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#im so glad i got to finish this today
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ugh, don't you just hate it when you're on a date with your partner and your boss won't stop calling to chat? 🙄
click for quality!
Curtwen for @starkidobsessedgiantgremlin, featuring a grumpy Agent Mega who doesn't like having to share attention.
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caramelmochacrow · 6 months
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happy birthday to arisa and happy (belated) birthday to yukina!! (im sorry yukina...)
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carcarrot · 7 months
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well everyone now that sparkstember is over i can now devote my energy to being insane in other still sparks-related ways
#planning my next projects#on the one hand glad to not have to get a whole video done in the span of like 2 hours every day#on the other hand it was a fun creative challenge that gave me a sense of purpose. it was fun#but i need to keep myself busy as we descend into winter and ✨seasonal depression✨#if i dont get it done today over the next couple days im going to make something silly for goofball's upcoming birthday#and then once that's done i dont know. i want to get back to work on my screenplay and try to FINISH IT!! but idk how long that'll take#i also have to finally finish watching that film course i bought oops. maybe ill start it over#and then?????????#i have a vague Idea of a possible short film i could make. that would also be like a kind of prequel to my Main Film Idea#and its something i could actually reasonably do as a short film and its not like insanely big budget like every other idea i have is#and I'm debating abt emailing my old film teacher and being like heyyyyy maybe you could help me make this short film????#but id want to have this idea way more planned out and written before then. but OUGH WRITING ANOTHER SCREENPLAY???#WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED MY FIRST ONE??? sigh.#the road to making my Big Great Movie is long and arduous. will we get there. who knows#oh also debating abt writing a letter to those silly guys. but i don't knowwwww#OH lmao i keep forgetting to mention i finally got my passport (it actually came earlier than expected)#so like. goodbye everyone im heading to the sydney opera house on halloween (JOKE i am not that insane. but i wish i could)
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faking-god · 1 year
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pain treshold (trivial failure) - fuck
electrochemistry (trivial succees) - fuck!
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chronal-anomaly · 8 months
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I want to write so bad!!!
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neonacidtrip · 9 months
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Does anyone else occasionally see a news update from someone and just turn into a feral animal over it? Asking for a friend
#its me im the friend#and by someone i usually mean an ex lol#i decided to check if they are still alive (they are!)#and its the pettiest thing. like the most petty thing ever#i get angry when an ex watches a new show before i do. hence another reason not check on them#this happened years ago with high school of the dead of all things#i ended up not watching high school of the dead until like a year ago because i was angry they beat me to it like 6 years ago#and yeah i finally watched it and it was so very terrible. kinda glad they got that one#back when i still spoke with them regularly (we still talk but its rare now) like 6 years ago#they mentioned that they were going to watch deadman wonderland so i stayed up long hours for like a day or two#and just binged the hell out of deadman wonderland so they would not beat me to it lol#deadman wonderland was also subpar. my ex does not have great taste in anime#but today i found out they watched two shows (one of which i finished a few months ago and one i havent started yet)#and unlike before these are actually good anime not subpar 6-year-old mainstream anime lol#no offense to people who like high school of the dead or deadman wonderland. they just werent for me#i actually found deadman wonderland somewhat fascinating but the anime fell flat. i plan to read the manga one day#i should also clarify that by feral animal i just mean im grumpy. im not going to say or do anything about it#i'll probably either watch the anime out of spite very soon or refuse to watch it for several years. we shall see#also in other news my ex unblocked me? yeah it the ex that blocked me randomly a few months ago and then undid it right after#it was all very strange. like i said we still talk. we havent fought. i never start conversations they always initiate them#except in special circumstances. i did reach out recently for work related reason because i had a problem that aligned with their job#i did not mention anything about the blocking and neither did they lol. i guess we are pretending it didnt happen#so i have had 3? exes block me only to unblock me a few weeks to months later? why is this a trend#why am i still awake at three am you ask? ANGER#thats half a joke. i am already over the anger with my ex beating me to the shows but i am angry for unrelated reasons#reasons that have to do with another person once again breaking our appointment after they promised we would talk today#they were a complete no show. im rather annoyed by it. but alas~ that is life#im tempted to delete this post because its really just venting but i find the wording of the post itself to be kinda funny so it can live#neo rambles#neo complains in the tags
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todayisafridaynight · 9 months
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i hope this ask finds you chilling! it's too bad i missed the stream this week, but i figure i should give you my review of pure or else i'll never remember! that being said sorry in advance if this is annoying at all T.T
anyway overall i really liked it! that's my boring answer haha
my more in-depth answer is sets 100, the set design did not have to do all that but i love that they did. i have to say from the jump the dog made me so nervous but i really did think the dog thing would serve as a catalyst instead of the sawatari thing but they got me, double whammy.
i understand the ryo beef and i'm with you on it he really entered yuka into the competition, did all that, and then got mad about the consequences of his own actions...
i also can get why ppl would say it doesn't have a lot of rewatch value because it was fairly low-stakes and not too bombastic, but i also think there could be a lot to take in from future watch throughs anyway so...
it was really charming to me that sawatari was awkward in his own way, like, he was competent socially no doubt and pretty good at expressing himself but in a way that came off (to me at least) like a d&d kind of low charisma if that makes sense haha just like blunt and to the point but not unkind.
idk where i'm going with this, i just wanted to make sure i made good on my promise to report back 🫡.
THE PURE REVIEW OMG yay im glad you enjoyed it !!!
AND YAYA i LOVE sawatari. Like yeah he’s an asshole but because of The Conflict regarding yuka and how people shelter her too much, i enjoy his character a lot for being. A Cunt LMAO i can always appreciate honesty.. even if it wouldnt hurt to be a bit softer with it sometimes ☠️
The dog had me stressed cause i just know by now 90% of the time a dog’s involved it’s kicking the bucket at some point (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)
And yeah. Im a ryo hater 5ever like bros mad about a competition he was the only one participating in 😭 also thats your cousin who trusts and loves you you freak go away 😭😭
I agree with the general consensus that pure’s rewatchability is low, but ngl i love yuka and sawatari enough to rewatch some episodes sometimes ( ´ ▽ ` )
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#uuuuugh... i spend all day writing a stupid report that i dont Even kno if im wrting right#idk if im alloud to use figures idk what the deadline is. just: hey can u write abt this data? fucking sure i guess#and im not even done yet. but tonight i have to finish deconstructing and rebuilding my statement of purpose and working on my application#which is also gonna suck. but my mum says im a good writing. and then 2 sec later she was like well ur a good bullshitter. and im like lmao#thanks i guess. i think she means im good at justifying things#but its gonna b a long night. i dont actually have to finish these things tonight. its literally just my brain like: do it now or else >:-(#my boss: hope youve recharched after the sampling! me: fucking ???? was i supposed to? i just fell face first into writing instead#and i got invited to carve pumpkins tomorrow. i wasnt gonna bc ive got 3 phd interviews to prep for next week and i gotta read like a#million papers. but then today one of the other ppl texted me like: hey r u going? it would b cool if u did! i can drive u#and im like 😭 i have a friend?! so i told myself if i finish my application bullshit i can go. but again its gonna b a long night#i dont have a pumpkin tho. and i dont wanna get one. or deal with a rotting pumpking later#maybe ill just b a freak and bring a lump of clay. sculpt something as they carve. that would b a weird fucking move but like i also dont#really care. id rather play with clay than carve a pumpkin tbh#ugh. will i ever find the time to draw? maybe not. maybe ill just lay here and cry bleh#im glad that my friend reached out to me tho. that was super sweet. ive literally only hung out with her once sampling but we immediately#overshared bc it was one of those like connecting to another person probably on the spectrum things. all the interesting ppl i talk to prob#have adhd lmao. they have like exacly the opposite problems i do so i think their brians r so interesting. i mean my probs r the same but#diff. idk how to describe it. im too rigid and compulsive but also big executive function probs. im stuck somewhere between ocd and autism#lmao. or ocpd. probably definitely ocpd. hhhhhhhhh gotta love it#im just a compulsive lil goldfish swimming around and around in circles#brain wont even let me go home for Thanksgiving. annoying#and infantilizing bc i cant drive or do normal things for myself. sigh...#unrelated
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corknaut · 2 years
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stumbling out of the sat exam hall covered in blood like i think that went well
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dilfian · 2 years
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they told us 10 but we got 17 😭
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jjoshlynaround · 3 months
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making a part two to the gay moment comic i made. making it clear my favorite wolfwood is 98 wolfwood
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nomaishuttle · 8 months
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i did spend $78.62 today Its true .
#the diner i went to was wayyy more expensive than i was expecting ill avoid doing that next time.. i just saw they had philly cheesesteak#and i blacked out bc i was so excited#so next saturday ill prolly just eat at home :] or order delivery ir something of that nature. just something small...#the cafe was wayy cheaper than i was exoecting tho it was only 13.96 for a london fog breakfast sandwich And brownie... which is so cool#compared to the diner where i judt got s philly cheesesteak combo (w/ peach smoothie 🤤 (the smoothie wasnt actually that great but it also#wasnt bad)#and it was . 24.55.......#it was a very filling meal tho like im still full i almost couldnt finish my fries. so not super complaining#just in the future i might try 2 eat a little lighter..and also eat somefing less greasy bc i am feeling a bit sickly from the grease#BUT ! thats ok. thats all i have 2 go 2 bed now or ill lose a bedtime point#im sososososo glad that the sheet system is working tho like genuinely i think ive been doing a lot better :] altho maybe im only#thinking that bc today was nice LOL. whichever it is im happy abt it !! ik its only myyy abt to be 4th week doing it. buttt im still happy#ive tried 2 do stuff like this b4 and it just hasnt worked....#tbh the sheet is working so well bc i can just auto calculate math ... so im kind of getting the feeling that transferring it 2 an actual#real life sheet With the cutesy metallic stars wont be helpful. but i want them the cutesy metallic stars...#i could just use the sheet in conjuction. and the irl sheet could just be a fun reminder visualization thang... :]#im genuinely like hopeful. i didnt meet anybody or rly talk 2 anybody today but thats ok . its so nice t just get out of the house..#im hoping once i start going 2 the library every week maybe other regulars will like talk to me yk...#esp once i ermmm get school finished. sincw obviously nobodys gonna talk 2 me while ive got my bigass headphones on doing schoolwork.#ugh sigh i have 2 confiscate my bedtime point its 2 late niw. oh well... gn noww
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gnomebud · 2 years
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a/cofaf spoilers in the tags im warning u now. nothing too bad just mildly venty thoughts and i don’t want it in the tag
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moonit3 · 3 months
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I really want to see a pt 2 of yandere harem
glad to hear that, anon! and this time, I bring some lore with it(?) since i got a little to excited for this one.
༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹ ▫ CONCUBINE HAREM▫◃ ۪۪۫۫ ༄ؘ
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➽ context warnings: female and male yandere, mentioned stalking, mentioned stealing underwear, forced affection, gn! reader, harem towards reader, reader gets blackmailed by one of the concubines.
➽ word count: 1.5 k
➽ synopsis: after a small talk with your father, your heart get more confused to choose one of the many people to marry.
➽ yandere! concubine harem x gn! reader
➽ a/n: it took a time to finish this one (got distracted by playing alien: isolation which i will never finished it btw), but today i bring this to my precious readers! im glad to have so many people knowing my works and i hope to keep all of you around to enjoy more of my writings.
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“my child,” here we go again. “i have hope that the palace would be filled with my grandchildren by now. but it’s seems that you’ve no progress with the concubines.”
you blink in disbelief. it’s true that you have failed to make any type of progress to give heirs to the throne, but father didn’t need to say it loud and clear to the servants around to hear.
“w-well, it’s my fault.” the tea inside your cup is nowhere to be finished, not when you can barely open your mouth without embarrassing yourself. “i find difficult to be close with the concubines. they are so touchy, so straightforward and some of them even scary me.”
father raised his eyebrows, curious about your words about the many people living inside the palace’s walls with you. “the most powerful person in the empire scared of some women and men that are just really into you, doesn’t it sound ridiculous?” he laughed, of course he would, this man always manages to find a way to laugh at your unusual behavior. in a good away though.
“listen to me, father!” your fist slammed onto the table, almost sending utensils and father’s empty glass to the ground. it surprised the former emperor and now he looked at you with serious concern. “they are acting strange recently…some of them steal my personal belongings, intimate clothings and every night i wake up with at least one of them next to me!”
the silence took over you and father. it’s embarrassing that your cheeks grown redder when you spoken those words to him, it’s horrible the look he has in his face and isn’t saying anything. luckily, the servants are no longer around to hear more of the conversation when you gain courage to speak again.
“i don’t like them touching me like that, so intimately and in a sexual manner! any of them asked if i am comfortable with that nor respect my boundaries.“ you replied, this time drinking the entire tea from the cup to refresh your throat. “…do you understand me, father? i know that you haven’t any problems when you were married to the a bunch of women and a man, but still. they are so overbearing.”
father stayed quiet. his piercing eye looking up and down at your figure, analyzing you like he always did when you were a small child. however, this time he look more goofy? a smile grown on his lips with a clap of his hands.
“why didn’t you told me earlier, my child?” his smile grown, making you wonder what has planned to do behind your back. “i might be known as the most cold hearted emperor back when i was leading the territory, but i still your father who will be at your side always.”
a sense of calmness took over your body, “that’s nice to hear, father.” you replied. “so, this mean you will help me with the situation, right?”
“no.” he laughed.
“no?! b-but you said you will by my side when i need!”
when he stopped laughing, father patted your head like he always did when you were a small kid and gave you a small red velvet box to your hands. it doesn’t take a genius to know what rest inside the box, that only makes your body return to a more embarrassed mode. looking into father’s eye again, he still has that smile on his lips, but now there is that sense of intimation in the air.
“i will be going on a small trip for the a year or two and once i return to visit you again, i hope there will be children in the family.” with his final words, he left you alone at the gazebo to think about what he said.
kids. the thoughts of having them always sounded a far reality to you when you weren’t the emperor. back when your older siblings were in the line to success the throne, they would’ve numerous children as expected, but with all of them buried seven feet underground, you are responsible to have heir to be the next generation for the empire…
the red velvet box inside your palm only forced the idea of children inside your mind. even with the obligation of having them, you won’t be a bad parent like mother was—no, you will be a good one or at least, try better than her.
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laying down at bed, you think about what father told earlier today. he wants to you to become closer to the concubines and give a hero to he throne before he comes back, a tough quest. nevertheless to say that will be difficult to do when you barely manage to stay calm around the many people flirting with you without shame.
the red velvet box remain on your hand, admiring the diamond ring inside it. the jewelry looks perfect, suitable for the one you will choose to be your spouse, the one who will be above the rest of the concubines…but who? there are so many of them to choose from and you know everyone will try to kill your hypothetical spouse after the announcement.
then sudden, a knock at your door makes you quickly hide the red velvet box under your pillow before asking who is there.
“my love!” you could hear a concubine calling for you at the entrance of your chamber. "may we come in? Please, we won't be a bother! we just want to spend some time in your company."
we? you lift your head to see not one, but at least six of them standing in front the door with most of them wearing pajamas and nightgowns like it’s already time to sleep. some of them are smiling brightly while others hide their face behind pillows. this can’t be real…
you stare at them in silence, questioning if you should dismiss them away, but you know if you don’t let them come inside, they will began to cry and make you feel bad about it.
“fine,” you replied. “you guys can come…but no fighting.“
with your permission, all of them made their way to your immense bed and find a comfortable spot to lay close to your body. feeling their eyes watching you and hearing the gossips between them don’t help you rest, only makes you feel a little awkward between them.
one of your hand is being held by some of the concubines, feeling their scarred finger teasing the palm of your hand with giggles escaping their lips. thankfully, they don’t bother to hold your other hand which is resting underneath your pillows, not knowing that you are hiding the ring away from their preying eyes.
closing your eyes, you wished to fall asleep instantly after a long day of working, but that don’t happen. not when one of the concubines snuggle themselves into your chest, resting their head at your pillow and giving you a sly smile.
“your majesty,” their voice is so lower than a whisper to avoid the others to hear what they will say at you. “i saw you talking with the former emperor earlier today.”
oh god. you already can see where this conversation is going.
their legs crossed into yours, preventing you from getting away from their touch and without much option, you have to let them being so close with you. “he gave you the same ring he used to propose to the previous empress. and i know he won’t never do that unless you are ready to choose one of if to marry.” their face got closer to your neck, ready to tease you.
“i hope you keep it a secret,” you replied. it’s clear that you are getting anxious because of them, you should’ve been more aware of your surroundings back then. “things will get wilder if the others find out and we don’t want that, right?”
“of course not.” their finger hold your chin, forcing you too look at their brown eyes. “but only if you have something to offer, your majesty. perhaps something more than a kiss. how about a night? just the two of us at my chamber.”
thankfully, the other concubines are already sleeping all over the bed, leaving you and the green haired to talk alone. regardless, this don’t change the fact that you don’t have much control for the situation.
“if that what you wish.” your eyes watch them grabbing the red velvet box from under your pillow, quickly putting it inside their clothing. “then, how about tomorrow night?”
they nodded, giving you a kiss at your cheek before smiling. “it’s a deal, your majesty.” they return to rest at your pillow, but not before giving you a final glance. “now, how about you get some rest? after all, tomorrow night will be a moment to celebrate between us.”
hearing them snoring gave you a moment to think alone, it’s fun to think the most powerful person of the empire just felt completely helpless at a moment like this.
father would be disappointed at you.
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megalony · 2 months
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You Didn't Know?
This is an Evan Buckley imagine, requested by Anon, I finished this one so quickly. Thank you for all the requests I am slowly working through them. Feedback is always lovely.
Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii  @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs
Evan Buckley Masterlist
Summary: Evan is secretly dating the Captain's daughter, but when (Y/n) has a miscarriage and the 118 turn up on the scene, everyone finds out.
-Descriptions of miscarriage.
Enjoy.
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"What's wrong, you've hardly eaten anything."
"Nothing's wrong, I'm just not hungry." (Y/n) shrugged and pushed her plate across the table to signal that she was finished.
Her eyes looked up and locked with her dad sitting across from her but she shrank down in her seat when she noticed his confused expression, mixed with worry burning in his eyes.
She never turned down his cooking. Bobby had never made a dish that (Y/n) didn't eat. Even when she wasn't feeling well, he made her some vegetable soup and she ate it all. But she hadn't touched the carbonara that he made this afternoon and the whole point of being here at the station was to spend time with the team and have lunch.
Bobby's schedule had been hectic recently so (Y/n) had come down to the station to see her dad and have lunch with him and the team. But after a few mouthfuls, she wasn't feeling well enough to eat and she couldn't tell him the reason why.
"You never turn down my cooking."
"Dad… I'm just not feeling great today, stop worrying." She pursed her lips and waited until he relented and nodded.
Boy, was (Y/n) glad Evan wasn't at the table to see her leave her food. He would know something was up and he wouldn't let it go.
When Bobby took the empty plates and headed over to the sink, (Y/n) leaned back in her chair and glanced her eyes down to her stomach. God, she would have to tell them both soon.
She had to tell Evan first. He had to be her first point of call. (Y/n) had to sit Evan down and tell him she was pregnant. It was planned out, she was going to get a pair of baby boots and place them in a box along with the pregnancy test she had taken. She knew what his reaction was going to be, Evan was going to light up the room and be thrilled that he was going to be a dad.
But then they would have to tackle her dad.
Bobby didn't know they were together yet. He didn't know (Y/n) had moved in with Evan either. It was hard to tell him when (Y/n) felt like she was doing something wrong. Bobby thought of Evan as his son and Evan knew he was stepping on Bobby's toes by going out with his daughter.
That was why they decided to keep it to themselves for now and then find a way to tell Bobby and the rest of the team and hope it didn't complicate things. But a baby was going to complicate everything. Everyone would have to know now.
"I'm gonna head off now dad, I'll see you for dinner on Tuesday." (Y/n) got up and hooked her bag over her shoulder before she wandered over to the kitchen.
She was having dinner at her dad's on Tuesday with him, May and Athena. That would be the perfect time to bring Evan with her and explain so her dad couldn't explode on them with Athena there to play referee. She couldn't drop the baby bombshell then though, it would be too much all at once.
"Okay sweetheart, I'll ring you later."
She pushed up on her toes and kissed his cheek, whispering a quiet "Bye," in his ear as she hugged him.
She waved across at Chimney before she made her way downstairs and looked around. Eddie was in the gym, Hen was re-stocking the ambulance, and (Y/n) knew exactly where Evan had gone. He went to get changed. He'd bumped into Hen in the kitchen and spilt half his dinner down his uniform.
(Y/n) knew she couldn't leave without saying a quiet goodbye to Evan, he wouldn't let her live it down if she did.
Her footsteps were light and quiet as she hurried down the hall and turned into the locker room.
She tapped her knuckles on the door, just in case anyone else was in there with him. But when she opened the door, her lips curved into a smirk and she whistled and leant against the door frame. Her eyes wandered up and down Evan's frame as he whipped around to face her, wearing nothing but his boxers.
She didn't move when Evan advanced towards her but she did gasp when his hands found her hips and he turned her so her back was flush against the wall, pinning her beneath him with no means of escape. Her arms moved to wrap around his neck and she tangled her fingers in his hair that was starting to curl up at all angles.
"Just thought I'd tell you that I'm leaving now."
Evan's fingertips dug achingly into the flesh around her hips and she could feel every inch of him pressing up against her when he pushed forward. His slightly damp chest moulded against hers and he brought his forehead down to press against her temple.
"You're leaving me?" He murmured softly as he pressed his lips to her cheek in a small, tender kiss.
"You're not making it easy, Buckley."
He could feel her words floating around in the air between them and each breath she took fanned against his lips when he pulled up. Causing him to reach his tongue out to swipe over his lower lip that was curved into a grin.
"Do you know how hard it is to stay away from you when you come down here, looking like that?" He muttered the words breathlessly against her lips before he closed the distance between them and kissed her.
It became increasingly difficult for Evan to see (Y/n) turn up at the station or be at the frequent barbecues at Bobby's house and not be able to reach out and touch her. He had to remember to keep a safe distance between them and be considerate and wary of everyone else round them.
He didn't like not wrapping his arm around her waist or having to refrain from resting his hand on her hip or pressing his lips to her forehead. He could refrain from kissing her, but it was the no touching part that he found so hard. His hands were always itching to move, to reach out and grab her and reel her in and he yearned to feel her pressed up against him like this.
"Hm, I know." (Y/n) whispered quietly as she moved one hand to brush across his cheek and she dragged her thumb along his sharp jaw which made him shiver.
A whine bubbled at the back of (Y/n)'s throat when Evan caught her bottom lip between his teeth and lightly tugged before kissing it.
"I gotta go before we get caught."
"Go on then,"
He released his grip on her sides and lowered his arms back down as if he was giving in. But Evan took one measly step back that didn't stop them from touching. His legs were still brushing hers, his chest was so close that if (Y/n) breathed deep enough, her chest would merge with his. And with her back still being pressed into the wall, she didn't have enough space to slip away from him.
"You're a bad influence, you know that?" (Y/n) brought her hands up to cup his face and pulled him down for another kiss that caused Evan to reach out and plant his hands down on the wall either side of her head. Caging her back in his embrace that he knew she didn't want to leave.
"So you keep telling me, baby."
(Y/n) trailed her fingertips down his chest and followed her touch with kisses that she peppered against his neck and down the middle of his sternum to fog up his mind. He tipped his head back, eyes closed in bliss and a deep growl left his lips at the feel of her teeth grazing his chest that drove him wild. But just as he felt himself melting into her touch, (Y/n) ducked under his arm and backed up out the doorway.
"I'll see you when you get home, Evan." She knew it drove him mad when she said his name instead of calling him Buck like everyone else did.
She turned on her heels and bit down on her lower lip when she felt his hand reach out to hit her bum before she got too far away. She heard him whisper "Bye baby," before she closed the door and made her way back down the hall.
Evan was on a double shift and the station was short staffed so (Y/n) wasn't going to see Evan until tomorrow night or later, depending on when he finally got finished.
It was going to feel like an eternity until he came home.
***
Opening her eyes, (Y/n) tried to look around the room but she couldn't get her eyes to focus. A groan tumbled past her lips and she buried her face into the pillow as her arms pressed into her stomach.
She felt sick. She felt like she was on fire. Her stomach was aching-
Her stomach was cramping.
Her eyes opened again and she did her best to push herself up so she was sitting up in bed. Why was her stomach hurting? She shouldn't be feeling any cramps, she was pregnant, she wasn't due to have her period but that was what it felt like.
She tossed the cover onto Evan's side of the bed and turned the bedside lamp on, but her lips parted and wobbled, letting out a cry when she looked down.
Blood.
Blood was starting to smear across her inner thighs and when (Y/n) gingerly lifted Evan's shirt that she was wearing, she could see the substance soaking into the bedsheet. This didn't look good.
What was she supposed to do?
She wanted Evan.
Her lips quivered and she pushed her chin down into her chest and pressed both her hands tightly into her stomach. How was she supposed to call Evan and tell him what was going on when he didn't even know she was pregnant yet? She had it all planned out to tell him in a few days, she was going to make it a surprise and tell him. This wasn't how he was supposed to find out.
A broken cry burst past her lips when another pain coursed through her stomach and she hurriedly grabbed her underwear and pulled them down. Choking again when she saw even more blood soaked into them and streaks smeared down her legs when she removed them.
She was losing the baby.
(Y/n) coiled her knees up to her stomach and sobbed when the pain got worse until she felt like a duke box vibrating and pulsing with how hard and loud her pulse was throbbing in her veins.
What had she done? Why did she deserve this?
Ragged breaths ran away from her and her chest burned when she looked down between her legs.
No. No. No.
Slumping to the right, (Y/n) flopped onto her side like a fish and shuffled across onto Evan's side of the bed. She felt her lungs start to ache and clench as she started to hyperventilate. She couldn't breathe. Her heart was pounding so fast in her chest that it was actually hurting to fele her heart beating. Her head hurt. Her stomach was cramping and her legs were shaking back and forth into her stomach.
One arm stayed around her waist but her other hand moved. Her crimson, sticky palm smothered against her mouth causing her shallow breaths to wheeze and snuffle between her fingers. She could feel the blood on her hands transferring onto her lips and the metallic taste made her gag. Her elbows pinned into either side of her waist and she began slowly swaying on her side.
Pushing her face into Evan's pillow to see if his scent would calm her down, but it didn't.
She could feel the blood sticking between her thighs and making her legs itch with each cramp that burned through her abdomen and her body was still shaking.
She felt like she was beginning to overheat, despite the bedroom being very cold and only wearing Evan's cotton shirt.
What was she going to do? What kind of conversation was she going to have with Evan when he eventually came home? How was she going to explain to him that she had lost their baby while he'd been out at work?
She wanted to be wrapped up in his comforting embrace and pretend that this was all just a nightmare.
Even though she knew he would be heartbroken, conflicted and desperate to help her, she wanted him here. She wanted the affection and comfort Evan would make her feel.
Each breath started to run away without her again and (Y/n) could feel her chest shuddering as she gasped and cried and gagged. She couldn't breathe. She wanted Evan. She needed to do something. She couldn't just lay here all night and wait for him to come home. (Y/n) had to call for help and get to the hospital. Once she had been seen by a nurse and sorted out, then she could focus on trying to explain this situation to Evan.
She didn't realise how badly she was shaking until she tried to reach for her phone and bashed it about on the side table trying to curl her fingers around it.
"911, what's your emergency?"
"I- help." (Y/n) hated how her voice sounded broken and cracked and how she had to wheeze to try and take a proper breath.
"Can you tell me your name?"
"(Y/n)… baby, I m-miscarried." Her heart thundered against her ribs when the words passed through her lips. Why did she have to admit what she'd done? Why did she have to say outloud what her body had just put her through? Why couldn't the woman on the line just telepathically find out the problem and send help?
"Okay honey, can you tell me how far along you were?" She sounded kind, she seemed like a caring person, but (Y/n) didn't want that care and concern. She didn't want help but she knew she needed it.
"Don't k-know, there's… there's a lot of blood, really hurts."
"Help is coming to you, (Y/n). I can see the apartment building you're in, can you tell me which floor and flat you're in please?"
"Fourth floor, four-B."
"Dispatch to one-eighteen?"
"This is Captain Nash, go ahead."
Evan masked the groan he could feel in his chest and tilted his head back into the seat. They had barely pulled away from their car crash scene they had just finished up with. Three hours they had been stuck evacuating people, cutting them out from their cars and sending everyone through to the hospital. Chimney and Hen had come back to the scene in the ambulance by the time everything was all sorted and now they were on their way back to the station.
It was time for them to have a break, grab a drink and have a five-minute rest. Did they really have to go out on another call so soon?
It was eleven o'clock at night and the whole team was flagging, except for Bobby who seemed alert and ready as if he hadn't just been on a long, excruciating call.
"I have a young woman two blocks from your location needing medical assistance. She's at home experiencing a miscarriage, losing a lot of blood."
A round of perplexed, curling lips flooded the truck. This wasn't something they dealt with very often and nobody wanted to be on these kind of calls, but it was their job.
"Okay, what's the location?"
"Hillside Court, apartment four-B on the fourth floor. Thank you."
Every ounce of blood in Evan's body drained down to his toes, leaving his complexion a gritty shade of grey. He could feel his jaw coming loose and his nose crinkled as he tried to work out if he had just imagined that or if he heard dispatch right.
That had to be a mistake. That was Evan's apartment.
(Y/n) wasn't pregnant. She would have told him. He would have known. She had been fine when he saw her yesterday morning before he left for work. (Y/n) wasn't having a baby- she wasn't losing a baby either. That had to be a mistake.
But it couldn't be. Dispatch didn't make those kind of mistakes and unless this was a hoax, which was extremely unlikely, it wasn't plausable that a young woman would give the wrong address or get her address wrong when she was in an emergency.
"Buck, you okay? You look a little pale." Eddie nudged Evan's leg with his knee and smiled but his brows furrowed when Evan just stared down at his hands that were knotted together in his lap.
When the truck pulled up, Evan tore off the headset and his belt and scrambled down from the truck. He didn't wait for Eddie to grab his medic bag or for Hen and Chimney to get out the ambulance and get the gurney out. He didn't even wait for Bobby- oh God, Bobby.
If this was (Y/n), Bobby was going to get the shock of his life.
Evan stormed up to the complex door and punched in the keycode, praying no one would notice but it didn't really matter. In a few minutes they were going to learn everything about him.
He knew Chimney and Hen would have to wait for the lift, they wouldn't drag the gurney up four flights of stairs. But Evan didn't wait. He pounded up the stairs two at a time and flung himself around each twisting corner that now became his enemy.
"Buck slow down- Jesus what's gotten into you?"
When he reached the right floor, Evan prayed. He prayed for some other young girl next door or on the next floor to cry out and say she was the one who needed help. For someone else to have this dilemma and be in pain and agony instead of (Y/n). Evan didn't care how selfish that made him, he prayed and prayed while he fumbled above the door ledge for the spare key up there for emergencies. He didn't have his keys on him, they were safe in his locker so he didn't lose them on a call.
"Baby? (Y/n), baby where are you?" He bashed the bathroom door open and peered round the door before he looked ahead at the living room. The lights were off, she couldn't be down there.
He grabbed the bannister and propelled himself up the steps, barely out of breath until he stormed into the bedroom.
Then all the air disappeared from his lungs and his brain seemed to short-circuit.
Dispatch had been right. It was (Y/n). She had been pregnant, and Evan didn't know anything.
Terror pulsed through Evan's body as he tripped over his feet and stumbled over to the bed. There was his girl. (Y/n) was laid on his side of the bed, her face smothered in the pillow and both her arms cocooned tightly around her abdomen. She was shaking back and forth, wearing one of Evan's pyjama shirts while blood was caked between her thighs and creating a puddle on the bed beneath her.
"Oh Christ," Evan rolled his eyes to the ceiling to look away before he leaned over the bed and grabbed the edge of the quilt. He dragged it over the other blood stain on the bed so he didn't have to look before he pressed his knees into the edge of the bed and leant down.
He reached his hands out and gently cupped (Y/n)'s face, smoothing his thumbs beneath her eyes to swipe away her tears. While he tilted her head so she wasn't hidden away in the pillow and she could see him.
"Baby, baby it's me, come here."
(Y/n) couldn't stop herself from crying out when she looked up. Why did Evan have to get this call? Why did he have to see her like this? She thought a paramedic team from the hospital would get to her, not the station that was her family.
She thought she would have time to come up with a way to explain all of this to Evan before she had to face him.
She moved a trembling hand from her waist to curl around Evan's hand and when he pressed his lips to her burning forehead, she cried again. She smothered her face against his wrist and pulled until he tried to hold her better.
"I'm here. It's okay, I've got you baby girl." Evan curled his hand round to cup the back of her neck while he wound his other arm beneath her waist and carefully lifted her up.
He moved to sit down on the end of the bed next to the pillow and he slowly eased (Y/n) back until she was propped up against his chest. He stayed motionless when (Y/n) started to move and he let her squirm around and try to settle herself in his arms. She hooked both arms around his neck until his head bent forward and he started to shake along with her. Her chest pressed up into Evan's and her legs stayed curled beneath her with her knees pressed into his thigh.
His arm stayed around her waist and he tangled his fingers in her hair at the back of her neck, brushing his thumb up and down her skin. And he pressed his lips against the top of her head when (Y/n) smothered her face against his shoulder.
"I- Evan I'm s…sorry-"
"Don't you dare. I don't wanna hear that from you." He hushed against her temple as he started to sway them back and forth.
He wouldn't listen to any form of apology. (Y/n) hadn't done anything wrong and Evan wouldn't let her believe otherwise. She was hurt and in pain and he was glad it came through dispatch so he could be here with her. He wouldn't want strangers coming in to try and look after her and he would rather help her than find out hours later what had happened.
"Buck what th- oh… oh no, is she…" Eddie dumped the medic bag on the end of the bed and sat down by (Y/n)'s feet. He dared to lift the cover when he saw the trail of blood lead onto the other side of the bed but when Evan kicked him in the shin, he dropped the cover immediately.
He didn't need to see that.
"It's my… she- this is my home. My girl." Evan kept his lips pressed against (Y/n)'s head and he didn't look anywhere but down at her form in his arms. This was his call. This was his home, his girl, his lost child and his scene. This was one for Evan to take charge of.
"Okay. Can I check her over?" Eddie grabbed a stethoscope from his bag but when he turned back round, his face fell and he stared at the girl in front of him. "(Y/n)? Oh Buck you didn't?"
He had slept with the Captain's daughter. He had gotten into a relationship with (Y/n) without telling Bobby and now he'd gotten her pregnant.
"Cap's on his way up-"
"No! No p-please… I c-can't-"
Eddie slammed his hand down on the bed and slung the stethoscope around his neck before he bolted. If (Y/n) didn't want Bobby to see her like this that was entirely her choice, but they needed to keep him at bay if that was the case. They could get (Y/n) prepped and ready to move to the hospital and then Bobby could find out once they were in the ambulance.
He bolted down the stairs and moved to the door just as Chimney and Hen came in with the gurney. He looked between them and Bobby who was stood behind them, waiting for something to come to mind to stop them.
"It's Buck's girlfriend, this is his place… she doesn't want everyone crowding round seeing her like that. Give us five minutes to prep her, please?"
There was nothing else Eddie could say that his team would believe or understand. He couldn't tell them to step outside and wait for no good reason. And he had to tell them something they would believe about why he and Evan were the only ones who could look after this patient.
"Oh God. Leave the gurney here, tell Buck we'll wait back down by the truck and radio if you need assistance getting her down." Bobby waved the pair of them away and Eddie could have fainted.
They left the gurney in the hallway and nodded, understanding and pain in their eyes as they turned around.
No one knew Evan was so serious about his new mystery girl. The team knew he had met someone, he was brighter when he came to work. Happier, desperate to go home and he was actually going somewhere on his days off rather than hanging around with the team, unsure what to do with himself.
But they didn't realise he was this serious, or that he was so fond of this girl and going steady enough to get pregnant.
Eddie turned and jogged back up the stairs and moved to sit down on the bed where he had been before. "They're waiting outside. Hey (Y/n), can I take a look at you?" He rubbed his hand up and down (Y/n)'s leg to get her attention.
She slowly unravelled her arms from Evan's neck but kept her head on his shoulders. Her arms curved back around her waist and she held Evan's arm that draped across her front. Her nails scratched into his arm as she held him as tight as possible and nodded over at Eddie. She didn't want Eddie to see her like this, but she was grateful for his help all the same.
Eddie leaned forward and listened to her heartbeat, then checked her breathing before he swapped the stethoscope for a blood pressure cuff. He could see the tightness around her arm made her lightheaded and her eyes moved towards the back of her head before she seemed to come back round again.
"How's the pain, is it constant or coming and going?" He looked up at Evan as if checking for permission before he went ahead and lifted (Y/n)'s shirt so he could assess her stomach.
He pressed his fingertips around her abdomen, biting his lip when (Y/n) winced and shuddered back into Evan.
"Dull cramps."
"Okay… Buck, I need to take a look." Eddie indicated his head to the right. He had to check the bed and they both knew what for. He lifted the cover and leaned over, holding his breath before he looked back at (Y/n). "The doctor will have to check, but I think… I think everything came away. That's good. But you're still bleeding, I'll give you something for that. Do you want any morphine?"
If (Y/n) didn't miscarriage properly and something was still retained, she could gain an infection and it would be dangerous. Eddie wasn't an expert, this wasn't his medical field of expertese, but he would guess from what he could see that nothing was retained. That was what they wanted, so (Y/n) didn't have to go through any more unnecessary trauma.
"Morphine, please." (Y/n) closed her eyes and held onto Evan's arm while she tilted her head forward and pressed her lips against his arm to try and control her breathing.
She felt Eddie inject something into her stomach and she whimpered into Evan's arm, pushing back until he tightened his arms around her and quietly shushed her. She knew it was morphine that Eddie injected into her thigh next. It tingled and fizzled and made her feel sick and lightheaded and drunk all at once, but she knew it would work soon and take away the cramps.
"Vitals all look good, I think it's safe to move you then in the ambulance I'll get you on an IV to boost your levels up. Buck… you wanna get her downstairs?"
Packing the bag, Eddie slung it on his shoulder and headed downstairs to move the gurney towards the stairs, giving the couple a moment together.
"Alright baby, let's move you."
As slowly as he could, Evan slid out from behind (Y/n) and stood up so he was leaning over the bed again. But he paused when (Y/n) cupped his chin and stared up at him.
"I was- I was gonna tell you-"
"I know you would, and it's okay."
"It's not."
It wasn't okay. Nothing was okay because (Y/n) didn't get the chance to tell him first. Evan had to hear over the radio that she was pregnant and had lost the baby, all in one swift motion. The moment he found out was the moment he learned she'd lost it. That wasn't right. She should have told him the moment she found out, not let this happen instead.
"Dad's o-outside, I don't wanna tell him." (Y/n) slumped her head forward onto Evan's shoulder and curled her arms around his neck again.
She didn't want her dad to see her like this. She didn't want him finding out everything like this, but she didn't have a choice. Her body had made all these decisions for her and taken away any choice she may have had before.
"Baby, please. Please, just let me look after you, okay? I'll deal with your dad and the team but I need you to let me get you sorted first. So come here."
Evan would sort it. He would talk to Bobby and make sure the team didn't get in the way. He would deal with all the backlash (Y/n) was afraid of, but he had to help her first. He had to get her downstairs and in the ambulance so she could see a doctor before he dealt with everything else.
(Y/n) came first.
When she stayed quiet, Evan took it as his sign. He curved an arm around her back and slipped the other arm beneath her knees, carefully lifting her up into his arms bridal style. He felt the way she shivered and started to shake again so he tightened his arms and held her closer until his ribs started to ache from how deeply he pressed her against his chest.
He had carried her up and down the stairs a few times, but never like this. Never when (Y/n) was in this much agony and crying into his neck like this.
"Okay, there we go." Evan slowly eased (Y/n) down on the gurney, watching with tears in his eyes as she brought her knees up to her stomach and curled up on her side.
She stayed still and compliant as Eddie held her left wrist out and swabbed the back of her hand so he could get a needle into her vein. He taped it in place and connected the IV bag which he placed on the end of the gurney beside (Y/n)'s feet.
"How exactly are we gonna do this?" Eddie murmured once they were in the lift. Neither of them could technically hide (Y/n) and Eddie doubted they would be able to rush her into the ambulance without Bobby clocking who she was.
And they had no idea how Bobby was going to react to this.
Evan shrugged his shoulders and kept his eyes focused on (Y/n). He dragged his fingers through her hair and let her hold his arm against her chest until the lift opened and he had to go back to steering the gurney again.
"Are we ready to go?" Hen clasped her hands together in front of her and tried to smile sympathetically towards Evan when they came outside.
None of them knew how to play this or what to do. They hadn't had an intimate situation like this on call before. But when Hen looked down at the gurney, her smiled faded and her shoulders dropped immediately. She knew who that girl was. She had seen that girl hundreds of times at Athena's house and her pictures were dotted all around the house and along the walls.
"Buck, do you need us to call anyone for you? We've got your shift covered-"
"Nope." Evan kept his head down and followed Eddie's lead, pushing the gurney ahead towards the ambulance. He let his eyes stay on (Y/n) as she reached her hand out and curled her fingers tightly around his wrist near her head.
They almost made it. They almost got to the ambulance, but Bobby moved at the wrong second. He moved just as Evan juttered the gurney down off the pavement, onto the road.
"Is- (Y/n)? Is that my daughter? Buck what the Hell have you done?!"
Evan cringed and tipped his chin down into his chest as they stopped walking. He could feel his whole body rattling like a cage and he felt (Y/n)'s nails puncture into his wrist deep enough to draw blood.
(Y/n) tried to keep her eyes closed, but she couldn't manage it. She just had to look up and see what kind of expression her dad was wearing. He had gone red. His jaw was grinding from side to side and she could see the vein throbbing in his neck. His hands were balled into fists but when he looked at her, he almost broke.
That was his daughter. That was Bobby's little girl. The one part of his family that hadn't been snatched away from him. And Evan had taken her. Evan was like a son to Bobby, but now he had wormed his way into (Y/n)'s life and he didn't have the decency to tell Bobby. He had to find out like this, that they were clearly in a relationship and now his daughter had lost a child he had no idea about.
Nodding his head, Evan looked at Eddie who got the hint and slowly backed up into the ambulance, pulling the gurney with him as Evan lifted it up. They couldn't stand and argue, they didn't have the time.
"You have no right to keep this from me!" Reaching a hand out, Bobby grabbed Evan roughly by the shoulder and wrenched him back before he had the chance to climb up into the ambulance. He pulled him back onto the road and spun him round so they were level.
Their expressions mirrored with locked jaws, bloodshot eyes and tears falling from their eyes.
"This isn't your call. It's mine."
"What the Hell did you just say to me?"
Evan froze when Bobby's hands latched back around his shoulders and forced him back until he was pinned up against the side of the ambulance. He couldn't find it in himself to care about the fury burning in his Captain's eyes. Usually seeing Bobby so upset with him would have crumbled Evan into a million little pieces.
But not today. Not anymore. Not after what he'd just seen (Y/n) go through.
"You two need to stop!" Eddie leaned his head around the side of the ambulance, fury burning in his eyes. How could they stand and argue this out here in the street when (Y/n) needed to get to a doctor? They were her family, they needed to support her not fight over her.
He could see neither of them were paying his words any attention. And Hen and Chimney stepped in to pull Bobby back and keep a safe distance between them both.
"If you give a fuck about her you'll pack it in because she's haemorrhaging again so get in here and let's go."
***
"She wants to see you." Evan expected some kind of snarky response when he leaned against the door and looked over at Bobby. He was waiting for something awful to be thrown his way, for a dirty look or a grimace or just something that would make him feel even worse about all of this.
All he got was Bobby's shoulder nudging his as he bypassed him and walked into the room.
"Buck-"
"Don't. Alright, just don't." He waved his hand towards Chimney before he turned round and shut the door. He wasn't in the mood for a lecture. He knew he should have told Bobby and the rest of the team, but Evan didn't want their sympathy or their words of advice.
He didn't want anything right now. It was bad enough that he knew Chimney, Hen and Eddie were going to be sat out there in the waiting room until Bobby was ready to go back to the station. They wouldn't leave until they knew (Y/n) was definitely okay and that Bobby and Evan weren't going to start a fight in the hospital.
(Y/n) looked up from her hands when the door closed. She watched her dad head her way like a train on full speed while Evan stayed near the door in case he needed a swift exit or one of the team to come play referee.
As soon as her dad was within reach, (Y/n) opened her arms and reached out for him. She locked her arms around his neck and pulled him down until he sat down on the edge of the bed. She couldn't stop the tears. When her face pressed into her dad's shoulder, she started to shake and quiet sobs muffled into his shirt.
She felt his arms go around her tightly and he held her just like he used to when she was a teenager, waking up with nightmares about the fire.
His arm deadlocked around her waist and his other hand moved to tangle in her hair as he kissed the top of her head.
"It's okay, it's okay sweetheart. You're okay."
"I'm sorry dad." (Y/n) kept her arms tight around Bobby's neck and stayed attached to his front so she didn't have to pull back and look up to see his broken expression.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"The first time you brought (Y/n) to the station, you told me and Eddie not to get any ideas. Would you have been happy for us if we told you?" Evan pushed off the door frame and moved to slump down in the chair next to the bed. He could feel all the energy draining out of his body almost immediately as he flopped his elbows down onto his thighs.
When (Y/n) first came down to the station, Bobby warned everyone not to try anything with her. Eddie and Evan had been the single guys at the time and they had gotten along well with (Y/n), that was enough to put Bobby on edge and warn then away from his daughter.
He didn't want her getting her heart broken by anyone in his team and if they got into a relationship and it ended badly, that would complicate things for the team. Not to mention, Bobby thought of Evan as his son so it didn't naturally go together in his mind for Evan to be with his daughter.
"I would try to understand." Something softened in Bobby's eyes when he looked over at Evan, despite the anger he could still feel rolling through him in waves.
He wished Athena would hurry up and get here. She was much better at sorting out family affairs and situations like this.
"We we're going to tell you at dinner next week… I was, I was trying to find a way to tell you both, about the baby."
(Y/n) finally leaned back and dropped her hands down to her lap as her eye stayed focused on her nails she began to scratch. There was no excuse for hiding this from her dad, but they had to explain that they were about to tell him. They never wanted him to find out like this.
"You didn't know?" Panic and pain burned bright in Bobby's eyes when he looked across at Evan who simply shook his head.
He had no idea fate decided he might have been given the chance to be a dad. He wouldn't have been able to hide it or contain himself if he knew, and that would have made him crash further when this situation happened. Evan still couldn't quite process the fact that they had lost a child. It didn't seem real, it wasn't cemented in yet.
"Okay. You need to get some rest now, we can talk about all of this over dinner when we get you home. You can tell me everything."
(Y/n) looked up from her hands with a flicker of confusion in her eyes as she looked up at her dad.
She was expecting the third degree lecture. She was waiting for him to tell her how much she'd hurt him by hiding this. She thought he would ask why she wanted to be with Evan when she knew how much he meant to Bobby and how close he was to their family.
Neither of them were expecting Bobby to relent and try to process this so quickly and easily.
"You- you mean it?"
"You should have told me, I'm still not thrilled about finding out like this… but Buck, you mean a lot to me. And seeing you with (Y/n) tonight, there's no one else I'd trust more with my daughter than you."
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