#im sooo so scared to like accidentally move something and break the

[starlightingsss]

sparks fly / 4

the lucky one. 5

u guys i think i accidentally wrote the reader to be batshit insane sooo

nvm! mentions of the events from last chapter in case its triggering, self image issues

pit. pat. pit. pat. pit. pat.

the dripping sound of water from the sink he hadn't closed driving her crazy, but, it was 2 in the morning.

she wasn't allowed to walk due to the injury on her leg, she had been in the infirmary for 3 days.

she was going to be released tomorrow to go back to her room and it was crucial for her to minimally move her leg.

haymitch was asleep on the couch next to her, having opted to spend quite a bit of time in her infirmary room - this was the only time he had fallen asleep.

she didn't think he was doing it because he cared about her, but because he was scared she was going to try something again and no one would be there to stop her.

she wasn't sure why he cared so much over whether or not she did something to herself, but he did.

he hadn't been drinking as much lately, as alcohol wasn't allowed into the infirmary.

she didn't dare to wake the man, who rarely got any good sleep as indicated by the bags under his eyes.

there wasn't a nurse in the room, as it was late, and there wasn't an avox because haymitch dismissed them.

she had missed 3 training days, and hadn't met any tributes yet.

she was pretty sure that if she even tried to train, everyone else would already have allies.

basil had probably gone out of his way to sabotage her chances at knowing anyone, with him, haymitch and vanity being the only ones who knew about her injuries and what she did to herself.

basil had laughed when he found out, calling her dramatic.

haymitch had been giving her updates about what was happening outside of her little sterilized room, her escort would visit to just talk to her about fashion and stuff, her stylist came in once or twice to tell her about her plans with clothing.

coriolanus snow himself, the president, had come in to check on her.

he told her that she was a very valuable tribute, and that he was there to personally check on her face, to see how it would heal, telling her that that was something that made her insanely valuable.

after he sat on her bed, leaning in and observing her face, he told her he would be back soon - hopefully after her games, and beyond that, when he was leaving - he said something peculiar.

"may the odds be ever in your favor, but i'm sure they will be."

he emphasized sure, as if it was a promise, a message for her.

she wasn't sure what he was thinking of, or if she was just thinking too much.

after that, the head gamemaker visited her. burgundy skymark, known for her bloody and exciting games.

she wasn't as close to the girl as snow was, but her presence was dominating, a little scary.

she examined the room, before asking, "what are you good at?"

the girl was a little shocked by this question, before letting out an "i dont know".

"well, that's unfortunate. that might just make or break your games, can you do anything that'll help keep you alive?", the woman said her eyes finally landing on the girl.

her eyes were peculiar, her pupils blood red and her irises black.

"i- i can forage pretty well .. i know a lot about plants? poisonous ones, and the not poisonous ones .. and when i was younger i would play around with the poisonous ones in our district , eating a little bit every day and eventually upping the dosages to see what would happen.. i can eat a few nightlock berries w-without dying .. stopped after my mom found out." , she told the woman, fear in her voice.

"that... is, spectacular. now anything else? are you fast, or anything like that? what weapons are you good with?", the woman asked, her eyebrows quirked.

"um.. i'm pretty fast i think .. and i'm good at climbing trees.. oh and im super flexible! i can bend all the way backwards when im standing, and then touch my toes." she told the woman, trying to think of anything.

"weapons?" she asked, her intense gaze still on the girl.

"i-i've never used a weapon before but i know a lot about the human body?" she said this, trying to find something.

"elaborate on that." she snapped, demanding.

"i- i mean like i know how to kill someone, their organs and w-where to stab .. and p-pressure points .. oh and i know how poison affects people too.." she said, a little scared.

"what about your aim?" the woman asked, not sure if the girl ever held a bow or throwing knives.

"i'm not .. sure?", she said this as the woman tsked.

"can you swim?" the woman asked, "can you climb mountains?"

"oh .. yea! i can swim and i'm pretty good at climbing mountains? my balance is pretty good." she told her, the woman seemed ok with this answer, as she left her room shortly after this.

the girl was pulled out of her thoughts by haymitch coughing slightly, which reminded her it was 2 in the morning and that the water was still pattering into the sink.

the woman let out a frustrated grunt, before grabbing her pillow and throwing it over her face, trying to muffle the noise of the water - only for it to get louder.

apparently, her grunt had woken up haymitch, who pulled the pillow off her face.

"what are you doing?" he grumped, having just been woken up.

"the water! the faucet isn't closed correctly! i hear it dripping!" she whined, having been tormented with the sound for hours.

he mumbled something under his breath before going to check, "sweetheart theres no water dropping out of the faucet!"

"there has to be! i hear it!" she snapped.

"well there isn't.. sink is dry too." he told her, from the bathroom.

"i still hear it." she snapped this, having not been able to sleep over the sound.

"i hear absolutely nothing." he told her, before resuming his previous position on the couch.

"ughh!" she grumped, before covering her face with the pillow again in an attempt to quiet the sound .. only for it to get louder. "haymitch."

"what? what is it, sweetheart?" he huffed with a scowl on his face, his patience very very thin.

"my pillow. it sounds weird." she told him.

"you've gotta be kidding me.." he mumbled, "let me see."

she threw the pillow at him, as he caught it, pressing it against his ear. "i hear absolutely nothing."

"give it back!" she told him, as he threw it back at her, "i hear the water!"

"sweetheart, i think its time for you to get some sleep." he told her, looking at her questioningly.

"but my pillow sounds weird." she told him, with a frown.

"how about we trade?" he told her, grabbing the couch pillow he was laying on. they exchanged pillows as they both laid down to sleep, his pillow smelling like pure alcohol.

"i still hear it." she told him, as she laid on his pillow. "it's coming from your pillow now."

"i'm about to call a nurse and tell them you're hallucinating." he told her.

"but i'm not. i literally hear it." she told him.

he gave her a look, a little bit of a "what the hell are you on," kind of look.

"throw the pillow out." she demanded.

"and what am i gonna sleep on instead?" he asked her.

"you can use me as a pillow, now throw it out." she snapped.

"you? sweetheart, you're pretty and all but i don't think you'd be a very good pillow ..." he said, looking at her like she was insane.

the glare she gave him was convincing enough for him to put the pillow outside of the door, as he walked back inside, closing the door.

"you still hear it?", he grumped, unhappy at what she was making him do.

"yes i still hear it." she said. confused.

"wow sweetheart, you want me to throw that pillow out too?" he remarked sarcastically, gesturing to the pillow she was laying on.

"yes, please do." she told him, willing to do anything to stop hearing the pitter patter of water.

he rolled his eyes, before throwing her pillow out too.

"you still hear it?" he asked, he was disgruntled, partially joking.

"yes. this is literally driving me crazy i swear to god." she said, as she put her hands over her ears curling into herself. but to her dismay, the pattering got louder.

she reached over her bedside table, grabbing a pen as haymitch realized what she was about to do, he lunged over, grabbing her arm as she aimed the pen at her ear, in an attempt to stab the pattering away - out of her head.

haymitch hissed out a very agitated, "what the hell are you doing.."

"i hear it! it gets louder when i cover my ears and i hear it i hate it." she snarled, as she fought him, with tears in her eyes.

"gonna fucking kill yourself i swear to god ... if you stab yourself in the ear, its gonna go straight to your brain." he told her, as he fought the pen out of her hand.

"i hear it." she told him, tears in her eyes.

haymitch was unsure of what to say, what to do. the woman who nearly just killed herself, an unstable woman.

he threw the pen across the room, away from her and engulfed her in a hug.

"don't ever try something like that again, i don't care what happens." he whispered into her ear. "i'll stay up with you, until the water stops, ok?"

she nodded with tears in her eyes as he didn't stop hugging her, he was like a human straitjacket at the moment.

eventually he did relax his arms, adjusting their position and letting her find something comfortable, where she ended up with her face in his chest, as he held her while they laid down. he felt the fabric covering his chest wet with tears of frustration, as the sound didn't stop.

he stroked the top of her head, telling her to try and get some sleep.

"i feel like im going crazy." she told him, still crying.

"you're not crazy." he promised her this, holding her still.

"it feels like im losing myself." she told him, as tears streamed down her face, "it feels like im losing my mind."

he just pulled her up, looking into her eyes, as he let her keep talking to him.

"it's like everything is slipping away .. i act so differently and i think so differently now .. but also i'm not thinking about anything at all and.." she sniffled as she told him this, "usually before, i just took anything anyone said - because they were probably jealous - but now, whenever someones mean to me .. i start thinking about doing really bad things to them."

"bad things?" he asked, unsure what she was saying.

"l-like killing them .. or torturing them and everything, and it's really bad because i start imagining it and thinking about it.." she whispered to him, tears in her eyes.

haymitch just sighed, caressing her cheek as he let her continue.

"a-and thats not like me at all because u-usually i couldn't even think of an animal dying without being really really sad .. and i couldn't even pick all the flowers in a patch without feeling bad about 'killing them all off'.." her voice was scared, shaky, unsure of what was happening to her.

"a-and lately i've been seeing those things happen to them .. like i stare at that person and i see those things happening to them in real time but then i blink and its gone.. but also sometimes im really really happy, like i really wanna do everything and i just can't stop smiling or anything." she was sniffling, sobbing as he looked at her, his face undistorted, "a-and maybe i was always like this but it's finally just coming out .. like i've always been a bad person."

"if you were a bad person, you wouldn't be crying over this right now," he told her this, as he brushed some hair out of her face, "i'm not a shrink, sweetheart, i'm not really sure what to say."

"b-but even before .. it felt like this sometimes, like i hated everyone and i just wanted them to die and sometimes i did think about it ... i was so angry sometimes. and that i hated myself, and i wanted myself to die but usually when that happened i just went out and started talking to people and giving them food and stuff.. it felt like i was faking it, faking being nice so i wouldn't be bad."

he hesitated before he spoke, not wanting to upset her further, "i think ... you're just stressed because of the games."

"are you sure? what if its something else? what if something is actually really wrong with me?" she whispered, tears in her eyes.

"you're not a bad person, sweetheart. takin' care of me when i get too drunk, smiling at everyone, running around and calling everything pretty, if you're a bad person - theres no hope for the rest of us." he told her this, with a smile on his face, "like one of those fairytale princesses in real life, sweet girl. now, stop trying to hurt yourself because theres absolutely nothing wrong with you."

she had matched his smile at first, before it vanished, and she went back to crying, apologizing for stressing him with that, tears streaking down her cheek again.

"not even sure why you would wanna do that in the first place, pretty girl. gorgeous face, gorgeous body, gorgeous personality, all i can say about you is gorgeous in every way possible.", he told her this as he hugged her closer to him, as she cried harder.

"why are you so nice to me.. i don't deserve it, 'm not even that pretty", she sobbed out.

the realization rang in his head. she didn't think she was pretty, one of the only things people saw about her. she had grown up in a world all about looks - because thats what people would see when they saw her, that she was gorgeous - and that was what they would tell her about, her being pretty. looks were put on a pedestal in her mind, the most important thing because it's what got her friends, and people to be around her - and she didn't think she had that, she didn't think she had the thing that she thought would make every one like her.

in her world, where beauty was everything, she didn't think she was beautiful.

then it all made sense to him, the starving, the stabbing, the fit she threw that ended her in the infirmary.

how he didn't understand why she was smashing mirrors, and the bottle on the table - then he realized, everything she broke was reflective.

they reflected her face and her room had a million mirrors in it. they reflected the face she thought was "ugly", the reflections a reminder that she was "ugly", a reminder that would shatter a girl based on looks, and when she couldn't get rid of the reminders - she tried to get rid of the thing they were reminding her of.

when that didn't work, in her frustration, she stabbed herself.

as he thought about it, everything made more sense.

when she worked in the bar, the men would've made comments about her weight, something they loved doing to women - little things like, "are you really eating all of that?", "you should watch out for your figure more", "shes pretty but she could be skinnier,".

the girl was young at the time, those comments definitely taking an effect on her, sprouting into her disordered eating habits that seemed to be triggered by stress.

how she felt insane and how she felt like a bad person, how the thoughts came quicker as the games neared - the thoughts coming faster as she stressed more, having been revealed due to her being under the constant stress of the games.

as he was in his own thoughts, he felt her breathing become calmer, more even as she stopped crying.

he stroked her head again, as he just watched her - not wanting to know what would happen if she woke up and he wasn't awake, unwilling to risk her having another "episode".

later in the morning, at around 5, haymitch got up and went back to the couch, knowing the reaction if a nurse caught him in bed with the girl.

his head was hurting a bit, from his lack of sleep and lack of alcohol. he slipped out of her room, for just a second to grab something to drink, coming back to find her awake.

"whered you go?" she asked him, sad.

"for some refreshments," he replied with a smirk, as she saw his bottle and glass. "nurse should be coming in a bit, supposed to check you to make sure you can train."

she let out a groan, putting her head back down.

"my head hurts.", she whined.

"hey sweetheart," he called,

"what." she grumped, not really happy.

"you still hearing water?", he teased.

"stop.", she said with a frown.

"just trying to make sure you stopped hallucinating," he half-joked.

"i don't hear water." she answered, begrudgingly.

at that, her nurse entered the room, letting out a "oh good! you're awake.", she walked towards the bed before she stopped and saw haymitch, with a bottle of whiskey and a glass in his hand next to the girls bed, she gave him a glaring look before deciding not to say anything.

the woman examined the girl, having her walk around the room, do some squats, and stretch.

y/n seemed to be ok, so she dismissed her from the infirmary.

there were 2 hours before the training, so she and haymitch just went back to their floor instead.

once she went up, she was hugged by her escort, "oh dear! i missed you so much, the guys are driving me crazy!"

the woman just smiled and hugged her back, before going to her room, to which haymitch considered following her - until he decided against it.

he just sat down on the sofa to enjoy his drink, waiting for her to come out, and it took her a whole 2 hours.

he felt it was taking her a little long, and he had no idea what was taking her so long - 2 hours? what could she even be doing in there?

when she finally came out, she was literally glowing.

"2 hours." he grumbled, as she sat down in front of him with a smile.

"felt like 2 minutes honestly! haven't been able to take care of myself like that for so long!" she told him excitedly, she had done everything - a hair mask, face mask, hand mask, foot mask, she waxed, she took an hour long shower and she did her makeup.

he just looked at her as if she was crazy, "ok sweetheart but you have a training in 3 minutes and basil is already down there."

"oh! wait hows it gonna go?" she asked him this, as she pressed the elevator, "like what's the general idea of whats gonna happen?"

"you'll probably just find whatever you're good at and keep yourself busy, if they wanna be your ally they'll come to you." he told her, sipping his drink as she waited for the elevator.

the elevator came with a ding, as haymitch raised his hand in a goodbye, and she went down - scared out of her mind.

as she arrived on the training floor, it seemed all eyes were on her - stuck to her, and following her as she walked around, inspecting the equipment and trying to find something she might be good at.

the woman landed on a pack of throwing knives, and a bow.

the throwing knives were small, but sharp, small so they could be fast and sharp so they could land in the soft skin of a person, but there were also a variety that were dull - meant to be thrown with force and shatter bones.

she was nervous, feeling almost every eye in the arena on her, as she saw the knives, grabbing 2, and throwing both of them rapidly - landing in the stomach and head of the bot, impressive seeing she threw them almost at the same time - fast and precise.

this time, she grabbed another 2, a dull one and a sharp one - the dull was more weighted, meant to be thrown harder so it could hit harder, but it was still sharp, as it was a knife.

she stood back further, around 10 feet further than before, and launched them again, this time hitting the exact same spots with a smile on her face.

she continued moving back, and throwing knives like that - making sure they landed in the exact same spots, a display of her precision, speed, and accuracy.

once she was done with the pack, she went up to the bot, examining the wounds, not a single knife had missed, and every single knife she threw was a fatal blow.

she seemed shocked as that as she smiled, and clapped her hands together, unaware that she had the attention of the whole room.

this time she moved over to the bow and arrows, standing back further - halfway across the room, before she bent backward, contorted in a disturbing way, her face in between her calves, and looking at the bot, she shot the arrow from the floor like that, hitting the bot dead center in between the eyes, before she uncontortioned herself, firing another arrow - splitting the previous one.

once again, she grinned and lightly clapped her hands together - a childish excitement, and because of her peculiar way of shooting the first arrow, she held the attention of a few of the tributes still.

she wasn't sure how to train now, instead decided to go hand to hand against a bot.

she was small, hard to hit, fast, and precise with her strikes, always having a purpose with how she punched.

she let the bot get the upper hand, as it pinned her in a chokehold and she fought her way out of it.

the attention of the other tributes had faded as she continued this little routine, until she got bored - unsure of what to do, and decided to find a friendly looking person to chat with.

everyone seemed to be in their own groups already, the career pack, and everyone else.

she saw how her previous observations stood to be true, with the girl from 4 occasionally looking over at the girl from 5, the boy from 2 comforting the girl from 2, and how the couple from 1 was a little too touchy for them to just be friends.

she remembered haymitch's warnings, but still decided the career pack was the best option.

and she knew exactly how to start a conversation.

once the girl from 4 was by herself, she walked over to her and sat down next to her.

"shes pretty isn't she?" she told the girl from 4, a smile on her face.

"excuse me?" she asked, confused.

"her!" she smiled, as she pointed to the girl from 5, "you like her don't you? i see how you look at her across the room.

before the girl from 4 could reply, the look of shock gave her away.

"don't worry! i won't tell, i pinky promise!" she told her this, as she stuck up her pinky. as the girl intertwined hers with hers, a shocked look on the girl from 4s face, and one on her face. "wait whats your name?"

"i- amaryllis.." she said, still a little shocked.

"well! amaryllis, its really nice to meet you! i hope we have more opportunities to talk in the future, i'm y/n!" she told her, a smile still on her face. "please don't be worried or anything, i already pinky promised not to tell! i'd never break a pinky promise .. but i do admit, i came over to you and started a conversation wrong. borderline blackmailing is definitely not a good way to make friends!"

"y-yea i guess.." she whispered, confused.

"could you teach me how to tie a fishing knot?" she asked.

"w-what?" amaryllis replied, confused.

"a fishing knot! you're from 4 right? so you know about knots and fishing and everything, i remember a game where the fish were the only thing that was safe to eat, teach me how to tie a fishing knot please? i'll teach you about medicinal plants!"

"alright?" she said again, still a little in shock.

"so you just bring the hook under the bridge, make a bunny and loop it through!" she said, a little more excited.

"um." y/n was a little lost, "i like bunnies so honestly its totally fine!"

amaryllis laughed at this, happy about the girls optimism.

"it's ok, i think you're gonna get frustrated pretty soon so how about you start teaching me about plants?" she told her with a smile.

"oh of course! 1 write this down because i'm reciting as much as i can as fast as i can, ok?" she told her this, before handing her a sketchbook.

"ok so general information, green, yellow and white berries are almost always poisonous, red berries have a 50% chance so don't risk it with those, berries in clusters are bad too, if they're bitter, theyre poisonous, if you can't tell from those, crush the berry and put the juices on your inner arm, if its irritated, its bad, if its not, test some more, avoid berries on creeper plants - like vines and stuff, if they look weird, don't try them, if theyre black, don't try them, if theyre bulgy, dont try them. basically only eat what you can recognize - blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, etc., if you can't identify it make sure you test it. if its white, dont eat it, if it has dots, dont eat it." she said all of this, purely from memory. "and for edible flowers, if you can find a katniss plant, you'll never starve, chrysanthemums, sunflowers, carnations, violets, pansy, tulips, roses, honeysuckle, and lavender are all very common edible flowers - but if they're too bright don't eat them, if their smell is off, don't eat them, if anything is artificial about them, don't eat them, dadnelions, daisies, and red and white clovers are all weeds that are edible, don't eat mushrooms because you won't be able to tell if they're poisonous or not. and for berries, just because an animal eats it doesn't mean its safe - i don't care how desperate you get because the human body can go for up to 2 weeks without food, as long as you have water, your mentor is smart and you're from a career district so you'll have loads of sponsors - you probably won't starve, or dehydrate so this isn't something that you necessarily need to worry about."

"haven't you heard?" she told her, "literally everyone plans to sponsor you this year! thats why everyone was staring at you, they wanted to know what the sponsors were on about."

"ehh its probably all my mentor anyway.." she told her, hesitating a little.

"are you kidding? literally half the country is in love with you at this point, they go crazy whenever you do anything!" amaryllis squealed, "almost everyone wanted to ally with you at first, but then you didn't show up on the first day and no one knew what happened."

"really?". she asked the girl, a little shocked.

"yea! don't you see how the careers are totally staring at us? they're gonna ask me to introduce you to them at some point!" she told her.

"oh .. well i don't really want to be part of their little pack thing .. my mentor told me to stay away from them and everything." she told amaryllis, a little shocked.

"wait then why did you come over to talk to me?". she questioned, confused.

"oh! because i saw you and 'her' at the tribute parade, saw how you looked at her and i figured you were going to go find her instead of sticking with the careers,", y/n replied, explaining her observation, "wanted to be apart of your little group!"

"i'm going to stay with the careers.. they're probably the biggest threat in this arena, except for maybe you, i have to protect her from them." she informed y/n, leading to y/n to let out a shocked "oh!"

"well then i'm not sure who i'd want to ally with then ... hey, you know your mentor is finnick odair right?" she said, asking the girl.

"well- yea, but he's working with mags flannigan and stuff.. shes his mentor," amaryllis explained.

"tell him to help mentor me a little please i need to learn more about fishing / swimming ! i can't do either of those , i suck at fishing and i can barely swim." she laughed, a smile on her face.

"oh well .. i heard you could invite tributes over for dinner! you should join us tonight!" she smiled, "gonna have 'her' there .. wanna say its a thing between friends, you know?"

"yea i totally get it! we have to bring our mentors though right? i'm not sure i could make mine go." she laughed, again, "he drinks alot. "

"girl ! everyone knows that, haymitch abernathy is a drunk." she smiled, "just try to convince him, ok?"

"alright! i'll try my best!", the woman laughed. "what time is it? we can leave at 2 right? don't wanna be here anymore.. this room feels so weird"

"i know right! and it's 2 so you could go right now." amaryllis said, "see you tonight?"

"yep! see you tonight!" she smiled, as she walked towards the elevator.

as the elevator ascended, she tried to figure out how to convince haymitch to let her go, and how to convince him to go with her.

the elevator dinged as she went back up, haymitch no longer on the sofa.

she went to his room, barging in and finding him with nothing except a towel covering him, with him having just come out of the shower.

"seems like someone doesn't know how to knock.." he mumbled, as he poured himself a glass of whiskey from one of the many bottles on his counter.

she stared a little, taking him in.

he was fit, a drunk but still in pretty good shape physically.

he didn't have abs but he still looked good, not toned or anything but still attractive. and she noticed it, a little trail of hair leading downwards.

she seemed to be fighting to keep her eyes on his face as she stopped herself from going any lower.

he looked at her with a questioning look, as she fought to keep her focus.

"you know what! i-im gonna go.." she said, as she left the room, quicker than she came in. until she remembered what she needed. "um so actually!" she said, barging back in, catching the man about to drop his towel and put on his clothes. "i-i need you to come somewhere with me tonight .. its a um a dinner and theres gonna be a girl from 5 with her mentor, and its going to be on the floor for 4, with their mentors and both their tributes.

"you made friends with 4?", he told her, "cover your eyes," before dropping his towel, her eyes were squeezed tightly shut with her hands over them too, "anyway, 4?"

"y-yea! the girls really nice and i have something on her that i would tell you but i cant because its a secret and you might tell people! her name is amaryllis and i havent met the girl from 5 but i know about her and they're totally cool and yea!" she said, her words coming out really fast, "can i look now?"

"you can look now, sweetheart" he told her, but he was still only in his underwear.

"wow um so are you gonna.. go? i can't go if you don't and i really wanna go cause i already promised and everything.." she told him this, talking quickly as a blush spread on her face.

"yea, i'll go, sure, just make sure you remind me an hour or so before." he told her, as he quickly smiled at her, as she happened to be looking quite a bit lower than his eyes. he chuckled out a, "sweetheart.." as he realized, "think its time for you to let me put on my clothes?"

#haymitch #haymitch abernathy #thg haymitch #haymitch x reader #the hunger games #haymitch is my man #yummers #haymitch abernathy x reader #my man is going through it #my man my man my man