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iridescentmirrorsgenshin · 2 months

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This is an analysis of Kaveh and Alhaitham’s argument posted on the Port Ormos bulletin board!! Because it is crazy actually!!

I think this exchange of theirs out of the three posted throughout Sumeru is particularly interesting, and this is due Alhaitham openly expressing that Kaveh does not understand what Alhaitham is really trying to say to him: “I have never denied what you meant, but you don’t understand what I am saying to you at all.”

This exchange is relevant in various ways in exploring the motif of communication. As according to their usual rapport, the two disagree over their differing philosophies, as in sensibility versus rationality, however, Alhaitham’s particular concerns in Kaveh spending his money on “nonsense” highlights the underlying reason for this exchange. From this comment, the argument is recontextualised through Alhaitham’s intention for getting involved, as Kaveh prompts the workmen to take his money in order to help them out.

When Alhaitham states that this is a meaningless action due to the inevitability of people rising or falling on their own accord, rather than solely critiquing Kaveh’s “impulsiv[e]” altruism, as Kaveh interprets, Alhaitham is directly contradicting his own comment – as he is interfering on Kaveh’s decisions.

As concern is evidently the intention behind his interference, Kaveh cannot perceive this, and instead attempts to critique Alhaitham’s perspective in return, although Alhaitham states: “Make no mistake. I have never denied what you meant…” This response asserts that Alhaitham does not deny, but rather agrees with, Kaveh’s statement of “mutual assistance, fairness, and righteous anger” driving the world.

In lieu of this, rather than continuing the argument, Alhaitham claims that there is no point to it, as Kaveh does not understand what he is saying, as in, Kaveh does not understand that his intentions in interfering are out of concern. He follows this up, regardless, by criticising Kaveh’s handling of his budget, as, evidently, Kaveh has offered to give his own money to these workmen, and refuses to pay for Kaveh’s drinks for that month.

For Alhaitham, Kaveh’s lack of self-prioritisation leads him to impulsive altruistic acts which serve to jeopardise his own position, particularly regarding money. If Kaveh can afford to give away money, he can afford to pay his own tabs, is the takeaway from this exchange. Although, similarly to the exchange between them posted in Puspa’s Café, this applies to one particular month, insinuating that Alhaitham will continue to pay for next month’s tabs of his own accord.

The main argument, as well as the disagreement over the speaker of Kaveh’s quote, serves as a humorous exchange, but as a motif for communication it acquires a new meaning. The two hold perspectives which contrast the other which puts them on unequal footing, demonstrated within the argument over the speaker of Kaveh’s quote. Although it is not disclosed who is actually in the right, both are convinced of their respective viewpoint. There is an element missing here, a potential solution to this problem, and it lies within the idea of “correctness” established within A Parade of Providence.

The omission of there being an objective, correct answer to this particular debate serves as a parallel to their conflicting viewpoints, with the basis of their exchange being to “prove” to the other their “correctness” – here, it is in regard to Kaveh.

However, “correctness” being the basis of their exchange, and thus, relationship, is challenged with Alhaitham shutting down the initial debate due to Kaveh’s misunderstanding of his meaning. Correctness, then, and its importance, is called into question within this exchange, with Kaveh being the one to chase it; his last message being that he would “prove” himself to be right.

At the core of this bulletin board exchange is the idea that Alhaitham harbours an alternative ‘meaning’ than the one that Kaveh assigns to him: “… you don’t understand what I’m saying to you at all.” This is a meaning which Kaveh cannot perceive due to his current understanding of Alhaitham. This represents the standing of their current relationship, where Kaveh believes Alhaitham holds him in disdain, although this belief is incongruous with Alhaitham’s actions which show his care for Kaveh.

In these instances of communication through the Bulletin Boards, it is interesting to note that Kaveh is revealed to have been drunk and “scribbling” on these notice boards, and hopes that Alhaitham does not know.

Although this is a humorous detail, it adds another layer to the unreliability of their method of communication, as Kaveh has no recollection of these exchanges with Alhaitham, and therefore could not have properly interpreted Alhaitham due to an altered state of mind. It is uncertain whether Alhaitham is aware of Kaveh’s being drunk whilst responding to him, or whether he is believed to have been lucid, which creates another element of unreliability in their exchanges.

Alhaitham understands Kaveh’s thinking and the reasons for why he acts as he does, but he cannot articulate his concern in a way that Kaveh will understand, both out of Kaveh’s incapability of receiving goodwill, but also due to his logical manner of expression. Kaveh perceives Alhaitham’s concealed expressions of concern as personal gripes and criticisms of his beliefs, and therefore believes that their relationship is based on the scholarly principle of proving the validity of one’s philosophies.

The Port Ormos Bulletin Board reinforces the core essence of their relationship: Alhaitham is invested in a personal regard, whereas Kaveh cannot see this due to his perception of Alhaitham and Alhaitham’s inability to communicate in a way Kaveh would understand.

(Update: For more analyses like this, the essay this is taken from is now uploaded! It can be accessed here and here as as a pdf <3)

#i have analysed the other two bulletin exchanges as well!!#but this one has stood out to me the most ever since i read it #alhaitham has expressed to kaveh at least twice that kaveh misunderstands him #this occassion and in a parade of providence with: the issue we’re debating has long since moved on from whos right or wrong #or something of that accord #but will kaveh ever hear this if alhaitham doesnt express this in a way that cannot be misunderstood #also i love the incessant mention in all of the sumeru posts that alhaitham pays for kavehs tabs #not just his drinks but everything on a bill #and whenever they have a clash like this alhaitham drops a month and then picks up every other month #kaveh how are you seeing that he really doesnt have to do that #the line: you dont understand what im saying to you at all is so CRAZY to me and it HAUNTS me because isnt that it??#isnt that the core issue???? or one of them at least plsss they have so many #the essay editing is coming along!! thank you for your patience!! its the longest essay ive written :((#alhaitham #haikaveh #kaveh #kavetham #haikaveh meta

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iamthedisorder · 1 year

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Ich weiß genau,

dass ich gerade überreagiere, und total viel hineininterpretiere. Glaub mir, das ist auch schlimm für mich, weil ich mich nicht bremsen kann, obwohl ich dich doch eigentlich nicht verlieren möchte, nicht verletzen möchte, nicht falsch behandeln möchte.

- iamthedisorder

#borderline #bpd #svv #bps #poesie #missbraucht #sad #sv #selfhate #depression #traurig #ptbs #allein #impulsiv #Schmerz

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eee-lordy · 2 months

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Hiiii! Can you write about jacob elordi x fem reader who is in charge of the makeup and outfits on saltburn or elvis?

Maybe there is a video going viral where he is looking at her (WITH THOSE PUPPY DOG EYES HAHSHAJDVDSJ IM GONNA EAT HIM) while she is doing his make up and she is clueless, yk those videos where the music is lana del rey and the caption is like "me when im literaly obsessed with her" or "when hes completely in love with u>>>>>"

And when that goes viral, the cast teases him and they go on a date?

Idk i think its cute :3

───※ ·❆· ※───

You were never one to get star struck. In the year and a half you'd been professionally applying makeup to the mugs of many stars, you'd been unfazed by celebrities captivating auras. You hardly blushed when Chris Pine tried asking you out as he sat in your makeup chair. You'd laughed in understandable assurance as Billie Eilish apologized for almost knocking your powder kit from your grasp; when her brother burst in the room to surprise her. You saw your clients as just that, people who trusted you to properly apply blush and fake scars.

But all the composure you'd been proud to claim went out the window when you'd been assigned to work with the cast of Sofia Coppola new film. You hadn't expected to lose your cool. In fact, you'd been rolling your eyes as the hair stylist that shared your caravan had droned on and on about this new Elordi fellow and how dreamy he was. Some of the other workers in the hair and makeup department parroted her yearning for the guy. But you were certain you'd remain calm and cool in this supposed deities presence.

And then he sat down in your chair. And he looked up to you with an intriguing set of droopy dark eyes. And you knew Jacob Elordi was about to be a real problem for you.

It wasn't his fame. You weren't swept up by his essence because of the collective crowd on the internet drooling over the guy. It wasn't even his magnetism. Because he did have a lot of that, you wavered it was necessary to survive fame. But it was more the way he would look up at you from that make up chair. With those dumb stupid big beautiful eyes. And his smile that followed. And then the infuriating way he'd start conversations with you, those first few days on set.

"What'd you have for breakfast this morning?" Jacob would wonder, watching as you readied a sponge. You would answer and ask for his in return. He would mention stopping by a cafe earlier and go on to ask you where you grew up and if you liked it there and what the best book you've ever read was called.

"You've got to stop chatting away, makes it hard to do your touch up's." You'd smile, reaching out to adjust Jacobs perfect fucking face so you could work on his brows.

"Sorry." He breathed out, seemingly genuinely guilty. He went on explaining himself still, slowly as you continued to do your job. "Don't like awkward silence. Or bullshit small talk. Getting to know you seemed like the safest route. Since you'll be covering the dark circles under my eye's this whole shoot."

You laughed in understanding before announcing that you got it, and waved over the hairdresser on site today.

"Wait, before you go, that book you mentioned..." Jacob pointed your way as you turned for closing up your kit of brushes. Then you watched as the guy wrestled his cellphone from his jacket pocket. "Here," Jacob said, extending the device your way. "Write the title in my notes app. I will forget, but I don't want too. It sounded properly readable."

"Oh." You turned your lips down in a twisted grin of surprise. As you took the device from Jacob's grasp, you felt a surge of gratification that the guy trusted you enough with his phone let alone wanted to read a book you mention not having read since uni.

Not missing the way the hairdresser rolled her eyes, you grinned and found Jacobs notes app with ease, straining not to glance beyond your means. With the press of a few buttons you wrote down the title, and fought off the impulsive urge to include your very own phone number as well. That would be embarrassing, knowing full well this man would never call or text or probably even dare to glance your way beyond the makeup chair.

///

The next few weeks went by the same. Jacob would yammer away until you almost had to hold his mouth shut to finish his makeup. And you would fill the silence by telling stories of your own, because he'd mentioned he wasn't fond of silence and you knew your job went beyond applying lip liner, it was also to keep celebrities happy as royalty.

And all the while you blinked away thoughts of how funny he was. How beautiful Jacob was. You wouldn't let yourself realize he was exactly your type. You wouldn't let yourself dream that you might be his. You simply relished the times you made him laugh. Once you made him laugh so hard he cried, tear tracks ruining the powder you'd only just applied.

The hairdresser who was the leader of fawning over Jacob as soon as he left the room had taken to frowning in your direction most days. You reckoned it was because she'd never been able to make him laugh that hard, or at all, ever. And the stories she told him when he asked her to seemed to lose his interest halfway through every time. Try as Jacob might, you saw his eyes glaze over as the hairstylist droned on about her retirement plan or the grocery list she'd put together that day.

After acknowledging her sorry excuse for conversation Jacob would stop you from packing up and heading to lunch so he could ask you for more books to read, more films to watch, more stories from you. Then his assistant would interrupt, or he'd be called to set and you'd be left to head to the craft table with dangerous feelings of lust and intrigue to push away. You would not let this boy break you of your career long streak of professionalism, damn it.

///

One night, in the middle of a week break from set, you spent an evening scrolling mindlessly. When a tiktok with Jacob's name in the tags popped up, you scrolled away at the speed of light. You didn't let yourself linger too long on posts with him there, not wanting to know anything good bad or otherwise so long as you were assigned to work with him on this project. But it wasn't long before another tiktok popped up featuring the guy in a very familiar setting. He was too famous at this point. You watched as you saw leaked footage from behind the scenes of Priscilla, but weren't too shocked. The stars of the film were occasionally being interviewed by publicists between takes to document their experience, beginning to promote the film.

And maybe you let yourself keep watching out of a sense of entitlement, you'd been working on this set. You could watch a video of Jacob from work, right? You couldn't tear your eyes from him no matter how hard you tried now anyway. You watched as the person holding the camera zoomed in on the guy while he adjusted his suit jacket. You watched as he seemed to talk to the costars at his side. You watched as he looked up and smiled. And you couldn't help but melt a little at the sight, he seemed so happy, so at ease. And then you watched as Jacob's grin widened as he waved someone closer. And much to your horror, you saw yourself step into frame.

You remembered that day, where you waited on the side lines to fix Cailee's eyeliner. While the director was storming up a new camera angle, Jacob waved you over to mention the last chapter of your favorite book he'd almost finished reading. He was laughing over a bit that you'd warned him about the week before. And you were laughing over how excited he was about it, finally having someone to gush over your favorite plot with.

Now, huddled beneath the blankets of your bed, you slammed your phone down at your side, bewildered to know someone had caught your interaction on camera. Raddled to have just seen Jacob lighting up at the sight of you. Angry at yourself for hopping you'd read his body language in a way that suggested he really liked you that much.

When you picked your phone back up, you watched the candid moment over and over, trying to debunk Jacob's smile. Trying to convince yourself he was only being friendly, only cared because he had to find someone to mingle with during down beats.

And then you read the comments.

"If Jacob smiled at me like that, I would die."

"Imagine making him laugh like that she's so lucky."

"Who is she??" One comment read. "Her last name will be Elordi if he hasn't married her already, calling it." Someone replied.

You shouldn't have read the comments.

///

When you were due back on set you swallowed away the excitement bubbling up in you at the prospect of seeing Jacob again. This was so unlike you, to be awaiting the arrival of your client with an embarrassing giddiness. As you reminded yourself that this was your job and Jacob was simply a guest in your makeup chair- the man himself eased into the caravan, ready to get ready for the day.

"Hey, you! I had a bunch of points earned up to get two free coffees so I brought you one. I remember you said you like almond milk so I asked for that." Jacob was all smiles as he extended a latte to you. Awe fuck.

"Thank you, Jacob." You struggled not to sigh with angst as you accepted his very generous surprise. Luckily, he seemed none the wiser that you'd answered through gritted teeth. He just kept smiling as he headed to your chair.

"Oh, me first today lovie. Need to start your dye straight off, you're little makeup girlfriend will have to wait." The hairdresser announced, daring to grab Jacob by his sleeve, yanking him toward her end of the trailer. The other workers around rolled their eyes, sick of her endless commentary. You bit your tongue as you leaned against the counter, shaking your head when a coworker scoffed in the hairdresser's direction. Luckily, Cailee waltz in, ready for you before anyone else. You thanked God for the distraction, readying your brow pencil and chatted to the girl about her break from set.

All the while, your least favorite coworkers voice demanded to be the loudest in the room. She made everyone listen to some boring ass story and practically whinnied when Jacob got up to trade Cailee places.

"No offence, you're fine and all, just don't have hair as silky smooth as Jacob's." The hairdresser told Cailee but made sure her comment was loud enough for everyone to hear. "Oh wait, silly me,"

As Jacob settled in the makeup chair and began to ask if the drink he'd brought you was good, the hairdresser of your nightmares shoved her way between you and the person you were meant to be working on.

"I left of a bobby pin, how'd I forget," She droned in an annoying pitch, nearly shoving you over in her attempt to get closer to Jacob.

"Can you please get out of my space?" You called, annoyed that she was pushing you away from your station without a single polite excuse.

"Can you please stop being such a jealous bitch?" The hairdresser whipped to face you with a manic smile.

"Oh my God?" You almost laughed in shock at her comment when another coworker dared to reach out and pulled her away, and out of the trailer. Another hairdresser apologized to the room for the previous girl's behavior and stepped up to lead charge of Cailee's wig.

With no time to shake the rage that had been born in you, you pushed it down, biting your lip hard as you went about finding the right sponge for Jacob's foundation.

"Are you okay?" He asked, seemingly worried. And that pissed you off too. Why'd he have to act like he cared so much? Why'd he have to be so damn wonderful?

"I'm fine. Thank you again for the coffee, it...is kind of bitter but it was a really sweet gesture, I swear. Close your eye's please." You responded as calm and cool as possible.

"Bitter... sweet..." Jacob winked, just for you to see. It was the best thing you'd ever witness. And the worst all the same. You were sure you blushed. You tilted his chin and struggling to suppress how much you'd miss when you didn't get to be this close to him. He stayed quiet as you finished his face, and so did you. When his makeup was done, almost everyone else had left the trailer. The last remaining beautician was walking out as you'd closed the case to your kit.

"I thought you didn't like awkward silence." You dared to mention, as Jacob stood to leave. It wasn't like you'd thought to ask. It was just a thought that ended up blurted out. And then you were bold enough still to look up and right at the guy with those perfectly shaped eyes to find he'd already been staring right at you.

"S'not so awkward with you."

You really wish he hadn't said that. You really wished you'd never prompted him too. You really wished he wasn't still standing there looking across the features of your face like he was waiting on you to respond. There was a knock on the door just in time, and a voice calling for Jacob to hurry to set.

"I'll see you after lunch, right?" Jacob wondered as he moved toward the door. You muttered something like "Yeah sure," as you turned to start collecting your things. As far as Jacob knew you were headed to the craft table. But as your feet started marching out of the trailer, you found yourself headed toward the manager of the crew you'd been hired in with. You explained to her that you really thought it was best you turned in your resignation.

You'd never dared yourself to tread the line during work. Never been so enamored with someone you were meant to be professional with. It wasn't in your best interest to see how far this went. And it wasn't in Jacobs best interest that you kept lingering around distracting him with stories and novel suggestions.

So, on a decided whim, you packed your things, swallowed frustrated tears, and headed home for good.

///

You let yourself be mad once your front door was shut and locked. You threw away the stupid coffee Jacob bought you. You turned the telly off and tossed the remote toward the hardwood when Euphoria came on. You muttered and cursed and slammed cabinets as you made a carb heavy comfort meal and called your best friend.

The day went on and turned to night as you tried to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You began getting ready for bed, talking yourself into sleeping off all the weird feelings and events that had transpired today. Tomorrow, you'd find a new job and make sure to decline any with that one awful hairdressers name on the list of beauticians.

As you sat on the edge of your bed and set a reminder for yourself to job hunt tomorrow afternoon, a notification interrupted your typing.

Instagram was alerting you that one certain Jacob Elordi was sending you a fucking message. He'd followed you a couple weeks ago, when you handed him your phone to show him a picture of your beloved childhood pet. He scrolled away from it and found your handle to promptly pull up on his very own Instagram, following you with a smile.

Your eyes widened and your thumb worked faster than your brain, clicking the popup before you could talk yourself out of it. Oh, shit now he was going to know you opened his fucking stupid ass message. You really wished you hadn't met this boy. He wasn't even here and he was torturing your every thought.

"You were NOT there after lunch as promised. Call me? xx"

Before your eyes displayed a row of numbers that if pressed would call Jacob Elordi's cell phone. You tried really hard to talk yourself out of it. But being away from him for the last ten hours had really done a number on your heart. It missed him more than your brain was afraid to admit. Your thumb clicked the numbers. Your phone started to ring.

After one buzz he answered.

"I got off set to hear you'd quit and left me to bear that horrid hairdresser without you? Was the coffee really that bad?" Jacob's voice crackled through the line, soft and saccharine. You chuckled morosely at his coffee joke before responding.

"No pleasant greeting. What if it wasn't me calling? What if it was some crazy fan girl?" You dared to venture.

"Are you saying you're not a fan of mine?"

You wanted to assure him that you were probably his biggest, but sighed in place of a response, struggling to choose your words.

"What happened? That hairdresser should be fired. You shouldn't've left." Jacob spoke, as you watched the traffic out your window and relished the sound of his voice in your ear.

"It..." You couldn't help it. You couldn't hide it any longer. "It wasn't really her. I quit because of you, Jacob."

"Me? I- I'm sorry I thought we-" He sounded too worried, and you realized you'd spoken a little too cryptically.

"Not because you did anything wrong." You hurried to explain, interrupting his unnecessary apology. "It's me, not you."

"Is this a break up? I never even got to ask you on a proper date." He laughed a humorless laugh.

"That's the thing." You said. "I like you way more than I should've ever let myself. It's too unprofessional for me to work with you and have these feelings. I'm sorry, I shouldn't even be telling you this. Everyone treats you like a piece of meat, I hate that I-"

"So... what I'm hearing..." Jacob's voice rose a bit as he interrupted you, catching your attention off guard. "Is that I can actually ask you on a proper date? And this doesn't have to be a break up at all."

"Oh! I- wait are you joking?" You blurted, shocked by the tone of his voice and the fact that it seemed like Jacob Elordi was asking you out.

"I like you too, dummy. I've been doing my damnedest to make that clear. You know I don't just follow every wardrobe artist on Instagram and bring camera men cafe treats. I used my free coffee on you! I'm so sorry it was no good though."

"It wasn't the worst coffee ever." You smiled, feeling a calm and hopeful buzz wash over you.

"Well, let me take you on a proper date, for a proper cup of coffee, and talk you back on set."

"I can date you, or be your makeup artist, but I will not allow myself to do both. I have a very strict moral compass as a working lady."

"I'll choose the first option then by a long shot." You could hear Jacob's smile in the tone of his voice. You let him ramble a little longer about the day he'd had and how bad he felt that you'd been moved to quit. He asked you to meet him at the cafe across from the set during lunch tomorrow, and you promised you would in fact show up without a doubt this time.

Fuck finding a new job tomorrow. You were going on an absolute dream date with Jacob. But you were most definitely ordering your own coffee.

#thanks nonny! this was really fun to write #jacob elordi fanfic #jacob elordi x reader #jacob elordi x fem!reader #jacob elordi

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seelenwindsblog · 8 months

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Ich handel immer wieder im Affekt, ich bin zu impulsiv und ich kann es nicht beeinflussen, kann es nicht kontrollieren und auch nicht ändern.

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the-monkey-ruler · 6 months

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And also to say (I think this was the author's intention too) It's interesting on how Wukong represents the mind, Tang Sanzang the heart and that each pilgrim a different thing from the human, also thanks for letting me know these things! :)

Oh course!! I'm glad that people are getting to know these more

Wukong = Mind / Impulsivness / Metal

Sanzang = Heart / Intelligence / Fire

Bajie = Body / Desire / Wood

Wujing = Emotions / Honesty / Earth

Bailong = Will / Determination / Water

These are definitely the most accepted and considered how Bajie, Wujing, and Wukong are connected to their elements in the poetry, and from the subject we are able to determine where they fit in the human body and mind. It does make it easier with Wukong literally being called Mind Monkey and Bailong Horse of Will so the rest of the places just fall in line. But there is so much symbolism and ideas that can be fit into this novel and it is mind-boggling how much deeper this novel is with each layer. Truly a wonderful and masterpiece of literature.

#anon ask #anonymous #anon #jttw #journey to the west #xiyouji #sun wukong #tang sanzang #monk tripitaka #sha wujing #zhu bajie #bai longma #also wukong = noble #sanzang = Gentry #bajie = peasant #wujing = craftsman #bailong = merchant #ask

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hammill-goes-fogwalking · 1 month

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coming: embarrassing but relatable, waaay too detailed German post, try your best to understand or you’ll miss something ^^ it’s about cognitive skills in neurodivergence aka autism ♾️

as much as it looks like it, I DO NOT MASK MY AUTISM (I don’t even have anything to hide, I dont do fidgeting & stimming at all) !!

… (es klingt wieder sehr überdramatisiert aber es stimmt halt, was kann ich tun)

je mehr Sprachen ich lerne desto mehr verschlechtert sich mein Deutsch… besonders seit Norwegisch und Finnisch, Estnisch :( whyyy

nie war ich die beste im Artikulieren aber NIE ZUVOR WAREN MEINE KOGNITIVEN FÄHIGKEITEN SO AM ENDE WIE JETZT. 😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

Beispiel:

jemand fragt mich ,,was last du letztes Wochenende gemacht? :D‘‘

mein brain:

*ich denke dran ich was ich wirklich letztes Wochenende gemacht habe, wie war es am Samstag? Tag? Hmm mein Leben lang sage ich Tag während andere päivä zur selben Sache sagen ok interessant, warte hieß es nicht auch mal päivää mit zwei Umlauten, ja stimmt hab ich letztens noch auf reddit gelernt…. NEIN KONZENTRIER DICH ES GEHT UM LETZTES WOCHENENDE… Ende der Woche- fin de semana, über das schrieben wir doch heute eine Klausur in Spanisch, unser Wochenende beschreiben….* *boah diese Klausur war der Albtraum, darüber kann ich die Person auch mal fragen, wie er. sie die Klausur fand* <- Frage aufgehoben falls Gespräch noch weiter geht ✔️

UND SCHON SIND MEINE GEDANKEN GANZ WOANDERS

*Erinnerungen aus diesem Wochenende passieren revue*

*ABER JETZT DENK NACH!! Wie soll ich diese 2 einhalb Tage in paar Wörtern zusammenfassen*

*jetzt versuche ich wirklich, eine NEUROTYPISCHE Antwort zu finden (eine, die in gut die Normen der heutzutage Jugendlichen passt, die nicht vermuten lässt dass ich neurodivergent bin ☺️)*

(ich neige dazu immer zu altmodische Sachen zu sagen die wirklich keiner hören will (Wörter wie ,,obgleich‘‘ bspw) dann muss ich mich erstmal in die Rolle der Gleichaltrigen hineinversetzen, wie hätte bspw einer meiner Mitschüler auf die Frage geantwortet??)

*was war jetzt mit meiner Antwort? langsam geht die Zeit aus, vielleicht ist die Person schon ungeduldig (ich verliere ja den Sinn für Zeit) ich muss schnell aus diesen tausenden Gedanken RAUS*

*Die Person schaut mich so erwartungsvoll an, ich muss eine gute Antwort geben um sie nicht zu enttäuschen* (<- Autismus) jetzt sage ich etwas total sinnloses, wie ,,naja, ich fand‘s gut nur hab viel zu wenig für die Klausur morgen gelernt, muss unbedingt heute anfangen!!‘‘

*Klang meine Stimme gerade lustlos? Wie fühlt sich der andere wenn ich rede? Hmm? Es ist bestimmt etwas falsch an mir, bestimmt*

*zwischendurch auf Körpersprache achten, zeige ich Gesten zu impulsiv oder total schüchtern oder sehen meine Gesten/Emotionen bissl gezwungen aus (-was eher zu mir passt) ?? Wenn ja, was denkt der die andere über mich??*

das war nicht genug, ich sollte die Person auch nach seinem, ihrem Wochenende fragen sonst sehe ich EGoiStiscH aus… aber ist es zu spät dafür? Was wenn ich jetzt noch was dazwischenlaber, wie würde das klingen?

*ALS WÄR DAS NICHT GENUG KOMMEN JETZT DIE ✨Vorwürfe✨: sehe ich heute socially acceptable aus? Vielleicht zu verschlafen? Vielleicht sind meine Haare durcheinander oder mache ich irgendwie eine ungepflegte Erscheinung, sehe ich posh aus? Andere sagten das mal über mich und kann an der posh-Sache was wahres dran sein?*

zu spät, die Person sagt schon irgendwas, alle Dinge die ich eig sagen wollte kann ich vergessen, na toll :D

*während der. die andere redet- so viel Augenkontakt wie möglich. Ich hab kein Problem damit aber manchmal (aka: zu oft) verliere ich mich darin und achte nicht mehr drauf was er. sie sagt*

*gebe ich mich gerade als positiv aus oder ist da eine pessimistische Energie um mich herum? (seeeehr oft denke ich das, schlimm schlimm)!! Bin ich genug am lächeln? Vielleicht sogar zu viel? Sieht es vllt schon idiotisch aus?*

*NEIN WARUM KANN ICH NICHT EINFACH ICH SELBST SEIN. WAAARUM.*

*HILFE ICH KANN MICH JA NICHT SELBST SEHEN*

bruh

an diesem Punkt ist -fast- Schluss, es ist sowieso schon genug wenn jemand das ganze gelesen hat :0

nur noch kurz die ❕traumatisierenden FOLGEN❕(extrem dramatisiert aber alles klar)

ich stottere also muss einzelne Wörter 2,3 mal wiederholen, korrigieren, manchmal mehrere hintereinander 👎🏻 wirklich

ich schmeiße die ganze deutsche Grammatik durcheinander 👎🏻 passiert immer öfter

ich hab AUF EINMAL einen random Akzent (judged mich nicht aber es klingt wie Norwegisch) 👎🏻

ich fange an Sachen zu labern ohne nachzudenken (um diese ^ Fehler zu kaschieren) 👎🏻

ich hab KEINEN BOCK MEHR AUF DAS ALLES UND FRAGE MICH WIE ES DER ANDERE ÜBERHAUPT NOCH MIT MIR AUSHALTEN KANN

(wenigstens laufe ich nicht rot an und zum Glück merkt man von diesen inneren Konflikten ,,draußen’’ nichts 👍🏻 (<- also das hoffe ich mal))

…

das letzte was ich tue ist zu denken ob es alles diese Mühe wert war, diese Person wird jedes Gespräch sowieso vergessen und ich mache mir diese ÄTZENDEN unnötigen neurodiversen Stressmachereien !!

#vielleicht hab ich heute auch einen schlechten tag aber das passiert halt 7 Tage die Woche und es macht mir langsam Angst #me #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autism #autistic #actually autistic #german stuff #deutsch #deutsches zeug #random mind

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kruemel8 · 9 days

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rosh literally said in ep1 that Wille is kind of impulsiv acting and Simon replied "i don't know" but he knows how impulsive he can be.. so i was thinking maybe he was trying to defend Wille here? Or maybe was telling himself that he can handle it?

I think it’s a mix of both things.

#simon eriksson #yr s3 spoilers #young royals

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jjmorelikeotp · 1 year

Text

Mir ist gerade was krasses aufgefallen;

Wenn man sich die drei Fragezeichen und ihre Dynamik ansieht, und sich fragt, warum dieses ganze Ding so funktioniert wie es tut, ist der einzige ,,Fall", den sie ,,nicht lösen", ihre Freundschaft, denn die macht genauso viel Sinn, wie sie es nicht tut.

Oder, in einfachen Worten:

Justus ist der Kopf der Sache - alles muss logisch sein, kalkuliert, irgendwann lösbar.

Er hasst ungelöste Rätsel und er kann es nicht ausstehen, etwas nicht zu befreifen.

Soweit so gut.

Dann kommen da aber zwei Freunde daher:

Peter, der eigentlich auf den ersten Blick eher radikal spontan und impulsiv handelt, sehr emotional ist, dazu noch abergläubisch, das genaue Gegenteil zu Justus, und obendrein völlig random dann doch statt seine oft alles überstehende Panik zur Seite schiebt um komplett waghalsige Dinge zu tun, und das wie selbstverständlich.

Und dann Bob, der wahrscheinlich von den dreien den größten Abstand zwischen Oberflächlichkeit und tiefer sitzender ernsthaftigkeit hat, erst der stille Bücherwurm und dann plötzlich Charmeur, grübelnd, aber über andere Sachen als Justus, booksmart, aber eher aus organisatorischen Gründen als aus dem Wunsch heraus, alles Wissen aufsaugen zu wollen.

Auf deutsch: Die beiden machen für Justus keinen SINN.

Ihre Systeme laufen so komplett anders als die von Justus, dass ich fast sagen würde, ihre Freundschaft ist nur deswegen entstanden, weil sie eben in ihren grundtiefen Kernen komplett anders sind. Jaja, Gegensätze ziehen sich an.

ABER.

So sehr die drei auch diskutieren, so sehr Justus auch auf Peter schimpft, er lässt ihn sein wie er ist. Sie sind Freunde, obwohl die beiden wohl das größte ungelöste Rätsel für Justus überhaupt sind.

Peter, der intuitive, emotional intelligente Typ (never let them know your next move der Typ hat einfach einen fucking Bären gezähmt like was)

Und Bob, der Charmeur und Frauenexperte.

Zwei Dinge, die für Justus einfach keinen Sinn ergeben. Was meint ihr, wie oft er versucht haben muss, die beiden zu analysieren. Und bei seiner Reserviertheit, was seinen inneren Kreis angeht, stellt euch mal vor wie verwundert er gewesen sein muss, dass sie wieder und wieder kamen und tatsächlich seine Freunde wurden.

Was hat er denn zu hören bekommen?

Dass er nervig ist, nicht klugscheißen soll, nicht so geschwollen reden soll, dass er zu hochnäsig ist und alles besser weiß, dass keiner ihn versteht. Und das als Kind ohne Eltern.

Und obwohl auch Peter & Bob das immer wieder sagen, sind sie seine Freunde. Sie halten es aus, und das meiner Meinung nach eben nur, weil sie zu dritt sind. Es gleicht sich alles aus.

Wäre Bob nicht da, wären Peter und Justus vermutlich Erzfeinde geworden, die sich böse auf dem Schulhof ankeifen. Wäre Justus nicht da, hätten Peter und Bob vermutlich nie miteinander zu tun gehabt - Himbo & Nerd, einer immer draußen der andere immer in der Bib. Wäre Peter nicht da, wären Bob und Justus zu langweilig, zu eintönig, und hätten sich vermutlich auf dauer kaum etwas zu sagen, besonders, weil der Frauenteil in Bobs Leben Justus eher verunsichert, und das mag er gar nicht.

Peter und Bob sind die Mysterien, die Justus so sein lässt wie sie sind. Er hat sich an sie gewöhnt.

In Conclusion, Justus ist der Plan, Peter bringt das Ganze in Schwung, und Bob gleicht alles Aus. Justus der Pfeil, Peter der Bogen, und Bob der rote Punkt der Zielscheibe.

Wirklich, die Freundschaft ist so wholesome.

#und das war das wort zum samstag #das hat man davon wenn man charakteranalysen schreibt #die drei fragezeichen #die drei???#justus jonas #peter shaw #bob andrews #oliver rohrbeck #jens wawrczeck #andreas fröhlich #dynamic #trio #deutsch #bücher #hörspiele #kosmos

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