#im sitting in the work break down feeling sick n like i wanna cry bc im convinced he’s thinking about how he doesn’t love me anymore

[nymphacae]

A LEGEND in the Rymin fic community loves my fics?? I’m gonna cry /lh /gen

Also might I ask what your headcanons for the silly lil guys are? It’s always interesting to hear how other people interpret these lovable music dweebs.

ahhh i have a LOT of headcanons and it feels like a lot of them vary based on which AU/story i'm working with, hc's are a lot like trying on clothes at thrift stores for me — sometimes you just wanna try a new one out for size and think 'hm!' @ the mirror, it's what makes community engagement so much fun imo !

but i will ATTEMPT to narrow down some of the constants i find when working with rymin and ones that aren't, yknow, confined to specific AUs — although i'm sure if you're familiar with paper trails, you know some of these already lmao

RYAN

HE LOVES REPTILES. You HAVE to know this about me by now but i push ryan lizard propaganda like my life DEPENDS on it!!! He loves bearded dragons in particular – his favorite girl is named Spitfire and she’s a proud lesbian (min in the bg telling ryan to stop pushing a sexuality on her, but he’s ignored). But he loves snakes too, and spiders and lizards…I imagine he names them all after musicians for funsies, spitfire just happened to break that code for me bc i liked the name too much lol

Second thing people probably know about me is how hard i push anti-beatles ryan akagi bc it’s true

He picked up a habit of smoking on the road and he’s since then quit – going cold turkey after getting abducted by a train will tend to break that habit

His sibling’s names, in order, are Alexa, Miya, Ethan, and Eikoh. Both his sisters kinda had to mother him; though he’s closest to Miya (who’s an interior design/textiles major, also engaged) bc Alexa had a severe case of eldest daughter syndrome and it made her pretty snippy – she also fled the nest the second she could and only really calls to yell into the receiver about her job and secret girlfriend

Ryan’s a Schrodinger’s Gender situation for me, so it fluctuates often just based on what story i’m telling. In the AUs/stories where he’s transmasc, ryan names himself after a homeless guy named Ryan who’d sit outside his family’s local supermarket and play a sick riff. One day baby ryan spotted him throw a banana peel at a police officer was chasing him (for dignity’s sake, he always tells friends he was just inspired by ryan roxie, the guitarist)

(also in these AUs, he has insanely intense cycles due to the cursed cocktail of anemia/endometriosis, which leads to minor complications when he’s on the road and can’t afford T/birth control anymore. It’s a whole Thing, he had to be hospitalized for it at age 13 and the doctors basically shrugged, as doctors do. I’ve wanted to explore this caveat before but never found the time, oh well)

also shoutout to prism who engraved 'pt ryan transfem' into my brain you were so real for that

his specific mental diagnosis is also a roulette wheel based on what story im working with, shrug. idk who said that min is adhd in an autistic way and ryan is autistic in an adhd way, but whoever said that changed my life so ty and you're right!! i also lean towards him having/on the watchlist for forming bpd - looking back on pt i believe he showed signs of bipolar disorder

Tulip and Ryan are bffs. I’m not budging on this. They make friendship bracelets and play mario kart and sing karaoke and ryan does her hair bc lake won’t do Femme Things™ with her anymore and they love each other SO Much

Ryan’s acespec; I touch on this whenever I can, but this plays a Big role in his relationship with the music industry. Sex Drugs And Rock N’ Roll is a subculture he could never fit into for a plethora of reasons, and it was another way he felt isolated while going solo due to all the aggressive expectations. He’s sex-POSITIVE, bc it’s important to me to shed the stupid ‘asexuals are all sex-repulsed puritans’ agenda i see being spread sometimes. He thinks it’s fun, and with the right person it is!

He's the one who gets carsick/boatsick and is terrified of flying

He's really into boozy cocktails but he'll pretend he isn’t — he likes tequila and vodka which is funny bc i picture his favorite drink to be like a hurricane or sex on the beach

He's lost a lot of friends by reviewing their mixtapes

He really gets into making pastries and desserts farther down the line! Depending on the timeline this could be a hobby encouraged by a therapist or just an interest he picks up naturally, with min always finding comfort in food and cooking himself

MIN-GI

His mom’s name is Soo-yeon and his dad is Tae-hyun. He visits Jeju-si in the summer since his mom has two sisters living there

Min loves helping his mom around the kitchen/folding laundry. His parents have a huge garden out back with flowers and some veggies, and he likes harvesting from there when his mom lets him (she’s very picky about who touches her flowers!)

Plants are min’s comfort item; they’re basically to him what reptiles are to ryan! He’d cover the entire van/flat with them if he could, he loves succulents in particular and he likes to sing to them

He’s a HUGE dog person!! Whenever he’d come visit the Akagi’s he’d make an IMMEDIATE beeline for the family dog; however when his mom bought a Pomeranian to cure her empty nest syndrome, he despises it (for comedic purposes he only addresses his mother's dog as The Dog)

He leans more on the side of whiskey in drinks; he also likes gin. His taste in alcohol is definitely WAY stronger than ryan’s, less diluted with flavors, but both have the same level of tolerance. he enjoys a good sazerac

He’s a dark chocolate kinda guy

He won the spelling bee in grade four

Once he travels with Ryan and becomes more comfortable with his identity, I think he'd experiment with gender and appearance. while i enjoy seeing gender hc's for My Lads, for me and my writing it's nice to work with a min-gi who embarks on a gender journey and comes back deciding he likes being a cis guy just fine. not that this affects him playing with makeup or clothes lol, also if he were to wear skirts at all they'd be long and loose

Wherever I can apply it, Simon and Min are always gonna be roommates who are stuck in a perpetual loop of basically reenacting that always sunny ‘mac and dennis move to the suburbs’ episode

He looks up to Grace a lot; she’s kinda The Mentor Friend who intimidates you just enough for you to get your shit together, and outside of Kez he'd consider Jesse his closest friend

He loves cooking! He likes making hearty meals for his friends, and he especially enjoys teaching them how to cook if they’re curious

Big ol ADHD mess over here, an icon

He’s the one that most comfortable with his identity, which is very funny to me seeing how he’s the one that casually accepts ‘queer’ as his label while Ryan keeps picking terms out of a hat and then furiously stomping on the slip of paper lmao. Mins just chillin, he likes who he is and he’s not about to challenge that 🤷‍♀️

FOR BOTH:

-ryan's got the cold hands and min's got the warm hands

-they’re both qpps with kez bc it’s important

-min's the one who chugs down coffee like it's water, and ryan likes fancy coffees, but he's more of a tea person lmao (lots of sugar though)

-they both have bad tattoos

-in modern era, they’d do the neurodivergent Thing of assigning everyone they know pokemon teams – they’d be HUGE pokemon fans and would trade cards/art all the time (to discuss their pokemon teams with me would initiate an entirely different conversation……..)

-i've gotten into Agree To Disagree disputes with mutuals over this but i stand by 'min's the one with the 13-in-1 wash and ryan has 12 different hair care products' bc Neurodivergence(tm)

-they both smoke weed and will ruthlessly roast your spotify playlists

I’m hosting a friend rn so uhhh hopefully this suffices

#min gi park #ryan akagi #ask #there are CERTAINLY more but i had to mull over this question for a couple days so i could remember everything i could LOL #im good with having specific scenarios and hcs though which i take pride in. catch me at the right time and ill go in depth for hourrrrs #also lmk if i need to tag anything since i briefly touch on like. weed n transmasc menstruation #rymin

[t0shii]

% comforting them when they're upset

.! oikawa, tsukishima, matsukawa (sep) x gn!r

.! angst + fluff/ breakdowns, crying, etc. lightly proofread bc im lazy so sorry for any mistakes.

.! im so sorry if this is absolute word vomit or horse shit 😭 i tried my best though 😌 uhhh sorry for not posting yesterday i got my daith pierced and i was in a lot of pain after that so i didnt feel like writing anywho enjoy this 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 p.s. i was originally gonna write for mad dog but i was struggling so i went with mattsun instead sorry. also idk why matsuns ended up being so short i didnt do him justice i apologize 😩

oikawa

— always gets discouraged when his knee bothers him. today was one of those days. his coach had made him sit out of practice because he had been limping a bit. he came home distraught and you noticed right away.

"what's the matter toru?" you asked opening your arms for a hug, which he accepted, wrapping his arms around your middle quite tightly. "my knee is bothering me again 'n coach made me sit out. it's just not fair." he mumbled into your shoulder. you could feel his tears soak through your shirt. you nodded and responded, "baby, he just doesn't want you to hurt yourself. i know it's not fair but-", "but i wanna play volleyball, i wanna get better and practice." he said, aggravated that you weren't exactly on his side, still he held you tighter.

"toru, baby, look at me." he does as told, and you bring your hands up to wipe his tear stained cheeks,"toru, you can't strain your knee anymore than you already do, you know this. i know you only want to play volleyball, baby i know, but you have to be patient." he nods in agreement and you do the same, then guiding his head back to your shoulder, "i know it's frustrating toru, but you can't force it, y'know? he wouldn't make you sit out if it wasn't for your best interest. you know that, deep down."

the two of you had been cuddling on the couch, his back against your chest when you heard him sniffling again, "toru, what's wrong?" you ask softly, sitting up slightly. "i'm so useless, my own knee can't even work right. the team deserves someone better and so d-do you" he hiccuped, hiding is face in his hands. you felt guilty for not comforting him more earlier. "toru, that's not true at all." you stated, forcing his hands into yours, "take it back right now." he looked at you confused. "toru oikawa i said take it back right this instant." you said a little sterner than before.

"no." he managed to get out through sobs, and you knew the stern method wasn't going to work this time around. "toru, please. you're not useless at all, not to anyone, not to the team, and especially not to me. you're the best teammate, friend and boyfriend anyone could ever ask for and your knee just needs a break sometimes, you just need a break sometimes and thats okay. needing a break doesn't make you useless or weak, toru." you say softly, guiding him to a sitting position, hugging him closely and tracing small, comforting shapes on his back.

"you're so so strong toru, and you're an amazing person, an amazing boyfriend, you're such an amazing volleyball player and i'm so proud of how far you've come since highschool." you say, kissing the crown of his head. "you mean it?" he asks leaning back to look at you, "i always do, toru. i love you more than anything, and i'm so so fucking proud of you, but you have to know, it's okay to need a break sometimes and it doesn't change who you are as a person and it definitely doesn't make you weak or useless. he nods in response, burrying his head into the crook of your neck. you both stay like that, you whispering words of affirmations, him listening fondly until he feels better a little while later.

tsukishima

— he usually didn't let the stress of professional volleyball get to him like this, but he couldn't help it he would be lying if he said he wasn't overwhelmed, from interviews, to extra practice to prepare for the overseas games he had coming up, he was exhausted, to add onto it all he had been neglecting you and he felt horrible for it.

you knew practice was going to be running late since your boyfriend had told you in advance, so you weren't initially worried as to why kei had been coming home late at night. this night in particular was the fourth night in a row kei been home late and you starting to grow concerned. you hadn't seen him hardly at all that week, which was unusual because he always made time for you no matter what. worried, you decided to stay awake and wait for him to get home.

when the time finally comes, your heart dropped at his appearance, he looked absolutely horrible, as if he hadn't slept right in weeks. "why are you up?" he mumbled, taking his shoes off rather sloppily, uncharacteristic of him. you made your way closer to yoir exhausted boyfriend, "kei, i'm worried about you. i know you don't like me meddling with your career, and please don't misunderstand my concern for that. i'm just worried you aren't getting enough rest and i've barely seen you at all this week." you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

you knew something was wrong when you saw the tear swell in his eyes, but he just stood there awkwardly, you walked closer toward him, "kei, what's wrong?" you ask, extending your arms toward him, which he basically fell into, he started sobbing immediately, shocking you initially. "i'm s-sorry for neglecting you this week, i didn't mean to i-i just-", "kei, i'm not worried about that, i'm worried that you aren't taking care of yourself properly." you mumble, patting his back comfortingly. to which he shakes his head no."work has been too much recently, i can't sleep and i barely have time to even think. its just practice, interviews, practice, interviews i-i can't handle it all anymore, y/n." he sobbed into your shoulder, you were speechless at his vulnerability.

"kei,-", "but i can't stop now because that'll make me a failure and i don't want to let you down and the team too, i just want to make everyone proud but i think i'm falling behind." he cried, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. "kei, you could never let me down. actually, i think i've been letting you down recently, i don't tell you this enough but, i'm so so proud of you kei, so proud you don't even understand, i'm sorry for not expressing that enough to you. i understand that you feel as if you're falling behind but overworking and stressing yourself out isn't going to help you improve, kei, and i know you also know that."

"you're working yourself sick, kei and i can't stand here and continue to let that happen so you're taking a day off whether you like it or not. tomorrow will be a me and you day, how does that sound? i'll call your coach in the morning." honestly, you wouldn't have let him say no anyways, and he knew that so he just nodded his head. "look at me kei, you have to tell me when you're feeling overwhelmed. it's not good to keep things in like this, it's just like you tell me." he nods his head, but avoids eye contact, "and i'm not disappointed or upset at you, you know. but i can't read your mind, so please just tell me when things start to feel like they're crashing down on you 'kay? i'll help you just like you help me." you smile, he looks at you and nods, hugs you closer and whispers an "i love you" into your ear, which you return.

matsuwaka

— you knew his work was stressful and emotionally and mentally exhausting, so there were always worries in the back of your mind that he would become too overwhelmed, well today your worries became reality.

"welcome home issei." you called from the kitchen as your boyfriend walked through the door, though he offered you no response, which made you frown. "issei?-" you gasped when you felt a pair of strong arms sneak their way around your waist, "jesus, issei, you scared me!" you giggle placing your hands atop of his own, but you realized he was not laughing with you. "issei, baby?" concern laced in your tone as you maneuvered your way around to face him, "what's wrong baby?" you ask, taking his face in your hands to wipe at escaping tears.

"work was rough today." was all he said as he melted at the feeling of your thumbs running back and forth on his cheeks. "oh issei, i'm sorry." you mumbled, kissing the tip of his nose lightly, "is there anything i can do to help?" he didn't know why but something inside of him snapped when you asked him that, and sobs escaped his lips, he could only hide his face in the space between your neck and shoulder because for some reason he felt... ashamed to be crying in front of you like this. "please just hold me." he cried, so you did just that, shushimg him when his sobs got violent, rubbing your hand up and down his back soothingly.

the both of you stood there for a good 15 minutes before you spoke up after he had calmed down a bit, "is there anything you need to get off your chest? you don't have to tell me now or even at all but i want you to know that whatever is bothering you, you can tell me, anything at all. i know your job is mentally exhausting and honestly i dont even know how you do it but i dont want you thinking you have to carry the burden of it alone, okay? i'm so proud of you, so so so proud of you issei, i just wanted you to know that."

you felt him nod in the crook of your neck, a soft, "thank you." sounding shortly after, "of course." you responded, kissing his shoulder a few time.he wasn't sure when he would feel completely ready to get things off his chest but he felt loved knowing that you would always be there to comfort him, and for that he was forever grateful.

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu angst #oikawa toru #oikawa x reader #oikawa x y/n #matsukawa hcs #matsukawa issei #matsukawa x y/n #matsukawa x reader #mattsun headcanons #mattsun x y/n #mattsun x reader #oikawa angst #matsukawa angst #mattsun angst #tsukishima kei #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima x reader #tsukki x reader #tsukki x y/n #tsukishima angst #tsukki angst #sunni's works 📓

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent / personal / tmi / menstruation / endometriosis / long post ... Im so fucking sick of healthcare professionals telling me to just wait it out and pushing my problems onto other doctors I just got my 5th shot of lupron and have 1 more next month. On my appointment last week i told the gyn how ive been having much more cramping and tissue but not blood coming out regularly and he said its possible the combined lupron and norethindrone are making my uterine lining too thin, and to stop the norethindrone (it was being prescribed to help any menopause-like side effects the lupron can have) And less than 24 hours after my first missed dose i get a full blown period complete with extreme mood swings and depression Im not bleeding this week but im still cramping and the mood swings are so fucking bad, being chronically ill and not getting enough relief from any of my medications is making all of this worse but im literally breaking down over any little thing The lupron and norethindrone combined i guess have been suppressing all my emotions bc this is what it was like on the daily before i started it (just not as bad) which is telling me that none of my psych meds are working but whatever I just now got off the phone with my psych and he said he doesnt want to do anything with my meds or dosing bc he says its related to hormones and thats what my gyn needs to address and i Need To Wait im fucking sick of waiting i cant do this ive been waiting since last august!!!!!!! I now have to wait 2 more whole months of mood swings until i can have another appointment with him hes refused to actually screen me for adhd too and says its bc im An Artist type that im not able to sit down and draw anything since last fall like i fucking hate him and he never gets my name or pronouns right and i cant go see a new psych bc of all the closures and i dont wanna call my gyn bc he said if things get worse i need to have a pelvic ultrasound done again and i cant do it!!! I fucking cant do it it hurts too much im too traumatized from depoprovera and mirena that i cant even touch myself without extreme dysphoria and fear that im going to cramp Its killing me that as someone who was so personally sexual to completely be traumatized from the road to an endometriosis diagnosis that i can no longer masturbate or even talk about sex without anxiety and being trans on top of it hurts even more Next gyn appt is my last injection of lupron and im really gonna push to plan for a partial hysterectomy (i only had endo cysts on the back of my uterus but it was 100% confirmed with surgery and biopsy) so i hope it will help so i can stop taking all these fucking hormonal medications like Before being diagnosed i was really planning on going on testosterone but now im too scared because i feel like it would really fuck up my health problems more - mentally and physically Ive given up on passing and am trying to focus on body acceptance especially now that ove had rapid weight gain that isnt being addressed by any of ky doctors i bring it up to God im just trying to vent here but seriously Do not take the diagnosis of endometriosis lightly its super serious to go forth with any treatments and you really have to commit to long term treatments and its a gamble either way For me not starting any treatments was unacceptable i needed help with extreme monthly periods and all forms of birth control ive tried exacerbated symptoms and never stopped bleeding - i literally cannot personally recommend any form of medical birth control bc every one has fucked me over, many different pills at different points in my life, shot (depoprovera gave me debilitating cramps and i bled non stop all 3 months which started this whole journey to diagnosis), iud (iud was the worst i had to go to the er bc the gyn refused to give me pain meds and i was screaming in pain a few hours later unBle to move or think - i really cannot stress enough how painful and long insertion is like it was the longest 5-10 minutes of my life crying while it felt like a knife going through me) I really dont want that ultrasound tho ffs i had to get the first one done while i was in full force cramps during my depoprovera shot and the pelvic ultrasound rod is humongous and they dig it around inside you (i already had a painful and hard time trying to have pleasurable penetration even by myself or with partners) and it takes like 40 minutes of jumbling around your insides for them to document every thing like at least at that time i was only like 2 months from my last time jerking off but now its been almost 6 months of me not even thinking about putting more than one finger in to clean myself in the shower like to go right into an huge ultrasound is going to be so painful and anxiety inducing and i cant do it id rather go straight into surgery My biggest phobias have to do with pain around this part of my anatomy i cannot stress enough how long ive wanted a hysterectomy just so i dont have to fear accidentally getting p r e g... like i would literally kms... i would probably be able to handle the pain of cutting off my arm with a rusty knife better than extreme cramping pain like i had with the iud or ultrasound its such a phobia and now its source of trauma for me from everything ive gone through the last 6 months Having to readjust my life goals from doing p o r n as a hobby and wanting to transition and be who i am, to becoming a vegetable and trying to cope with the fact that i cant ever transition how i hoped Everything just really sucks for me right now and i have literally no social life any more, not even online bc im so stressed about my health and my attention is so bad i cant focus on a convo online, my laptop is about at its grave so all i have is a phone and xbox with bare minimum internet speed.. i live in the middle of nowhere and cant get my license bc the person who was guiding me to drive is an essential worker in a hospital so i cant go in their car any more... im just so fucking alone i cant do anything except break my back gardening and then cry about it later bc my fucking meds dont fucking work!!!!!!!!! Oh thats another thing im also dealing with fucking gerd on top of all this and i cant get the proceedure i need done to confirm if i need surgery or not bc the fucking lockdown!!!! So im stuck taking pantoprazole (been trying similar meds since march 2019 and its currently june 2020!!!!!!) I just want to eat tomatoes and chocolate again it fucking kills me if i dont take pantoprazole i will lose my voice and have such a sore throat and ears from the stomach acid and i know im gonna have to stop it for 2 weeks for one of the tests i need done and its going to be literal hell like it feels worse than strep throat ill probably do the thing where i start choking and coughing at night bc it gets so bad Im a fucking mess like why couldnt all of this happen one at a time I really want to get my belly pierced again bc i feel so naked without it but i cant bc i probably will be having 2 surgeries once covid blows over (if it ever does) Sorry for taking up so much dash space im just really hurting and need some outlet bc therapy isnt helping rn

#personal / #vent #long post #endometriosis #mental illness #menstruation #tmi #i need to stop crying but i cant lmaO #fuck endometriosis #literally a life ruiner #like i was already having a hard time before it but now i have zero hope for the future

[angeliclunaetic]

just thinking back to the day i met him, till now and,, there was always something about him. something that drew me in and everything just felt right. That day we met,, something about him just drew me in. idk if it was his sense of humor or just how polite n sweet and caring he was in general but it was,, something. idek why i even texted him in the first place. i just commented on his stuff and decided to text him. we talked for a few and then he showed me a pic of himself and i was just,, in awe. he really was the cutest thing ever. yes i had thought abt using him when i first saw him but,, i couldnt even if i had wanted to. i seen his pic and thought “yeah he looks like he’d be easy to use” but then by the end of texting him that night,, i fell so deeply for him. actually no. i already fell for him. way before we even met. that must be how everything felt so right. but just texting him a little bit that first night,, i just instantly wanted to know more about him. i never even talked abt someone else to my gc and for some reason i had the urge to talk about him,, like i knew he was the one but didn’t realize it. and then when we called for the first time,, i swear i had butterflies. even though i was otp with him and his friend,, i was so nervous to just talk to him. i had thought of him as my crush at that point. no one had ever made me feel that way. i never got so nervous to talk to anyone. i wanted to stay quiet that entire time so i wouldnt say something stupid and embarrass myself but something about him,, made me want to be so open. so i talked to him,, and when we got off the phone of our first call,, i was so incredibly sad. i wanted to talk to him more and more and i just wanted to call him again already,, but i wasnt sure how he had felt or if he even felt the same. i thought he did but i didnt wanna assume and make a fool out of myself. i wasnt sure if he had a crush or if he was just being nice. but after a while it was easy to realize. he was way too sweet and caring to me. more than a friend should be. he was there for me the night i was bawling otp w my ex. and he got mad and upset about how my ex was treating me in a way that was different than just my friends. and thats what made me fall for him even more. just him. being himself. him being so sweet. so caring. him just being there for me and not judging me and wanting others to treat me right. and when we videocalled that first time,,i was so nervous. i was worried he’d see what i look like and not be attracted to me anymore. but he still was. but i was so nervous anyways. but when i saw him on video call for the first time,, i was in shock. how could someone be so cute. so perfect. how could someone capture my heart just by simply smiling at me. i knew from then, that i, was in love with him. i wanted to be his so badly. but when he had asked me out i wanted to just scream yes at him,, but something in my mind told me to just calm down and wait,, however a part of me was worried that if i had made him wait that he’d find someone better and leave me. but he didn’t he stayed. even after that night i had told him everything. of how i used to use people and how i had originally planned to use him and he still stayed. i swear i felt my heart break that night and i was crying so much out of fear that he’d leave me before we even got together. i had such strong feelings for him and i wanted him to be mine. but i wanted to make sure i was away from,, that thing,, and that i fully loved him before i got into anything serious. i didnt wanna jump from relationship to relationship either. a part of me just wanted to be single and just have fun. but just,, talking to him and texting him,, i wanted him. i didnt care if i wasnt single. i just wanted him. but also a part of me didnt want to love again. or “love” as i should say considering i never loved anyone before him. i was mentally and emotionally exhausted and relationships are just so much work and you have to give someone such a large piece of yourself and i wouldnt be able to handle being broken again. so many thoughts ran through my head. “what if i dont love him, what if im just attracted to him because im going through things and he’s there for me” “what if he wont wait for me” “what if he doesnt like me “ “what if im using him and dont realize” “what if i get hurt” all these “what if’s” and i never once thought abt the reality of it all. that i, had feelings for him. that he felt the same. that he was willing to wait for me, even if it took years. that he would never hurt me and even allowed himself to be hurt by me if that meant even just getting a chance at me loving him. i guess i was just so worried and just in shock. no ones felt so deeply for me before.and that night that i had asked him out,,, i had seen a pic of my ex with this new girl and i felt absolutely nothing towards it. so then,, thats when i knew. i was over him. that emotional attachment was gone. and my feelings for sam were real. and we had called that night,, that entire night i was so nervous and got butterflies, and i realized i never stopped smiling once during that whole phone call. and after we got of,, i, once again, was extremely sad. i wanted to hear his voice talking to me for hours and hours. i wanted to smile and feel nervous and get butterflies. and at that point i was like,, fuck it. yes i was still worried that my feelings werent true. but what was the harm in trying. he was the only person to have caught my eye in like,, ever. he was on my mind that whole night and probably abt like 30 mins after we got off call i asked him out. my feelings for him were too strong. i was worried he wouldnt wait and i couldnt risk losing someone as special as him to someone else,, if i did, i wouldve never forgiven myself. im glad i asked him out. even though i had surprised myself by it,, i just couldnt wait any longer,, i needed to make him mine. and i did. and i wouldnt change it for the world. the first month for me was very,, rough. of course we were still getting to know each other and our boundaries,, and i of course made some mistakes. my fears of possibly not having true feelings were coming back. and it pushed him away because he didnt wanna get hurt. and he almost left me. those two nights that we had an issue and he had left me,, they broke me. they really did. that  was the worst i had ever been. the crying,, the screaming,, the anger and complete sadness i felt. i felt as if i had lost everything. i felt as if i had nothing left. if i didnt have him,, then,, who am i. im nothing without him. he’s my other half. my soulmate. and i thought i had lost him. im glad im so annoying and clingy otherwise i’d be so fucking heartbroken without him. we had only been together for less than a month those two times and yet i felt so strongly for him. nothing has ever made me feel this way. i had never wanted to keep someone in my life so bad before. it was like,, i needed him to breathe. i needed him to smile. i just,, needed him. i cant live without him. just thinking about a life without him makes me fucking sick. i want him and only him for the rest of our lives. no one can even compare to him. im just,, in shock. like im really in love with him and it just amazes me. im sitting here writing this as he’s sound asleep and i just. i miss him a lot. i guess all my feelings are coming out now since ive been distant the past month but,, i dont care. ill gladly shout from the rooftops how much i love him. god there’s so much more i could say about us. even before we started dating. i cant get over the rush i felt. the excitement, the nerves, the butterflies,, even all the “what if’s”,, i still get nervous and get butterflies when talking to him but ofc they’re not gonna be as strong as when we had met and declared our love for each other. speaking of love,, now im reminded of the day i had told him that i love him,, we had “argued” the day before and i thought i had lost him for good,, and that next day,,i wanted nothing more than to just hold him and kiss him and tell him that i love him. i know the words “i love you” is such a meaningful thing,, i couldnt help but tell him. its exactly how i felt. i loved him. i couldnt be apart from him,, even after only a week of dating him,, i was in love that night i thought he was leaving me for good,, absolutely broke me. and the next day i just wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. even though i was so nervous to tell him that i loved him,, i just,, i knew i was sure. no one had ever made me feel so strongly about them. yeah ive cried over my ex. but nothing could ever compare to just the complete distraught i felt that night. that crying so much it burned my throat and threw up,, the screaming,, just the complete sadness and anger i felt. after that,, i knew i loved him, and i wasnt afraid to tell him. i was nervous bc of how he’d react but i knew that i was never more sure of anything else in my life. i love him. and i want to be with him forever. 

#lovenotesforsam

[xyloophones]

hi! :) music anon here - i just read your reply and pls give me allllll the (gay) music recs!!

this is gonna be a long list anon pls buckle up. also note that im not gonna link anything bc theres a lot but all of these songs are on youtube/spotify 

🌈 xylo’s super gay, super incoherent music rec list 🌈

the basics / the popular ones

troye sivan. i know. I KNOW. half the playlist was already him but listen ive been a troye fan since he put out happy little pill & let me tell u all his songs have such a VIBE. blue neighborhood???? an iconic album. got me thru my last 2 years of high school. to this DAY i cannot listen to suburbia without thinking about driving to watch the sunrise on my first day of senior year w my best friend, sitting in the parking lot in her car n holding hands over the center console bc we were so scared of growing up. he just EVOKES that kind of MOOD u know??

listen to: fools–– talk me down–– heaven 

frank ocean !!!! a bi ICON. i waited so long for new music n he blessed us with TWO ALBUMS. not only is his music spectacular and literally lyrically genius (”see both sides like chanel?? c on both sides like chanel???“ as a metaphor for bisexuality???? BEAUTIFUL. INCREDIBLE. LITERALLY AMAZING.) but he also just has sUCH an aesthetic. 

listen to: thinkin bout you if ur feelin soft;  ivy ––chanel–– nights if u want his newer stuff

lesbian jesus herself hayley kiyoko. anon. ANON. listen to me when i tell u that her music will change ur life. she is so RELATABLE and her songs are SO CATCHY. the girls like girls music video single handedly raised my gpa and cleared my acne. 

listen to: everything uhh girls like girls–– palace–– gravel to the tempo

kehlani. im literally so obsessed. shes again another #bi icon. her gf is really cute. im in luv w her. sweetsexysavage is her latest album n its honestly??? driving my life force???? her voice is also just so lush & smooth while also bein slightly gravely in a way that makes me blush in public a lot like how can i be so gay for just her voice??? shes also just so charming n has the cutest smile and, again, i’m gay

listen to: honey is my fav song bc it reminds me of my gf (AGAIN: IM GAY) but distraction is v cute n flirty n a longtime fav. listen to in my feelings if ur ex is awful. also: keep on –– piece of mind –– the way feat. chance are all really good. just listen to her entire discography honestly

DODIE. ive been a dodie fan since i, a repressed baby gay, stumbled upon “she” on youtube and was filled with such immense love that i immediately stanned and here we are, 2 EPs later. nothing more relatable than pining for ur str8 best friend. pls listen to “she” it literally kickstarted my gay awakening

listen to: ill say it again, she –– also sick of losing soulmates–– her cover of somebody else by the 1975 

against me. i dont know if ur into punk anon but even if ur not, consider checking out against me. lead singer laura jane grace is a super badass trans woman & trans dysphoria blues is an album with. suCH EMOTION. 

listen to: black me out , a song to plan a revolution to. im here, im queer, im angry and its a midterm election year #registertovote 

lesser known artists + singles + lgbtq+ artists that i know but am not a big fan of under the cut

let me go by tunde olaniran. i regularly cried listening to this song after a break up. if u wanna be emotional n gay this is a good one. 

somebody loves you by betty who. ok not specifically gay (i dont think???) but it was used in a rlly cute gay marriage proposal (look it up on youtube im begging i guarantee u will be smiling for the rest of the day) and they are. ALWAYS. playing this one at pride. a bop. 

boyfriend by tegan and sara. ok i know theyre technically popular but no one talks about their last album and boyfriend is a good song ok?? ok.

jenny by studio killers. another song about pining after ur best friend. can u tell i went THRU SOME STUFF in high school 

ok aGAIN i know that halsey is also technically mainstream but i didnt wanna write a whole paragraph about her. listen to strangers feat. lauren jauregui. #unpopularopinion but her last album was just “ok” dont @ me

HEART ATTACK BY LOONA. do u like k pop??? do u like gay girls???? do u like cute music videos???? my friend do i have the song for u

mary lambert. she did the hook in that macklemore song. pls listen to her other stuff its so good n soft n  “i cant think straight / im so gay / sometimes i cry the whole day” #relataBLE

everyone knows who sam smith is right?? anyway prayers is good. his entire last album is honestly so good but hes not a particular fav of mine.

elton john. a LEGEND. he’s like 150 years old but im hoping the sheer love of the gay community will keep him alive for another 150 years

ANGEL HAZE. ive been a long time fan.  v emotional n the lyrics r heavy but honestly?? so important??? one of my fav rap artists

i know a place by muna. i listened to this on the way to pride n almost cried in front of my mom, my friends, and an entire BART station full of pride goers. its a v upbeat song, im just emotional 

zolita. uhh not a big fan tbh, just not my musical style

girls/girls/boys by p!atd. ok also not technically gay (?? maybe??? there are some Bi Rumors but thats not my place to say) but anyways def a bi anthem. dont watch the music video its very “lets have two girls kiss for views” which is like. not the msg of the song but whatever i aired my salt about that in 2013 n im not going back now

idk what kina grannis’s sexuality is (again, not my business) but she does a lot of good covers and never changes pronouns. i like sweater weather and shut up and dance with me a lot. 

oh !! ben j pierce !! 2 v good songs about how gender roles r bullshit n heteronormativity is awful. hes also like my exact age n i luv his makeup tutorials. 

there are honestly so many more. also a lot im forgetting. im so sorry you had to read thru this long incoherent post w my awful typing 

anyway if u want my full gay playlist on spotify just msg me off anon and ill give u a link (this goes for anyone btw !!) im currently adding + taking things out n its a constant work in progress but u know, its at least not the same 8 songs over and over again (no shade at 8tracks tho….ha …) 

#xylo speaks #sick beats #anon #ask #i know tumblr will mess up n put this in the tags of all these artists #im sorry in advanced #the only reason im not putting slashes thru all their names #is bc this post is hard enough to read already #sorry!!! dont mind me!!!! #this is btw not including songs that are like #gay but not really ?? #gay bops by straight artists i mean #so like #example: its raining men by the weather girls #also these are all pretty modern #but dont think im missing out on george michael #im a big 80s fan #and ever since i came out my mom has been aggressively suggesting gay 80s music #in an attempt to relate #its sweet #but also means my playlists are all either #1980s synth or 2017 edm #and no in between #Anonymous #its 4 am btw #i swear im an adult w a functioning sleep schedule #this really is a mess im so sorry #i went back to schedule this for earlier since i forgot to change my time oopsie doopsie

[saveme-ruinme]

Boyfriend Hyungwon

A/N: this was requeeeeested bc u can do that guys idk what to write give me ideas pls thank u also nsfw ahead mostly fluff but im always too thirsty for my own good

tall lanky bf thats way too good looking

Sucks when you got your period bc you cant look at him without crying bc hes so handsome

Dunno if youre crying bc youre so happy about being with hyungwon or crying bc hes too handsome and you feel ugly

Laughs when you get like that, hugging you against his body

Always smells nice so hugging his is really nice

So is kissing him

Sometimes you will ask for a kiss or hug and hyungwon will walk up to you like hes gonna do it then will dab and walk away laughing

Always come back saying sorry tho and making it up to you so you dont punch him in the throat

boy has got some nice ass lip they are so thick and pink and are probably soft as hell

Tbh makeouts with hyungwon are something that happens often

Just sittin on his lap grinding down onto him while his tongue is in your mouth and his hands digging into your skin

This got sexual so early whoops lmao

Lets keep this goin tho

Maaaaan i feel like hyungwon would willing to try anything

Like hes not that versed in kinky shit but is down to try anything you wanna try

So do ya boy and favor and introduce him to e v e r y t h i n g bc u know hes lowkey freaky he just dont know it yet

Or he does he just hasn’t had a chance ;) ;) ;)

But when its not like that hes slow and seductive using his good looks against you to turn you to mush

Its the worst but the best thing ever

Probably enjoys making you suffer aka either teasing the shit outta you and not letting you come or overstimulating you to tears

Laughs at you begging and whining pretending like hes doing nothing wrong

Highkey loves making you choke on his cock

Nice aftercare tho

Cleans you up and hugs you close and tries to make you laugh

hes so dumb will make stupid faces at you from across the room

And you gotta make them back ofc

So you two end up looking like idiots making dumb faces at each other and giggling and anybody who happens to witness is just like ?????? What the fuck??????

Its cool just pretend like nothing happened hyungwon is good looking so no one else believes it when they see him being normal

But then ur sitting there like gdi hyungwon now i look like an idiot by myself how dare u

And hyungwons just like mmm get rekt hun ;)

Dont take him on fancy dates dont do it he looks too good and will overshadow u

I mean do it bc he looks hella good but be prepared for everybody and their mother to be looking at him and forgetting about you

Like the waitress comes up all starry eyed focussing on hyungwon asking him what he wants and just being too much

And ur sitting like mm yes can i have some fucking respect back tf away hes mine knife emoji

Hyungwon laughs but promises to eat u out when u get home for putting up with it

Naaaaappppsss

Couple naps are a thing

Its gr8 bc some days when you dont wanna go out and youre tired hyungwons like yeah lets watch movies and sleep its a date

And youre like its not a date but fine im down

I read somewhere that napping with someone builds trust so there u go nap a lot with hyungwon and he might pour his soul out to you

You gotta take care of him bc hes lowkey useless and a whiny baby

I mean he works a lot so its not entirely unwarranted its just annoying

Bc when hes sick hes like noooo im fine i dont need u to take care of me im a man i can do it

And ur like u sound like ur dying i bet u havent eaten yet bc u dont want to get out of bed

He gets quiet at that so u go over and take care of him then he turns into the worst always whining at you and asking u to do things for him and its make u like ugh i knew i shouldve just let u die

Which makes hyungwon dramatically gasp that turns into a coughing fit and when its over hes like how dare u say that look i almost died you break my heart

And ur just like hyungwon…………. oh my fucking god

But when hes not being dramatic or dumb hes being super sweet bc he takes ur relationship seriously

Like doesnt forget things at all and always surprises you with nice things bc he has very high standards he holds himself at

And ur like hyungwon its cool you dont have to try so hard i really dont mind

But hes adamant about being the perfect boyfriend so will pay for you and buy you nice things and take you on nice dates

Its almost like a dream honestly

But your fave part is when its lowkey between the two of you

Like chillin at your place eating takeout with no makeup wearing sweats and talking about everything under the sun

Those are the nicest moments bc those are the realest

No need to be attractive or act a certain way toward each other

Just two people who love each other talking from the heart

Thats the first time he said he loved you was in a situation like because you guys were just talking about your relationship

Not being overly serious or expecting anything just talking about each other saying what you liked about each other and what annoyed you

He accidentally said that he loved the way you liked his stupid side as much as his idol side bc a lot of ppl see him as a pretty face and he does enjoy it but thats not all there is too him

And ur heartbroke a little for him but then u were like wait…. u love me?

Hyungwon gets all sheepish and starts to blush like ………. yeah i guess i do

It feels like your soaring through the heavens and u yell it back at him and accidentally spill your food all over the couch squashing it between the two of you when you go to hug him

He immediately tells you he wants to break up for ruining his expensive sweatpants

You punch him on the arm

Hes kinda the type to hold in his bad feelings so u always gotta break him out of that and make him comfortable so he will tell whats wrong

Always does. May take a while but always tells you.

Once he trusts you he really does trust you

Thats when he becomes serious with you and lets you know hes in it for the long run

This highkey made me emotional

HYUNGWON IS MORE THAN A MEME AND A VISUAL OKAY GUYS HE HAS FEELINGS

AND I HAVE FEELINGS AND THEY ARE MAKING ME SAD

VOTE FOR MONSTA X I WANT THEM TO HAVE THEIR FIRST WIN

ALSO APPRECIATE HYUNGWON GIVE HIM MORE LINES

#kpoptrashtag #kreativewritersnet #monsta x scenarios #hyungwon scenarios #monsta x imagines #monsta x fluff #monsta x smut #monsta x fanfiction #hyungwon imagines #hyungwon fluff #hyungwon smut #hyungwon fanfic #hyungwon fanfiction #monsta x fanfic #mine #bruh i edited the html of this text by hand on my phone ohmyfuck #chae hyungwon #monsta x #hyungwon

[jiminelli]

Not Alone

Request: Oh what about a Jhope scenario when he meets a girl who is cheerful but then she got a secret: she was a victim of bullying and things got too much for her and stress and pressure at school. When he was reading her diary, he knows that he will be the hero. Inspired by A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone (maybe)? Thanks! BTW, You Don't Know Me made me cry a million pieces! ~Queennie

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 2.299

Warnings: mentions of death and self-harm

A/N: this has been in my inbox forever but somehow i needed to write this tonight bc it’s been ages since i wrote about hobi!!! 

I didn’t proof read yet your gurl is too tired for that

ALSO I WANNA THANK YOU GUYS FOR ENJOYING MY WRITINGS SO MUCH AND HELPING ME IMPROVE THANKS TO Y’ALL I SLAYED MY FREAKING WRITING SKILLS MIDTERM AND DONT HAVE TO TAKE THE FINAL EXAM WOOP IM SO HAPPY

“Catch me if you can”, you giggled, turning around and sprinting away from your boyfriend, almost tripping over your own feet as the hill gently curved downwards. Your bare feet ran over the soft grass, head turning every few seconds, laughing at his figure behind you, trying to catch up with your own. Breath hitching in your throat, lungs and heart thumbing in your chest, your laughs echoed through the park before you felt his warm hands wrap around your waist, pulling you down with his falling body. A small scream escaped your lips, followed by laughs as you landed on the ground, his hands catching your fall

“Gotcha”, Hoseok whispered before placing his soft lips on yours, smiling into the kiss. You gently hit his chest, making him grin at you and raise his eyebrows.

“You cheated! You said you’d wait 5 seconds before coming after me!”, you pouted and poked his chest, making him laugh.

“Babe, that’s what I did. You’re just too slow”, he wiggled his eyebrows at you before kissing the tip of your nose and stroking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Pfh yeah that’s what they all say...”, you whispered more to yourself but Hoseok seemed to have heard what you said, rolling off you and bursting into laughter, bringing you close to his chest. You felt his chest vibrate against your again, forming a content smile on your face before stroking his back softly with your hands. 

“I love you (Y/N)”, Hoseok laughed, sitting up and pulling you up with him, as you started picking the grass out of your hair. 

Throwing the bit you had in your hands at him, you grinned. “I know you idiot. I love you, too.”

His smile made butterflies erupt in your stomach and he pouted his lips at you in an attempt to appear cute, only making you laugh. “C’mon let’s go grab some ice cream, it’s too hot to be lying in the sun”, he suggested and stood up, shaking the grass off his pants before offering you his hand.

“Only if you let me pay this time”, you raised your eyebrows at him suggestively and he just grinned at you.

“We’ll see about that”, Hoseok answered as he kissed your temple, engulfing you in a tight hug before walking back to the spot you had left your shoes. He was ready to spent a nice evening with the girl that made his heart burst out of his chest, making him feel like the luckiest boy on Earth.

Hoseok felt his phone vibrate multiple times in his back pocket as he was trying to teach the boys the new choreography he had come up with for the upcoming comeback. He knew that it must be you needing something from him, otherwise you wouldn’t message him during practice, so he signaled the boys a two minute break and got his phone out of his pocket unlocking it in one swift move.

From: (Y/N)♕ ♥

hey

babe

baaaaaabe

babyyyyyyy  [delivered: 11:21am]

hobi

hoseok

jung hoseeeeeooookk [delivered: 11:22am]

He grinned at his phone, making the others look at him smugly.

“Hyung, is it (Y/N) you’re texting?”, Jungkook came up from behind, grinning at him, wiggling his eyebrows at his phone.

“Who else would it be smartass?”, Yoongi jawned from the back of the room, shooting Hoseok a knowing look.

“Why don’t you ever bring her over hyung?”, Taehyung whined, ploppling down next to Hoseok.

“Yeah we’d love to meet the girl that makes our cruel dance teacher stop just to answer her messages”, Jimin laughed and went through his hair with one hand before sipping on his water bottle and throwing it over to Taehyung, who caught it smoothly.

“Guys, stop. We just started going out, I can’t bring her over already. You’ll scare her away”, he rolled his eyes at his band mates but smiling softly at the thought of all of you together. They’d love you, he knew it. You were so cheerful and full of happiness, they couldn’t just not like you. 

“We won’t scare her away, what are you talking about! We’re lovable”, Taehyung exclaimed, pushing Jungkook away who was trying to grab the water bottle from his hyung. 

Hoseok huffed and turned to his phone. He heard the others rambling around but his thoughts were with you as he typed his response.

To: (Y/N) ♕ ♥

what’s up baby? :)

Read: 11:28am

Seconds later his phone signaled him your incoming reply.

From: (Y/N) ♕ ♥

i know you’re busy rn but when you have time can you please go to my apartment and check if you see my sketchbook there? it should be somewhere in my bedroom but i forgot it there this morning

i have work until 1 today but class starts at 1:15 so i dont have time to look for it myself.....

you dont have to if you dont have time though!!

His face lit up at your last message. Of course, he’d do that for you. He’d do anything for you, even though he wouldn’t admit that to himself. He’d never admit that he had fallen for you since the day he met you, serving him in the restaurant you worked at. Only two months had passed since then but he felt like he could never let you go again. His heart had wrapped itself around you and wouldn’t be able to let go that easily.

To: (Y/N) ♕ ♥

i’ll be there in 10

As he texted his reply, he got up, stretching one last time before throwing his phone into his bag and started moving towards the door. 

“We’l continue practice later guys. I gotta go”, he waved one quick goodbye before opening the door and stepping into the hall.

“Hoseok got a booty call!”, Jungkook chanted from the inside, everybody else joining in with laughter as Hoseok rolled his eyes at his friends and kept moving. 

He didn’t need a booty call to be by your side. 

Stepping into your bedroom, he let his bag fall onto the ground and started looking around. You had described your sketchbook as a little black booklet but nothing specific on it. So that was what he started looking for. First, he went straight to your desk as one would assume that a sketchbook would be placed there; in the working area of the room. With no results. So he turned around and let his gaze glide over the room, eyes falling onto your bedside table.

Maybe you were one of those who could draw and write the best before going to sleep.

Not thinking much of it, he stepped closer to the drawer, pulling the upper drawer open and - there it was! A black booklet lying on top of blank paper. 

Jackpot. That should be it.  

Hoseok grabbed the little notebook and sat down on your bed, closing the drawer again. Looking at the thing in his hands, he scratched his head.

Should I take a look? Hoseok thought, biting down on his lips.

She’s never shown me any of her drawings... 

“She probably wouldn’t mind, her class sees it too so one more person surely won’t bother her”, with that he opened the booklet, not faced with drawings but text. 

Texts with dates.

Smeared texts with dates.

Hoseok’s eyes went wide but stayed glued to the pages. Endless pages with a small handwriting, smeared at some spots and hastily written in other parts. 

“I wasn’t good enough.... they laughed at me again.... I can’t handle this any longer”

“What the...”, he whispered, opening a random page carefully. His fingers gently stroke over the paper before he started reading.

“Two weeks until school is done. I should be happy. Everybody’s excited for prom, going shopping and preparing for one of the most important days of their lives. Except for me. You know why? You probably already know.... everybody knows. Nobody asked me to be their date. Again. Not even one of the nerds. They’re all ashamed to be seen with me. I’m too gross for them. Too fat. Too ugly. Too dumb. Too shy. Too weird. Too-everything. They know I hurt myself, too. One of the kids at school grabbed me and pushed me against the lockers, accidentally making my sleeves roll up and then they saw. One would think that they’d realize it’s their fault and be shocked or feel guilty or something like that. But you know what they did? They laughed even more. Calling me pathetic. Attention whore. Liar. Stupid. Weak. Encouraging me to cut deeper. One of them said, and I quote “Here, have my razor maybe that one works better. Try it out in the bathtub, that way your parents won’t have to clean up that much of a mess when you finally bleed to death” and everybody laughed. Maybe that’s what I should do. Instead of just hurting myself, just completely disappear. Everyone hates me anyway. I can’t make anyone happy. My teacher scold me every day for not paying attention, my parents are sick of me spending their money, sick of me being their child, I don’t have any friends anymore and basically the whole school wants to see me dead. So why not do it? Why not just cut right through my veins and let all the blood run out?”  

Hoseok felt hot droplets of tears wetting his shirt and pants as sobs erupted through his body. Was this the same (Y/N) he knew today? This couldn’t be the same girl. His girl was cheerful, gloomy and always laughing, making everybody around her happy. How was it possible that she ever felt like this? Thought these horrible things about herself? That she had to go through hell when she was a literal angel?

His breath got caught in his throat as his sobs started to break out more hysterically and coughs shook his whole body.

He had to do something. You needed to know how he felt for you, how he needed you in his life and how you should never have those thoughts again. Never ever. Not as long as he was by your side.

“Hobi?”, you called out into your lighted apartment, softly taking off your shoes in the entrance and looking around. Stepping into your small space, you saw that the light in your bedroom was on, so you slowly walked towards the door.

Pushing it open and peeking inside, you saw Hoseok standing in front of your bed, facing the other way with his hands in his pockets and a small box placed on your bed.

“Hobi, what are you doing here?”, you smiled and entered, making him turn around, smiling at you sadly.

“(Y/N)”, he breathed out and immediately wrapped his arms around your small frame, hugging you tighter than you had ever felt him do before.

“What’s wrong baby?”, you mumbled into his chest, as he was still holding onto you, not seeming to let you go any time soon. Saying you were confused, would be an understatement.

“I prepared something for you”, Hoseok smiled and finally let go, moving you to your bed and signaling to the box.

“What is this for?”, you turned around, raising an eyebrow at your boyfriend. Something was fishy about that situation and you wanted to know what was going on. 

Hoseok scratched his neck in embarrassment and dropped his gaze. Stepping closer, you caressed his arm and smiled softly. 

“C’mon, you can tell me”, you tried to encourage him.

He closed his eyes for a second and then his strong gaze met your irritated one. “I read your diary.”

You still didn’t understand and waited for him to continue. When he didn’t say anything else, you asked: “And?”

He took a deep breath and exhaled again. “The entries from your high school times.”

“Oh”, was all you could say before a sad smile spread across your face, eyes blinking fast, trying to avoid the tears to fall out at the memories those words brought back.

“I-I prepared this for you (Y/N), so you know that you don’t ever have to feel like that again. I know that I can’t heal you from those thoughts completely but maybe it helps a little bit?”, he started rushing around the room, handing you the box quickly and opening it for you. Inside you saw multiple notes stacked on top of each other.

“What is this Hoseok?”, you whispered and took one in between you fingers.

“These are reasons why I fell for you. Things I love about you. Things you do that make me smile. Things that make you who you are and more lovable each day we spent together. Basically all ju-”, you cut him off by placing the box on the bed and grabbing his face in between your hands, pressing your lips onto his. Taking Hoseok off guard, it took him a few seconds to realize what was going on before his hands moved to your hips, bringing you closer to him.

As you two parted, he leaned his forehead against yours. “You’re the reason for m smile (Y/N), every day. You can always count on me, no matter what is going on, okay? If you’re not happy, I’m not happy. You make my heart feel warm and my whole body heat up just by glancing at me. You’re not alone, no matter how stony and long this road might be, I’ll be by your side. Always.”

Tears were rolling down your cheeks at his sweet gesture and he started kissing your cheeks, trying to kiss your tears away. Giggling, you slightly pushed him away to look into his eyes and caress his cheek.

“I love you Jung Hoseok”

“I love you more (Y/L/N) (Y/N)”

©jiminelli

#bts #bangtan boys #bts imagine #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts text #bts fake text #bts angst #bts fluff #hoseok #jung hoseok #hobi #jeon jungkook #park jimin #kim taehyung #kim seokjin #kim namjoon #min yoongi

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #8: “hoebi hears ALL things shady...” - Tobi

Ok I’m super excited because we finally got a challenge involving something I’m good at which is aesthetics. I fucking love moodboards and I really wanna win a challenge so I’m hoping I can win this.

So I am absolutely not creative at all so this challenge is gonna be a struggle for me so love that

So Wes was just voted out. Im neutural about it. Yes wes was a number, but it wouldve done too much drama to try and save him.  Im playing my game not his. He didnt do himself any favours.

This round my target is david. He seems like someone who isnt central to everyone. So therefore I think he would easier to get votes on. Plus scott has mentioned david annoys him. So im hoping that now i can managed to pull 2 people our way to vote our david.

people sure gettin feisty..

lets start off with missus dani and mr michael the obvious f2.. like bitch if ur gonna leak things i tell u dont make it obvious!! LAMFJHFG and now dani wants to flip the script on felix bc She Doesnt Want To Do What Shes Told. like gtfo :) ugh im sick of them both i wanna blindside them so bad..

and then i might get caught leakin if this shit gets out more.. hope the vote stays at felix vs david tho bc its bye bye david :)

uhm idk wha t more to say. im done with these mercia people..

Today... the tea... is absolutely STEAMING!! so initially the plan was for david to leave bc felix also wanted to blindside him... but scott's told michael who TOLD david about it and now david knows about it so the target is switched rn... Also more tea is that dani thought she was slick and told scott that she wanted to blindside felix along with scott, david, michael, some sweyn, and said ahrre would do whatever she said... what she said also insinuated that me, mo, and felix were on the bottom of our og tribe... guess she doesn't know that hoebi hears ALL things shady... looks like im flipping off of my og tribe for a 3rd org in a row ladies

im such a fucking  mess.... but thank god i have rhys/jones/ryan pickin up the pieces and we still blindsidin.. ALMFJBG

GOD I HOPE ITS DANI THO IM DESPERATE FOR HER TO GO. and i wanna show michael u dont fucking throw me utb n get away with it.. i may be inbred but im not completely dumb n i have the social bonds to stay aMJFHBG

im so dumb like i deserve nothing good after this.

pleaseletmewinpleaseletmewinpleaseletmewinpleaseletmewinpleaseletmewin i w a n t t h i s

SO MUCH HAS BEEN GOING DOWN GUYS this tea is HOT SO since before the Wes vote, Felix, Mo, Tobi, Scooty, Ryan, Rhys and myself were planning on voting for David for the F11 vote - because he's a comp threat and seems pretty set on not flipping on OG Mercia BUT when Scooty was chit chatting with his Canute bff Michael, MICHAEL SPILLED THE BEANS and basically threw Scooty under the bus, so David found out about the plan! I had to play dumb when David asked me about it, and I told him I had no idea (and he totally fell for it >:3c), BUT Felix heard about it and went to Ryan and it became A [clap emoji] CLUSTER [clap emoji] FUCK [clap emoji x3] Scooty also got tea from Dani that she wants to flip the script on Felix with Scooty, me, David, Michael, and Ahrre (she said Ahrre would follow along with anything bc they're paranoid asf) - SO she basically layed out the Mercia tribe Dynamics and indirectly said that Mo, Felix, and Tobi were on the bottom. Which honestly we knew, but that works perfectly for us Sweyn ;) So after I cleared everything up with Felix that Scooty never spilled the beans to David and that Michael is a total snake, we were thinking about what to do next -And because David knows his name's been mentioned, we had to tread carefully. So then we thought,, why not use this paranoia to our advantage? We can make David feel like he's a target so they can possibly play an idol on him (which is a HUGE possibility) but in actuality,,, we're voting for Dani or Michael. It's pretty obvious to everyone that they're a really tight duo and it would be great if we could split them up now before they go far. Right now everyone would definitely prefer to vote Dani (and so would I) because apparently she's a possible comp threat, and also she's v messy so there's that. but if she possibly wins immunity then the vote's changing to Michael. As long as that duo breaks up then we're solid. BUT THAT'S THE TEA FOR NOW I'll try to make another confessional if my dumbass remembers to <3

So I didn’t win, which makes me sad but I did come in second place. Another good thing is that Jones won and I’m allies with Jones so I’m very happy about this. Overall I’m happy.

Hey ya boy is back now I'm gonna recap last week cause my flop ass forgot to do it as it happened. Basically I didn't win immunity which is good. Then I went take a poopoo and when I come back everyone is saying Wes, so hey guess I don't work this week, a nice change compared to the week jose went home.

As for Wes well he hadn't been the most active and I really didn't had a bond with him so that seemed as a convenient vote to me. Aparently he was also targetted cause he was one point away from winning immunity? idk how much of a factor that was but hey kids all the more of a reason to throw them early challenges.

Now talking about tribe lines I'm doing my job talking with the other guys and letting them know I'm willing to work with them. However I'm keeping my eyes on them, specially Scott who seemed to have charmed Michael and Dani in after having flipped on Malik. Add to that the connections he probably has with his OG tribe and make no mistake he could very well be in the best position in this game, which means I will probably have to take a shoot on him sooner or later.

Tobi could also be in a similar postion since the other guys saved him when they had a 4-1 tribe divition advantage, but idk how much was up to Tobi chatting them up instead of Madison being a liability, but I will also keep an eye in him.

Additionally Michael is def not fully in with the idea of staying og tribe strong, which is fair enough. But he also told me Felix told him last week he wanted david out next week, so that would basically be this week. So I'm gonna have to learn more about that, also I never knew who originally threw Wes's name out and no one seemed to know but something tells me Michael had something to do with that as well.

So all in all that's a bunch of stuff I'm gonna have to act upon while keeping a low profile, but hey lazy week was last week so it's not time to get confortable and sit around without doing anything.

sooo i came online today to some messiness lmao. apparently danielle/michael/david all found out about felix's plan, and michael went to Felix and basically threw Scott under the bus about it lmfao. and they want to pull in Ahrre + some Sweyns to flip it on Felix and uh.... yeah no afkdsf. i was able to get felix back on the right page and i think we're good to go him/Mo + Sweyns and blindside Danielle or Michael hehe, because felix thinks an idol could pop up or something idk

so the new plan is blindside miss dani.. thank god LMAOAOAA i been wantin her ass out forever and i wanna have michael stay shook bc if he thinks im gonna be loyal to him after this.. lmao

SHE SHOULDA JUST SAT THERE AND ATE HER FOOD INSTEAD OF SITTIN THERE SAYIN ‘OH I DONT WANNA DO WHAT IM TOLD’ LIKE BITCH. YES U WILL. OTHERWISE UR ASS IS GRASS. THANK U, NEXT.

Okay, so Jones won immunity. Great! Sweyn on the immunity train.

So David was the original plan. However scott went around trying to swing it to david to people who cant keep their gob shut. Michael went to tell David, and david has come full circle and started asking everyone if they had heard my name. So now The sweynians have tried to swing the vote on Dani. As its seen that her and Michael are a pair & Tobi finds Dani annoying.

So we are going to keep the facade that its still David and try to keep telling Michael its David etc and get votes on David. When in reality thats a big fat lie. And Dani should be getting votes.

So tonight the vote is very simple. To vote Ryan however the complication comes from whether or not I go with the og sweyns to blindside David in an attempt to really open the game up and have less of a tribe vs tribe dynamic. Also complicating matters is the fact scott wants me dani and David to form a voting block with Ahrre and someone else to really control this game. It seems to me that I need to really think about my decision.

they better make up their minds whether its me or ryan bc i aint agreeing to a 5th name this tribal LAMFJHFG

So all this is messy and I just start thinking, why don’t I flip like David’s a threat and it would open up the game 100% and also if it was just a case of David vs Ryan id vote ryan but I like Rhys so.

So a lot happened and now it’s rhys but I don’t want rhys I want ryan and with my crazy coo coo plan I hope that i get what I want bc that would be cute and like so unexpected and it would get the game to be opened up

im gunna fucking piss myself why are mercia SO DUMB!!! THEY WANNA SPLIT BETWEEN RYAN AND RHYS LMAOAOAOA LIKE HOW.. KILL ALL UR BONDS IDC!! ME AND JONES ARE BUSY CRYING LAUGHING BC THEYRE JUST SO FUCKING BAD AAAAAAAA

So I wake up to hear my name being throw around by my own og tribe... I love this tea soooo much... like in the end they settled for ryan but the fact that they have the audacity to put me up as an option AND THEN ask me for my vote... I have to laugh LKJHDFLJ I guess its time to flip the script!! Dani and Michael are coming up with this "genius" plan of splitting the votes between ryan and rhys because they think scott, jones, and I are with them... oh honey... they have a big storm comin... we're using this to our advantage to do a clean vote on Dani and take out one of them mofos... miss piggy gets revenge tonight

soo i came online to a whollllllle big ass mess lmao. Dani & Michael been scrambling to get out me or Rhys to save David and they have no idea they've dug themselves so far into a ditch.... it's scary knowing i'm gonna get votes but i feel confident that ppl have my back... i feel good that the Sweyns + Tobi + Felix will vote together to get Dani, and I just hope we've done a good job at making them not see it coming... but even if they do and an idol is played correctly by them, my idol 10000% is going to make an appearance hehehe

Hello here I am,, coming in clutch as the moodboard QUEEN. um,, thank god honestly. bc rn it seems like og Mercia wanted to just pick off Sweyn and I know for a fact David would've wanted to go for me first bc of Ko Chang (which btw, if you target people for past games, choke, it's a new game get over it sweaty c:) but yeah I'm glad I have immunity <3 thank god I ran a moodboard account over the summer teehee So yeah rn the Mercia group is a clusterfuck and I love it,,, I love watching the world burn yk? They really just,,, have no idea what they're doing. first they want to go for Scott, but apparenlty that's a cover and they're going for Ryan, THEN SCOTT KNOWS and they change the vote to Rhys, then they're splitting??? like??? hello????? y'all gotta make up your minds we've been planning on voting Dani out since before immunity came out. this couldn't have been easier honestly. I love this. THEN MICHAEL bless his heart I love him so fucking much but he really told me that David doesn't trust any of Sweyn and wants them out,, like,,, does he not realize,,,,,,,,,,,,,I'm from Sweyn. like,,, that makes me want to take you guys out even more. PLUS he's really digging his own grave when he says that Mo and Ahrre can do whatever they want and they don't matter like,, you don't give the people on the bottom leg room. that's really dumb I love Michael to death but he's doing this to himself rn but heres the rundown on what everyone on that side THINKS is happening - Michael, myself, Scooty, Dani and David vote for Ryan - Ryan and Rhys vote for David - and Mo, Ahrre Tobi and Felix do whatever the fuck they want/Rhys apparently. so that would be a 5/4/2 vote for Ryan. HERE'S WHAT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING (or what I think is happening based on my sleuthing) - David Dani and Michael are voting for Ryan - Ahrre is voting for Rhys - and myself, Scooty, Ryan, Rhys, Tobi, Mo, and Felix are all voting for Dani. making it a 7/3/1 split. I really hate how cocky I sound rn but holy fuck Mercia really crumbled and I barely did anything except for keeping Sweyn/Felix/Mo/Tobi on my side. Thank god. plus with all of this info we gathered now it'll be a lot easier to pull in Ahrre so we can take out the rest of Mercia. see y'all at F10 <3

everyone in this game can stay shook sweyn is runnin this shit..

this is legit my gameplan. be a crazy ass bitch and be a mess and people will never vote ur ass cus they think ull lose in ftc LAMJFBFG

OKAY. So lets catch up on the vote.

Originally sweyn was going for David. So Scotty was trying to get on it early and get people to swing to him. He told Michael. Michael tells David. David asks all of Sweyn if we heard his name.

We all regroup, and decide Michael or Dani is the best bet. As you know, snitches get stiches. Dani is Michaels ally and I have heard some people have been annoyed with her. So Dani is our new target. We have Tobi, Felix and Mo on board supposedly.

I continue the facade and talk to Michael and Dani about the vote with David. Inorder to keep David thinking its him. Going over whos voting who and blah blah.

Apprently the others, were going to go for Ryan. However Michael told Scotty about it being Ryan, when he was supposed to. This lead to Scotty telling Dani, who told David. So now *apprently* they think Ahrre told Scotty. So now I've been told the vote has been switched to me. But it may be split between me and Ryan.

So right now, I think Dani is going home, with a few votes on me or Ryan. However keyword being THINK. This could be completly a blindside on my half. Just gotta keep fingers crossed.

Man, so tonight's tribal is gonna be crazy. I got my alliance of Felix, Michael, Danielle and myself voting for Rhys. And I'm gonna use my vote steal to steal Ahrre's vote since he considered himself the swing vote and I'm gonna vote Rhys again with it. If this plan works, Rhys goes home.

We've been telling everyone else that the vote is Ryan, so in case there's an idol being played on either Rhys or Ryan, the other one will hopefully go home.

Ok so a lot has been going on and I've got a big headache so lets just sum it all up.

1. Scott is a dangerous little fella aparently the entire Felix throwing David under the bus last week story was bs. 2. OG Sweyn are going after David. 3. David is going after rhys but he's telling me to vote ryan for some reason, I assume that's because someone leaked the ryan vote to Scott and for some reason he thinks it was me? Either way he's really risking it considering I'm not sure he even has majority, plus he's alienating my ass so I have no real reason to keep him if I survive this round.

Anyhow I'm paranoid now so wish me gl.

Danielle is voted out 7-2-2.

#episode #royallyyours