#imagine wanting to retake an exam to get a better grade

[capslocked]

KINKVEMBER DAY: 6

[prompt: blowjob]

male reader x hyeju

12k words

“I mean, don’t you think,” Hyeju says, wagging a finger at you, “that when you suffer through a bad date, the world ought to owe you something?”

"Like what?" you ask.

"Better taste in women - maybe more orgasms; I dunno, a blowjob?" She shrugs. "The general idea is just that someone gets to cum."

You nearly choke on the air in front of you. "Jesus, Hyeju, warn a guy."

“What? I’m trying to commiserate with you,” Hyeju laughs. “Wouldn’t that be funny? Being able to kiss someone who actually, you know, might love you back, and at the same time. Imagine not hooking-up just to forget a shitty day. Sounds wild, right?"

"Utterly deranged."

"So wild."

-

The first time you hook up with your roommate, it’s because of genetics - though not in the weird, uncontrollable way your body gets rigid and sensitive to any pretty girl who wears nothing but a towel moving between her bedroom and the bathroom, or how her eyes might flick fast from your chest up to yours - or given that the absolute shape of her is a blessing from one god or another (benevolent, clearly). That's not why Hyeju and you find yourselves only a few months later grinding on each other after the clock ticked past midnight, making out on New Year's Eve.

No, it has to do with the fact that Hyeju's nearly failing the nine AM section of molecular genetics because she's spent every lecture doodling stars and planets and planets shaped like asscheeks and planet-ass constellations while everyone else writes notes or doom scrolls twitter or whatever and she is somehow simultaneously the only student who never slept with her face on the lab desk or missed an assigned reading and the only one who absolutely needs a tutor.

It's just cosmic odds that you'd be that one: her roommate, who shouldn't be talking so loudly in the library about sex (in a sort of non-sexy, Mendelian kind of way) or be thinking the kind of things you've started thinking when Hyeju wears one of her more sleepshirt-esque long sleeves, her voice getting lower as you rattle off, "fruit flies and thale cress, definitely, it's just an error of fate or chromosome splitting..." before trailing off into a question.

"This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me," she finally tells you. You listen to her sigh into the binding of her textbook, facedown. "I'm really going to bomb this exam."

You tap her hand twice with your highlighter across the desk. "Then you're pretty damn lucky, if you think about it."

She turns to you, smiles a bit. "Okay, point. The worst thing will be having to retake this stupid fucking class."

"Why didn't you ask for help or go to office hours if you knew you were... failing?"

"Maybe because doing anything more than the bare minimum to get through a class I don't care about is my definition of, failing," she mumbles. "Why didn't anyone tell me a single lab is worth half my grade? Or that the TA is this fucking unreliable? How is this the one thing, really, beyond the basics, that can't be taught by wikipedia, a wikihow article and a youtube video?"

You scoot your seat closer to her. "You really need to relax."

"Fucking tell me about it."

You turn it over in your mind a few times, capping the top of your highlighter.

"Want me to get you off?"

And it’s not like you really mean it, when you say it, which is the strangest thing: you wouldn't actually suggest it, normally, wouldn't mention it in passing and then leave yourself open to the follow up and cross examination; yet there it is, after three, four hours of cramming notes on heterochronicity and the sloshing of gametes - you actually did propose it.

Hyeju jerks up, surprised.

"Are you serious?" She looks around, nearly snorting. "In the library?"

The face you’re giving her makes her scoff.

“You’re absolutely nuts.”

You have character flaws; the inability to admit wrongdoing chief among them. Hell, maybe it's from your mother - or maybe all your brains are just scrambled by the fact that Hyeju's sitting there with her pen against her pretty lips, hair glossier than usual as she scans your face and makes your entire body feel like a reactor core in meltdown.

Maybe you can blame what comes next on that.

"I'm always serious. I'm asking a serious question," you whisper, closing the textbook and resting your elbows on top. You look around quickly, like you're sneaking something in instead of this perfectly reasonable exchange, the perfectly platonic - except maybe not so much - way for friends to help each other.

"And I'm wondering what you're asking." Her cheeks are definitely pinker, you think, or the way it fills out her face, from the bottom up, is just that easy to imagine.

“I’m saying you haven’t gotten laid in months.” Here, you realize, these blocks of mental logic that definitely weren’t there when you blurted it out start to coalesce into something solid as you go on.

And you hadn't been wrong when you thought no one had given Hyeju a helping hand in a long, long time: you've heard through the walls or the floorboards at odd hours of the morning that she spends far too long fingering herself to a mind-numbing, tear-worthy frustration that leaves her knuckle-deep but never, ever sated or satisfied.

"No one's around, you'll feel better. You said it yourself."

Not a work of your imagination here - her ears are fucking burning.

"Wait a minute." She pushes her chair back, away from you and your gleaming offer. It clatters on its back legs, and a librarian waves her finger in warning. You wave back, sheepishly, until she stops and Hyeju stands and moves away from the table to talk, hands crossed over her front.

She turns and asks in a hushed-down-voice, "how did you know - did you hear something last night?"

"You couldn't keep it down even if you wanted to, honestly."

Hyeju turns further and throws a glare at the library doors, because obviously her noisiness and their collective noisemanship, or whatever the hell the word is, is clearly the root of the whole goddamn problem.

"Look - if not, no big deal - but I'm just saying you'll probably get over it and at least think less about sex. Or at least the wrong kind of sex."

You expect her to turn, sigh, and ask if you've lost your mind. Expect her to gather her jacket from the back of her chair, take her books and stomp out the room. Or even burst out laughing at the insanity, before slapping your arm lightly, in playful retaliation - anything other than the serious look she gives you in return, tilting her head, pressing her lips.

She turns up at the ceiling for a moment, contemplating something. And it's cute. It's so very, very cute, how her mouth pouts as she considers the possibility, right up until she says, "okay, fine."

The moderate twist of surprise taking hold in your brow must be visible.

"Oh, don't tell me that was all talk. Get me thinking about the right kind of sex or whatever."

You laugh, which has the librarian staring at both of you - until the librarian stops staring and probably sees Hyeju sliding back into her chair, the full, pent-up weight of her concentration pointed your way, knees inching apart - you, and Hyeju waiting, your knee bumping into her inner thigh, leaning closer as the textbook hits the floor.

"Don't laugh."

"Not laughing, seriously. Not laughing," you stammer. “I just think you’re just full of surprises.”

She spreads her knees further and sits taller, looking right at you.

"So then, surprise me," and then presses her cheek to the crook of your elbow.

You slide your chair right into the space next to hers, nuzzling up into the space under her ear. “Keep studying, Hyeju, you’ve got shit to do.” And then you slide your hand beneath the waist of her sweats, knead the swell of her thigh until you find the seam where her leg meets her body, press your palm down on the place just next to her center, your thumb in the middle. All this perfect pressure.

"Fuck," Hyeju says under a shudder. She's breathing heavier when your hot, open-mouthed kisses start landing at her neck, and she probably tries to read her textbook for about forty-five seconds longer. But there's the clench of her jaw right as your middle finger begins tracing circles beneath the fabric of her panties, and her gaze is blurring until she can't tell the difference between an allele or your fucking name.

"Shh-shh," you quiet her, finger tapping harder, playing with the slick wetness beneath all those layers of thick cotton and pressing two fingers there until her knees part like they’re not interested in resisting at all. Your lips press a kiss to the shell of her ear and she tenses all at once, hand shooting up to cover her mouth.

She simply leans back, closes her eyes, and lets you take care of her.

“Okay, you’re right,” she says, shaky and uneven, “that really did take some of the edge off. Did we ever review - poly- uh, pol-polymers here?"

The sweatshirt sleeve falling off your shoulder is a hindrance to any actual reading; her shifting against the chair isn't helping either, but you manage to push down the thoughts of stripping her down completely and giving her your tongue as yet another distraction.

"What did the syllabus say? I don't know if we need to read too far on 'polymers'," you say, having going through an entire afternoon without considering this once, but as you curl your fingers and take an honest crack at cramming the remaining chapters into her head, the knowledge that no one else is getting her this wet - except for whoever she's got in her mind's eye at three AM - is enough to get you feeling a little dizzy.

-

It’s probably supposed to be weird, given that you’ve never gotten any of your other friends off spontaneously in the library, or there's the fact that you can't really avoid each other afterwards, how she shows up in a silk negligee when you're pouring coffee before sunrise to prep for another day and you have the opportunity to notice - yes, she has amazing taste in underwear, yes, you might not have really appreciated her chest and figure enough before - yes, fuck it. She catches you noticing that first time, after coming downstairs with nothing but one of her cropped t-shirts and her board shorts, and she smirks when she realizes you're still thinking about it that afternoon, when her foot grazes yours while you're both washing dishes, and she dries the plate in her hand with a slow swipe.

And it is weird, actually, to describe what’s going on between you in words. 

A few words, anyway, like a one-word label to describe what it was: friends or roommates-with-benefits, or - fuck buddies - god, it's even worse. Fuck buddies? Fuck friends? Something equally terrible and stupid that still makes sense, like something out of a shitty rom-com: it doesn't capture any of the rest of the myriad ways in which things can feel less or less friendly between two people.

So, friends was never, ever going to cut it. Roommates - although technically correct - is just this side of too clinical. And let's be clear: strangers don't wake up every morning together, walk to the same class, sit close together in the middle seats, secretly flick a strangers' skirt up in an empty lecture hall and get on their knees and work your mouth onto her pussy and watch the legs of the desks shake when her feet arch into the floor.

"The notes you've got are better than mine," is how Hyeju tries to put things, the next day and every time after that, standing in the doorframe, or at the foot of your bed and looking every bit the disheveled and hopeless mess you imagine she might spread out over the sheets of her own.

-

It gets complicated, which isn't really a surprise.

"You think your roommate is going to be home tonight?" is the question that comes up multiple times - from a revolving door of pretty names and faces. Hyeju has at least one opinion, if not more, on each of them.

"Tell Jinsoul I say hi," she says once, watching you get ready for a date, and you nearly bang your knee on the edge of the bathroom vanity. 

It's one of the more harmless comments she's offered.

Another, backhanded: "if you’re just looking for a blowjob everyday between lunch and our physics lab, let Hyunjin or Heejin or whatever-her-name-is know she's easily my favorite," Hyeju says on your way out one morning, still under her covers.

Or,

Hyeju's texted a simple "uh, Chuu? really??" when you mention, once, how much fun you've been having - and what kind, as you make a round of self-conscious and rambling phone calls the next day that land you with only one prospect for the night - but your roommate's also no longer being your roommate by the end of it, bouncing against your thighs in the bathtub and moaning something about please more and fuck or fucking make me cum; the details escape you a bit.

That's what friends are for, probably.

Still, in the same, bare-bones explanation, friends also aren't for falling asleep on you - or letting you hold her - or fucking you awake in the middle of the night. Friends aren't for pushing down your jeans when the early-morning dew settles on the back patio, or jerking you off in the seat beside yours with a sweatshirt over your lap when a group project is due later and you all should probably work on that and instead get yourselves off and leave the mess of what you're doing half-finished. Friends aren't, probably, for offering to watch you rub your palm up and down your cock the night before next semester's exams when you can barely sit in a single chair and you can't think about molecular biology or neurochemical transcriptions when your whole body aches to do the transcribing. (If you can catch that drift.)

The lists of who are and are not good enough for you goes on and on - the latter longer than the former.

So, there's Choerry, who according to Hyeju is 'straight up, a total slut'. Yeojin, who gets mistaken for your little sister enough times that Hyeju refuses to - in good faith - let you keep sleeping with her. Both Heejin and Gowon are apparently too pretty for you. "Kim-lip?" she asks, in the middle of peeling garlic, "is that one name or two?" And laughs into a bottle of beer, loud, while you're telling her to quit being nosey and watch her fingers with the damn knife.

"You have a problem."

"Why, because I asked a few simple questions? I think anyone would be a little curious with the -" she pauses to wave her fingers - "I'd be remiss to not be interested in the very drama that unfolds literally across the hall."

She waggles her eyebrows.

You look up at the ceiling. God save you, you think. "Hyeju."

("Seriously," Hyeju chimes in one evening, arms around you, and a mouthful of the dinner you'd cooked.

"You need better taste in girls. Don't waste time on anyone too dumb, or who drinks the milk straight from the carton, or doesn't wash her socks with the same load of laundry. Oh, and - no one who chews loudly. No one who can't tell you're going to cum. The worst is someone who doesn't know what you like, trust me on that. And remember the last rule: don't do anything with someone who eats at a really slow pace, it's incredibly depressing."

You rest your chin on her shoulder from the spot behind her. "Duly noted, oh Master of all Knowledge."

She sighs into your arm, but in the next moment, her voice gets a lot softer, her hips fidgeting slightly against you. "I just mean you're the kind of person people would want to sleep with again," she says, before turning to say your name and kiss you again and again as your bodies curl inward.

"I wonder what that means, Hyeju," you say.

"Fuck," Hyeju groans as you slide further into her, pushing her back into the sofa - hands on her shoulders, legs bent on her either side, "don't tease me like this.")

-

The first snowfall of the year is mild, a tiny dusting, nothing that sticks on the pavement in the alley or on the sidewalks - or the lintels - or in Hyeju's hair, but by evening, when the snow picks up and everything goes quiet, Hyeju has changed into flannels and wool socks in anticipation, curled up like a cat at one edge of the window ledge as the world begins to go white. It's enough that you even pull on a thicker sweatshirt, open up a book, and join her.

She turns toward you, quiet.

You've reached a point in the semester where this, the silence, doesn't unsettle you anymore. It's the space you fill up with time in-between, where you can see the contours of her body against the orange lamplight of the space heater, or watch her kick off the top half of the duvet at night as you fight over space in her bed and wonder about the bare skin peeking out from her shorts.

"Feeling bored?" She slides her foot a little closer to yours, almost imperceptibly. "Am I keeping you entertained enough?"

Her lips pull up at the corner. You chuckle.

"Oh, no."

She scoffs and puts her hands on her knees, pushes herself closer to the window sill and bumps her elbow into your shoulder. The bare skin of her neck and shoulders and face is getting a little redder as she cranes it forward. "Okay, if not, do you need someone to entertain you, maybe."

Your mouth twists, fighting a smile.

Hyeju is so close to you, you could kiss her really, really easily and not care how she'd feel about that. It's not a habit, not as often as it used to be, but every once and a while - she starts this game. Every once in a while, Hyeju just starts smiling like that, and leans into you like she's daring you to play along, hard round of chicken until it's clear what the two of you are doing with each other; the minutes pass by, one, then two, and then - maybe she pushes first, her leg on yours, or a kiss to your jaw or a palm on your back as she walks behind you - and then you'd turn and kiss her full on the mouth and pull at her clothes like nothing's holding you back.

She cocks a smile, and says, "why don't you go and call what's her name."

"Because."

You glance out at the cold, gray light outside. If you had a better understanding of any of the workings inside you, you could reach forward and tell her everything that's stopped you.

-

You're supposed to meet the girl-of-the-month at a New Year's party. Hyeju looks disgusted within the first ten seconds of the whole story.

"Heejin dumped you once, like, two months ago? For no reason."

"It wasn't a break-up. We talked about what we did wrong and we're doing better," you say, lifting one finger.

She glares, then, tilts her lips into this unamused purse that you can't take seriously at all when she starts walking back and forth across your living room, hands moving emphatically to the sides as she speaks, like she's in the process of unveiling a brilliant argument and is using both palms to guide your eyes toward the unquestionable logic. "God, you're the worst. You're just her easy fuck and you'll still answer her late night calls, really."

She leaves the rest unsaid - that she's just not that into you.

"I don't tell you which boys or girls you can call up," you try, putting on a boot. "If you'd like, I can. Name off the list, and make sure that the right name leaves my mouth this time."

Hyeju doesn't blush when you glance up, which is the surprising thing. No - her cheeks have grown a little more sullen, and she stares down at her socks in contemplation. You're in the middle of fastening up the lace and getting to your feet, waiting, wondering if Hyeju's going to continue this conversation, when Hyeju takes one small step forward.

And her hand goes out to touch your chin, thumb at your lip, fingers holding it in place - like you'll turn if she lets it go - the sharp shock of the sensation like a short circuit, before her knee comes between yours, and your body tingles, at the root and stem. "Hey," she says, eyes meeting yours. The edge of her nail flicking gently as she drags the curve of her thumb downward.

"Hyeju, please - I need to get going."

When you start walking toward your car, she calls out from the window. Something about how you better have the time of your life, fun for the two of you - it’s only fair.

(You feel, somewhere, a certain strange loss.)

"What, are you going to stay up and wait until I come back? Or am I interrupting your session for the night."

You can barely make it out, the smallest look passing over her face. "Maybe," she says, and then: "god, it's fucking cold."

-

New year's parties have this sort of quality of being simultaneously the most thrilling, exciting prospect on earth and the absolute worst fucking event in the history of the planet - depending on the venue, how egregious the racket is for a gin and tonic, the guests - oh, and the company.

Jinsoul and Choerry are both in attendance; in separate corners and in equal states of undress and intoxication, which seems fine by every present party, who are for the most part busy ogling one or the other in the full spirit of the New Year - as you would too, if the stars are aligned and Heejin hasn't already gone upstairs with half the guestlist, her arm wound with someone else's, as per her recent habit; if you haven't been tossed aside for any of the usual, less forgettable prospects and for something bigger, better and certainly much more enjoyable.

Which, if there were any way to track these things down with math, you'd already be reaching for your pen and notebook, as Hyeju would describe this sensation in a phrase she picked up from some podcast. Inevitable means necessary, or something.

"Good party," says Heejin, throwing back another drink.

"Yep. You said that," and you finish yours in one long draw, hissing through your teeth.

Heejin is a goddamn delight, of course, in all the simplest of ways. When she looks up at you - mouth pink, hair framing her face - she is so clearly and completely aware of what she is, and exactly what the world has in store for her, what it has set aside.

"Do you want to know what happened at the other New Year’s party we went to last year?"

"I - yeah. Hit me. Tell me all about (another date you were on) Heejin, that’s exactly what I’d love, let’s hear it."

She throws her head back and laughs, before starting into an overlong recount of her latest, greatest conquest, you on the outside. This is the thing - this is how a pretty face, with just a hint of a flirt, will make you feel for a beautiful, attractive, vivacious - absolutely shameless, raving sex-crazed lunatic of sorts who, apparently, loves to run around town and make a bunch of your closest friends fall in love and heartbroke-er, with every passing notion of her beauty, her charm - just the tilt of her chin, and some poor fucker is lost, absolutely lost.

 Even she knows it's a bad habit of hers. 

But who doesn't have a weakness? You've got plenty of your own - plenty, Heejin can admit - everyone does, in a way, and so Heejin, the other sloppy drunks milling about the party, and Choerry and Jinsoul all agree - someone like her just happens to have the best kind of weakness - so, so many of them, in fact:

"Can you believe how easily a few words get Jinsoul riled up? Or how it only takes a couple drinks for Choerry to pull up the hem of her skirt, not knowing the effect that'll have?"

And as for the last, and arguably worst kind -

"Hyeju, huh? What a great start to the New Year," is her final word. Heejin reaches across and downs your drink. Her expression turns just shy of grave, a pensive look. "Not your smartest idea, the living-together situation. Who in their right mind would put themselves in such a mess?"

"Thanks for the great advice." You wave her off, irritated.

There's another laugh before Heejin leans her face onto the table.

"Though maybe she's onto something, now that I think of it. Who needs anyone for the New Year?" and it's almost convincing the way her mouth, lined up with the rim of the glass, smirks when she drinks. "Mm. All a matter of taste."

-

The snow is halfway up your calves when you realize you need to find a cab at 11:30 PM on New Year's Eve. (Which, categorically, is the worst time to need to find a cab on New Year’s Eve.)

Or just:

11:36 PM and the nearest bus stop is too far away.

11:41 and the temperature feels like its dropped by fifteen degrees, like you should start wondering what hypothermia symptoms look like and what signs to look out for in yourself, your future wife and your children. You try not to think about why, but you get your phone out and immediately call Hyeju, so you're not sure what you think you're denying.

"No party?" she asks. Her voice is distant and sleep-ridden, but Hyeju's quick to pick up, like always.

"It sucked, I'm trying to find a way home early. Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year." There's a long pause, filled in by the squeak of snow beneath your boots. "Get a kiss?"

"Uh, not yet. In the market, I guess."

Hyeju's low hum isn't reassuring, either. "Well, you're kind of missing your window. Bad time to start looking."

"Says you, and here you are - still up for someone to spend the night with. Look at you," you respond, all this snark in your voice that she clearly hears. There's a long sigh.

"Actually," and Hyeju, much to the confusion of you and possibly the whole world, doesn't respond, and for a few seconds, the line goes completely silent, leaving you hanging.

She breathes once and comes out of her sleep with a yawn.

"I actually," she begins. There's a lot less preamble this time - this tone - and when she speaks again it comes through not nearly as sleepy, "was sorta wondering. Are you on your way home?"

"If I don't freeze to death, yeah."

"Yeah - no, yeah," and that's it. That's the sum total of what makes any difference between where you were a moment ago, and where you are right now, head spinning, fingers buzzing. Hyeju waits and there's the wind on the line, snow settling on your hat and in the corners of your face.

"I - sorry. I probably woke you up. Are you expecting someone else," you say, very small. Your foot drags behind the other. The cars whizz by you faster, passing.

"Hm. You're the only one, I guess," and after that - just static and the muffled sounds of her footsteps on creaky floorboards - or the tick of her ceiling fan? You can't make heads or tails of the rest of the background noise. All those words she said.

You bite your tongue to stop whatever curse words start pouring out from the jumble and cross streets, or the pedestrian underpass; snow gets stuck in your lashes and burns, but your chest is like a molten furnace. You consider telling her right there on the line, everything you're feeling - so hot, it feels like fire, Hyeju, I'm not used to getting heated and desperate and impatient - that even if you're not here now - just imagining your face - the sound of your breathing, it feels like I'm on the cusp.

"Yeah. Sure - good - okay, Hyeju."

"I guess, see you soon?"

"In a bit."

(It takes 33 minutes, trudging through cold and wet. It's all very dramatic, you think, and there's no one there to even watch you suffer for it, or - though you try not to think about that particular line - really, no one at all.)

-

You hear the way your key grinds in the lock - it's been like this, jammed since summer, when you pushed the front door in late at night a little too hard and something came undone and made a sound like a small stone tumbling down the world's deepest well. The hinge squeaks, and there's ice on the stoop, on the doormat, on every nook and corner you can see, all the way up your neck.

And your face, too. You shake off your hat, undo the buttons on your jacket, and pull off your boots before hanging them and all the layers to dry.

You can make out the outline of her profile at the edge of the door frame, right in the kitchen - barefoot, hip pressed against the island, pajamas - the dim lights illuminating the shadow of her head, hair over her face -

- but you don't pause. The next layer. There's nothing left to say. You're too cold for excuses, too smart to use the same ones you'd been taught, like: this is a normal, acceptable circumstance; everything, anything, will be perfectly normal if the two of us act as though that's the case; pretend we're both acting within the norms of reason, within our senses and logical thinking and I won't make myself go out in the cold a second more - won't stand for more than five minutes with your eyes looking like they're waiting.

So you move instead toward the kitchen, where the heating is better and she's already pouring coffee. There's a heat radiating out of the oven, and it smells sweet in there, like cinnamon and warm butter, and you wish you weren't still shaking, blood barely thawed, but there it is - her face, watching you - eyes gleaming as you wrap your hands around a mug, steam rising up - a shiver running up your arms; her knees skirting yours when she takes one step back and there's the cabinet door shut, then open again, and then a palm on your back.

Hyeju presses a cup of the fresh coffee, now warm enough to drink, to your chest, and says, softly. "What the fuck happened out there?"

She starts reaching out to wipe the frost and slush from your face. You let her hand hold you still, eyes wide.

"Oh you know," and her palm stays, even though it's obviously - suddenly - gotten warmer, and wetter too, and the longer she stands there and lets her fingers warm the pale bones of your cheeks, her wrist, the base of your forehead and ears, the more expectant the look on her face grows. "The usual."

Her eyes go as narrow as they ever can. For just a moment. "You're gonna die a slow, pathetic death someday, just for the record."

"Don't forget how this starts," you try, and feel your neck go warm, throat and breath tight. And not even when her shoulders shift, her mouth going smug - just looking at you.

“I mean, don’t you think,” Hyeju says, wagging a finger at you, “that when you suffer through a bad date, the world ought to owe you something?”

"Like what?" you ask.

"Better taste in women - maybe more orgasms; I dunno, a blowjob?" She shrugs. "The general idea is just that someone gets to cum."

You nearly choke on the air in front of you. "Jesus, Hyeju, warn a guy."

“What? I’m trying to commiserate with you,” Hyeju laughs. “Wouldn’t that be funny? Being able to kiss someone you actually, you know, might love you back, and at the same time. Imagine not hooking-up just to forget a shitty day. Sounds wild, right?"

"Utterly deranged."

"So wild."

When Hyeju sighs and gives a long, nonchalant hum, leaning her body closer, pressing up until her waist hits the cabinet top and you're pressed together chest-to-chest, she looks at you and her hips settle, the heel of her foot reaching around your calf.

There's that tingle. Again and again. You're not even trying to not think about what it might mean.

But then, you start, silently and unconsciously, trying to answer the question: why don't you, maybe. Why don't you, actually - Hyeju kisses you, pulls on the loop of your jeans and lets your lips brush the corners of hers and pulls away, suddenly, mumbling and head-turning. And just as abruptly, your nose buries in the space between her neck and her shoulder, where it's all warm. And when she puts her palms on your hips and squeezes and twists her knuckles into the fabric there, it seems she wants your hands up her shirt and under the small of her back.

And her hands - they're fidgety tonight, fingers curled up to keep their nails and the chill away, moving lower - one on your ass, while the other comes forward and begins rubbing circles, a handful of times - enough so you're letting a deep, low breath escape into the space just above her collar, your knee working its way between hers.

"That," Hyeju breathes, lips at your ear, hand reaching down to trace the hard curve of your cock pressing in the spot right between you, and there's that small rush again, familiar now, like you've caught a rhythm and she wants to feel it in its fullness: "is how you can make it up to me. For making me stay up. Worrying about you, god knows why. Waiting."

You're still half-frozen in a way, slowly thawing. "Hyeju, I've been trudging through the consequences of my actions this entire night. What am I about to suffer through now?"

"It's no consequence, honestly."

You squint.

"Just an idea, but," she breathes again; your bodies getting closer, and looking up at you, she grins and reaches down to touch the very root of you, her fingers drumming. You make a sound, and at that she says, her voice coming out thick, low:

"Want me to get you off?"

She squeezes again for good measure, just to be clear. Just a slight curl of fingers that's enough to send a flash of heat and the transient thought: why, why, why is she always wearing those fucking shorts, even in the winter?

Your blood thrums through the pulse at the end of your cock. You shake.

"Alright," is the response you let out.

And at that, Hyeju takes your wrist and leads you upstairs.

"There's that look. Don't worry. We'll find a way," is all she says as your feet walk forward, up step-by-step and higher and further up to her room. "After all, isn't that what we've always done?"

"It's usually whatever will make me stop talking."

Hyeju puts her chin on your shoulder. Her eyes follow the lines and shapes in the patterns of wallpaper as you turn onto her side of the apartment, and even through the wall and behind the doorway, her arm still around you, she pulls at your chin until your faces turn and you both can share each other's heat.

"Who, you and your awful habit of talking out-loud in your head while you work through equations?" and she brings her lips to yours, close and warm.

"Hey. Fuck you," and your voice breaks into an odd, low laughter when she kisses you harder.

"Yeah, I know," she whispers as her hand dives past the band of your boxers, palm sliding easily until she's gripping you fully and letting her fingers rub. She holds you there, in her room, her arm looped through yours, another arm resting at your belly.

And she stops there. She stays like that: holding your gaze.

"Look, Hyeju," you say, unable to not, though this can hardly count for anything; this, what you're about to admit, is nothing new. You swallow. "The thing is - you shouldn't."

"Don't want me to touch you?" she says, finger to your lips.

"Well, that's different. Maybe. Is there - maybe it's not the best thing to ask you right now."

Hyeju considers for a brief moment and tuts under her breath. "Can you at least do me the decency of waiting until I'm done wringing you dry before you say shit like that."

And she moves then, toward the bed.

So:

No. Yes. Maybe. Who knows, you tell yourself. Maybe, but only because you'll do anything if it makes you feel less sick, like a creature standing over its own skeleton - an abandoned shell; a relic, something to be feared and disgusted, as you let her go between your thighs, kneel beside the bed.

"I mean - since when - have you felt," is just as far as you're allowed to go before Hyeju presses her nose into you and pulls you out of the thin, cold fabric - palm, thumb, all those slender fingers swiping over your head - and now there's just the smell of her room and the shock, the buzz that runs down your spine and settles somewhere, somewhere inside the small and desperate movement of your hips and the tension building just below.

And god, fuck, Hyeju’s lips.

These soft, wet, pouty fucking things that could suck you straight off if you were feeling any less stupid or inexperienced or sentimental - if she wasn't solely intent on teasing it out of you first; a slow drag of the tongue up the underside; the tip of it poking, tracing the rim, like she's figured you out, just where to lead you. She's ready to smoke you out - always - until you're not taking in a breath every ten seconds but starting to close your eyes to the overwhelming, needling pleasure, too sharp, the way she knows you like best.

"Now you're finally - mm - starting to sound hot," and that smirk comes back to the corner of her mouth, teasing the sensitive belly of your cock and tracing her tongue everywhere. "With the voice and -"

You're losing track, her thumb and fingers circling the whole length of you - just, one after the other - mouth a hair-breadth away, her breath hovering like a promise.

"- that face."

"Don't, fucking tease me-"

The sound of your cock going in is like nothing else.

Wet and filthy in all the right ways.

Just the suction in her throat has your eyes nearly roll back into your head - Hyeju's gaze calmly watching the terrible sort of helplessness that washes over you like this: her lips wrapped around, bobbing - her hair falling into the wet mess of her mouth and sticking there. Hyeju likes being a little sloppy, likes feeling that spark run up the length of her tongue when she slides. It's the wet and the heat that gives everything away.

"I don't have much of a choice -" her jaw and chin is smudged when she pulls back off of your cock, mouth glossy and glistening, "and honestly, wouldn't it be a better use of our time, or my talents if I actually do that thing?"

“Which is?”

She looks up for a bit and sighs, the flush blooming pink to the tip of her ears and into the rounds of her cheeks and all across her neck. "Since, as far as I can see, what you really like - is, oh I'm just spit-balling here," and she stops just to bite her tongue and look into your eyes, "it's letting the girls take care of you? Isn't that right?"

You want to tell her, no, not always, that it's not as though you enjoy giving control completely - that that would be completely and unarguably, the opposite of true -

That most of the time you love it when the person you're with is a little bossy, a little crazy for you. You know some guys really get off on a strong woman and maybe, maybe if a girl's pretty and dressed up, and - sure - a little wet, but that's hardly -

“You know I’m right,” she says, a flicker of mischief skittering across her features. “These walls are paper thin.”

You want to tell her, perhaps remind her, that she likes someone in charge just as much as you do - to be taken care of, told what to do - to have a hand curled up around her throat and the other at her tits while a guy fucks her the right way and takes the reigns when she needs. So who are you, when it comes to knowing her better? And who, really, are you fooling?

But before you can get any words in: Hyeju dips, lips parting where the head of your cock throbs, and then disappears; and the hot wet warmth, enveloping all around your shaft and back; the curve of her throat contracting.

You moan - a lot, and louder this time - into the whole feeling. The way her fingers work the distance from the base, twisting and twisting and twisting into the pout of her lips; or how the sound is like nothing - a whimpering, messy sound - almost a whine and definitely not a slurp as your cock sinks further and further, until it's all one big, heavy throb.

And it's like Hyeju can read your thoughts, the visual you have of her lips screwed tight around your shaft - cum leaking from the corners, and her eyes scrunched up tight, as she looks up to watch your face unravel - this perfect image of her taking you, all of you, swallowing each drop as your hips start rutting up into her and - and - and.

Or else she gets impatient, because then Hyeju gives one long pull off the tip of your cock - saliva mixed in the precum there, and that shiny string of fluid hanging, caught in the middle between your bodies - a disgusting and irresistible sight. Her jaw slack, lips swollen and full, and her mouth gone wide open, wanting.

"Fuck - that's good. Don't stop," you start to whimper, desperate, at the sight, the smell. Her hot breath coming quick over the red wanting wetness left behind - then touched by the cold air - fuck -

She slaps your cock to the corner of her lips as she speaks.

"Can you believe what's going on down here?"

"God, can you -"

"And to think most guys wanna jump straight in. That or fuck a load out between my tits."

"Hyeju, shit, come on -"

She kisses the soft tip, right where it’s most sensitive, rolls it along her lip. Then, back down the length of your shaft where she's generous with her mouth inch after inch - lapping, licking, laving - and Hyeju begins working her way down and downward, nestling in at the edge of the bed and between your thighs.

Your eyes blow up the first time she dips low enough to put your balls in her mouth. 

“Mmhm,” she hums.

It’s killing you and she knows it; it’s killing you and she can feel the pre-cum leaking from your slit - the thumb she has moored there, keeping everything right where she wants it, running circles up the length with such little intention - she could bring you to the end just like this. 

"Am I supposed to believe it?” she asks out from beneath the shadow of your cock, looking up at you with her eyes all wide and brilliant - pupils dark as sin. “That not a single one of those girls ever did you proper?"

You curse under your breath. Hyeju seems amused, at least, like she can't help but love doing that to you, which is almost worse and honestly the sexiest thing a girl can be. You groan - wanton, raw and desperate and feeling exactly what she wants you to feel when her nails drag along the dip of your hip bones.

"Did they not leave you fucked-up the right way?"

Her wrist flicks out these twists and turns, making your spine bend to her control. Like even when you're sure to be bundling her hair in your fingers and fucking the whole length of your cock down her throat, all of this is the worst kind of power-trip for her - not the other way around.

Her tongue runs through the tangle of your balls, slowly, lasciviously, as though the plan is to memorize and map every detail. 

And the worst part is, how much it's making you desperate for the warmth of her mouth - where she'll run her tongue up and down and over and around and inside - before sucking you off nice and slow.

"Or maybe," she laughs; another flick to the top and then suddenly her hand goes faster and the fist pumping the rest of you tightens. "They left you so needy you're resorting to having the bestie suck you off so that you won't be desperate the next time you date. Oh my god-" 

Hyeju breaks into this fit of laughter, and you're nearly cross-eyed at the feeling of your entire existence - not just your cock - so wholly held within her mercy, and her pity, and you're breathing so shallow now you'd think this is the real reason people have died and will die - this exact moment where you're choking and stuttering at the edges, so very close to cumming and going absolutely bonkers with how good Hyeju is with her hands, her tongue, her mouth - everything - how much she's wrecking you, and your jaw drops, wide open, her name dripping like molasses off your lower lip.

"Are you going to cum?" she asks, curiously. All as if she can't see you nodding, collapsing under pressure, and then and there: "should we make it official?"

Her nose tickles the seam of your balls. And your toes begin to curl and uncurl - all this anticipatory, coiling pleasure burning from her throat, shooting from the pit of your stomach; the tightening spiral, twinging and stretching every nerve - as her lips enclose around the end of your cock, softly.

And oh, just excruciatingly slowly.

You watch the irresistible shape of her mouth travel down until her throat feels so incredibly, beautifully, and unbelievably tight, and then, just like that - Hyeju starts fucking herself onto you; pushing forward and down the full, rigid length of you, hard and fast - each time hitting deeper inside her - all that sticky, messy, wet squelching.

"Unh-unh, yeah. Unh. Mm-!" you say, or moan, or some animal version of that, maybe, it’s incoherent.

But regardless:

It's messy and your hands scramble for purchase in the sheets of her bed when you feel that snap, the tightening of a trigger; when your balls roll up and it builds, and builds, and it comes faster - harder and -

"Hyeju," you pant, and it sounds so, so filthy. "I'm gonna cum, if you - gonna cum-"

Hyeju pulls you free from her lips, quite possibly at the most final of final moments, to rub the base up and down, just right, between her fingers. Your cock is resting right on her cheek when it all happens. When she squeezes her fingers around your balls just enough to hear you wheeze and make a sound no sane man should have the right to. And fuck, you're cumming all over her face - or just one side of it - which is already just -

Okay, fuck.

She makes a startled sound and her fist closes tightly around your shaft when you pump another fresh load of white up onto her eyebrow.

"I'm, ah-shit," your mouth moves faster than the blood in your veins - and now the shame - oh god, the humiliation, it's pulsing right behind you. "Hyeju," you apologize.

Only, Hyeju has no interest in any of it. She doesn't seem offended or disappointed in proportion to how you're ruining her pretty face: "no, just do it, cum wherever you fucking like."

Which isn't what you're expecting at all, because Hyeju makes no effort to close her lips, let alone avoid any of it; nor is she making a fuss about the sticky mess in her hair, her mouth, nor as another stream of cum throbs from your cock, all tangled up in the long dark eyelashes that sweep down across her cheek.

It’s fucking filthy: you're cumming all over her and she's just kneeling there, telling you, "good boy."

See, she pushes through it, languidly - all those filthy sounds, and those watery little tears gathering at the edge of her eye and all of that, mixing up together until you're rolling your head back with your orgasm, shuddering, feeling weak - drained dry -

Except,

Hyeju's pushing a finger to your chest, kneeling up tall from the side of the bed. She turns her body toward the center of the bed and wipes a bit of the cum on her knuckles into the sheets. Here you feel like you've done something terrible or at least regrettable, like that last round at the bar when you have a test the next morning; a dick move, all of the sort that requires apology.

"You gotta give me a minute, if you're thinking about hopping on."

"Hmm. Sounds like a lot to ask."

"Wait," you grab her arm. Hyeju grins and there's nothing stopping the shake of your knees now, that weakness between your thighs: "let me get you a drink."

"Or."

"Or?"

Her tongue peeks out, running along her upper lip. Her eyes drop again, hands dipping below, beneath the hem of her shorts and oh. She slips a hand past her bra. The whole outline of it. And you -

"Mm, I could show you what that actually means." She lowers her chest, her breasts, and a lot of skin to the mattress while keeping your cock firmly in her hands. "That look tells me you wanna stick around a bit. Stay up past New Year’s, you know?"

You're almost unable to parse her words, there is so much to look at: the jutting curve of her chest, cleavage pressing into the mattress as her body settles between your knees. A soft chuckle; a sigh: "you are seriously the best lay, no-one else can get hard the minute after they just fucking exploded all over me-"

"Fuck, watch it," you hiss, because there's oversensitivity - and then there's Hyeju's mouth on the line of your cock, polishing you clean.

And it’s not that she isn’t trying to prove a point. Or that she's not trying to tease - that's an inherent quality of her character: a naturally dominant position with a high appetite for your lust. That much, Hyeju gets from you, whether you've got your head down between her thighs or the other way, too, so that her neck is arched around and her ass pushed up high in the air, legs open, and if she had any idea you would spend the next twenty minutes or more just going down on her, licking into her creaming cunt while two fingers work over her aching clit, then really, Hyeju would only encourage it - maybe get on top, force you to gag - and so you don't know where it comes from - how and why you want nothing more than to drive your fingers inside her and work her until she's a wet, squelching mess, not when this was always Hyeju's role of being the aggressor; and yes, sure, even the aggressed.

Surely not because you came so hard, still somewhat shivering with the remnants of a rather abrupt, painful, sudden and all-consuming orgasm.

"We're not doing anything else," she says, lips pulled up into a smirk right at the crown of your cockhead. But before you can respond she pushes a hot open kiss, and goes lower. She presses the flat of her tongue to the seam, just below the head. Licks a line right up to the tip and finishes with a tender flick that sends you fisting the bedspread in your fingers and leaning back as your mind begins to disintegrate -

"I'm not going to ride you yet, or going to get my hips in your hands so you can fuck my pussy real hard until I cry and pass out. Nothing of that sort is gonna happen." She licks one long drag of her tongue. Then, the other way. "I want to make this very clear: this isn't some huge favor - and if you want it - want it so bad, you can stay there and I'm going to do everything for you. We will get there - together," and with her voice shaking as she brings the wet, glistening skin of your cock just inside her mouth, she looks up. "We'll get each other off, just like this," and it's the deep, dark, throated moan that makes your thighs and all the nerves in between stiffen and buck when she swallows you again.

Hyeju's hands tug, pull her whole body closer still as it slowly bends, curves - her ass raised, her stomach lying on the bed. Her mouth takes you another few inches, until the tip of her nose is barely visible, but when she pauses to lick the cum still left over - the cum that's starting to leak out again - to breathe through it, then squeeze her palm and bob her mouth down, take another inch, until the sides are stuffed and emptying out again, that's when she finally has something to say: "got anything left? I'm a little starved."

"I. Christ, yes-" you whine, which doesn't help your case at all: the image, the image of you lying flat - back with Hyeju's head tucked between your knees, her hand pulling out your cock.

Sloppy, slimy-wet.

She presses an innocent, not-at-all-innocent kiss right to your tip, puckering - 

"You know what I did learn in that genetics class?" she muses, tongue flicking over her lips. Hyeju's about ready for a second helping - you're losing it. "When I first saw that DNA diagram - the double helix and all those little base pairs, and everything - it made me think of your cock. Your cock and me. Specifically our DNA. Did you know-"

She presses her palm over the head and rolls it - teases and strokes her palm - her knuckles - her fist - the whole nine. "When I hold your big fucking cock, mm, and just get it right - up in here, rubbing all along my walls - so deep, it gets me in my fucking ribs, makes me choke like I never been choked before, ah-mm," and it's this thought sliding toward the front of your mind, this perfect picture: Hyeju, getting fucked hard and open and stuffed full and stuffed good and stupid; you’ve got more than a few inches on her, can make her feel small and delicate; you know how to do her right.

But here you have Hyeju stroking the shaft - holding her hand tightly up near the head, rolling and twisting and sliding down and pushing her whole body right into the side of your legs: the soft, solid length, warm flesh and curves everywhere pressing into you.

You sit back, and just watch Hyeju with her eyes cool and composed, like half of her fucking face isn't streaked with your cum, mouth wrapped and looking fucking satisfied to be a total, gorgeous mess. She makes a dramatic display of kissing the tip again, just before telling you words you probably dreamt up at some point - either sleep deprived, or, during three AM jackoff, fantasizing. "Sometimes, just from riding your cock, I can't sit up straight."

"Fuck," and you feel your whole body run rigid, because apparently that's something you’ve been aching to hear.

You're covering her mouth again. White streaking onto her lips - where she's catching it in the well beneath her tongue and letting it spill out of the corner of her mouth. Into the crook of your thumb, which catches a drip here and there and rubs it down the length - down the curve - and pushes it back between Hyeju's pert little pout.

"Doesn't count, mister, just more pre-cum," she says, all with the audacity of a wink and smile; her words are a little garbled around the head of your cock between her teeth. And when you nod and realize just how painfully your jaw hurts, your throat becomes tight and raw, a knot pulling the underside from the center. Hyeju slides her lips lower, lower down, to the hilt and stays there, just like that - one hand holding down the flat of your belly to keep your hips still, her chin hanging - bobbing-as she feels every pulse, every twitching shift. You curl one hand around the side of her face, over the sharp edge of her jaw; rub a thumb into the delicate skin of her throat.

She shifts. You start to tell her what you like: how hot the rush comes when a girl puts her tongue against the slit at the very tip, and licks at the precum in nice, quick circles, soft and fluttering. And how her fingers shouldn't hesitate either, Hyeju's not even struggling to give it to you - god - just giving and -

She jerks her head up, swallowing down her next breath like it's one of her last. "I'm serious, if you're going to fuck a hole, start with my mouth - we can move onto everything else after."

"You're ridiculous -"

She meets her lips to your head, kissing once. Again. Kissing every inch, letting her mouth wrap around and then just - staying, just - staying like that and humming, with you, enjoying the fullness, the smell of you, the taste, the shape, just the weight and size and you.

There is spit fucking everywhere.

And if it's not clear what you're supposed to be doing - her fingers weave through yours, squeezing hard at the wrist and you can imagine: pulling her forward by her hair and holding her down while she chokes on your cock. "Fuck, Hyeju," you say, and your voice comes out way shakier than you'd like, "when, how did it get like this, huh? You always - always did, shit, always want your mouth filled."

"Never figured you to be someone who'd get turned on watching their friend sucking their cock like this."

"Doesn't everybody love the sight of their cock in a pretty girl's mouth?

"You were really convinced they weren't lining up behind you? Or anyone in the queue who can't keep their eyes off of this thing. Tell me, and try not to lie, try not to bullshit this one out: how many girls have you come home and fucked and creamed their brains out - then asked for the sloppiest, most -"

"Honestly."

"- Filthiest, nasty, ball-busting, gut-wrenching blowjob ever to make them think - to make them really start wondering what the hell it was you did - like it's gotta be something that leaves them so ruined, they can't ever not compare - can't ever not compare this moment, right here. Ever. When you give them the hardest fucking of their life, compared to any other guy - can't not, because no-one, literally no-one's cock can fuck like you do-"

"Fuck-"

"Any harder. Come on, seriously, tell me it isn't true. Come on."

Her voice - her fucking words, the tone she uses and how her words roll: honey-warm and soaking with sweet, thick degradation - she talks like sex, and that's exactly what gets you harder, like it’s something else; like it’s nothing, like it’s less, so much worse - you feel this guilty-dirty heat pool at your tailbone and push down the hard press of you throbbing all the way to her nose. And Hyeju smiles as much as she's capable around the fat, round stretch, humming around the warm taste of you, before opening wide and sinking her throat on it.

There's nothing like it.

You've got two fists in her hair; she's so tight and wet around every god-damn inch. Her cheeks flush - hot to the touch; her tongue laving in slow, long drags, slicking your shaft nice and warm until you're balls-deep and pushing her further: a small shift to the hips, a push here, a harder, faster pull, and Hyeju's feet behind her go curling like an angry cat, wanting the tug.

A long, satisfied breath slips from the hollows of her throat.

There are tears threatening, thickening her lashes, and though she doesn't choke - you're just afraid. Every sound that she pulls out, her eyes blinking up to you as if it's only natural to love getting used by her friend's cock, like the very premise of it - swallowing down the very shape of you, dragged over her tongue and brushing cum into the back of her throat - is something she can’t go without.

But this is nothing compared to the noises from where her lips are pressed tight around you, where you're hearing and even feeling:

That gluck, gluck - where her chest spasms just the slightest when her nose gets nuzzled right into your belly and you remember how much she likes to hear you talk dirty, how fucking wet it gets her. The heavy, deep breaths, gasps; the strangled moans when your hips just buck - the heat and the thrill, and this is better than every other time because there's just something in this moment -

"I'm not gonna come again, not like this. Not in your mouth. You can’t-"

But Hyeju refuses to hear a word; just pumps your shaft faster, feeling it's familiar hardness grow and throb and ache and retch, all her effort paying off: you're slick with precum and spit, hard and straining, the whole shaft begging for release - all because of her. And Hyeju won't stop, she pushes her cheek onto your thigh and then taps a hand there to pull your hips. The motion drives your cock further still inside her. Until it’s bathed in her spit, your cum, all this mess.

Until it's reaching, choking her, and the muffled sounds she's making are filthy and wet and so incredulously hot.

But god. Hyeju has something of a temper and a habit, too: with those big beautiful eyes and the perfect plump of her pouting lips, her tits swelling up around, when your grip slips on her shoulder, and her mouth goes tighter - how the pleasure begins to make you unbearably cruel and you push her away from you, only for a second -

She doesn't wait or seem to care; Hyeju follows the cock with her whole head and whimpers so hotly in her throat when it plops right back on her tongue. "That's more - more like - fuck, oh, there we go," her nose and fingers prodding.

You groan through a high, strangled whimper, a helpless shiver that turns into an uncontrollable roll of the hips - you can't believe it: she's already so thoroughly debauched and defaced; just fucking painted with it. Your cum dripping off her chin and rolling down her neck.

"Fuck - gonna make me - ah, Jesus -"

When Hyeju seems to have reached her fill, the feeling, you're cumming - pumping the length of your shaft. And the moment she feels you twitch and throb and that first hot spill lands in the bend of her mouth, it's as if she understands and holds herself tight - her legs going stock-still while your eyes blow up behind her, your cock spewing another and then another thick, milky load into her mouth, over her tongue: all along the topography of her throat - sticky cum landing in every ridge and valley -

Hyeju catches as much as she can. What little she can. You cum and pump and gush so much that when you're finally finished - done - every last drop spent and given - your cock throbs soft between her fingers; her chin is a complete and utter mess and her chest heaves with the sound of her catching her own breath. Hyeju groans softly and just swishes the load around in her mouth for a bit as if wanting to remember its feel and weight before lifting her eyes to look into yours. You can just barely see the color.

"Jesus, Hyeju-"

The entire bit of it, slick and shining-wet. With a small moan, a sound from the back of her throat: one swallow and the cum is gone, disappeared, vanished. She smiles like she didn't just ruin your entire goddamn life and, with her body limp and exhausted beside you - her gentle hand rubbing a flat stroke over your thigh before yours slips up to meet her chin.

"You," you curse and roll your eyes, catching the mess at the edge of her jaw, the very little left in the corners of her lips. You feed the cum over her bottom lip - her chin, her throat - watching your friend: Hyeju's throat, bobbing. "Really didn't have to," you start, but you realize just how useless a point it is to make.

She's smiling and biting and showing you what's left between the tips of her canines. "Do you always do this to the people who suck you off?"

"That's an awful habit. A pretty girl's lips aren't meant to get that messy," you reply.

"Oh." She frowns. "Well, I do a lot of things I shouldn't."

"God, seriously," and you think there's no greater hell, no sweeter pain than whatever's lingering in these little aftershocks - this fizzling and dying sort of pain, where the body is buzzed with all you're aching for. It's impossible to stop this train of thoughts, is the fucking feeling of her-

But just then, Hyeju rises to her knees, a new spark in her eyes, as she grabs ahold of your wrist and tugs you off the sheets, a few inches closer.

"And you," she purrs as she drags the palm of your hand across her neck and collarbone, collecting what remains and making the perfect image, "well - you are going to help clean me up, like you said before." She sits tall; the arch of her spine is pronounced - her back, so, very, slightly tapering, to where your hand slips right off the last of it: the wide flare of her hips. "Now isn't that the gentleman's thing to do?" she asks.

"Of course." You sigh, resigned and in desperate need of water. "Of course," you add and smirk a little and slip your hand lower, toward where her skin is getting hot, and her body, "let's get you clean."

"Mm." She's already grinning. "You know what wasn't in those textbooks?"

"Oh, I can only guess." You bite your cheek and start to lower yourself back. "Give it a try."

Hyeju drags you by the wrist toward the hall, the bathroom, ostensibly the shower -

"There's no way in hell you don't want to put a baby in me, like, right fucking now."

"Is that what we're doing?"

Hyeju makes a face like you're stupid - she might've grabbed a towel on the way out. She wipes her chin a little while walking - the corner of her mouth where, well - where it looks like a little dribble has somehow remained. "No. But you’re going to fuck me like it is."

-

(There's got so much on her mind. 

The door of the shower rattling in its frame as she struggles standing up against it. Getting fucked so fast and full, the feeling of both your hands cupped beneath the weight of her breasts. It's not the fact of where you are and your situation, per say - more about the immediate, the imperative nature. About fucking you. She was already feeling herself like, leaking the moment the door shut, so all that waiting, all that patience, really - and it's what drove her insane when you were, well: like that, after she put her mouth around your cock, made a right and proper mess of herself, and sucked you off.

Though there's less on her mind, clearly, when she cums all over your cock.

She's crying with her tits up onto the glass, your palm holding her ribs. Your cum-slick cock working itself hard again as it slips, back and forth, as you're fucking her open, spread apart. It's your finger in her asshole. That's what's on her mind then. How the press of your knuckle lights her entire fucking spine on fire - how the other hand finds her clit in all this, too, when you're no longer supporting the both of you but rather Hyeju is folding on her bent knee and trusting, on shaking and shivering, raw nerves, that you're not going to collapse.

"Fucking. God, please-"

There's the harsh slap of flesh - skin on wet skin, your palms against the sides of her ass and the curve of the breast. But otherwise - it's you, sighing - soft and gentle, like you can't get over the feel of her. "Hyeju, oh-fucking, god, fucking," is what you're saying, and it doesn't end up really mattering which one of you came last because she can feel you twitching, squelching in and out with how badly you're wanting to explode inside, but also you can feel her cunt absolutely begging, this fucking fluttering and clamping down on every thrust and the moment you manage to grind this angle she loses her ability to speak properly because you're not just, like - fucking her-

Just, absolutely, completely pounding her pussy, stretching her insides, dragging and sliding along the walls; each rough rub and thrust makes her knees quiver until her body is trembling and falling. But mostly her voice, the sharp gasp that shakes into her, how her nails are scraping the walls of the shower stall and she's saying - telling, crying and asking and wondering and pleading - just utterly astounded:

"Amazing," she huffs, breathes coming out cloudy and true onto the pane of glass, "you - it’s, fucking amazing.")

-

“And I am… Ironman.”

Your eyes flicker awake, hazy, as Tony Stark snaps his fingers, killing himself alongside Thanos’ army in the process.

The TV's long been running on background noise, though not as ambient. Its characters now bickering between the rubble and ruins and being picked up for the end credits. In the dark of the screen, you see Hyeju had nodded off and slumped over the side of your body. A new year means new beginning means resolutions and diets and gym routines -

Maybe no sooner than the sun can come up, apparently.

You lean over to grab your phone from the table: 4:14 A.M.

There's a lot of things you want to say, even more you want to hear, but your mind has begun to settle a bit - a lazy and dreamy thing that fills you with this sort of, tired kind of - not sad, or empty - no, of course not. That's hardly fitting; not after tonight. You want to wrap this in an idealistic sort of sentiment - maybe hold Hyeju close and let the hour carry you and the comfort be enough to forgive whatever there is to miss: like the fact, it's still really dark, so dark even outside. The moon reflecting off the sheet of snow on the street. And not even a distant dog barking, or car driving by or someone playing loud music in the early hours of the new year.

As the film drifts off into another set of commercials, you slip into an easy sleep that feels effortless. Your head drops, landing on the cushion by the arm of the couch, where Hyeju's hand begins to slip mindlessly across your belly, tickling your waist and causing you to slightly squirm - things are cooling down, but still a little agitated.

"Don't tell me you're waking me up, cause I just -"

She kisses the pulse at your throat and answers, mumbling half-words into the spot below your ear. "A kiss for a new year."

And maybe the world doesn't owe you anything at all.

Maybe it just gave you more than enough.

#hyeju smut #loona smut #loona hyeju smut #loossemble smut #loossemble hyeju smut #olivia hye smut #loona olivia hye smut #kpop smut #male reader #capslocked kinkvember

[superstition13]

Being an Australian girl born and raised, and one who lives in Sydney, you can imagine how happy I was when I was watching Free! and found out that Rin spent time in Australia (specifically Sydney I think?) The fact that the poor guy would have had to also sit through those stupid ass NAPLAN exams they make us do in primary school and high school makes me feel SEEN damnit.

I'm pretty sure the only country they even do it in is Australia, but I needed to get this thought out there. It's definitely something he would have had to do while living over here, and it just makes me happy that he would have had to deal with it as well. And if any there are other Aussies see this who are also a fan of Free! and had to sit through NAPLAN testing, I hope this realisation makes you smile or laugh too! 😁

Oh! And for the people who don't know what NAPLAN is,and you want to so you can maybe better understand what it is and why I (along with pretty much everyone who has ever had to do it) hate the damn thing so much, I'll break it down below for you! You don't have to read it, but it's there if you want to, it doesn't impact on what I said above, it just explains what it is and why most people hate it and/or think it's so dumb. ♥

༻𓊈𒆜Random Info𒆜𓊉༺

NAPLAN testing is just a stupid series of tests kids in Australia have to sit through during their education. You only do it in your third, fifth, seventh, and ninth years of school (although if you fail it in your ninth year you have to retake it until you pass). It stands for National Assessment Program - Literacy and Numeracy and like the name suggests it tests your literacy and numeracy skills and started back in 2008. As you may have noticed, I, along with a lot of other Australians, think it's dumb.

For starters, we aren't even graded on it. Sure we receive a pass or a fail, but it doesn't actually count towards the grades we receive in school or the results of any other exams we take. You sit the tests, the results come back, and it tells you whether or not your skills in that area are average, below, or above. A passing grade is just in the average margin or above average margin, but again it doesn't actually count towards anything and you don't have to retake it if you 'fail.' The only time you have to retake it is in your ninth year of school if you fail. You sit the tests you failed again in your tenth year and you retake it until you get into the average or above margins.

All in all it's pretty much considered a huge failure and a lot of schools in Australia are trying to circle it out of their curriculum. I think I heard a while back that most states don't do it anymore, but Queensland and New South Wales still do. People argue that it's more of a reflection of our teachers abilities to actually teach us, but again it's pretty much this huge failure.

It's taken by just about every kid in the country in the third, fifth, seventh, and ninth years of school. There are some exemptions but it's sat by a very large majority of students in those year levels. It costs about $100 million a year for everything that goes into it but it doesn't actually improve teaching standards, offer much insight, enhance educational resources, or boost the well-being of students and teachers. There's little to no educational value and the reliability of results is poor at best. Not to mention the fact that we receive the results a whole five months after the test itself.

The school year starts in late January and the test is done in May, so it's usually around October that we get the results. Considering the school year ends in mid-December, it's impossible to even consider let alone create a meaningful change that will assist students and their teachers in anyway shape or form before the end of the school year. Even though some argue that it's a reflection of a teacher's ability to educate, it actually indicates very little in regards to a teacher's quality and actually seems to encourage a poorer quality in teaching. It promotes a superficial kind of learning as opposed to one that focuses on encouraging creativity and cultivating complex knowledge and skills needed in the real world. Not to mention it doesn't demonstrate a kid's performance in sport, science, and the performing arts.

It just gives students a load of unnecessary stress and anxiety, not to mention that some of the kids who are taking it are as young as seven years old (and I'm one of those kids)! I managed to scrape a pass whenever I had to do a NAPLAN test but it still told me that my performance would affect my ability to succeed in school and in life. Most of only started realising how stupid and flawed it was in our seventh and ninth years of school, but by then we were already becoming accustomed to the ridiculous amount of pressure by our teachers to do well, otherwise we'd be seen as below average and dumb.

Yes, it is definitely important to see and measure how well students are performing and how well teachers are educating their students, but NAPLAN is in no way a reliable way to test these things. It's unreliable and skewed data, isn't a reflection of genuine ability, only tests a very narrow field of education, and delivers an enormous amount of pressure to children as young as seven years old.

Despite all these flaws and the absolute failure that is the NAPLAN exams, it's one if the few (if only) nationwide tests that Australian kids have to take. And again, this costs Australian taxpayers around $100 MILLION a year.

It's stupid, I hate it, we all hate it. Rin probably would have had to take it so yeah, that makes me happy to know that he probably had the same experience as me :)

#free! dive to the future #free! eternal summer #free! imagines #free! headcanons #free! thoughts #free! #free! rin #rin matsuoka #rin matsuoka headcanon #rin matsuoka imagine #free! scenarios #rin matsuoka scenario #rin #matsuoka #anime #free! 🫧

[arnold-layne]

Collage Slaxl pleaseeee

here you go babygirl <3

“So how was the exa-“ Slash began as Axl walked into the room. The loud door slam already told him everything he needed to know, but Axl looked like he had a lot to say in addition to that, and did not linger to do so.

“This dick! This asshole! This bastard!” Books flew from the table at a wave of a hand. Slash stepped aside so the hard covers wouldn’t hit him on the foot. Paper flew all over the room.

“Hey, those are expensive,” he said.

“So what?” Axl grumbled, “I was just gonna set that motherfucker’s book on fire anyway.”

“It would hurt him more if you sold it. He won’t get no money from someone buying a new one.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. No, no, imagine what he said! ‘Mr. Rose, you don’t appear to take the subject seriously’! If I didn’t take it seriously, I wouldn’t have come to the goddamn exam!”

“Why’d he say that?”

“Because he expected everyone to arrive in fucking suits, I suppose. Imagine being so insecure that your ego gets hurt when a student wears jeans to your exam!”

“I don’t think he’s insecure,” Slash picked up a textbook, flattened out its pages and put it back on the table. “I think he’s a self-centered arrogant dickhead who thinks that everyone should do what he wants.”

“Thanks for the psychoanalysis, Mr. Freud,” Axl rolled his eyes and plopped onto a chair. “We got any beer?”

“In the fridge. So when’s the retake?”

“What retake?” Axl kicked the fridge open, pulled out a bottle of beer and cracked it open right on the fridge door.

“Of the exam.” Slash raised his eyebrows. “Don’t just tell me you stormed out the room without learning when the retake is.”

“Why would I? I got an A.”

Slash frowned. “What?”

“Are you deaf? I got an A. I don’t need to retake the exam.” Axl sipped his beer, openly enjoying the transformation of Slash’s face from confused to angry.

“Then what the fuck was all this about?!” Slash pointed at the books on the floor. “The door-slamming, the screaming?”

“He didn’t like my hair!” Axl murmured defensively. Slash picked up a book and threw it at him. He missed, but Axl had to jump to the side and spilled beer all over his shirt. “Is that what I get instead of a congratulation?! This is my favourite tee!”

“It’ll wash off.” Slash waved his hand. “You really gotta reconsider your priorities, Rose.”

“He’s still an asshole,” Axl took off the t-shirt. “And so are you! Got an A, and all he does is throw books at me! I’m not appreciated in this house…” He opened a closet and dug into a pile of clean – at least Slash hoped so – t-shirts, mumbling angrily.

Slash sighed.

“Pick something nice,” he said. “Let’s go eat out, celebrate your good grade.”

Axl emerged out of the closet with a clean t-shirt in his hands. “That’s better,” he grinned.

#axl rose #slash #slaxl #i mean. theres not so much slaxl in here but still #guns n roses #guns n roses fanfiction #axl is a little bitch and he likes throwing fits but hes also a smart motherfucker and would actually do well at school if he cared enough #you cant change my mind #i didnt forget about blurb requests babes im just slow with them #and thank you for sending in so many <3 #ill get to them eventually #fanfiction #my writing

[sanshine]

open book exams my beloved (not)

#imagine wanting to retake an exam to get a better grade #only for you to make a major mistake out of pure stupidity #bc you overlooked something #and that mistake was worth so many points that I could've used #I hate myself so much right now fksbfksnf #I can still retake it one more time I guess..... #but is it worth it #because I passed easily both times I just.... don't want a bad grade on my diploma fksbdksbf #it's a mediocre trade but bad in my eyes lol #why do I do this to myself someone hold me pls #gonna ask my mom for some love now what a horrible day again lol #biba rants #mediocre *grade btw #can't even think rn lol

[i-like-sparkly-things]

Right in front of you

A Halstead!sister

Jay held a strong grip on your upper arm as he led you out to the school hall. "What the hell was that Y/N? Are you happy now? God.... I can't believe you cheated!" he sneered, "EYES UP HERE Y/N!! "

"I'm sorry" you sighed, locking eyes with Jay, silently praying that he would let this go. It was only one time anyway. It wasn't a big deal.

But he let out a hollow laugh, "Thirty percent, Y/N, THIRTY PERCENT. You're going to have to do better than a half-ass apology. What exactly are you sorry for? Huh? For cheating? Or being caught?"

Requested : Yes by @study-coffee-chicago : They found out she cheated on a test in high school...and Jay's the one who has to pick her up.

Warnings : angry!Jay (lots of it), alcohol, swearing, anxiety attacks

Note : I am so so so sorry this so longg 😭 I ended up so far away from the actual request kayela please don't block mee 😭 butt I've learned alot in writing abt active and passive voices and using more imagery Yayy!! I'm so glad that yall are ok with my grammar thank uu🥺

MASTERLIST HERE

The piles of homework and flashcards you needed to memorize had no end in sight, and now that Will was taking nightshifts along with his usual double shifts, and intelligence was tracking down an underground drug cartel, you spent most days alone, allowing your mind to engulf you.

Every time you sat down to study, you felt a striking pain in your chest. In mere seconds the air was sucked out of your lungs and you found yourself panting, desperate to get oxygen back into your body.

You would be surrounded by books and worksheets and you could swear the walls of your room were closing in towards you, trapping you in a sea of incomplete work.

You failed to follow the schedules and to do lists you had made for yourself. Staring at them, hoping the essays would write themselves.

All you needed, was a break. A moment to relax from anything and everything.

So when your best friend mentioned that her brother used to drink a little before he appeared for an exam, your mind was quick to catch on.

Last night you had borrowed a little bit of beer from Jay's stash of alcohol and took a few sips of it as you studied.

The more you drank, the less bitter it became. It was a weird, new sensation, but it worked nonetheless.

Except now, you were sitting in the girls bathroom at school, ramaging through your notes, trying to recollect what you had learned yesterday.

You saw what you had underlined and highlighted— names in pink and important dates in yellow—but your mind came up blank.

Flipping the pages you saw people in wigs, and castles burning to the ground —None of which you recognized.

A wave of anxiety rippled through you unable to comprehend your next thought —you were going to fail.

Your head was throbbing as you ran a hand down face, massaging your temples trying to calm yourself down.

You took out your water bottle that you had filled with beer and swallowed a few gulps, hoping that it would help you think straight.

You groaned, feeling the sting of alcohol at the back of your throat, popping some mints into your mouth, you ran towards the exam hall.

***

Your foot bounced on the polished wood floors as sweat pooled on your forehead.

You thought you were careful —only taking a peek from your friends answer sheet when Mrs.Ling's back was facing you.

Everything would have worked out if it wasn't for that kid sitting behind you. In a split second your teacher turned around, when he dropped his pen, to see you peering over your partner's desk.

Now you were sitting in the principles office praying that Jay wouldn't be the one picking you up.

You could already imagine his anger at you for pulling him away from his case, only to find you cheated.

Unfortunately luck was not on your side today.

You dare not look at Jay as he entered the office, letting out a huff as he sat down. You could feel the rage emitting him, tension filling the room, as he burned holes looking at you.

"I'll get straight to the point" Your principal started.

"Please" Jay growled, struggling to contain himself. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, when he got the call saying that you had cheated on your midterms.

You and Will were alike,at least he thought so, both good at science and math but weak at geography and history. Nonetheless you continued to secure good grades for the most part.

"Y/n here, was caught cheating from a classmates answer sheet. Our teacher caught her red handed. I truly did not expect this from you. These midterms cost thirty percent of your grade..... "

Pretty soon his voice was muffled like he was getting farther and farther away from you. His figure swayed in front of you as you squinted your eyes to keep him in the center of your vision.

" You are suspended, Mrs halstead"

Your eyes widened , your body choosing the perfect time to bring out what little beer you had taken when you heard those words, letting the alcohol mix with the adrenaline.

"WHAT??!! " Damn, alcohol really bought out your courage as Jay stared at you in shock at your audacity.

"Y/n, your lucky I'm letting you retake the exam. That's only because you've had a clean record so far. I strongly suggest you start preparing early Ms. halstead" your principal said in a firm but monotone voice that left you speechless.

Jay held a strong grip on your upper arm as he led you out to the school hall. "What the hell was that Y/N? Are you happy now? God.... I can't believe you cheated!" he sneered, "EYES UP HERE Y/N!! "

Oh god. Every now and then, the ground would sway beneath you, tiles shifting in your vision. But you counted your steps, carefully putting one foot in front of the other, not wanting Jay to find out what else you had done........ until now.

You tilted your head, only to be met with your brother's piercing stare but little did he know, now it made it infinitely harder to concentrate on your walking.

"I'm sorry" you sighed, locking eyes with Jay, silently praying that he would let this go. It was only one time anyway. It wasn't a big deal.

But he let out a hollow laugh, "Thirty percent, Y/N, THIRTY PERCENT. You're going to have to do better than a half-ass apology. What exactly are you sorry for? Huh? For cheating? *Or being caught?*"

***

You rested your head on the seat as Jay entered the truck, flinching, when he slammed the door shut. Your pounding headache was getting worse by the minute, as your ears started to ring.

You blinked a few times squinting to focus on the road ahead of you but the fast-moving cars and the loud horns made you feel like your head was going to explode.

"Y/n," he addressed you, much calmer now.

You forced yourself to turn to your brother, who wore a confused expression.

But the moment he saw your deshelfed hair and your cracked lips, a wave of worry crashed over him. What the hell?

The truck came to a stop at a red light and Jay immediately scanned you over "Y/n?" he grabbed your chin, his jaw dropping, as he came face to face with reality.

"Are you drunk!!?" he barked , steam basically pouring out of his ears.

But your pleading eyes and empty silence gave him the answer he needed. "Are you kidding me??" he snarled as he slammed the steering wheel.

Oh God no. A blinding pain ripped through your head when Jay's palms made contact with the hard plastic. You winched turning your head away from your furious brother, letting out a whimper.

Jay's eyes widened at the sound, his heart breaking, realizing the pain you were in.

If he was going to be mad at you or at least punish you, you needed to be sober.

He stepped on the pedal as the light turned green taking a few breaths, trying to calm himself down.

With the vice lords reclaiming their territory and selling uncut fentanyl, bodies were dropping all over the city most of them being kids.

Kids..... your age.

Every kid at the morgue, just reminded him of you. He saw parents sobbing, begging for their kids to come back but Jay new better. They were never going to come home. Ever.

So he made it a priority to catch these ruthless creatures. He made it a priority over his sleep, over nine hours shifts and unknown to him, over spending time with you.

"Hey , hey" he whispered, not wanting to hurt you again, "We'll talk about this later ok? for now...... just..... it's ok..... I've got you" here reached out his hand, the other still on the steering wheel, to slowly rub your back as you tried to breath through the pain.

" I got you"

***

Jay wrapped a hand around you allowing you to hold onto him for support.

Silently, he deposited you on the couch, laying you down. He knew that he wasn't in any state to talk to you. He needed to clear his mind from his racing thoughts and rueful images of dying teenagers.

His phone rang, indicating that the district was awaiting him. "Here" he reluctantly shook your shoulders "Y/n, I need to go ok? Will will be here soon"

***

Almost half an hour had passed and you were waiting for Will to get out of the shower. You'd heard Jay explain everything to him over the phone.

You thought about how disappointed he would be.

Will —being the nerd he was— always helped you with your projects and gave you pop quizzes during breakfast, before your exams. He taught you how to organize flashcards just like he did in med school.

Even through your blurry thoughts, the image of Will's betrayed face and embarrassed eyes, knowing you cheated, lingered on your mind.

Your body was all over the place. Tiny noises echoing through your ear. Your muscles simultaneously aching and loose.

You were shivering as you tried to curl up into a ball. Your body trying to hold what little heat it had within itself.

But nothing stopped your tears.

You felt water drops make their way down your cheeks forming small splotches of water on the cushion you laid your head on.

And you didn't bother to wipe them away.

Will more or less was in the same state you were in. There was a multi-vehicle accident on the highway and victims were piling in the ED. He was running from one treatment room to the other, waiting to get back home and crash.

Will walked over to you with a huge glass of water and an advil, gently  nudging you to sit up.

Your head still pounded, your eyes zoning in and out of the figure in front of you "Y/n, here drink the whole glass and take this" Will soothed, placing the glass and the pill in your hand "I—I'm sorry" You whispered, distracting yourself from Will's eyes.

Will knew he should be angry. Just like Jay was but he couldn't bring himself to blaming you, not until he had the full story anyway.

You looked so petite on the enormous couch, your legs folded on top of each other, arms shaking as you drowned the glass of water along with the Advil.

Your red puffy eyes and tear strained cheeks,were a contrast from your usual self. or he thinks. He's been pretty busy lately, so he's not too sure. " We'll talk about it later. I'm not angry. I promise"

He assured and was about to head to bed himself when you grabbed his wrist.

If he wasn't angry at you then maybe— just maybe—he would help you.

"Stay" You pleaded , the word falling from your lips just as easily as it had, many, many times before.

And just like before, you were met with Will's soft brown eyes filled with sympathy, ready to help. Ready—to be by your side.

He's slowly nodded climbing onto the couch, next to you. He wrapped an arm around you and you nestled into him, laying your head on his chest.

You found some comfort as he embraced you, talking you under his arm and encompassing you in his warmth.

Holding on to him, you hoped that he would take your pain away, just like he did when you were little.

***

Will woke up to an uncomfortable feeling of something —or someone—   tugging at his shirt.

He slowly opened his eyes allowing them to adjust to the light as he felt another a tug at his side. He looked over to you, but your eyes were shut, brimming with tears, your arm laid across his chest.

You were holding on to Will , using him as a lifeline, grounding you from the pain.

You felt a hand squeezing your own, stopping you from gripping the fabric "Y/n?" You opened your eyes to look up at will who had tears of his own, staring at the state you were in "it's okay, I'm here, I'm right here"

He encircles you, tighter than before, whispering soothing assurances into your hair.

***

With Will's help, the pain slowly subsides, allowing you access to your thoughts again.

You step out of the shower, into the living room and your eyes widen seeing Jay and Will sitting at the kitchen counter.

You didn't even hear Jay come in, but right now taking in his hardened glare, you didn't dare ask.

You knew what was coming and you didn't fight. You couldn't.

"So apparently we're cheating on our midterms now, huh?" Jay's calm voice made shivers run down your spine, starting to take rapid breaths.

"And apparently, someone thinks it's ok to steal alcohol from my stash" He gritted, never breaking I contact with you. "Do you think that's how the world works Y/n? DO YOU? BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED YOU'RE STILL A FUCKING TEENAGER!!" He spat, his thoughts fuming towards your trembling body.

It was every dieing body flashing before his eyes, as the past months' agony slipped off his tongue.

"Jay" Will's voice was stern, giving a knowing look towards his younger brother and didn't bother to give Jay time to argue with him.

"Y/n, we need to know what's going on"

"With school, with tests with....... everything" he stated giving you a solemn look meaning every word he said, promising himself that he would do whatever it takes to figure out what had been going on.

You sucked in a breath weighing all your options. You didn't want them to think that you needed a babysitter or  that you couldn't take care of yourself.

You knew that they had their own problems to worry about but you couldn't take it anymore.

You hated it.

The feeling of your lungs collapsing, struggling to find air for your body, your stress skyrocketing anytime you sat down to study, never getting any thing done.

All day long you would constantly tell yourself to do your work. Every spare second is spent in making a list of things you want to do but when it was time to actually do those things, your mind wandered and emptied.

You took another deep breath, looking up from your feet, your eyes meeting your brothers.

You spilled the past months events from how alone you were all the time and not being able to concentrate to how you ended up drunk at school and cheating on your midterms.

Tears rolled down your cheeks as you your hands trembled. You stood crying in the middle of the room until you felt a pair of arms around you.

Will placed his hand at the nape of your neck as he stroked your back with the other "Breathe Y/n, just Breathe" He slowly pulled away leading you to the couch.

God, how he wished he could turn back time. Then he'd been more vigilant to notice the changes that had come over you.

You felt the couch dip on both sides but you intently studied your fingers, fumbling with the hem of your shirt and wiped the tears off your face. They were mad. No, they were furious. You knew it.

But for some reason, they weren't showing it. Maybe they were waiting-

"We're not mad"

You without your head around to look at Jay, furrowing your eyebrows in disbelief. Jay? Not mad? HA.

"but I am disappointed though, but that's only because you didn't tell us......

but stealing alcohol was bad too" he added, earning him a glare from Will.

"Y/n, what Jay means is— we could've helped with school . Homework . Tests . Anything, you name it. We will help" he assured, "But how do we know you need help, if you don't tell us?"

You sighed, taking in the weird turn of events that had happened before you. You had wasted all this time, trying to figure out all your problems out, when the answer was right in front of you.

A mountain of guilt now sat on Jay's shoulders, weighing down on him, pushing him deeper into a wormhole of 'if's'.

Maybe if he'd just been a little more careful, this wouldn't have happened.

Maybe if he'd stop and listen to you once in a while, this wouldn't have happened.

While trying to save kids out on the street, he forgot to care for the kid at home. You were his sister, and yet, here you are in front of him, barely keeping yourself together.

But that would change. Right here. *Right now.*

"Y/n," Jay started "If you would have told us how alone and stressed you were feeling.....I would've taken some time off... Maybe we'd watch a movie or something. All you had to do was ask...... And we'll get you the help you need, y/n. You good with that?" he questioned, his anger and frustration dissipating.

You saw your brother, the workaholic detective, wanting to put his job aside, for you .

You were more important to him, than his job—You realized.

" Yea... Yeah, I am"

Will stood up and got another advil with another glass of water. "and maybe you wouldn't end up drunk and cheating on your test" he smirked, crouching in front of you.

"God, I didn't think it would hurt this bad. I am never drinking again!" you smiled , as you drowned the pill.

"See now that's what I like to hear!!" Jay exclaimed, wrapping his arms around you, squeezing you into his chest. You squirmed, trying to get out of his grip, laughing, when you were joined by Will.

You know what? Maybe, things are going to be okay? Ya know?

__________________________

Read more of my fics here!!

Tagging : @girlandthemoon @herecomesthewriterwitch @megaliciab @meyocoko @alkadri-layal

#jay halstead #will halstead #chicago pd #chicago med #jay halstead x sister!reader #halstead sister #halstead sister imagine #jay halstead one shot #will halstead oneshot #halstead brothers

[that-yandere-life]

Could I get a Peter x reader where he’s been stalking her and the reader is distraught and crying because she’s gotten a low score on her ACT and Peter comes and “randomly” runs into her and comforts her?

[Warning: I had to change it to Exam rather than the actual ACT as I always write Peter as 18+, I hope that is alright!]

Peter first noticed you in one of his classes, and immediately became intrigued by you just by watching your mannerisms.

Slowly he went from just watching you in class, to unknowingly always watching you from the shadows.

Having your entire schedule down in his memory, working around his own classes to be with you as often as possible even if you didn’t know it.

Notes taken down in a notebook about any interest he can possibly discover from hearing you talk about it or from your social media.

Researching everything in his down time, which he has very little of thanks to you.

So immediately he knew something was wrong by the look on your face as the professor returned your exams that afternoon.

It wasn’t easy to hide your clear disappointment in yourself as you looked at the low mark on the paper.

Trying desperately not to cry in front of the rest of the class, wanting to wait until you could be alone to break down.

Managing to choke back your tears until you left the building, only able to make it to the side of the building before you slid down the wall to sit on the ground.

Letting everything out as you continued to look at the grade on the now tear soaked paper sat upon your thighs.

Of course Peter followed you like he did after every class, able to hear you crying before he could actually see you.

Taking a few deep breaths before deciding that he should stop and try to comfort you, despite maintaining his distance before.

It wouldn’t be too out of the ordinary for him to “stumble” upon you since you both left the same place.

Rounding the corner he pretended to be surprised to see you in that state, taking cautious steps towards you while alerting you to his presence.

“Hey, uh are you alright?”

Sniffling you wipe your nose on your sleeve, trying to spit out an answer that would be satisfactory but unable to get through your sentence without sobbing.

Peter kneeled down next to you, concern on his features as he touched your shoulder in a comforting manner.

What he didn’t expect was for you to fly into his arms, crying into his chest, damn near knocking him over.

Needing someone to tell you that it was going to be okay, even if he was a complete stranger at the time.

Wrapping his arms around you, whispering how it was going to work out, and offering to help you study for the next one.

Effectively worming his way into your life a little bit at a time, it going way better than he imagined it would.

Making sure he took great notes so that he could help you study, figuring out your learning style quite quickly.

Able to explain everything in a way that you understand, even talking to your teacher about letting you retake the test.

Somehow he managed to get them to agree, helping you for a week to prepare knowing that this time you would have it in the bag.

And even if you didn’t he would be that much more encouraging about preparing for the next one.

He would do anything to see you smile again, and to help you feel more secure in your academics.

Peter believes in you, even when you don’t want to believe in yourself.

[Thank you so much for this idea! I hope that you enjoy, and that it was sort of what you were looking for! ]

#yandere marvel #marvel yandere #peter parker x reader #yandere peter parker #yandere spiderman #Anonymous

[greekletters]

it’s that time again..

Here’s the next one shot! Also posted to AO3 and FF.net for those who follow there. 

Prompt: Stop trying to cheer me up. 

It’s monos, as always.  ---------------------------

It had been nearly a week. The entire team had been walking on eggshells. All because of this stupid Dust Theory exam.

The exam that Weiss Schnee failed.

But it hadn't been one of those nearly there failures where you scored ten percent or less from a passing grade. No, it was one of the ones where your first answer determined whether you got the rest of the questions right. And Weiss got the first question wrong. So she ended up getting all the questions wrong.

After Goodwitch had returned the exams back to you, there was that moment of initial shock. The 'how could Ruby AND Yang score higher than Weiss?' kind of shock. You know, the one that no one has ever experienced before and probably will never again.

Once that had settled down, Weiss seemingly entered into some really odd form of a grieving process. What was she grieving for exactly? Who knows, at this point it might as well be your sanity. Because it was all downhill from there.

Of course there had been the obvious denial that she got the question wrong, that the exam was flawed. That somehow all of you but her managed to get the same answer, but hers was actually the correct one.

There were also some short lived attempts at trying to bargain with Goodwitch. All of which were futile. "The results are final, Miss Schnee." That was the response when she asked to retake the exam. Or when she offered to correct the exam and hand it back in for partial credit. "The results are final, Miss Schnee." Every. Single. Time.

And you had done your best to try and help her work through this. But she wanted no assistance getting over her loss.

"It's just one exam Weiss. It's not the end of the world. We have four more exams left in the semester. You have plenty of time to boost your grade."

"Blake, you have no idea what this does to my average! It will literally destroy my untarnished record."

"How terrible that must be." You cared that she was upset. You just thought her reasoning was a little ridiculous.

Striving for and expecting to achieve academic perfection was a little unreasonable of a goal to have. No one was perfect. Not even Weiss Schnee, although you would fight anyone that attempted to suggest otherwise.

"Do you understand how this looks?"

"Like you made one mistake, just like any of us could have just as easily made?"

"Not just that! I am a Schnee. I failed a Dust Theory exam. My family IS Dust Theory."

"So, you basically failed yourself twice?"

That was the absolute worst thing you could've possibly said. Because the onslaught of tears and boisterous sobbing that followed was heart wrenching.

From there, Weiss sank down into the gutter of depression. She barely ate anything. She slept all day when you all weren't in class. She didn't talk to any of you unless it was some mumble of yes, no, thank you or no thank you.

And you had to give Ruby and Yang credit. At first they respected her space. Ruby brought Weiss coffee every morning. Sometimes she drank it, sometimes not. She reminded Weiss to shower and take care of herself.

And Gods bless Yang. It took all she had to just be quiet. And she did it for a solid four days. She didn't bother Weiss at all. No puns. No shoulder bumps. No outrageous gestures of any kind.

And you, you just gave her space. Any attempt to ask if she was alright or needed anything was always met with a hushed "no" or "I'm fine."

But silence is temporary. Very temporary if Yang Xiao Long is nearby. So when the three of you are sitting at the lunch table together on the fifth day of The Silent Schnee, Yang finally breaks.

"I can't do it anymore."

"No one is making you eat vegetable soup. There were plenty of other options." You gesture towards the food line with your spoon before dipping it back into your own soup.

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about Weiss."

"I agree." Ruby's participation pulls your attention from your soup and up to the table in front of you. "It's unnatural for me to have to remind Weiss to study and do her homework. It needs to stop. We have to do something."

"See? Helping Weiss wins, two to one. You're outvoted, Blake."

"I never voted. I'm abstaining. You two can do whatever you like. Just don't come crying to me when she freezes you to a wall, or sets your hair on fire." You grab your tray from the table and start to make your way to the trash to clean up after yourself.

"Oh come on Blake, you aren't going to help us at all?"

"Ruby is Weiss' partner. She should be able to handle it. And you, well, just good luck."

"I know I'm her teammate and combat partner but you're her…"

"Her what?" You look at Ruby, unamused by her not so subtle suggestion.

"What Ruby is trying to say is, you are Weiss' non combat partner."

"Ha. Well, since I'm non combative, I'll be in the library."

The days that followed were filled with over the top gestures of kindness, jokes, puns, tons of junk food and overall loudness. All of which seemed to do nothing but agitate a stoic and ever silent Weiss.

Honestly, it was annoying you. So you could only imagine what it was doing to Weiss. She had repeatedly asked that Yang lay off. And insisted that Ruby not bother. Then finally, one day when you were returning from the library late one evening, you hear it. The moment you knew would happen.

"Quit it Yang! Enough is enough." You can hear Weiss' voice echo down the entire hallway. "Let me go!"

"Nope. Sometimes you just need someone to hug you when you're sad! I'm not gonna let go until you say you aren't sad."

"I'm not sad, I'm FURIOUS!"

Ruby's voice cautiously fills the air.

"Maybe, Yang maybe you should just let her go?"

You can see the eyes of Nora and Jaune peeking through a sliver of a crack in the doorway of the room across the hall from your own. And you can hear what you are fairly sure is Pyrrha trying to pull them away, insisting they not be so nosy.

You roll your eyes to yourself as you slowly open the door to your room, trying to balance the books you have in your other arm as you push the door open.

When you step into the room you see what looks like the aftermath of a war. Stuff is everywhere, books on the floor, the curtains and corners of the bedposts look like they've briefly caught fire at some point, and there's coffee spilled all over the desk. You remain in the door way because you aren't really sure where to go.

"Stop trying to cheer me up!" Weiss yells as she squirms to get out of Yang's grasp.

"If I let you go, will you stop setting stuff on fire?"

"Fine!"

Any other time, you would've believed Weiss would honor her word. But as soon as Yang releases her from her bear hug, all you see are shards of ice heading directly for you from out of clouds of dust.

Without thinking, you use your semblance and end up landing halfway on a pile of books. Next thing you know, you scream out as you slip and fall to the ground. Reaching out for anything that can break your fall. Only finding the edge of an open dresser drawer, which follows you down to the ground. Which is where you lay, groaning in pain with multiple books underneath you, the ones you were carrying are now covering your body and the drawer you dislodged lays beside you, broken into three pieces.

"Oh Gods! Blake!" You hear Weiss call out as you close your eyes.

"Good job Snowflake! You killed my best friend."

"Are you okay, Blake?" Ruby calls out to you. And all you can do is give her a small thumbs up, not even bothering to open your eyes.

When you finally do open your eyes, you see Weiss kneeling down beside you, with Ruby and Yang standing over you, behind Weiss. There is a look of concern on the sisters' faces. But Weiss has her lips pursed together like she's, wait, is she laughing?

She grabs onto your hand and pulls it to her chest, leaning her head back as she continues laughing. Yang exchanges a worried glance with Ruby.

"I think you broke her, Blake."

"I think the only thing I broke is my back. Maybe my ribs. I can't tell. It all hurts." Weiss begins to pull the books off of you as she continues to giggle. Once you can sit upright, she stands up and offers you her hand and helps pull you from the floor to your feet. "I'm glad my clumsiness has provided the necessary humor to knock you out of your funk, but can you please help me get to the nurse's office?"

"Of course." She says, sliding her hand around to the other side of your waist to help support your weight.

"Do you want me to help? I can carry you."

"I think you've done more than enough helping today, Yang. You and Ruby have Grimm Studies homework that's due tomorrow and I know for a fact that neither of you have even started."

"Old Weiss has returned." Ruby says, throwing her fist into the air in victory.

"And the two of you can clean this mess up while we are gone too."

"Oh yeah, Weiss is definitely back to her old self. No fun." Yang mumbles as the two of you make your way down the hall towards the nurse's office.

"You don't have to help me walk, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? That fall was pretty bad."

You take an agile jump forward. Completely unharmed by your fall. The benefits of Aura.

"Blake Belladonna," she fakes a gasp, "were you faking it?"

"Maybe?" You give her a smirk. "But I got you to hold my hand."

"Look at you, ever so sneaky."

"I also have some good news for you." Your smirk turns into a full blown smile.

"And what would that be?"

"I talked Goodwitch into dropping our lowest test grade of the semester." You nudge your shoulder against hers.

"Are you serious? How?"

"It took me a while to convince her. I prepared a speech and demonstrated the benefits and how the alleviation of stress helps students perform better over the duration of the semester and some other stuff that I found while I researched in the library."

"You did research for me? How sweet."

"Well, you are Ruby's combat partner. But as Yang likes to say, you are my non combat partner."

"That's quite suggestive, though not inaccurate."

"I'm sorry that I said you failed yourself. It was thoughtless and I didn't intend to upset you."

"Thank you. Although I must admit, your apology is mostly unnecessary. If only for the fact that I grossly overreacted the past week. Being overdramatic doesn't suit me. Far too much work."

"So you think we can stop by the cafeteria on the way to the library, or is that far too much work too?"

"Absolutely not, I'm starving."

"I'm not really hungry, but I'd love something to drink."

"Coffee?" You roll your eyes, knowing she's just teasing.

"Tea."

#rwby monochrome #rwby checkmate #rwby fanfiction #rwby #blake belladonna #weiss schnee

[onthecue]

Road to RPm: How to be a BLEPP Passer

The Board Licensure Examination for Psychologists and Psychometricians (BLEPP) started in 2014. It’s safe to say that this is one of the relatively new national exams in the Philippines.

Through the years, only more or less half of the total number of takers are successful in passing the Psychometrician board exams. Here are the results:

2014 - 1,290 out of 3,283

2015 - 2,061 out of 4,466

2016- 3,690 out of 7,312

2017- 4,957 out of 8,701

2018 - 4,035 out of 8,453

I placed these numbers not to scare future takers. I just want everyone to have an idea on how tough the exam is. So you can get the picture, the board exam is not easy as it seems.

I passed BLEPP 2018. For someone who is in the helping profession, I would want to extend my knowledge and help fellow Psychology majors who would want to take the Psychometrician licensure exam.

Knowing that you are here, searching for tips on how you can attain your goal of being an RPm too says a lot about your determination. Keep that up and I’m pretty sure your name will be on the list of passers too!

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQs):

1. What are the subjects included in the Psychometrician Board Exam?

The Psychometrician board exam is composed of four (4) subjects namely, Psychological Assessment (40%), Theories of Personality (20%), Abnormal Psychology (20%), and Industrial Psychology (20%). However, there are news that additional subjects will be added in future examinations. This isn’t confirmed yet for BLEPP 2019 so you can calm down a bit. Just a bit.

2. What is the passing grade in order to become licensed?

You need to attain a general average of at least seventy-five percent (75%) for all subjects, with no grade lower than sixty percent (60%) in any of the subjects.

However, there is what we call a conditional passer. These are the examinees who attain an average of 75% but they have a grade lower than 60% in any of the four subjects. What's the catch? Conditional passers may retake the subject(s) within the next two years and they must obtain a grade of at least 75% in order to pass the licensure exam.

But of course, that’s not THE GOAL. Aim to completely pass all subjects and become a board passer. If you can, go the extra mile and even top the board exams!

If you have any questions, kindly send a Tumblr ask, I would gladly help you out if I know the answers.

MY TIPS ON HOW TO PASS THE PSYCHOMETRICIAN BOARD EXAM:

Disclaimer: These tips helped me a lot but it doesn’t mean that it will certainly work on you too. It will still depend on your personal preference and your learning style.

1. Have a study schedule and STICK TO IT.

Set a goal. Since there are four subjects, I allotted at least one month per subject. I started reviewing as early as June 2018 so I had ample time to review. By October 2018, I had around a month for a refresher and to reread.

I had daily and weekly goals to meet. This helped me a lot because I wasn’t only organized with my review but it helped me to feel accomplished once I see my progress on paper. It felt great to tick off topics on my to-do list. It was reassuring for me.

What if you don’t meet your goal? Of course there will be days when it’s harder to study, especially during the rainy season. There are days when you’ll be distracted and you couldn’t focus. Don’t be afraid to adjust your schedule as needed. But refrain from always doing this and putting off your goals for tomorrow. We all know that each hour of studying matters! “Bukas na lang” and having a lot of excuses won’t help you pass the board exam. Make sure to make up for your backlogs and delays.

It’s better to study in advance than to cram. Besides, you will feel more confident when October comes. Imagine if you are still halfway through the coverage and it’s already October first. I swear, that will be terrifying! SO STUDY IN ADVANCE.

2. Fix your body clock.

On the day of the board exam, you will need to wake up VERY EARLY. If you are nocturnal and you are more productive at night, you will have a hard time to focus during the board exam if you do not fix your body clock. Trust me, I’m a night owl as well.

Why is this important? If you stay up all night studying, your body will be used to waking up late and feeling sluggish during the afternoon. It will be hard to wake up and arrive on time for the exam. For me, it was a challenge to train my mind to be ready for the first exam at 8am and also make sure to fight that after-lunch-siesta sleepiness for the afternoon exam at 1pm.

So my tip is to fix your body clock. While reviewing, I woke up as early as 5am. My study schedule was from 6 in the morning up until 8 in the evening only (breaks included of course!) But it’s still up to you, whatever works for you. That’s just my study tip.

3. Reward yourself!

As mentioned, I only studied for around 12 hours. After a day’s worth of studying, I make sure to reward myself IF I FINISH MY DAILY GOAL OR TARGET. I watch my favorite tv show to unwind or eat my favorite comfort food or go out for a drive and get milktea.

This is important too. Remember that too much of something is always bad. Rewarding yourself will keep you sane, make you feel motivated to accomplish your review goals, and to of course, free your mind of the fears and doubts!!!

4. Choose only one to two reference books per subject.

There are a lot of books available that would help you, but it will be too overwhelming if you study too much books per subject. I will list down below the books that helped me throughout my review.

Psychological Assessment and Theory by Kaplan & Saccuzzo

Psychological Testing and Assessment by Cohen & Swerdlik

Abnormal Psychology: An Integrative Approach by Barlow & Durand

Theories of Personality by Feist & Feist

Industrial and Organizational Psychology by Aamodt

Sikolohiyang Pilipino by Pe-Pua

These were the main materials that I used. I finished these books from cover to cover. These books were recommended by the lecturers in the review center that I enrolled in, RGO.

I also used some of the powerpoints that our lecturers provided as well as the review booklets and drills that were given to us.

5. Enrolling in a review center or self-study?

It’s a case to case basis. Remember that not everyone who enrolled in the review center passed the BLEPP! Enrolling in a review center is not a ticket to those three letters! I would like to believe that this greatly depends on you. Sure, enrolling in a review center has its advantages. You’ll have test drills and review materials. Some lecturers are also kind enough to give a copy of their powerpoint presentations. You’ll also be motivated to study because of a supportive community of fellow Psychology students, review center staff, and your mentors.

But there’s a downside. It was honestly overwhelming and draining to sit from morning til the afternoon, from 8am to 5pm. For someone with a short attention span like me, after two hours, I was honestly zoning out already. It’s hard to pay attention the whole day for lectures.

Another downside is that you will feel pressured, especially when you see your friends’ progress with the review, reading, and results in the test drills. You MIGHT compare where you are and what you’ve accomplished, which leads me to another tip.

6. FOCUS ON YOURSELF but surround yourself with positive people and have a support system!

COMPETE WITH NO ONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF. Don’t compare your progress with anyone else’s. Trust your pace and focus on your own review. It will cause you additional pressure if you compare with the people around you.

Don’t hangout with those with negative vibes. “Hala babagsak ata ako.” “Ako rin.” Remember, our mind is a very powerful place. Feed it with the right fuel. Stay with people who will motivate you and who will not bring you down.

7. Think positive. Be optimistic!

I’m not gonna lie. My BLEPP journey was not easy. There were nights when I felt like giving up. I also doubted myself if I will make it. I shed a lot of tears during that five months of review. My mantra all throughout is: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”

I didn’t take the exam with the goal of just passing. I wanted to have decent results, to top the board exams if I can. I didn’t have a mindset that’s mediocre, similar to this: “Kapag pumasa ako edi good, kung hindi okay lang.” Why is that, you ask? Because I want to pass the exam. If I give myself the assurance that it’s okay for me to fail, even if in the back of my mind that’s not my goal, and that’s not what I want to achieve, the universe won’t pave a path towards my success. Law of attraction!

So set that goal, claim it. You will pass and all your actions, thoughts, and everything else will be circling around your dream of being an RPm. Believe that you can and you are halfway there.

8. Know your learning style or what works best for you.

In my case, I’m a visual learner. So the use of flashcards (i made my own using index cards), writing down key words, drawing to understand certain concepts, and reading while using colorful highlighters really helped me!

9. Believe in yourself and don’t listen to your demons!

Your motivation will wear out at some point. You will start to doubt yourself. You will begin to question why you wanted to take the exam in the first place. You will feel like you will fail. These are just some facts.

Don’t be afraid. Just pray, trust in the Lord, and His plans. So what if you don’t make it? What are you afraid of? Being judged by others? Being reprimanded? Remember, you can always take the exam again. Passing on your first or second, or third take won’t really matter. What will truly matter is what you do with your license. Just strive, do your best, and believe that you will become an RPm.

10. Apps that helped me.

Forest - The first app that I used is called Forest. It helped me to stay away from social media and to get rid of distractions! It’s also for a good cause because you can plant REAL TREES once you get a certain amount of coins. Stay productive. Help Mother Earth as well.

Tide -  This app helped me to stay calm. The “breathe” option where it guides me to take deep breathes was effective in letting go of my anxious feelings! The “sleep” option helped me to fall asleep faster at night when I need to doze off already and it gave me good sleep because of the relaxing music that the app has. Also, the alarm that this app has helped me not to wake up feeling shocked (unlike the usual alarms in our phones!) The alarm increases in volume so you won’t wake up feeling so surprised because of the loud, nerve-wracking alarms. I hope you got what I was trying to say. Haha!

Headspace - Once I get up every morning, I allot a few minutes to meditate and clear my mind. So I can be ready for an exhausting day of reviewing. It also helped me to think more positively and to get rid of my fears, doubts, and whatnot!

Spotify - Studying with music really helped me remember things better and to stay focused. I highly recommend the Deep Focus playlist on Spotify! If all else fails, listen to Oceans by Hillsong and other Christian songs.

11. On the day of the exam:

Make sure you bring everything you need! (Especially your pencils and NOA)

Bring a jacket.

Make sure that your scantron won’t get crumpled, WET, or tampered!!! PROTECT YOUR ANSWER SHEET AT ALL COSTS. Keep it neat and tidy.

Manage your time well especially for Psych Assessment.

Make sure not to spill your drinks. I brought water and coffee (in case i feel sleepy) and drink away from your paper.

You may use the questionnaires as scratch papers. You can mark and write on them.

Make sure to READ THE QUESTIONS CAREFULLY. Some questions are meant to be confusing. Make sure that you know what they are asking for! (Be aware of the double negatives and look out for the words like “except”, “all but one” etc.

When in doubt, stick to the basics. Go back to the roots and basics of Psychology.

It’s better if you bring food to eat. Imagine that there will be thousands of takers. There will be long lines in the nearby restaurants.

Use your lunch break to rest. Don’t talk to your friends and discuss answers! It might ruin your confidence.

It won’t hurt to follow some superstitious beliefs! What’s there to lose right? I wore red underwear. I entered the room with my right foot first. I broke one pencil (donated the others) after the last exam and I never looked back on my seat once I passed my paper! But of course, your success won’t really be based on these but it gave me some sense of comfort and extra boost of luck, I guess.

PRAY. The Lord is with you. Trust His plans and remember that he answers prayers only with three ways: Yes, Not Yet, and I have something better in mind. Stand firm in faith.

12. After the exam, wait patiently.

I know it will be the most anxious-filled days. You will think that your nervousness will be gone after taking the exam but no. Your anxiety will still be through the roof! Remember to pray. Know that you did what you can. Be proud of yourself because months of studying wasn’t easy. Be proud of yourself too because not EVERYONE had enough courage to even try to take the board exam and that alone is already an achievement.

Those are what helped me to become a Registered Psychometrician. If you have questions and if want to ask for reviewers, don’t be afraid to message me through my Tumblr ask or Twitter DMs . I would be glad to help. I already have a Google Drive with compiled readings/powerpoints available for sharing anytime!

Good luck and do your best! Ora et labora.

#BLEPP #BLEPP2019 #BLEPP2020 #BLEPP2018 #BLEPP2017 #Psychometrician #RPm #Psychology #RoadtoRPm #BLEPPpasser #boardexam #study #studyblr #studyblrph #BLEP

[leidmotief]

The Dutch School System

Hi! I’m Lucy, and I go to school in Amsterdam. I was born in The Netherlands, so I know quite a bit about our school system. It’s a bit different than most others, so I’ll try my best to explain it!

Basic School

You start school at age 4/5, depending on when you were born. I started school when I was four years old.

Elementary school is literally translated as basic school here. Basic school has eight “groups” (again, literally translated). Group 1 and 2 are basically kindergarten, you don’t really do any actual school work but you learn how to play and socialize with other students.

Group 3 is when “true school” starts. Most kids are 6 going on 7 in group 3. You learn the very basics, like simple math and Dutch. You start learning English around group 7, but the schools want to start teaching English at an even younger age.

In group 8 you take a big test, called the CITO test. The CITO test isn’t a test you can fail, but it determines what kind of high school you’ll go to. Allow me to explain.

Types of High School

We have four (basic) different types/levels of high school. The reason for why is that you’ll get education at your level, so it isn’t too hard or too easy.  As I explain the different types it’s important to keep in mind that you shouldn’t judge anyone on their type of education. No level is better than another.

Praktijk is the most basic level. You could score a zero on the CITO and do Praktijk. Praktijk is very, well, practical. You learn how to cut bread, how to cook, how to garden, stuff like that. You don’t have a lot of technical subjects such as chemistry. The goal of Praktijk is to make people ready for a practical job, such as a cook or a gardener. Praktijk takes around  5 years to complete.  Most people who do praktijk have an IQ of around 65.

VMBO is the most common level. People doing VMBO have an IQ of around 100, so the average person. VMBO comes in a few different forms, such as: VMBO-B (which is a bit similar to Praktijk, but with some more technical subjects), VMBO-K (more subjects such as history and chemistry, but still at a pretty low “difficulty”), and VMBO-T (the most theoretic type, the T literally stands for “theoretisch” which is the Dutch word for theoretic. You also take end exams if you do VMBO-T, but more on that later.) At the end of your second year of VMBO, you choose your profile, which will dictate what level of VMBO you’ll do. Some are very practical, others more theoretical. VMBO takes four years to complete, and prepares people for MBO (higher education) or work.

HAVO is a bit more advanced than VMBO. HAVO focusses fully on preparing children for HBO (higher education). HAVO takes 5 years to complete. At the end of your third year you get to choose your profile, which are the subjects you’re going to take exams for. Some are more Beta related (math, chemistry, physics), some more Alpha related (history, art, geography). People doing HAVO have an IQ of around 110.

VWO is split up in Athenaeum (without the old languages of Greek and Latin), and Gymnasium (with Greek/Latin). VWO is the highest level of high school education. VWO takes six years to complete. Just like in HAVO and VMBO, there are different profiles you can choose at the end of your third year.  VWO is very theoretical and quite technical; math is a mandatory subject in all profiles. VWO prepares people for University. People doing VWO have an IQ of around 120 or higher.

So, to get back to the CITO test. At age 11/12 you take your CITO test, and it determines what level of high school you’ll do. You can score between 500 and 550. The higher you score, the higher your level will be. You’ll get tested on all kinds of things, reaching from language to math to history.

Basic Subjects

You go to a school of your level. There are a few subjects every student has to take. These are:

Math* (very very simple math, basically elementary school level math)

Dutch

Engllish

Some levels have other specific subjects you have to take, but these are the basics.

End Exams

As I already mentioned, some levels of school have to take something called an end exam. I will explain what this is, and why it’s such a big deal. But first, I’ll have to explain the Dutch grade system.

I don’t exactly know how some countries work with failing a year, but in The Netherlands you can fail a whole year if your grades are bad. Dutch grades work like this. It’s on a scale from 1-10, where 10 is the best grade and 1 the worst. If you score a 1-5,4 (on big tests and on your list of grades your grade gets rounded to a single number) you fail the test. If you score a 5,5-10 you pass. If you have more than two bad grades on your list of grades at the end of the year, you fail the year and have to do it over again. For example, at the end of the second year of high school HAVO I had four 2’s on my grade list, so I had to retake my entire second year of school.

You take end exams if you do VMBO-T, HAVO, or VWO. You take your end exams in the last year of high school, so year 4 if you do VMBO-T, year 5 if you do HAVO, and year 6 if you do VWO.  Your end exams are split up in two categories of tests; the school exams (SE’s) and the central exams (CE’s). As the name implies, you take your SE’s at school. You start taking SE’s in the second to last year of school, and all of them combined (you take about ~10 SE’s per subject) make up half of your final grade. CE’s are exams you take in May of your final year, and you take them at the same time as everyone nationally. CE’s also account for half your grade. CE’s are very big tests meant to test your entire knowledge on a subject, SE’s are more spread out.

Now what does this have to do with end exams? If you score three or more 5s on your end exam, you fail. If you score two or more 4s on your end exam, you fail. If you score even just a single 3 on your end exam, you fail. That’s why final exams are so nerve wrecking for people here. You have quite a lot of subjects, and all the CE’s are in a time period of just two weeks. If you fail you have to do the whole year over again.

I’m starting my final year of HAVO soon, and as you can imagine I’m quite nervous. I hope I explained everything well! If you have any questions, feel free to send an ask or message me!

Thanks for reading!

PS: As I mentioned, I do HAVO, so if any Dutch peep wants to correct me on any mistakes I made with for example VMBO or VWO, please let me know! 

#29.07.19 #dutch #nederlands #studyblr #school #school system #school systeem #nederlands school #nederlandse school #dutch education system #education #education system

[mildlincrs]

hi, tumblr — it's been (way longer than) a minute, but i'm back from the chaotic journey that was junior year! and with that, i wanted to continue what i started with my advice for rising freshmen and rising sophomores; i’ll be writing a final post for rising seniors once i (theoretically) finish high school.

note: i'm currently attending high school in the united states, so there are certain points i mention that may not apply to you if you aren't also studying in the u.s., but i still hope that you get something out of this post!

note 2: this post is pretty long -- a lot longer than the previous advice posts -- and also pretty personal. i go in-depth on what junior year was like for me (spoiler: not great), and subsequently, i have plenty of advice to help avoid some of what i ended up experiencing. 

my junior year experience

for reference, click [here] a list of my junior year classes (along with classes i’ve taken and plan to take). i took two ap courses, and the rest of my courses with the exception of band were honors courses. 

to be blunt -- junior year was one of my worse years of high school, academically and mentally. sophomore year was definitely one of my lowest points, too, but junior year was really shitty in a lot of ways. i was busy working (trying to) nearly all the time, and i found myself constantly under stress, struggling to maintain my grades -- especially in my calculus and physics classes. at a certain point in the year, i subconsciously stopped caring, i think, to the point where i couldn’t focus at all when i was working, instead opting to do things that were considerably less productive. i’d study for up to five minutes at a time, only to stress myself out of studying and go to sleep -- yes, i stressed myself to sleep. other nights, i’d stay up doing absolutely nothing, in spite of the massive amounts of work and studying i still had left to do. i was close to failing my physics class, at one point, too, and physics was arguably the class i studied and worked the hardest for.

another reason that this year was pretty terrible for me was the fact that i was recovering from several injuries. in june of 2018, i injured my knees -- for reasons i’d prefer not to disclose -- and though they were healing over the summer, with marching band, the injuries were only exacerbated. if you want an idea of how bad they were, i struggled to simply walk short distances if i didn’t have any sort of support. marching band is basically dignified, faster walking, so you can imagine the kind of stress that i was under. because of this, i had to stop dancing and take a season of winter guard off -- two of my biggest emotional releases in life. without both of those things for over six months, i felt pretty directionless, and i ended up relapsing (i have chronic depression). that along with the business of junior year made life feel pretty damn miserable. physical therapy didn’t help me, i had virtually no time to schedule a meeting with a therapist or other mental health professional, and i was exhausted 24/7. 

all this being said, junior year still had its good moments! i got to take two astronomy semester courses, both of which only reinforced my love for astronomy  -- i’ll be doing astronomy-related research in the fall - i got to play some pretty damn good music in band, qualified and made all-state band for the first time, and i became closer with my best friends and got to make new ones. i completed a year-long research paper (while missing quite a few deadlines on the way) that turned into what’s probably the most vulnerable piece of writing i’ve ever produced (message me if you’re interested in reading it!), and i didn’t fail any of my classes. good stuff. 

more on not failing my classes: 2nd semester was kind of weird for me, in that my grades went up in some classes, but slowly sort of decreased in others. for example -- i studied and worked my ass off trying to improve my calculus grade during 1st semester, but my exhaustion caused me to fall asleep during a lot of classes, meaning that i would always miss the material being taught, and by the time i got home that day, i was so exhausted that i would just fall asleep until the next morning, not even bothering to figure out what i had missed during class. with physics, worked harder than i ever had during 1st semester, but i continued to receive low scores on tests and heavily relied on my lab and quiz grades to keep me afloat. i cared less about japanese more and more, (which SUCKS because i really loved the class and language but my effort just went downhill) and i can distinctly remember not studying for several of the tests that were administered, and as such, receiving subpar scores. i did, however, pass all of my finals and ap exams, which was definitely a plus. 

tldr: my work ethic went to shit, and i salvaged it somewhat, at the cost of losing a lot of sleep and not eating for multiple days at a time WHICH IS NOT HEALTHY. DON’T DO THIS PLEASE. junior year was worse than sophomore year in a lot of ways, but i fucking MADE IT so who’s the real winner here

advice for junior year

my number one piece of advice is to take care of yourself. you’ve probably heard it before, but that’s because you should do it. i’m 100% serious when i say that it can really make a difference. i mentioned that i lost a lot of sleep and didn’t eat sometimes during the school year, and because of that, i was super super sick at one point which only made my mental health worse, which only decreased my ability to focus and work properly. please stay healthy ahh like hydrate, get some mf sleep, and eat well! if you have to choose between studying for a test and sleeping at 3am, then go the fuck to sleep. and it’s not just about being healthy enough to do well in school! it’s literally your own wellbeing. put your physical and mental needs first, no matter what.

for ap courses: highly recommend looking on the collegeboard website for practice questions! the website also outlines the test structures, which i found helpful for me when i was studying for the exams. if you’re hoping to score a 4 or 5 on your ap exams, it’s in your best interests to go in prepared as possible. iirc the website also provides overviews of all the content that should be studied/is covered on the exam, which can help structure your studying, too!

another thing on ap courses: while if you score well enough on ap exams, you might be able to transfer those credits to your college courses (if you enroll at a u.s. college), i wouldn’t recommend loading your schedule with ap courses. they’re college-level courses for a reason; they will be fast-paced and involve a lot of work on your part. a rule that i used when deciding what ap courses i would take in high school: if i didn’t particularly like the subject, then i took the honors version of the course. otherwise, if i felt like i could challenge myself, was interested in the course, and if it was available, then i signed up for it. i knew from sophomore year that i wasn’t good at dealing with both school and my mental health, so i recognized that i’d need to lessen my ap coursework as much as possible so that i didn’t throw myself into an even worse situation (i took zero aps sophomore year). 

don’t spread yourself too thin involving yourself in things in and out of school. sort of similar to my philosophy of not overloading my schedule, i made sure that i only committed myself to extracurriculars that i cared about and enjoyed doing. i personally marched my third season of marching band, and remained involved in my school’s urban dance club as much as possible (though when i took a break from dancing, that was definitely harder, but towards the end of the year, i was able to participate in a few performances with my friends). i also participated in an outside wind ensemble every week, and that was plenty for me -- i had a lot of music to practice both for that group and my school’s band, and then i had to balance THAT with practicing music for private lessons & auditions, and with schoolwork. i know there are people who are involved in so many extracurriculars, which i wouldn’t recommend. devote yourself to what you love in high school; that will also give you something worth writing about in things such as college applications! better to pursue what you love with passion and authenticity than to sign-up for a club for the clout even if you’re not remotely interested in it. 

if it’s offered where you live, i would recommend taking the sat and/or act during your junior year. i’d also recommend taking subject tests if you have the time for it. the earlier you take these tests, the more likely you are to have an opportunity to retake them if you don’t score as well as you hope. you can also start taking these tests during sophomore year -- i took sat subject tests in june of my sophomore year, took the sat twice during junior year, and i will be taking the act in july. i’ll also be retaking an sat subject test and taking a completely new one. 

while it may be daunting, start thinking about college -- whether you want to go to college or not, where or what you’d like to study, etc. since i plan on majoring in music, i started researching sort of early so that i could give myself enough time to finalize a list of the colleges i am applying to and the repertoire i need to learn and practice for auditions. but regardless of what you decide to do with your future, no one is expecting you to have every step of your life labeled out. things can change, and that’s okay! that’s literally how life works. definitely reach out to your counselors if you want advice from them! i’d also recommend sitting down with your parents and talking about the college application process with them and what they can do to help you.

there’s a lot of pressure during junior year -- it’s the last full year of high school before college applications, and typical for students to be busy 110% of the time. that said, find time for yourself to destress and do nothing school or work-related. if it helps, schedule specific times of the day where you just relax and do something that makes you happy. finding a work-life balance can really make a difference (i say, not having one, though i have many friends who talk about this to me).

if you need help with anything at all -- talk to someone about it! feeling super stressed and shitty? talk to someone you trust, whether they’re your closest friend or a teacher (which reminds me, if you plan on asking a teacher for a rec, take time to talk with them if you can, it makes a difference). you are not alone. i know for some people (especially for me, actually), it can be super difficult to open up about what you’re dealing with, but it’s arguably better than trying to push your way through it all on your own.

best of luck during your junior year -- i believe in you<3

love, fei

#mine #mmp #mp #studying #studyblr #high school #study #studyspo #advice #tbhstudying #studyquill #lookstudyblr #obsidianstudy #heysareena #focusign #study tips #school

[studylix]

(VERSIÓN EN ESPAÑOL AQUÍ)

¡Hey! It’s been 3 days since I finished my first term of University. I have completed this first half with one of the highest grades of the class, and I’m really happy about it! 

Winter break has started for me, and I stopped to think about everything I learned in this first 4 months of University, and what I can do to improve. And so, this post was born. Let’s go!:

I study Multimedial Design and it turned hard, very quickly. It’s a career that requires a lot of planning and organization to succeed. 

OWN AN AGENDA: If you don’t have one, then take a random piece of paper, a notebook, your notepad, whatever!. Write down important dates, what you need to get done today, and the days that follow.

ORGANIZE YOUR TIME: There isn’t a single task that can’t be done in time. With some exceptions, it’s common that big projects are announced at least a week before it’s due. Start the big projects when they are little!. Divide your time so you can complete everything in time, without having to risk your health and sleeping habits (you’ll lose some sleep inevitably, so don’t add more hours!)

READ THE MATERIAL BEFORE THE CLASS STARTS: Be it a book, a powerpoint presentation, or a related article. Prepare yourself so you can start and actually follow the class. It won’t be the first time you are exposed to the topic, so you can ask questions when doubt rises.

SORT YOUR NOTES OUT: A mess of papers will only bring problems. Here, opinions differ. I personally like to divide each subject in different folders. The idea is to group the notes and pages that belong to one class, in the same place. If you can number the pages, even better. 

SET AN ALARM AND RESPECT IT: Pretty self-explanatory. Being late to class is harmful to you and the image the professors have of you. You can risk losing an entire term to retake a class because you didn’t attend. Honestly? Those 5 minutes are not worth it.

PREPARE EVERYTHING YOU NEED THE NIGHT BEFORE: Plan the outfit you’ll wear to class and leave it in the chair by your bed. Prepare the accesories and your bag. Clean your shoes and leave them by the door. Prepare all the things you need for class, put your wallet in there, along with your documents and your keys. Check the weather and leave a jacket ready for the cold. Charge your phone, set your alarm and...

GET AT LEAST 7 HOURS OF SLEEP: Sleep is important, people. If you are correctly organized, you can finish everything you need to do and go to bed at a reasonable hour. Of course, this can vary when it’s exam season, but even then, try at least to sleep 5. 

My classes start at 7:50AM and finish a little past lunch. Some things to consider:

MAKE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR CLASSES: Pay attention, take notes, discuss, add to the topic, ask questions, listen. If it’s hard for you to talk, listen to the questions others make: They may ask just what you need. Establish a good, respectful relationship with your professors, They want to teach and answer questions. Submit your work on time, too.

BRING SOMETHING TO EAT: Class periods can transform into long, long hours in which you need to eat at least something. Bring a tiny snack. Water, cookies, cereal bars, fruit, cereal and yoghurt. If it’s cold, bring coffee or tea, or a light soup that will warm you inside out!

Oh, the horror!

WRITE DOWN ALL THE DATES RELATED TO THE EXAM: Days when they will revise with the class, the date and time of the actual exam, and the date to retake it. If your University offers a virtual campus, they will most likely post an Academic Calendar listing all the important dates. Read it and write it down!

KNOW THE REQUIREMENTS TO SIGN UP FOR AN EXAM: This is so important. You don’t want to miss an exam because you couldn’t successfully register to take it. Some subjects need a specific amount of attendance % to register (Mine, for example, is 80%). For this subject in particular I needed to register at least 2 days before the actual exam. Some of my classmates tried signing up the night before and the system rejected it, and they lost the opportunity to take the exam. So! Be careful! Ask your professors about the specific method for the class so you don’t have any problems!

PREPARE TO STUDY AT LEAST A WEEK BEFORE: Everyone has their own methods, but before actually studying you need to have your material ready. Have you done all the exercises? Have you read the mandatory reading list? If you take notes, have you revised or rewritten them? It’s fundamental that you have everything set so you can start studying. If you don’t, then the time is now. Complete your notes, read what you haven’t, ask all the doubts away, rewrite the info, everything. Reach the deadline with a calm mindset, knowing that you have done everything in time. It’s good because if you start early, you can go at your own pace. If you are late, you’ll rush it. So start at least a week before.

IT’S TIME TO STUDY: Leave your phone charging in another room. Some people like to study with music, I prefer silence. Find what’s best for you if you haven’t already. Gather all your notes and mental maps, and start. Don’t forget to take breaks and to eat properly. There is a phrase a professor told me that really helps me when i’m feeling stressed: STUDY WITH LOVE. Remember that you chose this career because you want to be a professional. Study with your goals in mind, know that studying this is a step towards that professional that you want to become. Of course, this doesn’t always work. If the subject is shit, and you just need to know it and you’ll forget as soon as you are out of the exam, then breathe and just get on with it.

The time has come:

BEFORE THE EXAM: Dress up comfortable, don’t break the dresscode if there is one (I, for example, have to wear a button-up and heels to take a Final). Have a good breakfast so you are energized and ready to nail the exam. Reread your notes one last time, briefly go over them but don’t try to study something you left out. Go with what you know. Prepare all the materials you need and greet the professor when you enter the classroom.

DURING THE EXAM: Don’t copy, please. Be honest about what you know and what you don’t. Write what you know, take in consideration how much time you have to do the exam. Write your name, the date, and pour everything you know. It’s time to show how much have studied.

AFTER THE EXAM: Breathe. It’s over. If you feel like you didn’t do so great, don’t worry over it too much. It’s done and you can’t change what you wrote there. Take charge of what you will write when you retake the exam by studying again, and better. Rest a little before starting up a new task, and take a shower. Pat yourself in the back. You did it.

¡Woooo! 

BE YOURSELF: A bit basic, isn’t it? But seriously. Be yourself. You are older, you attend University. There is no need to be who others want you to be, there is no need to please others. Be who you are and people who like you and are like you will gravitate towards you. That’s how you make long lasting friendships.

EXCHANGE NUMBERS/EMAILS: If not for chatting, at least get the number or mail of someone who shares classes with you, just in case. Maybe, when you get sick or can’t attend a lecture, they can give you a helping hand or record the class for you. You never know!

Buy a box of white stamps/labels, they will come in handy.

Write down how you feel, track it: In a notebook, in a piece of paper, in your notepad, wherever. Allow yourself to feel and write it down when it feels too overwhelming. Give yourself time to adjust, it’s a new experience!

If you want that boxset of markers and you can afford it, buy it. Treat yourself, life’s too short not to.

Continue with your hobbies. Don’t let Uni take over all aspects of your life. Sure, it’s a big thing, but try to continue your extracurricular hobbies. An hour a day, an hour a week, but don’t drop them!.

But most importantly:

ENJOY! It can be stressful and you will be busy most of the time, but ENJOY!!! It’s a new stage in your life. It’s a priviledge that you have amazing professors who share the art of what they do. Absorb all of it! Enjoy it! Study hard. Study with love and with discipline, be constant and honest, and turn into the person you dream to be, one note at a time.

Oh!! This is so long omg. I hope you find this useful! There is a lot more to say and topics to cover, but this is a general view of what I took out of my first 4 months of university. It’s different that what I imagined it would be, but there are also familiar things. 

It’s a new experience, and I hope we can grow in this path together! The studyblr community has helped me a lot in this 4 months, and even before, when I was in high school. I hope I can give back a little with this long post. 

Let’s have a good day, everyone! 

#Long post #my post #study tips #studying #uni advice #university advice #uni tips #uni help #university tips #university help #exam tips #exam advice #tips and tricks #exam preparation #exam result #study habits #study place #ENGSTUDYBLR #ESPSTUDYBLR #social #social advice #life advice #tips #tricks #organisation #motivation #study motivation #sutyd motivator #study group #friends

[junkshop-disco]

Hellooo, popping by to say I’m rereading bit of doals in an attempt to stay sane during exams. Chapter 10 featuring Nick battling onion and bay leaves is one of my favourite pieces of writing- I have plans to write more about this on a different night ❤️ On a different note, the passage in Nick’s book where he talks about imagining the people he loves dead was an eye opener. I noticed I do that a lot- it was a creeping realisation a few years ago but I don’t know of anyone else who does that. /1

And although I know it’s not a healthy thing to do, it can be quite hard to fight off thoughts when you can’t physically kick them out of your brain. It was oddly reassuring to read about a character doing the same as me and I found comfort in it. I’m feeling just generally sad tonight and reading about Nick and Harry in the countryside helps. Hope you’re doing okay 💖💖💖💖

Hello lovely anon, I hope it’s helping a little bit. Cows are soothing, right? And sadness is ok, it’ll pass and you’re not in it alone 🌳🐄

As will be a surprise to no one who follows me on Twitter, Nick’s cooking failures and frustrations are mostly my cooking failures and frustrations, and honestly it makes me feel so much better to put that stuff in fic and have people relate to it or even laugh at it rather than just swearing at myself for fucking up (again). One of the things listening to Nick taught me is you can boss some things and totally SUCK BALLS at others and IT IS FINE, because being likeable and being perfect are two completely different things. 

I’m glad it made you feel a bit better to have Nick think those things too - I think anyone who’s prone to anxiety thinks about losing people they love. Certainly my brain can get quite inventive when someone is 10 minutes late or I remember that I forgot to say goodbye to them or I see something on social media about an accident on a road they might’ve been on. Maybe it might help to know the Stoics believed you should think about losing everything and everyone you love, for two reasons: it helps you prepare for rough times to have imagined yourself going through them; it reminds you to be grateful here and now for those around you when you’re aware of the impermanence of everything. So while I don’t think dwelling on it is a fun way to spend your time, I don’t think it’s necessarily unhealthy, either. It’s just a case of trying to put those thoughts in their place, to give them a very gentle, “I hear you, I know you’re there, I know you’re just trying to tell me this person is important to me. I got it, shusssh now, so I can watch telly.” Thoughts to me are like a dog yapping, sometimes they’re making an awful lot of noise just to say HELLO DID YOU NOTICE I AM HERE and if you can acknowledge them, sometimes that’s all they want (which is kind of why I put it in the fic, I think it’s important to acknowledge these thoughts exist for people).  

So I hope today was a little less sad for you. But if it wasn’t, that doesn’t mean every day will be sad. Good luck with your exams - I know they can be stressful, but try and remember that no grade is worth really suffering for and there’s nothing you can’t retake if you need to 💚🍀💚

#doodle of a surface life #asks

[studyforfe]

FE Electrical and Computer Exam-5 Common reasons for Failure

Failure is without doubt a bitter pill to swallow. Ideally we all want to cruise through life from one success to another success. However, sometimes failures are encountered and they need to be dealt with appropriately. Probably the worst response to failure is quitting on your dream because once you stop pursuing your dream that’s when you truly fail.

1 – Underestimating the challenge

There’s no doubt about the fact that the FE Electrical and Computer exam is challenging. You are tested quite literally on all 4 years of ECE undergraduate coursework. The exam tests you on 17 sections including Mathematics, Probability and Statistics, Ethics and Professional Practice, Engineering Economics, Properties of Electrical Materials, Circuit Analysis, Linear Systems, Signal Processing, Electronics, Power Systems, Electromagnetics, Control Systems, Communications, Computer Networks, Digital Systems, Computer Systems and Software Engineering.

The Fundamentals of Engineering (FE) exam is not a walk in the park for most students. It is even more challenging if you are not a recent graduate. Based on the latest stats provided by NCEES, failure rate among first time exam takers who graduated within 12-24 months is 23% and that for repeat takers is as high as 35%.

2 – Procrastination

Time management for FE Electrical and Computer Exam preparation can be difficult. There are 17 exam sections to prepare and these individual sections don’t necessarily complement each other. For instance, Digital Systems will have little to no overlap with Signal Processing similarly Circuit Analysis will have little to no overlap with Electromagnetic. This is mainly because of the nature of Electrical Engineering which is by far the most diverse field. As you progress through your exam preparation you will actually be climbing lots of small mountains (each topic is a new challenge) rather than climbing one big mountain.

But the bigger challenge is ‘procrastination’. A lot of students keep putting this exam off again and again. The truth is that the more you delay it, the harder it gets. In addition to the obvious reason i.e. being out of school for a long period of time, personal commitments and job responsibilities also come into the way. So if you ever plan on becoming a PE then don’t delay this exam – start preparing now!

3 – Exam Preparation Resources

Arguably the most precious investment that you make in preparing for FE Electrical and Computer exam is that of your time. A vast majority of candidates preparing for this exam also work full-time and many of them also have other commitments that demand their time and attention. Therefore, it is crucial to use effective exam preparation resources otherwise you’d not only be wasting your money but also your time. Effective exam preparation resource is one that helps you become exam ready in the least amount of time and does not overwhelm you with irrelevant details.

4 – Exam Preparation Strategy                 

FE Electrical and Computer exam result is binary Pass or Fail. You don’t receive any grades on your performance. Some students study very hard but not necessarily smart. In many ways, trying to ace this exam can be counterproductive because it will take a lot of your time and require intense effort which can impact other areas of your personal and professional life. In order to pass comfortably, you need to study hard and smart. 

For example, rather than suggesting whether to focus on their strengths or weaknesses, I recommend students to first focus on the top 5 sections that carry the highest weight i.e. Mathematics, Circuit Analysis, Electronics, Power Systems and Digital Systems.

Similarly, the first 5 sections of FE Electrical and Computer exam are relatively easy and account for roughly 25% of the exam weightage. Students should aim to score A+ in these sections i.e. Math, Probability & Statistics, Engineering Economics, Ethics and Properties of Electrical Materials.

Last but not the least, even if you get bored by some sections or find them challenging, try not to skip them all together because that will guarantee a 0 or very low score in those sections and sabotage your chances of passing the exam.

5 – Fear of failure

Fear of failure is one of the reasons why students procrastinate in the first place. Even after mustering up the courage to prepare for the exam for several months, some of them never feel 100% ready for it. They go into the exam without confidence and lose composure quickly during the exam. If that sounds familiar to you then remember that it’s not uncommon and there are some tips and tricks that can help you.

First of all, it is very improbable for someone to ever feel 100% ready for such an exam because of the range of topics and variety of ways in which one can get tested. So if you are not feeling 100% ready even after doing everything you possibly could, then don’t worry because a lot of other hardworking and diligent candidates are in the same boat.

Secondly, it is better to reschedule the exam and take it when you have confidence in your own self rather than walking into the exam room telling yourself that you are not ready. As Napoleon said, “He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat.”

Finally, remember that in the grand scheme of things even if you fail the exam it won’t be a big deal. You can always retake it so don’t compromise your performance by imagining and reimagining failure continuously. Go into the exam room with full confidence after preparing as best as you can to give it your best shot and maintain your composure while facing tough questions. For more information visit here : https://www.studyforfe.com/

#FE Exam Preparation

[venusparker]

tutoring sessions ↬ p.p (part four)

read part one, part two, and part three 

prompt: on the day of your makeup exam, you have yet to confront peter on the fact that you know he’s spider-man. but then again, tests are more important than boys—even if that said boy is a superhero. 

warnings: cute!! fluff!! i’m so sad to see this end rip 

notes: i’m so happy y'all liked this series omg thank you so much for the support. there’s so many people on the taglist so i decided not to do one!! please request ideas and follow! hope you enjoy 

Sneakers squeaking against the tiled floors, echoing in the practically empty hallway, the sounds of yelling and laughter no longer filling up the space around you. You remember the constant tapping of your pencil in Mrs. Gardener’s classroom as you checked and scanned each answer over and over and over—damn it, that’s supposed to be terminated—making sure that every single problem had been solved to perfection. The amount of work you had put into this had left you exhausted, but more ready than ever. 

Hours before you had studied nonstop, in between classes, during study hall; everything that you could do in your power to prepare, you did. Yesterday, you had even locked yourself in your bedroom after showering, opening up textbooks and notes that you had written and highlighted—acting as though you were completely unfazed by the event that had taken place previously. 

[Y/N] you could’ve died today—

Yeah well, Mom, I will die if I don’t pass this, I’m okay I swear. 

You were beyond focused, barely looking up unless it was to glance at your phone whenever MJ had sent you a motivational text message; and though you were nervous, you were confident. You knew you had worked hard to do this and you knew that you were smart; you could do this. And you did. To describe the feeling was easy. It was, well for lack of better term—

Disappointing.

You handed in your test and Mrs. Gardener took it. While you did feel somewhat triumphant, you also felt dull. It was a simple change, nothing spectacular, and you’re not exactly sure why you expected something more. It was anticlimactic and it felt like the days you spent being tutored never happened and that you had ever spent time with…

Peter.

You frowned as you stopped at your locker, taking note of the fact that he hadn’t texted you back yet. However, you couldn’t exactly blame him. He was a superhero and a fifteen year old kid. You could only imagine the struggle to balance that. Though, you couldn’t deny the never ending questions you had. Like, how’d he get his powers? How did he deal with them? Was everything radioactive? Did he—oh my God, could he hear my heart beating every time we sit together—

Footsteps snapped you out of your thoughts and you looked up to see MJ, whom you had expected to see since she told you she would wait for you to give you some emotional support, but you didn’t expect to see Peter. He looked down, or his eyes would flicker around, not stopping on you. You hadn’t talked to him at all today—which was suck-ish, you got to admit—and he went out of his way to sit somewhere else and run the other way in the halls. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration; he didn’t run away from you, he just walked…really fast. 

It was no big deal to you, mainly because you knew why he was avoiding you, and to be honest, he didn’t completely ignore you. He may be good at keeping secrets (huge, spider related secrets!) but he wasn’t good at pretending that he wasn’t staring at you. Seriously, you could practically always feel his eyes on you when he thought you weren’t paying attention. It was cute. 

He was cute. He is cute—shush, [Y/N]! Snap out of it! He’s walking over with MJ, okay okay, act normal. Lean against your locker, no don’t! That’s weird.

“So, how’s my favorite nerd?” MJ asked, her figure towering over you. Her eyes glance to Peter. “No offense, Parker, you’re a runner-up for third.”

“Third, what?” He mutters to himself, but so far he acts like he’s not part of the current ongoing situation. 

“It was surprisingly easy. I knew everything, or mostly everything, and yeah,” you told MJ. “Mrs. Gardener says she’ll try and grade it tonight.”

“I told you that you could do it! Look at you go,” MJ replies and she gives you a smirk and a knowing expression. 

“Yeah well, I studied all night and…Well, I had a good tutor.” Your eyes land on Peter and at your statement he slowly lifts his head up and stops staring at his hands. 

“No need to thank me,” MJ interrupts the staring contest you’re currently having with Peter and turns to start walking, whispering something to the boy, before addressing you. “Text me if you get your grade tonight!”

She makes her way towards the school doors—walking because no, [Y/N] I don’t run because I am too cool for that—but you don’t miss the thumbs up she shoots you as she exits. You pack several textbooks into your bag awkwardly, listening to Peter shift around and sniffle a couple times. You close your locker and turn around, neither of you saying a word. 

You scrape your foot against the floor and you’re wondering who’s going to say something. You’re excited to talk to him, to officially thank him for basically saving your life along with twenty three other people’s lives, and he’s just staring at you. Gazing at you in a way no one has ever looked at you before. In the way he always has. 

His eyes are tracing off the slope of your nose and the color of your eyes and the way you’re currently biting your lip to distract yourself, and his heart is racing, racing, racing, and he really did wish that he had Karen this time to give him some advice. He knows that MJ’s pep talk before should have given him an ego boost so that he could finally confess his feelings for you, but he was still struggling to get one word out of his mouth. You’re just so—everything about you made his heart fall to the floor and he’s freaking out.

“So…” He starts.

“So…” you repeat, locking eyes with him. “"You’re Spider-Man, huh?”

He gives you an incredulous look. “What? Wha—no, no! Where on Earth did you get that idea?” 

“Okay, so you’re not ignoring my texts and me because you’re a Spider-themed superhero who constantly saves Queens, New York,” you tell him, acting like you believe him. “And I just found out your alter-ego which I shouldn’t have?”

“Of course not,” he stammers and you quirk a brow, taking a step towards him as he takes a step back. 

“So Spider-Man just happens to coincidentally be about the same height as a young man I know as Peter Parker and have the exact same voice as him and the same figure and they both happen to do that thing where they lower their voice in front of other people to sound tougher and impress—”

“Okay, okay!” Peter stops you, sighing as his shoulders slump down in defeat. He gives in and you smile brightly, ignoring the sudden proximity between you two. “I’m Spider-Man.”

“I knew it! That’s so…awesome! I mean you were already pretty awesome as Peter Parker and you’re also Spider-Man so you’re, like, double awesome? So cool,” You gush suddenly and Peter’s blushing hard. “You’re literally my hero both ways—even though I could totally save myself, just saying—but because of you I don’t have a bullet through my head and I have a chance of actually passing my test!” 

“N-no problem, [Y/N], but that was all you, you know,” Peter says and he tries to steady his breathing. “But, uh, um, I came here to say—well, to tell you something else. Kind of.” 

He fiddled with his sweater and he’s stuttering trying to get the words out. He’s rocking on the balls of his feet, thinking about all the ways he’s going to get rejected, and all the ways he won’t care if he gets rejected because he doesn’t believe in the friend zone and he will respect your decision over anything because if you do not see him romantically that’s your choice and he knows he would have no right or reason to be mad at you for that. He would be sad, sure, but he just cares about respecting you and keeping you happy without forcing anything onto you. God, god, god, he’s so nervous. He’s rambling to himself. 

Come on, Peter. You got this. 

“So MJ and I were talking with Ned and she found something out about me—not the Spider-Man thing, she doesn’t know about that, only you and Ned do, but yeah, not the point, sorry. Anyways, you make me…really, really nervous. And I always want to impress you because you’re smart and funny and adorable and we like the same things and I in no way was trying to take advantage of you by trying to be your tutor, I genuinely wanted to help you and,” He looks up at you and you can see how flustered he is. He lets out the shakiest breath you’ve ever heard and you grin. “MJ set this whole thing up because…I…like you.” 

“Oh, wow.” 

Your brain is a mess. It’s like a jumbled mess of numbers is screaming out you and a big, red sign in your head is going OH!!! MY!! GOD!! and you gulp. No one had ever talked about you like that before. Yeah, it wasn’t the best or most romantic of eloquent thing you’ve ever heard, but it was how he said it. He was a mess because of you. You did that to him. He does that to you. 

“Peter…I like you too,” you admit and it comes out in such a rushed, hurried breath that he almost didn’t hear it. “This is such a relief, we both like each other. Thank goodness.” 

Peter chuckles, but there’s still a hint of anxiety in there.

 [Y/N] is so cute, I’m going to explode. 

Suddenly, your phone rings and you remember that your mom is here to pick you up. You both give each other an innocent look and you try to say something before walking away. You don’t know how to exactly say it and you know it’s going to take a lot of courage to say it but—

“Do you…wanna, you know, go to homecoming with me?” You blurt out and it’s said so clearly that you surprise yourself and Peter. “Considering the fact that if I get a good grade on my retake I can go. And if my parents finally decide to let me interact with someone romantically.”

His eyes widen. “Ho-homecoming? With you? Of course, yes, totally, I’d love to go with you, that’s so awesome, I’ll—yeah, yes.”

“Good. I’ll, I will text you. We’ll text each other. We can sort everything out.”

“Yeah, yeah, totally,” he says sighing slightly dreamily and distracted. You just asked him out? He had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. “T-talk to you later?”

“Yeah,” you say and you turn to walk out the door and into your mom’s car before she yells at you, but on a quick last minute choice, you run back quickly and kiss his cheek. “Bye, nerd.”

He watches you walk away and in the midst of currently losing his mind, he’s worried about one thing. 

What on earth is he going to wear?

all done!!! request more please! requests are open 

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[lifesobeautiful]

5 Things To Do After Failing An Exam

“I’m doomed.”

This is probably your thought after failing an exam. It’s just like the world coming to an end. Then, you begin to imagine the worst, like you not being able to graduate or get a better job. You start to think that your dream of going to college is simply kaput or that your dream promotion is never going to be within your reach.

How distressing it truly is if you didn’t make the grade in an exam, especially a major one.

Fortunately, there are ways to pick yourself up if you have failed an exam. Here are the things to do after failing an exam:

Don’t lose your nerve

There is actually no need to panic because failing an exam happens to everybody. It’s basically part and parcel of an individual’s academic life. Losing control of yourself is going to take you nowhere.

Know two crucial facts when it comes to this scenario:

1) You’ve got a great deal of company (of exam “failers”).

2) You have another chance to make a better grade.

Charge it to experience, they say. Failing one exam is just one obstacle to hurdle, one story to tell, and another stepping stone to pass with flying colors.

It’s alright to grieve

Grieving is one of your basic rights if you have failed. You can even celebrate it, but just for a day. Stay in your bed until lunch time, indulge in eating your favorite chocolates, go shopping with your friends or drink more than you are used to.

Let the disappointment sink in and then throw it to the wind. After that, you tell yourself that you have to move on. You have to get back on track.

Put things in the proper perspective

Analyze the situation and where you are at after your grieving period. Mull over where the circumstances had gone wrong. Look back on your attitude, habits, and approach when you were studying.

Where could you have faltered in your test prep? Did you pick the right books and online study guide? Maybe you didn’t know how to effectively use your practice tests? Perhaps you could have adhered to a better study schedule. Worse, you might have procrastinated many times that you weren’t able to cover all the pertinent topics.

The next time around, you should know what to do to make your test prep more motivating and less boring. Try asking for help as well. Form a study group, join a review class or hire a mentor or tutor. Think about why you might have failed your exam and look for ways to rectify it.

Think about what you should do in the future

This time around, get the future into the picture. Devise a better strategy, such as a better time frame and action plan.

When is the best time to retake your exam? Put that in priority consideration. Decide on a more conducive test prep program at the same time.

Do you go to an academy or study online? What study materials are you going to utilize?

To get ample ideas, you can join a group or community online and interact with fellow test-takers.

Don’t hesitate to ask for help

Humbling yourself and asking for help is definitely better than taking pride in being ignorant. Acknowledging that you need assistance means that you’re smart enough to realize that you need to understand something. If you have the resources, you can hire a tutor or enroll in an online study program where you can avail of the guidance of a mentor.

Organizing a study group works, too. Or if you’re joining a class, don’t be embarrassed to raise your hand and ask your teacher if you don’t understand a topic.

Otherwise, if you’re really uncomfortable, you can ask him or her in private. Even superheroes need help sometimes, and so do mortal test-takers!

There is hope after an academic fall

You don’t stay down after failing an exam. Remember, life goes on. You wouldn’t want to be left behind. These tips about how to recover after failing an exam aims to steer you away from doom and gloom and lead you toward propitious second chances.

See Also: Ace Your College Exams: Tips On How to Study for A Test In College

The post 5 Things To Do After Failing An Exam appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

This article was first shared from Dumb Little Man

[itsjayyyy]

March 20, 2019 8:30 am

Alright I’m in a much better state of mind now. It’s been an astronomically long time since I’ve given an actual update on my life, not just venting. wow, just checked back at my last few updates and i really haven’t written almost anything about this semester, but So Much has happened.

okay so first of all: i switched majors. again. so I’ve done a lot of reflecting, about my whole plan for life. social work seemed like a good field for me because I want to help people, right? but in cps, you’re not always working with people to help them, a lot of the time is spent working /against/ your client to help their kids, who are often too young to understand what’s going on. You’re basically always fighting; a lot of posts on the social work subreddit are all about how to deal with clients who are uncooperative, or yell at you, etc. I want to state that mom is wrong when she says I’m “terrible with people,” I’m actually quite easy to get along with as long as you don’t purposefully seek to offend. But I am terrible with people who try to kick up shit all the time. I mean, I can barely handle dealing with an annoyed guest at starbucks, how am I supposed to spend the rest of my career dealing with that times, like, 100? And yeah, I know I always say that I can totally live on a small income, but man I sure do love the security of having a nice savings account. And donating to online charities is practically a hobby of mine, so having a big income would make it a lot easier for me to live the life of that rich person who pays off 100 gofundme’s for medical costs every month. 

And I’ve come to realize that the atmosphere of a class matters more than anything in terms of how well I’ll do. Not to sound arrogant, but I’m smart enough that I can pass any class that I try, I just need to put in effort. And effort comes a lot easier with a good atmosphere. The reason why I failed comp sci the first time was because the class had no interaction whatsoever. I mean, it was online and over the summer, and the professor gave us weekly emails telling us what assignments were due that week but he stopped doing that halfway through the semester so I just forgot about the class tbh. I felt so disconnected. And frankly, I’ve felt that way about stem since high school when I was the only girl and was always singled out because of it. That just made me go into college with a negative mindset. Even retaking comp sci was only originally for some stupid grade forgiveness so I could keep my scholarship. But this semester is just...different. My professor is just so lively, in a way that I’ve never had a stem class be. He starts off every class with “good evening everyone, it’s another day in paradise here at ucf in orlando, florida” (and sometimes he adds on “and some day you all will realize that” which tbh sounds kind of like an ominous threat to me) and throughout the class he’s always joking around, we can ask questions in class through his own website, we have a discord group to talk about the assignments that the TA is also in (and he shared pics of his dog once), all that stuff. Our professor also tells us about all the other resources we have, like supplementary instruction, tutoring (somehow those are two separate things), “the cave” (which is a room i think in HEC that is just generally inhabited by random comp sci students who hang out and can help with assignments), office hours not only for him but also his 2 TA’s. I’ve never been to any of those physical places but it’s nice knowing that I have a support system.

I know it’s the atmosphere and not just me trying to work harder, too, because I really walked into that class at the start of the semester already hating it. I gave it the last section of my 5-subject notebook specifically for how little I cared about it. (To me, calc was my priority. And yet I’m coasting by in comp sci with a 99 and a 100 on the first two exams (class averages being 72 and 68 respectively), while the same stale, disconnected atmosphere of calc has earned me a 52.) Last semester I ended with a 47% (written in as a D though, not sure if that’s because my professor wanted to give me mercy or if it’s because he wanted the pay raise associated with having your students pass). Comp sci just became a fun subject again. Coding really is my favorite thing.

The final push was a post I saw on the social work subreddit. It was about a case manager (what I wanted to go into) who had done a home visit and was unable to hide her disgust of having roaches crawling near her. I absolutely cannot. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, I realized I needed a sanitized office to work in. Before I made the official change, I talked to my coworker shayna about it, because she’s 26 and currently in her last semester of her AA, and next semester she’s hoping to transfer to ucf to get her bachelor’s. She said it is kinda stressful to take so long to get a degree, but as long as you get it, it’s okay. I know that now that I’ve wasted 2 years, I’m probably gonna graduate a semester late, but it’s okay because iris did too. And rose has been at valencia for 4 years and she’s still working on her 2 year degree so...

Wow that took a lot of words to say. Back to how my classes are going: I did the math, and I would need to get an 80 on all 3 of my remaining calc exams to get a C overall. Yeah I’m kinda pissed at myself for figuring out I like comp sci in the middle of the semester, when i already got an F on the first 2 exams. Before, my mentality was “I’m just taking this class for grade forgiveness, I can literally get a D and raise my gpa, and then I’m never going back to stem,” but now that I’m back in stem I need to get a C or better. I mean, I could get a D and then retake the class, but the college of engineering only allows for 3 tries on a class so I would really be on my last attempt before I’m completely kicked out and have to find a new major, wasting even more of my time. I know I would absolutely kill it on the third attempt, but man I sure am gonna hate myself for letting it get to that. It’s not an issue of “the material is too hard for me,” but rather “i didn’t care when I really should have.” I never studied for the first 2 exams and got over half of it right on both, imagine what I could do if i did study. Anyways, 80 sounds manageable, right? I mean, it’s the low end of a B. But this class is cumulative, to in order to do well on the next exam which is literally next week, I have to study literally the entire course instead of just these last few units. AND I need to go even farther back and study trig, since I never took a formal class on it and that’s why I failed calc the first time. It’s been 4 years since I looked at the unit circle.

I’m trying to cut back on how much time I spend on my phone. I really think that’s the biggest detriment to me, that I always feel the need to look at it. Definitely using the forest app more often. All the time I spend cycling between the 3 social media apps I use, where I just look at the same posts over and over again every day, could be better spent studying or doing something else productive. 

In comp 2, we’re doing a semester-long individual research project about anything rhetoric-based. It has to be multimodal, eg not just “what’s the symbolism in this classic novel” but rather about society and media. A lot of people chose stuff like “how do women’s magazines push certain beauty standards” or “how is greek life (sororities, not the country) portrayed in american media and is it really accurate,” but because the professor stated that we should be “creating new knowledge and building upon an academic conversation,” I tried to come up with something that nobody had done yet: I chose “what are the motivations of the incel community?” And yeah, it’s so unique that when we had to do a literature review of what other scholars have already said about the subject, there were literally no academic journals on it. My literature review is just about the layout of a subreddit’s community and how the members interact (which has been discussed before), and from there I’m going to apply that to the incel community. I’ve done “research” by reading through their posts. Wow I just tried to ctrl+f this blog for “incel” and only one instance came up, from like november last year. It’s crazy, this has been kind of a big deal for me this semester. You know all those self-hating posts about my appearance recently? Well, I walked into this project thinking “man incels are stupid they just need to stop being entitled and care about their appearance a little and maybe then they could get a girl” but as I read through the posts I realized I was wrong. A lot of these men have issues that can’t be easily fixed, like being short, balding too young, just general bad face structure, and because of that people would instantly judge them. One guy even talked about how he had cerebral palsy and needs to walk with a cane, and his super handsome brother’s girlfriend was super patronizing to him. Frankly, a lot of their posts spoke to me. I mean, before I had braces I had a really recessed chin and while everyone said “oh I didn’t even notice,” you could tell that it made me less attractive and hence why nobody has ever asked me out. Not saying it’s the only cause, but you’d be lying if you said looks didn’t matter. Especially the posts about being considered uglier than their siblings, that really hit home for me. it’s like, I see their pain and I know how badly it hurts, but at the same time as a woman I’m obviously going to disagree with their response. When women were given harsh beauty standards, we took two routes: either try to improve artificially (makeup and plastic surgery), or work to dismantle it (body positivity movement). Men, who have always been a little entitled, just blame others. I feel like if incels started an actual body positivity movement for men, we could really go somewhere.

Damn, its been so long since my last genuine update that frankly I’m not sure where to go from here. Like so much has happened and I can’t really pick out anything that seems particularly noteworthy after 3 months. I think I’m gonna end this update here, then, and just promise to give more frequent updates from now on so I can go into more detail. Today I’m going to write an email for the future (like i try to a few times a year) to rehash the whole major change (since my last letter was all about how i just switched to social work), then do the comp homework, then study for calc I guess.