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#im not here to say one thing is right or wrong I just wish people would
requiemsystem · 3 months
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ADVICE FOR NEWLY DISCOVERED OR SUSPECTED SYSTEMS
if you suspect you may be a system or have recently discovered that youre a system, things can be confusing and hard. im making this post as someone who has been aware of being a system for about 5 years and has been diagnosed for 2. these are things i wish we knew and did. i hope it will be helpful to some of you and i wish you luck on discovering things about yourself and your system keep in mind everyone is different and systems are no exception, so what i list here might be incredibly beneficial for one person but do nothing for another. find what works for you. i will try to provide a variety of advice in order for you to see what fits you best DO YOUR RESEARCH research the disorder, try to find others experiences and things you think would help you. this is especially helpful if you are suspecting and not yet sure if you have it, researching symptoms and others experiences can be very helpful in determining START SYMPTOM LOGGING this can be as simple as "i blacked out today" or "i dont feel like myself right now", you dont have to be identifying switches or putting names to alters, theres no rush to be able to do that and some systems have no desire to do that symptom logging is useful because it can help you identify potential triggers and patterns in your symptoms. for example, if you can remember what happened before a period of amnesia and remember being exposed to a stressful event or something potentially triggering, this would be worth writing down to see if its a recurring pattern REACH OUT TO OTHER ALTERS this can be done in a variety of ways, but the easiest way would be to leave a note in a place itll be seen. for example, a sticky note on a mirror (if you live with other people and cant do this, try leaving a note on your phone in a frequently checked app) i would advise saying something along the lines of "hello, i am (name) and i would like to communicate with you. i suspect we have a disorder called (DID/OSDD) and we share the same body and mind. please write back to me in (location, can be a notebook or app etc) and tell me some about yourself if you feel comfortable" but you can say whatever works for you. i just think the main points to cover are having DID/OSDD and introducing yourself as well as asking for an introduction in return START WORKING ON COMMUNICATION this takes a lot of practice, so i always say its better to build up early rather than late. we have a whole post on it that can be found here REMINDERS AND THINGS TO REMEMBER if you do not remember your trauma, do not dig for it. it isnt safe to try to remember trauma without professionals help. if you happen to remember, thats one thing, but dont intentionally seek out triggers to try to remember denial is common and not a sign of faking, if you were faking you would know and would not be in denial. being wrong about having DID/OSDD (if you are suspecting but not sure) is not the same as faking no two systems are the same. you dont have to look exactly like some other system you know or online to be real its normal to not know everything right away. you wont know all your alters immediately, you may not be able to access (and you may not have) your innerworld, you probably wont remember all of your trauma without professionals help, etc. its all normal its totally ok to keep information about your system private. there is no need to share with anyone you do not feel completely safe and comfortable with switching at any frequency is normal, there is no "correct" amount to switch. any amount of alters is normal, there is no "correct" amount of alters. any level of amnesia is normal, there is no "correct" level of amnesia apps like simply plural and bots like pluralkit can be incredibly helpful for some systems, but there is absolutely no pressure to use them if you do not feel comfortable - grey
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neptuneiris · 9 months
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did Aemond Targaryen truly loved you?
pairing: prince!aemond × niece!reader
summary: aemond not only breaks your heart after so many love promises, he also breaks his betrothal to you without any justification and announces his betrothal to a baratheon girl. now you will be married soon too.
word count: 7.9k
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hello beautiful people, finally here is the chapter you have been waiting for so long, im so happy, I hope you like it a lot❤ thank you very much for reading🥺
comments and reblogs are always appreciated, thank u, you are all awesome❣
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—TWO MOONS AGO.
"I'm so sorry, my sweet girl."
"No, it's all right, mother. Do not worry."
"I know this is not what you wished for but—
"It is my wish."
You interrupt your mother with a small smile that she instantly knows is neither genuine nor convincing, to which she watches you for a few moments without saying anything, watching you intently.
She takes your hand and places the other on your right cheek to come closer and leave a sweet kiss on your left cheek that you allow to feel that love that only she transmits and comforts you.
She then pulls away from you a little without letting go and watches you with a small smile on her lips and a slight gleam in her beautiful lilac eyes.
"You know you have my full support, my love. And don't even think that I will leave you alone in all this," she assures you, "But I know you and you must not lie to me, Y/N."
You know that at this moment your gaze gives you away, as well as all the true feelings you are conveying but you still want to show your mother that you are willing to do your duty.
And it really is your relief that it is this person you are going to marry when it could have been worse.
"Mother, you must not worry about me."
"But of course I do," she tells you instantly, "You're my daughter and I love you."
"I love you too. But this marriage to Cregan Stark couldn't be better not only for me, but for the whole family," you remind her, "He is a respectful and honorable man. I know there will be much respect between us and eventually affection will be born. And we will have all the support of the North when the time comes for you to become queen."
She smiles softly again with that warmth and affection, gently stroking your cheek with her thumb, looking directly into your eyes with all that sincerity and love.
"But he's not the one you wish to marry, is he?"
So all those pent up feelings, they want to come out at that moment. And even more so because of the way she is talking to you and understands you completely.
"Even with all that your marriage to Cregan Stark offers…. it's not him."
You swallow hard and press your lips together, starting to feel the tears want to come out of your eyes, as well as all that feeling for everything that happened and thinking about everything that could have been.
You remember how a while ago everything was fine, how everything seemed fine, how you thought you knew certain things and knew certain people.
However, he broke your heart.
Worst of all, you never knew why. You really wanted to know what had happened, what had changed his mind and if you had done something wrong, but… nothing.
He left you totally in the dark with his reasons. He preferred you to suffer and forget everything as if nothing had happened from one day to the next to accept his sudden betrothal to Floris Baratheon.
And you truly wanted to understand at the time, feeling completely broken and shattered… but he never gave you an answer.
"It doesn't matter anymore, mother. He is betrothed and now so am I. I do not doubt that after my wedding with lord Stark, his with lady Baratheon will happen soon after. He made his decision moons ago and now so have I."
"Very well," she nods at you, "You learned quickly, my sweet girl. Just as I had to when I accepted my fate."
You smile.
"You mean my father?"
"Our story was in short times, always with a lot of duty involved and inconveniences. Until we could finally be together after that horrible night," she tells you softly, "But when you truly love a person, you can't help it and you just want to join your blood with them, no matter what."
You nod, lowering your gaze, understanding.
But really understanding.
You know that feeling and you know exactly who you used to feel that way with. You were even close to being able to bond forever. But now… you're about to do your duty without that person.
"Then, my sweet girl…" your mother says to you, getting your attention again, "I'll just make sure to arrive at King's Landing a day before the wedding, as you asked. Everything will be ready by the time we get there."
You smile softly in her direction, feeling very relieved at that and nod.
"Thank you, mother."
"Anything for you, my love."
After spending part of your afternoon with your mother, you head to another of the great rooms of the Dragonstone castle, where your brothers are practicing High Valyrian and your younger brothers are being cared for by the maids.
You immediately join in caring for your brothers, listening to Jace and Luke's Valyrian, correcting them on some pronunciations and helping them to formulate words correctly.
Then Rhaena enters the room as well to look after and keep little Joffrey company, letting you know that Baela has flown to Driftmark.
Normally as the night draws in, your mother and father also spend time in this Room, all together as a family, a time when Rhaenyra wishes she could freeze and stay all together like this forever.
And that's exactly what she thinks when she enters the Room and sees all her children, or almost all of them, together attending to different duties, with a little smile and loving look on her face.
Daemon is writing something on the large table, to which she turns to him, stroking her barely noticeable two-moon belly, with a new member to the family coming into the world soon, the prince or princess.
"What are you writing, my love?"
Daemon raises his gaze to her, with the seal of House Targaryen about to embed it in the letter.
"The word to Kings Landing with the news of Y/N's marriage to Lord Stark."
"Ah yes, I forgot to do that."
"And that's why I do it for you, ābrazȳrys."
Rhaenyra leaves a soft and loving kiss on her husband's head to continue on her way to her eldest sons, listening attentively to the High Valyrian, just like Y/N, ready to correct them.
Not long after, considering that the distance between Dragonstone and Kings Landing is not too much, the raven arrives at the Red Keep with the new and unexpected news, with Queen Alicent and her father Otto Hightower reading the message.
The Heir, Princess Rhaenyra returns to King's Landing in less than two moons with her prince consort Prince Daemon and her entire family to celebrate the wedding of Princess Y/N Velaryon to Lord Cregan Stark, Lord of Winterfell.
"This is vile and disgusting news."
"Father—
"With Lord Cregan Stark?" inquires Otto, "Do you know what this means, Alicent?"
"It can't be that bad, still Daeron's wedding to Lady Lannister adds soldiers and ships to us for Aegon's claim. So does Aemond's wedding to lady Baratheon."
"Rhaenyra will have the whole North on her side by the time the time comes and you know it. The whole fucking North fighting for her and her bastard daughter!" Otto exclaims in annoyance, "We can't let that wedding happen."
"Rhaenyra must already be getting everything ready at Dragonstone. And to try to stop her the wedding, she could easily marry Y/N to Lord Stark somewhere else," says the queen, "It will be useless."
"Call the Maester. Call the entire Council, immediately," Otto quickly orders one of his guards, annoyed and desperate.
The guard immediately complies with the Hand's order, so that very soon all the members enter and take their respective seats in the Council Chamber.
But not long after, Aegon and Aemond Targaryen also decide to burst into the room, Aemond mostly noticing that something is wrong and Aegon simply following, his grandsire surprised to see him in his five senses.
"What's the matter?" asks Aemond serious, approaching his mother.
But before his own mother can answer him, his grandsire does, only without answering him.
"Your wedding to Lady Baratheon will happen by the end of this month."
Aemond immediately observes his grandsire without any expression, hiding his surprise well, drawing the attention of everyone else in the room.
"We will send word to Storm's End's, Lady Floris should already be here by in less than five days and prepare everything immediately," Otto continues, "Not too soon after, we will send a raven to Oldtown and Prince Daeron's wedding to Lady Cerelle will also happen."
"May I ask, my Lord Hand, why so hurriedly?" asks lord Lannister.
"Yes, why?" inquires Aemond of his grandsire as well, with a tone of voice and a menacingly serious look.
But Otto Hightower deliberately ignores his grandson.
"Are you not pleased with the news, Lord Jason?" he inquires condecently, "After all, it is your daughter who is to marry a prince of the realm, my grandson."
"Not that I am complaining, my Lord, in fact I have been waiting to hear this news ever since we agreed to join our houses. But I was also hoping, just like my daughter, that the wedding would be relevant and not too attached to another wedding also of another prince of the realm. It certainly would not draw the attention of our people."
"This is not about getting people's attention, nor how attractive the union is, Lord Jason," Otto tells him seriously and clearly annoyed, "You should feel grateful that the union is going to happen, because I remind you that this is about Prince Aegon's claim to the Throne, or have you already forgotten?"
"I asked you a question and I'm not going to repeat myself," Aemond speaks again in his grandsire's direction, serious.
This immediately gets everyone's attention, but in the end it is Queen Alicent who responds in a soft, cautious voice.
"Y/N is going to be married."
This immediately gets Aemond's attention and also Aegon behind him, who was disinterested and even annoyed to hear his grandsire's words about his claim to the Iron Throne.
But this definitely gets his attention, he even watches his brother cautiously, waiting for his reaction, just like his mother.
However, Aemond keeps his usual neutral and at the same time serious face, hiding his true emotions very well, starting to feel how those true emotions run through his whole body and want to explode.
Otto watches him attentively, annoyed and serious, instantly knowing very well what he must be feeling. And that is what he, Otto Hightower, does not want.
"Yes, Aemond, with Cregan Stark, the Lord of Winterfell," he tells him seriously, "You too have already forgotten why you are marrying Lady Baratheon precisely?"
Aemond clenches his jaw, immediately this getting his attention and watching his grandsire with a deadly and threatening look, all this together with his posture showing that he is losing his patience.
And that everyone notices.
"Aemond," Alicent calls out to him, rising from his seat.
"When?"
Aemond's voice interrupts him, in the direction of his grandsire, his whole posture tense and his hands made into fists, his jaw clenched and his gaze like that of a dragon about to burn everything to the ground.
"I told you, by the end of this month your wedding—
"No, when will Y/N's wedding to Cregan Stark be."
He interrupts her in a firm, menacingly serious voice.
"It doesn't matter when it will be," Otto tells him in annoyance, raising his voice higher, drawing everyone's attention, demanding, "What matters right now is that these two weddings happen before the wedding of Rhaenyra's daughter to Lord Stark so as to invite all the great houses, even Cregan Stark and form alliances before Rhaenyra and Prince Daemon."
"In two moons, approximately."
Alicent replies to Aemond, noting how his anger grows more and more as his grandsire speaks, not giving him an answer.
"That's what they said on the raven they sent this afternoon from Dragonstone."
Aemond lowers his gaze, beginning to think about it, about how the wedding will take place here, at King's Landing, where he will have to be present and witness it all…to Y/N, his Y/N, getting married to Lord Cregan Stark.
Lord Cregan fucking Stark.
"I doubt we can do anything about it, my Lord," Jasper Wylde speaks, "The wedding is already a done deal, we will not succeed in convincing Lord Stark to change his allegiance."
"And this is a great advantage for Princess Rhaenyra and her claim," says Jason Lannister, " Her daughter, Princess Y/N and Lord Stark together is an excellent and convenient match."
At the words of some of the council members, Aemond can't help but feel downright sick, thinking of Y/N and Lord Stark.
As you should.
His own mind tells him, feeling the fire and anger coursing through his veins, unable to control himself, thinking about what is really going on here.
"We will do whatever it takes to still have as much support as possible. King Viserys will not last long and by now we would have to secure all possible alliances for when the time comes. If war falls upon us and if we pull this off… fighting Rhaenyra and her alliances won't be so hard."
"She will have the entire North fighting for her, my Lord."
One of the members tells him cautiously, thinking about the number of soldiers Princess Rhaenyra will have at her disposal, also all the people supporting her claim, that adding up to the whole Valley.
"That's why we need to be more clever," Otto Hightower insists, "My grandchildren's weddings will be paramount in this. We need to send a raven to Oldtown, now," he turns to the Maester, "I need Daeron here at King's Landing and your daughter as well, Lord Jason. After Aemond's wedding, he—
"No."
Aemond Targaryen completely interrupts his grandsire in front of the Queen and the entire Council, drawing everyone's attention, surprised by his boldness and deadly behavior in the direction of his grandsire, who also gives him a threatening look.
"You had plenty of time to plan my wedding with Lord Borros' daughter. It's not my fault that until now you are acting when your job as the Hand is to act since you knew the threats," he tells her seriously and completely firm with his words, "If you want a wedding, plan Daeron's, not mine. I will not be a part of your incompetence when I have already given you too much."
"You are forgetting your place, Aemond," Otto warns him in a careful tone and one in which he fully tells him that he does not want to contradict him now.
But Aemond has had enough.
"You are forgetting your place," he replies in kind.
"Aemond, that's enough," his mother calls to him instantly, letting out a long breath, "You don't want to get married now, that's fine. But don't forget that eventually you will have to," she reminds him earnestly, "After all, Lady Baratheon is still your betrothed and she along with Lord Borros expect the wedding to take place soon."
Again Aemond feels sick to his stomach as he listens to his mother's words, thinking of his betrothed, Lady Floris Baratheon. The very thought of marrying her makes him feel unhappy.
But it is the truth… she is still his betrothed and whether he wishes it or not, he will eventually have to marry her, because his family swore an oath with hers, not him, but his family.
And he has to live up to the weight of that oath.
"We should continue to discuss the marriage of Princess Y/N to Lord Stark, my Queen," says the Maester.
"There is nothing more to discuss, the chances are slim with Lord Stark and we will have to focus on bringing the marriage of my son and Lady Cerelle to the attention of the great houses."
Queen Alicent begins to lead the entire Council, as Otto Hightower continues to watch Aemond with daggers in his eyes, serious, furious and incredulous at his behavior.
He thought he already had everything under control, but Otto forgot that he is not a dragon and the blood of the dragon in anyone who possesses it, especially in Aemond, is chaotic and reckless.
"Congratulations, brother."
Aegon catches Aemond's eye, watching him over his shoulder as he gives him a friendly clap on the back, almost whispering his words.
"You said you hoped our sweet niece would soon outgrow you? Well, now she's marrying the lord of all Winterfell," he says with a small smile, "She's definitely outgrown you."
And with nothing more to say, Aegon leaves the Council Chamber, not interested in the matters of the realm, much less to plan a fucking wedding and have his grandsire take it upon himself to form alliances for his claim to the Throne, as if he cares about such a thing.
As Aemond stands still for a few seconds, watching him go, his words repeating over and over in his mind, anger again coursing through his body, fire, hatred.
He wishes he could prove his brother right, but the truth is that he is very wrong.
Unable to stand it any longer, he quickly heads out of the room as well, not wanting nor caring at all to discuss these matters, this room really displeasing him by bringing back bad memories.
And as soon as he faces the corridors of the Keep, again Aemond remains static for a few moments and his mind again thinking about things he really doesn't want to think about.
But he can't help it.
Like that time he also rushed out of this room, leaving the woman he loves behind, tearing her apart in the worst possible way and pretending not to care.
Even as one of the fiercest and most brutal knights of his time, Prince Aemond doesn't know where he found the courage and strength to break Y/N's heart… his Y/N.
He has always characterized himself as an honorable and respectful man, especially to Y/N, but what he did to her… was out of his nature and highly unpleasant.
And once he was in the safety of his chamber, the first thing he did was sit in one of his chairs near his fireplace, wanting to feel the fire, with the realization slowly starting to become clearer to him, realizing what he had done.
Aemond remembers the last time he cried, it was when he was a little boy in one of his episodes over his lost eye.
A terrible migraine kept him awake for a whole day, he couldn't even get out of bed and couldn't bear to see the light of day. His mother held him tight and was there for him all the time, not even leaving him alone for a second.
Alicent tried and ordered everything to make him feel better, but the Maesters couldn't do much and all he could do, all he learned to do since he was a little boy, was to have to endure the pain.
And since then, the first tear falls down his right cheek.
Aemond, upset, angry and disgusted with himself, cries. And he actually allows himself to cry as he remembers his Y/N's precious face completely shattered and red from her crying, her whole look confused and in need of explanations.
And he couldn't even give her that, an explanation.
And the worst part was that they already had it all. It was all said and done, they were going to be husband and wife finally, as they had asked for so much.
But he finally snatched away her illusion and simply left her without explanations. And that's what makes him lose control completely.
Furious, feeling like a coward, an idiot and annoyed with himself, he lets out a growl and starts breaking everything in his room, with despair and anger in his body.
He screams and blames himself for that weight on his shoulders, a weight that does not belong to him, a weight that he had nothing to do with from the beginning and a weight that he had to let go of the woman he loves when he almost had her because of his family's ambition.
That night the servants had to silently clean the room of Prince Aemond, who, unable to bear it any longer, went for a ride in Vhagar, wanting to forget everything and everyone.
And now, in the present, him in the middle of the hall with the thought of Y/N marrying Lord Stark soon… it's too much.
And he knows it's the same feeling she must have felt when he broke her heart.
He couldn't agree more that he deserves it, but he didn't want to let her go either. Nothing he did was really his choice, but that was the right decision.
And now…he still has to face the consequences of his own actions: Y/N's marriage to a man who will not be him.
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"There you have it, my princess."
"Thank you, Emelly," you smile at one of your maids, who leaves you a tray with your almost every night tea so you can fall asleep, "You can rest now."
" You don't need anything else, princess?"
"No, I'm good, thank you. See you in the morrow."
"Of course, princess. Get some rest."
The maid leaves your room, who looking at you in your mirror you continue brushing your straight, silver hair, preparing for sleep.
You've already gone to your siblings' and Rhaena's rooms, especially the little ones', to wish them good night.
Your mother and father have also already come to speak with you and have your usual conversations of the night, where they talk about your wedding to Lord Cregan more than anything else, Daemon and Rhaenyra making sure nothing else haunts your mind.
They know that a wedding can cause too much stress, especially when you're marrying the one you didn't expect from the start, talking about duty and what's expected next from you and your husband.
Your older brother Jace had told you it's a stressful but very necessary conversation, considering the next wedding in the family will be his and Baela's.
You let out a long breath, leave your brush on your dressing table and head off to drink your tea, needing to sleep.
You take the cup from the tray in your hands when the napkin catches your attention. You frown and notice how there is something sticking out from under that napkin, hidden but wanting to be seen specifically by you.
You set the cup down on the table and pick up the napkin, curious and wary, realizing that it is the small envelope of a letter, definitely catching your attention more than before.
You analyze it and there is no indication of who the message might be from. So you decide to open it, finding a small sentence and an addressee that makes your heart jump in your chest and your lips parted.
Meet me at our place by the Hour of the Wolf. I need to explain everything to you, please. I will be waiting.
A.T.
Your pulse starts to race, your whole body starts to shake and you read the message over and over again, your system making you feel more emotions and feelings as you read who has sent this to you.
You think to yourself that this must be a joke or even perhaps some kind of trap, thinking that this can't be. But you know it's him.
It's his handwriting, you would recognize it on any piece of paper, as well as the signature he always uses in all his messages, short and subtle.
Now you understand why so much mystery. But you honestly don't understand how he could have gotten his message to you. It's practically impossible.
Unless he hired or paid irrelevant people, because Emelly is extremely loyal to you and would not have done this considering your history with your uncle, as well as anyone else knows it.
Your uncle who right now must be waiting for you.
Your mind tells you as you look at his message in front of you, surprised with your parted lips, with a feeling starting to invade your chest that you don't know exactly what it is but… it causes you some emotion.
And you can't. You truly can't do this.
You remember everything that happened, what he did to you, what his grandsire did to you too, and how broken you felt, how he broke your heart and left you without explanation, only to become betrothed to Floris Baratheon.
You swallow hard, walking to your huge windows, looking out at the night outside and barely lit by the fire torches that light a little of the roads around Dragonstone, looking out beyond the sea, in the direction where that island is and where you and Aemond used to meet.
You press your lips together, feeling a sharp pain in your chest, as well as that uncertainty and beginning to take into consideration what he has written to you on that little piece of paper.
But again… you can't.
You are both betrothed. You are betrothed to Lord Cregan Stark, you will marry him soon and then… probably he will marry Lady Floris Baratheon as well.
You know you shouldn't even consider it, you know you shouldn't feel that curiosity and longing, because he doesn't deserve it.
That's why you make your decision just as he made his moons ago.
Even though you admit that it hurts and even costs you, you still think of yourself, because he doesn't deserve you to feel this way about him, not after all the damage caused.
You don't know what Aemond really thinks, but it certainly isn't entirely wise to ask you to meet in the hour of the Wolf as if nothing had happened.
And what a coincidence that he does this just when your wedding is in a few more weeks.
You stare out over the sea for a few more moments, thinking, but having already made up your mind. You let out a long breath and without hesitation, you head to your fireplace and throw his message into the fire.
Then you head back to your table to drink your tea and drink it all down so you can finally sleep and forget this ever happened.
While on the small island in Blackwater Bay, Aemond Targaryen keeps Vhagar close by, watching as he sits on a huge rock on the sand of the beach towards the direction of Dragonstone, waiting for you.
He doesn't really find much to entertain himself with, beginning to feel anxious with each passing minute and still not seeing any dragons approaching in the night sky, getting up and pacing back and forth, letting out long breaths and trying to calm himself.
He would be a fool not to have thought that maybe you would ignore him and not even in your greatest madness, the other side of the Targaryen coin, would you agree to meet him after all that happened.
Of course he had thought about it. But he still decided to risk it.
But the minutes pass and pass, with Aemond waiting for you, disappointment and reality coming at him like a strong wave every moment he is still there alone on the island.
He feels frustration beginning to course through his body, also anger but not for you, but for himself.
He thinks of your soon marriage to him, Lord Stark and feels more despair coursing through him, not even bearing the thought.
He asks the Seven to you please show up, really wanting to explain himself.
But he knows it is too late. He was never going to get this chance, because he really hurt you too much and he knows it, he knows it and he has the memory more vivid than ever.
But even though he knew it, he can't help but be disappointed as he continues to wait for a dragon in the night sky that never came.
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—PRESENT
The days go by too fast after the conversation with your mother and after so many preparations and requests for the wedding.
When the wedding day finally arrives.
Your mother overlooks her pregnancy, considering she is barely four moons pregnant, to ride Syrax and take her with her to King's Landing while you ride Silverwing so you both arrive in the capital a day before the wedding, as you wished.
You try to suppress all feelings along with the nerves of returning to the Red Keep, where there are many buried memories and people from the past. However, you are here for your wedding.
You know that this visit is brief just to get the wedding over with and nothing more, then your family will return to Dragonstone or probably your mother will decide to stay again to take care of your grandsire, while you will go to Winterfell.
You really want to know the North. It was one of the few conversations you had with Lord Stark and he agreed, as well as both of you being present at Court after spending married moons.
And you really have no intention of anything else happening and just let it happen as it should. And just before the sun sets, you and your mother arrive at King's Landing.
You meet your father, your brothers, sisters, also your grandmother Rhaenys and your grandsire Corlys, even also Queen Alicent welcomes you both back and also gives you her congratulations for your wedding.
If you didn't know her, you wouldn't know that her smile is fake. Clearly Alicent didn't want you to marry her son but neither did she want you to marry a person as influential as Lord Stark. But honestly you don't care.
She is the one who directs you and your mother to the king's chambers, to whom your mother wishes to speak and also in case she wants to dedicate a few words to you for your wedding.
On your way back to your room you meet your aunt, sweet Helaena, who welcomes your mother with a charming look and smile, also you, congratulating you on your wedding.
Fortunately you don't meet any other relevant people, just as you didn't see him or his betrothed anywhere, which you are thankful for.
Because the sooner this could happen, without distractions and unexpected inconveniences, the better.
The only thing you remember about that night when you arrived at King's Landing is that you had to drink a large and considerable amount of your tea in order to sleep, not being able to fall asleep because you were thinking about tomorrow.
And honestly also for thinking a little about him.
You were afraid that he would suddenly enter your chamber through the secret door, because surely he hasn't forgotten his request to meet you on the island to explain everything and you never showed up, but fortunately that didn't happen.
And when you least expect it, you are already at the celebration feast with all the guests present, you looking like a bride, waiting for your betrothed, everything going according to your mother's plan.
The common thing in a wedding is to get married at the Septon and then move on to the feast, but in this case, your mother chose the other way around, just like her wedding to your father, Sr. Laenor.
You learned that Alicent had questioned this, but your mother didn't care much, just reminded her that this was how her wedding had once been and that this way, you would feel less overwhelmed, knowing you perfectly well.
When it all begins.
They have already announced the king, also all your family, only the Hightower-Targaryen and also your betrothed are missing.
Your grandsire is seated at the large table next to his wife on the right side, while your mother is seated on his left side, followed by your place and then your betrothed's place. Your father takes a seat at the head of the table on the left side along with your brothers and sisters.
All the lord's and lady's present are spread throughout the Throne Room, as the food will soon be served and the musicians are already in position to begin at any moment.
Your mother at your side holds your hand to give you her support and her soft, sweet smiles in your direction to help with your nerves. Although she also makes sure that your entire appearance is intact.
It was always Rhaenyra's wish that her daughter, her first daughter, would have a wedding like hers was.
She would also prefer a Valyrian wedding, in fact that was her illusion when the king gave his blessing for the wedding between Y/N and Aemond.
But now, things are different and considering that Lord Stark is not Targaryen, clearly, a Westerosi wedding was the best option. And you did not complain at all.
In fact, it filled you with excitement and affection that when your father and grandfather saw you entering the Room, with your appearance for the occasion, they instantly told you that you wore them many years ago, when they were also in this same place and your mother married your father, Laenor.
A white dress with shoulder-length sleeves draws attention with golden details and some chains adorn around your waist with dragon figures.
Your hair falls in elegant waves, reaching above your waist, with some very subtle braids adorning the top of your head.
Your mother wanted some golden pins to be placed between your hair, also jewelry such as gold necklaces, rings and bracelets, to look more and properly like a Targaryen princess.
When at that moment, they announce the missing people at the big table. The people or rather the person you most expected and never wanted to arrive at the same time.
"Prince Aegon Targaryen, first born son of King Viserys Targaryen with his lady wife, Princess Helaena Targaryen."
The doors directly in front of you allow you to see the entrance of your uncle and sweet aunt who together make their way over to you to take a seat beside Queen Alicent.
Aegon's appearance is appropriate, however, due to all the rumors that keep spreading to Dragonstone, his condition is far from the best for a prince of the realm. His tired face with large bags under his eyes and his clear boredom and disinterest in being here is clear.
However, after all he seems to be willing to drink wine and enjoy himself.
But your sweet aunt by his side completely overshadows him once the view is on her and her beautiful sky blue dress with light silver tones and all her bright and sweet look that characterizes her so much.
When they announce the next people and you try not to make a big deal of it once Aegon and Helaena take their seats.
"Prince Aemond Targaryen, second son of King Viserys and Prince Daeron Targaryen, the third and final son of the king."
So both of them, he, now enter the Throne Room and you avoid looking too much, as well as feeling too much.
You try to distract yourself with the fact that you hadn't seen Daeron in a very long time, nor had anyone else, not even your mother or father. You thought he would still be in Oldtown because he wasn't even here for Helaena and Aegon's wedding.
Maybe he really wanted to fly here, but he was not allowed to, maybe because of his age, knowing that Queen Alicent does not like dragons and is very overprotective in that aspect.
But now that you are looking at him, he is tall, very tall. Not as tall as he is, but for his age, he's definitely growing into a man. But even though you want to focus on Daeron, you don't as you focus on him, inevitably.
His walk hasn't changed, neither has that determination, that confidence and that kind of power he possesses just by looking at him, also that fear and respect at the same time.
And his appearance… hasn't changed either.
Maybe his continuous training has made him look a bit stockier of his arms and his body in general, but his hair, his face and his eye patch is the same.
But he gives you the impression that he's even more handsome.
You look away from him in an instant, as everything that happened comes back to you in a matter of seconds, which is inappropriate. But all you can think about is him.
His hugs, kisses, caresses… all those words of love, all those wishes and all those promises… all only to end in an unexplained broken heart. You swore that he and you were destined to burn together. You swore that you would marry in the tradition of your house.
You swore it would be him and you.
But he made his decision.
And now here you are. He's betrothed and so are you, where by the end of the day you'll be married.
You completely avoid looking at his face once he starts to walk up the steps to take a seat next to his brothers, just like Daeron. You don't feel his gaze at any moment, just as you don't dare to look at him either.
When you ask yourself; where is his betrothed?
She must be here for such celebrations if they are betrothed. And you are sure that Floris Baratheon would not want to miss such an important celebration at the Red Keep.
However, he is all alone and his betrothed seems to be nowhere to be found. Doubt lingers but the feast gives you something new to think about when they announce your betrothed.
"Cregan Stark, lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North, the future lord husband of the bride, Y/N Velaryon."
At that moment, everyone at the table rises to greet your betrothed who walks towards you with a kind and respectful smile, looking very well for all this celebration. Or at least most of the people at the table stand up….
You can notice out of the corner of your eye how on Queen Alicent's side some people are still seated, but you don't dare look at them, though you get an idea of who they might be.
Still you focus on your betrothed who bows to the king once he arrives at the table and then makes his way to you to take a seat next to you.
Not before taking your mother's hand to plant a gentle kiss on the back of it, which she accepts with a kind and sweet smile and then turns to you and does the same with more affection.
You smile in his direction as you return his gesture by placing a soft kiss on his cheek and then both of you take a seat, as well as everyone else. When your grandsire, the king, gives a short speech before the feast begins.
And once everything has been said, the feast begins. The music starts and the food is served.
You feel his gaze for a few seconds, not long enough, but you don't notice him at all and continue to enjoy the feast. You talk to your mother from time to time and also to your betrothed, that is if your father and Jace are not talking to him asking him about Winterfell and the Wall.
Your sisters also ask you from time to time if you are feeling well and you can only nod, telling yourself that this is really happening and you have to completely ignore his presence.
When the time comes for the opening of the dance.
Cregan rises from his seat first and offers you his hand to lead you to the center of the Room, which you gladly accept and together you walk to dance in full view of everyone, a traditional Westerosi dance.
It is a simple dance, nothing difficult and you really enjoy it, while you focus your gaze at all times on him, Lord Cregan, who also smiles softly in your direction and does perfectly the right steps, all under the watchful eye of all the nobles present and also of your family.
Both of you stand back to back, and then both of you slowly raise your arms to shoulder height, while you can't help it and turn your gaze towards him, already feeling since the dance started his burning gaze.
Aemond has a meaningful look on his face when your gaze meets his, acting nonchalant, watching you intently, raising his wine glass to his lips.
You can only smile really ungracefully and turn your gaze to the front, continuing to dance and focusing only on your betrothed.
While Aemond at all times… wants this to be over and done with. Though I'd prefer to think this isn't really happening.
He feels like an alluring force, as he can't take his eye off of you, looking at you so beautiful in that dress, knowing in an instant that this is not the dress you would have worn for their wedding. But you still look really beautiful.
A true Targaryen beauty.
A warm feeling envelops him every second he sees you there, so perfect, dancing, smiling and catching everyone's attention, his especially at your every move, not realizing that his face gets softer every second as he watches you.
However… everything is replaced by hatred and anger when those smiles are directed at Lord Stark. And by the way he looks at you too… he wants to burn everything to the ground, clenching his hands into fists.
"Easy, little brother."
Aegon murmurs behind him, over his shoulder, amused, his breath smelling very strongly of wine.
"Everyone can sense how you're starting to wake up. You don't want to cause a fucking scene at our niece's wedding because of your jealousy, do you? Grandsire won't be too pleased."
Aemond can only feel that rage come over him more, knowing full well that Aegon has no intention of calming him down, but to provoke him further and do exactly as he has told him.
And he is succeeding.
Especially in the moment when he again focuses on you, smiling at Lord Stark, glowing and looking this beautiful but for him, Lord Stark, not for him, the one she was supposed to marry and be completely his.
And he regrets it so much, he regrets it so much that he called off their wedding and also leaving you without explanation, knowing that this is exactly what he deserves, to see you happy without him.
As the dance of just the two of them ends and a new song begins, in which he watches as Y/N, his Y/N, places one of her hands on Lord Stark's shoulder and the other intertwines with his, his other hand on her waist, this only making him angrier.
A more choreographed dance begins and the nobles in pairs also begin to join the center of the Room to dance, beginning the real celebration.
And Aemond sinking in his own misery, thinks that he could have survived watching Y/N dance with Lord Stark at an appropriate distance. But now they are both chest to chest, smiling and talking about something with all the nobles also dancing around them.
He doesn't understand that important thing that the two of them are talking about, but he doesn't like it at all, neither does the closeness. In fact he doesn't like any of it.
All he wants is to get her away from him, away from all of this and make her his, finally, no matter what.
His breathing starts to get heavier by the moment, thinking that by the time this is over, she will already be married to him and they will go away together, where they will have to consummate the marriage.
The very thought makes him only feel more enraged and more courageous to snatch her from his arms, not caring about her family and his, not caring about his grandsire and his words, not caring about his mother's words either about "you have to control yourself and think of us."
Not only does Aegon notice her state, so does his grandsire, who watches him intently and cautiously, noticing the look on Lord Stark's face more than menacing, about to do something foolish even though he was very clear with him before attending this feast.
He also catches the eye of Rhaenyra, who watches her husband and subtly points to her half-brother, instantly Daemon knowing exactly what is going on.
And how could he not know?
It reminds him of him many years ago, also watching the woman he loves, about to marry someone else who is not him.
He places a small half smile, bringing his wine glass to his lips, watching his nephew attentively and amused, almost expectantly, wondering even though Aemond has his full attention on you, if he will finally do something about it or what.
"Aemond," his grandsire mumbles to him.
But Aemond, beginning to go into his madness, doesn't watch or listen to him, watching you intently.
"Aemond, I'm warning you," his grandsire insists.
"Oh come on grandsire," Aegon tells him amused, "You know it will be useless. I can tell you don't know him."
And even though Aemond is immersed in his madness, he still thinks and remembers the words of his grandsire and mother.
"I will overlook that it was you who prevented the raven to Storms Ends from arriving when you knew perfectly well that your betrothed should have been here days ago."
His mother tells him seriously and annoyed.
"Now you will attend this wedding alone and I expect you to behave yourself. Just as I expect you to come to terms with the idea that you will marry Lady Baratheon by the end of next month, without protest."
"And you are not going to commit any of your foolishness at the Y/N wedding, do you understand me?" Otto immediately threatens him, "You're not going to talk to Y/N, you're not going to threaten Lord Stark either, and you're going to let the wedding happen in peace, is that clear? "
Aemond feels a bitter feeling, continuing to watch you attentively and him watching threateningly, with the fire in his body about to explode.
"You know what your problem is, grandsire?" Aegon says to Otto Hightower, who watches him seriously and on the verge of losing his patience, "You question the blood of the dragon too much."
And in that same instant, Aemond rises from his seat in a confident movement, with his gaze firmly fixed on you, who are completely disinterested in what is happening with him, completely focused on Lord Stark.
And Aemond's movement completely catches the attention of his grandsire, his mother, also your mother and father, who in an instant look at each other, definitely remembering the past.
Aemond makes his way towards you, not caring about anything.
He doesn't care about his mother and grandsire, he doesn't care about the war that will probably befall them when his father dies, the only thing he cares about at this moment is you.
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taglist:
@iloveallmyboys @libdarkheart @angelianlearp @happinessinthebeing @targaryenmoony @tempt-ress @callsign-blue @twobluejeans @luna-salem @literatureluster @thekinslayersswordhand @queenofshinigamis @bugshideaway @minttea07 @itszzmoon
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inumkii · 7 months
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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ if you know what’s right - megumi x reader
summary: you’re frustrated (and admittedly embarrassed) that you’ve made it this far in life without anyone ever asking you on a date. little did you know, it wasn’t any fault of yours- but your best friend who has the unfortunate habit of scaring any potential lover away.
genre: fluff, modern/college au (though it could be read as a normal au), best friends to lovers
wc: 1.8k
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ a/n: whenever i talk about reader wanting to be asked out just know its purely because they want someone to express romantic interest in them- im not talking about catcalls or anything weird when ppl get approached by weirdos. I hope that was clear!! :D
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boys didn't ask you out
you always wished to be stopped on campus by someone cute and have them ask for your number. it was a little embarrassing at this point to admit no one has ever expressed romantic interest in you.
you tried to convince yourself that maybe you were just intimidating- but your close friend maki over here complains left and right about someone new approaching her for her instagram and she's probably the most intimidating person you knew. intimidating but glaringly beautiful 
so what was your problem?
“she’s taken” a deep voice calls out from behind your shoulder, glaring daggers into the boy in front of you. mind you, the first boy who had ever approached you to ask you out!!
megumi, your best friend, places an awkward arm around your waist. trying to pull you out of this situation by acting as your boyfriend.
the boy in front of you looks like he’s about to shit his pants before stuttering out an apology. he takes off before you could even process the situation, leaving you stunned in the middle of the cafe you were in.
“what the hell?” you whip around to question your friend, “why would you say that??”
you pout at him. you’re more disappointed than you admittedly should be, wishing you had the opportunity to confront the situation yourself.
you pry megumi’s hand off your waist. it's a shame that this was how the situation was playing out. in any other instance, you would have gladly welcomed any form of physical touch from him.
megumi just tilts his head in confusion.
“he was asking you out, wasn't he?”
“yes,,”
“and you weren’t going to accept his invite, were you?”
“you can’t just assume that for me!” you frown. you bite your tongue, not wanting to sound pathetic over the fact that you were excited someone had finally seemed to like you.
“well he looked like a bit of a loser” megumi shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs. he’s struggling to find your source of irritation.
“and what if i liked losers?” you snip, tone accidentally coming across too harsh causing you to back track. you’re aware at how stupid you sound getting mad over something so trivial. you know deep down he’s just trying to help you out, “look, megumi. i'm sorry,, im just in a bad mood right now. i would just appreciate it if you let me handle it next time.”
“ah- im sorry” megumi’s eyes shift to the side. he's a little embarrassed, “nobara and maki have a better time dealing with this situation when one of us pretends to be their boyfriend. i thought it would be the same.”
“yeah, well i'm not nobara or maki,” your sharp tone dissipates into a more disappointed sound. you weren’t like your two friends. people don't line up at the door to ask you out. what a common experience for them wasn’t one for you. and you knew its a dumb thing to be jealous of but it didn't stop you from hoping one day you’d catch someone’s attention like that too.
megumi’s a smart guy, too intelligent for his own good even. he catches on quickly what you meant by that. 
he feels kind of bad, recounting the amount of times he gave the stink eye to a guy who looked at you with the slightest interest. he would never take it back though- he didn’t want any guy getting too close to you. was that wrong of him?
maybe a little,,,
he awkwardly clears his throat, “i don’t think it's anything like that,” he tries to console you without letting on that he might be the reason you don’t get approached nearly as much as you want to.
you only huff and continue sipping at your fairly watered down latte that hadn’t received much attention in the last ten minutes.
*:・゚✧*:・゚
“-and then he said he was my boyfriend!” you wail to nobara, who’s currently splayed across your bed. she scoffs in amusement as she adds the finishing touch to her manicure.
“and that’s a bad thing for you?”
your face warms. you suppose you have been a little too fixated on your frustrations that you hadn’t considered how megumi didn’t hesitate to jump into boyfriend act. sure, he had told you that him and itadori do this whenever nobara was being hit on but you both know it was mostly itadori. anytime it was fushiguro had to be in his place, it was comically forced to say the least.
looking back on the situation, he had almost immediately jumped in to reject the guy,
“listen yn, all i'm trying to say is that i don't think the reason why you’re not getting asked on dates is because of your appearance- i mean look at you!” she caps her nail polish and sits up, “i think megumi is cockblocking you”
“but this is the only time he’s done this?” her implications go over your head
“i need you to think-” she quips, “when's the last time you went out and megumi wasn’t with you?”
“so you think we look like a couple everytime we go out?” you ask her incredulously, trying not to sound as flustered as you feel.
“something like that-” she purses her lips, trying to decide if it was worth megumi (and maybe even you) being severely pissed off for revealing that she's witnessed multiple glares he’s given guys who even think about asking you out. “i just don’t think you look the most approachable when hes always attached to your hip”
you groan. you’re absolutely hopeless.
*:・゚✧*:・゚
days go by and this is the third time in a row megumi sees you arrive from the city with nobara. as your closest friend, he’s the one that always gets asked to accompany you on your little trips off campus. you must be mad at him over that one incident- or worse, completely weirded out over the fact that he pretended to be your boyfriend. that thought mortifies him.
he doesn’t realize he’s gritting his teeth as he approaches you and nobara. before you know it, nobara has already separated herself from you, blurting out a quick ‘see you later!’ as she disappears to her own dorm.
now it's just you standing there, frozen, as a brooding megumi approaches him. you would be a little scared at his expression but as he got closer, you could see the frown on his face was more of a pout. cute..
“i’m sorry” he confronts you directly. he just wanted to quickly resolve whatever he did to make you avoid him.
“..sorry?” you question your friend. you had only really been mad at him for less than a day, getting over it after that conversation with kugisaki. but you hadn’t been acting strange to him in the days after that to warrant him being upset about it. the only thing you had done was go out with nobara more instead of him..
“yeah- i wanted to apologize for the other day. if i,,, you know,, made you uncomfortable?” his eyes shift down to his shoes, not really knowing what to say next. his words come off a little blunt, but you pick up his sincerity.
you only smile a little at how nervous he looks, though you felt bad for worrying him, he looked kind of cute like this. 
“i wasn’t uncomfortable, megumi,, don’t worry,” your words lift a weight off his shoulders and his posture is slightly less slumped as you continue, “i’m sorry too. i shouldn’t have gotten mad at you,, i was just frustrated that you had answered that guy instead of letting me do it. i don’t get asked out a lot so i was hoping i could’ve handled it myself.” 
maybe you shouldn’t have overshared that last part, but you owed him a proper explanation.
“ah- i guess im sorry for that too.”
you blink at him. 
huh?
“excuse me?” you question his new apology.
megumi’s looking everywhere but you. he’s certain that his face is burning red by now.
“i sort of,,” he pauses, embarrassed to be admitting this, “i think i have the habit of staring down anyone who looks like they’re about to approach you.”
that wasn’t the answer you had expected from him. frustrated, you open your mouth to ask him why the hell he even admitted that, but he cuts you off.
“i guess i just was being selfish. i didn’t want anyone to ask you out.” he scratches the back of his neck nervously. he hopes you don’t notice him sweating out of stress. “i shouldn’t have been doing that.”
he turns his back to walk away, not having anything else to add on and wanting this conversation to end as soon as possible. you’re almost left stunned in place but you manage to slap some sense into yourself to stop him from leaving.
“wait! megumi” you jog to catch up to the retreating boy and place a hand on his arm, “you like me?”
“yes.” megumi mentally slaps himself for being so blunt. he supposes he’s already dug himself in a deep hole and he knows you deserve the grander confession you’ve been yearning for, so he works up the courage to confess properly. he owes you that, atleast. 
there’s a slight pause so megumi can gather the correct words for you.
“i really enjoy spending time with you, more than you realize. those last few days you took nobara out to the city instead of me made me upset. part of it was me being jealous you started choosing her over me and part of it was me worrying that the thought of being perceived as your boyfriend from a few days ago completely repulsed you out of hanging out with me. yn, i like you. a lot. i’m sorry for robbing you of all the confessions you should’ve been getting so i hope this somewhat makes up for it… or not, you can slap me now if you don’t like me back.” he closes his eyes, bracing himself for the worse.
what he doesn’t expect is a pair of arms wrap around his stiff body, still braced for any hit you could’ve thrown his way. 
he slowly melts into your embrace, lifting his arms to mimic your action. he doesn’t realize he’s been holding his breath this whole time until he sighs into your hair.
“megumi, i hope you know that i’d take the worst confession from you over any coffee shop boy. i like you too,” you confess as you hold him close to you, chin resting on his shoulder.
“oh so this confession was the worst?” you can hear his smirk in his tone. you laugh, knowing he’s relaxed into your touch.
“oh shut it, you know that's not what i meant!” you push yourself back, lightly shoving his chest. he doesn’t let you part from the hug for too long before he pulls you back in, burying his face in your neck.
he smiles like an idiot before answering, 
“i know, i know”
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captainkirkk · 1 month
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✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩
All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes. Please look at tags and warnings on ao3 before reading.
Miraculous Ladybug
Open My Eyes by buggachat
Adrien smiles as he eats breakfast with Nathalie, smiles as he walks through the halls of his new lycée, smiles as people stop him on the street and tell him time and time again what a "hero" his father was.
(Adrien wishes he could've been a hero, too. He should've been. Maybe then his father would still be alive.)
(But he's surviving. Everyone may be treating him as though he were made of glass, but he can still go through the motions, he can prove them wrong, he can still smile.)
“And you’re… happy,” Marinette spoke carefully, a nervous tilt to her voice, “... right?”
(Adrien has some things to find out.)
DC
the good, the bad, and the power hungry by konan_konan
dim trake ☑ @timdrakeceo・8hr if one more person tweets about #superlex unironically im gonna end it all 391K Views | 200 Retweets | 13 Quote Tweets | 22.1K Likes
j-son of a bitch ☑ @jsntdd・8hr ↳ replying to @timdrakeceo hurr durr these are the consequences of ur actions bitch 201K Views | 109 Retweets | 4 Quote Tweets | 18.4K Likes
or: lex luthor makes bad choices. and then, so does everyone else.
call me cute and feed me sugar by suzukiblu
Tim Drake had absolutely no intentions of ever becoming anyone's sugar daddy when he met Superboy.
This would have worked out better for him if Superboy had ever had an actual legal identity or an actual legal guardian or just . . . literally anything whatsoever in life. Ever. At all.
Just a bank account, even.
how big, how blue, how beautiful by merils
Kon-El is not good with medical settings. One could even say he's quite bad with them. How bad, exactly?
Well, let's put it this way: Very few things in the world can make him scream for Superman to save him.
(Superman will save him. That's what family's for, right?)
Clone Wars
The Kenobi Chronicles by WobblyCat
General Kenobi isn't actually dead. Someone should really tell that to his troopers, though.
Or: The clones under General Kenobi's command have a groupchat dedicated to him. Cody wishes his subordinates weren't so fucking stupid.
SVSSS
Shen Yuan's Forced Shen Qingqiu Redemption Arc by SpicyReyes
The System's OOC function won't unlock all at once - instead, character traits have to be added individually, through quests. This leads to Shen Qingqiu having to jump through endless hoops just to complete enough side quests to unlock the ability to be a decent person - all while avoiding the effects it has on those around him. If only the cheapskate System wouldn't keep changing the cost of point values - he needs to know what the hell Yue Qingyuan told the others about him that makes them all look so sad when he does manage to be nice! He's breaking his back here, can't we just appreciate his work?!
second-hand alibis by nex_et_nox
"All right. I’m in Proud Immortal Demon Way," he says, once he's had a chance to compose himself again. He sits back up, tossing his stupidly long hair back over his shoulders where it belongs; he is totally calm and ready to grill the System for more information.  "Who am I supposed to be?" Please please please don't let it be someone who Bingge violently murders. Though given the fact that he's a man in PIDW, his chances are already skewed, and not in his favor. Ugh. [Bound Role: Shen Yuan, Rogue Cultivator. Weapon: the sword Heng Li. Starting B-points: 100.]
or: Shen Yuan transmigrates as a rogue cultivator, one completely unconnected to any canon characters or events. Right, System? Right?
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figgrrr0 · 1 year
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Hii im new here! Found your blog by chance and I love how you write! Would you be able to write wanderer x jealous!reader on valentines day? Lets say Wanderer has got a lot of admirers from the akademiya and reader is just silently furious abt it but doesnt say anything. When Wanderer finds out he fucks them nicely and praise them/ reassures them <333
Apparently I struggle to do angry jealousy, I just make it sad... but it's light this time! And soft.
Also it feels so weird writing Wanderer as a name??
Want to skip the lead up? Look for the NSFW sign that marks the smut!
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Valentine's with Wanderer
Character: Top!Wanderer/Scaramouche
Reader: Bottom!Gn // Genre: Smut, angst
Cw: Classic Scara misunderstandings, praise/reassurance, fingering, soft sex, slight angst(?) it's more hinted I guess
Plot: A little // Word count: 1.9k
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Valentine's Day: a day of love, gifts, and showing appreciation for your partner.
Usually, everyone tries to take the day off, freeing up their schedule so that they can focus entirely on the occasion, however it may be that they want to spend it. Which is why you were quite surprised to find yourself alone in bed when you woke up in the morning.
Now, that's not when you started feeling doubt. After all, maybe Wanderer, your boyfriend of the past few months, was in the kitchen. Breakfast in bed is a traditional start to Valentine's Day, and an easy way to get in anyone's good books. But, when you heard nothing after a few minutes of waiting, – no clanking of cutlery or slamming of cabinets – you just had to go see where he was.
Unluckily for you, all you could find was a little note, hastily sprawled and left waiting on the counter:
"I'll be gone for a while, don't wait up for me. I left you some breakfast in the cupboard, it might need heating up if you stay in bed too long, but that's not my fault...
–Happy Valentine's Day."
As usual, his handwriting is kind of hard to read; quick and messy. But, at least he did technically make you breakfast, even if he also alluded to you being lazy.
However, what most takes your attention, is the blotch of ink that splattered right at the end of "fault". It was as if he were hesitating to let go, to pick up the pen and leave it at that.
Which is why you felt oddly warm at the fact that the last part was perfectly legible and obviously had been written slower than the rest.
Even though you know Wanderer isn't particularly fond of outright expressing his feelings, you thought that surely, today of all days, he could push aside his own pride for you. Even just a little. Maybe that was too high of an expectation. His ambitions never let him take a break, so why would he take one for a made-up holiday?
Well... at least he's aware enough of your excitement for the day to acknowledge it first thing in the morning, even if he wasn't there to actually say it.
But, you knew that with Wanderer, everything would be awkward and touchy the first time around. You had to move slowly. Baby steps, you remind yourself, as you head back to your shared room to start getting ready.
It's only the start of the day.
...
You wish it weren't Valentine's Day.
Every street was lined with couples, each and every one of them holding hands, carrying flowers... things that you should be doing with your boyfriend right now.
And it didn't help that you felt like everyone was judging you for being alone, especially when most of them likely knew who you were dating. It's not like you hadn't seen them staring before now.
You couldn't blame them, really. Wanderer had shown up in Sumeru suddenly and didn't feel especially inclined to explain himself, so of course people would be curious. You just didn't like the way that their eyes would... linger after him. Even when you were there! And on the rare day that Wanderer was comfortable enough to let you hold onto him in public, the admiring stares turned to full-blown jealousy.
Now, what was wrong with that? Shouldn't that be an ego boost for you? You'd thought so too, at first. But then you realised that just meant they'd want to try and steal him from you.
You thought you could put up with it at first. After all, you knew that Wanderer wouldn't stand for anyone else touching him or getting in his way other than you. You trusted him just fine. You didn't trust the average Akademiya goer, though. They all seemed to think they were entitled to have whatever – or whoever – they wanted, just because they'd gotten into the prestigious school at all.
You'd tried to bring up your concerns to Wanderer about the whispers going around and the jealous looks you'd get when walking through the streets or halls of the Akademiya. Almost instantaneously, he shut down your complaints, finding the words so easily that it almost felt as though he hadn't even tried.
"Tch... they're annoying and only want to waste our time. Just ignore them like I do."
That response was actually exactly what you'd expected to hear, and while you were grateful for his straightforward answer, you'd wanted a more... passionate outcome. Something to show he cared.
That definitely isn't what you got, considering he didn't even look at you when he said it.
After that, you didn't want to bring up the same problem again. Especially not on Valentines Day, even though he'll probably come home having been confessed to over twenty times in the past hour alone. Okay, maybe you were over-exaggerating a little, but it really didn't feel like it to you. Plus, it's the day of love! You're allowed a little leeway for feeling paranoid, right?
Maybe this evening will be better, when Wanderer finally comes come.
...
As you walk through the door, you're instantly met with a faint smell that you recognised to be the lavender lemongrass scented candles that you kept around the house. Of course, this clued you in to the fact that Wanderer must already be home. But what solidified this, was that when you walked through the doorway, there he was, waiting for you standing next to a vase of beautifully arranged flowers. It was mainly made up of your favourite flower, along with some of the famous Valentine's flowers as well, such as roses, carnations, and even some daisies.
Most likely, it was thought up by the florist that he went to. But at least he knew your favourite flower, as well as followed the tradition of buying them for you at all.
Often times, it was unusual for him to initiate physical touch with you; even though he was comfortable with you, he still just wasn't used to it yet. Tonight, however, he seemed to have no trouble in walking right up to you, taking your hand to guide you into the living room, where you could both just relax in each other's company. The calming lavender lemongrass candles eased your mood quite well, and you were happy that your Wanderer had really tried for Valentine's day.
...
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You had a lovely evening with your boyfriend, cuddling on the couch as you spoke in hushed voices about anything and everything (even if he was slightly apprehensive to start), the lovely atmosphere of romantic music quietly flooding through from the street.
And even though it had felt perfect, as you get ready to retire for the night, the candles having gone out a while ago, you can't help but feel the uncertainty from before start to overtake your thoughts again.
Resigning yourself to forget about it, you get into your side of the bed, your Wanderer already having been waiting for you to return. But he can tell that something in your mood has changed almost as soon as he lays his eyes on you again.
"What's wrong?"
"... Nothing."
He leans forward, showing his engagement. "Bullshit. If you don't tell me, there's nothing I can do to help you get over it."
"I just... those people from the Akademiya... they're still bothering me." You look down at your hands.
He sighs, closing his eyes for a second, "I've told you to just ignore them. There's nothing I can do to control how people think of you, or me, or us."
"I can't just ignore them!" You whine, "They're always looking at us when we're together... it's making me worried..."
At that, he looks over at you, his eyes scrunching as he thinks your words over. "Worried about what?"
Not sure how to say it, you move yourself to lay against him. Your back is pressed to his chest now, and the feeling of his warm breath on your neck helps to soothe your thoughts just enough for you to find the words:
"...I don't want them to take you from me..."
Now, it's Wanderer's turn to be silent. Now, he realises the mistake he'd made in telling you to just ignore those insignificant people; by ignoring the problem himself, he'd made you focus on it more. Of course you'd be feeling worried about this, he'd shut it down the first time you'd tried bringing it up.
You didn't need to just forget about it. You needed to work through it so that you could forget about it.
After almost a minute of tense silence, you're surprised when you feel his lips press gently to the back of your neck, accompanied moments later by his arm curling around you, pulling you ever closer against him. His hand rests over the place where your heart rests, while the other intertwines your fingers with his against your stomach, as if caging in the butterflies that start to flutter.
"Allow me to try again..." He presses a kiss to your ear before speaking again, "you don't need to think about them, or what I think about them." The hand on your heart shifts to cup your chest, your breath wavering when his hand brushes over your hardening nipples. "Because I'll never want anyone but you."
Then, the night is almost a blur.
Wanderer sneakily pulls a bottle of rose scented lube from under the pillow, liberally gathering some as he starts to stretch you out on his fingers. The scent slowly fills the room, intoxicating you on the heady fragrance, allowing it to pull you deeper into the moment.
He steadily pushes his fingers against the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of you, never slowing until after you've cum around his lubed up digits. Your hand finds purchase with the one on your chest, tightening your grip around him as you come down from the residual high.
He's whispering short encouragements to you while you collect your breath, the moans you'd been letting out dying on your tongue. Wanderer slowly lifts your leg, allowing him to guide his hard cock to finally, finally press against your hole, not making you wait to feel him as the slowly pushes in.
You don't need to adjust much, the lube and his attentive fingers having done the work well enough that only the comforting sensation of being full registers in your core. He starts thrusting when you signal that you're ready, his pace is easy and the power behind his hips is controlled enough to pull a soft moan from you with each stroke. It's different from what you're used to, but it's good. So good. And what makes it better is the hushed and stuttered, "I love you," and, "You're the only one that matters," that gets breathed into your shoulder as you both approach your shared climax.
The next morning, you wake up to find your Wanderer exactly where he ended last night; right next to you in your bed. You close your eyes contentedly, knowing you'll never have to worry about him being taken from you.
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He's your Wanderer.
Want to send a request/brainrot with me? Check my rules!
Thank you for reading! 🩷
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venusgirltarot · 10 months
Text
What Would An Album About You Sound Like?
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Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, envision the person you are thinking of and then choose the pile(s) you feel most drawn to.
Pile One
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Ahhh okay this is so cute. Im going to try to explain this as best as I can, Pile 1. So this seems like a concept album. The idea of the album (not the sound but idea ya know) reminds me of “Melodrama” by Lorde. I’ll leave a quote here for a better description but it’s like a concept album about a single night
“Melodrama is described as a loose concept album that explores the theme of solitude, in the framework of a single house party with the events and moods that entail it”
The album about you is similar in the sense that it’s a “loose concept album” but it’s about the writer seeing you. It’s like you’re at this party that the songwriter is also at and they’re obsessed from the moment they lay eyes on you. You’re like this beautiful unobtainable being to them and they want to get to know you so bad but they just can’t seem to talk to you. This could also progress to a one night stand that never progresses to more because of a lack of communication to this album is going through the writer meeting you and watching you throughout the night and then goes into their regrets and what they wish they would have said to you the next day, if that makes sense.
They see you at a party and think you’re so beautiful but can’t seem to find the words to tell you that. I keep hearing “I like the way my bedsheets look on your body” from “hello!” By role model. (I believe that’s the right song but lmk if it’s wrong so I can fix it!) and I keep being reminded of this musician on TikTok “Chappell Roan” and their song “Red Wine Supernova” I think that’s similar to what this album would sound like and it also fits the aesthetic. I highly recommend you listen to this song because it fits your album so perfectly. I tried to find a lyric that resonates the best to include but they all work so well that I couldn’t choose.
Despite this entire album being about only you and just one night leading into the next morning, it’s still so diverse (I hope that makes sense) like you’d think there’s only so many songs you could write about a 12ish hour time frame and one person but this writer has endless things to say about you and the night you met them. I could see one song having a feature and it’s later in the album somewhere between tracks 7-12 or so. The aesthetic of the album is very neon lights, the dance floor on prom night after everything has died down and people are starting to go home, slow, melodramatic and just really pretty. Again, I highly recommend you check out “Red Wine Supernova” because it fits so well.
Track list:
1. Pretty
2. Blooming
3. missing you
4. Shinning Eyes
5. Dying Slow
6. Party Streamers
7. Old Fashioned (Feat. Another Artist)
8. Starlight
9. Nova’s Surprise
10. Sunset
11. morning after
12. You
Pile Two
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Pile two, your album sounds like one written by Hozier, Noah Kahan or The Lumineers. It reminds me a lot of “Angela” by The Lumineers. Specifically the lyric “Angela, spent your whole life running away” and “vacancy, hotel room, lost in me, lost in you” it also reminds me of Ethel Cain in the sense that it’s a concept album about running away and starting a new life (but not as dark as ethel’s and with a much better outcome than she got. I heard “success story” it’s about leaving behind a difficult past and moving forward. There’s hope for the future in these songs, remembrance of the past and healing trauma. It’s a beautiful album with a good balance of different emotions. I could see this album coming with a short film or a series of music videos that piece together to tell a store. Similar to “III” by the Lumineers.
I keep hearing a few snippets from the deluxe version of “Stick Season” (that will be out June 9th 👀) like “Medicate meditate swear your soul to Jesus / Throw a punch fall in love give yourself a reason” or “we ain’t angry at you love, you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost” it’s such a beautiful album with so much soul and emotion.
I could see this album getting an acoustic live version that artists do sometimes like “Album, live from Wherever” you know? This album has very unique and catchy lyrics that stick with people, the type of lyrics people take and sell on things in their Etsy shop or use as a quote in their yearbook or put in their instagram bio. It almost feels like poetry. I also heard “escapism” this is the type of music that paints a picture and takes you somewhere else. This album will kind of chronologically tell a story about you moving forward and healing from trauma and finding a peaceful ending. Ending with a song like “Angelia”
Track list
1. movement
2. Adelaide’s Interlude
3. mother
4. farmhouse
5. leave me behind
6. baby blue
7. mustang
8. you’re gonna go far
9. more than this
10. peace
11. at your own pace
12. growing pains
13. at last
Pile Three
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I feel like this album has a soft rock sort of sound? Like hozier with a rockier edge if that makes sense? It reminds me of the way hozier sings about love. He sings about a very deep and impactful love and his writing his like poetry and I think that’s what an album about you would sound like. I think this album could be about the writer/musician fighting feelings for you because they’re focused on career or are just concerned about the outcome of the relationship. They might have a fear of falling or something.
However, the last card I pulled was the 10 of cups so the outcome is very good. I feel like this album is coming from a reflective place like this is after yourself and your spouse have settled down and had kids or pets or whatever you would like and your partner is looking back at your relationship from the very beginning up until now and writing about it.
I keep hearing “I’m in love with an emo girl” I don’t think this is what the album will sound like but maybe that’s your aesthetic/vibe? This might just be conformation for you. I also keep hearing that Shania Twain song “you’re still the one” this is the kind of album that fans would dissect like narrow down the time you met your person and talk about every lyric and how that lyric relates to you and your relationship etc. this album talks about how devoted and in love with you your person is but also talks about the (I heard “trials and tribulations”) it took for you two to get there so it may include religious reference. Like religion by Lana Del Rey or Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift where there’s this slight aspect of religion/devotion to your partner.
You hear a lot about how you have to actively choose your partner everyday to make a long term relationship work and this album would definitely delve into that a little. It could also be produced by you and your partner’s mutual friends or people who have been there since the beginning or very early in in your relationship. I think this would be a longer album and there’s definitely 18+ songs on there 👀
Track list
1. October
2. Cosmic
3. Full Moon
4. Bourbon Street
5. She’s All Over Me
6. Starla
7. The Empress
8. Diamond Eyes
9. Find More of Me
10. Dreamscape
11. Escapades
12. Midnight
13. You’re All I Need
14. Mirror
15. Apartment 32
16. Deep End
17. Eternity
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neighborlystudios · 5 months
Note
Hi hi!
I saw you had written a bit for cp lh!rayman so if it's okay and if you're accepting requests, could you possibly do rayman flustering the reader in his suave tv host way?
・﹒・ suave host
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Summary: You were at a party for Eden's most elite, only there due to your friend. It was for Rayman, but parties never were your thing, so you opted for sitting away from everyone. The host seemed to have found you and taken interest in you.
Warnings: 18+, suggestive comments
Notes: Hey! Thanks sm for the request! Sorry this took a while to get to! Im sorry if this was really short, I hope you enjoy regardless though! :D
It was a party for the elite, those high in Eden's ecosystem that were rich, you were only here because your friend knew one of the producers of the Eden Late Show with Rayman. In fact, he was here right now, as this was his party for reaching his 30th season. You haven't seen him yet though, opting to stay towards the quieter areas of the roof as social interaction was not your forte. You had wanted to meet him for so many years now, but anxiety did not want to. Were you ready to accept the fact that you were not as boisterous as him or as cute as him, or well...as popular and rich as him.
Dressed all nice, you looked down at Eden from the secluded part pf the balcony you picked swishing a wine glass full of water imagining it as the namesake. You chose not to drink any alcohol and if you did, it wouldn't make your first impression any better if you did manage to meet him. Meeting all these people above your social status only made your anxiety grow, feeling like one wrong word would make them blacklist you from any jobs and ruin your life. Setting the glass down, you stood up and walked to the glass railing, leaning on it and crossing your arms.
It's not like you hate Eden, far from it, you just wished that you could be successful like all these people here, to be able to have that financial security and to be able to positively impact others. That's why you loved Rayman so much, just by hearing his voice made you happy and comforted knowing that he was here to give hope to everyone.
"You're looking lonely there" That same voice cut through your thoughts and caused you to look back in surprise. Eyes wide, you looked in shock as the Rayman walked closer to you with his trademark smile. Why was he here and not where the main party is? You realized you didn't say anything and was just staring. Coughing, you choked up a reply and hope you didn't look like a total idiot.
"Well uh...these types of parties aren't really my thing hah..." awkwardly chuckling as you cringed, yeah that was bad. He didn't seem detoured though as he only walked closer and stopped when he was right beside you. You knew he was short, but being right next to him really hit you for the height difference between you both.
"Why are you here then? Wanted to see handsom old me?" He winked, causing your face to warm as you stutter out denials, he wasn't convinced naturally. Honestly, that's one of the reasons you went, but it was embarrassing to admit, especially to the man himself. He chuckled and pulled a chair from nearby, up to the railing, pulling himself up and standing on it so he was eye level with you. You cracked a smile and laughed, he looked like a toddler doing that.
"What's so funny huh? You won't be laughing when I-" he then leaned closer, surprising you as his mouth was right next to your ear.
"Show you a good time" and you were dead. Face now on fire, you clamped a hand over your mouth as he pulled away, face painted with a smug smile. Was he actually flirting with you right now?
"Awe, so shy, its adorable. You gone mute...hm...I might know a way to make you talk" He knew exactly what buttons to press to make you melt, causing you to grip onto the railing to prevent you from falling as your breathing quickened.
"I am the most powerful man in Eden after all...imagine...having everything you could ever wanted and more...So. Much. More." Anymore of this and you would collapse, not knowing how to respond or what to even do. It didn't help that his hand started to caress your thigh, only increasing his advances. Never in your entire life would you believe for a second that THE Rayman would hit on you, yet here you were, him hitting on you. The moment didn't last though, as someone came out and called out to Rayman that a journalist wanted to do an interview on him. Pulling away, he said one last thing before leaving.
"This isn't over. Meet me here in the lobby tomorrow, seven pm sharp" and he was gone. Once he was out of sight, you fell to the floor and was left to process what had just happened.
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strnsvt · 3 months
Text
vernon chwe — a twist in cupid's tale.
as you smoothly matched people, your reputation as a talented cupid increased. you were popular, known as the matchmaker at your campus.
a day took an unexpected turn when a request landed on your desk, and your heart skipped a beat — it was from mingyu, your own secret crush.
mingyu asked you to set him up with a girl. caught between the professional duty of a matchmaker(as you would call yourself) and the ache in your own heart, you reluctantly agreed — even if it meant you being left heartbroken.
in the hushed library, vernon called your name multiple times, the librarian casting disapproving glances. you looked up at him, seeing vernon approach and sit beside you, a concerned expression on his face, "what's wrong?" he asks quietly.
you don't respond. looking at the book in front of you blankly. you really wished to bang your head on the desk in front of you.
"don't do that,"
"...did i say that out loud?"
vernon was your best friend. even if you didn't say that out loud, he could've definitely guessed. "don't hurt that forehead of yours and tell me what happened,"
you sighed, the weight of the evening pressing on you. "it's mingyu," you finally confessed, your voice barely above a whisper, "he asked me to set him up with this girl, and i...i agreed, even though..."
vernon's gaze softened, understanding the unspoken pain in your words. "even though it hurts?" he finished for you, his hand gently squeezing your shoulder. a part of him feeling bad for you. but most of him was glad. well. because.
"he's always been oblivious," you admitted, a mix of frustration and sadness in your voice. "and now, i have to watch him with someone else, all in the name of being a matchmaker, and..."
"and?"
you sigh again "i invited both of them to jackson's party,"
"the one this friday?"
you nod, a sad expression still on your face. "i thought it would be the right thing to do, you know? professional and all. but now, i have to face watching mingyu with somebody other than me,"
him and you don't say anything for a moment — vernon not knowing how to comfort you, and you choosing to be quiet instead of ranting more about mingyu.
vernon clears his throat before speaking again "hey,"
"hm?"
"jackson invite me to his party,"
"me too," you say, dropping your head on the desk, "i don't wanna go,"
"why not?"
"why should i? to see my crush getting with someone that's not me?"
"right..."
"so yes, im going,"
vernon chuckles at you and you turn your head to look at him.
"you're really gonna go?" vernon questions.
"really, yes, i will go. i'll stay with you. so distract me from them,"
-
it felt like no time when friday night arrived, the thumping music and lively chatter enveloping.
"vernon..."
"yeah?"
vernon tracked your gaze, spotting mingyu with his date by the bar, engaged in laughter and conversation. catching your eye, mingyu offered a thumbs up to you, which you mirror with a sad smile. "hey, y/n," you avert your gaze from them, looking at vernon.
"vernon, i think i need some alchohol in my system,"
"no, you don't. look, there's guys over there playing truth or dare, let's join them," vernon suggested, trying to shift your focus from mingyu and the situation at hand, but failed as you chose truth and they asked you who your crush is.
you left the game, and walked up to the bar, sitting on the stool, asking for some alcohol. "y/n, no," vernon followed.
"truth or dare can be brutal, especially when the truth hits close to home,"
"alcohol won't solve anything,"
"ma'am, here is-"
"vernon, i just need a moment-," you say, taking the glass of drink from the guy in front of you.
"you can't drink, y/n," vernon snatches the glass from your hand.
"vernon, what-" you couldnt say the next words. you couldn't even process for a few seconds. its when you realize — his lips where on yours.
he pulls away, it hits you — your best friend just kissed you.
vernon looks at you, his eyes searching for a reaction. your mind races as you process what just happened. the noise of the party fades into the background, and all you can feel is the lingering warmth of his unexpected kiss.
"vernon, what...?" you manage to stammer, a mix of surprise and confusion in your voice.
he meets your gaze, his expression a blend of uncertainty and sincerity. "i couldn't stand seeing you like this, y/n. i couldn't let you drown your feelings in alcohol, i care about you too much,"
"i...i didn't expect this," you admit, your heart still racing.
"me neither," vernon replies, running a hand through his hair.
the clamor of the party gradually seeps back into your consciousness, yet the world feels subtly altered. mingyu and his date remain at the bar, but your attention has undergone a transformative shift.
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iravinirattu · 9 months
Text
ik im late but im playing through kaveh's hangout event and. the haikaveh brainrot is real
since these losers can't do it themselves i am here to offer my translation services ‼️
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al haitham you liar. we are in a library using our indoor voices you did NOT hear us.
and even if you did mr. "i hate small talk" why'd u walk over hmm?? hmm??
"dont mind if i ignore you, i've got my earphones in" <- applies to everyone except kaveh
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"okay now that i've gotten him distracted tell me what's wrong so i can discreetly fix it"
mans literally sent kaveh away to boost his confidence a bit + find out if he was okay.
"you annoted those books with such long and beautiful notes that eveyone hated lolol anyways check out those shelfs where there's a book with someone appreciating ur notes"
i can't get over how many exceptions al haitham makes for kaveh. he's not heartless and cruel in the way i often see him portrayed... but at the same time his entire demeanor is "i respect you as a person but won't go out of my way to do things for you unless it benefits me"
like he's one of the only characters who isn't super super close with the traveler, at least that's how i see it in the voicelines! he respects them as a friend, would consider doing things for them if they asked, but that's about it really!
but KAVEH. for someone who enjoys a peaceful life and has such a rational and efficient way of working it theoretically makes no sense for him to do all the things he does for kaveh.
like sure "maybe the cheering up kaveh is just to avoid having to deal with him drunk later", but that's too roundabout of a demeanor to be al haitham's style. plus, if he really didn't want to deal with a drunk kaveh, he could just kick him out.
but he doesn't because he cares, and kaveh does not understand that because he has created a vision of what he thinks al haitham is in his head, and in that vision he, kaveh, has no value so why would haitham have him around?? clearly he's got ulterior motives.
and they won't move further until kaveh lets go of that vision, and he can only do that if he truly realises his own worth, and until then haitham's gonna have to keep pushing him towards that from the shadows.
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"he overworks himself, it's not healthy. he forgets the practicality of his ideals when he starts something, thinking he can pull through it, but reality hits him halfway. he can keep his ideals, that's fine, but i wish he was a bit more realistic about them."
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"and despite all of the above, despite wanting to uphold his artistic integrity, he still puts everyone's needs before his own."
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"his approach is too contradictory, and hence people don't see his talent. there are those who's resolve is so brash they are seen as confident and unshakable; and yet he who is more talented than them all falls behind because he's so easy to take advantage of."
al haitham taught me two new words today lol
irascible - someone with a quick temper
paragon - something viewed as a standard
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"if he wants things to change he needs to find a balance between compromise and resolve. there is no way to please everyone, but instead of accepting this, he thinks he can nullify it if he takes all the burden instead."
kaveh's altruism stems from his own self-hatred, moreso than his desire to help others. and while doing a good deed puts a smile on his face, the melancholy guilt that trips him when he doesn't is far greater.
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"if they are his ideals then i have no right to say anything about them. but he hurts himself so much as a result of that and i wish he would love himself a bit more."
al haitham has a great deal of respect for kaveh, not just as a scholar but as a person. and it's hard watching someone like that dig their own grave, and there's nothing you can do but wait in the sidelines, because they won't believe anything you say.
al haitham is constantly bickering with kaveh to get him to feel a little, challenge his ideals, find a way to make them work without sacrificing himself in return.
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"at this poing talking to him is no use, he's convinced himself that his life only has purpose if it's in the hands of others. all people face hardships in life, but he seems to believe he deserves all he gets and more"
and then after kaveh is back he gives him space to talk about things that make him happy, and more importantly, appreciate himself.
how to tell kaveh i want to listen to his silly lil rants without sounding like a sap - al haitham's brain, probably
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al haitham knowing all of kaveh's little buttons, and pressing the right ones after determining his mood, so he can show kaveh he loves him but still sound like a bitch.
"you did so well. i am so proud, and i hope you are proud of yourself too."
and sometimes he does click the wrong one, but then immediately goes back on it, becomes soft(er than usual), offers reassurance, changes the topic, and so on
we saw this in the parade of providence event, when kaveh got legitimately upset at one of haitham's remarks and he immediately went into I HAVE UPSET MY BF recovery mode.
and what i love the most in all this is KAVEH'S DUMBASS IS SO OBLIVIOUS TO THIS LMAOOO
but also it's sad because the reason he's oblivious is because he doesn't think he's worth being cared for like that.
haikaveh's whole vibe is "i love you, but i'd much rather you love yourself first" and "i'm your one and only, your only exception, the one you'd break all your rules for" and i love it.
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cairoswrld · 2 months
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everyone keeps saying "just know it is yours" how do you just KNOW, like you know its not there sooo isnt that just being delusional?
"Faith is self-confidence. Faith is not optimism. Faith is not wishing. Faith is knowing the unspoken secret of the universe. Faith is that assured awareness and knowledge that whatever your fulfilled desires are here, existing within the unseen domain, now you must live as though you are already possessed of them." — Neville Goddard.
one thing about the law of assumption, manifesting all of that, is that you’re always doing it. - you’re always persisting in some sort of belief, you’re always assuming things before they even happen. it’s never delusional when you sit there and think "oh no what if he doesn’t like me" "oh no what if it doesn’t work out" "ugh he hates me" "oh he’s probably going to find someone else" and then two weeks later, he cheats and leaves. but when someone wants to now sit there and think "ykw im going to be a billionaire one day" and everyone around them is like "oh you’re crazy"
you’re right anon, it can feel a little delusional just telling yourself that "for certain this thing will happen, big or small" but a lot of people were delusional and crazy until shit manifested and everyone goes "omg how do they do that ??"
i used to watch a lot of celebrity interviews, and so many of them swear by manifestation, by believing that you can do something, by scripting, by affirming etc etc. - a good example is Marilyn Monroe. - she was overlooked so she manifested beauty, and now to this day we still speak of her as a symbol of beauty.
people have so much faith in it not working in their favour but can’t turn that faith into it working for them. - read success stories. and you’ll notice how beautiful the law is and how simple it really is.
honestly when you start applying the law, it starts to make so much more sense than when you’re reading it. like even for me, when i approached it i was like "ykw imma just try what these people say and see what happens" and it works. there’s so much content for you to learn from, i made a post literally yesterday to navigate the process of trusting your imagination over your physical circumstances, you don’t have to walk far to find an answer to a question if my response isn’t adequate yk? and then just apply and watch what happens in your life.
law of assumption has a lot to do with faith. in yourself, in the universe whatever it is. and the way you build faith is by applying it practices.
if not faith, definitely hope. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with fully hoping for better, for the best case scenario yk?
resources:
hopefully these answer your question neh:
imagination. - i made this yesterday, it basically speaks on how to trust your imagination over your physical world to help with that knowing
3D validation. - short post about using self concept to build up faith within, seek validation that you have it within; so that you can achieve that knowing feeling
negativity. - how to deal with thoughts and beliefs that don’t support your manifestations, talks about dealing with things that "block" you from that knowing feeling
delusion. - how the law will always work, regardless of whether you believe in it or not. the law will always support what you assume and believe.
persisting. - you’re always in a knowing state of something, whether you know it’s not working so it appears that way or that you know it is and it appears that way 🤷‍♀️
wish fulfilled. - how to achieve that knowing feeling.
i hope this answers your question anon, if in doubt after all of this. go search up "how to persist", and whatever they say whether you believe it yet or not, APPLY. just apply it and see what happens.
(persisting is continuing that knowing feeling despite 3D circumstances that’s why i say look that up specifically)
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lovemyromance · 1 month
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Can people stop saying Elriels are changing Elain & Azriel's personalities to make their ship work?
First of all, SJM wrote a bonus chapter and 3 books of buildup in the background for Elriel already. We didn't just make up the fact that they're very into each other - SJM literally wrote that in the books.
We don't have to change anything about them. They are already attracted to each other and interested in each other in the text at this point.
Could we sit here and argue that Azriel sitting in the garden with Elain, Azriel sensing she's missing and in danger when the Cauldron kidnaps her, Elain looking to Azriel for comfort, Elain getting him solstice gifts, Azriel wanting to beg on his knees for a taste of her, Azriel giving her truth teller, Elain kicking the hounds off him, Azriel making everyone wait for her to eat dinner - We can sit here and argue and say those things are "strictly platonic" or "he's an incel who only lusts after her" (not sure how both can be true but okay). We can do that - but it won't change the fact that it is ON THE PAGE. THEIR MUTUAL ATTRACTION is IN THE TEXT.
Cool? Cool.
Next Point: Nobody is changing shit about Elain or Azriel.
It's like the antis saw one post about "oh Elain could be a cool warrior" all the way back in like 2015 and have held onto that like that one grainy af Elucien Facebook comment that one account keeps posting as responses to elriel posts (y'all know who im talking about right 😂).
Allow me to give you a refresher: It is currently 2024. Nobody is trying to make Elain be a warrior. I think most Elriels are of the opinion that we do NOT want ACOSF 2.0.
What we do want to see, is Elain potentially as a spy. AGAIN - not a warrior. This is not changing her personality. She is already a Seer - it is not a stretch to want to see her delve into her powers in the next book to use them to SEE and gather information. Elain is ready to help, she literally says "Find me when you wish to begin."
If people are complaining about fan arts where she's holding a dagger - I'm like 99% positive that dagger is truthteller and you cannot be complaining about an actual canon scene where she has been the only other person to touch that knife in 500 years, apart from Azriel. Not even Mor, his one time love, has touched that knife.
And Elain holding truthteller is in the official ACOTAR coloring book - BTW. So if you have an issue with Elain being depicted with a dagger - take it up with SJM's team.
Let's talk Azriel:
Genuinely not sure what people are saying we are changing about Azriel to better fit Elain?
People bring up the "oh he's too dark for Elain she will shy away from him" um. No. It's literally in the text how Elain calls his scars beautiful and does not balk from him.
Also .. what darkness? I did an entire post on what the hell is Azriel's darkness even and still, nobody had an answer for me because ??
We can't be reducing this man down to a job he took very very reluctantly and clearly hates. He doesn't like torturing people for answers, guys!! Y'all make it sound like his love interest can only work if she's his literal torture assistant or something 😭😭
"Hi azriel, you have a 11 o'clock coming in for the usual water boarding treatment." <tucks hair behind ear and nods earnestly> "and then afterwards, I will wash the blood off your knife and accept your darkness?"
Is that what y'all want 🤨🤨 don't be weird smh
Azriel says it feels wrong to touch Elain because HE FEELS UNDESERVING OF HER?? Have you never read a romance novel? The tortured hero being so reluctant to even touch his love because he's afraid his sins will taint her goodness??
Please people. Listen to like... a Hozier song before you try to understand this man because maybe then you might get a crash course on him. This man is so Hozier coded, it's insane to me that people think of him as some fuckboi incel.
Nobody is changing anything about Azriel and Elain. They are drawn to each other and understand each other without having to say a single word. Their love story is already starting out to be the healthiest: friends to lovers. They have been given a title: death & his lovely fawn.
Their very names mean Azriel "God is my help" or "Angel of Death" and Elain means "Light" or "Fawn" or "God has answered my prayers"
It's already on the pages and if you can't see the writing on the walls, perhaps it's time for a reread my friend.
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lightnotyagami · 1 month
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"Do you think you'll kill for me one day?"
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"Yes, of course i will my dear."
Light x fem reader (soft) smut
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A/n:remeber when L put cameras into lights room? When i was like 14 or 15 i read a smut FF like this and OH MY GOD its still in my head. Coudnt find the ogs @ but if i ever do ilysm🙏 (it was on ao3 if anyone wants to help me find it😭)
Summary: L puts cameras into lights room.. great.. but what do normal people his age do? Hang out with friends, do homework.. and some other things.
Tw/cw: my horrible english, soft smut (duh) , being watched, tell me if i missed anything!!
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"Are we seriously going to do this?" You asked him still in a safe distance from his house. "Yeah, wanna back out?" He said as he looked at you like you were stupid. "No! I'm just saying, I don't know about the whole... thing." You voiced as he answered with a shrug like what you said wasn't a big deal to him. "Look," he said walking towards you with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I'll take care of it, okay? you just relax and lay down." Your mind went crazy thinking about all the things that could go wrong. "So, are you in yes or no?" He stopped right in front of you and looked directly into your eyes. His face was close enough for you to smell the mint from his breath. 'It felt different being so close to someone, I mean I didn't feel threatened by his appearance, just like when we were fighting but this time I could see how beautiful he really is...' you thought to yourself "fine." "Good girl."
*later in his room*
'64 cameras.' you thought to yourself as you sat yourself on the bed and light on his chair. "hey light!" the door was shot open revealing his little sister, sayu was her name? "mom asked if you want anything from the supermarkt, oh and does Y/n want something too?" she asked now looking at you "oh no dear its fine! you two make yourselves a great day" you answered. "Okay, dont be mad then if we dont bring extra snacks" she winked at making your laugh slightly. 'i wish i had a younger sister' you thought to yourself "okay mom says bye." Sayu said closing the door behind her, leaving only you and light. oh and the 64 cameras from every angle of course. The lights were dimmed making everything look more mysterious. "you want anything?" Light asked turning around to look at you. "no... thanks its okay." you answered looking at the ground embarassed as he sat besides you ."it's alright babe, come sit over here." he patted on his lap. You slowly moved your legs closer to him sitting on his lap. he pulled you closer so that your head was on his chest and his arms were wrapped around you. Everything was going after Plan but why did this still feel so..weird? you dont know if L is the only one watching this. you could only hope. you closed your eyes trying enjoying his touch and warmth as he kissed you softly. "let me show you something, babe." you hummed in response. His fingers which were playing with the ends of your hair slowly moved up to your body . "your heart is beating so fast" he whispered in your ear, causing you to shiver slightly. It sent an electrical jolt through your spine, it was almost painful but good. your heart started hammering in your chest as he pushed your t-shirt up exposing your bra and sofly pushing you down on the bed climbing on top of you. you moaned as he started kissing you softly on your neck, moving it from side to side, leaving small red marks "l-light~!" you whined not sure what to do as he started to unhook your bra , slowly peeling it off your body.
*at the headquarters*
"mister Soichiro Yagami, i belive you would like to leave the room?" L said as soichiro looked at the computers not sure if to ignore this ever happaned or to kill light when hes back home. "yes im sorry i just.." he said as he walked out of the room in complete shock that his son was capable of these things. "anyways. Im bluring the cameras now. Watari unblur them when this is done and a cheese cake would also be nice "
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cupids-archives · 2 months
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Can you do an Chill (busty if you like! Im kind of busty myself :P) who hides it on always using oversozed sweatshirt Female y/n that just talks with MK, who likely just met and talked Sun Wukong once when MK introduced him to her on Pigsy Noodles, and he just straight up went obsessed after that?
Srry if i requested in the wrong place that you indicated <33 plus, i love your work!
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━━━━━━━━𖥔 ࣪ small fic ft. yandere! sun wukong ₊˚♱ ━━━━━ ₊˚♱ contains: obsessive behavior, small nsfw. ₊˚♱
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🪽 ៹ ࣪ this was a bit rushed so lmk if you want a part two or a better/longer version <3 🪽 ៹ ࣪
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you were being swarmed by the staff at pigsys shop, your hands tucked in your sweater while they ask you silly questions. “where are you from!! mei asks, uncomfortably close to your face, “and where did you meet mk??” tang says peeking over you, “you guys do know she’s not my girlfriend right…”
mk finally speaks up and you can feel the excitement in the room drop, some of them even looking dejected. the only person in the room who seems to light up at this, is the strange man sitting in the corner, he’s a celebrity so you tried to ignore him through your visit here but it’s almost hard as his follow you every time you get up or excuse yourself. soon most of the people in the shop spread out, starting to do their own things. leaving just you, mei, and mk, it was a little awkward at first but soon lightened up.
“i never thought that THE monkey king would be that weird.” you randomly say, still thinking about the awkward encounter. “he usually isn’t, I don’t know why he’s acting like that” he looks almost scared like he was worried about the guy. “I didn’t even think he would show up, to be honest, when you told me you were the monkey kid I thought you were just joking,” the conversation turns back to the happy one it once was. you guys continue talking about stupid stuff until you want to leave, you wish goodbye to your new friends and start to walk back home.
you can almost feel eyes on you on every step of the way, feeling observed and uncomfortable. you quicken the pace, you feel exposed even with having so many clothes on. you get back to your house safely, making sure to lock the doors. your head immediately hits the pillow, feeling tired, but your mind is happy after an successful day. “you look so adorable when your sleeping.” you immediately jump up looking around to see whoever just talked to you. the hair on your skin feels as if it’s rising and the paranoid feeling comes back again.
you convince yourself it’s just your imagination and start to drift off again, but you feel a cold hand to under your sweater, touching the sensitive skin around your breast. this time however you can’t move, you feel frozen to the spot, the only thing you can move is your eyes, looking up to see the monkey kid fondling you, looking down on you with such intensity like he’s been in love with you forever. you also notice your not in your room, somehow being transported to some weird magical place, one that you can’t help but call beautiful,
“I’m sorry for doing this so suddenly,” the king says, getting closer to kiss your soft lips, “I just couldn’t help myself.” he takes off your sweatshirt completely. immediately nestling between your breasts, “you should stop wearing those big shirts. you look so pretty all naked for me”
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kuni-is-daddy · 1 year
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Hear me out- fluffy comfort sex with scara bc y/n's severe daddy issues are acting up and it gets rougher... idk ive just been fantasizing about this 🤭
"For me~"
Tw: daddy issues, Signals of depression.
Scaramouche x GN reader PUREE comfort! :)
1.3K Words
scara masterlistt wanderer comfort
Fluff+smut
MINORS DNI---
Please make sure your taking care of yourself! I might not know you but your a beautiful person inside out who deserves the best and an amazing life no matter your age. Either young or old, things will get better. Have faith in yourself ❤️ I hope scara helps you feel better here💜
Art credit!
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Even though scaramouche has a interesting personality. I feel like he truly can relate to MANY people regarding their problems and that's why he's one of my, if not favorite genshin character.
He's on break from his most recent mission in inazuma and treats you out and catch up as another date. He brings you a couple of gifts and some dango he kept cold just for you. "I thought you weren't a fan of dango scara?" "I'm not but.. figured I might as well bring something sweet for you besides myself" you giggled but that soon turned into a sad expression while you played with the box of dango he handed to you. "What's wrong y/n?"
Unfortunately, hearing about what's going on with your father was the last thing he wished to hear. Your his everything and you getting treated or viewed as nothing is something that makes his skin boil.
"tsk, how about I teach that old man a lesson? Humans are all the same. Taking it out on others because they can't handle the fucking truth or their own shit life. Where is he?" Scaramouche stood up from the table and looked at his surroundings.
"S-scara baby please it's fine its fine.." he sits back down. "Being with you already makes my day a blessing." You cup his cheek and he sinks into your warm touch. Looking at your beautiful eyes. He sighs, "you don't deserve this y/n. And..I'm not going to be here all the time for you. Fuck...this is already pissing me off"
"I don't even fucking have a father, but if I did I sure as hell wouldn't let myself get pushed around like this." You frowned. "Hey. Look at me. Your not a push over okay? I-im just saying this isn't right. Your beautiful and deserve the world y/n. I'd give you all of teyvat in a heartbeat" which you assumed he could after seeing the 'Shouki no kami' he and 'the doctor' have been working on. "Is he always home and like this?" "Yeah.. it's just like this when I'm around... So I'd just find something to do to try and take my mind off if it but..it still hurts." He held your hand. "Its going to hurt my love, it hurt when my mom abandoned me as well. Leaving me alone, but you have to find hope. Be it something small or anything. The fatui was.. a revenge thing you can say but. I found hope within you to be different..even if I am still in it. For now." You blushed "wow kuni~ I never knew you could be so nice." And there went his ego, "I just tell it like it is. And like I said, you are beautiful my love. And you certainly are worth it. Every hour, every second and every breath I take by your side."
It grew silent for a couple of minutes. Scara got up and paced back and forth thinking of a way to help you, to make you understand he loves you. He knew that deep in your thoughts we're tragedy and pain, that you we're alone. And he didn't want you to feel how he felt when his life crumbled due to the stoned face of a god.
He wanted to hurt that man, make him regret it. But he knew that wasn't the right way. Sometimes violence isn't always the answer and he learned that from you. You we're the yin to his yang, the beat in his heart. He loved you more than anything and you guided him into the 'happy' man he is today more then anyone could ever hope to become.
He didn't take you home, rather to his own home. It was dark, black painted walls and only 1 or 2 pictures he took with his 'buddy, Childe' and the rest we're all pictures of you. Even in his room he had taped up letters you'd write to him during his abroad trips. "Look. Come here." He was a little stern but you can tell it was because he was angry at how you we're being treated. "You see all of this here? I read these everyday. When I wake up, to be reminded that I'll always have you y/n." He held your hands and sat on the bed while taking his hat off. "I want you too feel the same way, even with that piece of shi- 'annoying parent' around. You don't have to read my letters my love, but please. Stay strong. For me. And for the future we will have together, side by side. Always."
SMUT🤪
Scaramouche laid you onto the bed and let out a groan "god look at this beautiful body of yours. How dare you look at yourself like this.. your fucking beautiful" he rubbed his hands along your body and took licks around your neck "I'm gonna treat you well t'night baby. And tomorrow I'm going to ask that brat Childe to take the rest of my missions for a bit(months) love." "B-but scara then your going to be so busy after-" he kissed you to keep you quiet. "Mmm mmm.. don't worry about that, trust me you'd be surprised to see the things he'd do after I put on a show for him(scara means killing a buncha people. Childe loves that shit😩)
Scara moved down to your private part, licking and kissing it "Scara~ stopp..your tongue~"
"Want me to stop baby? I know you like it." "N-no" you said while rubbing through his hair "you feel so good~" he smirked. "Good you like it. How about my fingers, you want that to?" "Y-yes daddy..wanna feel your fingers." Scara licked at his fingers and put two inside. "Mmm your so tight around my fingers baby..." He took his other hand and held your leg up while biting at your thighs. "Scara~ please~ ah...hah...." biting and sucking on your thighs until you got a hicky "Yes? What does love want." "I- I want you inside." He stopped biting at you and laughed. "Mmm and here I thought you wanted me to be gentle. And cherish your body." "I-i do but... I want more of you scara" "then take what you want of me, my love"
"Oh fuck baby..L-look at you, bouncing on daddys cock so well." Scara's praises made your body heat up. You two interlocked hands as you chased your orgasm "Yes y/n..Fuck yes. i love you. I love you so fucking much, Please cum for me. Let me hear those beautiful moans." "S-SCARA~ OH sHIT~" You cum oozed onto scara as he kept praising you, "Mm..fuck baby you did so well..So fucking well.. lay down f' me." Your body grew weak as your high started to fade and he guided you to the otherside of the bed. Scara licked off some of your cum while cleaning you up. "Shit.. and you taste good too baby." You threw a pillow at him "You pervet-"
You awoke to your boyfriend soundly asleep next to you. Already in his fatui attire. "S-scara...Your still here" He ruffly opened his eyes. "Of course id be here dumass.. But i do have to leave in a bit.. Otherwise how else am i gonna get that ginger idiot to take my work for a bit." You we're shocked that he still committed to what he said earlier, You thought he was just speaking to boost you up but scara was serious about it. You gave him a hug. "Im so glad to have you in my life Kuni. I love you."
"My god, my mother, humans. They've all abandoned me. Because I was 'weak. Not good enough.' But now I understand my love, I don't need them. Or what they say... All I need and want is you. I want to wake up to your beautiful smile. I want while I'm away for you to be happy. So please keep trying, not for those that dismiss you like they've done me. But for yourself and me. I believe in and love you. Just the way you are and the person you strive to be. I love your kindness, the way you smiled even when you we're sad on our dango date and wake up everyday even if it's the bare minimum. Dont hide those emotions anymore my love, When your hurt, Fall in my arms. Please stay, don't listen to that old bastard or the pain in your heart. I love you and I will stay with you until the bitter end to pick you up. Just like you always did for me"
Ps: I will be home Early, Tomorow evening most likely. Apparently, childe sees me as his 'best friend' and is willing to help regardless. What a looser. Anyway, I have to prep up for the fatui's grand dinner. I hope you ate today my love, Farewell until then.
-Kunikuzushi.
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roach-works · 4 months
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hey i'd just like to come on here and formerly apologize. i did more digging, and I realized frankly, i shouldn't have done that. and i'm extremely sorry. i'm not only regretting it because of the hate and whatever i'm getting in return, but i realized I shouldn't have come for you like that. it was in the past and i didn't think at all. and you're incredibly right with everything you said. i'm once again so sorry for coming out and harrasing you about something so long ago, and frankly, not even as bad as some others have done. you are right- i am just a silly teenager and i'm willing to accept my mistakes as one. this has taught me a lot. and yes, this is ser0_t0nin, i just changed my user because I had people messaging and sending me asks telling me to off myself, and having others attack my other socials. i am once again so sorry. thank you for this learning experience and I will never repeat this incident to anyone else. It was so wrong of me to just come out and accuse you of shit. anyways i keep saying sorry a lot but it's cause I am. I immediately regretted it, even after I sent the stupid ask in. i'm sorry if I made the day bad for you and I wish you the best. once again, for the seventh millionth time, im sorry. ps. you don't have to accept my apology i just hope you know i took everything you said into consideration and have changed my outlook on things. i'm sorry.
huh, it's fucked up that people have been telling you to kill yourself. while that isn't a lesson i would wish on anyone-- and i have repeatedly tried to make it clear to my followers that harassment is wrong and nobody should ever do it, no matter the target--it does serve as a pretty clear demonstration that the internet is full of reactive assholes who don't actually care about right or wrong, just finding their next victim. it could be me, it could be you. eventually it will be both of us.
im sorry you're having such a bad time. it was my intention to give you a sharp wake-up call, not weeks of undeserved suffering. as you can see, a lot of getting by on the internet these days is blind luck and a very thick skin, not behaving well or treating people right. still, being a teenager is hard enough without also slogging through harassment, so you've got my sympathies. i hope you get through this in one piece, and find a comfortable place to enjoy yourself again.
turn anonymous asks off, and good luck.
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wintrcaptn · 6 months
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Wish I Loved You In The Nineties
Joel Miller x Reader
Summary : right person, wrong place, wrong time.
A/N : this will be a few parts. I just wanted to write some angst cuz I miss it 😭
This was just a quick intro. Cuz the next few parts will go into more detail about their feelings, the tension, the cute angsty moments, etc., I hope you enjoy!!
Warnings : cursing I guess? Age gap (Joel is in his 50s, reader is 26) virgin. 2.2k words
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"Wait, there's a library! I'll be five minutes." You said.
Joel turned on his heels to face you but before he could even say a word, you were off. Annoyance washed over him instantly as he followed you to the library.
"One day im gonna put a damn leash on you." He groaned, walking few paces behind you.
You rolled your eyes, ignoring him completely.
Joel was the only consistent thing in your life lately other than books. He had saved you from raiders a little over a year ago.
And though he fought himself for a short moment on whether or not he should even care to help you, he couldn't just turn his back.
And ever since, you stuck around him. Following him wherever he went. Even when he told you to leave, over and over again.
But that was the thing, you really had no one to go to. All the people you ever cared for had died, and well...you were tired of trying to fend for yourself. Look how well that went.
Now, here you were. Annoying Joel for the hundredth time.
He had grown used to having you around by now. And a part of him began to feel protective of you.
Even when you pissed him off, and pushed every single button of his from all your constant questions of life before it turned to shit.
You were only 5 when it happened. And now, 20 years later...those memories have only faded more and more.
But there was one thing that always shut you up...books.
If you weren't annoying him with all your constant talking, he would find you curled up with a book, pens and high lighters.
You always knew how to lose yourself in a story. And you read anything you could get your hands on. Didn't matter if it were thriller, romance or science fiction, and fantasy.
Anything that took you away from the real world.
"One book. Got it? Ya already got too many."
"You can never have too many books, Joel. Maybe you should grab one for yourself." You said, as you quietly opened the door.
He rolled his eyes.
The library had books all over. Some on the shelves, some tossed on the floor, and tables. There had been moss growing from the trees sticking through the broken windows.
"It's so beautiful." You whispered.
"Don't go too far. You stay where I can see you. Got it?"
"Mhm"
"Repeat it."
You stopped in your steps and turned to meet his gaze. "Go far away where you can't see me."
"Dammit, kid—"
"I'll be right in this aisle, where you can see me. Okay?"
Joel could care less about the sarcasm, but he enjoyed having you around. But he would never admit that to you. Not even to himself.
"Ok, I got my book." You said, walking over to him.
"Just one?"
You shrugged a, soft smile forming on your lips.
"How many?"
"Only four! Look, they had 'An Offer From A Gentleman.' And 'The Time Travelers Wife.'"
"More romance books?" He said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Ain't ya tired of the predictability?"
You sighed, shoving the books into your bag. "Sorry for wanting to read books with happy endings sometimes. It's not like I'll ever get that in this lifetime."
Joel swallowed hard as he took in your words. He had the luxury to remember life before the infection. Before life was a blur.
It wasn't as simple as the books, and it sure as hell didn't always end up in happily ever after for everyone. But he did have the chance to fall in love, to feel the butterflies after a first date, and the build up anxiety before a first kiss. Even having gone through break ups...
You never had any of it.
"Come on." He said. Feeling a bit off when he noticed the different tone in your voice. "We should head back to camp before it gets dark."
————
You were quiet most of the walk back. Reading the third book in the Bridgerton series.
Reading Benedict Bridgerton's story had made you swoon. It reminded you of Cinderella, a story your mother used to tell you before she died.
He was whiny at times, sure. But the way he knew what he wanted...which in this case, was Sophie. He didn't care about his rank in society. He wanted her. And when he fought for her, you heart swelled.
"God, what I would give to be loved like this." You stated, closing the book.
"Ya finished it already?"
"It's not like I have anything else to do."
Joel shrugged in agreement. Once you had reached the campsite, he made you both coffee while you got some food prepared that you found on your quick supply run.
"Were you ever in love?" You asked absentmindedly.
Joel furrowed his brows, crossing his arms over his chest. "What'd I say bout personal questions."
"Come on! I've been following you for over a year now. You know almost everything about me!"
"Not my choice."
You looked up at him and glared at him with your tired eyes. "Just give me something. Anything."
He rolled his eyes, glancing at the coffee next to him.
"Please? You don't even have to tell me anything really personal...just..idk—what was your go to pick up line?"
"Out of all the people in the world, I get stuck with you." He groaned. "I ain't doin this with you."
"Fine, then where was your favorite place to take a date to?"
Joel stood there, leaving against the truck. He had already been annoyed, but here you were, annoying him even more with questions he didn't want to think about.
"Please? I'll leave you alone for the rest of the night if you just answer at least one of my questions."
He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. He knew he should just ignore you, but today...he just couldn't.
"Fine. Didn't do much but take 'em to a drive in and maybe an arcade if she were into it." He said. "Now leave me alone, already."
A smile formed on your lips and you pulled yourself up to your feet.
"So you did go on dates." You teased. "There's a heart in there."
"Shut up."
A little chuckle escaped you as you stood next to him, watching the sun begin to set ahead of you.
"I wish I could've been born earlier. So I could've experienced that at least once in my life."
Joel let out a sigh. "Trust me kid, you ain't missin much."
"Easy for you to say! You got to live it. But all I have are books and my imagination."
"Maybe get ya head out of those damn books and go find someone."
"Where Joel? In the abandoned library? Or what about the open field behind us? Last time I trusted strangers, they tried to kill me."
"You trusted me."
It was true. Joel had been nothing but a stranger to you. But for reasons you weren't sure why, you couldn't help but feel as if you could trust him.
He was such an ass, and at times you wanted to punch him in the face and leave but...you also needed him. You needed him like breathing. He made you feel safe, as if nothing bad could ever happen to you again.
With Joel, you were home.
"You just don't get it." You exhaled, walking back toward your sleeping bag.
Joel knew he should just drop it there, but he hated seeing you this way. It wasn't like you to shut down, and lately...you were doing that a lot.
"I'm just sayin, falling in love ain't all it's cracked up to be like your little books."
"No shit. I know it's not going to be like the books but still...there is some truth to them. But I'll never know...I never even had a first freakin kiss."
You stopped for a moment and turned to look at Joel.
He furrowed his brows for a moment, holding your gaze before the realization dawned on him. He shook his head immediately. "No. Don't even think about it."
"Come on!" You exclaimed, walking back to him. "It's not like I'm asking you to marry me or something!"
Joel shook his head once again and stood firm in his stance. "I said no. Keep me out ya weird fantasies."
"Please Joel? Just one kiss. That's all I'm asking for. Just one so I at least know what it feels like."
He tried to ignore you as he turned his back to you but you continued your pleading. The constant "please" in his ear. It was starting to frustrate him.
"If I do this for you, will you finally shut up?!" His voice was louder than usual.
You only nodded, holding his gaze with yours.
"I'm gonna regret this." He mumbled to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. He thought to himself for just a moment before letting out a groan and stomped over to you without any hesitation. Before you could react, his hands cupped your cheeks, forcing you to tilt your head just before his lips pressed firmly against yours.
In that moment, your heart began to race. His lips were soft and warm, and tasted of his coffee. It didn't take you long to motion back.  His tongue danced along yours, forcing chills to cover you completely as his hands traced down to your waist, pulling you in closer.
Joel deepened the kiss, hot and urgent. As if he needed this to survive. He couldn't stop himself, and he didn't want to.
In this moment, it felt like all of the world had disappeared and it was only you and him.
The kiss was intoxicating. And suddenly your body grew hot. Every part of you wanted him. To feel more of him in places no one had ever touched except for you.
Joel was ready to lose himself to you in this moment. He knew it was wrong and he should stop but the longer you were against him, the more he craved you.
The urgency of the kiss was palpable, a relentless hunger that left you breathless.
His hands trailed up and down your body, feeling the thin fabric of your shirt clinging to your torso, wishing to feel your skin against his.
He could feel himself growing harder just by the thought alone. He wanted you. More than anything.
Joel didn't have time to think about what was right or wrong. He just knew in this moment, you were all he cared about.
In an instant, he lifted you off the ground and sat you on the bed of the truck. His lips never leaving yours.
Until you had accidentally knocked over the cup of coffee and the sound of the mug shattering on the ground, stopped you from continuing.
Joel quickly took a step back, wiping his mouth and catching his breath, as you sat there, heart beating fast in your chest. He turned his back to you, trying to collect his thoughts. For a moment, he almost let himself go. He almost caved and gave in to you.
You didn't even know what to think. And for the first time in your life, you had no words.
Things are far too complicated in this world. Joel wasn't someone who let anyone in. He knew giving someone that much power, it would destroy him if anything were to happen.
And he tried so damn hard to keep from feeling anything for you. If you had walked away after saving you that day, he wouldn't have thought twice about you. But now?
You were all he could ever think about. Every morning, he'd flash a soft smile seeing you already awake...reading a book like always with coffee ready. Every night, he felt a little more at ease having you there. Even when he didn't show it, he was slowly starting to fall for you.
And it scared him. More than anything. You were the right person, but it was the wrong time.
He couldn't promise to love you the way you deserved. To be the man that you hoped he would be. For so long, Joel was someone people feared. He never hesitated to do what he had to in order to survive.
So how could a girl like you ever love a man like him?
"Joel...s-say something." You stammered, nervously picking at your nail.
He turned to meet your gaze and wanted nothing more than to kiss you again. To feel you against him. But he swallowed hard and straightened his stance.
"I held my end of the bargain...now it's your turn." He groaned, then stomped over to the fire and kicked dirt into it to put it out.
"But—"
"Don't." He said with a stern voice. "Get some sleep. I'll keep watch."
"Joel—"
"I won't tell you again."
You didn't want to fight with him. So many different emotions washed over you, it was overwhelming. And all you wanted to do was sleep.
Maybe you shouldn't have asked him to kiss you. Because then you wouldn't be laying there wishing you could kiss him again. Maybe, you wouldn't have realized you were falling in love with him.
—————
Chapter two
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