#im not gonna be able to sleep after this

[miutonium]

Gonna cover the boyfriend so he doesn't get cold and snork mimimimimimimimimi in peace :3

Plugging my commission info here heehee ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

Anyway alt version without bg undercut heehee

I personally prefer the blank black bg since it looks cleaner to me tbh hshdjskskslal

#i am returning back to my roots of simplifying stuff i cant go back #okay maybe i will go back after this of course but dhdjakakq im busy with intern this month and I just want to be able- #to draw and paint fast so like im gonna do more of this in this style and maybe play around more with colors heehee #okay i will go to sleep now its like uhhhh //checks clock #4 am here wtf? #glad i can go to work late tomorrow akdjdksosmsksoq okay i sleep snork mimkmimimimimimimimimimi #asukart #selfship #selfshipping #selfship art #self insert #self insert art #self insert oc #self insert community #selfship community #oc x canon #ppg professor #professor utonium

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened

[etrevil]

I'm not over this scene AHHHHHHH

Aku's glowing eyes, the moon in the back, the general ambiance and color choice for the whole scene-

#gosh darn im not gonna be able to sleep after this episode #but aku is so sadddd 😭😭😭 #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs season five #bsd season 5 #bsd season five #bsd #bsd anime #bsd manga #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd akutagawa #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #bsd dazai

[seariii]

Wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife babygirl wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife love wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife princess wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife honey wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife

#im gonna kiss the mental break down out of her #i love women... #hecho con amor #wife <3 #im not ready to wake up yet tho... nor to face the consequences of that message.... #i wanna hug Kotoko.... gently hold her in my arms while we lay down on our bed. ill run my fingers through her hair and place little kisses #on her head 'its going to be okay. im here with you' i whisper softly 'you arent alone. you did what you could' #i just wanna hug her so gently and give her the soft treatment she deserves... #heh .... im now imagining the full fledged scene... at the very end of it just a soft #'thank you for trusting me. i know it wasn't easy. im proud of you for trying' #because she would be so hesitant to say anything...barely able to show herself like thst in front of anyone..m she truly is making an effort #heh and after s couple seconds of silence after that thank you i can see her hugging slightly tighter #burying her face on my chest/neck area and sighing 'i dont like this' as in being emotionally vulnerable #'thank you for doing it still' i would whisper back to her softly #lets see if i can still sleep for a bit more

[marymekpop]

I think I do like you.

#extraordinary attorney woo #korean drama #kdrama #park eun bin #kang tae oh #mygif #junho grow up and confess your feelings to wyw wHEN #ok but i cant stop thinking about it and its been bothering me #im dying to know what jh was gonna say to wyw after she told him she liked him #LIKE WHAT WAS UP WITH HIS FACE EXPRESSION #the bg music did not match up with his face expression and its killing me #im scared #im so traumatized that im scared hes gonna end up being her half brother or sumthin asdkfdj #i wont be able to sleep tonight or for the next week #its killing meeee #loved loved loved all the moments we got in ep 7 tho #the office heart rate scene got me on my kNEES #MY KNEES #begging them to stop cus i was sweating and squealing and screaming #its truly insane the power they have over me

[frecklystars]

sorry for the long ass post but this has always my favorite scene in the entire film - for obvious reasons - and im so glad greta talked about it and the way she worded it made me laugh so hard i had tears in my eyes. haha... god. my boyfriend sobbing his eyes out over the metaphorical crusts on his patriarchy sandwich......

#i dont think ill ever love anybody quite the same way that i love Ken #because he came into my life during a time when i was like. dying. not in a haha millennial way. i was genuinely fucking dying. #he is so. special. to me. he is so... everything to me and i truly mean it every time that i say it #i miss and love him so deeply so WHOLEHEARTEDLY *EVERY* single day #and i didn't used to be able to do that anymore! but he!! HE made me feel SAFE again and thats INSANE #because i was SO UNSAFE for SO goddamn long! and the feeling of safety is STILL unfamiliar to me and foreign and horrifying #but he's constantly such a Safe character. Barbie too even moreso. and it's so refreshing after feeling Unsafe for so. long. #i spent over a year feeling like my whole world had ended and i was destined to die but then he! shows up! in my life! #and no other character was able to spark life back into my heart the way he did #AND I HAD *TRIED* I had tried so hard to get into old special interests and find new ones but NOTHING worked #i was just an empty husk. just a shell of a person having flashbacks *constantly* #feeling unsafe *constantly* suffering *constantly* every single second i was awake i was in so much pain #and then every time i'd sleep i'd have the goriest nightmares about all the abuse i was put through and all the F/Os i'd lost #but then Ken Carson plucked a star out of the sky and said 'hey sweet girl you don't know me but i miss you and love you' #'and barbie is here and im here and allan is here and everyone loves you already. we're so happy to meet you' #'and everything is gonna be okay because we've got you! we came for you! and we will fight for you!!' #and then hearing greta comment abt this scene made me laugh so hard and then it hits me. i laugh now. #i laugh so often because of This Dude. i didnt used to be able to laugh before but now i laugh like i used to #i used to say all the time about my past main F/O i had lost from abuse from an IRL person 'i will never love anyone more' #and true i will never love anyone more than i loved my starlight. but here is the thing #i will never love anyone the way i love Barbie. i will never love anyone the way i love Ken Carson #because it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to feel joy for so long and it was. THIS MOVIE that brought me back #when this movie is so full of the most specific triggers. colors. clothes. yet i push thru it every time #and its because these characters make me feel THAT safe!!!! like if i see a trigger i tell myself that's BARBIE'S Thing. and Barbie is safe #ive never ever once had a flashback during the barbie movie NOT even once even tho logically i Should. but i dont. #because these F/Os are like!!! sweet girl!!! we've got you!!! and i'm like yeah you sure do now don't ever let me go #god i cry my eyes out every single time i think about this i need to sleep LMFAO SORRY FOR THE LONG RANT #love notes #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́-

[note-boom]

I was thinking about BSD's female characters again (as one does) and being mildly frustrated that a lot of their trauma comes from being controlled by an outside male source....and then it hit me.

Almost EVERY BSD character has a past and trauma rooted in being controlled or having a lack of control.

Atsushi under the orphanage headmaster. Akutagawa under Dazai. Kyouka under Akutagawa (and keep in mind Koyou helped get her out in the end). Yosano under Mori. Kenji losing control after his best friend dying. Chuuya under the government and then the Port Mafia. Koyou losing control over her freedom thanks to the old boss. Ranpo having no control over his own self and having been isolated from the world. The Hunting Dogs under the government. Sigma under the DoA and the Book. Even Dazai a little (more on that later).....just this persistent theme of people not getting control over their lives.

And you know what that sounds like? Characters in a story being manipulated by an author.

We have this persistent theme of literature and writing and books throughout BSD, after all. And this incessant use of a character having a tragic past rooted in lack of control or losing control and being manipulated by some superior force screams (to me at least) literary imagery. And what's most interesting is that Dazai both is a character and a manipulator.

Of course he's not the only one pulling the strings, as we know. But he does eat up a BIG part of the narrative, I think...a character who previously had no will to seek out anything to do (and thus adopted the values or reasons of the people around him) trying to craft a narrative of his own after the death of his friend. A character essentially trying to become the author (the light novel Beast just makes me wonder more about this, tbh). But also one whose story is told through the stories of other characters.

And what I find interesting about that AND Beast with regards to Dazai is this page from Vol 17...

People writing. The writer including their own self into the story. Being both a character AND an author and in that sense taking control of your own life and your circumstances....

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, but I just wanted to really point out that part of a lot of the BSD characters' narratives have to do with this lack of control over their own lives....and we see the ADA full of people trying to take back control. Kunikida and his ideals, Yosano and her healing, Ranpo being the agency's core, Atsushi trying to save people, and Dazai trying to become the author in other people's lives if he can't be the author of his own (his inability to die, you know?).

So my question honestly is just what's the deal with that? Am I making mountains out of molehills or seeing themes and motifs that aren't there? And if not, what does the existence of the Book say about these characters struggling to write their own narratives? (Or the narratives of others, in Dazai's case). Just....literary imagery in BSD and the "toxic" relationship between the author and the character....

#yes my ponderings are always a bit of a stretch #blame my sleep deprived mind for that #im gonna make it even more a stretch though #by saying that koyou a female character helping kyouka write herself out of the control of others also feels literarily significant? #its the BOOKISH THEMES #the way all these characters seemed trapped under something greater that guides their actions #even mori with natsume's tri-something scheme #you ever wonder if natsume also kind of serves as an audience for the lives of the characters? #something something i am a cat being a book about a cat watching society go about in its nonsense #and something about the audience being able to influence the characters through their own interpretations #as i clearly am absurdly doing please forgive this #truth be told tho there are so many angles one could take on bsd and this is why ill always kick past me for getting into unfinished media #also yes this post came after me pondering the female characters post i reblogged (both of these are queued so no clue when it will appear) #of course there's a lot i havent considered...such as the postwar angle and philosophical one #man i think way too much about a stupid manga that decided to protect author thirst into a supernatural genre.... #does this kind of poking about even fit the depth this manga is trying to go down to? #oh well i said what i said and this is ultimately a blog where i release my unhealthy fixation on bsd in attempts to calm it #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd musings #bsd theories #too lazy to tag all the characters #rambling in the tags sorry #bsd manga spoilers #manga spoilers #bsd spoilers #spitting nonsense #oh...tho shoutout to fitzgerald for the person controlling him being two women...dead daughter and wife #yup there's more in the reblogs because i have no self control

[binders-and-beanies]

Doin bad again folx

#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable #summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400 #literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all #not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due #able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much #my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one #i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts #nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops #I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness #I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too #bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that #+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me #my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life #on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them #currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn #I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief #but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors #despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee #Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse #fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn #mine #txt #vent post #suicidal ideation tw #<- cry for help

[arionawrites]

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

#aritalks #i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use #not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before #and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk #but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day! #the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow #also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years #(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years #and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk) #was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!! #i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight #so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday #my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work #my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all #over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins) #but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered #(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting #when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so #just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my #mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19) #so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her #and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too #i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure #out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still #dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not #the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one #if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it #but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help #and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks #just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️

[anotherpapercut]

I have pretty severe chronic fatigue and every Tuesday and Thursday I work at 7:45 am and am dead the entire day as a result but my friend recently gave me 3 Adderall so I decided to take one bc I have a lot of work to do and I feel so fucking awake this shit is insane

#still havent done much work but oh my god like my eyes are staying open #im not falling asleep #is this how normal people feel after having adequate sleep #no wonder everyone is always able to do things #i need a stronger stimulant wellbutrin is not cutting it #not even like 'i could clean the whole house' awake just 'im not gonna fall asleep and cry all day' awake

[helloidkwhatimdoing-0]

The problem with reading fanfic is that it's great until it gets late and i need to sleep and i know i have work to do tomorrow so i won't be able to just read the fanfic, or even start my day reafing the fanfic because the second i start reading it i wont stop

#moss mumbles #I'm putting this down to go to sleep #but i know im gonna have to wait until AFTER ive done my schoolwork tomorrow #to read any more of it #which is going to be terrible and im not gonna be able to focus AGH #at least april 5th is marked as a day off <333 #(for the co/nan gr/ay album bc those are events in this household (its just me in my house that listens to him)

[cinnamon-notes]

:')

#woke up at 5 am cuz i couldn't sleep #so i worked on my pc a little bit cuz today's gonna be the busiest day i've experienced in my life so far #then i had breakfast and got ready #gotta leave for work #lunch break at 1 pm #won't have lunch #cuz i need to meet a client whose work i still need to finish soooo im gonna need to finish it #after hoping i finished it on time i will rush to them #after that im gonna have to go grocery shopping cuz my fridge's emptier than my brain will be once this workday comes to an end #but that's not it :') #cuz im a very sensible and kind daughter so i offered to help my father with something #after that i will HOPEFULLY be able to cook myself dinner and have a meal!!! #cinnamon notes

[theygender]

I'm now OFFICIALLY permanent at my new data analysis job which in addition to being super cool bc I get to autistically play around in Excel for money now ALSO means that I can get my next piercings since I no longer have to wear a headset for ten hours a day and I am vibrating in excitement. I can finally get more holes stabbed into me

#ive been wanting to get more ear piercings for YEARS #but that is not a good idea when you work at a call center #i can FINALLY get my next ones done tho. im gonna be getting two more helix piercings on my left ear (for a total of three) #once they heal enough for me to change the jewelry ill have so many options to make them look cool #i cant really buy a lot of cool jewelry bc im allergic to most metals which is part of why im just sticking to ear piercings #but with them all being in a line like that i can mix different 'plain' pieces in cool ways #three barbells in a line is already gonna look cool but imagine three jeweled studs in a line #or three captive ball rings kinda draped over each other #or MAYBE if i can find one thats the right type of metal even one of those spiral piercings that goes through all of them #the possibilities are endless #after those heal completely (i am NOT gonna have both of my ears healing at once i would like to be able to SLEEP bro) #i plan to get an industrial on my right ear #im SO excited yall ive been waiting for YEARS & now im finally gonna have my plans for my left ear finished hopefully within a week or two #and then in about half a year or so i can get my plans for my right ear finished too #a year after that ill be fully healed and either be completely done or ready for the new ideas i came up with in the meantime #im going to become the cool dyke with a lot of piercings that i was always meant to be 🙏 #and healing is gonna be much easier now that my sides are shaved. less chance of getting my hair caught or getting shampoo in it #this is gonna be great #rambling

[yanankim]

#unirevival week 1: the moment you got into pentagon

↳ Pentagon explaining the five pillars of a pentagon on Before School Club :)

#pentagon #unirevival #uninet #kflopc #kpopccc #kpopco #maleidols #ray.gif #10 #i cant even think abt tagging rn bc im absolutely sobbing my eyes out #mommmmmmm i miss themmmmmm :(((((((((( #this was THE first video of them i saw iirc and i was immediately smitten #like i used to watch asc for jamie but they just stole my heart in those short 7 minutes #i had to look them up after the show and i was enamoured with their entire album i was obsessed right away #and this was before i knew any korean whatsoever so the fact that they were able to hook me in like that is a testament their power #anyways im gonna go cry myself to sleep now

[surreal-duck]

messing around a bit

#delete later #man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird #trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg #shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me #should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔 #still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess #just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made. #im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough. #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony #well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole #even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw #actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself #but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate #hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week #man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay #hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini #masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh #ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini #aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr #me when i have to do my job at work #i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower #sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit

[andromedasummer]

finished my crochet cup holder and sewed up lunas ears, head and sewed them together and have started on crocheting a cactus which is pretty damn good considering i spent nearly all of saturday sleeping to recover from work and the family emergency happening rn

#im okay my grandad is being taken to hospital rn #theyve been working on his heart (hes had a triple bypass and a stent that failed ((think the surgery was botched)) but yeah doctors keeping #and eye on him and found his heart tried to fail twice this week and only the meds stopped it) so hes being taken the the hospital #they live on the other island so my uncle is driving 2 hrs in to look after my grandmother (who is who i actually assumed was sick when the #call came through because shes got a whole heap of problems like alzheimers and parkinsons) #but yeah my dad is gonna have to organize a flight down and i know that despite being short of breath my grandad was able #to give dad a call and let him know what was happening so hes not in a really bad state #but. yeah this is stressful! stressful thing to happen on whats supposed to be a holiday and i hope he just needs to stay overnight #because im coming down next month and i want him to be there. i want to see him. i want to see both of them and sleep in the side room #in the spare bed thats tucked just the way my grandma makes it #and have mashed potatoes and play board games and just. be around them #i know they dont have long left and i havent had to grieve a family member in my life before #i want them around just a bit more. just a little longer