#im not in a bad mental place or anything its just the past 2 days have been.

[thot4ellie]

oh sweetheart pt 3

pairing: boxer!ellie x f! jesses sister!reader

word count: 5.4k!!! longest part yet yay

rating: 18+ (smut will be coming in later parts)

warnings: dealer! boxer!ellie, weed, alcohol, boxing, kissing, joel is dead in this, talk of abusive relationship, smoking, they’re drunk but eveything is consensual ofc! lmk if im missing anything

summary: you and ellie share a moment and both of you admit it :)

author notes: hi everyone thank you for all the love on this series <<<333 this is a good one! not all the way edited yet but i wanted to post cause i finished it 20 minutes ago! sorry for the wait but i think maybe some smut in the near future ;) requests are open and id love any feedback. thank you for 200 followers and over almost 2000 likes!! this is unbelievable and im so grateful! pls let me know if u want to be added to the taglist!!!

part 3 | part 4

series masterlist | main masterlist

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

finally friday is here, it feels like you’ve been counting the minutes until you see her again. you woke up around eleven am and put water in the kettle to make yourself some tea as you went to the bathroom to get your morning routine done, paramore playing over your speaker in the bathroom. your routine is something you’ve started to build since you moved to try and keep your anxiety at bay, not all the time it works but its a good way to get your day started. you started with washing your face, brushing your teeth, then brushing the bedhead out of the mess you call hair.

a couple minutes later, you hear the kettle hiss and you make your way back to the kitchen and turn off the stove. you picked your favorite mug out of your cabinet and make your tea. leaving the kitchen, you went back to sit on the couch and think about a million different outcomes that would possibly happen tonight when you see her. you wonder if you’re reading too much into the way she talked to you, was she even flirting with you at all? or just being nice? did she just feel bad about seeing what happened outside her gym?

your phone buzzed in the mist of your thoughts on your and you read a text from dina telling you they’re leaving for the gym around 7 and if you wanted a ride. before responding you pulled up the weather app on your phone and decided you could walk there, its a warm summer day out again and by the time the sun fell, it would be cool enough to walk and it was only about 15 minutes from your house, that and leaving open the possibility that she would want to drive you home again.

you texted her back saying that you would just meet them there. you looked at the time seeing its about eleven thirty so you still have a while until you have to leave. you decided you were gonna be productive today. you did laundry and washed your sheets, did the dishes, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom and made a sandwich for lunch even thought by now it was 4 o clock. as you were walking around your apartment, you made a mental note to try and find some nice thrift stores around to help you decorate your place. you made your way to your bathroom to shower for tonight.

you love taking long showers, its your guilty pleasure. thanking god that your landlord pays your water bill as you dried off from the shower, put on your strawberry lotion, a big black t-shirt and fuzzy socks to hang around in while you did your hair and minimal makeup. you couldn’t stop thinking about seeing her tonight. new girl was playing on the tv in your room as you finished the final touches on your face. doing light everything since its hot but still wanting to look nice for the occasion: finally seeing her again.

four episodes later and its 6 o clock so you change into a pair of black levi shorts and a green top. your hair and makeup still looked good from earlier so nothing to touch up but you still triple checked yourself. you wish you could have smoked today to help beat the nerves but you wouldn’t have anything until tonight, smiling to yourself thinking of you and her on the phone both laughing when you asked if she was bribing you. you slipped on your converse, grabbed your bag, and locked the front door behind you and started making your way to ellie’s gym.

you got there around seven and you didn’t see jesses car yet but you did see hers. ellie’s beat up 2000 green honda cry sat in a spot towards the back of the parking lot. memories of you leaning on her window practically admitting you liked when she called you sweetheart and the peaceful feeling of comfortable silence you both held.

you heard someone call your name in the distance to turn and see dina getting out of the car, you were so concentrated on ellies car you didn’t even see them pull in. you made your way over and greeted them with a hug as dina wrapped your arm in hers and dragged you in with her, jesse following behind. you tried to calm your nerves but it just wasn’t working. not nervous about being here, even after what happened outside with the man last time, but of seeing her again. you’ve only spoken to her a handful of times but you thought of her more times than you can count.

as soon as you made it closer towards the front door, it was loud, like the first time you were here. loud people, loud lights, loud everything but now knowing it was ellie’s changed it. jesse held the door as dina went in first and you both followed. florescent lights beamed from above you, shining on the sweaty bodies in the gym. it was just like it was the first time you came. your nerves followed you everywhere, but it was worth seeing her again.

you went in and dina guided you guys to the same table you had last time. you wonder if they sit here every time. you looked around for ellie but you didn’t see her anywhere. you saw her car so she has to be here.

dina and jesse got up to go get drinks from the makeshift bar while you sat and waited for them to bring back your drink. you looked over to them waiting their turn when you heard something behind you.

“hey sweetheart,” she whispered close to your ear, and before you could respond she pulled out the the seat next to you and sat down.

“hey ellie,” you said almost startled. she was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a black t shirt and all her tattoos were showing this time. it was almost mind blowing seeing her and you couldn’t even explain what it did to you. you don’t understand why a girl you barely know has this effect on you.

“i told you to call me el,” she said and laughed kindly towards you, “i have the stuff for you” she finished.

“oh thank you, i’d hope so considering that’s the reason i came,” you joked.

“wait you mean you didn’t come to see me?” she said sounding fake hurt.

“that was just a plus,” you flirted. dina and jesse came back to the table with the drinks before she responded to you and they both greeted ellie as they sat.

“hey els we didn’t see you before we ordered the drinks, i can go get one for ya?” jesse asked her.

“nah i’ll wait til the next round, thanks though” she told him. she smiled at you and the conversation started between all four of you, before you knew it an hour and a half passed, you had more three more rounds and just enjoyed your friday night. the match started and you find it so convenient that you can still see the ring from where the table is so theres no need to get up and watch considering its not ellie up there.

you watched for a bit until it was coming to the end, cheering erupted and ellie told dina and jesse that she was going out for a smoke, before she got up, she leaned over to you and whispered “you coming sweetheart?” softly in your ear, her face inches away from yours, then she moved back and smiled. she held out her hand and you held it as she pulled you up with her as you blushed so hard, you swear you turned into a tomato.

your eyes stayed on her hand holding yours and the beautiful moth tattoo covering her arm, not believing that she’s actually touching you again. you followed behind her as she moved with you through the gym towards the door, as you walked out still hand in hand you saw the side of the building, it was the same place she defended you the first time you met her.

she lead you over to a bench that you never even realized was there. your hands broke as you both sat, she went pull out her cigarette pack and the lighter from her back pocket when she noticed you were staring at her still. she smirked as she opened the pack, and surprisingly pulled out a joint. she put it in her mouth and brought the lighter up to it before telling you “its not polite to stare sweetheart.”

you blushed and looked away as soon as she said it. she laughed and she passed the joint to you, you told her you just couldn’t help it. and you really couldn’t, she’s breathtaking. the way her freckles danced across her whole face, her eyes had a small tint of brown circling her iris, the scar on her right eyebrow, the way her lips just sat perfectly on her face. you so badly want to reach out and touch them again.

you hit it a couple times, you are sure your cheeks haven’t been back to normal since you saw her and you wonder if she’s noticed. you passed her back the joint and she staring at you taking in every detail of you too as she brought it to her mouth and took a hit. blowing out the smoke she smirked, and said “i can’t either sweetheart.”

she leaned back against the bench, legs spread a little as she handed you the joint and asked, “so what brought you here besides jesse?” she acquired. you told her about living in brooklyn, above the cafe you worked and how your time spent there wasn’t totally great but the real reason was running from a shitty past, you weren’t ready to tell her specifics but you told her that’s why you left, you had to get away from what happened there but it was more like who. she told you she understood and then she told you “well i’m glad you’ve made your way here sweetheart.”

you don’t know if it was the alcohol or weed but you sat outside on the bench for another 20 minutes, smoking and laughing as you talked about so much: you talked about the tv shows you’re both watching, the albums you had on repeat, the guilty pleasures you both had and what you both did in your free time. you spoke to one another like you’ve known each other for years. it just feels so good to talk to someone like this again.

she learned that your parents live in portland, so moving coasts was a big deal but you felt like you were on auto-pilot growing up and you knew you had to get out when you could, she learned that you dropped out of college two years and haven’t made any plans to go back but you would like to. you told her a couple funny stories about you and jesse growing up and she laughed at them all.

you found out that she plays guitar and that she spends time drawing and journaling. you learn that ellie was adopted when she was 14, she grew up in boston, and she has an older sister named sarah but that she doesn’t come around much anymore since she gotten married. she told you that her dad passed away from a heart attack about a year ago and since then, her and her uncle tommy.

“im sorry to hear about your dad els” you sympathized.

“its okay sweetheart, just fucking sucks sometimes.” she responded softly as she put the joint out next to her and slipped it back in her cigarette pack. instead this time she pulled out a cigarette and lit that this time. she slid it in her pocket before she stood up off the bench, offering you her hand again and said you should probably head back inside.

you grabbed her warm hand and stood up to follow her, you started the walk towards the side door but before she opened it, she turned around to you and faced you.

“hey sweetheart?” she asked.

“yes els?” you waited for her to continue, her hand still covering yours.

“im glad you came sweetheart, this was nice, i mean as nice as it gets sitting on the side of this place,” she laughed softly, you felt like she was closer than ever but maybe because you just wanted her to be, “you know, id love to do this again.. and maybe play you something on my guitar.. if you want.” she said almost nervously, feeling the urge to look away from you.

“i would love that els.” you said, looking up from staring at your hands together to smiling in her face. you cant believe she asked you, part of you prayed she would, you knew there was a connection here. she realized it too. your eye contact never faded as you stood here.

“great, im looking forward to it more than you know,” she told you sweetly. she let go out hand and you felt slight disappoint in your heart as you assumed she was going to turn around and open the door and this moment would be over. instead, she brought her hand up to your face and let it rest on your cheek as she brushed her thumb over it. the touch of her warm hand sent sparks through your body this time and you couldn’t be bothered moving as she grew closer to you.

“you have no idea how much i wanna kiss you right now.” she whispered, from only what felt like two inches away from your lips. fuck, you thought silently. she was so close to you, you could feel her breathe as she spoke.

“please do it.” you practically whined, you couldn’t take this anymore. all you wanted to do was feel her lips on yours. after you spoke, you felt her thumb move from your cheek to brushing your lips softly. the drinks you had definitely brought out your confident and the want you had for her.

“oh sweetheart,” she purred towards you, “how badly i want to but it has to be more special than this.” she said moving her thumb back to your red cheek.

“just as long as it happens el,” you responded, breathing heavier as your nerves grew in anticipation.

she nodded as she slowly moved her hand off your face and brought it down to your hip and gave it a squeeze, still smiling at you as she reached to open the door and let you through in front of her.

you walk back into the gym and went to find jesse and dina. you saw jesse at the bar and ellie went over to him, telling you she was getting more drinks. you went over to dina at the table and took a seat next to her. you asked her how the match went and she told you same as always and nothing crazy this time.

“you guys were out there for a while, whats up with that?” dina asked while smirking and wiggling her eyebrows at you.

“dina…” you laughed, “we just smoked and talked for a bit.” you replied to her.

“sureeee that’s all, we see the way you look at her!”, she squealed, “and the way she looks at you, it just seems pretty obvious.”

you laughed and told her that nothing happened yet but you did admit to her that you wanted it to.

“stop we knew it!” she laughed loudly and hit the table in excitement. you pulled your hands to your face that was full of embarrassment.

“what do you mean you knew it, was it obvious?” you gasped. your eyes darting towards ellie at the makeshift bar.

“to me and jesse yes.” she told you still smiling over the fact that her two friends maybe starting something new soon.

as you went to reply, the drinks were on the table, jesse and ellie were back already at the table pulling their chairs. the conversation between you and dina came to a halt as you all started talking. you all sat, conversing and finished your last round by the time it hit around 11 pm. you were getting tired and you were definitely drunk after all the rounds of drinks everyone bought. the matches ended an hour ago and you guys were the last few people left besides the lady behind the bar and a couple stragglers paying their tab and chatting.

“hey i think me and d are gonna head out,” he said looking over to dina, who was definitely feeling all the drinks she had, he laughed and said, “this one needs to make it home into bed. can you make it home okay? i can take you now if you need” he asked talking to you.

“no i’m gonna take her home.” ellie cut in before you could respond. you looked at her and smiled as jesse told you to text when you both got home safe. he helped dina up and they made their way to the door. your eyes followed til they left and then you turned to ellie, who was already staring at you.

“that okay sweetheart? that i take you home again?” she asked smirking towards you.

“yeah els, that’s okay.” you blushed as she stood up and put her hand out for the third time tonight. you connected your hands again. touching her had your skin was burning up. you followed her into a back office. paperwork, receipts, and random things littered the room. as you looked around and saw a decent couch, a safe in the corner and a coffee area on a little table and a large desk with folders and boxes of things you didn’t know.

you watched as ellie disconnected your hands to go over to pick up her backpack from the side of the couch and then she grabbed a jacket she had hanging over the deck of the chair to the desk, she slid it over her shoulders then grabbed a piece of paper, writing something non legible from where you were standing. she smiled when she turned towards you and held her arm out motioning to the door for you guys to exit.

the stragglers were gone and the bartender bid ellie goodnight as she walked out the front door. you walked the distance of the gym and made it to the door with ellie, she leaned over and turned the lights off and then held the door opened for you.

you told her thank you and she nodded towards you, “i think we should walk, it’s not far from your apartment.” she spoke looking towards you for confirmation as she turned and locked up the gym for the night.

“that’s okay but how are you going to get home without your car?” you asked. you didn’t want her walking home alone either, you knew she could handle herself but still, the thought made you worry.

“i’m only 5 minutes away from you actually so its not far, ill be back for my car tomorrow.” she told you. you nodded and both of you continued to walk the sidewalk in a comfortable silence next to each other. you glanced up at the sky, noticing the stars and the way the moon beamed over the city. it was so much cooler now than it was earlier and you moved to brush over the goosebumps that covered your arms. ellie noticed your movement and took off her jacket. you turned when you noticed what she was going and told her, “no its okay we’ll be there soon i don’t need it.”

“sorry sweetheart, got to make sure you stay warm.” she smirked as she put it over your shoulders and watched as you put your arms in. you smiled to her as you readjusted it and continued the walk to your place. the smell of her engulfed you and you’ve never felt so comfortable.

“its so beautiful.” you whispered, “and quiet, new york was never like this. they don’t lie when they say the city never sleeps ya know?” you finished.

the city you moved to that you wish you could escape from. the shitty and abusive relationship you wish you could leave behind. the things you tried the most to forget. you never spoke about it, you just ran. the city you wished had better memories connected with it. but now all you want is to create new memories.

when you moved across the country, you told yourself that you’re not getting into anything here because you know you need to heal from the those years of abuse and insecurity so the last thing you expected was to meet ellie and end up feeling this way about her. you don’t want this to happen and you ruin it because you aren’t okay but with her, you feel like you could be okay one day.

“i could only imagine, boston was a busy place too but not the same, it always is quiet here.” she chuckled softly.

“i love it, things finally seem calm now.” you smiled as you looked her. she took in the sight of you in her jacket and she loved it. she can only imagine seeing you wear her t shirts… or nothing at all. she shook the thoughts from her head but she just couldn’t help it. you were the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen. you were breathtaking. she couldn’t believe she’d met someone like you in this shitty small town.

the town where her dad and her moved, and the memories of them together haunted her. now that he was gone, she knew a piece of her was missing. things were incomplete without him. he was all she thought about, the guilt of what happened and how she couldn’t do anything to stop it.

the only time ellie wasn’t thinking about joel was when she was thinking about you, she was grateful that she met you. she didn’t know what this was going to turn into but she hoped it would be something. she sees the effects she has on you and she wishes she really knew how to communicate with you that she feels the same way about you.

you continued the walk in a comfortable silence, both of you wrapped in your thoughts of each another and eventually made it to the front of your building. you turned to face her with a smile,“here i am,” you spoke softly to her, not wanting the night to come to an end.

“here you are, thank you for letting me take you home sweetheart, call it peace of mind,” she admitted.

“thank you for walking me els… do you want to come up?” you said without a thought. you didn’t know if this is was the alcohol talking but you know you didn’t regret it when you said it and you wish that’s what you could blame it on but you knew you wanted this even sober.

“if you want me to sweetheart” she smirked as she responded.

you stepped closer to her as you looked at her, only a couple inches away from her face, watching her eyes move from your eyes to your lips. you knew you both could feel the tension.

“please just say yes.” you sighed wishing you could feel her lips on yours already.

“okay sweetheart, lets go.” she pulled away but connected your hands and it took you a second to recognize that she agreed. you turned around, suddenly nervous about the fact that she’s going to see where you spend your days. you opened the door to the lobby, and ellie held the door as you both walked in. she followed you up the stairs by the front, and you made your way to the front door as you held ellie’s hand in one and used the other to pull your keys from your bag.

you unlocked the door and you brought ellie in with you before the door was shut and you were locking it. you took off her jacket and put it on your coat rack and turned to look at her.

“okay it’s kind of a mess so i’m sorry but-“ you started before she cut you off.

“sweetheart, your place is practically spotless, you should see mine.” ellie laughed.

you laughed as you pulled ellie over to the green couch that took up a lot of your living room but it was a dream purchase and you loved it. you told ellie to take a seat as you walked over to the kitchen and grabbed some water for you both. as you were walking back towards her, she was digging around in her backpack. as you placed the waters down and took a seat, she pulled out weed in a jar and handed it to you.

“here this is yours.” she said.

“oh thank you! i totally forgot, do you want to smoke now- fuck i don’t think i have anything to roll with.” you told her as you went to open the windows in your living room.

instead of saying anything, she reached back into her backpack and pulled out a jar of already rolled joints.

“i came prepared.” she laughed, “and you won’t owe me anything for that.” she said, motioning to the stuff she gave you as her hands were cracking open the jar of pre-rolls.

“ellie- no i’ll give you the cash,” but she shook her head no and brought the lighter to the joint between her lips.

“no, it’s on me, don’t worry about it.” she responded as she took a hit.

“do you give other people weed for free?” you asked, looking at her as she was smoking while sitting next to you on the couch. you wish you could stay like this forever.

“only pretty girls that i like…” she said sweetly as you held eye contact as she handed you the joint.

“oh so you think i’m pretty?” you teased her as you took a hit.

“sweetheart, i think you’re the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen.” she told you. you instantly blush and look away from her, trying not to choke on the smoke you held in your lungs.

“thank you els, i think you’re beautiful.” you said to her. when you looked up, you saw her cheeks tint lightly as she grabbed the joint you held out to her.

“thanks sweetheart.” she said as she put the joint down on a cup at the table you’d been using as an ashtray and she brought her hand up and held your cheek like she did earlier. you couldn’t help yourself as you nuzzled your face into her warm hand. your eye contact only made the tension in the room worse.

“you really are beautiful… sweetheart, can i?” she asked as she looked down at your lips. you nodded and as she came closer, your lips just barely brushing, as she asked, “i need to hear you pretty girl.”

“yes please els- please just kiss me already.” you begged.

her lips were on yours before you could even realized this was actually happening. your lips moved slow together at first but you couldn’t help yourself from deepening the kiss as ellie brought her other hand up and tangled it in your hair as you moaned, her tongue slipped into your mouth, both of you tasting the weed and alcohol you consumed.

one of your hand rested against her chest and the other gripping her arm as you melted into the kiss. both ellie’s hands were in your hair now as your tongues continued to fight for dominance but you let her win and moaned again and she swallowed it as she kissed you.

ellie pulled your leg over her lap so you straddled her, never breaking your lips apart. your lips continued to move in sync as you grinded against her. her hands on your hips moving with you. your lips stay connected until you broke the kiss to come up for air and rested your forehead on hers.

“you okay sweetheart?” ellie panted as she caught her breath too.

“yes els just need a second.” you said as your eyes stayed shut while you tried to control your breathing. you couldn’t believe that you guys finally kissed. the tension was killing you both and now it’s finally happened.

“hey it’s okay, take your time sweetheart.” ellie said as she rubbed a hand along your thigh at a comfortable pace, brushing the cloth from your shorts as she moved it. she brought the other one up to your cheek and lifted your head to look at you. you looked tired and ellie didn’t want to take full advantage of you after you guys had been drinking and smoking all night.

“hey sweetheart, lets get you to bed, we’ll finish this another time i promise.” she said sweetly as you mumbled an “okay els thank you,” and moved off her lap to sit back on the couch. ellie stood up and offered her hand. you stood up and walked both of you to your bedroom.

you moved to sit on the edge of your king sized bed and ellie stood in front of you still holding your hand as you asked her if she wanted to stay the night because it was late and you didn’t want her walking home.

“sure sweetheart i’ll sleep on the couch, and only for your peace of mind.” she chuckled, thinking back to the conversation earlier.

“els we can share the bed, it’s okay, i’ll keep my hands to myself.” you joked and she laughed.

“i don’t think i’d be complaining if you couldn’t but i’m okay on the couch.” ellie insisted.

“els please just lay with me.” you said looking up at her as she moved her hand to rest on your cheek again.

“okay sweetheart.” she finally agreed.

you smiled up at her and you took ellie’s hand from your face and guided her into the bathroom connected to your room. she watched as you bent down and opened the sink cabinet and grabbed a toothbrush. you turned around and handed it to her with a smile. you guys brushed your teeth and then went back into your bedroom.

ellie stood here as you moved across the room to your dresser, and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts from your drawer and handed them over to ellie. she told you thank you and you smiled at her. ellie walked into the bathroom to change and you walked back to the dresser. you stripped yourself of your shirt and bra before throwing on a different oversized tee and changing your underwear. you didn’t even realize you were soaked after what happened on the couch.

ellie watched you as she leaned against the bathroom door frame as you untangled the sides of your underwear after you pulled them up.

“you’re perfect”, she thought in head before speaking out loud. “thanks sweetheart.” you turned around when ellie spoke, sending her a smile before you moved to your side of the bed, you grabbed the duvet and moved it so you both were able to get in your bed.

you and ellie laid facing each other in a comfortable silence as you were both growing incredibly tired. you felt your eyes starting to get heavy and felt ellie’s hand brush your hair back from your face so you kept your eyes open to look at her.

“el?” you whispered.

“yes sweetheart?” she spoke quietly back to you.

“i really like you… i don’t know if this is too early but it just feels right.”

“i feel it too sweetheart, i like you too so don’t worry,” ellie said softly, hand still holding your face, “now get some sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning pretty girl.”

“goodnight els.” you whispered.

#ellie williams #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x reader #the last of us #tlou game #tlou series #ellie tlou #tlou2 #pedro pascal #ellie williams series #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams fic #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams angst #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie #jesse the last of us #dina the last of us #the last of us part 2

[mitsvriii]

hello dear !! congrats on 300, 3 million next 🤞

now then, can i please have a handpicked bouquet from a nursery with roses + cosmos for either zhongli, freminet or neuvillette (i don’t mind!!)

thank you and congratulations once more ٩(^‿^)۶♡

if i could slow time

bell's notes: you cannot just drop those prompts with those characters and leave sir /gn erm 😐 /nm. breaking my heart ☹️💔😔 /lyr, also yes 3 mil for bell 🙏, dumbi 2 tril next 🫵, ty tho 💓, the 'right person wrong time' is not even noticeable im, this is so short i cannot, first time writing anything besides gn!reader so if it's inaccurate im so so sorry, not proofread

contents: zhongli x male!reader, mention of death, angst and fluff, 567 word count

summary: in which your soulmate hardly interacts with you, and the reason why is just as bad as the hurt of his ignorance

It was stupid. A crush you happened to work for has gone wild in the sense that you may or may not have noticed that his wrist was tainted with your name. This not only caused you to have an entire mental breakdown that you couldn’t let show physically, but you rushed out of the funeral parlor, nearly knocking down Hu Tao with your theatrics. 

Not to mention, you thought Zhongli was either clueless, didn’t care, or was just naturally calm about things this extreme because he saw the man who was now his soulmate every day without a stutter, shake, or a cracked-up voice; unlike yourself. Who were you to complain, though? If he acted normal and made no big deal of it, it was most likely not a big deal, right?

You only groaned out annoyingly as you pushed the thoughts away, focusing on the smell of coffins as you helped a woman pick out one for her new-found lover who turned dead because of some freak mitachurl accident. To which you could only nod solemnly in response too, praying to the archons above that something like that wouldn’t happen to you before Zhongli decided to pay attention to you being his soulmate.

It was only a matter of time before the woman left that you quite literally had enough, and rushed to knock on Zhongli’s office door, tapping your foot impatiently as you waited for him to open it. He couldn’t have let you inside at a better time before you brushed past him, albeit harshly, before turning around to face him.

“You’ve been ignoring me.” Four words and you almost swore Zhongli blinked back a cry at them, a solemn smile playing at his lips before he sighed, motioning for you to sit in the chair in front of his desk.

The conversation was nothing like you had imagined in your head. No ‘I’m not into men’, no ‘There’s someone else, no ‘I’m not interested in having a soulmate, but an “I’m an archon” in its place. After letting the statement settle in, Zhongli continued with his explanation in a manner so calming that it almost made you regret your previous snap towards him just a few minutes ago.

He failed to converse with you about your souls being intertwined because he felt as if he would be burdening you with the truth that when you two got completely attached you would pass on before him, centuries before him if he was going to be honest; although it seems as if he was burdening you with the truth now.

You would grow and he would not, you would maybe adopt a child and they too would grow old and he would not, you would fear over time where you would leave him and he would not. He was afraid, afraid that you would worry so much about him and his sake of being with his soulmate, that you wouldn’t enjoy the time you spent together.

But in the end, you both agreed. The two of you would spend the rest of your time together in this world until it came for you to part, and no matter what had happened you wouldn’t feel the need to worry about what would happen to him after you eased to live.

“Because as long as I still can recall memories of you, I shall be fine.”

#🌹's #astronetwrk #・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗ #zhongli x reader #zhongli x male reader #zhongli x you #genshin fluff #genshin angst #zhongli angst #zhongli fluff

[beannary]

hey abt your tags on the DID survey

I would say we were a little thrown off by them? The tone just came across as talking about systems like theyre some weird misunderstood creature that needs to be experimented on, and not you know, people with thoughts and feelings.

Being interested and having an open mind is good! I'm not saying it isn't, and I know this probably comes off as being very policing

Its just important to be careful how you talk about other people, especially when we have a history of being the "other"

We're genuinely not mad because I'm pretty sure this came from a super good place, I just thought I'd let you know!

Thank you!!

Thank you for sending me this! I did not consider how the tone of my comments could come across but I also think you are misunderstanding what an anthropology study would be but also

1. that is super understandable because anthropology is not super well understood by non anthropologists

2. anthropology has such a bad history when it comes to studying marginalized communities

3. i am so entrenched in the anthropology community so i definitely did not consider how what i said would come across to people who dont have the same set of knowledge that i do and

4.i did not like proofread my comments so i totally get that i may have written my thoughts in a way that was othering which I really didn't intend! so I am sorry for that

im including like a bunch of information about my like thought process and like a further explanation of what i mean under the cut my thoughts just ended up getting super long so i didnt want to like clog up peoples dashes

TLDR: I totally understand how the term anthropology study comes across as othering and seems as if i am reducing people with DID to some sort of oddity that needs to be studied, and I am sorry for that, I should have considered how it would be understood. What an actual anthropology study would entail (or at least a good anthropology study) is just asking people with DID questions about their lives and whatever other topics they want to talk about with the end goal of giving the people who were apart of the research as much control and say over the research questions and study itself if that makes sense.

when i say anthropology study i mean that in the sense that anthropology is the study of communities and culture. anthropology has been used in the past as a tool to oppress people of color, women, people with mental illnesses, and pretty much every other community that is not straight and white and male, but that is slowly but surely changing!

I'm currently doing a masters degree in anthropology so I have read a lot of academic anthropology literature and I have read studies on people with mental illnesses and psychiatric disorders but I haven't read anything about people with DID and so i think that is an area of research that could be expanded on

when i say it would be interesting to do an anthropology study on people with DID what I sort of have in mind is basically it would just consist of asking people with DID questions about literally whatever. anthropology is meant to be a study that at the end of the day helps the study group in whatever way they want or need, it isn't (or at least it shouldn't) be entirely motivated for academic achievements if that makes sense

if I were to do a hypothetical anthropology study on people with DID my first step to begin that research would be to reach out to people who have DID and 1. ask if they want me to do a study at all (if they don't then there's no point in me pushing for it because the end goal of my study should be to help them in whatever way they want), 2. explain to them the ways anthropology could help them if they want a study to be done at all and figure out if what they want is compatible with the discipline of anthropology

just thinking of some like research topics off the top of my head (and mind you this is just me spitballing without going through the actual research process which would be much more intensive and would involve me you know actually talking with people with DID to figure out what they want specifically so this actual research question would not be applied in an actual study but im just giving you this as a rough example of what I mean) but a research question could be how are people with DID living in the modern 21st century world? I would then ask them questions about how they live their life, what they feel about the way they live their lives, what struggles they face, what would make life easier for them, and essentially literally whatever else they want to talk about.

I literally cannot stress enough how whatever research I would hypothetically do would be entirely up to the people I'm interviewing they would literally be entirely in control of the entire thing. And also any hypothetical research would only be conducted if people with DID wanted me to, it would be entirely dependent on their wants and needs, my job as the anthropologist would just be to document what they are saying and helping them navigate the world of academia to help them achieve whatever goals they want

If you do end up reading all of this I hope this was all understandable and straightforward! If it isn't then that's on me and I will rewrite it to be easier to understand. But I really do hope this makes sense and if you have any more questions for me or really anything else to say to me about things I could have said better or with more consideration my ask box is always open and also im pretty sure my dms are open too so you can always message me there!

#bean babbles #answered asks #anonymous asks #i really hope this makes sense #i dont have to spoons to look over it because im in so much pain rn #but also if it doesnt make sense please let me know and i will do a better job explaining and also apologizing

[kedreeva]

Hello fucker im the anon losing my absolute marbles about godfuckingdamned stranger things

Not only are you apparently not going alone to hell and have fucking grabbed me and decided to take me along with you you fuck but i feel as though i was plucked out the 3 story window of my fucking flat and shoved inti the metaphorical backseat of the fucking zamboni machine heading straight for hells fiery gates WHILE I WAS MERELY TRYING TO WET MY NIN EXISTENT FLOWERS ON THE WINDOW SEAL

Having said that i can absolutely fucking tell that the characters themselves are holding the fucking thing together and it would work eith absolutely nonsensical plot SINCE I KNOW ALMOST NONE OF THE PLOT (UNFORTUNATELY I DO KNOW A BIT NOW SINCE IVE BEEN CONSUMING THE FUCKING FICS OF THIS FANDOM LIKE A MANIAC FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS) AND IM STILL LOSING MY SHIT OVER THEM

I have also fucking decided to start watching the fucking thing right fucking now even though im so fucking behind on several deadlines and assignments including a very important one thats due right thia fuckinh week and for which i have yet to write ANYTHING and which has to be about 80 fucking pages long by the end of it so yes i am truly having the fucking time of my life goddamn it i was gonna start watching the fucking thing literally last night but i fell fucking asleep at about 2am because of the all nighter i had pulled the previous night reading the fucking steddie fics and last night i fell asleep woth my fucking phone in my hand doing guess fucking what READING ON AO3 ONCE AGAIN

I literally only vaguely know how steve and eddie look and dustin a little bit and robin a little bit and thats IT but goddamn do i have strong feelings for like 9 characters i know fuckall about except for fanon

As for the goddamn fic that made me lose the last of my sanity it wasnt even a Proper h/c per se just had some h/c in it which was game enough for my tired ass to deem it a h/c fic in my exvaustion and insanity and i do NOT unfortunately remember the name of it but i do know that it was by a fellow whose usernmae is pukner which i somehow remember and it was about 40k long amd what fucking made me read it and LOSE it and i mean LOSE IT like fucking LOSE IT was that it had NONBINARY steve kedreeva it had fucking NONBINARY STEVE so yeah i truly have given uo all of my 2 drops of remaining sanity for the smallest possible little bit of serotonin i could possibly receive

KEDREEVA ITS GOTTEN SO FUCKING BAD I ENDED UP HAVING TO DITCH MY HANDMADE HANDPICKED SPOTIFY PLAYLIST FOR MY LAST FUCKING HYPERFIXATION EARLIER AND FUCKING LOOKING UP A STEDDIE PLAYLIST IM LOSING IT THAT BADLY

I blame you SO hard for everything you are literally never gonna stop hearing from me about this you shall deal with every single mental breakdown and Thought™ that i have because of stranger things from now on because youre the reason why im in this shitshow in the first place my fucking friends and acquaintances and EVERYONE both online AND IRL have been trying to get me to watch stranger things EVER SINCE IT FIRST CAME OUT and _THIS_ is what fucking does me in

Well, I found the fic in question, and a) there's more than one NB Steve written by this person and also they're on tumblr by the same name

and b) Hey....... anyone out there got some nonbinary steve harrington fics to rec? bonus if they're hurt/comfort fics apparently. If I'm going to be blamed, I'm gonna fuckin EARN IT :D Drop 'em in the replies or reblogs or askbox, happy to reblog tumblr links too.

c) heyyyy drop your Steddie playlists for anon let's make it worse as a FAMILY

#steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #anon asks #asks #I need you to know I laughed until I WHEEZED #I was coughing half the way to the vet today after reading this #I am 100% here to be cussed out over your every thought #and I will be obnoxious in return #people say nice things #I hope your friends are as excited as I am to watch you #have several breakdowns over this show #Anon (Delightful)

[mikeyelistsukasa]

How about a idol/famous? (Idk) au where Mitsuba, Kou, and Teru who loves to spoil their shy s/o to death, but they have a hard time smiling due to their past? And they will try anything to make their s/o smile no matter what, so they went to this random event where they finally smiled for the first time (hopefully this made sense 🥲)

(ALSO I LOVED THE DRAWINGS YOU MADE 🥺💖)

I can’t believe i needed a month for it. Mitsuba’s is so short because i lost the files for him 6TIMES i struggled w the request so i had to change it a bit so sorry abt that.not proofread

How the hell did u two end up together ??????

Srsly HOW

Ohhhhh you were sakura’s/tsukasa’s/kou’s friend how classssiccc🙄

Anyway-

Since we talk about Mitsuba it’s obvious that he would first say some nasty remarks every time he saw you sad

But that didn’t help(well obviously what did you expect)

Thats why he tried ACTUALLY offered to listen to your struggles

Wdym u don’t need noone to talk??? Then stop being sad>:(

Buying your favourites also didn’t help you awe :(

So he decided to do something he thought he would never do

Bring you to his favourite secret place

„Can i finally open my eyes?“

You say in a exhausting voice

„Not yet so stop nagging“

You mentally rolled your eyes

„Alright we are here“

„Finally! It’s about….time“

„I introduce you! My hiding spot✨“

„Mitsuba…this…this is amazing!“

„Ofc its amazing! My taste in places was always…beautiful…“

His mind was empty when he saw your face.your smile.

It was so beautiful!

„Thank you mitsuba! You’re the best“

After you gave him a small kiss on the cheek he promised himself one thing

He’d promise to make you smile like that more often

Now you two together make more sense 🤝

He also found out about by someone else (aka yashiro or teru)

This poor boy was kind of nervous approaching you

You thought he was nervous to talk to you because he found out who you are but-

That wasn’t the case

Like AT ALL

its just that he is sorta shy around new people(mostly girls)

And you kind of looked sad so he thought maybe it was a bad timing to approach you

You were relieved that it wasn’t the first thing you thought

As you two started talking more and more you two developed feelings for eachother

You liked how kou gave his best to make you smile

You two enjoyed baking together

But one day

You felt comfortable enough around him to reveal yourself as an idol/singer

The exorcist was too stunned to speak

This dude started treating you like you’re a queen and he went back to his shy self

Like a celebrity? Hanging out with HIM?

„Im probably dreaming“

*pinch*

…

He wasn’t dreaming at all

His crush a celebrity wow

Lord have mercy when you two started dating

Him being a bit insecure always thought that you don’t like being with him

Thats why he was bringing you lots of gift in some hopes

„S/o-san/kun! I baked you these heart shaped mini cakes! Please take them!!!“

„Oh thank you kou you didn’t had to…“

T-T mission failed you didn’t smile

More like the opposite you looked even more depressed

Its not that you didn’t like the gift its just it feels as if he made you these just because of who you are

God were you wrong

He came home disappointed when suddenly his brother teru popped up

„Yo kou. Look ive got 2 tickets from a secret admirer at school. Probably another fan.I don’t feel like going so i thought maybe you might want them?“

💡💡💡

„YES PLEASE GIVE ME“

„Haha calm down here“

It was 2 tickets for a… carnival?

Nonetheless he thought it was worth a shot

He looked at the data of the tickets and asked you if you could come to *address* at *idk insert some time*

You messaged back with a yes since you got curious on why he wants to see you so badly.

You dressed up not too fancy and went on your way

„Hey! So where are we going?“

„TO Aaaaaaa CARNIVAL!“

„Carn-? Woah hey no need to pull im coming im coming“

You two only took one step into the carnival and your eyes were already glowing from excitement

„Woah…“

„Follow me!“

Lets just say you had lots of fun on all those rides

Kou even won you a huge white rabbit! How adorable

Before you guys went home you two decided to go on the ferry wheel

When you two got on top of it you were able to see everything from up there.

Thats when you smile.

„Look! It’s that trashy ride that made me throw up hahahah…“

It felt like the whole time froze when he saw your smile

I mean you were so happy what else could you want more other than being on a top of a ferry wheel with your beloved one and a huge stuffed animal.

You looked into kou‘s direction

„thank you kou. I owe you one“

That smile was weak but it was a genuine soft smile

„I-uh uhm well no wait- it’s alright no problem hah-„

He will definitely cook teru his favourite meal after this ends

You two met at cooking class(let’s pretend tbhk has this)

„S/o L/n and teru minamoto“

Suddenly you felt like everyone was staring at you

Which they were

„Hey! Im teru nice to meet you. Im gonna be your partner for today. Im bad at cooking though so i will just try to assist you“

„I- uhm no Worries“

He cant be THAT bad at cooking right?

„WHY IS THE OVEN TURNED ON SUCH A HIGH DEGREE IT BURNED THE BUNS“

„Ah sorry my bad haha“

„why you little-„

*death stares around the room*

„Hah its alright we can make new ones“

It was fun to hangout with you so he decided to secretly keep having contact with you

*cough cough cuz of fans cough*

As much as he enjoyed your company he noticed that he never saw you genuinely smile.

He did question at least once

„Hey um are you alright?“

If you won’t tell him he would be concerned on what is going on but won’t push you into telling him

He is honestly the only one that won’t put lots of effort into making you smile

Buuut he will try eventually

But to no luck just like the other two

But one day one of his fans gave him 2 tickets to a show to look at the dolphins. As a thank you for helping them yesterday

The two tickets were meant for him and his brother kou and well

The thing is kou has detention

„i warned him. You will get caught in the girls bathroom eventually“

He laughed to himself remembering the scene

Thats when it hit him that he could invite you

You ofc not having anything to do exept be prepared for the next concert agreed

You didn’t know the tickets were given to him

So you eventually took your seats and waited for the show to start.

It was fun. But not fun enough to make you smile

He already lost all his hopes while standing in a line with you to pet the dolphins

Thats when a miracle happened

You smiled to yourself when the dolphin made a sound from your touch

„Do you think he likes it teru?“

„Hm? Oh yeah i gue𝚜𝚜...’’

Woah

So is that how you like when you smile?

Ngl this made the boy blush a little

Its like he fell for you again.

He sat down next to you to pet the dolphin with you.

“You know…”

“?”

“You should smile more often.it looks good on you sweetheart”

0///0

Thank you for your request sorry it took so long🥲 have a nice day and visit again!

#tbhk x reader #x reader #tbhk x y/n #jshk x reader #mitsuba x reader #tbhk mitsuba #tbhk kou #tbhk teru #teru x reader #kou x reader

[str4wb3rry-m1lksh4k3s]

im so down bad rn

God the way they literally say ANYTHING to me just has me over here kicking my feet and giggling like a girl who got her crush to go with her to prom. They plague my mind at literally every moment throughout the day and THEY WERE IN MY DREAMS THE LAST FEW NIGHTS! Goodness i just want them to talk about anything that goes on in their silly little mind, and tell me about it. god they just rant about the shit their into and it has me in a literal fucking chokehold and makes me wanna commit vehicular manslaughter against orphans in the most loving way.

Me and them have been playing on VrChat together the past few days and its been so long since i genuinely felt this way about someone. They made me laugh so hard i sounded like a dying dolphin and holy shit i havent laughed like that IN TWO YEARS. They make mr so inexplicably happy whenever i get a notification from them on discord or instagram and the fact that [Runa] makes me so eager to get up in the morning and get ready is such a lovely feeling to have again. God, we havent known eachother or been dating for that long but just the thought of being able to call them mine makes me burst with elation and want to cry positively.

The way that they were so excited when a reference to Jurassic Park was made in The Tenth Floor: Part 2 filled my heart with so much joy i felt like i was going to explode. I just sat there with the dorkiest smile staring at their avatar, unable to do anything but agree with them as they got all happy. Good god, im positive this is love. Not the fake highschool love you do to get over someone, but one where you cherish the other person so much that it burns you to their core whenever they do anything and you just have to stop and admire their cute little goofy antics.

We have matching avatars in VrChat too which literally just adds fuel to the fire which is known as my heart in this case. The fact that they even wanted to spend time like that with me makes my heart ache. Everytime they reference something i told them in the past makes my knees feel like jello and my words get stuck in my throat. Nobody has ever made me feel this passionate about them before, and goodness gracious it kills me. Im on the edge of my seat whenever they start talking, and i never ever ever want that to change. One day i swear i will drive to their fucking house, despite living in different states, with as many gifts as i can possibly muster to bring. Ill give them my heart and soul.

But when I say this, I mean it fully. I would do anything for them. I want to have those childishly cheesy dates people envy. I would take them to every beautiful place and i severely want to make them feel so special about themself. If they were feeling sad i would bend over backwards just to get them feeling better, no matter the price. Goodness, i really really really just want the best for them. They deserve the world.

Me and them mainly talk on discord and the conversations we have fill my heart with so much admiration it kills me. One day I felt like I was dying mentally, and despite it being a big anniversary for them and their friend, they still checked in on me and wanted to make sure I was fine. Whenever we play games they make me freeze with how intelligent they are, and it makes me melt inside and i love that so much. Im literally crying as i write this because they make me feel so connected to this world. Ive always been disconnected and being able to feel complete again makes me so damn happy.

They never shame me for anything I say, and only tease lightly. We fit so well together, and I truly hope they feel that too. You make me so so happy, i genuinely hope you know that. Youve brightened up my life and im so thankful for that my nerdy tall ass hot sauce packet.

I love you so much Runa <3

- A.H.

#this is love #im deadasa in love. #im crying

[gardenofdelete998]

we arrived at venice at 5am when the city had only just began to wake up. garbagemen on their smokebreak, people loading products onto and off of boats, resuplying stores, people waiting in line in bakeries with coffee to go. it was surprisingly awake actually. nobody was in a rush, nobody was complaining or looked miserable, which to my central/eastern european caveman brain was inconcievable. the city itself was incredibly cute but it was impossible to escape the fact that it is a tourist destination, with every nook and cranny of it accomodated to get as much of your money as they can get away with

i dont really have anything to say about florence: it was okay, i had a nice time. brimming with life at all times, in all places, which isnt necesseraly a good thing. florentians despise tourists (understandable), and italians in general have a very bad english. bakers will make faces at you, frustrated by a difficulty of communication which is largely their fault, waiters will barely know the english names of the items on their own menus. the friendliest and most communicative people i met were the salesmen of leather markets. it's their job to be, but the point is they did their jobs right. (i got a nice dark mahagony leather wallet)

italian women are gorgeous, almost everyone a 7/10 or above to my tastes. italian men are short. there is surprisingly little variance in height (true to women too) and i felt that i was among the upper 50% with my ~175. (for context i hail from a place which, for historical reasons, is very ethnically ambiguous: no such thing as typically [redacted] looking people. so the fact that you can make generalisations as these is interesting to me in and of itself)

i wanted to visit the seaside at least once while im there, so on the last day i broke off from my group and caught a train to the amalfi coast. the cliche that mussolini made the trains run on time might have been true once but it sure as hell isnt anymore. my train to pisa was so late that my dispatch left by the time i arrived, making me stranded in the city for 2 hours and having to buy a new ticket to the coast. however getting stranded there was really nice actually, i enjoyed being alone a little and i love being in places i dont know. pisa is way nicer than florence btw. the amalfi coast was mezmerising, i wish i could have spent more time there than a couple hours. sometime in the future i will be back for more

i havent seen one ticket inspector so far, so to take revenge on the italian railway system for all the inconveniences and their disfunctional ticket dispensers i decided to ride the train back to florence without buying a ticket, saving almost enough for a meal in a restaurant

rereading what i typed down so far, im noticing that even my compliments are cushioned into complaints, and im focusing too much on details others would have propably left out completely. its a local mentality thing, i find it ugly but its hard to get rid of. however im also a firm believer in not letting It get to you so im only acknowledging it and moving past. in case its hard to tell, i had a really nice time. im not trying to be the anthony bourdain of Not Having Fun

#travelogue

[mariska]

heyyy um i got a few new followers from, im assuming, the general population migration from twitter to here in the past few days and i just wanted 2 give the new folks a lil welcome greeting so.....welcome 2 my Home Page if u are one of those people im glad u like whatever i have to offer on here lol ✌️ idk how many people are completely new to tumblr in general or how many are like, tumblr users as well who either used both and decided to stick with this one over the other or are returning because of how batshit horrible it is Over There At The Bird Shit Site rn but just as a general bit of information, this has been my "personal" blog since i was 13 in 2010 so there is definitely not any kind of concrete theme or specific type of stuff i post, i've always used it pretty much as the one online social media site where i feel like i can actually be my authentic self, so sometimes i do unintentionally ramble about random stuff on my mind or a really bad day i've had or frustrations having to do with my disabilities; i did a lot more of that as a teenager and it honestly became Not A Great Coping Method for me at the time so i try not to info dump about negative stuff in my personal life on here like i did years ago, but unfortunately because i do have a lot of overlapping issues with both physical, neurological and mental health sometimes i'm just having a real bad day and this blog ends up being the only place i feel comfortable enough in the moment to rant. i just figured it's worth mentioning in case anyone is bothered or if that is a potential trigger for other peoples' own individual struggles, these days if i just really need to get something off my chest and feel like this is the only place where i can do that it's usually regarding medical health problems/symptoms that i'm not coping well with.

i think a few people may have followed me/found this blog from my 'as seen on my disney princess tv' posts that i like to do on here, so if you are one of those new followers, hello and thank you so much for encouraging that fun hobby of mine!! i mention it every once in a while but if you're new here you wouldn't know obviously; i am always super happy to take suggestions or requests for specific movies/shows/media that people would like to see me play on the pink princess tv and make a fancy photoset of, so i will always be open to requests for that whether its by sending a message in my inbox, leaving a reply on a post or even just like, tagging my username on a post for a specific piece of media and being like 'you should make a tv post for this', feel free to do any of those if u would like to!!

one last thing for this post i promise, this one is more of a request of my own and it's largely out of my control but i wanted to quickly say it at some point; i've never used twitter for any amount of time more than like 5 minutes 10 years ago (and a throwaway account i have for the purpose of making lobby note sketches in Splatoon games since u have to post them to twitter to put them in the game which is very silly to me), so i'm very unfamiliar with the general 'thread' type post format that seems to be the norm on there, but in this past week my blog here keeps getting "mentioned" in posts that have nothing to do with me by people i do not know because its a one word pretty widespread first name, and im not mad or anything about it, but it is really annoying honestly and i know nobody is doing it intentionally so i just wanted to let folks know: if you use the @ symbol in pretty much any text on this site except like, the tags of a post, and someone's blog url/username exists on here, it will tag that user in your post (including instances like replying in the comment reply part of a post that you didn't originally post yourself) even if there's more to the username before or after the part with an active url in it (for example, one instance from this week i got unintentionally tagged in started with 'mariska' and then had an underscore with some other words past that, so my account was automatically tagged and i got a notification that i was mentioned in a post even though it was just that first 'mariska' section of the username). i just wanted to ask everyone who may not be used to the different format style of posts on here vs shorter twitter threads to be aware of that Being A Thing, because it's already happened quite a few times and i do get notified of it every time i would very much appreciate not being brought into random posts via unintentional url mentions and i will most likely just block people if it continues to happen because i'm legitimately concerned that at some point it could end up being a case of my url being mentioned in a post or reply that is actively triggering to my mental health or includes disturbing content or something like that, thankfully that hasn't been the case so far, but just please double check that you aren't tagging a tumblr user in something before you post or reply; a good way to know if you unintentionally have done that is if the word typed after the @ is like, a lighter gray than the regular black default text, and also if you go to post something and you're not sure if someone's blog got tagged in it, an easy way to check is to first save that post as a draft (there should be a click/tap drop menu next to the 'post' button on both mobile and desktop versions of this site, if you bring up that menu it'll show a few different options like 'save as draft', 'add to queue', etc) and then go into your account's drafts and see if the post has that light gray url mention link in it, it should un-link the tagged person if you do something like adding a space between the @ and the username or using a backslash before the username like @/examplename.

sorry for the super long random post about all that LOL, i think i'll probably type up a much shorter and easier to read introduction post to pin at the top of my blog in the very near future, but in the meantime thanks for checking out my lil 2020s geocities homepage lmao 😌✌️

#long post

[mixdgrlproblems]

sorry i haven't updated any of my social media platforms with anything. my mental health is pretty bad rn and healthcare in america is a joke. ive been having panic attacks constantly since wednesday night and here i am no better than before. im expected to lock myself away from the world and give up my cell phone, no exceptions (even though they say they can't make you do something you don't wanna do) or hope i make it to monday and then hope someone can help me. don't have a mental health crisis on a weekend, they'll treat you just like everyone else. wait til monday. i can't believe im still conscious enough to write this. if you have had one panic attack every blue moon or even more frequently, you know how painful that is. imagine having that happen to you for 4 days straight. my heart is strong as hell cuz why haven't i passed out or have a heart attack dealing with this for so long. people expect me to continue to just breathe through it. so im supposed to suffer through this bc no one wants liability for giving me something that can make me worse. at this point ill take anything. and i mean anything. a certain way has been on my mind but i dont want to do it. i want to be able to breathe normally for 24 hours at least. hell i'll take from breakfast to lunch. its recurring every few hours and everyone is asking me do this or why didn't this person do that. the answers are: i did and you fucking tell me. my nurse practitioner who has been prescribing me my depression and anxiety medication for the past 2 years all of a sudden cant just give me something to sedate me "for my safety", no its for theirs at this point. im on the floor crying and hyperventilating and they're like go to the emergency room and the er says well whoever prescribes me my mental health prescriptions, why didn't they do anything. why why why. back and forth back and forth. i literally feel like im on the worst customer service call ever and im being transferred in person from place to place. ive been to 2 hospitals and a mental health center and they couldn't help me. this has been happening since wednesday so why did no one do anything during those 2 days if i cant get care over the weekend. im afraid on monday they're gonna tell me the same thing and i'll literally lose my mind. that's why im shocked im still able to be coherent.

if you ever read, see, hear people who succumb or reach their breaking point from now on, dont fucking say "why didn't they just ask for help" bc they did. i did. for days. ask why wasn't there help available when they simply asked? begged for it? im now blaming american healthcare as the reason why people succumb from suicide from now on. not bc they just went crazy and sadly had no one to turn to.

never fucking say WHY DIDNT THEY JUST ASK FOR HELP ever again or i will go apeshit and scream. im posting this now in case i have to copy and paste this anywhere else.

#mental heath awareness #mental illness #mental healthcare #suicide #suicide awareness #bipoc #bipoc mental health month

[urbanconjurer]

The Ozempic Diaries: Context, & Weeks 1-3

I've been posting a fair bit about my recent experiences on ozempic over on my facebook page, but truthfully, I shouldn't - I have some professional acquaintances on there that I'm certain don't want to read about my various side effects and reasons for doing this. So, in the interest of both documenting my experience and honestly sharing, I will try to post any further updates here. It also gives me an excuse to use this thing, so. Here we go.

So why am I on this in the first place? Truthfully, my body and mind are a fucking mess. I currently live with:

(c)ptsd/ trauma

chronic depression

panic attacks

pcos

morbid obesity (starting weight: 430lbs)

binge eating disorder

type 2 beetus (starting a1c: 9.8)

herniated back disks

t2 and being fat both run in my family, going back at least 3 generations. trying to deal with all of these conditions in conjunction with self-hatred and trying to heal from trauma has been... a challenge, to say the least.

My current primary care physician (pcp) is really fucking cool. He actually *listens* to what i have to say about my body. He does acknowledge that the weight isn't helping me, but he also doesn't blame it for fucking everything, like a sore throat.

I brought up ozempic since, like many others, i heard so much about the potential for weight loss; i have to admit that the knowledge about the lowered blood glucose came later. My doctor thought about it, agreed that we could try it, but i had to also get approval from my eating disorder therapist.

My ED therapist is also fucking amazing. She's compassionate and kind, but also willing to call me out on my disordered thinking and pushes me to do better. When i brought up ozempic, we had a long conversation about it, ultimately resulting in her giving her approval, with the stipulation that i don't use it as a crutch. in other words, I still need to rely on my coping skills to deal with binges/cravings.

I was given my first ozempic pen in early January, but i didn't take it until 23 January. to be honest, i was scared - scared of taking an injection, scared of the very common side effects, and scared of what could happen to me. would i still be the same person? would i lose weight? would i be so sick that i'd have to stop? what if i didn't lose ANY weight? Was I just hopeless? if i did lose the weight, would anything change for the better? worse?

what follows are the accounts written over the past three weeks from my facebook.

Day 3: sore muscles. not sure if related to the ozempic or if i’m just feeling crappy. so far no nausea to speak of.

Week One:

* some full body soreness for a couple of days

* lots of burp, awkward

* some very minor GI issues I won't elaborate on (added for tumblr: constipation)

honestly, it wasn't that bad, knock on wood. I haven't had any real nausea to speak of, mental health is about as good as it usually is. let's see what happens with week two.

Beginning of week 3: 0.25mg still.

the day after is usually the worst - muscle soreness all over my body, and the nausea is at its strongest. soreness goes away after a day or so, and the nausea is intermittent afterwards.

i’ve noticed that the amount of “food noise” has really decreased; i can tell when i’m actually hungry as opposed to eating out of boredom or stress (the nausea lets me know). i’ve been craving peanut butter & meat (not together), which means that i probably need more protein. im definitely fuller faster as well. no idea if i lost anything since i don’t keep a scale in the house, but my resting glucose was 106, which - while still high - is fantastic compared to what it was.

gonna keep on going, i guess. not sure when to bump to 0.5mg, so i’ll also update that when it happens.

-----

back to the present. the fatigue is the biggest issue so far. to be fair, I don't know if this is due to the lowered food intake, the medication, or the depression, but it's greatly increased over the last couple of weeks. i'm going to see if i can reach out to my pcp and see what they think.

so far, that's about it. like i said, I'll try to update this at least weekly. i think it's important to document - not only for my own health, but as a sort of record for anybody else interested in potentially trying this medication. i also admit that i have some concerns about the long term effects of the med, so this will also hopefully assist in keeping an eye on any potentially troubling patterns.

if you got this far, thanks for reading and letting me share such personal things. see you soon.

#ozempic #cw: weight #cw: mental health #cw: illness #personal #possibly tmi #but if you want an honest documentation of my experience on ozempic here it is

[lolosrollercoaster]

so - back on an I need to write this out to process it and I guess im sharing it mood.

So ... been looking for a job since April, took a bit of a break in May but was supposed to be back in it by now but I'm just. exhausted. the depression has come back full force and I'm now lk desperate and financially stressed af.

So anyways, all of these months I kept just mass applying when I could get myself to with the full resume I had - no changes. no tailoring it to an application etc. and then I decided to apply again to this one place in sept - even though last year when I applied I hadn't had much luck, but this time around there was a position very similar to my last one - and I was lk fuck it I gotta do it.

in the mean time I've kinda been going to a psychiatrist since lk august to be evaluated bc I think I might also have ADHD. But anyways she thinks that I need to leave my house, see ppl and rejoin life in order to see if my problems are from lack of doing anything and so my mental health is fucked bc im lk stuck at home feeling useless or if its because of something else - lk idk something is inherently wrong with me lol. I think she'd shit on me if I said that out loud to her. she's kinda cool - lk intimidating cool but not in a bad way. she's just such a no nonsense person and she'll read you lk you're an open book you cant get much past her.

my mom had to go in to share what she'd seen happening with me (aka lk the outsiders perspective of what changes can be seen in me since Ive been mentally fucked) and she was so nervous ahahaha and then in the end she was lk wait do I want an appointment with her for myself? my mom is a whole character. if only y'all knew.

anyways back to the job thing, so she told me to apply to anything, I just needed to get a routine going again. so I applied to a bunch of things. and then I got a message about a grocery store job on indeed and tried to reply but I couldn't help but feel a bit sad bc I thought man I finally got a grown up job and now I'm back to my OG job roots, back to the grocery store life. And honestly I think a lot of my extended family has fucked me up on that bc they're so snobbish about these jobs. ANYWAYS so I didnt hear anything back after I answered them 🤷🏻‍♀️ so I thought ok . and around that time I had stopped applying.

fast forward to the past 2 weeks - my dog got sick, I got sick - we had the worst flu, I've had the worst period of the last few years, ive been out of it, my mom has been out of it, my dog has been out of it - also right - my grandmas death etc. (truly Oct is kinda dead to me now. so yay on that 😭 one less thing to look forward to which is sad when you didn't have much left) but yeah so then I see this email late Friday evening - which shit I usually check my email daily but this time I had forgotten bc id been sick - it was an email from Wednesday from that job I'd applied in sept that was a lot lk the one I'd left earlier in the year. and they wanted to interview me this week - Wednesday or Thursday. I managed to reply as soon as I saw it. and then I got a confirmation that Monday for it - it was an in person interview today.

I tried to prep for it as best as I could while physically dying a bit - bc lk I said been experiencing the period from hell. And yknow what that means? I'm so fucking emotionally wrecked atm- so anyways my dad drove me I somehow managed to be there, I was early, dressed professionally and everything - had even practiced some answers ... and then idk man - I think I fucked it up. They asked follow ups or clarifications of my answers but by the end I wasn't sure how to feel except man definitely didn't get that. they told me they'd make a decision by next week and let me know either way.

and the worse or weirdest part is I've spent the past few days since I found out about it trying to downplay it - lk its fine, you don't need this, if it's for you then it will be for you and if it isn't then it isn't. but I felt so sad walking out - lk idk I just got that feeling that they didn't like me. so now I'm all sad - even if all I've felt recently is that idgaf anymore and I'm ok with just dying - bc yup I got that passive suic*dal ideation down to a routine now. anyways - if anyone has any words of encouragement I'll take them but yeah I am sad .... and I have little to nothing left to give. it's been draining to say the least. and the worst part is I know my parents are just going to be encouraging and even my psychiatrist -she told me that I would get a job and it wouldn't matter who and if for some reason I didn't get something I should just think of it "well they weren't capable of seeing how great you are and what an asset you'd be to their team and that's fine because that just means it is not the job for you" but it still makes me sad know? I have trouble letting go of things and I'm way too hard on myself so it's just - A LOT.

anyways thats my life update.

#unemployment #sad thoughts

[just-some-random-blogger]

happy Valentines day, me lovie! you better feel all the love im mentally giving you! we dont really celebrate it but if you do, hope today you fell x1000 loved than usual if its possible. 'you made a tie from scratch' yeah its a gift for a friend. 'I FELT SO BAD THAT MY GRANDMA HAD TO DO THAT' ig she wasnt feeling that bad bc she did it for you and (i hope) she loves you. im sorry for your dressmaking elective( i liked them at school. 'i was really tired cos i was overthinking about my assignments' oooh im so sorry for you poor girl TT im glad its ok. or was ok. hows it? 'there was unfortunately no place to bury' cities suck when it comes to these things. 'BECAUSE IF ST PETERSBURG CAN GET 30 DEGS WTF' 1) its not the north-north so the climat is more continental 2) idk what about you but i feel global warming strongly💀 its literally hotter. while in my childhood the snow in my hometown started to fall in the beginning of october, now its nearly november? its like a BIG thing. 'now you believe in science /:' ?? 'people like veiny hands on men' 1) not only 2) i like your talented hands on you, veiny or not. 'society makes me questions things about myself' our society is VERY questionable itself so? maybe we all need to make IT question itself. it has too much fetishizm about everything. when a mere part of humans body becomes not just an instrument for living but an object for filthy jokes and sexulizing? its awful. i want to talk about how beauty dont exist and all TT guys we wanted to be more open-minded and get rid of stereotypes but weve gone wrong way ig TT 'DO PART TWOS WHEN IM SO AGAINST THEM' i said if you want to! you absolutely dont have to. 'if you knew of my stark' did you forget how i literally requested the part with caraxes TT 'who’s the actor?' danila kozlovsky. you dont get it rn but i cringed SM when i found out TT he used to be a popular young actor, the most handsome. but now he makes pure cringe and acts bad TT 'force myself to be confident enough to share them' omg i didnt even know you can draw??? you totally should share EVERYTHING you want. They keep talkin’, I keep walkin' yk? itzys not lying. ensaymada looks good. im so sorry for what it did to you TT hope today you feel alright? 'I DONT GET IT' i dont know how to help you further TT 'you didnt even say anything!' im sure i did TT but ok if you dont like doctor who im not gonna foce you to watch it. im not cruel yk 'AEMMA WOULS SO BE HIS SUPPORTIVE BESTIE' #aemma and daemon chaotic besties x #vissy and yn mom besties. i believe my truth. im blind to anything else. 'i would be so sad if i knew you were a lonely eternal being' yk its literally doctor who.... i have a heartbreaking dw idea but i know no authors TT nvm. youre such a precious lovely cutie🥺 thanks for all love you give to me TT im luvluvluv you<з 'rhaenyras a baby' i said BACK then TT like when the first daemon died and all TT was rhae a baby? was aemma alive?... 'theres only one daemon and thats me' HFJJDJ how presumptuously of him esp when the daemon yn loved, was married to and waited for is the old daemon I (was he first? i dont remember). 'aegon would take it worse' no but in this case itll be even worse bc hed be completely alone. hed have noone to share this news and his feelings with... like yn is occupied with daemon, aemonds in disbelief, royal family is another thing so hes alone. alone with his broken heart, with his shock and with his alcoholism( i can imagine one (1) night vissy take daemon to event so yn have a spare night and she go to the bar it all started in to see her pretty boy. and by the end of his shift hes drinking and crying and screaming telling yn how he loved her and needed a couple of words from her but she was too busy with dae. 'if we make it past p5' its already 3 and you had so many plans... 'its like smth you say when you wanna manifest' oh cute. love learning the stories behind some media things. 'im interested' i was supposed to write it here but ive no symbols TT so stay positive! have a good day! be my valentine! take care! luv u<з

VALENTINES DAY IS A CAPITALISM PLOT BUT HAPPY HEARTS DAY

happy Valentines day, me lovie! you better feel all the love im mentally giving you!

what if i dont

we dont really celebrate it but if you do, hope today you fell x1000 loved than usual if its possible.

i dont celebrate it either but thank you <3 i appreciate it <3

'you made a tie from scratch' yeah its a gift for a friend.

AW THATS SO SWEET

'I FELT SO BAD THAT MY GRANDMA HAD TO DO THAT' ig she wasnt feeling that bad bc she did it for you and (i hope) she loves you.

?????????? SHE NAMED THE CAT PUTOL FOR US?????? HAHAHAHA HELP????

im sorry for your dressmaking elective( i liked them at school.

i remember waiting for that year to end so badly because i HATED every day i had to go there

'i was really tired cos i was overthinking about my assignments' oooh im so sorry for you poor girl TT im glad its ok. or was ok. hows it?

its fine i felt super stupid cause i had no idea what to do and my head hurt and i was ont he brink of tears and i did myself a favor and escaped n wrote a pedro pascal fic to feel better. i didnt i hated it. i thought it was so unfunny and bad so i was SO T_T to touched and happy to wake up to so many people saying that they laughed so hard because of it T_T

'there was unfortunately no place to bury' cities suck when it comes to these things.

cities = L

'BECAUSE IF ST PETERSBURG CAN GET 30 DEGS WTF' 1) its not the north-north so the climat is more continental 2) idk what about you but i feel global warming strongly💀 its literally hotter. while in my childhood the snow in my hometown started to fall in the beginning of october, now its nearly november? its like a BIG thing.

NO UR SO RIGHT it used to be so aesthetically warm #goldenhour during 8am here, you could stay in the sun and get a tan. NOW 7AM SUNLIGHT BURNS ITS FUCKING CANCER ITS HORRIBLE

'now you believe in science /:' ??

HAHAH COS U WERE LIKE 0 deg is fine when i was like ITS SCIENTIFICALLY FREEZING POINT /: HAHHAAH

'people like veiny hands on men' 1) not only 2) i like your talented hands on you, veiny or not. 'society makes me questions things about myself' our society is VERY questionable itself so? maybe we all need to make IT question itself.

it has too much fetishizm about everything. when a mere part of humans body becomes not just an instrument for living but an object for filthy jokes and sexulizing? its awful. i want to talk about how beauty dont exist and all TT guys we wanted to be more open-minded and get rid of stereotypes but weve gone wrong way ig TT

ur so right. but based on this one tiktok i watched where she was a criminology major, she talked about how everything sexualized that isnt sex organs are fetish so and it really made me go, she gotta point cos a child i never understood what it was about boobs or butts? its social conditioning. ig humans just kinky and L

'DO PART TWOS WHEN IM SO AGAINST THEM' i said if you want to! you absolutely dont have to.

but i love you 😡

'if you knew of my stark' did you forget how i literally requested the part with caraxes TT

i did 😗🍵👌 #signs of aging

'who’s the actor?' danila kozlovsky. you dont get it rn but i cringed SM when i found out TT he used to be a popular young actor, the most handsome. but now he makes pure cringe and acts bad TT

WAIT OMG FR I LOVE DANILA HE WAS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I LOVE RUSSIAN NAMES BECAUSE HIS NAME IS LITERALLY 'FEMENINE' AT LEAST TO ME COS AGAIN SPAIN AND FEM SPANISH NAMES END WITH A WAIT WHY IS HE CRINGE NOW T_T i watched him in vampire academy and i LOVEEEEEDDD the film, it was such a shame they never continued and apparently the new series is SO BAD so bad that they changed danila's character who is russian to someone english, and i saw a post talking about how integral him being russian was for his character T_T so HAHAHAHAHA RIP

anyway mayhap you think its cringe but idk i love stuff like that HAHAH brb im gonna go look for vampire academy stuff AHAHA

ok im back its mixed with the tv show so i couldnt find much

'force myself to be confident enough to share them' omg i didnt even know you can draw??? you totally should share EVERYTHING you want.

T_T im trying. i have drawings on my instagram so if you want to see them theyre there

They keep talkin’, I keep walkin' yk? itzys not lying.

queens

ensaymada looks good. im so sorry for what it did to you TT hope today you feel alright?

ngl im thinking about eating one right now and my body said NO now i feel like puking T_T

'I DONT GET IT' i dont know how to help you further TT

it be like that

'you didnt even say anything!' im sure i did TT but ok if you dont like doctor who im not gonna foce you to watch it. im not cruel yk

T_T GIVE ME AN EPISODE AN EPISODE NUMBER GIVE ME IT AND ILL WATCH IT YOU WHINY BABY

'AEMMA WOULS SO BE HIS SUPPORTIVE BESTIE' #aemma and daemon chaotic besties x #vissy and yn mom besties. i believe my truth. im blind to anything else.

YOUR TRUTH IS SO CANON

'i would be so sad if i knew you were a lonely eternal being' yk its literally doctor who.... i have a heartbreaking dw idea but i know no authors TT nvm.

you can tell me. i know the doctor well enough to write it if i wanted. all i need is those 3 episodes [crack knuckles]

youre such a precious lovely cutie🥺 thanks for all love you give to me TT im luvluvluv you<з

'rhaenyras a baby' i said BACK then TT like when the first daemon died and all TT was rhae a baby? was aemma alive?...

ah ok HAHAH. idk we'll see how everyone reacts. nah yn is her second wife. daemon karate chopped rhea like the rat he is cos hes a man bOOO ok NVM NVM I WANT READER TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH AEMMA SO NO SHE IS DAEMONS FIRST WIFE THE ONE AND THE ONLY <3

'theres only one daemon and thats me' HFJJDJ how presumptuously of him esp when the daemon yn loved, was married to and waited for is the old daemon I (was he first? i dont remember).

i made him the first. i did breath research and i think he actually is the first and if he wasnt stfu he was. and YES this man is as audacious as it can get. he got it twisted. though to be fair, he IS the daemon I reincarnated so he's technically also not wrong he IS the only one that matters

'aegon would take it worse' no but in this case itll be even worse bc hed be completely alone. hed have noone to share this news and his feelings with...

brb going to change my mind about who yn ends up with

like yn is occupied with daemon, aemonds in disbelief, royal family is another thing so hes alone. alone with his broken heart, with his shock and with his alcoholism

watch me make the yn and the aegon pipelines real

( i can imagine one (1) night vissy take daemon to event so yn have a spare night and she go to the bar it all started in to see her pretty boy. and by the end of his shift hes drinking and crying and screaming telling yn how he loved her and needed a couple of words from her but she was too busy with dae.

HELP. ok. im going to add that.

if we make it past p5' its already 3 and you had so many plans...

SHUT UP. let me finish this fic in 5 parts dammit T_T

'its like smth you say when you wanna manifest' oh cute. love learning the stories behind some media things.

HAHAHAHAH you know that married member in BigBang? Taeyang? apparent his wife did that too so the more you know. a lot posters in the ph used those two things in posts haha

'im interested' i was supposed to write it here but ive no symbols TT

HAAAHA ok

so stay positive! have a good day! be my valentine! take care! luv u<з

im hungry. i hope you also have and will continue to have a good day <3 i love you take care of yourself

xxx

#slavyanskiyahui cutie #anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

[tomiecult]

.

#im mentally in the worst place ive been in since the past 4 years maybe #and its getting scary ? #i sleep the whole day #dont eat bcs it'll mean having to get up n go out #i skip classes bcs i dont feel like getting up n doing anything #im so close to just losing my mind n im trying to hard not to but all i can thibk of is ways to do it n i know i shldnt #do i tell my friends exactly how bad its getting ? #but i dont really want to burden/trigger them bcs they have their own shit to deal with #i need a break or a distraction #and i feel bad bcs idek why im feeling this way ? #its just me being...me and its awful #hey alexa how do i tell my friends that i wanna die ? #shld i even tell them ? ugh they deserve better yikes #im being so negative but like...needed to get this out #thisll run on q ig #as it is its not like anyone can help #ive given myself at least 2 more yrs #i need to stay till then.....

[chocominnie]

Desperado — 09 (M) | JJK

Pairing: Badboy!Jungkook X Reader

Summary : A messy situationship at it’s finest. You don’t even know whats headed your way, just even engaging in the slightest within him. See, he has an assignment to complete. A mission granted by his father thats do or die. You just so happen to be a major pawn in that assignment. He didn’t mean to take an interest in you. Surely it was an accident right? Only except. you hold much value in this game that he’ll do anything to complete it. Oblivious is what you are. Poor thing. Poor.. Poor thing.

Genre: Mature/ Mafia!Jungkook

Trailer: xxxxx  preview 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08

Word Count : 7.3k

Warnings : This honestly isn’t for the light hearted and the weak…High angst, usage of drugs, drug mentions, mental illness, switch!jungkook, Brat reader, possible stockholm syndrom, kidnapping, assault, death of side characters, murder, weapons, usage of weapons, masturbation, physical violence, blood, alcohol, weed, unprotected and protected sex, spanking, honestly its a lot of aruging…

Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

TW : Suicide, Body Hanging for display.

Her hair moves so flawlessly and the her breasts spill over the mini triangle bra with each sensual move she makes. The way her waist and body whines against the pole could leave absolutely anyone in a trance.The rhythm of the music blasts in the air and she’s directly on beat to it, not missing anything through the song playing. 

The led lights are dimmed low enough in a red color, but enough for everyone to see. Shes uncaring at the men in the room sizing her up in her designer high waisted thong that hugs her hips very well, showing off her round, plump ass. That was what she wanted, the attention all on her while they throw hundred dollar bills for her. 

“ Who knew someone could get down and dirty like that.”

To no suprise, Jimin, the ladies man but heartbreaker for sure, enters the private room and closing the door beind him. He throws a stack of money towards her, as he was the seemingly late one to the meet-up. 

“ Jungkook is late, he’s never late. What’s taking him so long?” A grumpy Namjoon says, looking down at his apple-watch. It’s half past 10 pm and usually he’s the first one here.

“ He’s probably sucking up to yn-”

The girl turns her head sharply towards the boys, overhearing what they said. She furrows her eyebrows at them, “ Why would he be doing that..”

Taehyung lets out a small groan. “ Because Mr. Lover boy has gotten himself a crush. The worst part is, she’s his target for this mission.”

“ Shut the fuck up. I don’t have a crush on her, i’m just doing my job.” A semi-loud voice roars through the doors. Everyone stops to look at the sudden intruder and to relief it’s him, Jungkook. 

Of course he has to lie about that. He knew for sure he caught himself up with you and the feelings were strong. Though the big bad mafia boy catching feelings for his target is highly uncommon, and Jungkook doesn’t know the consequences.

“ Jungkook..” The girl says, frowning at him with her hand on her hips. He takes a seat on the couch and tilts his head at her to go on. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head at the young boy. “ You fell for her.. so what about us?”

It isn’t hard to say that he doesn’t have any more feelings left for the girl. She and him both knew what they agreed upon. The pair had history together, sexual to be exact. Romance was hardly there if he were to be honest. She’d began actually working for Won-Shik, under this club they’re in now which is owned by him, a year ago. Jungkook had entered the club once when he was considered a minor, but that was to pass a message along to the girl from his father. He was told to go straight in and straight out. Of course, he did the exact opposite. Sat around looking at all the half naked women that night as the music blared loud. 

It wasn’t until his phone rang and it was Casper telling him to hurry up and come back to the car, is when he finally decided to get up and look for the girl. When he did find her, it was over with for him. The girl was, and still is, stunning. One of the many foreign girls in the club but she’s the one that stood out of all. She wore nothing but a small outfit as she danced on the pole. Her beauty mesmorized Jungkook that night as he watched her dance in awe. Soon enough she came to him showing her her dimply smile and perfect teeth.

He was stunned alright. She knew he looked to be too young for the club so she asked him his age. He told her, and thats when she nearly called security on him until he told her who he was and affiliated with. The message was passed along accordingly to her, she got the memo. Jungkook though, kept coming back to that club and always going to where she was, following her around the club like a lost puppy. She enjoyed his time, as all she did was sit and talk with him and that turned out to not be enough for him. He wanted her, and she insisted that he was too young for her. 

So Jungkook did what any other person would do when feeling rejected, he started to present himself like a true man and mafia boy. The gym was his favorite place after that and he buffed up very well. That jawline of his got sharper and his personality gained more confidence and dominant by the time he turned nineteen. He of course kept going at her, shooting his shot anytime he could and yet kept getting denied. It wasn’t until his nineteenth birthday is when he begged her telling her how bad he wanted her, and that lap dance he kept suggesting months before. Since it was his birthday and he was legal, she gave him what he wanted but that still wasn’t enough for him. He wanted her underneath him bad. The slight age gap between them didn’t phase Jungkook at all. What he wants, is what he gets. 

And he did.

And kept getting it, and getting it, and getting it since then. 

“ Relax baby, I’ll still be coming around you know that.” His voice is smooth, smirking at her.  He wasn’t going to be coming around as much, but he knew that would disappoint her. 

She purses her lips and begins walking towards him and sits directly on his lap, straddling him. Jungkook can’t push her off the way he wants to because it would confirm the crush rumors from the boys about you. So he lets her sit there, uncomfortable as hell for him. 

Namjoon clears his throat to get the rest of the group attention. It’s nearly 11 pm and Crystal has been blowing up his phone ever since he stepped foot in the club. He told her beforehand about the meeting, but she wanted him at her apartment by at least 1 am. 

“ We all know you love yn, but remember who you are Jungkook.” Namjoon says, glaring at the boy who returns the glare back at him. “ Fuck you. Like I said, im just doing my job.”

“ If you were doing your job Jungkook, there’s no way in the hell that it should take you this long. “ Jin retaliates. He knows hes right.

By this time, Jimin had finished preparing seven perfectly rolled blunts filled with the most finest imported weed. He places them onto the tray, taking his own and then passing the tray to Yoongi. Each of the boys take their own until it reaches down to Jungkook who takes his and puts the tray back onto the table. 

“ Enough about her. I was summoned to go over the details for the next seven days. “ Jungkook groans, sparking his blunt and inhaling. He passes it Melanie, who takes it to inhale as well. 

A malicious smile comes upon Yoongi’s face as he exhales the smoke into the already fogged up air. One thing he loves to talk about is torture. One of bangtan’s best walking torture device to be known.

“ Tonight we are starting.. I say you let me go first.” Yoongi pauses, taking a long inhale of his blunt. “ I’m coming for their trade transaction place. Arson, let me burn the bitch down and then fuck around with their father.”

It’s a good idea. Sending a message after burning it down straight to it’s opponent. Fire is Yoongi’s thing, and that’s his signature marking in the Bangtan Boys. The father of the shooter was one of their dealers, until the shooter’s father fucked up by taking money out of bangtan’s cut little by little. The boys knew about it, they waited for the perfect time back then to take action. Of course, giving them a mission to complete.. or so he thought. The mission was a false one. Created by Jungkook to catch him off guard. Jungkook used some of the mafia men on Won-Shik’s side to set up a trade off of drugs, decieving the shooter’s father by thinking they were just setting up a regular mafia trade from another gang. The trade was complete, but their protection was no more. Needless to say, the men didn’t even make it back to their cars. It was a bloodshed war between Jungkook’s assigned men and their men. The point was to send a memo that the Bangtan Boys were coming for them, and coming hard. 

Everynight for two weeks unimaginable signs were sent to their family. Ranging all the way from several gunshot bullets going through their home, to severed heads of previous betrayers of the bangtan boys, sitting right on their porch. By now, all the other gangs in Korea knew not to have any business with them. 

“ Day 2 I want it. I’m going for the mother. That scamming bitch and her precious flower shop? I’m shooting it up. Whoever lives, lives. Whoever dies, dies.” Jimin shrugs, smirking as he leans back in his spot.

“ Day 3, for me I’m sending another message. One of their men is gonna die in my god damn hands. I’ll be sure to take a selfie and send it to the father. The body will lay hanging on that pretty little oak tree in their yard.” Taehyung says. The boys are roar with shock that he’s said that. Normally he doesn’t like touching a dead body, so it’s a change for him.

The boys continue listing off the days and assigned tasks for the rest of the night into the wee early morning. Namjoon left after his, of course going straight to his girls apartment. They don’t judge him, seeing as though the boy really is in love and knows when and how to handle it. He definately doesn’t mix business and his love life together, unlike his other hyung.  Soon enough the banter and socializing ends and it’s time for Yoongi first. 

Night 1

It doesn’t take long for Yoongi to find the place. The empty steets of Seoul have soon faded into just dirt roads with the city left behind. The humming of his porsche echos through the night time air. Yoongi takes one final turn, making sure to pull into the place slowly like a true hunter keeping it’s eye on its prey. It’s not a full house tonight, even better. 

Taking the jug of gasoline out his car, he carries it with ease up to the empty warehouse. The wildlife outside don’t make a noise. As if they know who’s approaching and just shut right up. Forty degrees fahrenheit outside and lastnight’s snowfall piled all around.The darkness outside is haunting, anything could pop out at any second to kill the man. That doesn’t scare him at all. Darkness is always what he crave. Inside and out. 

“ Sir.. do you want us to go in with you?” 

Yoongi stops dead in his tracks. He’d almost forgotten about the back-up men Jungkook ordered for him. It’s not like he needed them anyways, but since Jungkook can’t be there with Yoongi, that was the next best choice. 

Rolling his eyes without turning around,“ No. Wait in your cars. I’ll handle it on my own.”

Just like that. The boys are off like lightening. Yoongi takes one final step towards the two double doors, and begins to pour the gasoline at it’s starting point. Usually, he’d go from the inside out, but seeing as though he wanted them to scurry out fearing for their lives, this is the next option as well. Soon enough, the enire jug is empty and he’s now poured all of it around the outside of the warehouse. Leaves crunch with every step he makes back to the starting point. Part of him hopes they can’t hear him from the outside. It’ll ruin the plans. 

The lighter in his pocket feels so smoothe against his palms as he reaches for it. It’s one of his signature ones with his initials on it. An andrenaline rush runs through his veins as flicks the ignition with his thumb. The flame all bright and orange as he stands there infront of the building. It’s going to be a damn good night.

Without hesitating, Yoongi runs his fingers through his hair and throws the lighter right onto the gasoline puddles. The way the whole ring of fire lights up infront of his eyes makes him laugh hysterically while watching the whole building go into flames. The loud crackling sounds of the now decomposing warehouse jumps him back into reality. 

He heads right towards the big tree next to the right of the warehouse, leaning on it with one foot up against it with his hands crossed. That sinister smile doesn’t leave his face. He enjoys the view of the men from the inside running out as fast as they can. Some falling in the ring of fire in the process. The fire is no match for any human as they try to stop drop and roll. Ha, as if that would work with a 15 foot fire consuming the warehouse. The dead bodies pile up on their own, just burning in the fire over their simple mistakes of falling and thinking they would survive the fire.

Until the golden egg comes out. He’s furious as runs out perfectly, as if he’s been through this, without managing to catch on fire. Yoongi chuckles, leaning off the tree. “ Kang Dong-Woo.”

Usually Yoongi would use the honorfics to people who were much older than him. In this case though, he doesn’t deserve honorifics. 

“ Min Yoongi.” He says, harshness laced within his voice. Dongwoo frowns when nearing the man. He knows what Yoongi is capable of, and that’s what sets his fight for flight into action.

“ Let’s get straight to it. Your daughter is after our leader. She seems to be doing the dirty work for you yeah? Did you not train her enough? Of course you know she wont be able to live after this right?”

Dongwoo laughs right into Yoongi’s face as if he was joking. It angers Yoongi, so he grabs Dongwoo by the shirt and drags the man over to the fire where he kicks the back of his legs to where he’s kneeling inches away from it. 

“ I don’t think this is a laughing matter, Dongwoo.” He growls, tightening his grip around Dongwoo’s arms that are behind his back. “ You want to die?”

“ She’s gonna fuck you all over.” He growls.” You may think she’s not capable of finishing off you guys one by one, but she is. I raised and trained her since a kid. She’s stronger with more energy than me. She’ll kill you all when you least expect it.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes at him.” The dumb bitch can’t even shoot right. Going for someone else knowing Jungkook would save them is an ameteur move. Should’ve went straight for his damn head.”

“ I’ll make sure she’ll bring you guys hell Min Yoongi. All of you. Tell that shit to Jungkook and his daddy for me alright?” He mocks, laughing again at the boy to taunt him.

Yoongi doesn’t care for it. He’s had enough of this foolish talk. With one swift move he kicks the man’s back making him fall down to the left side, away from the fire. He’s lost it. He’s totally lost it at this point and there is no going back. Kick after kick after kick, he doesn’t stop. No. Not until the Dongwoo is sure to cough up blood. The crimson liquid poors from his mouth as he lays there. No remorse is felt.

Besides, the bastard bitch needed to get the message. Consider it message recieved. 

Night 2

The flower shop is full, but not full to its entirety. There's tons of different bouquets and arrangements set around the pretty shop, from what he can see from the outside. It’s almost closing time, an hour left. Jimin’s fingertips grip on the steering wheel, anxious but patient to make his move. He’s running off of pure adrenaline and 2 cans of monster that are crushed and sitting in the passenger seat. Waiting isn’t his forte and he’d honestly like to get this show on the road now.

The moon is out and shining bright tonight. A sigh escapes his lips when he glances again at the shop. The only reason he’s not done it yet is due to the fact that there is a child and his mother inside. Rule number 2 of Bangtan, injure no child. The price to pay if you were to break the rule? Simply it would cost you your own damn life.

As if time would of went any slower for the boy, the child and his mother finally made their transaction and made it out of the store, heading across the street to continue their journey of shopping. It’s go time.

He knew to come prepared with his bulletproof vest and full face ski mask, long Sleeve black shirt to cover all the markings he has and also the two tattoos on each of his arms. He knew that the little lady wouldn’t be so dumb to not carry, or at-least have someone inside that would be her undercover security. Considering who her husband is, there’s no way she won’t be protected.

Oh how innocent the people look to not know what’s coming next. Jimin loads his Glock 19 with golden bullets that have Bangtan Boys initials and symbols on it just before pulling his mask down and getting out the car. He makes sure to signal his back-up men to create a distraction so he could make his entrance. Sure enough, a loud boom in the near distance of what sounds like some type of construction falling, echos loudly. It turns heads from all around to look where the sound came from, making it easy for Jimin to slide into the flower-shop.

Not a sound made by him. He draws his gun and pulls the safety off the trigger, then cocks it. Eyes are all on him as his eyes shift around the room looking for his target. There she is, eyes wide in the middle of a transaction for two middle aged couple. His eyes set into hers, lowly smiling and pointing it at her. The way everyone frantically screams and cries out doesn’t phase Jimin, no. It just encourages him even more as he starts firing shots mid air, shooting any and every person in sight for the hell of it. Bodies drop to the ground, and the bloodbath begins.

Jimin doesn’t hesitate to step over everybody, eyes still set on his target. The middle aged couple’s shrieks were cut short by their bodies dropping to the ground with three shots each to their hearts.

“ Park J-” He cuts her crying off with a finger to his lips, daring her to say his name in public. She gets the memo. “ I wouldn’t if I were you.”

The barrel is pressed against her temple as she trembles with fear. He cocks his head to the side, smiling at her when he taps the gun against her head harshly, repeatedly. “ You know why I’m here.”

“ You kill me and she will murder you all.”

Jimin chuckles, “ That’s what you guys think. We don’t have time for your gimmicks. It was you guys who stole money from us. Why did you think you’d still be protected from the law from us? Getting your daughter to go for the leader first is dumb, like the rest of you.”

“ We almost went to prison for you guys, remember that? We needed that cut money from you guys to pay off our legal fees. Thats why we stole. We completed your dirty work while trying to pay off the fees, its the least you guys could of did as a reward.”

“ That’s not how it would’ve worked. You fucked up. All of you.”

With two shots to the leg, she falls into Jimins arms. He rolls his eyes and throws his body off of him and onto the floor. It’s going to be a headache trying to explain to the dry cleaners why there is blood stains on his designer ripped jeans.

Night 3

It was too easy, way too easy. It took nothing to lure that man right into Taehyung’s trap. Nothing but a simple few slick comments made to him for him to get a riled up at the wrong person. Taehyung had spotted the man prior heading into the park with a small duffle bag. He assumed it was for a night trade off for some other person who had delivered drugs for him. Nontheless, it was merely too easy to pose as the alleged person who completed the mission. 

A rookie. That guy must’ve been a rookie. 

When the money was handed off to Taehyung, he tossed it to the side and struck the man down. The two did fight on the concrete floor for a bit but the man was no match for Taehyung’s quick moves. Taehyung’s pocket knife dances around the man’s throat as his body is pinned to the ground. 

“ Rookie mistake not verifying if I’m the real one.” He chuckles, pressing the blade against the mans neck. The man pleads for his life but it’s no use. Message must be sent, that it’s no way you’ll fuck around with Bangtan and escape.

“ You know, I would’ve trained you more than Dongwoo. Letting the weakest link go run an errand? Ha. Your boss set you up for that one.” 

Although the man is merely innocent, it doesn’t stop Taehyung from slicing into the man’s neck. A blood curdling scream comes out, but soon hushed over as his will of breathing and screaming is cut. It’s music to Tae’s ears. 

The body is transfered per request of Taehyung to his back-up men. It’s not like him to touch a bloody dead body. So they take him into the back of their car and follow Taehyung to the residential house of the shooter. Nothing more than 10 minutes away. 

The lights are cut off in the neighborhood. Not a sound made other than the two cars coming down the street. Everyone seems to be at peace and quiet in their homes. Sleeping to say the least. Upon arrival, Taehyung parks his car right infront of the house. The back-up men drag the bloody body out the car and onto their lawn, placing it right under the oak tree. 

Taehyung takes the rope be brought along with him, and begins to tie multiple knots around a sturdy branch from the tree. When done, he wraps some of the rope around the dead boy’s neck, tying it into a slipknot and hoists him up high into the air. 

The body dangles from the tree like a flag waving in the sky proud and high. He signals for the boys that the assignment is done and that they’re free to leave. Taehyung though, he just sits back in admiration of his work. It’s been a while sinice he felt this way. So he stands there soaking it all in. 

Message recieved. 

Since it’s been three entire days of hell, Jungkook knew his day will be approaching faster than ever. If only it could get here faster though. Truth is, Won-Shik isn’t too happy about Jungkook’s plan still not being complete. At this point, the father is going against him any chance he gets to just get this over with. 

Luckily, tonight he’d be able to meet with his father again with some good news. It hasn’t been brought to his attention yet about your father being in Taiwan. With the technology of Won-Shik’s men, your father could be brought here within 12 hours tops. 

“ Father.” Jungkook says, entering his office doors. The boy fixes his leather jacket upon entering and places his hands back into his pockets. “ I have news.”

Won-Shik is one to not play around with. Interupting his office time is a big, big deal. One is to not enter without it being urgency. That rule still applies to the heir of the company. “ It better be damn good because your plan isn’t getting anywhere Jeon Jungkook.”

Won-Shik takes his glasses off and sets them to the side on his desk. Its full of papers and photos of himself and Jungkook when he was a child. His favorite one right in the middle, where Jungkook had just ate some cherry flavored ice cream and his lips were all red as he smiled for the camera showing his two front teeth. It reminded him of when Jungkook was easier to manage rather as to now where he’s a damn menace.

“ Taiwan. Her father is in Taiwan. I don’t think it’s Taipei though.. he’s hiding so a city wouldn’t be ideal. I say search the mountains first, then the city.”

Bringing this proposal to the table meant that Jungkook wanted to atleast gain his father’s trust back. Hell, he wanted all this to be over with by now because you were driving him crazy to the point where he’s beginning to actually forget who the hell he was and why he was assigned this mission. The plan was not to fall, but to complete. He’d be lying if he wasn’t knee deep in love with you right now. It all comes down to him protecting you from his father at this point. 

“ So your little plan is suddenly working huh.. still doesn’t mean she gets to run free Jungkook.” He says, smirking at the boy to challange him. Jungkook knew that. Once it’s proven that your father is the snitch, all of the family dies.

You’re innocent. Too innocent to know that or to be even tangled in that mafia mess of his. Part of him wishes he never met you and never had been assigned this mission. Then everything would be so damn different and emotions wouldn’t be caught up in this. From the moment he met you, he knew it would be hard. You have always held a special part in his heart. Only because you acted just like his mother. Sweet, but sassy and it hurt him a lot on how you remind him of her. You even word your words just like her, even when upset. Everything about you, is just like her. 

It was hard to not get attached to wanting to get to know you more. Somehow he thought that if he got to know you, he’d somehow fill that hole inside him of his mother’s disappearance. As if you were going to be his new replica as you would be the one to put a band-aid on that hole to patch it up. 

Here you are, not knowing you could die any moment and it will all be thanks to Jeon Jungkook, who couldn’t save you fast enough. 

“ I know. But she’s innocent. She doesn’t even know her dad worked with us. I swear she doesn’t.”  Jungkook bites his lip in hopes that there could be someway to save you by the hands of your father.

 “ I dont care!” He roars, jumping out his seat. Jungkook flinches, backing up a bit from the sudden outburst. “ You know not to mix business and pleasure. You reap what you sew. You get to pay the consequences.”

Jungkook knew that though. 

“ Father-”

“ Nothing more. I’ll have my team start the search right now. You on the other hand, get you god-damn shit together Jungkook. You’re the heir, not a damn lover-boy. Got it?”

It is no use of arguing with him. Jungkook looks down at the ground and nods his head yes just before Won-Shik dismisses him. It’s going to hurt. Seeing you dead. He hopes for a miracle can happen, that your father will not be the snitch. That you and him could live happily ever after. There will no be any happily ever after about this situation though. One will die. Just a matter of who it will be. 

The vibrating sensation in his pocket snaps him out of his trance. An incoming call from Namjoon. It’s alarming since today is Namjoon’s day of hell, and only one thing could be happening right now if he’s calling for Jungkook. 

There’s been a mistake.

“ What is it Namjoon.” 

“ She fucking outsmarted me. The bitch caught on to where my location would be for the next kill. I don’t know where the fuck she is Jungkook.. this is bad.”

Jungkook sighs heavily, closing his eyes while letting out strings of curses come from his mouth. Shit couldn’t get possibly worse than this right now. Namjoon said he’d wanted to go straight for the killer and bust her up a bit. Give her some words and a branding on her. He had wanted to do it with a knife, carving the initals of Bangtan Boys into her upper hip. Namjoon had zero problem tracking her next location down, as he had been keeping an eye on her all day. To him, it seemed as if she would be heading to an orchestra shop in the city. Every step she took, Namjoon took it too. 

Until she rounded the corner to go inside the shop and she wasn’t there. There wasn’t any outlet. The shop was on a dead end street surrounded by other shops that they both had passed. There was no way she didn’t go back, he would of saw it. He saw her go into the store, so she had to be there right?

Wrong. You see she knew all this time that Namjoon was followering her while in disguise. The orchestra shop where she led him to, she knew the owner. They were good friends. She had spoken to him asking if that she could use his upstairs office to read over some of the newest edition of music pieces for her to practice. He obliged, and she made up there in time before Namjoon came inside.

Up there, she’d be lying if she wasn’t scared to death. All this week the boys had definately given her hell. Each day with zero remorse. It was taking a toll on her for sure. Taking up this assignment by herself wasn’t something easy but she wanted to prove to him that she can be just like him. That she wanted to work with him too to take down Bangtan for decieving them and leaving them in the dust. 

She can’t do it. The boys are to expierenced for her. It’s a bad mistake that she cannot come back from. You see, she thought it would be easy to befriend you and become close to you after you’d laid eyes upon Jungkook your first day here. She knew you’d soon fall for him, like any other girl did, and that would be her easy acess to him from you. It was all planned beforehand. To be quiet and observe you and your moves with him. In her mind, Jungkook needed to die first. The boys can’t function all that well without him, so that would be the weak spot to take advantage of if he would’ve died when she knew he’d take the bullet for you. She coudn’t shoot him first, it’d be too straightforward and blunt. 

It was going all well. Deep in the inside she was jealous of you as well. Sungmin had been her crush for years, they even almost dated. Until you came along and he left her in the dust for you. Sungmin is everything she wanted in a boy, but you took that away from her. Her chances to date him ruined by you. It hurt everyday to see him head over heels in love with you, when that was just her at one point before you came along. Not only that, but she seen the way you play with Sungmin’s emotions. It made her upset that you do that. Sungmin’s love is a drug, whether it be friendship love or romantic, nobody can get enough of it. 

All this stressed her out to her max. Her family being hurt because of her, her mom unable to walk for the next few weeks is all because of her. Only cause she cannot complete this task she brought onto herself. As if being in danger because of Won-Shik and Bangtan wasn’t enough beforehand, she just made things worse all in all. There is no way out of this for her and her family. So it’s time to just accept it and say goodbye to it all and start a new life. 

“ I’ll find her. You wait at the base and I’ll report back to you guys after I find her. When I do, you will come and finish your damn task Namjoon. Do you hear me?” Jungkook’s beyond pissed at this point. If it wasn’t for him, the boys would be lost as fuck without him.

He shoots Casper a text, letting him know that he is to follow him closely as he searches for her. To his luck, Casper was already outside his apartment building in his car. Not long after he pops those contacts in and changes his outfit again, he’s cruising the streets of Seoul in his midnight purple lamborghini. 

The pain in his shoulder throbs with each turn he has to make with the wheel of his car. A little pain medicine would of helped beforehand, but rushing to get this shit over with was more important. This bitch definately has it coming. It’s been taking Jungkook these past few days to not just up and kill her. No that would just be too easy. Torture and marinating her to lose her shit at the last minute is something so satisfying to him. 

The streets of Seoul soon end behind him and the Mappo Bridge comes into view. It had been an a whole hour searching around the areas of where she could’ve been, including where she was last seen. No sights of her at all. She’s good at this for sure. Text messages are sent back and forth between the boys and Jungkook. They’re all on edge, tired, and frustrated at this chasing game that they’re all playing.

He’d almost missed it. The body walking alongside the side-walk of the bridge with their head hanging low and hoodie on. It’s the hoodie of his school, but most importantly it has their class graduation year on it. It has to be her. Jungkook flashes his hazard lights on, letting Casper know to pull over with him. 

It’s now or never.

After sending the text to Namjoon, he’s out the car and jogging towards the suspect. Height, body type, and shoes match the alleged identity. It seems she’s too into something to notice the extra footsteps behind her. He can’t do anything to her though, it’s not his night. 

“ Kang Minlee.”

She stops dead in her tracks as if a ghost had called her name. Frozen, she stands there contemplating on running or staying. If she runs, she’s dead. If she stays, shes dead. 

“ You think..” He pauses, grabbing her arm and turning her around to face him. Her face is red from crying and her glasses all fogged up from underneath her mask. For a split second, Jungkook does feel regret. 

Killing a classmate of his wasn’t something he’d ideally let happen. But it’s far too late to not have her killed off. “ You think that running away is the best option?”

Minlee trembles underneath his grip, “ I made a mistake. Please just let me go. Let me and my family go and we’ll leave you alone forever.” She breaks down into tears, placing her hand over his in attempt to let her go. 

It didn’t hurt Jungkook to see her like this. All in all it just feels weird to him. Weird to have one of his classmates begging for her life to be spared from the gruesome events to come. 

“ You know I can’t do that.” It honestly can’t be an option at this point. It’d be better to just continue out her days of hell with her family. “ You came for me, that means you die.”

Finally she jerks her arm back from his still in tears as she starts to back away slowly. Jungkook knew that she wouldn’t run. Not in this case. Letting her cry it out was the best way, hell it’s the only way because Namjoon would be here any minute to brand her. It would mean she belonged to Bangtan after that, and she’d have to keep quiet as they planned out her death.

Her sudden movement from the ground to climbing up the railing of the bridge alarms Jungkook. She cries louder when Jungkook comes closer to getting her down so he stops. Suicide? Right now? What happened to being all big and bold? It confuses Jungkook as to why she would take her own life right now. Either way she’d still end up dead and unhappy if Bangtan would kill her or she’d kill herself. 

“ Jungkook!” She semi-yells, pointing to the direction behind him as another guy approaches them. Just in time, the sound of Namjoon’s car can be heard from afar. He’s getting close.

The guy she’s pointed to is Casper, who’s also alarmed at the fact that she’s close to the edge right now. Jungkook holds his hand up at Casper for him to stop right there and shakes his head, meaning that it’s too risky for Casper to step in right now. Casper nods and Jungkooks turns back to the scene. 

“ Don’t you think that I’ve suffered enough? Everyday you guys give me hell. My mom can’t walk because of you guys, and my dad has health issues. You left us in the dust when we needed your support the most! I was almost put up for adoption a year ago because of you!” She sobs, wiping her never ending tears with her hoodie sleeves. 

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say, or do. It’s not like him to have sympathy over a rival. It’s just not in him at this very moment. 

Minlee continues on, “ Yn? She took what’s mine. My Sungmin. She plays with his heart and it hurts him a lot. I wouldn’t have did that. But no, he’s head over heels in love with him. I got left in the dust when she came along and it looks like everyone loves her, including you Jungkook. My friendgroup does anything and everything she wants because she’s just oh so little miss perfect. That was supposed to be me!”

There it is. The jealousy. Jungkook would have never known it. It’s all news and shock to him. Sungmin and Minlee? Didn’t seem like a match to begin with. 

Her dramatic meltdown continues on, but Jungkook allows it. Namjoon will be here any minute to sneakily get her down. Where is he and why the hell is he taking so long?

As if on cue, Namjoon pulls up to the scene and immediately gets out his car running towards the girl. Jungkook waves his hands for him to stop, eyes wide with a finger to his lips. The last thing he wanted was for the girl to jump. A death from their school? Surely was to be put on him and his boys. 

Namjoon stops infront of Jungkook’s car, confused as to what’s going on. Jungkook mouthes to him the words suicide attempt. That’s when Namjoon gets it and decides to let him handle getting her down. 

“ Yeah it was meant to be you. But I plan to take Yn away anyways. Then you and Sungmin could come together again.” Jungkook’s convincing isn’t convincing enough, she doesn’t buy it at all.

“ If I get down I’m going to die. There is no escaping that within the next few days i’d be dead in your hands. I made a mistake and there is no going back. Spare my parents. Let them live. I’m the one that started this. I’ll be the one to finish it.”

The girl lifts one foot off the railing and leans backwards. Jungkook’s breath hitches along with Namjoons. No. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. 

“ Kang Minlee!” They both scream, running towards her. It’s too late though. Her body falls gracefully down as all three of them watch over the railing. She looks peaceful, a smile on her face while her body is sprawled out in the air.

Inches before she hits the water, the three of the boys look away with only the sound of dense water splashing to fill their ears. Namjoon sighs, putting his hands against his head. Jungkook stands there in complete shock. Casper, well Casper just shakes his head knowing the two boys weren’t prepared for that.

“ We fucked up Jungkook.”

“ I fucking know that Namjoon.” His voice cracks. It isn’t like Jungkook to cry. No not at all. Especially for a target like that. At the end of the day she was human and she did what any daughter would do for her family.

 She was also your friend.

You hadn’t heard about her death yet the next day. It’s a normal saturday morning for you. This time you’d decided to go to the cafe with your laptop and write your essay for your Psychology class. The cafe is nice, it’s cat themed and has some pretty kittens running around the outside of the kitchen and customer service area. 

As soon as you order and sit down with your Caramel frappe you spot a white kitten laying near you on the floor. A smile comes upon your face when it comes to you when you call for it. They don’t have these in Canada. Cat Cafes. The kitten lets out his purrs when you rub his back as he lays across your lap. The nametag says Mochi, a cute name for a cute kitten. 

Minutes seem to pass by without your knowledge. You’d been too into typing to hear the news on the tv being broadcasted live. It wasn’t until you heard suicide of a teenage student on Mappo Bridge. That got your attention.

You listen carefully as the news reporter goes into detail of how the body was found. It had gotten caught on a rock as the stream moved it around. A mother had found it with her kid as they walked across the bridge that early morning to look at beautiful water. It saddens you to know someone took their life. Maybe if that person had access to getting help, they’d live to see many more days. 

When they announce the name and show a school picture of the student, the look on your face drops. 

Minlee. It’s Minlee on the screen. Its all too much for you right now. Your stomach twists and turns along with your hands that begin fidgeting. She seemed so healthy and happy these past few days when you saw her. It didn’t add up. It wasn’t going to ever add up to you that you had just lost one of your new friends.

Packing your things up in a hurry, your phone begins to go off with a bunch of text messages at a time. You know it could be the groupchat. What you wanted to the most right now, is to go home to cry and calm down. You shove everything in your backpack and place the kitten back on the floor nicely before taking off towards the door. You bump into somebody on the way out, causing them to drop a picture in their hand. The two of you both reach to pick it up, but they pick it up first before you.

“ I’m sorr-”

You’ve seen her before. Long curled hair, big dimple on her left cheek, and bangs. 

There’s no fucking way. 

#desperado #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkook oneshot #mafia!bts #mafia!jungkok #mafia bts #mafia jungkook #badboy jungkook #bad boy jungkook #badboy!jungkook #kpop fanfic #kpop scenario #kpop smut #kpop fluff #kpop angst #kpop mafia #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #kpop reaction #bts reaction #bts oneshot #bts scenario #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #kim namjoon #kim seokjin

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

emergency donation post. if you have the time please read for context.

please send donations to my cashapp $pikman2

hi i know i dont have tons of followers but im hoping i can get some circulation because my family is in some really dire circumstances rn.

ive always been against making donations posts because i always figured others had it worse than me, but now that theres children involved im desperate and im selling my own things/ working overtime just for cash. my moms wife, D, cheated on my mom with my moms boss after being married for 6 years with 2 kids, and up and left without trying to talk about it at all. After originally kicking us out, she realized she couldnt afford the house thats under her name alone, and let my mom and the kids and my nana live there temporarily. our name isnt on anything, and if my family gets kicked out again theyd be homeless. right now my older brother, my nana, and my two younger siblings- both elementary school children- are dependent on my mom. my mom recently lost her job because she couldnt work under her boss anymore and the entire work place was extremely bad for her mental health. D and her new GF then sent their work friend to go "spy" on my mom while she was out with her friends (D started doing coke again around last year so her behavior is erratic) and the guy who they sent physically assaulted my mom. my mom already has prexisting injuries on her back and a past broken wrist from a few different abusive exes she had years ago, AND on top of that just last year my mom got in a nearly fatal car accident that fucked up her back more, and the assault made these injuries incredibly worse.

my mom (pictured above) has been prescribed new medication, but no longer has insurance because she lost her job. she works retail now which is extremely taxing on her body. my mom lives in texas and has applied many times to state assistance programs but she keeps getting denied. The house isnt in my moms name, so she has no proof of address to allow her to get food from any nearby foodshelves. after the accident my mom has really bad fears of driving and cant drive long distance without her anxiety becoming debilitating.

my brother recently got sick and is getting tested again. my nana has social security but its only 900 a month, really only 700 after buying her meds. my mom and i are the only ones working.

below are the some of the bills my mom has to try to earn in one month on 11 dollars an hour

plus rent which is 1250 and her car insurance. currently they spend all money on bills and barely have food or hygienic products most of the time.

D  hasnt been very helpful during all this, as she expects my mom to pay  all the bills despite knowing my mom is solely responsible for the well  being of 5 other ppl rn, and despite the fact EVERYTHING is in Ds name.  unfortunately we cant really negotiate with her because she can just  kick us out and then we'd lose shelter.

TL;DR

to clarify, i live in minnesota rn, so im not asking money to help ME, but rather my immediate and closest family- 5 people, 2 children, one elderly. my moms mentally ill, has chronic pain and longlasting injuries mostly from past abusive relationships, recently got in a traumatic accident, then was assaulted by her wifes friend after her wife of 6 years suddenly left after her affair was exposed. she just got prescribed a bunch of new meds that she cant afford but needs in order to keep working, all the while needing to pay off all the bills which comes to a total of about 2,000. there are 5 people in the house- my mom, my nana, my brother and two children. they are all constantly at risk of homelessness, they barely have any food at the house, and because nothing is in there name they cant show proof of address which is required at all food shelves locally. my mom cant drive far because of her anxiety due to her past accident and shes the only licensed driver in the house.

right now ive stopped school completely to work full time at my current job in retail. im trying to find a new job that pays more so that we can start saving money so they can move somewhere affordable and no longer have to deal with D. ive been doing this since the beginning of 2020 and if youve been following me you know i also stopped my own HRT and meds just so my family can eat, which has basically fucked my mental health incredibly, as im already suicidal and have been on and off meds/therapy/inhospital since early highschool. i skip days without eating and only do it when i need to so that my family can have more money. basically, ive exhausted everything i can to help and its still not enough.

Please if you can consider sending any donations directly to my cashapp $pikman2. every little bit helps, even 1 or 2 dollars can help with small groceries. thank you.

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

#mine #shameless #ian gallgher #gallavich #mickey milkovich #text post