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#imagine just being able to press a button to shake off this vile frame of mind possessing me at the moment
generoustalelight · 3 years
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CORNUCOPIA
he was hiding in the back alley of his favorite restaurant. he was holding the knife drenched in blood, both of his hands are on the shaft making it more grotesque. he's restless, shaking and nervous, he's both scared and confused. he left his friend inside the restaurant, he totally forgot that he's with someone, because frankly, he doesn't know what to do anymore.
he's still standing from the far left of the big red door, his back facing the wall. on his right is an industrial garbage bin. he's thinking of ditchng the knife in it, but he's too conscious. he thought that that would be such a dumb move. then his eyes shuttered, he's still breathing heavily.
his hands losing grip, he felt that his whole system is deteriorating, his mind's crumbling.
someone tapped his shoulder, waking him up, it was very sudden, all his senses are heightened, he thought to himself, 'im dead meat', he doesn't care anymore. the moment he turned to his left, his eyes are met with a pair of hazel marbles looking from the deep ends of his soul.
the boy in front of him is neither aloof or frightened by all the blood. the boy's just looking beyond all his demons and doubts. it was a transition. they've been standing there for a good minute, and no one's saying a word.
he hardly noticed the boy's light skin complexion and the soft kisses of the freckles from both of the boy's cheeks. the boy is the same height as him, medium built, jet black hair, wearing a black pants and a plain white shirt. the boy's face is a perfected masterpiece, he was captured for a second, dazed by the unearthly beauty.
the boy double tapped his shoulder again, bursting his bubble, opening his eyes to the murky alley that they're in right now.
"come on,'' the only word that transcended between them, keeping him warm and safe, setting the emptiness, of every sense, enveloping his fragile self. the boy's tone is suggestive. he immediately dropped the knife, smothered the excess blood against his dark blue jeans. he forced a smile. he prompted a big sigh and sandwich his face with a loud slap from both of his hands. he continued smiling, though it is visible that some nerves on his face are still hurting, in addition his cheeks are blushing hard.
he held the boy's hands like he knew him for the longest time. his hands are shaking but the hands of his new found companion is reassuring enough to calm him within a snap.
he woke up, on an unfamiliar large brown couch, from his deep slumber. the whole room is a mystery for him. the flat is mildly lit. the walls are blank off-whites. adjacent to the couch is a turned off 32 inch flat-screen television. right of the television stand is a japanese calligraphy, wherein for him is an unknown beauty even though undesirable, that inside a black-gold accented expensive frame, and infront of it is a circa '70's vintage copper telephone. it is standing atop an ivory colored wooden mini-table. a breeze is blowing lightly on the draped white sheet of curtain behind him. on the far left side of the room is a division and what seems to be a room, the crease of the room's door and the floor is casting a light. a light that signifies life condraticting to his dead face, full of questions and irritatingly nonsensical insights.
he got up and walked toward the room. he grabbed the knob, it was cold, and before he knew it, he's already in front of the boy. the door is wide open. he's stunned. for a quick second, he thought that this entity in front of him is not human, that this must be an angel suggesting that there is peace at the end of every tragedy. the boy in front of him held both of his shoulders, exerting force, pushing him not too hard, making him move backwards, back to the couch, he wasn't able to object or to raise any reaction.
the next thing he knew is that he's already sitting with his hands clasped together. he's bowing down for some reason that even he, himself, cant seem to find logical or worthy of announcing on the open.
what he don't know is that the man beside him is already staring at him intently.
"what's your name?", he then looked up to check the source of the voice. all of the blood on his body rose to blush his cheeks. he don't understand why's he feeling this way. just by this boy's pure and innocent gaze, he was already falling into a deep rabbit hole, and he likes it.
"my name's leo, you?", he added.
"kian," after replying, a long pause pressed the air, and word after the other fought its way through, "my name is kian," his voice is shaking, he's anxious.
leo let out a chuckle. kian looked at him puzzled. he's thinking that maybe he's laughing because of the awkwardness his voice has exhibited. he was now shy, he cant seem to use words to defend himself from drowning into this pit of embarassment full of hand grenades that can be triggered by any word possible to man.
"why were you laughing?," his nervous tone never left him.
"nothing," leo replied, "why? did it bother you? don't worry i just find you really interesting , and hilarious!' he answered after pausing. his voice is very masculine, its as if like god had adjusted all the vocal chords he has and made it to fit his physique.
"no, i was just wondering," kian answered.
"so can you tell me now what happened?," leo asked.
all of it consumed kian, all the unfamiliar feelings has started creeping up. he was very scared, you can see it in his face, he seemed empty. the aura of the room shifted and made a dark turn. he started caressing his own arms. he's already crying softly, his sobs are suppressed, kian don't want anyone to see him weak or powerless, he's already stood his ground and became a man on his own.
"it's ok, everything's ok," kian reminding himself that no matter what everything will turn out fine. it's a sad scene. he's hugging himself tight, curving into a ball, shutting down slowly by slowly.
leo reached for him, like a light venturing into the depths of pain, the hug is a warm affectionate cleansing touch. all the noise in kian's mind have been voided, they were proved invalid at the moment. pain is peeling from the wounded flesh of a weak child. a heart of the soldier is being salvaged amidst a war. leo mended everything that's wrong. kian is safe, kian's on the nest of serene. leo's arms guarded him from all the worldly things they're dipping into;
ANOTHER PROSE.
I'm broken hearted.
everyday we are given a chance to change, change for the better, we always had the hand to throw, landmines to walk on, and choose what we really wanted for ourselves.
ANOTHER PROSE.
in the same parallel universe,
the last switch is all that's left, the doctor is still clueless whether to press it or not, the bright red tint of the you-know-it-will-destroy-earth button is the most tempting fuckery ever created and made available to human.
it is an excerpt of a game show that will decide the fate of the world, the humanity, and yourself.
presenting, the game show master, an anti-christ ex-convict that was nominated because of the perfect apathy to inject to the world. he has a commercial face, clean and crisp, perfect for television. his charm is incomparable. definitely the definition of sophistication; a godly incarnation of class and elegance.
he has the perfect voice to entertain millions and billions of people. he's a very likable person omitting all the vile things he did. his persona is on a different level than any mortal that has walked on the planet.
he starts every episode with a close-up. a full walkthrough of his gorgeous face. the light will flicker. red to blue to yellow to white to red to violet to yellow to red to white. the exchanges of the colors is prenotioned to hypnosis ergo to condition the cognitive.
the whole set of "the game show" is themed intergalactic, it is overly futuristic, few of the prop design are high-technology devices that can only be imagined by tens and thousands of lightyears away. but it is evident that they still attempted to capture the mediocrity of the simplest things like the buzzers, the lights, the clappers, the audience seats and the camera, it feels like a crazy-fusion of a 1980's tv show and a tv show set on a fucked up future. the set is worth a fortune, the luxury and the euphoria, and whenever they send invites it is like willy wonka spreading the golden tickets again to lure children and children-at-heart to devour life's essence. everything about it is enchanting.
the whole premise of the programme is surrounding the trials and tribulations of all the strands of beings on earth. just thought of it as the most inhumane thing you could possibly see or hear.
usually each episode is presented by the game master and a guest female assistant that will stand by as a symbol of sex and weakness. this will attract the male viewers, to make them feel powerful and more dominant. it never happened that the female guest would appear twice, it was speculated that after an episode the female guest will be brought to the game master's house, allegedly they were drugged into this, and that they were raped and tortured to death. the whole fiasco is ignored by the masses, the black market created a movement to cover up the whole thing.
today, tons of casting and auditions for the role of female asisstant for the game show has been commenced. all the top female actresses, models, pageant royalties and all the kinds and types of women in every nation of the world competes on an extensive screening for the spot. all of these girls aspiring to be slandered, this is the american dream.
going back to the one in a million chance of destroying earth, the doctor is now torn if he really wanted to save his whole family, he's thinking that all this is for his son that meant everything to him, and for his wife that gave meaning to his life.
on the other hand, he's thinking of the bribe that the game master has set him up with. the bribe is made of a lengthy letter from his mistress, an album of all their intercourse, a video, and his mistress herself strapped in an electric chair. not really a bribe, but a threat, the game master promised that he will let everything out, every nook and cranny of his dirt.
the facade of the doctor is quite amusing he's smiling while he's looking at his family sitting on the audience bawling their eyes out, hoping that the doctor would turn out to be sane and fully aware of the right and wrong, the morale, the rightful, the ethical. while, they are clueless of the failing mental health of their father- figure. his hair is turning white, riddled with stress, he's slowly dying while masking his breathing to a relax and calm tempo. he's bid farewell to himself.
life is unfair.
the doctor couldn't decide, he don't want to toss the dice. he don't want to come clean, what he decided is to end everything then and there. 'he will not be a man', that's what he has decided. he mentally prepared wrapping his balls into a thin foil full of gun powder ready to be set on fire in front of everyone, on international television. but don't worry, of course he wouldn't do the latter because it's much easier for him to slit his wrist with a shard of glass from the table that he shattered with his fist, while tapes are rolling, bleeding his life force, in front of his family, while his son is watching the whole thing bare, realizing that his hero is taking suicide as ananswer. nevertheless, their lives are assured to go down form here on, they will be shamed and ridiculed by everyone, they will hate each other and they will die hating on themselves. the world wins.
in the same alternate universe,
1st scene
the first shot includes gem with a pink back drop. gem is wearing a white shirt with scribbled letters, embossed. the soft pastel vibe of everything in this scene is so innocent and clean. her shoulder-length hair is braided, placed on just above her right collar bone. she's holding a bottle of water, with the word 'safe', printed on it. she has put down her for-colorblind glasses, put it on the stool just beside her, she wasn't sitting, she's just resting her right hand on it to support her weight.
the second frame is a sharp cut of gem's eyes and up. the rest of the screen is just a blank pink canvass that screams softness.
she looks annoyed, tired even. she's anxious that this might take a while. her mother's away for just two days, and she's thinking that this is her punishment for not going with her on the camp.
gem is staying in the room for approximately an hour now. the ventilation is not bad, but it's not good either.
gem is strictly instructed to stay in the room, not do anything, and she can't go out until further notice. she don't know why is she obeying these lunacy. she just thought that when she was forced to sleep through ammonia, that this is her farewell to her mother and all her pending chores, as well as the boring life of high school. she accepted everyhting then and there.
she didn't try to escape or object to any of it, she's out of energy, and she don't want her glasses to get caught up with the commotion and be the cause of its sweet destruction.
gem thinks that she's on an abandoned building and she thinks that the room that she's staying in is the only one who has a full renovation. she can smell the faint odor from the newly painted walls, and she reckon that it's still wet, since the dripping form the floor is gradually filled with a pink puddle of paint.
you can see gem trying to fight the ticking of the clock, she's trying to beat the unbeatable, she's trying to sabotage time.
gem heard the heavy footsteps of the men walking toward the room. or is it the same hooligans who've abducted her? she immediately acted as if she has fainted, she fell on the floor without hesitation, her body felt the impact. she's a great actor. her insides are screaming hallelujah-fuck-you. she then sensed the presence of the people who barged in, unannounced. they lifted her up, they clutched her limbs. gem is scared, these people are slimy, their arms are gooey and it smellt like rotten fish and tomatoes. her eyes are shut, she don't want to open them, she's already guessing that whatever it is that she will see, will forever scar her and give her nightmares.
gem, is different from everyone, NO SHE'S NOT. end scene.
2nd scene
inso is a native japanese from hokaido, venturing into the concrete jungles of brooklyn, new york. he's the strangest thing to ever walk in the asphalts of the pioneering city. he's always wearing that combat boots that is honest to god, bigger than him. he always carry his bright yellow duffle bag with all his belonging in it, his round cobalt blue tinted shades and his oversized grey trench coat completes the hobo man inside of him.
inso did not know the english language, he never knew how to read or write in english. his mother's tongue is pure in all his means. he never communicated to anyone until his ninth day in the city, he never really talked per se. it was only with a hotdog stand vendor that he first initiated a non-verbal conversation; at first the man was clueless what was it with all the flailing and waving of inso's hands. he thought that this flamboyant beggar has a loose screw, and is just trying to piss him off, until inso pulled out a dollar and started handing it over to the man preparing all the hotdogs. he then pointed to the regular hotdog-in-a-bun, the hunger is evident in all his next gestures. he's holding his dear life to the railing on the hotdog stand, the scene is comical and hilariously exhausting, and that's the story of his first hotdog, and how he did not die of starvation.
inso has been working in a bowling alley where he was recommended by the same hotdog vendor that he met. he's studious and an outstanding overseer of the whole place, inso manages the bowling alley; he attends to customers' on their hours of stay. he's in charge of the maintenance, the rolling pins, the bowling balls, the neon retro signs, the snack bar (even though he's just sally's assistant), the welcome rugs, the tiled columns, the light bulbs, the bathroom, the toilets, the glass doors, the tables, the gums sticking beneath the tables, the drinking fountain, the bowling gloves, the back of the bowling alley, and the red back door.
he's been living in the bowling alley for almost two months until he's decided to move out to get an apartment. within the span of two months he learned how to speak in english, but not fluently, and definitely not with his accent gone. he started taking a bath on a daily basis. he started eating normal food, like a normal human being, and fully left the hotdog diet. he can now save for his future, to plan for his own house, to start his new life, his days are better.
everything's turning out fine, or so he hoped.
on the way to work inso was stopped by a road block, in front of him, a whole street on a riot, garbage and blood and a dead body lying comfortable in the heated up cement, even the path walk is closed, the crowd is wild on murmuring and added gibberish on the scene of the crime.
police investigators and press are there, covering for the whole event. police tapes are tied from one light post to another and from the metal gate of the blue apartment to a tree from across the street.
inso is forced to walk on the alley located beside the city boutique. even though it is early in the morning, the darkness from the alley way is menacing, scaring him not to take that trail. but he remembered that it's almost 10 in the morning and he has to get in the bowling center as soon as possible.
inso is hugging his duffle bag, removed his glasses, and scurried over the alley, but not an inch away from the main road, he was struck by a hard thing on the head. he remembered that the last thing he saw was a metal baseball bat pointing to the ground. it was pointed towards the ground, stained by blood, he thought that it came from his head. the blow from the back of his head fully paralyzed him and shocked his nerves, he was lying on the ground helpless, no one can hear him, no one will hear him.
inso heard a truck door being opened, he deducted the latter because of the metal rustling noise it made, the heavy footsteps of the men walking toward the alley, alarmed, he tried to get up immediately his glasses are shattered . he's basically on a vegetative state now. he can see his duffle bag being searched and emptied by two men, wearing a flat- ironed suit and high-end slacks. they lifted the whole bag and threw it after. their faces are covered with traditional japanese masks, big eyes and sculpted fangs. his eyes are closing on him, and the last thing he saw he passed out is his home.
on-break
as i grew older, i also realize that i am slowly losing all my white shirts.
i have 10 white shirts when i was on 1st grade, i always wore a white sando beneath my plain white shirt beneath a crisp-and-clean white polo tucked into my above-knee khaki shorts. i go to school with that and a pair of shiny black shoes, carrying my red power rangers bag. i also wore white whenever i'm home, i just loved that color when i was young, it feels clean, it looks clean, it is like a canvass ready for all the scribbles i can make.
when i was on 3rd grade i only used nine, my tenth white shirt became too tight, or maybe im becoming too big, well the point is that it never fitted me anymore. i am really eager to learn about the kid-spirit of our elementary school, that's why i would go ahead and abandon my polo to explore the psyche of my peers, and also to explore the garden behind the sixth graders, and find some worms, and ants, and plants that retreats by the slightest of human touch. i became a lot bigger, it feels like all the knowledge i gather helped me grow faster.
the following year my mom replaced all my white shirts, she noticed how fast i grow physically, and replaced it with eight new ones, same color, same fabric, same price range. this time she bought eight pieces of large to extra large white shirts, just to make sure we have that allowance. the eight new shirts felt comfortable and familiar.
i've had one of my new shirts pulled out of my closet, i wanted to dye it with different colors, like that one shirt with blots of red, blue, green, and yellow and orange, all over it. I have seen it in an art show on the television,"Art Angel". this part of my childhood is where i've started experimenting. i'm trying to understand myself, i'm trying to look at trends, that can never better me, my friends are becoming greedy and they've stopped talking to me. i'm left with seven shirts, and a flamboyant one, late grade school.
one of my shirt's got wrecked when i got in a fight outside school, there was this stupid boy on my class who kept bothering me, and kept provoking me to start this petty fight with him, afterschool, just because he thought that i find him irritating, which is accurate, and that he thought that this problem can be solved by a traditional-outdated fist fight. i never acknowledged this barbarian, even though by that time i let him have it. when i got out of class, i removed my white polo, because i need to get this home white and clean.
i waited for him at a nearby lot, for this to get over with, as soon as possible. he showed up and he had some friends come over to speculate. as soon as he got there you can definbitely see his face is all red and you can easily decipher that he was properly fueled with hatred before going on here, he ran towards me and grabbed me by my shirt, my shirt, mind you this is one of my favorite shirts, i immediately pinned him down, i exerted all my force with my fist struck a blow on his vertbrae as explosive as i could.
i heard him groaned, and all the spectators jumped on me, they were punching me while on ground, kicking me with their spiked shoes. after three minutes they left me, my shirt is ripped. i fucking hate this soccer gang.
white shirts remaining: six
a couple of years later, i replaced two of my white shirts with two black staple tees. black is now my new favorite color. it just represents my brand that time. an emotional teen, bad personality, bad attitude, mediocre fashion.
at the time, i feel troubled, even though i certainly know i am not. i seek attention so hard i can barely read which character i wanted to play, what i am, and what i wanted to be. black just represented the void that i am feeling on that critical days of my adolescence. i still wear my white shirts, just not that often.
peak of my adolescence, one white shirt became the bearer of the intensity of my raging hormones. end of phase.
the last three white shirts that i have is burried beneath all the garbage that i have in my closet. i realize that i cannot wear them anymore, or rather i dont want to wear them anymore. my white shirts reminded me of the innocence that i have back then. but in all fairness, everything that i have right now is something i owe to those white shirts that help me and watched me grew up. i realize that as one age nothing can be permanent but most importantly I've learn that time will change you and will eat you up alive, so as soon as now grab that white shirt and wear it with pride.
3rd scene
gopshi is an indian national that grew up in america. as soon as you see him, you'll assume that he's fluent in speaking his national language. his skin is fair and deep. his eyes are a mix between almond brown and happy, a pair of expensive marbles. gopshi's hair's a shiny jet black, it's length is proper for a boy going to a prep school on whales. his teeth are porcelain white, he's not short, but not really tall.
gopshi was adopted by a couple that intends to save everyone by every means that can result to death, both philantrophist, seeming to tour the world for world peace.
gopshi, has three brothers and four sisters, each of his sibling came from a different race.
there is, sana, a japanese girl that was adopted when she was six. her parents are both unknown by the time of her adoption, even though she was legally adopted and brought out of japan. her foster parents have to fight the yakuza's just to take full custody of her. sana is a smart kid, finished reading and disserting all books varying from ancient literature, scientifical theories and related researches, computer programming, art, philosophy, international languages and so on.
next is, lance he's a british lad that was abandoned when he was six moths old, lance has the charm of kings and emperors, lance is the very best public speaker there is. no one knows where did he get this gift of eloquence, but on thing's for sure, lance can convince, persuade, question and overpower anyone, by only using his words. lance has also a strong morale compass and is very passionate in valuing one's perspective of a certain matter. he's very composed and reliable and he's the most likely to rule the world one day
.
then there is, arnauv, out of all the adopted children arnauv is the most distant to everyone. he's very secretive and always incognito. arnauv loves planes. he's really interested on aeronautics, and you will know it, you can always see him at somewhere high, he's either seen sitting on the ledge of the mansion's roof or at the top of their humungous tree. arnauv has always been like this. he's s walking question and it was paired with his appearance, he has a platinum blonde hair, crew cut, his eyes are blue, his skin is pale and lips are salmon pink. he's the most good looking out of the bunch, but his timid personality makes it seem like he's untouchable he only has one friend and it is his brother key.
key is african. he's everyone's friend, having experience the brush of poverty at an early age. he was adopted when he was ten, rescued from child trafficking bust and brought to the house. key is the kindest, he's polite and respectful. key stands with people on their shines and storms. key has a very high EQ. he's fond of animals and plants, he cares for the living things and their betterment. key's charm relies on his honest gesture and kind words. the only flaw key has is his naivete, he can be easily manipulated because of the trust he give to everyone. but his strength lies within the goodness of his heart that everyone seems to fall for. everyone seems to love him, regardless.
next in line is phirayatta, or as they call her phir. phir is from thailand, she's a miracle child of the king, but wasn't really acknowledged because of the controverisies of her biological mother. the king didn't really wanted phir, that's why when she was little her father wanted her to be assassinated, the king has hired, murderers, assassins, executioners and hitmans all over the world to end her. but, the catch is she won't die. phir was cared by the world. no one can harm her. ever since she was a little girl multiple attempts of murders have failed in causing her death, which lead the king to abandoning her. it is when she was adopted. phir has the gift of luck.
sinai is the youngest among all them, she was brought in the house by their foster parent sinai has a unique rich skin color, neither pale nor, deep, her complexion is changing, but most of the time it's blue. every feature of sinai seems normal, except her skin. with no words sinai was introduced to the family, their parents never really talked about sinai's ancestry or race. sinai was just always the happy pill, she's impulsive, and jitterey, she's naive because of age, but she's tactical and reliable. sinai's information is unavailable as of the moment.
then we have sky, sky is the last israeli on the planet. the whole country of isarael has been annihilated. it has become the enemy of the world. there is a long war that happened involving the said country and the new world. the government has decided to put an end to israel's existence by dropping nuclear missiles to its territory, all of israel has turned to ashes and dust. after three years, the philantrophists visited the ruins of israel and to their surprise there roams a child barefoot, hiding and binging on the shadows of the ruins. her eyes are as green as an emeralds. sky's real name is unknown. sky was raised to be like a normal child, a dream israel, her old country, would dream to have.
5th scene
dear you,
let this be known.
"i would carve my heart just so that it will still fit your hands."
hi, i am just a nobody but i really hope you're reading this, i truly wish that you're taking time to insert this to your crunched up schedule, not minding the hassle that this might cause, and not really minding to whom this came from.
well, this is just another letter, one of the thousands i have already sent you. this is very likely with the same weight as the other writings you've already received. this has the same feels, with the same undying message. but what seperate this from all letters you've already got is that i know that this is such a stretch, because, lucky you, this will be the last one.
hi again, i just wanted to say that i love you. and for god's sake i am devoting my life to every sense of that phrase. sacrificing all the truth there is just to show you how sincere i am.
i really do love you. i love you so much that i am actually losing my sanity, i love you so much that i can promise that your name will be my last words, i love you so much even if you would hate me, i will still love you unconditionally. i love you so much that i'd ignore my joy, for your own pleasure. i will love you even if i know that its the cause of my depression.
i would carve my heart just so that it can bleed your color.
very rare that i will forget how you actually smell, how your gaze has the immense effect on me, how you taste from the navel up, the sensation of your kisses, how wonderful your lips taste. i will never forget how you grasped my wholeness and swallowed all me. i love your dirt and riches, and lunacy.
i love you so much that i wanted you to know i am always by your side. looking from afar. breathing the same air. counting every move you make, noting every person you encounter on a daily. i am just an inch away in grabbing you and making love to you. i am just insanely in love, i could die any moment. i am itching form holding you here in my arms i will never let you go, i am dying just thinking of devouring all the good things that you are. i wanted to end you, i wanted to make you happy, i will make your everyday as remarkable and thrilling as possible. i will not stop loving you, i will not stop thinking of you, i cannot stop thinking of how can i murder you, in your sleep, while you're floating from acid, waiting for me, or so i believe.
i can still remember all the good things we've shared and all the good times we've had. we're much truthful, we're kinder, we're gentler for the world. we're polar opposites but everyone can clearly see how totally inlove we are with each other. we have set aside our differences, we are respectful and understanding. we've let ourselves change each other's hearts. we became the best versions of ourselves, we've helped each other grow and learn each and every day we're together. we trusted each other that we will not draw blood, or hate, or envy towards one another. we're so inlove at the time we forgot that evil do exist, we're so inlove we forgot about sinning. we're so inlove we never thought of our failing, of our falling, of our flailing. we're never able to prevent it, that's why we bled too much. that's why i am so close in losing my life, that's why i never had imagined another world that you're not beside me.
i would carve my heart so that you would have two, and you can destroy mine, happily.
i am very sorry that this is so sudden, but i am ecstatic because finally, finally, i have finished carving my heart, but why am i still alive, love? why am i still breathing? why am i still here?why are you not moving? why are you not breathing? why are you bleeding? love, where is your heart?
6th scene
I don't know if I like hospitals or not.
I can't remember all my encounters with hospitals thats why i have a minimal amount of knowledge in regards to the latter. I just used to think that its a place for sick-dying type of people. Its generally a sad place for my young self. I can't remember how all the hospitals that I've been to looked like visually, but I can clearly remember how they've smellt. It smelled like used cotton balls that's dripping of alcohol for sanitary purposes of some sort. It also smelled like clean flasks and glass tubes and new aluminum door knobs. I based the smell of death to that same smell of a familiar hospital.
When I was young I can clearly remember that I really wanted to be a doctor. I can't remember what kind and why, but, I just strongly feel back then that I should be one.
on-break
DISCLAIMER: This is a subjective opinion about my third team on my first job. All the statements and opinions that will be made on this narrative, is strictly personal and does not reflect the truth on the subjects. Every team mate will be given a pseudonym to protect their privacy.
Let's start.
Skyflakes. has a personality of a white, thin, salty papery biscuit. one of the nicest person in our whole team. skyflakes has greeted me once, i never greeted back. the greeting ended there. we rarely talk, but once we were forced to do so because of a common work-friend. skyflakes is very preserved. i never hated skyflakes, but i am uncertain if the feeling's mutual.
Moon. moon doesn't get me at all, shocker. moon is like my counter part on an alternate universe, the receptiveness on moon's personality never worked for me. moon pretended that i am an open book that can be easily deciphered. I totally murdered moon's psyche by literally knowing everything that the workplace has expected on me, including moon's assumptions. but i liked moon very much, i don't know if it is because of the pretenses or is it because i am fascinated by the fact that i can toy with moon's feelings.
Strip. is a so-so character. strip realize everything that i talk about but it is very often that strip talks to me about them. strip is an open letter that you can read on a twitter page of an angsty adolescent
4th scene
let's talk about the creation of the keyboard, where did it really came from. do you think it came hand-in-hand, a plus-one, a done deal package together with the first computer? do you think the first known computer is as useful as it would be if it will come with a ready made keyboard? who invented keyboard? who decided that this piece of 3D plastic boxes of numbers, letters and symbols should be called as it is? is the word keyboard technically acknowledged.
7th scene
this is an account of all the things i would've done if the world will end tomorrow, assuming i have exactly 26 hours to live before the world will meet its fate for some reason.
for the first two hours i would try to murder whoever will talk to me about their own itenerary in this situtation. just ki
8th scene
words are fascinating. words made me love the world, even though it's unbearable. words found me, more than i found them. it is introduced to me as a friend, as someone who i can turn to. someone that can always take me to perfect places. someone i can truly trust. someone that i can whisper my secrets to, someone that can be my secret, someone that can share secrets with me. then it grew on me. it became a parental support, it guided me. it helped me. it taught me things. it straighten my back, words released me from slouching, from boredom, from restrain. it molded me to the person i am today. it made me realize things, i've ingested it and its essence. i mimicked it like a whole stage full of actors. words are just releasing the good and the beautiful, without shying away with its ugly and distastefulness. words are flexible, they can make or break, it can be a weapon for sympathy and apathy, it can end or start war. words fly and swim and they climb, they will run if needed and walk for intensities.
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letgladnessdwell · 3 years
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I would like a reset button on my brain today. Just a little system reboot.
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sashimirolls · 7 years
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Kai Fiction
 Boop!!
It was well around midnight when the prince, now emperor, Kai had finally been able to take a well deserved rest for the night. He had spent the day doing all the tedious and annoying high-level official duties thanks to the coronation from three nights before. Shaking hands, kissing babies, performing monologues for the other high-leveled officials--who he personally thought were more judgmental of his age and leadership skills than they needed to be. It was all very tiring for the young emperor. After he excused himself to his royal bedroom, he tripped himself face-first onto the cushion of pillows and comforters. 
     Kai soothed himself with the dozens of freshly cleaned pillows, exuding an aroma of honeysuckle and lavender, his favorite. He smothered himself in all the luxuries, mentally taking note to thank the cleaning servants of their work in the morning. Kai felt completely at bliss in his own space until a revision of his day arose in his mind. Kai frowned mid-ecstasy because he remembered who was accompanied with him throughout most of his exhaustion, and who would be accompanied with him until further notices. 
    Queen Levana--and her royal entourage. Queen Levana was a vile, antagonizing woman. Creature more like. She was anything but human, both literally and in character. She is able to manipulate and destroy anyone in her path, for reason or no reason, for her benefit or for not one at all. She was simply the personification of evil draped in roses and white sheen veils, and it darkened Kai's heart to the core. He never thought someone so wicked could achieve so much power, but then again, her rule does consider the use of mind control. 
     Kai started to recollect the events of the day around Queen Levana along with her useless lackeys. During the bright hours of the morning Kai gave a finalizing speech to the leaders of the world regarding the peace agreement between him and "Her Majesty". Queen Levana standing elegant and proud beside him. Despite how uneasy she made everyone else feel in her presence, she wore her veil high, indicating that she was undeterred. It made him think of how intriguing it was to see such a person be so calm and confident in such matters. At the time it also made him believe that the marriage should transpire sooner than later, because he felt as if Queen Levana would be a great wife for him. He shooed the thought off quickly, knowing that it was Levana's mind manipulation ruling his judgment and not his own.
     It pained Kai’s head to think of that woman, especially so late at night. It almost made him want to retch up whatever he’d eaten that day. He couldn’t pinpoint why he was thinking of her so much. Maybe it was because she was a Lunar and she was using her mind manipulation magic on him to have his focus be on her. 
     Or maybe, Kai thought, she was just that much of a pain in the ass that it’s almost impossible to stop imagining her. Kai finished his theory with a soft chuckle.
     Rising from his bed, he glanced at a framed painting of his father, the late Emperor Rikan. Kai started to remember all the useless things that his father used to tell him as he grew up. One of which being to never go to sleep with the thought of someone in your mind, or else your dreams would revolve around that person--good or bad. Kai always saw that as a bunch of malarkey the times following his father’s comment. He’d never witnessed something as outlandish as that, even when he did imagine about someone--more specifically a girl he had honest interest in--so late at night. Rubbish.
     Kai then reached into his closet to pull out his nightwear, thanking the stars that the maids had stopped dressing him in the mornings and nights by the age of thirteen. That all was very intrusive from the start. Almost within a blink of an eye Kai hopped into his cozy bed once again and turned off his bedroom lights and closed his eyes to head off to bed. 
     There was a feeling as if as soon as Kai closed his eyes he was forced to open them again. He was bombarded with two alike figures standing in front of him, fortunately blocking some of the blinding light shining behind them. 
     It was morning.
     Kai could barely recognize who the figures were until a unison greeting reminded him. 
     “Dearest morning to you, Emperor!” 
     They were the palace’s head maids, Chen-Jie and Chenguang.
     They were twin maids, alike in body and face. Except one wore her hair bangs straight across and the other pulled above her head to show her forehead. Only the universe would know what their surnames were, not like that mattered anything. The two were among the only humans who were employed as servants in the palace, having the rest being androids. Why that was was above Kai’s knowledge.
     “Ah, good morning to you two as well.” said Kai pulling himself up from his bed. He felt a slight headache to then think that he sat up too fast. He looked over to see Chen-Jie close the curtains to the morning sun and Chenguang lay Kai’s emperor apparel along edge of his bed. He watched them float effortlessly across his room, almost dancing. Straightening the misplaced objects on the shelves, picking up the lying articles of clothing left from the hamper Kai threw from the night before. They certainly were the head maids.
     Working on recuperating himself after his minor headache, Kai smoothed his hand over the fresh and pristine comforter laying over him. The touch triggered the memory of him thanking his maids of their work.
     “Oh, girls, I almost forgot to say-” The girls craned their heads attentively towards him, none stopping their cleaning.
    “I’d have to thank you two for the work done in my quarters last night. More specifically, the work done on the royal mattress.”
     Both maids’ stiff expressions shifted to a blush. Chen-Jie’s face redder than the other. At least Kai could get a bit of a clear reading on who fixed the bed.
    “Y-you are most welcome. Your Excellency deserves nothing less than the finest luxuries.” Chenguang managed to mutter over Chen-Jie, who was stammering over her words unprofessionally.
     With a subtle bow, the two red-faced maids finished doing the light cleaning and floated from his room leaving His Majesty to dress in peace.
     After dressing and fixing himself--a bit longer than usual, Kai left the bedroom. He was greeted by his royal adviser, Konn Torin, outside his door. A proper man, he stood upright with his arms folded behind his back. He gave a simple good morning to Kai followed by a cordial bow and quickly escorted him down the hallway towards the elevator.
     Walking through the corridors of the palace, Kai broke the silence.
     “Torin.” Kai said politely.
     “Yes, Your Highness.”
     “Please, reiterate to me my plans for this morning.”
     “Breakfast with Her Majesty, Queen Levana. She is eager to make your acquaintance.”
     Great, just who I was looking forward to seeing.... 
     After Torin’s answer, Kai left the conversation still.
    Once they had finally reached the elevator, Torin pressed the button that led to the bottom floor. Kai felt a slight uneasiness about it.
     Why? He thought. As far as he knew there was no reason to have nervousness in seeing the Queen. If anything were to happen, Torin would handle it. Right?
     Finally reaching the dining room, Kai was greeted by the disgustingly sweet smile of Queen Levana. Her lips curved into sinister elf grin. 
     “Emperor Kai. So glad you’ve finally decided to grace me and my attendants with your presence.”
     “Haha. Yes, yes I do apologize for running late Your Majesty.”
     Witch. I wish I would have been able to keep you waiting longer.
     Her Majesty’s sarcasm stung Kai more than he thought it would. After a brief gesture by Queen Levana to sit down for breakfast, servants from both parties traveled in front of them, quick to pull out their master’s chair. 
     The table was a rather lengthy one--more lengthy than he had remembered, stretching from the middle of the dining area to almost the other end of the room. Kai thought it to be rather odd that he hadn’t noticed it to be that way before. Torin stood a protective stance behind Kai as Sybil did the same behind Queen Levana. Both making occasional eye contact. Kai then noticed that Levana had been making a noticeable stare at Torin, making suggestive glances with her eyes while swirling her white wine around in her glass.
     Before Kai could properly study the situation, two servants made an extravagant entrance with sparkling silver trays placed atop of their palms. The two walked together until reaching the tables when they spread apart. Kai noticing the girl servant slightly unnerved when realized that she had to serve Queen Levana, as she served her last time. Kai couldn’t have imagined the fear inside of her. 
     Eyeing the servants with their food reminded Kai of his androids, who were usually the ones who served him this way. But due to Queen Levana’s arrival in the palace, there would be no android serving her in any way. Androids are able to see through a Lunar’s glamour--able to see their ugliness.
     “Your breakfast for today conserves your favorite, Your Highness.” the servant serving Kai voiced. He smoothed the platter out lightly and elegantly, as if trying to impress him or himself.
     “And Her Majesty deserves nothing but the best as well.” the servant sang with a plastered smile as she laid the platter before Levana graciously, glancing up at her with fear in her pupils.
     This better not be another mirror incident.....
     Fortunately Kai’s nervous thought was debunked after the servants simultaneously whipped the silver cover from it’s plate to reveal nothing more than steaming food, making Kai unconsciously sigh in relief. The servants stepped away from the two with ease and with a bow, they left the room quiet again.
     The table that Kai and the Queen sat at seemed longer the more time Kai stared at it length. Him and Levana sat at opposing ends of the strip of wood, a lonely decorative vase full of an assorted flowers stuck inside placed in the middle. Torin and Sybil never moved from their posts, as well Queen Levana’s bodyguards manning the wall across from them. The only way Kai could tell that they weren’t all cardboard cutouts was the steady pace of their chests moving up and down. It was all very eerie to him.
     “That young friend of yours really did conjure up a stir at the ball the other night. Did she not?”
     No. No. Not this again. Kai pleaded in his mind. Not only does he have to deal with an excruciatingly horrid morning with horror herself, but now she wants him to discuss her? 
     “Unfortunately, Your Majesty, I am not in the happiest of moods to discuss of her at the moment.”
     “Oh, well, I suppose I can acknowledge that.” Queen Levana said nonchalantly.
     Kai immediately felt a sense of dread drain through him. It was never that easy to stop a conversation with Queen Levana and for her to just take it. If she were to be so easy to bargain with, Luna would not be under her control, Queen Channary would still be alive, Princess Selene would still be alive....and most of all: Kai would not have to hold his peace on Queen Levana’s actions due to a consequence of war and mass murder. She had a plan, and Kai knew that he was falling right for it.
     Some time passed before Queen Levana spoke again, with her same elfish grin. When Kai saw that she was eyeing him from across the extended table, he knew he was not going to enjoy what he was going to hear next.
     “I am aware that you felt betrayed the moment she revealed herself to you. You seemed to really enjoy her company, from what I saw that is.”
     Despite his frustration, Kai remained to bite his tongue.
     “So what may I ask was the more devastating revelation, my dear Emperor? The truth of her being a Lunar, or her being a cyborg as what you Earthens call it? You were quite taken aback by both that it was difficult to see which broke you more.”
     Kai started to feel trapped. His emotions were beginning to fall all over the place inside his mind. Before he could find in himself to make a good answer, Torin stepped in to his rescue.
     “His Majesty has already discussed with you that he is not in the mood for conversations about the person of subject. Now please, Your Majesty, honor his word and enjoy your breakfast.”
That sure was something risky to say, Torin, I’ll give you credit for that. Hopefully she isn’t set off by it.
     Queen Levana made a subtle eye-roll and made a hollow apology. 
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