cam girl (part two)
pairing rafe cameron x female reader
rating explicit 18+
summary you work two jobs. by day, you’re a maid for the cameron household, where rafe degrades you any chance he can get. by night, you’re a cam girl, hiding your face so nobody can recognize you. when you discover your new subscriber, the filthy-mouthed man obsessively paying you to do everything he can think of, is rafe, you’re not sure what to do next.
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The next time you log in to the cam website, your heart is racing. Throughout your classes that day, all you could think about was how hot the session with the man you thought was a stranger was last night.
But he isn’t a stranger. He lives in the mansion you get paid to clean twice a week, where he taunts you every chance he gets, practically fucking you with his eyes.
Does Rafe know it’s you on the camera? Is this a sick little game he’s enjoying, thinking you don’t know it’s him? Or maybe he’s aware you know who’s behind the account and he wants to see if you’ll say something about it?
But you do such a good job hiding your face. He can’t know it’s you.
You wonder if it’s wrong to continue doing the nightly private sessions knowing his identity. But when you remember how much joy he gets from berating you while you clean his house, you figure it’s ridiculous to care about the ethics of it.
You try to focus on the fact that you’re making so much money. Rafe gave you over $1500 last night. And he wants to keep paying you for every session. At this rate, you won’t have to worry about bills or your college tuition at all.
You closed your cam girl account to all other subscribers and posted a note that you were no longer streaming. The truth was, you were, but for one man only.
The thought of Rafe lying in bed jacking off to you turns you on before you even start the chat with him.
You take a deep breath, your hand hovering over your laptop trackpad. Rafe Cameron is going to watch you get naked and touch yourself and it makes your stomach feel like it’s flipping.
You start the private session.
Your screen fills with the image of you from your lips down to your feet as you’re curled up on your bed. You’re in a sheer white nighty with no bra or panties on underneath, your body hardly hidden beneath the smooth fabric.
Rafe called your tits perfect last night, so you figured he’ll appreciate you having them on display right when he logs in.
figure8 has joined the session.
You swallow hard.
figure8: been thinking about you all day princess
His words give you butterflies. You try to keep your confidence at the same level now that you’re aware of who’s on the other side of the chat. You refuse to be intimidated knowing it’s Rafe.
“Yeah? What about me?” you ask.
figure8: how pretty that pussy is and how im gonna watch you fuck it from behind
You feel the blood rush to your face. You know he has a filthy mind from the comments he makes to you at his house while you work, but this is more than you ever expected.
“Should I go slow for you again?” you whisper. “I know you like that.”
figure8: what a fast learner
You smirk. There’s the Rafe you know. He has such a natural talent for mocking you.
“You like this little outfit?” you ask him, your hands running down the fabric on your chest, fondling your tits. “I wore it special for you.”
figure8: so fucking hot. bounce those tits for me
You sit up on your knees and arch your back, lightly bobbing on the bed with your hands up in your hair. He has a perfect view of your chest beneath the sheer nighty, your nipples hard under the fabric as your tits jiggle up and down.
figure8: damn. i’d leave hickeys and bites all over those tits. you like to get bitten dont you princess. i know you like it rough
With every other viewer you’ve had as a cam girl, you’ve lied about your preferences just to get tips, but with Rafe, it’s like he knows exactly what you want. You haven’t had to lie to him once.
“I fucking love it rough,” you moan. You put your hands up to your tits and squeeze hard. “I want you to leave marks on me.”
figure8: i’d leave them all over your tits and your ass
“Yeah? Would you spank me? Hard enough to leave a handprint?” you ask, turning around and slowly lifting the nighty over your butt. You stick out your ass for him and sway it slowly for him.
figure8: fuck yes. shake your ass
You spread your knees wider and obey, looking back to watch your body on the screen. The thought of Rafe lying in bed fisting his cock while he watches you makes you get even wetter.
figure8: straddle your pillow. i wanna see how you’d ride my face
You tilt the laptop down so he doesn’t see above your mouth as you move to grab a pillow from behind the computer. You readjust the screen then straddle the pillow, the cotton soft against your naked core.
You start to buck your hips, shuddering immediately. You’re dazed already, desperate for his hands on you, as you rub your body against the pillow.
“I’d ride it fast like this,” you say breathily, humping the pillow.
figure8: my needy girl. my dick is throbbing watching you
figure8 tipped you $200.
figure8: that’s for riding it so well
“Thank you,” you purr, still grinding the pillow. The feeling of getting paid while doing something that feels so good is intoxicating. You’d do anything Rafe’s filthy mind desires.
figure8: don’t cum yet. i’m not done with you
You bite your lip in frustration.
“Okay,” you say heatedly. You slow down your thrusts, back still arched as you await your next instruction.
figure8: show me how you finger yourself. get your pussy nice and close to the camera
You shift to spread your legs in front of the camera, seeing yourself on full display for him.
figure8: start with one finger. i want you to work up to four. can you do that princess?
“I can do that,” you say shakily. You insert a forefinger into your warm, tight hole and let out a contented sigh.
figure8: pump it in and out slowly. add a second finger when you’re ready
You obey, stretching yourself out a bit before adding a second finger. Slowly, you add a third and writhe a bit. You push your hand back and forth, watching yourself on the screen.
You add your pinky finger and slightly tense up, your body rolling.
figure8: breathe through it. you can do it
You let out a shaky exhale as you continue, watching your fingers disappear inside of you.
figure8: good girl stretching that pussy out so nice. i bet you taste so fucking good. taste yourself for me
The request is so sinful, so unlike anything you’ve ever been asked to do. You slowly pull your fingers out of yourself, bringing your hand up to your mouth, making sure he can see your lips.
“I’ve never done this before,” you say to him.
figure8: you’ll do a lot of new things with me, princess
You taste your wetness, sucking on your fingers for him with a slurp loud enough for him to hear. It’s such an animalistic, depraved act, and you find yourself wishing you could do it with him in person, have him watch you do this in the same room.
figure8: god i want to taste you so bad
“I want to taste you, too,” you whisper. If only Rafe knew how accessible you were to him, in his house twice a week. “You know, you can send me photos whenever you want.”
figure8: desperate to see this dick aren’t you
You smile. He could not be more correct. You don’t know how you’ll manage to be around him in person and act normal knowing what you know.
Your stomach heats when you see that he sent a photo. He’s holding his cock, the curve of it so perfect, a pearl of precum leaking out of the tip.
“I want to use my mouth on you,” you keen. “My pussy is aching for it.”
figure8: i know you’d love the taste, princess. show me how you’d take my cock doggy style
Finally. You pick up your dildo and turn around, backing up towards the screen. You angle to slide the toy in slowly, feeling it fill you up, then move your hand so he can view you clearly.
figure8: i can see you dripping
Sure enough, you look down on your sheets to see drops of your own wetness. This man has got you hornier than you’ve ever been.
“That’s what you do to me,” you rasp. “Fuck, I bet you’d destroy me.”
figure8: that pussy would grip my dick so well. i’d fuck you so hard
“Can I please do it now?” you say breathlessly, throbbing with need.
figure8: only because you asked so nice
You dip your arm between your hips, knees sinking into your bed as you lean so your cheek is pressed against the mattress and out of the camera’s frame. You hold the base of the toy and shut your eyes and imagine Rafe’s warm, hard cock inside of you instead of a dildo you have to control.
Breathy moans spill out of you as you thrust the dildo in and out of your slick cunt. You picture him behind you, his hands on your hips as he ruthlessly thrashes in and out of you.
The orgasm slowly builds and builds.
“I’m gonna come,” you say, muffled. You bite your tongue, stifling the urge to call him by his name. Your eyes roll back as the orgasm ripples through with a powerful force, making you shake with pleasure.
When you finally regain enough energy, you sit up and turn to look at the laptop again. To your delight, you see that Rafe sent another photo.
You look closer at the image to see his cum sprayed across his muscular stomach, the white splashes of his pleasure glistening atop his abs.
“Shit,” you rasped. The image is so sexy that you feel yourself getting aroused again.
figure8: see what you do to me? i never cum this fucking fast
figure8 tipped you $100.
figure8: use the money to buy this. have it ready tomorrow
He sends a link in his next message. You open it to see a sex toy website. The page he sent is for a rose vibrator.
“I’ve always wanted one of these,” you say breathily. “Thank you, baby.”
figure8: dont use it without me watching. understand?
“Yes,” you say.
figure8: sleep. you’ll need your rest for what im doing to you tomorrow
figure8 tipped you $1000.
Rafe leaves the chat. You follow his instructions, ordering the toy right away and selecting the option to have it delivered tomorrow. What is he planning?
You decide to do some more online shopping, finding a top you know he’ll like.
After you buy the items, you stare at your laptop, reeling from what just happened.
You look at the pictures he sent again. Rafe was always such a cocky asshole whenever he taunted you at work and it definitely isn’t from overcompensation. He’s so well-endowed that you know it’d hurt so good having him inside you.
How would he react if you told him you were the girl he was jacking off to? Would he be embarrassed? Or relieved he could fuck you for real? Because you’d let him have sex with you. After tonight, there’s no doubt about it.
You close the laptop. It’s Thursday, meaning you’ll likely see Rafe in two days when you’re back at the Cameron estate on Saturday as scheduled. You typically see him around the house, but there are times where you don’t run into him at all.
You don’t know if you’d prefer to see him or not. How could you act normal after having him talk to you like that, after seeing his naked photos?
You try to go to bed right away, but your head is spinning.
The next night, you log in wearing skimpy white panties and the pink tank top you bought the night before, the word “princess” stretched across the front in white cursive letters.
Rafe joins the private session and you can imagine the smirk on his face once he sees your outfit.
“Hi, baby,” you coo, pinching the peaks of your nipples poking beneath the shirt. “You like my top? Bought it last night.”
figure8: its perfect. i want you to spoil yourself with every dollar i give you
You giggle and hold the small silicone rose toy up the camera.
“I was tempted to use it, but I didn’t,” you admit. “Promise.”
figure8: good girl. i hope you got your rest last night. im not paying you til you cum three times tonight
“Oh, my God,” you laugh. “Three? I don’t know…”
figure8: you can do it, princess. take ur panties off but keep that shirt on. don’t want u to forget who u belong to
His possessiveness is so attractive that you feel yourself getting wet already. You slide your underwear off, spreading your legs and putting yourself on display for him.
figure8: tell me what you’d want me to do if i was there. you’d like my head between your legs wouldnt you
You giggle, “You read my mind.” You put your fingers on your clit and close your eyes, imagining curling your fingers in Rafe’s hair as his tongue presses against your middle.
You would have never guessed that Rafe Cameron likes eating pussy, always having assumed he was selfish in bed. But he’s been surprising you since the first message he sent.
“I’d want you to start off kissing me right here,” you purr, “then you’d start using your tongue. Then you’d suck my clit.”
figure8: then i’d put my tongue deep inside your tight cunt
Reading the words makes you tremble. You lower your hand to spread your lips open and show him your opening.
“Right here?” you tease.
figure8: i want my face all wet from you
You groan, imagining his pretty face glistening, his pink lips swollen from eating you out.
You grow wetter and wetter as you touch yourself.
figure8: get the toy
You eagerly pick it up and hold your finger over the “on” button.
“Which setting?”
figure8: whatever will make u cum the hardest, princess
“You get off on me feeling good, don’t you, baby?” you tease.
figure8: those sounds you make are so fucking perfect. i’m already rock hard
“You want me to be loud?”
figure8: don’t hold back. i’ll count your orgasms with you ok? and on the third one, we’ll cum together
This man could not get any sexier if he tried. You curiously explore the toy, finally turning it on and hearing it buzz immediately.
You place it on your clit and the pleasure is instant. You let out a sharp exhale, imagining Rafe touching himself while he watches you.
The toy buzzes and suctions on you and it doesn’t take long at all for the first orgasm to roll through you. You don’t stifle the moan that comes out of you, knowing he’s enjoying it.
figure8: that’s one. that was so fast, princess
“I was horny all day,” you confess.
figure8: thinkin about me?
“Mhm. That picture of your cum all over your stomach is so fucking nice.”
figure8: then u can imagine how much i enjoy watching u fuck urself
“I want a video of you rubbing your cock,” you say impulsively. “I want to hear your sounds, too.”
figure8: you’re such a needy girl
“It’s why you like me,” you flirt. He doesn’t respond right away, making you anticipate that he’s recording a video for you.
A file from him pops up in the chat. You eagerly play it, watching six jaw-dropping seconds of his hand moving up and down the thick girth of his dick in his dark bedroom, his heavy breathing filling your ears.
“God,” you whimper. “I’m ready to go again.”
You pick up the toy and place it on your clit, pressing it down hard as it pulls another orgasm out of you after a minute. You moan out a jumbled, high-pitched mess of “oh, fuck”s as you cum.
Your muscles are tingling and tired. You’re not sure you can give yourself a third orgasm.
figure8: two. not done yet
“Maybe we stop here?” you whisper. “I’m already so weak.”
figure8: are u going to be a good girl or not
“I will,” you resign. “I will.”
figure8: go again. on the max setting
Feeling spent but determined to please him, you put the toy on your sensitive clit again. You hang your head back, looking up at your bedroom ceiling as you press the button a few times to turn on the highest level.
The toy’s suction and pace is brutal and unforgiving. You cry out from the overstimulation, writhing beneath it. The forced orgasm rises inside you and you groan loudly as you cum, tremors ripping through your body.
You’re panting when you turn off the toy and sit up to look at the chat. Rafe sent another photo. His hand is holding his cock at its base, the swollen shaft covered in his cum.
figure8: would u lick this up?
“Every fucking drop,” you say, wishing you could have orgasmed with him inside of you.
figure8 tipped you $2000.
figure8: extra for being so good
The high of the orgasms, of your bank account growing all because this man wants to watch you pleasure yourself, makes you feel like you’re floating.
“I belong to you,” you tell Rafe drunkenly, unable to imagine letting anyone else watching you like this ever again.
figure8: yeah you fucking do. that pussy is mine
“All yours,” you whisper.
figure8: ill see u tomorrow. good job today princess
Rafe exits the chat, leaving you a heaving mess.
Your heart feels like it twists reading his last message. He surely means he’ll see you on camera tomorrow… but what if he means at the estate for your housekeeping shift?
No, he doesn’t know it’s you. He can’t. You breathe out a tired sigh and take a long, hot shower before going to bed.
Your shapeless uniform is scratchy against your skin as you walk into the mansion the next day, still not sure if you want to run into Rafe or not.
You finish up cleaning downstairs and move up to the bedrooms, leaving Rafe’s room for last.
When you enter his room, it’s empty, the late morning sun hidden behind the blinds covering his big windows. You hear the shower in his ensuite running. You curse to yourself, suddenly nervous to see him. Maybe you can quickly collect the laundry and leave before he gets out.
You start to strip the bed, picturing the photos he sent you of himself on it, fucking his own hand and cumming with you. He lies right here, typing dirty things to you, watching you fuck yourself.
You’ve only unbuttoned one button of the duvet cover when you hear the shower faucet get turned off. Shit.
You rush to unbutton the cover, but you finish just as the door squeaks open behind you. You can’t bring yourself to look at him.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” you mumble, keeping your back to him and leaving the bed half-done.
“You’ve seen it all already,” Rafe huskily says behind you. You freeze for a second.
You shyly keep your eyes on the hardwood floor as you turn. When you look up at him as he towers over you, his mouth merely inches away from yours, you see he’s wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips.
His hair is wet, his broad chest spattered with water drops. He smells amazing from the body wash he used and his eyes are heavy lidded and his smirk is so damn self-satisfied.
“Why do you look so surprised? You really think I didn’t recognize that pretty mouth right away, princess?”
{ read part three here }
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✯FreshLove for the Fit✯
pt1
Summary: Y/N decides to DM Chris after receiving threats and things start to escalate between the two.
Warnings: NSFW content, swearing, mentions of jerking off, titties are mentioned, dildos, masturbation.
✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯
Y/N was dying of laughter.
Two days ago, one of her favorite content creators decided to go on a spam spree and like all of her posts. She was confused, to say the least, then she became flattered.
Now here she is, full-on cackling as she reads the hate comments she's receiving.
12-year-old girls' calling her all types of names and sending death threats, all because Chris Sturniolo was most likely jerking off to her?
It's hilarious.
She starts laughing even harder when she realizes Chris unfollowed her and unliked all of her posts.
She decides to mess with him a little bit and sends a DM on Instagram
Y/I/N
yo, your fans are cray asf. you need to tell them to leave me tf alone.
Chris's heart dropped when he saw the notification. Y/N was DM'ing him? He hesitantly clicks on the notification and his mouth runs dry when he sees what she said.
He felt like shit.
He isn't dumb, he saw what some of the fans were saying to her online. He thought it was crazy they were sending death threats to her because he was horny and dumb. He decides to respond back.
Christophersturniolo
i feel like shit for the stuff they are saying to and about you. it's not fair at all and I'm sorry.
Y/I/N
LMAO, im playing with you. ion care about these little ass girls. they mad at me because you were horny and jerked your shit to me. shit is funny.
Chris can't help but sigh, and laugh in relief. He really didn't want Y/N to be mad at him.
Christophersturniolo
fuck you had me scared. I'm glad you're handling this well though.
Y/I/N
lmao, i can handle myself very well thank you
Chris finds himself being bold behind a screen.
Christophersturniolo
i like the way you handle yourself.
Y/N smiles and turns onto her stomach, kicking her feet as if she's a schoolgirl texting her crush.
Y/I/N
so i take it you like my content?
She knows he likes it, but she wants to see him admit it. Y/N was a bit cocky, she knows she's pretty as fuck, has a nice body, and that her content is one of the best.
She just likes hearing people say it.
Christophersturniolo
love it actually
Y/I/N
tell me what you love about it.
Christophersturniolo
i love that you wear my brand as your getting off. the way you tweak your nipples through the shirts as you shove the dildo into yourself, chasing an orgasm. i love the way your moans are soft yet so loud at the same time. Don't get me started on your thighs, id love to be in between them all day.
Both of them are staring at their phones, bodies shaking as they take deep breaths. this conversation took a turn none of them were expecting.
Chris can't believe he's talking to a CamGirl who could actually expose this whole conversation.
Y/N can't believe she's even talking to Chris. Hell, she barely has wrapped her head around the fact he enjoys her content.
Christophersturniolo
what would you say if i wanted you to call me
Y/I/N
i would tell you to check my stories tab for prices.
Not even five minutes later, Y/N gets a cash app notification for $200 with the message
"FT me and wear FreshLove."
There's a phone number attached and Y/N is shocked. Her FT prices are only $130 but he sent $200.
She copies the number before pasting it into the Facetime log and pressing the call button.
It rings three times before Chris picks up.
"They look good," both of them think to themselves.
Chris is wearing a pink hoodie that makes Y/N go feral on the inside. Pink is one of her many favorite colors and to see him looking so good laid out in it, she's clenching her legs. It doesn't help that his camera angle is low. She wonders if that's what he would like while his dick is in her throat.
Y/N is in fact wearing FreshLove just like Chris asked (it was more so a demand but that's not the point), and he's trying to contain himself. It was obvious the pink shirt may be a size too small considering it was hugging her chest tightly, allowing her pierced nipples to peak through. His mind is running wild as he imagines fucking her while she's decked out in his brand.
"Hi,"
Chris is shocked when he hears the tone of her voice. He doesn't know what he was expecting, but he didn't expect something so soft and dainty. No wonder her moans sound the way they do.
"Hey..." Chris responds.
"What did you want to call for?" for some reason, Chris is too shy to admit the real reason he wanted to call. How do you tell a girl you only wanted to Facetime, in hopes she fucks herself on her pink dildo so he can jerk off.
"I don't know."
Y/N tilts her head to the side as she looks at him, "I think you know you're just too scared to say it." Her words are taunting,
Chris doesn't like it.
"Not scared to admit anything. I just figured you wouldn't like me telling you to go ahead and grab that pink dildo and fuck yourself for me. I was raised to be a gentleman after all." Chris smirks seeing Y/N get shy. Although her skin is brown, he can tell there's a faint reddish tint to them.
He keeps going, "Don't act all shy, like you don't post yourself online doing the same thing. After all that is how I found you."
Y/N likes being degraded. It's one of the many kinks she has.
"But I won't have you do that, I want to get to know you first."
Y/N is shocked. usually, when she does these calls, the guys automatically demand that she strip and start playing with herself. Although this whole interaction will be transactional, it's a breath of fresh air for her.
The call continues, both of them laughing and talking for more than an hour. The conversations jump from topic to topic. One minute they are talking about music (Y/N was shocked when Chris hadn't heard of Jorja Smith), favorite foods, and movies.
Suddenly Y/N asks a question that's been on her mind, " Why did you send $200 when the price was $130?"
"Because I wanted to" he answers so quick and nonchalantly, it surprises Y/N.
"But you didn't have to, especially if we didn't do anything sexual." When Y/N looks back at her phone, she sees a smirk made its way across Chris's face.
"I have a proposition for you."
✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯
i actually hate this so much but i did want to put out a second chapter 😭 let me know if yall like it or what you want to happen. im very open to suggestions!!!
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tujhe kitna chahne lage !!!
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which the entire world is convinced that they do not like each other but it's actually quite the opposite.
or
for when they make you go crazy in a good way. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
social media au // lando norris x fem!reader
warnings - language
author's note - another desi!reader bc why the fuck not!!!!!! hope you like it, i love you so much <3
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
liked by lilymhe, carmenmmundt, landonorris and 758,427 others
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tagged landonorris
6,829 comments
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username i want what they have
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≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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landonorris when y/n managed to *not* burn the kitchen down while boiling water
tagged yourusername
7,826 comments
username lando babe this js proves that you're all sunshine and smiles when it comes to her
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username he's so adorable
username nah they're definitely together
charles_leclerc says the one who burned the hello kitten mittens
-> landonorris IT WAS AN ACCIDENT and YOUR hello kitty mittens
-> charles_leclerc LANDO WE AGREED TO KEEP THAT OFF THE INTERNET
-> username me randomly discovering that charles loves hello kitty in the comments of a post about y/n from lando is so wild if u think about it
username hiii im new to f1 can someone please explain who y/n is and why do lando and her hate each other :)
-> username ofc angel <3 she's the daughter of one of the BIGGEST sponsors for f1 and she's like very close with most of the drivers and their partners and attends as many races as she can!!!!
-> username lando and her have had a very *rocky* relationship since the beginning bc the first time they met, lando pushed her into the pool and then she pushed him into a fountain so !!
-> username they're all currently in india atm bc y/n's sister is getting married and it's like the event of the decade!!!!!!!
-> username NO BC THAT FOUNTAIN CLIP WOULD FOREVER BE ICONIC
danielricciardo this is not helpful in beating the crush allegations !
-> landonorris shut the fuck up !
username he's so ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
username not danny ric calling him out
username this comments section is WILD
username they're together idgaf they HAVE to be
username atp they're just playing with us
username no bc lando and y/n are SO iconic like from the moment they met to here like all of their public interactions are so entertaining
-> username one of them is always ready to throw hands with the other one and most of the time it's y/n
-> username nah bc i know my girl is DONE with his shit
yourusername you forgot how to crack an egg.
-> landonorris YOU CRACKED AN EGG ON MY FOREHEAD
-> yourusername HOW IS THAT RELEVANT RIGHT NOW
yourusername *when y/n is actually the love of my life
-> landonorris hahahahahahaha!!!!!!! babe what!!!!!!!!!
-> danielricciardo both of you are so dumb 😭😭😭
-> maxverstappen1 oh my god
-> charles_leclerc what just happened
-> username "babe" SAY WHAT
username im gonna go and walk my fish
-> username i suddenly need to iron air
username they're idiots (affectionate)
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, landonorris and 897,527 others
yourusername tujhe kitna chahne lage ( just how much i love you )
tagged landonorris
comments are disabled for this post
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 897,426 others
landonorris she's mean but she buys me chocolate so ❤️
tagged yourusername
9,457 comments
username AHHHSHHSHSHD
username i am not okay
username IM SO
username HER.
username im heartbroken 💔💔💔💔💔💔 both of my parasocial relationships gone just like that
username nah bc she can fuck me up and i would say thank u and sorry for wasting your time
maxverstappen1 she's mean to all of us but she doesn't get us shit
-> yourusername aren't you like a millionaire
-> maxverstappen1 SO ARE YOU
-> yourusername lol i get p and kelly chocolates
-> kellypiquet 🥰
-> maxverstappen1 you're never getting to babysit p ever again
-> yourusername WAIT NO I'M SO SORRY
username they both said fuck soft launch
username ENEMIES TO LOVERS
username apna time aayega ( our time will come )
danielricciardo idk she makes me chai
-> landonorris didn't she almost hit you with a rolling pin because you said "chai tea"
-> yourusername it was honestly so deserved
-> danielricciardo i am TRAUMATIZED
username LOOK!! AT!! THEM!!
username we've come so far oh my god
username y/n posting a couple dumb pictures of lando and a cute one of them together and then disabling the comments while lando posts these MASTERPIECES is so on brand of them
-> username cool gf 🤝 obsessed bf
yourusername i am NOT mean
-> landonorris sure
-> yourusername im not!!!!!!!!!!
-> landonorris sure!!!!!!!!!
yourusername love u ig
-> landonorris guess again
-> yourusername I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH
-> landonorris k
-> yourusername blocked
yourusername hey ur kinda pretty
-> landonorris hey you're very pretty
username THESE BITCHES
username i feel like i've entered an alternate dimension
username ngl im gonna miss y/n and lando shit talking each other
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ill break your shit adam
warning for adult lang
fuck you adam sandler
youre lucky karkat likes you
stupid fuck sees an amnesiac girl
and asks her can i marry you
that lady got issues mentally
you still down to do shit anally
deplorable zit on the ass of romanza
karkat told me to put that shit in this stanza
do raps even count as having stanzas
slam poetry tyke at preschool im no manza
youd probably jack it to a log with holes if they were wet ones
sitting on that stupid dock with her papa cracking cold ones
piece of shit id push you off that dock and watch you bubbling
kick your ass like her shitty bro failed when you were troubling
penguins dont quack like fucking ducks you dumbass
thats not part of the rap i just think that youre a dumbass
back to the rap sandler i bet you couldnt drop a single bar
too busy picking up stupid women at the stupid women bar
who even let you into hawaii
also did i say karkat liked you i was kidding he wants to kick your heinie
seriously watching that shit again made him start slamming his head into the cushions and screaming i had to pry them out his hands and he almost bit me
sorry i forgot i was rapping again
piece of shit forgot that you can like women while dating other men
still not over that chuck and larry shit adam
if you just said to the gov you were bi you coulda had em
firefighter of the year? well try putting out this heat
karkats gonna beat your ass like you do every night to your meat
gotta ask is this shit wish fulfilment for you
gotta say larry deserved better than you
i could treat him way better than you not in a gay way though
i just mean youre a massive sleaze basically the worlds shittiest bro
back to 50 first dates man sandler your shit is a bore
the stupid bits with schneider got my ass addicted to snore
if i was that stupid walrus id tear your ass to shreds
if i was that penguin i would also tear your ass to shreds
itd be harder but id still do it
bro fuck adam sandler im through it
===
TT: Wow. Bravo, Dave. You've outdone yourself.
TG: i wrote this one exceptionally fucking terrible to represent my inner darkness
TG: i can never unwatch those cinematic fossilized turds theyre like time capsules devoted to everything wrong with america
TG: you dont even understand how egregious that was
TT: I can sense the utter malaise and contempt in every word. It's beautiful.
TT: One particularly interesting point I'd like to make is the fact that you managed to refer to butts in a song about a male target, 10 times in the span of 37 lines. It's not an exorbitant amount, but it appears to be a running theme in your works. Very interesting, if you ask me --
TG: nooooo
TG: nope no
TG: not this shit again
TG: listen one of them is karkats fault
===
CG: ROSE, YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DOING HERE AT ALL.
TT: No? Please, enlighten me Karkat.
CG: GLADLY.
CG: HE STARTS OUT WITH THE FRIGGIN WORD "ANAL" PRECEDING ALL OF THE OTHER MENTIONS, OF COURSE IT'S ON PURPOSE. IT INSTILLS THAT IMAGERY IN YOUR NUGBONE THROUGHOUT THE TRACK.
CG: AND YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A RECURRING USE OF THE WORD "SHIT", IN TANDEM. BOG-STANDARD FOR DAVE, RIGHT? NO! IT'S PART OF THE EFFECT!
CG: MY THESIS: ADAM SANDLER MOVIES ARE PIECES OF ABSOLUTE SHIT AND THE REFERENCES TO WORDS LIKE "LOG" AND "SHIT" AND "ASS" ARE TO INVOKE THE SENSE OF TAKING A MASSIVE DUMP THROUGHOUT THE SPAN OF THE RAP, WHICH BY ALL MEANS WOULD BE AN EQUAL OR GREATER USE OF YOUR TIME THAN WATCHING THOSE MOVIES.
CG: RIGHT, DAVE?
TG: … yeah
TT: Okay, I'm willing to concede to that. On this subject matter, as an avid terrible movie enjoyer, you admittedly know better than myself.
CG: SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
TT: And you love them anyways.
CG: YEAH.
TG: hes right
TG: you hear that shit hes right
TG: fuck death of the author im verifying that interpretation
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