#in a realer sense though i am also stressed as hell

[clumsyclifford]

hello my darling bella! i haven't send you an essay in a while so. hi 😌

firstly i have a book rec which i know doesn't make too much sense but just in case you find yourself needing a book i think you would really enjoy loveless and/or radio silence but alice oseman. both very much have a vibe of friendship is romance (or at least both are very focused on friendship) and that reminded me of you!

i also meant to ask if you watched falcon and the winter soldier yet? since all the eps are out?

have you ever listened to achilles come down? it's the current most likely candidate to become my most listened to song this year

how's the baseball season going? i only ever see bits of what you say in the club and it makes no sense to me so i thought i'd ask 🙈

ooh also i had a very interesting experience recently: was driving home and someone cut me off in a very shitty way and i honked at them. bc i am Me that was the first time in nearly 3 years of driving that i used the horn. so that was fun i'm very proud of it 😌

okii rambling time is over i love you!! -fiancee

hello my darling fiancee!!!

you know i have heard about alice oseman but i’ve never looked up these books. loveless really does look up my alley tbh i’m down to read that i love a friendship book esp if it’s also queer thank u for the rec

 ahahaah no i have not in fact watched it i have no excuse for why not. maybe later this week when i need a procrastination tactic i’ll put it on. i did finish watching new girl so now i have nothing to watch but then again i have been re-listening to the adventure zone which is Kind Of a thing, BUT that’s not a show i can watch so i am still seeking one of those. the only thing is tfatws is the kind of show i would have to like pay attention to and get invested in. usually i watch a sitcom so i can just like spend an easy ten or twenty minutes having a laugh. anyway point being i haven’t watched it, i know i should, i’ll get around to it eventually...probably

yeah i’ve heard it once or twice! it’s a good song idk it’s nothing special to me personally but i like it, i know a lot of people really like it, i know ainslee’s been listening to it a lot. very exciting for you though i love that for you it’s so nice finding a song like that

ahhh baseball season ! well. it is going. it is definitely going. at the current moment my team(s) are not uhhh. they aren’t THRIVING. nats played their (my) archnemesis team the ph*llies yesterday and the ph*llies won which was a real blow to my self-esteem but we’re playing them again today and i have all my fingers crossed i absolutely refuse to lose to that fucking blood traitor br*ce h*rper again i will rage. and today the mets beat the orioles SEVEN to one which is just tragic. to be fair though the orioles are not like a super good team and they’re also not My team the way the nats are but like, still a bummer, nobody wants to lose to the mets. bc like fuck the mets. real talk tho if the nats lose to the phillies again i will just die

hot damn!!!!!!! first time for everything!!!!! i love that for you lol i’ve used the horn a couple times it’s not my favorite but sometimes you just gotta. proud of you for sticking up for yourself and your car god i miss driving

thank u for the essay i have missed receiving them!!! love youuuu

#fiancee anon #REAL talk fiancee i am doing FUCKING fantastically #there are PLANS they are in MOTION #well. theyre not really in motion yet but they are PLANS #i guess they're kind of in motion in the sense that Tickets have been Purchased #sam is insane #it's gonna be a party this summer #in a realer sense though i am also stressed as hell #i have my stats final on tuesday but then my jewish activism final paper is due on thursday #and i am very very stressed about the stats final #and predict that i WILL have a crisis slash panic attack the way i had for the last one #fuck i never actually finished watching those lectures FUCK #ahem. anyway point being #i can't let the stats final stress overtake me because i NEED to start this paper before then #i can't write the whole thing in two days like i shoudlnt i dont want to #its a long paper and i dont wanna stress myself out like that #but also i dont know if ill be able to concentrate on trying to write the paper with all the stats final stress #i dont knowif im explainng this well #but basically maybe i am incapable of being extremely stressed about more than one thing at a time #it's one thing or NO things. i am just going to shut down #so like i'm doing better than ever but also so bad. SO bad #lmaoooooooo #BUT!!!!! happy news tonight i am going to applebees w friends to celebrate one of my friends finishing her thingy #idk some honors....something.....she wrote a play #but i am VERY excited for applebees because.......non-campus food............... #lava cake my beloved mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm #anonymous #ask #answered

[mortuarybees]

What other mitski songs do you relate to aziraphale/crowley?

anon god bless you for this question and for asking it at 4:30 am. i don’t know what youve seen so im just gonna list all of them and you’re getting a paragraph for each. you have no idea what youve asked me for i have been spiraling into christian angelology and yelling headcanons into my chat with @femmeaziraphale​ while they sleep for hours and i am Full Of Feelings about them and, always, about mitski

I Want You - THE quintessential Crowley Yearning song. Aziraphale is literally in the bookshop and Crowley is literally in the car and bursting at the seams with how much he loves him and how much he wants to say it and all the reasons he can’t. // “You're coming back / And it's the end of the world / We're starting over / And I love you darling / And I am done, dear / You're in the house / And I am here in the car / I just need a quiet place / Where I can scream / How I love you.”

I Will - okay. okay. so the cosmic truth of the matter is that crowley is constantly putting on a brave face because he thinks he has to, and because what aziraphale needs, often, is for crowley to allow him to be soft in the way heaven won’t. but crowley needs a place to lay his head down and rest, and i am convinced and you cannot change my mind that while crowley has been making grand romantic gestures for six thousand years, when aziraphale finally gets it together and lets himself express the love he feels, he’s the one who knows how to reach out and show crowley love in the small and gentle ways he needs and deserves. // “I will take good care of you / Everything you’ll feel is good / If you would only let you / I will wash your hair at night / And dry it off with care / I will see your body bare / And still I will live here ; Stay with me / Hold my hand / There's no need / To be brave / And while you sleep / I'll be scared / So by the time you wake / I'll be brave.”

Strawberry Blond - it‘s so them that i wrote a whole goddamn fic bc it made me so wild. They both love humanity, they love the world, and they love each other most of all, and so much of that love of Earth is tied up in what they get to experience with each other on it. and also, obviously, they are pining after each other for three whole millennia. They picture it soft, and they ache!!! // “I love everybody / Because I love you / I don't need the city, and I / Don't need proof / All I need, darling / Is a life in your shape / I picture it soft, / And I ache.”

Me and My Husband - does it need to be said? They’re sticking together, in this lifetime and every other. They bet everything--literally, everything--on each other. They both feel inadequate wherever they are; not a very good angel and not a very good demon, and neither of them entirely human. In Heaven or Hell, they are the idiot with the painted face in the corner taking up space, but with each other, they are loved, they are loved. “It's always been just him and me / Together / So I bet all I have on that / Furrowed brow / And at least in this lifetime / We're sticking together / Me and my husband.”

Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart - The Aziraphale Realization Song. Crowley waited six thousand years for Aziraphale to throw over Heaven, and come. Internalized homophobia Emotional abuse Brainwashing is a hell of a drug, but I truly believe that Aziraphale has been in love since the beginning, and he’s been cultivating that love for six thousand years waiting for the moment he could show it. // “There's nobody better than you / It took me a while till I knew / But you knew from the start it was us, didn't you? / It just took me a while till I knew / Now I lay as I study a blank wall / Would you spare me your voice if I call? / 'Cause you waited and watered my heart till it grew.”

Two Slow Dancers - two slow dancers is fundamentally about mortality and the passage of time, but in another, much realer sense, it’s about how Aziraphale and Crowley come together and go apart over six thousand years. They meet, and they remember suddenly every moment that came before, and then they have to part again. But they always return and return again because they are just two slow dancers! The last ones out! // “It's funny how you always remember / And we've both done it all a hundred times before / It's funny how I still forget ; But as it is and it is / We're just two slow dancers, last ones out / We're two slow dancers, last ones out.”

Pink in the Night - okay like it’s literally about someone so in love that they’re glowing with it and does that not describe every single expression they have when they look at each other. This song feels particularly ‘that trope where Aziraphale and Crowley kiss, but because they are incapable of communicating like normal people they agree that it was a mistake or they’re drunk and pretend they don’t remember it and ignore it for centuries convinced that it meant nothing to the other.’ This is the whole damn song. // “I glow pink in the night in my room / I've been blossoming alone over you / And I hear my heart breaking tonight / Do you hear it too? / It's like a summer shower / With every drop of rain singing / "I love you, I love you, I love you” / I could stare at your back all day / And I know I've kissed you before, but / I didn't do it right / Can I try again, try again, try again / And again, and again, and again? 

Washing Machine Heart - Crowley is extremely ‘you want to perform valiant deeds to earn his admiration, to save him from certain death, to die for him, to die in his arms like a Spartan, kissed once on the lips.’ Crowley has been desperately in love for six thousand years and aware of every moment of it, and he is also very dramatic, and he is also very much under the impression that Aziraphale is in some way deluded about him, that he’s pretending that Crowley is someone he isn’t--that face he makes when Aziraphale says he forgives him even after he says he’s unforgivable by nature, how angry he gets when Aziraphale calls him nice. // “Baby, will you kiss me already, and / Toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart / Baby, bang it up inside. / Baby, though I've closed my eyes / I know who you pretend I am.”

Francis Forever - I think it’s very obvious that Aziraphale is most comfortable--only truly comfortable--when he’s with Crowley. He is enthusiastic and expressive with Crowley or talking about Crowley in a way he really isn’t with anyone else, and he’s fussy and bitchy with him in a way he isn’t with anyone else either because he’s comfortable showing the less pleasant parts of himself (of course, in both cases, when he’s under stress, he lets a bit more of himself through). And of course, Crowley doesn’t much care with God, or Hell, or humanity thinks about him, but he very much does care about what Aziraphale thinks of him. I think in both of their cases, they don’t really need the world to see them: they need someone to see them as they truly are, all their good parts and bad, and accept them for it, and love them for it. They don’t need the world’s approval, they just need to be known. “I don't know what to do without you / I don't know where to put my hands / I've been trying to lay my head down / But I'm writing this at 3 AM / I don't need the world to see / That I've been the best I can be, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me.”

It is now almost six am and there is a hellacious storm outside and the power has surged twice while i was writing this and i am absolutely wild!!

#thank you! #for this question! #ahhfhhh!!!!!!!! #henry speaks #good omens #mitski #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #Anonymous #jams