sodiumvaporss]

THIS LINE ESPECIALLY ^^^^ BECUASE OKAY HE WAS NEVER INTO ANYTHING BECUASE IT WASNT SAFE!!! BECAUSE HE NEVER FELT LIKE HE COULD HAVE ANYTHING, BECAUES HE NEVER FELT LIKE HE BELONGED YK

this one. sobbingggn

^^^ LIKE OKAY DID NIALL EVER DREAM ANYTHING FOR DECLAN. DID RONAN EVER DREAM ANYTHING FOR HIM. HE DREAMT THINGS FOR ADAM AND GANSEY (AND STATED THAT HE TRIED FOR BLUE DURING TRK) AND DREAMT MATTHEW, BUT AFAIK HE NEVER TRIED FOR DECLAN.

FROM THE MOMENT HE MEETS MATTHEW HE ALREADY HAS RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIM - DONT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS SECRET LIKE. RONAN NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF MATTHEW YK YK

screenshots from a raven cycle holiday short - maggie stiefvater! read it here

#trc #declan lynch #ronan lynch #DO I MAKE ANY SENSE #im so normal about my guy #AND LIKE OKAY RONAN DIDNT FEEL LOVED ENOUGH BY DECLAN #OK ITS BECAUSE RONANS LANGUAGE IS BODY LANGUAGE #PHYSICALITY AND SUCH RIGHT THINGS HE CAN SEE #AND DECLAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO PERFECTLY BLANK #HES SO QUIEET BOUT WHT HE DOES YK #WHICH GOES RIGHT PAST RONAN BECAUSE HES VERY VISUAL AND ACTION BASED YK #DHZJKDJFLKRKKLDJF

[zaruba-needslove]

No one:

Me: Let me keep record of the list of stuff available to order at Keiwa's fav soba shop, so anyone can use these for their fics...

From right to left: (At least the ones I can read atm)

Kake - Soba noodle dish made by pouring hot dashi-based soba soup over boiled soba noodles with a sliced scallion garnish.

Tanuki - Kake soba with a layer of tenkasu (tempura bits) on top of the noodles and soup (in Osaka, this was called Haikara soba)

Kitsune - Kake soba topped with aburaage, a lightly sweet, deep-fried tofu pocket (in Osaka, this was called Tanuki soba)

Tsukimi - Kake soba noodles topped with raw egg (that'll become poached inside the hot broth)

?toji

Okame - soba dish that resembles the okame face — a bamboo shoot is the nose and the two kamaboko (cured surimi) are the eyes; soba with Yuba (dried tofu skin), tamagoyaki, shiitake mushroom, kamaboko, bamboo shoot, seaweed, spinach

Okametoji - Okame soba with egg on top

Yama??

Chikara udon - Hot udon noodle soup topped with mochi

Yamakake (Tororo) - Kake soba topped with pureed yamaimo (mountain yam). Often served with raw quail eggs

Tempura Soba - Kake soba topped with deep-fried tempura shrimp and vegetables (Originally topped with chopped scallops and shrimp kakiage)

Mori - cold soba served in a bowl with the noodles submerged in the broth (served in small portions)*

Oomori - Mori soba served in normal portions

Zaru - soba served on a bamboo tray with soy dipping sauce on the side

Tenzaru - a dish that combines two classic Japanese favourites: tempura seafood and vegetables, and zaru-style cold soba served on a bamboo dish

??Tenzaru

??yashiyama??

*I guess it's like boat noodle. Come to think, Ace did have mori soba on that one episode... early on the Creation Arc.

#fic ref #kamen rider #kamen rider geats #soba #food #lol #anyone wanna help with the ones I dunno feel free to comment #haha gosh... I might end up rewriting some details on my fics cos of this #i mean like... what kind of dish Miichi or Neon would like #cos I don't think there's anything with beef... or cat theme #actually I feel like Miichi gonna get chikara udon #and got scolded abt wht you'd order udon at a soba shob #michi: but it's in the menu! #kei: but this is a soba shop! #*shoves okame soba to Michi's face #michi: hey! are you saying my face looked like that #kei: sure do~

[shibuiking]

I found you via tumblrs orbit system and you sounded kinda nervous about your ocs, so I’m gonna appear in your askbox and shout “yaaaay ocs!”

a idk if its nervousness per se and more just a combo of hope tht ppl will like+care abt them and me being awkward/not knowing what to say (but 40k ppl have been super nice ive never actually had ppl care abt my ocs before outside of my close friends ToT and they arent into 40k)

anyway. um yeah. ty tho 🥺 i rly appreciate it

#i also never make oc lore so this is a first for me so its also 'if i get any lore stuff wrong im killing myself' and thats wjhy i read #so many books beforehand lmfao #anyway. #admech is fun bt im a hardcore undead fan and my sona has been a zombie for like ~10yrs now and yea i guess im otherkin as well or whatever #so necrons jst have way more to chew on for me past just enjoying the aesthetics and broad philosophy #also mr nate crowley liked one of my tweets where i was gushing over tdk again and wht undeath means as a concept which was Insane Feeling #since i hadnt actually namedropped the book title or anything #comrade crowley understands the power of change and compassion in death #....................anyway #some of those tomb kings minis tempt me terribly #this is wildly offtopic #nedsha is my babyu its like showing baby photos ok if ppl dont like him ill blow the building up or whatever #i did make and convert one friend into 40k as well tho thats been fun #arv if ur reading this im talking abt u #sorry this is mad long i always think of a million things to say afterwards and i have an extension tht lets me add tags without- #editing the post

[bitchfitch]

on one hand its nice that the Prozac is doing it's thing and letting me feel emotions again. on the other I would like to stop crying multiple times a day and being in a constant state of anxiety as I finally start being able to give a shit about how bad I've let things get and begin like, processing everything that got bottled up in the last few years.

#hi im in the Bad part of recovery right now. the part where everything Feels worse than it did before bc you arnt numb anymore #but anyways im getting help. #In January im going to open comms to start saving up for like. idk wht i need. help with the hoarding situation i guess. #prolly gonna go stay with my mom for a bit too and will need to board my cats bc like. idk #its getting to the point where im suicidal again and shouldn't be on my own #like no plan or intention. just the nagging feeling. if you know you know. #anyways i plan to fully disassociate from the situation and burry my woes in blorbos so idk #expect things to be exactly the same as they have been but maybe more annoying #also sorry this is still my diary

[xamaxenta]

Scowling cuz i wanna draw Ace super good and the way i draw him currently lacks something and idk what that is

#i look at everyone elses Ace art and im like 🥺 wow!!!!! #that is the feeling im looking for #not the whole wow thing but like the sensation of relief and joy??? #lmao #peeling back at my skill like bro when r we gettinf better #i wanna reach my peaAaak #ok but we all know whT i gotta do instead of complaining on tumblr dot com #💀 mahUwuairyoquweuo #noises #what is it that i need to do to improve……

[rottencore]

im very surprised how much oral meth is like adderall, I see why it's prescribed now orally (desoxyn) even though it's not popular

#Its smooth and not scary. I didnt smoke it though i just didnt feel like it #i tried it today and its really not that bad and tbh i almost prefer adderall as my stimulant #Anyway dont look at me weird im a psychonaut its whT i do Lol im a guinea pig

[bylertruther]

the usage of tentacles in stranger things is so graphic lol like 🤨 i know what u are, bro(s)......

#making them undulate and pump things and fucking . breed inside of ppl or whatever the fuck like hello for the love of god hello #and making it so that it IS henry. it's all Him. it's Always been him. a Man made monster. imposing his horde on innocent ppl #some of which were kids. and he calls himself a predator. like. HELLO?! #he's so yuckydisgusting and the fucking. jesus. the hellraiser inspo...... the primal fear inspo... #i go insane every time i think abt it all abt HIM he's so slimy....... (said while cackling evilly bc i can't wait for s5) 🔥😈🔥 #literally so fucking dark like. HELLO?! [ #thts why i scratch my head any time someone Still calls st a superficial flashy vapid show bc . literally what are u talking abt bro do u #not remember wht they did to my sweet boy william in seasons one and two................... the vine... the slugs.... the possession.... #do u not think tht has like. ramifications. are u new to horror ......... do u not Think abt the things u watch and consume do u not Listen #he wore that boy like a glove and will REMEMBERS he still FEELS it in his body he felt it EVERYWHERE he tried to make it STOP he said GO #AWAY it had FOLLOWED him not just after he came back but before then too and it KEEPS coming back i jus. to be a gay boy in #the eighties and have tht all done to you by a man. will who clings to his childhood and the time from 'before' it all went to shit #will who hides and doesn't tell ppl how he feels will who is coming into his own finally in the same season tht they wage the final war #against the great evil like. stranger things the show that you are will byers the character tht you are i lov u both sm . #henry who had his autonomy taken away from his and so he takes it away from others henry who perpetuates the cycle of abuse i jus. AHHHHHH #this show................ PHEW #csa tw #rape tw

[nerdblob]

when i read fics from fandoms, don’t ask me why idk, my brain automatically assigns a character and that is the only characters pov or centered fic that i will read for that fandom (most of the time)

its not that they’re like my favourite character in that media or anything its just like yep only this dude no one else - absolutely no clue why, truly

#like there could be so many good fics centred on different characters but i just like cant read them #it feels like wrong idk #it makes more sense if the media was a book and i can only read from the main characters pov #but whrn its a show im like wht tf did my brain choose this guy #im looking at u steve harrington #text post #marauders #remus lupin #harry potter #sirius black #james potter #peter pettigrew #remus #sirius #lily evans #marauders era imagine #marauders textpost #sirius orion black #remus john lupin #wolfstar #marauders fandom #marauders era textpost #ao3fic #ao3 fanfic #read on ao3 #archive of our own #stranger things fandom #steve harrington #spiderman #peter parker

[kokoeimikos]

they live in a spacious mansion alone inside my brain

#i usually wait a couple of days and look at it once a day or so #and if it starts looking bad/weird i just fix it #and i just cant wait that long i have to get them out into the world #anyway basically wht im saying is. i hope that i dont hate this tomorrow #i watched a youtube video to educate me on all angles of csp. and i feel educated. now. #its still pretty sketchy but iam not good at rendering ok </3 #anyways. kokoeula #kokoeula #kokomi #eula #photo #my art

[soplapinga]

Tw Suicidal ideation or something but like god I want to do it so bad right now

#dont even know why #my mom made me a cake today i just came back from going to the park w my boyfriend why I am feeling like this wht #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #nate rambles