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zmayadw · 3 years

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Evening to all :)

Allright, so after two days of terrible headache, one sleepless night, lots and lots of coffee, and constant tweeks of what I already had written, its time to continue with the story. Lets have some fun at the Aurora :)

Wish you all a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 8

We left the restauran and drove to Aurora. It was saturday night, but the bar wasnt that much filled with people yet. The Aurora was like most of the bars : booths wer on each side, tables towards the middle, but still leaving enough room for people to dance. The bar was on the opposite from the entrance with barstools arround it, a smaller stage and karaoke machine on the left, basement/storage entrance on the right, with big TV above it. Since Jessy's brother Phil was the owner of Aurora, we had a booth waitng for us. We settled at our booth, and i got up to get us drinks, since they refused to let me chip in for the dinner. Dan decided its still too early for whiskey, but emphasised that at some point in the evening we're having it. Jessy just groaned at that, and i chuckled going to the bar ordering us beers. As i was waitig, a guy appeared behind the bar „Put this on the house, Dave. Cant let her pay for her first drink here.“ As i turned ,he winked at me, setteling down a box with bottles on the counter. „Hello, Phil.“ I smiled at him „And thansk for the drinks.“ He extended his hand towards me, and i did the same. He took it, moved it towards his lips, giving me one of those cavalier kiss on it „Hello, Maya, nice to finaly meet you.“ I felt a little heat coming to my cheeks. Phil really was a charmer, as i was told, especially from Jessy, but i must admit he wasnt bad looking. He had a long brown hair, mostly worn in a tail. His eyes wer dark brown, and he was tall and muscaline. He was wearing a white shirt with the Aurora written on it, wich just made his tattoos more noticable. I was a sucker for tattoos. „Do all girls get such a charming 'hello' from you here?“ i asked teasingly. He grinned devilishly „Just the special ones.“ „I got warned about you, trying to sweet talk me.“ I grinned back. „Can you blame me? I'm a sucker for a beautifull woman.“ I felt even more heat coming to my cheeks, and was greatfull the light wernt that bright, so noone would notice, especialy Phil. It felt good, being flirted like this, but i didnt want to give Phil any wrong ideas. I knew from Jessy that he was interested in me, and to be honest, if Jake was out of the picture, it might be different. „Thanks for the compliment! But, i have to warn you, i might not be a good choice.“ I said, making a serious face, leaning a bit closer towards him over the bar, wich made him do the same. „I was told i was reckles and out of control, kinda hard to handle, stressing people too much.“ He looked at me, that devilish spark in his eyes intensifieing „Well, Maya, maybe you just havent met your match..yet.“ „Maybe.“ I replied, leaning back, smile forming at the corner of my mouth. We just stared at eachother like that for a while, Phils gaze intensifing with each moment. I felt my heart starting to beat faster, and i was really confused about it. What was happening here? Ok, Phil was good looking, but Jake was the one i was longing for. Wasnt he? „Well, as much as i'm enjoying talking to you, i better get those beers over to my friends.“ He glanced towards our booth „You just might need some more beer.“ I turned to see what was it that he refered to, and saw the whole gang showed up while we wer talking. Including Jake. I was glad to see him, i didnt really think this was a place he would feel comfortable being at, but i supposed Hannah made him come. I heard from Jessy they wer spending much time together, the three of them, wich wasnt to be unexpected. He was their halfbrother after all, they wanted to get to know eacother better. And Hannah made him stay at her appartment since he came to Duskwood. And then i noticed Jake staring, but it wasnt me he was staring at, but Phil. Oh boy, i tought, can my life be simple for just one evening. I turned to Phil, sighing „I guess your right.“ I took the beers, slowely moving from the bar, walking backwards. „Oh, and i have a feeling i might need something stronger soon, so keep a glass close for me.“ I said skeptical, but Phil just grined and winked „I'll be right here with that glass ready.“

As i neared the booth, putting on my best smile, they all stood up cheering. I settled the beers on the table, Hannah embracing me in a tight hug, with Thomas grining behind her. „Its so good to finaly do this.“ She said. „Its good to see you , Hannah.“ I said, hugging her back. Hannah let go of me, and now it was Cleo's turn. „Dont you scare us like that anymore, you hear me!“ she scolded me before smiling „I promise.“ She let go of me, and they all sat back. I grabbe myself a chair from the table near us, since the booth was full now. As i sat down, i glanced at Jake. He smiled and nooded at me, and i smiled back. Lily was just siting there, barely sparing me a look. I tried not to take it too personal, from the begining she wasnt that much fond of me, and the feeling is mutual. „So, how are you feeling?“ Hannah asked me. „Oh, im much better, thanks for asking. Few more days and i'll be back to my old self.“ I told her, as a waiter, Dave , came to our booth, bringing five more beers. I turned towards the bar. Phil just winked at me, and continued about his business. I noticed Jake saw that also, his body tensing a bit. „Thats good to hear.“ Hannah siad, and Dan chimed in „I'll drink to that!“ raising his glass towards me. I got my glass and added cheerfuly to him „Me too!“ Now Lily finaly spoke „Good thing it ended as it did, we could all be drinking our sorrow instead.“ I tensed at her words, a bit of rage forming in me, but Hannah jumped in before i could say anything. „Lily, stop it. We are all aware of how things might ended, no need to emphasising it anymore.“ She sounded tired saying it, i got a feeling this wasnt the first time the two of them had a similar conversation. „Im sorry, Hannah“ Lily continued „but you know how i feel. Maya's actions could have terrible consequencess, and i dont see what is there to celebrate.“ „How about me being here, Lily? Is that good enough reason for you?“ Hannah asked, but Lily just sat there silently. I couldnt be quiet anymore. „Im sorry you feel that way Lily.“ I started. „I expected you to be more happy now that Hannah is back. Yes, i made some mistakes, i know. But we all do mistakes, Lily, you should know it all too well.“ She shot me such a angry look when i said it. It wasnt my intention to start a fight with her or anything, i knew all too well how badly all of it could have ended, but i was also tired of it being dragged out constantly. „My sister could have died!“ Lily basicly screamed, wich made few people arround us turn to see what was happening. „Lily, enough!“ Hannah started, but i really had enough, and my head started to hurt a bit now. „Your sister could have died eitherway, Lily“ i said basicly hissing at her „No matter what i might have or might have not done. At least i had the guts to act, and would do the same all over again if i had to, gladly. Luckily, things turned out for the better. You should be happy about it, and stop dwelling on the 'what if's'. If you cant do that, to just be happy you got your sister back, then for fuck sake i dont know what more to say to you.“ As i finished, you could feel the tension gathering around. „Sorry all, but i need something stronger to drink.“ I stood up going for the bar.

Phil came as i sat on one of the stools, rasing his eyebrow „My, my, you wernt wrong about needing that drink. So, whats your poison?“ he asked me grining. „Oh, whatever you grab first, as long as it washes the bitternes out.“ I said, feeling that rage not setteling, and my head throbing some more. He grabbed two shot glasses, pouring both with whiskey. „Dont mind if i join you.“ He said, rising one of the glasses. I grinned, taking my glass knocking it at his „Its no fun drinking alone, anyway!“ „Bottoms up!“ he chimed, and we exed our gasses. „One more, please, the bitter taste is still not washed completly.“ „Comming right up!“ he said cheerfuly, filled both again, and we drank those too. Someone patted me on my shoulder, and i turned to see Dan standing next to me. „Aww, Maya, you started without me.“ He said, being dramatic and acting hurt. „Aww, sorry Dan“ i said making a sad face „You cant really blame me, after all that just happened back there.“ „Point taken“ he said, sitting next to me. I turned towards the booth. Jessy, Cleo, Thomas and Hannah wer still there. I could see they didnt seem much affected by any of what just happened. But Lily was gone. And so was Jake. Great, i tought. The night began so nicely, i guess it was too good to last. „Well, Dan, feel free to join us now. The more, the merrier.“ I turned to Phil. „Barkeep, antoher glass for my 'nonjudgemental' friend here, please.“ Phil grinned, taking one more glass and filling them all again „The lady commands, the lady gets!“ Now the three of us chinned our glasses, and drank up. „Phil, i think you and I will be very good friends.“ I started „Since i assume you are not theirs most likable person of all time.“ i waved my hand towards the booth. „And i suppose as of now, i might join that club, too.“ Phil looked at me, a bit sirious „I told you once before, Maya. Everyone gets the exactly right ammount of respect from me as deserved. I dont bother with the tought if im 'likable' to someone or not. You dont mess with me, and i dont mess with you, its simple as that.“ „Amen to that!“ It was Dan, and both Phil and me looked at him, not really expecting it. I started laughing so hard „Oh, Dan, thanks, i needed this.“ „What?“ Dan looked at me, question marks written all over his face. Phil just shook his head, lowering it down, hiding himself smiling too, filling our glasses again, and drinking his up. „If you two would excuse me, i actually have some work to do.“ He winked at me as he left. „Be careful Maya, Phil is a player.“ Dan told me a bit serious. „Dont worry, Dan, i'm a big girl, i can take care of myself. So, tell me, how much am i hated at the moment amongst the others?“ i asked him. „Dont worry, Maya, nobody hates you, trust me. But you gotta understand Lily. She really was scared for Hannah, and she tought she was doing her best.“ He paused for a while before adding „Just like you did.“ I looked at Dan, and tought 'shit, he has a point there'. „Ah, crap, Dan, why you have to be so 'smartypants' all of a sudden?!“ He chuckled at me „Look, both of you did what you did, and it ended how it did. Even if you dont see it, you both expected the same result. Just your ways of trying to acomplish it wer totaly different. And thats where all hell broke loose.“ I knew Dan was right, but i tought Lily would be at least a bit happier for having Hannah back, and not to be all bitchy about it, clinging so tightly on all the things that could go wrong. „All right, enough with this serious talk. I tought we came here to drink.“ I started, but added quickly so Dan dont feel me being ungrateful „But, thanks Dan. I understand what you wanted to say to me. I will keep it in mind, for the next time.“ Dan smiled and noded at me. I took a sip of my whiskey, when there was another tap on my shoulder. It was Hannah „Hey, just wanted to say we're leaving. It was really nice seeing you, we should definatly do this again.“ She said, adding „When things cool down a bit.“ She gave me an appologetic look, „Yeah, definatly! And it was really nice seeing you two, Hannah.“ She hugged me „And dont take Lily by the heart, please. I know she can overreact sometimes, but she means well.“ „Dont worry, Hannah, i understand, its all good. Hope i wasnt too forward myself.“ Now i looked at her appologeticly. „Everything is good.“ She smiled „Take care, Maya, see you later.“ „Laters you two.“ I waved at Hannah and Thomas as they left. Cleao and Jessy joined us at the bar. „Uhh, that was fun.“ Cleo said. „Indeed. Not really my definition of a 'fun night' i expected.“ „Dont worry, Maya. Lily is just a hard person sometimes, a bit overprotective, too. She will calm down, eventualy.“ Cleo told me, to wich I replied a bit skeptical „ So everyone tells me.“ Phil came to us, taking two new glasses „C'mon you sad lot, enough with it. I tought we wer celebrating a 'new girl in town'!“ he said cheerfuly, winking at me, filling all the glasses up, handing one for Jessy and Cleo. Jessy groaned at it, scolding Phil „Ohh, dont encourage this two, Phil“ she said, pointing at Dan and me „I'm the one who will have to endure them for the rest of our evening, with all that whiskey in them. And we all know Dan and whiskey doesnt end well.“ „Hey babe, dont be like that!“ Dan said to her, in that dramatical and hurt way he does, making Cleo and me laugh. „See, it already started.“ Jessy said, leaning her elbovs on the bar, sighing sadly, now she trying to be dramatic. „Awwww babe, i promise i'll behave.“ Dan said, pecking her on the cheek. „You better behave..remember, im the one you're going home with.“ She told him, giving him one of her serious looks. Phil was just taking a sip of his drink, and hearing Jessy say it laughed so hard that he spat his drink out. Cleo and me laughed with him, but Dan looked at Jessy all pale„Yes, ma'am!“. I took my glass, raising it „Last one? Then we get beer again.“ Jessy looked at me „Deal!“, the rest of them taking their glasses and we drank. „That's it for me“ Cleo said „I'll be going now. Have to be early at the Gates of Hope tomorrow. And you all know how my mother can be if its not her way.“ She said shuddering a bit at it. „Ohh, we dont want to get Miranda cross at you, or any of us.“ Jessy said, giving Cleo a look of symphaty. Cleo hugged me „It was nice seeing you, Maya. We should definatly do this again, soon. And i promise i wont leave so early next time.“ „No worrys, Cleo, thanks for coming anyway.“ I said, smiling back at her. She waved us goodby and left. We ordered some beer then, as i promised Jessy no more whiskey. „Sorry, Maya, i really didnt think this will go so badly.“ Jessy looked at me appologeticaly. „Oh, dont sweat it, Jessy“ i grinned at her „Im having more fun with just the two of you, anyway.“ She grinned back, when Phil looked at me, making a sad face, mimicing Dan's hurt gesture „Awww, and what about me, i dont belong in this 'fun club'?“ I looked at him and winked „We have our special 'secret club', remember?“ That made Jessy switch her look from Phil too me, all puzzled, but Phil just grined devilishly at me, winking „We sure do.“ Jessy turned to Phil now, making a serious face, waving her finger at him „Phil, you better behave! Maya is not a 'toy' to play with and throw away after it.“ I jumped in, before Phil could say anything „Oh, dont worry, Jessy. Phil was nothing but a gentelmen towards me.“ Phil grined at her, makeing an aureola sign above his head with his hands, sugesting him being an angel. Jessy just snorted „Yeah, yeah, more like a 'devil in disguise'.“ „Im not sure who's the 'devil in disguise' here actualy.“ Phil said looking at me intensely, my cheeks flushing again.

#duskwood #duskwood aurora #duskwood phil #duskwood jessy #duskwood dan #duskwood fanfic

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killthe-illusionarydreams · 3 years

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Chronic Emptiness

Fred x reader

After the war

Summary: Y/N having a depressive episode & Fred trying to help her through it. Basically me living vicariously through her. Soft moment.

Warning: Mentions of depression & plainly feeling like shit

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Y/N was exhausted. Not by her job or work, just mentally drained. This sort of thing happened sometimes. One moment she was okay, the next it all came crashing down on her & she’d feel pure hatred for the world she was living in. Fred had gotten used to it by now, he’d be the ever so caring boyfriend & try to help her through it however he could. Exept he really couldnt do much but reassure Y/N that he was there for her.

And of course Y/N appreciated him & all his efforts, she loved Fred more than life itself & everyone knew that. But sometimes she just needed space. Like today.

They were at a bar with George & Angelina and several other mates after their shifts had all ended from their various occupations. George & Fred at their joke shop, Angelia at the Ministry, Y/N at St Mungos.

Y/N never truly felt like she belonged, not growing up at home, not at Hogwarts, & certainly not in St Mungos where she was working as a nurse. Its not that she hated the job, more like it didn’t particularly cause her immediate joy. She just did it. She got on with it & did what she had to.

As her friends were dancing to the music Y/N leant into her boyfriends ear so he’d hear her say “Hey Fred I think I’m gonna head home early today, I’m tired.”

The man looked up at her, as if trying to read her thoughts “D’you want me to come with love?”

Y/N shook her head, declining the offer “No dont worry. I’ll go through the park, I need some fresh air anyway.” Fred nodded & bid her goodbye with a kiss, telling her to stay safe. “I’ll see you at home.”

It was already dark outside, the tall streetlamps being the main source of light for the woman, but she wasnt really paying attention to where she way going, not caring enough to look. Y/N got to the park near the flat where her & Fred lived, deciding to make a pitstop there she sat on one of the wooden benches that overlooked a small river.

Letting out a heavy sigh she put her head into the palms of her hands, it was feeling all too heavy lately. “Dear Merlin I’m so tired.” Mumbling, the woman rolled her head in her hands before sitting back up and gazing at the sky. Oh how beautiful it looked tonight.

Lighting up a cigarette, she put it to her lips & took a long inhale. She was supposed to be quitting smoking, Fred always got on her about continuing the habbit. In all honesty Y/N didnt care enough to stop, at this point she wasnt even sure if she still got the same boost of seratonin from smoking as she used to. But again, it didnt bother her.

“Fuck me why is life so draining?” She asked no one in particular, she knew why it was draining, the abundance of issues with her brain promptly being the answer. She just wished it were easier. Easier to deal with things.

Realistically Y/N had nothing to be unhappy about anymore, there was no war, she had a good life, an amazing boyfriend, a stable job, decent friends. But there was a permanent void in her heart that could never be filled. Ever since she was a child it stayed with her. Maybe her cold & harsh, unloving parents brought it on, or maybe how she didnt let herself feel love & would distance herself from anyone that ever got close to her. But it was there. Unmovable.

The woman let the smoke out from her mouth, sighing at why she was having another one of her episodes, feeling shitty about having said episode. Yet, there was nothing she could do to stop it from occuring. “Fuck off brain.” She mumbled to herself, cursing her biology & upbringing “Stop feeling so Shit.”

“I keep you alive you ungrateful idiot.” She huffed to herself “And I’m doing a pretty good job, so stop making me feel like its my fault.” It wasnt her fault. If it were, Y/N would know how to fix it & evidently stop feeing this way.

Some would say the war brought this Y/N on, but people knew that she was like this way before. However, before she was better at hiding it. Better at hiding the dark circles, the restlessness, the ‘I dont care what happens to me’ attitude. In all honesty it didnt bother Y/N that people knew she was like this, she didnt do it on purpose. And when she could- she’d be happy- the life of the party, in those instances she could hide her feelings. But sometimes they just got too overwhelming to bare.

“You’re being such a selfish prick.” She sighed and puffed on yet another cigarette “Go home Y/N. Go to the man who loves you.” Yet she made no motion to move. It’d probably been two hours since she left the bar, she wasnt keeping track of time, not feeling the need to.

Sometimes she thought that Fred didnt love her, not because he said something or did something, but because she thought that Fred puts up with her. Which wasn’t true, the man loved her to death, she made him feel alive. Y/N was a risk taker, an adventurer, someone that kept you on your toes- & he admired that about her. Y/N was smart & funny & the most gorgeous person Fred had ever seen, but he knew that behind her sarcasm & faux narcissistic comments, she didnt believe it. Oh what he’d give for the woman to see herself through his eyes.

A few more minutes passed & the woman got up with a sigh, throwing the butt of her cigarette down, she made her way home.

The door creaked open, a little too loudly for Y/N’s taste, she winced at the sound, hoping it wouldnt wake Fred.

“Where were you?” The light flicked on. Before her stood a dischevelled Fred, arms crossed “I got home and you werent here.”

“I was in the park.” She mumbled, taking her coat off “Lost track of time, sorry.”

Fred looked at the woman before him, he noticed the dark circles that she tried to cover prefousley with makeup, noticed the ash on her jacket and faint aroma of smoke mixed with sadness.

“Its fine.” He reassured her and went to hug her, pretending to not notice her cold body & how she stiffened when he touched her “Just let me know next time alright?”

The woman hummed in agreement and walked into the living room, as she sat on the couch she put the tv on to play some sort of muggle program but not really paying attention to it. She just didnt fancy Fred interrogating her about her feelings. She hated talking about them, normally just botteling them up. Maybe that was the cause of her unhappiness.

A few moments went by & she thought Fred had went to bed, but then she felt the couch sink next to her. “Here” he placed a blanket around her & handed her a hot mug of tea “You’re freezing.” Mumbling a thanks she sipped on her drink, not really feeling like talking she waited for him to say something, anything.

And he did “Is it getting bad again?” Oh. Was it? Probably. Most definitely.

“I’m fine.” She lied “I’ll be fine.” Y/N wasnt convincing anyone.

Fred watched her, not knowing what to say or do. He wished he could help, just magically cheer up the love of his life. But thats not how life worked. “You’re good enough.” He blurted out “You deserve to feel happy.”

Y/N didnt look up at him, she knew Fred was trying to help. But was he? I dont know.

“Do I though, do I really?” She finally asked with a sigh, those seemed to be coming from her a lot lately “Because I know I do, I just dont feel it coming to me and its so draining to get on with life when you feel worthless.”

Fred took in what she just said, pausing before trying to come up with a reasonable response “I know.” He sighed “I want to help you Y/N, what can I do?” What could he do though? Realistically?

“I dont know. Nothing. This’ll pass soon enough and I’ll be okay.”

Fred knew that, Y/N was always ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ or ‘just tired’ “But I want you to be better than okay. I want you to be happy, to enjoy life and all its moments.”

Y/N scoffed “And you think I dont want that?” There was a tense silence

“Why dont we take the day off tomorrow and go out somewhere? We havent done that in a while.” Fred suggested. It was true, with both of them being bombarded by work they hardly saw eachother in the last few months.

“Sure.” Y/N smiled sickly and set her tea down “Yeah alright I’ll just sack my job off to have a fun little date with you eh? Why not risk getting fired just because I’m feeling a little moody huh?”

Fred was taken aback by her words and immediately went back on what he said “If you dont want to thats fine I-“

“Im sorry” she cut him off “I’m sorry, that was a dick move I didnt mean it, just everythings gotten so much-“ she put her feet up on the couch to hug them “Im sorry.” A few stray tears fell onto her knees

Fred moved closer to her “Hey, its okay, its okay dont worry. I understand.” Oh sweet understanding Fred, Fred who gave you unconditional love and support. Fred who you keep snapping at.

Moments pass as he embraces you, your body leaning against his heavily. Not sure whether its the exhaustion or something else “I dont deserve you.” You mumble into his chest. He frowns cups your face in his hands, you lean in to his warm touch.

“Dont say that” you let out a quiet sob “Y/N you deserve the absolute world, and I wish I could give it to you & more. If I could take away your pain, I would. In an instant I would. You dont deserve to feel like this, to think like this. But I’m here for you okay. I love you, so fucking much you don’t understand.” He gazed into her eyes, wishing she could feel how much he meant it “You’re the best thing that happened to me & I’m going to prove it to you, whatever it takes Y/N.” He kissed your nose before letting you hug him tighter, relieved that you no longer shrunk away from his touch “Words cant express how much I love you.”

After a few more tears fall, Y/N laughs into his chest “Good because you’re stuck with me.”

Fred grins to himself “I wouldnt have it any other way.”

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gottlem · 3 years

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‘let me go’ but like angsty lemyanka maybe if lemon is moving back to nyc from toronto 💔

here u go ! the most angsty thing i have ever written and will probably ever write. i havent proofread it bc its late, im tired and i got a bit carried away and ended up writing 1.7k words so.... yeah. hope u like it ! <3

“let me go”

Lemon and Priyanka were clearly in love. Everyone knew it, everyone could see. Deep down, they both knew that they were, but no matter how many times they ended up in eachothers beds, it just never came up. Because if it did, well, Lemon’s not too sure what would happen. But it would be a lot, maybe too much. So she decided to stick with friends with benefits, nothing more, and it worked. For a while. Until she didn’t know what counted as overstepping anymore and calling Priyanka her friend just felt like a lie, even though it wasn’t, not really. But the ‘not really’ part is what fucked her up.

Lemon could only deal with so much. She had her walls, they were strong and tall and Priyanka was the only one who could get through, but they just didn’t feel like they were protecting her anymore. One day, she feared they would become a little too high, a little too unstable, and crush her. And she didn’t want Priyanka to have to deal with that.

She had already made the decision to move back to New York before she even admitted it to herself. She tended to listen to her brain over her heart - you’re less likely to get hurt that way. Somehow, this time round she couldn't quite tell which part she was listening to, but before she knew it, she was on the phone to her friend Jan asking for a place to stay.

Jan was more than happy, albeit a little concerned, for Lemon to live with her for a bit, claiming she could use the company and the help with rent. It was a win-win situation. Though, was Lemon winning? She wasn’t so sure, she was however very stubborn and once she had made her mind up, there was no going back. It would be nice to see her New York friends again, they hadn’t fallen out of touch but things are always harder when you’re so far apart. Besides, she needed a change of scenery, she missed walking the streets of the city that never sleeps.

The real reason behind her decision was Priyanka. She didn’t tell anyone about it but Jan, knowing she would need at least some form of support once the train arrived. She just couldn’t bear to keep up with whatever their current situation was, but also she wasn’t sure she had the courage to talk about her real feelings, so the only option she could see was to just run away. They could keep in contact, a couple of texts and maybe a bi-weekly phone call, and Lemon could find some other girl to fall in love with and then she would be over her.

She didn’t know how to be in love, and even if Priyanka could show her, she didn’t know if she was ready, if she was prepared. Because love was scary. Commitment, too. It’s not that Lemon was scared they would end up breaking up, she was scared that they would never break up. She was still young, and while some people long to find the love of their life early on, Lemon found herself staring at hers right in the face and it just felt too overwhelming.

She had started hinting to Priyanka that she missed her New York friends about a month before she planned to be leaving. Priyanka would suggest a week’s visit, and Lemon would just shrug it off. She just didn’t want it to come out of the blue when she finally told her that she'd be moving. And yet, all her hints didn’t stop Priyanka from being surprised.

It was dark out, and the pair lay not so comfortably in Lemon’s bed. It was too hot but neither had the energy to do anything about it, so they stayed there in silence, Lemon slowly building up the courage to speak.

“Hey, Pri?” She barely recognised her own voice, hating the crack that came out when she started speaking. Priyanka hummed in response, turning her head to face Lemon’s, eyes trained on the side of Lemon’s head as the yellow haired girl stared blankly at the ceiling. Eye contact would be too much, she didn’t want to see Priyanka’s face when she told her.

“I’m moving back to New York.”

Silence.

More silence.

Then, the shuffling of covers and creaks of floorboards as Priyanka grabbed her stuff and left. Somehow Lemon didn’t register any of it until the door had shut behind her. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

The next day, Priyanka showed up at her door again, not too long after the sun rose. She looked tired, but Lemon said nothing because she probably looked the same.

“Sorry for just, leaving. I, uh, I was pissed off? I think?” Lemon’s jaw dropped.

“I’m sorry, you were pissed? At me? Priyanka, I get that I could have told you sooner but don’t pretend like telling you would have made me change my mind.”

“Wouldn’t it? Why are you moving anyway? When are you moving?”

“I miss my friends. I miss New York. I need a change, a get-away. I leave in two weeks”

“Jesus Christ,” Priyanka almost stomped past Lemon, sitting on the couch with an angry thud. “You’re telling me, you move to New York in two weeks, because you miss your friends, and I am only just finding out now? That is bullshit, Lemon”

Of all of the reactions Lemon anticipated, this was not one of them. They never argued. They always poked fun, never too serious, always having a good time. But this was new. Lemon didn’t even know how to argue with Priyanka. She didn’t even know how she was supposed to react to hearing her full name, and the way she said it too. Lemon couldn’t quite place a finger on how Priyanka was feeling, not used to not being able to read her like an open book, and she fucking hated it. But if Pri wanted to argue, then they were going to argue. Lemon didn’t make this decision on whim, she needed to do this, she needed to move, she didn’t have a choice.

“God, Priyanka, do I need to tell you everything? It’s not like I’m your fucking girlfriend!” She regretted saying it the second it came out of her mouth, no matter how true it was. They avoided the word ‘girlfriend’ like the plague, but apparently this was the line that needed to be crossed to have this discussion.

“No, you don’t need to tell me everything, but if you’re moving to New York? Yeah, maybe tell me. Maybe mention it before you have to leave in two weeks, for fucks sake, Lem”

She had stopped shouting, her voice sounding a bit more tired and defeated that angry. Things were complicated. Lemon thought running away would be the easiest option. And maybe she was right. Maybe the easiest option was still hard, but it was too late to change her mind now. The damage had been done, and now Priyanka knew that she would be getting on the train in two weeks time, and they didn’t know when they’d see eachother again after that.

They spent all day talking. Avoiding direct eye contact, getting goosebumps every time their hands accidentally touched. Unsaid ‘I love you’s floated around them, taunting them every time Lemon went over her excuse for moving. They hid behind sad smiles and even sadder eyes, but never managed to actually surface, not like they ever did anyways.

They pretended like nothing happened the next day. Instead, they opted to make the most of the last week and a bit left they had together, refusing to mention the fact that time was slipping, or how much they would be lost without each other. Lemon spent her nights on the phone to Jan, planning logistics, but mostly trying not to cry about how she was leaving the woman who was quite possibly her soulmate in another country for however long without telling her how she feels.

Her final day in Toronto came round after what felt like a short eternity. She was only slightly ready. Her yellow suitcase rolled next to her and she drowned out the noise of the train station with her earphones on full volume. A coffee warmed her shaking hands as she waited for the train she was obnoxiously early for. Not long past before she felt someone sit down next to her and place a hand on her shoulder, startling her from the daze she had managed to force herself into.

Of fucking course it was Priyanka. And of course she was looking at Lemon with tears threatening to shed. Lemon placed her hand in Priyanka’s after taking out her earphones, and gave it a small squeeze.

“I don’t want you to go” Lemon wished she could kiss her and say she didn’t want to go either. But she couldn't because she would be lying. She wanted to go. She loved Priyanka, and Priyanka loved her. They both knew it, without it being said. But Lemon just wasn’t ready.

“I know. I’ll miss you” Priyanka shook her head and tears began to fall down her cheeks, one by one then all at once.

“God, Lem, what went wrong? Do I have to fucking beg you to stay or something? I don’t understand why you have to move all the way to New York, I don’t know what I’m even supposed to do without you here”

Lemon refused to cry. She absolutely refused. When she felt the back of her eyes stinging with tears, she simply shook her head and pushed them back. Not now. Not in front of Pri.

She took her other hand, and looked Priyanka in the eyes, inching in closer and closer.

“Pri, I’m going, and it’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna be fine, and you’re gonna be fine, okay love? It’s time to just… let me go.”

Lemon released her hands and stood up, the action followed by Priyanka, who gave her a bone crushing hug, still crying. When she finally let go, she gave her a small kiss on the top of her head, and Lemon had to hold back her tears for the millionth time within the past five minutes. They looked at each other for just a moment, once again opting to not say anything, despite it being their final chance. Lemon gave a small nod, as if in response to the silence, before turning away and walking to her platform. She didn’t look behind her. And if she stopped holding back her waterfall of tears the second she faced the other way, she could hide that from Priyanka too.

#lemyanka #anon #lemon🍋#lemongivesyoulife #priyanka love #im sorry its unresolved #normally i kinda hate angst bc im too messed up already for that shit #but i think now i have learned to love it #however if anyone maybe wants a pt2 #i will be happy to write #bc this is practically an entire fic #i got pretty carried away

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cattles-bians · 3 years

Text

exes au part 15

post directory

em: viola teas i am like. incapable of sleeping in

em: i woke up 10:30 on the dot and i thought. what the fuck

em: 10:30 is especially offensive bc it means the mcdonald’s breakfast is done

obsetress: brain immediately said viola up and about doing all the chores vacuuming with no sympathy for her constantly sleeping in snoring girlfriend dani clayton

obsetress: but nah i'm sorry for you that sucks

em: inspiring deranged viola behaviour is

em: the greatest gift of all

obsetress: god so true when u think about it

obsetress: not that viola vacuums, she def has cleaners but

obsetress: actually no

obsetress: she has cleaners but she's prob not satisfied and gets out her expensive vacuum she has no idea how to use and is clattering n making such a fuss

obsetress: and poor dani

em: she’s up and about rearranging things, she’s causing a ruckus,

obsetress: dani's like "you have just as bad insomnia as me and you're just... getting up? that early?"

obsetress: viola shrugs "i don't need that much sleep"

obsetress: "you do, though"

obsetress: she shrugs and disappears into the kitchen

obsetress: insomniac gf and insomniac gf

em: insomnia gfs

em: viola runs on like

em: supernatural element carrying over: viola is a little too good at running on no sleep and no one knows if she ages

obsetress: YEAH

em: i love a sorta, grounded real life show w like one or two unexplained ambiguously supernatural things that no one blinks at

obsetress: i was gonna be like

obsetress: i wonder what dani and viola do when theyre up not sleeping at night and then i was like

obsetress: Well,

obsetress: no they do that but they also do the most random borderline unhinged shit like

obsetress: dani tries new baking recipes and they sit on the countertop in their pjs or underwear or nothing and eat scones at three am

em: go for night drives

em: night drives aren’t even unhinged but they’re nice

em: but they don’t listen to music they listen to fucken podcasts

obsetress: that fuckin lorde song

[em note: it's supercut]

obsetress: they go to the roof and dani lays her head in viola's lap and stares at the stars while viola reads to her in french

obsetress: ugh i put it on oh god why did i put it on

[em note: it's still supercut]

obsetress: in my head.........

obsetress: i do everything right............

obsetress: when you call............

obsetress: i'll forgive and not fight.............

obsetress: ours are the moments.........i play in the dark OH MY GOD VI'S INSOMNIA AFTER DANI LEAVES AND SHES ALONE

em: ur a MONSTER

obsetress: i need to lay on the floor and put this song on repeat

obsetress: anyway um

obsetress: another thought from when i was thinking about the vacuum like

obsetress: viola has a degree of learned helplessness that all rich people have but she's not an idiot like the rest of them yknow and i think like

obsetress: she had to do a lot when she and perdita were kids!

obsetress: after her mom died

em: hannah......

obsetress: and then after her dad died before she married arthur and like

obsetress: then being a single mom (viola lloyd single mom i'm drooling) even w all the help she can afford

obsetress: she has a chip on her shoulder and Does Things For Herself but also just

obsetress: sometimes it happens! there's never enough time and never enough help!

obsetress: and she loves isabel so much like

obsetress: viola making isabel her lunches

obsetress: oh god

em: making her little lunches at like 2am bc it’s been a busy day and she’s tired and she’s sore and she’s sad but the one thing viola will never skip is like

em: making sure isabel gets her lunches

em: hey what is wrong with us

obsetress: GOD YEAH

obsetress: EXACTLY

obsetress: HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS THINKING ABOUT HER MAKING THEM AT TWO AM UGH

obsetress: anyway um yeah viola making isabel her lunches at two am

obsetress: i know that i wrote jamie leaving flora notes on her napkins but like

[em note: read 'and she taught me a lesson alright']

obsetress: i just think it's something a mom who really loves her kid and wants them to feel safe and okay would do so i want to say vi does it for isabel too!!! and what of it they're different universes it's fine

em: ur just building the hannah obsetress cinematic universe

em: building up some Themes and Motifs

obsetress: themes motifs and symbols

obsetress: anyway viola packing isabels lunches she writes little notes and puts on lipstick n kisses them

obsetress: so isabel can get a kiss from her mom

em: im going to kill u w my bare hands

obsetress: cut to vi in the bathroom wiping it off later à la jennifer check

em: im GONNA

obsetress: sometimes when vi has to go out of town for business or w/e she leaves a stack of napkins with arthur to put in isabel's lunch so she can still get a kiss from her mom even when she's gone

em: thats so extra??

em: its so viola

obsetress: exactly

obsetress: she definitely has a fear of isabel favoring arthur over her (abandonment issues etc etc)

obsetress: gestures at canon

—-

em: dani 'its casual' taylor

obsetress: leave the typo

obsetress: dont you dare change it

em: i need u to know that i DO fuck but

em: hgfngjkyhGJBJKFHD FUCK

em: ruined my own joke

obsetress: in the most spectacular way

em: dani 'i need you to know i DO fuck but im accepting offers' clayton

obsetress: she takes care to drop that like

obsetress: it's just casual SHE'S not anything serious. i'm not dating HER or anything

obsetress: jamie's like dani i know you're gay you literally stare at my lips every time i talk

em: dani getting off the phone and dramatically rolling her eyes like 'ex girlfriends, am i right? whats up with these women i-' and jamies like love i get it

obsetress: jamie raising her eyebrows "how many ex girlfriends do you have"

obsetress: dani's like "well, just the one, but"

em: but i COULD have more. if i wanted to. bc i am looking to date more women

em: jamies like ok cool

obsetress: jamie, a little too casually: oh? any, uh. prospects?

em: danis like (patented nervous dani lip bite) maybe but

em: jamies like drat

em: jamies like darn

em: and then she gets home and shes like

em: wait

obsetress: jamie calling dani back "when you said maybe"

obsetress: and dani immediately is like yEAH?

em: jamies like do you think you could ever be interested in me and danis like umm. yeah.

em: jamie hangs up like ok cool

em: long beat

obsetress: oh my GOD

em: REDIALS

---

obsetress: ok last thing i was gonna say

obsetress: i meant to say this earlier and got distracted a hundred times over

obsetress: but um imagine dani helping isabel with her english homework

obsetress: vi helping isabel with her math homework

em: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

em: SOFT

obsetress: well,

em: oh no

obsetress: isabel needing help w her english homework post dani and vi's trying to help and vi's smart n all but

em: get HELP

---

em: dani 'hooking up w my ex is actually a v girlboss of me' is SO funny to me

em: when they get together danis like, oh but havent we all- and jamies like nooo i have very good boundaries

em: except for the perdi vi psychosexual power play ig

obsetress: moment of weakness

obsetress: who wouldn't want to hook up w their hot boss

—

obsetress: when dani goes up to london whatever weekend like friday night to get her closure dinner with vi

obsetress: boom haircut and therapy reveal

em: 3 day bender u say

obsetress: all of a sudden it's sunday night and

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: they spend

obsetress: all fucking weekend

obsetress: in vi's bed

em: sighs dreamily

obsetress: dani playing with her hair

obsetress: "this is nice"

obsetress: "i'm gonna miss your bun though"

obsetress: vi's brain is short circuiting at "i'm gonna miss"

em: later danis like look. jamie. what would you have done? and jamie chokes on her beer and splutters 'not fuck my ex for 3 days straight?!'

obsetress: dani "well you've never fucked v–– oh wait"

obsetress: "you really can't blame me, jamie, you KNOW" jamie: (grumbles)its different... dani: well i mean i guess, technically, you didnt,

obsetress: unrelated in some bad fight at the end vi is like "you can't go isabel needs a–– you're like her–––" and dani's like "a what? say it" and viola's too stubborn and proud and hurt to say it

em: just perpetually bouncing back to the worlds angstiest break up

obsetress: i don't know WHY

obsetress: as someone who HATES ANGST

obsetress: i am so DRAWN to these two

em: its ummmm weirdly cathartic??

em: the whole exes au is based on a joke about them being friends and exes. we are v firm in like. viola and dani reconcile!

em: idk i love a catharsis moment! i love it when a character claws their way to happiness. or even begrudgingly goes to therapy

em: viola can go through a little hell as a treat

obsetress: turns out the only one who could fix her in the end

obsetress: was the one who said it's not my job to fix you

em: dani transformative power of (platonic) love

obsetress: "Platonic"

#the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au

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futurehalted · 5 years

Text

NAME: charlie! NICKNAME: mooks & batz’. im also called by my first last name and shortened versions of it. AGE: 22 FACE CLAIM: i use spidey or america chavez but it comes and goes PRONOUNS: they/them HEIGHT: like 5′9″ ish? i like to push it though BIRTHDAY: october 8th,,, im a libra

AESTHETIC: early 20th century. olive green wartime. molotov cocktails and revolution. but also: smiling bears and yellow flowers and the lush green of the forest. i am nothing if im not contradictory.

LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO: happy by mitski as im typing this

FAVORITE MUSE ( S ) YOU’VE WRITTEN: my favorite muse is one i actually havent written on here except for those like, other oc memes i used to r more often. her name’s kyla and hopefullly ill get to put her on my multi if i ever finish that lol. of the ones i have written on here tho, its definitely like a three way tie between lotus, emiliano, and aarav. i mean, i love the thompsons, but i feel like stating them here is redundant lmao. they’re included but like..... yall know who they are kdjxfgnd. lotus bc she’s a longtime oc who i’ve had since forever and i loooove developing her and talking ab her. my babey. my angel. queen of character development. and i love emiliano bc it gives me a chance to talk ab my culture and he and alondra are basically a big ol allegory for the american dream. i’d die for the valdez canul’s. and i looove aarav, even though he was pretty short lived, bc he was a chance to talk ab my profession and space and space travel which are all subjects im super passionate ab. i love all my ocs but a lot of them havent been brought to tungly fdfghfg

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO TAKE ON YOUR CURRENT MUSE ( THAT YOU ARE POSTING THIS ON ): quick fun fact: everything about my life is deeply fucked up and i am irreversibly traumatized because of it. when i was younger i used a lot of things to cope with it, especially the dark aspects of my life, and outside of all the Bad Stuff i used to cope, i ended up projecting myself onto two characters, who eventually evolved into isa and eddie. at a certain point, i didnt need them anymore, but i was too attached to let go. so i ended up writing them as a hobby and developing them into ocs that were separate from my trauma. now that i have proper ways to cope and recover, i dont need them to project onto anymore. i just have them now and i write them bc uhhhhh who else is going to, duh.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ASPECTS OF YOUR CURRENT MUSE: sibling relationships babey!!!!! sibling dynamics are some of my favorite dynamics always, maybe bc im the middle of nine kids but. yknow. i love alba too and how hard she works too but still. i am weak for well written sibling dynamics.

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING: oh im very in and out w inspo. if u can get me to talk ab isa and eddie and alba tho then its easier for me to write tbh just bc i start to get jazzed

FAVORITE TYPES OF THREADS: i love light hearted things, like comedy and slice of life and fluff, just bc the world is so dark and its nice to have some light hearted content. doing angst 24/7, even though isa eddie and alba all have pretty sad stories, would tire me.

BIGGEST STRUGGLE IN REGARDS TO YOUR CURRENT MUSE: meh, theres not a lot. i know everything about them, though, so its hard to kinda figure out new things about them without like prompts. and even then i know things in a lot of those prompts!

tagged by: @sepiacasket tagging: @naivelost @armsdealing @softestmood @bunchings and whoever is feeling it. i condone stealing

#( * mun tag. )

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favvnsongs · 7 years

Text

hear the words drabble under the cut because i havent slept and im buzzing on three cups of coffee and a triple shot latte

clarke’s been dreaming a lot of drowning lately. she almost almost misses the mountain, almost. she misses the muddy hard night when lexa left her in the cold, too. she misses that particular heavy dread and nauseous guilt and the void of space stealing her father away.

she dreams of frigid water and thin air, skeleton trees and slate grey clouds blocking out a weak useless sun. dreams her fingers are gripping tangled tight at lexa’s hair while she holds her under the water, under all that murky black, gritting her teeth against the frantic struggling, against the fear.

there’s a thrill in it, something vicious and vindictive, something that feels righteous. blood must have blood. suffering must have suffering. betrayal must have betrayal.

she dreams of still water. milky eyes. a body floating among the ice, suspended for a breath. two. sinking.

out of her body, watching herself lean over, searching. hearing her own ragged shudder gasp from far away, like she’s under water too.

“no...wait...wait-”

her hands are cold when she wakes up. always. she holds them to her mouth, like she’s done half a dozen times before. she clutches them to her chest and huddles under the blankets, presses her palms against the insides of her thighs and blinks away her tears, but still they shake and shake and shake.

lexa’s there, outside, like she usually is. out in the snow, under the stars, her blanket around her shoulders. out in the empty quiet night. sitting too close to the fire, like she usually is. she doesnt sleep much these days. not anymore. kindred spirits. clarke’s stomach rolls.

lexa got this look on her face sometimes, back then, a pensive melancholy sort of look; a look she’d seen plenty often when there was still a war to be fought, when the bad blood between them wasn’t so raw and personal. she’d get this look, when things were either too loud or too quiet, and she’d tilt her head just barely to the side, draw her bottom lip between her teeth only enough to nip at it, hold it there pinprick sharp while she thought.

it was always her eyes though, staring far far off into the nothing, the world still and yet rushing along, leaving her behind. gazing off like she’d lost something she’d been holding only a moment ago, like she’d walked into a room and forgotten what she’d come in there for.

she’d find it though, whatever it was, find it and her face would soften, her sadness would shift into something harder to pin down. she’d smile then, or rather, her mouth would quirk up for a moment into as much of a smile as any of them could have managed back in those days.

back in the old days. the way back when. all those long far away months ago. all those miles ago.

it’s not quite that anymore. there’d been an acceptance, before. a nostalgia, sure, but also a serene resignation. now? clarke sits and watches her peer into the fire, watches her lean forward into the warmth and glow of it, watches her ache. she sits there in the cold with her shaking hands and her heavy guilty heart, watching lexa, watching the fire, shutting her eyes and flinching away at the sound of a soft whimpering sob.

something happened down there. the others whisper among themselves and share sympathetic pitying glances. something happened more than just dying to leave her as hollow and listless as she is these days. didn’t it? it must have.

when she’d woken up that first night after they’d hauled her back up from under the ice, she’d wailed and whimpered and pleaded to no one, begged feverish and held her hands against her chest while she gasped for air. broken ribs, clarke had thought then, broken ribs and disorientation and mindless sickly fear.

but she’d walked herself right out from under their noses early one morning, in her socks and dressing gown into the snow and wind. stumbling over her own feet and mumbling. had ghosted out of their sight like a whisper, like smoke on the breeze.

“no i have to -,” she’d said, her eyes glazed over, fighting clarke’s grip, trying to set off into the dark, “it’s out there, i’m, clarke i have to...”

she’d been looking over her shoulder the entire walk back. into the empty. “clarke please, it hurts, let me -”

what did she see under there? where did she go? what is she looking for when she searches the coals?

“clarke.”

lexa’s looking at her, her features blank if not a little impatient, like she’s been trying to get her attention for awhile now.

“hm?”

“are you alright?”

“yeah, i just, i had a dream.”

lexa looks her over, a slow up and down and back up again, before she hums and turns back towards the fire. she doesnt wear her hair braided anymore. it hangs limp and wavy over her shoulders, splitting at the ends.

before they’d crossed the mountains and the winter had gone from cruel to merciless, she’d told lexa she hated her. cold and vehement and meaning every snide dripping word of it. her hatred had kept her warm. had kept her alive. kept her on her feet. she hated every part of her. she’d said that. and she’d made sure lexa had known for weeks in the way she spoke to her. looked at her.

so she knows that look too, the one lexa sends her when she thinks she isnt looking. she knows the bitterness. the resentment. contempt.

where did she go?

don’t you do this. don’t you leave me. lexa you fuck, don’t you fucking do this. please. please.

where did she snatch her back from?

i wish you would have left me down there, it says.

she held her under the water. for months she’d thought of her hands drenched in lexa’s blood, of her hands around that slender delicate neck. for months the thought of lexa’s body going cold had kept her warm.

a body, floating in the water. a sickly realization.

did that make you feel better?

no.

she’s still angry, she thinks she’ll be angry for a long time. she still wants her to suffer. to suffer like she’s suffered. to be lost and questioning. to look at the sky and feel dirty and raw and empty.

not quite like this, though.

(it’s nice to not be alone, she can’t deny that. it’s nice to not be the only one with sleepless nights. hollowed out and tender. it’s nice to see herself in lexa’s eyes. to hear herself. isn’t it? right?)

“i’m so tired.”

a whisper sigh swallowed up by the wind, but clarke still hears herself, her own sadness, her longing, her anger.

“im sorry,” because she is. truly.

but also, selfishly, horribly, not at all.

#hear the words and have faith

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