#im like not even religious but i love this general aesthetic

[beesmygod]

im not a gamer but i love learning about the lore/themes of fromsoft games. tarnished archeologist on yt analyses architecture and connects themes with real world art history, i thought maybe youd find it interesting

im sorry anon, but this guy drives me bonkers but i think its bc he has historian degree brain and i have art degree brain.

what i mean is: there's a statue in old yharnam that depicts a woman and her attendants looking up while tending to a corpse. this one

he interprets this as everyone looking up toward an unknown celestial event unmentioned in canon. his reasoning is that because there are some real life historical examples of art made under similar circumstances (witnessing an eclipse or meteor or something like that), that this must be another example of such a thing. he also very baselessly assumes that the woman depicted in the center is the same woman in every statue and decides she was the center of the church and what he assumes is the "old religion" prior to the founding of the church.

but this completely removes bloodborne from its very specific aesthetic influences and like...established canon. soulsborne dorks (me) love to over think tiny details but the invention of characters based on the frankly bizarre idea that all women are the same is a little much lol.

here's how i interpret this statue:

the statue draws very heavily from roman catholic iconology, like the rest of bloodborne. however, it is a surface level scraping of the spooky imagery from catholic art throughout human history. there is very little ACTUAL connection to catholicism. there is no christ figure, no god, no holy spirit, and no literal madonna.

the woman at the center is a maddona-type figure in her posing, but his analysis forgets that pthumeru AND yharnam were/are matriarchies. maybe there was a king in yharnam once but annalise is/was queen. all the blood saints we meet are women, exclusively. the veneration of women in general should not be that surprising in bloodborne.

it is not depicting a stargazing event because everyone is looking in different directions.

its not even clear if the statues have eyes or if their eyes are even open; i assumed that they were closed in religious rapture

they are indoors lol. like NOW the roof is collapsed but it wasn't when the church was built

this statue is located in the church of the good chalice, which was built to worship the undying holy blood. i think he has it right that this body is being prepared for burial, but it's completely dried out and desiccated. it resembles the corpses in the chalice dungeon coffin-chests and used by the labyrinth madmen to beat you

a similar figure is seen in the statue covering up the entrance that leads you to old yharnam. in fact this might be the exact same one without the broads lol.

i dont know what this is supposed to depict but my best guess is a used up blood saint drained completely dry. but big emphasis on "guess"

[polyhexian]

i see youve been reblogging a lot of angel hare stuff lately! what are your general thoughts on the series?

oh have I lol? i have a queue so that means i binged the angel hare tag a couple weeks ago and shoved a bunch in there.

i love it! its so unique and creative and I genuinely think its refreshing to see religion used in this kind of narrative as a positive force rather than a sort of generic Evil. its so boring when stuff just uses like. demons or christian aesthetic without anything specific in it. stuff that will talk deep about demonology and angels but pretends jesus isnt relevant because its Secular Religious Aesthetic. its boring! its uninspired! its SAFE. angel hare is unique in that not only is it very specific but the supernatural element in the story IS the force of good and the force of evil is the mundane human element, the every day horror of abuse.

and also how fucking dope is the idea of an angel, a genuine angel of fucking god, talking a little kid whos probably like, three, through disassembling and reassembling a gun and shooting his abusive father dead with it. holy fucking shit. holy shit. what. that fucking rules. the nuance of the rules of god here not being the generic strict rules that murder is bad, forgiveness is good, blablabla. i love the bit where we see the video version of the lying episode has gabby and the viewer forgive francis but the recorded version tell him no, you dont have to forgive someone who hurts you. remember that the sun can be warm, but never forget the times that it burns you. your dad might sometimes seem kind but dont ever forget what he does to you. you do. not. have. to. forgive. and even as far as you SHOULDN'T forgive. and that is the opinion of the positive force angel of god.

its great. its creative and unique and theres nothing quite like it. and the presentation! i mean the text parts can be a little much at times but the animation- the first episode. holy shit. when she flew away in the taped version i was like hmmm where are we going with this. she goes into her house and im still like hmm. then she picks up the chair and says "this will be our strength" and puts it under the door and i was fucking floored dude. i straight up had to pause because of the lightning shot of ice that went up my spine. the genuine fucking real world horror of understanding. thats how you do a fucking horror reveal dude, she never says it out loud but you KNOW. just from that one moment you know EVERYTHING you need to. it all unfolds right then in a fucking instant. holy shit. thats fucking storytelling dude. thats incredible.

[hornsketch]

hey there! ive finally made an art blog! im going to try post more just… stuff, as usually i reserve my art posts for either special occaisions or specifically public-oriented works, and it kinda bums me out to not just have a place to dump my art anymore, so here you go!

(more details and helpful info below!)

who are you?

in hopes of providing some relevant lenses to view my work through, ill give some personal details here. if these lenses dont suit your interpretation of the work, thats alright! view as you please, though i do still think these will always be important context in said viewings.

my name is zelda (she/her) and im a queer jewish 20something who struggles quite a bit with illness both physical and mental.

ive always been kind of enthralled by impressionism and what it really means to use suggestion and spirit as a stronger tool than portrayal and form.

i have a particular draw to fantasy and magical aesthetics, especially the world-building within.

i am a serial overthinker, and tend to see alot of meaning and symbolism in things that plainly do not have them.

while yes i am jewish, my relation to faith is complicated. if you see me type “god” im using it in a turn of phrase with no meaning. if you see me type out “g-d” i am being religious. yes i know thats not how its supposed to work. its meaningful to me.

what will you post?

as previously mentioned, here im trying to make a concerted effort to post a broader variety of things with a wide selection in quality and topic, so unfortunately here the only real uniting theme is going to have to be that i made it. still! to help navigate the space, listed below will be a list of tags i will try to keep to, all of which this post will also be tagged as, since i know tumblr search can be finicky.

#the self and the other

these will be about me, my friends and loved ones, or possibly both

#differing mediums

these pertain to other works or universes, as well as fan content

#harsh tones

this is gonna be the rough stuff. topics will be tagged as needed.

#jaunty doodles

funny business. shenanigans, even.

#lesssfw

listen this blog is for a wide breadth of content, so please if you do not want to, or otherwise should not be seeing mild to moderate nsfw content (i dont rlly plan on posting straight up porn here) block this tag.

do you take commissions?

yeah, usually. im not really at the point where i have to close and open them for availability reasons, so shoot me a dm and ill usually be able to give you a response pretty quick on.

price tends to vary by project, and i always set $20 per hour of canvas time as my baseline, but generally simpler stuff like limited detail icons and emojis run in the $20-$30 range, while fully detailed halfbodies tend to run in the $40-$50 range, and fully done fullbodies range more $70-$80. aside from that, backgrounds are a little too context dependent to put a full price estimate on and extra characters can and will cost extra.

usually whatll happen is after laying out the basic price range we’ll talk, and ill thumbnail until we have smth we can agree on, and once weve got an idea of what were going for ill give an estimate that ill try to stick close to, barring any major changes or complications. from then on ill try to send updates whenever i work, and then when im relatively close to finished ill ask for the payment either through paypal or cashapp, after which ill send on the finished piece and any expected variations. in some cases, this may be changed, and payment may be done half at the start, and half when relatively close to completion.

#the self and the other #differing mediums #harsh tones #jaunty doodles #lesssfw #the amazing moving picture

[crow-caller]

marcy from the hush hush series deserved so much better and gave me a writing idea (for a better take on the idea of a chronically ill half angel i guess?) but i have no idea about general angel lore or anything, what would you suggest? (sorry if this is rambly im tired)

Angel lore is very loose but also very specific. That's one reason I think it's so fun.

Angels are, it shouldn't be forgotten, religious beings. They're very explicitly things which belong to certain religions, generally our main idea of them being from the big Abrahamic ones. Within that they differ a bit, but mostly exist to act as messengers from a greater divine being. Angel originally just means 'messenger'!

So when you write about angels, you need to first decide if you're doing just 'angels as a fictional species' where it's more about aesthetics and people with wings, or doing angels in relation to their original context. There's a lot of free form and stuff to explore with it and so many different takes. It's why I have two published books with radically different ideas of angels, and more unpublished ones with... even more ideas of angels!

My rough guide to your basic angel is:

-A being created to serve a divine, higher power, usually lacking or limited in free will or choice, but also very happy to serve- it is their purpose! (But what if an angel felt differently? What if one had free will?)

-Angels usually have one particular role and function and act with strict rules and bonds to fulfil it (What would it take to make an angel break that? Or question the rules?

-Acting as a guardian and messenger to humanity, who was created after them. (Humans have free will and angels do not... Humans are made in the image of the higher power and most loved by this higher power. This could be difficult for an angel to accept!)

-Beings of energy and light, capable of taking a human disguise. Angels can look and be however, and generally are understood to be genderless- as servants, they don't have those markers of 'identity' (so what if one did?)

Can you see why they can be really, really fun to explore?

(Oh, and the 'biblically accurate angels' thing... not really a thing. Pretty much just a weird internet obsession myth. Angels can be described in some wild ways, but most of what we understand to be angels are just seen as people with wings, usually though 1-3 pairs. Or really technically pure energy spirit taking that shape, as their 'true form' is really beyond human comprehension. The eye-wheel guys aren't. strictly speaking. angels. (maybe) But that's a whole other topic...)

***It's also worth noting angels are a religious concept and innately tied to religion. You can have fun with it and you can have ones divorced from that origin, but you should always be aware they aren't like, dragons: they're not fictional monsters! They have very big significance for a lot of people in a spiritual way who very much believe in them. Very different from vampires. With that too, you should be aware of things like certain concepts relating to them or lore that might be closed to outsiders or best not to touch. Do some research if you're going to use actual, real aspects

#angels #cool things with wings #sometimes theres asks

[tezerenotameiki]

Hi, uh. I saw your post about the denpa-style C-ta horror game and. 1. your mind?? yes please, and 2. do you have any denpa classics recommendations because I've only played a few and love the aesthetic..

ANONNNN YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I SMILED WHEN I SAW THIS ASK ,, 1) IM MAKING THIS A THING AND 2) ALWAYS. RAMBLINGS BELOW

ok. im working off the assumption ur like me and primarily play english vns but have relative familiarity with the, uh, quirks of the genre. just in case: denpa games are pretty difficult to recommend in general because of how intense, graphic, gorey, etc. they tend to be. i cant really get into content warnings with each one bc they would be literal paragraphs LOL but i'm going to try and provide a range of options (both classics + things that i personally believe fit the aesthetic). if you need more details on any game, just hmu!!

subahibi: i'll start off with easily the most horrifying game i've ever played (extremely affectionate). it's difficult to even talk about the plot of this game, other than that it's a fascinating spiral down a literal/metaphorical rabbit hole as you unravel the psyches of the most fucked up cast in the world. a read so brutal i have to take breaks from it to recover from it. i adore it so.

sayonara o oshiete: if you want a classic, this is one of the Defining games in the genre. it definitely shows its age, but holy shit is the atmosphere incredible. it's also... another really graphic game. there's an english patch that isn't particularly good, apparently, and got hated on so much it was deleted... but it's not hard to find (lol) and i've definitely read worse translations

shizuku: so this was a fun surprise! in researching this list i discovered someone who machine translated the OG visual novel and denpa game, shizuku, and uploaded it to youtube. it's janky, but a cool find, so i'lll be watching it later. shizuku's just got a neat aesthetic in general and it's good if you want to know about the classics - there's a lot written up about it.

totono: unfortunately, by its inclusion on its list, i'm spoiling that its not a normal dating sim… but it's a nitroplus game, that's a given! a protagonist convinced that he'll never amount to anything begins to connect with the two love interests in the game. from there… the game truly bends the narrative and uses its medium in stunning ways. it's as thought-provoking as it is horrifying. a must-read imo

higurashi: i'm assuming if you're at all familiar with vns you've played or at least heard of higurashi. if not. go play it. shakes your shoulders.

soundless -a modern salem in remote area-: this was actually my introduction to denpa games, so i have a huge soft spot for it! it's insane how much they tailored it to my tastes. a young girl caught in a religious cult is viciously tormented by the other members for her visions — until another member arrives saying that she can see the same things too.

chaos;child: more sci-fi than most denpa games usually are, but with all the focus on delusion, gore, the spiral of mental illness, etc etc i just have to put it on this list. watch this cocky newspaper club president try to investigate senselessly brutal murders across the city and become embroiled in a case beyond human understanding! fun!

^^ (as a sidenote, its prequel, chaos;head NOAH, is supposed to have a improved translation patch by committee of zero coming out soon! just based on the aesthetic, i think c;h is a little bit of a better fit, but i haven't played it yet)

milk inside / outside a bag of milk: two separate games, but mostly listing for the second one, which has a stunning art style that completely replicates that feeling of being disconnected from reality. short but stays with you.

hopefully there are a few on this list that seem of interest to you! i can always dive into my itch.io for more niche games i may have forgotten about lol

#the real issue here is finding games that are actually translated ........ there are a bunch of video essays and articles online #on some other influential ones #asks

[tanadrin]

@iracher

Tumblr recommended me your post and I just got really interested in what game writing do you think is good? (im really interested bc I love rpgs) I think pillars of eternity did a good job to let you roleplay whatever. I hate inquisition tho, I dont understand why would MC help chantry =\

i’m gonna use this opportunity to vent about inquisition for a sec, because although it has features i like, it also has features that bug the shit out of me.

i like that the DA franchise doesn’t have a single protagonist--having multiple main characters you play as lets them tell discrete stories and keeps you from omnicompetent hero syndrome, where a characters feels like a mary sue just because they have the lifetime accomplishments of like six people (i’m look at you, Star Wars Expanded Universe). the worldbuilding isn’t great--it’s mostly ISO standard fantasy--but it’s OK, it has some original bits (the qunari are great for this), and it’s a fun enough place to run around in.

but they clearly want the chantry to be the local catholic church expy, with all that entails for a modern popular audience--dogmatic, often militant, strictly hierarchical. as a result, they’re sort of intrinsically organizationally unsympathetic. and then in DA:I they borrow the name “inquisition” to continue the medieval aesthetic, except the actual historical inquisition is monstrously unsympathetic, especially to a modern audience, and the name doesn’t even really make sense? and why should an independent organization trying to save the world from disaster be affiliated with the chantry anyway? and why are you the head of it? just because you have a magic hand? idk, it’s all quite weak justification to get the setup they want, and even then it takes way too long to establish all this in-game. it would make a lot more sense if you were already a minor-but-significant political or religious figure of some sort, but mostly you’re just Some Guy/Girl.

boring fantasy writing by committee is the worst kind of fantasy writing.

my absolutely favorite all-time RPG is the original Deus Ex. it’s so old now it’s probably hard to look at unless you’ve got some intense nostalgia goggles on, but it had extremely fun gameplay (the genre is sometimes called “immersive sim,” i think, and it’s one that’s kind of rare nowadays; hbomberguy talks a little about its history in his hilariously long video on Human Revolution), and i thought the writing was great.

not to say it doesn’t have weird bits and bits that fall flat. but it had ideas, and it was willing to try them, even if they didn’t always work. it’s a heady mix of 90s conspiracism, cyberpunk, and weird political tangents and digressions that you don’t get anywhere else, not even in its direct sequels. it also prefigured in a dreamlike way the next 20 years of political and social development with uncanny accuracy, as if Warren Spector had a vision of how the 21st century would go but could only half-remember it in the morning. and the soundtrack slaps so fucking hard it’s unreal.

otherwise, i generally prefer RPGs with tons of visual character customization and dialogue. which is to say i liked most of Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2 (never played the third one). the character-level interactions often felt strong and satisfying, even if the plot as a whole wasn’t super well-written. i actually think that lower-level element of writing is more important--i can forgive a dumb plot around a macguffin or a threat to the universe, but not boring character interactions. this is something skyrim was bad at; for open-world RPGs, Fallout: New Vegas does it considerably better, although my only real complaint about that game is that i like having a fully-voiced protagonist.

[bitdemonic]

hiii i hope ur having a great dayyy i would like to participate in ur tarot game <3

my initials are rm, im a libra sun, pisces moon and gemini rising

im choosing two and eight

also im super obsessed with ur whole aesthetic and account !! I love ittt and im definitely turning the notifications on bc ur last post was EVERYTHING

thank u for the game <<33

hi sanny🤭 apologies for the long ass wait bae and tysm for your super kind words! hope this resonates mwah

no. 2🍹 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜

🃏6op. 6os. 6ow. the lovers. justice. ideation. comfort. fear.

the sexual dynamic between the both of y’all feels safe and comforting, it’ll be gentle and adoring despite passion’s intensity. bedroom pleasure is soft, very baby or vanilla ice cream—sweet but not overwhelmingly. y’all leave the impression of doing for each other instead of simply just doing, there’s appreciation over the bond before and above everything else. actions that apply to this sentiment could be fluffing pillows for a better prop up, massaging shoulders or feet, whispering love affirmations, washing each other’s bodies after etc. self care is a ritual when it comes to sexual regime, but with the number 6 (virgo’s house in astro, schedule and routine) being prominent in the cards y’all could practice self care religiously.

y’all will spoil each other for sure, the 6op indicates that this connection will include balance or give and receive. very libra energy, the scales are even when it comes to y’all’s happiness and pleasure together (ideation in this sense). this can symbolize shopping for sex toys together, suggesting new positions for both partners (think 69), deciding to spend longer in bed for another round, etc. because i sense saturn’s presence a bit im guessing that this type of solidification was earned. there’s restriction around either intimacy or relationships, maybe love in general? it’s even possible all three could’ve caused a delay in having sex, or at least withheld it longer than intended. the fear card represents that, but it seems to heal whenever y’all are together.

✞

no. 8🍸 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞

🃏 knaveoswords. 8op. knightocups↺. the tower↺. stop. pain↺. balance↺.

drink number eight is my favorite and this is exactly why lmao. before i even started writing, “come run your hands through my hair” and “that’s why it’s there” was a constant. these are lyrics from ariana grande’s song “my hair” and this translates into someone being a ‘lip bite, finger plunge into their scalp to keep from screaming’ person—on the occasion it’ll be yours too. it keeps them from acting clinically insane, i even heard “outrageous”. tossing their head backwards with a stifled moan, or blowing out tufts (tufts) of air before pulling their lip into their mouth. this fs is someone that tends to present themselves as grounded even if they actually aren’t, they’re not a fan of the vulnerable or weak state at all. it’s the same when it comes to sex, if not stronger, so an idgaf war is bound to happen (they’ll lose drastically).

animated or expressive faces are here, but with a piscean nature to them (emotional, deep thought). them being in pleasure is the literal textbook definition of being in awe, just add knitted brows and a slack jaw instead. their pupils will be blown as well, half-lidded and fucked to pieces because “wow”—it’s resemblant of a puppy’s, when they’re either shining with sadness or gleaming with excitement. 8op here, this person has a (specific) quirk that they’ll act on to keep from releasing early. for example, there’s this p-star that i (used to) watch and his restraint tactic was biting the side of his finger so he wouldn’t cum. your partner has that same habit, except it’ll be during a certain act (oral, kissing, foreplay etc). this person is prob sensitive hence the need to retain composure.

with the tower being a major arcana card (catalysts, major events in life), this fs will always have a buildup of emotions when they’re experiencing gratification. “getting worked on” came in, this could def point to them receiving head especially since i mentioned that they’re prone to sensitivity (could be down there specifically). this also means explosive orgasms or “big” finishers, moments that’ll leave them shaking or clenching. “tumultuous.” it starts off quiet then ends off loud, or strong in their case. it’s literally reminiscent of an actual tower falling, the slow crumble before it comes crashing down.

✞

#something chronic #first night out #asks #future spouse #game #🥂

[chiroptaro]

so first is fine (fee neh)

i think their theme is like. princely/angelic? Im not a huge fan of their music they might be my least favorite unit music wise. You might recognize two of these faces. they were the antagonists in the beginning of the anime

This is Trickstar! Theyre kinda the protags during ! era. The orange one (Subaru) is the face of Enstars

They dont really have like. a theme? Its kinda. wow look how fun it is to be friends! Theyre pretty diverse in music style ive heard. i dont listen to much of their music

Ryuseitai! You know this but their theme is superheroes

Ive already spoken a good deal about them but i like their music

Alkaloid! They have a card theme and are the protags for the !! era

again you might recognize a few faces. i dont havw much to say on their music style again i havent listened muxh to them

Eden!

technically theyre two subunits, Adam and Eve, and they combine to create Eden. Eve is the two on the left, while Adam is the two on the right. I'm not gonna mention the characters but oh my goddd they sure are! characters! Eden was the antagonists for the second half of the anime. Their songs are kinda more rocky and very risque which is funny considering the biblical allegories

Valkyrie! The best unit ever!

Their aesthetic is a very steampunk one and they have a very unique sound i love love love their songs. theyre all very artistic and not at all idol like

2Wink! The twins!

Their style is the most electro of the units its like synth pop. The pink one is Hinata and the blue one is Yuuta theyre literally the trans colors

Crazy:B! They and Alkaloid are a recent (!!) addition. Crazy:B play the antagonists to Alkaloid's protagonists

Theyre very. idk. punk rnb? smth like that idk

UNDEAD! The edgy ones!

their theme is theyre edgy and unruly and uh. thats kinda it? also middle guy is a vampire and blodn guy is a womanizer and right guy is a furry and left guy is Adonis everyones dream man

Ra*bits!

One of these members is a college freshman. The rest are second years. take a wild guess as to whos who <3

This acually isnt that great of a pic since theyre not wearing their usual constumes one sec

theyre just lil sailor boys <3 their music is generally cutesy and upbeat they get to pics bc i love them and also i needed to show you both outfits the secondoen actually isnt even their usual outfits so id add a third image but this is already long

Akatsuki! Ive already talked about them but heres another pic

Againt heyre traditional japanese both in theme and music

Knights! Theyre the most popular unit i think. I'm not a huge Knights fan

apparently theyre the most boybandish sounding? idk i really hate one of their songs tho so theres that the other ones are fine tho

Switch! Theyre magicians. they also have an electronic sound

i like the songs iv eheard from them. Tsumugi (blue) is literally me

MaM

The only solo unit! hes a cowboy

Double Face

this is a special unit bc you might recognize them. thats bc they have their own units, this is a special unit they do all the dirty work of their company like assassinations and whatever idk i skipped the origin story. not sure what their sound is like bc i havent listened to much

ok heres my evaluation on all of them.

fine: they are certainly VERY princely and angelic i absolutely adore their outfits omg theyre SO cool. also WOO MY FAV CLOWN GUY!!!

trickstar!: the power of friendship is definitely a theme wdym. i love their little jackets!

ryuseitai: it's the guys it's my fav go go power rangers!! they have CAPES!!!!!!!!

alkaloid: CARD THEME IS SUCH A COOL IDEA!!! and that's hit tbh creacher rinne's brother right? i forgot his name i want to say hinne but thats def not right lmao (edit it's hiiro i got the h right!!)

eden: theyre all very majestic and gorgeous good gracious. is that an album cover? bc if so its a GREAT one. do they get along with the angel boys bc of. the religious thing (<- thinks i am funny)

valkyrie: STEAMPUNK BEST AESTHETIC YESYESYES I HEART THEM!!! wdym by artistic rather than idol? that sounds very very cool

2wink: trans color palette love that for them

crazy:b: does a little dance i think theyre my favourite i listened to that spider song like twelve times it was SOOOOO GOOOD

undead: ehehe the edgelords. vampire guy is the one u showed me b4 right?

ra*bits: LITTLE SAILOR GUYS!!!!! im guessing the college one is the brown hair bc he's the littlest and animes tend to do that

akatsuki: THE FELLAS!! i loved their thing with the fan waving in the mv u sent me very cool. also that pic is a slay/10 WOW GET IT KINGS

knights: i love the knight theme and also the hair of middle guy & the guy directly to the right of him.

switch!: WOW THE REAL CRANE?? did not kno u were an idol craneberry i support u. their outfits remind me of boy scout uniforms

mam: OMG COWBOY HES SOOOO. I HAVE A CRUNCH ON HIM

doubleface: their outfits are so drippy def one of my favs so far. and it looks like they have sheriff badges maybe? i love assassins good for them

#teyre all very very pretty!!!!! #eds asks #crane ur so pog #cranestars

[ihaventdoneacartwheelsinceiwas9]

it’s difficult to think of ‘myself’ in the first person

i enjoy distancing the idea of who i am from myself and instead considering them in the context of how a third party may react to what i present to them

my likes, dislikes, interests, and looks are all mediated by the ever looming presence of how they* might perceive me to be. i use it as a defence mechanism i think, always prepared to defend myself and my choices but it’s also deeply rooted in self hatred. everywhere i go i consider how i walk, why i talk. its exhausting, but it feels necessary.

The Original Sin will haunt me forever, “please forgive me for i have sinned,” ideas of unworthiness have been hammered into my beliefs since before i could multiply. This on top of growing up in an environment where i often felt unsafe and unsure only solidified the religious calling towards self flagellation.

I deserve to be punished and I must beg for love. 

these ideas became a sort of philosphy, moral code if you will, for me. a combination of mental illness and true belief in what god had in store for me. my unwavering faith made me an excellent servant to them, but a poor advocate for myself.

the atwood quote:

"You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”

certainly feels relevant here. but where do i draw the line between performance and dissociation? does this all boil down to being a woman?

selfishly i like to believe that my circumstances are beyond a generalized experience that can be summed up in my prescribed sexuality but im certain i am not alone.

this does not bring me comfort.

how can i be 'myself' if everthing i have been through is relatable, am i not a combination of it all at this point? is my logic not flawed after all? and yet i fight everyday to present myself as an individual (one who represents the aesthetics and values that i have absorbed through media consumption and 21st century living).

my drive to find myself has no where to go, i feel like im playing dress up or pulling a ruse on the people that i love but also myself. somedays i cannot even convince myself that i am me, because i am not sure she exists.

essentially, i cut my hair and nothing changed. i have the same feelings, the same fears, and probably the same hopes as i did yesterday. i dont know where to put them, and i hope they dont find out.

* they can be summed up as a symptom of my religious upbringing but also contains those who i fear or expect judgment from. essentially the all knowing spectator that i derive my self worth from.

[me-uglypretty]

*WARNING* this is going to be a long compiled mess of replies, so please take the time you need to respond and you don’t have to respond to everything : )

NO WAY I WATCHED DISNEY AND NICKELODEON RELIGIOUSLY TOO! ! ! (but also like, not me flipping through the files of all my favorite fandoms in my head before i go to bed trying to decide which universe to live in for the night… yikes or something aha *finger guns*)

MISS PEGGY CARTER DESERVES SO MUCH MORE AND CAPTAIN CARTER TOO!!! UGH I LOVE BOTH VERSIONS OF HER SO FREAKING MUCH! they totally nailed the old era vibe for the series, and i love the generalized aesthetic for that time era too so that was a major plus for me

ALSO STOP YOU’RE MAKING ME SMILE SO MUCH BY SAYING YOU LOVE MY ENERGY HAKSKDHN but i truly do love your energy too bestie <3

HONESTLY IF THERE WAS NO HEIGHT DIFFERENCE OR GLOWING LESBIAN I WOULD STILL WATCH THIS SHOW CAUSE OF THE DINOSAUR BUT THIS SHOW HAS ALL THREE?!?!! a big win for the gays i’m loving it

mmmm i’m sure i won’t like it in the beginning with feeling sympathy for parents but when a show succeeds in doing so, you know it’s a good show. so i’ll be open minded about it, even if it’s rich people problems lol

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BESTIE IM CACKLING “Her height went to her gay level I guess.” UGGGH I CAN’T BREATH I’M LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD

((anyways yes all the parents absolutely need to go to therapy, and probably the kids too now, and i’m glad you don’t drive a prius or else i’d have to rethink somethings hahaha jk but yeah, they don’t give the best vibes a majority of the time))

(((HUUUUUUUUUHHHWA IK ITS ONLY THE BEGINNING AND I HAVE TWO MORE SEASONS AFTER THIS ONE SO LIKE AHHHHHHHHHHH)))

OH NOW I WANT TO READ THE COMICS EVEN MORE NOOOOOOWWW would you recommend reading them after i finish watching? and why yes, yes they are scientists… ((((man head is going to explode, there’s so many things to think about!!!))))

(((((yes, i agree with your mum. i’ve only seen him less than a handful of times yet this too will always be my response)))))

((((((people really do need to get with the times to get a better taste of all the true, great media that’s out there smh))))))

(((((((yes, i am getting the recommended amount of rest, maybe not in the right time frame tho, but i am getting it! thank you for asking : D i too can be unhinged when watching shows, but i have recently relearned the consequences of pulling an all nighter so i will not be doing so with this show. but my day was good, especially since i’m decompressing now by watching runaways! i hope you’re taking care of yourself and that your day/night is going to be good to!)))))))

Our mind??? I too pick which universe to live for at night (and sometimes daytime that I forget how I gotta exist in the real world???) AND I LOVE DINOSAURS LIKE I WILL WATCH IF THERE’S DINOSAURS AND THE QUALITY IS GOOD TOO cause some vfx is horrible (totally out of context but meet the robinsons’ t-rex is so cute)

I read the comics after watching 2 seasons I think? Cause I was waiting for the new season and decided to catch up with the comics. It kinda made me go “ahhh this is not the same AHHH WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT” but tbh, it’s up to you cause some things match up while some doesn’t (and comic tends to have heavy stuff which don’t end up making to live action).

And the show is kinda slow so I hope you have the patience cause sometimes it's like ya typical never ending tv series, but it's kind of nice to watch the basic shit with the superhero flairs and the glowing lesbian with her tiny girlfriend so it's also not basic??? i don't think i made sense but yes words

((I think WE ALL need therapy, but the parents especially dammit why don't all of them go get help))

(((I HAD FUN READING EVERYTHING LIKE THIS ENERGY IS WHAT I NEEDED WHEN IS STARTED WATCHING THE SHOW AND I HOPE YOU’RE DOING OKAY!!!AND TAKING CARE AND DRINKING LOTS OF WATER)))

Thank you input runaway anon who forgot to sign off as input runaway anon

#me-uglypretty answers #input runaway anon

[bearisweet]

Okay I'm sorry but these designs are good idk what people say.

#im like not even religious but i love this general aesthetic #.txt #ppl in the cr tag having a field day but im just vibing w the designs #the world building of cr makes me 👀👀 #i constantly keep falling back every time theres new interesting lore

[imagines-mha]

◇ haikyuu and their music tastes◇

daichi: he has the most generic music taste 💀 💀 mr brightside was his most played song of 2020

suga:  i just know he loves boybands. one direction, the vamps, semi-ironically big time rush i just KNOW but also,,,, twice stan

asahi: hozier 1000% i will die on this hill that he stans hozier. also ricky montgommery vibes

noya: 100 gecs satisfies the itch in his brain like nothing ever has. 

ennoshita: he thinks he’s the king of indie-rock because he listens to wallows and declan mckenna but his taste is so good you cant even argue w him

tsukki: he is the epitome of every single genre mixed into one massive chaotic playlist. we got alec benjamin, we got fall out boy, we got 90s top hits. anything u want boo hes got it except for ed sheeran

yamaguchi: he listens to so much soft boy music it’s uncanny. im talking mxmtoon, jack stauber, beach bunny he has the aesthetic COINED

yachi: look at me and tell me she isnt an emotonally unstable swiftie who literally loses her shit when the opening of blank space plays. dorothea’s her favourite song bc shes gay.

kuroo: everyone is jealous of his music taste. literally everyone. you know all those songs that make your entire body switch astral plane? like midnight city by M83? they’re HIS type of songs

kenma: cavetown, lil peep, joji. anything that just screams i want to fucking vibe no more no less

aone: bom bom by sam and the womp was his most listened to song of 2020 and futakuchi didnt sleep soundly for a week after finding this out

futakuchi: he lies about his music taste bc he wants to be edgy. listens to BTS and 1975 religiously. stans melanie martinez and he wishes colours by halsey was written about him

kogane: he unironically listens to nyan cat i promise

oikawa: still not over his electra heart faze rip. when hes sad he cries to lana del rey, when hes happy he raps nicki <3 its equality

iwa: literally no taste. he listens to whats on the charts. sometimes bazzi and chase atlantic but thats it

yahaba: u know those instrumental playlists on youtube like “you run away with your lover in the middle of the night” by olivialee. yeh <3

makki: his spotify playlists all scream mental breakdown. Mitski, Lana del rey, and pheobe bridgers are his golden trio, but the SECOND Katy Perry comes on he is UNHINGED

ushijima: he doesnt listen to any music. semi tried introducing him to hozier once, and he latched onto take me to church like it was holy bread for 14 months straight

tendou: mother mother’s music was crafted simply for tendo. and when he’s listening his body ASCENDS

semi: thinks he’s the ultimate edgy boy smh but he has such a basc indie music taste IT HURTS. “Hey i like this band but theyre super underground you probably havent heard of them haha... theyre called arctic monkeys”

atsumu: hes so chaotic and for what. yes he knows every single word to WAP, yes he knows the say so dance, yes he cries to katy perry and ariana grande. you cant pin him down smh

osamu: listens to the soundtrack of a teen indie movie. wallows? tongue tied? electric love? theyre all in there. dua lipas holds a special place in his heart. 

kita: listens to a lot of chill k-pop songs and soft classical music whenever he’s studying but he doesnt really have a favourite song or anything like tht

suna: AM by arctic monkeys changed his entire view on music, but he doesn’t wanna sound like a mainstream tumblr girl so he just tells everyone he listens to lil peep

bokuto: good morning harry styles biggest fan. his favourite songs on fne line are TPWK, canyon moon and golden

akaashi: he has the most ethereal music taste omfg <3. he worships lorde, florence welch and hozier. folklore by taylor swift changed his life.

#haikyuu!! #hq!! #oikawa tooru #atsumu miya #Kuroo tetsurou #bokuto kotarou #miya osamu #akaashi keiji #kenma kozume #yamaguchi tadashi #sugawara #ushijima wakatoshi #tendou satori #semi eita #suna rinatro #hanamaki takahiro #yahaba shigeru #iwaizumi hajime #aone takanobu #koganegawa kanji #futakuchi kenji #yachi hitoka #ennoshita chikara #noya #daichi sawamura #tsukishima kei #asahi azumane

[karamazovdmitri]

What Russian movies would you recommend?

oh my god where to even start!! i really love soviet cinema so this is most of what i will suggest probably (im kind of meh on most recent mainstream russian cinema, even tho it has great pieces of guilty pleasure movies lmao) alright so settle in well okay lets start with the classics: andrei tarkovsky is my favorite filmmaker, literally anything and everything by him (just dont watch nostalghia first, but i highly recommend the mirror, stalker, solaris if you like SF, or hell even andrei rublev if thats your jam bc personally it is and i LOVED), very contemplative and slow movies though, like. you will need patience to get through his stuff, but personally i always say it feels like someone recorded a dream and you're watching that. it feels really oniric and its like you dont exactly grasp it all and when you try to explain it you cant really but good god its good

then! i will recommend one of my all-time favorite movies, and i mean it, of ALL times, the ascent by larisa shepitko. its about two soldiers during wwii who are sent off to find food, and its one of those war movies that arent really war movies you know but they are about it, and moreso, they're about like Humanity™? anyway one of the most haunting, beautiful and devastating movies i've seen ever. just beautiful in the cinematography, in the acting, in just everything honestly, its raw and profoundly human and also if youre like me and youre all about that religious symbolism? youre in for a... sad sad treat, but a treat nonetheless. it really like. got me deep like i didnt know what to do with myself after watching it but its a masterpiece 10000% (also while im there... also watch larisa sheptiko's other movie, wings)

now another classic is of course the cranes are flying, everyone knows but i need to reiterate it really lives up to the hype... just. some of the most beautiful cinnamon tography ive seen ever. like ill be honest even if i love cinematography in general i rarely go look up a cinematographer specifically but for this movie i HAD to bc some camera shots are INSANE. just one of the most gorgeous movies ive seen ever

if we're still going about aesthetic bc why not... if you liked hamlet by shakespeare, you HAVE to see the 1964 Hamlet movie its sooo gorgeous and such a good adaptation in my opinion like i just think this movie understands EVERYTHING about the essence of the play

now the next one i wouldnt necessarily put on the same scale as the others but good god is it a good watch, and its ballad of a soldier yes its another classic idc the soviet classics arent classics for nothing. this one is a really nice watch. just felt..... really nice and once again war movie thats not really showing you the war itself, i dig this hardcore

okay also ! not soviet lmfao but HUGE mention to alexander sokurov, you probably know of russian ark, if you dont, its not only a fucking prowess of cinematography, its basically one single continous shot for the entire movie and not like. a fake one like 1917 -tho dont get me wrong, loved what 1917 did-, like its deadass. press record, do the entire fucking movie, press stop. its INSANE and its BEAUTIFUL and im in love with sokurov's style, not as well known but i also loved francofonia, tho its a lot more experimental imo and is more documentary than movie, but also not documentary per se, i guess an essay of sorts, kind of confusing but i enjoyed it

i could not do this without of course mentioning one of my comfort movies™, which is я шагаю по мосве (translated as different things, like walking the streets of moscow or i walk around moscow) just a short and really sweet and light movie about . life i guess. LMAO its vague but theres really no real plot in there just a good time and very genuine and also has one of my favorite final scenes ever quick special mentions: courier, which was not my favorite but a really good movie still and it gets me bc its 1980s russia aka my jam, crime and punishment 1970 IF youve read C&P bc umm its an entire vibe, and remember when i said modern russian cinema guilty pleasure? okay well i rewatched движение вверх recently and like. it still slaps. if youre wondering (???) i need you to know i havent watched a zvyaginstev movie since i was like 16 so i dont have a concrete opinion on his stuff lmao)

sorry i wrote like SO fucking much but jaksfbajfbajsfh i hope this can provide you with some stuff of interests and btw a lot of these movies can be found with russian film hub, which basically like searches youtube and whatnot for you since mosfilm are actually pretty cool and do put their movies online

#asks #anon #me? writing insanely long replies instead of studying for my exam thats in 6 hours? Yeah #ANYWAY!! i know i didnt really ummm suggest any obscure gem or anything but tbh im still making my way into soviet cinema #so like........ yeah one day i'll find the obscure gems #and theres also like big titles i havent mentioned and thats fine too lmao but thats gives u an Idea of what i vibe w i think #also i probably forgot movies bc u know how it is someone asks ur favorite thing and suddenly you forget everything youve seen but yeah! #rus tag #Anonymous

[dantelionwishes]

DOMESTIC LIFE

1. If they get married, who proposes?

2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

6. Who worries the most?

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?

10. Who’s the better cook?

FIRST OF ALL YOUSE SAPS RLY WANT THE DOMESTIC MARRIED LIFE HUH--

1. If they get married, who proposes?

Poppy! I’m almost 100% sure it would be Poppy!! Unlike him, Cyrus is still a bit afraid of the whole emotion thing, and sometimes fears that one day “emotion” would cause his downfall (it was a philosophy that fuelled him for many years, after all). 

If you MUST KNOW: their final wedding rings end up being a platinum ring with diamond for poppy and pearl for cyrus 💍💕

2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

OH MAN A WEDDING HGGHGNH WE LOVE IT OK OK

Since Sinnoh is a pretty religious region, I think it would be really make sense and generally really cool if they had a wedding at Hearthome’s Cathedral !!! AUGH IMAGINE THE STAINED GLASS AESTHETIC IN THE GOTHIC CITY LISTEN call me traditional but my god that would be so cool esp in the Pokemon universe 

PEOPLE ATTENDING: Archie and Maxie with all of their respective admins, Looker, Cynthia and her grandmother, Professor Rowan, all of the Galactic Admins, Cyrus’ grandfather, all the Sinnoh gym leaders would attend too (since Poppy’s a leader himself off), COUGH IM SURE TURQUOISE AND D WOULD ATTEND TOO, I MEAN--

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

Their own Pokémon are like their own kids, but oh man,,,,,Poppy and Cyrus having kids? It might not seem like it, but they actually would make a really good family :^)

Poppy’s learned from the mistakes of his parents, and so has Cyrus. Both of them have complicated feelings towards family, and I see them both making an amazing effort to be great fathers. Poppy’s just a bit forgetful sometimes, and I’d say Cyrus might lack patience if ever BUT BUT BUT hear me out--

Literally, Cyrus took care of an entire organization so who says he can’t take care and inspire a child? Poppy has amazing morals and good moments he wants to make with the people he forgot and the people he made new memories with,,,,I’D SAY AFTER A LOT OF THOUGHT THEY’D ACTUALLY MAKE A GREAT FAMILY DESPITE HOW THEY ARE ON THE SURFACE, HOL UP...........................give me some more time to think about poppy and cyrus’ kids ILL GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT--

6. Who worries the most?

Cyrus! Poppy never realises he’s in deep shit or in danger even if his life meant on it NGL AGAIN I bring back the whole “Cyrus is insecure about emotion” so he is often afraid and worried about their relationship because he’s not confident in himself about it BUT I MEAN ofc in a general sense Cyrus worries a lot for Poppy’s whole.......... “rush head-in without thinking” process but I guess he still loves that himbo and his empty brain--

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?

IDK IF THIS MAKES SENSE COS ITS THE POKEMON WORLD BUT UHHHHHH for pests I suppose both are really deadpan about these kinds of things HAHAHA SAY HELLO TO THE FIRST COUPLE WHO ARE BOTH CHADS TO BUGS 

10. Who’s the better cook?

hmmm I HC that both live alone, so I’d say both but if we but into more hc consideration that Cyrus is sometimes too depressed to make meals for himself he ends up either with instant meals/snacks/take-out more often while Poppy is a guy who stays on a strict diet regimen to stay healthy!!! SO POPPY IT IS

#ship ask meme #who u #i ansr #magenta-witch #gymleadersona #gym leader poppy #galactic leader cyrus #lionhe(art) #sunflowershipping

[rhyslikesart]

Blog info:

Hey so because I'm quite new to actually posting some of my own content to this account and I've started to see a good few new faces popping up recently in my notifications, I thought I'd just make this so ya can get to know me a bit better and the kinda stuff I'll be posting etc.

Even though I've been on tumblr since I was way too young to be using tumblr, I'm very new to using this app for stuff other than reblogging content that I like so if I'm taking a while to reply to stuff then I'm sorry, I'm just trying to figure stuff out 😅

Me:

General info-

Name- I go by rhys as both a nickname and because it makes me feel more comfortable as its gender neutral but I still go by georgia on the most part as it's still my name and I dont mind it too much. So feel free to call me either but I'd prefer rhys :)

Pronouns- any of them work for me so just use whatever. I'd say if you are stuck then just go for they/them

Age- 18 at the time of writing this

Star sign- I'm a sagittarius :)

Sexuality- I'd consider myself somewhere in the bisexuality/ pansexuality field of things. I think I identify more with pan

Hogwarts house- I'm a slytherin. Before I took the pottermore test I thought I was a ravenclaw

Where am I from- i live in the UK in southwest devon and it's really great because I have a really nice mix of the seaside and the countryside/ moorland so I'm super grateful for that. Also I myself am not dutch but my stepdad is and so I have a lot of dutch family and I tend to go to holland quite often.

Enfj

Hobbies-

martial arts: I compete in taekwondo and I also do kickboxing

art: I do art as both a hobby and for my school work

I'm currently starting to learn french and its v fun

I love reading which I feel was kind of expected seems as I'm on tumblr and I have an academia themed account so yeah,,

Im a bartender in a seaside cocktail bar

School -

I'm an A level student and I'm going to be doing a third year because I chose to drop a subject in my 1st year so that I could take art in my second and third year.

A level subjects - I'm doing art, sports and biology although I'm tragically failing biology because of all the time off that we have had 😓

GCSE subjects- apart from the core subjects I also did triple science, spanish, art, history and religious studies. My school didnt give me much of a choice and made me chose a humanities, a language, triple science and religious studies because I was getting high grades so that was very not cool of them. My favourites were art and English literature

Uni- I'm hoping to study fine art at uni but I'll wait and see what happens cause I tend to change my mind on that kinda stuff a lot :)

Blog-

Content/ stuff I'll probably be posting about

Greek mythology

Classic art

Renaissance art

Pre- raphaelite art

The song of Achilles and Homer's iliad

Gothic literature

Occasional stuff about my ocs

Books I'm reading

Artist research

Pages from my sketchbooks

Spotify playlists

Might see the occasional content from games I play such as dragon age and assasins creed

Aesthetics

Dark academia

Light academia from time to time

Grey academia

Classic academia

Art academia

Dark cottagecore

Seaside cottagecore

Why am I using this blog?

Motivation to keep up with school work

To meet people with similar interests as me

To get inspiration for my art

To share my art

Share content that I enjoy

Because Twitter feels too public

To interact with content that I like

Other stuff

My other social media accounts

Instagram- @ rhyslikesart @ georgia.tkd @ georgiastans

Pinterest- @ rhyslikesart

Spotify- @ georgiastans

Tiktok- @ rhyslikesanime

Ocs you might hear about from time to time

(Pretty much all of them I have made with my best friend and girlfriend allie)

Made for my main story with allie. Fantasy, elf type of vibe

Neiryn (my main oc)

Breir

Laiyria

Vonin

Anji

Aelon

Made for a fun modern witch rp (with allie)

Rowan Irvine

My viking shield maiden and Christian lesbians

Ada

Tarja

#about the user #its me #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #greek gods #greek myth aesthetic #greek tragedy #ancient greek gods #ancient greek poetry #achilles #achilles and patroclus #achilles come down #classic academic aesthetic #classic academia #classic art #grey academia aesthetic #grey academia #light acadamia aesthetic #light academia #dark cottagecore #cottagecore #ocs #playlist #academia aesthetic #iliad #renaissance #pre raphaelite #art student #dead poets society

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

#ily<3 #long post