#im so used to things HAPPENING all the time that the quiet is new lmao

[aurheatum]

toa anniversary mun day

under cut

Name: 

Nel, i mean it’s Sarah technically, but once you start getting multiple notes in the mail with Nel on them I think it counts. Nelfes works too. I respond to most anything tbh

Pronouns:

she/her or they/them

Birthday (no year):

Dec 6th Saint Nicholas Day : )

Where are you from? What is your time zone?

Chicago. CST [GMT-5].

Roleplay experience:

Over ten years, started on Neopets and other forums. Moved to Gaia Online and then Tumblr indie space some time in 2011.

Got any pets?

Baby boy

Favorite time of year:

Springtime or Autumn

Some interests and things you like:

I’ve always been super into mythology, all of them. I used to think that Carl Jung was onto something with the collective unconscious but then Anthropology and the reality of multilineal evolution ruined that for me (college will teach you things); but that’s alright because humans their ability to create and interpret their surroundings with equal parts love and fear is still pretty cool.

Some funfacts & trivia about you:

-Agnostic but i work in an occult library (it’s pretty quiet; the new age bookshop across the street has all the events)

-One time on Gaia Online I was kicked out of an Okami RP bc I didn’t make my posts aesthetic enough, and I thought it was just the most heart wrenching thing -I’m not sure what people stand to gain back in Ye Old Runescape luring new players out into the wild and PKing them but I was gullible enough to follow some other players at like 7 yrs old and this would have happened to me if i wasnt SUPER good at clicking my mouse and running out of there. Surviving such a harrowing experience made me think i was truly invincible.

-I was supposed to write my final paper for my Japanese Buddhism class on… surprise, Japanese Buddhism but I really wanted to talk about Kenji Miyazawa’s writings instead so I spun it through a lens of his Nichiren conversion and its impact on his poetry. My prof saw right through me but I still got an A.

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play?

Tales of RPG series raised me as a person so u know. I like Persona 1-2 era SMT though I’ve played Nocturne and IV as well. What else? Okami, LOZ: Twilight Princess, farm sims and visual novels. Genshin, on and off.

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon:

Psychic; wooper family (clogsire im so glad u joined us)

How did you get into Fire Emblem?

My neighbor would bring over Path of Radiance so I could play it on my gamecube with my own save back in the day

What Fire Emblem games have you played?

Tellius duology. Sacred Stones, FE 13-16; currently doing Blazing Blade. Archanea one day.

First Fire Emblem game:

POR

Favorite Fire Emblem game:

Tie between 3 Houses and Radiant Dawn

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 

It’s rhea okay. I wont lie and i wont pretend it isnt evidence of my spectacular taste either

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: Tiki (first S support was olivia bc i wanted a pink haired kid)  - Fates: honestly i’d have to revisit, i know i first married niles as m!corrin - Three Houses: I married each lord on their route tho it’s much funnier if you dont i think (First route was Crimson Flower but I saved at the split so I could marry Rhea first lmao) - Engage: Saphir 🥰

Favorite Fire Emblem class:

War Cleric or Qi Adept

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class?

I’d be the mage you have to drag around and treat with baby gloves only to learn like a single good spell I think

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation?

Leicester Alliance tbh

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with?

Based purely on mechanics bc i love them all prob Soren dlc, Sigurd, Celica, and Lyn.

How did you find TOA?

End of 2020/beginning of 2021 I was really trying to get back into rp but couldn’t get into the various systems on discord. One community that I was trying was affiliates with The Officer’s Academy and an active tumblr community rly caught my interest. The rest is history!

Current TOA muses:

Rhea 3H, Micaiah Radiant Dawn, and miss Hortensia engage

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again?

This blog right here! I put her down for a bit and probably will again but. It’s not like she ever leaves, instead of brain there is Rhea u see (i bear this burden so u do not have to)

Have you had any other TOA muses?

I played Sephiran for a hot sec and Ingrid for around a yearish iirc. Both very fun

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards?

Not really? I need to be able to connect with them on some level obviously, and I tend to prefer characters who have like a clear childhood or background for why they are That Way. Micaiah was actually p difficult for this reason but being able to really shape her based on what little we know also made me ever more fond. ♥️ I love to stare at pegasusknight and serenesforest supports pages late at night tehe

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most?

I don’t particularly plan ahead but I really love when threads reflect past character development whether in a thread with the same muse or different. TOA extended universe… I’d like to do that more I think but first I have to actually make a support page huh? Since Rhea’s back she’s made more bonds though and that makes me happy.

Favorite TOA-related memory: Definitely Unlocked 2021! It was my first event after really starting to warm to the TOA community and i was an awe of the scope of the events. The mods thought this far ahead?! We can do this?! Every event since has just been even more fun but the surprise and intrigue i felt then really stayed with him

*How do you pronounce TOA?

Toe-uh. Like Dee-En-Dee. you know.

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day that you’d like to share? 😉 

I think I mentioned I muse Hubert before, and also that I can't really seeing myself maintaining a blog for him? So other than that, no. I do think Nimh could be quite a bit of fun though *laughs*

#ooc #|meme response

[highsocietyhq]

HSHQ'S TIMELINE !

which of these mains do you guys remember ? highsocietyhq or haisocietyhq or vikrp or chambordrp... hshq has had many forms over the years !

chambordrp was originally created by admin m sometime around 2014 ? 2015 ? admin j joined the admin team and for a while the group set at chateau chambord, france was just one group among many #royal rp or #rich kids rp groups. chambordrp had to be closed due to low activity but pretty soon admin m opened it again and some of the oldest members rejoined. chambordrp was revamped into vikrp in 2016 ( ? ).

vikrp set in iceland lasted for 6ish months maybe before closing... and then reopening again. i don't remember properly. around this time i ( admin e ) was part of the admin team and admin evy joined the team a bit before vikrp was revamped into haisocietyhq. admin m had gone awol at this time.

haisocietyhq set in shangHAI was when things started to shift from petty drama to something a bit bigger. i think in shanghai we added monarchs ? or maybe that was already in vik, but anyways, in shanghai people actually applied for monarchs. i think dukes and duchesses were a new addition.

then we wanted to move from shanghai to 'a greek island'. but we had a problem: the constant url change was a problem. we couldn't change the url every time we moved, that would cause confusion in the tags. 'highsocietyhq' was already taken by a closed group. what a shame ! but then i figured i'd lose nothing by sending an im to the url's owner and hallelujah ! the owner actually saw the im and was kind enough to give the url to us !!!!! that was amazing. and random. so that's the story behind our url. in shanghai we had our first plot drop/event hybrid when there was an earthquake and i think the hotel suffered some damages.

the greek island plotline was pretty chill until it wasn't. the invasion was pretty wild and i was in summer 2018. when i think back on it, i think it's one our most successful events in terms of character development and engagement. people wrote a lot and it was insanely interactive.

oslo follower the greek island. i have to admit i don't remember much from the oslo period. the plotdrops that i wrote back then were surprisingly frequent though and it was cool that people were really into developing the major plotlines !

dubai followed oslo shortly after nye if i remember correctly. i don't remember the excuse for the move. it wasn't anything major. dubai was fun and different. the big city vibe was fun.

dubai lasted for 8 months and then, in september of 2019, came phuket ! phuket was a lot chiller. i remember us planning all sorts of shocking plot twists. one was a flood and a complete power failure. that never happened. one idea was having them get stranded on a cruise ship.

mar del plata still feels like a fever dream. we moved to mar del plata in august 2020. i swear i always forget we were there. the only thing i remember from this era is the hike/earthquake event. we wanted drama and since we had failed to deliver the flood/power failure/dramatic pd this was really needed !

in april 2021 came tokyo ! i personally enjoyed big city backdrops a lot more so i liked tokyo a lot. i also remember being very pleased with the grapics if i may say so myself. tokyo lasted for a long time and rae won the points game that allowed her to pick like 5 possible locations for a future location change.

i don't remember them all but on the list were regina and casablanca. and we planned to make the regina era really brief and it was supposed to be a quirky comedic era. but you know us ! we don't know how to keep up with a schedule lmao. i think the regina sidequest lasted from spring of '22 and ended in august '22 when we moved to spain for that long event.

the spain was supposed to be a month long thing that would end in an invasion. but the dash was fairly quiet, the admin team was busy af and it just wouldn't happen. the invasion, as you all probably remember, came a year late lmaoooo

we really hoped that the invasion would have been something akin to the one in 2019 but you know, times had changed, people didn't have 8 hours to spend on the computer. the invasion was still a fun extreme event and i'm so glad it succeeded as well as it did because there was room for failure.

after the invasion we finally made it to casablanca where we had planned to end up almost 1,5 years prior lmaoo

and now it's been almost 10 years of a silly little royals group and 8 years of hshq. i genuinely think it's so damn remarkable how far we've come especially considering how the average lifespan of an rp group is like some months. admining this group has been such a privilege !!! thank you !!!

[lampadarietto]

Hi!! I was wondering since you write character x OC AND tadc stuff, that maybe you could write something (either headcanons or a oneshot) of Jax and my OC, Cosmic?

Cosmic was an OC I originally made as a joke to be shipped with Jax, but man I don't think it's a joke anymore lmao— Anyway, so here's some info on Cosmic for ya!

Appearance - Cosmic is… quite literally white. Like paper white. However, Cosmic is in a process of abstracting (he's hanging on by a thread), so he has black and grey spots that he covers up with black tights as well as gloves (he hates wearing gloves). He has black hair and blue bangs along with blue eyes. His hair is shoulder length, and his bangs almost cover his eyes. He wears a blue sleeveless turtleneck/bodysuit with gold accents like stars and planets.

Mannerisms - Cosmic is rather composed and quiet, maybe even a bit shy. They tend to sometimes freak out about things that aren't all that important, and they tend to bottle up their emotions. However, other than that, he's usually pretty nice.

Relation to Jax - Cosmic (called Comet in the real world) and Jax were lovers back in the real world. Soon, Cosmic had found that [REDACTED] had been "ignoring" their texts. The last message they got from him was about the headset. The rest of it was a blur, and now Cosmic is in the circus.

That's it I think :3

Please take your time if you decide to write this!

Okay so i love this oc!Reminds me of mine even if the designs are different!!!:3

This can be also read as a x reader ;3 im honestly thinking of removing oc x canon because as much as i live writing it i have a hard time trying to involve both an oc and try to make it something you can read as a x reader so that everyone can enjoy it ;(

✮Im super convinced that when someone enters the circus, they forget some- if not most- of their past memories.Like their name for example and things they did before using the headset.

✮Jax probably forgot almost all of his past memories, the people he loved the most included.

✮If you asked him something along the lines of "did you have a sibiling before the circus???" he would'nt know the answer

✮"Did you have a partner??" he can't remember, sorry!!!

✮ If you happened to be his partner before the circus and somehow enter too, he probably wont recognize you.

✮It would take him alot, aloooot to even think it might be you.Plus he'd probably bully you on almost every occasion he gets so that makes it even harder.

✮When he starts to feel something familiar, that's when it kicks in.

✮like what???why are you so familiar???your mannerism???the way you talk???who are you????

✮it's like he met you somewhere.

✮So, he decides to be sneaky.Try to be 'nicer'(bullying you in a softer way) to try and discover why you're so familiar.He won't tell you thats his objective, though.

✮Probably would ask things about your life before the circus, try to see who you were, you know?

✮When he finally gets that you're someone he used to love he'd probably make one of those shocked reaction pics i will put below at the end of the post.Doesnt matter if it's infront of people he WILL do a goofy face because of how shocked he is

✮Might break into your room just to talk to you about it

✮When you confess how you thought he was ignoring you after buying the headset, he kinda feels bad.

✮Laughs at your appearance unless you roast him back (he will act as if he's super offended if you do)

✮Even if he changed alot after entering the circus, he sometimes still gives signs of his 'old self' still existing.

✮Im super duper convinced that he won't just start a relationship again with you, if that's what you want.You will have to wait for an actual relationship with Jax, let alone a friendship.You never know what he's up to, even after knowing him for more than a year!

✮Also, the fact that he changed also counts.Get used to his new self, embrace it!Then, after that, you two might talk about dating again.

hed probs make these goofy faces genuinely for no reason or do them sarcastically when bullying people

#the amazing digital circus #tadc jax #x reader #oc x canon

[jing-yuans-wife]

“What are you doing in my bed?”

"That's not your toothbrush, that's mine!" (Reader finds out they've been 'sharing' a toothbrush with a turt for MONTHS)

Lmao! Here we are again and Im just having a blast here!. So now for this feature I'm doing two written pieces. One is reader based in my Bayverse AU, and the other I must use my dorky OC Keiko the Maneki Neko or Lucky cat! In my Rise verse- well um kinda lucky in this case 🤣.

Now everyone remember the turtles are aged up here! No hate and no jealousy etc. Lets have fun!

Enjoy everyone!

🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡

Bayverse AU:

It was a long day for you, the job was just so much more stressful than usual. The one thing you look forward to is your bed. However you had no idea what or who was waiting for you in your bed.

You come home to your quiet apartment, still neat as you left it. Making your usual cup of chamomile tea, you head to your room to read some of your favourite fics. Only there was one problem....RAPHAEL was in YOUR bed."Umm Raph? What are you doing here in my bed?."

He just gives you this mischivious look and gestures you come closer. Oh you did NOT trust him with your tea in your hands, so you placed it on the night stand. Next thing a strong arm sneaked around your waist and all but yanked you into his grip, he had you now in his cuddle grip and once that happens then good luck getting out of that."You need rest Doll, so I'm making sure of that." He all but stated while he was dozing off...well supposedly.

You sigh in defeat and allow him to cuddle you, he seemed to know when you are stressed or not. In a thought, you realised that the past few days you have been working overtime with little to no rest. "Can I at least get showered babe?." All you heard was an amused chuckle as he released you...for now. The only thing you could do was hurry up and get showered and dressed in your yoga pants and oversized shirt. He does not like your over sized shirt and you know it. In seconds you are in his arms again, and he is not letting you go until morning...or afternoon.

🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡🍡

ROTTMNT Universe:

It was morning time and as usual Leo was first up due to Raph been way too tired lately and needing extra sleep. A sleepy Keiko comes in and sighs,"Thats not your toothbrush its mine!."

Leo looks at the toothbrush a second then her, a rather mischivious grin spreading across his face. Then he takes out a brand new pink toothbrush that has not even been opened and hands it to her. The expression on her face was priceless, she realised that indeed she has been sharing his toothbrush unknowingly for MONTHS!.

"LEONARDO HAMATO!."

The chaos that ensued was all but rather amusing, Mikey had to help Leo from been caught and wrestled by Keiko. Oh these two dorks were adorable. Raph and Donnie stood in the doorway watching all this, Raph was just confused as Donnie snickered."Bet $50 Keiko kicks his ass."

Raph looked at Donnie mortified,"DONNIE!....$100 is more worth it."

Lets just say Keiko did end up with Leo in a headlock. Leo learned not to tick her off or embarrass her.

Note from Author:LMAO! Oh man this was epic. Its SFW no worries folks.

@turtle-babe83

@tinkabelle19

@sharpwindow

#TMNT All 4-1 challenge #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #fanfiction #bayverse #leo #raph #rise of the tmnt

[youremyheaven]

man... i'm a nodal in my whole big 3 and i used to lie not only to others but to myself?? like i used to make fake accounts to talk to myself, typing paragraphs of made-up stories and conversations about things but it was me on both sides. ive spent so much time talking to myself with fake accounts. i used to make fake accounts of "boyfriends" as well to seem cool or even of other girls to talk to guys (my Shatabhisha friends had the password after i got bored and they used it too lol). i used to lie a lot as a kid, usually bc i felt inferior to others. when i was 11 my mom found a conversation w my friend on Facebook where i was lying. since i had to move out i used to lie about all my routines to my friend to make it all seem cool when in reality i was getting bullied in my new school for being quiet and weird. i told my mom i did it bc i was feeling my life was more boring that my friend's (not a lie but also not completely true) truth is, i enjoyed doing it beyond getting approval/validation, i enjoyed making up lies. now I'm an adult so I feel like i can't keep doing childish stuff like that, but since I can't lie for example i fantasize about lying or about the things i wanna lie about (in the making up stuff way) and I still have to *choose* not to lie bc otherwise I'll still be making up stuff. the urge is still there and i dismiss it by fantasizing/daydreaming. i also observed that the urge usually completely disappears when everything is like usual and it appears again when i meet new people or need to adapt to something. However, I *still* lie about small things, like if my friend asks something like what i ate today and I lie or hide information for no reason? (a lot of my friends told me they do that too so i considered that's something everyone does tho) also, a few months ago something happened to someone and I told the story to other people as if i was involved, honestly i still feel guilty about that (it was a little thing but i feel so fake every time i remember) i also exaggerate a lot so i guess it counts as lying?

damn 😭😭

you sound like a lot of people i knew growing up, it must've been all the Rahu influence then

but honestly life is all about being aware of our inclinations and tendencies and working on the unhealthy/immature ones to better <333 thanks for telling me im now thinking about a lot of my childhood friends lmao

[sillylittlelemon]

Hey could I ask for a match up with someone from Saiki? If you are going to do any romantic matchups, I’d prefer men. I go by he/him.

There’s not much to say appearance wise other than I am chubby, I have piercings, and I wear glasses. Most of my styles happen to be more comfortable stuff, such as sweater vests and hoodies. I have a lot more softer features, softer cheeks, hands, the like. I also have a serious case of resting bitch face.

I am very much the type of person to stay in their own lane. However as described by some people, when I get passionate, oh dear do I get passionate. I can be a bit standoffish to many people, with many assuming that I am a very calculated type of person, and intimidating. I do a lot of personal writing and meditation, however my favorite hobby is cooking and baking. I love making sweets for my family like scones and crème brûlée, though I usually just end up eating them alone. I also just cook regular stuff as well.

My dude. I am so pumped to write this. Like- i feel like theres many ways i could swing this and im gunna have a hard time to narrow this down but im just ready to go man, like- you threw me a metorphorical bone and im ready to rip into this thing lmao

- 🤥🤥not related but can you make coffee jelly?

Saiki would take a shining to you based off your cooking, obviously. And when you make him coffee jelly for literally any occasion even if there isnt one? BOOM. Marriage papers. "For convience" 😉😉

Def just... watches you make stuff. Blank stare. Seemingly not a thought behind his eyes. He just stands there, out of the way. Uses telekenisis to get you what you need so you dont have to move around obsticles in the kitchen to get it (or risk dropping something or tripping bc im fucking clumsy and i dunno about you but ive tripped with flour and wooooo boy its rough) along with that he def helps you clean if you consider it a drag (of course you do, who actually enjoys cleaning the kitchen?) And by help i 100% mean he does it allfor you absent mindedly while he chows down on his sweets, little stars floating around his head as he enters paradise.

Also can def get down on some meditation w you, like- all this boy wants is peace and quiet. He will stil down or lay down, or however it works for you, and just... zen out. For as long as possible until nendo uses his 6th sense to track him down and drag him into shenanigans. (Or until a rock causes a girl to trip which causes a motercycle crash and a gasoline explosion and then destroys part or all of town and-)

N-E-Ways,

Im just pumping out headcanons/oneshots as fast as ican while im motivated so if you want more tell me! Send the link to this request along with your new one so i know which anon you are, okay lovely?

🫂🫂🫂❤️❤️❤️thanks for the ask, i love you!

Also i know its ooc but also im listening to this song and it lowkey tickles my brain with this character

#lemonywrites #saiki kusuo #saiki k x reader #the disastrous life of saiki k. #the disaster of psi kusuo saiki

[venacoeurva]

IRT the slavery jokes, and the tag about how bad it must have been years ago: I’ve been in the fandom for almost twenty years, and it honestly wasn’t too bad until Oblivion came out? The fandom shifted from quiet nerds to mainstream very quickly. Could be that I was insulated to some specific forums where the biggest drama was “stop asking us where the puzzle cube is” and one of the mods wanted to make dremoras and atronachs kiss, but I don’t remember much in the way of slavery jokes and offensive bullshit until Oblivion happened and attracted a bunch of randos, a lot of whom were edgy teens who started the whole thing. Worryingly, a lot of people also came in and played Morrowind out of curiosity, then walked away thinking the whole Dunmer xenophobia thing was “cool.”

HOMOPHOBIA, on the other hand, was a big deal even before Oblivion. Lots of people gnashing their teeth over Vivec being canonically bi and AlienSlof making mods that had assless chaps for men. It’s kind of funny that Voryn/Nerevar is the big ship nowadays because I can still remember all the dudes who felt personally threatened by mesh shirts for elves, and screaming “IM NOT GAY” while staring at the Nude Better Bodies option on GameSpy.

Yeah, I can see that happening (keep in mind I was like 6 when mw came out and I wasn't exactly Online), Oblivion promo was everywhere around when it came out and permeated everything for YEARS (at least around here, everyone had it, everyone was playing it, same with Skyrim, but I feel like Oblivion was a BIG big thing because the high fantasy sort of appeal, the lore wasn't prohibitive for new players, and it looked graphically ambitious for the time). I think the aughts were around when being a Gamer started being seen as a semi-cool/acceptable subculture, too, so I'm sure that emboldened a lot of those dickweeds because they felt like revolutionaries or something and circlejerked, including their shared bigotry (and then the skyrim nazi problem happened). Biiig gateways to get people into the older games.

But yeah, I remember constant homophobia and every other [minority]phobia was just a Fandom Problem in general regardless of series... at least the fragility of homophobic dudebros toward even the most basic shit like a male character being shirtless or had tight pants, or having long hair (or a female character having short hair, because they're afraid that's too gay for them) was funny and pathetic as hell when they weren't expressing a wish that people like me die or something. The fact that people still act like this makes me wonder how they survive.

I saw it in multiple places. I think it helps along with general social progress that social media is more than mostly just forums, old style blogs, webcomics, and dA so more lgbtq+ people can just be out there and not get flamed and harassed to the point of just leaving all available mainstream platforms for fans of something and sites are (usually) more proactive about preventing as much hate speech and the average person will shut down or ignore and simply report/block anyone trying to be bold with it.

Also yeah it's kind of funny it's so big suddenly? I think people just really like running with subtexts with fanbases in general these days instead of just sticking to staunch, outright and stated canon that's put directly in your face (which is kind of moot with dying on that latter hill for this series lmao) because people used to just fight you on that shit back in the day for any series, and going nuts and finally have the freedom to do so. New people coming in with their pre-established behavior and accepted norms from other fandoms helps as well I'm guessing. And judging by tags on my art, gay dudes just really like Voryn and see him as a projection character/he was a gay awakening for some of them? I think being on the gay trans website in an era that shipping is its own subculture within fandoms helps

#I don't doubt at least some people consume it as a gay fetishization thing but I have mostly just seen mlm or other lgbtq people into it #not without some questionable stuff though #asks #not art #homophobia mention #racism mention #Sorry if it feels like I'm explaining things too much I'm just telling u my observations #this is how my ass is hfjsk #long post

[osaevsky]

So, yk how you said that life is using me as a punching bag?! You got it right!

After continously switching between social media, trying to avoid shit I didn’t want to see, I focused on things I had pending out. I waa out of my house, on a friends house — when I left, I stood outside waiting for my dad to pick me up. Guess what? It rained heavily, and it was cold AS FUCK. Imagine me dripping wet from the rain with the cold wind lmao

Anyways. I returned home, got dried, changed into comfortable clothings. Went back to my social media and first thing I see is some of my mutuals tagging one another gushing over my celebrity crushes and being whole ass explicit on how they would fuck and go down on them. My stomach was doing backflips and I was already like this LMAOOO BC I ALREADY HAD ENOUGH OF IT

I tried to ignore that, chatted with a new mutual and others, and of course talked with you too to have some fun. I sat my ass to finish organising some things for the things I have to work with and study — my back hurted awfully but I spent 3 dreadful hours doing what I had to do.

Then when I wanted to use the lift because I had to go to the main hall for something, NONE OF THE TWO FUCKING ELEVATORS WERE WORKING. I had to walk up and down 8 FLOORS. I nearly pass out when I returned back to my apartment, I was agitated and my legs hurt so my parents had to sit me down to take deep breaths and chill lmao

I ate dinner, went to bed and watched a 90s movie. Its 4 am here and I don’t feel fully sleepy yet so since its weekend even if I still have things to do tomorrow, I will use this quiet moment to have my own "me time" before coping with reality.

Guess what?

Power ran out at 4am. My windows are now fully open so I can have some windy breeze because its fucking hot in here. GOD CAN’T KEPT GETTING AWAY WITH IT.

I have mobile data so I will still stay up to do my things before sleeping because im stressed. I hope the power returns in the morning so I can pretend today never happened. I will pretend this day never happened so badly that in a short time whenever I remember something that happened today, I won’t know if it was a fever dream or a real day lmao

Your life sounds like a tragicomedy at this point 😭😭

It also rained here where I live, I thought I was the only one. Luckily I didn't have to go anywhere and I stayed at my house pulling an all nighter while it did

Idk what's worse, seeing stuff you don't wanna see about your celeb crush or seeing a mutual talk about it. Feels like some sort of betrayal at that point when it really isn't because they're in their right to do so but boy do I feel jealous 💀

Also not them being explicit about it IM SO SORRY- 😭😭😭

Idk how many times the power has run out in your apartment but it's concerning. especially if you're having a heat wave of some sort like I saw you mentioning a few days ago, idk if you can get it checked with your community or anything but you better do

I would be doing the same as you tbh there are some days in my life that are just so bad that they cross the line of being realistic anymore I would prefer to ignore their existence instead of trying to pretend that day didn't make me want to kms LMFAOO

[creativebrainrot]

Hello i would love to try Sulyen's route in a dating sim✨️

@mystery-salad

first of all, uh. im sorry. SKJHFIOJGADJFKH

this man is so hard to get an ACTUAL romance good ending with because hes such a bitch KSHFGSIDUHF.

(I hope u did mean Sulyen and not Sugyn, but i AM gonna use this as an excuse to answer for both anyway &lt;;3)

SULYEN

Sulyen is so so very vain and stuck up and obsessed with himself and such a bitch about it tbh BUT

His route is a LOT of nice dinners and opera house dates and underground concert dates around Cantha. He's got a "human-sona" he uses in Cantha, as he is a mesmer AND not there legally. No one knows he's actually a sylvari. He's also, a "pop star" in cantha so you get some VIP perks from dating him.

The trick to earning his favor is telling him what he wants to hear. How handsome and pretty and better than everyone else he is so he can gloat and say "I knoow~" The more expensive the gifts you can get him, the better. He's also extremely bratty, and will pout and complain EVERYTIME you DONT give him what he wants. He's not very good with boundaries either. :/ He won't cross any hard lines because he NEEDS people to like him but he IS pushy along with being a brat. He'll give up eventually.

BAD ENDING - this happens from you, uh,,,,, being a normal person and finding him a little. too much. LMFAO You wanted him to treat you like you were an equal to him from the start and he was NOT having it. He is CLEARLY better than everyone else ALWAYS. Alternatively, you asked for basic respect a little further down the line of your relationship together and he obliged but you still didn't enable him enough and he lost interest once someone new started showering him in praise and affection. He is, unfortunately or, fortunately, depending on the person I GUESS LMAO, Just Like This.* (He is starved of real affection BUT it doesn't excuse the way he behaves and he won't change. It's somewhat motivated by insecurity but he won't ever unlearn his bad habits. He's Just Like This despite the original motivation behind his behavior.)

GOOD ENDING - You enabled him the entire time BUT you weren't a door mat for him to walk all over. You set hard boundaries and played the games, you demanded respect from him and he liked the confidence behind it and obliged. You got him so many gifts; beautiful flowers, delicious food like bean buns and sweet pastries, beautiful jewelry etc. He liked how confident you were in challenging him now and again despite still drowning him in praise and affection.

You've ended up with a mutual respect with him despite the fact that he IS still a bitch through and through, and extremely vain. and stuck up. and annoying. Atleast he's less annoying now and shares the spotlight with you a little more and a little more often.

SUGYN

BONUS ROUND!!! (just incase and also cause its fun >:3)

Sugyn's route includes a lot of secret hideaway meetups and exchanging note / letters silently. She'll leave letters and gifts on your desk in the dead of night and you'll find them in morning, wondering how she even got in. (*not personal desk inside your house, think more like your office in a room of the pact's current base of operations.) He'll also drag you away in the afternoons or middle of the night for a quiet walk to chat about life lately. Or even just whatever you both have on your mind. She enjoys reliable trustworthy company. She'll do subtlety affectionate things only you know how to spot, or know the meaning of. That specific little smile when she spots you, that specific little adjustment of her hair / clothing when she spots you looking her way, etc.

She enjoys reliable, trustworthy, honorable company. To her, the order of whispers IS honorable, as they do what must be done to ensure the safety of the orders and others lives no matter the cost or outward appearance of the order. If you're in The Pact and get sent out on a dangerous mission, she's going to trail your squad in secret and eliminate any unaccounted threats. He can't help it, he needs to make sure you're safe. She's the quiet sort and will happily listen to you talk her ear off about anything for hours. She's independent as well, and won't want to spend every moment with you.

BAD ENDING - You didn't trust her. You didn't let her in, you let her outward looks convince you she's bad news. You didn't let her wander or disappear once in awhile. Ultimately, you didn't trust her. She felt hurt and a little betrayed, and ghosted. Completely ignoring your existence.

GOOD ENDING - You DID trust her, you let her see your most vulnerable self and she gave you the same sight in return. You talked about your fears and concerns, you loved eachother but respected her needs and in turn, she gives back whatever she can. You didn't let his looks convince you he wasn't really in love with you- "he just needed to use you for something." You now have a cat-coded knife wife who will do anything to keep you safe <3 She'll comfort you through the darkest of times and love you fully and dedicatedly, even through her quiet times where she needs to disappear for awhile. She'll leave you notes telling you where she'll be or how long she'll be gone now. So you aren't ever truly lonely.

#thewordboxresponse #TYVM FOR THE SECOND ASK FOX!! <3 #oc: sulyen (he/him) #oc: sugyn (he/her) #ocposting

[reivun]

reputation meta supplied by momo @fairybond

it got long so q&a under the cut!

what is your muses reputation? → ivan's reputation, i'd say, is very much: unhinged black sheep of makarov dreyar's ilk. untrustworthy, money hungry even. definitely a negative reputation. 

how did it develop? → this reputation developed only after he was excommunicated from fairy tail in late X769, under reasons that have not made it public. the mysteriousness of the excommunication leaves a lot of open for the imagination and the obvious tension between father & son is not ignored. neither is the fact that laxus, ivan’s son, is with makarov. lots of unknown going on. makarov being a wizard saint definitely plays into this as he has the social advantage there. do i think some rumors were spread or allowed to happen because of makarov? yes. 

is it accurate/fair? → accuracy is a no. ivan is not money hungry (in fact, i briefly hinted before that the way ivan looks visually coupled with the money things feels weirdly anti semitic, once it was pointed out to me i couldn’t unsee it. especially since he looks so visually different from his canon family of makarov, laxus and yuri). in fact, from his time in fairy tail, publishing research and getting residuals from that and investments he’s made he’s comfortably floating along. ivan is also not as unhinged as he seems. can be be unhinged? yes, but not in the way that he is painted as. is it fair? not really. i feel like if people knew more about what happened, they wouldn’t look at ivan as untrustworthy; he did his best in a situation he was almost set up to fail. the mystery around it all does not benefit him but it does save him from legal repercussions for an unofficial surgical operation. that was okay’d by his guild master. 

how do they feel about it? → ivan fully blames makarov for it and it annoys him. but he takes it in stride as much as he can. in fact, he uses it to his advantage when he’s dealing with people close to makarov or otherwise makarov aligned by playing into it at times. it depends on his mood. i would say normal everyday people are pleasantly surprised. he tips well. he’s courteous, if quiet. he’s pragmatic. words are wind, ivan believes and he hopes his more recent public actions speak louder. in fact, they have. the gmg …. he was being toxic and unhinged! he has paid fines for it! 

what are some rumours about your muse? what would the average person know or assume about your muse? → that he put the lacrima into laxus only to make him strong. this one is one that ivan hinted at to gajeel, but it seems to have been news to laxus lmao. ivan did it to save his son. another thing the average person would think is that he did something so unforgivable, his father disowned him. that’s true! but obviously ivan wasnt a threat to society because no one tired to arrest him. 

what are things most people Dont/Wouldn’t know about your muse? (we all hate when someone has their muse know something about ours that they shouldn’t know) → what really got him excommunicated. how he actually feels about laxus (if im interacting a laxus, we can plot that out but don’t presume). 

How does your muses reputation affect them? → it made it difficult to begin again in the beginning because he was this social pariah, so starting again was slow. he hasn’t been able to really go to magnolia because Things™. up until tenrou, ivan had not seen his wife’s grave and now he has to wonder if that’s still going to be a problem with makarov back. however! like i said, he has leaned into it at times especially when he’s being a dick (like to gajeel). if someone is going to assume the worst things about him then they will get that version of ivan. overall: he's done enough clean up with what raven tail has been up to that once you leave a certain bubble he's approachable.

#🕊: if you think you can save me — i’d dare you to try / hc #🕊: thirty years of disagreements at your desk / canon div #dont really have a meta tag so canon div it is! #but yes!!! thank you momo for these questions and i linked her og post too so if you want you can grab them! #it was fun to do :D

[quintiliusheartripper]

pls show and tell me more about Octavos??? (@commanderhorncleaver)

Im going to be completely honest with you i do not know wben this was sent to me so i hope it wasnt long ago 😭 tumblr mobile on my new iphone (i used to be a android user lol but my dad gave me his old phone since my own broke) is weird

Anyway!!! Octavos!!!

A massive charr at 13ft, his whole bloodline is known for being monsterous sized gaurdians even from ancient times. He is one of my three grothmar born and raised charr (the other two being Vytt, quint’s father and Kytt who is uriahs father) who was given to an ash legion fahrar outside of the main city. It wasnt easy growing up, both because of his size in a place like the ashlegion but because his fahrar wasnt exactly the best. Like rylands there was a lot of abuse just to break the cubs down to be obedient and to harden them for the world.

Regardless hes always been quite a soft but extremely smart charr under his now threatening exterior. His mission for the ash legion after his graduation would be to infiltrate blood legion and root out or track any flame legion comings and goings within their ranks. Even better if he could get juicy tidbits on blood legion too. The best part is it was honestly easy because he just had to go in the ooze pits.

What he didn’t expect was the current imperators son to choose him. Thats right bangar chose him. It was definitely a double edged sword that octavos would have to dance around. Bangar in his youth likely wouldnt be any different from any other charr due to the fact theres still wars to be had against the humans and the flame legion. So i compensate in my writing by making him a little fucking nepotism asshole who would point out his fathers position anytime he wants something. Eventually bangar would realize that this massive charr wasnt as dumb as he pretended to be and they would eventually get into a very close, very casual, relationship. Afterall bangars one and true love is almorra but lets face it bangars the type to fuck others but be a pissy abusive baby when his girlfriend fucks someone else.

Anyway fast forward about ten years after, octavos has quite the dossier and has realized cracks and holes in grothmars defences. Octavos blends perfectly into blood legion, even getting the nickname The Devourer due to his appetite and eatting habits. But things start to get hot, literally, as some important players turn to the flame legion in secret. Plans are whispered among spies and defectors of a bombings and a invasion- the enemies exploiting areas octavos would have noted as weak points. He had a choice to either keep quiet and let it happen or come up with a plan to prevent it and come clean to the imperator about what he was and he did just that.

With the alarms sounded he gave the instructions on how they could prevent it, who to jail with hard evidence to back it up, and he helped lead something that would have had grothmar fall to the burgeoning flame legion.

Regardless bangar is extremely upset about the fact someone he was so weak with and shared so much to was a spy. In my head this plus almorra dumping him for a much nicer ash legion soldier is why he hates ash legion with a passion LMAO

I had done a tiny comic thing for charrtober. Id like to one day expand it more

But this leads to hims become a tribune for ash and head of defence for grothmar, appointed and suggested by the blood imperator. Bangar would soon rip his fathers throat out and become blood legion imperator and the two will instantly start butting heads. Octavos was progressive- he wanted reforms for fahrars both to make it so they were less abusive but so that the intergration of all the legions meant better teamwork. He would also advocate for the treaty and ceasefire as he put forth economic prosperity especially with trade relations and switching people to more important more dire circumstances like branded.

Octavos would eventually find himself in a odd predicament. He was the type who, when travelling the countryside, would help captured humans be able to escape especially if it looked like they werent soldiers. Usually he would buy them and free them. Sometimes he would even kill the charr if they were violent enough. Which he did upon meeting his future mate Silva. The human had known nothing but slavery under the charr (this is years 30-20 years before ceasefire) and upon seeing their violence octavos killed them, took the human with him, and told him to escape to the shiverpeaks. But silva was too scared to try and so octavos struck a deal that he could live in his house (something along the hillsides where the farmwrs are in grothmar) but would be called his slave untill he felt brave enough to go ahead and run. Silva would stay and while octavos would insist he didnt need to do anything silva would help feed octavoses pets and water his rooftop garden. (One pet is a tiny devourer he named Miss Pepper and a skritt named Biknip who was kicked out by the other skritt and just loves how big octavos is. So pet isnt the right word but everyone who sees him says hes octavoses pet) while octavos kept himself from acting inappropriate to someone he was aiming to help and save it was silva who fell for him and they would start a secret relationship in a age a human charr relationship was extremely taboo especially in grothmar. Dont be fooled by the fact he has a mate though. He has quite a few cubs who are adults by now and is still very sexually open to anyone who has the guts to ask him.

As years go by bangar appoints crecia and slowly but surely he loses his positions of power in grothmar. He and crecia are positive towards one another though, octavos sometimes giving tipsand even argued to bangar about the conditions for flame legions integration. He didnt agree to forcing the cubs to assimilate to blood legion as that will cause future animosity that they do not need. Like crecia they will always remember who theg were. He would again bang on about better fahrar structures and wpuld take the commanders and almorras side about aurene. He didnt want war anymore and instead wanted to see the charr become protectors, a spy network, and craftsman for the benefit for the rest of tyria. He would soon continue to butt heads with bangar even more as he railed on him about his failure to deal with the renegades that were hurting charr and foreigners. He would speak out against the antiforeigner sentiment since it rose to not just be about humans anymore. (He could understand that animosity. Like bangar he has seen what the humans can be capable and im still one to believe that while anet plays the humans in a good light due to gw1 i highly doubt the warcrimes just stopped at skinning a charr and wearing their pelts as armor . Or atleast i like to assume it was a lot more even in terms of the horror the two nations did to one another)

Renegades would plant a listening bug into a toy that octavos bought to give to biknip and soon bangar knew of octavoses illicit relationship that disgusted him. He gave octavos a ultimatum before the planning for the legion gathering truely came into motion. Retire early or have your mice killed. He retired, reluctantly. A part of him wishes he had stood up against him more. Maybe if he screamed more it wouldnt have came to civil war. His mate would soon live life as almost a werecharr, using magic. To go between human and charr. They liked the courage they felt as a charr but knew he was safe in octavoses arms even as a human. They would have a baby girl late in their life.

#gw2 #guild wars 2 #gw2 art #guild wars 2 fanart #guild wars 2 art #charr #raes art #furry #guild wars 2 fan submission #octavos #asks

[spaceradars]

tagged by the bestie @langdonsluxiouslocks 💗

Last Live Concert?

green day two weeks ago and it was SO COOL!! one of the best experiences of my life for sure!!

Next Live Concert?

guns n roses in a few days!!

Never got to see but wanted to see?

pearl jam 🙃🙃 they came to lollapalooza in 2018 and there was such a horrible weather that no one could play that day which sucked. im still waiting for them to come back soon 🥺🥺 also muse came here in 2015 and i wanted to go so bad but i couldn’t and it was just 😭😭 i luckily got to see them in the future!

Wish you never saw but you did?

i used to go to lollapalooza (whenever i could afford it) with friends and when we were younger we’d usually stick together and take turns to see whatever each one of us wanted to… which lead me to see lots of djs playing music i definitely don’t like

A show were you cried?

green day. they started the show with bohemian rhapsody like, playing the song on the speakers while the whole stadium was waiting for the band to come to stage and it was all dark and everybody was singing. i got flooded with emotion like. when i was twelve i was often sad about never getting to see band such as queen live, and even if this isn’t the same thing it was just a realization about how universal music can be and how there are bands/songs that transcend like. everyone in that stadium knew bohemian rhapsody (pretty much everyone in the world does) so it was just a warm, beautiful feeling 🫶 i also cried after watching foo fighters (for the first time ever) this year. i had waited ever since I was a kid to see them play live and it was so cool🥺

A show where you made a new friend?

i actually made a friend via twitter before going to a peter doherty gig years ago! we were both going alone and just decided to go together. it was so worth it because now she’s one of my besties❤️

A show you went to with old friends?

lollapalooza, the first one i ever went to, 2016. i went with a friend and this girl from high school that was my friend (i think?) back then. we didn’t see anyone live together but we went together and had lunch there together (so it counts lmao).

A show were something unusual happened to the band?

idk if its unusual but watching the killers some years ago there was this guy who said he could play the guitar (or drums?? i think it was the guitar tho) so the band was like “sure come play!” and the thing is he couldn’t actually play !!!!!????? he was just there ??????!!!!!!! so we (the audience) were just complaining and booing and eventually they kinda kicked him out lmao. idk how unusual it is but the crowd here gets REALLY excited when it comes to live music so we have our little songs and start singing them the second the band goes quiet and it’s funny to see the band just. stare at us. sometimes they just know what this is, some others they’d try to follow, some others they just laugh (affectionate). this year watching metallica a guy gave james hetfield “mate” which is a local kind of… drink/thing🧉 (google it) and it was very fun to witness

A show were something unusual happened to you?

i once almost lost a shoe in the middle of the jumping and screaming crowd ahaksdjdkdj idk how unusual it is tho

you all are invited to do this so!! 🫶🫶

#mutuals <3 #sofi answers

[woozi]

helluu yza <333 🫂🫂🥰🥰🥰

i've been doing good overall <33 it comes and goes hddjkd last year ended up leaving a sour taste in the mouth, it's been quiet since 2024 started, not liking it but can't do much to change it either, can you tell i have a hard time letting things go lmao?it'll eventually get sorted out (i hope)

ANYWAY, i decided to join letterboxd community, i am a complete movie person now (if you wanna be moots there lmk), the recent one i watched was "call me chihiro", do watch it when you can, i liked it, AND AND AND there's this indian movie called "three of us" (2022) i'm still recovering from it, people who think 2521 was traumatic wouldn't be able to handle this movie at all, it's about this woman going back to her home town with her husband for a visit after something happens to her, to recollect herself and she meets her childhood friend there 😭😭😭 IT'S LIKE PAST LIVES MOVIE BUT ALSO KINDA DIFFERENT. i love both of them equally. please do watch it if you can't find link i'll send it you <333 there's too many gems i've been finding out about after making an account on letterboxd. ( also i finally watched kiki's delivery service, i had been meaning to but kept delaying it, it's soo good, the kid with specs annoyed me lmao but i got over it quickly (in the sense that i didn't care much about him or his plot hdjskss)

we can always pick up our movie hangouts, feel free to lmk on disc or even if you want ro reach out to say something 🥰 it'll reach me faster compared to here im not much of a tumblr girl anymore it seems

what's new with you? how are you doing?

i hope you're well

i find myself humming to wait so much these days, it's funny because when it was released i listened to it and then never looked back 😭 ( fake carat booo fake ot13 booo 🍅🍅🍅🍅) now it stays rent free in my mind as i go about my day, the dance break towards the ending is so so good, i've been also enjoying yugyeom's album esp summer blues it's so my kind and OMG YES I WANTED TO ASK WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON BIBI'S BAM YANG GANG? 🎤 (atp i feel like i should call myself bibi stan)

thank you for even replying back even though you don't really have to hddjsk i missed you too 🫂 you're so kind to me always <333 sending you more peaceful and good weather days, i hope you are also finding space and time for pausing in between the chaos around you 🥺💌

MA CHERIE 🥺🥰😻😘😚😍♥💜🧡❣💝💞💟💌❤💛💚💙🖤💓💖💗

i'm so sorry to hear that :(( and if it's any consolation, it really is as they say!! all things really will come to pass, it's just a matter of time <3 hope u know i'm always here to lend an ear as well i lov u 🥺

ALSO LOVE LETTERBOXD REALLY IS A FILM GIRLIE EXPERIENCE FDJKJFDJKFD i unfortunately dont have it (shame on me as a prev film major LMFAO) but i'd love to be moots i'll create an acc for u <3 ALSO LOVEEEEEEEE THESE RECCS I'M TAKING NOTES!!! also still dk why 2521 was So Sad for people, i really loved it and just thought it was realistic 😭 AND KIKI'S!!!!!!!!!!!! that was also super fun for me and i loved jiji's little love story line SOOO MUCH

also felt abt that </3 I WAS ALSO JUST GONNA TELL U ABT DISC GJKFDKJFDKJ we really r soulmates atp <33 think i've also been away from tumblr since jan of 2023 now 😭 i honestly just come back during times when my love for the sebongs is Monumental and bc there r svt nets who still dont have admins 😭

the past year has also been super rough for me so i really get u when u said u hope things will sort themselves out soon FDJJKFD but i'm sure it will on both our ends!! that's just how life is sometimes. thank u for checking up on me <333

ALSO SO REAL ABT JUST CHECKING OUT RELEASES AND DIPPING DKJSJKDSS I LOV U SM!! AND I REALLY LOVED ITTTTTTTTTTTTT, think it showed a v different side to her <33 ((although the lyrics are Very Much still bibi, it's just the melody and presentation that gave her a new spice)

AND WHY WOULD U EVEN THANK ME 😤😤😤😤 i should be thanking YOU for the gift of friend chip <33 hope the days r also kinder to u, i'd fight ur demons if i could 😡 LOV UUUUUUU LET'S HANG OUT AND WATCH MOVIES AGAIN TGT SOON <#3333333333333 MWAH

#cherie 🪂 #s-cxups #y.ask #long post

[tangerinesteve]

AHHH! i’ve disappeared again all day today by accident and bad memory but YES HI IM HERE!!!! i’m meowing like an excited kitty at you :3 and yes, everything is okay! hope all is well with you too

GOD. you’re so right. i think people just like being assholes for no reason, and even more so when they can hide their identity. the balls on those people still…. doesn’t make sense to me in the slightest. why be mean when you can be kind!!!! love is literally right there. and if not love, silence is a close second ahahaha

a brush sounds so tedious to me. after talking about this so much, nail painting in general is so tedious to me. i get all shaky when i do mine, something about the concentration makes my hands shake? don’t know what that means but it sure happens

you know, i’m with you on that. i check mine so much and i even have notifications on for blogs i love (yours is included in this of course). it’s probably not a good thing for my screen time but hell i’m gonna be here anyways so why miss something when i don’t know to? that might be a bad mentality but i’m rolling with it lmao

i like the new mobile theme btw! looks nice :] i haven’t had the chance to check your web theme but i’ll try to remember to look next time i’m on my laptop!

-🦇

No worries at all!!! I had a busy day so i wasnt here much! Haha!

And yesss like be nice or be quiet. Its that simple my good dudes!!!

I love painting mine! But i do it while i watch tv shows or movies so i have other things so focus on. But i also do it so much that I'm just used too it. And i think i really enjoy the way the paint feels going on my nails. So it's like a nice oooohhh good feelings time, kinda thing for me! Hahahaha!

And ahh thank youuuu!!!!! Gosh i dont even remember what my desktop theme looks like. My computer is old so i rarely get on there these days. Its been... probably a few years..... maybe less. I did make icons awhile back in PowerPoint i think so maybe not quite that long. I know i have my writing blog on there in a theme with a dyslexia friendly font. And maybe my main as well. Idk. I might have to get on there tomorrow and check it out now. Make sure tumblr hasn't fucked with my themes are anything with all their code editing. 👀👀🤣🤣🤣

#🦇 anon #asks

[midnightmisadventures]

Trial dream pt 2

So anyway. Somehow.....one of the days, all of a sudden hyfr is apart of our side and in the trial helping defend. The conference room is also connected to my highschool now and....we’re in highschool?? idk but its present day

But whatever. So a day goes by where i’m in the room with hyfr and i sit next to him because you know, we know each other. I feel a sense of warmness and comfort next to him, and even though the rest of the room also had my family. It was nice to be next to him. Especially because the young people werent talking as much as the adults...like the attorneys and the judges and the evil white people. We only spoke up if we had relevant information that maybe old people wouldnt know or would overlook. Like facts about global warming and how it effects our generation and not theirs. 

It was also very nerve wracking cause the whole thing was being taped with some parts airing on the news and the other side was so snippy, rude, and hostile. Like they were waiting for you to trip up so they could twist your words and use it against you. 

So i found peace next to hyfr. We don’t really have to speak about the love we have for eachother. 

So the first day he was there, it was sweet. We were gentle and soft. Mostly quiet but he comforted me when i got really angry. Its kind of an intense thing to go through together. We were whispering and sitting close. The conference room basically had some single chairs but mostly a couch that went around the perimeter of the room. So it was easy to canoodle and sit close “accidentally”

The more the trial goes on the angrier and more enraged i got at the people and wanted to research and wanted to win and take them down. Like my blood was boiling thats how angry i was at them. And both sides were like that and there was so much tension. Like it was so petty and sassy in there everyone was vicious. So i was very preoccupied with wanting to win, to beat these people, and prove them wrong. But now with hyfr here i was getting a lil distracted because........well you know what happens when ash and alesia get together ;)

So one day i come in early. Hyfrs there and some of the other side. And one them starts to grill me to ger stuff on me and they say “you’re divorced?” And i was like.....”yes” 

hahahah cause in the dream i was?? Hyfr and i were DIVORCED. You’ll just have to follow it wasnt a big deal it was common knowledge. But ofc im like ughhhh this is such a random personal question, how are they gonna use this against me? Also things were going soft with hyfr and i didnt want them to judge our relationship since we’re exes. 

Anyway, I say yes. And they ask “why what happened?” and immediately im like “i don’t want to discuss the details of my divorce thats extremely personal” 

And hyfr goes “well thats news to me” and i like playfully push it like “stop joking around” and half laugh. But he’s like “im dead serious, i didnt know you finalized a divorce” 

And suddenly my heart was shaking and beating and confused and wanted to talk this through with him right now. How could he have not known we’re divorced. So im like whispering in close to him cause i dont want the other side to know any of this, but im like hyfr what? And he’s like “i guess i have to tell my mom shes gonna be so upset” And im like flabbergasted like “i dont understand, you just thought we were not together.....seeing other people, but still married on paper” and he’s telling me “i wanted to work things out” and this is sooooooo not the time for this very emotional conversation but i do love him? So him insinuating that he’s not the reason we’re not together was very intriguing to me. Like in that moment i did want to be with him. So flashing through my head was how to reverse a divorce lmfaoooo

Anyways im questioning him, like that doesnt make sense. And he says “im not the one who ended things, i still wanted this” and he truly is gaslighting me lmao. Like yes us being married is dream lore, but in my head all i was privy to was hyfr and i’s ACTUAL real life relationship. Which involved him prioritizing many women over me consistently lmao.

So im like “what do you even mean, you’ve been out of it, you were seeing other people in front of me all of the time, why would i not interpret that as us being over, of course i got a divorce!?” and he’s like name one thing, or evidence of him “not being in it” and in my head i wanted to be like “Carolina” and just drop the mic. But no, i literally just said “you’ve been on and off dating aoa, you havent even been available WHAT are you talking about” and finally he agreed with me but was basically like, well i want to be with you and i always have. 

And he turned to the moderators/other side who was listening and tried to make a joke and say “as long as i get to keep the baby” which....idk but then i was like hyfr did you not know i got an abortion?? Yep apparently that happened too. 

So now my mind is flooding with.....so many things. Like holy shit he wants to be with me and we were married and i was pregnant imagine if we had communicated better, where would we be now. I feel awful for not telling him i got an abortion. I still love him, this is crazy, what does this mean for us now??

go to pt 3

[thegraveyardjohnsongrey]

Just another Wednesday

Cadens tiny fingers, him being so quick at walking! Well -  stomping around quickly and with his right arm high up for balance 

He is so cute (and hefty!!!!!!!)

“What if I could live without fear?”

FT w Calvin - Calvin called me today. And so (me being me and wanting to answer friends’ calls whenever possible)- we talked about for about an hour and a half (our usual for us on a good day and when when our schedules allow). He was venting to me about how things are pretty tough with his ma right now and how she’s always on him about his weight and dental school apps. I couldnt help but feel wawa for him and everything he was saying about his mom. I The pressure of everything and trying to find your own balance when hone isn’t helping

It def gave me perspective for me and my own fam (and how pretty good I have it - and that i want to show my mom & das appreciation of what they do fit me 

Although I can relate to Calvin for sure- in terms of wanting to assert my boundaries and feel that they respect them th

Pool w josh!!!

I still think it’s crazy how cam is out and able to have these convos. lol. Like that’s wild!!

This time around IF YOU MUST KNOW, professionally I am now officially working on my Law School applications and- as of late last night- am signed up to do my NALA Skills Exam (Take 2!). Im not gonna lie, it was a weird feeling returning to it all and opening my NALA account and re-visiting my rubric from July. It was like opening something up from ages ago, and I couldnt help but feel really bittersweet- bc I knew how much this hurt me when it happened. On that same note, however, Im happy that a large part of me has healed and that enough time has passed where I can re-approach with this with a different energy and drive. I so have more hope this time around. Not in me necessarily passing or getting what I want - but in coping with what will be. I think one of the coolest things that ive realized like in the past 2 weeks is that: when it comes to the NALA exam, when it comes to LSAT, etc. —— im realizing how big of a role fear and pressure has played in my journey of those two things.

Note to self: Free yourself of every expectation on you and just live for what you can do. 

This time around, I’m not succumbing to fears of not doing well. Cuz I already did that

LMFAO

and ya know what I learned?

That i survived. 

I survived the “worst” possible scenarios and yet. 

I’m still here. Im still here. Im still that Btch. And still sick as ever.

And so yeah. 

Imma go into this, this time better - and having been someone who has endured the “worst”. And still arriving on the other side of it in tact and with the same amount of family and friends and love and support that I did before. I’m not letting my fear hold me back from where I’m meant to go. And whether that is to fail again or to actually pass, I know it will be where I’m meant to be. And that’s just what it is. Shoutout to us, and for learning the importance of failing and falling. No quality person comes from a place of zero failure. Also… is it weird that I’ve been feeling like this ..inactive artist or washed out actor from a show that ended 3 years ago? Lmao Like I feel like someone who has been away from their craft for so long 

ND ITS BC I HAVENT FOUND MY NEW GROOVE!!!! (Lol not me liking myself to the most Leo person alive in Disney - Emperor Kuzco). Well anyway, like Normani, Im happy to have had an explosive debut in 2018, a fun run in 2019, and a quiet 2020. Im not sure if 2021 will be the year where “everything happens” for me, but im excited to see where my planning and hard work goes into 2022. For me, that’s law school and for Normani, quirl, well. That’s a dam album lmao . To slow, progressive, and intentional growth!!!!!! Normani gurl, we both gonna make it!!!!!!!!!!! 3.31.21