#im pretty sure this makes no sense

[unkalaki]

The Seduction of Nihilism and why its stupid

Nihilism. Oh, thy poison is sweet, thy fruit most succulent, thy scent the soporific musk of death. Please forgive me this little indulgence, being flowery and poetic is something of a yearning and if I don’t indulge in it from time to time it becomes quite painful. Let us however turn to nihilism and look at it. Let us really look at it.

Nihilism. I always liked the word. Not the concept. The word itself. It sounds so … threatening. It has such finality. It invokes feelings of destruction and endings. Or perhaps that is what I think of the idea and thus translate onto the word. Who knows and frankly who cares? It is a word. A deep and meaningful one perhaps but it is still a word. Let us try to delve into the meaning behind the concept. The idea that is there. That is far more interesting. However, the idea of nihilism is one that does not really have a universal definition. At least I don’t think it can. I think due to the ideas and themes it invokes it is a highly personal thing. It will change from person to person. So today we are going to be venturing into my personalised hell scape and look at what nihilism means to me. Welcome aboard. Next stop futility.

Futility. That is the core concept behind this idea. Useless. Doesn’t matter. Without effect. That is what nihilism is to me. That no matter what we do, no matter what we try, no matter what our achievements, what our goals, it doesn’t matter. It never did. You were a fool to try to do anything. Your efforts, for any stated goal, are useless. Why are you trying in the face of an inescapable, uncaring and, most importantly, unchanging world? Your perceptions of the good in life and the evil in others is an illusion of meaning that you created to see the world through. It is all banal, hopeless and without meaning. Why help someone? It won’t change anything. In a weeks time you will be forgotten. In a decades time you might all be dead. In a century your existence on earth will be erased and in a longer span of time earth itself will cease to be. You do not matter. Not really. Nothing you do is able to actually really help. Your efforts are a patchwork, a poultice applied onto a wound that might soothe the pain for a while but that pain is not banished, it is merely biding its time. It will return. In its waiting it is just growing more potent. In fact, the pain will be worsened by the fact that you have provided a contrast now. You were merely a tool of the world. However, even that is wrong. A tool presumes a wielder, a wielder presumes intent, intent presumes awareness and awareness presumes importance. You are not important. Your presence is not notes by anything. Your life is not a speck of dust. It just might as well not be. Remove yourself from the cycle of existence and you will see that there is no change. Remove your species and in a few centuries you will never have been. In fact, in this time period there will be no centuries. For that is a word you have given to the passage of time to mark your place in it. The chiming of a clock is important for he who wishes to know where they are in the river of time. The river does not care to be measured and when you are gone it will just flood up and be itself again, without your stubbornness in trying to create bounds for it.

I don’t claim to know what the true academic definition of nihilism is. I never studied it. The above words are just my feeble attempt of evoking the same feelings and thoughts that I have passed through. They have failed to do so but then they have to fail. Words in themselves are, at least for me, never enough to convey what emotions and thoughts are. Words are limited by a linearity of structure that thoughts do not have. The human imagination just leaps from one idea to another and does this constantly and we just get glimpses of it. True understanding is not possible, for me at least. It is a chorus of voices, sometimes talking to each other, sometimes to the part that I identify as the self and sometimes just screaming. In joy, in horror or just because they are bored, it is difficult to parse the reason why.

Let us leave that to the side though. Nihilism. What is it? It is in simple, a sweet seductive call. Leading you to the rock-strewn shore of cynicism where the broken husk of hope lies and asking you, pleading you, don’t. Just don’t. That is where the beauty and horror of nihilism lies. It asks you to simply refrain. Refrain from all that is hard, that is painful, that is burdensome. Throw all that weight into the sea and just lie down. Close your eyes and become oblivion. If nothing matters why try. Why spend a lifetime trying when in the end it is fated to be erased, so as to never have been? If the work of your bruised and bloodied hands is fated to be forgotten, to be destroyed then why hurt your hands. The end is predestined, why struggle against it. This is when it asks of you the ultimate question. If you are going to be consigned to the uncaring care of oblivion in the future then why wait. Oblivion is retrospective. It doesn’t just erase you from the future, it reaches back into the past and erases all signs of your existence there. Time will ravage the land so that the witnesses of the future will be unable to even think that you ever existed and they will be right, you never did. So why wait? Just take the leap now. If after a lifetime of struggle, you are going to be erased then why wait. Why continue the struggle, just wade into the waters and drown your existence, that is its ultimate destination anyways isn’t it?

Thus, you are wooed and thus you are conquered.

Nihilism is stupid though. I know, I spent so many words and so much effort to describe it but now I say that its stupid. What the hell do I mean? I mean what I say. It is stupid. It is so bafflingly stupid because the simple answer is “So what?”. The world is fated to end. I am fated to be forgotten. My memory, my existence, it won’t matter in a given period of time. SO WHAT? I am real. My pain is real. The pain of those that are around me is real. This world is real. Even if we get into the argument that love, pain and all other emotions are just perceptions that chemicals in our brains create to explain the inputs that those around us have, SO WHAT? Does that make this any less? If this is all an illusion, if we are all in the matrix, SO WHAT?

The pain is real. It is real because of the very simple fact that we feel it. The cause, the effect, the phenomena that explain its existence, those are secondary. The pain is here and the pain is felt. That is enough to make it real. That is enough to make it important. Actions taken to soothe it are important because they affect the now and here. In a hundred years no one will remember you. Who cares? Remembrance of others is not what makes me real. I lived, I loved, I cried and I laughed. That is what makes me real. The aim in life is not to make an indelible imprint on existence, it is to make an impression on something far more important, the lives of those around us. The world is important because it contains those that see its beauty. That give purpose to its existence by theirs. The world without us, and us here is not just humans but all those that live. Its longevity is not a curse that should break us down because without those that see, this longevity may as well not be. A world unwitnessed does not exist. The world came into being when the first being with senses felt its being.

So why struggle in this world? Why continue to rebuild towers that fall to ruin, that will always fall to ruin? Because while ruination is the end. It is not the whole of the story. It is notable only because of its finality but that finality only brings greater contrast to all that follows. The existence, though a blip on the radar is beautiful and meaningful in itself. For that single blip it was. It pierced the heavens. Should we not celebrate it because it fell down? What doesn’t? One must imagine Icarus happy. For he fell down, for a moment there he flew alongside the stars. The fall may come, the fall may be inevitable but the life before it still matters. Just because we all fall does not mean we should cease the flight.

Sorry for the length.

#nihilism #rambling thoughts #ramblings #hope #life matters #thoughts #no one is going to see this #and its okay #this felt good #suicide #life before death #journey before destination #im pretty sure this makes no sense

[lovesaghost]

My favorite ship dynamic? People who constantly make fun of each other but will rip out the throat of anyone else who says something even remotely mean about the other

#does this make sense #hoffstrahm #lawrusso #klance #percabeth #coffinshipping #fluffybird #though im pretty sure if one of them heard yellow say something bad about the other theyd just agree so that #i cant think of any others lol #ronance #maybe?? idk #feel free to add more #reddie #johnlock #merthur #gallavich

[ruporas]

special operatives (silly interaction beneath read more)

[ID: Digital Art in color of Trigun Maximum, characters included are Wolfwood, Elendira, and Legato in a casual meeting situation. The piece consists of orangey yellow lighting and purple shadows. Wolfwood sits on the left side, facing Elendira who’s on the right. He’s seated on a plain wooden chair with one knee up and he’s holding the strap to his Punisher in his left hand while his right sits against his thigh, He has an irritated expression as he speaks to Elendira. Elendira is sitting in a fancier seat, her right arm rests against Wolfwood’s propped up knee, her left hand holds her suitcase. She’s sitting cross legged with an amused expression. Legato can be seen in the back at the center of the image in his mobile body case, one of his eyes shown to be glaring at Wolfwood. End ID]

[ID: Sketch, uncolored comic. Elendira says to Wolfwood, “I’m not telling you to dedicate yourself to him, but just accept the situation at hand. We could get along better if we were on the same page.” Wolfwood responds, “Don’t peg me me for an optimist. I’m not dumb. But, I’m also not going to just live in resignation. Plus, I don’t have any interest in getting along with ya.” Elendira coos, “Aw, you sure? I have a wonderful shoulder to cry on when the weak people you’re trying to protect eventually dies in the coming months. Though, I guess it’s fine. Someone like you might just die before then anyway...” She snickers in her hand while Wolfwood is speechless and just glares. Legato is faintly drawn in the back, glaring at Wolfwood, muttering “worthless” repetitively. End ID]

#trigun #trigun maximum #nicholas d wolfwood #elendira the crimsonnail #legato bluesummers #YES they were together in scene canonically for only 1 Measly chapter. Yes legato dipped like 2 seconds later but listen #trigun has such a fun cast and such a vague sense of time that i love to just throw in whatever Chances of the gung hos meeting outside of #canonic time... i mentioned before but i do think ww just runs into them on occasion from town to town #this illust would have to take place after the remembrance of july though ofc since that was when ww first saw elendira... which is still #the funniest ww ever bc he was so Shocked. LIKE AGHAST... BC IT WAS ELENDIRA THE CRIMSONAIL. he was starstruckk it was so cute #elendira of all people deserve that kind of reaction though im glad that they hyped it up with ww of all people. bc its like wow even ww is #kind of intimidated! even though he gained his grips like 5 seconds later to talk back to her. which is why i think theyd have a funny #dynamic. and legato is just there. he does not care about them but he also hates them and it's fun to think about how that'd extend to #wolfwood after knives specifically left the gung hos up to him and then explicitly didnt say shit after giving ww a special little mission #it also is just like. legato is pretty passive in trimax until someone is actively betraying knives or when its vash #and ww also does not give a shit about legato bc he also is like. vaguely aware he'd lose in a fight. so all i make them do is stare at each #other passive aggressively. TRISTAMP on the otherhand is ridiculously insane for making legato genuinely hold enough aggression towards ww #to literally activate his character arc in the season sgmkdsgm cannot wait for final phase where legato not only deeply detest vash but also #bears a similar aggression towards ww. actually im not sure whether i should be Excited for that or not but it would be an interesting #ruporas art

[fluffclan]

Can y'all look at tumblr, or just post? If yes to the former.. What kind of content do you each like??

(//ooc: featuring all my favourite clangen blogs!! Go check them out!!)

Rustbee and Mossfrog belong to @fallenclan

Rimestar and Foxflit belong to @bitterclan

Pachirisu belongs to @sporeclan Belle belongs to @almaraclan

Mistlestar and Slightpaw belong to @whistleclan

Rainpaw belongs to @cats-of-rainclan

Coniferpaw belongs to @castaway-clan

Luckpaw belongs to @lotusclans-luck

Fieldfeather belongs to @gray-thistleclan

Sootsnow belongs to @chasing-faith-and-fate

Bleakpaw and Howlkit belong to @dawn-clan

#this is like kinda noncanon since im pretty sure almaraclan is set in the victorian era so it doesn't make too much sense #but like im not passing an excuse to do fanart bc loook how gorgeous everyone else's kitties are #look at them #im so invested in all of these #i needed to post this quickly before any of these cats die lol #fanart #fluffclan #fluffclan driftpaw #ask #driftpaw answers #clangen #i might make a follow up posts with the other starclan cats dash preferences lol #they enjoy fishblr a lot i think

[quicktimeeventfull]

so i understand completely why L’s ‘we’ll be parting ways soon’ line is usually interpreted as some sort of prescience on his part but i feel it’s worth noting that he’s in the process of setting up light’s execution — like from his perspective there is a pretty sure chance that they’ll part ways not because L is about to die but because L is about to kill light

#its bordering on sadistic tbh but also it’s tragic #from a meta perspective im pretty sure the writers were hinting at his upcoming death #but in universe i think it makes the most sense if he’s apologizing to light for preparing to execute him?

[mournersandfunerals]

The thing is, I can forgive a lot of it. The scene where Kaz tries to help Inej with her wounds? I guess it was a nice nod to the CK scene, if slightly too soon. The "I will have you without Armour?" Fine. We all wanted to see that anyway. Rushing Wesper into a relationship rather than keeping as the slow-burn from the books? Okay. I really loved them on screen despite that. Kaz beating up the dregs? Definitely could have done without it for obvious reasons, but whatever. I can brush it off.

But the two things that are really grating on me are Kaz's face-off with Pekka Rollins and Inej leaving to hunt slavers. Because the POINT of these things happening towards the end of the second book is that there's a build up.

These characters go through so much. We learn everything about them, we see their struggles and we root for them. We spend SO much time learning about Kaz's thirst for revenge. We see moments where he starts to lose it when it comes to Pekka, and slowly start to learn why. And at the climax of Crooked Kingdom, there's so much on the line. We finally see him snap. There's a build up there of something that he's spent his entire life and two whole books working towards.

The first season of Shadow and Bone consisted of 8 episodes. So we can estimate that the crows had probably less than 4 hours of screen time. And we learned nothing about them, really. They were the mysterious trio that were hired to steal something. And then suddenly S2E1's "Brick by brick" turns into the peak of Kaz's character arc. It takes away the impact and the reasoning behind it.

And the same for Inej. Where is the journey? Where's the trauma that was inflicted by a woman who was truly evil? When we see Inej running into Tante Heleen for the first time in the duology, she freezes. She can't do anything. Are you telling me that the same girl who is so terrified of this woman can face her without a problem?

Again, there's so much of a development here as well. Inej has this realisation and this epiphany about what she wants to do. She wants to hunt down these slavers. She wants to make sure that nobody goes through the same stuff that she did. And when she sees Heleen after that, it's when she slowly starts to lose power over Inej. I mean, she steals the necklace straight from her neck, for crying out loud. Erasing Inej's trauma from S1 was a problem but they dug themselves in a deeper hole by killing off Heleen. She can't go through the journey that she's supposed to. Her entire character arc was just completely erased.

And the thing is, in the duology, Inej still goes through even more hell before she can get free from her indenture. The Ice Court Heist, Van Eck's torture, Dunyasha, etc. And yet... she's free before the start of the heist?

The heist is an important job for each crow. They all have a reason for being there, and they all have something on the line. None of them really think they're going to survive it, but they're trying anyway because, at this point, what do they really have to lose? And for Inej, this is her chance to get the money to leave the barrel. So... are you telling me that she's going to willingly come back to help on a life-threatening job for freedom that she no longer needs? What's going to happen with Kaz now that he's already had that stand-off?

Would love to know because right now I'm as lost as the rest of the book fans.

#im pretty sure none of this makes sense #i just needed a little rant #it makes sense in my head but sorry if the words didnt word right #shadow and bone spoilers #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #sab netflix #s&b netflix #sab spoilers #six of crows #crooked kingdom #soc #ck #grishaverse #kaz brekker #inej ghafa

[descendantofthesparrow]

i know i posted a poll but i had vibes and had to draw them out

tried to think 'd1 villain parents' designs for her, where the villains' are very close to the original designs n such the scribbles are gold embriody or however you spell it

also took a note from a suggestion from @thetimelordbatgirl, she mentioned a white skirt with red painted ends for the 'paint the white roses red' and i loved that idea and so i did it

also cape....cuz i can

#disney descendants #art #my art #queen of hearts #absolutely NO shade to the actress btw!!! #no shade or hate to ANY of the actos of ror!!!! all the hate is geared towards the outfits #i very much wanted to give her her orignal silhouette #Ror qoh's skirt is very much suppose to be a rose but it translates awfully and so i hate it :D #im tempted to an isle qoh's design since she was ORINGALLY on the isle before this soft reboot BECUASE THATS WHAT IT IS #decided the qoh's was never on the isle and actually never left wonderland-which...does make sense when you think about it #cuz wonderland was in Alice's mind wasnt it??? #so idk #but im pretty sure the qoh's WAS on he isle #beucase in d2 she had a background kid dancing in GTTB #she had a whole design #cute lil space buns #damn i miss the d3 era good times

[uncharted-constellations]

MJ currently has superpowers and a terrible costume and honestly i couldnt let that stand

#mj watson #mary jane watson #jackpot #marvel #redesign #art #my art #spider-fam #she has a roulette/luck based power which gifts her abilities #im not gonna pretend it makes sense to me but anyways #who let humberto ramos do character design again after that fuckin si-lk costume #u know the one #her bracelet is supposedly m-s m-arvels in honor of her 5 minute sacrifice before editorial brought her back as a mutant #im just gonna say its Based on her bracelet because it would be weird if it was #considering im pretty sure it was like a family heirloom or something #also the little buttons say 777 because lotto pun #and in reference to the last hero jackpots belt #her colors show up as mostly red when shes channeling stuff but rainbow just worked better here #also neon gives more casino-y vibes

[sunscall]

dennis saying "we spend every waking minute together [with charlie and frank], it'll be good for us to keep our distance" as an excuse to not share a table with them during his monthly dinner with mac... as if he and mac aren't the ones who ACTUALLY see each other 24/7 since not only do they work together, but they also literally live together too. incredible.

#good for us to keep our distance suree #it's funny bc he said the same thing when he realised hes codependent w mac after dee called him out for it #and now hes using the good to keep our distance reason to not share the table w charlie and frank #so mac and him can have their monthly date together without them #so basically he used to say it to get out of his codependency w mac and now hes using it to be even more codependent on mac #i mean s8 wise. not rly now now #im aware that dennis also just hated the idea of approaching them first for ego reasons btw #i just think that dennis sometimes seems pretty unaware #like hes painfully aware but also unaware bc hes deep in denial if that makes sense?? #like how hes so yuck at the fact of being a partner/lover whatever to mac #and says the i sleep w women but im emotionally involved w mac line as a pretend thing #without realising that hey thats. thats literally it. thats the literal truth to their relationship tbh #i kinda think he does realise it but he buried it deep and sometimes it'll hit him hard randomly and he would do impulsive things thus #whatever idk #macdennis #iasip posting

[sea-jello]

Day 21/October 21: Day of the Departed || Reminisce (??)

GRAHH ITS STILL THE 21ST SOMEWHERE i’m apparently using morrotober to try new things this one’s a new lineart brush that i’m sorta warming up to and the POSE and the BACKGROUND and the LIGHTING i’m surprised i finished this at all tbh. and also new morro design

bg lineart and sword vs neither plus the green ghost fog thing i do basically if you zoom in really really close the lines aren’t smooth on the lineless bgs but icba the pedestal can be chipped or something. i kinda like without the sword and fog cause it gives him a more isolated feel yk (that was my original idea lmao)

this one’s my attempt at funky mannequin hands

#i was sorta going for a reminiscey vibe #if you squint he’s looking at the sword #at least that’s what i tried to do #i’m pretty sure reminisce is looking back on good things tho so maybe not #i just now realized the sword would make more sense facing the other way but whatever we ball #alo if you see this these were the hands i wanted to do w your dtiys but i couldn’t figure it out so i stuck the sword onto him lol #SPEAKING OF HANDS I DID THEM MYSELF WITH NO REF AND IM KINDA PROUD OF THEM #LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW IMPROVEMENT BABY #at least i hope these things are kinda one and done #I ALSO DID THE POSE WITH NO REF although that one may be evident #i actually did everything other than the bg with no ref #i was coloring the bg in the dark so i hope the colors aren’t too wack i just eyedropped and prayed #the texture is weird idk how i did that #deadass i think i was coloring for like 5 hours straight #i actually kinda like the fog thing the outline reminds me a bit of the preeminent #ninjargon just says morro if you want to know about that #ninjago #lego ninjago #morro ninjago #ninjago morro #morro wu #morrotober 2023 #morrotober2023 #morrotober #ninjago dotd #day of the departed #i had more doodles and a comic for previous prompts but i got intimidated by the comic and got stuck doom scrolling instead #i’ll finish them when i have the time #and pick my ass up to tackle the comic #maybe i’ll just post it for myself instead of morrotober

[activatebutterflyshield]

I was compelled last night and I’m quite honestly scared of whatever 11:59 PM me intended for those middle sections. At least I still know my colors when sleep deprived, and I’m sure someone else on here can fill the blank spots out better than I can on a full eight hours of shut-eye.

#oh god on high what do i tag this with #the crane wives #the paper kites #cosmo sheldrake #fish in a birdcage #the arcadian wild #the oh hellos #dirt poor robins #the amazing devil #venn diagram #me running my mouth #im pretty sure you could put all the text boxes in this file in a jar shake it to hell and back and pour it over the diagram #and itd still make some degree of sense #says a lot about my music taste eh mates? #anyone who sees this and relates to any degree please o please say so #i have essays worth of analysis i can spit out about most of these musicians #not on command though i need to get kinda existential first #theres three paragraphs about the eurus ep hanging out in my drafts and i think my motivation for that is somewhere behind the couch #with the spiders and my childhood nail clippings

[yaburnae]

also why does everybody and their mother KNOW that azriel is the night court’s spymaster? does that not…defeat the purpose of a spymaster?

#like. i’m pretty sure that makes 0 sense #im not an espionage expert but like. if you’re deep in the trenches spying i don’t think people are supposed to know who you are? #anyway that’s not his title he’s probably officially a rank or two lower than cassian in the illyrian armies #cassian is the lord of bloodshed and azriel is the blade behind the throne rah rah rah #but obvi unofficially he’s the spymaster and nobody but the IC knows

[alldni]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iHqVW2cq1naVTlHJ01Z0JB2zuMOk37SBceOtWreEoEQ/edit a decent amount of the absent friends script was leaked on ebay a bit ago !!! here's a typed out version of it :3

this is the most insane piece of doctorjack dialogue in existence. what the fuck. like it’s one thing for jack to imply unrequited love on screen but for him to literally be like “why won’t you take me back” is insane like obviously we all know they had some kind of mutual romantic relationship ok 😐 but for it to be THIS strong in actual canon dialogue is killing me why did no one tell me this exists

#it also doesn’t make 100% sense bc #im pretty sure the last time the doctor saw jack he asked jack to come travel with him and jack said no LMAO #but whatever imma go crazy over it anyway #doctor who #jack harkness #captain jack harkness #tenth doctor #torchwood

[apocalyptic-byler]

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #stranger things 5 #stranger things polls #polls #byler s5 #i hope this makes sense im making this at like 1am so #im pretty sure every relationship that involved an ily has failed but if im wrong pls correct me

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Harvey by Alex g and Sarah by alex are jam coded

they areeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee they are they are they are

God they're just such a mess together. Both those songs are both of them talking about each other.

Like, in Harvey the last verse just makes me think of Tim having night terrors and waking up in the middle of the night, and like Jay doing his best to look after him. Cos i do think Tim definitely has night terrors and stuff like that in sorry its locked. I haven't thought much about Tim's issues and how they'd manifest in this lil AU (other than him being kinda like, I can fix him, about Jay a bit), cos SIL is kinda mostly about Jay and Alex, like, even when its about Jam its about Jaylex if that makes sense? I don't think Jay would ever actually say "I love you" to Tim, he probably would have eventually, but in the time they actually have together he only thinks it, he doesn't actually say it. Neither of them do. Tim's waiting for Jay to say it first, and that never happens.

He wakes up in the middle of the night I run in and turn on the light Run my hands through his short black hair I love you Harvey, I don't care

Anyway but like, then the second verse is definitely like Tim talking about Jay. He's constantly chasing after Jay, even when they're already dating and together and all that, Tim has to chase after Jay because Jay is still hung up on Alex, everything is about Alex to Jay, even when he knows it shouldn't be and he should let at least some things be about Tim. But even Tim being nice to him is about Alex in a way, because its about how different Tim is to Alex. Even once they're in a relationship, Jay's not gonna magically be fixed and stop being at least a little scared of intimacy and being vulnerable in a normal way. Vulnerability through kink? Sure, Jay can do that, because he still feels in control of that. If that gets too much he can safeword out. But vulnerability in general? That's more difficult, that leaves him feeling out of control and like he doesn't have a way out.

I'll chase Harvey through the door in the wall He says, "Never catch me, never miss me at all" Drool comes down from the corner of his mouth I say, "I love you Harvey, you cut it out"

Sarah

Then in Sarah the bit about not being able to be that someone needs is so them both about each other. Neither of them can be what the other needs. Tim because what Jay needs is to work on himself and fix himself before he can be healthily in a relationship with anyone, he can't be Jay's therapist, and that's what Jay actually needs. Jay kind of knows that, but to him he thinks he needs someone to love him better, to fix him for him by loving him enough, and that's just not how healing works. you have to do the work yourself with support from others. they can't do it for you.

For Jay he thinks Tim needs someone better than him, Jay's "I can't be what you need" is more about his own self loathing than about the reality of the situation. Though, he's not completely wrong, Tim does need him to fix himself before he can be what Tim "needs" in their relationship. Because as Jay is currently, they can't be in a healthy relationship, not long term at least. Over time it'd all spiral out of control and they'd end up resenting each other, unless Jay actually agreed to get help, and worked to make that help, yknow, help.

I can't be what you need I am stuck in a dream I am stuck in a dream Don't you know she's been here all along in a dream? She belongs in a dream

The first two lines make me think of Tim thinking about how Jay deals with difficult situations. He runs away. The second Jay thinks something's going wrong, he runs away, whether physically or emotionally. Like, in chapter 3 when Jay just assumed Tim was going to abandon him like Alex had after showing real interest in him for the first time. Jay ran away. Only to the car park, but he was planning on running all the way away once he got his keys and shit from the room he and Tim were sharing. Jay's definitely not gonna stop running away, he might literally run away less, but he'll still distance himself emotionally when he doesn't need to. Or at least that's how i'm planning on writing him. god knows if i'll go through with it, but i plan to.

Sarah runs to feel the burning in her lungs And clear her head

There's a couple other lines that are like Tim talking about Jay. The line about "she loves me like a dog" is so Jay. he does love Tim like a dog, he follows him around like a lost puppy and he's obsessed with him like a dog is with their One Person. And he doesn't say anything about it, whereas Tim is pretty happy to tell Jay what he's thinking and feeling. Maybe he doesn't tell Jay everything, but he tells Jay a lot more than Jay tells him. Jay does that thing where he makes it sound like he's telling you a lot more than he is by repeating the same information in different words over and over again.

She loves me like a dog And when we mess around, I'll let her know the truth I found

#nothing i say makes sense #ever #i am just rambling and saying words that sound like they COULD make sense #but im pretty sure they dont #im watching shaun of the dead with my boyfriend #im blaming that for how much i dont make sense #marble hornets #jay merrick #tim wright #mh jam #marble hornets fanfic #mh sorry its locked

[kiwioala]

imagine ur ex-husband setting u up on a date thats disguised as an interrogation

#qsmp #liveblogging #qsmpblr #qsmp liveblog #qsmp forever #qsmp badboyhalo #cellbit and forever are just like this #im like pretty sure forever was a major spiderbit supporter too #it just makes so much sense for them