#im not mad or anythin

[eebie]

SOMEONE AT SCHOOL WITH THE SAME HOLOGRAPHIC SPAMTON PIN THAT I HADDDD

#i lost mine a while ago here i wonder if that was mine 💀 #my rambles #if it is. im kinda mad bruh i spent mhy 💸💸💸 #i couldnt see if it had the same dents or anythin But also if it’s a fellow spamton fan who ordered it hell yea #i told them i liked their pin

[todayisafridaynight]

i love posting to twitter cause my posts breach containment way easier and that means once in a blue moon sometimes i see shit like people calling daigo and aoki sexy old men and THAT always takes me out forever and always

#snap chats #sexy ???? matter of opinion ig but OLD ?????? #I DONT EVEN THINK I DREW THEM THAT OLD LOOKIN THEYRE ONLY 42 #i dont draw old men around here excuse you i only draw middle aged men <- hoarding old-man arasawa drawings like a goblin #i was told once by my old friend wolf that i end up drawing characters. So To Quote really hot and like I AINT DOIN ANYTHIN #I JUST DRAW WHAT I SEE HEEEELP but thank you king. i quote that everyday #im not mad ofc no i love it... it makes me giggle #maybe its cause i never use 'sexy' the way its intended to be used Ive Said This Before Right #'sexy' means everything BUT sexy to me its a filipino thing. allegedly. idk thats what pop pop told me when i first met his wife #but anyway. LOL i love it when people who dont know anything about rgg sees my rgg art and enjoys it anyway #like thank you i hope you never get into this series so you dont see how truly delusional i am #ok bye. im kinda sad for some reason. maybe its cause i dont eat proper meals LMAO but anyway #im gonna uhhhhhhhhhh..... idk :) try to draw theres a goofy idea i wanna doodle but im strugglin to get to the execution #ok bye fr now

[szczek]

haha now to have your car have yellow plates aka be a vintage car it has to be 30 yo so fuck my life i guess

#i literally won't be allowed to enter krakow with my car in 2-3 years #what was so wrong with letting 25yo cars be vintage huh #like whatever if they just raised the age but the law will prohibit cars older than 25 to enter city if theyre on normal fuel and even youn #er for diesel which wtv diesel is shit #like in the past you would just drive your car and take care of it so you could qualify for the vintage thingy but now you wont be able to #enter a lot of cities so all you can is just throw the car away or store it and itll just go bad #im mad because Now itll be literally impossible for most people to keep their cars if they want yellow plates. theyll literally have to own #another car to move at all #i know most people are celebrating this cause cars ew but like 1. i don't have public transport in my village 2. theres no public transport #to go to my old hometown aka the place my mum works at for example #and 3. i simply love my car???? i wanted to put it on yellow plates as it deserves it but now #im just sad #whats the point just say no more vintage cars just throw em away cause we got bad air and well only be punishing cars and not doing anythin #this is very incomprehensible so whatever i just need to vent

[dip-the-stick]

i would honestly rather rewatch the same show with even half decent gay rep a million times than watch any lgbtq centric show where they all end up sad and traumatized at the end. i want the gay people to be HAPPY i get enough of how depressing is can be to be queer in real life i want the shows i watch to be a way to get away from that.

#this is about young royals. i honestly cant stand that show i cant do angst yall not unless there's also lots of fluff and a happy ending #if im gonna consume queer media then it's going to be happy bc i dont want to keep being told that being gay is always accompanied by misery #i GET that being queer bring about its own set of struggles and that the country i live in has been consistently hurting queer and trans #folks for YEARS. when i watch a show that's not what i want to be thinking about. i think about that shit all the time any time i do anythin #remotely related to my queer/transness. i cant not think about it. so when i finally find a show that has obvious representation of people #like me i really need it to be uplifting and happy. i understand shows need conflict #but i would really rather the conflict be about something other than the fact that the character is gay for once #it tires me out dude #this is why i like ofmd and heartstopper so much #the problems in ofmd and NOT because of their queerness and no one hates any character because they are homosecual or trans. they just dont #and heartstopper. although the main conflict is that nick doesnt feel able to come out for a while and charlie is bullied for being mlm #it still gives them a happy ending. and there are conflicts OUTSIDE of their queerness (tao and charlie's friendship. charlies mental health #) so it doesnt feel as horrible for me to watch bc they're able to find joy in each other and their friends and rhey still have safe spaces #and not everyone is constantly mad at everyone. it just feels less depressing. its a happy show and they get to be happy about being gay. #anyways. rant over sorry yall just needed to get that out of my system #long story short i dont like sad gay shows #dipshitposts

[gyahyahyahayhahayahyahyahyahyaha]

im feeling like thebiggest idiot on the planet rn cuz all this time i coudla been doing this and i only thoght to do it tonight.....im like so mad im gonna be kickimng myself over it for like ...........ever... maybe. like isaid i can make up for lost time

#i was watching a show that like sucked #and by some divine revelation i though tto open up openmpt and start fucking around with my samples n instruments and #i spent the rest of the watchtime of that particular show piecing together this likle tune n it was fun. it actually enhanced my enjoyment #of the show #naot to suck my own dick or anythiner but listening ot my own lil thing as i was piecing it togehter made it all like. better #biggest bestest idea i ever had #i was tearing up the entire time thru watching it but only because like this headcold is kicking my ass and also cuz its kickign my assi #cannto got to sleep #so i watched the rest of the show and it sucked and got worse as it went on #but the song was like sorta coming together. not really i hit a wall and im not sure how to like progress past what i have so far #aanyways that was fun i should do this more #thats why im so mad about it cuz like i coulda been fucking aroudn with this shit while watching other stupid bullshit that ive watched b4 #like for as long as ive had open mpt on this computer i coulda been doing this #and i am and will be kicking myuself over4 the fact that i only thought to do it TONIGHT #oruorhgoagudg #wahwtever #better late thn never #i guess..................................................................................................................................... #at some points i would go as far to say it was better than the shows ost LOL

[torchwoodsoho]

dirk gentlys (the character) ranked from most to least likely to enjoy hyperpop

1. dirk gently's holistic detective agency (2016) (im actually certain he listens to hyperpop)

2. the long dark tea-time of the soul (1988) (i feel like the events of the first book + this one would have made him like it. i wont elaborate.)

3. dirk gently (2010) (he does not care)

4. dirk gently's holistic detective agency (1987) (he hates it)

#u can post anythin on the internet huh #im so mad not one but two dirk gently shows got cancelled #i miss both of u so badly #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #dghda #jupitxt

[spartalabouche]

whitefang and i at the zoo with my extended family and wwe are hanging around waiting for them to wrangle their kids and just being goofy together on the side of the path and this lady is like um you two are SO cute together<3 and my mom goes I KNOW RIGHT <3 and i felt like we were the zoo animals in that moment

#txt #gekkering #its ok im not mad it was just kind of funny everybody look at the gay people #we werent evne like kissing or anythin g i think i was hanging on whitefangs shoulder or something but we were just like there

[frick-it-sugar-spice]

y'all horny as fuck

#i say as im reading it anyway~ #i hope my face isnt as red as it feels #im glad that this whole thing decided to grab my brain in a vice grip #ive avoided anythin like this for basically my entire life. and uh. kinda mad i was missing out?? #outside of fic its probably still a no-go but what im reading is sweet af #both like. the 'oh sweet kickass so cool'and also the 'oh sweet that is so wholesome and soft' #for an angel dust profile pic haver i am horrifyingly vanilla #probably #thats not getting looked at too closely yet #txt

[nagitoedit]

me when im making progress and being productive but in the wrong way. #doomed

i need to do hw. im cleaning my closet finally after years. but hey ive found some of my missing clothes and cleaned up and organized a little bit. still not what i should be doing though.

#i need to drop one of the classes but i feel like a failure for it #im doing so bad mental health wise and most of the day is spent coasting because im always on thin ice #always a millimeter away from a suicidal spiral so like. its hard to do classes to work towards what feels like a false goal and #what feels like a nonexistent future. and my mom is mad at me for not doing 'my best' which is valid because i havent told her that anythin #is bad 👍 because how do you do that. but i think im getting to the limit of like. how far i can go not saying anything #idk being alive just feels like im being cornered . lolzors #also i need an adhd diagnosis and meds. like there has to be something going on but psychiatrists are often useless and expensive #if i started doing like some kind of commission would you commission me. #mypost

[kendallroygf]

i lost my vintage locket with a photo of me and my best friend inside that she gave me as a gift FMLLLLLLLLL

#im actually so upset. im going to go the bus station lost and found tomorrow just for them to tell me they don’t hav anythin . genuinely FML #also . we were both pretending to kiss inside so now some random person is going to open that . it was like from the 70s as well she went #thru a damn eBay bidding war for IT!!!! i am so mad kmsssssss

[todayisafridaynight]

Don't you have to be like a martyr to be a Saint? Do we have to like kill you or crucify you in the name of Yakuza of something...?

Twitter got mad at me for like a week. If thats anything.

#snap chats #allegedly they did anyway no one ever sent anger to me directly i just heard bout it LOL #twitter gets mad at anythin tho so i guess we can all be saints #we can kill me tho. im cool with that

[pumpkinsy0]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING PUMPKINSY0!!!💌

In honor of the THANKSGIVING DAY!!

🛸💌🍙💭🤍🦭🐑🐚☘🍚🍥🥛⛰⛩☃🎲♟☂

How about headconnons....

Of the whole gang + the Shepards & Buck celebrating Thanksgiving!

🛸💌🍙💭🤍🦭🐑🐚☘🍚🍥🥛⛰⛩☃🎲♟☂

I thought it would be funny and cute that their celebrating it all together 🎀❗♦♥📿🐞🌹🍒🌶🍷🚨🌡🎈🎴🪀📣☎🔖

ALSO THOUGHT WOULD BE FUNNY IF DARRY PUTS DALLY IN CHARGE OF THE TURKEY [BUT DALLY'S DUMBASS BRINGS A ALIVE TURKEY INSTEAD OF A DEAD TURKEY😂] TAKE YOUR TIME NO RUSH THANK YOU 🙏🏻

🛸💌🍙💭🤍🦭🐑🐚☘🍚🍥🥛⛰⛩☃🎲♟☂

thank u!!! im not the biggest fan of thanksgiving, my mom loves it tho and so does my family so ill just base these hcs off of em

ALRIGHT SO

•the shepards!!! tims in charge of food, so hes just making haitian food cause thats like the only food he knows how to rlly make

•diri jon jon, lambi, crabs, shrimp, du riz au lait, etc etc rlly a lot of rice and sea food w one dessert

•hes been up literalally all day and night cooking god bless his soul, he did take a small break tho so its all ok

•curly aint the biggest of helpers, he doesnt rlly like thanksgiving like that but tims goin through all the trouble so might as well do somethin so hes not mad later on

•angela’s actually an angel, shes helping cut the lambi and peel and cut the shrimp what a great help in the kitchen

•the shepards r a black haitian family ik they also makin mac and cheese, BAKED☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽 mac n cheese

•meanwhile darry is cooking but not rlly, hes only handling the cranberry sauce n shit

•pony n soda r in charge of baking shit cause that’s genuinely what they’re pretty good at, and i say that a bit hesitantly bc the cookies were a lil burnt, had a lil aftertaste to em, so if they hear a “WHO MADE THE COOKIES🗣️” they silent

•buck is also making some trinidadian food!! now im not too well versed of trinidadian food so it could literally just b whatever trinidadian food u can possible think of

•EVERYONE ELSE??? just bring drinks or somethin

•dally and two bit of course brought the alcohol while everyone else just like, brought apple juice or orange juice, money dont grow on trees

•at the actual celebration they actually do play music!!! mostly caribbean BUT ALSO from other places as well!! they do not care whats on the speaker as long as its good

•ppl even brought dates!!! two bit brought marcia (she invited cheery but yknow sherry didnt wanna leave her fam), dally brought sylvia (ill get to that in a sec), and curly TECHNICALLY brought pony bit not rlly cause they were already going to the celebration so

•sylvia is ALSO haitian but shes more of a baker so she brought haitian cake, kremas, some coconut centered dish and flan 😋😋

•PERHAPS curly, pony, angela, sylvia, dally, and maybe johnny go on THAT ‘walk’ and curly comes back faded before everyone even gets their food, what a loser (i love him), angela and pony got a BIT faded but theyre alright they can generally hide it well, johnny was just there bc pony was there what a great bff xoxo

•dally saw pony gettin a lil high n went “u smoke🤨🤨🤨” but didnt tell darry or soda cause hes not a snitch he already got other things to deal w

•im not even gonna lie to to there’s probably a grown up table where darry, tim, and buck hang out and theres a “indescribable but alive” things table where everyone else is

•SURPRISINGLY NOTHING CRAZY HAPPENED, they were all chattin it up, chillin, no drama no nun, just friends, how great for em!!

•two bit and marcia were dancing most of the time

•steve wasnt rlly doin much he was just secretly making plates to take right tf back home so he dont gotta worry about what hes gonna eat the next few days

•darry actually knocked right tf out after eating so things got a BIT more unhinged but not too bad cause he needs his beauty sleep bad

•pony and curly actually ALSO wasnt doin anythin, rlly they were just in a lil corner talking, they were too full and tires to b doin allat and in curlys case a lil too tipsy cause he was drinking rum, perhaps stolen kisses were shared perhaps not, but who am i to judge

•the ONLY ones who werent being fucking calm was sylvia and dally what a shocker there🙄🙄 but rlly it was only small jabs here n there and even then they werent rlly serious thats just kinda how they do affection, god bless their souls

im doin this in the midst if my family blasting music and doin god knows what so if this isnt what u wanted im srry everythings so loud</33

#sodapop curtis #johnny cade #the outsiders hcs #the outsiders headcanons #curly shepard #ponyboy curtis #purly #two bit mathews #steve randle #darry curtis #darrel curtis #dallas winston #marcia the outsiders #the outsiders sylvia

[dabisbratz]

Noooo not the punching bag!! I'm 🥺🥺 hhhh sho working out with ur dad and he makes a comment Abt him needing to get laid and aizawa blue screens so hard he gets hit w the bag on the back swing cause YEAH HE SURE DOES BUT BUT IM P SURE YOU WOULDN'T APPROVE OF WHO HES THINKING OF LAYING lmaoo.

Who's there just enough to have his own dedicated water bottle in your home gym but not enough to catch you working out to often. So when he does walk in on you running on a treadmill or doing reps or something with some sort of ditzy pop song blasting on the speakers as your sweaty muscles glow he just Abt dies.

ohmygoddoehehhe how your dad doesn’t notice… sho has no idea. specially cause he’s takin out his jealousy on the guy! sho’s fists pounding into his gloved palms over n over, a lil too hard— he’s jealous he can’t spend as much time with you, he can’t be the one guidin you or comfortin you.. it’d be weird if sho called you his boy… but he wants to so bad. so yeah— as silly as it sounds he’s jealous. n while he’s tryna catch his breath hearin ‘you really need to take all that anger out on some pussy’ jus…. yea, he’s sure he’s lost his mind cause his best friends son should not have been the first person to pop into mind, n he should not be mad thinkin about you jus bein a hole to fuck. cause it’s way more than that. you’re more than that.

n e way!! when you work out you definitely dance more than anythin, you can’t help it!! the music is too good!! has the most insane vulgar lyrics ever, but comin from your mouth it’s so…sweet. so whenever sho accidentally walks in on you he kinda jus… stands there. all blank faced tryin to save the memory for later while you pull out your earbuds n ask if he’s okay.. so dumb. he’s more than okay, actually! jus tryin to imagine what it’d sound like if you were moanin instead of singin… n he has to leave before he pops a stiffy right in fronta you);

#𐂯 ! ⊹ 𝓉𝑜𝓎𝒷𝑜𝓍 — ᵎᵎ ₊˚

[wait----------what]

OK so for the time being I'll be doin epic mickey 2 since my wii has declared that it likes one area of haunted Manor so much that its trapped me there, glitchin out anytime I try to progress

Anyways let's get into this shit

- ooooooh yen sides back

Oh wow that openings just as pretty as the first game

-OSWALD!! OH MY GODS YOU CAN TALK!! and you sound like Fred Jones?

- . . . annnnnnd their singing- why are they singing?? Meh I can get behind this i geuss

- Os, buddy, pls don't follow the guy thay has tries to kill you MULTIPLE TIMES

- idk why but gus sounds exactly like i was picturing, same with orentisa, idk much about her but I hope she stick around for a bit

- ooooooh their really layin it on thick about the paint/thinner thing this time aren't they? hope it actually changes something this time

- the only gripe I have so far is the change to the health display, I loved the lil 2d sprit changin expression n the paper sound effect that went with it its a shame its just the same model for mickey as what you play

- aooooh I love that art style for the cut scenes!! I'm glad they kept it along for this one it was such a cool part of the og

- ok so I heard about what happens with oswald if you dont have a second player goin in n I didnt think it'd be that bad but im not so sure like if that fire work thing was anythin to go by its gonna be a pain in the arse to deal with if I can't convince someone to play with me

- aaaaaaawwwww oswald n ortensia are so cute! they're so sweet on each other its given me tooth rot<3

- pffft os's face when the mad doctor gets him to sing with him he's like 50% done with his bull shit already lmao

Welp- thats all from me so hopefully I'll be able to finish the old one before the remaster comes out but im not too hopeful meh if that dosent work I can atleast get that cosplay ready to go for my next con

#oswald the lucky rabbit #ortensia the cat #gremlin gus #epic mickey power of 2 #epic mickey 2 #a plays #a's gamin shit #mickey mouse #the mad doctor #wasteland #game comentary

[silviaflowers]

hi guys im talking about spooky month anyways so take some fanart from my second spooky month phase (this is my 3RD I SWEAR-)

Most of these are stuff i made while bored, but the first image is a commission! (shameless self-promo: if you want a commission, my comms page is in my carrd :])

The murder drones crossovers are DEFINITELY what Im most proud of. Also the Mad Hatters poster is for a canon-divergent AU Im making with @catnado ! Also she did the coloring for that poster lol

also catnado if u want me to remove the poster or anythin just tell me

Mad Hatters is on AO3 if you wanna read it :D

#spooky month #bob velseb #spooky month oc #spooky month fanart #spooky month kevin #spooky month streber #crossover #murder drones #hatzgang #skid and pump #spooky month radford #squidward cameo #my art #silviart

[ase-trollplays]

When We Were Kids (Part One)

...s-so... how are you feeling?... ...s-still s-sore?...

Y'all got no idea. The only thing that don't hurt is blinkin'. I swear, soon as I can move again, I'm suplexin' Dan inta next sweep.

...he only picks on you because he cares... ...its his way of making s-sure you dont obsess over everything...

Ya mean like the fact I fucked myself an' can never have anythin' close ta a normal life ever again cuz I lost my fool head?

...yeah... that... ...im just relieved you werent killed... ...i... ...i was going insane thinking id have to bury another moirail...

I wouldn't be too relieved. I can't go out in public ever again with legis an' fleet dogs out fer my head. Prolly got a hefty bounty, too, an' rewards fer turnin' me in. Y'all two ain't safe either if anyone finds out y'all know me.

...yeah... ...when dantli comes back... we s-should all talk about where were going from here...

Ugh, I can't even get my shit from my hive. It's prolly bein' watched or somethin', or it's been raided an' bugged by now in case me'r one a y'all shows up. God, my lusus ain't gon' know what happened ta me, an' he can't come here like yers. I ain't sure he'll wait a sweep fer me ta come back like when I was a kid.

...that reminds me... ...when i was in the hospital... you s-said you knew exactly how i felt when i was being held captive... and that i s-should ask you about your childhood...

Yeh. Yeh, I did say that, didn't I? I'm guessin' this is yer way a askin'?

...yeah... if you dont mind...

Alright. It ain't a happy story, but I'm sure ya already figured that. I guess I'll start from the beginnin'.

I was even more a a hotheaded stubborn shit when I was a kid, if y'all can believe that. Pickin' fights with every troll I saw an' tryin' ta befriend the ones who beat me. Which was damn near all a them cuz fer all my bluster, I was a twiggy scrawny little toothpick, ain't had a ounce a muscle on me. I didn't want nobody thinkin' I was weak just cuz I was a skinny rust.

I was always gettin' my dumb ass beat up an' hurt tryin' ta prove I ain't no wimp, but I did get some good friends outta it. Even had a li'l flush crush on one a them, a girl who beat me in a fight just by knockin' me down an' sittin' on me 'til I wore myself out tryin' ta get her off. I had a whole group a friends back then. I can't tell ya what their names'r caste was, but we were a happy li'l group.

Here's the part where everythin' goes ta shit. When I was five, I was out patrollin' my li'l territory when I spotted a scraggly-lookin' teal prowlin' around. He was a adult an' a lot bigger'n me, but I challenged him all the same. He hauled off an' kicked me dead in the stomach an' told me ta get lost. If I was smart I'd a left it at that, but who said wrigglers are smart? I wasn't ready ta say I lost, so I picked myself up, grabbed a big ol' rock, an' chucked it square at the back a his head. Hit him so hard he started bleedin' an' staggered a good bit.

He looked back at me real mad at first, then he started smilin'. Said I had a lot a fight in me for a twiggy brat. I told him there's more where that came from if he don't git, an' he laughed an' said he'd have a ball breakin' me. 'Fore I knew it, he was right up on me, an' I didn't have no time ta react 'fore he got me in the gut with a stun gun an' knocked my ass right out.

I woke up in a cell with a couple other young trolls. I asked where I was, an' they said I was in the slave camp. Said I was here cuz they were gon' break me, train me inta a perfect li'l pet slave, then sell me off ta the highest bidder. Needless ta say, I wasn't havin' that shit. I made it my mission ta put up as much a a fight as I could an' refuse ta be domesticated.

First handler they assigned ta me was that teal that grabbed me. Since I already fought with him once, I knew what ta expect. He got a lotta good licks in over the first couple nights, but eventually he slipped up an' I was able ta steal his stun gun an' shock him dead in the eyes. After that, they decided to gimme their toughest, meanest, biggest handler.

He was a big blueblood who made us call him "Mister," an' he took that shit serious. I called him asshole exactly once an' he slapped me 'cross the face so hard he damn near snapped my neck. I couldn't feel my face fer a night afterward. Most a my abuse came from him, an' I just know he was havin' fun beatin' my ass every night tryin' ta make me give up.

But I'm the most stubborn bitch ever hatched, so I didn't make shit easy fer him. He beat me ta shit, starved me, locked me in a tiny li'l cage, an' made sure no one talked ta me'r tried helpin' me'r they'd be in the same boat. His favorite punishment fer me was the post. There was a big wooden post in a sort a courtyard outside with a pair a manacles attached. He'd lock me in, hike up my shirt, an' tear me ta ribbons with a whip. Afterwards, he'd leave me out there fer nights with only a thick blanket thrown over me ta keep me from bein' completely cooked ta death by the sun durin' the day.

He liked hearin' me cry an' scream in pain, so I'd try my damnedest to keep my mouth shut no matter how hard an' how much he whipped me. I'd stay quiet for the first thirty seconds, but after that I could never hold it in anymore. Then he'd whip me more fer resistin'. So many times I was close ta givin' up if it meant he wouldn't torture me no more, but I didn't wanna let him win.

...oh my god... ...im s-so s-sorry... ...i cant even imagine... and i s-said all that--

Y'ain't gotta apologize fer bein' mad. I get it. Ya were in a scary situation, an' hearin' that I never even tried ta find ya when this whole thing was my damn fault ta start with? I'd a been pissed, too.

...s-still though... ...it was s-so insensitive...

It ain't like y'all knew any a this at the time. It's fine.

...how did you get out??...

Heh, that's where shit gets real interestin'.

They kept me at that camp fer half a sweep torturin' me, but I held on. I dunno why they didn't just cull my stubborn ass a long time ago. My guess is cuz Mister wanted the satisfaction a breakin' me cuz ain't no one else been this much a a challenge fer him fer so long. If he let them cull me, it ain't a real win. But eventually he reached the end a his patience with me.

I managed ta get a hold a a fork an' taunted Mister 'til he grabbed me 'round the throat an' got right in my face ta threaten me. I stabbed him in the eye an' tried ta make a break fer the exit while he was screamin' an' cursin' an' bleedin'. A course, I didn't make it nowhere close ta the door 'fore I got caught. Mister was fumin' somethin' fierce, and I didn't even get a chance ta register what he was about ta do 'fore everythin' just became blindin' pain.

I remember one a the supervisors cussin' him out cuz they was plannin' on sendin' me ta The Pit, an' now I ain't in no condition ta be transferred. That fucker cut me open from rib ta hip with a dagger. I spent nights in the infirmary tryin' ta get stabilized an' patched up. I was so weak from bein' starved an' beat on a regular basis that I almost died.

But like I said, I'm the most stubborn bitch ever hatched. I was able ta recover enough ta get my stitches out, but after they they decided ta cut their losses and finally cull me. Mister wanted ta do the honors himself. After what I did ta him, he didn't care about winnin' no more. He wanted me dead. He filled a tub full a water, threw me in, an' held me down with his foot while I thrashed an' tried ta free myself 'fore I drowned. Eventually I lost consciousness.

I woke up chokin' on water an' hackin' the shit out my lungs in the middle a the forest. I figured they dumped my body fer the undead an' the animals ta eat once I blacked out. I didn't know where I was or how ta get back home, an' I was fuckin' scared. But I was free after half a sweep in captivity, an' that was more important than bein' afraid. I picked a direction an' started walkin'.

I didn't have no way a huntin' ta feed myself, an' I was still fuckin' weak as shit, so I didn't eat much a nothin' 'cept whatever bugs an' small animals I was able ta catch. I had ta sleep up in trees durin' the day ta avoid the roamin' undead. Eventually between the hunger an' bein' exhausted all the time, I dropped.

Next thing I know, I'm wakin' up in a hive belongin' ta some li'l jade even younger'n me sayin' him an' his lusus found me. I was still a ornery li'l shit an' wasn't exactly a good hiveguest. He still helped me an' everythin' though. Kept me fed, gave me a place ta sleep. Once I was mostly healed an' had my strength back, I robbed him blind an' ran. Took every piece an' scrap a food I could carry, stole a couple knives, an' I was off. I'd prolly apologize ta him if I ever see him again, not that I remember what he even looked like, an' I'm sure he don't remember me or wouldn't recognize me now.

I spent the next half sweep doin' whatever I could ta survive an' try ta find my way home. I stole, I killed, I broke inta hives, I did whatever I had ta do ta make it ta the next night. When I finally made it hive after that half a sweep, my pa was there waitin' fer me. He waited fer a whole sweep fer me ta come back instead a takin' in a new charge. I bawled the hardest I ever have in my life. Makes me feel extra shitty that I can't go back an' say my goodbyes ta him. He's prolly still waitin' fer me ta come back just like I did last time I went missin'.

...if you want... i can ask dantli to go to your hive and tell your lusus you arent coming back... ...i dont think hes on anyones radar s-since he doesnt s-socialize... ...i can tell him to make it look like he's robbing you s-so they dont get s-suspicious... and itll be a convenient way to get s-some of your things for you...

That ain't a bad idea. S'long as he don't say nothin' stupid'r incriminatin', that could work.

Anyway, speakin' a going back hive, when I finally made it back ta mine after my sweep in Hell, I couldn't function fer shit. I didn't wanna reach out ta my friends cuz I didn't want 'em ta see how broken I was. I didn't wanna look weak ta them, an' none a them reached out anyhow. In just that one sweep, they moved on from me, which still kinda hurts ta know that's all it took ta lose 'em.

Fer perigees after, I'd have daymares a bein' back at the slave camp, weak an' in pain with Mister standin' over me with the whip, then draggin' me out ta the post. I was barely gettin' any sleep, I couldn't eat, an' I was terrified a bein' in water. That's when I decided ta start bulkin' up an' gettin' stronger so I couldn't be taken back there or anywhere else.

Fer three sweeps, I had the mother grub a anxiety. A lotta nights, I couldn't even get the nerve ta leave my hive. I'd get anxiety attacks an' panic attacks when I saw highbloods, 'specially male blues. An' y'all know me. When I start gettin' anxious, I get real mad an' itchin' fer a fight. Even now, I don't hate highblood s'much as I get anxiety bein' around 'em. An' I do also hate 'em.

That's when I started drinkin'. It wasn't about gettin' drunk. It was a way ta calm my frazzled nerves an' keep my anxiety under control. Over time, though, it turned inta a addiction, an' y'all know how well that ended up workin' out fer me in the end.

That's basically everythin' about my childhood, so believe me when I say I know exactly what it's like ta not know if yer gonna live ta see another night, an' cryin' yerself ta sleep durin' the day cuz everythin's so awful, an' prayin' that yer loved ones ain't next or won't be too tore up if ya don't survive.

...i... im s-so s-sorry... ...no one s-should have to endure that... especially not a child... ...i... i...

C'mon now, y'ain't gotta cry about it. It sucks, but it's in the past now, an' fallin' ta pieces over it ain't gon' fix nothin'.

...i... i know... but...

It's okay, I get it. If it'll make ya feel better, go ahead an' cry it out. I can hold ya if ya want.

...but arent you s-still sore?...

Not so sore I can't comfort my pale. It ain't gon' kill me, so get yer li'l cryin' sniffly self over here.

#things to read #tw torture #Corali Primer #Thiomi Shiaka #Roll With The Punches #Anyone interested in Corali Lore? #Originally I was gonna color code their dialogue to make it obvious who's talking #but I nixed the idea bc I thought it would annoy people