#im new lol

[sunflowerhyun]

how he sees me | hwang hyunjin | part one

◆ summary: “Do you love me?” she asked.

In his hesitation, she found her answer.

OR, alternatively, Hyunjin is a little bit of an asshole and Y/N just misses him.

◆ pairing: hwang hyunjin x fem!reader

◆ genre: ex-childhood-friends-to-lovers, punk!hyunjin au

◆ warnings: ! MDNI ! cursing, many references to past situations (in italics), some unwanted groping, y/n has a panic attack, alcohol consumption, mentions of drug use (weed), slight sexual content consisting of: making out, dry humping, brief mention of y/n on top. lots of angst.

◆ wc: 16k+

◆ a/n: hiii. part one is in the books !! this is my very first fan fiction on tumblr and i’m super excited to go on this journey w/ you all ! also, so sorry for the long wait (nursing school is currently kicking my ASS) but i hope this chapter is okay. thanks for reading ♡

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Y/N always loved the stars.

She loved the fact that once the sun went back into its hiding place and there was no more light to pave way, a million stars would make their appearance, decorating the night sky and bringing back some of that light that was previously lost. They would twinkle, dance—Y/N rarely ever saw them alone. And the main thing she loved about them was that the brightest star in the sky, would always be accompanied by another. The night sky was their gathering place—their safe haven—and it soon became hers too.

Y/N always loved the stars, because they reminded her of him.

On the nights where Y/N was stressing about their next test in Calculus and she just couldn’t for the life of her make it make sense, they would go see the stars. On the nights where Y/N would cry over some stupid boy that decided he didn’t want her anymore, they would go see the stars. On the nights where he had enough of his parents and felt hopeless, worthless, undeserving of anything and everything in the word, they would go see the stars.

Nothing was ever said when they went to see the stars. They would take his car, drive to an abandoned area, lay on the hood, and just breathe. He often told her he felt suffocated, contained; when they went to see the stars, he could finally break free from that. And Y/N would curl up beside him, his arm bringing her as close as they could get, and they would simply just be present with one another. The stars were their thing, their escape; him and her.

Nothing was ever said when they went to see the stars, until it was.

“I’m leaving.”

Y/N raised her head from his chest, sitting up so she could face him directly, to make sure she heard him correctly. He avoided eye contact, eyes staying focused on the sky in front of him. That night, the stars were hiding behind the clouds.

“What?” she whispered, heart beat thumping out of her chest, “what do you mean?”

He swallowed thickly, taking his bottom lip in-between his teeth. The same lips that she had kissed the night before. The same lips that had whispered sweet nothings and broken promises in her ear as she gave him her firsts. The same lips that will eventually betray her, break her, ruin her.

“I’m leaving,” he repeated, like he had practiced saying it a hundred times in the mirror before this. “I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back.”

He sounded so sure of this, voice stern and clear as day. The words hung in the air for one second, five seconds, fifteen—and then, “what do you mean?”

The question came out again, a whisper—the breeze carried it through the sky. He had heard her, but said nothing more, eyes staying forward, his arm still laying sprawled out beside him, the same arm she was laying on top of just moments earlier. Why isn’t he looking at her?

“What do you mean, Hyunjin?!” The question came out more harsh this time, and his nostrils flared slightly at the tone. “You can’t just tell me you’re leaving and never coming back and expect me to just sit here and let you without any sort of explanation! Does our friendship mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?”

He closed his eyes briefly, finally giving some sort of a reaction, running his hands through his hair and dragging them down to cover his face. Nothing was heard but the faint sound of crickets, the slight rustle of the trees as the wind blew… and Hyunjin was still not saying anything.

“You can’t even look at me,” Y/N whispered, and his body stiffened. Suddenly, she began to panic, reaching out to softly grip his thigh, leaning forward. “Let me come with you, then. You know I don’t want to live here either. We can get an apartment together, and I can re-apply to some colleges to wherever you’re going. I-I’m sure my parents would be a little upset about it, but I know they would under—"

“Stop, Y/N.”

“—stand, because they really like you, you know? I mean, you’ve been around since we were in elementary school, and my mom was so excited when we went to prom together, and—"

“Y/N!” He yelled, sitting up from the hood of the car and taking his hands off his face. Y/N flinched, moving her hand off his thigh like it had burned her…but Hyunjin was finally looking at her. “Just… stop.”

It was quiet. He was breathing heavy, staring at her like he was about to break her. The wind blew, and Hyunjin’s hair fell into his eyes. He was so beautiful. Here he was sitting on the hood of his car, telling her he’s leaving her, and yet he was beautiful. Y/N felt her heart drop into her stomach, wanting nothing more than to lean over and connect their lips, beg him to stay, beg him to just explain to her what was going on.

“You can’t come with me. I just need to get away from here. I’m going to suffocate if I stay in this town any longer. I made it through graduation, and now it’s time for me to leave. There’s nothing for me here and I’m drowning each second I stay.”

“But I’m here,” she whispered. “Is that not enough?”

The stars never came out that night.

Y/N thinks back to that night a lot, a lot more than she should. She thought back to his body language the day of and how… off he seemed. He barely made eye contact, would slightly flinch whenever she touched him—smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Y/N recognized the signs, and that’s why she wasn’t surprised when he had asked her to go see the stars that night. She just wasn’t expecting that.

Tears, screams, and whispers were the highlight of that night. Y/N—begging him to stay, Hyunjin—making promises he knew he wouldn’t keep. And Y/N clung to those promises because Hyunjin had never broken any. But when one week, three weeks, months passed, she came to the realization that Hyunjin was not who she thought he was.

The tears and screams came back then. And they haven’t really gone away since.

That’s why tonight, when Jeongin had invited her to come out to have a couple of drinks to celebrate him recently graduating university, she thought of the stars, and she thought of him.

She doesn’t think she’s ever stopped.

“Y/N!” She heard her name being called, glancing away from the sky to turn her head towards the sound of the voice. A mop of blonde hair was speed walking towards her, eyes twinkling and smile widening.

She smiled back, stumbling back a few steps once Felix had approached her and embraced her in one of his famous, suffocating bear hugs. Felix loved hugs and Y/N loved being the reciprocator of them; it’s always nice to feel cared for. “Ugh, I’m so ready to get drunk tonight. You won’t believe the amount of last-minute orders we got today.”

“Well, it is about that time for graduation season. Lots of people wanting some of your tasty cakes, ya know.”

Felix snorted at her comment, pulling away from the hug, running his fingers through his hair. He had started growing it out and Y/N thought it suit him well.

“Speaking of your tasty cakes, did you bring one for Jeongin?”

“Who do you take me for? Of course I did!” He replied, putting a hand on Y/N’s back to lightly guide her towards the front door of the bar, “Well, I didn’t bring it. That was Minho’s job. But I did make it. And I spent about four hours decorating the damn thing, so you better take some pictures before it gets ruined.”

“Shouldn’t that have been Minho’s job since he’s the one bringing it?” Y/N asked, mumbling a small thank you as Felix held the door open for her.

“Fuck, you’re right. Let’s hope they didn’t cut into it already or I might throw a fit.”

“Please, not tonight in front of everyone.” Y/N teased, glancing around her briefly to take in the scene in front of her. She had never been here before—not really being the type to go out and drink often—but the vibe was okay, as far as she could tell. It was crowded, but not too much as to where it would feel suffocating. The music was upbeat, not blaring loud to where she had to scream to have a basic conversation and she didn’t spot any couples aggressively making out in the middle of the bar. However, it was only 20:00, so that was probably going to change pretty soon.

“So on a scale of 0-10, 10 being the best, how is it? I know you’re probably about to piss yourself from just being in here.”

“I am not!” She shoved him to the side a little, letting out a scoff, “And normally it’s the other way around. But I’m giving this place a solid 6 right now. That could change though, depending on how much you annoy me tonight.”

Felix rolled his eyes, “Yeah, whatever. Jeongin made sure to choose this place extra carefully since you were coming. It’s really not that bad. You need to have a few drinks and relax for once. You’ve been working too much lately.”

Y/N sighed at his comment, feeling a headache coming on just from the mention of work. She’s been running on 3 hours of sleep per night the past few weeks and simply just wanted to go lay in her bed since she’s finally off tomorrow. A bubble bath and a glass of Moscato sounded really nice too.

“Let’s go find the others. Jeongin booked a private area in the back for us.”

Y/N hummed in response, leaning closer to Felix as he led them towards the back of the bar. She glanced at him, noting the lip tint on his lips, the overwhelming scent of Dior, and his famous lip ring he rarely wore. She squinted her eyes, “Are you trying to get laid tonight?”

“Maybe I am,” he cracked a grin.

“I can tell. You smell and look like you’ve just came out of a fashion show that neither of us can afford,” Y/N teasingly poked the side of his face, laughing as he quickly swat her hand away before returning its position back onto her lower back. “Anyone in particular or are you just looking for someone random?”

Felix groaned slightly, “I hate when you interrogate me like this.”

“I’m not! I’m just invested and being a good friend,” She spoke, heels loudly clanking against the floor, and Y/N kind of wished she didn’t chose to wear these tonight. “You should be able to enjoy yourself. I just like to know details.”

“You get off to the details or something?”

“Not those details, you pervert!” She exclaimed, elbowing him in his side once they came to a halt. He groaned lightly before attempting to elbow her back, as she let out a laugh before dodging it, gently gripping his arm and moving back towards him. “You know what I mean. I just like to make sure you’re alright and that they aren’t sketch or something.”

“I’d like to think that I have good judgement.”

“Hm, I don’t know. Remember that red-headed girl you hooked up with a few months ago? She literally tried to fight me, threaten me, and also showed up at your work crying because she thought you were cheating on her. And remember when she—"

“Okay, that was one time!” Felix quickly defended himself as Y/N gave him a I told you so look. “Alright fine, I’d like to think I have good judgement when I’m not drunk off vodka and red wine. Which was your fault, by the way.”

Y/N gasped, “It was most certainly not! Minho was the one that—"

“Are you guys ever going to stop flirting in front of us?” A voice piped up from beside them, and Y/N immediately recognized it to be Minho’s. “Normally we would encourage both of you to go get a quickie in at the bathroom, but it is Jeongin’s graduation celebration, so that would be rude since he isn’t getting any.”

“Hello to you too, Minho. My day was great, thank you for asking,” Felix rolled his eyes, gently moving Y/N’s hand off his arm to make his way over to a scowling Jeongin who was obviously annoyed at Minho’s comment, “Congrats on finally graduating!”

Jeongin’s death stare was quickly replaced with a smile as he embraced Felix in a hug, letting out a thank you. “Hey!” He suddenly shouted, the scowl immediately making its way back as he struggled to swat Felix’s hands away from his head, “Get off! You’re messing up my hair and it’s my night!”

“Yeah, Lix, you’re ruining his chances of getting laid tonight.”

Jeongin groaned at Minho’s comment. “I am sick of you. Remind me why I invited you, again?”

“Because you love me.” Minho smirked.

“Leave him alone, Minho,” Y/N rolled her eyes, shoving him to the side slightly before walking over to where Felix and Jeongin were. Jeongin stood up when seeing her, pushing Felix to the side as he embraced her in a hug.

“Congratulations! I know you’ve worked hard!” Y/N smiled, as he mumbled out a thank you. Y/N pulled away from the hug, digging into her purse to pull out the gift card her and Felix had bought. “Here ya go. $500 visa gift card to spend on whatever you want from Felix and I. He was supposed to also buy a card to put it in, but you know how he is.”

“$500?!” Minho obnoxiously shouted, “Where was this generosity for my graduation? I only got $50!”

“Shut up,” Jeongin rolled his eyes, smiling widely once looking at Y/N and Felix. “Thank you guys so much! You really didn’t have to.”

“Of course we did! Graduating university is a big deal. Now you can go work as an Engineer and buy a round of drinks for once!” Felix laughed, patting him on the head. Y/N snorted lightly at the way Jeongin’s cheeks became red, knowing how his drinks and food are always paid for whenever they go out together. Y/N was once a university student too, so she understood the struggle.

“Hello? Are you guys just going to ignore me?”

“Do you not remember me buying you almost $300 worth of drinks and food that night?” Felix asked, as Minho shook his head. He rolled his eyes, “I’m sorry you were so wasted you didn’t remember. But I did. Y/N is the one that gave you the visa card.”

“I was in university and broke!” Y/N defended herself when seeing Minho shooting her a look, “And to be fair, I had only known you for a few months then. I didn’t have to get you anything, you know.”

“I know, I know. I’m teasing,” Minho smirked, walking up to Y/N and lightly hitting his hip against hers. “Let me order you a drink. First round’s on me.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Y/N smiled, quickly walking over to hand Felix her purse (so she wouldn’t be tempted to start a tab), before heading towards the bar. “This place is kinda nice. Not too rowdy or anything.”

“Yeah, it’s one of the more tamer ones around here. I’ve been here a few times. The liquor is pretty good,” He replied. Y/N took a few moments to quickly look him over head-to-toe, noticing that he had just recently changed his hair color. It’s gotten a little longer, too. “You dyed your hair black. And you’ve started growing it out. Is long hair coming back into style, or are you seeing someone?”

Minho snorted, running his fingers through his hair as they approached the bar. He quickly caught the attention of the bartender, ordering them both a vodka sour before turning his body to face her, leaning against the bar side table. “Long hair has never gone out of style and I’m not currently seeing anyone. Why? Are you interested?”

“In your dreams, maybe.” Y/N smirked in response, and Minho snorted in reply. She always found him to be quite handsome, and his personality was unlike anyone’s she had ever met. Minho was blunt, always telling things as it was, and never sugar coated anything. He was successful, graduated university with a business degree, currently finishing up his MBA while working alongside his father at a very well known company throughout the country.

He was the perfect image of a perfect partner. Yet, he wasn’t him.

He has ruined everyone for her, and he doesn’t even know it.

At the thought of him, Y/N frowned, eyes zeroing in on the crumbled up napkin currently laying on the floor near Minho’s feet. Minho was now conversing with the bartender as he sat the drinks in front of him, and everything suddenly started to sound muffled. Memories began to flood into her mind; memories of plush lips grazing her skin, late night swims in her grandma’s pool, the way he held her whenever it stormed because he knew she was afraid of being alone, sneaking into each other’s bedrooms at midnight to eat junk food and binge watch their favorite drama...

It wasn’t until she felt someone lightly shaking her arm that she had snapped out of her state, eyes shooting up to glance at a slightly worried Minho, the drinks balancing on his free hand. She blinked once, twice—before her cheeks started to tint a shade of pink in embarrassment.

“You okay?” Minho had asked her. Y/N could almost cry from the worried look in his eyes. How embarrassing it was to blank out like that.

“I’m fine, sorry. I’m just a little tired still from working 5 nights in a row, is all,” She replied, mustering a smile that she knew probably seemed fake, and gently grabbed one of the drinks from his hand. She took a long sip, “Let’s go back and dig into some cake and take some shots.” She definitely is going to need some heavy alcohol to make it through the rest of the night.

Minho wasn’t fully convinced, but mumbled out an “alright” before leading them both back over to where the others were waiting. A few more of Jeongin’s friends had shown up, Y/N noticed, watching as they had already ordered two rounds of tequila shots. She hurriedly walked over to the empty chair beside Felix and took a seat, chugging down the rest of her vodka sour and slamming it on the table in front of her. At the sound, Felix glanced over to her mid-conversation with some guy she has never met before, words dying down in his throat when seeing the look on her face.

He gently grabbed her hand and pulled it under the table, “What’s wrong?”

Y/N smiled in response, giving his hand a tight squeeze. “Nothing! I’m just ready to take some shots and eat your tasty cake you spent hours working on.”

Felix saw right through her. Y/N knew he could tell she was lying. He knew her too well. “Y/N, if something is bothering you, we can lea—"

Loud laughter suddenly was heard as one of Jeongin’s friends had suddenly pushed his head into his graduation cake. Minho busted out into a fit of manic laughter, snapping pictures to probably post on his snapchat story in attempt to embarrass him any way he can. Jeongin immediately began to complain, and Felix groaned out a, “Minho, please tell me you took a picture of the cake first!”

“Calm down, blondie. The picture was taken so you can post it on your IG.” He rolled his eyes in response, bickering with Jeongin a little bit more before ruffling the head on his hair and plopping down on the empty seat next to Y/N. “These pictures are golden. I should go into photography.”

“Like you need the extra money.” Felix retorted, “Send me the picture before you forget later. It better not be blurry.”

Y/N giggled at their banter, reaching over to grab the un-touched tequila shot in front of her and downing it. She immediately relaxed, eyes closing as she leaned back into the seat a bit.

“Damn, you didn’t even use a lime or salt,” Minho stated in disbelief, “And you didn’t wait on me. So now you’ve got to do another one.”

“You were being too slow.” She replied with a grin, “And if you knew the work week I’ve had, you would understand. So order us some more shots, please!”

Minho chuckled, grabbing the touch screen pad they had at their table to input another round of shots for everyone. Y/N could tell Felix was looking at her again, but she chose to ignore him for now. She’s here to drink, eat cake, and celebrate Jeongin. The crying can come later.

“Done!” He shouted, clapping and rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “I fucking love tequila. I’d marry it if I could.”

“You’d marry a lot of things,” Felix replied, deciding to drop the conversation once realizing Y/N didn’t want to talk right now. He’d get it out of her later, anyway.

“Especially Selena Gomez.” Minho sighed dreamily. Felix rolled his eyes. “I’d give up my liver for her. And my virginity.”

“You’re not even a virgin.”

“Shh, she doesn’t know that.”

“Selena hasn’t even been on tour in like years. Is she still relevant?” One of Jeongin’s friends popped into the conversation. Minho froze, head turning slowly to glare at the guy, and Y/N tried to hold in her laugh at the way his face paled slightly when seeing Minho’s facial expression.

“Did you just insult my wife?”

The guy, who Y/N did not know the name of, visibly gulped, immediately letting out a cluster of, “Of course not! Selena is amazing! She’s so headstrong! I didn’t mean to come off that way. It’s just been so long since she’s like—"

“Peter, chill. He’s just messing with you.” Jeongin interrupted him when seeing that his friend was about to shit himself from Minho’s stare. Peter let out a nervous laugh, deciding to turn his head away from their direction and start conversation on the other side of the table.

Felix snorted when seeing Minho’s satisfied smirk on his face. He leaned back into his chair, twirling the glass of vodka sour in his hand before taking a sip. “I love the affect I have on people.”

“You’re a narcissist.” Y/N laughed. Poor Peter. She would have to make sure to speak with him before she leaves later.

“Speaking of tours and concerts though, are you guys interested in coming to this music festival? One of my buddies from back home is in this band and I promised I would go watch them perform. They’re pretty fucking sick.”

“Who is it?” Felix asked.

“They’re called Stray Kids. Pretty fucking dope. Chan is my friend, and then there’s 3 other dudes. I haven’t met them yet though,” He replied, eagerly grabbing the tequila shots from the waitress with a thank you and passing them down.

Y/N grabbed one of the shots, reaching for a lime and some salt. “That could be fun. What kind of music do they make?”

Minho and Felix did the same, and they each said a brief cheers before downing their shots. Y/N sighed, immediately starting to feel a little lighter and less upset. She hadn’t had tequila in a hot minute.

“Damn that was good,” Minho wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “They do some heavy metal shit. It’s awesome. They performed at Coachella last year and then kind of got viral on the internet. They’re going on their first world tour next year. Surprised you haven’t heard of them.”

“Oh wow,” Y/N mumbled. “That’s so nice. That’s crazy that one of your best friend’s is basically a celebrity.”

“Right,” Minho laughed, shaking his head back and forth like he was in disbelief. “I still remember us as kids writing songs together and forcing our parents to listen to it. Crazy.”

Y/N smiled at Minho’s comment as a another memory flooded her brain.

“Let’s do this again!” Hyunjin had shouted, running over to the CD player sitting on top of the desk in the playroom.

“Jinnie, I’m tired!” Y/N whined, sprawled out on the carpet in agony, sweating like she had just ran a marathon. “We’ve been practicing this for over an hour! When can we go play barbies? You promised you would play with me.”

Hyunjin groaned at the mention of barbies. He despised them. “Stop being dramatic. Do you want to have a sleepover or not?”

Y/N pouted, “Of course I do.”

“Then stand up so we can do this again. You know this is the only way to convince your mom to let you stay, and she’s going to be here to pick you up in like 30 minutes.”

Y/N sighed, glancing over at the princess barbie house she had gotten for her 8th birthday recently in longing. She was so excited to show Hyunjin her new horse carriage and princess doll. And she was even more excited when the prince doll came with it. He looked just like Hyunjin, and it made her feel fuzzy inside.

Hyunjin groaned again when seeing that Y/N was making no effort to get off the floor. He glanced at the barbie house, then back at her, rolling his eyes before letting out a, “Fine. Let’s do this one more time so we are prepared when your mom gets here, and then when she says yes, we can play barbies until dinner.”

Y/N sat up, crossing her legs on the floor. “Really?” She eagerly asked.

“Yes. I will be the prince and rescue you from the witch,” Hyunjin confirmed with a nod of his head, knowing she always made him save her in some way whenever she forced him to play.

"Will you also promise to not make a face whenever they kiss?"

Hyunjin immediately made his classic 'ew' face at the mention of kissing. "Ugh, why do you always want them to kiss? Why can't they just hug like normal people?"

"Because they just have to! Every prince always kisses his princess!"

Hyunjin groaned again, glaring at the barbie castle, horse carriage, and dolls laying in the corner of his playroom. She always brought the entire set whenever she came over to his house on weekends so that they could play together. Hyunjin dreaded it.

"It's still gross. But fine. As long as you stand up and finish this dance with me."

Y/N grinned, immediately jumping up to run over to him, tackling him into a hug as he let out an oof sound. “Thanks Jinnie! You’re the bestest friend ever!”

Hyunjin blushed slightly, yet quickly shoved her off of him, "Ew, get off of me. You are sweaty and gross."

Y/N giggled, leaning in again to give him a wet kiss on his cheek, and he screeched loudly before dramatically wiping the side of his cheek with the back of his hand, letting out a, "Gross! Why do you always do that?!"

“Y/N?” a voice interrupted her thoughts. She blinked, seeing that Minho and Felix were both starring at her again expectantly. “Yes? Sorry.” She replied.

“They started cutting the cake. There’s a slice in front of you.”

“Oh,” Y/N spoke, letting out a few giggles in embarrassment, “Right. Yum.”

Minho and Felix shared a look, and Y/N noticed this, quickly grabbing the fork and shoving a piece of cake in her mouth. “Your cakes never disappoint, Lix.” She spoke through a mouthful of cake, “Does this have expresso in it?”

“Yeah, it does. Jeongin’s request. Dark chocolate with expresso,” Felix replied, and Y/N nodded her head with a pleased hum.

“So when is this festival? I’m going to have to take off work most likely if it’s a weekday.”

Minho took a bite of his cake, wiping his mouth after. “It’s actually next weekend. Sorry for the late notice. I waited until the last minute to get the tickets. But it’s covered, so you guys won’t owe me anything.”

“I’m actually off next weekend since I worked this past one, so that works for me. Also, I don’t mind paying you back. I think it would be fun.”

“Yeah, I think so too. I’m down to go,” Felix agreed with a nod of his head.

“Cool. I’m going to text Chan and let him know we’re coming. He said he could get us backstage after they perform. They’re performing towards the end of the festival.” Minho replied, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He typed for a couple seconds, and then put it back in his front pocket of his pants. “They’re performing Friday and Saturday night. It’s a two-day thing. The tickets I got cover both days.”

“What’s the festival called?”

“Rock Your Socks Out. It’s just a bunch of alternative artists. Pretty sick.”

“Nice,” Felix replied, sliding his plate over and grabbing his napkin to dab at his mouth. “And we get to go backstage, too? And meet your celebrity friend? Even better.”

Minho chuckled, “I already know you’re plotting a way to get them to promote your bakery.”

“Yup, totally am.”

Y/N scrapped up the last of the crumbs on her plate into her mouth before leaning back into the seat, “Lix, your bakery is already pretty successful. You’ve literally made the top 10 for two years in a row.”

“Don’t flatter him again. We will never hear the end of it.” Minho groaned.

“That’s a huge deal for small businesses. He can brag about it all he wants! He deserves it.” Y/N replied, giving Felix a wide smile that immediately had him smiling back in triumph.

“Yeah, Minho. What she said.”

Minho rolled his eyes, standing up and pushing his chair under the table, “Yeah, whatever. I’m gonna go dance and order some more drinks so I’m not tempted to call my secretary about those files that are probably still not done.”

“I’m coming with!” Y/N followed suit, stopping briefly when feeling a hand gently grab her wrist. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Felix asked again.

“I’m fine. Seriously. I just want to go dance and have a few more drinks. You should do the same and go get what you came for in the first place.” Y/N poked his cheek, and Felix rolled his eyes when catching onto the fact that she was referencing to him getting laid tonight.

Y/N knew he was wanting to press the conversation further, leaning down to quickly kiss his cheek in an effort to end the conversation before jogging after Minho who was already at the bar ordering more drinks. Felix shouldn’t worry about her, Minho shouldn’t worry about her. She was going to have a great time with her friends tonight and get shit-faced. Simple as that.

She was fine.

——>

Y/N was not fine.

Three tequila shots later, Y/N found herself dancing with some random guy she didn’t care to know. His hands roamed her frame, paying extra attention to her hips and the thick curve of her ass. She didn’t mind that, (being five tequila shots in), but what she did mind was the feeling of his lips on her neck. It gave her goosebumps, and not in a good way.

“Stop, please,” She slurred out, grabbing his hands and pulling them away from her ass in case he didn’t hear her from the music that had gotten ten times louder over the past two hours.

The feeling on her neck wouldn’t stop, and she let out a huff of annoyance before attempting to turn her body around to face this guy, but stopped mid-turn at the feeling of his hands sharply turning her hips to where she was back in the same position as before. She frowned, attempting to grab his hands again to throw them off, but failed to do so.

The guy’s hands traveled up her waist and towards her breasts, pulling her even closer, “S-stop,” She let out again, trying to wiggle her way out of his grasp, and he let out a moan when she accidentally pushed back onto his dick.

“Hey!” A voice yelled over the music, making Y/N glance up to see that Minho was approaching them. “Get the fuck off, dude. She’s obviously uncomfortable.”

The guy scoffed, and before he could say anything Minho had grabbed her hands and easily pulled her off of him. Y/N grinned, immediately wrapping her arms around his waist. “Minnie! I’m so happy to see you! Did you see me dancing? Did I improve any?”

Minho hugged her back, glaring at the back of the guy’s head that must have decided he couldn’t care less about the situation and started walking away. “Yep, I did. And yep, you did. Did you take more shots?” He replied, pulling her body off of his to look into her eyes, immediately seeing that she was—in fact—shit-faced.

“Yes! I dunno how many though. Maybe like two? I stopped counting,” She giggled, swaying back and forth slightly in attempt to keep her balance. Minho sighed, checking his watch on his wrist to see that it was nearing midnight. “Let’s go get you some water and sit down for a bit.” He spoke, gently grabbing her forearm and leading her towards the bar.

“I don’t need any water, silly willy. I’m fine.” Y/N slurred out, stumbling a bit when she had accidentally knocked into a couple dancing. Minho let out a groan when catching her before she could fall, and Y/N giggled.

“I’m fine, my ass. I about broke my fucking back trying to protect your head from the floor.” Minho stated with a slightly annoyed huff, but nevertheless ended up getting them safely to the bar and immediately pushed Y/N into one of the chairs. He ordered a large glass of ice water, pulling out his phone to send a text to Felix to see where he was at and if he should take her home or not.

Y/N leaned back into the chair, half-lidded eyes roaming the dance floor, doing a double take when seeing a couple making out near the wall towards the back.

“Wait, you’re serious?”

Y/N sighed quietly, flipping the page of the biology textbook and highlighting the sentence about ribosomes, attempting to ignore the question. She could feel his stare on her, and it was starting to make her sweat a little. She sighed again when realizing he wasn’t going to look away. “Yes, Hyunjin. 100% serious.”

Hyunjin scrunched his eyebrows, face displaying a total look of disbelief as he looked at her like she had grown two heads.

“Why do you look so shocked? You know guys avoid me like the plague.”

“I don’t.”

“You don’t count.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “Whatever. Back to the important thing here, I can’t believe you’re about to be 18 and haven’t made out with anyone before. What happened to Noah?”

“Nothing. He ditched me for Kassi at prom. Apparently he just wanted to go with me to make her jealous. And it worked, because I got called a slut and laughed at by all her friends while she made out with him near the punch bowl.”

Hyunjin winced, “Wait, what? Why didn’t you come get me? Or tell me? We could’ve went and gotten McDonalds instead.”

“I wasn’t going to ruin your night. It’s fine. Seriously, it’s not a big deal.” She replied, picking her highlighter back up to continue skimming the paragraph in the textbook. His eyes were still on her and Y/N shifted slightly. She hated when he stared at her like that because it made her nervous, and it was getting more difficult to not show it the older they got.

Hyunjin was probably thinking that she was lame for not having her first make-out session with anyone and was probably thinking how to make her feel less embarrassed about the situation. But really, he should’ve known. Y/N was never the kind to just get up and kiss anybody and Hyunjin knew that. She doesn’t know why he seemed so shocked at that fact, or why he wasn’t laughing yet.

Wait, why wasn’t he laughing?

“Do you want to quiz each other?” Y/N asked in attempt to ease her nerves and change the topic of the conversation. He was probably starting to feel sorry for her and she was starting to get a little embarrassed. It didn’t help that he wouldn’t stop starring at her, either. “I can go first. Just flip to the practice questions at the back of the chapter and read them off—“

“We can make-out, if you want.”

Y/N stopped mid-sentence at his comment, mouth closing then opening, then closing again. Her ears must be deceiving her because there was no way he just suggested a make-out session with her.

“What?” She asked, hoping she had heard him wrong, but by the look on his face, she was starting to think that she didn’t.

“I said we can make-out if you want to,” Hyunjin replied, unfazed. He was so unbothered by the suggestion that Y/N was still having trouble comprehending that he had even offered this in the first place.

He must have saw the look on her face, rolling his eyes slightly before letting out a, “You’re acting like we haven’t kissed before. It’s just making out.”

“A couple experimental pecks when we were younger doesn’t count as kissing!” Y/N exclaimed with a squeak, cringing at the sound of her voice. She knew she was getting so red right now and wanted to hide under her blankets. “And—and, you’re acting like this is just so casual! Like we make-out all the time! Is this some kind of joke? Are you just saying this to make fun of me? Because it isn’t funny, and… and… you can’t just sit there and nonchalantly offer to make-out with me! Like, won’t that be—“

“Do you want to suck faces with me or not?” Hyunjin interrupted her small rant, and Y/N choked. “Look, it’s really not a big deal. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, and it won’t make things awkward. I’ve literally taken a shit in the same bathroom while you’ve showered before. I’m not making fun of you. I’m just saying I’m down to be your first. Maybe I can give you some pointers so you’re more confident when the situation comes up again with another guy. That’s all.”

Y/N pursed her lips, glancing down at her hands, then back towards his face. He looked so sincere, and his hair was slightly grazing his eyes. Y/N wanted to reach out and push it back. “Okay.” She quietly stated, and Hyunjin’s eyes widened slightly, not expecting her to agree.

“Okay,” He had replied even quieter, gently grabbing the textbook from her lap and placing it on the floor and out of the way. Once there was no more barriers between them, he had scooted closer to her, the bed creaking slightly as he did so. Y/N could feel her heart beating out of her chest, wondering if Hyunjin’s was doing the same.

“I’m going to kiss you now. I’ll start slow,” He softly spoke, words sounding like honey, dripping down and down until his voice was the only thing she could hear. She nodded slightly, and he glanced at her lips. She licked them impulsively, and his eyes shot back up to her own. She took in a breath when feeling his hand lightly graze the side of her face, his gaze so intense that it had her tremble slightly from the anticipation.

And then his lips were on hers.

Soft. That was the first thing that came to her mind. His lips were so soft and so plush against hers that she was starting to struggle to breathe. And to move her own.

He pulled away, “You’re not kissing me back.”

Y/N was sure her face resembled a fucking tomato at this point, wanting to slap herself for getting too caught up in the feeling of his lips that she forgot to move. “Right, uh, s-sorry.”

“S’fine,” He smirked in response, a teasing glint in his eyes, and Y/N wanted to slap herself again. “I’m gonna do it again. Just follow my lead, okay? And if you wanna stop, tell me.”

Y/N nodded nervously, and Hyunjin’s lips twitched slightly. He grabbed her hands, placing them on his shoulders so she wouldn’t feel so awkward, and Y/N gulped from the feeling. Sure, he was still scrawny, but he had started working out, and Y/N definitely noticed.

He smiled at her, and before Y/N could blurt out that she couldn’t do it, his lips were on hers again.

This time, it felt different.

They were still soft, but they were also wet. She moved her lips slowly against his, following his lead like he said, and she could taste him. He tasted like the strawberries he had earlier and like heaven. Y/N didn’t want to stop.

She didn’t want him to stop, letting out a whine once he disconnected their lips.

Her face immediately got red and she wanted to slap herself for the fourth time. Hyunjin’s eyes widened slightly at the noise, pupils blown, and Y/N clinched, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

He did. And he leaned in again.

This time, it was all tongue and teeth. It was messy and it was rough. Y/N let out a moan when his hand softly gripped her thigh, and he moved it up to her waist, giving it a squeeze. It was fast and it was hot, and Y/N wasn’t even struggling to keep up because she was so worked up.

This was her and it was Hyunjin. Her sweet Hyunjin, who offered to help her learn to kiss so she wouldn’t embarrass herself with someone else later on. Her considerate Hyunjin, who made sure she wasn’t uncomfortable. Her sensual Hyunjin, who slid his tongue into her mouth, hands traveling back to her thighs before dipping in between them, grazing her clothed core briefly.

Y/N let out a soft moan at the feeling of his hand briefly touching her through her leggings, hands impulsively coming up to grip at his hair, tugging him even closer to her. He let out a groan, breaking the kiss briefly to re-adjust his body, leaning her back onto the bed so he could tower over her more comfortably.

She spread her legs as she felt his body weight on top of her and he bit his lip as he noticed that. Y/N felt embarrassed at their new position and at the fact that she was probably acting like a virgin who had never been touched before, but that’s exactly what she was, so she didn’t care. Instead, she grabbed his face, bringing him down to connect their lips again for the fourth time.

Kissing him and being with him like this ignited something within her. The feeling of his lips on hers, his body pressing into hers, his hands on her. It was her, and it was Hyunjin.

Her hips lifted up slightly, grazing his dick in his sweatpants, and Y/N whined when he groaned loudly at the feeling. She did it again intentionally, wanting to hear him make that sound again and to feel him on her again. He roughly bit her lip in response, almost as if he was sending a warning, before disconnecting their lips, a string of spit following him as he leaned his head back.

“Maybe another time for that, yeah?” He spoke, voice seeming ten times deeper with a little rasp to it, and Y/N’s legs squeezed around his lower half at the sound.

“A-another time? Aren’t you supposed to be teaching me how to k-kiss?” Her words came out in breaths, the legs wrapped around his body not loosening their grip.

The corner of his mouth twitched in amusement, “Yeah. And I did.”

One of his hands trailed up her right leg slowly, inching its way in between her thigh. He smirked teasingly, “I think you just lied to me, by the way. I think you’ve kissed a bunch of guys and just didn’t tell me.”

Y/N opened her mouth to let out a snarky response, but no words came out. It seemed she had finally came to her senses about their current position, immediately loosening her legs from his body, wondering what the hell had just happened and how she even got to be like this. She was embarrassed and extremely turned on, and the way Hyunjin was looking at her was enough to make her want to cover her face in hopes that she would disappear. So she did.

She could hear Hyunjin laughing, and she groaned in embarrassment. “Stop laughing at me! You’re so annoying!”

He rolled off of her, plopping down beside her on his bed before reaching up to gently pry her hands off of her face. Her face was red, eyes refusing to make eye contact. He rolled his eyes, “Stop being so shy. I’m not laughing at you, it’s just this whole situation was funny. And I’m laughing because you are a total fucking liar. What happened to pinky promises?”

“Funny? Nothing about this situation was funny! I’m not a liar, you idiot. I was following your lead like you asked me to. And now you’re sitting here laughing thinking this was funny and I’m frustrated now because you’re not even—“ Her eyes widened at where she was going with this, mouth immediately closing, wanting to go to the bathroom and vomit when realizing what she was about to say to him. He seemed to catch on to it, too, eyes intently starring at her, trailing their way down her body and back up to her face.

He smirked again, eye brows raising in amusement, his eyes holding a certain glint to them, “Well we can’t have you frustrated, can we?”

Y/N groaned again, giving him a shove before sitting up to grab the textbook off the floor, plopping it back onto the bed. “Shut up! Stop being so annoying and quiz me before I leave and never come back.”

“You would never. You love me too much.”

“Y/N?” A voice was heard, sounding slightly frantic. Y/N could feel her eyes watering, lip quivering, the music around her sounding muffled and estranged. “I know I’ve been asking this a lot, but are you… okay?”

Her vision started to get even more blurry. Her throat started to tighten up. The muffled sounds seemed to grow more faint.

And then she was crying.

Minho’s eyes widened, immediately moving to stand in front of her, hands gently grabbing her shoulders, “Shit, you’re definitely not okay. What’s wrong? Was it that prick from earlier? Did he do something? Do I need to beat somebody’s ass?”

“I miss him,” She cried, tears falling down and down and down, her make-up running down her face, eyes so empty. She hasn’t cried like this in months, and the tears just would not stop. They were flowing out like a river, and she would keep adding to that river if that meant he could finally come back to her.

“Who? Felix?” Minho asked, stressed as fuck. He has never seen her cry like this in the two years he has known her and simply did not know what he should do. He had texted Felix earlier and didn’t get a response, so now he was kind of freaking out, not the one to be big on comforting people.

“H-Hyunjin.” She choked out, words sounding foreign on her lips as she has not spoken his name out loud since her freshman year of college almost four years ago. Her heart tightened in her chest, letting out another loud sob, “Hyunjin. I-I miss him. I miss him so much.”

Minho didn’t even bother to ask who Hyunjin was, knowing it would just make things worse. Instead, he pulled out his phone, sending Felix another frantic text to GET HIS ASS OVER HERE ASAP.

“I miss him. I miss him s-so much.” The sobs were not stopping, and Y/N kept repeating the same words over and over again like she was in some trance. Minho couldn’t take it anymore, pulling her into his body, arms wrapping around her gently and protectively.

“Shh, it’s okay,” He whispered in her ear, one of his hands coming up to rub at her head soothingly, “It’s okay, Y/N. You’re okay.”

Y/N’s arms wrapped around his waist, holding him tighter. Her sobs were now being muffled in his dress shirt, tears flowing out and most likely ruining his shirt with her makeup, but he let her hold him, and he held her.

“Fuck, I didn’t see your texts until like two minutes ago,” A voice yelled over the music, and Minho looked to his side to see that Felix had finally shown up, panting slightly from sprinting over here, “What happened?”

“She’s calling out for Hyunjin,” Minho replied, voice getting intentionally quieter when saying his name, “I didn’t know what to do. She seems pretty fucking upset, and she’s wasted, too. I think she needs to go home.”

“Fuck,” Felix sighed, walking closer to Y/N, hand touching her shoulder, “Y/N, hey. It’s me.”

She lifted her head up, “Lix?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Can you grab onto me? I’m going to take you home so you can lay down and relax, okay? It’s been a long week for you.”

Y/N nodded with a hiccup, leaning out of Minho’s grasp and into Felix. He quickly put her arm around his shoulder, his arm circling around her waist, standing her up from the chair carefully. He looked at Minho, “Thank you for taking care of her. I’ll text when we’re back home.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll tell the others she got sick or something and had to go home.”

Felix nodded appreciatively, double checking to make sure he had her purse with him before walking slowly to the exit of the bar. Many stumbles and almost falls later, he had managed to get them both to his car in one piece, opening the passenger side door and carefully easing her into the seat, buckling her up before jogging to get into the drivers seat. Once he got in, he reached behind him to grab the plastic bag he kept in here in case Minho ever rode back with him from a night out, opening it and placing it into her lap.

“Here. If you feel like you might get sick, throw up in this bag.” He stated, not wanting another repeat of someone throwing up on his leather seats. His car had smelled like the seafood Minho devoured for a whole week, and he did not want to go through that torture again.

Y/N nodded, hiccuping again, tears still flowing down her cheeks, but not near as bad as earlier. She had calmed down some just from being in Felix’s presence, but her heart still ached and her head felt heavy. She was broken, and doesn’t think she would ever be fixed.

The ride back home was quiet. It had started to drizzle, and Y/N was watching the rain drops slowly falling on the window, the lights from the streets reflecting a glow on them. She watched them fall, drip down and down until the next one took its place, wondering if it was raining wherever he was. Was he watching the rain, too? Did he feel just as empty as she did?

Did he think of her when the stars were out?

The rain had started coming down harder now, just as they had pulled into the apartment complex. Felix turned the car off once he parked, a slightly awkward tension in the air, and Y/N sniffled, eyes still drawn to the rain.

“I miss him.” She whispered, voice slightly hoarse.

“I know,” Felix whispered back, glancing down to her hands, noticing they were slightly shaking. He gently placed a hand on top of hers and she let out a shaky breath.

Felix knew it all. He couldn’t understood the pain she felt, but he understood why she was in so much pain. Very rarely did she get like this in front of him. She has only had an episode like this three times about him the years Felix has known her, the first time being the worst.

They had met in Psychology their first year at university. Felix had complained about how their professor sounded like an absolute tool, and Y/N had agreed. It went from talking shit about their professor, to bonding over Mexican food, to watching movies in each other’s dorm. It was a quick-forming friendship—it was something they both needed without realizing.

Then, the party came along.

Felix’s frat had thrown a party like they did pretty much every weekend, and he had finally convinced Y/N to come. She showed up, he introduced her to his frat brothers, they danced, they drank, and next thing they know, they are stumbling into an empty bedroom, falling down on the bed and taking each other’s clothes off.

It all happened so fast. Felix was throwing his shirt over his head, Y/N was straddling him, and then she was riding him. It felt good, and it was what she thought she needed. But before they could both finish, Y/N was crying. And Felix was no longer interested in chasing his release.

He pulled her off of him and she had started sobbing harder. He remembers seeing how broken she looked, how defeated she looked. It was just too soon for her, and he wasn’t Hyunjin. He just wasn’t her Hyunjin.

Felix had held her and she had told him everything. Hyunjin and her growing up together, going through every phase of their lives together, him taking her virginity the night of their high school graduation, and then leaving her without a trace not even a day after.

He could not understand her pain, but he understood why she carried it with her. That’s why tonight, he said nothing more.

“I always thought it would get easier over the years. I thought I would get over it, get over him, but I can’t,” She whispered, once he had helped clean her up in the shower and got her ready for bed. She had sobered up a bit from all the crying and the water Felix had made her drink, eyes focusing on the window in her bedroom. It was still raining. “Everything reminds me of him. I just miss him so much. I want to hate him, but I can’t. I really can’t.”

And Felix let her talk and cry until she finally passed out, pulling her closer to him with her back against his front. It was beginning to thunder now, and the lightening lit up the room.

Y/N was not fine. She doesn’t think she’d ever be.

——>

The next morning came quickly.

Y/N had woken up to a screeching meow by her ear and something soft tickling her cheek. She opened her eyes groggily, barely being able to see what was currently rubbing against her face due to her eyes being so swollen and dry from all the crying she did. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands, vision getting clearer, finally spotting the culprit.

It was a cat. But not just any cat, it was Soonie. And his owner was standing at the door, smiling creepily down at Y/N, letting out a, “Finally you’re awake! I brought your favorite kitty over to give you some cuddles!”

Y/N blinked. She looked at Soonie who was now purring and rubbing against her hand in attempts of letting her know he wanted her to pet him, and then she looked at Minho, still creepily smiling by the door.

“What… What the fuck?” She croaked out, cringing when her voice came out raspy, sounding like she had smoked ten packs a day.

“I told you not to wake her up yet,” Felix grumbled, walking into her bedroom and shoving past Minho. He set a glass of water down on the bedside table and an Ibuprofen, sitting down on the bed beside her. “Morning, sleepyhead. Minho brought us some bagels. And, strangely enough, his cat.”

“She loves him. And he missed her.” Minho retorted, walking over to pat Soonie on the head. Y/N couldn’t argue with that statement, smiling softly at the fact that Minho was being so nice this morning. However, the smile quickly turned into a frown when she realized the reasoning, a heavy feeling of embarrassment and dread overcoming her.

“I’m… I’m sorry you had to see me like that last night,” She quietly spoke, hand scratching underneath Soonie’s chin as she avoided eye contact. “I don’t know what got into me. I think it’s because I’ve just been working so much lately and I haven’t been getting any sleep, really. I’m just… it was really embarrassing. And I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward or uncomfortable. Both of you.”

Felix and Minho shared a look and Feix grabbed the glass of water and Ibuprofen, handing it out to her. “Here, go ahead and take this.”

Y/N took the pill first, placing it in her mouth before slowly bringing the water to her lips. She took a few gulps, wincing slightly when handing the glass back to him. Her head was fucking pounding.

“Don’t apologize, Y/N. You didn’t make either of us uncomfortable. We’re your friends and we’re always going to take care of you.” Felix softly spoke, and Y/N smiled gently. Neither of them didn’t ask any questions or press the situation further, and she really appreciated that.

“Want me to bring you a bagel?” Minho asked as Soonie curled up into her side.

Y/N nodded, “Yeah, please. I honestly don’t think I can move to come downstairs right now.”

“Everything bagel with low-fat cream cheese coming right up!”

——>

Y/N was tired.

She woke up to her alarm going off at 1600, groaning in annoyance at the god-forsaken radar sound on her iPhone that never failed to put her in a terrible mood. She had worked the night before and got home from the hospital around 0815, showering and eating some of the pancakes Felix had made her before he had went to work that morning. He had left them in the fridge with a note giving precise instructions on how to heat them up so they could maintain that slight crisp on the edges, and she followed them to a tee, slicing up a banana to throw on top of them as well. They were delicious and put her in a much better mood, as the shift she had quite literally made her second guess her life decisions.

After eating her breakfast, she slowly walked up the stairs and into her bedroom, feeling so exhausted that she didn’t even feel like showering. But she made herself, not knowing what kinds of fluids and germs she had lingering on her scrubs, stripping them off and throwing them into the washing machine as she waited for the hot water to start steaming up the bathroom. The smell of eucalyptus flooded her senses once she stepped into the shower, immediately helping her relax. Minho had bought her some to hang over her shower head because he saw everyone using it on Tiktok and thought that she could benefit from it somehow. It smelled nice and it made her bathroom look a little more minimalistic in some way, so she kept it. And she hasn’t taken it down since.

She finally fell asleep around 1000, sound machine on and blackout curtains closed. It was honestly one of the best sleeps she has gotten in awhile, which was why she was more pissed than usual when her alarm went off, pressing the snooze button before falling back asleep. However, that only lasted a few minutes before her phone started ringing, and she groaned again before picking it up.

“Hello?” She croaked out.

“Good, you’re awake,” Felix’s voice flooded through the phone, “You told me to call you at precisely four-thirty, so here I am. Sleep well?”

“Slept great, actually. I want to suffocate myself in these pillows.”

“Please don’t do that,” He laughed, and Y/N could hear a car door closing on the other side of the phone. “I’m leaving work and heading to our place. Minho said he’s picking us up around seven to take us to that club.”

And fuck, Y/N had almost forgotten about that. Minho had asked them last weekend if they would be interested in going with him to this nightclub to hang out and meet his—as Felix calls them—celebrity friend and his band mates before the festival. Apparently they have been back in LA for a few days now and decided to rent out the entire club the night before the festival. Minho was so hyped about it and seemed like he really wanted Y/N and Felix to meet his friend, so they both agreed. And now Y/N was dreading it a little.

“Y/N? You didn’t fall back asleep, did you?”

“No, I’m here,” She replied, sighing into the complete darkness in her bedroom. She really wanted to go back to sleep but she knew if she slept any longer she wouldn’t be able to go to sleep later tonight, and then her sleep schedule would be more fucked up than it already is. Perks of working on night shift.

“You know we don’t have to go tonight, right?” He asked, the clicking of his turning signal going off in the background. “If you want to stay home, I’m sure Minho would understand. Don’t feel obligated.”

“No, it’s fine. I think it would be fun to meet some new people. Just don’t let me drink a lot this time.” She let out a laugh.

“You sure?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Yes, Lix. I’m sure. It’ll be fun.”

“Whatever you say,” He replied and Y/N let out a huff at his response, “You don’t have to worry about me so much, you know?”

“I know. You just haven’t gotten that bad in awhile. It’s natural for me to worry, you know? I just wanna look after you.”

“And I appreciate it, I really do. But I promise I’ll be fine. I think it’ll be fun to meet Minho’s celebrity friend and his celebrity friends. A bunch of celebrities!”

Felix chuckled at her comment, letting out a, “Right. I’ll be home in ten.”

The line ended, and Y/N let out a long sigh. The idea of who exactly Minho’s friend was came into her mind, and she brought her phone out to google the name of the band he was in, staring at the search bar as she tried to remember what they were called. Stay, something? Slay?

Oh well, she thought to herself upon realizing that she couldn’t remember what the band was called, locking her phone and tossing it to the side of her bed. She would find out in a few hours, anyway.

After about thirty more minutes of self-loathing, Y/N finally managed to get out of bed, dragging herself into her bathroom to pee and brush her teeth. She cringed when catching a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror, hair sticking up in all sorts of directions. Some parts were still wet from her being too exhausted to dry it before she went to sleep and she groaned at the thought of having to blow dry it. It simply took way too long and her hair was naturally thick and curly, resembling a giant poof ball if any and all forms of heated air came near it. The Dyson Minho bought her helped some, but she still had to go over it afterwards with a curling iron or a straightener. Minho was constantly buying her and Felix stuff they didn’t necessarily need, but she appreciated him nonetheless.

After brushing her teeth, using the bathroom, and going through her entire skin care routine, she went to her closet to attempt to find an outfit that could fit the vibe tonight. Her closet mainly consisted of neutral colors, so really she just needed to decide if she wanted to wear pants or a dress. She bit the inside of her cheek, eyes scanning her clothes rack intensely. She caught sight of the many cocktail dresses she had towards the back, deciding to just wear the black one that already had a built in bra in it so she could go braless. It was simple, short, and sexy with a v-neck, and it showed off her curves nicely. She’d only worn it a few times (all times being at one of Minho’s business parties) and she remembered all the complements she had received each time. She decided that she deserved to feel sexy for one night, and if somebody wanted to take her home tonight, so be it. It was time for her to move on. Or to attempt to, at least.

The sound of the front door opening caught her attention as she took the dress out of her closet to hang up on the door handle, bending down to grab a pair of her black stilettos. As she was standing back up, her bedroom door opened, and the smell of chocolate chip cookies flooded her senses.

“That smells heavenly,” She moaned out once she turned around to see that Felix had—what appeared to be—a fresh batch of cookies in a little bag. She knew it was from his bakery as she caught sight of the little yellow duck logo with the Bbokkari’s Bakery underneath.

Felix let out a chuckle, “I just made a couple before I left work. I figured you could use a little pick me up from your terrible shifts you had this week.”

“You are simply the best,” She smiled in response, walking over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, grabbing the bag from his hands and eagerly taking a bite out of one of the six cookies, “These get better every-time I try them, seriously. And my shifts weren’t terrible, they can just be really draining. It’s been getting a lot lately.”

Felix smiled at her comment, eyes softening slightly, “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Just really need to have some self care days for myself. This festival and all should be pretty refreshing for me.”

Felix hummed in response, eyes shifting over to the pair of heels on the floor and the dress hanging up. “Is that what you’re wearing tonight?”

Y/N nodded, mouth full of cookie as she hurriedly swallowed, “Yeah, does it look okay? You think I need to dress down some? I didn’t know what the vibe was gonna be, but we’re going to be in a room with celebrities so I wanted to, you know, look nice and not let them think Minho’s friends are slobs when he always looks like a freaking YSL model.”

Felix laughed, stepping more into the room to steal a cookie from the bag. The smell was getting too tempting. “No, I think that’s good. I was literally going to wear the same suit I wore to Minho’s business parties.”

“Yep, that’s where this dress is from.”

“I knew I recognized it from somewhere.”

They both broke out in a fit of giggles, happily munching on their cookies, and Y/N snorted out a, “We’re just some broke bitches, aren’t we?” which made them laugh even harder. Felix suddenly started coughing, patting his chest repeatedly, and Y/N mumbled out a, “oh shit!” before walking behind him to give his back a few heavy slaps. He finally calmed down, tears springing his eyes from the laughing and almost choking and Y/N let out another laugh.

“Yeah, let me leave before you actually make me suck down a piece of chocolate chip cookie and I can’t breathe.”

“Good idea.”

Almost two hours later, Y/N was stood facing her bathroom mirror, hair straightened and put into a slick back ponytail, makeup on. She looked okay, she supposed, hands trailing down from her waist and landing on her hips. The dress was tight, hugging her in all the right places, and she turned to the side to check out her ass, hands trailing over it briefly.

“Damn,” A voice startled her, and she jumped slightly before turning her head to see that Minho had walked into the room. “Checking yourself out, are you? I don’t blame you. You look hot, Y/N.”

Y/N scoffed with a grin, “You’ve seen me in this exact dress about three times before.”

“And it gets better each time.” He smirked in response, making Y/N laugh as she turned her bathroom light off and shoved past him to head back into her bedroom. She bent down slightly to grab the pair of heels before sitting down on her bed, putting them on.

“I know I say this every time you’re in a dress, but as your friend, I just have to. You look so hot. And your ass is so—“

“Are you harassing her again?” Felix spoke, leaning against the bedroom door with his arms crossed.

“Me? Never!” Minho gasped, giving Felix a look as he glanced over him from head to toe, “You look hot too, I guess.”

Felix rolled his eyes, and Y/N giggled, standing up once she had both heels on her feet. She walked to her closet to pull out her Gucci purse she had bought as a treat for herself recently, sliding it on her right arm before turning to face Felix and Minho. They were both starring at her, and Y/N glanced at both of them a couples times before letting out a, “What?”

“You’re just so hot. Honestly. Have you ever considered maybe—“

“Would you shut up? Geez, you need to get laid tonight or something.” Felix interrupted Minho again, and Minho scoffed in reply, “Well, if you haven’t noticed, I’m trying to. Just kidding, Y/N. You know I respect you and our friendship. Unless…?”

Y/N giggled again, shaking her head back and forth in disbelief before walking over to Minho, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Minho smirked, and Y/N then did the same to Felix, making sure to pinch his cheek afterwards for good measures. He hates that.

“Are we all ready to go, then?” Minho asked, straightening up his suit in Y/N’s floor length mirror briefly. They let out a choruses of yes’s, and then headed out towards Minho’s car.

“I can drive us home tonight. I’m not planning on drinking much at all.” Y/N spoke once she sat in the passenger side and buckled herself in. Felix was in the back, per usual, following suit.

“If that’s what you want, sure. I was planning on calling one of my assistants to come drive us back, though.”

“It’s fine. I don’t need to drink a lot. We all know how that turned out last time.” Y/N replied with a small laugh. She saw Minho glance at her from the corner of her eye.

“Are you… do you want to talk about it?” Minho asked in a soft voice, and Y/N immediately regretted the comment she made.

“No,” She softly replied, glancing out the window. She saw Felix in the side-mirror, eyes sharp as he glared at the back of Minho’s head. She let out a sigh, “I appreciate it, but no. It’s just a lot and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just don’t want to drink much. That makes it worse for me.”

“I didn’t mean to bring it up, sorry. I just wanted to check in. I’m here if you need me. We both are.” He replied, glancing at Felix who was still glaring at him from the back seat. Y/N let out a hum of appreciation, leaning over to give his thigh a little squeeze to let him know she hears him.

Of course, Y/N knew that, and she appreciated it, but Minho doesn’t know. And she simply does not feel like talking about it. It’s not that she doesn’t trust him or feels uncomfortable with him, it’s just a lot for her to pour out every detail of her pathetic heartbreak to someone again.

It’s been years. Yet, she still can’t get over it. And it’s embarrassing, to say the least.

She hates it, and she hates herself for it.

Thirty minutes of throwback R&B songs later, they pulled up to the club, and Y/N thinks she has never seen a club so fancy before. Minho pulled around, cutting down the music slightly as a worker came up to his window. He rolled it down to converse with the guy as Y/N scrolled on her phone, not paying much attention. The car started moving again once Minho let out a, “Thanks man!” and he rolled the window back up.

“He knows my father. He was just checking to make sure we weren’t some obsessed fans or some shit. Told me to pull around towards the back and they’re going to park the car for us.” Minho said, pulling up towards the Valet parking seconds after. “Just a heads up, have your ID’s ready and be prepared to get pat down and have every single pocket checked. We will also have to sign a form before we go in.”

“What is this, an airport?” Felix scoffed out, unbuckling his seat belt and adjusting his button up.

Minho rolled his eyes, “It’s a celebrity party and we aren’t celebrities. It’s expected.”

“You’re more of one than we are.” Y/N mumbled, digging through her purse to pull out her ID. She was starting to get pretty nervous, and Minho could tell, leaning over towards her. “Hey, it’s fine. They’re just people, alright? I’m really excited for you guys to meet Chan. He’s awesome.”

Y/N smiled back just as someone in a ridiculously expensive suit tapped on the car window. She jumped slightly at the sound, and Minho smirked, flicking his head towards the entrance behind them, “Let’s go!”

Getting into the club was stressful. Y/N was stumbling over her feet, hands shaking slightly as she spoke with the security guards, holding in her breath as she quite literally got felt up by another security guard even though she had zero pockets on her dress. She let out a sigh of relief when they finally all got cleared, hands tightly wrapping around Felix’s arm once they got inside.

“Does this happen every time non-celebrities come to these things?” Y/N asked, feet trying to keep up with Felix’s as his tried to keep up with a very eager Minho who was basically sprinting down the hallway.

“Yep. When I’m with my father it isn’t as bad, though. I’ve only been to a couple of celebrity outings by myself.” He replied, rounding a corner to what Y/N assumed was the bar area.

It went from walking through an empty hallway, to entering a room with what seemed like a hundred people. There was music playing fairly loud, a playlist of some R&B, and the place smelled heavily of weed. Y/N scrunched her nose, glancing towards Felix who was looking around the place in awe, then at Minho who was currently talking with the bartender. When did he even walk up there?

Minutes later he came back up to them with two drinks in his hands, handing one to Felix. “Here. I got you a drink. It’s tequila sour.”

Felix scrunched his nose, “Tequila already? You know this shit makes me feral.”

“Exactly. Y/N’s our DD tonight, anyway. Drink up, blondie.”

Felix rolled his eyes, grabbing the drink anyway and taking a sip. His eyes widened, letting out a, “Shit, Y/N, you gotta take a sip. This is some high brand tequila.”

“I think I might throw up if I taste any kind of tequila right now.” Y/N replied, and Minho chuckled, taking a gulp of his beer. Y/N glanced around her again, seeing that multiple people were on the dance floor grinding on each other, others were in corners smoking weed or socializing with alcohol in their hands, and then there were people like her and Felix who were just standing around looking so out of place. Everyone here looked expensive and at home, while they most definitely did not. Y/N could feel the nerves coming back in, and she gripped Felix’s arm even tighter, but he didn’t notice, eyes glancing around the place in awe with the straw from his drink hanging out of his mouth.

“I just texted Chan and told him we were by the bar. He should be here soon,” Minho spoke with a wide grin, a happy sigh leaving his mouth as he looked around the place, “I am so ready to get shit-faced. You guys want some pot? Chan can get us some.”

“No thanks.”

“Hell yeah.”

Y/N and Felix looked at each other once answering at the same time, Felix’s eyes wide and glistening from the mention of free weed. “You guys really are two peas in a pod, aren’t you? Answering at the same time and shit,” Minho chuckled, and Y/N sighed. “Lix, I can get us some. Y/N, what about an edible? I know you only said no because you hate smoking shit.”

Felix’s eyes widened even more in excitement, letting out a, “Yes! Get her some. She needs it so she can relax for once.”

“I am relaxed!”

“You’re most definitely not. You’re cutting off my circulation with your freakishly insane grip you have on my arm. It doesn’t have to be a lot, just a tiny bit to loosen up some.” Felix replied, eyes softening slightly when seeing the slightly annoyed look on her face, “Or you don’t have to! I can get you a coke from the bar and you can happily sip on that. I bet they have coke zero.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, and before she could reply, she heard Minho’s name being yelled, looking up in surprise to see a guy dressed in all black walking towards them with his arms spread outwards. Minho let out a loud laugh, meeting the guy halfway and embracing him in a hug. Y/N and Felix shared a look, and Y/N whispered out a, “Is that famous bestie Chan?”

“I think so,” Felix whispered back, taking another sip of his drink, and Y/N took the time to observe the guy while they had their little moment.

He wasn’t super tall, but was built nicely. He had one small hoop earring in his right ear and another on his nose. His arms were covered in a variety of tattoos, a silver chain hanging around his neck. The shirt he had on was tight, and Y/N could tell that he definitely worked out.

“Let me introduce you to my friends!” Minho suddenly yelled out, leading them over towards where Felix and Y/N stood. They immediately stood up straight, and Felix cleared his throat briefly when noticing they were heading towards them rather quickly.

“Chan, this is Felix and Y/N. They’re my friends from uni,” Minho introduced them with a wide grin on his face, “And this is Chan, my buddy from home.”

Felix was the first to speak, wasting no time in extending his free hand out towards Chan, which he took quickly, “It’s so nice to meet you! Minho here has told us a lot about you.” He grinned, and Y/N stifled a laugh, knowing that the only time Minho had even mentioned he had a celebrity friend was last week. He’s a private person.

“Yeah, man, it’s nice to meet you, too! Any friend of Minho’s is always a friend of mine.” Chan smiled, and Y/N found herself doing the same. His smile was just contagious.

“And it’s nice to meet you, as well,” He adverted his attention over to Y/N, and she blushed slightly when he planted a small kiss on the back of her hand. “Thank you guys for coming. I hope you’re excited for the festival tomorrow. Hopefully we don’t disappoint.”

“You could never! We’re stoked to get to go!” Felix replied way too enthusiastically, and Y/N had to refrain from rolling her eyes, “We’ve actually never been to a metal-type festival, so we’re pretty excited to see you guys perform. I know Minho definitely is.”

Minho rolled his eyes teasingly while Chan laughed, “Yeah, it isn’t for everyone, but I hope you genuinely enjoy it.”

Y/N, realizing she hasn’t spoken a word since Chan arrived, opened her mouth to give some input to the conversation, when another guy interrupted her by stumbling into their little circle, arm settling over Chan’s back. “There you are! I’ve got some people looking for you. Wanna know if you want to do some body shots.” He loudly spoke, taking a long sip out of his glass in his hand.

“Perfect timing, I was trying to find you earlier so I could introduce you to Minho and his friends,” Chan replied, patting the guy’s chest briefly to catch his attention. The guy’s eyes widened slightly, letting out a, “Oh, shit, sorry! I’m Changbin. The sexiest from the group.”

“As if,” Chan scoffed out, shoving him to the side lightly, “More like the loudest.”

“Think you’re forgetting about Jisung over there.” Changbin pointed out, nodding his head over towards, supposedly, Jisung who was currently doing a body shot on some girl in a lingerie set, yelling extremely loud once he finished, voice being heard very clearly over the booming of the music and the many cheers.

Chan winced slightly, “Don’t remind me.”

Minho laughed before conversing with Changbin, who she noticed was also wearing all black, letting out a, “I guess I picked the right color to wear tonight.”

Chan quickly look Y/N over from head to toe, letting out a smirk, “You did. You all did. Black just matches everything, you know? You look great, too.”

Y/N smiled, letting out a small thank you, and Chan smiled back warmly in response before walking over to drape his arm over the back of Minho, “So you’ve met Changbin and got an unforesaken glimpse of Jisung, so now I just have to find the other one. He’s probably on the dance floor somewhere. Let me buy you guys a round of drinks and introduce you to some others.”

Felix’s eyes lightened up at the mention of free drinks, quickly chugging down his and letting out a loud sigh once he finished. “Damn, slow down.” Y/N laughed out.

“Can’t. Famous bestie Chan is buying a round of drinks, and I don’t want him to think I’m a slow drinker and can’t keep up.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Literally nobody is thinking that.”

Felix chose to ignore her, tugging her arm slightly to lead them towards the bar, seeing that they were already up there ordering. “Should we do a round of shots or do you guys prefer a drink? I’d be happy to do both. Changbin also has some pot brownies in the back if you’re interested in that, too.”

“This might be the best night of my life,” Felix whispered, and Y/N elbowed him in the ribs, making him let out a wince. “Do you like pot brownies, or something?” Changbin laughed out, gulping down the rest of his drink. The tattoos on his bicep caught Y/N’s attention, the mix of swirls and figures she couldn’t exactly make out. He did not have as many as Chan did, and Y/N wonders if they all have some sort of tattoos on their skin.

“Love them. Can’t ever find any good ones,” Felix replied, setting his glass down on the table, “Also, I’m down for anything. We can drink whatever.”

Chan and Minho must have decided on shots, as a couple seconds later, they turned around with five in their hands, a menacing smirk gracing Minho’s lips as he swayed over towards Y/N and Felix. “Here, hoes. It’s your favorite.”

“Min, you know I didn’t want to drink tonight.” Y/N whined out, obviously devastated at the fact that Minho had brought her a lemon drop shot. Seriously, he knew she was a sucker for those. And the grin on his face was not helping one bit.

“Exactly, it’s your favoriteee,” He sang out, waving the shot underneath her nostrils. It was even coated with a nice sugar rim, and was that a mini lemon slice on the edge of the glass? She’s sold.

“Ugh, you’re the worst,” She groaned out, jerking the shot out of his hand with an exaggerated eye roll, and Chan immediately began laughing.

“Damn, Minho. You’re still just as bad of an influence as you were in middle school, aren’t you?”

“Yes, he is!” Y/N spoke up before Minho could, Felix letting out a noise of agreement, knowing he couldn’t protest. “He is the worst! The absolute worst! But he does take good care of us, I guess.” She shrugged, and Chan chuckled in reply.

“Good. Otherwise, I’d have to beat his ass.”

“Like you ever could. Remember who always won in our fights? You could never take me.”

Minho and Chan then began to argue, Y/N and Felix watching in amusement, when Changbin suddenly interrupted them with a, “Yah! Could you two stop bickering for a second so we can take these shots? I’m trying to get shit-faced tonight.”

Chan rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around Changbin and bringing him into the circle Y/N realized they had unintentionally formed. “Alright, fuckers. Cheers to new friends, music, and hot girls in lingerie sets waiting for us to do body shots on!” He shouted out, tapping his glass with everyone’s. They all downed it in one gulp, Felix letting out a, “Hell yeah!” as he slammed his glass down on the table.

Y/N gave him a look, “You almost broke the damn glass.”

“Sorry. I got too excited.” He sheepishly grinned.

A couple of people starting yelling Chan and Changbin’s name, making Y/N look up to see a group of guys waving them over. They were dressed to the nines, glasses in their hands as they drunkingly wobbled back and forth. She let out a small gasp when one of them toppled over onto the floor, and Chan sighed, running his hand through his styled hair.

“Those idiots,” He mumbled, “They’re Jisung’s friends. And they think we’re best friends or some shit. All they do is give me high blood pressure whenever they come to these things.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty annoying. But so is Jisung, so that explains it,” Changbin spoke, grabbing a beer from the bartender and turning around to face Chan, “I’ll go talk to them. You can take your friends and introduce them to some people or give them a tour or whatever. I’ll catch up in a bit.”

He then turned to face Y/N, Minho, and Felix, giving them a wide grin and giving them each a small hug, which they all didn’t hesitate to reciprocate. He smelled like mint and wood, Y/N noticed—a weird combination that somehow seemed fitting. “Nice to meet you guys. I’m sure I’ll see you around a good bit. Let me know if you ever need anything! A friend of Chan’s is always a friend of mine.”

“Will do, thanks man.” Minho grinned in return. Y/N watched him walk off, giggling slightly when she saw him roll his eyes whenever the guys grabbed his shoulders. She felt Felix lean into her slightly, and she gripped his arm in return, eyes glancing around the crowd.

The song had changed, The Weeknd now blaring through the speakers. Y/N swayed slightly, a small grin gracing her lips as she saw a large group of people dancing. “Anybody want to dance?” She asked, tugging Felix’s arm.

“Let’s do it.”

Y/N grabbed Minho and Feix’s hands, Chan following closely behind them with a laugh, leading them all into the middle of what appeared to be the dance floor for the night. She giggled, hips immediately moving to the beat of the music, standing in-between Minho and Felix, grins on their faces.

This is exactly what she needed: her, and her best friends in the middle of a club dancing with Minho’s celebrity friend. This is exactly what she needed—it was all she needed. It was all she needed to begin to move on.

Minho then decided to break out the stanky leg, the laugh Y/N was about to let out dying in her throat as she turned around.

Time seemed to stop. The music that was blaring turned into a loud ring in her ears, white noise taking over her head. Her heart felt like it just beat right out of her chest, all the breath in her lungs getting caught in her body. White, white, white—all she was seeing was white in the midst of the bodies gracing the dance floor as she felt her body melt to the ground as nothing—for that is all she was in his presence.

“Hyunjin!” Chan had shouted, catching his attention as he eagerly waved him over, calling him over towards them, confirming what she knew was already true.

She felt someone lightly shaking her, a muffled sound in her ears. She had watched as he turned around at the voice, wide grin on his face, a glimmer in his eyes. She had watched as his eyes immediately met hers, the grin fading as quickly as it came, a look of remorse painting itself on his face. There was a girl on his arm, one of the girls in a lingerie set, bright red lips kissing his neck, hands trailing down his torso.

She felt nauseous. Her head was spinning, and she could feel her heart dying all over again.

It wasn’t until she felt herself stumbling backwards into a body that she regained consciousness—music and frantic words filling her ears as her face was shoved into a chest, a hand holding the back of her neck protectively. She took some deep breaths, gripping the sides of Felix’s shirt before looking up at him.

That’s him, her eyes spoke, and he knew immediately.

“Wait, did he say Hyunjin?” Minho asked, and Y/N’s vision went from white to red.

“I need some air.” She let out, roughly getting out of Felix’s grasp as she stumbled through the crowd of people. It felt like she was underwater, not being able to breathe until she swam to the surface, gasping loudly once she made it out of the back doors.

She gripped her chest, chest heaving with exertion, wheezes coming out in strangled breaths. She slowly slid down against the brick wall, eyes watering. She could feel her throat closing up, hands and legs shaking, gasping loudly in attempt to compensate for the shortness of breath she was experiencing, mind clouded with Hyunjin.

Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.

“Fuck, she’s having a panic attack!” A voice yelled, as multiple pairs of loafers came into view. She heard Felix talking to her, could smell Minho’s cologne. Yet, she couldn’t focus on anything for more than three seconds at a time, the gasps coming out more forcefully now as her whole body began to shake.

“Get the fuck away from her!”

Another voice, a voice all too familiar was heard, coming through one ear and right out the other. A pair of black boots came into view, a body crouching down, pulling her into a hug. The smell of musk and soap and a hint of floral invaded her senses, a smell she remembered all too well—a sense of comfort. She immediately relaxed.

The gasps got shorter, quieter, until you could no longer hear them at all. Her body stilled, hushed whispers filling her mind, and she went limp, mind clouding with plush lips and warmth.

Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.

She looked up. He was already starring at her.

And god—he was beautiful. He was still beautiful, just as she knew he would be.

She took a good look at him, eyes trailing from his eyebrow piercing, to his long black hair perfectly tucked behind his ears, to his lip ring that sat so elegantly against his bottom lip, the silver blending with the red plush of his lips. He had tattoos over his neck, shapes and swirls captivating her as she followed them with her eyes, moving downward to see that he had even more on his arms. She couldn’t see his chest, but she had a feeling there was even more underneath his black tee, and her breath hitched once she caught his eyes again, his dark eyes that never once looked away from hers.

Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.

He was here. But why did it still feel like he wasn’t?

Before she could process everything, she lifted her right hand up without thinking, hand coming in contact right with his cheek. Her hand stung, his face moving to the side from the slight force, a light area of redness forming onto his skin. Gasps were heard behind him, but Y/N wasn’t paying attention at who was even surrounding them, eyes focused on him.

He stayed like that for a moment, face turned to the side, hair falling in front of his face, before scoffing loudly, turning back around to face her. A smirk graced his lips, and Y/N felt herself wanting to slap him again.

So she did.

“Hey! You can’t keep hitting him! He’s the face of this band, you know?!” A voice yelled out, and before Felix or Minho could yell anything back, he interrupted them.

“S’fine. I deserved that.”

His voice was deeper, a slight rasp to it, but still had the same softness that she was used to. He still had the same smirk on his lips, which pissed Y/N off even more, and she reached her hand up to strike him again out of spite when he had caught her, hands gently grasping her wrist.

“Come on now, sweetheart. Don’t you think two was enough?”

His voice was mocking, the smirk on his lips widening, eyes brows raising. He rubbed her wrist with his fingers, slowly bringing her hand down to rest it on his chest. She could feel his heart beat pounding against her hand, and she almost cried at the fact that he was real and he was touching her.

“I think you should leave her alone. She really doesn’t look like she wants anything to do with you, all offense. You really have no right to be touching her after you just gave her a fucking panic attack—“

“She gets those, sometimes. She gets anxious and overwhelmed, and sometimes it causes her to have one,” He interrupted Felix’s voice, hand curling around hers as he intertwined their hands, eyes refusing to leave hers. “I know what to do when she gets them. Don’t tell me to do shit, man.” He spat out, voice getting louder in slight irritation, and Y/N took this opportunity to snatch her hand out of his grasp, holding it with her other hand and cuddling it up to her chest.

Hyunjin’s eyes softened slightly, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Y/N interrupted him with a soft, “Hyunjin?”

She knew it was him, and she knew he was real, but she needed him to hear her say his name. She needed him to respond.

“Hey, Pedal,” He whispered in reply, and her eyes filled with tears.

She refused to cry in front of him though, shoving him to the side as she quickly stood up, wobbling slightly, pulling her dress down with a forceful tug before speed-walking away from him. She pushed her way past Minho and Felix, ignoring their frantic voices, ignoring anything and everything around her as she entered the club once again, desperately looking around for the bathroom.

She finally found it, slamming the door shut once she got inside, back against the door as she slumped down once more, tears falling down her cheeks.

She knew her makeup was definitely ruined, but she didn’t even care. She couldn’t bring herself to care.

His smirk was replaying in her mind. He was her Hyunjin, but he wasn’t anymore. And he was here, right in front of her, but he wasn’t. If she would have just remembered the name of the stupid band and looked them up she could have avoided all of this. Of course Hyunjin was in a band. Of course he was the lead singer. Of course he was still just as beautiful as he was years ago, just as he always was.

She sobbed harder, cuddling the hand he had just held to her chest, hoping to find comfort in a piece of him that has been lost for years.

The brightest star in the sky was always accompanied by another. Hyunjin was the brightest, and Y/N simply was the other. That’s all she would ever be.

#hwang hyunjin #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin smut #hyunjin x y/n #stray kids #skz #lee felix #lee know #hyunjin stray kids #im new lol #hope this is ok <33

[kekethorpe]

 Why? Jealous?

Xavier Thorpe

I’m new so like…don’t hate too much :)

Summary: Xavier sees you talking with Eugene and gets jealous..so he fucks you really well

Warning: smut so 18+ (enjoy)

———————————————————————————————————

Xavier watched as you put your hand on Eugene’s arm. The way you laugh as the boy talks. He watches the way you give the boy a light smile. He watches the way your skirt moves as you bounce your leg, the way it rides up your thigh. It’s driving him mad. All he wants to do is go over there to you, and fuck you right in front of Eugene.

He restrains himself though, knowing that would be weird and stupid. He waits. Waits for you to notice how he isn’t painting, and how his eyes are roaming all over you from your hair to your thighs. How he loved your thighs with a passion.

Later on he snuck into your room, the shower running, representing that you are in the shower, which should be for a while. He sits on your bed, his legs crossing, a tent from his boner showing through his grey sweatpants.

As you walk out of the shower you see him sitting there, looking dead at you. “Oh my god! How long have you been there?” You ask as you wrap the towel around yourself tighter. “Only for like two minutes.” Xavier replies, biting his lip.

He gets up off your bed, walking over to you. “W-what are you doing?” You ask as he stands right in front of you, his hands going to your waist. “I want to know what Eugene said that made you laugh like that.” He says, one hand coming up from your thigh, pushing a piece of your wet hair behind your ear. “Why? Jealous?” You ask quietly.

His hand that pushed your hair behind your ear, goes to your towel. He opens it slowly, the cool air hitting your nipples, making them hard. You suck in a breath as you feel one of his hands grab one of your boobs.

“I just want to know.” Xavier replies, his eyes focusing on your naked body in front of him. “You know you drive me crazy. The way you look at me so innocently, the way your skirt rides up your thigh anytime you move. Just you..you drive me crazy.” He admits.

His hands go to the back of your thighs. “Jump.” He demands, you following his orders. You wrap you legs around his waist, your arms around his neck. He’s fast to press his lips to yours.

It’s rough and fast. He uses one of his hands to slap your ass, this causing you to moan into his mouth. He walks you both over to your bed, laying you down gently. One of his hands go to your clit, which is soaking wet, even with just the little stuff he has down.

He runs one of his fingers up and down, collecting slick, but then he suddenly sticks a finger inside of you. You moan aloud at this, now being thankful that you didn’t have a roommate. “Fuck! Xav!” You moan out, your head throwing back a bit. He goes to your neck, biting, kissing, licking, repeating this on several places.

He continues to pump in and out of you until you feel that feeling in your stuck. “I-I think I’m going to cum!” You pant. Xavier suddenly stops, his fingers, his lips on your neck, everything.

“Why did you stop?” You ask, a pout on your face. “I have something better for you than my fingers, love.” Xavier says, a smile on his face as he starts to take his sweatpants off.

He aligns himself with your clit, looking at you for reassurance. You nod your head, this making him put the head of his dick into you. He slowly sinks in, his head throwing back as he feels how warm and tight you are. “F-fuck!” He groans out, his hands grabbing at your hips.

He bottoms out, staying there for a second, and then slowly moving in and out of your cunt. “Fuck Xav!” You yell out as he goes fast.

His pelvis hitting your ass and thighs. He grabs one of your thighs and puts it over one of his shoulders, giving him more access to go deeper.

“Oh my god! Faster!” You moan, your head throwing back, your eyes rolling back, and your vision going black. He follows your pleads, somehow going faster than he already was.

“Fuck Y/n! You feel so good!” Xavier says, his head dipping down to your shoulder. He is literally folding you like a pretzel. “Who do you belong to?” He asks, sucking and biting on your neck again. “You. I belong to you!” You say, your nails digging into his back.

The feeling of pressure shows up in your stomach again. “I’m going to-fuck! I’m going to cum!” You moan, your nails going deeper into his back. “Fuck me too. Go ahead sweetheart. I’m right behind you.” Xavier says as he lets go of your thigh, and starts to rub your hips.

You cum just after he says that, like his words set you over the edge. You clench around him, making him squirt his cum all in you, covering your gummy walls in white.

He falls on you slightly, body going up and down as he pants, your body doing the same. He pulls out, watching as a bit of both of your juices fall out of your cunt.

“You okay, darling?” He asks, his hands never leaving your hips as he rubs small circles. “I’m fine, baby.” You say, your eyes hooded. “Come here.” He says, laying down next to you, pulling you into his chest.

“You don’t have to worry about Eugene. Nothing will ever happen. I’m yours and only yours.” You say, nuzzling your head closer into his neck. “Good to know. Sorry if I was too rough.” He says, giving you a kiss on your forehead. “You didn’t, don’t worry.” You reply, closing your eyes and letting sleep take over you.

#xavier thorpe #xavier thrope imagine #xavier thorpe smut #wednesday #wednesday smut #ajax petropolus #ajax petropolus smut #im new lol

[cato616]

NEGOTIATING OVER US (part one)

roman roy x fem reader

note: hey! so this is my first post so please be nice♡ (oh and english isn't my first language either so)

another note: i may confuse myself by saying me/I'm instead of you/your and such. my bad

• there's some original characters!! not from the show (Ernest, Liza, and Kate!)

summery: you've been living your life as local coffee shop owner and roman roy is trying to buy it from you just for its territory (for waystar's use) but of course you don't want to. Although having you say yes to his offer would mean him stop seeing you to convince you

warnings: well roman being a mean bitch, some spicy here and there(or at least not in part one) emotional backstory?

It's the usual afternoon for you. making some cappuccinos, macchiatos and so more for you costumers.

[your coffee shop it's somewhat successful, that local café in the area that everyone knows about; it's not very big but it is cozy, people like to stop by to chat with friends, work or study, or even just to be with their selves; they like it here, it's a nice safe space for them, and for you too]

"hey darling!" said your most frequent costumer, sweet old lonely Ernest, sitting on those individual seats by the counter, giving a warm smile. "hey Ernest how's the eye?" (Earnest was robbed last week and was hurt pretty bad, those fuckers hit him pretty hard, that poor old man) "oh!" he said while slightly touching the bruise like if he'd forgotten about it. "yes I suppose it's getting better" he smiled. "the usual?" you asked. "yes ma'am" he responded pointing his finger in the air like the good old man he is. you smile back and get to it.

while you get the coffee ready, you start observing your coffee shop, how nice it looks, friends chatting on one table, someone reading a book alone, and so everything seems good. You can't help but notice the sunshine coming in through your big windows. You realize how much you like your job, making people happy, 'cuz that what you see around you.

But there's a problem coming in trying to stop your dreams; and actually, that problem just walked right in.

you sigh when you notice roman roy coming in through the door. "what's wrong?" asked Ernest. "oh it's just roman who came in, i hate him." said to him while giving him his coffee with a concern look on your face. "roman roy yeah!... oh, roman roy" said Ernest disappointed. i nodded agreeing with his feeling at the situation.

"how's it going darling?" he said teasing me and then sitting next to Ernest by the counter as well. you didn't say anything, just standing there looking at him with more of a disgusted face. Ernest was still there drinking his coffee, looking at us without saying a word. "oh... so you're not in a moody today mhm? roman kept coming at me by making fake puppy eyes. he's just the usual bully. "you can be mean all you want, I'm not selling my coffee shop" said to him directly looking into his eyes. "mm-yeah well.." he seemed kind of defeated by that and so he avoided eye contact like when a child losses a game and wants to deny it. but he looks at me again with something on his mind "you know it's a lot of money right? you can immediately have some other coffee shop elsewhere, im sure of it, and i can even make it happen very fast, and well... we can make some modern arrangements" he said looking around the place like if it was fucking rats and trash here. "he has some points there dear" said Ernest, still there. "Ernest you're not his lawyer, respectfully, zip it" felt kinda bad saying that but my blood boils when roman roy is around. "yeah Ernest shut up!" he said laughing and then you stared at him annoyed. you can't shut up Ernest, only i can kind of stare.

"i won't bother you anymore darling I'll be on my way out" said Ernest. you followed him to the door to quickly apologize "oh yeah don't worry dear, he's a prick i know that" he smiles at you. "but i gotta tell you, he's been here a lot, they could've sent someone else after a while, but he still comes here... I'm not blind that's all". he smiles again and then leaves; you're standing next to the door confused at what he just said. you get back to the counter still processing what he meant, your face is zoned out. "cool battle scars the old man got" roman suddenly says, you sigh and close your eyes zoning back in. "yes, he was assaulted last week by some thieves" you responded in a serious tone. "ah wow, tough old guy".

You turned to him, wanted to get open with the guy and then finally said "i can't just leave this café and open some other one somewhere else" you said more relaxed, avoiding eye contact; there's some silence between you too, he doesn't answer, he's letting you open up. "I opened this place with someone else, someone special to me... they've got very sick until the end and, this place- this place was our dream since we were little kids, we built it together, i can't just close it and open some meaningless café two blocks away." you almost caught yourself crying, you haven't talk about this in a while. You're still waiting for a response but looking down at the floor, not wanting to look into his eyes, you didn't expect to share this with him.

"aw shit" you heard him whisper to himself; he started to bite his nails as he didn't know what to do next. You looked up to see him kind of anxious at the situation, but you didn't know why. "w-what?" you were still kind of emotional. "nothing i just gotta make a quick call you know... j-just roy family stuff." seems like both of you got tongue tied. You get confused as you see him rapidly leaving and seeing him outside speaking with someone on the phone, of course you suspect it's because of what you've shared just now.

He walked right back in and then very confidently walked straight to the counter and asked "hey so, do you mind maybe coming by my office?" he seemed pretty nervous asking the question. "n-now?" you asked, he got super annoyed again very fast, classy roman. "ugh yes whatever we can go now." he started to walk outside while looking at his phone, and you were just standing there not knowing what to do, until you noticed he was outside, and you weren't, so he started making gestures with his hands to make you come out already. Felt pretty pressured by his commands "um um... liza take over for a few hours, thank youuu" you said to you co-worker while taking your apron away and then sprinting outside to meet roman.

"nice finally you're out, so... go, get in the car" felt pretty awkward getting in there, you thought you were taking a walk down the office but now that you think about it, of course it wouldn't be like that.

you looked over the window watching all the big corporate buildings in the city; pretty amazing you thought, just enjoying the ride to the his office. However, you felt someone staring at you, but you didn't want to make it obvious and turn, you let roman stare at you while he was beside you the whole ride, you didn't seem to feel annoyed by it somehow, because it doesn't feel invasive, it feels somewhat different.

continue .⁠｡⁠*⁠♡✧⁠*⁠。

#roman roy #roman roy x reader #succession #fanfic #roman roy x you #succession fic #part one #fic writing #roman roy fic #im new lol #im new here #series #fem reader #female reader

[terracottcake]

(Wait so i dont know how tumbler even works at all…. I’m confused so like someone explain to me… like how many tags should i add or like maybe… how do i do this it doesnt work like Pinterest! Damn it!)

#bob velseb #cute #digital art #kawaii #digital painting #comics #comic art #fanart #spooky month #sr pelo #angel devil #web comic #new to blogging #im new to this #im new and confused #im new help #im new to the fandom #im new lol #im new to tumblr #im new here #Spotify

[kalifornia00710]

Sonadow from IDW

Hey I am new here, and a Sonadow shipper;) (also a beginner digital artist who needs suggestions)

#sonadow #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic art #fanart #digital illustration #fypシ #drawing #im new lol

[xxxdeadbunnyxxx]

Some more Jon sims! This is how I would think he would look like from when he first started working at the institute (just imagine he got in really young lol) until the present time!

Can you tell how tired he’s gotten? Skrunkly silly man

#the magnus archives #tma #im new lol #art

[casualgrant]

Tales of an Old Artbook

A few months ago I was searching through my things and stumbled upon a large record set under the name "The Story of Great Music" which was produced in the late 1960s under a company named "Timelife Records".

I assume these records were given to me by my father, as I generally have little interest in records or physical music recordings in general. And yet I opened them up to take a look anyway, I was pleased to find that each record set came with a listeners guide, and, more important to me, an old artbook.

Each of which contains short biographies of the artists on the records, historical information about the era, and, most excitingly for me, art from the time of the music!

Why don't we take a look together?

Today we will explore The Story of Great Music's Slavic Tradtions book. Which is my personal favorite, I pick it up on the regular.

Upon opening the book you are greeted with a page depicting a bright and blocky painting. Part of the image description reads:

"...The final scene of Mikhail Glinka's "Life of the Czar" is shown ... One of Russia's most popular operas, the work became the corner stone of the nationalist music tradition. It is still being perfromed frequently in the Soviet Union..."

Soon later we stumble upon Ilya Repin's painting "Slavonic Composers", this painting is very appealing to me. That line "The great and now obscure are mixed indesciminately." is so striking and raw. Who are you? Unknown creatives! What were you known for!

Now this was an interesting find, this map depicts various highlights in Slavic history, though not in a straight line.

This page folds outward and a lengthy description guiding you through history is visible on the opposite page.

On the next page we are greeted by paintings that decorate the great Old Town Hall Clock in Prague. Which are accompanied by the legend of the clock tower and an image of the clock itself in all it's glory.

Shortly later we arrive at a short description of my favorite art movement "Predvizniki" or as they are described here : "The Wanderers", I could go on for ages but we haven't the time!

This breif dip into the works is accompanied by the brilliant and awe inspiring "To All Great Conquerors..." painted by Vasily Vereshchagin in 1871.

This is followed by a few pages of paintings by the great Ilya Repin.

"The Wellspring of Russian Music", a fascinating section about, well, I suppose it is obvious isn't it? However I very much enjoy this beautiful sketch "PUSHKIN IN EXILE" a title very to the point.

""THE MIGHTY FIVE" CARTOONED." A very comedic piece, i laughed very hard to see that this artist had turned Rimsky (a personal favorite of mine) into a lobster. (Why? I am unsure.)

I do wonder if the artist who painted this would have ever expected someone to laugh at their mockery of the mighty five a hundred and fifty years later?

Onto fairy tales! The images have breif descriptions of the adventures they represent beside them!

On the left we see "Stupid Emilien" and on the right "The Flying Ship".

And above we see "The Firebird" what an exciting piece indeed!

Later on we encounter two lacquer paintings from the Russian village of Palekh. On the left we see "THE GOLDEN COCKEREL" and on the right "THE TALE OF CZAR SALTAN". Which are both scenes from poems by Pushkin, which were each the basis of the operas by Rimsky respectively.

Now the book winds through and out of it's lovely stream of paintings and plans to take us on a tour using photography! The image above shows some beautiful stained glass and the veiw of some stunning buildings in Prague.

After a couple more pages of some well cherished areas in Prauge we are taken to the countryside. This is one of my favorite pages in the book!

Near the end of the book we're greeted with some pictures taken during plays, what they are about you ask? Well the captions will tell you all that you need to know! (And all that I know myself...)

We have reached our journeys end and find a final painting awaits our veiw. Wassily Kandinsky's "Motely Life". Part of the images description reads as follows:

"a backward look at the dream-world of the artists Russian childhood" ... "Purely as a work of imagination, Kadinsky's glowing painting sums up in its crowds, castles, flowers, and forests the strange mixture of gaiety, oppresiveness, and swelling drama that was pre-revolutionary Russia- the world of the Russian nationalist composers discussed in this volume."

I hope that if you have made it this far you have enjoyed my post. It is the first time I have created a large blog post on Tumblr, as I mainly do on SpaceHey (the modern reproduction of MySpace) so I have never really posted seriously on here before.

I am very slow with serious posts on any website so if you would like to see more of me I hope that you could bear reblogs as well. (Though I do have another post I would like to work on...)

#artwork #russian culture #slavic art #19th century art #im new lol #great artwork

[s1llybex]

I made this drawing like months ago..

(STYLE BELONGS TO SHANDZII)

#draw #invader zim #zib #shandzii #hehehhe #silly #idk lmao #im new lol

[angelouu]

revealing my lock screen and home screen wallpaper so y'all know the webtoon I'm currently obsessing over

>:3

tmi I just changed this yesterday so I'm very new to the fandom but to my knowledge the fandom isn't that strong here on tumblr 👁️🫦👁️

#lock screen #homescreen #purple hyacinth #kieran white #lauren sinclair #william hawkes #kym ladell #yes webtoon is slowly consuming my soul #im new lol #yes this is happening #sophism #ephemerys #lauki #kywi #kiki #renren #kyky #i forgot will's nickname sorry

[c0zyasc0ffe3]

Random little Nimona oc ⟟ decided to do<3

⟟ hate drawing clothes-

#nimona #nimona oc #traditional art #im new lol #idk how to use tags #pronouns #kinda gay

[autisticmarie]

Stan fiddlepat

#roblox myths #i don't know how to tag this #im new lol

[project-wildcard]

Post #1! My name is Madeline and I plan on using this account to talk about my OC and also hyperfixation, Wildcard! They're a superhero OC I made for the TTRPG system Mutants and Masterminds.

I quite honestly have no idea if this will ever be used for more than info dumping but I do have a dream that maybe there will some day be a Wildcard comic/webcomic! (maybe a single panel would be a good first goal). I definitely want them to become more than just a character sheet and an idea, maybe some day they will be a blorbo for the world to enjoy. I've started learning to draw just so I can draw them!

I will make more posts to explain them soon but there will be many. My first ones will probably be explanations of the base idea of the character as well as their personality and backstory but I wouldn't be surprised if I have a lot of posts that are just me gushing over random small details that I like, some coherent some not.

I love this character so expect a lot! And ask a lot of questions! I will probably answer a bunch in character to give a good idea of their personality! It will be fun! It will be queer! It will be Wild!

I'm very excited to share my story with the world, whatever form it takes.

#oc #original character #oc dump #ttrpg #comics #mutants and masterminds #dnd #dnd oc #superhero oc #original story #queer oc #lgbtq #queer #lgbtqa #lgbt #lgbtqplus #idk what tags to use #im new here #im new lol #im new hi

[cato616]

heyyy! ✧⁠*⁠。

welcome to my blog,, im 19 and im brand new at writing here! and im planning on writing some spicy and of course non spicy content hell yeah lol

this is what im probably going to write about:

SUCCESSION (roman roy, kendall)

AGENTS OF SHIELD

NATHAN DRAKE (uncharted)

and more hehe

and so I'll leave what I have so far:

(AS SOON AS I HAVE MORE VARIETY, I'LL MAKE A MASTER LIST)

SUCCESSION:

general (kendall, roman, shiv):

- THE TRANSFER: pt.1

roman roy:

- NEGOTIATING OVER US: pt.1 / pt.2 / pt.3 / pt.4 / pt.5 / pt.6 / pt.7 / pt.8 / pt.9

kendall roy:

- PREDICTABLE FEELING: pt.1 / pt.2 / pt.3 / pt.4

LOKI SERIES

loki/mobius (not lokius,, or at least not yet heh)

- ESCAPE

#blog #fic writing #fanfic #im new here #im new lol #succession fic #roman roy #kendall roy #spiderman atsv #series #smut #one shot #imagine #miguel o'hara #kendall roy x reader #roman roy x reader #y/n #fem reader #slight nfsw #roman roy x you #roman roy fic

[clortts]

Hello! I'm new to this platform, and I'm still adjusting to it, I don't often use it, but I do check up on it every now and then. Anyways, I'm an INFJ-T 5w4 with no life or creativity whatsoever.

I am a traditional artist and I tend to doodle silly stuff. A random fact about me is that I mostly listen to music 24/7 like help lol. I listen to WAY too many genres but mostly rock or rock in Spanish. And uhh, I can speak English and Spanish (English being my 2nd language, thus I'm sorry if I ever make grammar mistakes with my English and it sounds confusing).

I don't make play many games, nor do much in general. My account is probably going to die as soon as I post this, or maybe not. Who knows, depends on my motivation ig lmao.

Have a good day/night!!

#im new lol #random #idk what to tag anymore

[rinkru]

( °^°♡ ) my attempt in introduction to tumblr lololol

--------------------

intro.

hi i'm rin. im new in tumblr, i am very noob at writing so it is pretty unprofessional and bad; my first language is not english, so please ignore some typos/grammar.

i'm sorry if this intro sucks because im not used making introductions to people since i make it simple. SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME

ah yes, i also write stuffs, fanfics and headcanons. here is the fandoms that i write for

Lookism

Viral Hit/How to fight

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

Sweet Home

Weak Hero

Eleceed

Teenage Mercenary

Blue Lock

and more its just that i forgot

if you wanna request something then please do so since i dont have any ideas <3

heres some extras

i hate incest/proship ships (Adult x child, mom x sister?? of course everyone hates it)

i hate weird ships (cat x idk lol human.) obviously

i usually write fluff and angst, i dont really write smut because im new to writing and i suck at it so yk im trying to improve my writing.

okay thats all, i hope were all friends because im lonely. please be nice to me and have a great day (^-^)

#hi im alive #im new lol #send help #im mentally unstable #i wanna die #lets be moots #i need friends #love u mwah #introducing myself #lookism #viral hit #how to fight #eleceed #bluelock #teenage mercenary #sweet home #omniscient reader's viewpoint #weak hero manhwa #lol #requests pls #pls be nice

[basilvae]

she is my wife

#omori #omori sweetheart #omori art #omori fanart #help how do you tag #im new lol #omori character