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Random, Useless Headcanons | Accepting
i like how i keep labeling this meme asΒ βacceptingβ when i haveβ¦. 260 of these right here.
1: Has he driven a car before? Yes. Should he be allowed to keep driving? No.
2: You know thatΒ βIβm washing me and my clothes!β vine? Thatβs Jane. Itβs efficient.
3: If you gave him Cat Food heβd say itβs the best thing heβd ever tasted.
4: Before going to Poland to serve his time, he hired a sex worker. Her touch would be the last non-violent physical contact he would feel for the next 9 or so years.
5:Β
6: He donates a healthy sum of his paychecks to wild animal and veteran charities.Β
7: Janeβs βfriendshipβ with Merasmus is the longest relationship heβs ever held.
8: Jane doesnβt believe in the number 8.
9: He doesnβt have any titty mags, but he does have tasteful pin-up for the inside of his locker.
10: Heβs an excellent swimmer - but will sometimes forget to hold his breath.Β
11: Getting Jane to imprint on you like a baby bird is really easy. Be strong, be patriotic, be funny, be determined.Β
12: He trusts everything heβs told from someone he views as a friend.
13: Heβs been on BLU before - it was brief.., a WAR! got started and ended. A few years went by and he was balanced to RED
14: Continuation of 13, it was⦠very easy to get him to believe he was always on RED team.
15: He loves fighting robots - but nothing compares to the feeling of a neck snapping in his hands.
16: He taught himself how to use every weapon he came across in Poland - it took a few years before he ran into a rocket launcherβ¦. His life was changed from that moment onward.
17: His knowledge of the US military comes from tv and stories from veteran home he was forced to work at through his older years at the orphanage. (Outdated or complete bullshit.)
18: The liveliness of America is just one of the innumerable reasons he loves the country. Even things he hates (like.. war protesters/hippies) have this determination in them that makes him proud.
19: Heβll pick ear wax out of his ear, sniff it, grimace, and happily hold the finger out to somebody near him.
20: He only wants the best for you.
21: Getting him to realize heβs actually ended civilianβs lives is a conversation that would take over an hour. His brain has the wildest, irrationally rational excuses ever. (βOfficer Miss Pauling, what I am about to say will SHOCK you; I was framedβ will never make me not lose my mind. ilove him)
22: His moral compass is, admittedly, terrible, but he genuinely wants the best for people in the world.
23: Helping people, serving his country, thatβs his goal. That all he wants out of life. Heβs a cog in the machine of war and he loves it.
24: Consequences donβt exist in Janeβs world.
25: Heβs so fucking bisexual. This headcanon is not useless at all.
26: Jane snores like a chainsaw - and will then be absolutely silent for spaces of minutes.
27: He never covers his face when he sneezes.
28: Heβs very touchy feely - A way to make up for what he so clearly craves.
29: But god this man wants to beΒ touched.
30: As much as Jane holds back on admitting to weakness, heβs also just a genuinely honest guy so simple prodding usually gets him to spill.
31: Jane has never purposefully manipulated someone in his life.
32: Heβs only ever seen one movie. Well, more like registeredΒ he always zones out at some point. Sometimes starting the movie in a day dream and zoning back in to catch the ending. The movie heβs fully seen was watched through 3 separate sessions.
33: War films, what he does catch, always make him cry.
34: With everyone he meets; Jane immediately thinks of two things. How to kill them. And what to say when holding their guts into their dying corpse and crying to the sky.
35: He has no idea heβs beautiful.
36: Jane doesnβt have a self-effacing bone in his body.
37: He chews with his mouth open, and speaks with his mouth full. Heβll also snap at someone else to stop talking with their mouth full, itβs disrespectful.
38: Jane had a dream where he beat Communism and thought it was true for a whole year.
39: Heβs not dumb on purpose. He has nothing to gain by making people think heβs an idiot, as far as heβs concerned. He acts like himself 24/7
40: Jane invented that song Fifty Nifty United States song thatβs song in elementary schools.
41: You know those kiddie leashes? You could put one of those on Jane and he wouldnβt be, like,Β βOkay.β Try and run off and be likeΒ βWhat contraption is holding me here?!?!?!β
42: The answer to life, the universe, and everything is American Apple Pie
43: i just realized im gonna get to answer a headcanon 69 and got excited. UHH jane likes the color red.
44: Jane likes the color blue.
45: Jane likes the color white.
46: Jane loves all skin colors, anybody can be American.
47: Has he retained any American history? Haha. Ha. No.
48: Jane was taken out of elementary school for bad behavior, lack of attention, and general ruckus.
49: His orphanage never tried to send him back to any schooling.Β
50: Jane was born July 4th, he doesnβt know that, despite claiming it.
51: Heβs not an amnesiac - heβs never had a strong sense for long-term memories.Β
52: God, he loves bread.
53: And also he loves taking everything Engineer says literally. Heβs such a wise American.
54: Jane would absolute trollface and sayΒ βProblem?β
55: He would never say a slur.
56: Jane does not use fuck as a curse ever. Heβll say it, but like, to mean, yβknow.
57: Heβs a follower, donβt tell him that. Heβll get offended.Β
58: Jane is convinced the President is the most powerful being in the world, and is also granted special powers.
59: Jane is progressive, baybee. He thinks dogs should vote!!
60: UNLESS IT HAS TO DO WITH WAR. Then heβs, like, a total bootlicker.
61: Heβll beat up racists in bars.
62: Jane really came alive during Grey Mannβs first robot attacks - for the second time he felt like he was protecting America and not some Very Important American Gravel.Β
63: If Jane ever got sentenced to prison, heβd just serve his time.
64: He has Lawyer Powers given to him by magic, and he is not afraid to use them.
65: Besides Scout, he has represented himself, Lt. Bites, and the state of Tennessee in court.
66: He was a bad roommate, he genuinely thought Merasmus was an even worse roommate.Β
67: Extreme Cold is a surefire way to trigger his PTSD. He doesnβt act all that different verbally, but he becomes entire still. Not even moving to shiver. Itβs like he automatically transfers to late stageΒ hypothermia.
68: Jane may have never played baseball, but heβs briefly been on a bowling team.
69: ayyyyy. Jane always returns the favor, if ya know what i mean.
70: I canβt tell you how much he can lift because I know nothing about fitness, but itβs a lot. And itβs impressive.Β
71: Jane practices unsafe workout routines! Itβs a miracle lifting without a spotter hasnβt killed him yet.
72: He makes up for his genuine stupidity with Pure Luck.
73: Heβll kill, heβll maim, but he wonβt assault.Β
74: Janeβs favorite chocolate is Hersheyβs.
75: Heβs convinced Milton Hershey, founder of Hersheyβs Chocolate, was a President despite him being alive in Janeβs lifetime.
76: Jane isnβt afraid of gay thoughts, never payed attention to period typical homophobia going on around him therefor never got a chance to develop it.
77: Jane would totally be the type of guy to see one of those Fireman Calendars and zone out staring at some dudes pecs and someone asks him if heβs okay and heβs likeΒ βIβm ogay.β
78: Itβs a miracle, the first time Jane rocket jumped, his legs werenβt blown off. He was injured from the fall, surprised heβd gotten air at all. It was an accident and, while heβd never go to recreate it during his time in Poland, when heβd gotten hooked up to respawn and he saw all the high perches, the trick reoccured to him.
79: He loved Tavish so much
80: He was born in Tennessee, although he grew up in Wisconsin.
81: Heβll make odd little sounds - aborted sentences, thoughts lost to the depths of his brain. You can point them out and heβll have no idea what youβre talking about.
82: He could have a possum mixed in with his raccoons and think itβs a raccoon.
83: He takes his Ranger Job very seriously. Just as serious as he does all his jobs. (So, you know. Not⦠very.) He is very enthusiastic at least!
84: Heβs not empathetic at all, however energies at Large in a room really affect him. Chances are, if everyoneβs in good favor, heβll be really happy and relaxed - even if previously grumpy.
85: Jane can be really grumpy, thatβs when his drill sergeant personality shines through - more often than not, heβs just a good natured loud patriot rolling with the punches of life.
86: He believes in the Judeo-Christian God, but also⦠believes the president is stronger than God? Sometimes? Depends on the situation. What is blasphemy haha?!?
87: Jane always wanted a puppy - meeting Bites, future Lieutenant, was like a dream come true to him.
88: Plus, heβd always liked raccoons - often responsible for tipping over dumpsters at his orphanage to help the little critters.
89: Jane can and will eat out of the garbage if not stopped.
90: Heβs very passionate and strict about what he knows are fact (the issue is, facts can change pretty easily in janeβs head.
91: Good thing he has a helmet because Janeβs puppy-dog eyes are the sort that are clearly un-practiced and unintentional and thus made all the more soul-wrenching.Β
92: Heβs always surprised by doorbells.
93: Jane would never smoke weed of his own volition, but under the influence, everything would make So Much Sense to him.
94: Iβm talking the wildest stoner sayings, that always are so structurally sound itβs scary.
95: This man loves cashews.
96: βMm crunchy things.. good.β - Shared thought by Jane and Lt. Bites.
97: Lt. Bites likes to curl up on Janeβs stomach when heβs sleeping. Jane often wakes up with his face covered in scratches and fur in his mouth. Much like the Soldier, the Lieutenant isnβt quite a sound sleeper.
98: Fuck, like, he loves cashews so much? The texture is amazing.
99: Jane has no illegitimate or legitimate children.
100: Jane loves his team almost as much as he loves America.
101: IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR scroll back up and read everything, LOSER otherwiseβ¦ wowβ¦β¦β¦you love soldier. me tooβ¦β¦Β
CONTINUED HERE
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