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#im stealing one of the lines from that for my brain rot
mustangs-flames · 2 months
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Rereading the series!! I am now going to. brain rot about this funky little man. God I love the blurriness between Cesar and It. Like. At what point does It become Cesar? Where do you draw the line? Because if someone had all your memories, your face, your name, everything except your personality, is that you or is that someone else? Because It technically knows everything about Cesar, but never having lived it out is such a strange thing. It's like trying to act like a person after having read their biography, but even then you'd still be able to act like them because one has experienced pain, and hardship, and struggle. I think it's more similar to a person who knows all the theory of art trying to replicate Michelangelo's style. No matter how hard one tries, one does not have the muscle memory, or the experience that Michelangelo has accumulated over his many years of art. Even if it were to be replicated, it would lack the life that the original had. So what's the point of trying to replicate a piece, when you can cultivate your own? But alt!cesar has only ever known tracing, and stealing, not in a bad way, simply in an instinctive way, the way we would not call a tiger something evil for killing a deer. It does what it was supposed to do, but where did the lines blur? Where do the lines blur???? God this is so interesting. It is Cesar, but it is not Cesar. Cesar's personality entwines with that strange canvas of knowledge, forming this amalgamation of an entity- not the person it mimics, but not itself either. What is it? It is like a sculpture of Cesar, the weeping angel that moves closer when you do not look. Made to depict human life, but still lifeless. No matter how lifelike a sculpture may be, it will never have that essence of human life that the person that it depicts does. If you are a sculpture of another being, then what are you? Neither the being nor an entity of your own. God I am sorry this is just very hard for me to comprehend so I am brain dumping to you in hopes to make it make sense in my head. So far I think the sculpture metaphor works the best for alt!cesar, not the person you are depicting, but not yourself, either. You don't have your own personality- you're just there to show. Show the Morningstar, probably. Show them (im not sure what pronouns the Morningstar uses) what, exactly? I'm going to have to figure that out but dear lord this is so interesting and I have never had so much fun analysing something in a long while. God I can barely imagine the horror Mark feels towards alt!Cesar, considering he's completely convinced this thing took his best friends face to torment him. Good lord, like give the silly guy a rest... damn..... I'm excited to see their dynamic post the revelation, and how mark takes it. (probably not well lmfao. I doubt he'll ever take it well. Yikes. Like, extreme Yikes.)
Augh, I'm sorry for how long it's taken me to respond to this :/
Yeah, I'm really excited to explore alt!Cesar's identity crisis in Part 6. Because it's such a strange existence. He doesn't know what he is anymore, but he knows he doesn't want to be Cesar. He doesn't view himself as such and yet he has all these memories and feelings and thoughts, and just how much of it comes from the person he replaced? It's no wonder he decides to take it all out on Mark, because it's easier to hate someone and blame them for everything than sit and think things through - especially because the deer doesn't foster an environment safe enough for alt!Cesar to even do that in.
And it doesn't help that Mark views him as an extension of Cesar - of being no better than a puppeted version of his best friend's corpse. Thatcher and Dave are able to be more emotionally detached from that side of it - because they never knew the real Cesar. Thatcher only ever met him in relation to the case and Dave never met him at all.
Plus Dave and alt!Cesar make a connection a little easier, because Mark hated Dave too for a while. Dave exists as a representation that a healthier relationship with Mark can happen. alt!Cesar just needs to put in the effort and realise that these things take time and that he ultimately has to be okay with the fact that Mark may never accept him at all, because he isn't obligated to.
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jacenotjason · 6 months
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Can we just get some rambles about your AU, like nothing specific, just like little details you haven’t had the ask or idea to express artistically? I just love any little details about this AU (Howdy’s little finger beans)
AAAAA oh my god YES here’s some rambles from the depth that is this AU! Random factoids and snippets and hehehheheh
(Oh hey and checkout the AU itself!)
Hiding this under a ‘readmore’ becasue FUCK I WENT ON A RANT HAUIDA- i tried to stop i swear
OPEN THE FLOOD GATES!!
I HAVE PLAYLISTS FOR ALL THE CHARACTERS!! Ive been thinking about how to share them for awhile bc I LOVE these playlists and they help my brain rot on this AU but mm! Just wanted to get that out there im holding onto these
Something people didn’t catch was that in this animation, which is supposed to take place around the time Eddie moved into the neighborhood, he had his mail hat! But, currently, he doesn’t! That’s not because he lost it, Howdy actually stole it! Howdy immediately attempted to scam Eddie when he first arrived, stealing his hat and trying to sell it back to him, but he did not know that Eddie would not give a fuck. Howdy thought Eddie cared way more about his job then he actually does. So, Eddie’s hat is still currently decaying under Howdy’s desk.
All the characters have trauma or something depressing about them… except Julie! I’m not sure why but I just.. never came up with something reasonable for her backstory. I came up with a lot of ideas, but a lot of them seemed to cliche and controversial? Like, one of my ideas was some sort of sex working trauma, but I thought oooh of course you gave the most feminine character the sex working backstory! Another idea was eating disorder trauma, but again, ooh i gave the fem one the ED! The same thing happened with SA trauma, it all just felt so… cliche. And I felt like I would get a lot of backlash if I tried to implement this. So.. im still working on it!
^ originally Franks backstory was going to be completely SA related, but I changed that. Still not spoiling how, though.
^^ also I really liked the sex working idea! Because I think it would be interesting if thats how Eddie and her met. Not that Eddie bought sex from her, but that they like worked together and slowly became friends! Eddie kept her safe n stuff, beat the shit out of ppl that didnt pay yknow? Explored a deeper level of understanding between them
Ive been daydreaming about attempting to make my own little bootleg “play fellow exhibition” not nearly to the extent that Clown did, but just some sort of fake “restored” things! Maybe even fake interviews with those that remember the show! Ive even recorded some lines, of my own voice, of fake voice clips restored from the show. I haven’t had the confidence to post any of them just yet aa. I think my Eddie impression is IMPECCABLE though. Maybe bc I have a southern accent
^ also if this isnt obvious this AU is still a show being restored by a team, the show is just the adult parody ive created here. Ill be sure to specify if i ever post something restoration-lore-related!
The number of fingers they have is inconsistent, and that is not lore related! I am just an idiot! You might notice that sometimes they have 5, sometimes they have 4. I.. have no actual reason for this. I literally just.. forget! Im literally currently drawing a piece with Julie and Sally where they both have 5 fingers. Why?? Bc the reference I used was of two human girls so!! Just wanted to put it out there, that is not on purpose
I hide a lot of secrets in my art. Bc its fun. If you ever see something in my art thats a little too dark, feel free to up the brightness and see what you find. Does something sort of look like Morse code? Feel free to try it out! I’ll give you a hint, I have used both of these techniques to hide secrets in my art already. The Morse code one is really hard to find, though, so props to you if you find it!
I like to think that the AU’s show is like Rick and Morty. It started out this comedic, very clearly adult-humored show, but slowly the characters had lore! People started watching not for the humor but for the interesting characters. Like when Rick was revealed to have a depressing story with his wife and all that, it was the same as when ppl first found out about Frank’s strange amnesia and PTSD. Like “?? Who put lore in my funny adult comedy??” Yknow what i mean
^ i like to think there was some mind-bending moment where it was revealed Frank doesnt remember anything about his childhood and everyone watching was like :O
Originally in the show, (like season one), the characters were the way they are to make fun of those things. Confusing, but what i mean is that Poppy was a trans woman to make fun of trans people, Eddie and Frank were to make jokes about gay ppl, etc. but SIKE once the show got more seasons and got lift off they became actual characters instead of just jokes! The creators just wanted to make ppl love the show before they made the gay characters actually have personalities, so they couldn’t get cancelled prematurely! HA SUCKERS!!
FFUck okay i think i got it all out of me?? Idk feel free to ask again in like a month maybe more shit will have accumulated in my brain
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fixfoxnox · 1 year
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Also let me scream into the creative writing Void
THE GHOST’S DEAD FIANCE???
Chef kisses, left no crumbs
I love how you are defying the past! GhostRoach and dead fiance! Roach rule by twisting it up making them establish and alive all while soap is like “i need to have them both carnally” FUCK YOUR PAST! GHOSTROACH
(Not a request btw) Although I also wanna read a dead fiance! Soap because I think that’ll be hilarious in a “how does that make you feel GhostSoap shipper with Past! GhostRoach hmmm? How you like them apples??” But like i need them to have a good communication and instead of roach being hurt that he cant have ghost its more of Roach helping Ghost to heal in a healthy way that makes them have a good relationship from the start and then them establishing a healthy relationship later too
I was also laughing so hard when Roach asked Ghost if he’s been telling everyone he died, bro was about to break off the wedding (I also love how u made them fiances here my roachghost heart healed a little) its giving “i can still hear his voice” “quit telling everybody I’m dead”
I do have a question though, is roach also military in this? Or is he retired or have a different job?
MONSTER AU
When your boyfriends are fast food ❤️
ASDSFHDKDLFL I AM in love with Monsterfucker, I will eat it up everytime especially if its love between different monsters?? Slurping that bitch up like its soup
Also i need to yell about the fact that Ghost is a Vamp-Demon hybrid here?!!! And that he scares people but then Roach meets him for the first time and he fully wants Ghost and Soap goes along with him💀💀💀 me too roach, me too, its giving, you should be more scared of the person holding the leash than the dog itself (im sorry I had to) like imagine living out your whole life and people are scared of u even tall behemoth of men, but then this small funky mousy haired guy just looks at you with so much lust?? Ghost I would fold ngl
STREAMER/CAMBOY
I know u haven’t written this yet but Im going to yell about this anyways because this has got to be my fav AU, i really just love streamer love stories despite the whole reborn not being canon that was still a hilarious take, Ghost would make so many “in my days” joke every time someone tries too hard in a game
And I absolutely am stealing this from real people’s experience; but what if Ghost is a faceless streamer and when he just started getting to know Roach, trying to flirt with him, he face reveals in front of Roach while roach is streaming and roach is just speechless and going redder by the second all while his chat is going insane
Im gonna go to my corner now and buzz around while i brain rot
Ahhhhh!!!
On Ghosts Dead Fiance:
I just love when Soap see's Ghost and Roach and is just immediately in love (especially with Roach) its my favorite dynamic ever and I think he's just enough of a himbo for that to happen sjdjdjdj
I would still like to eventually do a flipping it on its head in the method of killing off Soap version, but we probably won't get that until I get enraged by dead Roach content again ahsh
And I'm 100% going to make them more healthy than any of the SoapGhost fics but I'm also gonna throw in a line like "because of you I forget that I was ever even in love with Soap" just to pass people off because I'm evil like that
Then in the comments I'll hit 'em with "wow guys, Soap sent Roach for Ghost guys 🥺 he knew that he was better for him"
Also Roach is meant to be retired in the story, hence why Ghost has one of his dog tags. Since Roach wasn't going to be out in the field anymore (personal choice he made because he was tired, and he works CIA now with aunt Laswell) he decided to give Ghost one of his tags so he would "always have a piece of me with you"
On Monster AU:
*scary powerful monster walks in the room*
Roach, immediately: I'll just take that, thank you very much *seduces him*
Roach and Soap and even Ghost in this Au are definitely the be more scared of the person holding the leash than the dog itself thing. Roach has these two men wrapped around his finger dude and he's so good at playing innocent here
I think I mentioned but his whole thing is like seducing people while making them think that they're seducing him. He just chooses his partners though and gets Soap to growl at any unwanted people (most people) while he enjoys his two hot fellow monster boyfriends 😌
Also love making Ghost panic and run out of the room like a bat outta hell because he knows if he stays he will absolutely end up sleeping with these two members of his team who he's not even properly met yet. Poor guy is in for it though cause Roach isn't going to let him get away that easily
On Camboy/Streamer AU:
LISTEN I THINK ME AND YOU MAY BE THE ONLY TWO EXCITED FOR THIS AU BUT IM SO GLAD SOMEINE ELSE LIKES IT AS MUCH AS ME
IM GENUINELY SO EXCITED TO WRITE IT SKSKKDJDJ
If I didn't have to write part of an essay today I would be drafting up part of it right now because ACK
JUST THESE BOYS BEING IN LOVE AND SLOWLY GETTING PUSHED TOGETHER AND AHHH I LOVE THE IDEA OF GHOST BEING A FACELESS STREAMER WHO DOES A FACE REVEAL FOR ROACH WHILE ROACH IS ON SCREEN
I just know they'd have a shit ton of fanfics written about them
Also on the line of if this Ghost was reborn Ghost I've been thinking about that more and like...streamer AU's Gaz and Soap being his gaming buddies (Price is Gaz's controversially older boyfriend who hangs out with them on stream occasionally)
And I can just see people shipping Ghost and Soap from the streams and someone is like "Are you two dating" and Soap just playfully drops "No, Ghost is whipped for another streamer, take your bets on who"
And it starts a whole big thing and when, eventually, Ghost and the squad start streaming with Roach everyone just knows that this is the guy that he's whipped for
LISTEN I MAY HAVE TO DO AN AU OF THE AU FOR THIS SJDJJDJD YOUR MIND DUDE, YOUR MIND
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morgans-apologist · 1 year
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Dead Bodies (Poem 1)
Lights off, open floor. This one's gonna be good. Writing another example of who I am like everyone thinks I should.
Walking back and forth inside my room, creating my next lines. Wondering how broken am I today? What's it gonna be this time?
Let's say I have a dream or maybe a lapse in memory And I'm going behind the scenes to see who's causing all this treachery.
Well what do you know, its me, but that's not a surprise to me. What im more interested in is who is this person trying to be?
Then the guy in front of me just suddenly falls back Into a giant black abyss and it is a marvel to look at.
But I wonder what's at the bottom? So I climb down and see A glowing golden pond and next to it a dead body.
Rotting and decomposed he starts walking towards the pond. The moment he falls in I feel an unbreakable bond.
After some time has passed he slowly crawls out. There he is, its me, the one I am nothing without.
But he starts screaming and hallucinating. What can I do to help you? He's rocking back and forth and yanking his hair, what has this guy gone through?
But another me walks out the pond and tries to explain to me, "This isn't real, we're all just fake. Wake up from this dream!!"
Another me walks up and screams "WHY CANT YOU HAVE SOME EMPATHY!!?" I'm getting stressed, what's happening? Where's this person led me?
A demonic hand rises from the center, holding a brain and then 8,760 dead bodies start to rise again.
Everyone one of them is me. All the people I try to be. And with every passing day, I wake to make a new identity.
But I didn't know that when I go to sleep these people stay, they're haunting me. Everyday they rise to steal my brain and what belongs to me.
That demon in the pond squeezes my brain a little tighter And then I wake up in my bed and now I'm just a simple writer.
Will I continue with this dream and constant lapses in my memory? Or will I find who I'm supposed to be in this pile of Dead Bodies?
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anxiously-awaiting · 3 years
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WAS ANYONE GOING TO TELL ME THAT HIGH NOON OVER CAMELOT HAS A TRIAD OR WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF 
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fukurodianthus · 3 years
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Its just skin
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Synopsis: Self-love is not something that comes to you naturally. Years of self-depreciation makes it difficult to grow into the habit of loving yourself despite of the scars peppered across your skin.
But with your fiancé, Tooru Oikawa, you find yourself stealing glances into mirrors quite often. It catches you by surprise when you find yourself...beautiful?
Pairing: Tooru Oikawa X fem!reader
Genres: tooth-rotting fluff , a lil bit of angst thrown in
Word count: 2.2k
Warnings: The reader suffers from body positivity issues and insecurities regarding her appearance.
Author’s note at the end!
(p.s. didnt proof read because im ✨lazy✨ might do it later when im feeling cute idk)
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“Y/N-chan, can we leave already? We’re getting late for the party” Oikawa whined, tugging the sleeve of your shirt lightly.
“Tooru, stop being so impatient!” You pushed your whiny fiancé away and concentrated on covering up the acne scars and freckles peppered across your face with layers of concealer. No matter how much you tried, you could never make your skin look half as perfect as that of the girls who dominated your Instagram and YouTube feed. Every time you looked in the mirror, the taunting voices of your family members and friends would creep into your mind.
Oh my god! Whats wrong with your face?
Don’t you wash your face properly?
You’re never going to get married if you look like that Y/N! Do something about that face of yours!
Do you want me to recommend a good dermatologist to you?
No matter what the topic of the conversation was, people always found a way to bring up the topic of your skin condition in it. You could be talking about quantum physics for all they cared, they would somehow find a way to bring up the topic of your skin.
But they didn’t know all those sleepless nights you had spent on the internet looking for remedies, they didn’t know how you cried yourself to sleep every night, praying that you’ll somehow find that your skin had magically healed up when you woke up. But miracles didn’t happen in this world. At least for you, they didn’t.
You spent a humongous chunk of your salary buying medicines, serums, anything skincare specialists would recommend to you. But none of it could you fix you. Ultimately it all ended up in the trash and you ended up on the bathroom floor, sobbing as you looked into the mirror, face contorted with disgust and self-loathing.
But then, Oikawa Tooru stepped into your life. The first person who didn’t grimace as he looked at your face. He looked at it with childish wonder in his eyes, as if he was looking at something…beautiful?  Every night, when you fell asleep in his arms, his fingers softly grazing your cheeks, you felt an unfamiliar warmth blossom inside your heart. If he could love you despite your flaws, what was stopping you from doing it?
But years of self-depreciation made it difficult to develop the habit of loving yourself. There are still moments when you found you yourself drowning in self-hatred.
Take the present moment, for instance.
No matter how much concealer you caked on your face, it didn’t look half as good as you wanted it to. You let out a frustrated groan as you plopped down on the bed. How could you go to the party looking like this, especially when Oikawa would be by your side? Everyone’s appearance paled in comparison to his flawless beauty. Then how could you, of all people, ever stand beside him as an equal? You knew everyone would be comparing you with him behind your back, their jealousy-tinged voices emphasizing on how someone like you didn’t deserve to be with him. You’d always be an undeserving lover for him in their eyes.
“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Oikawa’s voice was laced with heavy concern. “Do you feel sick? I told you to not eat that expired candy bar last night, but you didn’t listen-”
“Tooru, its not that. I think I look very fucking ugly right now and I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror. I can’t go to the party right now, not when I’m feeling like this.” You buried your face in a soft cushion and let out a frustrated groan as you turned over on the bed.
“Y/N, did you start putting yourself down again?” You felt him plopping down beside you on the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“Tooru, don’t lie to me, my skin still looks just as bad as ever.”
“You know, sometimes I wonder if astral projections are real.”
“What? Have you finally lost it?” Your widened eyes searched his face, trying to make sense of his words.
“If it was real, then I’d pull your soul out of your body make you look at your face through my eyes. Because there’s clearly something very fucking wrong with your eyes if you cannot see how damn pretty you are.” Tooru huffed, looking at you nonchalantly as if he was stating the obvious.
“Tooru-” you whimpered, turning on your side to face him.
Tooru and his horrible pickup lines.
Gosh, how can I not love him?
His chocolate-brown eyes softened as he pulled you into his chest. The sound of his heartbeat drowned all the cacophony of all the negative thoughts cluttering your mind.
“Y/N, I thought love at first sight was way too cheesy and corny to be real. But then, one day, back in high school, I saw Iwa-chan talking to you. You looked so fucking pretty, you know? The way you’d bite your lips when you were confused, the way you’d look down and let your hair cover your face whenever you were flustered, it was so damn adorable. I might have gone down on my knees right then, if Iwa-chan hadn’t been there. He’d beat the living crap out of me for playing my ‘disgusting tricks’ on his friend.” Oikawa took your hands in his and slowly drew circles on your palm with his thumb.
“Iwa wouldn’t have to beat you up, I’d do it without a second thought if you pulled any of that shit on me. I always found you very bratty, clinging to Iwa with that radioactive sweet smile of yours.”
“Wow, I was head over heels in love with you on first sight, while your first impression of me was that I’m a brat? No wonder you were Iwa-chan’s friend, you both are so mean.” He pouted, looking at you with playful annoyance.
“That was before I got to know you. Your brattiness started growing on me, gradually. Now I’m so used to it, I think I’d forget how to breathe if I didn’t hear your annoying voice every morning.” You chuckled at how his face kept getting redder with every insult that you threw at him.
“You’re used to my brattiness? Are you implying I’m still a brat?”
“Exactly. Looks like you do have a brain.”
“The most amazing setter on this planet doesn’t have a brain, is that what you’re trying to say?”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but instead of asking me out on a date directly, you bugged Iwa to set us up on a date until he finally shouted at you in the middle of an English class, saying ‘Alright, Shittykawa, I’ll set you up on a date with Y/N, now stop running that fucking stupid mouth of yours.’ " You stole a glance at his face, savoring his flustered expression. "I’m right, am I not?”
Oikawa’s face reddened to the extent where it seemed that he would spontaneously combust at any moment.
"Tooru, c'mon, we both were emotionally constipated fools who could never ask each other out if Iwa hadn't stepped in." You softly ran your hands over his chest, savoring the warmth radiating from him. "Now stop pouting Brattykawa."
"You and Iwa-cha, both of you can never appreciate me before backtracking, huh?" He ran his fingers through your tangled hair, slowly massaging your scalp.
He knew it always calmed you down.
"Hey, did you really find me pretty that day?" You mind went back to how you looked the day when Oikawa first saw you. Greasy hair stuck to your face, cavernous dark circles covering your under eyes, face swollen as a result of pulling all nighters for a whole week. How could anyone, let alone Oikawa find you pretty when you looked like that?
"Can you not hold a conversation for 5 seconds without putting yourself down, huh?"
" I dont think I can Tooru. It still weirds me out that you, of all people found me beautiful when I looked like such a mess."
"Y/N I think we really need to try astral projections now-"
"Tooru, I'm serious-" You whined.
He chuckled, twilring your hair in his fingertips. "Y/N, after being with you for so long, I've realized something. You look for validation in the eyes of people who couldn’t care less about you. But when finally, someone who really cares for you and sees you as who you are tells you that they are truly beautiful, you brush it off. Why do you pretend that our compliments aren't heartfelt? Why are you so scared of being appreciated?"
Every day, when he saw you stealing glances into the mirror, he noticed how disappointment flashed across your face. He knew how you beat yourself up for not being pretty enough. You were never enough for yourself.
If your mind was a place, he’d waltz into it, shredding the self-destructive thoughts gnawing at you sanity into pieces. He’d untangle the mess inside your head, shattering the walls that bars genuine compliments reach your heart.
Oikawa wasn’t the best with words, not at times like this. But he’d give it his best.
He could feel the wet spots blossoming on his shirt, as you buried your face deeper into his chest.
"Oi!  You dummy! Are you crying?"
"To-Tooru I just think th-that I d-don’t deserve your love because I'm not as good looking as-" You choked out in between an onslaught of sobs.
“Hey. Hey, look at me.” He cupped your flushed cheeks and lifted your chin up, his eyes scanning your face in concern.
“Those fucking stupid scars on your face don’t define who you are, okay? Its just skin, Y/N, you are so much more than just…a piece of skin, you know? Honestly, we’re all just bags of flesh and bones if you look at it that way. Do you think I loved you because you were a particularly pretty bag of flesh and bones?” Even though you found his analogy slightly funny, you noticed how his face lit up with passion so you refrained from making any sarcastic comments. He was trying his best.
“Continue, Tooru. I’m listening.”
“I love you because of who you are. I love the way your lashes flutter when we stargaze on the roof every night, I love you how your hair is a tangled mess when you wake up, I love how your puff your cheeks in annoyance when I stop you from over-drinking coffee every night, I love how you whine when you spend hours trying to get your eyeliner right, only to end up smudging it when you rub your eyes absent-mindedly, I love how your eyes light up when I put an extra spoonful of Nutella in your sandwich…gosh, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”
Your grip on his hoodie tightened. He looked at you, breathlessly, scanning your face for a reaction.
Your stared at your reflection in his chocolate-brown eyes, struggling to find the right phrases to express the way his words made you feel. You felt your heart race as if it was beating in pace with a rhythm set in by a drug-induced ecstasy.
What would you call this feeling of warmth that washed over you with every syllable he uttered?
“Thank you.” You wondered if you could’ve said anything better to express how much his words meant to you. God, where were a the fancy words you had learnt from corny YA romance books when you needed them?
But he didn’t need to hear your words to know that you’d been moved by his words. Fancy phrases could never tell him what the faint rosy glow of your cheeks could.
“Stop thanking me for stuff like this. It’s my duty, Y/N. I’m your fiancé for fuck’s sake.”
“You’re such a sap Tooru.” You giggled, squishing his cheeks softly.
“Yeah but you’re hopelessly in love with this sap, so deal with it.” His grip around your waist tightened as he nuzzled his face on your neck, his hot breath fanning across your collarbones.
“Now let me go Shittykawa, we have a party to attend.” You pried his arms off your waist and sat up.
“Babe, we’re about to get married in a few months, you really need to drop that stupid nickname.”
“Hmm, let me think.” Cocking your head to your side, you pretended to be immersed in deep thought. “Nope, not happening.”
“Don’t blame me for what happens next.” Oikawa sat up and tackled you to the bed, pinning your wrists by your side.
“Ooh, now that’s hot, Tooru”
“You know whats hotter Y/N?”
“What?”
“This.” He didn’t give you a chance to respond as his hands slid down to your waist. Your breath hitched in anticipation.
And then he started tickling you.
You broke out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter, kicking him, trying to get him to stop.
Two minutes later, you both lay side by side, panting, faces flushed with breathless fits of laughter.
You caught a glance of your face in the bedside mirror.
Even with your reddened face, tangled hair and smudged mascara, you looked…beautiful.
You felt beautiful.
As you nuzzled your face on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat rumbling in your ears, his words kept replaying in your mind.
“Its just skin, Y/N.”
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Author’s note: ahhhhh I kinda wrote this in a flow?? Its a comfort fic/drabble???Idk what this is tbh. This is very self indulgent because I’ve suffered from skin problems(cystic acne ugh🤢) all my life, so I decided to comfort myself through this fic 🥺👉👈 . If only I had an Oikawa in my life 😩✋
N E ways, drink water, get enough sleep(lmao the irony that I’m saying this-) and remember to love yourself because you are beautiful!😤❤️I’ll come for your kneecaps if you put yourself down🤩🔪.
Reblogs would be highly appreciated!
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knullanon · 3 years
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Lex Luthor with 33?
before writing- oof vibes are only angst but i do have an idea (also yes im using Kit if u remember him then u deserve a veterans award for remembering my useless bitches i create while writing)
after writing- using my dads quotes that he told me at a young age is really making me cry but its for the plot. also poor kit. f in the chat everybody also got too invested in this so yes theres a bonus
ilomilo - billie eilish
the gala was the longest one you had been to yet. you were almost glad, however. it gave you more time to talk to kit.
kit was the nicest boy you’ve ever met. he was the one to give you a view on the outside world. he was the one to help you make new friends in your situations. he was the one to treat you like an actual human being.
and here he was, sitting with you and laughing on your phones about some meme you’ve seen. he was the one who you liked: like, really liked. had a crush on kind of liked.
it felt stupid. it even felt childish. you didn’t want to have these feelings. it made you feel like a child. you didn’t want to have these feelings so you wouldn’t be hurt. even if you knew most of his words weren’t true, lex had always warned you about boys at a young age. how did he put it?
“the only thing they will think about when they look at you is how they can improve their status or how they can manipulate you. do you understand me?”
he always made you promise that no, you weren’t going to get a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, for that matter. he said that the only thing that you would end up with is a broken heart and a messed up sense of trust. he said you would just be running from one person to another trying to gain love only to be dropped after they got what was needed out of you.
and even if you knew that his words were just to keep you with him, that doesn’t mean they just went out of your head. after you hear things for a while, they start to become real. you didn’t want to have lex tell you something along the lines of “i told you so”
however, whenever you were with kit, it felt like those worries weren’t even there. even if there was a nagging feeling about trusting him, you ignored it because of what kit gave you: freedom. 
he wouldn’t only talk to you because you were _____ luthor, he wouldn’t only talk to you just because he wanted your money, or power, he wanted to talk to you because of you. he liked who you were as a person, not who you were as a child of a celebrity.
maybe that’s why you gained a crush on him. because he reminded you of before you met lex. maybe you just liked him as a person, like he did you.
“_____, did you see what happened last night?” kit had asked, still snickering from the news article he showed you. you laughed. 
“oh, wow, what party did you attend to this time?”
“none, at all actually: the entire city was on lockdown.”
“really?” you asked, turning to him. “which villain caused a mass murder this time, then?”
kit shrugged. “not really a mass murder, more of a... robbery.”
you rolled your eyes. “really? a city lockdown because of a small robbery?”
“a small robbery from one of lexcorp’s own warehouses.” 
that got your attention. “how much?”
“a small multi-million dollar heist-”
“oh, stop making fun of me, I didn’t know!”
“it was a small price to pay, apparently-”
“stop!” you playfully shoved him out of his seat, and he fell right on his ass. you gasped and when you saw that he wasn’t moving, you quickly got up and bent down to where he was sitting. “kit? goddamnit, kit-”
when he jumped up from the ground, his hands acting like they were going to grab you, you jumped back. stumbling, the back of you knee caught the seat you were sitting on, so instead of falling on your own ass, you fell into the seat.
as he laughed, you whispered, “kit, you ass!” he sat back into his chair, before saying (between laughs), “sorry, sorry. it was too much of a good opportunity to miss.” you huffed and went on the phone he had given you. you looked at the news, and sure enough, there was a robbery on one of the lexcorp warehouses, and yes, the things that were stolen were at least millions of dollars in profit.
“now that i’m looking at it, maybe that’s why my dad was all talking last night.”
“of course he would be, ______, there was millions of dollar worth of tech stolen-”
“oh, i know, kit, don’t be a bitch!”
it was silent for a little while, besides showing each other memes and laughing. it felt nice. it wasn’t awkward, in fact it was nice. just showing your friend funny photos that made you laugh was enough for you.
1:10. this was the latest you’ve ever been at a gala. it was supposed to last until 4, so you could understand why, but it still felt weird. it was like... going to school at night. you recognize the place, but it felt so weird.
“hey, _____.” you turned towards kit, who was now looking at a blank screen.
“yeah, what’s up?”
“you said that... you said that you’re never allowed to go anywhere, right? that you don’t even know where your real family is?”
you shifted uncomfortably. “well, yes, but why are you asking me this?”
his fingers turned white from the pressure on his phone. “well... you don’t seem happy whenever you’re with him, I guess. it feels like you don’t want to be there. 
you could say that again.
“and... and you’ve been my friend for months, now... I don’t want to see you hurt because of someone else’s actions... so... I was wondering if... you wanted to live with me?”
the last bit came out rushed, and yet, it still made you wonder. what if you could leave? what if you could live with your friend, your only friend, instead of your over protective father?
“I know its stupid, I shouldn’t have asked that. it’s fine.” he continued. 
“no, it’s... comforting.” you looked at him straight in the eyes. “I’m glad that you like me so much you would risk me being in your house. of course, I’m going to have to say no, but I still... I still appreciate that you would ask that.”
he gave you a small smile, and asked, “are you sure you’re going to be ok?”
you smiled at him. “maybe. I don’t know. if I don’t, then I could always take up your offer.”
you both sat in silence for a while, before his phone buzzed. looking at your phone, you saw it was at least 1:40. almost time to go. and you didn’t want mercy, or pray to god, lex to find you with him.
looking at kit, you asked, “you wanna head back?”
he smiled. “yeah. lets go back before we both fall on our asses.” 
~~~~~
walking down the large corridor felt strange. it was like something was going to happen soon. you didn’t know what, but something.
“so then, I asked him why he was being such an asshole, and he told me-”
“______.”
turning around, you saw mercy standing just a few meters away from you both. you quickly set some distance in between the two of you, to make sure that you were following the rules, but she didn’t seemed focused on you. instead, she was focused on kit.
she gave a small nod of acknowledgement to him. “kit is your name, right?”
he gave a shaky nod. “where were you last night?”
“excuse me-”
“where were you. last night.” every word seemed to be gritted out of her teeth.
“well, I was in my home. with my father. why?”
“really? at home with your father? and not at my warehouse, stealing my technology?”
you almost didn’t want lex to be here, but you also wanted to know why mercy hadn’t shot out kit’s brains yet.
“wh- excuse me?”
lex rolled his eyes. “I don’t need to hear excuses from you, boy, what I want to know is why you were stealing my tech, and why you used my daughter as your way to get this tech.”
wait, what?
“you’ve been using me for what?”
kit seemed to be panicking. did he- was he really using you for that?
“oh, you think I wouldn’t have found out? giving my daughter a phone so you could get into my systems and find out the codes for the doors? that you’ve been using my money for months without my knowledge? that you’ve been using my daughter for you own gain? for your own families gain?”
turning to him, you saw him try to make up some excuse about whatever he had done, but it was too late.
“freeze! put your hands in the air!”
you didn’t even see the police in the hallway, only mercy dragging you out towards the exit of the gala. 
when you turned back to kit, you felt like a child. did you really trust him? did you trust him this much for it to be that he was only using you? you didn’t want to think about it. the only thing you wanted was to go home.
________________
BONUS:
“did you really think you could take my daughter away from me?”
looking up from his seat, kit saw lex sitting across from him. currently, they were in a courthouse. waiting for his trial.
“... it’s not right to keep her inside like a pet.”
he knew he pissed off lex now, but he didn’t care. his life was ruined now. it shouldn’t matter.
lex got out of his chair and said, “you know, I was thinking of letting you off on a plea deal, but honestly, now, I’m thinking of giving you a worse fate than your father.”
a plea deal? kit froze. did he just throw out any chance to see you again?
“if you’re thinking you just threw out a chance to see my daughter again, you’re right, but lets be real here:”
lex put his hands on the table and got close to kits face, barely inches away.
“she will never look at you the same way after you go to prison for 58 years.”
and with that, lex left kit to rot in his own depression, happy to give the boy more pain than ever.
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sirvalrigard · 4 years
Note
genuinely cannot figure it out. cann you please tell me what the fnaf series is about
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OK OK so like we’re extremely off our shits rn but lets try to make this coherent
edit: this actually turned into a fucking wall of infodump bullshit so adding a cut lol
1970s. a gay furry dad named henry emily decides to make a furry restaurant cause he’s passionate abt animatronics and making kids happy. he opens the restaurant with a man named william afton as his business partner. henry makes animatronics and william handles idk being fucking creepy and handling money is my best guess. the restaurant is called Fredbear’s Family Diner, featuring Fredbear and Spring Bonnie (after a year or two it becomes popular enough for henry to have money to build bonnie, freddy, chica, and foxy too!) 
ok so shits fine and normal until william billiam is like ‘hmm im gonna be a child predator now’
on a rainy night one of henry’s children, Charlie Emily, is locked outside the pizzeria somehow, where william finds and kills them. the security marionette that henry built to protect his kids drags itself outside to their body, and thus is possessed by their spirit
obviously henry is fucked up but no one knew who the killer was, so henry was able to reopen another location, this time under the new name of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, with the now familiar friends Bonnie, Freddy, Foxy, and Chica to join the original two! multiple locations are eventually opened, and things are going just fucking fine until WILLY billy does his bullshit again!!
this time he lures them into the back by wearing a Spring Bonnie suit, and kills four children and stuffs their bodies into Bonnie, FReddy, Foxy, and Chica, where Marionette (charlie) finds them and binds their souls to the animatronics
but even though willish addon was employed at the very location he killed kids at, AND he was even convicted as the killer, since police couldnt find the bodies (and are useless) he didnt go to jail which is honestly so accurate its the scariest part of the franchise
so like henry at this point i imagine is like “fuck this” and sells the restaurant line to—you know what? honestly? i would love to know who runs Fazbear Entertainment. with the way help wanted was going i rlly hope we get an expansion on that with them as the villians (destroy capitalism) ANYWAY–
“Fazbear Entertainment” becomes the parent company of this mess now and theyre like :)……oh lets hire that william guy again hes fine
and at this point wwillus is making his OWN fucking pizzeria and his OWN animatronics and is actively kidnapping, torturing, and killing children to steal life essence from their souls! during the process of testing this, he gets his own ‘daughter’ Elizabeth Afton killed!! yeah im not fucking making this up!! (ppl in the fandom really defend this guy lol)
1983. so as Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzas are expanding,  Willard Afturd somehow? got himself some children. like to raise. like as a “““father”““. personally i do like 2 think a mother was involved but honestly he totally coulda just fucking kidnapped some random children to raise as his own and im starting to think thats more plausible  actually BUT ITS NOT GAME THEORY TIIME
one of these kids he is personally torturing! his own “son”! incredible! long story short this traumatized child ( unofficially named CC Afton ) is forced into the mouth of Fredbear by his brother Michael Afton and his friends, aaaand he dies ( and is guided by Charlie to possess Fredbear )
even after years of rumors about dead kids being hidden in animatronics, its this accident is the last straw for Fazbear’s Pizza and they are finally shut down. then WILL rubs his nasty hands together and tries to open his OWN pizzeria with his original OCs do not Steal™, Funtime Freddy, Bon Bon, Ballora, Circus Baby ( possessed by Elizabeth) , and Funtime Foxy and theyre all. probably possessedtoo cause theyre used 4 his kid torture fetish
uh ok so Aphton is like hey michael go clean up my child abuse for me anyway brb so his son Mwanders into his father’s Pizzeria to find his sister elizabeth . long story short…………he finds her and she does the “we’re brothers but closer” spongebob meme but also with her friends
ANd they leave! hooray! from then on the story is about Michael, whos zombified now after being used as a husk to hide an amalgamation of 5 animatronics fucking trying to find his shitty fuckass dad, and to help the anguished and vengeful spirits inside
but the first location to reopen after having been shut down, Wilson AAAAA is employed AND KILLS SOME MORE KIDS who would have guessed omg amazing..stunning.. and michael is employed there JUST a week too late like it happens RIGHT before he’s employed so Wumbo Man gets away again and Fazbear Entertainment gets shut down AGAIN, in 1987
not too many years later Fazbear Entertainment tries to open restaurants yES AGAIN and theyre still using the original animatronics that are still rotting and bloody on the inside . somehow this place stays open for a bit, and michael is employed there still looking for Worst Father Ever, and the children attack him due to rage and confusion, and when they kill another employee, the restaurant is shut down for like the trillionth time
but then for some reason Whenwillhedie Afton is like im gonna go try to dismantle the other haunted animatronics at the shut down pizzerias cause i dont actually even know i have shit for brains and also probably wanted to melt them down for life juice BUT
theyrelike FUCK OFF and the spirits of the children materialize in front of Wellington Well Done and force him into the old crusty spring bonnie suit that he’d murdured in before nd spring is like FUCKy ou and crushesAlton with their animatronic parts aand smush him. trapped now #springbonnieisgoodguy
the spirits go to rest in animatronica, the events of fnafworld happen when: 30 fucing years later in like the 2010s some jackasses thought it would be a good idea to mak e a haunted hoiuse attraction based on fazbear’s pizza and use actual shit from the restaurants and of COURSE this fuck shit up hardcore and disturbs the spirits from the rest that they were in ( until it turned intp the events of FNAF World ) and then they were ripped back into reality when Fazbear’s Fright was built
also! they found WWWacky smacky Acky all rotting away inside Spring Bonnie (now called Springtrap) and were like yeah this is good. definitely not a robot struggling to hold back the influence of a murderer predator and definitely wouldnt haev a problem with being set free
basically michael hears about this thing when it opens and is the first employee there and proceeeds to burn the whole place down as soon as he sees Willmont stuck inside ofs Springtrap
buuuut it doesnt work and Springtrap and other various spirits and haunted robots are still wandering the fuck around and Henry at this point is like Okay I Need To Do Something About This Cause This Is Entirely Out Of Fucking Hand and he reopens a Freddy Fazbear’s location himself, but advertises for a manager who wants to build their own pizzeria
you know who pounces on this like a purple cat? MIKE hes like FUCK yeah egg boys gonna kill his dad and be ann egg MAN today
with the help of Henry’s use  of luring mechanics and michael’s endurance and survival skill they gather Scrap Baby (elizabeth), Lefty (charlie), Scraptrap (springtrap, unfortunately  who has a rotton raisin inside him ), and Molten Freddy (the remaining animatronics that  had jumped into michael’s skin lumped together)
soon as theyre all there ? boom . henry lights the place on fire just like mike had and THEY BOTH JUST SIT THERE AND DIE IN IT TOO LIKE ITS SO METAL and it burns everyone else as well
and all the kids are like
uwu
owo
and drag william afton into HELL!! and they get to torture him for a while together and get the revenge they deserve hell yeah tbh UCN is so iconic
BUT Fazbear Entertainment drinks the capitalism so theyre like…. :((( we’ve been so bullied we totally didnt haev an employee who killed countless children… .pleas,e,e,, buy our mehrch, , n,,jdn
SO they employ an AU version of scott cawthon to make, essentially, the games that we’ve all been playing, but like, in-universe, – so the company in universe has fnaf video games made in order to make light of and cover up the actual murders that happened in the canon. is this too meta yet?
okay i lied this is also the scariest part of the franchise bc of how accurate it is to corrupt business hGJFSKDLHDSS
therefore, they create Help Wanted, the recently released VR game (also a game in-universe) and they use salvaged circuitboards and shit from all the old animatronics to program the game, but of course that just ends up transferring everyone’s soul into the game – the kids, the animatronic AIs, and BASTARD MAN
spring bonnie, now called Glitchtrap, is in a deteriorated mental state and is weak to Afton’s influence, and the fuck is able to manipulate an unknown amount of people into helping him out of the VR game and into the in-universe real world. one of these people was jeremy fitzgerald, michael afton’s childhood friend and a former employee at Fazbear’s Pizza during 1987.
he was involved in a lawsuit against the company making the game, and we don’t know what has happened to him yet. but he’s very important. evidence points to him being one of the kids that helped michael put CC’s head into Fredbear’s mouth, and that in 1987 when working at freddys he was bitten and is somehow functioning without a frontal lobe (but like, michael at this point is functioning with insides made of pudding and rotting skin so . basically theyre both too gay to die )
but we DO know that theres at least one person communicating directly with Glitchtrap, who he seems to have convinced to help set him free, someone whos made their own rabbit mask but doesnt seem to be willingly doing this, and might be brainwashed
also, currently, (this is really weird because we are currently living in the same time as the fnaf timeline is at right now) Fazbear Entertainment is planning on a “service program” that is basically sending personal animatronics to peoples houses and GUESS how fucking well THAT works out bc theyre STILL ALL HAUNTED YOuf g
and it seems like theyre planning on opening a new location in 2020, and that might be when we can learn more about the reluctant follower of springtrap and who has the camera while everyone moshes on william aftons corpse
basically the games are about childhood trauma, recovery, the love of family and friends, and justice against many kinds of evils
also where the fuck is sammy
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triumphorce · 5 years
Text
under umbras of bundles  of stars,
canopies of leaves & branches that shatter-scatter sky image held indirect
as a gleam in eyes
as conscious lay in fabricated gardens watching memories, & desires in dream form
from across highway covered by
blue-white, 
yellow,
& orange lights
sound of tires, mufflers, sirens, 
amidst a higher sense 
attuned to
muffled far cries muffled while crossing empty lands
filled with chilling wind howls, stealing hope, 
which
kickstarts the power on survival mode..
ups& downs 
drown the cries further,
that
war, warn, or cheer..
or just sing..
maybe
a hymn made by souls for souls under same umbra to set free to lead to wonder & beauty beyond the surface of senses directly to free to seek love loss between me and me
buried beneath  road of longest journey to reach
turn feet all around
all about a world I have no idea about
just mad ideas about Kept in journals i turn over
to all but from in front of views not yet exploited by value of which is, views are power,  & are the will in word- to-page transaction
self diminished to substantiate
entries from entrails, not shown to be conquered
win or lose is how I never saw things.
win or win, only optionss, only progress..
yet..,always over complicating;
marathon sprints from start to finish
as I choose, If i choose, to continue to choose to overlook slopes in existence, where hides I, in ruins, digging for recognition
contribute to a mind overloading with what I know I owe society, &me,
burden of see-through beast, I see illusions of future thru,mistaken as truth, play victim, get stressed or believe I'm down on luck ,in dumps of depression and slum of beliefs,
 in a slump with headphones on temple and music up, reminisce about the golden olden, me and broseph, SSB, PSO, kanto, johto, cartoon cartoons, many one saturday morning’s, plenty cinnamon toast, fruity pebbles, so many card games at Books-a-million
but when I open eyes from trance
I'm forever face to face with today is today
not then not later...
just
 changes who changed how I changed regret and anger to compensate for blaming everybody but me
now I stare afraid at dilemmas mass effect decisions
 daily in-and-out-terventions
to keep from falling back into resentment.. spite blinding shelves of subconscious-self- disappointed perpetuating judgment of others binding progression, tying tongue, boiling blood because old habits die hard and I continue fucking up, up raging rapids w/o a paddle,   almost 3 decades of failing infinite (according to projections) feel I missed and am missing out on so much, so much world, so many words coiled inside, waiting to explode,
all the time, just like everybody.. everything mind sets sights on turns to target issue     how unfortunate for aforementioned coordinates, for anyone close enough for me to put in poems' , important enough to torment conscious over, used to be everybody, used to be nobody, used to be just some people, now its just me and i dont know him
   attempts to speak, to learn again, to teach me about me       to learn to teach                     myself, to set example for ambition directed toward a better version, better verses, better reimbursement of time given tryna be an extrovert, free from bitter, free from bitch asses, set internal standards to never  get fucked with again, fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, i only fucks with a journal & question  everyone,  everything, every word, every whisper, shit ima tell my children every day, breakfast lunch dinner,  do your best and fuck the rest, get it, get lit off enlightenment, fuck rest, save roosting for death, dont look at me, looknat the sky, seize the day in everyway brain permits, dont reach for others' and if anyone tries to take yours, that means they dont fundamentally respect life, so always permeate passion, ignore distractions keeping you from creating, test limits, test intentions, challenge imperfections with wisdom, know that perfect is just cosmetics, but i remain quiet.. remain tied up being alone, wondering..           whether I'm right to do any god damn thing        'cause if I don't do it right..       was I right to think I could, wrong to think I understood
am i wrong not to try?
what of what's sacrificed ?
how do i keep count
how did I end up here       in standby...
standing squeamish & deer eyed in light of opportunities rising in horizon of night skies, to step in to obtain warmth, maintain from days before, to do something, do the one thing, but when will I be ready will eyes be ready to comprehend right or wrong
only me, here. only us, on planet.
only who's responsible? how is who is affected by, afflicted by? when is too late? when is just right, always too soon to tell and.. if I don't do it now, then why expect change..
why, why, why
'cause I expect anything at all
anger toward unmanned vehicles imminent to collide with mine
driven mad up eighty-five degree angled walls during rush hour, sun beaming heat into ride, where i travel on path, thru battlefield of past where fallen intentions decompose to ignorance and wisdom sprouts in the mean time.. I'm in between times, feelin down, down down down down by the way
a trail thru fears past dead ends, rotting trees, looks like fallout hit
a past I try an' forget..
but remember out of reluctance 
to accidentally revisit regret,
stand next to biggest fears,  see if facing them uproots soul
rolls ideas in head, non-stop
like trolls troll under bridges 
to which billy goat gruff temper charges like crono's katana on zenan crossing,
lodes of odes to oaths, lightning loaded, aimed at negative minded sapiens bioshocks via rhythm and syntax, cryo cascades of ideas, locked away in moleskine or computer files to put to rest the rest of an inside in arrest to judgment, in side quest of public playthrough, i feel im on public display, static complaining in front of pretty much strangers   modes of awareness to mental problems i exploit to people who might not think im crazy, who might like what i write, might like to write about the same thing, might see giants in those same nodes i stand near, i hear crisp crackles filling an awkward air as i stare at words on sheets that i might tear, might let collect dust, or share prolly might be quiet, only sound is poetic drafts that fill in under open windows, I open slowly, cool rush, goosebumps, awake aware always, even when mind is a crinkled, crumbled candy wrapper still just construct wrinkles in time via           hairs stand, ovation, and encores to
     helping to cross over doubts, screams of slander, stop it all, right now, shed truth in another light, fed through veins like pen's ink to go over and correct vision of pinheads vane turnin art, free thought to cash and competition, trade purpose blow for blow with obstacles in the name of the next step, over opponents, trade nervous for nerves robust to withstand standing up to stretch and spread chest to stand up for work where time invested is braided circulation    goin in circles,        time wasted pet peeve number 1
    a nowhere never felt before        but something seems familiar.. overlooked,   under yards, under pressure of bone leverage, give life a lift thru cracks of a collapsing effort stretched behind chest and ribs
a heart glows in
hot coal hues hearth warmth under carbon sheets
till blood boils till steam coils from pores to kill the cold along roads
sun or none
no light above, isn't lack of.. 
(look inside)
----
harsh heat of reality hot enough to feel cold
make me go ghost in dark times..
friction strong enough to spark moist..
continue until i sear nerves disembody fromm pain till im felt by meta-form of others
heartfelt arcs between soul and soul-mind 2 mind
light releases thru iris folds spectacle in spectacles----
spectrum wheel of emotions spins &spins to  understand self an urge that intensifies the more  i live life as well as I can Improve every day, no excuse, don't ignore the corners, get behind my ears,every nook and cranny in creative muse-um, uhm, duh, raised on books, nintendo, animation,& wishbone, outside, only myself as playdate, use every square inch as play-scape under every hair in head, a mind uses face and body as way to create 4 fourever& vice versa to escape who ever & know I can do whenever, wherever
wherever i go, a voice in mind goes
that keeps on talkin , keeps me talkin tellin me I've talk--, wrote enough hoped enough to last a lifetime, but that's not enough
and I still got a lifetime
to either solidify or fuck it up
gradually let go of 
to concentrate on life's finest moments i build to build form in appreciation, saying get up, enjoy the sun rays breaching clouds just before dawn; gett off yo butt and do what you know what you taught you to do when you were at multiple low points and you promised you, you'd never fall to end, even if you fall again, again, and again, never stall in the middle of  takeoff stop in middle of road, cant press play if you lost remote, might as well get up and do it, crawl, run or walk away when the times calls to brawl dark-inner energy only honorable mentions defend health during dishonorable discharge of nega, into rivers, into blue sky.. bordered by white clouds and linear silver
a safe place, work space, desk clerk sifting day to day thru file cabinets memories in memos in notebook; written relativity explaining how I see, what I think say what i want like im eight, glad i spent so much time with words and space-bars,   to escape judgment, hatred,
anxious surrounded by bad vibes
above an Earth, below expectations; over a self under surveillance by approval from inside, crazy dimensions, On the fence between people and myself I close eyes, ride waves of nostalgia once more..
see plenty light to traverse pathways, walk fer hours, walk like back in younger days, playin, runnin, completely captivated immersed in games played, tv, roller blades, monopoly, scary stories, trampolines
&10thousand songs later, 10million thoughts later, here I am doing what I made me to.
can't wait for the next chance
supplied energy through lines to hidden gracelands.
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