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randomwriteronline · 6 months

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Ko-Wahi was a short variety of generally not necessarily pleasant things: it was desolate, cold, harsh, and - when the winds didn't rush after one another through the icy peaks with low howling shrieks, cutting through the frigid aether like claws of an enormous Rahi reaching out to grasp any wayward Matoran foolish enough to dare wander in its territory - it was abnormally quiet.

So it reasoned that if Kopaka, Toa of Ice and Hating Being Around People, was not found anywhere else, he had to have secluded himself to a place that at the very least resembled the environment he had first felt at home in.

He didn't even flinch at the rush of air that accompanied the stomps which suddenly stopped by his side.

"You're late," he only commented.

The jovial jab Pohatu had ready for him froze in his throat, and he tilted his head slightly in genuine confusion: "Late?" he repeated.

"I expected you to be here five minutes ago," Kopaka replied.

"You were expecting... Me?"

"Of course I was," the other replied matter-of-factly: "If there's something I can depend on, it's the fact you'll chase me down to the ends of the silver sea just because."

The Toa of Stone blinked quickly a few times, eventually smirking back: "And if there's something I can depend on, it's that I'll always find you somewhere snowy and deserted."

He then leaned a little closer and proceeded to add, in a goofier tone: "Like your heart."

The gentle elbow punted in his side made him snicker as he successfully evaded it the first time; he cackled a bit louder when the second jab actually hit.

His friend did not dignify his amusement with any verbal response. Instead, he extended his finger.

Pohatu followed where it was pointing, staring at the same vast expanse of white he had just sped through (luckily without having to skid through any frozen snow - perhaps one of the very few things he certainly did not miss about the island of Mata Nui), and found nothing.

At first.

His pinprick pupils, so used to the desert sun, struggled a little more, trying to tighten even harder or widen ever so slightly: even with the clouds shielding his eyes from the sunbeams turned blinding as they were reflected on the candid coat of snow, the uniformity of the colors confused and unified all that supposedly existed before him with only few exceptions. There was snow, snow, snow, more snow, a leftover Visorak web, even more snow, another patch of snow, something looking vaguely disgusting half covered in snow, some more snow, a lance of light reflected from a point just outside the clouds' range, a vast amount of snow, a smaller amount of snow, snow, snow, and one last puff of snow over there. Riveting!

But Kopaka seldom pointed at nothing at all just to stretch out his finger; and once he truly focused on the exact location he was indicating, Pohatu saw.

He saw a jagged thing, sharp end splintered and jutting towards the sky like a blade, ever so slightly greyer than the pallor surrounding it; he saw its missing half laying mournfully among the powdery ground, defeated, cracked, open wide.

He saw its entrails, eroded by the weather, far too small to properly distinguish one object from the other from this distance - still they glittered grey and blue in the lack of color as if to remind in silent screams of their existence, once, as tools and furniture and inventions of scholars, before they'd found themselves abandoned in the wake of their master's leave as strange crystalline gore only partially hidden away in the haste of a half hearted burial.

He saw dozens of the jagged corpse's kind - once pillars, columns, immense bastions, now nothing more than ruins. Enormous animals frozen in place, never to thaw awake once more.

He saw frail, beautiful exoskeletons awaiting with such tiredness to be crushed, replaced by larvae in the bowels of which knowledge would thrive.

The wind passed between them without strength, not even lifting a snowflake.

"Breath-taking, isn't it," Kopaka murmured.

Pohatu nodded in silence.

They simply stood there for a long time, side by side, looking upon the carcasses of Ko-Metru's knowledge towers.

Looking upon what was left of a city of legends.

There had never been a Matoran called Kopaka, in the Turaga's tales.

He had never competed with Ehrye as they rushed to run errands for the seers in the hopes of one day being allowed to stand beside them at the top of those magnificent crystal constructions, spending days pondering and reading stars, uncovering the secrets of the future to the point of turning the very idea of tomorrow into such a mundane thing; he had never known Nuju, never looked at him with awe, or respect, or burning envy. He had never walked those streets, or skied down those slopes, or travelled to the Colosseum inside of a protodermis chute.

And yet he had found his chest aching as he had listened to those descriptions, from a nostalgia that wasn't his own. As though Vakama and his stories had handed him a coal that had long singed the Turaga's hand, still weakly sizzling, that now burned his palm in turn.

Mata Nui had been all he'd ever known as far as he was concerned. There had been nothing before; and if there had been, it wasn't the land the Matoran had been forced away from.

Yet despite knowing as much, despite the attempts to soothe the dull pain that had no place in his logical mind, in the long last hours he'd gotten to spend on the chiling peaks surrounding Mount Ihu the Toa of Ice had been unable to keep himself from wandering away from the material world into absentminded daydreams, trying to construct a memory that had never been there, a life he had never lived.

He had imagined Ko-Metru many times. He had imagined Metru Nui as a whole many times, the orderly archives, the silvery canals, the smoky furnaces, the dangling cables, the unmoving statues - a world for smaller eyes (like his never had been) to see. He had imagined the Colosseum, its inner mechanisms, even the Vahki guards, despite their presence being nothing but an annoyance at best and a source of uneasiness and dread and outright danger at worst. He had imagined himself getting in trouble with them often - who would they have been, to tell him what to do? What made them any different from a Bohrok?

He had imagined them often, but he had never seen them. Never whole. Never alive.

As he stared at what remained of a city of seers, he ached to have been there. Maybe he would have understood better. Maybe it would have hurt more. Maybe it would have felt more like home.

But would he have noticed? Any of the beauty, the lack of strife? Would he have liked a life such as this, spent either pondering on who knows what, or reading pages of history before they were even written, or running around tirelessly for people who did both former and latter? Would this sight have stirred something deep in him now, or would his amnesia have kept his feelings at a distance?

His chest hurt. Something inside it ached terribly, pushing hard against his muscle and metal, like a fish suddenly rushing to break the still frozen surface of a lake in a bout of claustrophobia.

He felt strange, uncomfortable.

Like something misplaced.

Kopaka's eyes wandered over the crystal towers, suddenly overwhelmed. He let out a shuddering, watery breath, as quiet as he could.

He needed not worry about being heard.

Pohatu was too enthralled by the sight before them to notice his momentary frailty.

He gazed on, unable to tear his his eyes from what his brother regarded as an enormous grave he could not mourn properly, and beheld only a thing of beauty.

It was not the vast expanse of Po-Wahi's desert, nor the infinite lushness of Le-Wahi's jungles, the burnt forests of Ta-Wahi, the Ga-Wahi reefs, the cavernous labyrinths of Onu-Wahi - it could not even compare to the frigid landscape of Ko-Wahi despite all their similarities, and he could tell from a first glance.

Ko-Metru and its siblings could have never been what the Koro of Mata Nui had been - they were not a breathing nook interwoven in the world around them: they were carefully constructed bubbles, encased, entrapped within themselves, the wild nature that once had run through it tamed carefully only to cry out despite its weakened form once the binds upon it had been snapped to pieces and left to rot.

It was not beautiful in the way he knew a land to be; it was not open and grand to the point of being frightening. It was shut on itself, broken, a pale imitation of what it had been.

And yet he found it all so gorgeous.

It had embarrassed him at first - not feeling. Remaining still and unfazed as the Turaga had longingly described what the Toa of Stone should have regarded as home, a field of statues tirelessly carved by artisans of his people. He had struggled to imagine it properly, managing only hazy scorches of some undefined place, like a mirage in the desert; and hearing his brothers and sisters wonder aloud, so curious, of how they would have expected their Metru to be, he'd been all but mortified at his own lackluster enthusiasm.

Had he really grown so self centered? All the world seemed to feel as though it had only started existing with his birth upon that fateful shore.

A city of legends on the other side of the sea... He could not have ever pictured it.

But now he was there, walking upon its streets, traveling across its lands, and it looked nothing like it had been described: it looked shattered and lost, and broken, and rusted, and standing still where it had once stood so proud and shining only to spite the cruelty of time that wanted it to bend and turn leveled.

Pohatu had lost himself between scattered remains of monumental statues, details sanded down until unrecognizable, or filled with what little life could make its home in such a crevice. He has searched between the broken Kanohi nobody had ever melted down again, seeing his and his siblings' likenesses over and over and over and over, he had followed broken cables back to the towers from which they had once served a purpose, raced along empty canals to make a sense of them, peeked into tunnels the roofs of which had been torn open like dissected anthills.

Metru Nui had never been whole, not for him.

It had always been this gorgeous wreck, this beautiful ruined landscape. He could not imagine it as anything less; he could not see it as anything mournful, or dead, or ugly.

Each toppled building was where it should have been. Each destroyed spire was exactly as the Great Spirit had intended it to be.

Such a frail, stubborn, lovely, wild thing.

A tragedy and a celebration.

Glowing brighter than the twin suns with every ounce of its incomplete, breath-taking beauty.

Kopaka felt something tug very gently at his arm. When he turned, he noticed Pohatu still hadn't taken his eyes away from the shimmering remains of the towers.

"Did you want to show me this?" the Toa asked, quietly, quietly.

His friend looked back to the sight before them and swallowed a heavy knot in his throat: "I did," he replied.

The grip on his limb tightened ever so slightly.

Comfortingly.

"Thank you." Pohatu whispered.

Kopaka did not answer.

They looked on.

#bionicle #pohatu #kopaka #metru nui #random writing #second hand nostalgia vs finding beauty in ruins: fight (the opponents start kissing each other tenderly)#in other news hi ive read 7 bionicle books in abt a month and im not even remotely mentally stable about these guys #both of these feelings in regards to the past are ones i experience and consequentially im feeling them abt bionicle too #it was never properly alive for me so im entranced by the story and the works and the fans and everything as someone from After It Happened #but at the same time i feel an ache to have been there at the beginning even though i physically couldnt have been #anyways sorry if stuff is ooc. i love these two lads but ive never written for em before #big shoutout to my friend rabid. i love you. thank you for letting the Fleshy Annotations swallow me whole

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yugiohio · 5 months

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Swerve: "One of the dancers for Nana's entrance is actually my girlfriend!"

Me: "Why tf would you say something like that????"

#swerve strickland #aew #im over here tryna be delusional sir. im planning meetcutes in my head why tf would you bring up your real life significant other rn?!#this is worse than google news telling me about MJF's girlfriend completely unprovoked. shit almost ruined my day lmao #me: 'let your faves date! parasocial relationships be beating yalls ass!'#also me: 'How dare he be in a committed relationship with someone he knows & loves but not me; a complete stranger???'#abolish celebrity culture so i can stop being attracted to men

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benjibots · 3 months

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i think it's really funny how people just go on the internet and tell lies

#this post is about nightheart #i went into every book following river horrified that theyd ruin him #but man im just #not #seeing it #at all #nightheart is a misogynist? nope! thats the writers #nightheart doesnt respect sunbeam's boundaries? wrong! nightheart has done nothing but respect her boundaries #nightheart undermines frostpaw's problems by comparing them to his? wrong! hes empathizing with her #its to the point im wondering if im reading the same book as you all. how did you get this impression of this dude.#i think the last one in particular stems from nightheart's conflicts not being taken seriously. yes #its dumb #this was never a prior issue for any of firestar's kin #but it is happening #and that shit is so damaging let me tell you #and also #calling him a misogynist is just gross im gonna be so fr #the AUTHORS are misogynistic. we know this. this is not our first rodeo.#that fact just seems to be projected on to nightheart instead of pointing the finger at the erins #it is misogynistic that these characters are being conveyed the way they are. but the fact remains is that its whats on the page #and nightheart has every damn right to be upset about it #AORRY I AM LIKE. PASSIONATE. ABOUT THIS. i like nightheart a lot and see myself in him #i dont think its bad if people dislike him #but a lot of the reasons ive seen arent even valid reasons because they arent accurate representations of his character #tldr; stop blaming the authors' shitty writing decisions on nightheart pleaseee 😇#nightheart #warrior cats #i would not blame anyone if u said i aint rwading allat tbh this was not meant to get so out of hand

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wordstome · 5 months

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peace and love in the cod fandom if we learned to stop getting personally attached/invested in the voice actors and intrinsically associating them with characters we love

#cod #call of duty #cod mw2 #mw2 #mw3 #cod mw3 #this is NOT about finding the actors hot or supporting their other work #and also not about them directly interacting with the cod fandom because that's very lovely #that's all fine #but some of you guys need to fucking CHILL #stop saying weird shit to warren kole and barry sloane!#and also simultaneously stop letting va's shitty behaviors/opinions ruin your enjoyment of a character #literallly I saw jim boeven's shenanigans and went well. enough of this guy!#and kept on making konig content #'he kind of ruined the character for me' CAN'T RELATE #nick martineau has NOT disappointed me by posting zionist content because I don't know him <3 #im just disappointed in him as a fellow human being lmfao #necessary reminder to stop stealing peoples' voices to use with ai btw #no matter how rancid their vibes are #bucca speaks

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daddyplasmius · 7 months

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hand on my stupid heart flashbacks

this is a No One Knows AU & Full Hazmat AU where Danny ended up in the Ghost Zone & didn't go back into the human world initially because he thought he was dead. by the time he realized he is, in fact, at least half alive, he'd already been missing for at least 2 weeks. will probs never finish homsh sorry. i wrote this a couple years ago in a haze & just haven't been able to finish it because i can't replicate the style, which i find is what i love about this fic the most. it wouldn't be the same without it. posting the flashback introsーwhich are meant to be read between chapters/the actual plot, starting after chapter 1ーcuz fuck it. excuse typos & shit, i never properly edited it, as i forgot it existed immediately after i wrote it original description of homsh: Danny Fenton has officially been missing for over a year. Maddie & Jack Fenton refuse to give up on their son. Sick and tired of the police running them in circles, and the case getting colder by the day, the Fentons turn to their last resortーPhantom. 800~ words (full unfinished fic is 20k~)

When Danny woke up surrounded by thick, green fog, and couldn’t breathe without swallowing heavy air that was more like water than anything, he was sure he was dead. The portal glowed behind him, illuminating the pitch darkness around him in soft, yellow, warm light.

He almost went back.

Almost.

He was dead. His parents were ghost hunters. They had drilled into his head from the moment he was born that he could never, ever panic in death. That he would accept it. That he would not be scared. So he would be prepared to be brave in the face of death and would not become a ghost.

He panicked. He did not accept it. He was terrified. And so he woke up in the Ghost Zone.

Danny went back through the portal when he saw some ectopuses acting… strange. Like they had an idea in their heads. Like they had a plan.

Which was weird, with animal ghosts. He had only been in the Ghost Zoneーmom and dad called it that, he rememberedーfor a couple weeks. Or, he had already been there for two weeks. Or maybe time worked differently and he was there five minutes, or four years orー

The ectopuses went through the portal and, despite everything, Danny went after them.

While he was busy reeling at being home, the ectopuses immediately attacked dad. Danny was horrified. Jack was overwhelmed. Danny stepped in, in a moment fueled by sheer adrenaline and stupidity, snatching a Fenton Thermos™ off a shelf and releasing his shaky invisibility. The ectopuses didn’t stand a chance. And when they were safely in the Thermos, he slowly turned around to dad, ready for the confrontation. Ready for the “what happened to you?” and the “where have you been?” and the “we’ve missed you”.

Dad scrambled to shoot at him.

Danny fled.

His parents didn’t recognize him.

The Lunch Lady attacked when Danny was mourning Halloween.

He’d waited all year. He made a costume that summer. He wouldn’t get to go trick or treating with Sam and Tucker this year. Or any year. For the rest of his lifeーor existence. Whatever.

The Lunch Lady appeared in the school and demanded in straight fury, “Who changed the menu?”

Everyone pointed at Sam.

Danny hadn’t known just how powerful ghosts could be. His parents never told him the specifics. Just that they were dangerous.

This ghost grew and her aura hit him like a hurricane, almost physically pushing him back. It was so strong that the students in the Casper High cafeteria seemed to feel it too.

The Lunch Lady was a much harder opponent than the ectopuses. She levitated meat. She used it as a weapon, and seemed to bring it back to life. She created weird meat creatures that grew sharp teeth and claws out of bones. They were mindless, attacking everything that got too close to the ghost. Danny would have run away without hesitation, if Sam hadn’t been in the crossfire.

Danny fought the Lunch Lady. It was a long struggle, but he caught her in the thermos after over an hour. When he turned to Sam and Tuckerーboth of whom he had to save due to Tucker trying to jump into the fightーall three of them bloody and bruised, he cringed. But a part of him hoped. Desperately.

Surely they would know him on sight.

“Wh-what are you?” Sam gasped at him finally.

Danny flinched as if she had struck him. “J-just… your friendly neighbourhood phantom.”

Danny didn’t know what possessed him. Oh. Pun not intended.

He just barely caught the Fentons leaving in the GAV, dragging suitcases behind them. He couldn’t help himself. What on Earth were they doing?

They were going to Vlad Master’s mansion for their college reunion.

It was a whole thing. But something was off. Besides all the adults reminiscing about the 80’s.

Danny sensed ghosts immediately but he couldn’t see anything. Unfortunately for him, Vlad could also sense him. It was two days of Danny staying invisible, and Vladーthe halfa? Is that what Danny is?ーtrying to kill Jack. Somehow, Danny managed to fight off Vlad, not turn back, and without the Fentons getting hurt. His secret intact.

VladーPlasmius, also learned about Phantom. And Vlad hated him. The manーghostーwhatever, seemed to only care about one thingーpossession. Of money. Of things. Of people. He was more ghost than Danny had ever seen. Vlad’s obsession was overwhelming.

Danny couldn’t believe someone so much like himself could be so disturbing.

#danny phantom #danny phantom au #danny phantom fanfiction #you know that gif of the wailing emoji dissolving? :Why:?#yeah that's what i do every time i remember i never finished HOMSH while i still had the style in my brain #feel free to steal this idea. please steal this idea. please write it i wanna see this idea so bad but im already writing another 100k+ fic #if y'all want me to post the full fic i can but. it is not finished & most likely never will be. sorry again #i won't lie. the haze i was in was a depressed one. i was. not in a good place At All when i wrote HOMSH #like the only part i remember actually writing was the panic attack scene & that's just barely #i reread the whole fic in the middle of the night months later while listening to Implode Alright by Built by Snow on repeat #yeah i cried. this one is funny but mostly it's just. mourning. grief. the works. it's a vent fic & also a. kind of. wishful fic #like. don't you just wish death wasn't so permanent. don't you wish you could tell them everything you wish you could #don't you wish you could just see them again #i'm actually writing this into a bigger ventier series currently called Let Grief Do Its Work #cuz i rewatched LUCIDS again recently & remembered what HOMSH was originally about. why i was writing it #i'm not calling it HOMSH cuz. HOMSHie is my baby. it's its own thing & i don't wanna ruin the vibes #reluctantly admitting i call an unfinished fanfic i don't remember writing... HOMSHie baby... in my head #yeah i have a cute nickname for my fic. what of it #it's 5am & i think i'll throw up if i think any more about posting unfinished unedited pieces of a fic so i'm going for it. cowabunga #go into the world. get your 2 notes you beautiful animal #*passes out*

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hecksupremechips · 4 months

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The fact that Junpei proposed to Akane in ztd just baffles me every time I think about it like. He doesn’t know anything about her. They were friends for, what? A year? When they were kids. And Junpei never even knew she was an orphan or that she had a brother. Given just how important Aoi is to Akane and the massive role he played in her life, it’s very telling that Junpei doesn’t know about him. He also doesn’t seem too interested in Akane as a person. He only likes the idea of her, of sharing a bed or taking a shower together, but when she actually starts talking about her interests such as the titanic, he thinks she’s talking nonsense and only plays along when he doesn’t know what else to say. He also has this image of her as a damsel in distress (partially because Akane puts up an innocent persona to avoid suspicion) and he wants to play an action hero who protects her from seeing the scary dead body, completely oblivious to the fact that she put them there, that she wants that bastard dead. And how much does he come to terms with the truth after the nonary game? He feels betrayal, resentment, but he still proposes to her. He still spends his life chasing after her. He still puts himself and quark in a potentially dangerous situation in order to see her again. Junpei doesn’t have his shit together at all, he refuses to accept that the girl he liked as a kid isn’t perfect and has changed, has changed without him

#zero escape #junpei tenmyouji #my god this man. he really needs to get standards🙄#im very conflicted about the choice to have him propose to akane cuz like on one hand #it really emphasizes just how not well adjusted junpei is and it sets the stage for how he is in vlr #and like i wouldnt want him to have his shit together in ztd in regards to akane he doesnt move on until after vlr #at least in that specific timeline anyway #but on the other hand the game just does suuuch a bad job with the proposal like its treated as cute #when it really fucking isnt its absolutely pathetic that junpei wants to propose to her after everything thats happened #and in general the scene where they get engaged just fucking sucks lol its so weird #i hate it so much goddddd i am not cheering when they get engaged i am seething with rage #cuz theyre ruining their lives cuz they dont fucking love each other or know each other!!! RAWRRRR #oh junpei you fucked up little man just let me. hold your hand 😩

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swordmaid · 11 days

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was taking screencaps of shri’iia and astarion making out in the sewers like the little rats they are and I just caught shri’iia’s shy smile…..omg……what if I ended it all….

#man I love her smile lines too it is so cute to me #I found a mod that reduces its appearance im like nooooo…. I can’t be without her cute smile wrinkles #mmmhm shri’iia’s journey with expressing affections is like. it’s not that she’s against it AT all it’s more like her forms of affections #before we’re literally let me kill this person for you PLEASE dog tail wagging I want to please you so bad and the only way I know how is #to ruin people’s lives for you 😍😍🥰 like see how useful I am to you don’t you love that praise me #please please pleeeaaseeee……..!!!!! 🥹🥹 but now she has to be more normal I think #like acts of affections is just SO new to her and she is just shy because she doesn’t know how to handle it yet. but once she does and #she’s more comfy with it she def likes it … like I was thinking she prob has never hugged or been hugged before #the first time she was held she’s like 🧍‍♀️❓❓ what are you doing and what do I do.#it’s like when u adopt a stray and they’re not used to being loved yet <- literally her #but she’s learning hehe 🤭 and in the epilogue she goes around hugging everybody bc she discovered she likes to hug and hold and be held etc #her love language is def acts of service ..#shut up about bg3.#bg3

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supercalime · 16 days

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Anyway, moving on

#im done talking about this #so stop sending me essays in ask form #stop calling me names #and stop trying to take the high ground #I don’t care anymore so leave me alone #let’s agree to disagree and leave it at that #the past few days have been exhausting #and this wedding discourse shouldn’t have ruined a beloved channel to me like it did #but it did so im done #im not interacting with anything related to #smosh #for the foreseeable future #again I’m not interacting with anyone or anything related to smosh #thank you for your time #this has been miserable #lety rambles

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kaseyskat · 1 year

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being both a sparrow apologist and a normal enthusiast is so difficult sometimes I am sitting here imagining them bonding and crying over canon and so few people truly understand me

#kasey rambles #dndads #no you guys dont understand. sparrow is a good parent! to me!!!#which is highly ironic because i was FURIOUS at him on my first listen #BUT. theres a post that puts this into words somewhere. about how judging sparrow for saying something #when he was in a state of complete vulnerability #FEELS like thoughtshaming a bit. because like #i think sparrow has this mentality of. i dont have to be proud of someone to love them. and i will love them so hard in spite #because he gets too in his head and he worries and he doesnt want normal to be like him #and he feels like this about henry and lark too- hes not proud of them. in fact theyve both actively mistreated him. but he loves them #and that's enough #its like. we're not sitting here bashing on grant for the REALLY shitty way he inflicts his own self loathing onto link #because we know grant only says this when hes vaguely sauced #but sparrow gets SO much heat for saying hes not proud of normal when he was both drunk AND sauced simultaneously #and maybe like. if there were signs that sparrows let this mentality ruin their relationship in the past?#but theres not. the reason it hurts normal so much is because it was UNEXPECTED.#it made him doubt his own memories and his history but. as far as we know. its only doubts. sparrow loves normal so much #and sparrows always been the first one sitting there apologizing (which is another story: we love seeing him continue the oak cycle)#and loving. and accepting normals anger.#god this was such a rant im sorry for anyone actually reading my tags shdjfkdkkfvk #i just have such strong feelings about how like. in comparison? sparrow is NOT as bad of a parent as yall think he is #and i think the only reason we think otherwise is because we only see him through normal #if we got his own pov? youd forgive him just like we forgive henry #also i would kill for sparrow choosing normal over lark i feel like thats a decision hes gonna have to make pretty soon

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cupuasu · 3 months

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idk man i dont feel the need to always message my friends and always go out with friends like if it happens it happens i like the spontaneity of it all. i don't think i'm a bad friend for not being up someone's ass all the time. i can spend months not talking to someone but if i see them on the street i'll go up to hug and talk to them bc for me it's never that deep to spend a long period not contacting someone. plus now all friends i made irl are at completely different point in their lives and i'm still at the same place i was in like 2019 so i do feel like i'm not "supposed" to be bothering them (wrong of me to assume im bothering i know but all i do is wait for most of them to do the first move). and nowadays all everyone posts about is you're not a real friend if you dont answer my msgs 1 second later you're not a real friend if you don't go to parties 8 days a week with someone you met in the public bathroom a thousand years ago you're not a real friend if you don't go to therapy and stop bothering your friends about your illness like omg. i'll talk to people i like i'll hang out whenever it works and i'll message you back and i won't mention my depression and i'll act normal in public but i honestly can't wait to go back home and be alone. i love you so much and me not talking to you doesn't mean i like you less or that i don't want to be your friend it just means i want some time out to be on my own lol

#like im quiet with ppl i dont know but i used to talk about anything with my friends irl and now i cant bc #apparently all of them hate people who share their thoughts too much and like ok i can be quiet with you too i dont mind spending time in #silence i actually like that better.#n now theres this 'get away from ppl who are too negative or too oversharing or too trauma dumpy or too weird bc their bad energy is pushing #you back' thing like.....???????????????????????#sure im defensive bc i Am that guy but i understand that can be annoying #however its just crazy that like for me at least being around my friends feels like im performing the same way it feels when im with a #stranger #bc they just want to surround themselves with this idea that Everything has to be perfect all the time and you cant feel anything #or you'll ruin the vibe #like HELPPPPPPPPPPP. fellow depressed oomf-chan let's do euthanausia together #its not like i want to be depressed all the time its i cant help it being that way and i will try my best to not ruin my friend's day ofc #& also i would never not hang out with my friends that are going thru a bad time bc of 'bad vibes' or 'bc i dnt need that in my life rn'#2222

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