#im not saying that people are better off alone

[anxiously-sidequesting]

I like doomed narratives but my ultimate Wizard101 NPC ending is the Young Wizard living in a nice secluded place with all their friends (all the necromancers, Ceren, Nolan, fuck you Boris you can live outside, Dasein, the Schismist Soldier, Mellori and the Bat) like a little village but they're all roommates and they do things like farming and brewing hot tea on Sundays free from Ambrose and the rest of the damned Spiral

#ik thats a lot of people HALSJDLDHDH #but in my version of Wizard101 that's everyone's ending. they get to heal together #i know i said all of the necromancers but i think i like it better if duncan was like maybe separate #not because i hate him but because im a huge believer of not being able to heal when the person who hurt you is right there #AND EVEN THOUGH WE DIDNT HURT HIM ON PURPOSE we're still a source of his trauma and i cant see duncan living with us right away yknow #like maybe later on in life but i like him better on his own off in the spiral to see the world and humble himself #*with artur and susie because he loves them #BUT YEA my wizard lives with everyone else at the Very End. fuck you ambrose /lh but /srs #the odd ones out honestly are ceren and nolan bc iirc in canon they dont go thru any type of shit. theyre fine #the rest of the group i mentioned have FLASHBACKS. theres some Trauma Periodt. in their cereal for breakfast #but i mean ceren and nolan can come if they want its fine #i MEAN IT about boris he CANNOT COME #yeah i said the schismist soldier. thats just my personal fantasy ik he hates us #here i am saying duncan cant be around us but thr schismist soldier ABSOLUTELY cannot be around us. but in my world he can! im a hypocrite! #itd be funny if he was still like. just a liiitle bit obsessed but its not because of his inferiority and god complexes he's just gay for us #......yeah im biased okay look he's hot leave me alone /lh #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts

[urostakako]

its so odd thinking back to my life a few years ago compared to now

#like. my life really sucked. its so weird to think about that. every second before i thought 'its not so bad' even when it was bad #and now i see shit it really was that bad. i really did have a reason to want to kill myself all the time #maybe i dont have to blame myself for the person i was before while i had was dealing with all that stuff. who could act normally in that #kind of situation. of course i did bad shit and feel bad about it but i was a kid. and now im treating her the way that i was always treate #back then. i was in survival mode the entire time and just never realized it #and its so strange to think about how my life sucked and i was scared and alone all the time from the perspective of myself now #im not without support anymore. im not walking on eggshells anymore. im not afraid of violence all the time anymore #i dont believe my family hates me anymore. im not ready to pack up and leave because i think theyd be better off without me anymore #before i got good at anything my hobby was thinking of all the ways i could die and who would care. i spent all my time doing this #my daydreams were only about how people would react if i died. i dont do this that often anymore. close to never. and its so odd to remembe #since i was 6 i used to think this way. and up until a year or two ago i hated every version of myself and blamed them for me #but how was that fair. my life doesnt suck anymore. people i was without came back to me and love me #i see my cousins all the time. when i text them they text back. they ask me if im okay. they know when im not eating even when theyre not #around. i dont walk on eggshells around my mom as much as i used to. her attention isnt as divided as it used to be. #my brother is more of a brother than a stranger or an enemy. the image of him now and our relationship compared to what it used to be is #crazy. i had so much reason to be sad back then. i dont know why im still sad now when i got out of that life. #even now the reasons i have to be sad have dissolved. i used to feel like i was going insane without anyone to say the things i want to to #but i can say them to my cousin now. i have places i belong. its so strange to think about. idk #aricouldyounot

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Can't sleep. Maybe I'll pull an all-nighter then go do an eight hour shift. Nothing could go wrong.

#remembering that stimulants make it hard to sleep #took a Vyvanse at noon #then drank two coffees #hmm i wonder why i cant sleep /s #on the bright side itll be the last shift at my current job #then im moving back to a much chiller job that doesnt make me want to stick my hands in the fryer #thank god. i couldnt take even one more day of this job #this next job is properly staffed which means i can get a lot more days off without it being a problem which is great #i remember there being days when id ask if i could leave early the next day #and theyd just say 'yeah. do you want to come in earlier so you still get hours?' and thatd be that #at this job i can just plug in my earbuds and make my food and im primarily alone and i love it #it makes me go a little crazy. being almost completely alone for 8+ hours a day. but whatevs #oh i used to work at this job and im going back to it. for context #i rarely encounter customers and i am so so so happy about that #a year in fast food reminded me that i hate people #in 1.5 years in this job (the new one) i dealt with like two bad customers #in my fast food job i had at least two bad customers per day #looking at an ideal future id only be there another year #then move in with my gf in a different area. get a better job. have a happier life with her #get a dog. have movie nights. make her dinner. come home and not be stressed so i can enjoy my time with her #help her with her college work. fall asleep with her every night. knit next to her while she plays video games #well this got very gay very quickly #i love her. i love you all. i hope you have the amazing lives you all deserve. i hope you find little things to fall in love with every day #i hope you find good music. i hope you see a cute animal today. and i hope you feel so so loved. youre all so wonderful and dear to me #sleep well and sweet dreams ❤️

[angrymurderchild]

.

#attention? #leave the room feel better #dont be stuck in your head #shut up shut up shut up shut up #alone #surrounded but alone #or maybe its no one #1 or 2 people arent surrounding #dont make it all about yourself #if someone hit me but stayed id be okay #id know they would take some positivity from me #so im not always taking and im left alone again #sup from my blood so that you may continue on #you can bash my head into a wall if youll stay #amongst other things if you can stomach me #the others dont understand they say thats bad you are better off alone #totally and unequivocally alone #they already did their job alone isnt hurt #they are too busy anyways not everything revolves around you #stop taking and taking and taking #why cant i give my blood and tears if it will make them stay #whos them no one exists like that you are just making people up #its a fantasy is it for attention what is it you want #shut up shut up shut up this is stupid #i hate you i love you #i am ambivalent about you #you want them to bash your head in cause you cant do it yourself you coward #remember all those pills you took? if you actually wanted to die you woild have taken a lot more #you wanted to be found #useless text post

[vitiateoriginator]

I'm finally taking a fucking vacation from my job next week

#I've never gotten the chance to use my vacation time at work before quitting #but Im not currently able to leave where I work and I'll lose my PTO on my anniversary date (sept 13th) #so I decided to say fuck it an use ut the first week of September #wish I could have saved it for the second week since my birthday is September 15th but again my PTO gets reset the 13th #so this will have to do #I'm not going on an actual vacation this year. just planning various enjoyable activities and day trips throughout the week #Im hoping on the first day to attend a local flea market #and the next day or two to go swimming before the pool in my apartment complex closes for the year #I also plan to visit a historical town thats about a half hour away from where I live #and I'm definitely going to sleep in a lot of these days cause I need to catch up on some sleep finally #I'll probably draw on my less busy days #and maybe I can knock out a chapter or 2 of the story I've been writing #tbh luck is never with me so the chances of me actually getting to do half of this stuff is slim #but at least I can say I have plans #I'm gonna try n do this stuff even if I have to go alone #I hate waiting around for others so I can go out and have a good time #like yeah some of these activities are better with other people #but people often find excuses to get out of hanging out or going places. or they're busy with work #and I don't want to waste the 7 days Im gonna have off so Im gonna try n do something meaningful during them #the weather also will effect how my plans turn out. I bet it'll rain the entire week lol. that'd be my luck #but Im still gonna try and have a decent time off #at the absolute least I am going to relax and unwind. thats the bare minimum I can doo #sam's rants about life

[devildairymilkfairy]

.

#man im really tired of having feelings for him. i should really just keep my distance and go back to dating apps #i long for the connection we have and hate having to build up something brand new #but im really tired of feeling butt hurt everytime he sleeps with our roommate #like yeah we broke up over a year ago. and still casually do shuff. its just hard for me to turn off that side of my brain #i just want to feel loved and be held by someone without having to build the foundation all over again #ive been depressed the past few days because of it. i act irrationally and cant control my feelings #overall its better if i just let them fuck around and i try to find someone new. only problem is im anxious and not a good conversationalist #plus i hate messaging people over phone. too much anxiety abt what im saying and if the other person enjoys me or not #anyways it sucks seeing the subtle evidence that they went at it while i was away. i have no right to be upset but i cant help but think of #him as more than a friend. i cant and shouldnt but we had dated 6 years previously. its a bit difficult to turn that switch off now #dammit i guess tonight im gonna sleep alone again and try not to cry. whatever gotta get over myself and move on. have to stop only thinking #of my self and being so damn possessive all the time #ash rambles #fuck i feel worse now after typing all that out yippee..

[flintbian]

Man, life is just depressing right now

#the one thing that was keeping me sane has gone away #i would always say 'yeah every medical professional has given up and there's nothing they can do. but at least i have my PTs' well... #my current PT's are the only ones that ever treated me like a person and they always kept trying...but they've given up too #basically Clare was like we haven't made any gains in over a year and your state keeps getting worse. nothing we do helps #so it may be time to consider stopping bc throwing away money isnt helpful either #and i argued that it's damage control and improves my quality of life and i have a progressive disease i never was going to get better #not to mention mentally it helps to know there's people in my corner and at least they haven't given up on me #but now they have and im feeling so very very alone and hopeless #it's not like this is a surprise right? ive always been beyond help and it's an incurable degenerative disease #but still getting to this point fucking sucks #and i went to the new neurologist and he had nothing but crazy experiments bc ive tried fucking everything #and then to top it off the only doctor i trusted from when i was a teenager for one specific med issue had also said the same #literally this week she was like there's nothing more. i cant help find someone else. sorry kid. wishing you the best #and Xmas is a depressing and challenging time too #and i have 400 med problems while trying to find work #the past few weeks have pulverized me and i havent stopped crying in days #so yeah. terribly terribly alone #and im trying not to go down any spirals and havent. my therapist was out this week. but im seriously questioning the point #at this point maybe i should give up too #im being stubborn bc no i cant go yet i havent seen the lights yet or read my new books #but honestly i havent been able to read partially bc im afraid if i do im losing the last tethers to earth #there's not much or anything to live for #it's at times like these you truly realize how much you dont want to die. you just wish you could live #but im broke and freezing and in pain and alone. this story's ending fucking sucks #my dbt is coming in clutch but seriously. is there a point anymore? #never got to live. sick since a kid. hell was always here #sorry for the depressing state of things ill go back to being insane in a moment #p

[semercury]

.

#stuff sarah says #everything is so complicated and i dont want to be alive #i dont want to die. i just dont want to be alive. theres a difference #like im fine. i wont do anything about it. just the heavy weight in my chest of wow i wish i didnt exist so bad rn #i hate people looking at me and drawing their own conclusions #and like. nothings happened. but people could start to hate me. they could. out of nowhere #and a lot of them would have a 'good' reason to. bc i dont know the answers #i dont know anything!!! i don't know what the right answer is but things feel off and wrong and i dont like it!!! #leave me alone dont look at me dont ask me my opinion dont look at me dont look at me dont look at me #im gonna go to my dr appt on monday and deal with the stupid mental health quiz and not know the answers #bc like yes i imagine what if i was dead a lot. im fine tho. its a normal thing for me #everybody just wishes they didnt exist. ive yet to meet someone who hasnt #have i lost interest in the things i used to enjoy or am i afraid something bad will happen if i do them? who's to say??? #and unfortunately i cant do the 'can we skip this im in therapy im fine' thing anymore bc im not in therapy anymore #and i get to say no im not finding a new one. you think im gonna open myself up like that to a stranger? #but yeah. i think id be better off if i ran away into the wilderness #ill keep a journal and when i inevitably die to the elements it can be published like that one guy #im so scared of everyone all the time. i dont want people seeing me anymore

[readymades2002]

briefly confided in my mother (mistake i never learn from) about how i am very sad that my ability to have a social life in the world is tied entirely to my sibling, who will be leaving here soon, and how i do not have any other way to get out of the house and how i do not feel i have anything besides work and despite everything that came after, including an apology for saying it, the first thing she said was “well i don’t have anything else either” which is exactly what prevented me from saying anything earlier because i knew that and i know that she is very good at going “it is what it is” about the most miserable of conditions and so would never admit to being unhappy about anything even though there is so much to be unhappy about including having to raise me to begin with, and that she also gets annoyed when others complain or are unhappy about anything because SHE does it and so why can’t everyone do it. and. well. i am pretty nervous about what this means for my life (nonexistent) going forward

#it is a cold thing to say but i feel like i have like. a month to befriend my sibling's friends that will be staying here #enough to want to spend time with me or else i am never going to get out of this fucking household #i dont have many coworkers my age and even fewer that i talk to because i dont like talking to people very much #which is also a massive problem because i want to but i am weird and shy and not always a fan of people and again very strange #but i can barely functionally navigate the world on my own to an upsetting degree. if i dont have someone with me i cant do it. #i am kind of freaked out about all of this. i have today off and work late tomorrow and i wanted to maybe go out tonight #but i. can't. because no one here wants to and im fucking scared to death of calling (and paying for) an uber #and then being out in the world on my own. so i just get to stay here. #not even mentioning i am fairly certain there is a new wave of That Virus going around so what would even happen if i did #which is also fuckinggggg miserable i am the ONLY PERSON who wears a mask to work besides the deli department #drops head in hands im never going to befriend anyone im never going to go anywhere again im never going to touch anyone #i do not want to say this because i am a very repressed person but i am never going to hook up with anyone which is disappointing frankly #i can BARELY text anyone and i am often in too much pain to even walk to the one thing i can do alone which is the library #like. oh my god! my life has no meaning. i trudge along thinking 'maybe it will get better' #and its not all been bad i DO have kind of an almost social life when my sibling takes me to do things with their friends #i got to play dee n dee yesterday and it was cool even though i panicked a few times under attention #ive been able to do things. i have some coworkers i like or at least talk to. im very competent and people like that though they know #nothing else about me besides that im good at my job. #but having those moments of like honest to god Hope makes it feel infinitely worse the rest of the time when im just #staring at the clouds and the clock and thinking oh my god it was all for this and it was not worth it #whatever. classic post of buzz. this doesnt matter and i dont know what the point in talking about it is but i dont have anything else #a job im good at and hate and a blog where i complain and a death wish and thats all. an unbearable early 20s myopia #this is stupid im going to do something else since ive upset myself. AGAIN

[scoreplings]

beep boop

#i have been thinking abt self harm a LOT lately because ive been wanting to do it #but i am happy because now i am at the point where the thoughts are less #‘oh my god i need to hurt i need to hurt i need to hurt wheres my lighter wheres my knife im clawing all my skin off help’ #and more ‘… why do i want to do that? because it would make me less stressed? so does a coloring page sheeeesh let me get my markers’ #this specific weekend has been rough because there are sooo many people around and i have little access to my better coping strategies #and peeling your skin off is surprisingly easy to do in front of people without them noticing #but ive just been telling myself to wait until lights out then played minecraft and listened to a podcast instead lol #coping is sooo fun #also we did a journaling exercise and in part of it we had to basically say nice things about ourselves that are true #not just ‘i am good i am pretty’ #but un-opinionated (as much as possible) stuff #and that made me feel nice. i think i will make a habit of it #anyway im five minutes late to breakfast right now i just had to sit down and chill for awhile because i have had pretty much 0 time alone #in the past three days #seven people in a tiny room with child sized bunk beds is Rough #but i am oki now. #mwah goodbye i love you im gonna go try and snag some hot chocolate yayy

[hecksupremechips]

"I am not afraid of you at all. I have nothing left to lose. I have power I can use. Nothing you can say or do will ever stop me again" <<< aka the moment from Carrie the musical that makes me lose my shit every time

#the klock keeps ticking #its just the most cathartic feeling ever like the fucking mom is so controlling and its the climax shes losing her absolute fucking shit cuz #carries going to the prom and shes so scared of carrie being exposed to normal people and being accepted because then obviously #she’ll realize just how bad she has it and she’ll want to leave her mother for good and we cant have that #cuz the mom cant stand the idea of being alone so shes bringing out the fear mongering to the extreme #literally like ripping carries clothes off to make a point about how all men will try and assault her #and then carrie just snaps and she closes all those windows with her powers and shes just looking down at her mom #and shes just like. you dont scare me anymore and im gonna do what i want because i deserve to have fun #and like the she eats that pie like a girlboss #i have some pretty mixed feelings about the musical and like this story in general #cuz like i LOVE all the scenes with carrie and her mom but then the other half just really isnt very interesting #so in musical form its like half the songs fuck severely and the other half are so boring i snooze just thinking about them #but still when it hits it hits and you already know what i gotta say as someone whos been raised all strictly catholic #in a controlling environment with a codependent relationship with my mom this specific song feels so good #like yes girl you are so much better than your loser mom i hope she dies im running her over and kicking her #also sue is gay as fuck for carrie in the musical and i approve the final song makes me sob every time

[pears-trinkets]

.

#the whole vet situation gives me such trauma whiplash im too busy with that that i havent really given myself a chance to process today #all i can think about is how painful eating must be for mischa #i noticed she slowed down a bit and wouldnt eat kibble or hard snacks but i thought it might be one single tooth ache idk #i actually thought she was doing better because she slowed down because she has been gulping down food way too fast since the shelter #the last time she had tooth problems like 2-3 years ago i asked a friend to come with me to the vet and she said omg yes of course #and then she resumed texting me normal stuff throughout the day of the appointment and only after i didnt reply the whole day she noticed #like 10 hours too late she was like OH SHIT HAHA!! and this is literally what happens every time when i ask someone to be there for me #when i make myself really vulnerable and ask for help and say that i cant do something alone they let me down #while knowing that i have no one else #i asked my mom to come to the vet once and she literally only talked about herself the whole time distracting me #and then she was like haha yeah lets just drop off the cat at home and go get some lunch hihi!!!! #she never remembers vet appointments even when we just talked about them and loves making fun of me for being stressed and tense #like OH NO WONDER YOU WERE MOODY like im on my period or something #i texted a friend about mischas health issues and me losing my job and she hasnt replied since january and doesnt really talk to me anymore #so i guess that friendship is done too #ill have to go there on thursday alone and overdraft my account and wait until the evening and care for mischa all alone #i cant even talk with someone about this because no one understands or judges my emotions and no one cares anyway #and then ill have to go back to work where everyone knows that i will be gone soon and will pester me about it #they all think of me as a temporary intern anyway and ask WHEN WILL YOU GO FIND A REAL JOB while they make me do theirs #everything and everyone at that job is so horrible and so many people leave and they never learn #a colleague i helped teaching everything suddenly turned on me &my other colleague & made our lives miserable while badmouthing us viciously #and everyone in the office chose her over us and let her get away with it while she screamed at us and behaved like a child #its so ironic how i stayed because i needed money to live and now when i go i will have 0 because of the surgery #i mean its worth it but like #what the fuck is life and what will it fucking be next month

[catmask]

it also made me very sad at one point one of the kids said her dad was being hateful towards drag queens and that he had a very skewed/incorrect view of what a drag queen was and wouldnt listen to her and told her she was “too naive” when she tried to explain

and i replied “if i remember correctly when youre at this age it seems adults will wave off any of your life experiences even if they lack their own because they refuse to see those younger than them as their own people” and EVERY SINGLE KID AT THE TABLE turned and said EXACTLY

and i was like. oh. so i wasnt alone in that. but also. i dont have to BE that. im not doing that. im listening and actually talking to them. i hope that there are older people in their life doing the same.

um. i dont know how to say. please listen to the children in your life. its true sometimes youll know better but, often times they have perspectives we may miss and dismissing them hurts everyone in the end. we have so much we can share and learn together.

#txt #scratchpost

[machinavillage]

i know i said id kill myself next year if i feel the same way but. im sitting here waiting for something to happen and apparently its up to me. ive already been trying to do something. im tired.

#my post on twitter saying i wont do it until 2026 if saga gets a remake was real #id hold off LMAO #the reason i started even thinking this is so embarrassing. its my fault im alone. i can do something about it its just. #when im around people i dont actually feel any better. i sometimes feel worse. miserable even. #while im whining about various things. middle of night i couldnt sleep and looked up my burning question and added 'reddit' #what i found was that people dont love people like me at all and find them draining and think im trash. yay. yayy

[be-good-to-bugs]

when i feel very lonely i get fizzled out of doing anything after less than an hour

#the bin #been feeling much more lonely since moving into this apartment and i cant draw bc of it #cause i have trouble continuing things i was drawing earlier. when i try im filled with this horrible exhaustion and sadness #its easier to feel better when im living more alone because i can play music or walk around and talk to myself and try to make things #brighter for me but when im living with someone especially someone who i really dislike its just impossible to do #and worse i have to hear them be here which just makes me feel even worse #ugh. my relationship with my sister has gone from bleh to awful. her absolute refusal to take me into consideration for anything including #bringing people over at nogjt without even telling me at all. the last straw. absolutely the last straw #hey yknow id love it if in the middle of the noght when i want a snack and dont wanna get all dressed id like to know theres someone here #cause id rather not them need the bathroom the same time and im just in my underwear. but noooo i dont have the need to know theres #some other person in my facking home. nope not my right #the thing where she insists she tells me that she was gonna have someone over when she didnt has been pissing me off a lot because she #uses the fact i have a poor memory to say why actually i misremembered..shes like well ur perception of reality sucks so u THINK u #remember correctly but actually u totally dont but like. im not having problems rememberi g other things like that right now. and i #distinctly remember these conversations and i always make not of when someoens gonna be here and when you tell me i remember #and theres so much proof that she also forgets stuff. but i honestly think she might be intentionally lying abt it because she forgot #to ask or didnt want me to say no. well i am saying no. idc if theyre already here. yall can go hangout elsewhere bc i wasnt told abt tjis #and i deserve to have quiet in my own home. its literally all i have. #ive been feeling like maybe shes not so bad. people grow and change and sometimes you dontjat in different directions #and you dont get along well anymore. i hear her say to other people that im still her favorite person so its very one sided abt this #honestly though its not just that we dont get along well anymore but nobody is at fault because she is at fault #its not like i never let her bring people over. i do. im just askingmthat im notified first. and her response to forgetting or choosing not #to tell me is to use my mental health things against me to say im just too mentally ill to knoq if i remember tnings cleatly #then how come tnis only ever happens with this thing or cleaning stuff? it ONLY rver happens with stuff that she wouldve needed to tell me #about that are important. oh an important bill i needed to know abt but u didnt tell me? i did but u forgot. #but never anything else. its only ever tnings that she would be in the wrong for not telling me about if she hadnt. thats it #so yonow im thinking maybe. u didnt tell me. which wouldnt blther me so much if she didnt just say actually i did but ur schizophrenia #made u forget wow ur so insano haha #ugh. she sucks. literally dont even wanna built legos with her even tho the set is cool as fuck bc being around her sucks #wow sorry for my many many many tags complaining about my sister. living with her is awful :/

[carrotpiss]

This is a bunch of sad lost and confused and frustrated and lonely sludge, advise not reading

#im just so completely miserable and exhausted and just angry with everything #gic has gone silent. im getting so stressed about the ethics of my top surgery fund because i dont know if its something i should be still #doing how long until they talk to me again if they do will the waitlists even be livable is it ethical is it worth it does anyone even have #the money to spare anyway to help before the endless nhs waitlist #why am i being left in the dark #im terrified that i dont know when my pap smear will be and that i have to go under anesthetic for it because i fucked up my own body by #being a pathetic cowardly idiot who is to stupid to exist like im supposed to so now im worth nothing and i cant navigate dating bc of it #bc it just makes me shut down immediately when i realise its something i do have to disclose because im shitty and broken and worthless #and i dont know whats happening and i dont want the smear anymore and the nhs sent me a terrifying letter saying im not a real person and i #predictabley got to scared to reply to so now i may have fucked up literally everything which is my fault but also why does the ngs not just #have a system that works and isnt briken just because im trans #and i jsut want to die i cant die but im jsut scared and i want to hide forver #i dont know whats happening with my job am i still getting paid will i get the November cost of living backpay will i get my pension refund #i jjst feel lost and pathetic and desperately clawing out for any vague threads of interest for sex and dating even though im as previously #mentioned in these tags not fit for that and should just die forever in box alone and aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhj #I just want a hug for the next millennia #instead im kust fighting off thoughts about starving myself as punishment because i dont deserve to eat jm not worth the expense of my own #paycheck to buy food for not that it matters because im sick and getting sicker amyway and of course one of my moles is looking insanely #dodgey and ive had to book a doctor's appointment for it but its so tempting to kust ignofe it surely itd be better if it was cancer and #then j could just die amd people wouldnt blame me for being pathetic or whatever removing myself but sad and tragic for dying from something #scary or whatever the fuck im fully aware thats a fucked up thibg to be thinking im just a bit at amessy ends atm and j dont even have a #hot chubby dude or not dude to pretend is ever going yo be interested in me or whatever and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #dw to anyone reading this in the event someone is i wont remove myself im a huge coward and too lazy to do that #crouch speaks #and its only November! we still got winter to come!!!!! my favourite (sarcastic) time of the year that doesnt absolutely fuck with my head