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#im not saying it never benefits anyone but like. it definitely is on average much worse than older stuff
natikoko · 5 months
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Your neo/new 3's
Their designs are super appealing I want to know them a bit more
Sure!!! I love talking about these two
Ian: Ian is a quiet person, but don’t mistake his quietness for timidity, he’s anything but. he’s a go with the flow type of person, but occasionally takes the reigns if he feels it doesn’t benefit him. he’s a rather chill and friendly guy, but his resting face and flat, almost demeaning tone of voice is mistaken for standoffishness or even aggression at times. He’s exceptionally charming and his dependability is unrivaled. His effectiveness at most everything he does makes him one of the NSS most reliable agents…
he loves rap! and collecting clothes. he’s really into street fashion. he’s actually a model with a up in coming company called Bluefin, and he advises their signature tracksuits. He’s been in the monthly battle catalogs before! It’s his greatest accomplishment. he sketches as a hobby and is an astounding cook
he takes pride in his appearance! ask this guy and he believes he’s the most handsomest guy in existence. he takes the utmost care of his afro to keep it voluptuous and shining and has great hygiene. his smile can light up the whole city (if he ever fucking smiles idk)
he’s considered certified fresh! Ian is hip. he’s cool he’s… fresh! gets along with anyone easily and integrated into inkling society seamlessly. is well liked amongst people
his brother(little buddy) is named Shrump and he eventually grows into a Horrorboros… Ian can proudly say that he’s brothers with a king salmonid
Okay,.. Shelbie!! she’s technically not mine but under things happened so I’m taking her. anyways!
shelbie: shelbie is aggressively friendly to everyone that it almost comes across as annoying. endlessly happy and always smiling. seriously… she never stops smiling. shelbie comes from a family of abusive, wealthy salespeople that tried to kill her! that’s for another time though. Shelbie makes friends effortlessly, her appealing personality and outrageous stories of…. ripping herself out of king salmonids(?) causes people to flock to her. her ability to think on her feet and devise a well-thought out strategy In minutes make her a fantastic addition to the NSS.
Shelbie is an artist! and a history bluff. she’s an exceptional painter and studies the history of Splatsville’s cultural heritage and mass migration. a natural scholar, she volunteers as a tour guide for various museums around Splatsville to share her love of history to everyone…!!! her research and dedication actually landed her own section in the National history museum…. she definitely didn’t have a breakdown hearing this news…….
people sometimes think she’s intimidating…!! she’s like 5’11 (WAY taller than average!) and wears sunglasses constantly (she has bad vision……) and her canines are sharper than average. if she isn’t smiling she admittedly does look a little off putting but the intimidation usually wears off quickly
she’s into fashion but not as much as Ian….. ian usually picks her outfit for her… “shelbs you have the potential to dress so well and yet you don’t… sad.” “what. what are you saying. do you not like how I dress now……”
Ian is her best friend! and vice versa. these two are so close! they’re in a QPR and they can’t live without one another (Im joking)(lie)
her little buddy is named Chicken and she’s a menace.
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writing-gifts · 3 years
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here’s the 6th part of the incubus!doppio AU!
im gonna start posting this on ao3 too (with some editing in the earlier chapters so you can check that out if you wanna)
list of parts
@wasabi-mommy @mistabrainr0t @the-average-mastermind
--------
“OW! What the hell--why’d you bite me so hard for!?”
You try to move your leg but Mutton blocks your way. Letting out a sigh, you stand in place and look down at the cat.
“What? What is the problem?”
He moves behind you and presses his head against the back of your calf hard enough to affect your balance. When you move your leg forward to stop yourself from falling, Mutton walks towards the door.
“Do you want me to let you out? But you just got here.”
The cat looks at you for a moment before placing his front paws on the door and stretching upward towards the knob.
Shaking your head, you walk over to the door. “I’m gonna get that cat door for you one day, I swear.”
Once it’s open, Mutton quickly circles your legs and pushes his head against them like before.
“Okay, okay I’m going!”
You walk out and the feline takes a few steps towards the forest ahead before turning to look back. His multicolored eyes stay locked on yours and you purse your lips when you realize what he wants.
“I guess I'm following you….”
After locking and closing the door, you walk after the cat as he continues into the forest. You wonder what exactly he’s so desperate to show you. Was this even normal behavior for cats? You weren't sure but you did know that Mutton was a little more on the intelligent side. Sometimes you even felt like he could even understand you.
So you go along with it, following a distance behind through what seems like endless trees and brush and fanning random insects out of your face. Fortunately, the weather was cool enough that you weren't sweating too.
However, the longer you walk, the more you fear that you might be lost. Trying to find your way back on your own would definitely make it worse though.
Just when you think you need to take a break, a body of water appears in the distance through the opening of the trees. When you and Mutton finally exit the packed foliage, you see that you’ve been led to a lake sitting in a giant clearing in the forest.
You stare a bit amazed at the size and notice a cabin near it a distance away. Mutton doesn't stop long to let you marvel at the scene though and continues towards the lake. You catch up to him and the both of you walk alongside the water.
“So do you know the person in the cabin?” You assume that’s where you're headed.
You didn’t expect a response, but Mutton merps to acknowledge you. You hum and your gaze quickly finds itself back on the lake. It was vast, going on so far you could barely see where it ended. The sky and trees reflect on its surface clearly and the water’s so still you almost feel like you can jump into the clouds if you want to.
Once the two of you are closer, you see that the brick and wood cabin was partially sitting on the grassy land behind it and partially on the water. You had also underestimated the size. Perhaps more than one person lived here?
Mutton leads you around the side of the house and stops to sit next to the front door. He looks up at you expectedly so you reach out to knock.
Several seconds pass before you hear the door being unlocked and when it opens, a handsome man with a neat, dark bob is revealed.
Unsure of what to do, you give a quick greeting and go quiet afterward. You didn't plan what to say when the door was answered, you just knew Mutton wanted you to knock.
Said cat walks into view, rubbing against the man’s leg as he walks into the house.
At that moment, realization seems to cross the man's face and he smiles at you.
“You must be the neighbor,” he says.
“Neighbor?”
“The person who lives in the house outside the forest. I saw someone moved in but never came around to introduce myself.”
"Oh, I had no idea anyone lived out here."
"That’s pretty much the reason why I’m out here.” The man moves to make room so you can walk inside. “Would you like to come in?"
You're a little hesitant since you just met but Mutton had no issue with it apparently. And the cat had actively been prepared to attack Diavolo for you on multiple occasions.
The moment you pass the threshold, you’re instantly awed. When you thought of cabins, simple and small came to mind. This one was neatly organized but it didn't give the homely vibe you’d expect.
The monochromatic room was spacious and decorated with nice looking furniture and curtains. The living area consisted of a fireplace surrounded by comfortable looking couches, and the stone wall above it held shelves that were crammed full of old looking books, various expensive looking decor and bottles. And to the right, closer to the back of the room sat a sizable dining set.
However what mostly grabs your eye is the fish tanks that were embedded in the walls throughout the room. At first you wonder why he had so many, but when you look closer you realize that they were not, in fact, separate tanks but a giant aquarium partially hidden within the walls.
Was the whole house like this? What type of cabin was this?
While you wonder where all the fish are, something twinkles in the corner of your eye. You turn to see what it is, but there’s nothing there.
So I'm imagining things now...
“--drink?”
You turn your attention to the man. "Sorry what was that?"
“I asked if you wanted anything to drink?”
You cross your arms and shake your head. “No I’m good…so do you know why Mutton led me here?”
The cat currently sits on the top of the back of one of the white couches.
“I actually needed to discuss something important with you, but I should introduce myself first. I'm Bruno Bucciarati--you can refer to me as either--and I'm a witch.”
You’re immediately skeptical. It wasn't unheard of, obviously, but you couldn't just believe whatever anyone told you. Bruno doesn’t look bothered by your dubiousness though.
“You're smart enough to not trust blindly. That’s good.” The man puts a finger to his chin. “You have a leaf on your shoulder.”
Before you can reach up to brush it off the man plucks it off you. Then just as quickly as he picked it off, the small green leaf begins to glow and transforms into a full flower.
You stare shocked trying to find any way to explain what you just saw. It was no trick of the eye either as the leaf’s form changed right before you into a completely different thing.
The man--no witch holds out the white rose and you gently take it.
“I--wow I just keep running into supernatural beings or something.”
"This forest does seem to attract them," he says.
Interesting…
You roll the flower stem between your fingers. “I’m ____ by the way.Uh, I don't know if you call him Mutton too--" You tilt your head in the direction of the feline. “--but is he your familiar or something?”
“No, he’s just a cat that likes to wander the forest. However, my familiar's over there though if you’re interested."
You get closer to the tank the witch pointed out to observe and even though you weren't exactly showing it, you were actually really excited and interested by the fact that you just met a witch.
At first you don't see anything in the huge tank other than greenery and a rocky cave ornament in the corner. But then something pops its head out of the opening. An eel that also managed to match the color scheme of the room. It was mostly white and covered in black patterns with yellow sprinkled in. It comes out of its hiding spot and swims back and forth as if it were stretching out it’s long body. Then it turns to you when it realizes that you're intently watching through the glass.
Your smile at it’s somewhat funny face and tilt your head a bit. The eel responds by tilting its own head, as if curious by your action.
"Holy crap. This is actually pretty cool! Do they talk?" you ask.
“Not really.” Bruno's smile falters. “But surprisingly Mutton does.”
“Huh?” You snicker a bit thinking the witch is joking but see that there’s no sign that he is on his face.
You look over at the cat and he stares back unblinking before glancing at Bruno.
"....I thought we weren't going to tell them."
Your heart almost jumps into your throat. “W-What?”
Bruno hums. “I thought about it and decided there's no point keeping it secret any longer. The incubus already knows. So it would only be a matter of time before he said something."
You're still reeling from Mutton talking that you almost missed what Bruno said.
“Hold on...Wait. Incubus? Are you talking about Doppio?” you ask the witch.
“Yes.”
You squint confused. “He knew and he didn't say anything? How long ago did he find out?"
"About a week," Mutton says.
"It might have benefited him in some way but I'm not sure why he didn't say anything," Bruno adds.
You exhale, somehow already on the verge of irritation with...everyone. Doppio was usually open with you, but apparently he thought this was a good thing not to mention.
You stare at Mutton who looks at you like he usually did, as if this weren’t an issue. But that was far from the case for you. It wasn't explicitly said but you were sure he told Bruno things about you, and it left you disturbed.
“...Well is there anything else I should know about Mutton?”
"Well his name's not actually Mutton," Bruno says.
"It's Leone Abbacchio, but you can call me Abbacchio."
You grimace from the human sounding voice coming from the cat you had been cuddling practically since...since you moved here!
“Okay Abbacchio, I don't really want you snooping around my house anymore--
“That can be arranged,” Bruno interrupts. “Once we ‘exorcise’ that demon constantly visiting you.”
Your already furrowed brow deepens. Doppio wasn't possessing anything though. You weren't even sure he was capable of that.
“No, I don't want that!”
"Listen, it might seem like Doppio is harmless, but things can become dangerous if he grows too serious of an attachment to you. And if it makes you feel better, we won’t need to hurt him if he leaves quietly."
You weren't exactly sure what the witch meant by "dangerous" but his serious tone managed to spark some anxiety within you.
"I mean it would be natural for Doppio to get upset if I suddenly wanted him gone."
"He's not just talking about being upset." Abbacchio says, annoyance in his tone. "Doppio could literally keep you against your will if he wanted and there would be no way for Bruno to reverse it."
"All demons are naturally envious creatures and the way things are going between you two, it’s only a matter of time. And this doesn't even take into account the other demon." Bruno says.
Diavolo aside, you couldn't bring yourself to see Doppio in that light.
"But--"
The front door slams open and the temperature in the room seems to drop.
Doppio stomps in, his face flushed. Once he sees you he seems to relax slightly but his expression is still irate.
“I finally found you!” he exclaims.
Bruno raises a brow and turns to Abbacchio.
The cat's ears fold back in frustration. "I was sure I lost him."
The incubus walks up to you, stopping too close and grabbing your shoulders harshly. “Are you okay?”
“Doppio you're gripping me too tightly.” You push off his hands and wrap your arms around yourself to shield your body from the sudden chill that seemed to appear. “I’m fine….But they're talking about you being able to keep me? What does that exactly mean?”
You wanted to hear an explanation from the incubus himself. You trusted him not to lie to your face if you asked him straight on.
However, Doppio reacts strangely, as if he's afraid. He makes some space between the two of you and struggles to look at you. You try to catch his gaze again but he refuses to keep eye contact.
"It's…" He strains his fingers. "Well, you see, incubi and succubi can form a….c-connection with a weaker being if they’re close enough. Then they could technically stay together forever."
Abbacchio grunts, "Way to sugar coat it--"
“I wouldn’t do that to you though ____! I didn't even consider it! U-Unless you wanted to it would never happen and I know that you like your space…”
The incubus is the most stressed you've seen him.
Even though you were still upset you didn't like seeing him like this, so in an attempt to ease him, you try to smile. Unfortunately, it comes off pretty strained.
You take a moment to mull over what he said though and come to a conclusion pretty quickly. "Even though that was kind of vague...I think I understand. And honestly, I can't see you forcing me into that."
You'd never seen a cat roll their eyes until now.
"Typical human. They're a lost cause Bruno. Let's leave them to do what they want," Abbacchio says before stretching and laying down.
The witch looks disapprovingly at the cat. "You know I can't do that. Perhaps they actually were charmed. I could--"
"Sir," you say to get his attention. "I appreciate your concern, but I trust Doppio and I'd prefer if you didn't get in between the two of us."
Having to tell your almost neighbor you just met to buzz off even in a polite way wasn't what you were expecting to do today.
Bruno doesn’t look upset though. He's quiet, studying you with an unreadable expression but then he nods.
"I'm having Leone check up on you. If anything seems off I'm getting involved."
Your brows furrow slightly. Didn't you just explicitly say you didn't want Abbacchio snooping around your home anymore?
You want to argue more but the witch didn't leave room in his statement to negotiate. And even though you hate to admit it, keeping the supernatural out of your home wasn't exactly your strong suit. It pissed you off but you couldnt do anything about it. So you give a curt nod and immediately walk to the exit with Doppio following closely behind.
Once outside, you follow the incubus through the forest. There's a long, awkward stretch of silence between you two though.
Doppio tries to sneakily glance at you, which you of course you notice but you choose to ignore it. However, after the 50th one he finally decides to say something.
"____?"
You sigh, "What?"
He slows to a stop to turn and look at you properly but, again, he has trouble keeping eye contact.
"Are you mad?"
Maybe at first but now it had changed to more of a disappointed feeling.
"Not necessarily but you knew about Mutt--Abbacchio and didn't say anything to me. So I'm not exactly happy right now."
"I didn't but--"
You shake your head. "No Doppio. I'm too tired right now to understand whatever weird logic you formed in your head."
His mouth closes and the hurt on his face instantly makes you regret your choice of words. Maybe you shouldn't have said it like that but you really didn't feel like listening to excuses right now.
You look away from Doppio. "Let's just go, please."
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maira-writes-shit · 3 years
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Salt, saltier, Yahaba and Shirabu
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Haikyuu Yahaba Shigeru and Shirabu Kenjirou friendship
Fluff, mild angst, Yahashira childhood friends
Yahaba and Shirabu met when they were 8.Some may ask: How did that happen? Well this is the story:
Both of them had been dragged to a business dinner by their parents...
Shigeru’s parents were business people. That’s just what they were.Everything they did, they did it for business.
They got married for tax benefits and to combine their companies. Sure they did love each other but that wasn’t the main reason they got married.
They got children for image. They used them to seem closer to the „average family“, to try and seem more trust worthy and kind.
So that’s what he was here for.“And this is our son Shigeru.“,his mother said with a fake smile on her thin lips. She was talking to a small woman with copper hair. Something suddenly moved behind her legs and Yahaba tried to get a glance.
The woman took a step back and a boy with the same copper hair as the woman became visible.
He was a little bit shorter than Shigeru, had chocolate brown eyes and a pale complexion.
“Well this is Kenjirou!“, Shigeru’s mother put out her hand, she had to crouch down a little do to her wearing the heels that her son always wonder how she could even walk in, the boy -Kenjirou- took her hand and nodded to her.
The two women walked away chatting with equally fake smiles and cheerful voices, leaving their sons on their own.
The awkward silence between stretched out for multiple minutes until Kenjirou sighed.
“I’m Kenjirou Shirabu...“
“Well I know that.“, Shigeru whispered looking away.
“Hey jerk! I’m trying to talk to you!“ „Well you're not succeeding!“ „You’re talking to me, right?!“
Shigeru opened his mouth but shut it again.
He was right
The taller pouted.
“Why are you like this?“
“I’m trying to not fuck this up for my parents.“ at that Shigeru looked up at Kenjirou.
„What do you mean?“ „We just moved here and my dad says he needs friends under the other higher ups...“...“I’m Shigeru Yahaba. You’re the first other kid I’ve seen here.“
“Really?“ „Yeah. I only come along for the image.“„Well I guess we will probably have to cross paths a few more times so-“, Kenjirou extended a hand with a sly look on his face „-We should probably get along.“
Start
They were 11.
They had ended up on the same middle school.
Easy to say:The teachers both hated and loved them.
Both were smart and talented people and they knew it. And they abused it.
They didn’t pay attention in class and would always make snarky remarks only loud enough for each other to hear because they knew they could keep up.
Fun
They were 12.
“You know...I think I wanna join the volleyball club.“
Kenjirou looked up from his homework a bit startled.
“Huh?“ „I mean every time we play in gym class I just have so much fun and it makes me feel good! You know?“
Do I know? Yes I do know.
“I feel like I have the control yet at the same time I can play in a team!“
“I want to join too!“ „Really?!“ „Yeah! We can play together!“
Friendship
They were 14.
Sweat was dripping down Shigeru’s face.
24:23 for the other team...it seems useless...
The silver haired boy turns his face to his best friend.
I can’t do it. It’s too much.
Those thoughts wash away as soon as he sees him.
He was determined.
That’s what he admired the most about Kenjirou...he didn’t give up.
Shigeru was weak alone. All it took was a B on a test to send him spiraling but Kenjirou was always there.Kenjirou was his setter and Shigeru was his spiker.
They were feared for being able to know exactly what the other was thinking.
They were a threat.
Shigeru couldn’t do it on his own...but he wasn’t on his own.
Kenjirou was there and he was looking at Shigeru with that look of determination that always made him go though with all the shit they thought of.
They won.
Determination
They were 14.
This wasn’t normal.
He shouldn’t feel like this.
But he did.
Chikara Ennoshita.
The brown haired boy had been his and Shigeru’s friend since the start of middle school. He was smart, determined, kind and he was able to handle the combined salt level of both Shigeru and Kenjirou.
He had been his first real friend after Shigeru.
And now here he was...having a crush on him.
That’s all it was though: a crush. Still...he was a guy...This wasn’t right.
“Kenjirou? You ok?“
The copper haired boy jumped a bit at his best friends voice. He looked up and-“Shigeru I think im gay-“
Why did I say that? I never planned on telling anyone! Let alone Shigeru...what will he think of me now-?
“Same.“
“Wait what?“
“Well I’m not completely gay- I do also like girls...so bi? Maybe even pan or something...I don’t know yet.“
„Wait you aren’t surprised?“ „Shirababe...nothing about you staring at Chikas ass is subtle. Turn the horny down child!“ „I AM OLDER THAN YOU!“
“NO YOURE NOT! WELL AT LEAST NOT MENTALLY!“, Shigeru threw a pillow into Kenjirou‘s face.
The shorter got hit right in the face and let out a dramatic gasp while throwing the pillow right back.
“STOP WITH YOUR MENTAL SHIT, ASSHOLE!“
Acceptance
They were almost 16.
“Wait what?“
“I said I’m going to apply for Shiratorizawa.“
“But-we said we would got to Seijoh together!“
“Well there is still the possibility of me failing the exam because we both know I won’t get a sports scholarship.“
“Oh who are you kidding!? You are going to pass that exam with flying colors!“
“Well thank you.“
„KENJIROU YOU PROMISED!“
“I WAS LIKE 13!“
“YOU SAID- You said you won’t leave me alone...“
“Oh boo hoo! Little baby Yahaba can’t take being alone!“
Yahaba? He had never called me that...
“Well that may have to do with the fact that you always need to show me that your better than me in everything, Shirabu!“They stared each other down.
Sure they had had fights over the years but nothing quite like this.
There was so much to lose.
But also so much to gain.
I can’t do it. It’s too much.
Shigeru walked away.
Fear
They were 16.
Kenjirou had made it to Shiratorizawa.
He looked down at his test results with a grain of salt though.
He had passed with flying colors...just like he had said...
They hadn’t talked since their fight. They had graduated without a word to each other and now they were separated.
Shigeru got his test scores back some time ago, he would go to Seijoh after summer break.
Ennoshita would go to a different school as well.
Kenjirou‘s Heart hurt a bit at That thought as well. Not only was Chikara his only other real friend but Kenjirou also still had his stupid crush on him.
Kenjirou Shirabu was sitting in his room alone.
He was alone.
He had forgotten what that felt like.
Ever since that faithful day 8 years ago Shigeru- no Yahaba- had always been there somehow. Kenjirou had always seen him or texted him in some way and even when they were fighting he would always have Chikara to talk to.
But now both of them were gone.
Empty
They were 16.
Everything reminded them that the other wasn’t there.
It hurt.It hurt worse than when Yahaba got rejected by the girl he liked.
It hurt worse than Shirabu being beaten in his favorite subject.
It hurt more than the punches exchanged when they fought over something so seemingly little now that they forgot what it was.
How do you feel after the person you spent half your life with leaves?
Broken
Lost
Alone
They were 16.
„Yaha-Chan we Are playing a practice match today and I want to put you in.“
The dyed brown haired teen turned around a bit startled.
“But Oikawa-san I’m not even that good! I just started really playing this position! I can’t possibly-“ „Trust yourself more Yaha-chan!“
Yeah as if that’s so easy...Kenjirou was my setter and I was his spiker...I honestly just wanted to try this position but-
“I can see you overthinking Yaha-chan!“, Shigeru’s senpai snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts.
„You are a great setter Yahaba. Don’t forget that.“
The younger looked up from the ground.Instead of the usual sing songy voice of Oikawa those words were said with a kind yet very stern voice.
He cracked a little smile.
Change
They were 16.
Winning.
That was what he did all of this for.
Winning.
So this was being part of a real team, huh?
He only stood on the court for a few minutes but here he was...screaming, laughing and hugging his teammates.
The last time I was this happy I was with Shigeru-
The copper haired boy turned around to the other side of the net.
There he was.
Yahaba Shigeru was crouching over a third year crying on the floor.He went around giving everyone water bottles.
He hadn’t played.
He had sat on the bench observing and filling up water bottles.
Anger rose in Kenjirou. How could they not let him play? There was definitely more than one of the third year spikers that was way worse than Shigeru!
Why won’t they let him play?
Or did he choose to not play?
Did they think they could win against Shiratorizawa and then use him as a secret weapon?
What was up with him?
He was slapped on the back by his senpai, their setter Semi Eita.
One eye contact was all Semi need to check up on him...
One eye contact and he could feel himself falling.
He wanted to tell Shigeru.
Longing
They were 16.
Loss.
That was the worst part about this.
Losing.Shigeru was on his bed looking up at the ceiling, like he and Kenjirou used to do when they told story’s till 2am.
His phone pinged.
Bangsie:
“Heh“, Shigeru smiled. He had forgotten to reset the nickname.
What does he want though? Rub his win under my nose? Tell me how much better than me he is again?
He picked up his phone anyways.
Bangsie: Shigeru we need to talk...same place
Same place.
Shigeru knew what he meant by that.
When his older brother was younger their parents had bought him a little treehouse at the outskirts of the woods not far from the Shirabu residents.
They would go there when Shigeru‘s little brother was being noisy, they wanted to get away or they just didn’t feel safe enough at home.
The Fake brunette sighed and put on his shoes.
Fixing
They were 16.
He came.
They sat in silence.
Until The copper haired boy broke the silence: „I’m sorry.“
„I know I made a promise and I knew what it meant to you but-“„No no I get it! Shiratorizawa fits your needs as a person and for your future more...I was being selfish.“
“But you had all right to be! Your brother left you behind and he was the only one there for you, I did the same!“
“Don’t fucking blame yourself for my problems!“
They stared at each other down for a good minute until they broke and they ended up hugging and crying.
The next hours were spent catching up.
Shigeru learned about Kenjirou’s crush on his upperclassman Semi.
Kenjirou learned about a guy named Kyoutani that absolutely drove Shigeru crazy and now even quit.
He also learned that Shigeru had switched to being a setter.
The night ended like many nights in the treehouse ended: with them curled up in blankets falling asleep on each other.
Home
They were 17.
I need to get better. I need to work harder. I can’t stop-
„Yahaba!“
The ball dropped on the other side of the court and he turned around to see his spiky haired senpai Iwaizumi.
“You are overworking yourself, Yahaba...“ „Oh I’m sorry I didn’t-“ „Oh no you know exactly what you’re doing! I already have one of you dumbasses!“, he looked at Oikawa, standing in the door talking to a few fan girls.
“Don’t freak out too much, ok?“, he sounded concerned...
“I’ll try, Iwaizumi-san!“
Shigeru hurried out of the locker room.
He was late to his and Kenjirou’s weekly movie night!
While he was mentally crossing all the things in his bag off a list as to not forget what to bring the boy ran into someone...and crashed to the ground.
“Hey watch were your going!“ the guy he bumped into only gave a little growl as answer.Kyoutani.
Of course it was Kyoutani.
“You’re good...“ came a little murmur from besides him where Kyoutani had apparently set off into the same way as him home.
Shigeru raised an eyebrow.
“You’re a good Player...“ Shigeru shoot around at that.
“Wh-what? You t-think I’m a g-good player?“
“I mean yeah...“Shigeru could feel a flush creep up his cheeks.
Wait what? Im supposed to hate him! He quit the team! But...
Diffrents
They were 17.
“This arm has to be a bit higher.“
Kenjirou was maybe having a so called gay panic.
Semi was too close. He was also correcting his form and touching him in all these places- Kenjirou couldn’t do this.
He threw the ball into the air, jumped and smashed that ball to the ground.
“Not so bad-Not so bad! But there is still some things you need to work on.“
“Well I wanna see you do a jump serve.“, he whispered.“As you wish, Shirabu my highness.“ The older said with a little bow before he got up to serve.
Kenjirou refuses to admit that his heart danced a little cha cha cha when Semi said his name.
The ash blond threw the ball up into the air, the perfect hight, he took two large steps and leaped into the air and finally his hand made contact with he ball and hit the ground with a beautiful thudh.
Kenjirou stood in awe for a few minutes before he excused himself to the bathroom.
Beauty
They were 17.
The ball dropped.
They lost.
Again.
Shiritorizawa won.
Again.
Again
They were 17.
They were sitting in the treehouse again.
„You guys played really well you know...“The copper haired boy looked over at his best friend and found the tear rolling down his face.
Neither one of them have ever been good at putting their feelings into words so all Kenjirou did was hold him.
Hold him while he crys.
Emotions
They were 17.
Karasuno.
Every point was a battle for power.
Yahaba got to play again...
He got to feel the ball in his hands again...
He made points!
He let the ball drop...This was his fault.
He thought he could be better, he thought he could finally face off against Kenjirou but no.
He was still weak.That’s all he was.
Weak
They were 17.
“This will be our first practice match with you as captain Shirabu.“, Kenjirou’s Coach looked at him. „You can do it.“
The new captain smiled and walked behind his team again.
“Hello and welcome at Seijoh!“ a familiar voice said. Kenjirou smiled.
“It’s a pleasure to win agains you.“
“Hahaha win? Yeah sure! We will stomp you to dust, Shirabu.“
“Game on, Yahaba.“
“Well what do we have here?, a singsongy voice said from behind Shigeru.
Oikawa Tooru
To be continued
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astralglam · 3 years
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𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 .
1. What does your muse smell like?
without soap or perfume, 683 smells bizarrely sterile, chemical-ish, like a dentist’s office, bleach or cleaning supplies.  like hand sanitizer that kills 99.9% of germs.  they have that faint smell of powdery clean cosmetics, only because they wear so much foundation, face powder and setting spray.  humans like things that smell less artificial, so 683 takes to using cheap perfume (think a teenager who just learned to douse themselves with axe or bath and bodyworks spray), which is artificial in a slightly more palatable way.  their clothes (which are almost all second hand) have that mothball-musty smell of a thrifted dress that hasn’t been washed yet, like an old book.    
2. What do your muse’s hands feel like?
cold, frigid and icy, almost like a mannequin’s if you left the mannequin in the freezer. their skin is tight over their tendons and fingers, with almost waxy, plasticy skin stretched over their joints and knuckles, which makes them seem very fragile.  sometimes their palms are uncannily clammy.  their skin on their palms isn’t rough or calloused but they’re starting to get scars on their fingertips from their voyages into the realm of string instruments.  they used to have very neat, clean and unpainted nails, but nowadays, they have divots and cracks because 683 is clumsy with the strings.  
3. What does your muse usually eat in a day?
683 is often at the mercy of when their friends will decide to cook for them/buy them food.  they don’t have any cooking skills and can barely wash and cut an apple (this isn’t because they’re stupid, on atomina they were used to communal dining with a designated set of people who cooked for everyone in their unit).  683 is naturally accustomed to eating plant matter and (unlike us humans) has a way better digestive system for breaking down cellulose and gets a lot more out of their vegetarian diet than you might expect (two stomachs aint for nothin).  left to their own devices they just eat Whatever (orange? handfuls of spinach, unwashed, pesticides dont hurt them.  microwave a tomato and watch it explode.  brave cutting open an avocado and just eating it with a spoon).  dinner is when priscilla either buys him take out or sid cooks something for him (and sid is an amazing cook!!!).  sid isn’t vegetarian, but his family is, so he knows how to make all kinds of dishes perfect for 683 -- substitute the dairy for nondiary alternatives and 683′s getting matter paneer (with tofu instead), malai kofta (with coconut milk), and aloo gobi (no butter), all sorts of things !!! 
4. Does your muse have a good singing voice?
sort of.  683′s voice, by itself, is nasally and weird and a little grating, but their devotion to music lets them make the most out of their “strange” voice and almost use it to their benefit to sound unique, different, super far out !11!11111  their lyrics, instrumentals and emotion combined is what makes them a talented musician rather than just a good quality voice.  so while they might not have a very pretty voice, they’re still a skilled singer due to their delivery.  
5. Does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks?
im assuming this is about bad (physical) habits rather than personality deficiencies (of which 683 has many).  683 stares, like, really just stares at people with reckless abandon, they havent figured out it’s rude.  they arent good at even pretending to listen so if they’re disinterested in what you have to say, they’ll look elsewhere, pick at their nails, mumble or interrupt you.  always finds a way to make the conversation about themself.  very disorganized and messy, has a hard time taking care of objects even if they value them (ex. dropping his guitar, misplacing jewelry, yanking a belt off and breaking it).  definitely self pities and has no problem trying to guilt you for everything and anything.  is a pretty frequent smoker, but is polite enough not to smoke if you ask him not to.  
683 is always a little nervous so their nervous ticks are just their baseline state of being (wringing hands, stammering, talking really fast, making insane gestures all around you but being too afraid to touch you, etc)
6. What does your muse usually look like / wear?
683 looks very put together at all times -- not necessarily polished or professional, but very intentional, in that you can tell they definitely made a conscious choice to dress the way they do.  he wore the same dumb uniform every day for the first 20 years of his life, so he’s very excited to try new clothing options.  
more femme-ish clothing preferences go to boxy, sleeveless a-line dresses, miniskirts, bright floral patterns, big plastic earrings, headbands, scarves, etc.  they like clunky platforms and prefer to wear boots.  very 60s mod and colorblocked.  she loves bright eyeshadow but tends to go for more neutral lipstick.  can never figure out what to do with her hair so she usually leaves it down or does a half-up half-down bun kinda deal.  
more masc clothing preferences are bell bottoms, button ups with butterfly collars, paisley print, turtlenecks and fringe jackets, etc. earthy tones and weird nasty olive green.  very late 60s / early 70s. prog rock flavor or glam rock flavor.  never got into the disco style only because he cant pull it off because he’s so scrawny and twitchy and has no chest hair to impress the ladies.    
one thing about 683 is that he hates tight long sleeves and goes insane if he has to wear them.  his uniform was sleeveless, so even short sleeves feel really weird and horrible on his arms.  prefers sleeveless, can do with short sleeves, 3/4ths sleeve or loose long sleeve, really tries to avoid tight/constricting long sleeves.  
i have a pinterest board of potential fits for him although i havent updated it because i barely know how to use pinterest.
7. Is your muse affectionate?  How much?  How so?
to most people, not really, he’s kind of a weird cagey asshole.  oscillates between fascinated with physical touch (suddenly wanting to hug his friends or snuggle with them or grabbing strangers when he’s trying to talk to them) to despising contact (cringes if you touch his hand when you pass him a cup).  he didnt grown up with a culture very big on it, so he isn’t sure if he likes it or not yet.  
to people he does care about, he tends to take his friends for granted but overperform affection for those he has romantic interest in.  not that he doesnt also dearly love and adore his friends, he’s just not the best at expressing his care for them other than random bursts of kindness and dissolving back into his weird normal self.  his understanding of romance has come from a very commercial, media-influenced place (he learns about it through television, novels and commercials, it’s not really inherent to his species) so he thinks romance is about buying flowers, holding hands, staring into each other’s eyes for three hours, etc. if he has romantic interest in you, he will constantly over and over again tell you how much he likes you and your company and you are soooo funny hahahhahhfhh, and will be unusually touchy (clings to your arm, sits RIGHT next to you, drops his head on your shoulder, etc).  
8. What position does your muse sleep in?
683 didnt know what blankets were until he came to earth (or deep space nine) !!! his old room was perfectly temperature controlled and he already has a lower natural body temperature, so there was no need for blankets at all.  human beds with big pillows and blankets are THE COOLEST, so he either curls up underneath a blanket with only the top of his head poking out or he sprawls out like a starfish to take advantage of as many pillows as possible.  his special move is to roll up in the blanket like some kind of little alien lumpia.  
he’s a fitful sleeper so if you sleep in the same bed as him, he’ll punch you or kick you on accident.  he does appreciate company, though, and will also plaster himself up against you and leech your body heat with his weird cold body.
9. Could you hear your muse in the hallway from another room?
depends.  they have a very average speaking voice and aren’t necessarily very loud (plus platforms dull footsteps), but if they were excited, they might raise their voice or yell or exclaim something.  and then they’re very shrill, so yes, you would hear her.  
Tagged by:  @sampati im sorry i took like a week it was really fun i love to type letters and words on the computer Tagging: @dynaura or @pataparty (for whoever you want) / @phantombs / @ofgentleresolve (for lamon? or anyone you want, really!!) / @bystcrdust / @kyrieleisen / @baelends / @bup1957
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fanguuuhhhrl · 4 years
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Im kinda obsessed with I-Land right now. I love 23 boys and if possible i would like them all to debut but the elimination is in 30 minutes so im going to post my top 12 picks before it airs (kind of in order, kind of not, im biased, this is based on an unsure mixture of skill and personality, could change but most likely not):
1. Sunoo- BITCH!!! WTH!!! I JUST LOOK AT HIM AND MY SEROTONIN LEVELS BURST THROUGH THE ROOF!! He is a puppy!! He is amazing. If you didnt know anyone yet and you put all 23 boys in a line up. He will draw your attention with his sunshine smile :)))) he is so heartwarming. Most people be like "i have no filter" but they just be mean, but this guy is different, he literally has no ability to hide what he thinks but it never comes off as anything negative. He says "Me! I can do it!" but it's just endearing and never comes across as trying to show off. He says "there was a little bit of friction" and when the members look at himshocked, he looks at them shocked too.... theres no dull moment when he's in frame. It's so amazing how pure a person can be. But know that i am not just rooting for personality but for talent. his voice... His Voice!!! Vocally geonu and heeseung really slayed the butterfly performance but if you ask me, "save me" had a more emotional attack. His facial expression is just brimming of feelings. His voice is so raw. Also You know that part in save me where he transitions from head voice into chest voice really smooth??? You'll know what im saying if you see it. thats so fucking satisfying that i had to replay it so much. I definitely replayed the save me performance more times honeslty. And the way he dances!!! It might not be That refined yet but that's the charm... it's so raw and full of emotions... so like him. I can see myself stanning this group long term if he debuts with them.
2. Jungwon- tf i love this boy so much. his visuals already stood out to me when they were entering i-land, then his voice stood out to me in the first challenge... he did that hard ass choreography without any audible changes to his voice that i had to rewind that multiple times (more than the editor already did) then the moment i saw him dance the center in episode 4??? BOY???? BOY!!!! that was my breaking point... i can't believe im saying this about men but i already knew i would die for him... plus he is so sweet :((( his eyes are just so naturally cute but i was so shocked in the last challenge when he was able to pull off that fierce ass look.... i am devastated... im about the same age but my parental instincts are at work here. plus SPOILER ALERT to those who plan to watch he won first place in both the first and last challenge can everybody say jungwon ace
3. Geonu- my feelings for him are much like jungwon :((( except theres more parental instincts... and i say this despite being younger than him but whatever age is just a vibe... HE IS SO LIDDOL :((( i want to be his mom :(( at first, personality wise, it's hard to notice him bc he's a little calm and laidback... but its the little things that draw you to him :((( his glasses and hoodies just seem a little bit big on him and that just makes me smile for some reason... he cries silently when people are sent to the ground and he gets along well with the people... i noticed him first together with jungwon in the first i land challenge because they had the most stable performance. but i've never been more attached to him than when he sang butterfly (favorite bts song anyone??)... i honestly thought they could debut then and there and i wouldnt bat an eye... also it's so funny that the one thing i identified him with during the early episodes was the fact that whenever the camera pans to him, he just has the dead eye stare and parted lips (think: pokerface but confused) especially with the huge ass glasses but in the end the poker face thing that stuck to me became the thing that worked against him i cri
4. Jay- hold on folks this is going to be a long one. Jay has such a powerful personality that at first made me hesitant about liking him... idk he just seemed like the guy i would not vibe with in real life, but the longer time passed, the more he became one of my favorites and i root for him now like crazy. at first it was funny when they kept rejecting him for the vocal parts, but the more it went on, i was so sure that if it was me, i would have cried and dropped then and there, but it was so amazing watching him push through that and he didnt even lie about how he felt. his unique determination is such a breath of fresh air, a little heartwarming and oh so inspiring. i honestly learned a lot from just watching him. the time he went to the ground was so crucial to his development as a person, leader and performer. it was so mindblowing when he became the leader at the ground and even adapted heeseung's teaching methods. you know that meme "improvise, adapt, overcome?" he is the exact personification of that. what i loved about him the most is that even with his steely determination, he didnt enforce or project that on the other grounders, he just shared it with them. he understands when they need rest, encouragement or massages. he was such a caring leader. Skill wise- i can't say anything. He already proved himself so many times. Great dancer and potential vocalist. The mnet specials also show how much sweeter he is than the show shows him to be. He takes care of everyone, and has more of mother duck than street gang vibes (and he knows how to cook!!). And at the end, while he seems to be mostly self- oriented about debuting, he ends up spending most of his time teaching others and helping them improve. I just love him. Debut Jay 2k20!!!
5. Sunghoon- tf this guy is so cool and laidback that i didnt even pay much attention to him during the early parts but he just keeps crawling into my heart because so many members love him so damn much??? and he just goes along with them?? they want me to do triple axel while average people can't even do a single axel on a trampoline?? ok imma give them a double axel tho. jake is challenging me to arm flexing? yeah why not? k wants me to dance?? yeah lemme just spin 50 times. jay wants to shower together?? weird but im not strongly against the idea. ej wants to scare people? count me in. someone needs a hand to hold?? ok here's my warm hand to the rescue... everyone just wants to be his friend that he birthed my favorite sunoo scene "im cuter than him [jake]" and he was just like "yeah ok i guess so" sksjsk sunoo is that how you ask someone to be your friend jshdk??? and can i just say? as a figure skating fan, he has automatic +52536 points... and when the judges said he's the most natural performer out of them??? i vibed with that hard.. he dances well so naturally and he takes your attention without even seeming like he's trying to. that dance performance with k and jungwon?? i thought at first that his energy wouldnt catch up but damn boy my eyes were just trackingnhim the entire time unintentionallu that i had to rewind and he was just as great as all of them... with the additional benefit of being a stunt boy!! and though it might seem effortless, we saw that he practiced so hard for it. overall a 100/100 boy with a naturally charismatic personality that bleeds into his performance... as a fellow 02 liner i would also like to apply as his bestfriend thank you
6. Heesung- what can i say except he's a perfect boy ok thats it why are you still reading... jk... ok lets talk about him... skill wise?? I cried during the butterfly performance. i marvel at his vocal stability. his voice is so crystal clear. his dancing is so clean. his skills are superb but most of all, theyre already so refined. there's nothing more i could ask for. personaloty wise... i also have a lot to say... despite his celebrity status, it's awesome how he can make the other trainees comfortable with him. he's kind and soft and lovely.
but because i am me, i have to overanalyze people so idk skip this if you dont like that. for someone who's experienced being an academic achiever... i sure do vibe with his personality a lot... you know when there's a group activity and you're so sure you can lead it well but you don't want to? half because you dont want to come off as a show off and half bc you genuinely still have self-doubts, and you're scared of falling short of expectations. Also, you feel that if it all fails, you'll be responsible so you have to feel that everyone approves you before you can take leadership and show your entire thing. And the moment you feel validated and take the reins, you start unconsciously projecting your perfectionist attitude on people??? yeah... i love that despite being an almost perfect person he still has issues most people can find relatable and that, in addition to the talent makes me want to root from him. (im also going to take a stab and guess that his mbti is probs ixxp) i'll be honest tho, because its like 100 percent sure now that he'll debut, im not super attached to him??? i love him tho but he's just not in any danger so i can just let my support for him chill. i think amidst this, bc most of the trainees depend a lot on him, i mostly hope for him to take care of his mental health
7. Daniel- awww danielll... i went into i-land not knowing anyone's ages so i had a brief whiplash feeling when someone said daniel is 15... it's because he's so emotionally mature?? like he's such a supportive and caring person that it barely struck me the that he might be the youngest?? he already caught my attention when they performed "any song" bc they just seemed like they were having fun and doing their best without the pressure of whether they would win ir not, and for me that attitude is something you'd see from more experienced performers. and during the second ep when he just felt the need to comfort everyone bc he's got such a high score?? i loved that an i was so bummed out when they eliminated him. the save me performance was definitely a cherry on top that i just had to love him more than i already do... he may be young but he's as ready to debut as everyone else.
8. Jake- jake is just one of the people who showcased so much growth between ep 1 and ep 2. he already had the right attitude when they performed crown and he just had to improve skills and stage presence, and improved he did. despite being one of the trainees with the shortest training time, he was the one teaching the others by the end it just supports my theory that he might have been an ace as well if he just had the same amount of training as everyone else. im also truly in love with his mischievous antics. he seemed like an introvert to me at first but he came out of his shell and i love that. also i just crave more moments of him and sunghoon's friendship (they both seemed like introverts who found someone they could be extroverts with in each other) i am 👌this close to storming i land and demand that they let me join their merry little band of 2002 children
9. Niki- dance skills= 100 he's just so good it's unreal... it's insane... everytime he's on screen i hear boss musicand i cant even imagine him being younger than anyone, let alone taki. i get why some people dislike him but honestly i think it's just because they don't see him as a child... but he is. i was honestly a bit mad for him when they kept guilt tripping him into leading all of them, and i understood his tjought process when he thought he just kept failing everyone and when he thought things just kept backfiring on him. he is held on such a high pedestal and i dont think he deserves that kind of burden. as for me, it would just be a waste of talent to let him go. his attitude could still improve, as we'd seen when he eventually volunteered to help everyone. i also felt bad when he said that he's scared he might not be voted bc some people dont base on skills and i love him and i just want him to kmow that he's loved
10. Taki- what the hell can i even say?? he's the kindest softest boy ever. he tries to see the good in people and is very hardworking... he listens to people well and actually follow them, so he improves a lot... he knows people think he's cute and he tries and tries and tries to look fierce if the song calls for it... he is amazing
11. K- i really can't say anything, he really stands out during performances. also very pro at dancing. his choreography??? *chef's kiss* and i think the younger trainees depend a lot on him, besides heesung and so he's good at keeping the team together.
12. EJ- im really hesitant about the last person to be the twelfth i lander because it could almost be anyone and i wouldnt be too bummed out bc theyre almost all equally talented... the thing with ej tho is he already gets along well with the i landers and has harmony with other members. (plus see above: im a sucker for the 2002 line) i think its a tiny bit unfair to base it on this bc the others didnt even get a chance to show what they can bring to the group so im torn.
bonus: i wouldnt feel too bad if it were jaebeom (he has great voice, the producers think he's not too stand out bc he's weak at dance, but the i land is already so full of people whose expertise is dancing, so i think there should be someone who's specialty is singing), kyungmin (i really appreciated how hard he worked during the last test and it actually paid off, i honestly noticed him there even if he was always at the back. i also loved his determination and i was so touched when he and jaebeom were talking and he said "there's really nothing to do but believe in the impossible right?" it's just that the i landers were already ahead of him in terms of skills so he failed the votings) and hanbin (i've watched his cover videos and he's really good at dancing and stage projection. like i was honestly wondering why it wasnt showing in the performances :((( and he hadnt even had too much screentime to actually See what he's capable of.
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star-anise · 5 years
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do you have any sources on the claims you made? im always willing to change my stance if you have legitimate backing for it haha
So first, I’m sorry for blowing up at you the way that I did. I’m not proud that I reacted in such a kneejerk, aggressive fashion. Thank you for being open to hearing what I have to say. I’m sorry for mistaking you for a TERF, and I’m sorry my response has caused other people to direct their own hostility towards you.
So, here’s the thing. “You can’t call bi women femmes” is pretty intrinsically a radfem thing to say, and I am deeply opposed to letting radfems tell me what to do. I’m trying to write this during a weekend packed with childcare and work. I’ll try to hit all the high notes.
The one thing I am having trouble finding is the longass post I talked about in my reply, that was a history of butch/femme relationships in lesbian bars, which had frequent biphobic asides and talked about “the lesbophobic myth of the bi-rejecting lesbian”; the friend who reblogged it without reading it thoroughly has deleted it, and I can’t find it on any of the tags she remembers looking at around that time. If anyone can find it, I’ll put up a link.
As far as possible, I’m linking to really widely accessible sources, because you shouldn’t intrinsically trust a random post on Tumblr as secret privileged knowledge. People have talked about this at length in reputable publications that your local library either has, or can get through interlibrary loan; you can look up any of the people here, read their work, and decide for yourself. This is a narrative of perspectives, and while I obviously have a perspective, many people disagree with me. At the end of the day, the only reason I need for calling bi women femmes is that You Are Not The Boss Of Me. There is no centralized authority on LGBT+ word usage, nor do I think there should be. Hopefully this post will give you a better sense of what the arguments are, and how to evaluate peoples’ claims in the future.
I looked up “butch” and “femme” with my library’s subscription to the Oxford English Dictionary because that’s where you find the most evidence of etymology and early use, and found:
“Femme” is the French word for “woman”.  It’s been a loanword in English for about 200 years, and in the late 19th century in America it was just a slangy word for “women”, as in, “There were lots of femmes there for the boys to dance with”
“Butch” has been used in American English to mean a tough, masculine man since the late 19th century; in the 1930s and 1940s it came to apply to a short masculine haircut, and shortly thereafter, a woman who wore such a haircut. It’s still used as a nickname for masculine cis guys–my godfather’s name is Martin, but his family calls him Butch. By the 1960s in Britain, “butch” was slang for the penetrating partner of a pair of gay men.
Butch/femme as a dichotomy for women arose specifically in the American lesbian bar scene around, enh, about the 1940s, to enh, about the 1960s. Closet-keys has a pretty extensive butch/femme history reader. This scene was predominantly working-class women, and many spaces in it were predominantly for women of colour. This was a time when “lesbian” literally meant anyone who identified as a woman, and who was sexually or romantically interested in other women. A lot of the women in these spaces were closeted in the rest of their lives, and outside of their safe spaces, they had to dress normatively, were financially dependent on husbands, etc. Both modern lesbians, and modern bisexual women, can see themselves represented in this historical period.
These spaces cross-pollinated heavily with ball culture and drag culture, and were largely about working-class POC creating spaces where they could explore different gender expressions, gender as a construct and a performance, and engage in a variety of relationships. Butch/femme was a binary, but it worked as well as most binaries to do with sex and gender do, which is to say, it broke down a lot, despite the best efforts of people to enforce it. It became used by people of many different genders and orientations whose common denominator was the need for safety and discretion. “Butch” and “femme” were words with meanings, not owners.
Lesbianism as distinct from bisexuality comes from the second wave of feminism, which began in, enh, the 1960s, until about, enh, maybe the 1980s, maybe never by the way Tumblr is going. “Radical” feminism means not just that this is a new and more exciting form of feminism compared to the early 20th century suffrage movement; as one self-identified radfem professor of mine liked to tell us every single lecture, it shares an etymology with the word “root”, meaning that sex discrimination is at the root of all oppression.
Radical feminism blossomed among college-educated women, which also meant, predominantly white, middle- or upper-class women whose first sexual encounters with women happened at elite all-girls schools or universities. Most of these women broke open the field of “women’s studies” and the leading lights of radical feminism often achieved careers as prominent scholars and tenured professors.
Radical feminism established itself as counter to “The Patriarchy”, and one of the things many early radfems believed was, all men were the enemy. All men perpetuated patriarchy and were damaging to women. So the logical decision was for women to withdraw from men in all manner and circumstances–financially, legally, politically, socially, and sexually. “Political lesbianism” wasn’t united by its sexual desire for women; many of its members were asexual, or heterosexual women who decided to live celibate lives. This was because associating with men in any form was essentially aiding and abetting the enemy.
Look, I’ll just literally quote Wikipedia quoting an influential early lesbian separatist/radical feminist commune: “The Furies recommended that Lesbian Separatists relate “only (with) women who cut their ties to male privilege” and suggest that “as long as women still benefit from heterosexuality, receive its privileges and security, they will at some point have to betray their sisters, especially Lesbian sisters who do not receive those benefits”“
This cross-pollinated with the average experience of WLW undergraduates, who were attending school at a time when women weren’t expected to have academic careers; college for women was primarily seen as a place to meet eligible men to eventually marry. So there were definitely women who had relationships with other women, but then, partly due to the pressure of economic reality and heteronormativity, married men. This led to the phrase LUG, or “lesbian until graduation”, which is the kind of thing that still got flung at me in the 00s as an openly bisexual undergrad. Calling someone a LUG was basically an invitation to fight.
The assumption was that women who marry men when they’re 22, or women who don’t stay in the feminist academic sphere, end up betraying their ideals and failing to have solidarity with their sisters. Which seriously erases the many contributions of bi, het, and ace women to feminism and queer liberation. For one, I want to point to Brenda Howard, the bisexual woman who worked to turn Pride from the spontaneous riots in 1969 to the nationwide organized protests and parades that began in 1970 and continue to this day. She spent the majority of her life to a male partner, but that didn’t diminish her contribution to the LGBT+ community.
Lesbian separatists, and radical feminists, hated Butch/Femme terminology. They felt it was a replication of unnecessarily heteronormative ideals. Butch/femme existed in an LGBT+ context, where gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people understood themselves to have more in common with each other than with, say, cis feminists who just hated men more than they loved women. 
The other main stream of feminist thought at the time was Liberal Feminism, which was like, “What if we can change society without totally rejecting men?” and had prominent figures like Gloria Steinem, who ran Ms magazine. Even today, you’ll hear radfems railing against “libfems” and I’m like, my good women, liberal feminism got replaced thirty years ago. Please update your internal schema of “the enemy”
Lesbian separatism was… plagued by infighting. To maintain a “woman-only” space, they had to kick out trans women (thus, TERFs), women who slept with men (thus, biphobia), women who enjoyed kinky sex or pornography or engaged in sex work (thus, SWERFS) and they really struggled to raise their male children in a way that was… um… anti-oppressive. (I’m biased; I know people who were raised in lesbian separatist communes and did not have great childhoods.) At the same time, they had other members they very much wanted to keep, even though their behaviour deviated from the expected program, so you ended up with spectacles like Andrea Dworkin self-identifying as a lesbian despite being deeply in love with and married to a self-identified gay man for twenty years, despite beng famous for the theory that no woman could ever have consensual sex with a man, because all she could ever do was acquiesce to her own rape.
There’s a reason radical feminism stopped being a major part of the public discourse, and also a reason why it survives today: While its proponents became increasingly obsolete, they were respected scholars and tenured university professors. This meant people like Camille Paglia and Mary Daly, despite their transphobia and racism, were considered important people to read and guaranteed jobs educating young people who had probably just moved into a space where they could meet other LGBT people for the very first time. So a lot of modern LGBT people (including me) were educated by radical feminist professors or assigned radical feminist books to read in class.
The person I want to point to as a great exemplar is Alison Bechdel, a white woman who discovered she was a lesbian in college, was educated in the second-wave feminist tradition, but also identified as a butch and made art about the butch/femme dichotomy’s persistence and fluidity. You can see part of that tension in her comic; she knows the official lesbian establishment frowns on butch/femme divisions, but it’s relevant to her lived experience.
What actually replaced radical feminism was not liberal feminism, but intersectional feminism and the “Third Wave”. Black radical feminists, like Audre Lorde, bell hooks, and Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw, pointed out that many white radical feminists were ignoring race as a possible cause of oppression, and failing to notice how their experiences differed from Black womens’. Which led to a proliferation of feminists talking about other oppressions they faced: Disabled feminists, Latina feminists, queer feminists, working-class feminists. It became clear that even if you eliminated the gender binary from society, there was still a lot of bad shit that you had to unlearn–and also, a lot of oppression that still happened in lesbian separatist spaces.
I’ve talked before about how working in women-only second-wave spaces really destroyed my faith in them and reinforced my belief in intersectional feminism
Meanwhile, back in the broader queer community, “queer” stuck as a label because how people identified was really fluid. Part of it is that you learn by experience, and sometimes the only way to know if something works for you is to try it out, and part of it is that, as society changed, a lot more people became able to take on new identities without as much fear. So for example, you have people like Pat Califia, who identified as a lesbian in the 70s and 80s, found far more in common with gay leather daddies than sex-negative lesbians, and these days identifies as a bisexual trans man.
Another reason radical feminists hate the word “queer”, by the way, is queer theory, which wants to go beyond the concept of men oppressing women, or straights oppressing gays, but to question this entire system we’ve built, of sex, and gender, and orientation. It talks about “queering” things to mean “to deviate from heteronormativity” more than “to be homosexual”. A man who is married to a woman, who stays at home and raises their children while she works, is viewed as “queer” inasmuch as he deviates from heteronormativity, and is discriminated against for it.
So, I love queer theory, but I will agree that it can be infuriating to hear somebody say that as a single (cis het) man he is “queer” in the same way being a trans lesbian of colour is “queer”, and get very upset and precious about being told they’re not actually the same thing. I think that actually, “queer as a slur” originated as the kind of thing you want to scream when listening to too much academic bloviating, like, “This is a slur! Don’t reclaim it if it didn’t originally apply to you! It’s like poor white people trying to call themselves the n-word!” so you should make sure you are speaking about a group actually discriminated against before calling them “queer”. On the other hand, queer theory is where the theory of “toxic masculinity” came from and we realized that we don’t have to eliminate all men from the universe to reduce gender violence; if we actually pay attention to the pressures that make men so shitty, we can reduce or reverse-engineer them and encourage them to be better, less sexist, men.
But since radfems and queer theorists are basically mortal enemies in academia, radical feminists quite welcomed the “queer as a slur” phenomenon as a way to silence and exclude people they wanted silenced and excluded, because frankly until that came along they’ve been losing the culture wars.
This is kind of bad news for lesbians who just want to float off to a happy land of only loving women and not getting sexually harrassed by men. As it turns out, you can’t just turn on your lesbianism and opt out of living in society. Society will follow you wherever you go. If you want to end men saying gross things to lesbians, you can’t just defend lesbianism as meaning “don’t hit on me”; you have to end men saying gross things to all women, including bi and other queer women.  And if you do want a lesbian-only space, you either have to accept that you will have to exclude and discriminate against some people, including members of your community whose identities or partners change in the future, or accept that the cost of not being a TERF and a biphobe is putting up with people in your space whose desires don’t always resemble yours.
Good god, this got extensive and I’ve been writing for two hours.
So here’s the other thing.
My girlfriend is a femme bi woman. She’s married to a man.
She’s also married to two women.
And dating a man.
And dating me (a woman).
When you throw monogamy out the window, it becomes EVEN MORE obvious that “being married to a man” does not exclude a woman from participation in the queer community as a queer woman, a woman whose presentation is relevant in WLW contexts. Like, this woman is in more relationships with women at the moment than some lesbians on this site have been in for their entire lives.
You can start out with really clear-cut ideas about “THIS is what my life is gonna be like” but then your best friend’s sexual orientation changes, or your lover starts to transition, and things in real life are so much messier than they look when you’re planning your future. It’s easy to be cruel, exclusionary, or dismissive to people you don’t know; it’s a lot harder when it’s people you have real relationships with.
And my married-to-a-man girlfriend? Uses “butch” and “femme” for reasons very relevant to her queerness and often fairly unique to femme bi women, like, “I was out with my husband and looking pretty femme, so I guess they didn’t clock me as a queer” or “I was the least butch person there, so they didn’t expect me to be the only one who uses power tools.” Being a femme bi woman is a lot about invisibility, which is worth talking about as a queer experience instead of being assumed to exclude us from the queer community.
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actuallyschizoid · 5 years
Text
Do any of you guys experience concerningly low empathy? How about limited emotional range, like a spectrum? What about sensory process meltdowns, similar to autists? Do you feel almost no emotion until hit with intensity? How about falling inlove and a best friend? Any previous ddx of anxiety or depression or adhd? Ever made stock friends for the sake of benefits? Rather One night stand than relationships or is it all to disinteresting? Any comorbid SzPD and APD out there? How did you get diagnosed? Views on religion? Im sorry for asking alot, recent ddx and idk what this means for me, never met the average schizoid to paint the picture. Some of these questions have to do with relatability to my symptoms, I guess.
Thanks for submission! Interesting questions. For me personally:
Empathy. In fact, it gets better over time. At least cognitive empathy - which is pretty much psychoanalysis on the go, i.e. taking into account what you know about each person and trying to extrapolate what would they feel, how would they react based on those feels, etc. It isn’t really connected to being able to understand their feelings on your own experience, and way more dependent on one’s knowledge of human psychology, experience observing people and just general live experience. It can be trained for anyone with some effort, but for those who lacks natural emotional empathy it generally gets better just due to having a constant reason to practice it. 
As for emotional and other kinds of empathy... eh, mine’s pretty much limited to laughing along when someone’s laughing their ass off. Yeah, tiny bit of mirroring is all I get, it’s pretty useless. Though, I must say, I do get easier time to relate to feels of other schizoids, autistic people and pretty much anyone who struggles relating to average kind of people.
Emotions. Now that I’m 32, it’s probably not as limited as when I was in my 15-to-25 years, but less of a mess than it was before 15. Still those are pretty... uh, alternative emotions. I still don’t often get the “correct” one triggered on same triggers as most people. My natural tendency is to rationalize stuff, analyze it from system POV instead of getting sad and emotional. 
Like, yesterday there was a plain crush, the whole local internet was buzzing about how terrible it was. I can’t say that was exactly what felt, but instead we were casually discussing the technical nuances of it with a fellow schizoid. Like what effects this kind of event might have had on this or that system, how it might have been made better, what mistakes happened there and what were the means to prevent some of those deaths. I.e more from a system design point of view, where people are just numbers in statistic rather than dead kids who won’t have live, sad parents, etc etc. 
I mean, all that’s sad and all, I get it, but there’s nothing I can do to be sad about it. To me it’s no different from knowing the fact that every day on roads in my country horribly dies about the same amount of people and no one gives a single flying fuck about it. But then same people die in a plain crush and it’s a nation-wide tragedy for some reason. To be honest, if I try to dig into actual emotions I feel about stuff like that, I can find out this kind of feels look rather... wrong to me. I know people can’t help but to feel whatever way they do, and there’s no such thing as “wrong emotions”, I definitely won’t be the one to judge them. But from my POV, it’s really hard to understand this negative hype around it.
Meltdowns. Not sure I ever had an actual meltdown, perhaps as a kid. But I might not even get the idea of what it is well enough. Heavy sensory stimulation actually causes me lots of discomfort. Like, neighbors drilling their walls almost on daily basis is an utter nightmare for me. I still stick my fingers into ears like a kid, yeah. And then try to poke at my macbook’s touchpad with whatever I get left - elbows, tongue, toes... To find at least some distraction from the noise. Eh. Not sure what’d happen if I wasn’t protecting myself from this kind of stuff, tbh, I never neglected this kind of safety measures to find out if I’d be able to handle it.
About no emotions until being hit. Hmm, maybe, not sure. To me it’s more often just no emotions from one specific trigger until.. well, until the trigger is gone lol. It just never occurs if it’s not there, yet when it’s there - it’s there. 
Being in love and having best friends. Never was in love. Seriously, I doubt I’m capable of it. And not sure the best friend thing relates to me either. I had some friends, but never the kind of friends whom I could entrust much about myself. Like, the schizoid person I still consider best friend doesn’t even know I have this blog lol. Or that I write a book, for example. I feel uncomfortable with the fact that people who knows me would also know... well, me. Knowing some part of my life is ok, but no way someone would have access to everything. And the better I know people, the less I feel like sharing. Yet I have absolute no issue with writing this kind of personal stuff anonymously and hundreds of people potentionally reading it.
Previous diagnosis. At early childhood I was suspected to have autism, actually. Or, well, it was long time ago so it was more of a “some development malfunction” diagnosis. I started speaking way too late, but by the time I was able to hack into this speech thing, I already was rather fluent at it, could understand more than my peers, etc. Same happened with reading. And from then on any language, be it human or programming, I can pretty much grab and use, if I want. I can turn in some youtube video on whatever language I’ve no idea about, turn in automatically generated subtitles translated to English and understand most of it, and after few hours getting the basic structure and matching a few common words with their meaning by ear. It might be related to that “could’ve had autism”, but not sure, it’s still not something I explored much with professionals as adult. And yeah, ADHD in some of its (subtile and inactive) forms could be the case too.
Stock friends. Eh, probably? I mean, some kids used to stuck on me now and then in school or college. I didn’t care much, but I tolerated them as long as they weren’t too annoying at least for the sake of dragging at least tiny bit less attention to my own weirdness. It felt like a safer option, yet most time I still have spent alone. 
Relationships and one night stands. Well, I’m aro ace agender, so... Actual romantic relationships were always out of question for me, tbh. Never tried, never feel like trying in the future. Had somewhat of an experimental semi-relationship with a friend, but it wasn’t romantic much and never was intended as long-lasting (at least, not on my part). We’re still friends, by the way, there was no “break-up” (coz there wasn’t much to break in first place). 
As for one-night-stands thing - yeah, that’s pretty useless for me either. Not that I’d had anything against it, were I in need to have sex. Perhaps, if I had that need, it would be the way to go for me. But since nothing really drives me for this shit, I’m fine without it.
Religion. Atheist down to the bone marrow. There was never really a dilemma for me, I knew it’s all utter BS the moment I’ve heard what the fuck is the fuss about this “God” thing people are talking about. Mind you, my mother is kinda religious (not in actual practice way, but she sees no logical issue with the idea of religion, that’s for sure). But she never dared to bring me to church for that orthodox christian initiation practice, what’s it called? Probably was afraid I’d yap about what idiots they are to believe it right in the middle of being shoved in a bucket of “holy” water lol.
Ok, that’s about it. :) And what about y’all? Feel free to add, I’ll reblog.
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warrentrash · 5 years
Text
unusual love
warren worthington  iii x reader
summary: ‘Hi hello! Do you think you could do something for a girl with yellow eyes, wolf ears and tail who can transform into a giant wolf (think twilight style) and they rescue her from a fighting ring where she's been for four years and she's terrified/agressive to everyone but slowly falls for Warren (he falls for her right away but pretends not to but is super sweet to her) ? Sorry I know that's a lot to ask xD It'd mean a lot though! 💖💖.’ requested by @shadowhiver
a/n: im pretty sure you just described a furry and i dont know how to process that so imma just go with the twilight thing and the yellow eyes ALSO I KNOW I KINDA STRAYED FROM THE REQUEST A LIL BUT IT ALL TIES UP I PROMISE
warnings: swearing, TW (TRIGGER WARNING) mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide, mentions of mental health, mentions of drinking
the ‘+’ is always change of scene
~
You weren't nice. So what? There were enough nice people in the world, it wasn't your fault you weren't one of them. Well, you were, once. Many years ago that was.
Everyone in life starts out as innocent, it's what happens later in life that makes you who you are.
Metaphorically speaking, there's scars on everyone’s hearts. The more scars you have, the more lost you are. Sometimes people's hearts are so scarred, that there's no going back for them. Their heart turns to stone, and they aren't given any more chances and they become miserable, and lonely, and just plain cold.
Now you had many, many scars. You've been on the verge of never coming back. After years of abuse, both mentally and physically, it drained you to the point you had given up.
But, there was brighter days ahead.
Your rescuers had found you, battered and bruised, barely alive. Barely breathing. You weren't aware that they had found you until days later when you awoke to a girl dabbing your forehead with a wet towel.
Surely enough you freaked and turned into your wolf form, scaring the poor girl so much she had almost mear fainted. It took three people to calm you down enough you turn back into your human form. You had a panic attack and locked yourself away for days.
Charles eventually came in and explained everything that happened. They found you in a mutant fighting ring that had obviously been evacuated, you were on the floor of the ring, forgotten like a piece of trash, half alive. You didn't remember much of what happened. They brought you to Xavier’s School For The Gifted where you rested and got your health back to normal, though you were still weak.
You were somewhat grateful they found you and let you live at the mansion, but you weren't going to tell them, and you definitely weren't going to be nice to them because of it. Sure, they let you stay, but you couldn't trust them, you could never trust again. Or so you thought.
+
"Everyone comes back today, do you think you can handle that, Y/N?" Charles asked you as you sat on the end of your bed and he sat in front of you.
Looking at him through your eyelashes, you shrugged the best you could.
Charles sighed and nodded, "I want you to meet a few of my best students, later on. I think you'll benefit from having them around, Y/N.." he said quietly.
“Look, I never said I wanted your help. I don’t need you to tell your student’s to be friend’s with me. I don’t want them, and I don’t need them.” You told him with an icy glare.
“Yet without me and my student’s, you would be dead.” He bit back. You stayed silent as he stared you down. “Now while you’re under my roof, you have to live by my rules. And starting from today, you will learn to work on your anger issues. I understand you have had a tough life, believe me I get that. But there’s hope for you. We have two studen's here who used to do cage fighting like you. They’re fine now, and they work fantastic as part of team. That could be you one day, Y/N. Get some rest, I’ll be back to get you during lunch.”
You stared at your hands while Charles left the room. Maybe he had a point. But you still didn't like the idea of having to meet new people.
+
When Warren first laid eye's on you, he literally crushed the chip in his hand. You were following Charles who was heading right towards him with a smile on his face. It wasn't that he had never seen you before, he was actually the one who carried you from the ring and onto the jet. He just didn't expect you to be up and about so quickly. If he was being honest, he had a crush on you, but he'd never tell a soul.
"Excuse me, Warren? I hope I'm not distracting you from your... lunch." Charles said as he glared at the boys feet who were on the desk. Warren quickly stood up and dusted his hands on his pants.
"Uh no, nope. What can I do for you professor?" He questioned and glanced at you.
You were watching him with an inquisitive look. He seemed like a clumsy mess. Yet you weren't disgusted by the fact that he just wiped his hands on his pants. If it was anyone else you would have said some nasty remark.
"This young lady here is Y/N L/N. I was wondering if you two would like to spend some time together, get to know each other?" Charles glanced at you and you wore a sour look but nevertheless you sat down in the spare seat.
Warren slowly sat back down as Charles smiled at him before turning to you.
"Behave." He warned quietly before wheeling himself away.
The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes, Warren didn't really know what to say so he held the bag if chips out to you. You glanced at them and ignored his offer.
He put them down and puffed his cheeks out.
"So.. cage fighting huh?" He asked. You looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "How long were you there for?"
"That's none of your business." You told him and crossed your arms.
Warren sighed a little and continued to sit hunched over, just staring at you. Your golden eyes had him curious. He wondered what your mutation was, it had to be something interesting.
You looked at him again, "why are you staring at me?"
Warren jumped a little, "no reason. So uh, what's your mutation?"
"Look pigeon boy, I don't know what Charles said to you or bribed you with to get you to talk to me, but you don't have to and I would prefer it if we sat in silence." You gave him one last final look before sitting back in your seat properly.
You raised an eyebrow as Warren started laughing.
"Do you think I'm getting something out of this? Up until five minutes ago I wasn't even sure if you were still alive." You sat up taller at his words and he must have realised that you would have had no idea on what would have happened.
He grinned and winked at you, "I'm your lord and savior, baby."
Oh boy..
+
He held that title over you for weeks. And he promised to stop calling himself your "lord and savior" if you agreed to show him your mutation. So late one afternoon you took him out into the fields behind the mansion to show him.
"Is this where you kill me?" He asked as he followed you quickly through the grass.
"Yes, if you don't shut up." You told him and sent a glare his way.
As you came to a stop, Warren bumped into the back of you roughly. You would have falled over if it wasn't for Warren grabbing your waist. You cleared your throat and stood up, pushing his hand's from you roughly.
"Turn around." You told him as you took a few step's backwards. He was hesitant but did as he was told, he almost turned back around when he heard a loud thud, but he stayed put.
Last time he ignored your word he copped book to the face and he wasn't going to risk another injury.
Warren tensed when he felt something soft nudge his shoulder, and slowly he looked to his left and he completely froze when he saw a literal wolf. But it was bigger than the average wolf, much bigger.
"Y/N?" He asked quietly and turned to see if you were there. You sat down and watched as he went over to your ripped clothes on the floor and began to put two and two together.
"S-so this is your mutantion?" He questioned as he circled you a few times.
Realising he wasn't going to get a reply he broke into a grin. "I like it. You can't talk back." He teased and laughed a little as you growled at him.
Warren will admit, he wasn't prepared to see you like this. Like at all. But another thing he will admit, it was a pretty badass mutation.
+
People annoyed you. It was as simple as that. You hated being around them, you hated the way you had to interact with them on a daily basis, and you hated the way they were all friendly to you.
After years of neglected and abuse, you learnt to push away all the good things in your life. If you laughed at something, you would get mad at yourself. If your feelings grew for a person, you would push them away.
But that wasn't the case for Warren.
You didn't know what it was, but he didn't annoy you nearly as much as everyone else did. And he was an ass to you most of the time. Maybe that's what it was, you balanced each other out.
The two of you were on the roof of the mansion, you weren't going to lie, the two of your were pretty drunk and how you actually got up there baffled you completely. Though the alcohol seemes be have a heavier toll on you than it did Warren. Then for some reason, you just exploded and told him everything. You told him about how you were homeless and forced into cage fighting. How you escaped death every night. How you became suicidal. How you almost ended everything. How you found out that you couldn't bring yourself to actually do it.
That was the first night you had emotional physical contact with anyone in years. It felt, nice. Different. But in a good way.
Warren didn't say much, he let you vent and express your emotions. That's how he knew you trusted him. He didn't let go of you until you decided to go to bed.
He had carried you down the hall, even though you insisted that you could walk. You even allowed yourself to laugh as Warren threw you onto your bed roughly.
It felt foreign to be laughing. You were drunk, but you were aware of how you felt. And besides feeling drunk, you knew you felt happy. Warren pulled the blankets over your head and patted your head before whispering a goodnight. You watched as he walked out of your room and turned the light off ever so quietly.
You hadn't seen that side of him before, with anyone, ever.
What you didn't realise was that he had fallen for you, and hard. That's why he was always around you. You learnt to tolerate him, and eventually, how to love him.
It took at least a year of Warren trying all his little tricks on you. You then knew that he liked you, and he knew you knew. You liked him as well, but you wanted to make him wait.
You don't know why, but you enjoyed seeing him frustrated with you.
Eventually you agreed to go on a date with him, but warned him you would complain the whole time. And you did, but so did Warren. You went and saw a movie in the park, and you both got kicked out of the area for making such loud comments.
Warren got you to tolerate people. To an extent. Now you can smile at people politely without making any rude comments.
He worked wonders with you. He got you to do things you never thought you'd do. He helped you with your mutation, and you helped him with his.
Some how, you two were meant to be despite the obstacles you both faced to get where you were today.
~
i know i drifted away from the prompt but i finished this in like an hour aksksk
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f05erxay-blog · 5 years
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whiteanti · 5 years
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sry if that's gonna turn out long but i really want your onion on it. in relations to that anon who asked you abt white passing people - what do you think about "west asians" loool. like caucasians, not white europeans but people from the caucasus like armenians georgians azeris etc. personally i could never consider them poc lmao first of all demographic region such as west asia doesnt exist, most countries from that region are middle eastern and the ones who are not are BETWEEN europe and asia
and not to bring that up but armenians have been legally classified as white like 100 years ago, ntm how they never looked racialized in the first place its just that white americans considered anything that’s not white american as impure. like even white southern and eastern europeans. and cool you could say they’re white passing poc but there are not Any specific racialized features that make you go oh thats a poc.. its not fucking 2012 anymore we cant still push that race is social bullshit
(i think tumblr ate the 3rd or 2nd ask so im rewriting it) even if it was its still made to not only benefit them but put them on top. with tht circassian beauty shit that was spread among both europe and the global south w circassian women and their “big beautiful hair” as the beauty standard while black women were and still to this day are abused degraded etc for their hair then you have white ass circassians and other caucasians using as an argument about not being white that white russians call thm bl*ckies or the white version of the n word lmaooo can you believe… and like ok your ppl faced genocide and ethnic cleansing from white russians but how does that contribute to you being racialized ESP in the modern day world. 
not only that but so many of them have pale skin, blue eyes, blonde hair like straight up cracker and they still insist on being poc just cuz they’re not Straight from mother europe. its just a caucasian online thing to claim the racialized experience for white ppl jokes access and extra oppression points. 
if you ask the average middle aged lets say armenian person what race they are they’re gonna tell you white. and with the amount of anti asian sentiment in their communities how tf do they expect to be accepted as asian like they’re truly playing with us. 
also wht bugs me is how they cant tell the difference btwn racism and xenophobia/ethnophobia sjhgahsj how do you insist on facing racism without being racialized? they face as much discrimination in white countries as any average white foreigner would but go explain that shit to them that if you’re not racialized you cant use the terms racism and xenophobia interchargeably. 
to me the only asians are east, southeast, south, central and north, also anything mixed inbetween. all these crackers lite from the caucasus mountains can go fuck themselves and shove their forced victimization up their asses cuz at this point i’m so tired of their white asses trying to prove me they’re on the same level as us whn it comes to discrimination. 
like yes s and se asians are way more discriminated than the rest of us but we (east central north) do face racial discrimination unlike caucasians lmao. and sure they face intergenerational trauma from the genocides of their countries but so do we, in way bigger amounts. thats why im so sceptical abt terms like visible poc cuz you either are a poc or not… they have so many tactics as a gotcha to racialized asians to make us seem as if we’re bigots who invalidate their genocides and talk so aimlessly abt it when all we want is for them to acknowledge their whiteness, white privilege, white guilt and self victimization against us. but anyways im so sry for making it this long but i needed to get if off my chest and you’re like the only person i know who can understand it and give a well thought out opinion. i rlly wish you all the best and good luck on all your exams 💓💓💓
btw for the previous asks i only said “mixed inbetween” bc i talked about monoracial asians specifically not that someone isnt asian if they’re mixed w black or anything else, also idk much abt indigenous ppl from oceania or how they identify so that’s why i left it out
ok so I reformatted some of the asks to make them easier to read (as in I changed where paragraph breaks were bc wow there r so many) but my answer is below the cut! 
[EDIT] since a few ppl r asking me abt this no I don't fully agree w this anon. I don't think arabs are white. I don't think Iranians are white. I don’t know if Armenians or other ethnicities from the Caucasus region are white I think thats an ongoing discussion w in their communities, but as far as I knew I thought people saw Armenians as white. again I could be wrong but that is what I think the general consensus is. if you want to have in in-depth discussion abt this topic pls ask someone from within those communities or at the very least has researched it in-depth.
ok so just from what I know a lot of ppl from the caucus region classified themselves as white during segregation, etc in order to escape racial discrimination. Armenians as far as ik r generally classified as white? the Kardashians are Armenian and I don’t think anyone has ever said they’re poc. geographically Armenia is in west Asia so technically they’re asian but does that mean they’re poc? but if u say Armenians r white then r arabs white? Armenians do face discrimination and they have faced a genocide which is denied by the Turkish govt. but most ashkenazi jewish ppl r also white so….. idk.
as for in Europe they would definitely be seen as poc or at the very least not white. basically anywhere east of turkey (ofc excluding Russia) is seen as Big Scary Middle East full of ppl who want to invade Europe. but again in America I’m not too sure bc race relations r definitely different there.
I think its a rlly complex question w a complex answer and tbh I don’t know enough abt any of this to b able to give a cohesive opinion. what I will say is that I think this is a different discussion completely from whether mixed white poc r poc or not. this is a discussion is to whether a whole ethnicities of ppl who look ‘white’ are poc or not. its complicated bc race isn't ‘real’ as in theres not way to divide humans into 5 groups. ppl like from the caucasus region don’t fit neatly into white or asian and if u look historically the region is closely tied w Greece, Iran and the Mughals in India so again… theres no definite answer. but as far as ik they definitely have a large degree of white passing privilege but I would still say to a lesser extent than full white europeans. they’re also mostly racialised in europe or at least demonised to a certain extent. more than Eastern Europeans and less than poc but like idk lol. I hope this is an ok answer bc to b honest my brain is so fried rn
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angelinuhh · 5 years
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you seem really knowledgeable about race-related issues w/ the rpc so i thought i'd ask: is it just me, or does the rpc seem to have a problem w/ actually acknowledging and using japanese fcs?
ty ! but when it comes to race issues, i genuinely have a lot to learn.
 to answer your question—— i do believe the rpc has a problem acknowledging and using japanese fcs. but– in the same way the rpc has a problem engaging with most types of poc. however, if you (or anyone else) feels differently, please enlighten me. i would love to know. 
in the meanwhile, i did some… statistics and analysis for you below the cut. thank you to the 21 roleplays from which I used their taken character information. 
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A STUDY IN THE USAGE OF JAPANESE FCS (a la the RPC 2019)
for a fuller and better understanding of your question, i decided to do a little research. i wanted to see which japanese fcs were being used, how often japanese fcs were being used, compare this to real-life numbers and more. 
STEP 1. GATHERING DATA 
trawling the tags, i came up with a list of rps. from there, i excluded any rp with under 20 muses— though i do note that none of the rps under 20 muses had more than one japanese fc. and then, i noted every single time i saw a japanese fc being used and the frequency of japanese fcs in the rp. i also went ahead and identified what country’s entertainment industry they were in (western/american, japanese, korean) and if they were of mixed descent.  
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STEP 2. RESULTS
Based on these 21 RPs, the AVERAGE % of Japanese FCs is 1.53%.
OF NOTE, if there is any japanese fcs in an rp, the average is boosted to around 2.59%. With the exception of 2 RPs, every single RP that had any japanese fcs in it was within .2% of this score… aka, while there are some failures in our sampling (non-random), all of the members of our sample were fairly similar in terms of % of japanese fcs. 
The most popular fcs to see were RYAN POTTER (½ japanese and a western fc), NANA KOMATSU (full japanese, in the japanese industry ), & KAYLEE BRYANT (¼ japanese and a western fc). 
nearly all the fcs with multiple occurrences were mixed fcs from western entertainment. in addition, nearly all the fcs from western entertainment were mixed while the ones from eastern industries were full-blooded.  
STEP 3. INTERPRETATION. 
according to worldometers, the actual percentage of japanese people in the world is equivalent to 1.64%. the census shows that the percentage of japanese people in the us is 0.4%
so yeah. based on my crappy data, we’re doing okay. 
and tbh. im actually. really shocked and impressed by that. 
on one hand, it makes sense. while i would love to see more japanese fcs used (catch me… making gif icons of chiharu okunugi and saila kunikida in my free time all day), i’ve never noticed anything egregious abt japanese fcs in particular and this does back up the argument. 
 but… on the other, you’re right. i feel you 100% on the fact that we have a problem. as someone who is asian and in the rpc, i feel like it is important to emphasize that we need to and we CAN DO so much better. my data, as presented thus far, is skewed heavily in favor of “everyone’s doing the right thing! and everyone’s writing these people as japanese!”– when really that’s not the case at all.
for one, just because the percentages show that japanese fcs are being played, this does not guarantee good portrayal.
secondly, changing the definition of japanese… will change the results extensively. for example, this dataset includes people who are less than ½ japanese (booboo and fivel stewart (japanese, chinese, korean, ½ white + claims of blackfoot), ming lee simmons and kaylee bryant (¼ japanese) ) while they are still japanese, they ARE also mixed. and it’s hard. to make that decision. whether they should count as japanese portrayal and representation. 
i’ve also noticed that not all these characters are even played as japanese. in particular, kaylee bryant’s japanese heritage is sometimes ignored and she will be used to play played a white character, while booboo stewart is usually either native or just… ambiguously asian. neither of these things are good. 
and thus… if i stop giving people the benefit of the doubt and actually look for japanese portrayal instead of just … any japanese fc, this will put us  BELOW average.   
WHY WE MIGHT FEEL THAT PEOPLE ARE NOT USING OR ACKNOWLEDGING JAPANESE FCS (also WHY WE R VALID TO)
mixed fcs have privilege. and while we can love and support them and validate their identity, it is sometimes hard to see ourselves in them or to immediately identify them and acknowledge them as representation. sure, ryan potter is great. but even he’s spoken at length about how being hapa/hafu benefits him. 
other races (cough… just white people and maybe kpop fcs) seem to have a lot more variety in terms of fc choices. there’s a hundred different white fcs in use. in contrast, when there is japanese representation, it is usually the same people. if you go to ten rps and they each have one japanese fc, that’s dope. but if each of those ten rps just use nana komatsu… then you’re going to feel like. people don’t use japanese fcs. 
people might be writing shitty japanese stereotypes or portrayals. 
regardless if… all or none of the above is what you think, if you feel like an ethnicity is being slept on in the rpc. you are not wrong. you are also not alone. this is not the only group that feels this way. a big reason i run @vietrpc is for similar reasons. i wanted to see more viet faces. i wanted to see more diversity. but— lbr, the frequency of just lana condor in an rp will probably equal to the frequency of vietnamese people in the world. even though, lana condor is the only viet person ppl play (s/o to jessica vu, hyulari + karrueche for trying tho). 
i’ve seen black muns do similar things when they say that people don’t play black muses. while most rps i’ve seen do have some sort of black characters in it. they just happen to be… the most ‘passable’, the most ‘acceptable’. we all love zendaya, but when she’s the only black person that ever gets used in the rpc– that’s not great. it is so easy to feel like… because these are token fcs, that they don’t count. 
( note: i haven’t done the math. but i would probably put money down on that people don’t play black muses… to a level that’s beyond what asians in the rpc face. and there’s a lot more going on with this issue than there is w/ viet or japanese representation. i just wanted to reference it, because it is a similar topic.)
look. the rpc sleeps on poc. we know that. even if they use our faces. they still suck at doing it right. 
part of it is most of the rpc is western. and… lbr… there’s really not that many asians in western media. people just don’t like using fcs they’re unfamiliar with. and they’re not willing to immerse themself in the japanese entertainment industry or whatever.  that’s just going to be a thing. 
part of it is. cough. racism. wow, look at the time. 
.
.
lastly. 
ok ngl that was… more work than i expected but it was really rewarding to see the data like that. if anyone enjoyed reading that or seeing that and wanted to see more, lmk. you could even help out tbh. i think it would be interesting to do this for other races. 
my lab reports always include my errors, so, if i had to redo this, i would have a larger sample and choose a random sample of 20 from it. i would do all my data in excel so i could see how my data was affected by removing people who were less than ½ japanese. i would also maybe include… a poll on how people write their characters. inclusive of the following questions.
what is your race? (you may answer with non-japanese/japanese or your specific race)
what do you do to write this character? what references do you draw upon?
is your character japanese
this would weed out the white-washing ppl n ppl who just don’t play a multiracial character in that way. 
if your fc was changed to that of another ethnicity, would your backstory change? 
would the way you play your character change?
on a scale of 1-4 with 1 being not important at all to 4 being very important, how important is your fc’s ethnicity when it comes to writing and developing your muse?
these open-ended questions would help me understand the portrayal of japanese characters in the rpc
if you can contribute anything to this conversation, my inbox is always open. i’m glad to hear it. 
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sane--ish-blog · 5 years
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privilege
dear diary, lets be real, it’s scary word for a lot of us. lets break down why.
**before we really get into this, let’s just make it clear that these are all my personal beliefs that i may support with definitions or quotes from places i will definitely mention and if i use pictures they are not mine and if they are i’ll let u know* 
on merriam-webster, privilege is defined as “ a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor :PREROGATIVE.” based on this, it’s naive for anyone to believe they do not have some kind of privilege. everyone possesses some kinda advantage based on an identity they have. during my time as a college student and just general member of society, i’ve learned that privilege itself is not problematic. it’s the acknowledgment (or lack thereof) of the privilege that causes an issue. 
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i believe it is important for e v e r y o n e to constantly CHECK THEIR PRIVILEGE. it don’t matter if ur black, white, gay, ugly, skinny, alllat sis check ur privilege. you hear people say a lot “you can never understand someones situation until you put yourself in their shoes,” and this is big facts, for sure. but at the same time, sometimes you don’t necessarily have to put yourself in their shoes to understand. sometimes, you should look at the situation from your own shoes and recognize how that situation might be different for you. 
this concept highlights the fact that privilege is often imperceptible by the one who possess it.
earlier today in class everyone had to write out ways they have privilege and this was really difficult for me. i am a black queer woman from a low income family so im not exactly at the top of the “who has the most privilege” list. howeverrrrr i was forced to make a list and by the end of the class i had a long one. just to name a few, being able bodied, in college with a scholarship, having married parents, being average weight, are all ways in which i am privileged. sure, they may not seem to hold as much weight in society as race and class but that reality is probably very different for those who do not share these same privileges as me. 
i recently was having a conversation with some friends of mine that turned into a heated discussion about privilege. in this discussion, me and my roommate (two black girls) were trying to get our friends (two black boys) to understand their own privilege as a straight man.
in this conversation, the boys (bless their hearts) could not understand how as black men in america they had any kinda privilege over any other marginalized group. they believed, like many others im sure, that the oppression they experience is the same as a gay black man would. and lets be real this is just problematic lol
my roommate had to break it down for the boys like this: “have you ever been oppressed because you are black?” “now, have you ever been oppressed because you are straight?” 
and this is one of the most important concepts i’ve discovered when thinking about privilege. 
once we all realize that privilege is actually just having the advantage to not being oppressed because of who you are, we would all just be better off.
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horne84westh-blog · 5 years
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As an example I've a spectator to racing ticket each time a friend of mine attempted to outspeed a car that sped about the freeway by him, he charged with street racing and got stopped, and that I acquired a ticket for being a passenger while in the car. (outrageous I understand) Currently since I was not the driver, nor was my vehicle involved, can I still have to record this when completing a web-based insurance quotation? Should they discover later, and if I don't so what can occur? May they improve my prices immediately? Fall my policy? Or is there something more severe they are able to do than that?" Why do some insurance providers consider others a low rider and the impreza wrx sti a-4 door family car? Ive seen numerous people expressing others whos insurance company among that there insurance provider views it a-4 door family car thus there insurance is alot cheaper thinks it a sportscar plus they pay more. "Property insurance expenses in Slidell, LA?" Does anyone have a difficult concept of the common home insurance charges for home?" Car insurance concern? I was woundering when it is feasible to end my car insurance and acquire it back when i get another occupation and btw i got state farm and quit my career Do I've to keep spending insurance on a vehicle that is scrapped? August. is run out in by our insurance? My insurance runs out in August although a few weeks I am about to discard my vehicle. Am I can i end it or officially likely to continue investing in it?" I'm planning on getting affordable coverage for my dog. what would be best recommended? okay well the question explains most of it. I'm currently doing some research on what company has the most afforable coverage for my dog. But there is so many to chose from: medical insurance, health insurance and vetinary insurance. What would you recommend for coverage and with what company at an afforable cost? 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Denver had a purpose (long post)
I was sitting there getting so much work done, agitated as hell but thinking smugly to myself about how here I am in Denver being productive™️ and doing stuff for my clients like ooooo all my shit is together therefore I can sweep my problem under the rug. Except I realized that no matter how much work I was doing, no matter how on top on my schedule and press releases and clients and pitches and research I was: none of it meant a damn thing.
That’s not to say that my work doesn’t matter. It’s just with the realization that a dying girl achieving her goals is pretty fucking meaningless if I’m dying. And with that, I closed my laptop and began walking the very well known path between the Lowry Starbucks and ERC. I was scared. I felt stupid. How crazy would I look? As I trudged closer, I sped up. Tears streaming down my face, my body literally pulling everything it could until it got right in front of the building. Am I really here? Am I really about to just fucking show up at ERC and ask to talk to someone? I guess so.
I went into the foyer area and started taking pictures to prove to myself later that this wasn’t some kind of fucking seroquel and vodka infused dream sequence. I said “My name’s Rachel Patterson, I’ve been here before, and I need to talk to someone please.”
I’m fucking crying, trying to not become hysterical. Front desk lady kindly says “Ok sweetie, are you admitting today?”
“No, I’m sorry I know this is random but I just want to talk to someone. Anyone, please.”
I try thinking of Dr McGuire’s name. “I know it, I know who she is. I remember, I promise...it’s her!”
Wouldn’t you know, Dr. McGuire herself comes out of those double doors. There was a fire drill so lots of staff swirling around. I hear Cindy’s voice. I miss Cindy so much.
“What’s going on?” She asks, kindly.
I explain that I’m here on a layover at the tail end of spring break. “I just needed to see someone here, anyone, and be able to look at them and say that I am completely miserable. Every single day, my eating disorder makes me completely miserable and I am so sorry.” Crying. So much crying. She honestly looks scared and quickly says that she’ll be back. I sit down in one of the chairs and Rendy walks by and opens the door. I’m too ashamed to speak up but out of the corner of my eye I see him basically stop in his tracks, turn around, and look at me. Half like “what the hell is Rachel doing here” and also “holy fuck Rachel is in a bad spot”
Dr. McGuire comes back out with Caitlyn the dietitian. I like Caitlyn but she’s a dietitian therefore not who I was expecting. Both of them look fucking scared. Oh no what if I freaked them out by having a complete mental breakdown in the foyer of their treatment center? Both of them hug me at this point. I’m completely at my wits end, crying because Im so desperate and laughing because I am so happy to finally see people from ERC. “Ohmygod Caitlyn I never did anything you told me and I am so sorry that I never listened!!!!” We all kinda laugh. I always fight with the dietitians, I never learn, and I always wind up crying my eyes out saying “I’ll listen this time I promise”.
It was a quick meeting, and I don’t remember everything exactly but they were saying that it sounded like I needed to be admitted and that they could get me a bed in a couple days if I chose to stay in Denver.
“Oh but I have school and internships and work and I can’t leave, I can’t abandon it” I cry.
“Rachel we are always here to help you and it sounds like you really need help and we’re worried. I don’t know exactly what’s going on with your labs or EKGs but it sounds like you need help now” (insert incoherent rambling about how I tricked the doctor and I hated lying and being urged to see a medical doctor soon)
“Rachel. We can help you now. We can admit you if you want.”
I broke down. It felt like everything in me was finally broken into a million pieces. All the acting like I’m fine or it’s no big deal or whatever was gone. I almost said yes. I wanted so badly to say yes. To call my Dad and everyone else and just fucking let that weight come off my shoulders. To say fuck Memphis and fuck my eating disorder. Oh but how I was torn. I couldn’t just quit my job. Quit my internships?! I didn’t even have all my clothes. I have to take my cat to the vet. I have all my shit in a dorm and owe the school money. I have a research project I have to give in my crisis class with my favorite professor/Dr J where I have to do above and beyond average to prove myself to my classmates and earn her respect as a future PR professional. What so everyone else shows up after spring break and I just suddenly disappear? Oh no, oh God no. What was I to do?
I told them I couldn’t make any rational decision, but maybe they could check my insurance benefits for the future. Maybe I could just try a few things at home and get through the next two months and come after the semesters over, I pleaded.
I told them about Dr J. “She’s not a therapist or anything but I really look up to her and she always asks how I’m doing and is trying to help me find resources in Memphis. She really seems to understand and having her be there for me really does help. I feel so fucking alone except when I’m with her, even when we’re not talking about it. She’s just someone I really respect, you know.”
So Dr J, the professionals said thank you. That they’re glad I have someone instead of keeping everything to myself.
Dr. McGuire asked how school was going. I said good, when I’m not half dead haha. Sad smiles are still smiles. I said “my eating disorder is so loud and is so confusing and is it just a totally messed up eating disorder to say that none of this matters and I’m not that bad because I don’t look sick?”
“You do look sick, Rachel. You definitely look sick. You know I’ll be foreword with you.”
I was like THANK YOU BECAUSE NO ONE IN MY LIFE WILL TELL ME WHAT THE HELL I LOOK LIKE SO THANK YOU FOR ACTUALLY TELLING ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.
They had to leave. “Rachel please go to the emergency room if there’s any kind of medical issue. Please.” They both looked afraid again. “I will, I promise. Thank y’all so much.”
There was a patient sitting in the waiting room. I looked at her and said “I know you don’t know me, but I’ve been here before and it’s the best place you can go. This eating disorder sucks and I hate it but, there’s gotta be an end to it right?” We talked a little and I looked at her and said “You’ve got to fight it.” And she said “you do too. The fact that you’re here right now means you want to get better. That you’re talking with them. Take care of yourself.
I decided then that I was going to treatment.
I am going to treatment. I told their intake person as soon as the semester was over that I would be back. And I fucking meant it.
To fast forward through the next few hours (as lovely and meaningful as they truly were) I get back to the airport and quickly board my plane. I can’t stop crying. We start taxing out and I’m feeling more and more lightheaded. There wasn’t time to grab a Diet Coke because I was busy purging the little bit I had for lunch (and quietly crying in the toilet like a fucking loser). The more lightheaded I get, the faster my heart beats. As we take off I started having chest pains. Not horribly painful but fucking terrifying and painful enough.
“What if I die on this plane? That’s what happened to Callie!”
“Calm down. Pray. You won’t die ok? Just don’t panic and keep your breathing nice and easy.”
The feeling gets sucked out of my face. I can’t breathe. I start blacking out and then it finally stops. I spend the rest of the flight crying and lightheaded. Oh fuck I made the wrong choice. I should have stayed.
I SHOULD HAVE STAYED, I scream at myself. I keep replaying the conversation. Keep picturing their faces.
We land. I am floating. I’m not awake but I can’t let myself rest. Baggage claim. Almost home. While waiting for Christina, I put my legs up and close my eyes. I am floating, I am weak. Blacking out. Heart thumping strangely.
“Rachel go to the emergency room if anything happens ok please. Please be careful.”
It’s like they knew.
Of course they knew. They’re the experts and they know ME. And they’d never seen me so bad/at such a low weight. They could see me dying. Oh my God...does Dr J see me dying?
How do I keep from fucking dying these next 8 weeks? Do I quit my job and try to reduce stress? Do I quit exercise? What do I do when I’m laying in bed or walking into class feeling myself get weaker and weaker? Because eating isn’t the fucking solution. My body has been damaged past that.
I feel fat and disgusting but I’m also dying. How can I pretend to be so bulletproof when I dance along the edge of no return?
How the fuck do I stay alive? Dr J isn’t going to have the answer.
I have to survive 8 more weeks.
I have to live.
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sigurdjarlson · 7 years
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you know..my girls are complicated x) 
(quick backstory if u don’t know: parents were killed when the legion attacked, they fled into the wilds with their nightsabers. diily more or less had to raise her sisters despite being a child herself. they just wandered from place to place with their cats for a long time, just trying to survive. (they were kinda raised by nightsabers lmao. they’re very close to their sabers) Eventually Diily and Alaluria settled and became sentinels. Ladelia studied magic in secret since at that point arcane magic was a NO NO for elves after all that..sundering shit.
Diily and Alaluria ended up being some of Tyrande’s most trusted sentinels. This is where Alaluria ended up meeting Illidan. She fell so hard for this dumbass and genuinely agreed with his views on the war and such. (unlike Diily) and she ended up taking off and joining the Illidari later on leaving Diily and Ladelia alone.
Diily and Ladelia had no idea Illidan was trying to save the world and instead saw this as her joining the Legion. So naturally there’s a huge amount of pain and betrayal there Then as we know Illidan and the Illidari get locked up and just recently were let go and here we are! She’s been reunited with her sisters) 
Alaluria and Diily have a complicated relationship. They’re very close but Alaluria taking off to join Illidan was a devastating blow for both Diily and Ladelia (especially since at that time it was viewed as Illidan = Legion) And they’re still trying to heal the wounds from that but none of them have ever stopped loving the other. Even when they hated each other. In some ways it has helped them. 
It helped Diily let go of Alaluria and now she understands Alaluria needs to forge her own path. And it’s allowed Alaluria create her own identity beyond her family. (for better or for worse lmfao Illidari ftw) 
Ladelia and Diily are very close. They haven’t ever been apart for very long really? She’s learned from Alaluria though and is beginning to understand she can’t hold on quite so tight. Even if it’s scary letting them go. (”I will always hold you close but I will learn to let you go~” no but really Light by Sleeping at Last is completely perfect for Diily and her baby sisters. im emotionalllll)
Alaluria and Ladelia are close as well but that relationship is complicated too. Ladelia has more or less forgiven her for her actions now that she understands Alaluria didn’t fuck off and join the Legion. Diily has to for the most part although there’s still quite a bit to work through. 
Alaluria however...has been locked up in a cell for how many years? Diily and Ladelia have been out adventuring that entire time. there’s a closeness between Diily and Ladelia that Alaluria kind of resents sometimes She should have been there with them..but she was locked up in a damn cell. She almost feels out of place at times now. 
They’re all just getting to know each other again. And healing from some very serious emotional wounds. There’s still some anger and hurt there definitely but there’s so much love there as well. They’ll figure it out and they are. They’re all becoming close again and hopefully in a more healthy way. 
The three of them have all had a rather...codependent relationship with each other. How could they not? They grew up only having each other? Diily was more or less a child and yet she had to be their sole parent figure. Her entire life was taking care of them. That was her sole purpose in life for a long time.
Alaluria doesn’t respond well to being controlled and that’s where her and Diily butted heads often. Alaluria is headstrong and hot tempered and both Diily and her are stubborn as hell. So that doesn’t help. As painful as her leaving was it taught them all a lot. (It was terrifying for Alaluria don’t be fooled by her gruffness. For the first time she was without her sisters and she was thrust into a very brutal environment. Traumatizing really) And both Diily and Delia were absolutely devastated but they had each other and that kept them going. 
But Ladelia and Alaluria? They’re Diily’s entire world. “Take care of your sisters.” Were some of her mother’s last words to her and that’s what she’s done. No matter the cost. No matter how much she has to sacrifice or give. She does. She’s done the best she could with what she had. 
God, losing both of them would break her. Do whatever you want to her just don’t hurt them. Although she has forged relationships of her own too along the way so I like to think she might be able to find solace and support in others if something did happen to them. It would be extremely difficult and a very long, hard road but I think so. She has friends. She has..Khadgar. But before all that? She couldn’t survive it. 
Oh! Speaking of jealousy. Admittedly Diily’s hatred of Illidan doesn’t come from a completely selfless place. That’s her little sister and he took her away. Of course that’s not entirely correct and she struggles with reminding herself of that. Alaluria made her own decision. Yet, she can’t help but view him as the man who took her baby sister away and...turned her into what she is today.
And of course there’s the obvious and main reasons she doesn’t like him. He’s Illidan fucking Stormrage. The Betrayer. Illidan ‘murder everybody for the greater good” Stormrage. She doesn’t trust him nor does she particularly like his arrogant ass He’s the worst possible choice for her sister in her eyes but..Alaluria loves him and she has to support her in that.
Ah. Alaluria loves him despite him being in love with another. Despite him being...well, illidan. And oh, Diily knows...this is going to end with Alaluria’s heart breaking. And she doesn’t want that. She wants to protect her from it but she can’t. We can’t choose who we love. 
She’s better at controlling it then Alaluria though. Alaluria doesn’t dislike Khadgar per say? But she’s often rather snippy with him and it’s for a similiar reason. She comes back and is starting to become close to her sisters again and there’s this...human taking up all her big sister’s time. She’s never been good with Diily’s significant others for that reason but this one is different. And she doesn’t want him to take her away.
Also she dislikes that he’s a human for several reasons. She has a bit of a superiority complex. Why wouldn’t Diily pick another night elf? Why a human of all races? Sure he’s powerful and intelligent but he’s..a human.
Ah...and he will die. He will die soon in her eyes because remember night elves live thousands of years. 80-90 is the average lifespan right? (and that’s not taking into account Khadgar’s borderline suicidal reckless nature and the fact that he’s fighting in a war) although mages have longer lifespans I think...still 100 years even isn’t much to them.  Human lifespans are so very short compared to theirs. He will die and it’s going to absolutely shatter her big sister’s heart. Why did he have to be the one she chose? She doesn’t want that to happen. She really doesn’t.
Ladelia has similiar concerns for Diily/Khadgar but she;s got a much more positive outlook? She just doesn’t think about it. If she doesn’t think about it..she’s not sad so...we’ll deal with that when it happens. Gotta enjoy the present you know? Also she adores Khadgar. Best big brother ever. 
Ladelia is..wary of Illidan. He’s Illidan but...she tries to give him the benefit of the doubt. Alaluria loves him so there must be something good about him, right? She tries to see the good in him for her sake. She’s much more tolerant of him than Diily. She knows it’ll end badly for Alaluria but like with Diily and Khadgar..you just gotta enjoy the present.
Ladelia doesn’t really have a relationship at the moment. She’s got an enormous crush on Jaina but that’s not going anywhere. (She’s AWOL plus in a relationship with kalec? I think? are they still together? who knows) So, she’s just sad about that. 
Alaluria has never met Jaina and Diily is fond of Jaina so there’s that. But for Alaluria she’s like...wtf they both keep falling for humans?? Human mages with issues?? why?? they’re so?? human
When Ladelia does get into a relationship (with anyone) heheh...she’s got two big sisters who are very protective of her. I almost feel for the person except Ladelia can hold her own and would call them out if they overstep. 
They’re family. Got a lot of issues but what family doesn’t? But they love each other unconditionally. 
They’re my babies. 
Hm perhaps I’ll make a post on Laeona and Allueneth if you guys actually enjoy reading this xD I had fun coming up with their backstory and relationship. (lady and the tramp trope incoming) and I love them. Sadly because..well I killed them.
(you know i think i gotta change their dad’s name. when i picked it i didn’t realize it was the same as that damn staff’s. I got it from a name generator and i mean sure it could be a coincidence. People have the same names all the time but it might get confusing. -shrug- haven’t decided yet)
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legerdeman-blog · 7 years
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increments of 2, skipping the family questions //
((it took me 2 hours to type all this on mobile and then i had to drive home so yall better be grateful for my sacrifice))
8. How does your character feel about religion?Dirk is extremely atheistic despite growing up under an oligarchy. He thinks that religion is interesting enough to study but doesnt understand why someone would actually believe any of it.
10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?Dirk is very book smart, but has very little in the realm of instincts and sometimes even common sense. He tends to think a bit too analytically and cold, which can often benefit him sometimes, but also burdens him in situations that call for a more emotional or instinctual approach.
12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?Dirk pronounces everything perfectly and speaks very clearly. Slang sneaks its way in but for the most part hes got a mouth ready for court and a vocabulary ready for a theoretical physics conference.
14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?Dirk isn't big on groups. He received plenty of offers for academic teams (and some sports teams because lets face it the guy is swole af) and might have visited once or twice, but hes really too awkward to put much effort into integrating himself with a group of new people. He was definitely a chess champ at least one year without even joining the club at least once though
16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?Dirk is a wizard, or, to be more precise, a professional student. He doesnt actually make a living off of this at the moment, instead receiving a stipend from his father for living expenses as long as hes at the academy. Which he actually isnt anymore but shh. He enjoys his line of work a lot and generally cant think of one that he would prefer
18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?About 8 years ago when dirk was the equivalent of a late teen he visited the human kingdom with his dad and little brother. They didnt travel much as they were mostly on a diplomatic mission to cooperate with a human businessman. He and dave spent most of that time with the businessmans children. What dirk found was the little sister he never asked for and a good friend who also happened to cause the last of dirks inklings of heterosexuality to slip away into the wind. Whoops?
20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?Dirk isnt really old enough to have witnessed any significant events by elven standards. Although reparations with the humans has been an ongoing project his whole life.
22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?Dirk has very few people he considers friends. Hes not the best socially by far, although he does tend to be a bit better over the internet, most if not all social subtleties seem to elude him. His best friends are the roxy and jake in his timeline, although the latter he hasnt spoken to in several years. He has a pretty good relationship with his jade too, mostly based in a mutual love of explosions and tinkering. Hes slowly growing fond of several people on tumblr but not enough to consider them close yet. Hes never had a real romantic relationship, although hes dated once or twice and had a few encounters. He is demiromantic so hes only ever had a crush on one person but his ideal man can be described as “alive”
24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?Dirk doesnt attend any functions and in fact has hardly any interaction outside of his golems only on the rare occasion he leaves the small house hes renting to buy food
26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?Dirks personal grooming is impeccable. His living space is sparse and well kept, except for his work area which looks like it got hit by a tornado at all times
28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?Dirk isnt dating anyone, but he sometimes wishes he was. He craves the closeness of a romantic relationship but thats partially due to the secluded lifestyle hes forced himself into
30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?The only grudge hes currently holding is against the academy and its headmaster for kicking him out. Its not that hard to piss him off though and if you manage to do it youre fucked forever.
32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?Depends on the source of the stress. Stress caused by social situations, which he experiences frequently, he generally just tries to avoid. Any other problems he will attack head on with a generally cold line of logic.
34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?Self righteous? Yes absolutely. Vengeful depending on the sleight. Contemptuous to a degree.
36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?Is this the s&m question. Im gonna say no to both, although he does get a certain amount of satisfaction from seeing people he doesnt like, or people who have sleighted him, get fucked over.
38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?I wouldnt say dirk is especially positive or negative. He tends to weigh situations fairly objectively and so generally considers both positives and negatives in an equal light. He gets suspicious very easily and approaches most things with caution and a half dozen plans in mind in case it goes badly.
40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?Dirks sense of humor is...well. Difficult. He has that trademark sense of strider irony that allows him to be amused by a wide variety of things but only under specific circumstances.
42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?Dirk has an inherent need not only to learn but to tinker. He loves having plenty of self made projects to work on, and if you give him something he can take apart, read, or otherwise study he will instantly lose interest in everything else around him. He has a deep desire to forge new paths and innovate in his chosen field. He feels that everything, no matter how good it already is, can be made better with enough work and whats more he has the drive and desire to put in that work. This extends, obviously, to not only himself but other people and the workings thereof. He also feels incredibly lonely, but thats only partially related.
44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?Dirk will do nearly anything in the pursuit of his goals. There are few people he wouldnt use as fodder if the need arose and those few dont include himself
46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?Dirk is short for an elf and a human. With the average being closer to 6 feet for elves and 5'10" for humans, his 5'8" leaves a bit lacking. Although his overall build tends to make up for it, being that hes fucking stacked. Hes pretty happy with himself physically, and why wouldnt he be when he can probably bench more than the rest of us combined? He doesnt tend to think about his height until hes around people who are taller than him but when that happens he does get a bit self conscious. His posture is also remarkable until he gets involved in anything, then he tends to hunch a bit.
48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?Dirks gestures, the few that he makes, are very halted and methodical. Hes been known to fidget, but can just as easily stand stock still when hes in more formal situations. Hes been described at formal functions as intimidating and intense, when in reality hes just trying really hard not to fuck up to the point he suppresses literally every movement.
50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?Dirks overall facial expressions are about as restrained as his gestural ones. Ranging widely from "stony bitch face of death" to "vaguely uncomfortable but were not sure why". Its pretty difficult to make him genuinely smile without holding himself back, but there are a few who can always manage it.
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