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#imnotrevealingmyname rants
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My parents seem to think that me having interests and loving anything or anyone that isn't them/doesn't revolve around them invalidates my love for them somehow. Makes sense why they try to destroy anything and everything I love. My mom fucking CRIED when I was around thirteen and a guy asked me out (I turned him down but that's not the point.) The reason? She'd never been asked out in her life. And then she proceeded to tell me I was too young to have a boyfriend blah blah blah. I got VERY good at hiding my relationships from her. I don't need her to know about any of my relationships no matter how old I am if that's how she's gonna react. She's jealous of my friends, she's jealous of Loki. A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Fun, huh
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I'm honestly never gonna understand why you guys find it so difficult to reblog fics that you like. It's one click more than liking a fic (a few extra ones if you're kind enough to comment.) Like, genuinely. I don't understand. And people who ask to be on tag lists and then never interact.... wot. Seriously. I'm not even gonna start talking about Ao3. Readers on Ao3 are a totally different breed I will never understand
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Just thought it'd be better if I told y'all rn, but I'm taking a break from writing. Or at least posting my stuff. It gives me severe anxiety and I honestly can't find any inspiration anymore (which I hope will change once the Loki series airs, but idk). I'm sick of all the hate that's been filling my inbox recently, and I really need y'all to understand that I'm not a bot, I'm a human being with feelings. I keep deleting the asks but evidently y'all don't know when to stop, so I'm doing this for the sake of my mental health. In the past few months the only response I've gotten to any of my fics is either anon hate or people commenting "please update". I'm noping out. Sorry. Also I'll be turning off anon indefinitely.
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For those of you who've forgotten what the reblog button looks like, this is the one you're looking for
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If likes are gold, this is diamond, and it can be found at the right bottom corner of every post on this hellsite. It's the second button from the right- unless you're one of the sad Tumblr content creators like me whose work is only ever reblogged by themselves and are reblogging your own post- in which case it's the third one from the right.
Now that we've straightened THAT out, please proceed here (cuz let's be real we all love to do a bit of self promo and this is my blog so)
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I'm rolling my eyes so hard rn. All my life I've constantly been mocked and gaslit for asking my mom for the tiniest bit of appreciation for anything at all. It's always "Oh you didn't do this thing I asked you to do? I'm gonna beat the shit out of you. Oh you did do this thing I asked you to do? Well do better next time <insert every possible criticism of said thing> and now go away or I'll scream at you for asking me if I'm proud of you for doing something so little. as if we expect so much from you that you need appreciation for this tiny little thing that means nothing." And today for the first time she posted a cooking vid on Facebook and said (and I quote),"Oh, it is so hard to do anything without appreciation from others. Doing things for myself is great but my motivation will die out without appreciation :(((" and I'm like oh NOW you understand that? All my life I've never once missed an opportunity to appreciate you for what you do so you never once realized what you got. Now you're not getting as many likes and comments and NOW you understand that people need appreciation. And you never once realized that I might need that appreciation as well. It's like people around my constantly keep forgetting that I'm a human being as well, they're not the only one doing things. Yes she deserves the appreciation but don't I deserve it as well? I wanted so bad to say "oh, you think?" but I didn't because I hate confrontation and honestly just. Fucking kill me.
And also I told my dad I love him and he said. Thank you. Wtf is this place am I in some dystopia
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BEST INSULT I'VE EVER COME UP WITH:
So my dad was irritating me with absolutely NOT funny jokes about something I'm sensitive about. So I said,"Well, your sense of humour is lower than my height, lmao"
He slunk back to his study quietly 😂😂😂😂
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Two of my relatives died just in this week. I'm so done with this shit. Can I please have a single moment of peace
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I had six panic attacks today, and now I have a cold which is probably (hope not) gonna turn into a fever. I'm so irritated rn. My mom is covid positive and my dad is aloof like always and I have had 0 normal physical contact in three weeks and I'm losing it. My dad barely talks to me and my mom has the audacity to tell me that I'm ruining our relationship. Like holy fuck he hasn't had a normal conversation that lasted longer than 5 minutes w me in years (unless it's to taunt me for having gained weight or some shit), how long do you expect me to be the one to take initiative? I'm so tired of all of this, and now I might have covid. And on top of that I'm incredibly insecure about my writing rn because idk what's wrong with Tumblr and Ao3 users cuz y'all simply don't know where the kudo and reblog buttons are, apparently. Fuck everything.
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Newbies in fandoms be like: oH yOu ArE eXpReSsInG yOuR lOvE fOr <insert fandom> In A wAy I dO nOt ApProVe Of ewww you're so cringy
And when called out, they're like "I've literally written a whole ass fanfiction about <insert fandom> but I don't do <insert "cringy" thing that only they think is cringy>"
Holy fuck did I miss something???? What is wrong with y'all?? Writing fanfiction doesn't make you any better than fans who just like a fandom without writing about it, and it definitely does not make you entitled to control how others express their love for a fandom. Using fanfiction as a defence mechanism to show that you're somehow a better fan or more "knowledgeable" than other fans in the ins and outs of fandom is incredibly stupid and incredibly rude. Not only are you destroying a safe space, but you're also setting unnecessarily high standards for being in a fandom. You don't have to create any content of any kind whatsoever to be considered a fan in your own right, what part of that do y'all not understand?
Mind you, this was an actual conversation I had, and honestly I was flabbergasted at how entitled people can be. I have no idea how old this person is but whoever they are, they're clearly new to online fandom spaces. 🤦🤦🤦🤦
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Hey can you expand on this a bit? I'm interested...
Sure! Look, I'm gonna say this outright. I don't like Ross at all. Not that Rachel herself was all that great, but honestly? Ross is REEEEAAALLY overrated, imo.
He goes and makes a pros and cons list (Chandler's idea, no doubt, but Ross MADE the list) and
1. The "just a waitress" comment shows how he perceives other so-called "lesser" professions, how he feels about people who make less money than him. This is ultimately not a superiority complex but an inferiority complex because he's obviously gonna be inherently insecure when someone earns more than he does, which is made clear when he's jealous of his fellow paleontologist girlfriend's (I don't remember her name) ex boyfriends. I know, both of her ex boyfriends had gotten Nobel prizes, but the fact that he thinks that he is LESS OF A MAN THAN THEM JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T shows that he feels that accomplishment (slash productivity) is a direct and accurate measure of a person's worth.
2. Suppose we excuse the fact that he made the list. Everyone needs to know the pros and cons before getting into a relationship, I agree. But the cons section has more points than the pros section. This brings up the question, why does he like Rachel in the first place? That's right, she's pretty. She was a HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH, and he FELL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND GOT MARRIED AFTER THAT. Rachel had always been nothing but a passing fancy, a goddamn obsession. (I'll expound on this point in a while.) So he's obnoxiously superficial and cares only about beauty.
3. Later when Rachel finds out, he tells her that there's nothing she could ever do that would make him not want to be with her. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND, DUDE. Why did he make the list then???? Wasn't the whole point of the list to figure out whether he wanted to be with her or not???????? Which shows that he's extremely inconsistent and doesn't know what he wants.
That's my analysis of him based on the list. Now coming to other characteristics.
1. He treats Rachel like a possession and expects her to speak to no guy besides him and his friends. He expects her to give up her social life for him. Incredibly sexist and self absorbed part 1.
2. He thinks Rachel is overreacting when she's jealous of his past girlfriends, but deems it perfectly fine to constantly nag her about Paulo, or whatever the heck his name was. Incredibly sexist and self absorbed part 2.
3. Rachel suggested they take a break, NOT BREAK UP. There's a DIFFERENCE. EVERYONE needs space. Even more so in a relationship. Otherwise there would be no point in relationships, would there???? If a single fight ended the relationship???????? Ross completely misunderstood what she'd said and proceeded to fuck another girl whom he barely knew. (Superficial part 2.) If you go have sex with some random chick the moment your s/o is mad at you, YOU'RE NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. PERIOD.
4. That brings up WHY Rachel had gotten mad in the first place. Rachel had work on their anniversary. I KNOW, she could've taken a night off. But it was CLEARLY important, like she said several times. My dad spent SEVERAL of my mum's birthdays, my birthdays, and their anniversaries in a completely different continent because he HAD TO, for work. That doesn't mean he never takes out time for us. We've always found other ways to celebrate. Sometimes timings don't match. There's absolutely no need to be a jerk about it, is there? Now, Ross' nagging wasn't what made her mad. He CAME TO HER WORKPLACE AND EMBARRASSED HER IN FRONT OF HER COLLEAGUES, DELIBERATELY REFUSING TO TAKE THE HINT. I mean, what the fuck?!?! You can't just exercise authority over every fucking thing she does! She's an independent woman, she decides how she wants to spend her time! Yes, EVEN on your anniversary! Sexist and self absorbed part 3.
5. He's SOOOOOOOOO sexist. Oh my god. So much so that I'm making another separate point for that, just to emphasize it.
6. Everything just has to be about him, otherwise he's gonna lose his mind. He can't bear it when Joey falls in love with her, even though it's been YEARS. Literal years! And he feels she still belongs to him! She NEVER belonged to him, she's a fucking human being, man!?!? Toxic and goes out of his way to be possessive part 1.
JOEY WAS SOO MUCH BETTER FOR RACHEL. Never once will you hear me say that Rachel is a wonderful person. She's petty and spoiled, but at least she's GROWN throughout the course of the show. Ross hasn't grown. He still clings to his narrow-minded, narcissistic tendencies, something nobody except Susan seems to notice. No character development AT ALL.
So yeah. I don't like Ross. At all. Rachel should never have given up the chance to do MUCH better for a person like him. She shouldn't have given it up for ANYBODY. It's her life. She knows how toxic her relationship with Ross is. And she sacrificed a huge leap in her career for him. Would Ross have done the same? I think we know the answer.
Now, coming to real life. NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER EVER, SACRIFICE A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY FOR ANYONE. NOBODY IN THE WORLD IS WORTH THE CHANCE, BELIEVE ME. You'll regret it for the rest of your life, and that in itself can make you bitter and destroy the relationship you gave up so much for. What was it all for, then??
Compromises are part and parcel of relationships. Not sacrifices.
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I THINK SHE'S FLIRTING WITH ME AAAAAA
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If I ever say things like "yeah" or "oof" or "ohh" in response to something mundane in your DMs, or if you see that I'm typing for a long time but my message is a simple "okay", then it doesn't mean that I've lost interest in talking to you, it just means that I don't know what to say and I have social anxiety and not a lot of practice talking to people
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I've said this a million times, and I'm saying this again. Don't like my fic posts if you won't reblog. And definitely DON'T dare to ask me for updates if that is all you ever comment. I'm a human being, okay? DNI if you don't know basic etiquette. If you don't like my fic, by all means walk away without liking the post. But if you like my post reblog pls. I'm so fucking tired of this shit.
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A little story for all the nosy peeps out there (and others. If you're into second hand embarrassment.)
So, my phone gallery doesn't really have a lot of random pics, you know what I mean? I have four folders for Loki/Tom pics, that's like 14000 pics now (I'm not joking, I can give you evidence.) The folder with screenshots is filling up real quick this year for obvious reasons (meetings, classes, etc.) and it has about a 1000 pics. The camera roll is almost entirely empty because I deleted everything. It's all on my Google account, so I don't really care about having a lot of personal pictures. The downloads folder is also mostly Loki. BUT the downloads folder also has a handful of really pretty pictures. Now, THESE are random pictures. There are like 10 or 15 of these. So yep, my gallery has high standards. I only keep REALLY pretty pictures.
Now, these pics are literally just anything pretty. The only part of my gallery that's not SFW is the Loki folders, so the downloads folder is very much SFW. So, once, I was showing a relative some pics in my downloads folder. Mind you, I'm an Indian, and in India, privacy is a very foreign concept that people Don't Understand. So this person (who's a very close relative, so the No Privacy™ thing is even more reinforced) decided to relieve me of the burden of scrolling and started scrolling. I was like, okay, there's nothing to be worried about here. The pics are all SFW, and no personal pictures either, so it's all good.
The problem was, one of these "pretty pictures" was the image of a couple in a REALLY pretty tub, with lighting and everything. COMPLETELY SFW, might I add. Nothing suggestive at all. There was a curved separation through the middle of the tub, and it was lit in such a way that the bubbles in the two sections seemed to be glowing two different colours. The two people were in different sections of the tub, facing each other. Nothing embarrassing in view. It was JUST a pretty picture.
BUT in India.... well, I think my Indian mutuals here know what I'm talking about.
So this relative scrolled to that pic and I was like, FUCK NO. I took the phone from them and they gave it without saying anything. I'm sure they didn't even feel uncomfortable about it, because they're not as conservative as most Indians are, but I felt uncomfortable because they're two generations older than me, and I don't like ANYONE looking through my pics without my permission anyway.
I would've posted the pic, but I deleted it right after, just to prevent nosy people from seeing it.
Tl;dr I'm not saying that everyone is nosy or everyone will do this just for the sake of making others uncomfortable. No. It might not even be anything of import. It may just be as innocent as a picture of two bracelets the person had sent someone to ask which one would go with their green dress. It doesn't matter what the content is. If it's not your phone, YOU DON'T SCROLL. As simple as that. Whether or not it's something very embarrassing, every person has a right to privacy and you must respect that, whether or not you're the person they value above all others.
Because who knows, invading their privacy might just make them lose all trust in you. So please don't be nosy. Leave people and their phones the fuck alone. They have fingers. They'll scroll for you.
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Someone please contact my mother for classes on gaslighting. She'll love the attention, and she's a great teacher.
She'll give you a real life example of gaslighting on the spot.
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I'm Lokisexual, people. React as you will, I'm proud of it.
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